Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 629 - Like and Subscribe (feat. Danny McBride & Steve Gerben)

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod READ Danny's New Book 'Thrilling Tales of Modern Men' !!!!!!! WATCH Tires Season 3 COMING SOON Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want  @  https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. Sorry for the late drop - was a busy week. I hope you'll accept this hot ass cast as a token of our apology. We're LIVE in Chuck Town. Shout out Danny shout out Gerby. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wild Wild Wes. Hey. Hey, we're live. Matt, where is Matt? He's insane. He loves Santa. He loves Santa. The new film a special.

All right. Oh, that's it. Gerbys. McBride, how are you guys? Wonderful, fantastic. Nice. Great. Yeah.

We were just talking about Steve sending his photo ID into porn websites. Yeah, we were. Yes. So, you know, sort of saying that I would do that. Because we are in South Carolina. Yeah. And apparently you need to do that in order to access pornography. And I was just telling everybody upon first meeting.

See, that's what's so crazy. It's like, I've lived here for 10 years. You can tell that I don't jack off to internet porn. I had no clue that you had to. I found out in about eight hours. Oh, man. What have you guys done? You got to bring in your own.

You got to have a closed network for that. You know? It's right, apparently. But it worked. It worked. It shut me down. You don't,

you don't just travel with like a thumb drive just full of the greatest hits. The greatest hit. That's what a guy calls it. FBI raid. It's got tape on it. It says the greatest hits.

It'd be funny of a guy with, CP, tried to hide it with like the way kids did on like Napster and shit where it was like greatest football hits. Homework. That's my homework file. Big hits. Vince Carter,

Anyway, what's going on, Kirby, baby? Not much, not much, yeah. Thanks so much for having us down here. Oh, come on. This is incredible. I was telling Shane and you that this hotel is incredible. There's a kitchen. You can't see it off screen, but what a difference.

Pretty standards. Are you going to use it? I've already used it. I grocery shop this morning. That's perfect. Yeah. Yep. A lot of good grocery stores downtown Charleston.

Yeah. A lot of good markets. What did you get? lactate and you know, strawberries. Lactate. What the fuck did you need the kitchen for? Well, because because.

For strawberries? No, no, no. So I opened one of this. I was like going through them. You know, a little like, oh, they got a neutral bullet in it. So then I said, you know, let's make a protein shake.

Now, only complain about I knew you'd complain. Well, no, no, hold on. Not a complaint, but perhaps suggestion. This guy at his local mart was like, you know, I said, do you have any protein powder? It's like, oh, you're right there. And it was espresso protein powder.

Oh, so you jacked up. No, no. I didn't even, I said, oh, do you have anything like protein powder without caffeine? He's like, yeah, that. And I was like, no, no, no. We just immediately dropped it. So I'll make like a milk and strawberry shake. Perhaps find protein later.

You will make a protein espresso shake, but you won't have anything to jack off to while you're here. That's going to be the summation of your trip. Well, what I was saying is, no, I would definitely show the government my face. To masturbation. It does seem, that seems so strange that they need to log you in. You need to know what you're up to. I know. I was.

It's a very Republican. That's the Republican. Is it? Yeah, I travel a lot. South Carolina, Texas. See, a lot of the ladies. are really upset with South Carolina because of the crazy abortion bans. But, you know, this jack off thing doesn't really get talked about as much. No, it's our body. It is our body.

But yeah, I think didn't you, yeah, their boy just got, he died. Isn't he South Carolina, Lindsey Graham? Lindsay Graham. Oh, he might have been the guy putting his hands all over a hornhub. Now that he's gone, we can. Now you can, we're free. You can infiltrate. You just use your friends IDs. That's probably the best. Probably the funniest thing you could possibly do. Yep. Take a picture of your friend's ID and jack off to wild shit. What's that? Matt's joke is that he uses his wife's ID.

That's awesome. So is this something you guys are on the road a lot? Is this something you encounter in a lot of states? Yeah, it's like literally just. And then it's all, it's funny because you don't remember. And when you go to log in, you're like, come on.

I don't know how fucking conservative this state is. You go, fuck. No weed, no whacking off. Now, is it just, the major porn sites or is it like? I only know really one. And then when I moved to Texas, I had to learn another one.

Yeah. And the other one is disgusting. I don't. And it keeps me off. I don't, because there, well, so this is what I was telling you guys.

What's the other one? X videos. Yes. The one, what I was saying is I do feel a little free now because I don't even go incognito. I just say whatever the algorithm sees that I'm like and give me more of it. You want,

you want the suggestions. Yeah, do. Yeah. And it keeps off. It keeps off when you're describing because X videos will be like, what about a guy? And now when you get a suggestion for one and it works, you're like, oh, good. That fucking that was right up my alley.

Do you feel like you need to thank the service? He's got an alley. He does. They know me. Great. Thank you. That's a great. No, he does.

He's like, I tip the stars. Oh, well, sure. What do you describe them as? It's like actresses or, uh, adult stars. You said the word. I don't know. I probably said porn stars,

adult, adult, whatever the nomenclature is. Hold on a second. I don't like the service. Let me say this. Can I clear that up? Let me say this real quick.

But it just reminds me of a time, I remember my high school football coach came to my house or my friend's house. Yeah, girl. We were watching. What? All right. High school football.

You know, like a child. I'm just saying when somebody, when somebody calls a porn star like an entertainer. like an entertainer. Okay. I just remember my football coach.

My buddy was watching wrestling. It was like, what do you think? Stone Cold Steve Austin? He was like, he's an incredible entertainer. And I was like, dang, this guy's dumb as fuck.

No, he's super star. He said superstar. Because that's what they called the wrestlers. They were like, he's one of the top superstars. I was like, oh,

we're going to go five and five. This guy's a fucking idiot. Anyway, so you were clearing up the air on your, don't you subscribe to his website? Oh. Oh, I do some, no, it's all right. I got no shame about it. I do, but I think it could be misunderstood.

You should have an immense shame. Gene, I can't help what I like. And I'm not going to, you know, it's like, I'm not going to pirate. You want the entertainment. Even though, even though I do feel, you know. Pay the people. Yeah, but I'm just paying a guy, which also, you know, it's like how much is he really. He's a guy who knows your proclivities, though.

