Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Hot Viral Boyz

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

Chef Bezos and Elon Cusk are joined by Chris O'Connor for a topic-diverse romp on viral stars, Shane's interview, old shitty gigs, and then breaks into the exclusive award-winning Patreon History Cast: Hardercore History which is found hur: https://www.patreon.com/posts/32234743  

We're back, baby. It's Monday. And it's Monday. We're on an consistent streak. All my rowdy friends are here on Monday night. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Is that Monday Night Raw? That's Monday Night Football. Oh, is it really?

My dad told me that that guy lived at the top of our neighborhood. Who sang it? The guy who sang it. I think it was Hank Williams. Oh, that was the guy who sang that song? Yeah. Are you ready for some football? All my friends are ready. All my rowdy friends are here on Monday night.

Damn, how rowdy do you think Hank Williams' friends got? They definitely are rowdy. All my rowdy friends are here on Monday night. Damn, how rowdy do you think Hank Will's friends got? They definitely got rowdy. Oh, you almost got a little rowdy before we left. We had to switch studio locations due to water noise. True. Heavy rain up here. Yep. Also, a little beef, a little scrap.

A little scrap. Nothing bad. Nothing bad. I was concerned. Yeah, well, I'm sorry you had to witness an argument. It was, yeah. Did you listen to Linkin Park on the way over to Chipotle? Yeah, it's like I just listened to my parents fight.

No, I called O'Connor immediately. Yeah. I didn't snitch on you guys. I was just calling because I was prepping him for our history podcast. That's tight. It's tight. You left the fight you're like i gotta go fucking i gotta go i gotta talk to o'connor i gotta call o'connor and be like because i'm gonna make him read speeches during the history that's all i'm gonna make him read my quotes dude on the history podcast dude uh which by the way i'm not prepared for you dude i feel like there's a book report

that's due tonight that i didn't prepare for but fuck it it'll be good it's gonna be good man yeah we'll see join the page if you want to listen to it or should we yeah whatever join the fucking page you know a couple ways we could do it we put the first episode because this is all this is part one of this history thing we put it out for free or on the page i decide we'll decide we'll see we'll see we'll see what's see. We'll see. We'll see what's going on. Seems like a page episode. We'll see what's going on. Do people know about our grand plans? No. No one knows about our... We got some grand plans going on, dude.

The studio? Yeah, the stude. Well... I like to stay mysterious. The studio, I'd like to see it happen. It's going to happen, bro. All right. Billion spot.

I got two of the finest contractors on it. Two of the best architects in Philly. For sure. Coming down, laying down some nice... We're just going to build a sick studio in Matt's basement. Yep. Set up some cameras. Start doing this thing the finest contractors. Two of the best architects in Philly. For sure. Coming down, laying down some nice. We're just going to build a sick studio in Matt's basement. Yep. Set up some cameras. Start doing this thing the right way.

Exactly. Start YouTubeing this thing. We're kind of 0 for 1 on YouTube podcast episodes. True. As far as what happens. That'll be good. Dude, it's going to be a whole press floor, dude, of fucking people going through the fucking studios.

Another one just got uploaded one of them went out he has a dip in and he's being racist again have you ever seen like the military movies and they have like the screens oh my god that's Jason Bourne that'd be tight this dude's going to be nice like non-stop video content

we had a couple options as to what we wanted to do we were going to go straight imitating Joe Rogan's podcast, which would have been awesome. If we recreated Joe Rogan's studio in your basement, which Billy and Spud are more than capable. For sure. Or we could do, because Billy's still on that Wes Watson tip. He's still on a hard Wes Watson. We could have made it a jail cell.

We could make the studio a jail cell. Making it a jail cell. Set up metal bunks on both sides. That would be tight. And a steel toilet in the middle and then a table. A public toilet would be tight down there. And you have to use it on YouTube. Yeah, exactly.

If you have to go during the episode. People will have to just watch. You'd have to do prison style and just pull your dick out your shorts. Yeah, you'd have to face the other way. You got an AC Slater? We are joined now by yeah that boy what's wes watts oh take it away man wes watching is it the workout dude how's he coming up let me see let me see you in the mic o'connor the mic is on you turn it on for me so we're not gonna make too big of a hub damn it o'connor what am i fucking things up already fucking up the flow no you're good sorry i didn't it seemed like yeah we were flying you've

been known for a dead mic on occasion those are the good days the days of innocence true man just the last episode but yeah wes watson wes watson is a uh prison youtuber very popular prison youtuber he's in prison. He was. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was. He's a, whatchamacallit, he's been rehabilitated. He's back out in society.

Now he's doing workout programs with a small caveat that he was in a white supremacist gang prison. But in the California prison system, it's unavoidable. So if you're, you know, it's like if you think you're going to get out of it, if you think you're going to get out of work or you're going to get out of putting work for your people in the california prison system you're you're fucking unless you bitch up and now so now the mccuskers all have prison terminology that they've been using which is pretty great especially i'll tell you who's really taken to this bit is billy yeah who is just full-on dude he's he was telling me spud was making fun of him.

They were talking about what's worse, stealing prison valor or stealing troop valor. What do you think is worse? I think stealing troop valor, you get caught. It makes more sense, at least. Troop valor, you get caught and filmed on YouTube. Everybody that they've caught stealing troop valor has been like a pretty clearly not, like a fat autistic dude at the mall trying to get like

a 20% off Annie Ann's pretzel same guys what platoon are you in he's like I was in 4th company they're like no they weren't

in Afghanistan well this patch signifies no that patch doesn't signify it's kind of hard to watch I think we should

let the guys who steal valor kind of slide it's the same crowd as catch a predator exact same crowd and i have the same exact feeling when i watch the videos like if i watch a retarded guy getting busted for stealing valor at the mall yeah a part of me is really like it hurts to watch that guy go through that yeah same thing with to catch a predator when they catch a retarded guy on catching a predator it's like damn dude yeah catching a predator it's like putting out it's

like putting out a skunk trap and getting a rabbit you're like i don't want to get you they get like a 22 year old retarded guy that's like i love her it's like she's 14 he's like no one's ever talked to me like fuck damn well we gotta lock you up but it's like that's and then you join the airing brotherhood start getting jacked you get out you're like what's up babe now we can finally yeah true they go hard on chomas though don't they yeah ah yeah that's the that's the that's the known i don't know i think that might be a they go hard on chomas i think that might be a bit of a i think it's the opposite i think chomas run prison you think so i think that's something that the liberal media wants us to believe to as a deterrent for chomos what do you think gives them power in prison everyone's like damn dude

you're willing to do that you're wild yeah you said the paperwork you just show the chat logs like do you smoke weed it's like dude somebody's in there for like stealing cars and bankrupt like that's small stuff dude i fucked a nine-year-old whoa you're hardcore bro yeah nasty in front of hansen or whatever yeah it's hardcore i'll be telling you if some dude of hansen fucking started questioning me just threw his tongue between his two peace fingers it was like who was i watching it with i was watching a bunch of catch a predator bees bees are dude bees and you've watched a decent amount they are so fucking funny it's like the hardest thing in the world to watch too you know just started doing that now cassidy campbell

i don't know the instagram guy who does like a bunch of characters he was he was one of his characters is now catching predators no it's just him now how he like so he was doing he was that guy who would walk around like an Oakland jersey and be like she what's up ma he's a white dude okay ma and he would just

have this like ridiculous character this white rapper yeah and then I think he just switched it up now he just catches fucking pedophiles online

sick yeah I mean it's a pretty crazy back in the game he has a new version of to catch a predator what did how what how what did it what were the updates i don't know there's really no update other than now he's kind of more

of a dickhead and uh the you know what sucked though the dummies the the decoys they always use yeah suck they used this one that was supposed to be like a 13 year old boy it was clearly like a 24 year old man serious and the pedo knew it right away. Jomo was all over it. He started looking around. He saw those like reflective, like where they have cameras inside the living room. He was like, I'm, I know this. He stared at the camera before. What is like if, if, if you're about to hook up with a girl who's 21.

Yeah. And she's like, I'm 17. And you're like, nah. And then you hook up with her. Is that like, can you get in trouble for that? Yeah, dude. Well, I think you get in trouble for the. Why?

It's like attempted murder. You get in trouble for the attempted. But you could be like, no, she's talking at like above high school level. I think if they disclose their age and you go to meet up with them it's like a wrap yeah true if they if they didn't tell you until you if like hansen was like i'm actually 17 you'd be like it doesn't matter you'd be free if hansen if that would be entrapment but in the chat logs like i'm actually 17 you're like it's all good what if in the chat logs they were like i'm actually one years old well i know you're lying so i'm gonna keep this thing going there you go how about that

i rest my case yeah it's like i'm a teacher or i like know teachers and i know that this person was they were chatting at like uh above eighth grade reading level i know they were they had to be a certain age she's read of mice and men men. Yeah. She's familiar with Steinbeck. I can finger her, Your Honor. But yeah, so back to Billy. Yeah. I've been playing Call of Duty with him, and it's very enjoyable. How many dogs have you been playing with? The dogs, dude.

As soon as I get on Xbox now, it's bleep, bleep. The dogs just hit me up nonstop. You're assembling a SEAL team. Yeah. It's sick. Also, if you join my fucking party and don't have MSSP as your clan tag, do me a favor. Fuck off, bro. Wow.

But no, Billy's on there screaming Wes Watson quotes. It's about as fun as it gets. Is that VR ready at this point? Can you put on a VR headset? I don't think so. Damn. Wow. That'd be sick. that's a stupid fucking question. Why?

Why is that? Why was that a stupid question? VR headset for a war game? I don't know. I like, I don't know. I so badly want to be good at a game like that. But I watch like, I'll watch people play online. Like I'll just watch like YouTube videos of people playing that game.

