Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - How can we not talk about Santa?

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

Shane, coming off a hard weekend on the road, is greeted by the sixth dimensional mind/body/spirit complex referred to as Cuskie. Much of the vibrational sound complex's space/time is spent discussing The Ra Contact, Phil Getting Coal, How awesome Christmas is, Rosicrucianism, and many other thought/form distortions.    

What's up, player? What's up? What's going on? Chillin', man. Oh, we're going? If you want. Are we going? This can be sound check.

Let's go, dude. Let's fucking roll. Let's ride. Dude, you are the fucking man. You rode, how long did you, what, how much time did you spend driving? I woke up in North Carolina this morning, bro. Did you really? Just drove the whole way, got here, sat down, ripped the cast.

I was surprised. That's how we do it. That was a call. I was, when you called me today, you were like, I don't was surprised. That's how we do it. That was a call. I was surprised. When you called me today, you were like, I don't know, we'll see how we feel.

I was like, oh, maybe he'll call me around four. I was like, there's no fucking way that I want to do a podcast. I'm ready. The fact that you wanted to rip it, I was like,

okay, okay. I'm charged up, bro. I'm actually weirdly amped right now. I'm all right. Really? We'll see. We'll see how I feel. I'm amped, bro.

What are you amped about? Dude, I'm on a i just been getting so much shit done nice i bugged on productivity the last like two weeks you should have seen yesterday what'd you do uh so we got fucked me o'connor and beezer we're down in north carolina you're not talking about productivity right stand up we got fogged up saturday night so then yesterday on the drive back, we literally got out of Raleigh like one hour. And we were like, I can't do this. You guys parked the rolls.

We just stopped the fucking car and just got a hotel. Were you in the rolls? No, we took O'Connor's. Oh, we took O'Connor's BMW SUV that his aunt from Connecticut gave him. Stop. Yeah, his aunt. I was like, where'd you get this thing? He's like, my aunt gave it Connecticut gave him. Stop. Yeah, his aunt. I was like, where'd you get this thing? He's like, my aunt gave it to me.

He says aunt? He says aunt. That's hilarious. That's a come up for the team, dude. Yeah. Big fucking BMW SUV. For the squad? From the rich aunt.

That's what's up. From O'Contact's aunt. What year are you talking? Probably like a 12, 13. That's swag. Yeah. That's a piece of junk to Connecticut. I mean, if you're if you live in Greenwich Village and you're from, you know, he's used

to fucking yachts, you know. Also, the music, the speakers are broken. Oh, so there's no music. We had a Bose like Beats pill. Why doesn't he sit on the dash? Why doesn't he spring and get the speakers fixed? I don't know. Contact's got a lot going on.

True. He's telling me he left a donut on his toilet for six months. He needs his aunt. He should call his aunt. Let me pimp his ride. You should. I'll take it to Pep Boys and pimp his ride. Pimp it out.

That'd be awesome. It's a nice car. It's a luxury. It's the nicest. We drove maybe an hour. Who was at the wheel i was and it was just like bro yeah i was pushing the rig how'd you feel in the big body fucking bm it was heavy it was very it was a heavy fucking car yeah yeah but yeah it was it was pretty sad we guys drove an hour and it said drove an hour and we're like we can't there's no way i'm driving to Philly. Oh, so you guys were done Saturday.

We were done. Yeah, we didn't have a show yesterday. We just got a hotel. What'd you guys do in the hotel? Watched the Eagles game. We had a nice sleepover. Just nursed hangovers? Yes.

Where'd you make it to? What city? It's called Roanoke Rapids in North Carolina. We didn't even leave North Carolina, dude. Dude, that's so funny. We went to Cracker Barrel as a family. Had a nice dinner at Cracker Barrel. I got some country fried steak.

Come on now. So you guys beat a hangover. And then we all went back to the room and farted for eight hours. The room fucking stunk, dude. So there was three of us. So we got twin beds and then put a cot in between the twin beds and beezer slept in the middle and he fucking snored all night like the hardest snore as possible it was crazy i had to put headphones in i'm surprised they ran at you guys in hotel room

they were like i tried not it's the three of you guys yeah they tried not to what they say and we had camera equipment so they were like what are you three what is going on that little twink is about to get level we do look like a porn beezer looks like a porn director he's technically contact looks like he's technically is involved in the porn industry he was uh but the the farts after the cracker barrel with hangover, the farts in there were crazy. I left. I actually went down to the lobby to get the boys some sweet treats because we were watching an awesome documentary on Netflix. What did you guys watch it on?

We put O'Connor's laptop on a chair and watched Netflix. God. The three of us all just laying on our beds. Dude, that was so fucking funny. So Beezer was laying on a mattress, not the cot. He took the mattress off and just laid it in between our beds. Dude, it was so fucking funny. So Beezer was laying on a mattress, not the cot. He took the mattress off and just laid it in between the beds.

And so I would just reach over the bed and like fuck with him and like tickle him and shit. He's like, stop, just cut it out. But one time I scared him. He wasn't looking. He was like, look at, you know, he's playing games on his cell phone.

He's playing Candy Crush and shit. I saw his belly sticking out, so I fucking grabbed his belly sticking out so i fucking he goes oh and then he farted so fucking loud i just scared him a fart out of him oh my god it's really the highlight of the trip dude bees are getting zero bees would be like enough and then uh i just kept telling o'Connor that he can never accept responsibility. Like something would happen. He'd be like, this person's an idiot.

I'd be like, dude, you are an idiot. You're the problem. It was a fun trip. That sounds like fun. The mutual decision of like the first person being like, you want to stop driving? I'm like, yeah, I could definitely. All three of us were like, let's. Well, the plan originally was to get to drive like two or three hours and then watch the Eagles game somewhere. Okay.

Like stop at like a bar or something. But then it just became... We could just get a hotel room and watch it. Perfect. Yeah. All of us in complete agreement. It was a total like 100%. No one disagrees.

Like, I have nothing to do today. Let's sleep. Let's sleep and relax. Did you watch your birds? Watch the birds. Big victory. Yeah, whatever. I mean, they're just playing.

That's the first, you know. My cousin Frankie was like working at my house. He came to build like a little breakfast bench. So he gave you some quotes? Yeah, basically. Some birds quotes? He was just kind of like, dude, they're battling for who loses first in the playoffs. He's like, who gives a fuck?

Maybe so. I mean, I have faith in my birds. I'm diehard. I have faith in my birds. I almost kicked him out and said, dude, I don't want you to even

finish this breakfast bench. That's the attitude you're bringing towards my birds around here? Why would he say anything like that about the birds? Because he was working. His friends were giving him shit

like, oh, what are you working again? Like, you don't ever watch football. Which I was like, your friends are right. True.

Fucking bitch. My friends made fun of me for not watching Notre Dame anymore. Really? Every time they have a night game, I have a show. My friend was like, your friends are right. True. You fucking bitch. My friends made fun of me for not watching Notre Dame anymore. Really? Every time they have a night game, I have a show. My friend was like, you're not even a fucking fan. He was like spazzing on me because I was making fun of him. Oh, the pest.

Oh, right, right, right. Someone was just telling me they pested someone real hard lately. Really? Someone was just telling me, like, yo, I listened to that cast and I pested someone as hard as I could. Pesting. I pested O'Connor. like, you know, I listened to that cast and I pestered someone as hard as I could. Pesting.

I pestered O'Connor. I pestered O'Connor pretty good this whole trip and he didn't break once. Really? Normally he breaks and it's the funniest thing in the world. If you're pesting and you're not getting the reaction, that kind of sucks. I eased up a little. I didn't pest as hard as usual because there were some rough hangovers. True.

That's the best. That's like when you eat a certain food for mosquitoes, dude. That's like the perfect pest environment. True, true. Yeah, and I just... I've pested him enough that he's spazzed a couple times. So you've gotten the goods.

I've gotten him to freak. One time... What's it like? Did I tell this? I don't think so. we were both in a hotel room i mean you did give him the nickname the turd national semi-nationally people in north kent yo we were walking shout out to these two different dudes while we were walking from the hotel to the show fan a fan walked by and just goes turd and then right when we were walking

to the door this guy goes turd somehow Somehow they knew to whisper it at us. That's perfect, dude. Yeah, please do that if you see Chris. Just whisper it. Don't even acknowledge him. Just go, turd. It's so funny. No, this is a good story.

This is an ultimate, ultimate pest. So me and him were on the road, and we shared a room. So we had two beds. O'Connor uses Tinder from the hotel we're staying at. He's trying to get pussy. Meets up with a group of girls. We both have, he's working. He's been working this whole time on this girl.

And finally they like start to do stuff. And I was like, what's going on over there? He fucking spazzed, dude. What did he say? He was like, you're a piece of shit, dude. Like just lost his shit. Everybody, the girls, everybody was very upset, dude. What did he say? He was like, you're a piece of shit, dude. Like, just lost his shit. Everybody, the girls, everybody was very upset at him. What?

He was like, his whole family's like this. All they do is fucking, they don't know how to look. It's crazy. What did the girl, did he go back to like, rubbing his hard boner on someone? He did not get anything. He blew it. You stopped him from getting it?

Yes. That's a monumental pest, dude. It was an ultimate pest, especially because I got a nut when was this a while ago don't no days no days come on what are you doing i thought you're saying this is this weekend i was like no no no no no this is way back when you guys started yeah i hear you guys started over a year ago 10 years by the way i heard you um but yeah that's he normally spes. He didn't spazz once this trip. Dude. Having him denounce your whole family, like having him sexually screaming in front of these girls, sexually frustrated.

