Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 625 - The Big Show (feat. Billy & Spud)

Episode Date: July 17, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Get Billy n Spudz new merch now @ ⁠https://warmode.org/⁠ Support them @ https://www.patreon.com/WARMODE Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live Mornin'. Big day. We're back home. Nuff said. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow, wow, Wes. Yeah, I'd be like shaking if I was one of you guys. Yeah. Like visibly, I'd be like. Don't show up. If I think of that. I like wake up and shake. Don't show.

I honestly, I just text a Matt and say, I sent him the picture and I was like, we should not do this. We should leave the country. I'd like to leave the country. Yeah, I would go to like. Pettity or something like that. Temporary insanity. I could leave. I don't understand how to take some of those guineas and fucking.

Spud. What's wrong with you, bro? Monster, you know, I'm struggling. Dude, Cona McGregorid, dude, go out there, build it up and walk out and be like, oh, fuck my leg, shit. Just bring someone else out. When's this going to come out? Whenever. I think Gargani says, tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yeah. We can wait, too. I don't do it free. Pre-show? Well, then, we won't talk about all the special guests, but Matthew will be on it. True. And it's terrifying.

Oh, yeah, we've already alluded. We've alluded to it on the pod. Are we fired up? Yeah. We're recording. It's the scariest thing. possible. This was a huge mistake. I got talked into this a year and a half ago and never really considered that one day it was going to actually happen. Yeah. And it's tomorrow and I'm completely

ill prepared. I can't even think about doing stand-up. I'm thinking about the show. How much stand-up do you actually have to do? I'm going to do. I don't have to do anything. I would like, what's the thing? For the show, I should probably do like a fucking half hour and then I'm going to bring someone else Or just curate on stage with me. Just walk around and like, Ha, ha, ha, ha. Another fine act. Start a circus.

I'm actually running for mayor. I've got you all gathered here. There's something I'd like to discuss. Let's have four giant sponsorships. You got to do those Luke Belmar talks. And I's taking over everything. That's it. Everything.

All of your jobs. Welcome by for us, Bill. Welcome, Spud. You make you more popular. Yeah. too magic I'll do fucking I'm gonna panic I would throw it I'm gonna get on

stage and be like the only thing I've got so far is I'm gonna say a boom boom boom everybody say whale that'll be nice that'll be actually start a wave that'd be saying we got that going you got the wave and boom boom boom you should bring a beach ball out

getting beach balls going to be fucking almost like recreating woodstock dude this crowd's gonna be they're gonna be tailgating yeah it's gonna be her it's gonna be it's gonna be the worst crowd It's going to look like Normandy. It's going to be crazy.

My whole plan is just I'm going to have a separate video. I'm going to have my own video crew and I'm going to try to crush hecklers the whole time. Yo, shut the fuck up. Dude, I'm doing the fucking show. Dude, I'm doing the fucking show. Are you in the round? Yeah. Oh, my God.

It's better. I saw a clip. I saw, um, I was checking out like different seats in the link what it looks like. WrestleMania was in the round. Whoa, that's like the WrestleMania. Yeah. Yeah. Could wrestle too.

I'll wrestle. Should do it all. Look at the folding chairs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, the people that are in the middle of these folding chairs. That's the pit.

You're never going to be able to piss. No. Pass out. Those seats were fucking expensive. Cokes is there. Really? Cokes is right. I showed you that.

The passouts. Is that a porta potty setup? I think they do have little porta potty. Yeah. That's going to be a piss on the ground set up. There's me a lot of drunk guys. Dude, there was a there was a concert. There's a,

this is going to be a Roman city. There is a riot. There was a concert here in Philly in some, some country kind of dude, and some chick just shit. What? She didn't want to leave her seat. But it was a big, it was like a biohazard. You tried to let it out of her pants. Yo, out of her cut off cheese.

See people on like CCTV shake out a log? Yeah. That's crazy. I don't know how that works. It would be like all down my life. Dude, not even shaking how long. There's that one of that, like, Asian guys that registered, he just pulls his pants down and just, just. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He was a bullet pen. Pull his pants back. You have to be so certain. There's no wiping involved. There was a dude that used to hit that at the park when I was walking my dog. And he had this hoodie.

And one day he left the hoodie. And I picked it up, but I still have the hoodie. It's a good ass hoodie. Yeah. But he would shit outside. Dude, he hit like fucking hurt people. Her people. Bullet shit's in the hedges.

And I was trying to keep Zeus from eating it. Because they do dogs love human poop. Yeah. They love to eat it. Yeah. I can see that. Especially bum shit. You have his hoodie?

Yeah. It says blazer soccer. It's real thick. You ever get like a real thick hoodie? It is a very, I saw the hoodie. I was like that's a heavy cotton blend. I like that.

They don't make this shit anymore. But the guys launching into the fucking hedges. He left his sweatshirt and snagged it. You would eat so much. You go in the hedges and like, if he was in there for too long, be like, what do you do to come out? The smell of human shit on the dog's breath, bro.

And then Spade had the single cab truck. So there's no air going anywhere. Also, to be fair, he would of all people respect finders keepers. Yeah. Obviously. I'm almost positive he found that. That's what sheriff.

He lives exclusively. He was a red hair. He was a red haired homeless man. Yeah. Yo. That's a rare. It's a rare one. It's like a time traveler.

It's a rare one. Truly rejected. Yeah, that's a nerve wracking endeavor. You got yourself there. Spade's driver was like, I mean, both you guys are, what are you talking about?

This is like we're on acid again. Man, I can't believe how high you are. This is the first time we all been together since then? As a unit? Maybe. Possibly. Chicago,

take me back. Chicago is a heck of a city, awesome city. Every time people, yeah, it's a beautiful city. Dude, you're drenched and sweat.

Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to join the conversation. Every time I even think about Oasis, people like that, I saw my concert. I'm like, dude, their concerts are the best. I sweat there.

It was amazing. You seen you let loose like that brought me so much joy. I was gone. Holding the bottle of tequila, shirt over your head. I had no idea I was expensive.

At tequila. A tequila is so expensive. I got like so attached. I was like, I have to give this bottle out. And I was like giving it to people. And they were short, they thought it was laced with acid.

They were like, whoa, because I'd be like, drink it, dude, just drink. They were like, what's it? I'm like,

it's just a kilo, watch. And I would just chug a bunch out of it. We could have been, we could have been fine with that half a tab. Yeah. Greed.

That was. I looked at every man. I mean, the tail was all of time. Yeah. I looked to ever. psychedelics. Acid especially because you go this rules I've literally I just got done banishing all of the negative negative thoughts from my head I was like I don't need these anymore I've never been able to do that I dude I was like I don't need these right now and I had let go that's why I was dancing I was doing Gmail inbox was what the fuck is I was writing myself emails yeah that's Sigma grind set I was say we do dude I'll take it I'll take you you know you know yourself while you're on acid in a waste is so fucking I forget the

dude back out in the multiverse fucking coffee I told you it was a cabbine it was the caffeine it was a caffeine

you got restaurant depo espresso that shit was strong acid deletes alcohol it does and so powerful it's crazy it was awesome that tequila couldn't touch me

it was one of the the way it just kept it just kept it was it just kept kicking in though I was like take me back but we do a beach trip

I know beach trip will be decent I'm excited That's my final hurrah. And then I'll be in a different house. That's my final vacation. Really? Yeah.

Then you're going to get your new house? Yes. Literally right afterwards. I doubt it. You're getting off girlfriend Island. It's the first time. It's going to girlfriend to stand. Yeah.

He's going to be on deployment, dude. A wife a stand. Wife real. I just read a really nice book. I'm obsessed with the French right now. I've been reading a lot of French authors. This guy wrote a book about if the, like, if Muslim, Muslims actually took over France.

It was like a novel. Campus Saints? Huh? Campus Saints? No, it's called submission by Michael Holambeer. Dude, it's, I don't know why, but he keeps referencing Nietzsche, but any time he references Nietzsche goes, the old queer Nietzsche. He keeps called Nietzsche a fag.

It was just so funny. Just be out for no reason. Just be like, and then that old fag was right about Christianity. It reminds me of, as you said, Buttigieg. You see that Trump trying not to call him gay? Yeah. He's like, Mayor Pete, who rides a bike with a guy, which is, I don't, that's what he likes. That's why he rides bikes with other guys.

I want to get a soundboard for Trump when it's all over. When it's all said and done. It's all said and done. It's going to be the best soundboard ever. Yeah, his pullstring doll will be pretty nice. I double the size of it, you stupid person. The size of it, you stupid person. Quiet, piggy.

It's like top of the line. I mean, if he gets a statue, yeah, what would it, what would his like four score in several years? I don't like to bring up people's weight. I can lose a few. Four score in several years. Stand back and standby. Stand back and stand by. Or you'd be in jail.

No, stand down and stand by. Stand back. You'd be in jail. Quiet Piggy might be. Quiet Piggy was his epic. He's completely lost his fastball, dude. The fucking real shit was that. Quiet Piggy was 105.

Down the fucking pipe. Quieting is the number one. And double the size of it is up there too. That's D. Dumb or stupid person? I can't remember. Stupid person. 2016,

he was fucking on fire. Of course. Yeah, he's on fire. He's one that you got the Sa Young that year. He's throwing some wild pitches like Democrats is a wild pitch. That's a wild pitch. Yo, I saw you on the All-Star or on the. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It was awesome. That was a bummer. HR day. I wanted to swore bombs, dude. Who won? The other dude. this kid from a day

I couldn't imagine anything better maybe like an extreme fireworks show but home run run to be pretty yeah I was watching I was like I want to take my kid to this one day yeah like a 10 year old at a fucking home run over what's is it a pitching machine no it's a guy it's like you got your guy you pick your own guy he's gonna

send it to you go and sometimes they fucking don't give the best pitches dude it was fucking killing me yeah I didn't even think about it whatever man I'd be like that was like your spot he's like the guy at the dunk contest throwing the oops yeah Dude, it just makes you realize how easy home runs is. You ever see when Diddy going on his toes?

He held ball and the guy jumped over and you see Diddy's. He gets on his tipies. He's going to be out. He's going to be out. Yeah. He's going to be out. People are going to have to answer. Everyone.

Sputter reminded me of when you and me were at the World Series. Yeah. And there's putting the flag the size of the outfield with a flyover and just being like, we're the greatest. It was the exact same. Like that was the most American. It's like we were drinking. beer watching guys hit home runs over and over again while they're blasting music and we're

like booing the kids if a kid drops a ball because there's little kids in the outfield the whole stadiums you don't see this in other countries you don't see this it was wonderful spade at the grove i thought he's gonna have a fucking heart attack the grove was not real that was mad on ass that was him at the grove going you would have thought smooth on six grams and mushrooms he literally got overtaken by the spirit of fucking dirt car rally car it's the vibration it's if i had to nail it down to one thing it's the sound and the vibration yeah that That's not world. It's so good.

That's all the world. It's a lot of anything. Please imagine every summer night. I mean, you're blessed. You're blessed. Sit on the, I would open my window as a kid and listen to,

you could hear the grove. Dude, it would show. Phil will call me now and be like, what's going on. I'll be like nothing. Dude, you got to drink a beer.

You got to, you got to, take some of your money. Take some of your money and make a movie about that. The Grove? He's so sick, dude.

Grove would be nice. The Grove is nice. Like a comedy or something. That's what I actually. I did want to do that. I talked about that. People tell me not to. Why?

I wanted to do like a driver. Dude like a little boy being like hearing it. Yeah. Somehow making that a movie. That's a. Yeah. It's kind of like Ricky Bobby, but we can do it.

Bobby Ricky. Yeah. It has nothing to do with that. I swear to God, we're not copying it. But yes, the character's name is Bobby Ricky. Bobby Ricky.

Or do just be like, dude, let's fucking do a sequel. Not do part two. And he say Ricky Bobby, maybe says the wrong thing and he goes to the dirt track. And then wins and it comes my favorite

NASCAR driver. That's nothing to do with NASCAR though, right? Like that's not even like... Some of the drivers are. Some of the drivers that they'll graduate from that to NASCAR. I would imagine. A little, yeah, for sure. But they also like come back down and do that.

