Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 637 - Throat Wrecker (feat. Jeremiah Watkins)

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Watch Jeremiah's NEW Special 'Crazy Pizza' NOW Available on YouTube !! Support Jeremiah and See him Live @ https://www.jeremiahwatkins.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Yo0o0oo0o. Hope you're all having a good week. We're in Big Kahuna HQ with Jeremiah for you this week. Check out Jerry's new spesh 'Crazy Pizza' NOW on YouTube, watch stand up on the spot, and listen to his pod Jeremiah Wonders. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $150 if you win your first $5 lineup! Use code DRENCHED at https://BlueChew.com to get 10% OFF + Free Overnight Shipping on your first order Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Wow, Wow, Wes. We're not recording, right? And they said, no. And it freaking went out. And what did you say? It was about a comic's bad breath. Nice. We're recording.

Who? Who? I can't. I can't start it up again. I already apologized to the comic because it went out. It was bad. Did you confront them for their dastardly kind of sneaky behavior? No, no.

He called me. He goes, uh, oh, is a mistake. He goes, I, I, gave the note to the editor. It didn't get implemented. And he go, because we got a group text, the comic, group texted me and the other comic, I was like,

dude. Oh, it's, yeah. So the next time. Yeah. Well, yeah, so I call him and I was like, the next time I saw him, I brought him gum and stuff as a joke. There you go. I was like, I got to double down at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And you, I don't want someone to tell me if my breath is

kicking. Well, that's what he, he was like him to tell me, but privately. It's not broadcast. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why I said, Are we not recording? Because it could be a stomach issue too. Right. So it could be a stomach issue. I never thought of it like that.

Yeah. Some bad breath comes from the stomach, believe it or not. I believe in 100%. Halitosis. Yep. Yeah. But you also scrape your tongue in the morning. That helps apparently as well.

Yeah, I used to hear my dad just gagging in the mornings. You just find all this shit out. Yeah. I'm not a morning brush teeth guy. You, what? Dude, I'm about to eat breakfast. I'm about to eat breakfast. Why would I brush my teeth and then eat breakfast?

Oh, no, I agree with you on that. But then brush your teeth after breakfast. If I remember. That's the... The important thing is to clean them before you go to bed. It's... At in the morning. Yeah, it's twice a day, minimum.

Dude, people don't even brush their teeth pretty recently, honestly. Brushing your teeth is kind of bullshit. I don't think so. If you look at the... I think people were fine. No, they notably had fake teeth. Really? Fake?

George Washington. Oh, he had wooden teeth. A lot of guys. I'm eating sugar. It's this fault. You're right, though, that our diet's gotten more sugar. Yeah, but you know, those guys got like one sweet per year, really. Yeah.

So, yeah, maybe I should. I mean, I'm doing all right. I have, I've had one cavity my whole life, I think. I'm not doing it for hygiene as much as breath. Breath. Gum. That's what I'm saying. Crush the gum, hit the door.

I feel like gum cleans your teeth better than brushing them, if I'm being honest. And you get way minty or fresh. It's a hot subway take. My wife doesn't like, she gets on my ass to brush it. my teeth in the morning. That's good. She'll be like, I just woke up.

I just woke up. We'll say, if I'm out drinking, ooh, come home, you go almost no shot and brush my teeth. Yeah. That's your,

that's your right. Yeah. If you're drinking, you don't need it. Makes it so much worse when you wake up. Yeah. So much worse.

If you don't brush your teeth and you're hung over, waking up in the morning, like, oh. Your mouth's all dry. Yeah. I don't like how hot I get, too,

when I wake up hungover. I wake up with like a mild fever every time. Like, this sucks. Yes. But it's so fucking fun. Yeah, it's fun.

You get to fight your friends, yell at them. True. True. You get to slip the mask. You don't do that sober. True. It would be really weird. Be completely sober.

I fucking disagree, you dumb ass. What's your stance on alcohol and the consumption of it? I'm fine with people doing it. I, like, yeah. It's not for you. It's not for me. I've had like there's people who drink in my family stuff that I'm like all right I'm good yeah yeah what happens what what kind of drunk would you classify classify yourself as have you gotten like really drunk before I haven't no never no I haven't

you strike me as you'd be a train wreck if you got hammered oh no I absolutely would no it's something behind your eyes it's something if you got fucked up I got some poison back there I've seen you fight too yeah clapping people. I know. You'd be a real problem. I know. Well, especially, no, especially if you haven't really, so you've never been like hammered off. No. Never casually. So you've never taken a sip. You're like Trump. Exactly. Never taken a sip of the stuff. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Good for you. That happens. So you had people in your family or something? Yeah. It's some people in my family who just don't let a couple of bad apples ruin the bunch. True. What if it's more than a couple?

It's a whole crate of rotten apples. Maybe you're the good one. True. Maybe you can get a handle. You do have the numbers in your favor. Yeah, true. True. I mean, I guess you could look at it that way.

Yeah. Got to look at the bright side. Like, I have enough metrics where I've learned that I could be a solid drinker. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You could be a legend in the pub. We're missing out.

You might be missing out a legend in the pub. Well, I already, I already play a good pool. So my game might even improve even more. You're in the pool hall just stone's over. Bird. You're like, you're a pool shark, dude. Yeah, but last time I was an awesome, no lie. I was playing a guy and he was trying to hustle me. I said, what's your name? He goes, Gator.

I'm like, I don't want to play anymore. And he literally, he beat me like six games in a row. What's your pool rating? Isn't there like a system? No, I've never like competed or anything like that. I would say I'm good for a comic, but like anybody who's like, that's like their thing, they're going to beat me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I suck a pool. I get so nervous.

If I get one good shot, it's over for me. It's very exciting. It's like I'm never doing it again. I'm like, I actually just got to not think about this. Is it worse than having to break? Bro. You suck? It's.

I haven't played this. I've never played this. I always, you got a break. Yeah, I always try to you break. Nate, you got a socket pool.

You got a socket pool. I was playing with LaMere, what was it last weekend? We were watching the UT. I was so bad. Lemaire booted me off the team. It wasn't. And Lemae, I bet, sucks,

but thinks he's really good. He's bad too, but better than I was. Lamar, you get a pool? Yeah. He sucks. Crazy. Sucks. He's played it twice.

I'm decent. I'm decent. I'm at the pub, yeah. I've seen you at the pub, dude. You're not getting anything accomplished. I see him at the pool hall. They call him eight ball down there. They do.

Here comes eight ball. Here comes. Here comes eight ball. Would it be so weird you walk into the teeth? He's like, I'm just going to take you around. And everybody's like, I'm here. Hey. There he is.

Yeah, I suck. I got, like, into it a little bit in college for, like, a short period of time and then just lost all my skill. You're a college pool shark. A little bit. We had one in the dorm, so we play all the time. I got, like, decent. I can break now, but it's, like, it sucks. Sometimes I get, like, I'll hit it real hard, but then only, like, the four corner balls or three corner balls just move.

And the rest of it stays still. And it doesn't count. I got to play it. No, you got to play that. No, literally. Really? Yeah. How much, what's like, how much space?

do you need between balls? There's like on a break you have to, a couple of balls have to come back to your end. Is that what it is? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, what's the rule on breaking? No. Play it where lies.

He's playing. Really? Yeah. No, it's hard, but like, it's just a bad break. I was giving false information. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, there's, there's always, what's weird about pool is like,

there's like two kinds of like official rules that you can play by? Yeah. I don't feel. BCA or APA. What are we going by here? But then there's house rules. Then anything goes.