And it's like, I can't even believe how good they are. It's crazy. I'm just thinking about people starting to get PTSD once the VR for war games starts to get really good. Yeah. I was reading a book, and they were saying people were getting things like PTSD when they were simulating interrogation techniques on US soldiers. They would come out of it with, in terms of their cortisol levels and shit, they would

come out of it fucked up. That makes sense. Yeah their cortisol levels and shit they would come out of it like fucked up that makes sense yeah getting waterboarded exactly yeah exactly even if you know it's okay simulated waterboarding in the book there's a terrorist who somehow figured out you know like some dudes can like open their nose and beer bong yeah he was getting waterboarded and he knew how to open his nose so the water just flowed right through him damn it came and it was it like went into his nose and out of his mouth like a little like a little fountain he would taunt the people by doing like he would count he knew the time frame you're only allowed a waterboard for a certain amount of time so he would can't he would he knew the times and he would just be he would do a three two one with his hands and be like all

right dude fuck you that's the best terrorist ever yeah it's pretty tight dude they're trying to claim that he was a liar because he uh he just claimed like all the he's like yeah i did that yeah i did that too oh yeah it's not like torture usually induces a response that's like you need to give an aunt he didn't it wasn't hurting him so he could just sit here and be like yes well eventually what fucked him up was me well the problem is they do water boarding and then they also do like serious sleep deprivation so you've been like deprived of sleep for like three weeks or you know you still get to sleep but they do a thing where you just stand in a box and like let you start to fall asleep and rattle lights and shit and pop back up and they'll do that to you for like they do that to you for if they did that to me for 48 hours i'd be hallucinating so then after you're in like a

hallucinatory sleep all the details that was kind of like the pushback against torture where it's like i mean they're gonna talk about stuff yeah you're gonna get an answer a lot of it might be bullshit wait so this dude what he did he like write a book with that he was just like yeah they tried to torture me and none of it worked no he's he's locked up bro oh oh oh he's on the fucking forever he's on a tear he's on like guantanamo program bro i don't know well those boys get out of gitmo yeah who did he tell they get out i don't know if this dude i think this dude got like a sentence like 9 000 years in prison back daddy was in jail we had back daddy back daddy apparently was arrested like 16 times yeah so that guy in fucking england was arrested true that guy that just stabbed people on the bridge oh really yeah he was like arrested for

murder he was like out on leave before fucking european law yeah yeah what did they do i forget i don't know the details enough but i'm pretty sure this dude that like claimed an isis attack or i don't know if it was isis but he was like in prison for like attempted murder or murder and then they were like all right here's like a two-day pass just go out and chill he went and got a knife and stabbed two people did he really really? Yeah. Dude, crazy shit's going on in England. Did you see it? There's a dude who just... An ISIS guy who just went up and cut the

head off of some soldier. The soldier was on campus. Yeah, yeah. Just to cut his head off. He snuck, cut his head off? Yeah, yeah. That's a sharp blade, bro. Did you see that video? Billy Mays here. That's what I'm saying, dude.

He came up from behind and was like, gotcha. Yeah. Do you think those terrorists watch those infomercials for good knives and are like, oh. I heard Cutco knives is stronger. It's only 20 bucks right now. We can get two of them. For five easy payments?

Yeah, dude. We're not going to make the last couple. Did you see that video? Yeah, dude. We're not going to make the last couple. Did you see that video of... It's just like a CCTV thing. It's a dude sprinting down the street,

and then there's three guys chasing after him with machetes. And they're chasing after him, and then a car comes up behind all three of them and takes one of the dudes out. What? Like, fucks one of the dudes up until he's just a broken mess on the street and the other guys like drop their machetes. They're trying to load them into like a different

car and they just can't get the guy up and in the car. So then they just drive off and leave. Do you think ISIS makes like Black Hawk Down videos? Movies? They do. Like Saving Private? No they do. Do they really? Their propaganda is like that. What? Yeah it's wild. It's like well.

It used to be. I yeah it's wild it's like well well it used to be I think it's gotten I think they're I think they're starting they suck yeah who's producing and how can I see

I would like to see like an ISIS they have good videos they had really high level production for a while and then I think we like took out

their best photoshop guy we keep killing their social media is that what we're over there doing like blowing up their film sets yes they uh I watched there's a's a indian one on amazon right now you can

watch pretty good no but it's like a modern military thing for indian troops which is funny it's funny for countries to make those that don't have wars going on you know what do they get stoked on uh they get stoked on killing pakistan oh right right about that they get fired up dude damn cricket and killing uh pakistan india india hates pakistan don't they yeah they get loose what's the movie hates them what's the movie about though yeah like exactly what works there's like world war ii movies world war one i don't know they're trying to rip off like fucking, like Lone Survivor type shit. It's just Indian news. It's just,

I would love to see, they do like the slow down warrior music. It's like, this is a dude just like throwing a rock really hard across a metal fence. He gets hit really hard

with a stick and he's like, leave me. I'm down. Because at the end, they're in the recovery camp with bruises and shit, just kind of sitting there like, I got a contusion. Dude, this is what I've been dying to talk about. I saw a fucking parasite last night. Have you seen it yet?

I haven't. I haven't heard anything about it. I won't tell you anything. It's amazing. I won't tell you anything. Anybody listen to's amazing. I won't tell you anything. Anybody listen to this, go see fucking Parasite. It is so good

and it is so fucking funny. Is it really? I don't know if it's definitely supposed to be funny. It's gotta be funny. It's just jarring. The whole thing is like, what the fuck?

What the fuck? It's so funny. You're gonna, the whole time I was watching, I was like, Matt will love this movie. I can't wait, dude. Like,

how did you hear about it? Parasite? Yeah yeah i'd seen the preview and shit but even the preview i wasn't sure what the fuck it was about if you watch the trailer you still have no idea yeah yeah i love that it's awesome yeah dude i'm telling you i think blizz told me about this too and i i have to go see that let me just tell you that the dad in this movie is the coolest motherfucker ever i'm gonna give you the opening scene that. Let me just tell you that the dad in this movie is the coolest motherfucker ever. Yes. I'm going to give you the opening scene. That's all. Please, give it to me.

That's all. Give it to me. I'm not going to ruin it, I promise. So it's this dad and his two kids and his wife. They live in this shitty house in Korea. They're poor. And the way they're making money in the beginning is folding pizza boxes.

Like this just, a pizza store drops off like a thousand boxes for them to fold. And the dad puts a YouTube video on of how to like fold boxes as fast as, like the record.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He watches the world record holder for pizza boxes and is like, I can do this. And just folds them as fast as he can the whole time. And then when they come

to pick up the boxes, they're like, one in four of these is totally useless. And they look back and the dad's like he's so ashamed yeah then his son comes up with like shitty plans and every time he does the dad's like you are awesome dad like loves his son for being a piece of shit he's like you're gonna save this family with your awesome plans oh my god that sounds awesome yeah that's all i'll say it's an awesome beginning too the beginning so and then right while they're making the boxes uh somebody comes around to fumigate the the slum that they live in so

there's just a dude outside just spraying chemicals everywhere and their windows open and the dad's like leave it open we get a free extermination with this they're in like a cloud of fucking pesticide like and they're folding pizza boxes is it in korean yeah you got to read but it's good it's awesome but also what's funny is they're they all occasionally throw in like english they try to they speak english yeah every once in a while they'll give like a like you are nice like with like while they're you are okay it's great I love that it's great

I like subtitle movies man I like to read everything while I'm watching it so that's fun that's what's up yeah so once upon a time in Hollywood

we were talking about it I was just telling I think no I was telling Tommy about it you told me about it before you said it was pretty good yeah it's fucking it's great

so funny it's great and Brad Pitt is the fucking man in that movie. He's good, yeah. I was just having a conversation with somebody about who's the best comedic and serious actor. I was like, I think Tom Hanks is up there. He can be funny. Brad Pitt.

Could be. He's very fucking funny. Burn After Reading. Didn't see that yeah he's hilarious in that dude uh a dude from arrested development whatever his name is what's bateman yeah yeah he's up there he's up yeah when he did uh what you call it ozark ozark style was like i kind of laughed at him the whole time he was such a fucking dick dude he was good he was good they got another movie he's got a series coming out on HBO.

Yeah, he's like a... It looks fucking awesome. Yeah. What is it? The Outsider. I claimed Sandler, though. I think Adam Sandler... Spanglish?

He was good in Spanglish, dude. He played Grain over me, and now he's got that new one coming up. Uncut Gems or something. Oh, yeah. That's going to be awesome. I liked him in Spanglish, dude. Yeah, he's good. He's good in serious movies.

What about Carrie? I like Spanglish, too. What? What about Carrie? What? JC. Jim Carrey. Oh, yeah, that's a good one, too.

That's a fair pick. Here we go. This is podcasting. Now we're fucking podcasting. Now we're xenophiles, dude. Is this what they wanted from us? Is this the type of podcast that everyone wanted? Yeah, yeah.

And on this episode, they discuss which actors are best at drama and comedy. Nah, dude. Fuck that. Hell no, dude. Fuck that. O'Connie, how are you tooting? How am I tooting? I haven't tooted.

I haven't tooted recently. Good. I've been keeping away from the toots. I'm still laughing. That's good. Yeah, yeah. I'm very happy you are. Is that clear? the toots. I'm still laughing. That's good. I'm very happy you are. Is that clear? The toots.

Bad habit. What I'm still laughing about is what you were talking about the other day with the fucking corgis, the police dogs. Oh, dude. That fucking documentary about this family that kid goes missing in Portugal, I think, or Spain. I think Portugal. And the police show up to be like, oh, we're going to're gonna find your kid get out with search dogs that are just dogs like they're not like german shepherds or that it's literally like mutts and like lab like a fucking golden retriever like corgis and like a dachshund it's like fuck dude our kid is gone i was laughing because i was

telling him how like i was watching a documentary about a different South American country where the police roll up. And it's just they're always wearing ugly sweaters and fucking dockers with AK-47s and banana clips. They're just the cops. They pull up in a Volkswagen and pop out. And you're like, what the fuck is this? They can't afford uniforms. They pop out in a Grinch sweater. In Portugal or Spain, they had uniforms.

And it was just like a trash, like green-colored jumpsuit. All of them had a green jumpsuit, and each one of them had just a random dog. And they hopped out of a van, the back of a van. And this Scottish family was like, oh, we're fucked. We are fucked. I don't know. I feel like those little dogs can find nooks and crannies. No, you've got to stop supporting little things.