I painted for a dude that like built cars for his kid. He was like a mechanic and he built like little indie car. Dude, it's mega bucks. Oh yeah. So like go take your kid on one of those indie tours. Yeah, man. I knew someone who used to do like dirt track racing. He was in high school.

school and that was like it was like his thing he was into like the ones with the fans yeah you know what I'm talking about yeah yeah wait what do you mean like the ones that yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I remember that's he'd even go to the dirt track and it was like his thing yeah had a rich daddy his daddy would buy his get the trail over with the cars and he would just go race people to get upgrade from hockey yeah yeah dirt bike kids used to get a lot of pussy back in the day I remember kids are like go dirt bike racing on the weekends yeah always somehow see with the cool fox long sleeves yeah frost it's cross the tips and wear that I like a black dude's adopted that.

They also wear like motorcrawl shit. At NASCAR, they love. Yeah, they love our drip, dude. True. They love the M&M yellow jacket. I'm more into the high, high black fashion. Like, Playbacarty. What's that?

And be a young boy, you just wear like black leather. You wear like black leather and just kind of like sit and look like a vampire now. They vamp out hard. Playboy car. I saw video. They go emo. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

But it's like leather. You get some leather going. You know a little bit of swag. It's like Rico. Who's the guy? I sent you like 40 videos Rick Owens yeah Dude it's the fucking cool shit of world

You ever see him get scared by the flash? No It's hilarious he gets flashed he's like 90 million years old And some fucking photographer like remember when they hit you at helium Yeah Dude that shit like it's almost like a flashback and cod and he like almost fell over on granted steps and like regained his fucking balance and kept walking They got me on Monday when I was checking into the hotel insane photo Who's the worst? Who's when just yell? Why do they do this? They go hey Shane and you literally you're like

Blake, break it down. Just taking it, I have a book bag, I'm hunched over. Is that like a couple hundred bucks for somebody? Like, why are they doing this? You should start being like, stop! Stop! I mean, I love that. That would be the best photo.

Viral reels every time you're getting out of cars. You just gotta start getting out of cars with your balls hanging out until I literally might have. Those balls are out. To Lindsay Lohen. Just somehow show your bottle every time. Get out butt first with your butt first with your butt. If you got your taint in a picture

I would literally be legendary I would hang that up With like this like trying to shield your face Yeah I was watching I was watching that body cam footage But the guys like take a picture of my dick please Raise my balls up don't be scared Yeah

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I lose a lot of my hours to body cam, dude, ever since you said Midwest safety. Look at what the Lord gave me? I started crushing that. It was so good. Yeah, it was like a month. flights just watching yeah uh yeah the one of me and blizz

have been dying watching this guy I might have talked about last time there's a guy he's a white supremacist cop pulls him over he's like yeah my IDs my ID's in my bag he just takes a gun out shoots the cop kills the cop then every cop all right not funny then every single cop chases him he's driving down the highway with like 500 cars and they get the they're like we need the bear cat they always break out the bear cat it's like a fucking tank yeah they started hitting his car with a

tank, dude. Then he finally stops. Every single cop gets out and shoots. Everyone was like taking turns. Imagine if you really wanted to kill someone and you're a cop. And it's finally there. You're speeding. They're probably salivating.

They're trying to shoot that by the fuck. It's a free shot. It's a loaded guns. I think that's fair. Then they show the forensics from inside the car. It's hilarious. There's 900 lines going to his headdress. He must have been in the car like.

Like Clint is. It must have been crazy. It must have been crazy. I got to rewatch Grants here. That was great. That's fair. You should have like, if you shoot a cop, they should be able to shoot, like, find you and shoot you. They made a Netflix thing about some chick.

Yeah, they'll get you. They made a Netflix documentary just based on body footage. Oh, that was great. You're next door. And it's just this lady was like crazy. She lived in this neighborhood. Yes. Every time a kid came on our launch called the cops.

So the cops came over so much, there was enough body can footage for a documentary. And they edited it into like a story. That was so sad. They were fucking with it. That was so sad. But there was never an actual camera. It's all the one dude though. It's in Florida.

Florida's fucking nuts. Yeah. His OG baby mom, like baby daddy of the girl who got shot. That guy was kind of like, hey, who's the best dad in the world? I love you guys.

I'm the best daddy you got, man. You know, I love you the most. Your mom's dead now. He's probably, this is amazing. Just getting wrecked by some fat bitch. Those kids are definitely

Oh my god. Oh yeah. Oh, they were torture. It must have been so fun. Torcheringer. It must have been so fun. Yeah,

especially when you know, it's not fun. What? Every kid fucks with you. If you're white and a black neighborhood, every kid takes turns fucking with you. It just is what it is. State's going to shoot a mom and his movement.

So I got the meta glasses. I'm ready. I go, Boop. Oh, you got the meta is my safety. You're safety. That's step one. Step one is you start filming and then you start plotting.

Step one is definitely start filming. I mean, I got you. I saw it. But I want, there's this thing. It was like all these creep glasses. I was like, I need those. Do you have the medicine? Yeah, I got metas.

People would pay. I feel like people pay good money for that. If I'm outside my house, I got my metas on. Dude spitting at spade. No, no, no. I'm saying just getting like... Shitting in my driveway. I don't know.

I feel you could show it. You can sell it to like the anti-racism crowd. If you're like a 55-year-old, like, white New York Times lady, she would probably pay money to get like hazed by young black kids. And they deserve this. True. You should sell the video. I deserve this. Now when push comes to shove, they immediately go into white supremacy.

Oh yeah. The superlural. Superlureka. I mean, Malcolm X used to talk about that. I voted Democrat, you motherfucker. I'm trying to help you. How dare you? You don't even know what you're doing.

I'm on your side, dummy. I love that doing BLM. Dudes were like, chant. And they just a brick going through a dorm window from three stores. I was like, we're on your side. We're on your side, man. What the fuck? They were playing beer pong. They were playing beer pong.

Protesters walk by and they're like, yeah. You're a brick. What the fuck? Oh my God. They just screamed. That was like three stories up. Yeah, it was a launch, dude. Yeah, what the fuck, man?

Might have been Kaepernick himself. That was a bullet. Whoever threw that? That was a launch. Spiral brick. So, did you have any good footage of the kids? What are you talking about? Do you,

when you're getting bullied? Hey, stop it. Not yet. I just have them on for protection. You're ready. Yeah. There you go. And the neighborhood is getting nicer,

but for years there. I mean, Bill can attest of this. It was nice. Wild West Wild. I was walking. That was the main thing. Like,

all these people, all these liberal people would be like, oh, saying all this BLM shit. It's like, dude, are you seeing what I'm seeing? True.

This is not where I live. Tap into the guy, tap into the view. Care of my medis. I was walking to Zeus one time. Oh my medis. You would last a second of my best. You put them along.

You find out, Spage's just rage baiting the whole time. Like, I know that this is not, I know this isn't the rest of the world, but we're in West Philadelphia. I'm on Lancaster. There's like a free food thing, right? There's a white liberal chick trying to cross the street all like hobily moving slow with a K-95 mask on. They're called cribsters. Obviously there's smoke in the air, right? This is the place to go get free food.

She's going into an Audi. There's tons of free fans. So she's going. Like she's getting free food going into an out She's larping on some warps shit She's larping yeah You know what I mean? I'm not gonna listen to these people

Yeah she's in yeah she's in her community larping Whatever Crifsters do I swear to God I watched the cribser do that You walk off slow kind of like some weird Put on some weird ass fucking lip I literally saw a cribser at a fucking bus stop And she got up off our wheelchair

And sat back down Like holy shit You're actually stealing out They're pumped on the fucking masks right now I was walking oh yeah They're so excited to break this thing back out K-95, their quality is low, and we should just always be wearing this. Also, dude, do you remember being young?

Yo, I might start wearing it. Flot cameras, fucking moistened on the... Yeah, true, put on the... What do you see, they have a... I'll go full Unabomber. They have... You bomb a decor. Yeah.

Videotape you going right into your house. They have glasses you can buy now that apparently like throw your face off on AI... Oh yeah, the Chinese, yeah. But like, you literally would have to be walking out like no phone, no car. You'd have to be naked. I know. Yeah. The phone is like,

The phone's got you. Dead to rights. Yeah, the phone's got you. Audio, video, GPS. I mean, yeah. I don't care. Obviously, you don't want NASDA surveillance like that,

but I don't know how they're giving tickets out, though. People are getting like tickets or being on their phone and shit in the car from flock games. I can't remember where the cop was. I want to say a Texas or Pasadena maybe. I don't know. Some cops started stalking a female cop that you know. Using the fly camera.

Yeah, I mean, with great power comes great responsibility. I've just watched all three Spider-Men's. Wait, the guy was, How's that treatment? It was a cow. Pretty good. He was using... He was using the flat camera system so you can, like, tap it in the shit.

If you're like a cop, you can be like, oh, let's see what's going on. But he was doing it to take a look at take a peek on a coworker. They've been doing that with like, well, at least the civilians said their phone numbers. You file a report. Like, I'm going to need your phone number. Yeah. They're like fucking five beers deep. Like, yo, are you all right?

You ever see the shield? In blue eye, dude. It's a shield. There was a guy at Michigan football who was sneaking in to the athletic department that had all the female athletes emails and passwords. Didn't he get on their webcams? Yeah.

So they still try to act like they're all big and bad that. Ohio State has that wrestling dude. That was like the worst. That was the worst shit ever. He was like literally pulling on people's dicks and shit. Penn State might have Michigan. No,

Benzzi. Sandusky. Sandusky fucking he's done. I'm just saying. We might have the ground. A little big for their britches after having to do literally goon on girls' webcams. I agree.

You should be shut down for a year. Then their head coach breaking the lady's house and be like, I'm going to fucking kill myself, you bitch. There's a lot of magical on me right now. I forgot that that happened. That poor guy. Threatened suicide. He also, he would have been fine.

If somebody else would hire him right away. What do you do? He hooked up with a fucking chick that works for the team. But, oh, he got in trouble for going to her house and saying he's going to fucking kill himself. Then when he broke into her house, after word got out, he was just unrecognited. I can stop. Yeah, he was like crying. Exactly.

Funny though. He probably thought like this might work. I'm like it pussy. I'm like it pussy. No, you're like drunk. Yeah. You're breaking to someone's house. Like you're probably either blacked out or on psych meds.

Like no normal human. Could be in love. Love makes you do crazy things. Yeah. Powerful drug. It's one of the most powerful. That's why I say falling in love. EJ wants me to watch obsession.

He says it's real. Obsession? Yeah. It's girlfriend simulator. Yeah. The first out of the. First time of the movie is just not a scary movie. This is what they're like for real.

You have to see this. Like, all right. That's so funny. The guy, the main character and it's going to piss you off. Really? Yeah, he's a little beta,

a little soft boy. I just watched Tom Holland's Spider-Man's, dude. Sometimes, yeah, he's a beast, but he doesn't look like it at first. And once he gets a... Well, you're judging on size because that's it.

That's what you know. All right. You don't like telling me, I'm friends with short people. You don't like Kevin McGuire. I like Tom Holland the most. Yeah, Tom Holland's the best one. I never liked Andrew Garfield either.

I also like the powers he has on his suit. And Toby McGuire is the only one who actually shoots Webb out of his body. So funny how you used to brave my balls about Marvel nerd stuff. You get one chick that's in an Atlas and yeah. That's how it does. That's exactly how it works. This is crazy. It is what it is.

You're literally, you're literally. You watch the Eternals. Guilty is charged with the stories. I watched half the Eternals and I was like, fuck this. Because it could have been sick. Wait, what's the Eternals? Bill's holding together a sacred timeline right now with Marvel. Yeah.

I don't really like the multiverse, but I am in the cigarette. I'm going through from 1940s starting a Captain American. Currently, I'm on. I just finished Spider-Man. His shit has won the actual Marvel time. I literally did this. Legend shit. What else?

Eight years ago. Love it. No, you did it with soups. You did it with like CW. soups, right? I did all. I did the, I did the, I did the vampire diaries. Yeah, you did see. I did Marvel.

I did Marvel too. I did all that shit. The McGuskis are susceptible. a girl. 100% Girl TV. Oh, there's it.

It's called a Marvel? Is it? Marvel? Are you kidding? Girl? Matt. Marvel's true.

Come on. It's true. It's true. Literally the king sip. Spidey. Some jeans. Girl? Spider-Man is the most girl.

