Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 623 - The Good Guy Weed (feat. Lemaire Lee)

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live | SAN JOSE | SPOKANE | NEW FALL TOUR@ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live | Lincoln Financial & Charleston @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live helloo. Hope you're all having a good week. We got a hot cast for you guyz. Whole squad feelin nice off the good guy pack. Virtue maxxin. Meezy on the cozy couch. What more could you need? Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, Wow, Wes. Yeah, I had to, for some reason, I woke up at 7 a.m. So, I'm ruined. It's a way to do it. I don't know how, yeah, I understand why a lot of times we're doing the podcast. I look over and you're like, yeah, yeah, dude, I get it. Normally, I woke up an hour ago. Just, you're just coming to?

She had the money mindset this morning, dude. I did have the money mindset. Yeah, I had to get up and grind. Are we fired up? I got up and grind. We're fucking podcasting? Dude, what if I set my social security number? We were, I would have been a money mindset.

You did? Woke up, played NCAA football for three hours. So I got that out of my system. Now I can attack the day without distractions. For sure. Then I watched World Cup soccer. Nice. So extremely productive.

Not bad. I mean, watch World Cup soccer after this. And then I'm going to, at the end of this, watch World Cup soccer. Yeah, it's, I mean, dude, it's the best. It's coming home. It's the best game. It's got to come home to America. It's got to come home to America.

Dude, if we win, it would be so funny just because. It is. We don't really care about soccer like that. It's fucking impossible. I know, but it is so funny. We're going to need some major upsets. We need... Who do we got to beat?

I saw today that technically the road for us to win would be like... We're going to hopefully play Belgium in the next round. If we get past Bosnia. We got Belgium, Spain, France, Argentina. Sheesh. Just is not going to happen. Yeah, that's tough. It's going to be fun.

Like countries. I don't know. What was it? No, but kind of. They were boys. Argentina. Belgium he got. Argentina he lived in after. And France he got. So, yeah.

Oh, so it's just us versus the access. The access is already out. Dude, fucking it, dude. The access all got eliminated. I didn't realize how much. Italy didn't make it Japan and Germany. They're all out. Really?

Yeah. Oh, good. Thanks. Sweet. Although, I heard a lot of people from South America don't like Argentina. I didn't realize Argentina is pretty hated in South America. Yeah, they're white. Yeah.

when I heard they're proud of it too that's what I heard I heard the Argentinians are proud of it really yeah I have it on good authority that they're pretty mean to everybody else so just south of the equator you can yeah oh yeah

in Argentina you can because you got that fucking flare I think South Africa gets gets pretty active too although any white south of the equator Australia used now Australia's they're lived out yeah but no the

I think you know I think you got I think in Argentina, you can just fucking, if you're bylondo like that, you can be like, fuck that. Cool. But there was a lady, there was a black South African R&B lady, and they were like, oh, so how do you, as a black, you know, as a black, she's like, I'm fucking South African. She's got to shut it down.

Like, don't hit me with that America bullshit. She's like, I'm just African. Get out of my fucking face. Like that. Yeah, it's kind of, yeah. It's like, trick his stupid C. Yeah. He's a white UFC fighter that's just like,

I'm the only African here. Yeah. And all the, like, Nigerian fighters that live in America. get mad. Does he still fake? He hasn't had a fight in like a year. It's been a while. Yeah.

What do you think about the Connor McGregor fight? What do you think is happening? I'm excited. Are you shocked of his physique? I'm always shocked at this. No matter what he's doing, I go, holy fuck. He's going nuts, dude.

What weight, what weight class is he fighting at? Is it usual? Yeah, probably around 170. That's his usual. A little heavy for when he was great. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Max Holloway versus Conner. be a nice fight. It would be an awesome fight. I would love to go, but I cannot. Really? No, lock in for the link, dude. I can't be out in Vegas. Yeah. Did you see, uh, that's an employee? I'll be there. He can turn on the TV.

He's like, oh, fuck. Oh, shit. I'm going to do that. I was in a blizzard. I was just standing in the pool. I was like, this is what I'm going to do until the 17th. And then on the 16th, I'm going to go. Slowly get out of the pool. Go get your briefcase and go, oh shit. Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. So scary. So scary. What's crazy, too, is if you think about it, this show, I've never thought about it till now is bigger than local news shows. What, our show? Yeah. Way bigger than local new shows. This podcast?

Yeah. By, we've been bigger since fucking like 2017. I never thought about that. That's crazy. local news or even like let's say regional news is that thing it's just crazy all that if you go to the local news station there's so much hubbub in production it's just crazy it's like thought about now like damn that's crazy weird this is basically local news kind of like this is local news it's nuts

we break down the local news yeah we did patreon we covered it unless that was the real one we'll see how bad this goes from there we could turn of our own dong lemong Oh dude, let me hear you do a fun fact This actually is this fact fucked me up So did you guys like oysters? Yeah do you know when you eat an oyster it's alive? Oh Yeah, it's still alive.

What? And when you're when you're trying to open the oyster The reason it's hard because the oyster is going like no And it's holding the shell together So when you open it, it's like you can do it in a way Where you kind of like cause it like you know I guess slightly less pain Yeah

But if you do it kind of kind of of like artfully, you can still feel the oyster. I guess it has like a pulse. You can actually feel in our time. But they're living. When you open its shell, that's like kind of like the K.O. They're like, oh. Yeah.

And then you fucking. I don't think they're thinking too much. Yeah, but still, they're still alive. It's crazy. Yeah. I mean, they are actively fighting you. Like, no, no, no, stop it. You go.

Yeah. Ow. And you slurp them down. I just, that blew my fucking mind. I had no idea they're still alive. I wonder how often they're alive. I think they are alive. I think if you're serving dead oysters,

they go bad really quick. And they can actually live out of water for like a pretty long time. So they're, I think the majority of oysters you eat are alive. It's cool to think about. That's why you get so charged when you eat them. Yeah,

you get sexually charged. You ate a fucking living creature. It's hot. How do they come? How do oysters, like, procreate? How do they procreate? Yeah. From getting ripped open and eating

and they probably fucking come. Yeah. It's a great question, Lamar. Yeah, can we get some fucking... Let's find out what's going on with oysters and other seemingly stationary creatures. Although oysters are probably moving around a little. Yeah, you see that one they've been eating?

Yeah, they just jizz out... Jizz into the fucking... Jizz of mist and it. Actually, did that in the shower today. I broadcast spawn in the shower today. Very oyster-like... It must have been the oysters I ate last week. Took over my mind and body.

We got to fucking spray the shit in the water. So they just, they just fucking send it out there. This is really quick read, but it seems like it's just eggs get shot out and sperm get shot out and it just mixes. Yo, that's such a good way to do it. It seems free swimming larvae is what it's saying. Why don't we have like Nat Geo video of this? I bet we do. A fucking oysters is going, ugh.

And the girl oysters being like, send her eggs out that's not bad that'd be a good dating like a subsection of Tinder where you could just fucking shake the dice two random people

you sent out your seed they'd like oh we mixed it you guys have a little nino you know it's time to settle down and you know you settle down we're not going to settle down why if you become an Episcopalian priest

I live a foot away I'm never going to see her I'm on the other side of this rock I'll never see that bitch again I was just nothing hoping to find something Says the When they're doing it too

Like the water gets milky It's just like a milky mist Like eggs and sperm It's just like a hundred million of them a year Has anyone ever eaten that? Probably Because the oysters taste good I'm venturing a guess

That their fucking splooge is probably nice It's a real delicious splew And oyster milk Oyster milk Outsin would be nice Huh When we eat steak? Well, you said since oysters taste good, you think their milk would taste good,

but we eat cows all the time and I don't think they're well. What are you talking about? You named like the best example of milk. He's talking about nuts. He's talking about nut. Not milk though. Yeah, I wouldn't drink. I might think you've never had cow jizz, though. Fair. Yeah. Sorry for bringing it up. That's okay. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't thought to bump it. Well, if you for real, you goddamn dopeers. The second podcast we do is always The dopers

These guys got to cut out the pot big time The pot's taken over your life If you were to chug Bullcom Might not be the best taste But you would be turbocharged, dude You'd get stronger You would get stronger And 100% get stronger

Wasn't that Red Bull? Wasn't that like what was Red Bull originally? No, dude Isn't it like Tori? I think it's just Torin is Isn't it like extract it from No, I think just the name is from Taurus.