You're such a cunt. Little dogs. Those little dogs, they're like yeah they i feel like that's where all like the hole in the fence that's where all like uh used catholic school gym uniforms go just like third world police force they're the fucking knights oh man we're the hawks the special narcotics unit like we're the hawks how about that fucking haw hot guy I showed you? Dude.

There's a boxer he showed me that's like, just like a hot Mexican. He's a little churro, dude. He's like a hot Mexican sweet boy. Really? And he has the fastest fucking hands. It's unbelievable. And he, dude, all his pictures are him being hot.

Ryan Garcia. Oh, it's crazy, dude. Just him being hot as fuck. And then he'll throw like the... You know when boxers somehow do that circle underwater? Circle punch real quick? Dude, his hands are literally... You see four hands.

He defies... Yeah, it looks like a ceiling fan. Like when it's moving fast. It's insane. It turns into like a series of... What weight class is he in? Ryan Garcia. He's small.

He's light. He's not short, though. But he's light. He is an ultimate fucking sweet He's light. He's not short, though. Sweet boy. But he's light. He is an ultimate fucking sweet boy. Yeah. He's so hot. Ryan Garcia might be the hottest dude.

But he does like hot guy stuff on his Twitter. It's just like a hot chick's Twitter. If she could like punch fucking. And he's just like standing on like the bow of a boat. Like it's basically dude. Bro, it's his Instagram and his boy's Instagram is chaos. I was, so I discovered this guy through, I think I was looking at, like, Jake Paul's videos. Who's Jake Paul?

Logan and Jake Paul, these brothers. Wait, which one's the one that fought? Logan. Logan. But Jake, they're both huge. Yeah. They're both giant and box and shit. Yeah.

jay getting they're both huge yeah both giant and boxing shit yeah uh so something he ryan garcia this boxer does a thing where he gets like a youtuber or somebody kind of famous puts him in that body suit and just throws hooks to the body as hard as he can to see how long it's pretty wild to watch like he fucking throws hard jesus it's scary to watch harder than me and he throws almost as hard as you i remember that video you sent me remember the video i sent you my boxers hitting the heavy bag you should send that to ryan garcia it'd be like come get some dude like dude put me in the bodysuit i'll fucking but uh wait so these celebrities they eventually tap out or what yeah kind of they're just like screaming the whole time while he's fucking drunk but then i looked at this one guy that he did it with that dude that i showed you that was dancing hot yeah well the, the guy that's questionably hot.

Dude, he's hot. He's, yeah. No, the other guy's way hotter, I'll say. Yeah, Ryan Garcia is super hot. Ryan Garcia might be my number one right now. He might have just replaced Cristiano Ronaldo's hottest guy. For sure, for sure. And he can fight.

Cristiano Ronaldo, he's hot, obviously, but if you're going to get a hot guy who's going to be throwing those punches, that's what I'm into, for real. You can play soccer all you want and run around like a gazelle. If you're throwing those, if you got hands, bro, I'm like, yeah, that's fucking hot as fuck. Look how hot Ryan Garcia is. Yeah, and he's got like a Ronaldo-type look going on. Would you suck his dick?

No. Yeah, you would. No, I would not. Would you suck his dick to be able to punch as fast as him no i would i would i would suck that power right out of him 100 i'd be a total succubus you know what's funny damn i hate this motherfucker so what's the hot guy shit that he's doing i'm gonna find the hot guy he posts like here he is on the beach with a snow hat on and no shirt

is the like the caption is it like that's a hot guy believe in your dreams like no he's just being hot

that's a hot guy tendency to wear snow hats for hot guys or like that's something you put on it's just like a fuck you I'm so hot and I'm gonna wear

a super hot hat what are you gonna do about it but Ronaldo's got that next level hotness where he's weird with his son. You know what I mean? Like Tom Brady? I don't know. I think he killed the mom or something like that.

The mom's not in his son's life. Yeah, he never introduced his son to his mother yet. Yeah, yeah. He could give his son a reach around, and you'd be like, that's normal. Yeah, it looks like he's that hot So he could like give his son a reach around and you'd be like, that's normal? Yeah, it looks like he's that hot where he could just like grab his son's feet. I wasn't fully listening to what you were saying. I was like, yeah, totally, do that.

No, but it's like he's raising like a clone. Dude, so I was looking at this guy's Instagram and this other guy. I'll find him in a second. Is he from Spain or Mexico? He's Mexican. Of course he had a fight. He's hot everyone's probably calling him what are bad words they call you in mexico fucking medic home they probably got a mary cones dude he's had to do that scrappy do motion with his hands dude he's sipping a latte and on the phone with a jack

jean jacket over your shoulders i was is to be fair he is he's from mexico right yeah chad culture in mexico dude is like super like if you're a hot dude being hot and like taking pictures of you handling business everyone's like this yeah rules chad culture yeah what is that what's the word they call machismo wait but i that doesn't seem like machismo no it does it's new machismo that's new machismo it's just to be like act like a hot girl it reminded me of uh not for whom the bell tolls fucking uh the sun also rises when hemingway is talking about like hot matadors in spain like how they're like these young beautiful dudes that do this fucking crazy they bullfight so like everyone's obsessed with them and like even in

the book he's like yeah like i could fucking like that guy's the man yeah there's like he's a little gay he's beautiful he's gay yeah yeah there's a level of like you're so badass that the only way that you could be more badass is just to fem it up true you know that's what this whole squad how that's what they do ludicrously feminine i will dress and behave and I will still beat the shit out of you. That's kind of sucks. Because I will beat the shit out of you. That is what was keeping me up. When I was looking at this dude and this dude that makes dancing videos with his friends, I was like, these are the gayest dudes ever.

I hate them so much. They could fuck my mom and beat the shit out of me. Dude, you know what I've been geeking out on it's kind of tied to this is how the idea of going viral is affecting our behaviors in mass you want to talk about that i just got a text so i did an interview with this youtuber named sneeko sneeko who's the man he's hot i like him he's a hot boy fight probably sneeko probably fuck me up but he just messaged me that was like can i change the title of the video to asian confronts racist comedian shane gillis to get more views i'm like no please don't dude he's like we'll get more views i'm like no

fuck views yeah yeah well yeah i saw you guys joking about that on that interview yeah now he wants to change the title. Now, I texted him no, so we'll see. Yeah, he should. He was just floating it out there. Yeah. He's a good boy. He's a good boy.

Sneako's the man. Sneako is the man. Dude, I'm telling you, I don't think any of us are spared from this. So, going viral is a highly socially desirable thing to happen. Yeah. And there's, like, immense like immense payoff so there's a bunch of people being attracted to this kind of you know going viral who with their certain behaviors like

dude those dudes like dancing with their mom that one thing is like him dancing with his mom saying bad words having his shirt off it's like thing there's like if you watch vine the ones that go to the top have a certain set of behaviors that I think are being emulated in mass. Totally. It's going to completely affect the way. Shugging stuff in front of your parents in the kitchen. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And it's going to start like bleeding out into the real world as like normal patterns of behavior. We're slowly going to be like attracted. You know what I'm saying? Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone like because eventually these people will be parents. So they'll be like, oh, no. Yeah, this is it.

Let's do a bit. it's like you're a baby right now this is the best period in your life in terms of going viral like you have to do this you're encouraging like yo they're everyone's gonna have trampolines you gotta have one look at me put a trampoline right near the window it's like you know yeah i i don't i you know sorry i'm doing this dude i gotta find this i keep finding the hot guy i don't know but the the people at the top of the uh economic uh ladder they're not letting their kids fuck around with that shit i think you're way off you're talking no no they're like like like silicon valley and like rich people are like they they all these kids are rich all

these fucking instagram hot guys are loaded right right but they're old those are older now i'm saying that like i'm talking about people raising kids like don't they they can create an environment where they just don't let their kids like look at a phone or a tablet until they're like seven or eight so they can handle it so their brain gets like normal you think about that seven or eight still pretty fucking yeah yeah it's also crazy that like you wonder whether that's the right move you know because I don't know. I remember my parents were always like, stop going on the computer.

Stop playing video games. Get outside. And it's like everyone who spent all day indoors on computers is rich now. Found it. Found it. Taylor Holder. T-A-Y-L-E-R. Yeah, Taylor.

T-A-Y-L-E-R. Holder. 1.5 million followers. All he does is make Hot fucking sexy dance vids With his boys Dude Who follows him?

Me Yo it's wild Wait let me see Let me see This guy Bothered This was the one I was looking at Not Ryan Garcia

Ryan Garcia I knew Would beat the hell out of me This kid I was looking at like I'll beat the shit out of him and then he filmed a video of himself sparring and I was like alright nevermind who that guy

oh my yeah so it's literally it's organized dance with honestly organized t-shirts because the bands are very similar genre music I mean but again is that guy in Mexico too

no what he's a California boy for sure dude I fucking hate you is that guy in Mexico too? No What? It was a California boy For sure Dude I fucking hate you Is that guy from Dago? Countdown to Countdown to a video

Of him skydiving He has a video here Well not a video Just pictures of him Shirtless wearing ripped jeans At Thanksgiving And sitting on his dad's lap Hugging his mom

Ew So I'm talking about Posing in front of The food Shirtless This is my this is this would be my nightmare is like how many red handprints would be on my body if i took my shirt off at thanksgiving but could you because he looks like he might be an only child this is like this is what this would be my worst nightmare it's just like you spend your whole life starts

out with the shirt wiping the face so you get to see his abs then him and his boys dude hit a dance about you need good dick he also wears sweatpants that say stop looking at my dick on the front i mean dude if this is what you have to do to get pussy anymore i don't want it no no snizzes worth this problem dude i'm like looking at like Stop looking at my dick I'm gonna have an orange snow hat on And dance with three Organize If someone's like Matt

You have to choreograph A five minute dance You can't get pussy anymore I'd be like I'm just not gonna get pussy anymore Dude this is the worst thing ever Because You know his dad

His dad is just like An electrician You know And it's just like He's just worked A normal job No dude He's fucking loaded

His kid's loaded I feel like he's loaded Off of. No, dude, he's fucking loaded. His kid's loaded. I feel like he's loaded off of the Instagram shit. No. Oh, he's preloaded? Yes. He's got rich face. Oh, man.