He knows what you like. I know, I know. But what's he paying the, what's he paying the actresses? I don't know if you're interested in this, but you should probably tell him the proclivity. Should I? What is it? Well, it's glory hole.

But hold on, let me clear this up. Okay. All right. There's a glory hole website. Yeah. There's a glory hole website. Oh,

where's the coverage from? Is it on the, is it on what side of the wall? Such a wonderful question. I'm so glad you asked, because the coverage is, She's the key. Now,

you want my, a critique, what? You're crazy. Oh, well, then I don't have to do. No,

I'd like to hear it. But I do like the idea of the camera of being a GoPro on the guy's head. No, there's no, just against a wall. Like the autistic kid that loves trains, but it's like that,

you know what I'm talking about the British kid? Yeah. Yeah, Fish Highlands, GoPro on top of his head. This particular site, in the past, I think it's,

I think it's past its glory days, if you will, but edit that out. Just, I'm kidding. It was just such a bad joke. But there is like an auxiliary sex room. Okay. So, you know, if, you know, I don't know how the discussion is offered.

But if that's, then they could go and they have sex in different room. I find it. I don't know why my brain likes that. I think it's, and I, you know. I get the idea of it in person, the actual. the physical element, the watching of it. How do you, I'm curious of how it translates to a video that you watch. So are you, is it like POV?

Are you the guy walking into the room? No. No. So it's more of, it's like. Someone being forced to be at the receiving end of the glory hole. Is that the, sorry? Someone being forced to be at the receiving end of the glory hole.

Is that like, is it what, what happens in the videos? So there, you're effectively in a booth. Okay. And she is the center, stage right and left. are separate holes. Okay. Then you're watching this go down, a blowjob, you know, either direction. Sometimes sex.

And then somebody will, I don't know how, but they'll say, do you, I guess I do know how. They say, do you want to go fuck or whatever? And then they will go into a separate room where it is more of a, what, should we edit this out? So it evolves, got you. It's not just in the hole. It evolves. It's a story.

That's just the launch point. Okay, got it, got it. Yes. And I think it dovetails into this other, well, and I've talked to that, you know, that's sort of like tease. I like that you found a website that's specialized in the end. This is the, this is the movements that we highlight. Well, I think though, that may be a little cart before the horse. It was, I saw it at one point.

And then I said, ooh. And you're like, I want more of these. Is there anybody who specializes in making this kind of content? Yeah. And then you have your face. favorite starlets? I have the greatest hits. The divas.

You have the greatest hits, divas. Yeah, who, for that site now? I thought you told me you guys some favorite divas. Well, I have some like favorite, you know. This is great. This is a good promo for Tigers three. Yes.

Season three. Anyway, I'm embarrassed for stuff enough. Don't know. Danny McBride talked about glory holes. Do you feel really bad that I'm talking to you about glory holes? You shouldn't. I really, I've been enlightened by this. this. I'm understanding new things. I like it. So, yeah. What else you got? I threw Steve on the

ground the other day. We took a, took a jet down here. And I was sitting and he was getting up to go to the bathroom and he stood over me. And I was like, Steve, I swear to God, I'll, without getting up, I'll throw you on the ground. He was like, I'd like to see you try. And then I threw him on the ground without getting up. It was very fun. That's like a, that's a rock star story. You're on a private jet and you threw a buddy on the ground. Yeah. And then, yeah,

and then he went out today and looked for some protein. He's got to bulk up after that. He's like, I got a bulk up. I can't be tossed around that easily. Well, in all fairness,

he was wearing sunglasses and expensive wristwatch. So I didn't want to, you know, damage any of it. That's a good friend. That is. That's good to think about this.

So it took it easy on the kid. And, you know, maybe we'll see. Next time I have. It was pretty humiliating because it was one of those ones where I don't know how I was suddenly on the ground. Well, I think it was the drugs you took and the, uh, how fucked up you were.

I'm giving you credit on that. Yeah. I took half of Lerazepam. And then I asked for a vodka rocks and she gave me like a vodka with like an ice cube. Perfect. Yeah. And boy, was that wonderful. He's afraid to, he's afraid to fly.

So he gets. So you got to get a little loose. Yeah. Yeah. You were fun. You usually aren't that fun. Yeah. You were having a good time.

And you were not afraid at all. That was great. I'll tell you that was that was a I mean getting because we sat on the tarmac for like 30 minutes yeah at least and you just and then a little recline and say well whatever happens it's a pretty sweet way to travel oh my goodness yeah yeah yeah and every time you take one of those you're just like am i being a total asshole this is like what somebody makes in an entire year yeah and I'm just doing this to drive to go 45 minutes somewhere and fucking get thrown in the ground yeah yeah it's It's the hardest thing to justify.

It's polluting the environment. It's great. It's everything about it, right? It's like the glory holes. It's just, it's stimulating in every aspect. I would say if they don't leave to go to the auxiliary room, I don't find the glory hole as auxiliary.

It's just got to be the launch pad. Right. Have you, maybe this is getting too deep. Have you done this? What? Have you done a glory? hole for real that's what i was wanted to say absolutely not no no and not there's anything wrong with it if you if glory holds it's not something i would ever want to do you would do that in a heartbeat

you are wrong you are wrong i will would i lie about that no you think i would but now you wouldn't lie yeah but you're telling me there's a little carve out in this wall right here absolutely not absolutely not that's not tonight though you get back you go a carve out in a wall here that's You were about to say it's not my thing after just telling us you like and subscribe to a survey that is very much it's definitely my thing

to like watch but I truly don't do you have anything that you watch and you don't want to do. Yeah, not really. I mean, yeah, obviously. Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Pro wrestling. Pro wrestling. Watch it. I'm trying to do it. I'm not doing it. Yeah. The war in Ukraine. Yeah.

I love to watch those drone videos, but I'm not trying to be. be in there. Yeah. But I've never liked and subscribed like that. Well, you know, you don't want to hunt milfs in a van. Milf hunter, that was a great one. That was a classic.

That was the first one, dude. Did you like and subscribe to that? I did. Did you ever have a subscription? Of course I had subscriptions in the past. Really? Yeah. Which was?

Well, let's see. Did you and your dad share one? No, my, me and my dad did I share it? Why would you? Son, I got a browser's password. You know, that's not how my dad talks. Oh, my God, I got us. We've got to be frugal.