Yeah, it's not Borgum. I mean, look that, we need, oh, look that up. If Taurine is Bocom, there's, I call it bullcom. There's no way. I think it's just the name. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales,

using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. I'd actually be curious if Tarane derives from Bull. But then it would derive from Allcom, right? There's no way Bulls have superior come unless that's why people used to worship them back in the week. me as to say I don't know what the fuck even is to

thornian dude I saw a video of burr crash were getting hit by a bull it was not it looked like it hurt so bad when the fuck did burke could hit by a bull in like 2002 he got hit by a bull dude I saw the new jackass how was it Knoxville gets one more bull in

yeah and it is fucking terrible was there anything in there that was like yes super horrible yeah there was one I couldn't watch I heard there was one that there's one that's like the grossest thing I've ever seen. Really? Yes. Yikes. It was they all drink like a colonoscopy laxative. Oh. And then wear saran wrap pants and play twister. And then everyone starts shitting and throwing up. Dude, it was, that was the worst one. I love jackass. Dude, at the end of jackass, I get emotional every single time. I love it so much. Jackass 3 makes me cry every time.

Every time at the end of that. They got the tribute to write and done. And then probably in the weeds or something. Yeah. What about it? Chris Pontius has always drinking cum. I was just watching the old episodes.

He did drink some cum. That's why it popped into my head. Did he really? He drank, he drank horse cum the one time. They put the fake coochie on the horse and then it like fucks it and it fills up like a baby bottle of milk.

Yeah. That's so disgusting. Did he throw up? I don't think he threw up like everybody else. He's a cum queen. He is a bit of a cum queen. He can handle it. He might be my favorite.

The more I watch the old movies. He's so funny. He's a seaman demon. It's also, so it's like an old circus. It's like you have acrobats. It's like, what do you do? It's like, I'll just drink all the cum. Cause a guy.

Yeah. Steveo's an ass man. Yep. But Danger Aaron goes wild. Yeah. He's been going hard the last couple. Yeah. What's that?

Dave England. Yeah, those two are holding it down. They're trying to get their checks. They are. But Knoxville, he had one. And he's emotional the whole movie. which is, it's really sad. I mean, it's nice.

That's the final one, right? Yeah, allegedly. It's got to be. The third one is supposed to be the final one. Yeah. It was like four ever. He always says it's the last one. Yeah.

This one was it. Was there any Wham Bam? Thank you, ma'am. Was Bam in there at all? Yeah. I mean, they show like it's a lot of like old clips. Gotcha, got you. Yeah.

I'm a big fan of Bam right now. Yeah, of course. Bam rules. I like what he's up to. He's back skateboarding. I know. That's nice. I like it.

I don't know why I've seen him skateboarder. me happy. Yeah, of course. That's awesome. Yeah. He's a man. It's his victory over his demons, dude. Yeah.

It's the best. When I see him on the board, I get for real like, yes. Yes, man. Yes. Wait, just the fucking 13 year old in me. I was like, dude, bam's back. Yes. It was like the coolest guy I could ever think of for the longest time.

I was like, dude, this guy is the best. I used to get so hyped when they'd show Westchester. Yeah. I'd be watching Jackus. Be like, that's Westchester. I've been there. Yeah, like, my boy actually knows that house. drove by once. I've been there.

I remember that. I was there at Boards and Blades. Bam came one time. And we were, it was like... Apollo must have... It was insane. It was like a god among us. We're like, dude. Dude, I heard he has like four fucking sponsors and we're like, oh. You see you'd see the Purple Lambo in town when I was going to Westchester. This is pre-Rambo days.

Holy shit, there he is. Oh, that's crazy. Drive through that, you drive past that Wawa by tires. No. No, this is this was what he just was sponsored and he It was like a very nasty skateboarder. And then the thing came out afterwards, but everyone was like, dude, bam, it's like the best skater in this area. I used to work at Burger King of Westchester and they would come by all the time.

It's pretty cool. Really? Yeah. Oh, there was the one guy who didn't like mustard. I always offered mustard. I can't remember his name. Who didn't like mustard? You also offered a mustard?

I always offered a mustard. He was like, ha-ha. And you got a kick out of it. He liked it. He liked it. You were doing a little C-K-Y prank on them. What? time period. When were you serving the king?

Oh, dude, from like, oh, wait. You went to the burging in Westchester? And not in Westtown, like, down the highway. Yeah. Near the giant. You were, you were a surf in the burger. You were a burger surf. Yeah.

And you, they, jackass guys are all in, you'd be like, you. We man, I saw Weeman, we may, we may, would come in the drive-thew. You know, we-man? Yeah, he would come in to drive-thru. And he had, like, medals. You have like stilts. It's fucking Farr's cuff, dude.

The very farce cuff. I met the lead singer of Lamb of God last week on like a Wednesday, just like at a bar in Virginia. He was just hanging out. And I was like, oh shit. What's up, dude? Yeah, that's pretty cool. Fucking sick. I'll be honest. The metal guys, I've never gotten into metal.

Really? No, and I always hear, they're like super nice and everything. I just wouldn't, I wouldn't even know. I feel like they're like either really fun hangs or really tough hangs. Yeah. Like the metal guys. It's also got to suck if you're like metal band starts doing well and you're just not like super angry anymore. Yeah, not evil.

They're like, oh, dude, get up there and you're like, ah! And you're like, dude, I just want to dance right now. So well, things are going good for me the first time. I have a hot goth, babe. Yeah. I was thinking that about R&B singers. It has to be like kind of sad to like sing about. pussy still in your 50s.

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like 50 year old dudes. True. I think they all sing about pussy. Like at all times. Yeah. I think there's a slight dip for a minute and then you get old enough and you're just like,

no, this fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. Once the babes, yeah, when you're 50 and you see a fucking hot 22 year old, it must be to be chaos, dude. One divorce. Because you go through a phase where you're like, I'm too old. Yeah. And then you go through a phase where it would be like,

I'm going to die. If I can fuck this girl, everyone, everyone's going to support this. No one's going to think it's weird. Yeah, you go, you go from being like, I'm like the oldest guy in this bar. I'm feeling like a creep. And then you're like, what college are you going to, babe? Yeah. Look at your friends.

You guys are beautiful. Oh, God, what I'd give for a night with you. I think your fear of death and your horniness just merge. And they just combine into like the most powerful forces. It also goes from you reach a certain, like our age, now we're tricking a young girl. Yeah. But then when you get old, she's kind of tricking you a little. That's true.

Society looks at it that way. Yeah, I can see that. That's fair. You're a unfortunate victim. You're an unfortunate. Yeah, he's a rich old man, this young fucking money-growing bitch. Yeah. Actually, shout out to him.

Yeah. Fuck it. True. You know what I mean? So everyone's going to Bill Belichick, and I was up there saying, what are we talking about? I mean, I'll be honest. The Bill Belichick thing is, fuck, it's, we, it's, he should just smash. My thing is, like, just smash on the low.

The fucking, he's, he's doing Instagram, he's laying. It's too horny. If you want to do that, totally understandable, smash the low. He doesn't care. Clearly. It's sick. Also, think about all the time he's sacrifice. He won so many Super Bowls.