Out of all the Spider-Man, if I hear you talking about Wonder Woman, we're gonna have. I fucking hate that shit. I didn't watch. I literally skipped fucking. Dr. Strange is my,

I'm a Dr. Strange is my, I'm a Dr. Strange is my, I love Dr. Strange might be the best, honestly. Me and Spade Watch, we went to Sandianka, dude, we went and saw fucking Guardians of the Galaxy 3 together. That's different. Guardians is number one. That's one.

Once he departs, we were literally just waiting for our flight, went to the fucking place. I think it was in Coronado and almost cried together watching it. Guardians is a little too close down. Guardian Street. I'm trying to think, what was the show? I didn't watch Vampire Diaries. I watched the spin-off of Vampire. It was called the...

That's insane. I didn't watch that since I was like 17. Give me that. Those shows are crazy. You were right on. Where are you? What chick was? Maybe somebody else I'm thinking,

were you watching like Archer and like the Batman, the Gotham? Fed likes. I watch Gotham. I watch Gotham. Also a terrible show. These are crazy shows to watch. Yeah, very bad shows.

I'm not trying to niche bog. Not niche bog. It's girl shows. When you're first with the babe, you're just like, okay, what are we going to do? And she's like, we're going to watch like the worst show ever. I mean, she hit me with Studio Ghibli, which was honestly pretty good. Ghibli is kind of. The boy and the heron, unreal.

And then I hit Harry Potter for the first time. ever. So everybody's why I'm not married. Yeah. But the girls I'm with are getting hit with rude von Nessroy, all goals scored by Manchester United. They're getting hit with Jeremy. Love highlights.

I mean, this is niche bogging. Yeah. That's what they're getting hit with. Yeah. It's like an iPad kid. Yeah. You watch this shit. Check this out.

I'm not used to have a remote. The Eagles were before this game. I'm too little bro. I don't even, I don't, I see a remote. I'm just like look at it. It's way for someone to take it. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know.

I'm a scumb bag. I don't put it on. Whatever you want to put it on. I think the show I was watching was called the Immortals. I think there was a show. The movie is the Immortals and the dude from Silicon Valley, the Indian guys in it. And he has like finger guns.

And I was like, dude, this is three. No, you're talking about eternal. Eternal. Yeah, sorry.

Immortals might have been what you're watching. With Henry Cowell. You don't like any super your shit? I like the Garden to the Galaxy. That's good. That doesn't even count. That doesn't even count.

I never saw any of the X-Man. The original. Sorry, it's called the originals. I think there was an X-Men that I liked. That's what I'm saying. It's good. Yeah. Last in.

It's pretty good. And then I got a little me time and I was like, hey, why don't we watch no country for old men? And she was into it. And the ending happened. And she was best. So what the fuck was that? So that's the end of the movie.

It's sick. No. It's got you. They need clean resolutions, dude. Yeah. They need two people to go, wait. Way. You can't get on that plane.

Anything outside of there. They go, what the fuck? Yeah. Doesn't make sense. And then that other. How come he's not talking to himself the entire movie explaining exactly what he's doing? I don't know what he's doing. How you get here?

It's weird because they don't care about it when it's horny time. If there's a movie that's all horny time, they don't need explanations. They don't need a guy's name or anything. I might fire out 50 Shades. I might fire that back up. I don't goon to it or just. No, Renet and just watch it. I've never seen it.

Never seen it. 50 Shades is. You watched it? I saw, I went and saw it in the theaters, yeah. I'm trying to see Odyssey. I was on a date. I was on a date.

That's a crazy date. How a rocksy, which date? Like, early years ago. It was just like an early day. Years ago. It was like a first or second day.

No, no, no, no, it was like seventh grade movie. I mean, you can look up

when that came out. You can look up you can look up the era, but it was way, way back. Mousin is villain arc. Different people, different time.

Different people didn't have a Tinder date to fucking 50 shit. It was before that. It was before that. It was before that. Holy balls. It was another lifetime. A lot of life time.

Oh, Fucking horny. That's like German putting on the red lights, that is, that is German taking it to the chat. It's hitting me right now that you are, your taxi driver, walking in a theater,

bro. Did you finish? It was different lifetime, dude. I hear you. The one man, I don't know that's 2015, too.

Same old Matt. 2015, what were you? Nah, I think it was older. That might have been the new one. Talking about the original. 50 more shades or whatever.

That was 50 more. I'm talking about. 15. Damn, I don't know you were good like that. I was good. I was suave. I was just say, hey, let's wait till back. I was he. I was completely bricked up. I was completely bricked up. I mean, you know that. I was eternally bricked, dude. Chicks are always reading fucking those sexy books.

The sexy books. They love a nice. Nonstop. The best is when they are reading a sexy book. You just sit there and start reading out loud with their reading. It gets so mad. It gets like stop. You're ruining it. It's very hot. They're in book clubs. Yeah. They all read a sexy book together. Warney books. And they talk about it. That's so. That's like jerking off together in seventh grade.

Dude, they might just be late on that. They hit their sexual peak late. They do. I think they're late on everything. What they do with it? I don't know. I haven't run into it yet. Kind of keep it themselves.

Yeah, I've heard that. I've read that a long time ago. The women peak sexually around like, what is it, 35 or 40? Yeah, yeah. They just don't usually do with their husbands. Yeah. They do. They like to build a life that they can just,

build up deep sexual frustration with it and then they betray it all. That's hot. It is hot. It's undeniably hot. It's undeniable hot. You need the gold because it's got the mental. You need the mental.

I don't even know, but it does shit to your brain. Have you tried it? No. No. Is it actually like, um, heck Seth trying to give out all the dudes tea in the army? Is he really? Oh, it's going to be nuts.

And I think that's what you get. You get like testosterone and you get like the apoc. You read like the book of revelations. And then you go and you do it needs to be done, obviously, to create the conditions for Jesus to come back. Imagine they had like T-boosters in the original crusade. They did, dude. They did. It was just all like 18-year-olds.

True. Believe it. Yeah. Is he getting that approved? Yeah, you like get tested. 30 years old. He just like get tested. Everyone's going to be juiced up, dude.

Smart. Pretty much making Spartans again. Pretty much. I wouldn't mind that. It is what it is. We got to do what we got to do. Strong soldiers. We need jacked guys.

We do need jacked guys. No, no, you need more Odysseus, dude. I just want the shit. You need silver-togyn Odysseus. I want to isolate the mental aspect of the new boner pills. Give me just that. How powerful would you be with just the mental aspects? Be aware of the Greeks and I guess.

Just mentally horny. I wish I wish my dick worked. I was so horny. That is literally called Adderall, bro. Yeah, you get shrivels. You just get shrivels. You just get shrivels. Your head is mentally horny going a thousand miles a minute.

But I don't get very horny on it. I don't get, I don't get, my dick. Literally goes away. I want mental horn. I only experienced that one time with the Molly. I only experienced at one time where I was like, whoa, what the fuck? Molly's a shriveler. Like enough.

Molly's a monster shriveler. But you don't mind. Yeah. Oh, you're on Molly. No. Adderall though, you hit the urinal and you go, dude. No, please no one see this. It's great.

I had to take like, crazy. I had to take like, great. That's what I was telling Bill. Like all these, all these dudes. It's like cadaver thing. It's fucked up. All these dudes are getting sciop on like in there. T tested and it's like if I was like, yo, let me measure your dick right now. Yeah, true.

That's what they're just taking like one little reading. It should changes during the day. It does. You know? If you want to measure your dick, like someone should be measuring it constantly for like a week and they give you like, there it is. A tea reader. That's the there's a I think he's bullshit too. A yardstick in my new house that was left over as soon as I saw it. I was like, no, let's see what we're at. Hide that. I never want to see this thing or that. I haven't seen what seven inches looks like in so long. I thought I was close. Dude, I'm not even near that. I just literally like, like,

dude, literally saw it across the room and I was like, yo. Start measuring from behind your balls, bro. The shaft goes past. Any dude with the tape measure does the same exact thing. Every single time. You just go, fuck.

That's what if you're probably about it. If you're with it enough, maybe it is that. Yeah. And then you go, that's what fucking nine looks like. Jesus Christ, you put it away. Pulling out tape measure, looking at 13 inches is literally classic.

Every time. Yeah, that's pretty nice. It's impossible. It's great work, Joe. Those are the best reels. The guys are like, yo, cut that two inches. And the guy's like, you know what I mean? There was an iron worker.

He constantly would tell us. We were like fucking 19 years old. He was like, I got a cuck like a hockey puck. I was like, bro, why you tell me this? What does that even mean? Like fucking fat gordo. He had like a walk. I shared an office with a guy who would just constantly tell me about his huge penis.

I would too, honestly. He would be like, I spit in women's mouth. He's like that's what you do. That's what they want you just go you fucking horrid. He would claim he goes what they want you to do is I never understood this I would sit there and go He's deeply troubled yeah, I will not do that all night. I'll never as I said I would never hear girl told me to do it. I go You you you don't like that stuff with you I don't like that guess I'll do it That's what we're doing right now You whore spit my mouth and brush my teeth all day

I've got like three golfes I've been phony white spit disgusting Yeah I don't have I just take you to 10. I turn around to shit on him right away. You fucking whore. I lay on my back, lift my legs, and shit the bit. Just launch one into the edges. Didn't he do that, right?

I think he did everything. Skat, man. Skippy-bop-pom-pom-bond. Yeah, I think so. I think there was like a thing where he, like, he shit on someone's chest or got his chest shit. No, that's your thing to Ray J. Ray J got, he claimed,

he claimed four pounds of shit on him. Oh, Ray J got shit on by four pounds. He said he claimed a lady dumped a four pound. He said this on stream. He's in the gagency. He was on. Oh, that guy's hilarious. Ray J might be one of the funniest guys.

Because a lot of those guys, those entertainers come back and they are like Batman, like Batman Bill. I thought six nine was dead for something. Like my head's so fucked up. I was like, Dan, there's six nine. Then I saw Dame Dash talking shit on Jay Z. I was like, who are. He's been up to that for a long time.

That's crazy. He's done a lot of tuby movies. name dash was going to make a huge comeback with two people crazy crazy horse what was he famous for in the beginning the Rockefeller yeah he was he was like spraying bottles in the background in the music videos he was he was the man

he was the man he was kind of did he was like he was like a slight did he adjacent yeah he was like he was like a same he was like a hype man for a label that he created so he kind of tore page out of diddy's handbook and he was good at it okay and then it was just like jZ became quadrillion Jay Jee, yeah. Yeah.

And then he was just kind of like, check out my movie. Damn, so he just like talk shit. That sucks. And they were boys? He signed Kanye too. He signed JZ. Yeah. Oh,

so he signed them? Diplomats. Yeah, they were all under Rockefeller. Oh, wow. So, I mean, he fucking. He was fine.

He was cool. I love his interviews. Hey. I would assume so. Yeah, fucked over. He was. And then I think he got, yeah.

Although his interviews, I will say he's one of the best podcast guests of all time. He wears a suit and just call us whoever's interviewing him gay. It's kind of, I mean, the reels I get. When I'm trying to make the intro, I fucking look at the reels. I'm like, bro. He's nice.

He's, he's honestly pretty great. So many great sounds like. Goes on the breakfast club, call Charlemagne, and the other guy gay because he's like, you guys have a boss, that's gay. And just, it's so, it's so funny. And I, I don't want to, I think he might be kind of hammered the whole time. I'm pretty sure he's hammered everywhere. A lot of these guys are hammered.

Yeah, I think he's awesome. Hammered suit just going, you guys don't anything about business. You're gay. Check out my new movie L2B. Yeah. 50-year-old blacks to get hammered are the greatest. And he's pausing and everything. He's a heavy pauser.

He's, Pain Dash is the man. I really genuinely think he is the man. That's what I got, that's why I'm remembering it because he got hit, he hit like a weird pause today and it made me last. He's so funny that that's how they split. Like,

JZ went and became like, I'm a billionaire. I'm a businessman. And then the other guy got hammered in his suit and was like, he got a fucking gay. I'm making too. I know.

He's crazy. And the boys broke up and fell apart. Jay's he started to open up for Hillary Clinton. Actually, it was weird. Yeah. He was doing it in Philly. I remember that. I know.

I remember that thing. Him and Ms. nose. The beehive. Don't have the beehive come after you, dude. The guys will be commenting bumblebees under your pictures. I think that's, I think now they're more just a brand now. Because I think, well, Beyonce had the country album.

