Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Fart Talk

Episode Date: December 18, 2019

NGL alot of fart talk on this one. We do talk about other stuff, but mostly farts. 

We're in the motherfucking building, baby. Oh my god. Let's go, dude. Oh my god. We're in, baby. Computer is... The Asus is failing. What is?

The Asus? The Asus. I think the Chai Coms hacked my Asus, dude. Who? I think the Chai Coms. What's that? The Chinese communists. You think the commies are...

I think I've heard Chai Coms before. I don't know what it means. Hopefully it's nothing bad. Hopefully it's nothing bad. No, I've heard... If so... Jones is always like, know the joycoms oh wow

so I think oh wait you're getting slangs from Alex Jones pretty much yeah alright so I'm just shooting at the hip it's probably not our best

I think they sent I think they sent some Huawei waves at my Asus dude and took it out I've never even heard of the brand of computer you have

I've never seen one other person with an Asus Asus this is just like some Korean Asus I think As This is just like some Korean. Asus. I think Asus is just like some Korean factory worker's side hustle.

As us. Oh, you think it is? As us? No. No. I think it's Asus. I'm telling you, I think they probably hit my rig with Huawei waves, dude. They know.

Computer plugged out. Because they know we stand with Hong Kong. Obviously. They know we stand with Hong Kong. For. They know we stand with Hong Kong. For sure. Don't trust China. China's fucking asshole, dude. China is asshole.

Oh, no. Dude, actually, I'm a fucking asshole right now. Why are you asshole? I think my mom... My mom... I fucked up a little bit in the family group text for my entire mom side of the family because my one aunt's doing

christmas having everybody over which is gonna be tight i can't wait but the um in my head i was thinking i'm like you know what because they always get a beach house every year they my mom's aunts get a beach house and i'm like i the last couple years i just feel weird going down there because i'm like i'm too like i should be like either contributing or like getting my own place i just feel like it makes me feel like a little kid. I just, I don't like it. It's weird. I mean, I'm happy to be down there, but it's just like,

so I thought this weekend I was sitting there, you know, obviously I was out near the great Pacific. I'm reflecting and I'm like, you know what I got to do? I'm going to send a thing to my family text, like the mom's side while they're all gathered in the Christmas dinner group chat. I'm going to tell them like, look, this year, I'm going to get a beach house take the

load off the geezers let them save up for like a safari you know they'll be nice but they save their money let them go do something cool but i my examples are an african safari or go to thailand for sex tourism how did they feel about that no dude it was not well received really so i was talking about my two aunts i was like let them go to thailand for sex tourism oh no you push boundaries i push boundaries in the group chat damn dude wherever you go you're pushing i couldn't dude well in my head i was like i'm sitting there and i'm like it was such a nice sentiment that i'm like yeah i want to let these guys like go actually like travel outside of the tri-state area i mean they've been to like ireland that's it so like like say it was dude like a beach house at at Seattle is like fucking $2,500 a

week. So if I get a bunch of my cousins, every white trash person, that's like their Hajj. They have to return to Mac. They have to get to Mac. They have to make the pilgrimage once to go to Ireland. You go to like three bar crawls, take a picture in front of a hill and be like, it was so nice to be home. I can tell it was my homeland. You just get an old Navy fleece and stand in front of a hill and you're just like

yeah dude yeah went to ireland i can die now yep so they've been there obviously i think they've been there like twice so they've been to ireland twice so i wonder who plays there next season who do they play against uh navy again they played baby yeah in ireland season opener i might make the trip the crowd's gonna crowd's going to be sick. That would be an awesome trip, dude. Yeah, that'd be a fun trip. Out to Dublin, 2020. Yeah, man.

That'd be awesome. Gotta go. I might do that. My Uncle Neil might go with you. Tell Neil to come. He probably will. You know what? After Dublin, where are we going?

Where? Thailand. He honestly, my Uncle Neil, was the only person to say he liked it and said, I'm down for some sex tourism. So he probably will go with you. Yeah, man. Everyone else is pretty, my little sister kind of spaz. Everyone's being just negative.

O'Connor is always on sex tourism. True. He doesn't have to go to Thailand. He'll go anywhere he goes, dude. He brings Thailand here. The kipsy is Thailand. Yeah, it was pretty funny. I thought my family would appreciate it.

And I'm thinking about it and I'm like, you i i gotta i gotta jolt their catholic souls dude they need to loosen up a little bit man it's like the word sex tourism it's just like combined with like the idea of my aunts and one thing like dude like people were texting me shit like did you say that on purpose it's like what do you guys can it's like our aunts have sex. It's fine. Loosen up. Did I tell you, did we talk about my grandma's funeral? No. Was that this week? We did. You and I spoke about it.

Was that before the cast? Yeah, it was before. That was after we recorded. It was the most recent. It was right after you dropped the history app. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. After the history. I drove home.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had the funeral. It was good. So you dropped the history app and just went right into a horizon. Dropped the history app. Went home. Got home at like 1 a.m. Had to wake up for a funeral. It was good. So you dropped the history app and just went right into a horizon. Went home. Got home at like 1 a.m.

Had to wake up for a funeral. Woke up to my dad just banging on the fucking door. He's such a motherfucker. Was he like, let's go? Yeah. About waking you, just three punches on the door. It scared the fuck out of me. And then I'm like, what?

You know, you wake up furious. Yeah. So I was like, what the fuck out of me. And then I'm like, what? You know, you wake up furious. Yeah. So I was like, what the fuck is your problem? And he was like, ah, let's go. I knew it. He's such a fucking dickhead. His favorite thing in the world is waking me up. It's the best.

Nothing he likes more than waking me up. It's the best, dude. Oh, on fucking thanksgiving eve i came home late got home at like 4 30 in the morning and he was he was obsessed with it he was so happy he's like and guess who i heard creeping up the steps around 4 30 in the because he was downtown he was having parties just loves it loves talking shit and then loves waking me up the next morning of course

loves waking me up at like 9 8 8.39 the next morning what's the matter bud I've talked about it before you've been in that basement there's a fucking light

right above my bed in the basement that you could just turn on from the top of the steps when I lived at home he would literally just walk by and turn that on

in the morning. For no reason. Just to be a dick. For no fucking reason. Like, what are you fucking sleeping all day for? Yeah, I've had that, like, drilled into me. If I'm, like, if I were ever to, like, sit idle in my house, if my mom caught me, like, not in the state of motion,

she'd be, what are you doing? You want something to do? Are you bored? Because I'll give you something to do. I'll give you something to do. It's like, what the fuck, man? I just got home from school. Are you bored? You want something to do? Are you bored? Because I'll give you something to do. I'll give you something to do. It's like, what the fuck, man? I just got home from school. Are you bored?

Turn this off. What are you watching? Turn this off. It's like, dude, you wake me up at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, but get out of the house. I'm going to give you something to do. You want to do chores? You want to go outside? I'm like, what the fuck, man?

Yeah. Just woke up. The funeral was tight, though. That's what's up. Good funeral. Did you really have a good one it was a nice funeral yeah if someone's old enough the funerals tend to be pretty tight yeah it was nice everybody was pretty relaxed uh what was funny is like standing in that line like you

know when everybody comes in like shakes your hand yeah you were in like the i was i was kind of on this i was on the outskirts hanging out but everybody that came up was like sorry for your loss and that snl thing was just literally, because it was all people from my hometown. Oh, fuck. I had to talk for five minutes, literally 10 seconds about my grandma. And then four minutes about SNL. People just shook your hand like, sorry about SNL. And then went to your head, sorry about the lady.

Yeah, entirely. That's actually funny as well. Uncle gave a fucking tight eulogy. Did he really? Real tight. Yeah. Hit the fucking notes. He crushed it. Did he really? Real tight. Yeah. Hit the fucking notes. He crushed it.

Did he really? Yeah. And I also didn't really. Oh, hilarious. Did he slide a piece of paper out of his breast pocket and put it down? He had like four. He was a good writer. He had some really well-written things.

That's what's up. Pretty sick. Made me like my grandma a little more because she was always very serious and stern. But she kept that same attitude like when tragedies would happen like she was she was pretty great depression mindset yeah she was pretty unshakable like a daughter her daughter died her fucking grandson died give a transcript of the speech i could get it i want to fact check it my uh i'm gonna fact check it like they did to roots alex haley but uh actually uh that didn't happen my fucking aunt died and then my cousin died her son the

same same fuck like a month apart when was this uh late 90s damn yeah like around there early 2000 was that part of the eulogy well yeah he fucking like that changed our family for forever but like she was very stern and like kind of never never showed weakness about that for sure like was never like woe is me type thing did she live in america or was she from she she was american okay she was american yeah back then it wasn't like if your sibling died it was like yeah wasn't her dad was a monster really he was talking the eulogy, he talked about that. O'Connor? Contact, yeah. Contact calling me, too.

Answer the contact. What's up, bro? Yeah, what up? Am I going to your house? Am I going to your house? Oh, shit. No, no. Beezers.

All right, cool. Later. Just wanted to make sure. All right, brother. I'll see you in one minute. Later. That's O'Connor. I don't know why I put it off.

I was hoping he said something fucked up me too uh oh her father was a monster his name is fucking like i forget his keelan was his last name and he was a fucking bare knuckle boxing champ in the navy during world war one jesus on like a transport vessel yeah A vessel that carried like 30,000 troops. He would fight them. He could beat up all of them? He would fight them

during World War I. Bare knuckle boxing champ. Jesus, man. That's awesome. So that's her dad. So that's what she comes from. Yeah. She came from a long line

of like psychos. He probably beat the fuck out of her, dude. If your daddy's a bare knuckle boxing champion. From fucking World War I. Coming home all PTSD'd and you the fuck out of her, dude. If your daddy's a bare-knuckle boxing champion... From fucking World War I. ...coming home all PTSD'd and you're his sweet little pee, dude... He gets knocked around a little.