I know you're going to be masturbating. We might as well share it. Your mother and I are sharing of brasas. Oh. Well, this is podcast. Beautiful. in a hotel room in Charleston. Yeah.

You're excited for the big premiere tonight? Absolutely. I mean, this season I'm, you know, biased, but I think it's our best. Yeah, he's good. John McGeever did such an amazing job with it. And yeah, you are incredible. I've already said that to you and everybody else. So I'm excited for everybody to see it.

And, yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. That's better than me. I did Fallon yesterday. And they're like, could you describe, tires to the people who haven't seen it. I was like hard to it's like a workplace comedy with my friends like okay let's see a clip and I knew they were going to ask that and I still couldn't he's such

a nice guy but I got the late night shows I feel like are the they're the worst thing I'll never do the I hate doing them yeah I would rather come and talk and run my mouth for an hour than have to like package something yeah three minutes that feels spontaneous that's not spontaneous yeah the call before, like a day before where they're like, what do you want to talk about? This is. And then don't you start feeling really weird about your life. Like, I got nothing to talk about. There's not anything funny that's happened to me. Nothing. But I can wrap up in 45 seconds. And then they come into your green room before and then I like here's basically like a script. Like here's the question. Do you want to see what your response was on the phone?

And you're like, I can't memorize this. And then I'm going to. And then I kind of memorized it. So he was like, and then he started stand up. And I was like, yeah, the Harrisford Comedy Zone. and it was and then truckers would show up and use racial slurs. All right, we're going to cut that. They did cut that. It was pretty funny. There's also, it's fun when you do one of those. I've done a few times where they lobby you the question and you know what you're supposed to say back.

And then you just go in a totally different direction. You watch the look on their eyes. You're like, no, this isn't it. This isn't what we were supposed to do. I always would get really nervous doing those shows. I think the first time I did Conan, I couldn't even eat for like two days before. I was just so apprehensive about it.

I also had never done press before. It was for foot fist way. But then I had one of the worst things happen on one of the shows. And after that, I was like, oh, this is fine. I was on Kimmel. And I was like doing the, we were in the middle of doing the interview.

And then all of a sudden, something that I'd never seen happen before, the stage manager came on the speaker and said, hey, we have to cut. Danny's mic is like not working. And then they had to like stop. it in the whole front of the whole audience come in there redo the mic and then you had to they had to go back and reset the question and start over again and it was like well that's

about the worst that could happen is that they literally tell you to stop in the middle of it I try to bring Steve with me and I can just constantly be like I can tell him about jacking off I'll be like well I will Jimmy Fal would probably love that you should know okay guys no it's very uncomfortable I'm there's I I don't, yeah. Some people are amazing at it, but I'm so bad at it. Yeah, me too. I don't feel like I'm good at it at all.

I just like, laugh. Then you watch the next person go on. Yeah. Like, the lady followed me last night. She was excellent. Yeah. She like walked out like, hey, everybody. You were.

Jimmy, it's so good to see. Who's the last? Also, the other thing is they don't tell the fucking crowd who's going to be on. Oh. So there's a thing like, oh, it's these guys. They go, who the fuck is that guy? I could see it because the, the main guests, I think that they all knew about. was a guy named role model.

It was a singer. And so the crowd, they cut to the crowd before I went out there. I was in the green room and saw it. And I was like, oh, fuck. It was all, it was just like girls in their 20s. I was like, this is going to be. They knew who you were. I don't think so.

Yeah, they did. They were intimidated. Yeah, they were probably intimidated. That was what it was. By my fidgeting. Like, man, this guy's so confident. I saw it. I didn't realize.

You know what I didn't realize? I didn't realize that you went to Elon. college. I didn't realize you went there. You know, I went to school in Winston-Salem, which was not far from Elon. It was an art school. So whenever we wanted to have, like, more of a normal college experience, we would go to Elon and go party with some of my friends there. We'd go to a place called the lighthouse. Yeah. That's still there. Yeah. I don't know if it's still there. It was there. I threw up on someone in the lighthouse one time by accident. That's awesome. I got hammered there and I felt that I had gone too far. So I was like trying to get back to

the bathroom, felt to come on. I put my hair on mouth and fucking spooked through my hand and sprayed on a guy and a big dude. And I'm just like, oh, God. And he looks at me and he's like, you puked on me. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then he just said, give me five bucks.

And I was like, all right. And I didn't fucking gave him five bucks. He didn't beat my ass. I felt like it was a fair trade. You're like, all right. I fucking puked this dude. And I guess five bucks makes it okay. It's fine.

Yeah. Perfect. He could have gone for 20. I would have probably paid him 20. Yeah. Five bucks is probably just enough to cover his next bud light. That's probably what it was. Yeah,

what would have been the limit on that? You know, if he would have asked for much more than five bucks, I probably wouldn't have been able to pay up. I didn't. You have to kill me, motherfucker. Elon was fun.

Garbies, where'd you go? You went to Drexel, right? Well, went to George Washington. We've talked about this. Yeah. Failed out and Delco then failed out.

Both you guys failed out of school? Yeah. Cool. Very sick. Not the brightest. Not the brightest group. Look at you now. Hanging on.

Did you, just like a personal guy? So, like, did you know that you wanted to do this kind of stuff from a young age? I did know I wanted to, like, make movies. I didn't know if I was going to be in them. That kind of just happened after school. But, yeah, I always did want to make movies. I did with my buddies at home. I was a little fucking Dawson's Creek running around making movies all the time.

Oh, that's awesome. And then I went to film school, which I don't think I would have been able to cut. I would have failed out if I went to a regular school. I needed to go to like an art school. I was done with homework. I wanted to just do fun shit. So yeah, I went to North Carolina School of the Arts. I went to film school there.

And that's where I met all the guys that I still work with now. Yeah, so I was lucky. I mean, now my son's getting ready to going to high school. I feel sorry for people who don't know what they want to do because like, what an incredible waste of time to have to go to college and figure it out. That was, yeah, that was my experience. What am I doing? Yeah.

Kaching, kaching, all the money's going out of the fucking war. Did you write tires at Drexel? Yeah. Yep. So that was like my senior project. It's surreal that it was like 20, going about 20 years ago. That's awesome. I didn't know that.