Did you ever see people who are so rich they get distorted facial features? Yeah, that's rich face. Dude, I was at home hanging out with a rich kid over Thanksgiving. What kind of face? They have really prominent chins. I hate to give give his last name but give a similar last name don't give his real last name i can't i can't i can't i can't the bottom line is hands something in a van chance from the jansport family yeah dude he's sort of lost his mind man i think like yeah it's the first time i've really like noticed the effects of someone being like crazy rich their whole life. And he's got like a huge house that I think sort of like his parents paid for.

You know, it's like and it's like right on the wall. It's like crazy. And he's got almost like what feels like early onset dementia. Like it's crazy. Like it's just brain. Now, this was the night before me and Chris had a show in Poughkeepsie. Oh, you were there? Well, me and Chris met in Poughkeepsie.

Yeah. I had a nice night the night before. No, I've been chilling on the booze. Damn. I've been sober all December. You were like a greaser up there. You had tight black jeans on, like your cigarettes in your fucking shirt. I rolled up.

I rolled up. I get to the hotel. I've rarely seen you so just even keeled. Yeah. Maybe it was the condition that I was in. I was like, damn, I wish I was him. No, I'm set. I was just.

I got there. He was asleep in his car out front. That was a warning sign. That could have just been him waiting. But that was a warning. Then I went to check in. I sleep in my car outside a red roof inn. I check in.

Yeah, a red roof inn in Poughkeepsie. I check in. O'Connor comes in a minute later just like, hey. I was like, oh, Chrissy. You lost good time, Chrissy. I was talking like this. I couldn't breathe out of my nose. Why?

I had gotten into it. I had gotten into it a little bit the night before. Yeah, dude. Right when I heard him talk i was like oh i know what you did last night yeah yeah he had a head cold yeah he had a oblivion sinus infection he had a real one he's taking like fucking pseudofet and shit he's spraying shit in his nose i was like that's not gonna help dude i was i was i was rinsing my nose with a saline spray and then spraying just some hydrochloric Dude, being hungover before a show is the worst thing in the world. Because even sober, you get that feeling before shows sometimes where it's like, why? Why would I go do this?

This is crazy. How do I do this? How am I going to start this? How do I do this? How am I going to start this? Like, how do I do comedy? But when you throw on a hangover of like anxiety and depression, and it's like, I suck. I'm going to waste everyone here's time. Yeah.

And I was freaking out because I was like, I'm going to sound like I'm underwater. Like, I'm going to sound like I have a fucking snorkel on up there. And I got to do like 25 minutes. It's just going gonna be a straight bomb and it like how'd it go it went fine i mean considering the condition i was in i was like this is fine this is fine i was happy to walk away with just passable yeah you and nate really set the table for me good god at least got laughs you did start to turn around but god damn nate

marshall coming in with a hard bomb up front. With the host bombs, it's nothing better. Well, what sucks is because Nate's very funny. Nate Marshall was a very funny comedian, so when he went up and they gave him nothing, I was like, fuck. This is going to be a long night. And he had one of those, it was just like,

he just started off just wrong-footed, and then just everything just... He bumped, he knocked over the stool while bombing. What was the crowd like? They were – It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. So, like, everyone was just, like, dead. Yeah.

No one seemed tired. Dude, I've dropped some bombs on the road, dude, of just going and hosting somewhere in, like, Saskatchewan or wherever in, like in upper New York. This will be fun. Just go up there. When I was a young, real go-getter comic, I'll take any gig,

and I'm at a country club somewhere just being like, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Just bombing it. Who was it? You're realizing as you're talking how much. Was it you and me that did that country club where we stood in the middle of the dance floor? Yes, we did.

That was great. That was a gig from Gig Salad, I think. I don't know who got it. It was me. I booked a Gig Salad gig. I'm like, Shane, come with me. I'll split it with you. And there was a lady with old fake tits.

Yeah, she was the one who... Give it up for this idiot. I used to book Gig Salads as me and big Shane headline. And we showed up and just fucking bombed. It was like a country club fundraiser. It was like a gala. We were all dressed really nice. Me and Matt show up in hoodies and jeans and then eat it in the middle of a well-lit dinner.

Standing on the dance floor. On the dance floor? In the round? Yes. Standing in a dance floor and we just bombed the best was the uh the the fucking what is the other one and then sat down and ate free food and everyone came over like good effort boys stick with it we got some free macaroni we did uh we did a bachelor party in a dining like in a restaurant in like a secluded

room in a restaurant. And the groom-to-be was like newly sober and was just hanging out with his like old dudes because all his friends were like probably fucking up hanging out with your friends up in fucking Connecticut.

Yeah. And they were like, so it was him and a bunch of geezers. And I came in off the bat and was just like, just been divorced. And I'm like, yeah, dude, fucking divorced.

Being married's pointless. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Crickets, of course. We had no microphone either we had no microphone either we just stood there like orators from like the 17th century we're like i forgot about here are some thoughts that i've gathered i bomb shane goes up does pretty well and then halfway through i was just like you know what we're just both gonna talk to you guys for a while and then okay was that good enough okay thanks guys no i came up during your set oh yeah shane i was just like um let's just both talk yeah he stopped my set was so bad this is the origins of the podcast this is the first cast it's up there could have been this is right around that it was up there

we were just dude standing at the head of the table saved me bro really yeah i was standing there with no mic being like doing bits like you had to do he was doing material and there's like because it was so uncomfortable like you tried to break and talk to them and be like yeah marriage sucks and they were like oh then all my material is about how i'm married and like how you're just as dating as an adult it's doomed to fail right and i did that for 10 minutes just stuck in like a total tunnel of being like i can't get out of this yeah and shane was like all right that's come here we get out of this. And Shane was like, all right, that's it. Come here.

We're both going to talk. And I was like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It was like eight uncles. It was because all. Yeah. Because he was sober.

The kid was sober. So all he did, he couldn't hang out with his friends anymore because they obviously still were partying. Yeah. So it was like him and his fucking father-in-law and uncle were there probably like 12. Yeah. Just sitting at a table and we stood at the fucking it was last supper they were like somebody will make a joke

and they'd be like yeah i should be up there oh dude it was the worst laugh at like an uncle's joke more like yeah obviously you should we don't it was bad remember remember the fucking got 250 yeah i think we got paid for that swag remember that like swag that fucking uh highway construction uh oh oh my god dude i i fucked o'connor on this this was great yeah same situation though we it was all contractors it was all contractors who somehow we thought was like a tractor convention oh so we kept being like what are you guys, like tractors? They were like, no. I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I threw O'Connor to the wolves on that. Yeah, we were in the middle of like weird Maryland.

Yeah. Place around Elkton, Maryland. You know, I was just about to say Elkton, Maryland. It's weird as fuck. KKK capital, East Coast. Go ahead. Wild times. Yeah, and I'm up there being like, I got mice in my apartment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're Wild times. Yeah, and I'm up there being like, I got mice in my apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like... Talking to like hardworking contractors about like... You live in an apartment and you push me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have a house with like a fucking four trucks in there? They hated me. They did hate Chris.

They hated me. They opened the door for me to go up there and be like, hey, Chris sucks, right? Yeah, she biggest laugh of the night. That guy fucking sucks after the show after the show uh one of the guys was like threatened to lynch me yeah they were yeah it was great dude i'm crazy i'm dead serious the kid there's a kkk chapter in elkton yeah i knew pidge i knew people from elkton elson a rising sun who were like dude do we have the cake it's funny after a show and people come up and shake your hand people people come up and shake your hand,

people just come up and shake your hand and be like, faggot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pussy? Yeah, those gigs. Those are the gigs, though.

Those are so fun, man. They are fun. That was so fun. We did a show, that show in Elkton. That was the one you, me, and Blizz,

and that was the one where that fat girl gave me a, not fat, but, I don't know what you're saying gave me an over the pan tan job gravitationally enhanced and then when we were leaving i didn't i was hammered did you come no definitely and no i was hammered i like gave her she like jerked off a semi underneath my jeans and then when we were leaving we were walking out i didn't know she was right behind me. And I was like,

you fucking idiots. Let me fucking get a handjob for that fat fucking retard. She was standing behind me. It was like, oh shit. I don't think she heard. I don't think she heard either. I would have felt horrible if she heard.

That would have been very mean. That was the night I called the DJ, DJ, I hate Mexicans, dude. Nobody laughed. There's a guy in all denim working the fucking sound. I was like, you know, for DJ, I hate Mexicans. I was just like, what? Why would you say that?

Yeah, people, they never did comedy there again, by the way. They never did. I was trying, I needed money. I kept hitting that dude up. Like, hey, man, come down for 400 bucks. Dude, and then he got us a hotel room and we never, well, they got us. Oh, yeah, that was fucked up. They got us a hotel room. They got Shane a hotel room. He was like, no, I don come down for 400 bucks. Dude, and then he got us a hotel room, and we never... Well, they got us a hotel room. Oh, yeah, that was fucked up.

They got us a hotel room. They got Shane a hotel room. He was like, no, I don't want it, actually. I'm going to leave after. I think you demanded a hotel room. But then we're sitting there with these guys, and all they did was, like, they would, like, check this out and show me a meme of, like, a girl surrounded by dudes, and, like, she says she doesn't want it.