...he's probably beating her fucking ass. Yeah, dude. What did he get into, like, her early life and marriage and everything? Yeah. She married my old grandpa, old Jack Kilkenny. How long did he... He died when I was in like eighth grade seventh grade but i the whole time he was alive i never really he was already he was like dementia'd out yeah

he was chilling that's what's up yeah he was straight 50 first dates 50 first dates every time the notebook all that the notebook with like an irish immigrant like a stern fucking like nothing loving just woke up like i am your wife we've done nothing together that's good just like eat this um but yeah it was good it's all right that's what's up sick funeral dude so you guys had like a little party time afterwards nice little party i had to get back had shows sure had shows in the big city that night dude i. I had to say, yeah, peace out, fam. Later, guys. Peace out. My niece sang. That was pretty funny.

At the funeral? Dude, I laughed the entire funeral. At the wake or the funeral? At the funeral. What'd she sing? She went up on the balcony and sang in the church. What'd she sing? Eagles Wings? I forget.

I forget, probably. That's what's up. Dude, I can't be in church. Yeah. I laughed the whole fucking time what else did you laugh at i don't know well katie was like my niece is about to sing she's like she's about to go on and sing and then it was a different lady singing it was like clearly an old woman that was like oh and i was like is that her like i don't know katie saw my face when the lady

started singing be like what the fuck This is what she sounds like? Oh, yeah, because you can't turn it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just, yeah, nothing. Oh, my God. I was asked to read. I said no. Yeah, you did say that last time.

I was like, I can't read. There's no way. And thank God, because the reading was, at the end of it, the last line of the reading was like, and the coming of his son. And for some, dude, that killed me. You think you would have passed? Just the last sentence being the coming of his son. I was in the pews just like.

Yeah. Sick funeral, dude. I had a bad case of the giggles the first night. So I owned to California for four days. The first night I got there. Out in Cali for four days. No big deal. That is what it is. Come on, bro. just hopped on a southwest jet went out there dude the uh

i had bad gas i had really bad gas like the two days leading up to that like like excruciatingly like every 45 seconds bad gas and the uh so when it was like farting every 45 seconds for two days no man at least like when i idled at nighttime, for sure. It was like every couple minutes I'd lay in bed. Engine was revving. And then if I would move a little bit, it just fart would tumble up. I'm like, motherfucker.

It was ridiculous. How did your lady take that? I'd excuse myself from the room. This is what I do. So I'm naked at bedtime. So I'll excuse myself. I get naked at bedtime, too. Yeah So I'm naked at bedtime. Yeah. So I'll excuse myself. I get naked at bedtime too. Yeah.

I'm butt fucking naked. Sick being naked at bedtime. It's awesome. But then I'll be, when I have to excuse myself, I just walk out into the hallway naked and fart as loud as I can. So then like I was doing other stuff where like I started getting bored. I kept farting so many times. Yeah.

Eventually I started doing stuff where I would like, I couldn't, if it was like kind of rumbled in there. Yeah. I would walk up and go into like kind of like uh i guess it would technically be like child's pose for yoga yeah but i do something similar to that and then just like open my butthole and it's like open enough so it's like no i was still getting vibrato every single day so like but even still i would like bend down the frog pose and fart. I'd lift my leg. I was like, dude, I'm doing a different pose every single time. It's like at 1 o'clock in the morning, dude. I'm waking up to fart. And then I started squeaking them out at nighttime.

They were so bad. I've woken her up with farts before. Smell or sound? Smell. You've woken someone up with smell? Yes, 100%. It's tough. That's insane.

That's tough stuff. That's insane. Yeah, man. Well, I just switched back to primarily plant-based again okay so i was like i gotta go back on for two weeks so like i had a hard amount of beans out of the system in like a 48 hour span and then i had a lot of treats i was in chicago just a week before yeah so i had a lot of traveling i've been moving chicago cali dude is sick as the weed, bro? I had no weed out there. No weed?

No. Oh, man. How dope is the fucking Cali weed? Cali weed is fucking sick. Cali weed is fucking sick. Love the fucking gnarly shit out there. Yeah, Cali weed makes up. It's so funny because when I'm in California, the last thing I wanted to do was smoke weed

out there. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Well, you're uncomfortable out there. You're not as comfortable. I'm comfy. I love- You like it.

I love California. You're a West Coast guy. I am. I'm basically... I don't know if I'm SoCal or NorCal. Yeah. I think I'm Dago. I think I'm San Diego to the bones, but I definitely can hang out.

You might be Diego to the bones. We call it Dago. Really? Me and the boys from around the OC, we call it Dago. Why do you guys call it Dago? D-A-G-O, dude. That's the tat you get. If you're from San call it Dago? D-A-G-O, dude. That's the tat you get. If you're from San Diego, you put in D-A-G-O.

Because there's a group, there's a gang up there called the I-E's. So you don't want to write out San Diego and have I-E's because if you don't fuck with that clique, you know what I mean? If you're in a white power crime group. But no, so I was farting hard I was just Farting on the airplane Fart farts

Dude I'm sorry to cut you off Go ahead please It's a story It's a nine minute story about farts You can cut me off No no no I'm gonna jump in with a story about farts

One of Like you know Like A church fart Unbelievably funny School fart Oh my god School fart and church fart

Top Unmatched For sure But one night A church fart, unbelievably funny. School fart. Oh, my God. School fart and church fart, top. Unmatched. For sure. But one night, on the ND trip, me and three of my friends were sharing a hotel room with my one friend's uncle, who had come with us. And he had been drinking a little, so he was pretty much passed out. Dude, my friend Dusty did exactly what you did, like fart every 40 seconds as hard and loud as he could, and he kept putting his ass against the hotel wall.

He'd be like, oh, God. And he would get up. He would laugh so hard. Dude, and these farts. Your uncles are rusty. The uncle was asleep, and we kept trying to wake him up with the farts that were the loudest fucking farts and against a wall.

I mean, it was one of those where you had to like. Against a hotel wall. Against a hotel wall and like trying to hold in a laugh when that was good. I think we did it for like an hour. Just the loudest farts. Holding in a fart laugh is nirvana. It's like the highest state of mental. It really is.

It really is, dude. First of all, I was laughing thinking about like uncles are basically fart shamans. He should have fucking. He's probably awake the whole time. He's probably awake. It really is, dude. First of all, I was laughing thinking about it. Uncles are basically fart shamans, dude. He should have fucking... He's probably awake the whole time. He's probably awake. He's like, yes, yes, young men. Yes, these are growing young men. Nice.

I've been kicked out of buildings several times for the fart laugh. Oh, really? I got suspended. For a fart laugh? In middle school. Dusty, again. Dusty farted off a pew during stations of the cross during stations of the cross so like every year we would always laugh during stations it's like

supporting a terrorist attack someone farts and you laugh in school they're just like you're you too you're out you're fucking out well that's what happened the teacher was like the teacher freaked out because the priest was the priest stopped he's in the middle of fucking stations of the cross and every year we used to always laugh we'd be like because it got to the one thing that was like and the jews yelled crucify him crucify him so i don't know we always fuck him yeah that's fine dusty farted very hard and i got she was like you're going to detention that's a pink slip is what it was and i was was like, but Dusty farted. And she was like, that's two. You don't say that in here. You're suspended.

You can't say fart in church? I guess. I did yell, Dusty farted. That's true. I remember I wasn't doing it to be funny. Wow, your teacher punches Pilate during Stations of the Cross? During Stations of the Cross, she crucified me. That's fucked up.

So it was like him and you and one of your other friends. You were like the robber. I couldn't deny him, dude. True. I was Barabbas. crucified me that's fucked up so like him you and one of your other friends you're like yes you're like the robber i couldn't deny him dude true i was barabbas dude you should have threw a fucking connor such a dumb dickhead is he beeping in just ringing the doorbell here let's do it chris o'connor welcome back to the cast i love you so much dude there we go we're good i'm so glad you're here i love you um talking shit about me or something not at all not once never you weren't even brought up once yeah dude oh Have you guys spent the whole episode Talking shit about me or something Not at all Not once Never You weren't even brought up once

Yeah dude Oh yeah you were What's mine We were talking about sex tourism And I said anywhere you go Is time Yeah We were just talking school farts

You were talking General farts And Yeah It was So I was I was telling Basically I was telling

A very long fart story Set across multiple locations It was like It very long fart story set across multiple locations. It's basically like the story of my trip to California started with like the two days prior to me farting just constantly. Yeah. So Shane had a very good story about his friend farting at stations across. So I'm going to bring in some farts. And this is Dusty.

Dusty was- Sounds like a good farter. The best farter of all our friends. That includes me. And I can you guys have heard that I lay down some bass you do the smell you're not

bringing the smell smells dude just just all about that bass I get the full laser light show dude it's all the it goes you get the fog machines yeah mine's like Universal Studios you know they have like a

little mouse tails tickle the back of your legs it stimulates all the senses dude it's IMA imax dusty was also the guy who i told you that we he used to shit differently in school like he would come up with a funny way to take a shit and then we would all go watch him shit oh fuck like then the last time we did it he was laying he was holding himself up on top of the stalls with his hands with it like in Like a gymnast.

Yeah, and his body in the shape of an L. So his legs were straight out, holding himself up like this. Is that like a pike or something like that? Yeah, it's a pike when you raise your legs. And he was like, his pants were off. So he's wearing just the top half of a Catholic school uniform, just like a sweater vest and a white button down. It would be great if his pants were still on

but unbuttoned at his ankles and he was like balancing them. His belt was dangling. Dude, he... I just remember so vividly the effort he was making because that's hard to hold yourself up.