That's great. Yeah. So you just had that in your back pocket, just waiting for Shane to blow up. So you get that thing made. Yeah. It's great. And then we had made it going on about 10 years ago. Yeah.

That we just filmed that short and it just sat. And it's surreal. Yeah. It's utterly surreal. So you guys were both of you all trying to make stuff when you guys were were young men? Yeah. But I was making like, yeah, we were filming sketches.

Yeah. I remember that. Well, yours. The worst one that if anybody finds, I was in like eighth grade. Lori Hall. It was. It was. it was right after 9-11 and i used to do a george bush impression just it was copying will

feral yeah from s and i remember it's like the craziest fucking video on earth maybe edit this out but i was i was holding up the fucking USA today that had the towers on it and i was like oh i'm burning the whole wow my god and how old were you then it's in eighth grade yeah come on And I was like, you got to make jokes about that stuff. And then I was doing like a George Bush impression talking about it. Like we're going to hunt down the terrace. And then, yeah, if somebody finds that tape. I think that's advanced.

It's a devastating tape. I think it's good. Eighth grade. Eighth grade mocking 9-11. Yeah. Literally like the week after. Yeah. It's crazy.

That's what you do when your kid, you know? But then jackass hit us. Then jackass came out. So then that's, we shifted from comedy. You started stapling your nuts to things. Yeah. Literally just, we were all. We were all also pussies, so we wouldn't do anything.

Like, it'd be, like, jumping off, like, an eight-foot shed. You'd, like, land on your feet. Like, no one got hurt. I'm Shane Gillis, and I'm jumping off this stair. This tiny shed. Oh, that was gnarly. Yeah, Jackass was big for us. I love Jackass.

I really do think it's, like, one of the greatest shows that has ever been made. When I went to, I was in Spain for a while, and that, like, people love Jackass. Like, that was the one comedy that translated to Spanish. Like, I remember seeing people with, like, jackass t-shirts on the subway. And I was, like, very proud. Oh, it's so funny. It was like, America fucking rules, dude. Hell yeah.

Got jackass. Yeah. The whole world gets to see that. Those movies are the fucking funniest, too. Like, I always love them. I remember that one. It wasn't the last one that was one before that came out. It was the Utham of the Glor Hills.

No, I just thought of the one of the first sketch. I'll tell you a second. Yeah. That one that came out during COVID, I think my son was like, maybe he was like, what is he now? He's 14 now. So COVID he would have been like, yeah, he would have been like eight years old. I was like, we got to get back to normal now.

Like now the movies are like starting to open up. Like let's go fucking see Jackass together. So I took him at eight years old to go see Jackass as a way to get out of COVID. And I was like, damn, there's more dicks in this one. A lot of dicks. And I just keeps it there like, this is great, right? You love it. It's so funny, right?

Dude, I just went to see the new jackass And I forgot that I cry at the end of every jackass It's the most embarrassing Yeah, there's always like an emotional montage At the end of every jackass They all look like they're having so much fun That I understand that They're just like I like this group

I like these guys have fun Knoxville cries at the end of it They're like, is this last one And he's like I think Yeah, I can see that When Ryan Dunn died And they do that whole thing about him It's like yeah

I went with a girl to see it and I cried at the end of jackass two weeks ago. It's emotional. Yeah, I got to stop crying. I tell the story, I know we've talked about on the podcast, but you watching 50-50 on the first date and getting hit. There's this scene where it got us both. We didn't even know each other,

but Joseph Gordon Levitt, incredible performance, and he's on a first date. I took a girl on a date to see that. And I think it was going to be like more of a comedy. and at the like I had my arm around it and this is very early like for real first day and I was trying to hold in crying like as hard as I could like that and then like my body was like and then he's like he says like goodbye to his mom before he gets surgery and I well yeah it's it's more than that because he's asking the anesthesiologist questions about what's going to happen during the surgery and he's trying to ask questions and then he just goes mom and he just wants to hold her hand and

look at you're about to start crying now even no well that's from laughing that's not yeah yeah you cried talking about it no i don't i cried talking about that dumb real that you made me feel stupid about this yeah i'm an idiot this is how he's like an actual like you steve like is is very good at talking and like he seemed like he dresses like he's a smart person and then thank you for saying i could have yeah you are that you trick everyone wanted to be i'm like i met you i was like god damn this guy's smart as fuck and then he sent me a video of crying showing me a video of a bunch of guys on horses riding next to a school bus that's on its way to a football game it's like their dads had flags yeah the music all right whatever it is what i like

you're a human being that's good yeah let things move you did yeah they show he's like check this out you're gonna love this also how do you not know me well enough. Because they were, it was dad's right. I still don't believe. Dad's riding horses next to their kids football team's boss. He's so fucking look at me. It was the effort they put in. They put

in some effort. They did. My dad would if I looked out of my high school football team's boss and saw my dad riding a horse like, go get him son. I'd be like, dude, my who? Which are those

Dad's had that idea. Like, all right, let's get the horses. It's so. We're going to follow the bus. They got big of Eric and flags. They should have, they should have had guns. They should have fucking six guns saluted their ass. Yeah, it's very embarrassing.

I bet that team lost by 50, dude. To a bunch of kids without dads. They got the score run up, dude. Their dads were, their dads were all on motorcycles. They fucking 12, going 12 o'clock, burning home. Steve was like, check this out. It's amazing. I was like, dude, you are a fucking, you have a 12 IQ, dude.

It's really humiliating when you're sharing something with somebody that you think they're going to like and they call you gay and stuff. I get tripped up over weird stuff. Like there's a Publix is the grocery store here. They always have these like fucking 45 second just stingers that just like go to grocery store and they're like, why are they trying to make me cry? I go there to buy chicken and subs. Like you don't need to be pulling out the heartstrings.

They got this one that's like flawless. I've seen a million times. Every time it comes on, it always like, I got to like kind of like pretend like I'm on my phone or drinking a drink or something. Like, oh, the LaCroix. It's big of my eyes water. It's like, it's so simple. It starts where it's like a little girl. And she's with her mom and her stepdad.