Yeah, it was the best country album of all time. I'll be honest that one song is a hit which one it ain't Texas yeah the one that was written by fucking the best songwriters in Nashville yeah it was probably that'd be a crime dude dude I was a thing you can't give a black woman credit for us I was a I was a Beyonce

I was a Beyonce hater for a good old boy no I'm gonna be honest I'm just a good old boy I've been trying to I've been trying to wait a minute I would try to do a thing it's ain't for me dude I would go I would listen I would go like this I was a Beyonce hated forever because I'd always everyone I'm not a Beyonce hey

no I'm telling you listen listen I would always all the time in my relationships the girl to ever love her an awesome power well they would go well they would go Beyonce is about she's all right and I was I was just geared to hate so I'm like let me just give an honest listen to his album that song came on I'm like damn so it was a toe tap and hit look up a toe tap it was a toe tap it's come on I'm a shaboozy guy bro shibuzzi roozy's nice too the most positive dude I've ever seen on video shabuzzi's nice to queen B just all he every bar in ballwood bill Just say she slayed. Just say she fucking ate.

All right. Just say she fucking ate. I love it. She fucking ate. Is that like eight and serve and all that? I love it. Just say she ain't. She served con on that.

I admit she served con on the album. This ain't 10. Yeah. Yeah. She definitely did. Yeah, it's on rule. Like I said, Billy's gay.

I think is the, is the pop country rush over? No, it's just beyond. I mean, Billy's coined the term Judeo Christian. Judeo-Cund. Judeo country.

Judeo country. They've moved from the rap. So like, you know how it's like, oh, the CIA and like, we're like, gone, go fishing. I'm drinking. I have a truck. It's called Judeo country. I made it up. That's great.

It's a great term. No, I don't like it. No, like, um. Wake up. Country. Yeah. I'm at a lake. Technically, this cows.

I just, did you see how there's no rap in like the top 40 right now? Yeah, I have Soron has went on to Drizzy Drake brought back. Drizley will come back and he did. He did. He goes country. He'll go country. There was rumors.

No, I think it was a mean. He won't go country. If he did go country, he would dominate. Yeah, right now that it's all country and like shit like that and like this country is a new rat metal. No, it's a new rat. Yeah.

It's rat, but it's country. Yeah. True. Okay, fair enough. I, dude, I'm telling you, people are sleeping on the TP USA halftime show. That was I was why

people were literally sleeping on it No one watched it It was so funny The bad baby one in English Was hilarious Yeah really It translated yeah It's what you were talking about

With him where it's like Oh he's lyrics I want to show my aunt My new Oh it's crazy Girlfriend My aunt will love it She's so hot

My aunt so horny for my sex His lyrics are fuck dude They're crazy I saw that years ago I remember I heard of him And I actually would like listen

to Bad Bunny I was like, that was this guy talking about. I looked it up and I was like, yo, bro. Krenkoz and about a unit is top. Yeah, bro. I talked about it on the local New York news program. I'm never doing that. It was my favorite.

What did you know? The one, no, the local wasn't that? Philly. Philly. The Philly one was one of the craziest thing. What did you do? When I did this special. They were just like, I did a local news.

That looked like an 824 movie. It was crazy. Oh, you did that dude. His little podcast. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking nuts, dude. I don't know. They were like just do all these.

I was like, yeah, whatever, whatever it needs to be. I'm a team player. Yeah. To a fault. You're DTP. No, I mean, that guy. Down to play. And I said, yeah, whatever you think works.

You were not DTP on each other. Well, they were like, these guys are fucking coming at me. Well, here's the thing. My brother had beef with him. So I was ready for him to start. So I was on guard the whole time. Ready to be like, yeah, dude, you're a fucking asshole to my brother. So then like I was there ready for him to start, but he was so nice.

And also, soon I got there. I went out. I thought. Of course. Try that. And I came out like, hey, but also too, I couldn't stop. This is to get more eyes on your show. It was supposedly, yeah.

Whenever I do a new thing, I can't help it. I have this look in my eyes that's just like a very intense kind of look because I'm just being like what the fuck's going on right now. And it's, I didn't realize how to. They're called Hunter eyes. I've Hunter. Yeah. I mean, you guys are like public people. So like you have to like learn how to look right.

You get like glass. I haven't done that. Your eyes get glassy. Did your eyes are glassy on that interview? You're like, what? You guys are like, so you have a new special. coming out that had to be like that's pretty cool man he made it to Netflix you're like yeah you're visibly thinking it's awesome yeah the folks did to me the family they do trash yes

okay trash business he's like oh that's a little weird I'm like it's not that weird thing when you were talking about homeless people that's like it's not at all it's totally fine to laugh homeless people shitting he was like okay I guess it is yeah that was weird the pot I also it really yeah I don't think it does radio guys used to get me with that going to do a radio thing and you sit there and you're like six a this is nuts you got you got you got to think you guys are trash me yeah the way you're talking to me like the person and thieves yeah it's like local news radio humor where it's like there's like weird sexual innuendo is like the whole time the funniest thing they can do yeah yeah they're also they belittle you the entire time

yeah they're doing it's a real clean it's a room of like six people that see each other every morning and they're like i think i'm pretty funny i think i can do what you do honestly yeah okay dude i'm an Eskimo brother with one of those guys and they do do comedy. They did do comedy and they ended up there. Oh yeah. That's that for sure. That's also congrats. Who you're Eskimo brothers with? I mean, you can't do that on camera. You're not on camera. True. You like this. It's Baltimore. It's a guy in Baltimore. Okay.

Seems not Mickey. Is it? No. That's my favorite guy. That's taught your Eskimo brothers with them. Yeah, that's cool. I respect any of my Eskimo brothers. I would never fight with an Eskimo bro. No, I don't know. I mean, my swords are down now. My sword's down now, dude. True.

Wars over. Wars over. Trojan wars over. I'm out of the sea right now, waiting for the wind. It is crazy. Dude, at 40, your boner falls off a cliff. It's like clockwork. It's kind of sick.

What are you even here for? I love that. And he's bound down. He has a gunpoint. I was like, take this your fucking work. No one's ever going to top that show. Yeah, it's the greatest show that's ever been made.

When he's hyped after they do the news and he goes out and punches the fucking Linguishis. Start, honestly, season one pilot to the final of four. It's amazing. Unbelievable ending. Yeah, it won't be touched ever again. It's just Mount Olympus. Especially however.

It's Mount Olympus. That's kind of like my dick right now. It did it all. It's done it, it's done it, dude. It's like me, he's bound down, dude. It's already, it's the best. Season four, eastbound down. If it does anything now, it's like the home run derby.

You're like, yeah, ball. No, now it's more, I'm just on like, you know, like some planets, like a year for one planet is like nine Earth years. That's got, find Dix on a different rotation. It's like, I was on... It's like, you're hitting that thing where like, actually, you think it's a solar system, we're going through the universe. It used to be fleet-footed Mercury. It would just be like two revelations. be like two revela-

now it's just old sat yeah I'm not even a fucking planet it's a dead stop it's just ice and shit it was never even a circle it's shit it's out there its moons are just now

a fine dust that form rings crashed into each other then you eventually start getting ding-dong bitched and then you fucking run as fast as you hear an old man you starts getting ding down they take down the way because he's like fucking with you

that's when time it's time to take out the pistol so you start chasing little kids getting I gotta get out of the city I have like 10 years before I'm I can't remember what day it is that I have a gun No, you just walk your dick is So soft that your head's late

You're like, you just never been this? Then you fall down You watch and the news is right there and you go You need to start watching the news and you go finally Is it like being on trip or do you get hang time or you just had ball hang time? Well here's the thing I've I've reclaimed It's you do cardio and your dick does start but no one's had more dick Dixon dude dog can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? That's six huge again No no it's not

It works perfect. It's fine No, this will give you an insight into my life. The other day, the other day, it actually got like regular hard, like how hard it gets when it's like fully working. And my wife laughed. She went, what the fuck is going on? Killer. You know, come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. It's hard. Been there. I live in that. Like, whoa. Here it is. You get a woe tiger.

This is what I meant. Every time we've had sex. This is what I was going for. It's the pure expression. But no, it's, yeah, it's, you know, it's so cyclical, dude. Because here's a thing, too. I can't even fap because of the chance, I'll fat myself out. A simple fap, I'm fapped out for two days.

So it's like, I just, I'm on edge. Dang. So every now and again, you time the fap. I, like, again. What about what happened if you edged every day? I can tell you about this later. I don't think anyone can actually edge, dude. I mean, there's no way.

There's no way I'm not doing it. If you were a high level, like, guy like, like, sting. You could edge everything. The guy's writing music from the 14th century. Sting practice tantra. That's legendary. Fucking crazy. Kevin Gates claims that he just doesn't...

Kevin Gates is this incredible liar. You think he's camping? Yes. He's dead? Kevin Gates is alive and well. Who's the guy that's dead? Which one? You think of every rapist?

No, no. There's another, there's like a mannisphere dude. I think he died. Oh, you're talking about the black manosphere. What's his name? He had cocaine in the system. Yes. Yeah, the guy who would call women fed as well.

Who was that guy? Kevin. It's Kevin something, right? Kevin Samuel, I forget his name. Hey, you might be actually right about that. Yeah. His, when you need his guy. You're like, how old are you?

Yeah, shut up. Old bitch, fattas. What are you bringing in the table? Two kids? No job. Time for a quick break from the show for a special segment called more or less soccer edition. Ooh.

The entire summer of soccer is on prize picks. Don't miss your last chance to get in on the action. They're offering everything from final winners to most goals scored. So this is what we're thinking for picks this week. Begin with your picks for most goals scored in this year's tournament. Please reference. Okay. Yeah, I'm thinking Lionel Messi, Argentina, eight goals. Yeah. Kylan Mbapap from France. Yep. They're done. Who do you have next? Hmm. There's the other guy right after. There's Ozman, D'Amblele from France. goals.

You know, the key to pronouncing French names is you think about what's the most insufferable way to say this. Like that's how you probably say it. Who do you think so have more or less? Ooh, I'm thinking Dumbull is going to have less. Yes. And it will have more. Exactly.

So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. Download the app today and use code Dren. to get $50 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5

lineup prize picks. America's number one sports pick app. Did you see the footage of Tiga? No. From 106 in Park? Tiga. It's not Tiger. That's a rapper. It's Tigger. It was Tiga. Big Tiga. From the basement. It was before your time. It was before you.

Remember the basement? I'll hang up and listen. Yeah. Yeah, please. But no, he was like use those. He was on BET forever. There's footage out where he's wrestling his phone out of his girl. You didn't see this? No, what? So I think his girlfriend or wife's, dude, their girl has his phone. It's like, we need to do. Huh? It's like wanting to poo. That's like that's his name. That's his name, dude. Hold it down. There's a ghost. You guys see big takeable. I'm like, I can't get my dick hard. You got to have you guys seen the name?

I just put my hand right here at the cradle. That's how I'm doing. Yeah. No, but he's wrestling. So he basically had to wrestle his wife or a girlfriend in front of the kid. The kid was like, Mr. Tigger, stop it. Mr. Tigger let go, because he was like wrestling the mom. He's like, just give me my phone.

Just give me my phone. Oh my God. So there's a lot of guys reacting to be like, that is that man's personal property and he deserves his personal property. Yeah, that's never a good look when you're wrestling the phone from the woman to And then going, there's nothing in there. Yeah. Obviously, you ever see the video of the chimp who gets all the AK-47?

Everyone just kind of backs away. That's all I can do. It's like, whatever you want to do, just like that's from Planet of the Aids. No, no, there's a real video. Is it from Planet of the Apes? He got tricked by AI. He got a trick from a movie. That's old school.

You know what I'm talking about? That's for real from Planet the Apes. Either that or Planet the Apes copied it. Yeah. Because there is a scene where a monkey comes down and acts like, he's like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. picks up the gun. I'll hang up and listen. Maybe I'll hang up and listen.

You could be right. Maybe a monkey did pick up an AK. Yeah. And it was on Ebon's world. It was one of the first things of course. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. This is like old stuff.

Maybe it was AI. Probably for the internet. Sorry, I'm shaking. I had an ND. The only thing I'm thinking about is how fucked I am tomorrow. Oh yeah.