Are you kidding me? So his face was like darker. There was nothing funny to this. No. For him. There was nothing funny. He was very serious and just like a tiny turd fell out

and there was like 15 dudes in the bathroom. They're like, oh. Our math teacher came in and was like, what the hell is going on? Dusty was up there like. What's he up to now? He's home. He's the fucking man, dude. Back in Canucksburg, balling out.

That's what's up, man. But yeah, I remember that. He farted and I got suspended. And then I went out in the hallway and cried. It was all funny games. Yeah. It was funny. Yeah, dude.

I was a little old to be crying too. Yeah. It was like sixth, seventh grade to be crying at school. That was a great injustice. People were walking by. I remember students walking by and seeing me crying and I was like, fuck. And then I was also just like trying to explain to the teacher, like, you have no idea what this is going to, like, I'm going to get fucked up for this.

Yeah. Like you just are writing down my name on a piece of paper that is just an ass whooping. Yeah, yeah. That was it. Oh, for sure. And that was the time I went home, showed my dad. He was mowing the lawn and I just held up a pink slip. And he just let go of the mower and was like, get upstairs.

I went up to my room and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck and then i heard him slapping the belt on the way up the steps and i was like fuck that no did you explain him the circumstances didn't even have there was there was no time dude oh no there was no time oh yeah i feel like that that's also my parents attitude was like they don't want to be involved in school get up on that they don't want to be involved in school. Get up on that. They don't want to be involved. So it's like even, yeah. You got to hear that your kid's a punk. Yeah, well, it's undisciplined discipline from your parents. Yeah.

Doesn't work. They're like, why did the teacher call me? I want to kick your fucking ass. As if you're going to be like, oh, dude, yeah. Should have kicked my ass. Now I'll be so good in school. Well, I did fear the fuck out of a pink slip. Yeah.

It does work. I mean, so did I, but I still got them all the time. I got them all the time, too. Mine, dude, if I came home with a pink slip, it was on sight. Yeah, it was on sight. My dad would see me. It was on sight. Didn't ask why.

Just immediately. Just a punch. Usually, it was just like a quick punch to like the chest or the arm or something. Yeah. Nothing too serious, but on this occasion, the belt. The belt is serious. But he wasn't that serious with the belt. He rattled your cage.

It was just to scare me. He wouldn't hit me that hard. It's also terrifying. It's so scary. You know, I'm fucking 12. Phil's jacked. Phil was a big boy. This was the height of his power. He's like 45. He made a circle with the belt and he's cracking it on the way up the steps.

That alone is terrifying. I made him laugh, though, when he did that. This is a corny story that sounds fake. But he was like, oh, you think you're funny? He's like, do you think you're funny? What are you going to do the rest of your life thinking you're funny? And I was like, I'll be a comedian. He started laughing.

He walked out. Pretty funny. That is funny. Yeah. Should have gave you the belt. But no, the shame of taking your shirt off and laying on the bed to get whipped in the back. That's a dog.

It's crazy, dude. It's crazy. Did your mom ever kick your ass? Yeah, she would slap or hit you or something. You ever call the tag team? I used to catch the tag team. Every now and again, both parents would be like the fucking, the rude, the naughty boys. Dude, well, your dad would get tagged in.

The first swing from your mom mom your dad's tagging Because it's probably weird to watch it's probably weird to watch your wife hit somebody Oh, yeah, yeah, you're comfortable. So you're like, all right. I'll take it from here. Yeah, I want to see you hitting the kids Yeah, usually my mom would hurt McGee But every now and again she would if I like if I did something that was jacked up enough my mom would jump in dude Yeah, and I had older sisters that would get fucking rocked. Yeah, I've watched. My mom would hit the sisters a lot more than me.

I've seen teenage girls. Not hard, but a slap. I've seen teenage girls get their ass kicked, and it's uncomfy, dude. Bro. It's just like... I saw my dad hit my one son. It wasn't my mom. I should be ratting him out like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom didn't jack up any teenage girls. I've been places where I've seen teenage girls getting beat by the parents, and it's like, whoa, this is super uncomfortable. Yeah, but they thrash about. Yeah, they don't take it well. The noises coming from it is like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The dude is just like, Stop. Dad, I'm fucking you. I'm sorry. See, Dan, yeah, it's tough my uh i'll tell the story fuck it uh my sister was out she stayed out party night really and she lied about where she was and she even had her friend that she lied and said she was sleeping in her house give her a ride back to my parents house in the morning and my my dad was like i'm gonna give her one chance

to tell the truth then he walked up to her and he was like in the front yard he was like where were you and she said her friend's house and he punched her just like in the chest yeah yeah yeah not the chest i think in the belly with a body shot yeah just on site dude in the front yard in the front yard she said she came up smiling like walking up the driveway like trying to hide she was probably in her head like fuck

fuck fuck why is he out here yeah I mean this is the same guy who punched his dog he showed up and skidded right in the belly yeah right in the gut dude

dropped her oh my god and then walked back inside let her yeah man that's back when you could punch your daughter in the stomach

yeah this was what just a Saturday morning. Were you watching cartoons? Saturday or Sunday morning. Were you just out the window just peeking out? Yeah, dude. Wild. Do you remember what your reaction was to that? I think I laughed.

I think there was no fear. When your siblings get hit, it's great. Yeah, it's not on me. It's so fun to watch. Yeah, the siblings getting beat up or slapped. I remember watching my mom slap my other sister. It was great. It's so fun to watch. Yeah, the siblings getting beat up or slapped. I remember watching my mom slap my other sister. It was great. It was really fun to watch.

Yeah. One time, Jesus Christ, now I'm going through these stories. One of them got kicked and rolled. What kind of kick are we talking? She was already laying on the ground. Like a pre-stutter? She was a little bitch. Like a gangbang?

Yeah, like kicked her on the side. No, not a stomp, like a kick to the side While she was laying down And she rolled Like with the kick Like tried to roll away From it and rolled It was during Christmas And rolled under the tree

And the tree fell Pretty great With a kick dude Oh that's awesome Kick from the maw Kick from the maw I believe That's what's up

I just remember the rolling Underneath the Christmas tree And it falling With like all the ornaments And shit Oh my god My mom tried to hit me once rolling underneath the Christmas tree and it falling with all the ornaments. Oh, my God. My mom tried to hit me once. And I was definitely caught it and said, I blocked it.

I blocked it. And to this day, I feel bad about it. Blocking it. Yeah. You parried her punch. I literally just like. Yeah. I don't know.

She deserved to have that one. Yeah. What were you doing? Yeah. Right. Right across the face. and uh yeah I don't know she deserved to have that one yeah where was she going what were you doing yeah right right across the face I was just like being bad in school

and then like uh got mad at her about like investigating scams don't worry about mom you bitch

what kind of scams were you up to uh it was just uh oh wait weren't you a bad boy yeah I wasn't very good didn't you go through

in college weren't you a dickhead too? Weren't you kind of a piece of shit? Yeah, yeah. The whole way was pretty. What'd you do? I just like... I think Okani has low-key been a piece of shit his whole life.

Dark past? You have a dark past? Yeah. Tell me about it. It's not that dark. It's mostly just not focusing on school and just getting in trouble. I, like, tried to deal drugs for a little while. That's what's up.

What were you playing? Just lots of weed. Nice. Like, my brother had bought just, like, a bunch of weed in Vermont and, like, brought it down to give to me to sell. And I was walking around with just a bag of weed in school and all my friends were like everywhere you went it stunk it was horrible and then it was just like there was a while where just like people would just like drive to my house and show up and i'd like walk out and you're obviously selling weed out of your parents and um who busted you my mom found it i like my mom came into school and i was like coming

out of a class and i just like done really well on like a project or something that's what's up and uh i was like really i was like in a good mood i was like holy shit i got like a good grade on a thing and i came out and i was like my mom was there and i was like oh mom i just got like an a on this thing she was like come home right now, I just got like an A on this thing. She was like, come home right now. Yeah. And she had like, I had stashed this shit in like a lamp. And she had found it. Like that was before like vacuum seal technology and all that stuff.

Yeah, it was just in Ziploc bags. She probably just definitely smelled weed. I don't know. I don't know how she. It was like in the basement. You think she just searched the fucking lamp? She was definitely down there and it smelled a ton of weed. She's one of those people who is very suspicious and will investigate things.

Christopher, no son of mine. No son of mine, Christopher. It would be like, there would be situations where I would like... You're out of the will, Christopher. The yacht will never be yours yeah I wish he would be so pissed

if he heard this I know I know he was literally like I think the only my dad would just be like are you dumb is the problem

you're dumb like he was like that's like the kind of good question the difference it's funny how much you can see

what different approaches to parenting does. Like my dad would just fuck me up. Chris's dad was actually like, oh, you're a fucking idiot? Yeah. Is that what's wrong? Yeah, exactly. And he would like,

and to have someone like genuinely confused, he'd be like, you don't seem that stupid on the outside. But what's, you're clearly dumb. Like everything you're doing is dumb he's right though he's right though i know but that hurts maybe your dad wasn't being mean maybe he was being like no i know yeah no i mean he was he knew what he was doing he was peppering you with some yeah yeah he knew

insecurities well he like you think he came from a rough background. Like, his dad was not the coolest dude. And so he resolved to not hit anybody. Yeah. So he used everything else in the toolkit. He used relational aggression against you. Just like, yeah. What are you, a fucking idiot?

Yeah, yeah. In Phil's defense also, the hits were never, it was just scary. It was just to scare you. It was shocking. Everyone's wanting to pop you and then you'd feel bad. Yeah, they're not Phil's defense also, the hits were never... It was just scary. It was just to scare you. It was shocking you. Everyone's wanting to pop you, and then you'd feel bad. Yeah, they're not going to take you. They're not going to... They'd accidentally pop you.