That's when people start being like, ah, didn't touch a rail, blah, blah, all this stuff. Three hits or else it doesn't happen? Yeah,

yeah. That's all crud. I think it's a gentleman's game and I think it should be respected as such. I don't like seeing Tufts and ruffians playing pool. I agree. I call billiards,

first of all. There's billions. I call billiards. It's the widest spectrum of class of any sport, I think. You'll see the trashy's people who are incredible at it.

And then you'll see, wealthy people who those are the people who own the tables and yeah all that yeah i used to play with my father after falcony yes it's a gentleman's game middle class terrible a pool if you're middle class you're trash it's a good assessment yeah i think it's fair yeah you gotta be poor or super rich yeah it's a gentleman's game nothing in between yes nothing between how so you're you're good though i'm pretty good could you like could you like bounce the ball off the wall off the wall and get it into a hole. Yeah.

Off the wall? Yeah. I'm saying like, like, I got to be aimed at the pocket. You can look at it and go, I'm going to shoot it this way, but it's going to go in over here. That's good. Yeah. No, I can do that. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do that on accident and be like, called it. Got it. That's the only thing you can do. Yeah. That was the pocket I was going for. For real, that was my strategy for a long time. I'm just going to hit the ball and like as hard as I can and hope shit goes out. That's all you can do.

Yeah. You ever see the classic Fresh Prince episode where Uncle Phil says, Oh, yeah. Break out Lucy. no Jeffrey oh it's yeah it's incredible will will gets in trouble he gets in deep with the pool shark and then he has to go say he goes big phil comes down sharks sharks the shark yeah he goes Jeffrey break out lucille and then he brings up this case and then uncle phil just starts running the table it's awesome yeah it's pretty great the way that's what they call him they call him

phil from down the way phil from down the way yeah i think in the episode uh will smith was questioning I believe Uncle Phil's blackness maybe a little bit. I kind of remember that in the episode. He was giving them a hard time. Yep. Please Phil from down the way. Oh, yeah. This episode is brought to you by prize picks.

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Run your game. Uncle Phil to Will. Will from down the way to the boys. Yes. Who do you think of winning a fight? Carl Winslow or Uncle Phil? Uncle Phil for sure. I heard Winslow fights dirty though.

Really? Yeah. He pulls out his gun and shoots him. Winslow's pulling out that thing. Uncle Phil for sure, but Winslow could No, he was, he was in the Diddy trials. Someone was claiming that Diddy clapped, or clapped Carl Winslow. Or, I forgot about that.

Allegedly. Did or did he not do that? That came up in court. People were claiming that. There was people claiming they witnessed him getting, him getting clapped by Diddy. Which is so great. What a satanic.

I know. Just taking someone's childhood like that? Dude, I know. I mean, there's a surrogate father figure to Erkel. But yeah, dude, apparently that was, that was, the Diddy trial was. I wish you wouldn't have told me that. That's going to be seared to, he's so rare condition. Well, it's all alleged.

It's all allegation. It's all allegation. You better be quiet, but I believe it came up in the court transcripts. You better chill. It's on the record. Diddy man's coming out. I know. You better, I'm not going to be around when he seeks his revenge.

I thought we're going to the party. We're not going. We're trying to get into the first. First, first Diddy party back out? He's got to have a get out bash. Obviously. I might throw him one. I'm going to get it ready. Say, Diddy's coming on with my finest man lined up.

True. Frogman is going to be lubed. Oh, man. He's going to be secreting juices. Nate, for real, you would be completely covered. Yeah. You'd be like a reflective surface. You'd be a light gleaming off you. You seem like his type, for real.

Yo. From what I've heard from the allegedly. I feel like he seems like more of a challenge. I'm too, I think I'm actually too small for Diddy. you got this come on man Dini likes a conquest That's obvious

Well you're saying You'd be too easy Yeah You're saying you're God damn You're saying you're no Carl Winslow I'm no Carl Winslow I'm no Carl Winslow

I'm gonna I am Carl Winslow We get you that As a shirt I'm way more Uncle Phil I'm more Uncle Phil That's La Mare's more Uncle Phil.

Dude. I'm going to agree with that. I looked over and saw him a little bit. He has a salt and pepper even in the beard now. Yep. Yeah. He's a judge? He's delighted.

He's delighted. He's always judging people on Twitter. Yeah. Now, you guys are both Winslow and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being Winslow. This shit's sick. Sean's Urkel. Sean's got allergic

I was a couple drinks turned into Stefan Yeah Yeah Sound slightly off Did I do that? I'm gonna try to run it through a filter Oh

What was your favorite TGIF show Uh maybe Boy Meets World was one of them Racist Go ahead Uh Oh, the white cast one out of all the shows that we're talking about. Boyme's World rocked, obviously.

Boyme's World was really good. I don't know. Yeah, Family Matters, Fresh Prince. What was a couple other ones that were in? Step by step. Oh, was Fresh Prince? Was Fresh Prince, TGIF? No.

I don't think it was. Yeah. I think. Oh, gotcha. Family or Full House. That was a good. Who else rocked. Yeah.

Erkel. Step by step with the Code Man. Who was the guy? I think I remember step by step. What with the code? I remember the song. I know the song. That's all I know.

Yeah. I just remember the code man and that fucking who was the guy from Baywatch? J.T. was the dad. Yeah. Oh. The guy from Baywatch. Suzanne Summers. Suzanne Summ.

Yeah. She had the thigh workout thing. Yep. Yeah. And the guy, fuck, what was his name? The guy who was like the head of David? No, not him. I don't know.

The guy who was on Baywatch. Curly hair fellow. Yeah. Hassel wall. No, it's not hassle. No, but it's another white dude who looks like him. I thought that was hassle off my whole life. It's not.

No. I see it. The perfect stranger. Hang him with Mr. Cooper was awesome. Coup was nice. Dude, he'll pop in at the comedy store every once in a while still. Mark Curry. Yeah, yeah.

Step by step. Oh, Selena, yeah. I don't think I got it. It might have been. Codeman. Teenage Witch was awesome. I love that cat. Salem.

Awesome. Salem talking. That's funny. I feel like the teenage witch was like slightly after me. I remember Codeman, Urkel. That was pretty much the pinnacle. I think step by step was the last. show on TGIF when I was a when I was a boy.

Sabrina was right after step by step. I was when I entered the TGIF universe. I was asleep. I just had Caroline Ray on my podcast and it was like I've known her for many years, but she's so funny, dude. Yeah. Nice. Well, was she on Sabrina?

Yeah. Yeah, she was one of the ants. Yeah. Yeah, I probably wasn't allowed to watch witchcraft. That was probably, because I never watched that. Wilda. Witches were hot.

There was charmed. It was Sabrina. It was the movie. It was the movie. No, but what was the movie with the hot Sarah Jessica Parker who was one of the witches? The Covenant?

It's a very famous movie. The craft? Hocus Pocus. Oh. Also, the Sonderson sisters. Yeah. Yeah. Babes.

Even the thick type one. True. The type. Give me the Pog. The Pog could get it. The Pog witch? The Pog. We need an eye of Pagg.

Fat-ass witch girl. Those are my types. That was the era of heart-shaped tiniess for sure. Of yesterday year, yes. Yes. I recall quite fondly. Tell you what I'm dealing with, I trimmed my mustache a little too short. Really?