Oh, Connie. Oh my God. Fuck it. He was like, this is how his whole family is. They're all fucking assholes. I was just like, whoa, dude. All because I was like, what's going on over there? That's all.

Yeah. He just spazzed. Easy to play off. Yeah. It's also kind of erotic, too, to be like. Nothing. Yeah, exactly. Like, don't worry about it.

Nothing's going on over here. Yeah, or just let out a simple groan. Just like. Dude, pushing Beezer's stomach, scaring him and him farting. He was like, oh, perk. It was amazing. It carried me through the trip. That'll definitely get you home you guys

probably drove home on that yeah we laughed the whole way you guys probably right away got in the car like we got we did yes we're ready to roll the great weekend that's a good weekend though seems like a fucking yeah it was a fun weekend what did you guys do that night that was so wild like what what did all that drink you need to yeah uh we just stayed at the club and got drunk after some of the staff were dancing put on some music O'Connor was a dancing fool

really O'Connor was dancing dude really the pest the turd the turd was down there fucking cutting a rug

it was fun man he was just dancing just to show his moves he was showing his moves big time fuck yeah it was very fun god damn it

that must be funny to watch him do that yeah it was great but so you guys got drunk in must be funny to watch him do that. Yeah, it was great. So you guys got drunk in the club. We saw Star Wars. Star Wars sucked. That day?

Yeah, I think Saturday. Saturday. Yeah. Okay. Star Wars. What about Burr? What? Isn't Burr like in it?

Oh, no. He's in The Mandalorian. He's in like a show on Disney. For real? It's a Star Wars show. Notney for real about it's a star wars show not the movie yeah he accepted nazi money he did accept nazi money interesting what have you been up to what have i been up dude i've been just like i just been crushing it on the home front gym five days a week eating well what yeah dude every i mean i've

been i've been eating out minimally i have i have like stump well a couple things occurred to me the last couple weeks but like i got real into what did you ever listen to the book the raw contact no are you familiar with channeled literature no shit bro dude it's the this sounds like i'm not gonna like it but go ahead you're gonna love it sounds like i hate it dude so you know rise like the egyptian sun god so there's a there's a whole genre of literature that strictly comes from people who are channeling extra dimensional extra dimensional entities yes so the raw contact was there's these three people i think it was two at first either way there's three people.

And it was like a husband, a wife, and their dog. And they were just meditating in the desert for like seven years. They were just doing their thing. And they started getting into channeling and stuff. So the lady decided to try to start channeling. And she just started just spewing this. Dude, they wrote like five fucking books. Wait, was it his bay?

His bay. They channeled. How corny do you and your bay have bay had all right so you guys are out like in the desert and you're like i think i'm gonna get into channeling yeah which is step one you're a fucking loser but then your bay steals the thunder and it's like oh yeah i want to get into channeling too oh i'm channeling so hard over you dude so she started channeling she channeled raw the sun god raw or obviously not even the sun god this is like well i'm trying to think so yeah her she's a mind you're just a mind body spirit complex with certain distortions towards right now it sounds like you have a cognitive distortion leaning towards envy right now yeah channelers envy of channelers no i do

not envy them i have no such envy so they needed sexual like they're like it'll help channel it like sexual kind of um contact helps like keep like they call it the instrument the person who's channeling so this dude will be eating his wife's pussy and she'd just be like speaking out like cosmic information and that's where my head i'm like that sounds fucking awesome really dude this lady's talking about like how the you're eating a girl's pussy and she's like the pyramids known as the in the extra dimensional year of 2000 dude they filled like five books how gross her pussy must have been five books dude ew i mean dude that's desert snizz coming from a

fourth dimensional fourth dimensional entity like yourself i would believe that dude i'm six dimensional yuck so i'm hearing that i'm six dimensional i'm a wanderer dude so it's like i'm digging it but if you know obviously from the fourth dimensional with you know certain cognates just fucking drove eight hours dude i can't i can't dude the raw contact is fucking lit so what happens did they i don't know i'm only i'm only like five hours in they it's like a 16 hour five hours in this lady getting her pussy no that they were just they don't like go through that explicitly it's just the whole book is just a guy asking a question and then it goes this i am raw and that because they're just saying like because these this was all on like audio set would you find this oh dude i because this is gibberish this is junk that's a giant waste of channeled

literature that's an enormous waste of time well even think of it this way obviously if she's not talking to well i have a whole stance right now i my all my reading has led me to extra dimensional entities all the reading i've done that culminated new books no time to get some new books all your books are leading you to a lady getting her pussy and channeling raw. Dude. You read the wrong books. No, not at all. Not at all.

Because I'm reading all these books and I'm just, you know, like, oh, that's cool. I'll read this next. Oh, what's this? And I'll Google it. Oh, I'll read that next. Dude, all the books,

it's real weird. For the most part, all have a common thing of like, do you know what mysticism is? Like the actual definition of it? No, what's the definition? So, and this is according to one source, but they're saying that mysticism is technically the belief that human beings are the physical manifestation of like God's consciousness.

So, like, you know, that whole thing, like we're all God, like exploring and looking around, blah, blah, blah. So, I've read Zanoni. That's about as a Rosicrucian tale. Do you know what they believed? A Rosicrucian tale? Yeah. What is that?

Rosicrucians, they're, like, a branch of, like, alchemists or whatever. Okay. Or it's, like, it grew out of alchemy and apparently, like, a lot of, like, the... See, like, I've never... This is, like, some sort of weird Dungeons & Dragons history. No, it's not. History that I never looked into yeah obviously it's a secret history dude you can't just dig through the fucking secret history yeah

it is dude there it's the rosicrucians apparently have like strong ties to philadelphia you know hermit lane no bro there's a cave in the woods in philadelphia dude there's a cave out there and it's literally there was a it's gotta be filled with dudes on heroin no it's not weirdly i've been inside there weirdly it's not but it so around the party time in the cave it's not party time in there dude i mean there's people who i've known people who've gone in there and like eaten hallucinogens like hermit woods in philadelphia you can look this up they were a group of german uh a bunch of germans i can't think of the fucking word because i'm a fucking moron they weren't nazis they were german mystics who came from they were

uh fucking immigrants i'm such an idiot german immigrants how do you forget immigrants dude dude because i thought this was a hate podcast i'm a sixth dimension that should be our next number one i'm about to talk about him in a positive light, so I was just kind of like, what? No. I love immigrants, dude. I love immigrants. I honestly kind of do. Immigrants are... We've covered this.

We have loved lads, loved the partner. We love the fucking partners. Love the partners. Love the lads. That is a funny... But also, our downfall was how we loved them too much. True. We were defending them.

We were like, that must have been so fucking hard. Oh my God, that clip? Yeah. Don't talk about that clip. Don't even mention the fucking clip. We love the partners. Dude. So, it is funny how people would assume I don't like him.

And my fucking grandfather was an immigrant. You better not. My grandpa was a fucking immigrant. What's going on in that kid? My head was like, I was like, he pulled his goddamn weight, though. He didn't complain. Dude, I was just talking on the way over here.

Dude, nobody secures the bag harder than African dudes. People complain about it. Immigrants just come here and secure the fucking bag. You want to talk about it? We need to come up with a good name for that. That's not too hateful. But African immigrants are fucking, they're mean. They are just trying to secure the bag, dude.

Dude, I'm telling you, I've worked with them before. Mean isn't the correct. They're not mean. They're super friendly, dude. Yeah. Like all of that, when you hear that African music, that low percussion, it's like, they're talking to you and it's like nothing but, I got in the Uber and the guy, I'm like, yeah, he's the It's like, like they're talking to you and it's like nothing but,

like I got in the Uber and the guy, I'm like, yeah, he's the guy's like, how you doing, man? I'm like, chilling, dude. He's like, if you have your health, there's nothing.

And I'm like, yes, dude. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, bro. And it's dude, we were talking, me and him were talking relationships, dude. It was the funniest.

What were you guys commiserating over? It was funny. He's like, well, you know how women are basically children, right? Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. And in my head, I'm like,

I know what you're saying, but I couldn't be like, well, no, I don't know anything. Actually. I don't know what you're talking about. This isn't Cameroon, sir. Not that there's anything wrong with Cameroon.

Cameroon's got its own culture, but here, you know. No, it was so funny, though, because we're talking. He was talking to me, but I was asking him earnestly, and I'll get back to, don't let me forget about Hermit Cave. I'm not going to let you. Thank you. Bunch of Germans hanging out in a cave? Yeah, dude.