What is it called? DHS isn't coming for you. No, no, no. Let me tell you if they made you live in a false house. Yeah. No, my dad kicked the shit out of me. Kicked my ass. But again, it wasn't like a prolonged boom, boom, boom.

It was more or less like... It was just a coup de grace. It was like you would fucking come back with a slip, and it was just the guillotine in the form of a size... Would you try to fight back? Would you try to give it to... Absolutely never. Never.

Oh, because then you're in a real fight. You're getting fucking rocked. It was a guillotine just in a size 12 Wolverine work boot to the ass. He'd be like, turn around. I'm like, fuck. Wind up and just kick off.. He'd be like, turn around. I'm like, fuck, wind up and just kick off. And I'd be like, oh,

I can still remember that feeling of like impact into my asshole with a boot. And it's just like a, a weird shock wave. And it's like, it's bad feeling. It kicked in your asshole. You remember getting spanked and trying to like run away while you're

getting spanked? No, I never got, I never, I tried to be holding, like somebody would have you by the arm. I no i never got i never i tried to like you'd be holding like somebody would have you by the arm i will i would try to like yeah you know they'd be holding you and you'd i just remember i think i just froze yeah i think i just froze up that was with my brother with my brother i remember that was like always like i spent most of my childhood like

full panic sprinting away from him like sprinting up the stairs trying to like spin and lock a door as fast as possible how long how long did you sell weed for probably like a month that's what's up yeah yeah got busted right away what'd you do with all the cash what what'd you do with all the cash the feds take the cash too no no i had the money but i had to like i like i went in on it with another friend i had to like give some i gave like everything to him because we both lost a bunch of money would you guys buy

like an ounce of weed I don't know how much I think it was like a lot I think it was like a couple ounces damn yeah you guys are holding a cop

yeah we had like a lot it was a lot that's what's up yeah we had spent like a lot of money did you feel cool

yeah I did you thought you were cool for a while yeah I thought I was you were just going out in the driveway and just's slanging and like running back in yeah yeah and we're like yeah or i'd uh i'd like go for a walk i'd go for a walk around the neighborhood and someone would just like drive up and i'd like give them stuff yeah dude that was probably so obvious it was horrible it was horrible i just i have none of the actual like business acumen or

just talent to drug deal effectively. You know what I mean? I just like, I just bought the items and like engaged in the transactions. Like, I'm going to go give this to this guy. Yeah. Yeah. I think I like, I kept like a notebook. You had a ledger.

Yeah. Which was also just like, yeah. Were you fronting to people or are you COD? No, no. COD. You were COD? Yeah. I thought you were chasing people around no no no people down

no but it was just yeah it was so stupid i i like i also i got suspended too but i i like uh yeah i just blacked out at junior prom that's what's up oh my god my friend weaver i probably shouldn't say whatever it's not like this is that bad. We had... This also shows you how shitty I was in high school. I stole lunch every day. We've discussed this. For sure. Sick move.

Stole lunch, school lunch. Every single day I stole lunch. Never paid for it. It's so easy, dude. It's easy. You just grab a tray and walk right out. There was two cashiers, so I'd always act like I was getting condiments.

Then act like I was going to the other cashier and just i used to get i used to get a tray and hold all my food under my tray and then put like one thing on my tray and just check out i put my money on my tray and here you go and i take it put my change back on i'll just walk back to the thing but my friends would just sit there and watch every day because it was very funny because it was there was no skill involved like it literally you, you just walk out, like, look around. Like, you're trying to, like, just sit right down. You just look confused and walk to your seat. So my friend, he had that dirt on me.

But that's, that'll come later in the story. He knew your teeth. He knew I was fucking big time teeth. Shit. The. Watch the door,-Frampant the we had this thing

called candy grams where it would be like an anonymous note that you would you could send to somebody with a piece of candy

and a note from a stranger you could make it this is like around Valentine's Day yes you could make it anonymous if you wanted

or not there was a kid who now nowadays, is definitely frowned upon. My friend did this, not me. I would never do such a thing. There was definitely a gay kid, and he wrote a letter on behalf of the gay kid to one of our friends. He said the candy gram was from him, sent it to one of our friends. It was on the teacher's desk.

They intercepted it, brought both the gay kid and the other kid into the office. Beat them both. Like, do either of you know what this is about? And the note was like,

I want to fucking, like, something like that. It was like, I'd like to kiss you. That's such a funny abuse of the candy gram system. Yeah. This will be nice. Someone just fucking bullies a gay kid.

Yeah. But both of them didn't know. Both of them legit didn't know who it was from. But I did. I knew who did it. You're the DOS. So every single day when our disciplinarian, she was like a vice principal,

would walk by and I was with my friend who did it i would always be like joe wrote the candy gram and like hide and she'd be like what and joe would be like nothing nothing and i did it for like three months and they still didn't know who did it and then finally i did i was like joe wrote the candy gram and she was like is that true and he was like shane steals lunch every day and i was like he's lying because? And he was like, Shane steals lunch every day. And I was like, he's lying because he's desperate. He got suspended for like a week. What?

Yeah, he got in like a ton of trouble. How come you ratted him out? It was so funny. It was so funny to literally tell on him. She didn't listen to me once. I told on him like every other day. Anytime she'd walk by, I'd be like Joe did it like that telling all your friends

on purpose is pretty funny telling all your friends on purpose is very funny but then once he got in trouble was he pretty mad when he got home he wasn't even that mad I remember him

not being that mad like he should have been very mad at me yeah but yeah what would you have done if someone

I would have fucked someone I would have been so mad I would have fucked someone i would have been so i would have fucked anybody i would have fought whoever did that well because then again i would have gotten the shit beat out of me yeah for that that's a grave offense too it was a big offense yeah that would be a big stain on the permanent record yeah man today it definitely today it would have been in the fucking news oh even like a local news story. Well, at least you whistle blew. I did. I wanted to shut that shit down, dude. Yeah, you whistle blew the Candy Grahams

scandal. I did. I said, Joe wrote the Candy Grahams. There it is. I locked it down because I was, you know, I was woke. You weren't staying for it. I didn't like it. Were you? Were you woke at the time? No. You just want to see his friend get in trouble.

You just want to see him go down. Shane was orbiting in like another level of being fucked up where he was like, that's hilarious. Now I'm going see his friend get in trouble? Yeah, you just want to see him go down? Shane was orbiting in another level of being fucked up where he was like, that's hilarious. Now I'm going to get this guy in trouble for no other reason than my entertainment. True. I was like, oh, nice job. That was a really funny thing you did. Watch this.

I'm going to tell on you. Now you're suspended. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, fuck. But, dude, so I'm a... We were talking before you came here ripping farts i'm farting dude on the uh on the flight so i was like trying to hold it in whatever just to kind

of you know have some respect so i went to chicago for the like overlay or layover whatever it's called there for an hour overlay overlay is it no it's layover so then i'm sitting there i get out of chicago i'm pretty much holding them in for the most part in chicago let out a couple bubbles no big deal yeah i hop on the one from chicago to los angeles and i'm like dude my stomach's fucking wrapped in gas i'm like fuck this dude so i i get my seat some big fat black dude comes and sits on the outside of me he's like i've just like big fat black dude you got an earthquake they're the most like gregarious dude he comes on he's like hey what's up hey what's up bro we're like you know i'm like oh great this will be fun the plane fills up two like 19 year old girls are the last two to come on and there's like there's a seat between us and one behind us dude earthquake

dude just literally just goes like you mind if i sit there and he pats his lap and he's like come on go ahead and i was just like oh fuck and he looks at me he pats his lap and he's like come on go ahead and i was like oh fuck and he looks at me he's like ha ha ha he's laughing i was like that's pretty fucking funny bro and then they uh the girls were just like oh that's so crazy blah blah they were just like laughing it off white chicks yeah 219 there dude these are party time college chicks dude my favorite they're just fucking yeah dude they're just like, oh my God, you're so silly. So then she sits in between us and dude, the whole time this guy's hitting on this chick. This guy's like 40.

This girl's like 19. He's like, what are you guys, like 13? You guys look like little girls to me. I'm like, dudes. I just sit there like, oh my God. It's a good place to start. Yeah. Yeah. He starts nagging him.

Instantly age nags him. And dude, honestly, in my head, I'm like, dude, that's fucked up because that is exactly what works on 19 year olds. But you guys look like little girls like we're not we're pinkies so he's talking yeah we knew big girl things like b slots well dude the whole rest of the time they're talking about like drinking how hard they party like and then there's a dude behind them who was just going like jerking off oh yeah i'm actually we're all flying to la so the dude behind us was like their age maybe a year older and he'd be like yeah man I mean I'm probably

gonna blaze as soon as I get off the plane I hate your fucking plane dude it sucked you guys suck dude I'm just if I heard a group who's like

what are you guys doing talking on a plane they were yeah they were having like they were like all like laughing at each other cool like it's fun

but it was it was like that but it was just a bunch of people trying to fuck two 19 year old girls so then like the 19 year olds

started kind of like playing like games with each other where they'd kick each other's seats and stuff. I'm sitting there reading my book, dude. I'm reading the road. Hold it in farts. At this point, all bets are off. Now I'm like, these fucking two girls need to smell some farts, dude. So I'm sitting there. I'm reading The Road Less Traveled.