I don't think about that. There's no way I'm not. It's what you got to do. It's going to be the greatest. Just don't think about it. That's the thing. It's crazy. Don't read the comments.

So though, don't even think about it. Good for you. Yeah, thanks. Good for you, man. It's so funny. Whatever I tell people about it. They go, get for him. Yeah.

I mean, that is like the real world of it. It's awesome. Like, oh, man. Who's at the link? Cool. Good for them. Yeah. Everyone's just doing their own things.

True. They go. Wow. Wow. That's cool. That's all. I don't think they. It's only a freak show big deal for the guy that has to go.

Most people don't. It doesn't register how insanely massive it is. They go, wow. Huh. It's crazy the dudes do it all the time. Like it's nuts that you guys go places and then give someone like a night of entertainment and then just roll Yeah, and that's like their big night. Yeah, that's like their date and that's gonna be a dead That's why when you bomb you're like I'm I feel terrible

Yeah, right and then someone DMs me goes I spent 400 fucking Oh god you suck thanks heard that you heard that fucking joke dude I heard that fucking joke I heard that fucking joke that's all I got We're this together brother I'm working on crazy how I do stand up when we saw fucking um the lumineers I felt like I was for real and Rivendell. That was the most beautiful show I've ever seen. And you started realizing then these guys like build shows and put together shows.

It's a whole not. Yeah. I've literally felt like- I build a show here. Yeah. We got a show gone. The greatest. The great-fire works extravagance.

You paid for pyros? Obviously, I used to cost an armor leg and fight-night. You remember that? It costs a real armor leg. Really, the pyros. The pyros. I'm not making a lot of money on this. I mean, it's a lot of money, obviously, but as much as you fucking pay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm spending a lot on this fucking. I'm lose my shirt. I'm losing my shirt a little. You got to spend money, make money. You're exactly right. Did you used to do that in Fight Night? Yeah.

Go out or would you go hardcore and just do nothing, walk out Tyson style? There was a couple of those, but sometimes I do smoke. Fight Night's fucking rules. Lasers. Haymaker. The Boxing video game is Jordan, all the Jordan gear. I was wearing all the fucking. Stabna depleted.

Yeah. What's the status on the boxing video game? I feel like they've slipped. They fell off. Yeah. They don't have many. They were so good. Fight Night.

Fight Night was a great. Yeah. It was awesome. Better than any UFC game. Fuck all that shit. Fight night. What was that? Xbox one?

I forget, but it was sick. Yeah, it was like, UFC games are so good. No, the original fight night was unreal. The training was unreal. All that shit was awesome. Mini games in Madden,

I will say it was also great. That was awesome. 40-yard dash, well, I couldn't fucking run a 4-3 with my two fucking neck fingers. I never got. That's good.

They're on legs if you think about it. Literally, I know, that's why I would just go like this. Double A. I count. I was running like my actual. Think about it.

Yeah. My video game guy was as slow as I am. Are you serious? We just mash up with your thumb. 840. That's fucking tough. It was tough. I couldn't do it.

Many games. Fuck, that was good. Dude. Running back mini games was awesome. I did want to ask you something. I brought back from college football. What?

To NCCAA. Did they really? Yeah. Is it really? Let's go. So listen to by Frost Bill. I think it's honestly one of the greatest, greatest episodes.

Oh, the one we did last week? Yeah. I will say, though, you kind of claim to be the pioneer of lifting in the house. It was me. I mean, he said that in the beginning. I said in the beginning. I said you.

I don't know what. Immediately to the darky bodybuilding picture. Yeah. I don't know what part he started the podcast. I know. It's all. It's great. Yeah,

I don't know. There are my afters. It's you. I have the picture. I never had a lifting bro. You didn't. Neither did I. That's just me.

You did. You took pictures. That's all in college, dude. You had lifting bros by the time you're in college. I just had swan- Tell me you didn't have a small. I had swammates. They were at the gym.

We weren't taking, we weren't popping top taking pictures. Oh, you're talking about start to finish. Yeah, I was doing all that shit. That's fair enough. No, I mean, that was the thing that was... You didn't go in on chicken with BJs is anybody. Going on the chicken breast. No, never.

I would eat wah-wah. I feel bad. Classic cookies. Chicken classic cookies. I was dirty bulking all the time. You're dirty-bogging. Yeah, I'd eat clean for like three days and just go, fuck it.

Dirty bulk. What good? My world, dude. Without the lifting. Bro. I go, I'm looking good. I'm losing weight. I might as well eat a full fucking peat.

pizza every day. That gets everybody, honestly. I'll never do it. Double dinners. Yeah. No, that, the thing that was actually scary was my fucking magnesium shit. That was fucking terrifying. What was it? I fucking almost died, bro. From what? Magnesium. I didn't fucking realize it. Is that good? Okay. Yeah, man. How much you were too much magnesium? I think I was dosing it too much and then I would. Were you low maxing? A lot of it. It was in my multivitamin. And then I started taking a magnesium supplement at night and I was drinking a drink that had magnesium. I did not. Was this recently?

Literally a near death experience two weeks ago. How? I'm sorry. You're stealing so much value with NDA right there. Bro, I was there. One second. Completely off topic. But when you sat down, you plops down.

And it reminded me of in tires every single script. Whenever my character sits down, it's like, and then Shane plops on the couch. And after like the 90th time, I was like, how come I'm the only one plopping? Everyone else is, what the fuck? I'm pulling like a half a G getting back in my seat. Shane plops onto the couch and says, are you gay?

Shane spills into the couch. I was like, who the fuck's writing this? What the hell? I mean, is everybody on the set dainty? No. But then I think after I brought it up, now everyone plops over the couch. That's so fucking fun.

Inclusivity. Inclusivity is important. Plopping is such an crazy word. And then Shane comes in the room and plops onto the fucking fur, turd fat fucking turd idiot all right need more old

so what are you doing I'm sorry I didn't realize I was double dosed myself because it was in my multivitamin and my nightly magnesium supplement I just thought you needed to sleep my glistenate or what are you talking it's a complex

it's everything it's a whole family dude the family's like this is just two of them there's like two there's like four more of these dudes that are just big dog and each other about fucking supplements I'm not big dog

you guys big dog on every single conversation you go dude I don't know if you know about the structural integrity of scotch grapers I was in Toronto I got told me about the I was just a example

I wouldn't have spun by I had known that was an example I was just trying to think of something that was not a real big dog that was not a real big dog this is big dog you guys are big dog and on magnet my ee

and you know you are this is what you fuckers do my ego's at the door is that it's not it it just comes I'm just saying no other form of magnesium crosses the blood-brain barrier. You need to buy, you need at least buy glycinate or something else. I just had bad.

I mean, Tom, Tom, call me earlier day. Dude, I'm pretty sure that was the highest dose of peyote ever in Garnar Valley. I'm like, yeah, obviously it was. How was it? Dude, I fucking go to sleep. Imagine if you, like, poured more, like, money in... Imagine if you had more. Imagine if you were all, like, multi-multimeonelaires.

They would be terrified. They would be the craziest. craziest group of people. Because you're, you max out at every, at every chance. Every checkpoint is a max out. So it's like, imagine if you just poured more water on the gremlins, dude, like, there'd be a city somewhere. Tom maxes out. You guys.

There'd be a city somewhere that's like, you guys max out. I didn't, I wasn't doing this purpose. I'm not trying. Hold on it. This is, nobody. People don't understand. Regular people that are listening. I don't understand.

Shane understands. He's the only dude that understands what I'm talking about. The cross you bear I love it It is funny as well It's hilarious But nobody can get outside of it But then I don't think you guys are joking a lot

I'm that serious Like there's always There's always this a hint of seriousness I almost died dude You would be eulogizing me right now I accidentally What were the symptoms I'm not going to your fucking funeral dude

I have to go to Magubi's joke house that weekend Literally take it back That's over the line I'll take it back. What were the symptoms? I'll be there. I'll be like a black lady at a funeral. I'll literally be screaming.

I'll be a half. I'll be screaming on that cough. You're going to have to pull me off. Dude. Just saying, super relatable topic for a podcast. We've all been there. I was in my bed. And I started having fucking heart arrhythmias.

And my heart was beating like three times in a row. Without the fucking magnesium. I know. But bro, the fucking problem was like it was happening so much. I didn't want to say anything to my fucking wife's sitting there. You need a bender. I was just. You never.

had a bender. I was chill. But bro, the thing was, I couldn't pin it on the magnesium because I had a monster plate of lasagna. So I was like not knowing what's going on, but I was literally fucking paralyzed with fear. So I couldn't check my phone. And at that point, I was like, if I died today, it is what it is. I can't look this shit up and freak out more. So I sat there for two hours just having arrhythmia and shortness of breath. I thought it was fucking magnesium, but I did have a fucking monstrous thing of lasagna, few mozzarella balls thrown on top that. Obviously.

I was getting hit with fucking heart murmurs and shit. Like crazy shit. Thankfully, they've chilled out. I was, I've got a bed for like a decade with like, whatever the fuck that was. It'll just miss every'll breathe and you're like, oh fuck, my heart just stop.

I ran up a hill. I was carrying this pot and I ran up a hill like trying to show off of fed just fucking around. I got to the top of the hill. It felt like, Shane was sitting on my chest. What the fuck? Like I was slop on you.

I was standing up. It'd be like if all of you guys were like pushing on my chest like nowhere. Really? I was just like. But I'm standing up and I'm just like, oh. Yeah, why is it hot as fuck in here? Sorry. AC probably.

Yeah. You open the door or whatever you want to do. But yeah, I thought I was having like a heart attack. I was like, oh, this is what you're doing. Yeah. I've had a couple scares. Wait, so you can't blame it all the magnesium then. No, the jury's still out, but I'm pretty sure it was a magnesium.

And probably like Garfield lasagna. Shit was good as false. Speaking of Grubbin, I watched Gerbys at the home run derby was psychotic, dude. First of all, he's got his-tailored jersey. He has a tailored baseball jersey. So it looks like a small t-shirt. The sleeves come up to like here. It looks like a grease.

Crazy. There's like a level, I don't know. I don't know what you call it. Like, what is that? He brought binoculars in a pouch attached to his khaki shorts. He took out of his binoculars, no problem. Just sit next to us. Just.

What are you looking at? Exactly. It's a home run derby. We're not the far way. And then he was like, oh, this is my, I'm going to order a slice of pizza. He ordered a full pizza. Wasn't personal pie? Full pizza. Sat by himself and ate an entire pizza.

He usually doesn't. This was. His favorite pie? Yeah. It was impressive to watch. What pie? What pie? What pie was?

No, I forget. It's got me curious now. Lorenzo's? We had it here and the beach. So macamankos? So you guys are in a box. that was going on if it's mac and mangoes

I almost understand that's a swirly cheese was it swirly sauce yeah that's mac and mac and macos brother that's good pie yeah it is

it's mac and mac and macos I kind of with him on that mac and mac and macos it was awesome it was awesome you're getting into my world right now this is all I do on YouTube it's food reviews

and casino reviews and boardwalk walks that's great they was trying to say you could crush a cruise I could crush a cruise When I was younger, I couldn't do it, but now that I realized the beauty of I'm in a hotel on the sea. But it's so small.

There's no windows in the box. That would suck. It would suck. I did a Royal Caribbean when I was 14. It was kind of lit, honestly. I think if I was 14. All the soft surface. 14, I could probably handle it.

Yeah. Now I would be furious. It's the Monroe Institute on the fucking water. The food's trash, bro. What are you talking about? What about the new? There's an English. There's an English cruise for.

Listen, Bill, you haven't seen the videos I've seen. You haven't. The Four Seasons has a yacht. fucking cruise right now. You don't know there's high-end. It sells out right away. It's like mega bucks.

Celebrity X-crues? This is not celebrity X. Stop. Enough. There's swing your screws. Stop. That's what we're talking about. Guys,

not big dogging. When I went on a cruise when I was 14, I got to eat dinner with the captain. That's awesome. I don't know why. They probably got 16 dudes of the captain outfit.

It was with my friend's family. It's called grooming. I remember they were like, we're going to eat dinner at the captain's table tonight. And I was like, okay. Yeah,

Holy shit. He's like snub wine. He's probably a drunk. Yeah, we were drinking wine. We drank wine. It's cool. You're walking all of a sudden you go, whoa, and your legs are sea legs. Yeah.