Yeah, who's going to talk shit? Yeah. It's not. Hey, man, I think it's weird. you're banging a young 20 fucking five-year-old hot chick. Why are you going to a cheerleading competition? It's like, bro, shut the fuck up. Yeah, but, but I think it would just be, after a while, that will fade.

It'll be, I'm having sex with a hot young chick, awesome. The minute you're putting up with hot young chick bullshit at 70, it's just like, bro, kill me. I bet he can't process it. No way. Anyone can understand. Actually, yeah,

just being like, ah, shut up. Like I give a fuck. Shut up. I mean, he's not a bitch, dude.

He's not one of us. He's not going to be like, yeah, whatever you say, but I'm sorry, you're right. No, you'd be like,

yeah, why don't you fucking get out of my house? You think? Maybe that's the news hating on them, because they make it seem like he's getting strong along. Yeah.

Bill Belichick would ever be an obsession. I win like that. I will say, here's what. say here's what this is the one thing that I feel like is strange where it's like at how old is he now it's probably close to 80 yeah my thing is like you i feel like you got to find something else if you're still a sex guy at 80 it's like it's it's weird bro he's the head coach of the true but he's a yeah he's only 74 right some drive still horny he's a head coach of north

kansas i tar heels bro he's got he's coaching college football and banging a young first off never They're all doing that. Yes, that's true. They all are. He's just the only one going on the gram. Other than, uh, what's his name at LSU? Lane Kiffin is fucking freak bull. I've heard, I've heard that shirtless fucking post hot yoga's with fucking, it's crazy.

My, I, I do think it's, I do think as a 70 year old guy, it's, it's the same thing. Like, that's why you shouldn't fuck kids because it's weird. There's a serious, like asymmetry in age. If you're 70 and she's. 20, you're doing the thing that everyone's not allowed to do that, but they're going, come on, man. What are you doing? I just think it's, I think it is weird.

You want to get it? A fucking 60 year old? Huh? You want him to do bang a 60 year old? No, he's just got to completely stop. He's got to just give it up. Is he divorced? What are you talking about?

I'm telling you. Tell him to give up having sex? Yeah, it's 70. You got to have divorced or dead wife. That's how you get a young girl in 70. Divorced or a dead wife. It's weird. My thing is just

Get a hooker. Get a hooker. If you want to go Pure Sex, get a hooker. His bro got in trouble for that. True. His brother did get crushed. He goes, all right, we're going to fucking, we're going to go right to the source.

You're talking to you. We're going to buy the cow. Somehow you're wrong. This is the Patriot way, bro. I don't like it. I don't think it's good. You have to, the only path to true happiness is virtue.

If you're 70 years old, it's a beast, bro. He's a beast. That sounds. the good life, dude. That's not the good life? Not, no.

Super Bowl, a couple of Super Bowls, head coach of college teams. That's all, that stuff's awesome. Just. But you have to go the way of virtue. I bet you he's banging her friends,

too. No, he's not, dude. He might be barely banging her. No, he got the blue chew on deck. I'm telling you. I'm telling you,

it's, he should be set an example for young men to go, hey guy, he should be on the misty mountain. That's just, I don't know. It's sad.

I think it's something about it just is my honest reaction I'm not saying he could do whatever I forgot the other patriots you just got to think about Rable Patriot who's Vable Rable He's got some scandal does he really Dude you just got it like it's like it's like He's been working so hard his whole life He had a wife he wasn't focused on any of that

And then he's retired and now he's like What the hell am I doing? Let me live I'm rich Let me hang out let me be the best What Consumer it's consumer The mermaid Instagram? Yeah. Well, that's hilarious, but this is just another Instagram,

but seeing a 74-year-old dude, like, posted up at, like, a party photo station. Like, given his lady funny years. I'm anti. There's something that strikes me as slightly sad about it. Young babes are obviously awesome. They are obviously awesome. You can definitely look at it that way.

I do. No, it's just my natural reaction. I go, I don't like it. We do have to hurt the value of young babes. They're too confident. They're too powerful right now. You think so? Yeah.

Nah, that's a, they're like gold, dude. They don't go down. We need to get the babes in trade school. I'm sorry to sour the vibe. I'm just being honest. I don't think you're sounding the body. I see that and I go, Bell check.

It's weird. There's the gauge. It's probably because I have kids, but I'm like, if my 20-year-old daughter is dating a 70-year-old, I try to stop. I do everything in my power to be like,

no, don't do that. That guy, you're his sex style. But Matt, what if he had six Super Bowl rings? It's bad. It's going to end up bad. He's going to die. True. I hopefully, yeah.

And I would be going, I hope this guy dies as soon as possible. I'm going to hopefully do heroin and shit. I hope he does heroin. I hope North Carolina goes eight and four. He does heroin and bangs a fucking 25 year old. It's philosophical rift. There's no way. It's bad.

It's genuinely bad. I would go, this is a bad thing this guy's doing. I would pray on his downfall the entire time. I go, I hope this guy dies now. If he was dating my 20-year-old kid, I go, I want this guy to die. Because he's being praised. It's weird.

But whatever, sorry. I'm just, I've been up too early. I'm thinking of my sweet kids, dude. That's fair. But, yeah. You got a hard line on this one. I like it. What if it was like?

I was like, it's weird. What if it was like a late to day? Yeah. No, I don't. think anyone thinks it's normal. That's why it's funny. It's not, yeah. I have the least funny take. I'm sorry.

It's okay. Actually, it's not nice. What if it was like a legendary lesbian, old lady coach? Would you have a problem, man? With your daughter? 100%. Anybody doing something weird with the daughter

is definitely a no. Yeah. I don't know. I like the idea. of a geyser going on a like a vision quest but it's like completely detaching and just going off like Obi-Wan Obi-Wan. And just there's something

about it like on 80-year-olds like gripping sensory pleasures it's like fuck, dude, let him go. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking die. Let go over tities, dude. You're gonna die. Really? I don't know. But they're always like fucking at old at old folks homes. Also disgusting to think about.

Without a doubt disgusting. Come on man. You don't want them to still have life? You can have life. Well, this is, again... Who are you to tell people not to have sex? I'm not saying, don't have sex. Trust me, as one who's been ruled by sexual impulses,

it's never led me to a good place. Is it because you're afraid you were hoping someday to conquer the sexual impulse? And to see a man fall to it? It brings you a little... Perhaps. It might just remind me of my greatest weaknesses and fucking struggles in life.

To me, it's like, you know, seeing an old man smoke a cigarette or at the bar, you go... Peace. bro. True. Yeah. Find what you love and let it kill you. It's true. What are you gonna fucking get morals at the end?

Now that I'm 75, it's time for me to stop enjoying the things I used to like and read a good book and fall asleep and die. That's why Rick Flair rules, dude. Yeah, Rick Flair fucking rules. I got a hammered with Flair and he was pointing at chicks at the bar. Yeah, yeah.

Don't give me wrong. It was like but like fuck it he's doing his thing man it's just you know I'm getting old I'm getting a fucking woo at the bar

that's it that's an awesome dude he's doing a fucking migo's music video fucking right yeah the dirt sheets were saying

Rick Flair would get drunk and challenge people to planks at the bar like old man Rick Flair would challenge people to planks he'd do a five minute plank like you owe me some beer

five minute planks nuts yeah whatever I've satire The cast. I'm sorry, dude. I've soured the cast. I've absolutely soured the cast.

Nothing you're saying is incorrect. I just... I like, though. Who's... Somebody's just telling me this old UFC fighter as a bar. I like when, like, an old wrestler. Old U.S. Is it Lidell? No.

It's Tito Ortiz. Yeah, he's running Florida right now. Yeah. He's got a bar and he just posts up. Yeah. Just bartends. Rips shots. It's sick. Tells everybody.