So I'm reading this book about spiritual growth. It's all about like a Did you talk to the party girls? They briefly kind of jumped in there? Well, now they would all it was fun time going around on the plane. Not like oh, dude I was reading I was reading a book about just like yeah, that's your deep psychological stuff Yeah, I was really disgusted by this dude next to me. Just like all this weird shit You said I was I was disgusted. I was just kind of like dude will you shut up so i'm sitting there but then it's a fat guy what do i do to fat guys when i gotta fart i fart and i blame it on them in some level so like he kept getting up and going to the bathroom so i'd let him go to the bathroom as soon as you

come back it would just be like a literally like a like a bunch of little bubbles maybe like 16 like a 16 bubble fart. Dude, putrid. And then like, he'd get up, go away, I'd wait, wait, he'd come back down,

and I was just ripping ass. You're hitting the rumble strips. Dude, rumble strips the whole time, ripping ass. And they stunk? Did people? They're pretty bad.

No one said anything. No one said anything? Could you visualize some? I, dude, my nose was in a book the entire time. Any grimaces?

That's one, that's, is there anything better than a plane fart and then you see a grimace Could you visualize some? Dude, my nose was in a book the entire time. Any grimaces? Is there anything better than a plane fart? And then you see a grimace. Impossible not to laugh and give yourself away. Exactly. So I like, dude, I hit my hood up. I'm just reading a book. Just fucking.

Very clandestine. At one point. It's like in Shawshank when he's matching, like hitting a pipe in the thunder. It really is. At one point, I was kind of... Perfect timing, a fart with a fat guy getting up. Dude, I was timing... Dastardly. And he kept going...

I guess he kind of has ADHD. This guy went to the bathroom, or he was just shitting. Or he was smelling your farts and being like, fuck, not again. Fuck, I'm doing this. Yeah, he's like, I'll'll get up and then they'll know it's not me meanwhile he'd know

who he was up at the criminal mastermind he was up against dude just framing him oh fuck I was crushing this dude you did making a farter

you framed a simple fucking fat man it was so funny cause like he kept trying to mat these chicks and I kept farting it was just killing

i was fighting a good fight dude i was sitting in my seat just fucking just letting them out i protected those girls there's no way it's that philosopher in the corner i'm reading a book it's like what time was the flight uh i was flying out i see the time zones got me scrambled i hit the morning flights yeah like if i have to wake up and go straight to the airport usually usually i'm late so i usually don't have time for a morning dump i just hit the airport just you get a coffee full yeah chaga 90 ounce coffee at the airport get on the plane i'm just as gassy like literally as full of gas as you can possibly be as soon as i go through that like that like metal scanner thing that like swoops you like takes the picture yeah as soon as i get

out of that i have like a headache and my breath is bad as soon as i enter the as soon as i enter the airport i have immediate dog breath and i have like a headache and like a fucked up stomach it's like as soon as i get in there every time i land yeah i get dark red eyes and dog dog breath like crazy it's crazy it's wild after. On the plane? It's wild. After being on the plane? Well, I think because you're just sitting there with your mouth closed. Dude. For that long.

Breathing in farts. Just sitting there farting all fart air. Yeah, I mean, if I'm on my plane, I just let them go. I don't. You have fart poisoning, dude. You get down. It's too crowded. No one's going to identify the source.

So I'm fucking. That's a benefit of being a little guy. I know I'm number one. You're suspect number one. I'm number one. Dude, being a fat guy flying is like being an Arab flying.

You feel bad. As far as farts are concerned. As far as... Everyone's looking at you. Everyone's kind of looking at you like, what are you going to do on this flight?

Please don't sit next to me. I was thinking about when the sky marshals aren't busy, they just walk around and investigate farts on the plane. Come to the fucking back right now what the fuck you do who fucking did it we got that ghostbusters thing i would have been fried dude it was like dude so then like i get off the plane finally and uh i go to i like i get up with my meet up my friend and then we go out

to eat so we meet up with like his, and I, mine, I was on a total empty stomach. I didn't eat all day. Cause I'm like, let me just get all these farts out of my stomach. I don't want to add any more fart fuel. I'm going to get them all out by the time I get there.

So I got most of the farts out of my system. And then he goes, he's like, you must be hungry. So we go and eat. I hadn't eaten all day. So I eat this, like we go to this place with these,

like it's like Chipotle, but for salads, kind of like sweet green, I guess here. But this place was like, dude, it was unbelievable how fucking good it was so i put down like a three-course meal west coast guy dude exactly dude so i go down it's like grass-fed steak over fucking iceberg lettuce with like fruit in there i have like a dessert all this other shit i eat

it as fast as i can and i get like that like literal stomach cramps because i had to fart so hard i was like, oh my God. So I go to the bathroom, walk in. Some dude's in the urinal and I start peeing next to him. So I'm like, I let out a screamer, dude. And I'm like, wait, do people not do that over here? You let out a black cat. I let out a black cat.

I was like beating a cat inside of a bag, dude. It was like, I could, you know those farts? You're like, if I keep pushing, this will probably go on forever? Like, do you ever go on a date and then you like, don't fart for like four hours and then you get in your car? It was like a post-date fart. So I let a little bit of that out.

Man, what a good fart that is. Dude, yeah. Or like if you sleep in a chick's house and when you leave in the morning. Same, dude. Or as soon as she goes to sleep. No, dude.

No. I've done that though. I spread my ass cheeks and fart. Yeah, yeah. If they're asleep next to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll spread my ass cheeks and take a dip. Yeah, yeah, I've done that. I spread my ass cheeks and fart. Yeah, yeah. If they're asleep next to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll spread my ass cheeks. Yeah, yeah, just pull one up.

It's going to stink, though. No, my farts don't smell. True. Dude, mine do. Sometimes you just got a chance. And you got to risk it. If it does smell, hilarious. True.

Hilarious. Yeah, it's like. Right away. Dude, so then I cut my fart off. The guy leaves the bathroom, and I'm like, I finally can fart. I fart for literally 10 seconds.

I'm just like... And then I see feet in the stall, and I start dying laughing. It's like, at this point, I'm possessed, dude, by this fucking fart that I just let out.

So I'm like, fuck, this guy just heard somebody fart and be like... And then a door shut. So I walk back out. It was my friend, fuck, this guy just heard somebody fart and be like, and then a door shut. So I walked back out as my friend and his girlfriend.

I can't keep, I can't keep my face straight. Finally, I get to the table. I started, the girl's saying a story and I fucking just lose it. Like,

what's so funny? I'm like, some guy just farted in the bathroom. I couldn't say, I couldn't know it up to it. I just met this girl. So then I eventually,

she went to the bathroom. I was like, dude, it was actually me who farted. Whoa. He started, yeah, I let it, it was quite a twist. But dude was i don't maybe it's just you had a you had it no no no a urinal a urinal fart is up there bro it was as far as it was like a 10 second fart i just looked down to see like pants pull down over some airwalks and i was like

oh fuck dude that was so fucking loud i got paranoid being like is this like do people not fart loud in bathrooms on the West Coast? Am I, like, doing some fucked up thing? Yeah. I asked my friend. He's like, nah, people fart hard out here.

And I'm like, all right, thanks. This, uh, one time me and my friend Bison, I've definitely said this on here, me and Bison, have you ever met Bison? And Bison, yeah.

Big dog. Big dog, dude. Me and him are big dogs. You can blame a fart on him. Oh, yeah. He's next, he's number one on the fart totem pole yeah my pals uh but me and him had gone and seen a movie together and then we were both going to

the bathroom after the movie and a grown man at the urinal right in front of us because we were standing against the wall waiting to to pee and this guy farted you know like an old man urinal fart like and me and him just started me and bison just died laughing and this guy farted, you know, like an old man urinal fart. And me and him just started, me and Bison just died laughing. And this guy, it was a very small battle. Like this guy had to turn around and see two giant men, two big idiots just dying. We just were laughing in this guy's face for a fart. Oh, man. How do you like it?

The guy was visibly angry. He was visibly angry. Why? like it the guy was visibly angry he was visibly angry it's very weird to see me and me and bison together and then like laughing at you for farting it's like you too yeah you two definite farters and he's probably so old he's got to relax everything to get the piss out yeah yeah he probably has to fart to pee you're right it's just everything needs to get fucked up loosen up guy's in medical condition where he has to fart to pee and You're right. It's just everything needs to just loosen up. Guy's in medical condition where he has to fart to pee

and you guys are laughing at him. So funny. I just think it was one of those things like we looked him in the eyes. He turned around and we were laughing in his face which only made it funnier.

Dude, how could you not? If I were him, I'd be like, I'd be laughing while peeing. Like, god damn it. For laughing at farts. Spanish class in college. Kid next to me.

Kid next to me. We were sitting in a circle college. Kid next to me. We were sitting in a circle. Kid right next to me who was a friend of mine looked at me to try to act like he'd be like, yo, listen to this. And he thought it was going to be a quiet like just me and him would hear the fart. It came out so loud. And he did that thing where he went from

smiling to then just very like He made a very serious face it got embarrassed like his face turned red and he like stuck his face in his book but oh my god i i mean lost it kept laughing everyone else in the room because everybody laughed we all get left the teacher laughed we were all laughing and then i couldn't stop laughing well you were in on it too eventually the teacher had to be like uh senor gillis please like we all had a good laugh but it's over now three minutes later i was like she's like you can leave you can leave the room oh my god i was like i'm so sorry she's like no it was i get it but it is also funny to have someone be like senor senor senor gillis please oh my god it was funny but it's over now dude in college never end i

don't know how one of the dude i went out to visit me and him got our hands on like a on uh like a mechanical fart machine so like remote controlled like it would just let out a fart you could plant it somewhere so it's me and him and our other we have one of those dude we put it we slid it under our other roommate's seat like i was like all right dude i'm gonna go to the bathroom you go it was like the whole class out up front and we sat in the very back so he was like the three of us were like a little like you know we're like a little cluster around like no other people so we planted this device left the room and sat right out front of the door like dude it was so fucking funny. Cause this dude was a pretty straight laced dude too.