Doing magic? Okay. Something could happen back then, we don't know. We don't know, but I think we do know that they didn't do any magic. Okay, we'll see. What do you mean, we'll see? I you mean we'll see i mean you're a fourth dimensional entity dude all right so what did you and this anyone gonna talk about so i get in the car you know we're driving hit you with the women have dog brains right away

he was like come on man we both know he wasn't but that's the thing too it was like he was he was being really nice because so we're talking about the fact that uh he was like saying how he's from a big family because we're talking about having kids and he's like, yeah, I only have one kid right now. I'd like to have more. And I'm like, yeah, I kind of want to have more kids too. I don't want to just have one. And, uh, he was like, yeah, man, my, my dad, my, he's like, I'm one of six kids. And then my dad had another wife and she, they had seven kids that we have a big family. And I was like, bro, how did your dad pull that off, I'm like, I'm asking earnestly, like, how the fuck do you, how do you deal with the having two wives, and he was just like,

it's easy, man, he's like, you just gotta be straight up and be like, this is what we're doing, it's right from the gate, like, this is the kind of dude I am, this is what I wanna do, he's like, I mean, I'm not gonna lie, in Africa, it's a little easier to do that, he's like, over here, he's like, I suggest you just stay to yourself, stay to yourself, or, you you know he's like what did he say he's like women have a lot of power here man he's like they just he's like they can run you into the ground if he's like it's harder in africa it's easier to kind of like you can check your bitch exactly he was like over here where in africa was he from he didn't say he didn't say he didn't say but uh he was just kind of and he was like he wasn't even talking like fucking bitches he was like hit me with like matter-of-fact stuff he was like yeah he's like no you can be nice and still

like you know limit your babe he was like because if you don't limit them he's like they literally it's dude he was saying what i said he's like let's do what they say to do on every single decision and they will literally just completely control your whole life and cut it all off and you'll just be you'll be fucked you'll be living a bad life if women are in control you'll live a bad life if you live if you were to go like yeah if you were to do like the radical yes experiment where you're just like okay yeah let's do that oh yeah let's do that too okay yeah if you do that i still hold i and again maybe my views warped i don't know but this guy is telling me the same exact thing and i'm like across the

pond he's telling he's delivering the same message same message bro again so the message is clear well well this continent or the other check your bitch yeah basically okay like and not even in a way like that's what you and this man are saying not like rattling i think women should have complete control well yeah no no no no i'm trying to think the conversation we were having was a nice one it wasn't like yeah fucking bitches yeah the sexism wasn't out of hate it wasn't it was just he was just this guy dude we're exactly we're driving and he was just like he's like man i mean sometimes i don't even want to go back there home he's like sometimes i just i want to stay out here and i was telling him i'm like yeah dude

like when i got married i remember thinking about my dad sitting in his truck for like 45 minutes after work and being like what's dad doing out there and being like uh when you pull up and you're like you sit outside your house you're like i'm not fucking going not yet i'm not going in yet we're you know we're just talking about stuff that makes sense yeah but it was funny it was funny hearing him and again maybe this could be the fact that like you know he's you know if you're not really it takes a lot to be equipped you have to be raised a certain way to be equipped to like deal with women in like a 100 feminist approved way so if you miss out on those like crucial early role models it's just a lady yelling at you and you're like shut up shut the fuck up yeah shut the fuck up and then someone's like you shouldn't do

that it's like i don't know whatever i'm fucking i'm going off on a tangent i like it what are those goddamn germans doing in that cave oh so the uh so they're the hermit cavers these people came over and they uh they were like a religious sect who just lived off the land and used plants and stuff. Obviously, we're fucking tripping off. What? Like when? In Germany.

1800s. Or in Philly? Yeah, they came to Philly in like the 1800s, I believe. Yeah. And just chilled in the woods and fucking lived off the land, did their thing. I think one of the prominent families in that area still comes from that whole uh and they're named after not hermit there's another street up there i think they like named after that family so yeah they kind of embedded in philadelphia and they became like you know part of the that's where a

lot of that rosicrucian kind of like uh benjamin franklin secret society shit comes from i think he was earlier than that he would have been yeah but yeah but the uh but yeah the rosicrucian story i read was based so they're again from this book their worldview is that so you know like was there any magic in the cave of course they're doing they're eating plants and having like you know they were living off the land and doing all kinds of wild shit there what was the magic it's a secret society dude i don't know i'd have to get inducted into it but the rosicrucian here's i can tell you though because again i've read the rosicrucian here's I can tell you though because again I've read the Rosicrucian tale I've read between the lines because when you read kind

of text when you read text like that Shane you can't take a lot you can't take them face value true they tell you that they're like this is allegory don't read if you try to read between lines that's just to filter out fourth dimensional entities if you're six dimensional you can start being like oh okay who put this fourth and six dimensional into your world uh the fucking one the one creator of the universe adonai anyway what happened when i was gone dude what the fuck i was gone for like a week no dude so the fucking macro dosing no dude i'm just reading channeled material dude what's the problem nothing dude just get into it. It's fucking good.

So in the Rosa Cruces, this is the Zanoni book I've been reading for like three months. I used to bring it to school and people would just look at it and be like, what the fuck is that? But the, so this is, I think this is the belief of like, you know, I guess would be like you know certain mystics of i guess like the 17th century was that it was like a christian sect who didn't believe in like the old testament god per se well they did but it was like totally different to where so like say like you know like a leaf has like a drop of water and in that drop of water there's just like tons of there's a whole you know billions of cells and all that stuff and then you know the belief is that it just scales out so then like we're people we're on a bigger we're just part of a bigger system and the idea that that kind of like magnification stops at outer space like just stops dead at

outer space is they were back then they're like that's so dumb to think because this is like during the french revolution kind of when people started pushing atheism real hard and they're like no you guys are idiots religious zealots don't have the full picture this is what's going on and so they're they theorize that within outer space there was just different life forms that we couldn't see that were still there but if you were to like they like you know did it a lot they ate a lot of plants they would get themselves into a trance and then the idea was you could channel these extra dimensional entities but you there was a lot of bad ones out there this is the shit alex jones talks about how people channel extra dimensional like all this other kind of shit so saying you could channel these things if you're in the right mind state if you

were like if you were able to do it but if you face them with less than perfect courage they'll ruin you so if you're if you're there you're in a trance you're channeling these things and you're not totally like be gone because they'll fucking haunt you so if you're not if you don't if you don't meet them with perfect that's the whole thing with the dweller on the threshold is you hit the threshold and if you hit the threshold with anything left than perfect blind faith in adonay the fucking one creator dude these things just chew you up and fuck you up and the only way you can get away from it is by running around merriment fucking around then those you know the things that

the guardians of the threshold that come to haunt you after you enter a trance state they'll keep bothering you but if you just hit them you're like go back to your place I don't

then you know Adonai floats down and is like yo what's up bro and then what happens when you get in there oh you just you know the secrets

of the universe you're able to move in a way that like most people can't in this story these guys were two immortals who did this so you know the secrets of the universe. You're able to move in a way that most people can't. In the story, these guys were two immortals who did this. So, again, it's allegory. But does anybody know the secrets of the universe? Who knows?

I mean, Ra, basically. But it wasn't even like that. I don't take it that seriously. But to me, there's something to be said for being able to hit a trance state and not bugging out and wimping out. And the insights you can get from a trance state again like channel material even obviously if it wasn't like the the egyptian sun god talking to this lady if someone can get into a state where they produce five volumes of books i'm impressed tons of literature and some of it a lot of it's

like gibberish i don't know some of it's pretty cool some of it is jib some of it is like technically we've produced five volumes of gibberish it's fucking good though and have i not been in a trance the entire time i've been in a trance for a few episodes and they've come back to haunt me you should claim that was channel material i was channeled big time i was channeling exactly that's what i tried to say i was like i was just channeling yeah dude channel material rules i was watching this guy is there's like a health and fitness youtuber i watch paul check and i have a dude i used to watch this when i was a personal trainer back in the day i remember i used to watch paul check and i was like this dude fucking rules he just like what did he do he's just i don't know the way he uh he takes

like a holistic thing he takes like a holistic approach to um like health and fitness and i was always into that i was like dude this guy because i was like reading these books with fucking people who are like i remember watching there's a dude elliot holst he would kind of bother me a little bit because he would just like look in the camera dead-eyed and be like i breathe deep every morning like shit like that i was just kind of like all right but now he's kind of entered into kind of like almost like a more of a mystical realm but like dude he checks in with all of his other youtubers and paul he goes to this dude paul checks house that's how i found out about the fucking raw contact because this dude fucking he greets him at the door he's fucking barefoot shirt off and he's smoking a volcano bag

what's up dude he's like telling him all about health and fitness all the stuff he's done then he points to the rob material dude and you could tell this other guy elliot holst who's a little more straightforward he's like oh cool what's that and he's like oh dude he fucking gave all the secrets of the universe and he's like they were right about stuff that like scientists got like they you know retroactively like holy shit he's like what kind of stuff are they right about he's like oh dude like the structure of the universe and he's like well like what and he was like it's just you got to read the book dude because i was like please let's go he's like you tell them what are the secrets they faltered and he was like you got to read it

anyway oh i mean they go into like tarot card all that stuff about how it works and what you're supposed to do with tarot cards you should get into tarot i'm about to you when you take tarot if you got into tarot cards i'd be i'd be delighted you don't know you know supposed to do with it. Tarot cards? You should get into tarot. I'm about to. When you take tarot... If you got into tarot cards, I'd be delighted. You know how to do it, though? No. You go through them every single day, and then eventually you memorize the different cards, and you're able to pull them up in your mind at any time,

and you're just like... One of the cards in the tarot deck is the black race, by the way. Really? You're supposed to, every now and again, channel the black race. Like, WW black race do and be like because they're like the guy was explaining like they're a very strong group you channel them every now and again like what the fuck am i fuck i gotta tap into it you gotta tap into your blackness dude according to tarot i've been done tapping into that according to tarot exactly dude i did it today i was consulted my fucking my lift guy.