I think his name is Steve. And he's like at the birthday and he like gives her a pretext. He's like, thanks, Steve. You know, and he's like, oh. And then like she's a little older and he like gives her something else. Thanks, Steve. And it just like goes all the way until she gets. older and then finally on the day of her wedding she's like in the room and he comes like you look

beautiful and she goes thanks dad and dad and you're like oh i'm not start crying out like fuck it worked man it worked but then it's like public's like this is where you go to buy pub subs and fried chicken it's like why just take me on that journey yeah there's yeah there's some commercials yeah there's a fucking my dad would get choked up at the budweiser horse Clydesdale. There's like a baby Clydesdale and he's like, hey, a fucking little guy, he's trying to look. That was a big Super Bowl ad, wasn't it? It's like last year.

That little guy he's trying. Yeah, it's funny how many times I've seen my dad drunk crying or a recliner from something emotional. We were watching planes, trains, and automobiles. I look over and he is sobbing crying. That's not a pillow scene, right? That's what he was like. That's a yeah.

Oh, fuck. Well, something similar to that, that would always get me, it was getting gifted adoption papers. Have you seen those? I thought that's where that public's was going. Where it's it. You're mine now.

I own you. Yeah. Here you go. Moneyball gets me. Oh. Moneyball makes me cry. I've showed that to people that it had zero effect on. And that gets you.

And then it made me very embarrassed. It was like a silver lines playbook. every time. Who was unaffected by Moneyball? Dumb girls. Oh, oh. But don't understand baseball.

They want to see the Savannah bananas. I don't want to see this. You probably love the Savannah bananas. That's what I was wrong. I was surprised how wrong I was. You seem like a banana man. You seem like a banana man. They're like the Harlem Globetrotters of baseball, right?

That's their deal. Yeah. They do flips and shit. The flips are actually sick. But then they ruin it by being hot guys and doing like, they do like hot guy dances and singing. And it's like, yeah,

what are we doing here, fellas? It's a kid show. Hot guys dancing. You'll see. You'll see the hot guys dance. You'll go, this is weird.

Shirts come off. They take their shirts off. They have like eye black and like a mullet. They're trying to look so fucking cool. And does it play when you're up in the stands watching that from afar? Does it like work? It probably would be horrible looking because they're doing a TikTok. They're facing a camera like in front of the pictures, man.

Yeah. From the upper deck, that must be like, damn these guys. They got suck. Then they do a flip and catch the ball and you're like, all right, well,

that shit rocks. There's the bananas. Yeah, the bananas are going crazy. Now, I swear they have a rule that's actually sick, which is like a foul ball is live. So the fans have to like throw it back.

Oh, that's a great rule. That is great. They should include that in real baseball. In real baseball. Yeah. We talked about it. And then teams would just pay guys with cannon arms to just sit in the fucking,

it'd be an arms race. Or just hold on to it. let them get all around the bases. Exactly. There you go. Yeah, you'd have to fight that guy. That would be awesome. Yeah, that's the next level.

Other fans have to fight. Yeah, it's crowd participation. Yeah. It's a good support, actually. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Many things in life don't go according to plan. No. That's kind of the beauty of it, right?

Yeah. And as you adapt, BetterHelp can help you figure it out. Excuse me. If you feel comfortable, oh, sorry. Talk. Oh, my, queens. If you feel comfortable, sorry, talk about a life change or pivot where therapy could have been. That's going to need some butter.

Or was beneficial. How could therapy lead a growth? Or even with a busy schedule, I think it's easy to fit therapy into your team with better help because, let's combine them. A comfortable pivot life change. I would say therapy could be good to fit in your schedule, even if you're busy because guess what? When you make time for yourself, you make time for yourself. And it helps everybody. Exactly.

It helps everybody around you. That's what I'm saying. Like ever since Nate started going to therapy, I've noticed a change. Me too. And he's, I felt better being around him. Yeah. Yeah, he was doing all kinds of weird stuff. Yeah, it really mean.

Whatever you're going through, Nate, you can meet with a range of professionals specializing in different areas. You don't have to navigate life's challenges alone. Yeah. You don't have to navigate those changes alone. No. Like when you, like, you know, you're challenging, like, something you believed about yourself your whole life,

but you knew it was false. I thought he was, you knew girls. But if you talk to people. I, actually, getting married will actually, that'll help you. That actually helps. If you don't like girls, we get married, you'll start, trust me. You'll be fine. That's how you do that.

You'll be fine. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com. That's better, H-E-L-P. dot com slash msssb yes uh what else is going on steven how's your yeah well not not to golf's golfing oh golf is good not to like me monster but the uh because i when we were talking about early sketches um one of the ones that i did with my cousin was my cousin hello and it was the thing that just kind of made me laugh was thinking about my mom and my answer reaction to it because it's so it's so juvenile it was like you know we just learned about you know i guess come and what have

So, like, we just played this scenario where, like, Wait, what happened? Well, we just learned about, you know. How old were you? I don't know. You made it come? You made it come with you? With your cousins?

No one. I think we've taught us. Yes. I don't think we've talked about this. I would remember. Nobody was, you know, it's, it's just the art of willmaking. What was the sketch? That, hello.

Walked in. I was, like, married, you know. To your cousin? Yeah. And then she was, like, spat out milk. water, you know, just like as it. But I thought it was so funny at the time. And my mom, my aunt just horrified.

Of course. They had to destroy that tape. I'm sure. Yeah. It was also VHS. So that was like you would just record over it for your next. Yeah. Those are the days.

It could just be a bad sketch could be erased just like that. Yeah. We would make, starting like sixth grade, really six to eighth grade. We were rocking a lot of little short in-camera edit movies. We made one called Do the White Thing. It's kind of right out right after Do the Right Thing came out. And it was just about a bunch of white people in a mansion. And the AC went out.

And they were all trying to figure out how to like survive. How old were you when you made that? I was in that was in sixth grade. We made that. Do the White thing. Yeah. And then we followed it up with Stand By Me 2, which was about that the kids that had found Ray Brower that they unlocked a curse and then Ray Brower came to kill them all, the kid who died of the train.

Wonderful. Yeah. And so it was a horror movie. And me and my friends each played the original cast members and Ray Brower came and killed each of us. We made, I think we made one where it was like the Blair Witch. It was like, but there was a ghost. And it was kind of a, we just made fun of a kid's mom that was also in it. We just, the ghost just imitated his mom's voice.