But I heard they're terrible for the quarries. I mean, it's whatever. All I do is watch YouTube videos about it. And what it did was it graduated into a swinger. Yes. And I didn't do that myself. You build it. Brick by brick.

They don't build themselves, bro. Somehow you wound up in super deals and fucking swingers, Algo. You crawled there, bro. The cruise and swinging thing is a big thing. You brought that upon your show. It was funny, though. You had a good time with it. Yeah, you were warming up to something.

You were maybe trying to get holes in the fingers, dude. What's that? Bless the swingers. Give them the wall. Yeah, right. Get the pill for your mind and body. Yes. And bless them, dude.

At sea, dude. It's a blue shoe gold. The ship's going to be rocking, dude. I would like to take that with like full medical supervision. Yeah. So like take my wife to the hospital, have them hook me. John Hopkins. Put the things, the stickers on my head.

FMRI. And just have them watch. Just from totally cool. Blasted right now. And let them watch me fucking just like a mediocre pipe. Only flexing your ass cheeks. That's the stroke. Just break her off with mid-dick.

Yeah. I'm a king of that, bro. I mean, mid. I thought the premature stuff was, I thought the pre, I didn't realize the premature stuff was like this. You know what I mean when you're young and then when you're old. Yeah. You're hitting prejects? Oh, wait.

It's down two-pon jump. All day long. That's all fucking great. Prejacks not bad. Prejacks is an accomplishment. You ever get the no jack? On soft. No jack.

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Alcohol is no jacks, fair. Yeah. Spades on top of the mound. He's, he skipped a snap. It's pretty. Oh, yeah. At the time of now, I'm just saying fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. Who's big dog now? Yeah. We're not here. Oh, yeah. I'm a huge dick. I come all the time. Fuck that, dude

I don't want to hear you ever You have your full penis, bro There's some guy And I'm sorry We're mutilated We're fucked I got to do cardio Just to get it up

I gotta swim a mile a day Just get my voter I'm basically pumping it I might as well have a pump in my balls They have that They have that for the girls Yeah, I know The trans

Yeah They have for grown eyes Porn Stars do it too apparently Oh really? Yeah Dude any porn star you see Apparently that's not it's never a natural

boner Not a single one. Dude, it's either. I think you just say that shit to make themselves feel better. Yeah. These are guys in the industry. Bill,

professional sex. Bill, I watch. I watch softwit. Sounds like a crazy. Cobra. Mark Leota has to fucking calm down with that shit. What he was what exactly?

Soft white horny belly. All this shit is like fucking glory whole girl, porn actress. Like, dude, just literally you have the world. You could interview anyone. Did you ever see?

Did you ever see when he, I don't know if this is, I'm not niche mugging right now. But one time, one time he, uh, I mean, that's literally what you're known for it. He put this prostitute up.

He won't the king of the niche. He really are. I hit him with my one niche mog on the way here, which was flags. Oh, yeah. Autistically straight down the line. Yeah, you just know them all. You got to nail it. You know what hurt?

I was bragging about my trivia to somebody I was sitting there showing them. And I was like, dude, I get this, I get this. Walk outside. There's a kid, you know, the people that do like sign up for shit. The people that just down. Yeah. And the vests? Yeah, and this kid just comes up to me and goes, can you name a state that ends with the letter K?

And I was like, there's not, there's, that quick. That one, that one gets people. Can you? New York. Yeah. And he was like, you've been there. And I was in New York. And I was like, what?

What the fuck you talking about? He was like, it's New York. And I was like, I have to leave. I was also thrown off. I thought I was getting interviewed. I thought there was a camera. I was just making up words in my head. Like, when I first in front of this, I was like, Arkansas ends with an ass.

So, no, there's not one. And then eventually I, yeah, I spazzle on that one too. I had a dream. I just said that came up somehow, somewhere. And I was like, oh, man, I had a dream that in the Great Lakes, if you were like, I don't know what I watched that like had this happen to me. But if you were like in the Great Lakes around Lake Erie and like Lake Michigan and shit, if you looked above it, there was Norway.

and I had a dream that that was real and I had it wrong my whole life and I lived like a whole day thinking like damn I figured that and then I saw a map again and I was like God wait I don't understand it yeah no one could understand it like they were like you was like in the sky I thought like North

where Canada was okay and I don't know it's probably World Cup clips I saw that like got this going on in my head but like for a whole day I was like damn that's crazy He's fucking Norway right there. We can go to Norway whenever we want. What are we doing?

What are we doing? Dude. It's not that far away. Speed read a book one time. That was like a full, what is it fiction? Like completely not real. What is it fiction?

Nonfiction. I would get that confused. Yeah. But Zade Redd thought it was fucking real the whole time and then finished it. For a hundred page. No, for a hundred pages. Yeah.

For a hundred pages. He was actually getting scared. Yeah. Do you remember what it was? It's called Genuflect It's by Tracy Twyman What happened in it? She was doing like,

she was like invited to these like weird Prime Minister like level British Masonic rituals And then I was like Dude, this is fucking nuts Oh, but dude The horny white underbelly He or whatever's where you're going on it He did one

You're kind of pretty Dude he interviewed a prostitute Who was pretty hot Obviously And uh And he asked her other questions. And then he eventually got her an apartment helping her to get her act together. Yeah, yeah.

And she had been lying the whole time because he was like, he had her own. Much like the Whitakers. Dude, he had her on and he was like, hey, welcome back. And he's like, turns out you were lying about a couple things. Dude, he had a key to her apartment. So he was like, I just thought it was weird. Like you said you're out of town. The lights were on.

So I just stopped by. I had to use the bathroom anyway. And there was a fucking guy in that. And she ended up getting like a weird young girlfriend from this. Bro, she was fucking weird. she was having sex with her half brother this entire time. Many such cases. And he was just laughing texting.

I'm like, bitch ass, pussy ass, fucking tricked your ass. I got all that money, bitch. It's kind of nice. He started having both of them on. Yeah, the Whitaker's got like money and stuff. And then he got pissing them because they start misusing funds. It's like, dude, have you looked at Timmy and Red. They have a dip spit on their shirts.

Timmy got scared by a shovel falling on the ground. You think these people are going to use the funds properly? They don't even know what money is. It kills me that I think, like, to some people, I'm a Whitaker. And you know that. What are you talking about? There's elite people. There's elite, elite people that would look at us as Whitakers, dude.

No. For real. They would try. Bro, you're talking about like palladians. I'm telling you, dude. You have to be like a fucking alien race. Like, Whitakers are fucked up, bro. Bro, I'm telling you.

Timmy and Ray are jam. King Charles thinks we're Whitakers, dude. King Charles has fat asses. Do you ever see his pictures? Yes. He mocks me. He's got venison hands, bro. He crushes my hands.

Really? Like actual, like looks like a hamburger helper. Which one is Prince Charles? Charlie boy. He's the king. Okay, he's the king. Gotcha. Not Edward.

I'm thinking of Edward. Now, who's the guy, Andrew? I'm thinking of Andrew. Prince Andrew. Noddy boy. He's a party. What's up with him? He got completely cut off.

Yeah, he was having sex with mine or so. Yeah. They were like, yeah, we got a, he can't really fuck around before. He's out. He's out of the picture. try to hit it. I don't sweat. Fucking excuse. He was crazy.

I don't sweat's awesome. Yeah, he was on his toe. I was at Pizza Palace all time. Also to him, you gotta think like, how annoying that probably is getting in trouble if you're a fucking royal, like that blows. Dude, I get in trouble your whole life. I kept laughing when he was in jail for like 10 minutes.

The first guy to get Prince Bussey is going to be nuts. Oh, yeah. He got right out, but dude, imagine. No one's done. He's the first prince in jail. since like 1100. Yeah. For oil,

like the man in the iron mask. But yeah, no, he, I don't know. Honestly for him, though, hookers were like porn for him.

Yeah. He would probably just be like, yeah, I'm bored of this kind of. Those dudes get to a level where it's like not even hookers. Yeah. It's like they don't even like hookers.

They want ones that don't want it. Yeah. And if they take it. Yeah. If you fucked up, you see, you take it. It's dark stuff.

Yeah. That's very. royalty, bro. That's what they're up to. Yeah. Nonsense. Yeah. So anyway, what else is going on? Yeah. Shows will be crazy tomorrow. That's all I'm thinking about. I can't think about a single other thing. Yeah, you look like you just got back from knob, bro.

You have no idea, Bill. I fucked up. This was a huge mistake. That's what I mean. I mean, how many beers would you have before the show? How many beers will have before this? This feels like a four or five one. I think four or five to go out there. You're almost like, little odd to be coming out. Four is perfect. That would be. Yeah. This is how legends are made. Four is a foot in each world.

You have a foot in each world. Yeah. The arena shows is usually 10 or three. Yeah. This is going to be four or five. This feels like a four or five. Everyone be pumped up. They'll probably just be running on adrenaline.

Simple. Just go out there and don't think about it. My chest is tight. Stay away from lasagna. You got to eat clean before the show. Eat clean. Watch your magnesium. By glisten, it's fine.

Watch the side trait. More physical symptoms. It's like when he lost your vision at Matt's bachelor party. It's going to be up there. Yeah, but if you come out and just shake up the bun and just go, the place is going to go nuts. That would be sick. That'd be a sick move.

Dude, do that. That'd be nice. I told you, I just got one move. I'm just going to say boom, boom, boom, boom. You're going to say, well. That's why Kid Rock had fucking his boy. True. That's what you need.

The what? Who's Kid Rock's boy, J.T. Or? The midget. The midget? Yeah. Yeah, true. He was JT.

Do we have any friends? He wasn't J.T. What was the midge's name? That's gonna fucking kill him. He'd just spade and Fubo. Give him a shape up before we go out. I gotta be on whatever Big J's on. He's, whatever, he's on it.

He's, doesn't care. Oh, like, what are those calls, Spade? What's that? Robert Downey Jr. takes them? Like, beta blockers. Maybe he's on beta blockers. I don't know how you would do that, though. I'm not going to fucking risk that.

I've never done that. Well, apparently, so... I'm not going to try it there. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm going to try and true a couple of bloodlines. Yeah, that's a real beta blocker. It should work. Well, the beta blockers, they're saying they're the most widely prescribed thing in the world.

Like, they're totally... I've had people pitch me on them and I'm like, nah, man. I don't want to do that. I'll, like, you literally can't freak out on it. I'm like, I will find a way. Also, that's... I need to be able to freak out. I need to be able to be on stage fighting that.

Ride the light. I think so, too. I'm up there, like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to say that worse. Like your heart can't reach over a certain heart like level of heartbeat. So if you're on them, it like,

it sounds like psych meds. It is. Yeah, you kind of are like light psych meds. So you just can't, your heart just won't go that fast. You did on beta blockers. You should probably hijacked the big screen

put on YouTube's. That would be a sick fucking show. Check this out. I got to watch this. He's my favorite YouTube videos. 45 minute Midwest safety video. We're going to watch it. I mean,

that would be kind of sick, honestly. I agree. That would be pretty nasty. What time do they kick everybody out? There's got to be like time. I don't know. We'll be right, though, with time.

It's not that long of a show. You ever see a house of the holy cover for Led Zeppelin? Yeah. It's going to like that. Everyone's leaving, just crawling on. It's naked butts growing up. The passout rate's going to be crazy. Passout rates can be out of control.

One out of 100 passout rate, I would say. It's going to be so many people. You got a, you got a, um, before. There's no death. You got a video on a fucking, um, on the, on the crowd? Cameras on the crowd. Probably. Bro, that turns into wing bowl.

Have you ever been to wing bowl? You have? No, but like, do you watch the hot dog contest? Never. Oh, really? Dude, I was just talking to Tom about wings to go. Their wing, they had like this sauce levels.

It was, it was homicide, suicide, homicide, genocide. Yeah, yeah. That used to be wings to go. That's how we used to be able to talk, man. I know. They took that away from us. I know. He should be able to go back.

I'll have a, let me throw on some genocide. A dozen genocides. A dozen genocides. And it's suicide, just for me. First, I'm done with the genocide. And they're surrounding my bunker. Homicides and some suicides. I put a cyanide cap in my dog's mouth.

I say goodbye, Blondie. Yes, yeah, the basketball coach, you guys run some suicides. Yeah. You know, well, you're not allowed to say that. And they don't, you know. Gassers. Gassers.