I'll beat the fuck out of you. Fuck it. I knocked out Chuckledale once. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you got to do something. I don't know. I just,

I don't know. Sure, you could be around for your grandkids or whatever, but. Fuck them, dude. I'm going to open a bar in Florida and fucking die. That's how Hulk Hogan die.

Yeah. Halko Mania? Yeah. Didn't he open a bar down there? Yeah. Hulkomania fucking rocks, dude. I'm telling you, I'm too virtue-pilled right now. I'm too, not, not, and again, we're not talking about,

apparently in medieval time, there was the virtues where you just do cool stuff and you'd be a noble fucking, a noble person. You'd be bummed out when you find out what they were up to back then. They, well, they had blind spots, obviously. They had blind spots. They didn't have blind spots. So, I don't know, but it is, it's a sick idea. It's like, what else?

Yeah, I don't know what else do you do. I'm also a big, I don't feel like stuff. Like, when good things happen, I'm like, okay. Yeah. If I was 80 having sex with a 24-year-old, it would just be going to be sick the first couple times, obviously. But then I would just go, well, what else am I going to do that? It wouldn't be sick the whole time, Matt?

Huh? It wouldn't be sick the whole time? No, I know for sure not. For sure not. Eventually. It never is. Yeah. Eventually, it's just like.

I mean, Jay Z. Cheat on Beyonce, you know? Eventually you go, I could do something else. But he's got the season to look. forward to. He does have the season. He's got a lock in for the tar heels. I mean, dude, imagine. Okay, imagine. A bit of a distraction. So you know she probably hit him with the like, so I was thinking

maybe this weekend we go to my parents' house. Imagine Belichick. We got, what the fuck? We got Clemson this week. We got to. You try to grill hot dogs. Honey, we got focus on Clemson. Yeah, she's occasionally on the sideline. That's fair. That's fair. That's a great

program. She's probably good. Don't just say that's why they gave her the job, dude. She's probably really good at what she does. What does she do? Matt hit the fucking virtue weed. He hit the fucking good guy weed. You're a little talk of that good guy. I'm hung up on the virtues, dude. We need, people need not.

And again, not just like the rule following kind of medieval virtue. I'm talking about truly fucking. Yeah. I love that shit. Virtue? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is.

It's the, you know, again, it's the, what you call it? That was Socrates's this big thing. He's like, dude, if you had an itchy butt for your whole life and you scratch the itch, but the itch remained, is that truly pleasure. Sheesh. Yeah, dude. And I said, fuck, Socrates. I have an itchy butt all the time.

And no, it's not pleasure. Scratchen it's such a pleasure. Scratches a pleasure, but the itch remains forever. So is that truly pleasure. So then, well, yeah. Yeah, so the itch is going to remain no matter what? You got to clean your butt. Oh, yeah.

Of course. But in that, in that analysis. Oh, is that the highest good? That's a question. Is that the highest good? He's like, if the it's remains, is it truly the highest good? No, it can't be the highest good, but it definitely, if the itch is going to remain no matter what, and when you scratch it, it feels good.

True. Just get a little respite from the, little respite from the itch. True. I mean, again, that was the other one, dude, if there's too much tension. But I don't think. There's too much tension on the boat. I don't think a hot 25-year-old girlfriend is an itchy butt. I'd say they could be itchy butt.

They're the best version of an itchy butt for sure. Compared to a ugly 7-year-old wife? Yeah. They can be a real itchy butt. Who knows every... No scratch. They can be an itchy butt. With zero scratch.

They could be an itchy butt for sure. And she knows everything about you. You know, an old 70-year-old wife who knows everything about you. She can hurt you so bad. I think you would go post-sex. X by 70. You're not, you're gonna be,

I think you move beyond it for the most part. Or you just get, like I said, you know, maintenance and jobs. Work on your garden. I'm subscribing my life.

See, really the gardening. Dude, what the fuck you guys are talking about. That's a jerk. You guys are fucking jerks. You got to get NCW. You got to run a program,

run the tar heels. Lock in. Live a day. You know. walk a mile on his shoes. We should Freaky Friday. You and Bill? No, we should Freaky Friday.

We should Freaky Friday, but just not. I can't do anything else than what I do. I know what I do. I'm not. I can't. No, we should freaky Friday, but not switch bodies. You just show up at my house. You'll be like, hey, babe, I'm back.

I wonder how many days it would take for them to accept it. I think after a decade, they would be, like, yeah. You could. That's Matt. You could trick, you could for real, if we both commit it, dude, a girl would believe it in like three days. You're like, no, for real.

It's me, babe. I can just tell you our anniversary. And she'd be like, oh, my God, it's you. Yeah. She's like, yeah, if she asks, like, where'd you put the vacuum? I'd be like, I don't fucking know. She'd be like, it is you. How the fuck should I know?

Yeah, you could trick women into a free. Freaky Friday. Easily. We did freaky Friday. What happened? I'm like, it was a lightning storm. We touched the same rock. And we freaked Friday.

We just had a big argument. So you think it's so easy, man. Yeah. We jumped in the pool at the same time. Freaky Friday. Yeah, me and the music could freaky Friday. we wouldn't know I would just go

God damn I got fucking waste it I woke up in the pool house anyway take like three days to jack off and play video games hey do you want to order pizza rolls yeah pizza rolls are treacherish

that's so funny here we go this episode is sponsored by better help even today there's still significant there's still significant stigma around seeking support for mental health,

Better Helps 2026 state of the stigma report surveyed, you ready for this? 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe that getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Wow, I didn't know that,

but I didn't know about that study. That's just trying to take that all in right now. I've experienced it myself, guys. Let me talk about some time when I experienced stigma around mental health and or getting support. Yeah. Explore where that happened.

I mean, this is actually deeply personal. I don't like to talk about it, but I begged my parents, when I was younger, I had severe mental health issues, and I begged them to send me to a camp for the summer that would make me like girls again. Yes.

They refused. They said, no, you're not, you don't need that therapy. You don't need any of that therapy. You don't need that crap, son. You just got work hard. You'll forget about it. I said,

mom, I really need help. I need to go to the camp with the priest. they're going to help me like girls again. He said, get out here, boy, get out there and sew the fields. And I said, yes, them. Yeah. And, yeah, they stigmatize me pretty bad, but. That's okay.

You got out of it. I did. Nothing should, I went to the camp. I did what I had to do. Nothing should stop you from getting help when you need it. That's also why, as the world's largest online therapy platform, better help makes finding a therapist a breeze, just answer a few questions to get matched.

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H-E-L-P.com slash MSSP. Guys, August 7th, San Jose, California, also August 8th, San Jose. Spokane, Washington, August 13th, and 14th, I'll be doing stand-up there as well. And then in the fall, it all kicks off Portland, Maine, Boston, Royal

looks, Michigan, Milwaukee, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Chattanooga. Go to Matt McCuster.com, a bunch of more cities. If you want to get tickets, all we do in stand up up until December 19th. And then we'll figure it out from there. Wow. You're going wild. Yeah. July 17th at Lincoln Financial Field, they just put out some new tickets there.

They reconfigured the stage. So some more tickets are available. And then in Charleston, August 8th, Charleston. Check it out. Let's go. yeah i don't know i sour the cast i apologize that

that was a fucking weed in your head about there's nothing wrong i know i know i'm totally chill what are you talking about fucking chill dude i don't care that bill downjack has a 25 i don't i don't again i don't wish him any i have no ill will towards him i just go i don't know it's odd

yeah but it's odd to My problem is, again, if he's seven years old and he's smashing him a low and he's going like, I just can't get the dog out of me, fair. When he's like taking Instagram pictures with her, it's like, bro, you're pigging out. You have to chill. That's part of the kink.

It's part of his kink to walk around. It could be. He's like how to Billy Madison thing. It could be. The way I look at it and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt is just like, yeah, what? What's Instagram? Sure. Yeah, she likes this shit.