And so like every scene, he'd be like, stop it. And the ghost would come out and go, Andrew. And he'd go, I said fucking good. It was every scene. That was a classic. And you're saying in-camera edit. So that, like, that's where you rewind back to where you want the edit. Yeah, you would, like, do it and then, like, pause.

And then you'd turn around and like, but because it would, like, take a second or two to roll, you would have to, like, pause and then, like, hit record. And then the person would have to wait, like, a second and a half. We have the time down to then, like, say the line. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are doing more advanced shit. We were jumping off.

They're pretty shitty. Holding up 9-11 headlines. It's pretty good. We did my brother and I got into like, you guys were doing freak shit, dude. No, that was gross. You had your cousin spit out come? Yeah, because spit out your come. Again.

Hello. You got to bleak this out. Last name too. Give the last name. Wow, wow. She, no. So, Hello.

Yeah. What was I saying? Like your cousin There was a Richard. We were talking about the cum. She got into Richard Simmons back in the day. And that was like, it was really cool.

And that's what made her want to do the cum scene. That was it. I think it was me going. This is going to be so funny. But yeah, before that, it was way more tame. It was my brother and I would make superhero video.

was like, and they all had the same structure, which is like he would narrate, I'd come in as the superhero, you'd have a dance, and then you'd fight a villain. So, we used to film wrestling. We would do WF.

Yeah. And there's a video. I was, Undertaker, the littlest kid was Xbox. And I joked him. And he rolled into a pole. And this kid had the craziest temper.

So then it becomes him like, ah. And they used to be, everyone running. It was such a good video. He used to spas. He was great. He attacked us constantly.

And he would attack whoever. Like, he'd be fighting somebody else, and then everyone had to run. He whipped me in the back with a hot wheels track when he was fighting his brother. It fucking killed.

Terrifying. Yeah, he was a wild kid. It's good stuff. You feel that seems sad at the end. Did something happen to him? No, he's doing well. I can't believe it because he was like a real. He got that temper under control.

He was the littlest brother and he was tiny. But he was nuts. And he would just, again, he would just attack everyone. You'd hear him coming. Somebody would fight him like downstairs. You'd hear him come running off the steps. He's just trying to fight him. It was so scary, dude.

Yeah. What's going on with you? Yeah. You know, hanging out this hotel room. I'll never, dude. Audio books, I cannot do that. that was brutal that's pretty hard wasn't it yes you got you did great though i remember i remember after your recording session you uh you were like yeah you seemed worried but you were awesome all but

it was i wouldn't have asked people to do it i think if i knew how difficult it was i didn't think it would be difficult i didn't think so at all but then you start you're getting in there on like on hour four you're kind of like i think i've forgotten how to read totally i'm stumbling over every single word it's weird because you're reading but you're also performing at the same time. So you're having to really concentrate in the moment that you start drifting about like, let's for lunch. It's just like, fuck, I blew it. Well, I went in, I went in a little hungover late. Like, I woke up late. So I didn't eat breakfast. I just drank it. If you're not showing up for your audio book recording a little late, then what kind of, like a baller are you, you know?

But I got it. And the room's so quiet. The microphone is literally I could just hear my stomach the entire, the whole time. It was like, we're like, all right, we got to do that. sentence again. Won't you eat something and then let's get back in here and do this. And then they were like, so this is, we have you booked for six hours so we can do it. I was like, at like hour three, they're like, do you want to, we can come back tomorrow? I was like, I can't come back to. No, you got to motor through. We're just getting this thing. That's how I felt. They kept to ask someone to take breaks. I'm like, absolutely not going. And it's so embarrassing when you can't read. And there's two people waiting for you to fucking read. They're like, you pronounce it the.

It's the. Yeah. I kept. get in notes that I was like like garbling the words. I was like that's like that's a choice. I'm like that's for the performance. I'm swall in these words. Yeah. Like you have to enunciate every single word. Yeah. Like you're combining every word and yeah it was tough. But we did it. We did it. I think the audio book actually it's pretty awesome. Yeah it is. Everybody in it is pretty good. And yeah, I really was grateful to all you all you all for showing up to do it. I was grateful you asked. A fan forever. Very serious stuff. paying for it. I've got to be surreal. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. I remember getting foot for this way.

You got, you got, I rented it at Blockbuster. I was at a real low point in my life. Yeah, I was going to say that. So you're where that three bucks came from. Wait, who got paid on that. What else is going on? What else you got? What do you got? You got anything? Oh, God. You know what? This summer has just been about pushing this book, getting the book out there in the world. I've had to do a lot of book signings. That's a new thing for me how's that it's very interesting you show up at these events and they have all the they have all the books lined up with the staff they have them all open to a certain page and it'll be like here's 1500 of them we got to sign these things now you start getting into a zone where you just

start yeah it's like you sign it i can move the book next one next one start going super fast and that's another thing where if you don't think about it you can get into a zone the moment you think about it you just fuck your name up there oh god something happened yeah you ruined somebody's book. Yeah, yeah. But that stuff's been pretty fun. Honestly, the book has been awesome. It's been whenever you do press for comedies, I feel like the press is always mean. Like there, there's always a sense of like you come into the room to be interviewed and there's a little bit of just like, yeah, you know, motherfucker can see something. You think you're funny. I really do feel like that. I've noticed when you do a different genre movie, like when I would do press for alien or anything,

the reporter, the interviewers are always more engaged. And I feel like whenever it was comedies, there was always, you could sense that they didn't really want to be there. Like, this is the stupidest thing. That's what it would feel like. And the book was the same way. I feel like I think because in order for people to interview you on that, they have to actually read the book.

So I feel like they've just invested enough time to take the interview seriously. We're like, you know, we would do press for vice principles or whatever. And it would constantly be like, I watched the first episode. And then they would start. It's like, oh, great, warm room. Like, it picks up. Yeah, give it some time. You can watch it.

What else, dude? Come on, Gerbs. Oh, me? Do something. What are you going to eat after this? You're going to go get a big meal? Are you going to cook something in your kitchen and your hotel room? What are you going to wear to the premiere?

I know you got a snazzy outfit. Okay, so the- You are a super show. Is this a dress-up premiere? I was curious. I will not be dressed. Yeah, that's what you're wearing. Oh, that's a, soda hit me with one that stuck with me.