And I'm like, this isn't a meme, dude. This is a rape. Yeah. This is a rape meme. I didn't know you guys had these down here. It was just like memes about like as if it was ridiculous to assume a girl

didn't want to fuck you ever. Yeah. And it'd be like, this chick, it was like a, no, it'd be like a dog pulling down a baby's diaper or something weird

and be like, she's screaming no. It was, dude, it was, some of them, some of them, I remember the Mexter saw one and was just like,

what the fuck? Oh yeah, the Mexter was there. Shout out Mecky Leeper He's a good friend of the podcast He loves the podcast He's a good friend of mine Dude he saw it

He was very supportive of me When I was going through That whole thing Thanks Mecky Thanks for publicly speaking out That helped me But dude the guy showed us Like a pro-rape

The guy showed us Like a pro-rape meme And it was just like Bro By the way that's a phone call In three days Oh sure I'll forget that i said that in three days what the hell man oh my god but yeah man that is a man what a trip down oh what a trip down the old lane yeah there's a bunch of those too a bunch of those no shortage dude i did an armenian church

like an armenian orthodox church thing. Went up there. Bah, bro, it might have been the hardest. It was before a fucking comedy magician. So I bombed for a comedy magician to a bunch of people who were just like, what is this? Why is he? Tell him to stop. And I'm up there like.

The magician told me to like light the candle for him before he went up. And I tried to do a magic trick. And then he's like, stop, get i was like all right sorry i got 50 bucks oh my god i wanted to do the trick where you put lighter fluid in your hand and fucking like light it and i just ended up like just couldn't do it then i shit the bed and just lit the candle and swirled my hands around it and he was like, stop, get off. Dude, I did, I did a,

and he was drunk too. I went on the, the magician was drunk and swaying on stage after me. Everyone was like, this guy rules. He's dropping the cards. That guy does rule. He was visibly drunk

in the Armenian church and then I get fucking booed. I'm like, all right, bro, this is fucked up. His car was wrapped, he had a graphic wrap in his car. Definitely got it.

Like a magician graphic? He had a magician graphic wrap in, like, a fucking, like, Honda Cube or whatever. Like, something like a cube car. This dude fucking ruled, dude. Damn. That guy does rule. Definitely abuses animals. Yeah, I like a Honda Cube.

With a graphic wrap of a comedy. We got to get you in a cube. Yeah, I like cubes. Have you got a cube with a graphic wrap of a comedy. We got to get you in a cube. Yeah, I like cubes. Have you got a cube with a graphic wrap? If you, Chris, like a WB-17 photograph with you wrapped with all your hair. Dude, you'd be killing it, bro. I would like a graph. I wish graphic wraps were like...

I think I was looking at... There was some article about Russian hackers. It's just like young kids, tons of money, living it up. And all their cars have like graphic wraps on them damn so they're going with like like southern black culture where it's like your car is just designed as like a ramen noodle you've never seen these cars they're the coolest cars in the world the cars designed it'll be like a it'll be like a crown vic sitting on like fucking 58-inch rims that's designed like a SpongeBob car.

Or like a Newport. There's one that's just a Newport cigarette box. It's so fucking funny. They're incredible. So Russian trolls are paid right now? Oh, yeah. They're making big money. For what?

I don't know. I guess they go viral. Russian trolls go viral as fuck. Yeah, I think they just like steal people's money. You know? They just like take a little bit of money out of like a bunch of people's little bank account. Yeah, I think they just steal people's money. That's what's up. They just take a little bit of money out of a bunch of people's bank account. Yeah, it's highly doable, dude. Someone schooled me to the fucking bank fraud game.

Apparently, it's like you buy credit. I think I talked about this before. You buy credit cards. There's bad credit cards you buy online. You just start fucking ripping them. I'm sorry. My mom just texted me and asked me to read at my grandma's funeral tomorrow. You're going to read?

I said no. Oh my God. I said no thank you. She's like, Shane, will you do a reading at mass? You are a good public speaker. I said no thank you. I'm not a good reader. And I'll laugh.

I hope she leans on you. I will laugh the whole time. Would you really? Dude, I could never read in mass. True. Anytime I would try to read at church, I would laugh. Yeah. Couldn't do it.

Especially now. Dude, if I have to read at my grandma's funeral tomorrow, I will laugh the entire time. Yeah. I don't know. You don't get that silly, though? Which is really fucked up, and my whole family will hate me. True. True.

Good call. I don't know. If I'm in front of any crowd now i feel pressure to like make them laugh like if i'm not if they're not laughing i feel like i'm you're just such a comedian bro chris you're just such a comic bro you're a comic at heart bro comics comic you guys you just push boundaries bro you have to twist it don't put that shit on yeah don't put that shit you're so twisted bro you're just a twisted joke just yo let's talk bezos i just read an article about him i want to talk bezos what you know about him what do i know about

you know about what do you think bezos i know i know he lives hard i know he's uh space yeah blue origin yes yeah yeah uh and he's never put out his political stances. Good move. Yeah. Yeah. Trump hates him though already. Trump does hate him. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I read an article. Of course, I was ready to hate Bezos. Because I'm like...

The Saudis hacked his phone. That's how they got those pictures. Of the fucking... Of him cheating? Yeah. So apparently... So I read an article. Again, this could be just...

This guy has enough money. The Saudis hacked his phone and got pictures of him cheating? Yeah. So they could hack Amazon and they hacked his phone? I mean, extorting a fucking trillionaire is a sick move. True, but it's like Amazon's storage, like their cloud is, I think, like a third? Supposedly it was more of like a personal thing.

Think Trump set him up? Yeah. Think Trump put one of his princes on there? Yeah, Kushner was like... You're like one of those nudes. third supposedly is more of like a personal thing i think trump set him up yeah i think trump put one of his princes on there yeah kushner kushner was like you're like one of those new kushner went to the saudis and he was like kushner went to the saudis and was like bezos is a piece of shit oh my god take him out you're such a fucking dude you're the you're the same people that were like george bush is a fucking retard he he also did 9-11 he was smart enough to do 9-11 I didn't hey I'm not saying come on I thought we're talking

I thought Trump was a totally inept fucking moron no they were saying that it seems like a nice scheme though big hack his phone I know yeah yeah yeah he is he's born he slammed the desk he was like get his fucking nude don't stop nudes but that's a fair point i don't know bezos what i heard so apparently but apparently trump with him everything's trump every single problem comes up trump dude did i tell you about the old fix your own clean your room yeah dude clean you get the pizza crust i got a pizza crust i had a pizza crust on my toilet for like a month and I just couldn't throw it out

my trash was right next to it and I was on the phone with Shane and I was talking about it he's like just throw it out right now and I was like alright and I threw it out and then I told him about another pizza crust in the main room and the next day we were on the phone and he was like did you throw that pizza crust out

and I lied that I had you lied? yeah I felt so bad about not throwing it out And the next day we were on the phone. He was like you throw that pizza crust out and I lied that I Lied yeah, I felt so bad about not throwing it out. I was like yeah, no I did as penance. I did it You should have Have you know? Have you know like a very old pizza crust before I just jump until like two days ago. I just stopped eating a turkey But I gained like eight pounds I was like like, how the fuck did I gain? Oh yeah, I've been eating gravy

for every fucking meal. Been eating gravy. I've been eating Thanksgiving meals every day since Thanksgiving. You brought stuff home? Tommy made it in our house. Yeah, I had a full,

Tommy's a great cook. Yeah. So I was just, it was such a different Thanksgiving experience. It was WAP Thanksgiving. So it had all types of spices. a great cook yeah so i was just it's good it was such a different thanksgiving experience it was wop thanksgiving so it had all types of spices and it was like yeah yeah i'm used to just bland mush that's so good salted bland thanksgiving mush with like fucking hard macaroni and cheese i was explaining my family's macaroni and cheese totally flavorless mac and cheese yeah dude it's like a paste like a real chalky paste yeah it's horrible yeah the uh dude so i'm reading i'm reading uh i'm

reading about bezos and apparently his his whole the only thing he cares about is going to space like everyone's like what do you think about like this he's like i don't care all he wants to get he wants to set it up to where there's tubes that come from earth that go all the way like to the moon that are like mile hundreds of thousands of miles long that would have like beaches and shit somehow inside of these tubes and like humanity is going to spread out in tubes across the galaxy until we figure out in tubes tubes dude he wants to live that sounds someone needs to put a bullet in his head dude apparently i don't like it He's

This is all he cares He's a big Star Trek He's a Star Trek nerd Again this is from the Atlantic Who knows I support this It's an article that makes you Kind of

Well I don't know about the tubes But I like the space effort I like He's got blue origin He's like That's all he cares about His thing is that Well why doesn't

I know he's been donating a lot to charity But You know I'm not even Let's focus on i don't know why you give one of those billions of dollars to fix something because all he cares about is space that's the thing he's still focused on he thinks it's oh no he thinks it's a waste of money he was like in order to fake in order to make earth inhabitable we have to slow down growth that's he's very gerby-esque what so he's like in order to make earth inhabitable we have to slow down growth that's he's very gerby-esque what so he's like in order to make earth inhabitable

we have to slow down the growth of the human species where we can just start launching to like creating tubes to go into space and then live in tubes are you sure about these dude i'm serious man the tubes i thought it was why why to why not just go to different planets and just live there he is that's musk is on that right now dude he's on his other he's on his own shit bro he's fucking richer than musk so he's like i'm gonna go i think it's like a tesla edison type thing we're we're dealing with here i i have a feeling base is getting so cucked musk musk is tesla yeah yeah bezos i don't know edison yeah you think so and then everyone will look back now it was so cool well the article in the Atlantic was written by a journalist who twice tried to smite him

this is kind of why Bezos is kind of sick she like wrote a thing or maybe it was he I don't know wrote a thing and tried to smite Bezos in an article

she wrote like a book or something and Bezos was like yo I'm not fucking letting that he like he was like he like dominated publishing

so he's like yeah we're not fucking with your publisher so we're not gonna print he it did something we're not going to print books because you try to attack me at least this was what the author claimed yeah we won't sell your book and sunk the fucking book and then this lady came out with another article being like this is why amazon's so fucked up and he pulled advertising from the magazine so it was just like that was a huge debacle and then she wrote an article find a third one, like a long one in The Atlantic, that kind of makes Bezos look cool.

So I'm like, dude, Bezos? I mean, if you're a... That's the other thing, too. If you're a billionaire, like, how many people are able to withstand, like, someone throwing a hundred mil at you? No one. To be like, yo, write this thing. I need a journalist to write this thing that makes me look good, and I a hundred mil yeah you can do that without even blinking yeah so i don't know i don't

but again i'm reading this and i'm like yeah it's about how amazon's a like basically more of a philosophy than a company because it just like it doesn't make any sense of what he what he does is so diversified like when you're saying how they took the what What was it? How they hacked his phone? Amazon servers hold the CIA and a lot of the government's information. Well, not anymore because Trump hates them. So they're like... Good. They gave that contract.