I don't give a fuck. He doesn't have Instagram He's not looking at anything He's probably genuinely like Yeah I don't fucking Yeah We're worried about We got Maryland next week

I don't care if you take pictures I don't care if you sit next to him Don't take picture with him He's full sterling Yeah and again I guess You know This is a sacrificial babe Yeah

It's sacrifice to the Patriots There's been many To be fair, and this is a fair thing, too. I will say this. I will say this. It does take two to tango. So, you know. That was my original point.

Yeah, it does take two to tango. At a certain age, it's like... Yeah, for sure. This is a decision. Oh, for sure. She made it. She's 25 or 26. It's a decision they're making.

Yeah, 25. I thought she was like 21. 26. That's not that bad, actually. She's got a slight idea of what's going on. I think, yeah, I think her brain just finally formed. Yeah, I wonder how true that is. Because I've been saying, I think Rogan said it on a podcast and we've all, as a country, just...

No, no, no, I think that's... They've said that for a long time. But, I mean, how much of your brain do you? You only use 10% of your brain, so... And they also say that, and I don't even know what the fuck that means. I don't know either. Yeah, it's all worse. I think you use the whole thing.

Everything's worse shit. I think if I cut a piece out of your brain... That's a major issue. Yeah. You're fucked up. Fuck, I was using that part. Yeah. I was using that inch brain. I think it's my left leg and I walk weird now.

Thanks a lot. Now that you're saying that is fucking bullshit. You gotta use your whole brain. You go, yo, your body's fucking 85% of water. It's like, no, it's not. There's no fucking water in there, I'm certain. Yeah, that's a fair point. It's all fucking horseshit.

Not 85%. Whatever they say it is. No, you're right. They say like it's 85%. Yeah. It's got to be 10. I have way more blood in me than water. I'm pretty sure I'm 100% blood.

I'm fucking blood and shit. mostly turds, piss and blood. Shit, piss, jizz and blood. Yeah, there's no water.

There's only a little bit of water in my penis when I pee it out. That's it. It's in my water's in me for like an hour at a time. Yeah. And I pee it out. That does.

That's my number one bug out. What's going on there? What's going on there, Nate? I real quick, but it's, I'm looking at it up. It says we actually use 100% of our brain.

Yeah, it says, yeah, they've always lied about that. It's just an urban legend. They were probably listening to this conversation. It's all over legends. Every single thing.

I was listening to some shit yesterday. They were like, knock on wood comes from an ancient thing where pagans used to touch. Ritual, did you see the thing about birthdays? It's like, shut up. Did you see the, I watched the same thing about birthdays.

You're doing like some weird pagan witchcraft. Yeah. Oh, the people that couldn't write. Yeah. Fucking a thousand years ago. That's where we're taking all our shit from. No, it's not. You're actually made,

I watched the thing. It said you're making yourself older every time you do your birthday because you're like doing some weird spell and it's it was like somebody talks to me about spells or ancient anything they say you need to shut up my theory on the birthday they turn the lights off i always saw the birthday was you turn the lights off to simulate the darkness of the vaginal canal and the candle lights or it's like the world and you're coming out to it now i think people just like you go make a wish the lights oh they turn the lights out

for the candles yeah not everything's got some deep ancient meaning the way i don't know i i feel like i think vaginal resimulating it's your birth again you're it's dark and you're going, sitting in front of everyone, like a fucking baby. And everyone surprised you. Someone slaps you. That's an interesting one. Where'd you hear that?

Made it up. Oh, nice. Made that up. Because I was really thinking about it one day. I mean, it's got to be something. I don't think. Can we look up where they, why you light candles and do all that shit? It's going to say, pagans.

Yeah. apparently pagans invented everything Easter bunny apparently Easter bunny is that that's an easy one I think that was just a spring That was like Freya the goddess And then you know we were just like yeah Keep some of that shit in here

Because we did have to appease the pagans There were so many fucking pagans Yeah So we did have to appease him But I don't like the whole Magic ritual Like every time you do this You're actually doing an ancient magic ritual

Demons are entering your mind Oh yeah like knock on wood Was the one I watched Like you're actually summoning an evil force but turns out knock on wood was like a little or like touch wood is a

it's from like playing tag really and yeah a tree would be base and if you touched wood you were safe oh really yeah I don't know I don't like those 17 or 1800s I've gotten out of the habit of knocking on wood by the way it's good I've stopped I'm like I'm not doing this is dumb

that would feel seriously like that I'd really better knock on wood that something bad really yeah I was like very superstitious dude I'd be like if I don't knock on wood something bad could happen so something bad's gonna happen true i'm real bad true think of just about the worst thing no i don't i don't i don't practice but then some really good shit's gonna happen yep and then god willing you're 75 you're the head coach of the north carolina tar heels you've won five super bowls you're banging a 25 year old and she's going let's take an instagram picture and you go fucking i don't even know what that is this is this is okay i think i think i

identified it he can be anyone almost anyone can bang a 25-year-old he just doesn't want to pay for you know what I'm saying speak for yourself moron no I'm saying you could hire a prostitute you could hire a prostitute oh you could hire a he wants to do it by the books yeah those are forbidden that's that's a that's not virtuous that's a crime it's like that dark spells man yeah that's evil if my thing is if it's just about the sex get a pro maybe it's not what he loves her. Maybe he likes having somebody fucking young in his life again instead of a 70 year old wife that's like

what? True. What are you doing? I don't want to go do stuff. What do they do? It's got to be just him and her. If he hangs out with her friends, that's going to be so fucking weird. Come on. What are you talking? What are we talking about?

He's so old. If I found out, my dad I had divorced my mom and was on a boat with 10, 25-year-olds. I'd be like, fuck it, dude. What are we talking about? Now, if he did it when I was a kid, I'd be like, that's fucking insane. Yeah, he's retired for sure. I get it.

It's just imagine, though, I'm just trying to put myself in that position. I'm on 70, whatever. And I'm with, like, her and three of her friends are eating pad tie and they're talking. And I have to, like, pretend to care. or even be randomly interested it. That's when it's going, just get a hooker at that point. I don't know. Again, this is crazy.

Bill Belichick, I don't know if he has to be interested. And I don't think he cares to be interested. Genuinely, he's like, have you ever seen him talk? No. He's like, doesn't talk. Really? He's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, next question.

Yeah, we're not worried about that right now. We're already focused on the jets. Like, there's him eating Pat tie with four 25-year-olds, he's probably just like, he's thinking of the game. Pat tie's pretty good. It's a little spicy It's a little spicy

I really like him This lady sucks my penis It's very nice I really gotta get out of here We gotta start grinding the tape We got week one We got East Carolina And last year

Our defense was terrible Also I didn't know She was 26 is slightly different Because then if she was 30 It's like They've been named for like two years Right Yeah at least

Yeah All right so he wrote The weird bike He only rode the weird bike For a couple years He's on the weird fucking unicycle for sure. Here come that bully.

26 is different. I thought she was like way, way young. I think they met when she was real. I think she was a cheerleader for the Patriots. I could be. There was definitely, yeah, maybe. There's definitely the ring camera footage of him leaving a house, which is you're going to love it, dude.

It's going to change your mind. What happened? Him walking out of a 20-something-year-old girl's house on a ring camera with his shirt off. It's fucking. It's hilarious, dude. Just walking out to like a stone driveway. Like, like.

Just his hands in his pockets whistling. Yeah. I mean, look, again, 26, 26 is different. It's a man. A fucking man. True. I mean, I could be being too puritanical. Bill Belichick walk a shame.