He's like, dude, you always dress like you. the guy coming from the hotel pool in the lobby. I'm like, yeah, fuck, that is exactly what I look like. Be comfy. I tried to pack my suit, but it didn't fit. So, because I guess I got, like, so I'm just going to do just like trousers. Dress shorts. Yeah.

Just like, you know, like a suit without the blazer. Yeah, no tie. I remember the very first premiere that I think it was like for Heartbreak Kid, I invited my parents to come to it. they had never been to anything like that. I hadn't really been to anything like that. And my stepdad was like, call me, it was like, so this event, is this like pants or dress shorts?

Man, I'd stick with the pants, probably. Dude, Heartbreak Kid is like my favorite comedy scene. Me and B's are watching all the time. It's when he's escaping on the train. Oh, yeah. And they pull him up and then just beat his ass and throw him out of the train for no reason. Have you ever seen it? So good.

I love the ending of that movie, too. And that ending was like something that I think that on looking back on, I think they were like thinking that was part of the reason why maybe the movie didn't catch on fires because it was like too dark. But I love the ending of the movie. I thought it was awesome. Movie rules. But yeah, I don't know. Wearing a suit would have been crazy.

No, I wore it last. I'm wearing a suit in Charleston too. It's going to be hot as fuck. It doesn't. When the sun goes down, it still gets hotter. Yeah, fair enough. Also, this is a premiere for like... A thing I really care about.

No one... Yeah, but nobody does season three premieres, really. You should do... This is just full nude. Us doing a fucking premiere. Full nude. I could dress you like Kanye's wife. You can saran wrap you?

That's how you should go. I've been to a few of these things before. That's how you should do it. I'll wear a mask. I'll just like Kanye, you dress like his wife. Okay. That'd be sick. Yeah.

But, yeah, you're asking like golf? I said, so I have a good golf. How's it going? It's incredible. Yeah. So, you're a big golfer? Yeah, I love it. And just trying to worm my way into this.

Yeah, like the, there's a lot of like YouTube golfers. And nobody's responding my DMs. Really? Yeah. You're DM and the YouTube guys? After this season, they will. Yeah. Yeah.

So we'll see. How long have you been golfing for for a while? About three years. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's already, you're really good at it. Thanks. I played for like, senior year of high school.

there was a course really close to us called Valley Forge Golf Club where you can pay for like play for five bucks and got obsessed. You got to hope someone pukes on you. I'm gonna get a fucking round of golf players. You should, you should, there's a lot of great golf courses around here. I know Brandon was telling me. Yeah, yeah. Brandon golfs all the time.

Brandon runs our company and I'll go out with him and see how good he is. I'm like, motherfucker, how many times are you getting out here? That is, that is literally. thing it plays in the back of my head. No, it pisses me off how often he's golfing. Yeah, I'm like, dude, I'm touring. I'm fucking dying. He's like, well, today was a good day.

I went golfing. I feel, I feel inclined to lie about it. I should. When I moved here, I was going to get involved. I was, you know, that's the deal here golf is. And, you know, my buddies here are into it. And I was like, well, man, maybe I'll make it my thing. Maybe that'll be something.

I just, I don't, I'm not good at it. But I also, it just takes so much time. I'm like, man, there's no way I have the energy to, like, give everything I need to to make this good. But you know what? My boy is my son is getting into it. So that makes me want to get out there more. But I think I'm also just okay with going out and being fucking terrible.

Being at the butt of everyone's jokes with every swing. And then just getting hammered the whole entire time. It's the best. We have a golf outing coming up. That's right. I don't golf. Yeah, you're going to have to keep your composure this time.

You're going to have to keep your composure this time. I made him rage quit. the Down syndrome fundraising. Oh, you raged quit? I wouldn't say it raged quit. I said, please stop. Wait, what was he doing to make it? Why did you want him to stop?

What was he doing? He was ramming my golf cart. He can show you. Very dangerous. It's, it is dangerous, Danny. I was going so slow. And I did it twice. I love golf and we were doing well.

And it was on the 18th. No, 17th. Okay. I left you alone all day. So when we do this, I can't. golf. So I just, I get a Bluetooth speaker and I, oh my God. And I drink and just drive around and bother people.

Yes, that's what I would do. Yeah. But I didn't know that you could do that at these tournaments. You can. Oh, that's good. I can do that. I put on, uh, I put on flight of the Valky's and started chasing him. He was so fucking mad. I thought, I thought it was going to be a friendly tap. The first tap, like, so light, just tap the back of it. And he was like, cut it out. And I was like, well, now I'm, I'm all over. Now, yeah. Check me to me. Immediately. checkmate. I have lost. He was with O'Connor in the cart and he's like, I'm getting out and he gets out. Chris is like, don't get out. So I'm just chasing him. Now, because Chris, Chris immediately,

you know what it felt like? You know what it felt like it felt like when you had a friend growing up that you were like cool with? And then all of a sudden they're around other guys and they're just different to you. Oh, I've seen that. Shane, is that what you were doing to him? No, that was what I felt like with Chris, even though I love Chris. And, you know, that's not Chris. Chris would love. Chris would love the, he would love the golf cart tap. He did. Everyone does. He starts getting into it.

And then I'm just like, I don't want any parts. This is going to tear up the fairway. It's, it's ridiculous. You're worried about rain jen golf course and Dillsburg? Yes. I got you greens keepers. You don't horse around like that. It takes a lot of work.

So I just wanted it out. And then of course that only, you know, it's just feeds the beast. He was instantly, I've never seen someone get that angry that fast. I was genuinely trying to be friendly. And I was genuinely saying stop it. You said stop it right away. Yeah, immediately. Like a bitch, right away.

How long it'd take you guys to make up after that? We didn't. He stormed off. He's still mad. So it's literally a fundraiser for Down syndrome. There's an event. And there's a bunch of people in the pavilion. I did not know you were supposed to stick around.

And they're excited. They're excited to see the people from tires. Yeah. And Steve finishes the 18th hole. Pax's bag, walks straight to the parking lot. My mom stopped him. It was like, aren't you going to come say hi? And he was like, no.

And they got his car. I think I've done enough today. Yes. And then he got his car and drove to Philadelphia and didn't say goodbye to anybody. I say goodbye to you. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. That is.