A little short. You think so? What do you mean? It's usually a little more on the side. Are you saying you're slowly inchy towards, you're slowly inching towards greatness? It's getting closer and closer. You should claim alopecia. Like, bro, it's fucking falling out right there.

Just right here. You have alopecia? I was watching an interview or I was watching a documentary last night. One of the guys had blonde on the side and black in the middle. What? Like it was like, that's how his hair grew. The Siberian husky is a mustache.

For real. And it was like, bro, just you can't have a mustache. He had a blonde. It was blonde. You can barely see it on the sides. And then a Hitler. He had a little soft hop.

I mean, put the roof down, shave the sides off. It was enough that, bro, you should just not have mustache. Yeah. Although, bro, If you had a fucking blonde patch in your stash,

you'd want to show that off. Even if it was like... Tony, it was... He had a Hitler stuff. If I were him, I'd be like, get your mind out of the Eagles nest, dude. Stop thinking about... There's nowhere else to go. I mean, it was the...

It was the one about the girl. The last name is smart. I forget, Lindsay's smart. The girl got kidnapped. Amy's smart. And... Her last name was what? Smart.

It's weird. Go ahead. Why? She's a girl. I'm kidding. kid. She got kidnapped, no? And her last name's what? Her name was Amy Smart got kidnapped.

She got kidnapped. By who? It was a tough one. Right out of her room. What? Guy cut through the window, came in the middle of the night. The other daughter was sleeping next to her. And he was like, you fucking scream. I'll fucking kill you. How old? How old? 14. Jeez.

Tough. Tough story. Yeah. But in that, in the middle of a Hitler mustache guy is talking about it. What the fuck? There's a suspect. Yeah, true. And the best, though, is her uncle, one of her uncles, they're all Mormons. It was in Salt Lake.

And then one of the uncles just gave an unhinged fucking interview. He's like, this is a blessing. This, you know, whoever did it, he's probably an amazing guy. He's just having a tough time. And we're, uh, everyone was like, well, that guy did it. Did he? He didn't do it? Who did, who done it?

some freak who thought he was a god a messenger from god he was like i need a bride him and his wife captured this girl took her out to a tent in the mountains for like a year disgusting

yeah bad stuff yeah anyway how long's the guy of hitler mustache in that doc and the uncle gave the funniest interview i've ever seen he tried to find the brave was bright side in it he was he said he hasn't slept in five days it was five days after it happened oh jesus he was like i was losing my mind. I'd sat down and did an interview

and he was like, the guy who ever did it's probably cool. And dude, it's you. Yeah. It's obviously you. And the rest of his family was like, shut the fuck up, dude. And then he's doing interviews where he's like, you know, not all us get along. We're family. I don't really like

my brother's that much. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. That's crazy. Yeah, it's great. I haven't watched a good. No. He goes out of his innocent. Yeah, that's good. They got the fucking guy. Jail? I guess the guy's in jail forever, yeah. Babe released. What?

Yeah, the guy's wife who was 100% in on it. They love giving women fucking zero. She's out. Really? She's out chilling right now. She's probably having a tough time. She's probably a great guy. Whoever did it.

Yeah, they're just a little screwed up. You see any good docs lately? I'm trying to think. Not off the top. I saw that. There's a little bit ago. It was like the John Candy doc. Yeah, that was good.

Yeah, it was good. It's pretty wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. You catch that John Candy? It's nice. I haven't seen that. I told you, the only thing I saw,

it wasn't even a doc. It was just a YouTube discussion on cuckoldry. That was the last long form thing I saw. What were your final thought? Oh, yeah, the guy who was. Talking about the rats. Yeah. Yeah.

They're basically saying in the animal. Okay, I put out a front-facing video about it. Okay. It's not technically a documentary, but. Yeah, it was just a dog. It was a long. It was a long conversation. Right, right.

Long form. So long form, it's good. I like long form conversations. Yeah. Yeah, it was, there's scientists out there. There's scientists out there that like specialize in like animal cuckoldry. And they put like rats, their pair bonded animals in tanks and they'll take the rat wife and put it in the tank of a boy rat. And make him watch the other rat's wife.

And the male rat has to watch his rat wife get just plowed by this horny stranger rat. And then they drop the woman back in the tank. and the male rat is just like ravenous over her. So same with birds, same thing. The bird even suspects cheating. It's all when they get back. Whoa. Yeah.

So it's pretty weird. You sent me a link? Yeah. Yeah, so don't feel bad. If so I'm saying. So it's fine. Yeah. It happens to rats.

It could happen to anybody. Yeah. It is. I'll say this though. I feel like the ultimate victory, if you do get cuckolded, is just to go, full moral high ground and like, it's my, this is my child.

Because you can't, if you, it's a moment you're like, what the fuck you've lost? You got to be like, yeah, fine. Weird you did that, but this is my child. And we're in a family. Then you just slowly psychologically torture the woman for the rest of her life. That's what I would do. You would stay in it. You'd stay in.

Dude, the more, you'd have the upper moral hand. You just go like, I'm really fucked up. You did that. So you could take him to soccer practice. Take this bastard the soccer practice. This son of a whore to the soccer practice, please. But would you treat the kid really well in front of the, right? But then as soon as these out of the room, I treat him better than my other kids.

Oh. Put him on a pedestal. I put him on a way up on a pedestal. Yeah, you can torture your kids with it. Exactly. Because I'd be like, why don't you tell me, mommy fucking left. You should have known. You could have a complete domination over your entire family.

And then I would just hand that kid all of my business. But then the final thing before I died, it would be like a complete empty thing. money be somewhere else and I will leave a marooned. Then I would die. So that's my plan. So the rats do? Yeah. So the rats too.

Well, I don't know. You gotta have a game plan. I want to see this spinoff of succession immediately. Yeah. I feel like everyone should have a cuckoldry game plan because it can't happen. And dude, it'd be so easy. A woman can cuckold you so easily. I want you to go into schools across the country.

And it's like rats and cages. Instead of like earthquake like tests and like like school. shooter like drills. Put a rat in another tank. See? See? It's nature. It can happen to literally any of us.

Nature. So what happened to not me. Has not happened to me. I was saying it is funny because in the conversation, the guy who's like hosting it is you can tell he's really grappling with like how it affects human beings and the fact that it's like probable to guess that this turns humans on and the whole time he's like, it's like a foreign accent. He's like, I would, if someone did that to my girlfriend, it would not.

turn me on at all. I don't have one, but I get furious thinking about what would happen if that did happen and it's like, bro, relax. Yeah, it is fun. Clearly turns you on. Yeah, clearly. It pulls out of the video.

He's rock hard. Yeah, I'd be sad more than anything. I don't think I'd be turned on at all. I'd be heartbroken. Certainly. For real, I'd be through hard. Yeah. I mean, the theory of all this

is like, oh, dude, I would hold it over. But some guys do report that they're so angry in the moment of betrayal, but they're like, I'm undeniably turned on by this. Which adds, I think, like, a really tragic dimension. So. Yeah, if that's how you find out that that's your thing. Yeah. The hard way.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to go to couples counseling and be like, yeah, I was just fucking hard as hell. I'm really mad at her, but it's undeniably turned on. It pisses me off. So, yeah. So. So.