I think they're giving that contract to someone else. Let's not have the CIA on a corporation's fucking modal. What are you else going to do? You can't do it. It's not exactly... They're too big. They're too big. If you can build tubes to space, I think you can build a server for the government.

I think you got to break them up. Yeah, you got to break them all up. Amazon, break it up. He's embedded in Washington, bro. Twitter, break it. He lives in Washington. Yeah, yeah. He bought his store.

You want to break them up? I thought you wanted to go to Mars. I do want to go to Mars. We're going to need a major monopoly corporation to get us there. No, we did it once. Dude, tubes. We did it once. We need tubes. With the government. What? We need tubes major monopoly corporation to get us there. No, we did it once. Dude, tubes. We did it once. We need tubes.

With the government. What? We need tubes, bro. We went to the fucking moon once with the government. Yeah. Or more than once. Yeah, a couple times. Allegedly.

No, it felt allegedly. Allegedly. No, we went. Dude, I'm telling you, the article in The Atlantic about Musk was tight. It's about he's just like a Star Trek nerd who just wants to go to space so bad. Yeah. And he's just like, it's all who just wants to go to space so bad. Yeah. And he's just like, it's all I care about is going for big. Send him up there.

That's why they think he's starting to work out so hard. He's preparing himself for outer space. Bezos, you're talking about. Bezos. My bad, my bad. You better hurry up. How old is he? Well, I guess he's going to outlive all of us.

This guy's 60s or something. Yeah, he's drinking like children's blood and stuff. Yeah, he'll outlive us. But yeah, he rules. Good for him. Yeah, he's drinking like children's blood and stuff. Yeah, he'll outlive us. But yeah, he rules. Good for him. Yeah, I'm into it. I like the space stuff. Which is funny.

I was ready for like this. I was ready for like a scathing expose. And it's like, nah, this guy just loves fucking space. And I was like, that's pretty fucking sick. Chris, again, for as much as... What we gotta worry about is these Saudis hacking our good billionaires' phones. As much as you hate Trump Daddy,

you sure have very Trumpian fucking... Speech patterns? Yeah, like, we need space, good space. I'm into space, yeah, I like space. What do you like about it? I just think that's where the future is. Yeah, you're a big futurist, a guy who can't throw out pizza crusts.

Look, I said that crust into orbit. I spend too much time with these big ideas to be throwing out pizza crust and stuff like that. That's true. You know what I mean? I'm sitting there. I'm looking out my window. I'm spitting and smoking cigarettes. I'm thinking about the big ideas.

That's what's up. I like that. Oh, dude. I went to the gym twice last week.'s big whoa two days you're getting ready for outer space i can't wait i'm getting launched soon i'm gonna leave this planet i'm done with this planet uh but when i was in there so astoria the neighborhood is like the most diverse neighborhood like in the world and i was making fun of it. I think that's actually true.

It is. It is. It's insane. It's insane. When you move, Connie's is moving in with me. I can't wait. I'm going to beat your ass every night. If I have a bad set, I'm taking it.

I'm going to get you in bed. What are you going to do about his uncleanliness? Well, I mean, who am I? You're pretty clean. I would say of all the people I've lived with, you keep a pretty clean house. I keep it clean out of hangover depression. You're not drinking anymore. And I'm not boozing right now, so I don't care.

But if I get a good hangover, I will clean the entire house. I was going to say, when we were... Yeah, you cleaned up. You were like... And I was hungover for the last three months, so... True. The house is spick and span right now. Spick and span.

You're moving up into... What's the room? Shouldn't have said that. What? What? House is spick and span right now. Spick and span. You're moving up into... What's the room pitch? Shouldn't have said that. What? House is spick and span? You said it. You think you're a champion? You said it.

You're allowed to say that. What is the spick part of that? It's like when you squeak a window. Is it? I have no fucking clue. I don't know. Spick and span. Who knows?

Fuck, what was I saying? You're the most diverse neighborhood. So, like, I went to Planet Fit. If you go during the afternoon, it's totally empty. I went at, like, 10 a.m. By the way, I've been waking up at, like, 9. You had some early text. Wow.

It's crazy. I've been waking up at, like, 4. I've been, like, going to sleep at, like, 9 and waking up at 4. 4 a.m.? Yeah. You've got to fix that. I know. You're on a weird... I'm you gotta fix that i know five hours i know but it's nice it is kind of nice dude you're on a weird sleep pattern yeah for a while you were going to bed at 4 a.m yeah yeah but so was i i was doing the same thing i was going to bed at like four

at night yeah 4 a.m and then waking up at two you wake up at fucking 2 p.m yeah and now in the winter it like starts to get dark right away. It's like, oh my god. The sunset. Vamp status. Pure vamp, dude. I was drinking... Dude. Not only have I been eating Thanksgiving meals every night, also, I'll go to the stand where they have the best free pizza and beer.

Every night, I'll eat a fucking pizza and drink 12 beers. It's not good. So I had to hit the elliptical, bro. I had to crush the ellipti. How you feeling? How have you noticed the difference? Yeah, it's nice.

It takes a while to get a good sweat going on the elliptical. You gotta up that fucking resistance level. Is there a sauna in there? No. Put a hoodie on. Just wear a hoodie and sweatpants and sweatpants. Went in there. The best part about it is everybody in there that's working out is a foreigner.

Yeah. It's the most insane shit you've ever seen. They're doing workouts that are like fucking Soviet Union era fucking calisthenic. Like it's just dudes doing the weirdest. I got in there. There was a chubby, like a fat Mexican lady just dancing. That was her workout. She was just dancing.

She wasn't even moving her body. She was moving her fucking hands in the mirror and then next door was this i think greek dude that was just holding his knees and shaking him around that's all he was doing and then while i'm watching that i'm watching that just dying laughing like this is these two these two people have no idea how to exercise now again me criticizing anyone's workout is ridiculous, but they obviously have never even seen someone work out. They're just in there just making shit up. And then an Indian dude comes in.

Also, they all wear the funniest fucking – they wear jeans. They're wearing just clothes. This guy comes in and picks up maybe a five-pound dumbbell and just starts swinging it around. That was the old Indian man's workout, was just swinging it around. It's the craziest place. It's the craziest place. What the fuck?

It literally looked like the Peanuts, you know, when they all do one dance move, like the Charlie Brown Christmas thing? That's what the gym looks like. With the lady dancing, was she over by the barbells? Yeah, she was standing in front of the glass. She was just standing in front of the glass by the fucking dumbbells. Just insane. With the Macarena? Insane.

I guess that's something. It's crazy. You don't need a gym for that. You just do that at home. You got to go to the gym. That's always funny when people go to the gym and do push-ups on the ground. Yeah, Billy was telling me that too he's like you gotta rip

because again Billy's on this Wes Watson tip where he's like you gotta do 10 sets of 10 dude this is your program you gotta make your program tight bro he just screams he's totally stealing prison valor

which is hilarious that's so fucking funny but I'm not gonna go to Planet Fitness and do pushups well I'll check if I do like a chest workout at the end of it I'll see if I can do

a single pushup and if so I haven't done it hard enough and i'll go back and hit it hell yeah yeah so i test myself if i can do a single push-up i fail that's gotta be fun for people to see one guy failing at doing one push-up i know that's what happened or just completing the push-up being like god damn i never ate so far i haven't been able to do another one last night what you don't like this i hit I hit fat guy yoga again. Did you? What's that? You go to YouTube, type in yoga for big guys.

Go to YouTube, type in yoga for big guys. Oh my God. It is the nicest thing. It's just a nice man, nice big boy teaching you how to do yoga. And it's so nice. Well, it would be funny, too, to start one of those YouTube channels. You know, the account will get burnt and banned right away

but you're like a fat guy yoga and like 8 minutes in just splices in gay porn some dude getting reamed in the ass and you guys are like oh come on man no you gotta just splice in

and just be like now stop and eat a hoagie just sit there it's nice big guy yoga is fucking nice it's fun give it a shot Okani I'm gonna get you on that

you and me are gonna be doing big guy yoga well it's yoga for it's really the easiest I'm gonna get you on that You and me are gonna be doing Big guy yoga Oh it's yoga It's really the easiest yoga You can possibly do Yeah yeah But it's nice to like Stretch out your fucking hips

It's pretty funny to have people And your groin Having people resistant To working out And they're like I just don't like doing it And they put on Come on try it out

There's a video like Eight minutes in And the guy's like Oh fuck me Dave And he's like I said I didn't want to Fuck this shit Yeah I was worried When I do that. I didn't want to fucking do this shit. Yeah. I was worried.

When I do that, dude, I need complete seclusion. Yeah. If somebody were to walk in to see me doing yoga. Yeah. Do you feel like you'd be

pretty exposed? It's weird to work out like that with just that vague panic. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like that same

like jerking off to your parents' home. I double locked the front door, so. I used to feel that way about hitting the bag. Now I'm like,

I've been trying to just get over that.'m like i'm just gonna hit this fucking bag i don't people want to watch me who cares and i've been trying to get over that like feeling weird about people seeing me do stuff it's hard yeah it's really hard yeah i don't i don't like it still no text from my mom she's probably upset yeah she's probably upset i said no to reading at my grandma's funeral. Well, you could have worded it a little different. You could have been like,

hey, mom, I don't know if I want to do that. I'm also a little surprised they don't have the lineups. A hard no? Well, I said no and then explained why. Oh, okay.

I said I'll laugh the whole time. Jesus, man. I'll fuck up a word and laugh. Who's mom? Is this her mom? Yeah. What? Her mom just died

and you're going to say no with the caveat of I'll laugh. Dude, they know I don't give a fuck. They just wanted someone else to read. True. That's all it is. You're a good talker. You do it.