We ran gassers. There were, like. Many run a blitz. True. For real. It's crazy. How many were? If I think about it.

Yeah. All the sports. All roads. It's almost like we merged with them. Yeah. Libs. I've seen some, I've seen some libs hitting sports or fascists.

Okay. That's like one of the things. But now soccer? It's like, no, that's fascist too. Oh, really? Wriing about individuals. You don't want to win. Winning is like,

it's like sports should be about fun. That's the hardest cope ever. It's crazy. I mean, the minute you get out there. Sports are about fun and then you get cut from the team and all the dudes that are on the team, they think sports is about winning.

Yeah, that's fucking jerse. They're fascists They're fucking dumb girls Keep fucking all the guys on the team Assholes Fascist bitches Fashist bidsches Fascist enablers

They know they're fucking oppressed By the same sexes don't even play jackpot anymore Was jackpot Like you would everyone at recess One guy would throw the ball To the group of dudes You'd be like 500 We played it at a beach trip

Wait Now it's just called Moss So the minute you mossed one Then you get the ball Wait, why can't you just call it jackpot? They just call it Moss. I don't know. I'm just saying, time's changing.

Time to change. Because I'd be seeing some kids. Yeah. Smir the queer was the best. Yeah. That was crazy. Smir the queer. But yeah,

I see kids play jackpot in the pool near my house. Really? Yeah. Jackpot in the pool is so fun. It's pretty awesome. Can't wait. We're going to do that soon.

But I can't wait. I lost my wedding ring playing jackpot. Last time with the beach. Just flew off my hand. That was crazy. What did you were all with afterwards? What I mean? Rubber?

Didn't have one. I didn't have them for a while. That's fucking so, so, yeah. Didn't have one. I don't give a fuck. Sometimes I don't wear it all day

and I just go, I don't give a fuck. Whatever happens, happens. Every fucking happens happens. Sick, Larp. You can't wear.

However long it goes on. It honestly, I do feel weird without it all and I do feel kind of like, free? You feel like you're up to something. I kind of do. Like Toby.

No, I don't. I am. Or I'll like forget it. I'll go, I'll leave for the weekend to do stand up and I'll be on stage and I'll try to preface

but I'd be like, I'm not trying to get a pussy. I just forgot my ring. And people are like, okay, dude, how about you calm down? I'm like, just getting guys. I thought it was a funny joke. It's clearly funny. Gee, sorry, stardome. I thought you guys had a fucking sense of humor here and fucking out of down.

That's the worst. The thing you're like, this will be funny. This is a personal thing about me right now. Yep. The crowd's just. Ew. Staring at you. You know, hey, everyone.

I just had diarrhea before I came out here. Say the thing we want to hear. Yeah. Dude, drop. I had retired. Shut the full up, dude. You're up. You're up right now.

No one goes a fuck. I had to retire the eating baby's joke. I had to retire. People just don't like it. You had to eat your baby's joke? Yeah, I thought it was a poignant observation. Hit me with it.

The podcast. No. No. Where? The link. The wig. Give me a little taste. It absolutely ruins the vibe.

So here's the thing. Here's an audience. Okay. So I'm going out there. I go, hey, blah, blah. It was fucking his birthday.

I don't fucking good for you. I don't give a fuck, whatever. It crushes every time. And then, and then I say, you know, I say,

look, the world is kind of designed in like a scary, fucked up way, and I say, hey, have you ever eaten veal? And they go, where the crowd goes, yeah, I've eaten veal. You know what it is? He go, yeah, it's a baby cow. It's kind of fucked up. And I go, you know, lamb. They go, oh, yeah, baby sheep. And I go, so you know what? If you were to a human being, who would be the most delicious option?

And I start, and they go, oh, no. I go, yeah, babies would be, according to nature, the way it's designed. Babies are the most delicious. And I was like, if you think about it, it would be, you know, it's kind of fucked up to think about. It's kind of like they see their arm pop out of the lobster pot And you fucking little pink little arm You crash it down

No So they don't like that So I've retired it I mean I watched a video today Not to debunk your joke But like I watch a video today In Uganda There's a town of cannibalists

That believe in wizards and cannibals And they say that all humans No matter what age tastes the same Really? So Deboot Maybe I can bring that to the stage You can bring that to the stage

So guys I'm just kidding All humans stays equally delicious Because these guys in Uganda They know Really? I'm saying a baby doesn't taste any better. That can't be true. They grow up learning that there's wizards.

I've seen a lot of people that would taste. You don't think a baby's A5 Wagyu? Talk to these guys in Uganda. They live in the town. It's called Raquel. Rakel. Yeah. Taco Bell's end of life cows allegedly.

Oh yeah. I heard about that. They're great. The wall of supposedly there's a diary outbreak from and they're trying to... From Taco Bell. No, no. They're trying to say that they're salad or whatever. Their lettuce and shit is because there's Mexicans who are cheating on the crops.

And then I looked into it. There was, like, videos from when Mexicans first came over here. And they're like, please shit anywhere about the crops. But they keep shitting on the crops. Well, they're out there. They're out there. They're outside. They're not going to walk back.

I know. So, like, supposedly, this outbreak is literally from Mexicans dumping on fucking crops. Have you ever driven through Yuma? No. Obviously. Never took the three times. Me and Spain. We're on three times.

What do you see? You see someone shitting on the crows? There's lettuce farms, dude. And it's all Mexikanos, the whole thing. They're shitting on the lettuce out there? I don't see a lot of porolettes. No. If you're out there, there's no way you're walking three miles back to a fucking shed.

We were in fucking Dade County. Think about the heat and then the itching and the burning. Yeah. It's probably liquid, bro. When they first come here, too, aren't even wipe right and have to work the rest of the day. Dude, our diet wrecks fucking Mexicans. When they first come here, the food crushes them.

Yeah. I audibly witnessed a guy who had just been here for two weeks dump. He worked in Tom's Taco Truck. And I took him into this place in Drexel's campus. And I was like, yo, I was like, where's a bath? I peed him. Like, it's right there. He's like, no, no, no, no. Hit the toilet.

It was like, it was, crap. And I was like, God damn, Ramon. He had a Phil goes. He had a full Phil goes. Understruck. I sat on the outside of Saul. Like, God damn, Armand, what the fuck is that? And he's like, oh.

Every summer we get the lads painting. They come over here and you go, damn, that's what we're supposed to look like. They're all like gay, like football players and shit. All warmups, Adidas. After like a summer, dude. Oh, the Irish. A summer. A summer a wah-wa, bro.

done. The fry. They look like the rest of us. They become white trash. It's become like... Final form. That's the beast dick, what? A couple of Huggies.

Next thing you know. It's too addictive. You just go up to the screen. Yeah, shit rocks. Yeah. Mac and cheese. A mac and cheese from me. Yeah, dude, we went back in the day

we would go to Florida for Easter and we're in Dade County. My dad got a haircut from like Dominicans in the hood. It was fucking crazy. Random air cuts. And then we're so done. Dude, we're going. I got hit with that. Pro, we're going by, like, literally almost a plantation.

There's no need to do that. My first special, I panicked the day before. It got ripped with a fucking nasty Dominican fucking Caesar. Like, dude, the bags, put oil in the bags and curled. Dude, my dad went and was like, fuck yeah, that's a good haircut. Bill, let's go. I'm getting your haircut. Brought me and got one on our way back.

You didn't your dad is matching fucking fades. Yeah, pretty much. And we all get the same haircut as their dad, by the way. All of us get the exact same haircut. On the way home, we're going by like literally like an orange farm. And my dad is like, oh, whoa, it's like I'm going to pull out. There's a smash box right there. It's 98 degrees.

And he took a shit in the fucking porta potty that was like, dude, it was probably breached. Like, I've been in fucking scrapyards before up in Absco, up in fucking North Philly, where there was just a fucking abandoned porta potty next to the scale. And I was like, I got a fucking pissed, dude. And it was literally purses. Perfectly diamond up top and just dry. It didn't even smell out of water over there was no water It didn't even smell crazy. It was so old. It was just a bleached It was like it was like a riverbank on Mars

It was gonna be it was fucking crazy. I walked in there. I was like god damn that's crazy and I just fucking roll Manzillip wait you reactivate you pee on it? I didn't fucking reactivate that dude. You got to pee on it. Where's you? I went with the fucking under a ninety five okay, no you didn't fucking pee in there bro. That's a You got to be on the breach, dude. The age grade signs. You got it out. I would have got like fucking some disease, bro. The mummy's curse.

It literally didn't smell. I swear to God, that shit. There's this a Mexican in there like this? Has you ever seen the Mexican aliens? They're like paper machet fucking three foot aliens. That was great. Yeah, that came and went. There was no other words on that.

Like the Indian moon landing also hilarious. What was the Indian? Moon landing. It looks like a deleted scene from the Star Wars. Yeah, yeah. They're on the control panel, but there is no bobs up there. Bring it out. It's like 16-bit.

It's really so bad. Yeah, it's Star Fox. Yeah. It's crazy. It really does look like an old video game. It's crazy they try to pull that. Just like, dude, just don't go to space. You guys have fucking everything else on the

gear. Space? Wait, so did they actually go or do you think it's cab? No, dude. There's no way. No. So they calves about the moon? Yeah.

Oh, it's really beautiful. Oh, they're not lying. It's a very beautiful moon. Yeah. They're a little, very little... The Pettles. Yes, a very beautiful moon. They are...

That fucking Houston, that call center must be nuts. Oh, my God. Is 15 guys going... Have you tried pressing this? Give me this. I'll respond with a gift card. You give me $500. Bombing.

We have a problem. Yeah, Bollywood Apollo 13. They call Michigan troll every time they goes, boop. And they come up. Hello. Hello, sir. Dude, fuck, those motherfuckers.

Let me tell you something. We're coming to the atmosphere of crashing. Calm down, buddy. Don't kill me to calm down, buddy. Dude, I got here with the outgoing. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you, buddy. I'll fuck you.

The outgo of dudes bothering 7-11 guys. You've been hit with this. It's great. Rage Bade. Rage Bade the Indian Bros. Oh, God. Indian Bros. Always go in the back, get the big stick.

Come out. You know, it's all rage me. Now that you said that I have seen those guys. They tick all the guys. They're going to go. You're seeing a guy walks in and one of those goes, Ah! Don't do this.

You're so aggressive, though. Don't do this. I'd call 119.1. Don't do this. Because I'm here to work for my. It's my first day. Ha! Don't do this.

Don't do this. Don't do this. Who are you? Trent's call 119 on it. I watch that shit like They come in, they order an energy drink, they crack it open, they drink it,

they go, I don't want this. Little rain bet. It's a quick rain bet. It's in funny. It's so bad. It is me. No,

they deserve every ounce of it, dude. What? They've ruined my fucking phone. No, no, no, no. Nothing guys at work at fucking

guys. On the front fucking line. I'm just being racist. Hurt people, hurt people. No, they got me. They made me change my fucking phone.

I was getting a hundred, 30 calls. You were fucking shit. We had to. You were saying, can I talk to a white man? Dude. I get some mad every time. I fucking did this.

Dude, they are fucking scamming out all the people. I told me that for you. Why are you so mean to him? I'm like, bro, they're literally scamming old people. True. I have to, but they won the battle. I'm done. Bro.

They put their flag in my phone number. That's fair. It's fire back up. I love fucking with those guys. I used to call. And they would say, what's your name? I'd be like, it's a weird name.

It's, uh, H-U-G-H and last name is J-A-N-U-S like Hugh Janus Fuck you, you bloody motherfucker I was like,

oh, I'm sorry Hugh Janus would work every time. I love it. Fire up the old phone. Yeah, 69 Ballsack Avenue that would get him best off.

They would go zip code you just go 69, 66-69, 669, it's like that's rage-me now the best is when

you keep them all for three minutes they go, okay, I'm ready to sign. Oh, And what is so real quick. Before I do this, I'm going to fuck your mom.

Oh, fuck you, buddy. And I'm fucking my mom. Fuck you. They were getting me from Matt having delinquent shit. And it was an old. I had spade on the phone with me. And she's like, where's your brother? I was like, I don't know.