Yeah. You're crazy. I'm crazy. You're a wild, man. Crazy. I'm just, look, guys, I'm just trying to think of topics. You guys ask me when I watched. That's the last thing, long format. We didn't ask. Did I just mention it? We didn't ask. I was trying to talk about Hitler mustache and the kidnapping and you're like, I saw a cuckold thing. Let's go back. Let's go back Hillary mustache. No, we asked, we asked Jeremiah. And I felt like I should share as well. So what else? What's new and shaking? Hello. Yeah. I've done. a couple of times with him now. I do an AI,

Harland Williams. I do some, like AI impression. Do like Mark Norman and Harland and some different people. And Harland's a very fun one to do. Mark. What's it?

Can you do Mark? A. Comedy. That's pretty good. Perfect. That's it. Just sitting here with a couple almost. Hell yeah.

But that's AI. What? There's that could be. Yeah. So it's AI. So it doesn't look perfect. You know? Yeah.

It's my question. So like you can ask it questions. Like it'll, it'll, how come we can't use salt water in data centers? There you go. Yeah,

because all the kid fucking. That's exactly right. It's actually probably the correct answer. It's almost scary how advanced that AI. Yeah, I just nailed that. Really is. Really doing it,

that's great. Thank you. Now you have to do it the whole time. Ah. Yeah. Do you ever when you go to do an impression, do you ever feel like you don't have like the impression sauce of that moment? Of course. Oh, dude.

Yeah. It's the worst. Yeah. When someone says, do that impression. Oh, yeah. Fuck, I can't. No, no. Some come right away because they're naturally in your register that you get right away.

Like, I don't know how long it took you to get like your trump down. But like sometimes it just like some of them you're easy. It's easier to fall into than others. Yeah. Yeah. If I'm doing like Irish or Australian or British or anything, I can only do one at a time. Like whichever one I can do like that year. I can't switch.

I don't know what happens. And then I'll get stuck. You're Irish for that calendar year. Yeah, yeah. I can do an Irish accent. And then it's like I can do an Australia and then I can't. All the SNL sketchwriters are like, so what accent? We're going with an Irish season.

Also, it's Irish this season. It's hard to switch back and forth. especially like Irish and Australian because it's like you're like wait how do I say that again I mean yeah what would be a sentence that you would try to do like to go Australian I'm going to hit beauty you go beauty oh she's beat yeah there are words to get yeah get into it yeah yeah

dude how do you feel about the Australian lady who shit her pants at the high rocks competition oh the do you see that what was she doing she was doing a high rocks it's like a fitness competition yeah yeah I saw that massive dump yeah dude massive diarrhea. And then she kept going. She was in China too, by the way.

I mean, oh, they probably had no problem. They probably had zero issue. Yeah. Well, I think it was, my theory was their shame culture is so, like, strong there. I think it's just unthinkable to, like, stop a race in front of people and be like, you shit yourself, get out. I think they, don't they dump outside?

Isn't that a bit of an issue? It could be. Yeah, I think it was taking dumps outside. Yeah, I thought it would be the opposite in China. Allegedly. I thought it was any of guys taking dumps outside allegedly. I think that. I heard any of guys on the beach, I've heard that.

I don't know if that's true. The cats. Yeah. I heard that. They see sand. Although taking a dump on the beach would be nice. But would you, if you took a dump on the beach, would you like kick your feet back? I have to.

You have to. You got to take a hole, lay on your butt. Litterback. Lay flat. Conceal the hole. Lay flat. I would have a book. I would have a book.

my kids bury my legs and then I would shit in the sand. Stand straight up. Good fake sandals. And I'd build a castle over it. Yeah, that's a nice thing. That way when a kid comes by to kick your same castle, you go. Bags on you, dickhead. I shit at the beach.

Let me bury your legs actually in this hole. You just bury him with a turd. Let's find out who's dumping outside. Yeah, who is dumping outside. I think San Francisco is running into a Chinese dump outdoor problem. Could be wrong. There's a lot of suspects in San Francisco. San Francisco's homeless dumps as well.

Yeah. Without a doubt. Because they got security footage. Oh, really? AI. They're covering that whole area. Yeah. This guy's wearing khakis.

My guess, I didn't find yet, but my guess would be the Chinese because I know that in China and like Hong Kong, they're having problems with like mainland China people coming to the cities. Dumping out. And dumping all over the place. That would be. That would be enough to keep me independent if I was Taiwan. It's like, we can't lose this island, dude.

just come over and shit. They're going to dump. Isn't that China as a whole, though? It's the coastal elites, and it's like Chinese hillbillies in the middle. Yeah. It's like the outback. They have like signs up like...

I've heard it about Japan, too. They like got to tell them not to eat the pigeons and not poop in the street and stuff. Like the Asian hillbillies will come to the big cities and... Grub the pigeons. Grab the pigeons and poop. Well, grub the pidgeiotos. Yeah.

Yeah. They capture them. It's good to the bottom of the street dump. True. Let's make sure we're dealing in truth. Yeah, we need to fact check this podcast. Google Gemini is saying, according to UNICEF in the World Health Organization. It's such a funny body to go through.

That India, South Asia, and sub-Saharan Africa are the most likely to... It's most likely to dump outside. I know, yeah, that documentary... There's a couple documentaries about Africa where they go. We can't even use the beach. What? It's covered in dumps, dude. Oh.

China could be... fudging the numbers though. True. That's true. They're probably fudging the UNICEF street crap numbers. When I took a road trip from Kansas to California before I had moved out there, I went with a group of buddies

and we didn't look at the signage at one of the beaches very well. And we thought that it was like heavy salt water in the ocean. Like when we were out there, we were like gagging a lot and stuff and we're like, and then we get out of the water and there's signage that said that it was like,

toxic water. There's like spill off like from Coronado like like like like I've heard about that. It was like a poop beach that we were like you're at you're at a pooed beach. Yeah. It's always the guys. It's never the women at the pood beach.

Yeah. Yeah. It's never the poo you want to know. I should have known right away. There's no women. Yeah. I've heard that about Coronado. It was dude. It was brutal. I was talking to some Navy SEALs and they got to do their training there and that the shit they're saying there's like a shit pipe from Mexico. that runs right up in a Coronado. So you're in there doing training and you're like, there's this fucking turns.

Stomp from south of the border. It was, we got to build a wall there. Bro. Sea wall. That's one everybody can agree with. Can we agree on that one? I just saw that right before y'all got to it. And their catchphrase that they're yelling,

there's an activist group that yells, stop the poop. Like, that's their whole thing is stop the poop. I mean, San Diego is beautiful. Did not be able to get in the water. We need a catchphrase. We need something direct. What is it going to be?

Stop the poop. I mean, I'd much rather deal with the jellyfish than like a corn pocked turd. The Mexican jellyfish. Mexican jellyfish, you have to crap on it instead of pee on it, like, to get the sting off your body. That would be upsetting. For sure. San Diego just beset upon all sides. Yeah.

Go in there. You're like, this is like the perfect city. Yep. And crackhead bum. you poop water. Yeah. Otherwise, perfect city. Dude, I couldn't agree more.

Every time I go there, it's too, like, I always stay in the gas lamp, which is like their party area. You get out of, like, doing a show, and you're like, this is, like, this is like hell. Just like drunk women and dresses, like up to their tits, just like falling over. And you're like, God, this is like sad. I saw a lady that had to bring out a wheelchair for her. She was so drunk. And she's just, like, in a wheelchair and like a short, like, you know, club, super short

dress. And it was just wide open. She was just like sitting there. I was like, Jesus Christ. God damn. Shame. Yeah. Try to help her, but I'll offer to wheel her.