I'm like, bro, I'm fucking in my wits. No, bitches ain't shit either. Well, no, he was just like, no, dude. His message was, I thought it was pure, dude. It was like, just be yourself. Again, dude, that's the dweller on the threshold. You cannot confront the fucking feminine psyche with anything less than perfect fucking courage and faith. Because if you if you

falter at all they'll they will fucking pop in there and be like what will they do to you they'll manipulate you my theory is and again i i'm sorry if this hurts they're like sheep and you gotta be a sheep dog not even dude i don't think they're sheep all right i think it's more like they're just for the most part and dudes are too but it's like i don't know man it's more like they're just, for the most part, and dudes are too, but it's like, I don't know, man. It's like, I was telling someone the other day, like, in terms of, like, they were talking about, like, insecurity. Someone was saying something about, like, oh, it's so annoying, like, with, like, waiting for them to get ready. It was, like, some, like, stock kind of thing. And, fuck, what were they complaining about exactly?

It was, like, makeup. And it's like, yeah, dude, I hear what you're saying're saying you have to understand it's like like looks to them it's like you know they don't have like the penis hang up but like their looks if a chick's hot that's a dude that would be like to equate the feeling they get in my opinion would be like if a dude was like a waiter came up and just flopped like a soft date on the table was like what's up guys and you'd have to be like oh yeah so i'm like you have to understand like they're dealing with competition on a scale that like you can't fucking imagine so then like there's this constant like push to kind of you know be part of the

winning group that if you you know they you can fall into the chess game of that unless you're totally like no bottle you know does that make sense yeah you can be reworked if you're if you approach them as just kind of like i'm just here for the ride you'll wake up a different dude in six months if you're not constantly like mocho wocho of course there's exceptions to that but that can happen yeah you must check your bitch you must dude you must fucking total faith dude you must come to the guardian and be like be gone yeah no be gone evil sniz i think reveal yourself as the nice woman i know you are be a sweet baby you're being a bitch stop telling me what to do bitch thank you raw god damn dude you are on you are in outer space

no it's funny i haven't been smoking much weed either. Really? Not a lot, dude. I'm telling you, I save it for when I can have three hours blocked off and I hit the couch. And you black out. Total trance state, dude. Fucking shit face. Now I'm kind of scared, dude.

I'm scared Ron's going to call me, dude. What if he calls you? I'll have to listen, dude. If I get channeled, that's the other thing, too. It takes a toll on you physically if you get channeled. Getting channeled. That was the proof they had. The lady ended up getting wicked arthritis, apparently thing too like takes a toll on you physically if you get channeled that is the proof they had the lady got end up getting like wicked arthritis apparently because it takes

a toll you can't just channel herby's been getting channeled you think he's channeled that's why he's got the arthritis channeled if the whole time he was just being channeled the whole like if his voice actually was like hey guys what's going on he's like well um yeah the threshold thing is yeah taller than the threshold thing is... Tolerating the threshold is my shit. That's something I did. Yeah, but it doesn't... I hear what you're saying,

but the allegorical thing part, the nature of it, it doesn't necessarily need to be a trance. It could just be life. True. You need to face on your fucking problems just with the utmost confidence. The author would agree, dude.

There's no strict... Again, this stuff is... I don't think it needs to be post-volcano bag. True. You know? A hundred percent. But again, if you don't... If that's not an ingrained...

Now, that's just me. I'm like five dimensions. You might be a seventh dimensional, bro. You're true. You might be seventh dimension. I might be seven. I might be past all the... It goes up to eight and repeats on another scale.

Just like a musical scale. I'm a one. You're not a one. I'm past eight. I'm repeated. Oh, you're an indifferent're different i mean i've already passed it well one dimensional is just the um is like well yeah one dimensional is just like a literal like a rock and then a plant is a two-dimensional where if you're just striving towards light that's a plant three-dimensional someone who can self-reflect and we're right now as a planet we're like in

the fourth dimension where you know we're having some tough times getting all the way there but yeah hopefully we can move up there's what would be the fourth dimension uh it would be so being self-aware and then having a bent towards service using your self-aware nature and then forcing that all towards the realm of service so that you know know, we can live in a better place. Yeah, but not a nasty nurse. Slutty little nurses. Also, yeah, basically, be slutty little nurses, which, not a bad fucking idea. Not a bad vibe. Thanks, Rob.

Not a bad idea. Exactly. Damn. Yeah, it was a different week for us, you and I. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, fucking yeah. I mean, right now, I'm on mean right now i'm on again i'm on a productivity kick that's like on dude it's it doesn't stop i wake up in the morning and have a

little whiteboard so i have my four core tasks of the day the things i have to do every single day to like you know this is the stuff i like to do every single day and like i make sure i do that and then i do all the other other stuff so it's like i wake up write down my four tasks i'm like all right i have to do these things and here's the obligations i have to get done that exist outside of that so it helps me insulate my day to not get caught up and doing like spending too much time on stuff that to me doesn't really matter yeah so i've been fucking it's been fun that's nice i dude i use every minute like of my day it's weird it's fun it's kind of fun now what what are the what do you do like what for example uh my four core tasks are i have to work out i have to meditate

have to write have to read outside of that i don't give a fuck what i do so it's like you know then other than that it's like my responsibility all my other stuff i have to do and then i try to balance it all with like stuff i like to do as well so i've been yeah i've been crushing it dude it's been i've been getting a lot of stuff done and i've been i have this my so when i have a thing this is definitely the newest thing i've been doing that's been i've been getting super pumped on is visualizing my energy visualizing my energy center dude you get a boost so i feel tired i just i close my eyes dude i think i picture this like it's a gold ball. It's in the ground. It's dusty.

And I'm like, fuck, dude. And I sit there and I just imagine it up in the air. It's spinning real fast and giving off light. Dude, I get charged up. Then when I'm flying, I check in on it. I'm like, oh, yeah, the ball is fucking spinning. Dude, I'm telling you, it fucking wakes me up. Damn.

It's pretty tight. I think I lost you. You lost me? You know what I'm talking about? I think you're gone. Dude, visualizing my... No, you visualize your... You visualize your internal energy center,

and you just go like, what am I feeling right now? And you're like, man, that fucking thing's in the dirt right now. You think about it, like, why? And you're like, I gotta get hype. And you just imagine it floating off the ground

and spinning real fast. You get crunk. I get fucking hype, dude. You get crunk. It literally sends adrenaline. I'm like, boom, let's fucking roll. Hell yeah. It's pretty tight

all right then at nighttime and i also make sure i get you got tuck it in at night the oh dude the mother of all my core activities is eight hours of sleep so my day starts the night before bro i make sure i get a solid eight so that's the start that's the true start of the day is the night before don't get it twizzed it bro true that's the start of the day i was in i was in a fart den listening to Beezer snore. I got no sleep. We watched the entire, there's a documentary on Netflix called Don't Fuck With Cats. It's really good.

What is it? This guy made fucked up videos of, he made this video of putting two kittens in a vacuum sealed bag and vacuum sealing it so killing these cats in this bag and he put it online and then these people made a Facebook group devoted to finding out who he was and they were obsessed with it.

Kind of like and they did shit like looking at what's in the background where you could buy that to try to locate them geographically. Stuff like that. Kind of like what they do with Shia. Yeah. Laboof. Were these kittens or cats?

Kittens. That's fucked up. Really fucked up. Then he made one where he had one tied on a stick and wrapped in saran wrap, so just its head was out, and he just dipped it in a bathtub and drowned it. Pretty fucked up.

Then he had one where he just fed it to a python. Brutal. Hilarious. No, it's not funny it's horrible so he was playing with the cat first the python man the kitten too it's the kitten was like playing with a santa claus hat ah so did they find this guy i mean look go watch it but if you had you know fast forward a little bit if if uh you want to watch it because it's really good um what do you mean fast forward through this podcast because of the spoilers you know oh i got what you're saying well hopefully they find this guy and bust his ass dude they did good they found because after he made those cat videos he tossed on a video with a boy he murdered a guy he murdered a guy with like an ice pick on camera.

That's not surprising. Yeah, I mean, that's what they were saying. The people in the group were like, he's going to kill a person soon. Yeah, that's true. And then he knew there was a Facebook group, so he started fucking with them. Fuck.

And he posted in their Facebook group, like, the next one's not going to have cats, it's going to have guys. Or a guy. I mean, dude, what happened? He cut his arms and legs off, The next one's not going to have cats. It's going to have guys. Or a guy. I mean, dude, what happened? He cut his arms and legs off, fucked his face after he cut his head off. What?

This guy did wild shit. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. That's fucked, dude. Then mailed the hands and feet to Parliament in Canada. Oh, he gave away the location, yeah. Yeah.

It was nuts. That Facebook group must have been lit like we gotta stop this guy oh well the the people is gonna kill someone was like in vegas and there's some lady in vegas which she's pretty brutal she's like you can tell she's like a nice sweet lady but she has like internet speak yeah so she's like but there's this weird like dork thing where now they're like yo that's fucking dope yeah it's like what are you doing why are you talking like what's dope what was even dope oh the the cops that came in and arrested him eventually were like these he went to berlin he was in germany when they caught him that's dope and she was like the 10 most badass police officers walked in it was fucking dope She's just some white dork from Vegas.