You fucking do it. You should have counted back like, Mom, I don't want to take this. This is your moment. This is your cross to bear. Yeah, this is your moment. What would you have said if you did it? If I had to eulogize my grandma? Yeah, yeah. your moment. What would you have said if you wrote, if you did it?

If I had to eulogize my grandma? Yeah, yeah. It wouldn't be good. Wait, were you going to eulogize her? No, they just wanted me to read. Read the gospel? The passage, yeah. Read the gospel.

I can't read the gospel, dude. Why? If I got to go up there and be like a letter from Mark to the book of Mark. To the Corinthians, yeah. No, can't do it. It'd be sick if you just read Like the opening Like in the beginning You should do it

No you should I should read You should southern You should southern preacher it Oh Just get up And start walking around And then

The Lord said And Lord John My grandma is a dead And he started going John 316 She wasn't that nice She was kind of a bitch Oh yeah

The crowd started fucking Speaking tongues up there I'm sorry the Holy Spirit got me You ever see that guy God loves us all The love of his is all around us Chuck on like a P. Diddy shiny suit dude Just fucking be up there like

I should just bring a tape recorder and play Sting Like a letter of Sting to the fucking pussies From the book of fucking Sting. You should rap the P. Diddy remix, dude. Just a big purple suit with sunglasses on. Just wreck a motorcycle over and over again. You remember that music video? Is that what happened?

Yeah. P. Diddy's driving, and he wrecks his fucking motorcycle. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you were talking about Sting. Well, Sting, yeah, Sting too. I don't like what you're doing there, Chris. Get off of me.

What's he doing? Why? Why are you holding the mic? Dude, he's such a comic. He's got his hand on the mic stand holding the mic. God, I hate you. Why do you hate me? What?

I'm just trying to do something with my fucking hand. I don't know what to do. Oh, man, dude. This is something I wanted to run by you guys. Yo, how about the hard times? Stealing your fucking... What's the hard times? Hard times is like that knockoff Onion site

that like Open Mic Comics write for. Right, right. Shout out, Barn Dog. No offense, dog. I know you're grinding. Is that based out of Philly or something? Where is that based out of? I'm not sure where it's based out of.

Yeah, I don't know. Barn Dog, I think. Barn Dog might be killing it out there. What did the Hard Times steal? What did they steal? Last week we talked about, well, Matt had this brilliant idea of shitting yourself at the beginning of a marathon. Yeah, that I heard. Hard Times comes out with an article like three days later.

It's like local punk shits himself at the beginning of a marathon. It's like, bro. There was another person on Twitter who claimed that they got jacked. On that exact? About shitting yourself before Marathon. Yeah. Maybe you jacked it from that guy. Maybe.

Are you Mencia? Maybe I'm Mind of Mencia. I might be Mind of Mencia. Yeah. But it was funny because a podcaster went on. Well, I think the... Dude, I swear. I think be Mind of Mencia. Yeah. But it was funny because like a podcaster went on. Well, I think the, I, dude, I swear. I think the podcast, I could be wrong. I think the podcast that went on and claimed joke thievery, it was like 45 followers.

They're like, fuck you, dude. You heard it from here. It's like, yeah, probably not, dude. Dude, I heard Mencia used to bomb people at the store and do like four hours. Who, Mencia? Yeah. Mencia's my favorite comic. No. Yeah, dude. I opened for him. He's the man. Yeah, hecia? Yeah. Mancia's my favorite comic. No.

Yeah, dude. I opened for him. He's the man. Yeah, he's cool as fuck. He's a nice boy. No. Mancia's a nice guy. I support joke thievery.

I'm sure he is. I support joke thievery. Why? It's survival of the fittest, bro. Bro. No. If you don't have the clout, dude, if someone else does your joke

better than you, it's theirs. No. True. I fully support joke thievery. I heard that. No. Dude, that's what you gotta do. You gotta launch from one scandal to the other and go hard joke.

You got to blow up on other people's jokes. And then just by the time it hits the fan, you'll be like torn around the country. Joke thievery and only steal from specials that are already out. Steal it way after. I guess that is, yeah, that is high level. If you're stealing very well-known bits. Only the most well known bits if you come out if you come out

and be a meta joke thief it would be the funniest fucking thing dude yeah Mencia Mencia fucking rips dude dude he crushes

Mencia sucks Mencia well you're a you're a fucking you're a you got comedy in your blood you got you just

I'm a pure I'm not really a purist you're absolutely a comedic purist yeah yeah you know it. I'm a pure. I'm not really a purist. You're absolutely a comedic purist. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like it's in my bones at this point. I didn't, you know. And that's why I just can't tolerate a guy like that.

And I also can't. What really bothers me is the management at these places that just let him do that. At the store? Chris O'Connor hates the comedy store? Uh-oh. Are you about to turn your hat backwards and expose him? I'm just saying, turn the guy's mic off, turn the lights off, get him off the stage. If you know you're stealing. No, no.

Just if the guy's doing it three hours. He does three hours? That's what I'm saying. He would bump like Rogan and people and just do like four hours. They were saying that's why there's an extra special hate for him. I see where you're coming from now i'm thinking of a dude who steals material and hogs all the time in a comedy store that dude rules no that's dude that and that makes millions of dollars yeah dude yeah that's getting dunked that's nuts in the face dunked on dude so it hogs up all the time with everyone's material and everyone's like yo that guy rules i rules. I think he was shocked when he got murdered, too.

By all the other comics came on stage and were like, you suck. And he was like, you're just fucking jealous. I know. You fucking suck. I know. That video of Rogan crushing him is so hard to watch. Like, that's like. Dude, imagine.

Oh, my God. Imagine actually. If I was there, I'd be like, ah, kill him. Kill him, Rogan. Dude, and then. Imagine actually. If I was there, I'd be like, ah, kill him. Imagine. Kill him, Rogan. Dude, and then they banned Rogan. Yeah. Imagine actually interrupting a show and doing that.

That's the thing. Like, I watched it. That was funny. Then you do comedy. You're like, damn, dude. At any show to walk up and grab the other. I'm like, you're a fucking joke. That was wild.

That's a wild move. That's why he's the king, bro. That's why he's the king right now. You hear that, Rogies? Saint Rogies, save us? Saint Rogies, save us Saint Rogies, save us You are king Yeah, dude, I was

Or Mencia, whoever comes first Mencia, save us also We'd like to open for you in Albany Dude, I was watching I was re-watching the Like the Schaub intervention Where he's just like I watched you

Like he tells Schaub to quit Yeah Yeah, the MMA He's having a tough time That's crazy That's harsh. That's harsh. Yeah, yeah.

I think he did that a lot. Apparently, Callan was about to marry some woman, and he was just like, no. Really? He didn't let Callan do it. Yeah, yeah. He was like, no. You're not doing that. Yeah, yeah.

Callan's like, I'm doing it. You're speaking out of school on that. You're speaking out of school? I'm not telling tales out of school. Chris, speaking out of school, O'Connor. I'm not telling tales out of school. Apparently, Callan was about to marry some chick, and Rogan was just like, what are you talking about?

No. And just like, when was this? Stopped. This was years ago. Wow. Yeah. Because Callum was also apparently hanging out with just a bunch of people Rogan didn't like,

and Rogan was like, stop hanging out with them. Nice. Yeah. He was like like those guys suck you're making you suck stop doing really he's got short King energy sure short King is the cut your mic dude try to make sure we don't JRE no dude that's a compliment yeah we don't come on sure you're talking about that's nothing but I'm saying that's what I want to be.

That's what I want to be. Short king energy. You're the next Rogan? No, not even close. You got to start hitting the jam, dude. If you want to be the next Rogan. No, you got to get jacked. I could catch up to Rogans, I think, pretty quick.

Have you seen Rogans, dude? I saw him in person, dude. He's built. He's so fucking. Dude, he literally is. He looks exactly like Jax. He looks exactly like your dog. He looks exactly like your dog, Jax.

He's just like small and muscle bound. His neck was like. He could literally head ram you and knock the wind out of you. Yeah, you don't want to neck that. You get sleep apnea with a neck like that. No, you have. Your body naturally produces DMT and you have fucking dreams. It happens to Alex Jones.

Alex Jones is so ripped. It happens to me, Rogies, and Alex Jones. His neck is so big. Are you kidding me, dude? Look at that trap. Dude, I got sent to a nighttime DMT. I got sent to a nighttime DMT. You got a good

base. You got a good base. You got a good base. The neck itself is thin. The neck itself is thin. Dude, look at my fucking... Yeah, it probably happens to you too, Shane. That was the best in the roster photo. Just like trying to make it look cool.

Dude, if your neck's too thick, your body naturally creates DMT while you're sleeping. You can't help but go to different dimensions. That's why Alex Jones doesn't need to smoke DMT. He can't help it. He to different dimensions that's why alex jones doesn't need to smoke dmt you can't help but like he goes to another dimension you know what the most the scariest part of this i feel like you did read this somewhere alex jones said it himself alex jones it's like i have a thick neck i've naturally produced dmt i think he's just referring to sleep apnea yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which i also think have. What the fuck were we talking about before that?

The hard times thing. Hard times. Wait. Whatever. You had something before that. You had something you wanted to talk about. This is what I want to get people on, dude, is observing and cultivating people's countenance. Okay.

You know what countenance is? It's like your disposition. Yeah, it's your facial expression. Yeah, yeah. Just the way you come across. I'm reading that book from the 1700s to where like all the guy talks about he describes people and always by their countenance so that he had a stern countenance or like he had a very jovial countenance back dude back then it was like you all you would do you go to town

there was just like a fucking fountain in the middle of the town and you would go there like throw on a cape and some boots and just like make you just make a real sick face and just be like yeah dude peep my fucking countenance right now you just walk around back then you'd have rivals

so there'd be like four hot chicks in a village and you'd be like I'm gonna fuck that chick and they'd be like dare you present yourself as my rival and then you'd have to like

you would just it'd be on dude and it wasn't necessarily beauty either it would just be who had a sick family a daughter of like a daughter of a dude be who had a sick family a daughter of a daughter of a dude

that also had a sick countenance if a guy was standing at the fountain and had a dope countenance and you're like I wish I had that and then he had a daughter regardless of what she looked like

you're like I want his daughter so I can be part of this squad yeah exactly you could fuck your way into a family yeah that was the other thing

and that was in the book man you're gonna like Parasite I would hate that I would hate that. I would hate that. I can't wait, dude. Dude, if you have your finest boots on and you have a ruffled shirt

and a cape and you just go to the fountain and you're just like fucking meat mugging everybody like damn, dude. I would hate that. I'm going to bring that back to you. Wow.