That's a rage quit. Hearing how you just technically that is. Technically that seems. Yeah. Now, this is one thing, though, that I did not know. Sean, you made you feel so bad. Sean's got his shirt over his nose. So I did not know that there's a whole hangout thing happening afterwards.

We all told you several times. I don't, well, I don't recall, Shane. So the point is, had I know that that was a thing, then then it would be a little bit different. I'm a little new to this whole, you know, world because I got to, hold on. It wasn't that fancy. It was in a pavilion in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania. Well, whatever. Listen, I get how that looks.

like a rage quit. I accept rage quit. I accept the technicality of that. You were, you left because you were ashamed of how you reacted. No. Yeah. No. I think you were a little to be away. Absolutely not. I was frustrated with you. Why? Because I said please don't. Then you did it. I did it twice. No, you would stop. Of course. Flight of the Valky's playing. I was a case deep. But everyone loved it. Everyone had a blast. I had this. Phil was laughing. Billy was laughing. Chris was laughing. It was fun. That's good.

I'm glad everybody had great time. I'm excited for it. Then you told my mom the fuck. You need to work on a revenge plan now. No. Yeah. No. Yeah.

I'll lose that fun. You need to find your own song. Yep. Supercharge your golf car. Pirates of the Caribbean. First of all, yes. But second of all,

he would. I ask him what type of music he listens to. He listens to. He listens the pirates theme song while he drives. To the ride or to the movie? Oh, to the movie. To the movie. Yeah.

And just kind of cruise through traffic. Yep. And have just really childlike fantasies about saving people. Get in the sound, man. And he stops, it stops on. I've been in that car. Eight seconds stop. Other people are like, go.

He's like, go ahead. No, that's a couple. Fucking 10 miles an hour. But, oh, dang, what was I going to tell you? Oh, yeah. I don't want to say it's so boring. I got to say it now. We got nothing.

So I got invited to, I probably shouldn't be talking about Gloria Old of the Eagles of Autism Foundation. They do so much for autism. But in event, this one gag, I, we'll probably take out that Gloria whole stuff. Oh, yeah? Maybe.

We'll see. Are you all right with it? I have no shame about it. I don't. Okay. Yeah. should I? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, it seems a little odd. Really? Yeah. I don't know. See, I'll defend it. It's just, it's pretty good. I feel like it's sort of run in the middle.

It's, you know. Anyway, let's get back to the Eagles Autism Foundation. It was, so I won closest to the pin. And my one friend that I got off of it was like, did they give you cash? Because you know if they give you cash, you need to give that right back to the chair. And I was like, no, I didn't know that.

No chance. But luckily, it was just a gift card to the pro shop. So I bought a shirt. The gift shop, that feels like you could keep that right. They're not thinking that you have to return that. That's right. Yeah. But I'm glad he said something because, again, that would have been another gaffe.

I feel like autistic guys could, if they locked in on golf, they'd be fucking good. I think a lot of them are. Yeah. Makes sense. You know what I've always found peculiar is the, If Down syndrome guys locked into Savannah bananas, they'd be fucking great. They do Little League Savannah's bananas. They do it flips in the outfield.

Yeah, I could, yeah, he's awesome. He's got to like Down syndrome that just drains threes. No matter where on the court, overhead, just trains it. It's wonderful. Those get me. Those make me cry. Back to the crying things. Kid with Down syndrome hitting a three, whole high school gym going crazy.

It's the best. Yeah. Especially because the Down syndrome kid has zero fucking humility. Hit the three. It's so sick, dude. What were you about to say? Oh, I'm sure it's an observation that's been made before, but the Tiger Woods, how, you know, people will say he's a black golfer,

but it's really like when you look at the amount of Asians on tour, it's staggeringly high. Like, I feel like it's way more the Asian part of him. Oh, that's an interesting take. Yeah. Let's delete it. Nice talk with you guys today. Very genuine racist.

How is that? Hold on. Non-joking, genuine racist comment. How is that racist? He is half black and half Asian, right? Okay. And you're saying it's clearly the Asian side of him that's successful. Let's look at the tours.

Let's look at the tours. We'll delete it then. No, no. You're fine. You're fine. You see the LPGA. I mean, a guy did get fired for that.

What? This guy had a commentator with the LPGA tour. He's like, it's an em or Kim or it's, they're all Koreans. You got fired for that? Yeah, it's back in the day, yeah.

But, uh, anyway. I love when those announcers get fired. It's like the best, the fucking Kansas City, fag capital of the world. I said something earlier.

today. I didn't know my mic was on and probably never going to put the headset on again. That feels like that would be the thing you would probably have to specialize in is knowing when the mic's on and it's not off. That's your whole gig, right?

It was just, it was B-roll before the game of the field and you just hear the announcer talking and for some reason he says Kansas City, fagg, capo the world. It got to commercial. It was before the game. They told him in the fifth inning. Oh, how fun would it have been to have been on that crew and just knowing like, oh, he's gone.

He's fucked. He's out of here. And then, yeah, Castiano's famously hits a home run mid-apology. So he's going, he's like, to my family, I'm sorry, I let you down. And my bosses who trusted me here. Sorry, deep drive Castiano's 3-2 Cincinnati Reds. But the other one that's incredible is those two dudes talking about the Negro League Hall of Fame.

They're like, we went to the, they switched that word. The guy hits it. This is something that happened recently? Yeah, the guy drills it. Oh, wow. It's the other guy's spot. What does his face look like when he,

when he realized it comes out? Neither of them process it. The guy with him is like, we did. We went there. Yeah, because you know, that's what they were calling it the whole time. They went there.

That's why they didn't think about it. They didn't think about it. They didn't code switch. Have you ever seen that clip? No. It's unbelievable. Yeah. I'll definitely watch it today.

It's one of the biggest fuck-ups of all time. Just pointing directly at the camera. We had a great day. We went to the... It's fucking nuts. Those boys got fired. We've been doing this long enough, huh? No, wait.

Yeah. Well, thanks for coming in here. Sorry, this is how we do this. I really like how you did. I feel like we hit some hard-hitting topics here. Yeah. I feel like it was- We think about education.

Let's get into it. Come on. Recharge the batteries. Let's go. All right. Bye. Thank you. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

Do it.