Yeah. So the whole class, he was pretty ticked. He was like, I don't bother you. He went red quick, dude. It was an accounting class.

He was here. And they were like ridiculous. Yeah, they are. They suck. They're like, I remember it. Was it like a little black, black box?

Yeah. With a speaker shaped almost like a tombstone. I believe so. Yes. You could stand it up yes we had the same exact we had the same fart machine we had the same part but i mean we were both spencer's gifts for sure i went to spencer's every time i was in the mall it was fun my dad did that we had a we had a like a family dinner and my dad thought it'd be funny to fuck with my uncle except my dad

pretended he was the one farting like he just he just wouldn't stop farting. And at first, my uncle was like, what the hell are you doing? Stop it. And my dad kept hitting the button. But the remote control to the thing we lost, and the only way you could use it, is for some reason his car remote worked for it. What? If you pressed unlock on the remote for your car, the fart machine would go off. Could you unlock a car with a fart machine?

Perhaps. It was a Ford Taurus. What? Maybe Ford's in it. car with a fart machine? Perhaps. There's a Ford Taurus. What? Maybe Ford's in it. Whoa, dude. Ford made fart machines. Perhaps. You know Tesla has a fart machine built into it? But because you were hitting the unlock... No, what? Hold on, hold on. Because we were hitting unlock to make the fart machine go

off, the car's lights were flashing. Fuck. And my uncle was like, your farts are... This is the craziest. He lost his mind laughing. He lost his fucking mind. You sent your uncle to like the fifth dimension? He couldn't.

There was nothing he could... You know, farts were making cars light flash. Oh, my God. So Tesla has a fart machine? So Tesla, if you get the new Tesla, you can hit a button that's like right... You can choose what seat makes a fart noise because Tesla is just all computerized. You can literally like whatever the speaker near the seat is, you can just be on the screen

and be like fart, rear back, right seat. It's like boom. And set off a fart right next to the passenger. Why? Elon Musk is a fucking doofus. He is the man. No, he is a doofus. No.

Dude, I honestly. After this news? I wantus. He is the man. No, he is a doofus. No. Dude, I honestly... After this news? I wanted a Tesla. This is quite unbelievable news. I wanted a Tesla. I'm going to check your sources on this. I can't believe this. Google it.

Look. I actually, I stand by my sources so much, I guarantee it. Feels like a happy download or something. I trust you, though. Dude, you know what Tesla has? There's no motor at all. Obviously, it's electric. There's just five components.

There's a computer, wheel, steering wheel, then, like, you know, in terms of the drive shaft. Yeah, there's no, like, gears, yeah. Dude, Teslas are, like, so they're, like, crushing people in drag races. They come off faster than, like, Ferraris. Yeah. Because there's none of that, like, cylinder, fire, da-da-da, all that stuff. They just, like, hit a button, and it's, like,

they're crushing people in races. So it's funny funny because if you're a hardcore gearhead a lot of them are like yeah but you just can't come over the fucking turbine

like dude Teslas are just blowing these cars off a lot so funny yeah he's doing that challenge with the truck

if they haven't already with his truck like a pull like a tug of war with like an F-150 he's gonna crush it

in the Tesla truck. He's going to crush it. Well, I guess, would they? Because you won't change gears. Right? In the tug of war. You wouldn't change gears? Yeah.

No. Like the F-150 wouldn't. So it would just be it's like torque or whatever. Yeah, I doubt they would agree to do it if they thought they were going to get crushed. I bet those dudes have. Exactly. These guys are physicists. They can just crushed. I bet those dudes have... Exactly. These guys are physicists. They can just calculate...

Well, no, either one, though. I bet the regular truck people are like, we got a shot. Yeah, but they can get an F-150 and just do it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, those dudes can launch shit to the moon. They can calculate the weight and the speed of the truck. Yeah.

I feel like F-150s are probably just owned by cowboys. They're probably like, no, our engines are too strong we have 400 horsepowers true 400 horsepowers um where are we at time was 53 minutes all right sick what else we got going on oh me and akani uh we went we were in worcester uh oh on thursday i did the wilbur theater in Boston with Sal from Impractical Jokers. He's like, I mean, what a real dog, dude. Yeah, he's a man. What a real one. Was it Volcano or something?

Yeah. Sal, like, I saw that he was in Boston. I was like, oh, I got to be in Boston on Thursday night because I have shows in Worcester Friday and Saturday, but I need to do radio in Boston, which fucking blows, dude. How was it? Morning radio. It was like 6.15 a.m. Yeah. and saturday but i need to do radio in boston which fucking blows how was it morning radio just it had to be it was like 6 15 a.m yeah i had to get picked up and go to this like the sports station i did was fucking awesome but the first one i did was this like

pop station and this dude it's like old radio guy that's like can't can't not be the funniest guy in the room yeah he like acted like he was busting on me. He was crushing you? Because he was making fun of the Woo Ha Ha, the comedy club. He was like, no, we're just kidding. We're just kidding around here. Don't worry.

He was making fun of you for doing the Woo Ha Ha? I was like, I literally don't give a fuck. I was like, I can't. What was he saying about Woo Ha Ha? No, I think they were like trashing Worcester as like a bad town he was making he was he was calling he was trying to like belittle something i was doing he was acting like you were no you weren't fucking the big you're acting like you weren't big time

he was like this little fucking kid yeah it was a cool pop station you fucking loser so you got no no no no i was just like oh yeah yeah no you're getting me it's okay i'm not gonna it was fucking 6 15 in the morning i'm serious you could I'm not going to. It was fucking 6.15 in the morning. I'm serious. You could have fucking. Not allowed to swear. You could be like, dude, put on some more Christina Aguilera or whatever the fuck you got going on. Where was that guy from?

Was he from Boston? Did he have like a thick accent? No, I don't think he had a thick accent. He was just, man, the morning radio people are just. You should go on and be like dead serious. Like, I'd appreciate it if you stopped undermining what I'm trying to do here. Thank you. But no, then I told Sal I had to be in Boston

on Thursday because I saw he was there. He was like, come fucking do some stand-up at the Wilbur, which is a sick theater there. That's awesome. And I was like, alright. Like I'm surprised. Are you sure, bro? Are you going to be allowed to have me on your show

yeah they don't he's like I don't give a fuck I mean Sal's a fucking man he also they basically own that channel yeah

yeah but still like and his audience right is like gotta be they're cool as long as it's alright yeah yeah yeah this whole episode basically was an audition

for Impractical Jokers true all they do is remote control farts yeah um but yeah then friday and saturday at the at wusta that was fun uh but saturday night yeah things took a turn what'd you guys do one of the dogs brought a bag of mushrooms and we ate them and had a wild really fun a fun. A lot of alcohol in the mix or no?

No, not a lot of alcohol. I had a few beers. I had a cup, but nothing. I wasn't drunk. Gotcha. Just took a lot of mustard. What the fuck did you guys do? At one point, I went to a bag of chips, crushed the rest of the bag, all the crumbs that were

still in it. And Chris was like, no. I was like, dude, I don't think you want to do that. And I was like, shut up. I'm fine. I was like dude I don't I don't think you want to do that

I was like shut up I'm fine and then I blast off baby damn what happened we had a fun night the little maxer was up there with us

yeah yeah really yeah we had a hotel room yeah BBG was there oh hell yeah out from her exile in the mountains

she came down from the mountains and BBG busted with you guys yeah yeah yeah dude it was so fun yeah damn like she literally couldn't speak bbg could not talk yeah at one point she was like she kept trying to give like input and like say something and couldn't talk what's it called glossolalia or

something she went into elf tongue she really did lost that's like when people speak in tongues and then she would laugh the whole time she didn't stop laughing start to finish my brother did that and uh he went to a like a family christmas party that was like just like it was on my mom's side of the family and he thought he could like sneak eat some mushrooms and just like act like he was drunk because he like had a couple of beers like oh drinking beers ate a bunch of mushrooms were playing board games he was like heavy lifters dude we were like worried we were like i was like dude we gotta get him the fuck out of here but luckily my one uncle was so drunk that they were just

kind of going back they're like two fucking dogs yeah they had no idea neither of any idea the other like the other my brother was clearly tripping on mushrooms my uncle was just like i think you had a couple too many but he was all hammered dude he went home the couch was going pointing to the top going lifters dude he's talking like fucking et for like three hours you're talking about the lifters dude i don't know what the hell he's talking about at one point big g was trying to explain to me that like all her toes were had like different opinions we're trying to really yeah yeah trying to talk to her i was just laying on the floor bag of mushrooms did he give you guys

pretty good yeah it's a pretty good size sounds you guys each at least ate like an eighth. You guys were like fully blasted off. Sure. The bag he gave me, I was like, oh, nice. I'll have this for a while. Like a fat boy. Yeah. He gave you guys like an ounce of mushrooms.

I think you probably had an eighth or more. I had a lot. Yeah. I had most of it. That's why I was like, because I did not have, I had like a couple caps. And I was like flying. Okay then i then i saw him like a bunch i had a lot yeah i love mushrooms they're great every time i've taken it and it's been so fun dude they're awesome dude we me and uh claire had to walk back to the hotel we were staying at

a different hotel than mecky and chris and like at four in the morning we had to do this treacherous like a half mile through worcester it was so fucking windy and cold out this cop was circling dude he was trying to get us the same way that dude in south carolina did like making sure we didn't jaywalk he was just circling the block every block we went on what can he do he could pull us over for jaywalking i mean we're clearly you guys jaywalk no we made sure we didn't we stopped and stood still at Every single lights there are no traffic around the difference between alcohol and mushrooms. Yeah true alcohol It's like come on. Let's run across the fucking street. We got this mushrooms like we must obey the street At one point she stopped underneath his bridge and was like petting a bush

And she was saying Shane this Bush is telling me i was like you are petting dirt on the side of a highway let's fucking go and you ruin everything oh my god we get back to the room uh i lay in bed dude close my eyes it's a fucking kaleidoscope yeah so sick i love how stern you remain on mushrooms i do i do like yeah i was impressed he's like a Viking. Every time I take mushrooms, I'm very, very serious. I mean, I laugh the whole time. For sure.