Yeah, that's my, that's the thing. I don't want to put them down. I'm not like anti him or being like, I don't think that's very nice. I'm just going like, is that the best possible move? That's all. I'm asking myself,

is that truly a thing to idealize? I do not think it's the best possible move. And I don't think too many people idolize it. Yeah. I don't think so. I think he's getting made fun of a lot for it. Yeah. But again,

it's not like I don't, uh, I have no animosity towards the man. That's the thing. I just go, hmm, I wonder. I wonder if that's as sweet.

Is it as sweet? I think a lot of people go, sweet. I go, yeah, there's always the reality of the thing and it's never sound sweet. Like, I'd like to watch them have sex and masturbate to it. I'd like to observe.

He could, yeah. Yeah. No, 26 is that skews things. That's she's almost 30. And once you're, that's it. She was young when they met. Their meat story is kind of funny. What is it?

They met in 2021 when she was still enrolled in Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts. She was reading a philosophy textbook on a plane, and her and Bill Belichick chatted about her deductive logic textbook, and he signed it, and then that's how they met. So she was reading a textbook, doing homework on a plane, and he chatted her up about her textbook. And he signed it for you on a plane. This story gets hotter and hotter. Yeah. On a plane, sit next to a fucking young hot chick and be like, I'm not sure if you lift this number.

There's no way I can get some pussy on this. Bill, you still got it. It is nice. He was like, I like your deductive lot. That's the nice deductive logic. Yeah. They struck up a conversation about philosophy. And then inside the message, he said,

thanks for giving me a course in logic with an exclamation point when he signed the book. they kept in touch and started dating in 2023 so she was probably around 24 or 25 at the time okay she took that book to her dad and was like look who signed this he was like keep going

you're on the five yard line babe do you think they'll get married I hope so that would be actually I hope so I would support that although now that I say it Socrates, to be fair,

Socrates actually had a baby. Yeah, he had a baby with a young baby before he died. So he actually, so he can't really talk. He's not really want to talk. However, he's just, then again, it's easy. Itchy butt pedophile guy? Itchy butt pedophile.

Was Socrates a pito though? Hit him with rocks, dude. Throw rocks at that guy. Was he definitely a pito? No. I don't know. I'll look, but. Wasn't Socrates like,

wasn't he like exiled, though? He got killed. Yeah, you go, yeah. Made him drink the hemlock. Yeah. Now I want to know if he was a pito or not, because they apparently... Didn't they make him drink hemlock because he was like, the earth isn't the center of the universe?

No. That wasn't him? Okay. No, that was Aristotle. Nope. Damn it. There's no historical evidence that Socrates engaged in pedophilic things. But since he was alive in ancient Athens, people just kind of assume...

Assume he did. Heteristee was. was institutionalized in their like mentorship. Yeah, that was a big thing. Well, that was your, that was your vessel. Yeah. So you had to transmit all your knowledge to a young boy. And then for some reason.

They know what they were doing. That's completely made up. Yeah, that's my vessel. I'm passing my knowledge. The final act, he has to swallow. He has to jackass swallow me. Yeah. My name is Plotland of the Third.

I'm actually from, uh, I'm going to drink a gallon of old guy come. Bion, oh, me, oh, me. No, you could. You are broadened my horizons on this right now because I am going, like, you know, she's 26, 25. It's just too much public kink.

That's all for me. A heavy public kink is crazy. It's heavy public kink. But that's again, that's where I go. Him living his life. I don't think he gives a fuck. No, I don't think so. So that's something to aspire to.

True. That's fair. I agree. I don't think he cares. I think he just goes like that. I'm sure he hears about it nonstop. That fucking football. games coaching if i was if he was playing my team i'd be i'd be staunchly against it i'd be screaming at

the entire game yeah i guess that all you know you have to handle all that in your household i guess just be like hey you see a six-time super ball champion coach try just do your best promise me to do your best not to set up a sensational romance with him that's all you can do yeah it's crazy stuff It is. It's a good episode. We covered Bill Belchuk. We did extensively. We got to the bottom of it.

LeMere. I think we did. Le Mare. What have you got? I went to Charlottesville last week. And it's like a full girl town now. They like changed it. They called it Seaville.

You remember Charlottesville? That was the Tiki Torch town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They had the big white pride much. Yeah. Yeah.

It was crazy. So what was it like? You just saw a lot of women there? No, it was just like all bookstores. It wasn't anything I thought it would be. Yeah, I think it's like a kind of a more liberal college town. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know. I mean, because you know the march.

The march is about being replaced. He thought it was going to be. Yeah. Southern gentlemen. Yeah, thought it would be a little bit more agro, but it was pretty chill. I didn't like it, though. They didn't have like one game stop. It was all girls' stores.

Pissed me off. Places gone of shit. Books and candles. Yeah, all the boys got replaced, dude. they did get replaced. And they got rid of the game stops. There's no game stops. So they did replace us.

Yeah. Fuck. They did. They want to do. No, that's a fair. If you, if you, if you do a,

you know, if there's a United the right. Yeah. If you do it, the right rally, they got to get rid of the game stops. Yeah,

it's a penalty. You have five-year ban on games. They're still, they said tiki torches are still banned there. It's been like 10 years. Really? The tiki torches are still banned. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. It's a good pillow for it. You look like the mushroom in Mario cart that picks up your car. Is there really a way? Can you even ban that legally? I feel you couldn't ban the sale of Tiki torches. I don't know.

Yeah, who told you that? What are the people? One of the citizens? They probably don't, maybe. I don't know. I wonder if they just are slow to sell them. Yeah. I go, what are you doing?

Yeah. Hey. Promise it to barbecue? Promise you're not defending a Confederate statue. I was saying like they grabbed a teacher, George's and transform. Yeah, I was laughing about that. When I was in Minneapolis, I was like, when they had the whole Somali pirate thing,

and they're like, how could they let this go? I was just like coming off the back of George Floyd, I could see white people being like, yeah, I'm going to chill for me. Right after that, be like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck these guys. I think these black guys are up to something. What? I don't know. just keep driving, look ahead.

Did they all actually get in, like, wasn't there, didn't that, like, wasn't that true? Oh, yeah. That, that, they busted it before the Nick Shirley thing. That had been, yeah. They'd already done, like, an extensive sting. So, like, yeah, that was, like, completely, completely true. He just came a year later and was, like, pretty sure they're up to something. It was like, yeah, dude, they did it already.

They already did this thing. But maybe they were continuing. I don't know, but, you know, it was a good scheme. It's a great scheme. Fake daycare is so fucking funny. Great scheme. It's just so funny being bored inside of your fake daycare and it's being like,

I really hope nobody walks here. Yeah, here comes Nick Shirley. Some guy screaming at you. The guy with a legal pad. It was so funny. But yeah, that was my, I got a lot of shit for that, but it was really just like,

they already, because I looked into it. I was like, man, this is, I watched it being like, this is crazy. Then I looked it up and I was like, oh, they already got these guys.

Because they brought down a heroin ring and they went to Philadelphia, like Philadelphia has a heroin problem. I'm going to expose it. You just banged on some guy's door and you're like, yeah, he's definitely got a heroin in that door. Back to you.

Yeah, no, that was like millions of dollars. I saw some heroin fellas in Austin. I was kind of surprised. Really? So, some boys hitting the full-on fucking hitting the limbo. I haven't seen them yet.

Yeah, I saw two or three. Nice. They're making their way. Making their way down south. Coming down towards hot. Yeah. Black tar. I wonder how good that feels.

heroin? No, not heroin, but you know, lizarding out, laying on a rock, getting sun while you're... I think it's awesome. It probably feels good as hell.

Yeah, I think the nods like the best part. Just fucking completely out and waking up probably sucks. I'm gonna look into the science of how the fuck they stay upright. It's pretty impressive.

Yeah, actually, especially if you're that inebriated. Like, you'll just kind of staying on your feet like that. I literally couldn't do that. No.

I would need heroin. Yeah, I would need heroin. pull that off. Although your hamstrings probably for real, probably get a hamstring.