I don't think you're allowed to refer to the police as dope. She fucked up. Those cops were so dope. Those kick-ass cops. Those kick-ass cops found that guy and beat the shit out of him. They're so fucking dope. Yeah, it's like they just started using curse words as adults.

It's pretty funny to hear. I hate that. It's funny to listen to. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I know someone who's like that. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you ever say that before? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of weird. When it doesn't roll off, yeah. Yeah, it's like, I told them, I don't give a shit. You're like, okay. Why are you talking about a time that you cursed? Sweet. okay why are you talking about a time that you cursed sweet yeah and they end this documentary by make like trying to flip it on you somehow they're like maybe we pushed him too hard

by giving him like the attention he was getting when he killed the cat and then she was like maybe we all did maybe it's time to shut off this machine and like kind of put it on the viewer for like maybe you did for watching this it's like what why'd you guys do that kill you i'll fucking come down and cut your head off lady i'm still laughing about a lady in canada getting killed by like a psycho i'm like oh no oh no actually actually it was a asian it was an asian gay man he killed an asian gay man he did kill a partner dude asian sweet boy he killed a sweet boy that he got off craigslist now i'm fucking pissed yeah it was just it was just a sweet boy trying he got off Craigslist. Now I'm fucking pissed. Now I'm fucking mad. It was just a sweet boy trying to dish out some head, get some head.

Oh, so he was having, like, gay sex. He was going to have gay sex with a sweet boy, and he ended up, you know, cutting his fucking head off. Got a little rowdy. What the fuck, dude? Dude, the guy is the biggest cornball ever. His name's Rocco Magnata. That's his name? He, like, tries to be—he was trying to be a male model.

He's the biggest douche of all time. He sounds a little Andrew Cunanan to me. Who's that? The guy who killed Versace, was it? Oh, yeah, maybe. Andrew Cunanan was a gay dude who was like a motherfucker. Did you ever see the Andrew Cunanan thing?

No. Bro, that's good. You've been telling me to watch this thing for like three years. It's good, dude. And I apologize. It's fucking good. You've been telling me to watch this thing for like three years. It's good, dude. And I apologize. It's fucking good. He would find a rich sugar daddy and then start fucking him for money.

And then be like, I'm your boyfriend. He was a sweet fucking little boy. He was a sweet boy to get. Yeah, he was like a half white, half Filipino. Sweet boy. Yeah. His dad bounced and moved. His dad was a criminal who was like a white collar criminal and then abandoned their like the feds came after his dad

who was like swindling old people out of assets yeah so his dad in leaving the fucking authorities abandoned his family and was like i'll come back for you bro sick i'll come back for you so dude just sat there with his mom and i think the kid got molested too by his filipino dad but either way the uh he just he went off the rails he became obsessed with versace and he kept trying to meet him and talk to him he met him once versace's like yeah bro i'm not trying to bone you like i know you're a hot sweet boy but like come on or maybe they like kissed something happened then he's like all right bro peace kind of show him the cold shoulder so this guy started walk like working as a male prostitute and convincing his mom he was like and everyone else he was like a serious businessman and uh he would like be fucking these dudes who were like

closet like professional men who were like closet and gay professional men yeah just professional men just professionals who just like to wind down relax with young boys who smoked a little bit of meth yeah dude he would he would tape their face up so they couldn't breathe and pull it off, put it on, pull it off, and then kill them and then leave them in their home

surrounded by gay porn and leave. Being like, yeah, dude, you are fucking gay. Don't forget it. Just leave and go find somebody else. He killed like tons of people. How many? I would say like seven or eight.

Then he ended up, the apex of his kill was he just one day, Versace was outside checking him out. He got in the mail and he shot him, right? He just walked up and was like, pop, shot him, killed him, and walked away. And then went and got his boyfriend at the time to come with him, and then he killed him too, I guess. Wow. Eventually got attacked by the feds and they got him.

I think he's in jail. I don't think they killed him either. Really? He was a sweet boy. Dude, I hope he listens. He rules, dude. I mean, he's fucked up for I don't think they killed him either. Really? He was a sweet dude. Dude, I hope he listens. He rules, dude. I mean, he's fucked up for what he did. He rules.

You watch this thing, and it's like... I didn't think I could watch... I think it was on FX, and I was like... Yeah, it was on... I can't be disturbed by something. I was literally disturbed. I was turning it off, being like, I don't want to fucking watch this.

This is fucked up. There was a part in the Rocco Magnata thing where... Because they have the surveillance footage from i mean they had the murders online you can watch it yeah but there's surveillance footage of him walking in with the guy he murdered but then the footage of him walking back out he's wearing the shirt that the dude was wearing which is pretty creepy to watch and then he goes to the store to buy like cleaning supplies and then while he's walking back in, he stops in front of a mirror and adjusts his hair. It's really fucking creepy to watch.

Fuck. Yeah, having just done, like, cut a guy's arms and legs apart. Off. And, like, the rest of the torso against a bathtub and was playing with the head in the bathtub on camera. Like, fucking wild. This guy had his bathroom cammed out? Yeah, he was just holding the camera.

Oh, he was cameraing it himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Filming it. Allegedly. Yeah, true. Could have been someone else. The mom believes there was someone else. And in her defense, in the snake video, there is another set of hands, which they never

really addressed in the documentary. Really? She just brought it up and was like, there's another guy. Fair point. And I don't think at the end of the thing there ever there was ever any closure on that i kind of fell asleep that's funny watching that they just so it was really good but then i mean we watched the whole thing in one night so bees are no kind of like making a murderer kind of yeah it was like five episodes i gotta stop that what Making things like nine fucking hours.

Yeah, there was a lot they could have done without. For sure. Exactly, dude. For sure. It's like, just fucking come on. Yeah. Boil it down, guys. Because it's just like a, we'll do a five episode deal with Netflix. It's like, this could be two fucking hours, guys.

Cut the shit. Cut it out. You ever hear of a thing called fucking editing? You tell me. Chop it up, dude. Dude. So you got raw bumping around in that old noggin. Ra contact is pretty tight.

When they started, I was kind of listening to it. You got Ra on the brain. I'm listening to it. I'm like, all right, this is kind of bullshit. And then there's six-dimensional entities who typically suffer from, because they're incompatible with this particular Earth-time-space distortion. Dude, the fucking language from it's so funny the what are they the mind body spirit complex known as john mcmanera it's so fun the way the guy talked dude that's the thing there's like a whole lexicon they came

out with that i'm like that'd be weird just to be like spitball on that yeah being able to stay in tune it was apparently they have tapes of it so it's like i don't know but then the guy was also saying like oh this was a physicist i look these people up as like ufo researchers um yeah i think you're getting into that realm it really seems like it's complete bullshit well i know that but i like i approach these more as psychic phenomena you know what i mean so i'm not being like, oh, my God. Of course, I don't think you think Ra was there. I'm like, damn, dude, channeled material. I didn't know that was a thing.

There's another. Channeled material? Yeah. I mean, technically, that's the Bible. Exactly. That's what I was saying. The Bible's technically channeled material. Yeah. Which is, that's funny to think about.

That's what it's supposed to be. It's the Holy Spirit guiding your hand, bro. It's Logos, bro. It's the Logos, brogos. bro goes bro it's a logos bro goes the holy spirit guides this podcast fucking rules dude yeah dude of course we're tapped into the logos dude the um so what were you asking me oh so when i was reading it or whatever listen to it that's a good audible book too by the way that's a good one i was listening to on the plane too but the uh so they're talking about i was kind of like

yeah i'm not really sold on this and they will six dimensional there's like they're asking how many six dimensional wanderers are there blah blah blah and they're like i forget the number they said it's pretty low which you know is unfortunate but do you think you would be one of them obviously dude because they're like how like how do you tell they're like typically they have problems fitting into this particular earth time vibration. And there's feelings of alienation. I was like, check. What are you talking about?

Everyone loves you. But dude, deep down inside, dude. I felt alienated my whole life. I felt alienated my whole life, dude. It's because I'm a wanderer. Allergies. I was like, check. That's all.

But I was like, perfect. Surfer's eye. Gluten allergy. There's things in my body. Tons of friends, but you feel lonely? That's what I'm wondering. Six dimensional. Dude, try vibrating on the six dimensional frequency.

I don't feel necessarily, well. Do you feel lonely? Not so bad anymore. For a while, for my whole life, I was pretty lonely, yeah. Really? Yeah, I was lonely. Why were you lonely? Lonely, dude.

I just wasn't connecting, dude. You didn't have pals? I had pals. I never felt that like close connection yeah i had buds then i had girls who i kind of hated that i did for money yeah so you know you know you had buds i had buds now i now i make it now i hug all my friends i was doing people when i started doing stand-up people would hug me like dudes i'd kind of like be like get off really but now i'm kind of i love it now i have yeah i hugged my friend the other day and he was like what the fuck is this yeah so that's always a bummer when you go

when you hug someone and they're they're not ready for it i didn't know i mean dude i when i i hugged my friend uh when i went to california and visited my friend wes he's like he's like taller than me so after the airplane i hugged him and i didn't realize I rested my chin on his shoulder. God. I was like, that felt like hugging gay. Like, I felt like a girl. Like, I literally hugged him. It was just like the way I sat, my chin just went right on his shoulder, and I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. I was like, I got to still relearn how to.