I don't know where the fuck is that. I think he's dead. She's like, you ain't nothing but a litter jitterbug. It was like some southern. We used to go to, we used to talk to them. And then once they realized it was the both of us,

they knew like something was up. Then it was just fucking free. It was may have caught. Yeah. Call the cops. I'm gonna fire I got a fire back I was just thinking about firing those guys back up because you can look up the numbers I read they have fun with it They do. Yeah, they do I'm a fun part of that I like to get them if I get them to get them to get most of their days just hang up Yeah, hang also I got an inside track saying a lot of them are in recovery

So there's some warehouses in Florida trying to like call sooners Who the fuck gets that job? Well yeah you call me go yo bro thinking about using it get they get fucked up That's fucked up I mean that's dark I was hey I was told by someone in recovery to hit them with it. Yeah, I mean, they're in there, they're dark people. They might not be all the way recovered. Huh? They don't, they don't have the best of my-

Where are you on Florida house? You fucking clean, man. How many days you got? Oh, fuck you, man. I'm not saying I put this off. That's so evil. I'm not saying I fucking ain't. That's zero gravity right now.

Don't box it. I'm on the hood. I'm not saying I'm saying if you get attacked, you can let it go. My bad of me to Walberg Island, you guys. You look like you're in zero G over there. It keeps floating up on it. Sorry, that's all right.

Why is it happening? I've no idea. That's a technical issue. We'll work that out. We apologize. Bro, it took me a second arrival of this thing, dude.

Sometimes it's not the wand. It's the wizard. The wand picks the wizard. Keep trying to come over to me. Fucking you guys are in the way of your response. There's, dude. I'm just going to be okay, bro.

Dude. Do you ever think about going backwards at on stage? It's odd, dude. You guys are absolutely fine. You're not bulbs. You're literally normal. It's not fucking funny. Have I cooked?

I'm chopped. You're undeniably mask. Bro. I'm chopped on. Your mask, bro. That's sick. Forget your worries. We'll get a fucking double Sicilian pizza from Franco's with regatta and sausage.

Rigona. Rigna. Rigna. You go. You don't want to be Italian. Imagine the chill afterwards. That's going to be nice. It's going to be the chill.

Also, it's going to be the chill. It's going to be nasty as fuck. I got a view it. I mean, give yourself a high five, dude. It's going to be nasty.

My fucking mom's not even going. Are you serious? She went on vacation. She went on vacation. It's funny because she definitely feels bad and she's sending me text. She's like, it was a year away. I told her this.

No, she knew. was coming. She was like, I have to go to Europe, me and your aunt. We've planned this for so long. She could literally go to her she wants. Change it a week. Just a week later. Yeah. I'll pay for it. Yeah. She's sending me

text. It's like, just know that my soul is with you. And I'm like, Mom, you're on vacation. My soul is. That's really nice. No, she's ended that age of like, she'll send me, I'm sure you guys do it. The moms and dads got a hold of Instagram reels. Oh, it's crazy. And I'm getting hit with like, my son

is the most important thing to me. And I love to see him grow into the man he's become respond with homeless. Let me get some change. Respond with it. My mom didn't accept my fucking DMs for like a year. I was about yet to accept that.

I was sorry. Phil's on the reels. I called him last night. Jones gone. Phil's getting fucking hammered. Oh, he's like keeping it clean. No. He's still getting hammered.

But this. No, no. I'm talking about on reels. Oh, the reels. I think he's still normal. Okay. But he was in the night hustle. He was in the dark.

I mean, YouTube got me. Called him in the dark. He was sitting in the dark looking at reels. Doom scrolling. Doom scrolling in the recline. And I was like, bro, what are you doing? And he was like, often just looking at the, what's the thing? The phone thing.

It was like Instagram? He's like, yeah. It was like. Dude, this is going to be the last decade of probably their lives. Oh, yeah. This is going to fuck them all off. Well, there's no sports last night. Normally he's on the sports.

Yeah, yeah. But sports is on reels. He's usually like, oh, he's on, oh, that's what he was watching. Like, what are you watching? What's Reels is like, bro, he was watching Luke Keekley highlights. I was watching. My last, if I go on, if I go on the internet, dude, it's like Caitlin Clark fighting. Yeah.

LeBron, MJ, fucking arguments. Bro. Messy fucking Rorado's out, but now it's like messy stuff. You need to, I'll send you the Luke Keekley highlight video that Phil was watching. It's, you're going to go, damn, that's actually sick. It's cool you're watching. He was just watching a heady linebacker. Yeah.

Just a white man playing football. He knows the game. Just a guy. guy he was calling plays before the offense right i mean that's Phil's shit right he's drunk in a recliner at 1130 he's like he's like palpatine on the deck

he wrote up there he was just on this yeah he didn't know we were coming yeah shit face he got outside he was like oh hey how are you guys

he thought he was alone it looked like it looked like when maverick rolled up on ice man in the new top gun he's just sitting in the chair like he's got It's got the glow of the TV on the porch. Just,

you know, Phil, it's going on like, it's, oh, sheesh. Hey. Hey. I was like, dude, you're fucking wasted. Shane, I'm not. A couple drinks. But no, he's been calling, he calls my assistant constantly for tickets. Oh, yeah.

All they're like, dude, he's got like 40 tickets to this fucking thing. And it's people, it's just anybody. Yeah. It's like, Elks Lodge. Shane, the bartender, T-bone down at the Elks Lodge. her she was in a tough car accident tough car

that's great insane asses son wants to come to the I mean it's happening everybody it's yeah that's dude the the list was everybody I ever met yeah so I'm gonna get you box sweets dude now that you ask me I'm gonna fucking get you

back stage I hear him talking to my assistant asking for tickets and I'll be like put that on speaker you're not getting fucking tickets Phil and he's like god damn it grace don't fucking let him hear this so I'm going to need those tickets he's getting the ticket I say no to him every time

he gets this is so funny he's getting the tickets he's like power broker there's Phil has a section at the link dude are you serious yes and it's just random fucking people that probably don't give a fuck about me

right yeah my son's down there if you want to go check him out oh my god and I go oh you're proud of me he's like I'm not fucking proud of you in Shane I go yeah you are you're wearing a tire's hat it's nice hat

People like it. That is awesome. He's a fucking scumbat. Although he'll be excited my mom's not there. Yeah, he's going to be not. He's not.

He's not. He's not. He's getting to telly? Yeah. Do you have to be there in the morning and stuff? I probably will. I'll get there pretty early.

Right. I'm going to sit in the fucking Eagles locker. I'm going to be a walk around the length like you. I have a heart attack. Can you live there? Like he owns it?

He can walk. He can be giving tours, dude. He's going to be giving tours, dude. He's going over here. That's not. They're where they want. It'll be, yeah.

And then it'll be like, Shane, invite them into the green room. They want to meet you. Dude, I'm not, you bring 10 people from the fucking Elks Club. And like every show, I go, I go, those are my dad's friends. There's six fucking old drunk dudes in the corner. Who was a kid that threw up that one time? That was my cousin's nephew. It was like a distant relative showed up and was blacked out.

He grew up. Ran to the bathroom, so they threw up everywhere. throughout the building. Yeah. And then came back in. I've done this in my life. I had a pile of Mugubis in Baltimore. That was legendary.

Take me back. The Guis was a legendary trip. That was so fun. Everyone met their maker that night. I plowed through those shoes. Did you? I was so drunk. That was a big cahoona status.

I barely forgot. I didn't remember taking them. Except in the car ride home, I was like, I'm thinking weird. Yeah. My thoughts. Oh, yeah.

We were banging on your door. I was like, I was dead. I was. Like, dude, he ever, the whole squad fucking disintegrated. You were ground man, I'm pretty sure. I was ground man, but I was heavily sunburnt. Sure.

So I threw up in the Magubi's fucking, I threw up in the Magubi's fucking bathroom. And then we went back. And I just remember Spade and you were all fucked up. You looked to me like, holy shit, dude, you sunburnt. I was like, yeah, this hurts. Yeah. That was a place. That was me that night.

I was spot. That was me right behind you. I was just sitting there. Was that New Year? Hellen up. Why were we popping chip? It was Memorial Day weekend. It was a memorial day.

We were popping bottles. Popping bottles, eating mushrooms. It was awesome. We did it boys. Magoobies. That was that was the day. Live cast. Oh, that's it.

Those things are, they just destroy you. They were, the live cast are some of the worst shows. You show up and you have no plan. And there's a fucking live audience. You're like, I'm hitting the eject button and getting shit faced on state. And you just completely devolve on stage. It's how legends are made. It was pretty, it is pretty sick.

Awesome. Yeah, that was, got that fight with a guy about Penn State at Healing. state at helium epic guy had to get like carried out he's trying to rush the stage to fight you know oh what the fuck did you said yeah you were fucking saying something about that I remember that

Jopah wasn't that guy like hurt or something like mentally he had like a brain injury guy was fired up trying to rush the stage he was so angry I forgot about that you could always do that shit I was telling you Matt randomly go through people algorithm up on the fucking screen he did we did I'm just saying like on next time

you do a live that would be fun If you do a live fucking podcast. Yeah, that'd be fun. Now, now we have showmanship truly under our belts. After tomorrow, we can have it. We can lead a circus. Have you seen if you got rides involved. We're going to become sick for a redron, fairs.

Is that what Bargazzi did? Bargotsie's doing the fucking, um, amusement park. He's making an amusement park. Exactly. I'm going to, I was strongly considering getting wired up and launching out of the stadium at the end. There. And I was like really fast. I think you deserve a back top road.

Just pass out. I think you deserve at least, if nothing else, one exotic animal in your house. Come on. I'm been scheming on a backyard tortoise. That'd be awesome. That would be sick having a tortoise in your backyard. Yeah. Shit would break.

No, no, you got to dig your fence down. I've really looked into it. You got to dig like footers and dig out, but it will trash your fucking garden. They're known as, they're bulldozers. They're bulldozers. They're still bulldoze your entire garden. That's awesome. It'd be awesome, dude.

You need to get a mug. Michael or what are they? Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles. I can't watch that video that's the only thing I think about. Well, you can start tortoise and you can get a little guy

and then it'll take a while for it to get big. So he's got a little humble tortoise. I think tortoises in Paris live like fucking long as shit. They live forever. You'd have to put it in your will.

Your tortoise would be in your will for sure. Yeah, yeah. They live long as hell. No, I saw a thing I was watching them, the Saudis are building roller coasters right now. Really?

At you got to see this shit. We don't do this. It's probably lively fucking roller coaster park. Damn. I'm talking like, dude, it's like decapitations. How is it looking? It's fucking sick, dude. I want to, you brought up

roller coasters. I was like, yeah, what is the latest on roller coaster technology? It's in Saudis. That's what I'm saying. They're pretty great. Are they really? Yeah. I haven't even thought about going on one ever since the little boy fucking got hurt on that slingshot one, bro. Yeah. That's the worst video I've seen in a while. Which one? Where the fucking thing shoots up in the air

and it's coming back down the fucking fat kid gets to the ground before hits the cement and they all come down. But his shit didn't clip in. So he got ejected out of the fucking thing. Let me let me rock that. I'm no stranger. Bush Gardens. Location 6'5. Bush Gardens.

This is fucking Saudis, dude. They don't give a fuck. They have no regulations. 535 feet. That's terrifying. Come on. Total elevation change. 640 feet,

195 feet, 195 meters for you fucking dorks in Europe. It takes a while, dude. 155 miles an hour? It's worth it. This is terrible. It's going to be you. You. Hold on me see you tomorrow.

That's gonna be me trying to sleep tonight. Let me see the drop. This is a drop. That's the drop. First drop. Oh, oh, dude, we got it. We're taking the loop.

Yo, okay, we're doing much of that. You need to look up Williams Grove. Roller coaster. There was, dude. There was. There was. Fucking not. Damn.

This would never, like nothing work. You gotta bring it back. Nothing worked. That's fucked. It was fun. Damn. It was small as fuck. So it wasn't.

Wouldn't? We thought. Yeah, we thought. Yeah, it was a shot. Um, I do actually have to. Yeah, let's rip it.

I have to go walk to the, yeah, got to walk through. Come on. I don't even, this will be a mistake looking at it. No, it's going to be great. Hands behind your back. Walk through. Go, um, that, let's get a crane in here. We got to move that four feet to the left.

You got to do one thing. You got to do sound check. It's going to echo. I'm going to go. That's fine. Doesn't matter. That's what you're going right now. Yes.

Kill it. Yeah, let me see that. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Thank you.