Their deadlifts are probably crazy. But this guys are always strong. Well, yeah. You gotta be, dude. Battle the elements.

Fucking battling the other guys, battling the elements. When have you tested their strength? Are you talking about just how like ripped they? I've just seen them, dude. You never see like a crackhead carrier fridge?

Like, yeah. True, they are ripped. Yeah, how do the hell? How do they stay up? No, that's, don't fall for that.

If they fall, they're going to give it away that they're on heroin. Not that they're shirtless and bent at a fucking crazy angle. It's in the meanest lean. So the brain, the final part of the brain is like, don't fall. Don't fucking embarrass yourself. Don't be a fucking dumb ass. Yeah, it's hard to find exactly why, but yeah. I think they don't know.

There's so much shit they have no idea. And scientists just can't be. like yeah we have no clue they're always just like well leading theory suggests and you look into it's it's like yeah it's not proven at all maybe maybe heroin rules maybe that's the fucking answer maybe it makes you better at balancing if you do like the right amount definitely does I would have no it's incredible bent straight down for real couldn't do for a long time and usually at like a corner where there's like a little slant in the sidewalk yeah true they find that divvitt that's what

those divvits are four. We're all going to go finally. What is it saying? Yeah, their central nervous system is just like, they're pretty much, they're just in sleep mode. Yeah, computer.

Yeah, there's still updates. Yeah. They're still running, but like, yeah, they're just chilling. It's running hot, though. It's like you're stationed back there. That's fucking horse shit. That's a good.

station, dude. Your station's out of control. It's nice. It's pretty good. I don't do anything with it. It just looks. What you're talking about? It looks special.

I'm just, yeah. I don't even, I'm not doing anything back there. I just keep looking at the screens. You're like, I'm like, where? Make something up to do. Oh, space station.

Yeah. I saw a new sopranos piece of art you brought into my house. Fucking insane. He's hanging shit on. That is like a, birds nests in there that's crazy i got the rins in the mare

that's four panties I keep forgetting to take it to the studio that's a I saw the LED lights are they going back there that's where that's from Timo I uh where do you know I didn't say where it's from

so where you put it now I just got I don't have anywhere to put it and I got to do a video for it I don't know I don't know sex club sex dungeon lighting I don't I don't

I just got the LED strips because they're cheap and it was within my Timo credit allowance. So I just got them. I'm not worried about where you got it. Yeah, I don't know where I'm going to put. If you put fucking LED lights in that shitty sopranos drawing back there, I'm going to be a little annoyed. The drawing is... I know you're not going to take it when we move out. The painting is leaving.

When I move out. You're not coming to the next place. You probably are going to the next place. we're moving on up the paintings for the paintings for uh panties it's for panties that's our art investment you should let the mayor just do the whole house

you can get like a top interior there being a decorator from Milan and be like this is this is genius yeah it's like the who's the fucking guy Rick Rick Owens I think who's the guy who's the guy does all black vampire clothes yeah you know I'm talking about I've been sending the thing on Instagram you wear

like the, he does like the track, like the Korean Olympic team where they have like the fan suits. So you just look like a big ball and like walk around. It's pretty sick. That's awesome. But yeah, they were like watching this being like this is the coolest shit I've ever seen. It's literally just like goth. He's just dressing people in goth shit and making them look like fucked up. It's just he's like I'm expressing anger and rage. And this is the best place to do it.

It's just people in fashion. This guy's the best of this. Rick Owens. But Mary might be super high. Dude, LED strip on the Sopranos fucking the picture. Dude, I was just thinking about I'm going to put it under the picture so it lights it up. Yeah, underlying. I think that might work.

Have you seen the Sopranas? No. That's crazy. I had a feeling. So what is the impulse to decorate? It's for the podcast. It's for panties. But you're not doing the podcast in there, though.

Are you doing the podcast? No, no, no. I just haven't taken it to. But what about the podcast? the LED lock us. That was for back then. I know it was. No.

That was for a stream. You're streaming? No. I'm not streaming. I don't want to stream. You got to change. Shane's your only fans manager. You don't want to stream?

You have to tell them you're streaming. We're going to oil you up and stream. You got to cut them in if you're streaming. Yeah. I would. But I'm not streaming. Don't IRL streams? No.

I would never. That sounds like a streaming setup. Why would you not? And you have a much. microphone back there. You have everything. I just like talking to people when I play games.

Like, yeah. You're just the one record button away from streaming. I like it. I like where we're at. Yeah. Now, these strips were just from Timu.

I had to spend the credit. Christ. I'm going to do it. I had to spend the credit. Um, yeah. I don't know how to explain it. Where did you plan on putting them?

I didn't have a plan. You just wanted them. Yeah. Okay. I got so got like a mini MP3 player too and like a mushroom speaker. I don't know where the MP3 player is sitting there. Where did you get that from? That's all Tibo.

I got to do a review. You got an M. 3 player review? I'm getting free stuff off Timo. I got to do reviews. There we go. Try hustle. There.

We got it. We nailed it. You got to ask him 500 fucking questions. So the dark truth is you're doing unboxings for Team Truth? That is my dark truth. I get it. I would keep that close to the jazz

for the dark truth. Do an unboxing video? I'm about to be coming an unbox. I am making unboxing videos. You are making unboxing videos? Yeah, you got one in my phone. Damn, you're opening. Can I please see it? Yeah, it looks at a great studio. It's a good studio, dude. It's nice.

What the MP3 player? No, I haven't done that yet. What studio? It's what I do? Podcast Austin Studio, I believe it's called. And you're doing unboxings in there? Yeah. It's one of my bros guy.

What? Unboxing. Why are you against streaming? I don't know. It just feels like it would ruin games for me. I like playing games because it's fun. I don't want to make it work. what this video?

No, because Maybe I'd like to take a look at it. It's not edited yet. That'll be even better. So Timoo will send you shit. Timu will send you stuff if you open it on the They're mad at me

Because I haven't sent it yet But this is the TEMU video. This is just Welcome back everybody And they got more stuff I guess we can just There's more stuff. It's a tin from the Super Mario

Mario Galaxy It's a tin from the Super Mario Galaxy movie. I'm sure it's full of cool stuff. I like the tin personally. I can hide. Try and come for Randall Frank P. No. Is that a squishy?

Good hiding. No, no squishies. It's just a, you let me know. It's all candies. I like the Bowser Jr. artwork on the outside. Bowser Jr. One of the most under, oh, that's bad ass Bowser Jr.

on this side. Look at that. Are you in Chinese candy? My whole problem. I was regular. Oh, okay. My whole problem was to be there. Yeah, I told you, dude.

It's just. That could be a hit. Having a secret on boxing show. I didn't expect that at all. Do you just practice, like, opening shit back there? It's when I watch on YouTube But I was like, I can fucking do this And so yeah

I just thought about trying it So they're saying you free shit If you open it up Yeah, that's the goal What promises you have to make? Do they not send you free shit? Not yet. Did you buy the Mario Galaxy box?

The guys who were producing They brought the Mario Galaxy They put the box together And there was also like a Japanese food box Yeah, I ate some weird Japanese food. there's another thing too i can't remember what it was huh don't ask from ashi

don't ask questions he's gonna be extremely vague you're gonna ask five more questions it's gonna be there's this crab tree it was like actually like river crabs they put them into a white plastic boat and you can like eat them they're good

pretty good but they ship it from china no it's from this isn't from Timo it's from a store a sass Assisi. Oh, okay. It's a Japanese store. You're opening up all kinds of shit.

I'm opening up everything, dude. Just do an unboxing grubhope. You should, for real, fart, Maxo, and do an unboxing show where you fart nonstop. That would get some subscribers. Amazing. There's guys that would be into that. That would be so. I don't like farting.