I'm not a big hugger. I haven't traditionally been a big hugger. Then when I hug girls, I'm like, weird about that. All your girls, you got a side hug now. Oh, dude, yeah. Well, well not now but just kind of ever a front hug is intense on a lady yeah pressing tits on tits i remember my uncle neil had a fucking hot ass girl from back in the day i know about this i remember just being like time to go and i'd be fucking like yo you seen fucking all right let's big time Dude, coming in for the ultimate. Oh, man.

Did I tell you what my new boner is, too? Sorry, go ahead. I didn't want to cut you off. No, go ahead. This is a quick one. I saw this a lot in California, especially in Orange County, and I've been seeing it here a lot, typically in rich areas. Older women who dress kind of like teenagers.

Yeah. It's very hot. It's been fucking me up lately. Yoga pants and Uggs type thing? who dress like, kind of like teenagers. Yeah. Woo. It's very hot. It's fucking me up, like yoga pants and Uggs type thing. Yeah, like a puffy coat with like a fur lined hood.

Yeah, like exactly. Some yoga pants, some sparkly. Ran into one at Starbucks on the way back here. Bro, that's my,

right outside of DC. That's the fucking boner. And I scared Chris in line. And she was right behind him. I was behind her, and I scared Chris. What'd she say? And she started laughing with us, and I was like, man, you are. I love you.

Dude, I'm telling you, that's been like bratty, old, rich ladies who dress like their daughters. Fucking me up, dude. I was standing in line just staring at her hand to see if she had a wedding ring on. It was that. It was real, dude. Me and her had a connection. That's what you need, dude. I need an old bae. It was that. It was real, dude. Me and her had a connection. That's what you need, dude. I need an old bae.

Tony, that's the new sauce, dude. Getting geezers? Like, geezers who dress like dysfunctional teens. Geezers who dress like they might get pulled onto the Maury show at any minute. Yeah, smoke weed. Yeah, bitch. Sorry, that was all. No, no, no.

Most of the stories this weekend tend to be about farts or scaring. Yeah, bitch. Sorry, that was all. No, no, no. Most of the stories this weekend tend to be about farts or scaring. That was kind of the entire weekend. It's farting and scaring each other. During Star Wars, I went to take a piss. And while I was washing my hands and I was walking past the urinals, and this dude, younger dude, standing there, farted at the urinal, like right when I was behind him, loud enough that I like jumped.

Yeah. He scared you. He scared me with the fart. And then when I, you know, came to my wits, I just started dying laughing. Oh, fuck. And he didn't laugh. I just, dude, I'm just. I couldn't believe it.

We talked about it last week, about me and Bison laughing at a urinal fart after a movie. Happening. Then at this movie, this guy farted. I jumped, and then I started laughing, and he was not happy. And he was young. Dude, if I farted in a thing... And somebody behind me started laughing,

I'd be so happy. I would melt, dude. I would be laughing so fucking hard. If someone turned around and was like, I would be like, we have to hang out, dude. Dude. Oh, I dumped out. I dumped out at a gas station today.

Dude. What? It's road life, bro. I was on the road for eight hours. No, that's a dude. That's an all. That's a fucking Waffle House kicking around in my gut. You take brave dumps, dude.

You dump in places I'm literally afraid to take a dump in. This is a rough one, especially it was a one. There was tons of traffic. Cold cement walls and shit. And it was a single bathroom at a of traffic uh cold cement walls and shit and it was a single bathroom at like a truck exactly yeah so when when i got in there was no one in line of course took a dump when i opened the door o'connor was in the front but there was like three or four truck drivers behind him o'connor said they were furious the whole the whole time i was in there shitting they were like all of them had to piss they were all like yeah drunk drivers have to shit and piss as bad as a human being could possibly have to shit and piss yeah i was in there just because no one no one

offered no one tried to open the door it was locked that's kind of polite yeah but that's how i would know someone was in line o'connor was your fucking o'con said he knew I was in there, so he didn't try to open the door. Of course. So I didn't think anyone was out there, and I was just... So you were taking your time. I was just checking my... Fuck. Just checking Reddit.

How long do you think you were dumped before? Ten. That's a long... It's a long gas station dump. It's an eternity in a gas station bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was usually a quick dumper. It was long enough that there were three or four dudes that were upset.

I'm surprised O'Connor didn't let the truckers go in front of him. I would have been like, thank you for your service, guys. It was usually a quick dumper. It was long enough that there were three or four dudes that were upset. I'm surprised O'Connor didn't let the truckers go in front of him. I would have been like, thank you for your service, guys. True. Like, this nation would shut down without you guys in roughly three days. True. Oh, I was looking at Reddit. I was looking at the fighter and the kids' Reddit. Dude.

Fucking hilarious. Tough stuff. But while I was looking at it, they had a post about us. For real? Yeah, dude. Shout out to Homeless Cats. Hell yeah, dude. Fucking hilarious. It is very funny. They're dynamic. they had a post about us for real? for sure yeah dude shout out to homeless cats and uh hell yeah dude they're fucking hilarious

it is very funny the dynamics are insane I was like looking down through the comments and one of them just said hi Shane I was just like

oh fuck that's hilarious it made me laugh being like I know you're gonna read this he's gonna read this yeah it was really funny

that's actually hilarious yeah yeah yeah damn that's what's up dude yeah dude hell yeah that could be our fucking that could be our up, dude. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah. That could be our fucking, that could be our fan base, dude. Let's poach him. You want to poach him?

I mean, I would, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. I mean, dude, that whole subreddit is dedicated to just hating on that podcast. I looked into it more. You think they're razzing him? There's definitely some real hate. Yeah. But there's also definitely like this is funny

there's razzing the guy yeah oh no yeah i don't think it's necessarily all bitch true true yeah yeah but it's pretty much dedicated towards being like yeah they don't post like funny clips they post just like him fucking up yeah which is that's what i was talking about last week how it's funny now that there's that's a whole thing in and of itself. Like, we're going to meet every day and just completely fucking try to tear this dude down. And, you know, of course, they're razzing him. But it's still like, dude, I'm looking at that being like, I would like to think I'd be able to take that day in and day out.

But I would bend to the mob. I'd be like, fucking, I'll do whatever. Stop making fun of me. Yes. I would bend to that mob, dude. like fucking i'll i'll do whatever you stop making fun of me yes i would bend to that 14 000 people there's four there was their homeless cats dude it's an entire city dedicated homeless cat i know yeah because they made fun of yeah i'm all in i watched that whole incel documentary about fucking uh oh the guy that made that documentary about yeah so i know i know exactly what's going on in that subreddit so i watched that documentary and then i went to

subreddit i'm like whoa dude there's like a whole space where you can just act subculture of these people you're just there's like a small fucking city where's the 14 000 yeah a small city's worth of people like a rural towns where the people are dedicated towards like watching your every move idiot idiot pussy pussy bitch the sin they're punishing for him for is taking that like kind of elitist attitude towards his fan base he was kind of like you guys are fucking losers i'm fucking killing it they're like dude we'll just we'll hive mind make fun of you it's like dude i would instantly cave yeah i'm like so i'll quit you guys just fuck i'm done yeah i mean i would keep i would keep ripping but well i've said it before and every comic has said it it's like nah i try not to check dude i'm fucking i read all the time

checking non-stop i and it's funny because i'll hear other like new york comics that like soda will be like i do you gotta get off that shit you shit and then the day i'll notice it like a day a negative comment comes out about him hold no oh you check every day i check reddit i don't check reddit the same amount that i don't jerk off i can maybe go three days and be like yeah i'm pretty much over that dude and then i'll get the urge i'm like i'll just see what's i caught a beat in the hotel room that was so fucking funny. So, yeah, we were together Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That's four days, no beats. Yeah, someone's beating.

That's what's up. Yeah, sick. Shout out. But, sick. And then when you're hungover, you got to get a nut you got to have to jerk off so i was i had a hungover nut yesterday just lurking in my belly you have a headache no i wasn't that yeah i was very hungover it wasn't really a headache as much as just i get fucking wah-wah just thick fucking water brain you get like like the Jeff Bezos head in South Park.

My face is already swollen, but when I'm really hungover, I look ridiculous. No, I look pretty shitty right now. I look like shit. When I'm hungover, I look like I want to fucking die. Yeah, but I had a howler in me. Just a nut rattling its cage. Connor probably had a hard nut in him akani probably had a nut in there i'm sure he got some off he'll just he'll just get him off but true i went so to give you some context and that's perfect bees are open to the show in raleigh and we were listening to the he was listening to

the audio of it because we recorded the sets and his intro he's like hey everyone how's that how's everyone doing it's good to be here in raleigh i don't know into a microphone hilarious so we were just making we were joking about that the whole time and then when i finally snuck off to the bathroom caught a nut before i showered what's up when i came i was like i started laughing like i made myself laugh as soon as i came just thought of bees were they there yeah they were in the room did they hear you come they didn't hear my did you come out like okay like laughing like i came out and tried to hide the fact that i jerked off in there for like i probably lasted 10 minutes and i was like listen

i wasn't gonna tell you guys this but i just jerked off in there and they were like yeah of course i was like but right when i nutted i made the beezer noise i started laughing i was like trying to secretly jerk off and i came and i was like anyway back to the fucking reddit dude yeah dude that's the fact that you fucking let out a beezer grunt when you can't beezer grunt when i nutted was hilarious that's a mandate dude yeah that's a strict mandate that was that's how hard it yeah do you ever fart when you cum? yes that's pretty tight

I think that comes with age I never had that when I was younger but now every once in a while I'll have to fart when I cum and it's so fucking funny dude sometimes I'll do it and dude how funny is that?

it's the most unbelievable because it is like an end of the it's not like technically an end of the date fart but it's like you're holding it in I've done it a couple times i farted while getting head one time that was tough no yeah that was tough no yeah when you came or just during while i came so total relaxation i think bae's like when you come after you fart they're kind of you fart after you come they're i think they're kind of like they are not happy about that dude if i fucked if a girl was

like i'm coming i'd be like yeah baby get that. Dude, if I fucked... If a girl was like, I'm coming. I'd be like, yeah, baby. Get that out. I'd get into that. The fact that like I... Like you were so relaxed that you farted. I'd count... That's kind of like

squirt territory. I've actually counted that. I've dated a quote-unquote squirter and she just farted the entire time. I dated a squirter before. Is that what you do? Yeah, when they fart

and stuff during sex. Who am I? Yeah, she would fart when I went down on her. Damn, so a girl was giving you a head and you let out a boop. Because they are light. I was crumbing. It was like a machine gun.