But I'm not like, I don't lose my shit. That's hilarious. But I was laying in bed. The bed felt so fucking good. I was like, I can't like, I was like, get in here to her because she's still in the bathroom, like scream laughing. It feels, I knew I would have been asleep right away if she wasn't there. And then she got in, and we laughed for, like, three hours,

both of us being like, all right, stop. We got to go to sleep. And then, like, 30 seconds later, someone would be like, just start laughing. And then I woke up, like, two hours later. I fell asleep, and I woke up to her crying. That lasted for a while. And she tried to explain to me why she was crying.

And I was like, I can't. I cannot listen to whatever you're about to tell me. I can't. Because it's just like, yeah, someone starts just recounting the history of the universe. That's like, yeah, how they got to this place. Oh, she was still tripping and stuff? Oh, for sure.

Gotcha. Yeah, wild night. Yeah, that's wild. What time did you guys wake up? We woke up at like fucking one. Yeah, I was going tripping and stuff? Oh, for sure. Gotcha. Yeah, wild night. Yeah, that's wild. What time did you guys wake up? We woke up at like fucking one. Yeah, I was going to say. After checkout. We woke up to the hotel, the room service like walking in.

Like they thought we were gone. Like a lady in the room. Like, get the fuck out. And then I looked at the clock and I was like, oh, sorry. Sorry about that. You were right. That's so funny. She was like tripping about to bear her soul to you and you're like oh yeah yeah don't do it i was like i can't listen to this i didn't say it in a mean way i was just i got you i know you're saying yeah i just woke up

yeah like don't the whole week she's bad to sleep with she'll she's not a good you ever did like have something she just ripped the covers off yeah Rips the covers off me like four times a fucking night. When I had to wake up for radio, she set an alarm clock for, I told her 545, it was five, and then just hit snooze every eight minutes. I fucking hate that, man. For the last hour of sleep I was supposed to get. And I was just like, every time the alarm went off, I was like, what time is it? And she was like, 515.

I was like, fucking, I told you. Like, all right, I still have another half hour. Yeah. I'd fall asleep right away, wake up, be like, what time is it? She'd be like, it's 5.20. God damn it. That's a bae thing. Baes like a long snooze.

Yeah. I don't know what the fuck, I don't know what it is or what they're doing. You know what? Actually, Brittany told me that she snoozes and then in between intervals thinks about what she's unaware of that day so that's like they'll start mapping out their schemes dude so they'll hit it like five o'clock and lay there for 45 minutes and then like scheme out dude my ex-wife used to wake up watch tv for like an hour before she went to work yeah she's a wake up an hour early to watch tv my mommy used to do that she was a teacher so she would have to leave at like six. Yeah.

She would wake up at like five to watch the news for an hour. That's crazy. Yeah, same thing. I kind of wish I could do that. Why? So do I. No, it'd be nice to wake up

and get a coffee and fucking watch the news. I wake up, dude, I wake up and I'm just like, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm late. And 90% of the things I do, I show up at and I'm still waking up.

No, I mean, getting up early is awesome. I'm saying getting up specifically to watch TV. Dude, I was watching TV on the flight. I was trying to watch. I was watching. All I had was live TV on my phone.

It's crazy how bad it is. Bro, I was watching the news and it was like... It's ridiculously bad. It's crazy. I was going back between Fox News, CNN, whatever, NBC, all the news,

the different branches of it. Dude, it was so bad yeah of some guy being like whenever you mute it it just looks like people blinking if you watch like a split screen and they mute the news

when people are in like a Rachel Maddow like four panel person dude mute the news next time it's just people just going slowly blinking and then like some guy like using his body to be like

making it it's a fucking funniest thing to watch I saw the news for like 10 seconds this week and it was because Trump made fun of Greta

Thornburg Thornburg yeah news anchor being like this week's fucking my opinion him standing in front of a picture of like

Ivanka or Melania and being like Mrs. First Lady if you want to take on bullying, why don't we start with your husband? Yeah. He's bullying. It's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Dude, it's an opinion.

That's an opinion. Two years old. Yeah. It's unreal. Yeah. Dude, I watched. So I started with Fox News. I was watching Tucker.

Tucker's giving you the business. Tucker's going. They're talking about all of's giving you the biz. Tucker's going, they're talking about, all of them are talking about impeachment. That's all they're talking about. And then the guy's like, Tucker's like, oh yeah,

they had it with the Russians and they're going to do it again. And he's like laughing at them. And him and the other guy are just like laughing it up the whole time. Then you go to the next one, they're just like,

I mean, what do you think this, what do you think the strategy here? And dude, no one said anything of importance at all. I'm watching it and it's like, well, clearly here we you think this strategy here? And, dude, no one said anything of importance at all. I'm watching it, and it's like, well, clearly here we have to think about that. Dude, it's so funny watching how the different ones communicate and stuff. That's how dumb we are.

It's all like, how do you think this is going to play with the blah, blah, blah? Yeah. And then someone will say something slightly like, well, I mean, impeachment. Here's three things about impeachment. I don't know if we can do it. The House is. It is like, well, I mean, impeachment. Here's three things about impeachment. I don't know if we can do it. The house is. It is like, all right, so everybody has their favorite team. It's like watching NFL countdown.

For sure. That's what the news is now. It's like, oh, the Bengals play the Steelers today. We're going to spend three hours talking about the Steelers pass rush. And if you're a fucking Steelers fan, you're like, yeah, I like the sound of this. Who do you think's gonna win let's spend 20 minutes talking about that it's like we watch these guys these guys talk about a game for three hours before we watch a fucking three-hour game like just just wait who

you don't need their opinions just watch the fucking game and i swear to god the moment they get to something actually interesting they're like we have to go to break it's like yeah break for what then they come back and they don't exactly and they don't go commercial the advertisements but when they come back and it's like it's always a letdown it's like wait i thought you guys are about to tackle some serious yeah it's like ghost hunters right before the commercial they're like what was that i mean dude there was some commercials to see what it was they were talking the stuff they were talking about like i can kind of loosely remember it.

I wouldn't even bring myself to discuss their talking points because it was such a waste of time. I got in a bad vortex on the way back of an everything sucks kind of vortex. Remember that episode of South Park? Dude, I was watching it. I was going through. I could choose between whatever channels are on TV to watch. I was like, there's not a single thing on here. Even the news is like, you could be like, I watch the news.

It's like, that might be as bad as watching fucking Gold Rush. Yeah. Yeah. I swear to God, dude. There's no, in terms of like. Sustance. Yeah. Gold Rush is probably better.

Better, I would say. Substance. Yeah, yeah. Substance, yeah. Sustance. Sustenance. Dude, I would say, yeah. Substance. Yeah, yeah. Substance, yeah. Sustance. Sustenance. Dude, because I'm watching it. I was, like, freaked out.

Like, genuinely freaked out watching the news. I'm like, whoa, people fucking believe this? I had a freak out. We watched probably the worst piece of shit I've ever seen in my life yesterday. What? It's called Six Underground. Oh, yeah. It's on Netflix.

It's a Michael Bay movie with Ryan Reynolds and a group of hot spies or some shit. They're like vigilantes. They're hot. It's the worst fucking movie I've ever seen in my life. It's crazy. Yeah. What was this? It's a new movie on Netflix.

The budget must have been $185 million dollars yes like it's just ridiculous and I mean some of the violence that's over the top is kind of funny but it's like Ryan Reynolds keeps doing that snarky thing like in Deadpool

it's almost the exact same character as Deadpool like he's sitting down with like a mob boss in the beginning where he's like you're gonna pay me and the guy down with a mob boss in the beginning where he's like, you're going to pay me. And the guy's like, I'm going to kill you. And he's like, well, if you do that, it's going to suck for your face. It's literally Deadpool. It's like, oh my God.

It's the kind of thing where someone will have a gun to his head and they'll be like, I'm going to kill you. And he's like, my mom always said I had a thick skull. Yeah, stuff like that. Shit, man. Oh, man, well, I wish you wouldn't. Stuff like that. Most a thick skull. Yeah. Go for it. Oh, shit, man. Oh, man. Well, I wish you wouldn't. Stuff like that.

Most people... Oh, gross. Like, some of you will get shot, and I'll be like, oh, gross. Yeah. Fucking Christ. Most people will watch that

and be highly entertained. Yeah, we looked at the reviews. It's not the worst reviewed movie. It's so bad, though. People are like, this is like a new franchise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's terrifying because you're like i'm so far from this yeah of ever thinking of something like

this and trying to pitch this to somebody it's like it's wall-to-wall garbage like the whole premise is that they're all dead yeah they all faked their own deaths okay and they're all like one's an ex-spy one's a doctor one, one's a fucking driver, one's a parkour kid from England. What's up? So it's like a Fast and Furious style, like, we're family. That's the message of the movie, by the way. Stop. At the end, he's like, we are family.