I'm not a fan of farting. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. What do you do with all your farts? Wait till I sleep. I don't fart until I go to bed You just fart

No way You let them just come out You hold all your farts in all day I mean if I have to fart I will fart But like I don't really fart until I go to bed Why? I just don't like farting What about your lady?

Like sleep over? You just save your fart to your bed with you Like shit that must be nuts the snoring and farting out of this guy those farce must be they must be like a three minute long fart

as soon as he goes to sleep they've turned into a different gas all the other than it's like fucking Mario candy and sushi you're making farts for sure yeah yeah I'm making farts I'm just not like I'm not pushing them

I'm not pushing them out you don't push for nothing you let those farts dude, you must be fucking full of farts. You are chock full of farts. Would you fart right now? Definitely. I could not fart right now.

Yes, you could. I can't do that. I can't. Be fucking up. Oh, my God. You must be like, we're 75% water. You're definitely 75%. He's a gas giant.

He's filled with farts, dude. Have you? If you fart, you're gonna be, yeah, you're probably about 80 pounds less than you are. Naturally. Why won't you fart? What the hell? I don't know, man.

Did you get, like, reprimanded severely for farting? Or like, what's the, what's the, uh, maybe. What's stopping you? I don't know. I've never like. That's your Michael Jackson secret. I love fart.

Boy, knock them farts on. Parting rocks. Farting is sweet. It makes feel gross. Yeah. Yeah. It makes me feel gross, I think. When you fart?

Yeah. What? Yeah. So you don't ever cup and bring it up to see what you're doing? I have the opposite. I'm like completely, I need to know what's up with my farts. I do love a sneak fart. I'll take it.

I like a sneak fart. When it slips out. Wait, you do farted a laser tag. It was so bad. Cleared out the fucking meeting. The entire time. What are you talking about? I was full gas.

I had to fight. There's zero chance you hold in, farts all day. There's zero. I'd bet my fucking life on it. We got to, does T-Move sell a fucking fart machine to gauge farts? There's got to be some type of Chinese underwear. It's a thermal white. No, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what it is. So you wait until you're falling asleep and as you're like snoring, you just fully relax?

I think, yeah. It's all farts. It's two city in my sleep. How do you know this if you're, sleep. You've been told? Oh, I know. I've been told. Have you gone in that fucking room? Yeah. It's fucking blunts and farts.

It's fucking crazy. What makes you fart the most? What kind of food? Milk and peanut butter. Dude. Peanut butter fucks me up. Please do a fart max on boxing. Yeah, that would be it would be so good.

Especially if you're getting really disturbed by them. Oh, fuck. Sorry, guys. I'm so embarrassed. I'm supposed to save that for nighttime. Yeah, being so embarrassed the whole time. Did you order that dumb fucking dog candle off Tima? No, that was from a market. There's a guy in a market.

I got to be honest. I like that dog candle. It's nice. I lit it, but you weren't around, so I blew it out. I wanted you to be here for it. Then I was thinking about, like, how demented of a candle it is once it gets lit after a while. It was just a melted brain dog.

You know? Yeah. Clamdell's nice. Yeah, the clamble. Clamble's decent. Pretty excited about that. Yeah. I don't want to...

Poor of an oyster, but... Yeah, I want to keep it fun. Oyster didn't have a good candle name. Exactly. Like clamble. Don't be sorry. Clamble. The pot.

The pot has affected the squad. Everyone's like, I'm sorry, dude. It's totally not. It's totally normal the whole time. You had to freak out about Bill Belichick. You got high and freaked out about Bill Belichick's relationship. I'm telling you something that happened to me where I don't notice that I'm high anymore. And I just, I'm like, man, everything feels weird right now.

I told you, I tried to go to sleep the other night. And I was like, why can't I sleep? And I was like, like, laying there. Oh, this was the worst, actually. I thought I was, like, finally losing it. I was laying there, and I was like, all right, so the universe is definitely infinite. Then there's, like, the material world,

which might go on forever, too, somehow. And I don't know how to explain it, but I was just, like, thinking about just going through stuff and touching it forever. And I was like, that's so much fucking stuff. And I freaked out. And I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff.

And I was like, so much stuff there is? Endless stuff. Sometimes I, sometimes that bothers me. Sover. Yeah, it got me There's so much stuff I was in bed And I had this fucking flip up

Whatever I'm just Like fucking Lamar Ordering off the TV Some Chinese guys in a factory Like who the fuck is gonna buy this Mario Galaxy candy box Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah I bugged out Bugged out on the amount of stuff I was like dude What if stuff is also infinite And I was like Fuck

It's so much fucking stuff Dude But in space there's nothing dude That's infinite too. That's better somehow. When there's nothing. Yeah.

Yeah. I can deal with that. Just tons of stuff. I think there's got to be an end of the stuff. It's a lot of fucking stuff going on. I think it's all stuff. Really? I think everything, yeah.

It's all kind of stuff. True. Yeah, the infinity thing freaks me out. I can't. I just try not to think about that too much. Yeah, I wouldn't waste your time. It just comes to my head. I go, okay, well, if it's infinite.

They always go, like, well, it's the multiverse. It's like, well, it's the multiverse. It's like, Yeah, that's just still one thing. I agree. Yeah. There's actually multiple universes. It's all part of the universe.

Yeah, exactly. One universe. Okay. You're just saying there's a bunch in that. And then they go, there's infinite universes. It's like, okay, dude. So they're right on. How about I punch you?

Talking me about the universe. Yeah, I'm getting, so I want to do a congressional fucking audit on like astrophysicists and quantum physics to be like, all right guys, what are we really doing here? Yeah. Because I think they're fucking bull crapping a lot. Because they always go, well, the math checks out perfectly, but like no one can check the math.

They're like, yeah, that'll be another $40 bazillion, please. They figured out things can be in two different places at once simultaneously, but the mathematical model maps on perfectly. To what? The fuck are you guys talking about? Yeah, they're cruising for a bruising. They're walking around their undies looking for a bruising. Talks me about that horse shit.

Yeah. Crap. So you got some farts loaded. You ready for tonight? What's tonight? Your fart? Yeah. You don't hit the fucking morning blowout?

It's like, I mean, I'm, Blizz, you must be hearing. Really? I kind of am hoping you do because they are funny. The morning blowout is chaos. At night, the way I'm inhaling air.

Yeah. That's the way. Sleep apnea and snoring. Parts are just, it's chaos in the morning. But when I do my morning to blow up, my dog, like, that's how he knows I'm up. Like, I'll start apart. Then I'll hear him at the door away. I'll hear his little collar bouncing around.

The morning blowout. That's so funny. Yeah, I get at least one far every morning you wake up and you're, for me, it's laying down. As soon as I lay into bed, yeah, farts every single fucking time. I'll be like, no, I don't have to fart. Lay in bed, it's just like right out of me. Unfortunately. I literally fart almost every time.

I look forward to it. I cherish it. I look forward to it personally, but, you know. Other people hate it. Not a fan. Especially when they stink, too. Yeah, that's trouble. And it's like, look, I get, I get it.

That makes it 10 times funny. I know. It's exactly the problem. Think about being Bill Belichick. Seventy, 74-year-old, stinky morning blowout. And you got a hot 25-year-old next to you. You're going, yeah, I don't you like that? It stinks like shit, doesn't it?

Anyway, we're focused on North Carolina State this week. I can see him hitting just a little like, oops. He's a hard fart. Disgusting far. Yeah. Pardon me. Pardon me. I beg your pardon.

What was that shit we ate with sparklers coming out of it last night? That made me fart. Fucking crap you're feeding me. It's made me fart. I'm done getting Thai food and chap. Hill. There's no good Thai food in North Carolina. That's stuff called tofu?

Tuftu's got to be farted up a store. Yeah. Well, we've done it again. We did it. Goodbye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.