Like a quick, like a rapid burst. Were you screaming? Because I know you're an audible comer. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, so I apologize while I'm coming. So you were making noise out of your mouth. You were coming and farting.

All your orifices. That's what I'm saying. You were excre noise out of your mouth. You were coming and farting. All your orifices. That's what I'm saying. You were excreting it. I might have hit the seventh dimension. You're like Dr. Manhattan. That might have been when I became a six-dimensional entity. True. When I farted while I came.

Moan, fart, and cum at the same time. I'm a moan, fart, cum complex, dude. Wow. Damn. Real MFC here, dude. For sure, bro. So you're. Real MFC here, dude. For sure, bro. So you're saying Sodi's claims no Reddit. It's almost like no fat.

It's something that, like, yeah. And I've claimed it, too. We've all claimed it. We've been like, man, you got to delete that. Like, even when I was going through the whole SNL thing, which I did for like a week delete everything. Sure. I would still, you know, occasionally go to the website on my phone.

But I had the apps off. That's so funny. And, uh, which that was a, that was a tough one. That was, you know, that was an easy one to stay away from.

Ooh, yeah. The Reddit was a refuge. True. Except for every once in a while people would be like, he's a pussy for not, it's like, dude, what more do you want?

For the most part, people were, I would say during that, that was when, that was when I was like, damn, these dudes fucking rule. It would be insane for me to be like, fuck you, fuck this. It's like you don't know everything that's going on.

Yeah, I mean, it's also, yeah. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. There was something, like I said, I do think without the risk of being like, fuck it. There's something to be said about, like, some things you just let go of being like, all right, bro. Yeah. Like, I'm not, you know know i'm not going to get all elitist on you but it's like you like what the fuck would you do yeah you know i don't really fuck with armchair quarterbacking true i do but not when it's me that's the quarterback

oh exactly i'm like why are you guys doing that yeah i do it all the time when people hit me with so i can if you sit and think dude someone attacked me on the fucking Patreon. What? I just did like a psychology talk with one dude and some dude was just like, what the fuck? Give me my five bucks back. And it's like, dude, take your five bucks. Oh, really? In that moment, we're just,

I was like bullshitting with this dude. Yeah. Pretty tight, actually. I get into the whole, I want to basically take a, uh, take the Shat Nation local chapter, start a moose lodge, basically,

around Shat Nation. It's not like a for-profit thing. I want to start a thing that if it can be sustained by just people coming to it and be like, all right, here's how much to rent. We're going to do just like a place people can get yoked, talk, do whatever the fuck they want. Like almost like a bar.

Just a lodge, bro. It would be a fucking... You want Guy Heaven. It's bro heaven, bro. It's Guy Heaven. So it's like a moose lodge. This is Sam Hyde. Guy Heaven? Guy Heaven. I want's like a moose lodge. This is Sam Hyde. Guy heaven?

Guy heaven. I want to build a moose lodge and have chapters and see if it can actually do that. So that's what I was talking about. It would be tight. It would be tight. Or just start organizing and getting in groups. Why are people scared of that? Well, that's, yeah.

What do you mean, why are people scared of that? What's the problem, dude? There is no problem. It's just funny. It is funny, because that's what I said. All you have to do... If we got our listeners, if we put together a Moose Lodge that was also Guy Heaven, a sick gym... What is Guy Heaven?

Guy Heaven, Sam Hyde has a clip of him. That clip from Million Dollar Extreme where he's in the gym. Have you ever seen that? Yeah, actually, I did. Where he's slamming weights and shit. He's like, shut up. Dude. He's chugging milk, throwing up.

He's like, I want to start my own gym. Just guys or something like that. Call it guy heaven. It's so fucking funny. I want to start like an ancient Greek, like a coliseum. Not a cult like a church built on ancient Greek values on Hellenic values

nude in there only? no not even nude but it's like they could come but they'd have to sit and watch like you'd walk in you could fucking start wrestling people you could debate someone in another corner people get like fucked up on fucking so it's like a mosque where there's a section for women no they could come if they want but again if they you know it would just they'd

have to figure out what they want to do for fun but it would be i would try to have it where you could go get yoked hang out with people chill at the ymca yeah but like more a little more niche if that makes sense yeah if you could like go to the ymca and like one corner you just get like super blazed and fucking channel in one corner, get yoked, wrestle, have fucking debates on another side. What about my corner? Do I get a corner? You can do whatever you want. All those are your corners.

You can do whatever you want. Do I get a bar? Is there a bar? Yes, dude. Of course there's going to be a bar. All right, good. Exactly. Where do you want to build it?

I don't know. I mean, the first one's got to be in Philly. Exactly. So you want to set up a, yeah. Basically a secret brotherhood. So it's like, yeah, basically, come. We'll pick the Moose Lodgeose lodge it's like can girls go to a moose lodge sure sure do they want to no so they want to no but some of them end up living there and you see some old ladies there and it gets pretty sad man what's sadder than a lady at a fucking like vfw that's like a regular

i haven't i mean i've only i'm in and out of i've seen a couple i've i've gone to the elks with my dad and you see some rough and tumble ladies in there i mean that's must be a pretty easy scoop seeing a lone bay and a vf in like a fucking elks lodge these are nasty bays bro i know but these aren't the best looking boys either there's some nasty boys it is a safe space to get old and fat in like an elf an elk's lodge elk's lodge you can you can walk in obese as fuck and people be like yeah that's good you look good but that's what we were taught we were talking about doing that how like the dude's a psychologist and he was talking about how like he was saying how like online

groups are like it's good for people to get together and like it helps people to talk and you know blah blah blah we're talking about uh i was like i'm trying to take that into the fucking physical reality yeah and have little elks lodges that pop up where people could do stuff hang out chill kind of like a church not a church tax wise definitely a church i also want to start a thing called the church of weed and comedy which is a comedy club and write it as sign it up as a church why is weed in there it would be a space people could smoke weed

during comedy shows church of weed and comedy you could you could use weed as a religious sacrament because the government is not allowed to forbid you to use plant matters

if it's a religious sacrament and then you could just throw comedy shows and it would just be a non-profit all the stuff all the stuff goes to the church and you pay out the comedians bam

church of weed and comedy baby also I signed us up for a 420 at Stink Tank at Flotation Philly all the stuff goes to the church and you pay out the comedians. Bam. Church of Weeding Comedy, baby. Also, I signed us up for a 420 at Stink Tank at Flotation Philly. Who's us? Get ready for that. Who the fuck is us? What, do you got a mouse in your pocket? Who's us?

At Flotation Philly. Oh, sick. Gotta be pretty tight, man. 420? Yeah, 420 Blaze it. Or that weekend. Sometime around then. Whenever.

We'll figure it out. Dude, it could fit like 60 people or so. Oh, you're trying to have a meeting of the dogs? Yeah, dude. 420. I mean, if we do it live. Film it. And people could even go down and float and shit.

Dude, it'd be tight. I don't know if people would do that during the show. Because I don't know if the guy wants to man the float. You want to do a show there? At the float? Dude, the fucking place is sick. I've been there. The new one?

No. On Front Street? There's a new one on Front Street. There's a room that will probably fit like 60 dogs. I don't think I have. It'd be tight, dude. Yeah, I'd be down. I'd be down to do that.

That'd be fun. It would be tight. It's a stink tank. Not need I say more, bro. Yeah, that'd get ugly. This is the secret brotherhood. That's what I'm talking about. So this is where the beginning of the brotherhood.

This is how the Mason started. I can say stink tank and people are like, oh, yeah, I know the deal. And it's like, yeah, bro, come through. Be tight. Film it. Dude, we could film a stink tank live with like 60 people. I want to film you naked in one of those stink tanks. That'll be the intro, dude.

I'll just hold my bird. I'll hold my bird and lay it in the thing. That'd be so fucking fun. Dude, it would be such a good video. Yeah. Of like leading up to it afterwards what's up what you thinking about i'm trying to think of me getting high around the dogs dude what's the matter it would be fucking wild man because every once in a while you run into a wild dog dude well

you can run you could be at the end dude you will put a robe on like a little marathoners like a tinfoil blanket and lead you down to the fucking chamber that reminds me yo listen to uh have you listened to wood's new podcast no i haven't dude listen to oral presentations it's called oral presentation that's wood's podcast wood has a podcast right now that's just it's he just started it's wood with his fucking accent fucking like i don't know it's just something i'm trying out right now dude Dude, it is so fucking funny. Oh, fuck. He's like, I'm going to talk about a little thing.