I'll take it from here, fellas. I'll wheel her to the hospital. I'll take her home. Yeah. No, it's sad. Every time in San Diego, I've heard it's like the perfect place and I'm always like, I don't know, man. Well, that downtown area is a nightmare. But yeah, you have to go to the beaches and just like get out of like that main party area.

Then it's good. That's what I've heard. But then, dude, like, I've walked to, like, Balboa is that one park? Yeah, that's a nice park. I walked up to Balboa. I saw two bleeding homeless guys. Bleeding? Bleeding.

Both of them had, like, bleeding wounds. And they came towards me. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. Bleeding homeless is crazy. Bleeding homeless is crazy. Bleeding homeless is. Oh, good I have a dog.

Like, ah. It was, and it was like, you know, one or two, fine. And it was like, there's like a dozen homeless guys. The top of, yeah. What is a group of bombs called? I just what I said. there's got to be another one. There's got to be a term for a group of bombs.

A murder. Murder of bombs. A rascal. Well, they used to call to a convention when they'd all gather up back in like the old could call it a convention of bombs. Yeah, it was the old glory days. They would call it a convention. Tent.

Tent of bums would be nice. Yeah, you'd have to, if you had a farm, you'd have to wake up in the morning, like, shake them out of your haybells, call the police. The constable will come, lock them up for. Get back. Vagency. There's no true term, but the only slang turn at the time. comes up is a hobo jungle.

Hobo jungle. Everything else is encampment, Temp City, shit like that. Sounds kind of hobosexual to me. Yeah. The old glory days of hobos are over. They were cool for a while. Oh, like, yeah, hopping on the back of trains

and different things like that. The handkerchiefs, the bendels, like with the sticks and the different things like that. Kind of beans, bindle. Good stuff. Do you remember the dinner? Did you see Dennis the menace?

That's what I said. beans. Him forced feeding Christopher Lloyd. So much bean. Every time I see someone slicing apple and eat the slice, I think of the bum from Dennis and Maness. He does that. It's such.

Yeah. It's seared. The bum from Dennis and Manus was. Yeah. That's an underrated character. Christopher Lloyd in that. Yeah, he killed it. I still think about him.

His belly. Just the shots are so gross. And what was the problem? The bum came to like terrorize the city? I don't even remember the plot. Yeah, it was just one bum. Back in the day, they used to be like,

holy fuck, there's a homeless guy. There's one. Now it's like, now there's two bums bleeding, 800, boom, towards the McCusker and a park.

Yeah, he's like, that's my Friday. Think about it a lot. You know, no one knows what to do with those guys. You build them houses, then they OD inside.

So it's like, all right, let's get back outside. That happens. It's a big thing. Yeah, of course. So you got to give them back outside. Maybe a greenhouse.

Yeah. They start growing out of the ground. Terrarium. Yeah, true. You get, you know, temperature controlled, obviously, but here we go. Oh, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew, the number one brand for better sex. Blue Chew just dropped something crazy, Blue Chewold.

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hey, I'm going to be watching TV. I'm going to be watching football day. She or he gets a little grumpy with you. For sure. And you go, watch this. I'm going to knock that attitude right out of you. Bro. Blue, chew gold. Ooh. Think about that.

The real, hit her with the real deal. Or him. Hit her with the hammer. Or him. Or him. For him. For him, for sure. Here we go.

Guys, oh, please this weekend. Please come. Please, pretty please. Real Oak, Michigan. That one's looking good. Good on you, Michigan. Milwaukee, Wisconsin at the Riverside Theater. I got to show this, it's this Saturday, guys.

I don't know how tickets sales. deal yeah for real guy milwaukee come on i've been telling the country you guys have the best steakhouse in america and you show me nothing but hatred uh charlotte north carolina then i'll be in jacksonville florida florida fort lauderdale tampa orlando newark new jersey guys don't embarrass me there it's a three thousand cedar you're not humiliated really fucking bugging out about that baltimore mary clumbus ohio cincinnati san diego sacramento oh yeah let's get in here stand in front of the camera stand in front of it yeah true in front of it

that's the side of it get in front hey everyone it's me lamare and yeah please come see me on October 8th in Indianapolis for Let's Fest in October 10th and Maryland

for another festival at yumbies and then at the at the Creek and Cave I've to knock this at first there Tuesday and also you know at the end month I'll be in Jacksonville at River City Carbone. Come check that out too. And Orlando. I couldn't hear you. Yeah. It's right. You did it too fast. It's all right. No, that's good. Yeah. No one knows what to do. But you live in California way, right? Yeah.

We're about roughly. You don't have to give your... Like mid-city. Got you. Yeah. Yeah. It's like between like, it's like a little bit west of like Korea town and like just south of the Hollywood. Nice. Yeah, so it's like 15 minutes. Oh, the bombs. In that area, they're, they're pretty chill. They're not, like, it's not, like, super active they kind of keep to themselves.

It's more the Hollywood bums that, like, those are the people who, like, they were trying to make it or they were there for a specific reason. And now they've just, like, gone off their rocker. But, like, if you're out of the Hollywood area, then it's a little bit more normal. Chill bombs. Yeah, more chill, like, you know, just trying to get by kind of a thing. Not like, not like, can I? I do five minutes on your show. Yeah.

I like a good humble bum. Right. I also like when they tell jokes or have like some sort of craft. I always respect that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Come up. Like if they have a funny, like, cardboard. Funny cardboard is like I'll, yeah.

Funny cardboard's good. Yeah. Paint yourself silver, stay on a box, pretend to be a robot. Perfect. Great bum. A good reveal sign. Like, give me a dollar and then it folds down. And I won't have sex with your wife.

And you're like, huh, okay, here you go. Yeah. I saw a guy in San Francisco once. time. He had carved a giant mouth out of like, he had like a cardboard box. He sat in and he would go, give me money. And he would just yell horrible. He had to feed him dollars. He'd be, yeah. I was like, I would have sat there all day and just shoved money into the fucking box. There's a tiger Woods golf bomb next to the cellar. Really? Comedy seller. You guys ever see him? He's great. He's just like cardboard boxes. He dresses like a golfer and you hit the golf ball across

the street. Bro. Guys awesome. Yeah. I actually might be his. Yeah, his tiger hood. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. The good hustle. I like a good house by now. He's been that hustle. True. Good hustle. Paid up.

You think he's committed to the part and has gotten multiple DUIs and stuff too? I'd tell you. Yeah, you think he goes full Tiger? Probably. I could flips his car. Occasionally. Calls the president.

I'm sure he's gotten pulled over and be like, I'm calling the president. No, you're not. I want the tiger comeback so bad. He's done it before. We all do. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's rooting for that guy.

I hope he knows it. Everyone wants to see Tiger dominate. It would be. Everyone loves talking. How's Romo doing after the DUI? Recent DUI? Yeah, you got DUI before the season. I think they fired him.

Didn't he fall off his motorcycle, too, or something? I'm thinking of Rothless. I'm thinking of Rathless, man. Romo got the DUI. Romo called Dewey. Yeah. Really? Smiling.

Great DUI shot. Yeah, he knows the boys. He's going to love it. The whole time. Sorry, don't wait on me. I'm trying. I'm sorry. I was trying to look up.

Got some of the best producers. He asked me. He asked me a question. I know. They just answer themselves. They don't look anything up. No Romo. No Romo.

So far, he's just been hit with some fines. Yeah, he's not working. They kicked him off the team because he got a DUI? He's an announcer. What? Oh, yeah. I was going to say he's an old dog. He's a great announcer.