Dude, well, I mean, I know Amazon does, like, original content. I'm sure now they're probably they're probably bleeding in the with some of these movie scripts they're probably taking like the research from like these huge ai things and just kind of putting them in scripts because you can now write a movie as a business thing being like this is what people are talking about this is what people it doesn't really feel like a computer wrote this that's what i'm saying dude i would i would think that people are starting to mess around with that

like AI generated scripts off like all the little things that people tend to respond to yeah well that makes sense because that's who definitely put this together it was

it was fucking insane the product placement in it was great there's like in the movie there's like they try to overthrow

this middle eastern dictator there's like a one scene there's like they they try to overthrow this middle eastern dictator there's like a one scene that makes in hindsight even during it i was like what why is this happening they like fake like they're with the red cross at this what's supposed to be syria yeah um and there's a gas attack by the government that like kills everybody. Yeah. And then it cuts to him in a casino. Like there was no point for that scene. There was no espionage. There was nothing. There was a lot of times where you'd be,

you'd be 10 minutes into a flashback and find out that it's a flashback. Damn, sounds like a fucking sick writer. One of the worst movies I've ever seen. Just sick move in writing. Oh wait, it was a flashback find out that it's a flashback damn sounds like a fucking sick one of the worst movies i've ever seen it's a sick move in writing but oh wait it was just a dream yeah except it wasn't even supposed to be like a twist that it was a dream it wasn't like a twist yeah it's just like impossible to follow this and mecky was like timing the shot the shots were one second long it was just clips of shit the whole movie they never kept on on the same scene for more than two seconds. Yeah, it was.

Just cut to like a fucking helicopter flying a fucking jet. It just sucked. Well, that's also weird, too, because I feel like there's, I mean, I'm not saying you guys hate watched it, but that's like a viable. We hate watched it. Okay, so you guys did hate watched it. Totally. That's become a viable form of entertainment.

I mean, dude, did you ever go to the Fighter and the Kid subreddit? It's people hate listening to that podcast just so they can talk shit on it afterwards. The whole entire subreddit is dedicated to hating that podcast, and then people show up to his gigs and they're like,

if it's not that crowded, they'll be like, look how fucking empty it is here. What a fucking loser. And it's like, yeah, did you see that it is here. What a fucking loser. And it's like, ugh. Yeah, did you see that picture he posted? What?

Schaub at the Borgata? No. We're not naming people. It is. It's about Schaub. He's a fighter and a kid. But people, he's developed a hate cult around him. Yeah, that's what happened to ONA.

A hate cult that follows his every move now and reports on it. People do give him almost too much shit somehow. Like, I watched like a video of people talking about how like, they're like, his fucking brain is fucked. And it's just like, he just forgets stuff every once in a while. He does 10,000 hours of content a week. Yeah. I mean, that happened to ONA. That happened to every single person on ONA.

Yeah. Like everybody except Patrice. When Patrice died, they were all like, he was the legend. Before that, they would all call him, like, a fucking gorilla and crazy shit. Really? Yeah, dude. ONA's subreddit was all the meanest people, dude. That makes sense. Just, they hate Anthony Cumia.

That's funny, too, because I'm thinking about like like being on job sites and having people blast ONA and just thinking about like what lurks in the darkest corners of their minds and it's probably like

fucking nuts yeah but yeah that that was that was interesting I've been following that subreddit and just watching people

kind of and it's like I'm also I'm like what is this what is this new form of like hate entertainment where you just watch stuff

like dude they're doing it with comedy there's a whole thing with stand-up now. There's a whole thing where you're a journalist and you like monitor comedy and you're like, and this guy did this. It's like, what the fuck? There's like a focused hatred now into entertainment where you can just like actively hate things with other people.

Yeah, and what they're doing with comedy is insane. It's weird. There's a group of journalists that are like, this is the frontier of the dangerous right in this country. I know. It's like, no, it's not. These are comedians. Go focus on a real problem.

Not, did Chappelle make fun of transgender people? It's like, just go focus on a real issue. Yeah. Not that. That's not a thing. No. Stop trying to's not a thing. No. Stop trying to make it a thing. That is weird to be like, this is fascism rising.

I mean, Louis in Israel. Oh, that was hilarious. Saying he'd rather be in fucking Auschwitz than New York. Yeah. He got a standing ovation at the end of the show. Yeah, they laughed. And then across the ocean, somebody was like, he's anti-semitic yeah it's like dude get a fucking life yeah for real isn't he like he's some part of this by 30 yeah but yeah that's uh

i don't know it's weird well i'll like catch myself getting caught up in like i would like watch stuff and they say oh yeah it sucks and like i've just dropped that all together now yeah it's just i just don't want any part of any of it yeah i was in that for a while i noticed i do it's hard not to yeah when i'm hung over that's like if i wake up and i'm super hung over i feel terrible about myself i like just go on the internet i'm like this person sucks this person sucks and i like yeah it's kind of why i got rid of instagram and facebook i'll just open it up and be like this fucking blows yeah i'll tell you what i do i'll get on see like a comic post something on twitter and up and be like, this fucking blows. Yeah, I'll tell you what I do. I'll get on, see like a comic, post something on Twitter, and they'll be like, I bet they talked shit.

And then I'll go to their page, scroll for nine years back to when it happened. Because each one of these shitty no-name comics tweets a million times a day. True. It's crazy. You've been building up a fucking list. I got a dossier dude i got the list of everyone who talks shit now i'm never gonna do anything i'm probably not gonna say anything back but you know smile at him and be like hey yeah how are you yeah it's hard to yeah

it's hard to hold on to a grudge uh i got mine i got a couple, but it is like, I don't know. I wish I was better at holding on to just hating somebody. No. Especially in comedy, dude. Who gives a fuck? I don't know. But it could be a good motivation. Yeah, but then what, though? You're going to come out and be like, I'm doing it to fuck this guy.

No, you never say it out loud. True. You just keep it in there. Yeah. I got what you're saying. Yeah, for sure sure so that it kind of degrade inside of you yeah but as soon as something good happens i'm like everybody's great yeah for sure yeah yeah yeah any dude that yeah as soon as i started getting stuff when i

moved to new york i dropped all that i was that was all i did yeah i was like fuck this comic they suck fuck them they suck yeah and then as soon as i started getting. I was like, fuck this comic. They suck. Fuck them. They suck. Yeah. And then as soon as I started getting stuff, I was like, no, they're pretty good. They're funny. You should check them out. They're a good person. No, for sure. But that's slightly different.

I mean, yeah, as you were saying, it's also slightly different because like you kind of have your hat in that ring to where you can be like, I can do this too. And when it's just like consumers of a product who are like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there is always like an element. We just watched that movie purely out of product who are like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there is always like an element of truth. We just watched that movie purely out of hate. Which one? Oh, yeah. The six underground.

I was watching it and I was like, this is hurting me. Yeah. I kept telling them like, you guys, this is making... Like physically I was angry during the movie. The whole movie. I was angry. It's weird. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it is upsetting. Well, I mean, in terms of art, it elicited an emotional response from you guys. Technically, it would be... Which it wasn't... Dude, it made... Like, Fast and Furious is awesome compared to this. True.

Like, those movies are genuinely good compared to this movie. Yeah. How did the mexter know about it? He didn't. It's like the number one movie on Netflix. It's like their front home screen. It dude again 185 million dollars to film this it's michael bay dude transformers there was this netflix original content yes there was so there's so much crazy

shit where like someone would be like in a pool underwater like stuck in a pool with like guards walking around and then the next scene they'd be on the side of a building like dry in a pool with like guards walking around and then the next scene they'd be on the side of a building like dry as a bone that was that was truly astounding it's like it was a british parkour kid they sent him in first to the top of the skyscraper classic glass infinity pool at the top of the skyscraper the sniper shot a hole in the side of the glass room to breathe out of because he was stuck underwater and then the next scene is him climbing the side of a building totally dry never showed him get out of the pool nothing and there was no need for out of control any of them to fake their own death there was no need absolutely no there's absolutely no need for it because they

just got fake paperwork yeah which is it well i, I sometimes wonder if we're, like, drowning in a content maze. Just like, I saw this other thing. I saw this thing. And meanwhile, it's like nobody does shit, and everyone is sitting around me like, dude, I saw this fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been really trying to get out of all consuming content online as much as possible. Yeah. And just, like, actually trying to do stuff.

And it's, like, so fucking. I've i've been like putting all my effort into that and it's so hard because as soon as i have a second free i'm like i pull up my phone to start mindlessly scrolling at shit yeah i'll check like twitter uh reddit and then literally go back and forth then like look at my email and it's i have to like dude what are you getting out of put this down it's tough because you want to stay on top of what people are saying. I know. Especially for stand-up. Yeah.

I know. Stand-up is almost entirely about content now. Yeah. Everybody's act is like, I saw this on Netflix. This is my favorite show. What do you guys think of this show? That's what I'm saying. Every act.

That's what I'm saying. We're in like a fucking content ball. Well, it's also the one thing you know every audience member is going to share with you. Exactly. Everybody has seen whatever's on Netflix. Yeah. Yeah.

Pretty wild. Yeah. Challenge you guys to dig a little deeper. Let's get to something a little deeper right now. Let's do it. Hell yeah.

Let's go to part two of the history podcast. First one was smash, dude. First one was a hit. This one will be equally inaccurate and unorganized. But yeah, I'll be in Raleigh. Oh, yeah.

Let's plug some shows here for a second. Me and Ocon, man. We got Raleigh. We got Raleigh coming up this weekend. That's the 12th. Or no, I don't know what that is. That's the 19th, 20th, and 21st down in Raleigh at Good Nights. And then we got Magoobies, 26th, 27th, 28th.

Magoobies, 26th, 27th, and 28th in Baltimore. They just had Louis C.K. down there. At Magoobies? At Magoobies last weekend. He popped in. The dog. Then January 9th, 10th, and 11th, Buffalo Helium. January 16th, 17th, 18 18th Stress Factory in New Jersey 23rd 24th 25th

comics at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut and then the 30th 31st and February 1st is Stress Factory Bridgeport Connecticut so come to those shows go to shanemgillis.com for tickets yeah damn um other than that we'll go to we'll switch over to the History Podcast that you can listen to on Patreon. Yeah. Let's do it. Peace.