I can't. Parasite's all about class. Yes. It's all about the poor people like Mr. Park is so awesome. Talking about the rich family like someday we could like, Mr. Park is so awesome. Talking about the rich family. They'll be like, someday we could live like them. We've got to work hard.

What's their countenance like? What's their pizza box countenance? The dad's countenance is very nice. He's very sweet and honest. He's just a nice... Does he really? Yeah. You can tell he's just a bit of a buffoon, but he's the man.

That's fucking awesome. Dude, I'm so excited for you guys to watch. I wish I could watch it again. It was tight back then because if you're ugly, you were bad. They'd be like, he's ugly man that's fucking awesome dude I'm so excited for you guys I wish I could watch it again it was tight back then because if you're ugly you were bad they'd be like he's ugly

he's bad that kind of holds true to that it was because I was on the subreddit and some dude was this dude was a fucking man he was seeking

he was going to quit his job and like go just become like a musician in like somewhere in Europe and he's this guy's I think from like

Czechoslovakia somewhere I forget where he's from I don yeah yeah yeah i read that he wanted to go to ukraine dude you want to play jazz and yeah in the uk someone's like watch wes watson he was like peeped it already he's too hot and i'm instantly gonna resent him and i was like dude i fucking love that honestly i know being like nah he's too hot i'm instantly gonna hate everything he says this guy on the subreddit was like i i hate life here i need to move to ukraine and become a like a cellist or play jazz or something jazz musician oh my god do it yeah man do it bro that reminded me of uh i uh over thanksgiving i ran into a buddy of mine who's down in costa rica becoming a shaman for ibogi ibogaine ibogaine whatever

i think it's a boat i bug ibogi i don't know whatever yeah it's like ibo game ibo game whatever i think it's about ibo ibo i don't know whatever yeah it's like ibo whatever ibo yeah and i was telling him he should do the cast dude he's down there he like he's taking it three times and now he's just like he's you you go down there like the thing is you go down there for like five days and i guess you take this shit you trip for like three days yeah and they just like take you through the trip well ibo games because if you're if you have a opiate withdrawal It like you don't that 72 hour period you just go off into this weird like fantasy world You know you're tripping for it So you don't notice your withdrawal symptoms and you have this mystical experience that apparently it helps people stop doing heroin

Dude, he said it changes life. He said did Ibogaine? Apparently it's a real rugged fucking experience. Yeah, yeah. But that's why you need guides. That's what he's like. He's down there training to be a guide. Oh, man. I can't stand someone watching me do yoga. Imagine some dude standing there all like...

Like shitting yourself. Yeah, yeah. And just spewing what you think is the deepest thought you've ever had, but it's just gibberish garbage. Yeah, I'm hung out with you. I've drank with you. Yeah. You know, just that.

And then you've got to watch them try to not freak you out by how just their countenance is changing to one that's just like, you're saying the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And I'm watching it. No, the shaman say that the shaman, that's what you can't,

you can't, but it's all, it'll be all over their face. It'll be all over the shaman's fucking purely just like that guy's not being like, that's fucking dumb. He always knew he was. No, no,

no, but you can't, you can't help it. You can't help. You know what happens when like you're like, you're trying to, you're trying to make sure that the person who's talking to you doesn't feel bad about what they're saying. And your brain just stalls out.

It's like, I can't figure out a way to spin this. True. Positive. And you make sort of that thinking face of like, boy, this is a tough one. This is a stupid thing that they're saying. And I don't know how to get us back onto solid ground no you see but yeah you don't respect the trance state obviously that shaman knows this is a trance this is a very sacred trance and he's going to navigate that he's not going

to be like what a fucking retard no i know but he'll bring that negative fucking chris is just a cynic bro he's a comic chris is a comic chris is like yo i'm a comedian dude so this is what i would do you know me yo i'm a comic baby i did not see this coming i did not see things going does it not stun you his capability to turn things you do into things to make fun of you about it's just like never ending it's just oh man he's just know what's going on He's gearing himself up because he's nervous about the history podcast. The history podcast. He's taking it out on you, Matthew.

It's going to stink. It's going to stink. But still, yeah, just. The history podcast is going to stink. Speaking of someone melting down on Ivo game. It's going to be fine. It's going to be great. He's going to get in his head.

Wait till you see me try to do this podcast. I'm going to need you guys to just talk. You're just going to talk while I scroll through and be like, fuck, what else did I have?

Fuck, man. What time are we at? We're at like an hour and 20. We might want to get into it. There's a fucking... Yeah, man. Might be time for the history podcast.

I can't wait. The first history podcast. This is going gonna be funny too because everybody was like do it dude it's gonna be so good you know so much about history they're gonna be like oh shit this guy's gonna be good it's gonna be great man yeah yeah oh before i do this was a sick fucking history sick story i was i was listening to more of that carlin yeah on uh supernova about japan in world war ii and remind me i forgot about this story there was this guy on the baton death I was listening to more of that Carlin on Supernova about Japan in World War II. It reminded me. I forgot about this story.

There was this guy on the Bataan Death March who... Now, if you don't know about the Bataan Death March... I didn't know what it is. I think it was like 1942. It was early in the war in the Pacific. And Japan had pushed Filipino and American soldiers to the end of this island. With literally with bayonets? No.

Or just like tactic wise? The town was Baton. Gotcha. So then they were marched when they surrendered like 70 miles. Just a march. And they were like starved.

They were fucking... I think it started with 80,000 and only 50,000 made it. So like 30,000 died on this march. Which is crazy. Which in 70 miles, 30,000 people got either executed, tortured. If you fell behind, there was just trucks behind you that would just run over you. It was the craziest shit in the world.

Like the baton death march is rough. So that's them marching out other people and running them over? Yeah. There's a bunch of people from Japan doing backpack B-rated and flying forwards across this dude. And if you asked for water, they would fucking just cut your head off. They would do sun torture. They would just make you stand in the sun. It was 110 degrees.

Jesus. And with no head cover, they would just make you stand out in the sun. True, that's pretty fucked up. It was really mean. It was mean. But there was this guy who played fullback for Notre Dame. 1937, he played against USC and scored two, scored the game-winning touchdowns against USC.

Did you know this, or you were just listening to this? No, I remember this article because I read it. Gotcha. And he talks about it a little. Carlin talks about talks about it so this guy his name's tinelli uh and i think he played professionally he played for like the chicago cardinals at the time uh he had his notre dame class ring and this japanese soldier like beat the fuck out of him and stole the ring and then so he was like heartbroken he like that was the one thing keeping him like alive and then a japanese officer saw that beat the shit out of

that soldier gave it back to him was like i went to usc i was at that game you're the fucking man gave him the ring back how sick is that fuck yeah and then just like made him sit out in the sun and then let him go and taneli had to to get in like these train cars that were like just packed in. It was 110 degrees out and they were in train cars that you couldn't, like dudes would pass out and not be able to fall. Like that's how packed they were. If you had to shit or piss. No, he was done after that.

He got fucked up. He didn't play professional football? He survived, I think. I think he survived the war in a Japanese prison camp that everyone died in. Holy fuck. The Filipinos got it the worst, though. Yeah. Yeah.

They got it real bad. They got it bad. Because they were considered race traitors to the Japanese. Don't they get crushed in China, too? The Filipinos? Yeah, I know they're hardcore second-class citizens in China. I'm not sure. That's what I've heard.

I don't know. Makes sense. They get shit on pretty hard. Well, they got to get citizens in China. I'm not sure. That's what I've heard. I don't know. Makes sense. They get shit on pretty hard. Well, they gotta get out of China. True. Get out of there. It's not that great. No.

But yeah, I thought that was a wild story. Now we're fired up for the history podcast. That was a crazy story. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, it was just a cool fucking... So that was like, story. I can't, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, it was just a cool fucking, so that was like, man, they should make a movie about this guy.

Boy, this guy's life has nothing on the history podcast character. We're just looking at one individual. Yeah, yeah.

And this guy's life, I think of anybody I've looked at or heard about ever, this guy's life is the craziest. Oh, right, yeah. It's up there. Yeah, it's up there. This guy's life is the craziest. Oh, right.

Yeah. It's up there. It's up there. It's pretty. For the most unknown guy in history, this guy is wild. Let's get into it. Let's get out of here. We're going to.

Let's go to the page. That's a nice lead in. We're going to the page. Let's go. Do you have anything, dates or anything like that? Yeah. This weekend, I got a couple. This weekend, come down to Worcester, Worcester, Massachusetts,

the 12th and 13th, or the 13th and 14th, 19th, 20th, and 21st. I'll be at Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina. 26th, 27th, 28th of December, I'll be at McGoovie's Joke House. 9th, 10th, 11th of January, Healy and Buffalo. 16th, 17th, 18th of January, Stress Factory Buffalo. 16th, 17th, 18th of January, stress factory in New Brunswick. And yeah, we can stop there. Sick.

Hell yeah. Oh, buy my book too. I've been getting some good feedback about it. Yeah, buy the book. I've been getting some good feedback, dude. Buy fucking Overlook, dude. Buy Overlook on Amazon. Yeah, shout out Bezos.

Yeah, dude. I'm obviously in bed with Bezos. Connie, what are you looking at? I was going to look up that thing that I was supposed to. Oh, go see Friend of the Show, Mackie Lieber at Good Good Comedy. Is he going to Good Good? Yeah, he's performing there.

Check him out there. Yeah, I think he's headlining. I think he's headlining. I think if you wear your t-shirt, you get in for free. If you wear Matt James' podcast t-shirt. Yeah, definitely. Don't do anything. Have nothing to do with that, please.

Go out and support Mackie at other venues. Yeah, please. God bless.