You kind of want your announcers getting a little deep. You want the announcer's little sauced up. Yeah. Adds to the game. Yeah. 0.15. almost dub at the legal limit what if this should have been driving but come on man 0.15

we were saying yeah if he was in Dallas that would have never happened yeah where do you get pulled over Wisconsin yeah Wisconsin you'd think that would never happen yeah yeah Wisconsin they'd be like 0.15 you're fucking sober brother yeah god damn yeah yeah that's unfortunate so is he just suspended he better get back on the desk he'll get back he might yeah can't drive for six months No problem. That he's going to have to blow. Oh, he's going to get the thing? Breathlizer and the whip.

For one, DUI, is that his first? Wait. What happened? He admitted to over-reliance on alcohol. He pleaded not guilt, or no contest, but he admitted to being over-reliant. So he can get the treatment plan, basically. Yeah.

Oh, getting the blow thing in your car. That thing stinks. You got to keep blowing in it, too, because you usually get stopped. Yeah, stop. I used to work with a guy who'd always be It was because he would get his wife to blow in it for him. And then he would try driving it and just be like, it would just stop.

And he would get, oh, I'm actually stuck at wah-wah. I got it. I'm like, bro, you're drunk. See you at 10 o'clock. I had somebody recently at a weekend of shows that I did that was taking me to morning press to do radio to promote the shows. And we're having a conversation just like this. And then all of a sudden I hear this really weird noise. He goes, excuse me.

And then tries to resume the conversation. with me with a state of Missouri or where was it what state? Give me a state. I'm trying to remember what there's some good there's some good club owners and guys that'll drive you. Dude and he he tried to resume it like it was like nothing's like so you were saying I just started dying laughing. I go bro really? Like I had to acknowledge it was like like that's kind of hilarious that you tried to just roll with that like seamlessly like it was so loud and like he was like turning red he was blowing so hard. Like while he's still driving and like

looking at me and like... Dude, he's got to be like, brother's car, fucking piece of shit. Dude, I had a... One of my guy knew his older brother caught one and his car was his mom's van. They had to install it in his mom's van. So now she can't drink and drive,

which is bullshit. Now she's not loud. Yeah, that's fucking nonsense. And then you have it on there for a while. So I know the first one's like a slap on the wrist. Second ones, I think. Weekends. Third is definitely jail time. Weekends? You get to see your car every other weekend.

Dude, we used to, me and Blizz love the, there was a kid we knew that did comedy who had weekend jail. Yep. Had to get dropped off. What? Yeah. We're just, we're just laughing about the guys inside being like, oh, he's coming. Yeah. Like a guy like, oh, what's up?

Boy, it's the weekend. Trying to run the fade right now. Like, oh, fuck. It's just a guy waiting inside. I do you go fuck. It's Friday. I gotta go fight this. Delaware County has the DUI hut. It's like you, it's the weekenders. All, all the DUI guys go. It's probably a hoot in there. It's probably awesome, dude. It's probably great. Fire up the sweets, the peanut butter crackers.

Yeah. If you are like three plus in certain places, you could potentially get a lifetime requirement of having the thing on your car. Yeah, I think it all depends. on the BAC. Yeah, true, true. On the extent of it. Yeah, they're not playing about that. Lifetime blow car is so funny.

The Boozguzoo. I understand. I understand the strictness. That's so fucking lame. Three is crazy. Drinking and driving is lame as fuck, dude. Yeah. My dad had one on his car for a while and he'd have to blow into it.

And he would hum the national anthem into it while he did it because he didn't to come off as a gay blowing into it. See, you could be a legend in the pub, dude. What a fucking beast. You come from a long line of legends. You could be a legend in the pub. He's like, ooh. They should have gave him the flashlight attachment.

True. This is a fucking blow through a pussy. Blow through the pussy is actually. Blow through the bottle. I'd whistle through the butthole. now you're on something you just spread the cheese I put a butt hole and I put my truck

balls hanging off I am blowing it a no trans breathalizer yeah it does talk getting an older guy and having a fucking mouth apiece is tough yeah especially you ever see that old there's that famous like news interview

they're interviewing locals because they just passed the DUI laws and guys are in their trucks like, what the fuck? Not allowed to drink and drive. I'm not allowed to have a six-pack on the way home from work in my truck. What the fuck. They're like drinking in their cars while they're getting interviewed. This is some bullshit, dude.

Fuck this country. It was a thing, man. You could have a six-pack of Miller Light and just that was like your lunch. There was dudes that used to rock like that. Back when this used to be a proper country. Free country. Yeah, remember there was a plumber. I never worked with him.

but he always had one of those little, like, old school, like handle coolers, and it was just six beers. It's the only way to get work done. True. Literally. Yeah, the honkeys is that now we're all, nobody's actually working. So we're like, drinking, driving's bad. Now the lads.

Now we're putting that on the lads. Yep. That's the only way to get through a day of plumbing. You go, I have a six-pack. Yep. It's lunchtime. I'll feed the lads up every now and again. Got it.

They're ever working in the house? You're, yeah, boys, I got some Friday. Go, hit him, hit him with some. The lads do not. The lads do not turn out a cold. one after the job. You offer the lads a cold one after their shift? They're taking it.

Gave him like truilies one time. They're like, yeah, whatever. Give me that. You do, dude. Dude, the lads, I, every time I had to stop. I'm like, dude, is there anyone better?

Lads fucking rule. So hard. They're up there. They are. They fucking rule. I'm trying to think. Polacks. Polacks are nice

I like some Eastern Europeans They're very funny Yeah Pani you know that's sir in Polish Pani no say Pani That's like the respect term Panii You're ever see a Polish guy

Pani please really Pony yeah it's like Polish high society How do you spot a Polish guy Blockhead Yeah big blockhead Lego head Big fat dick Big thick dick

Yeah excuse me sir Could I see your dick real quick Yeah it's big blockhead Usually So Pani You're hitting with Pani Pony, please. I'm going to save that.

I'm going to hit blues with that. I'm going to save it. What's up Pani? It's their version of Poppy, kind of. Pony. Real. I believe you. I just learned this last night. I was so excited.

You learned it last night? Yeah. How? I'm reading the Russian classics. Oh, nice. They encounter a couple of poles. And they keep being like, Pani. And they're like trying to be boys with Polish people.

And they have like two drinks. And they're like, to Russia, the greatest empire. And the polls won't drink. And they're like, you fucking bastards. we drank to Poland, Pani, please. Drink to Mother Russia. They say, we'll drink to Russia

pre-1700s when it was still great. And they go, Pony, disrespect us. Pony. Before they freed the serfs. That was crazy. You just have a property. You just have fucking 500 serfs on your property. They were kind of slaves.

Surf them? Yeah. They were essentially slaves. Yes. So. Yeah, I got that going. Yeah, I was watching some lady today give a speech about how capitalism

ruined everything. Because it was like up until capitalism, we had all this. It's like, there's a lot of stuff before capitalism. Yeah. And it sucked ass. This is pretty bad. Dumb bitch. So that got me fired up this morning.

Yeah. I wonder what their case is. Like, what do you? Well, they go back to like almost like mythological and hunter gathering. Yeah. Like where the women did all the cooking. And you're like, okay. Go back there. See what happens.

You know, it's like a fucking head off. It's also like, and then every civilization somehow stop that. You know what I mean? It's around the world. I've been watching a lot of Kevin Sammills recently, so I can't. I just watch him Kevin Sam this morning. Really? What's he going on about?

I was watching him. I was listening to him battle a lady with a psychology degree. It was, dude, it's the funniest thing in the world. You know who Kevin Samuels are? No. Dude, you remember the black guy who'd wear a suit and tie and he would just like, he would do zooms where women could call in. He'd like, man, you're fat as hell.

Yeah, they would complain. It's women complaining about men. And then he would just be like, look at you. You're fucking ugly bitch. Fuck you. Fat bitch. You should be lucky somebody's trying to fuck you. Next caller.

It was great. The guy had a good thing going. He was good, but he died from a cocaine overdose. Legend. Yeah. Legend in the pub. Yeah, dude, you fire up some old school Kevin Samuels. Whatever he was good at, whatever he was doing.

He would wear a suit and tie and he sat in a studio as like a dim red light. And he was let ladies call in and try to like argue with him. He was like, this is the shit I'm talking. about man, disrespectful, ignorant ass. Shut the hell up, bitch. Excellent. And he would crush them in debate. He would always crush them. Okay, add the link to the list.

Check out Kevin Samuels. Kevin Samuels. Rap fucking and Kevin Samuels. Okay. Yeah. And then the Russian classics. Right. Right. True. Now you're entering the world. True. I was a bit ashamed. It was like 7.30 and I was like scrolling for

YouTube's like listen to on the way home and I'm like, it's too early for Kevin Samuels. It's never too early. First of psychology degree. I was fired. A 32-year-old lady with a psychology degree. Fucking grown ass acting like a petulant child. It's awesome. Yeah, it was great. How did the psychology degree lady do?

She was trying to pin him on, you're always, you have it out for black women. He goes, the seminar he was giving was, why are women angry? He goes, I didn't even mention black women. He says, give you your pictures of black woman. He goes, lady, do your research. I'm a black man. So when I buy thumbnails, I'm going to just represent myself by my own race. Every other YouTuber does it.

And she was like, well, and he's like, well, what? And it started destroying her. It was pretty funny. Yeah, it was whatever. Actually, he kind of let me down a little bit. I thought there's going to be a little more back and forth. He was just like, shut the fuck up. You're not going to talk over me.

So, yeah, watch that. It was pretty good. Well, it was pretty tame Samuels, honestly. But can't always be top of his game like that. True. I mean, he was good. His research was solid. That is true.

He goes, I'm not, you know, If I'm a black guy, I'm going to use black people in my art that I license for the show. Do you think you could do that? Do you think you could debate like, like furiously with somebody? Or do you think you'd fold under pressure? I can debate pretty serious. Yeah? Yeah.

Yes. They've all witnessed. True. He's a bit of a master at it. You know, what would your 1v20 be? Like you're at the table. Oh, you're right. Jeez, I never even thought about it.

What would yours be? I don't have one. Oh, okay. I could fight 20 AIs. Are you with 20? I could do women. I could do 20 black women. Yeah.

I think I could. Just with your experience? Yeah, I think I could. I really think I could. I would need like a corner guy though. I would need to like on camera. That would be tough. Off camera.

Yeah. On camera. We're allowed to say whatever we want. I would need people squirting water on my mouth. On camera, no chance. Yeah. On camera. You'd have to be like, yes, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you need an earpiece and you need a van outside of the location. Like, okay, Matt, stay calm. They've got you right where they want you. That would be tough. That would be tough. I'd have to wear my suit. I'd have to tap into my Kevin Samuels for sure. I would just do research.

Whenever they said, I would just pull up the appropriate Kevin Samuels clip and play and sit there. You're not allowed to say what Kevin Samuels said. I would play his clips. I would say, all right, for my ear, I heard what you're saying. Bang. I'm like, all right. So you'd go on a bit of a Stephen Hawking. Yeah.

Press button, Samuels clip. I would play it in the Hawking's voice, too. Yeah. You bitches be tripping constantly and you expect. Ain't no grown-ass man when I deal with that bullshit. Which is 240 pounds.

Shut up. I like how you're Stephen hogging is sling blade. Can you do a Hawkins? Can I do? Not one of my strongest. I shouldn't be. Yeah, I heard, no, I heard a guy I saw a guy doing recently on Instagram.

It was unbelievable. Who showed? Fuck, who showed me that? Drew Dunn has really, Drew Duns is great. And then I saw the guy on Instagram. He's like a British guy. Yeah, he's very good.

That was crazy. Yeah. I guess they say the trick on that one. I haven't tried it, but it's like an inhale voice. Yeah. It's like it. Yeah. True.

Don't, yeah, don't, don't, you know, don't mess up the brain. Don't risk it. I have bad hog. I know. No, my hog. I mean, yeah, if I go too hard on the throat then it just turns in... Balls.

Hey, yo. Hey, yo. Have you been going hard on your throat in L.A.? Have you ever gone too hard on your throat and not been able to do your impressions? Yes, right? Yeah. I have.

All right, Shane? Because then it just devolves into anything that wrecks your throat turns into. When's the last time your throat got wrecked? For real. Honestly? Honestly? Yeah.

I was doing an RFK Jr. impression for too long. Yeah. And then it just, you know. Dude. I'm just going too hard on your throat and it just tears it apart. Because it starts to sound like you just have a pubic hair stuck in the back of your throat. You're just trying to get out at all times.

It's a real issue. That's a surprise. I had to. Yeah, every once in my throat will get fucking wrecked when I'm on the road. And towards the end of my show, I'm like, oh, fuck, I got to do a Trump impression in this crowd, this entire arena. It's like, dude, I paid for the Trump impression. We don't care if you're through it's wrecked. We don't give a fuck about anything.

You got to plow through it. Saturday, the last, I did three at the garden, and the first two were just the best shows. Saturday, I got sick and I lost my voice. Damn. I was on stage. like fuck the whole show is really oh then mid i'd start a bit and be like there's an impression in this fuck there's an there's a fucking impression in every joke how bad was your voice you just it was fine apparently but i could hear it yeah yeah yeah i got off stage and was furious

in the evening you're upset you were yeah i get very upset yeah salty sometimes my throat just gets destroyed you know yeah on the road your throat can get fucking absolutely dude i've got my throat for like a month yeah my throat took a pounding yeah i was sipping tea trying to cool it down sip and teard dude T after I went to the diet I was always on a T

did you sip D and wrecked your throat When did when did you Rect your throat for a month I only chug D Oh you chug D Oh you chugged Yeah chugged D

I thought you're Sip T chug D so yeah I would go out I would pop cough drops You know mid joke Pop a cough drop in Kind of makes me feel like a pro I kind of like

I kind of like when my voice is all fucked up up it's like yeah man This is part of the fucking day I'm on the road You can hear it I had one where I had one where I I was losing it as the weekend was going on.

Yeah. And then by the last show, literally by when I woke up the next morning, completely gone. Whoa. So like it kept getting like deep. Yeah. Damn. Yeah.

How'd you get your voice back? You have to find Prince Eric and marry him? I had, uh, I was, when I was opening for soda, I got like a horrible fucking illness. Oh. Like I was, dude, I was like, drivet. sweating sweat. Terrible sore throat. Like it was, I remember plowing through that, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, Notre Dame Virginia Tech played that night. It's exciting. You can circle the date, dude. No name at V Tech. I was down Tucson way. Okay for the soad man. The last show I did before the lockdowns and everything during the pandemic,

I was on a show with, I was actively getting sick. and I was like my nose was running on that show and people in the room were like like kind of like should we even be out you know like it was one of those things during COVID yeah yeah cough or anything on stage shows ruined and uh I had uh I was headlining this this like one nighter down in like Huntington Beach and William Montgomery I had him on the show with me

and he opens with he goes I have COVID right now I have a cough I'm sick and literally the room's like Cool man It was so fun All the comics are just dying in the back Watching it's so good Discussing anything going on with you

Yeah never really works The same thing you go I just took a diarrhea I had diarrhea before this You can never mention You just took a shit before you came on Yeah I don't like that They don't like it

Yeah I try talking about the bidet The mother ship recently Yeah like even that was like Dude come on man You just took a shit It destroys the illusion of the confident performance.

Well, also, yeah, I guess so. Well, it humanizes you, I think, too much. Yeah. Because they want a little bit of that mystique of separation. It's also crazy to come in. Like, yeah, it's still going to shit. Yeah, well, this will be funny. Hey, guys.

Just clocking in. I got nothing. What did I do today? Oh, shit. I just go shit. I do like the bidet, though. The bidet is a fine invention. Solid.

Yeah, it's nice. Oh, yeah. A little too good, though. Really? It is. Which one? The bidet. Anyway, just like the, because you hit, turn it on.

It doesn't go on right away, so you wait and suspense. And then it's... You talk about the mothership one. Yeah. How often are you dumping it at the mother's? Every single time I'm there. You're such an asshole. What?

I hit the shit. Every time I do stand-up, I have to do shit. I'm popping in to be like a little sad. I won't, but if I have to do a whole hour, I have to shit before I go on. Yeah, I get that. It's just that's, I'm primed. I can not shit, but it's like, I need a shit. I hit it quick.

I hit it hard and fast, though. Baday helps. Yeah. That costs the wiping time. shitting's mostly wiping. Do you ever preemptively do it before? No, I've never done that. Just to juice the engine?

You're on my juice the tracks. You're on one today. I've been substacking, dude. You're crazy. Dude, ever since I started substacking, it's just like it all feeds everything else. Statements from this episode alone. Gums better than brushing your teeth.

Sometimes bad breath comes from the stomach. I blast my shit out. Shitings mostly wiping. I mean, if you're blasting healthy dumps, yeah, you're not spent a lot of time on the turlet, especially at the mothership. You got to get in and get out. Yeah, you do. Because there's always, there's just a hot waitress sitting that directly outside the turlet. Yep, exactly. Right. Or you could have a fucking, you could have, I wouldn't, I'm still waiting for just an angry Rogan on the other end. Like, I got to go on in two minutes. Someone's in here

shitting. So I never want to. I get annoyed of someone's shitting. Yeah. I'm like, I got to piss. I got to go on soon. Exactly. Who the fuck would bring a dump here? Dude, I do it all the time. Who on earth would bring it down here? I understand the emergency dumps. Yeah. And I do it every time.

Almost every time. But I try to be... The emergency dump before show is left. I don't do that anymore. But I have... The new thing is... I've been doing it for a while now. Before a show,

instead of being like nervous, my nervousness has turned into just being extremely tired. Yeah. So you're on the... For no reason. Yeah. Yeah. That is a weird.

It's also a quick burst right before you go on there? Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. I'm relying on that entirely. And then you go, oh, shit. I don't feel anything. Yeah.

I'm walking through an arena blasting fucking money for nothing. I'm like, what am I doing? All right. I'm almost up there. Hey, hey, everybody. Yeah, I feel like I need the first. I like really, it takes me five minutes to really like settle down and like the inner monologue for being like, what are you doing? Yeah.

The hell's going on here? It takes like five minutes for that to go away. Then I'm in the pocket. Meas, you're always juiced. Give that guy a fucking spot. He's juiced. I'll be juiced. Yeah, I can get juiced.

Yeah, you get juiced. You're pumped. Yeah. You're respecting the art form. You respect the art form. You respect the audience who paid their hardworking money to be there. Yeah. You're juiced.

It's also easier when it's not my show, you know. That definitely helps. True. It's so easy. True. Sweetest Spot ever's featuring. Oh, yeah. It's the best.

Oh, dude. 20. 20s might be the best. It's ideal. Yeah. Yeah. So fun. I'm good for 20 for sure.

Lamar and McCuster just did a stand up on the spot at Creek in the Cave. That'll be coming out here in a couple weeks. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a fun one.

It's so fun. Yeah. Had a blast. I decided for that. It's a, you did like one of the first early one, Shane. I did one here, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You did want it.

It used to be called the parish, but now it's called, it's a Sunset Strip Club. That's where that one was filmed at. The only qualms I have is people clip it and then think that that's my stand-up. I saw him running his mouth about something. I was just talking. Right, right. Yeah, we tried to water market and, but yeah, people. It'll get clipped.

People also so dumb, too. You can watermark it all. You could literally write, this is a show where people go, that's his shit. Right, yeah. But yeah, I get, I've gotten that before. Like, man,

this guy's really a dick to the guy in the audience. I'm like, hold on a second. Hold on. It's interacting. Like, it's voluntary.

It's all fucking, it's all just motion and juice on the web, so who cares? It's all about motion and juice on the web. Are you about motion and juice on the web? More about motion and juice on my throat. Ooh.

Oh, my don't. Oh, Lord. Might have to title it throat wrecked. It's not a way. nothing worse than getting your throat absolutely throttled before show hey what's up this stevo and you just got throat wrecked Nate you ever get your throat wrecked I'll be honest my throat was wrecked last week I'm just recovered Jesus I thought you're gonna say no at least no all right who wrecked it just I was just yapping I was yelling I was yelling with lemese

what are you guys yelling about oh we're yelling about you t and we got drunk and just kept You were defending UT's honor. I was, I might be a U.T. guy. It's something about it. You needed a team, yeah. Yeah, and I've been looking for it. And it feels real. And you refuse the Irish.

I don't refuse the Irish. I root for you guys. You refused. I would love to hate the Irish, but it's not, if it's not real, it's not real. It would feel good to be like, ha-ha, fuck your team, but I don't feel that way. Hmm.

He was a bandwagon, Alabama fan. And then now that Alabama's mediocre, he's like, I don't really like him. I still root for him when I watch him. two, I just, I live, this is the first, like, college town I've lived in. And, you know, I'm experiencing the city, love the team. I've never, I've never lived in the band. You love the boys.

I love the boys. Your horns up. Your horns up. Huh? Horns up, dude. I'm not, I'm not going to commit to horns up yet, but I, I, I'm starting to start. Yeah. Your horns up the butt.

Get you with the shock. I get why you like to look up. Yeah. You say two in the butt. We were running jokes Nate is gay We've been doing it for Anytime there's nothing to talk about

We go, Nate, you ever fucking sucker guy? You fuck a guy or something? So that's what we do here. That's pretty cool, man. Oh man, it's a good time. Yeah. Well, we've done it again.

Yeah, we did. Nobody thought we could. Bro. Thank you, Jeremiah. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah. You, uh, the special? Oh, yeah.

I'd love for you guys to check out. It's called Crazy. pizza, Jeremiah Watkins crazy pizza. It's on my YouTube. I directed it. I edited it. Love how it came out. And yeah, leave me a comment if say he came from Manchained Secret Podcast.

I don't know if you want that. They're nasty guys. You know, type in throat wrecked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, type in something like about you know, like the hurts, the frequencies, you know. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Thanks for having me on. And dude, I love

having you guys on stand up on the spot. You both have Open invites whenever. Always a pleasure of riff with you all. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks, brother. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

Do it.