You know, I like to talk a little. It's called the 1904 Olympics. He does basically, he calls them oral presentations, but he does like a history cast on the 1904 Olympics. He's big into World War II, isn't he? He is big into World War II. He's big into World War II, isn't he? He is big into World War II. He's big into history. But the way he gets his history is he watches...

First off, all he does is watch YouTube. He doesn't watch anything else. He watches YouTube from like 9 p.m. to like 4 a.m. Like top 10 scariest houses. He's the guy watching those. You know all those fucking retarded countdown videos that are like 23 minutes long wood on a mattress in a shitty room in philly is the guy watching that oh my god but yeah the first one was actually really really funny that's awesome man

like him alone is him alone reading this dude so funny then he calls the fire festival the fye festival throughout the whole thing you remember the fire festival the fye festival throughout the whole thing you remember the fire festival the guy who had that yeah why is he called the fye i think he thought that's what it was called it's really it's really great to hear like this store fye he calls it the fye festival why and that's what i thought it was at first i didn't realize he was fucking up oh i thought he meant the fye like the store that sells like electronics right yeah that's what i thought yeah fire festival was not yeah fye is four-year entertainment i believe yeah well maybe he got it right the hit i don't think they were that wasn't fye's festival no no

no no no but what he's talking about is the guy there was a bookerer who was trying to set up like a fair type thing in St. Louis, which is where the Olympics were. That was like a, look at all these new inventions type thing. Like a world fair. Which that's why it kind of

made sense to me that he was saying FYE. Yeah. But then it turns out he was just trying to say Fyre Festival because he was making fun of a bad booker

putting together a shitty festival. He kept calling it the FYE Festival. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and being like, yeah, yeah, FYE Festival, all right. And then I listened to it with Beezer, and he was like, fucking idiot. I was like, nice. I might buy some stock in FYE.

It's a cutting-edge company, dude. DVDs, magazines, CDs. They're all coming back. Dude, that's fucking, That guy's a genius. DVDs? They're still in the mall, right? I don't know. I haven't seen one in a while.

Dude, have you been to like... I haven't been to the fucking mall in a while. I went to the mall. I gotta fucking do Christmas shopping tomorrow. Dude, I just started. Oh, man, it's Christmas. Just started. This should be a holiday special, dude.

It is, dude. How? It just is. True. We're so emboldened by the holiday spirit, we don't even have to fucking discuss it exactly it just goes without saying so stoked no it's weird too with the malls so if you have a mall the stores are all inside those buildings are failing but if you just take the mall and put them outside in a strip of stores now like you know like the nice shopping plazas or whatever they're

crushing it but like indoor malls no if you put them outside and put a fountain outside crushes dude and like a moe's southwestern grill it's you kill it i went to in worcester when i was there i went to a mall that was abandoned like every single store had been gone dude that's how it's scary to look at around mall was what was there like bookst store had been gone dude that's how it's scary to look at what was there like bookstores they had a fucking tj maxx at like you know how they have like yeah it was at the end of like a long hallway big ass tj maxx was still still going tight and uh bed bath and beyond was still going and then there was like a food court still going yeah with like two restaurants of the like 19 slots like every it was crazy it's awkward dude weird to see like a failing economy the

granite run mall was like that and a lot of the partners come that's when the partners partners move in and fucking there was fix it dude there was these weird books i was in there and there's like best to buy there was you think like... A best buy. There was users. You think like the Chai Coms come in and start like counterfeiting? Chai Coms, dude. This is strictly partners. This is Japanese businessmen. Oh, okay. That come in and save American balls.

I was thinking more like the Chai Coms coming in and just opening like a bootlegged Best Buy. True. Yeah, this was like a bookstore. That would be a good store. Like Bar Rescue. Except just... Malls? Asian... The a bar uh bar rescue except just malls asians the tokyo partners coming in and rescuing malls that'd be tight dude yeah it was like they were coming in it'd be like a bookstore slash like knickknack store slash like they would sell like

like weird like fountains you could put in your head it was like i walked in the store being like what the fuck it was the weirdest fucking shit i don't know how they were just chilling in this thing and i'm like dude nobody's coming to an abandoned mall to buy books. And then the guy will come and set up sports cards and be like, well, it's good. I think if you drop the rent enough, you just get like farmer's market dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are just like, fuck yeah, dude. I can set up my hologram Ken Griffey Jr. cards, dude.

Yeah, that's a piece of his actual jersey. Did you ever see dudes rent like a table at the mall and it's like post up with fucking sports memorabilia and it's like bro what how yeah what is going on how the fuck you remember being young enough to be like this card's gonna be worth something i better keep this in the case i did ken griffey uh rookie card in the case lost i don't know what the fuck it is. I could have fucking retired off that, bro. True. Could have fucking retired off it. You would have got like

eight bucks on eBay. Dude, people used to hold Beanie Babies being like, yo, this thing's about to make bang. Yeah. Beanie Babies was a thing

where like, yo, this is actually like, I remember people- That was like Bitcoin. Beanie Babies were like Bitcoin. Beanie Babies were Bitcoin, big time.

They come through and be like, no, dude, this Beanie Babies, really rare. It's probably, it's worth like 900 bucks. Yeah. I remember thinking like- someone being like, I'll give you 10 bucks for it. Yeah, for sure. like, no, dude, this Beanie Baby is really rare. It's probably worth like $900. Yeah.

I remember thinking like... Someone being like, I'll give you $10 for it. Yeah, for sure. Dude. You can't. They're absolutely worth it. Find a used stuffed animal. Imagine how fucking stupid you have to be.

Who turns this weird Beanie Baby economy? Like, how do you get a thing and be like, no, these are actually worth a lot of money? Like, dude, I've never understood collectorship. No. Besides, I used to collect rocks when I was little. I was kind of tight. But I wasn't... You just go outside and find a rock. That wasn't for the money. Yeah. You just I've never understood collectorship. No. Besides, I used to collect rocks when I was little. I was kind of tight. You just go outside

and find a rock. That wasn't for the money. You just did it for the love of the game. I just liked having cool rocks around me. Yeah. I wasn't like, this thing's going to be worth money.

When people buy Beanie Babies and Pogs, that was one. I had sports cards. I had a couple. I had so many. Did you really? Yeah. I had fucking older cousins

and people would just dump them on me. Yeah. I'd literally have tubs of fucking cards. Dude, I... Insane. I know someone who still tries to eke out a partial living selling baseball cards. And it's like, I was always puzzled by it.

I'm just kind of like... It's hard to watch. It's kind of scary. Yeah, exactly. It was just kind of like, well, you make 45 bucks and it's like, okay. I mean, I don't know. That's just me, though. I value my time.

Where are we at time-wise? Hour and 15 minutes. You hit pause on us. I'm going to toss in a little dipski. Let's do it, bro. Let's roll, baby. We back. Rock and roll, dude.

We back. Rock and roll. Dude, how hard do you believe? In Santee? Yeah. Big time. Dude, that's what I'm saying. Enough that I'm ashamed of my ancestors who didn't believe.

Oh, for sure, bro. My entire family's stupid. My entire race is stupid. Santifa. That's what I'm saying, dude. I'm rising up. I fight to, you know. I'm going to spoil.

I might throw a can of worms in the family dinner talk slam the table and be like do you guys even fucking care what today's even about just go buy my little plate of milk and cookies and be like

you gotta leave milk and cookies out am I yeah yeah you better I always do good

I still leave them out yeah I'll believe it wait when was St. Nicholas Day I didn't leave my fucking shoe out you forgot I left the shoe out fuck I got I'll leave them out. Wait, when was St. Nicholas Day? I didn't leave my fucking shoe out. You forgot? I left the shoe out. Fuck. I got some sweet treats.

What'd you get? Twix. Fruity Tootsie Roll? I got Twix. Did you really? Yeah. And then in the spirit of St. Nicholas, I broke it. I shared it.

I gave one to Christopher and one to Brian. I said, you know what? You guys have my Twix. And St. Nicholas smiled upon me. You think so? Definitely. Fuck, I'm pissed I missed it dude I remember when I was younger missing Saint Nicholas Day and be like fuck I was making myself laugh thinking about uh Santa's coal mine what coal mine yeah it gives out coal to everybody

true must have everybody always shows the toy shop elves must be a pretty rough other end of that. I was actually thinking the other day about like just a kid getting coal. Like there had to have been kids out there. My dad got coal. Just one lump of coal. He told me there was

several years where he got just a lump of coal. Dude. Young Phil. Tiny Phil. What's that do to a person? That just lets you know your parents are poor.

True, but I mean what the fuck? If you're a poor parent, you can just be like, listen, this is your fault. You're a piece of shit. Santa doesn't like you. Was he being bad? Yeah, Phil was a bad boy. And he got a lump of coal.

He got a lump of coal, dude. I'm certain he got a lump of coal one year. I mean, imagine how hard you believed in Santa when you were little. And it comes out that, man man He thinks I've suck Christmas excitement Like I remember like waking up Christmasy and being like I like I couldn't even fucking sleep the night before so fuck finally I'm gonna be like yes. Yes and running downstairs and seeing a fucking lot. He must have fucking screamed What's the fucking crime scream? I mean dude something inside of him died.

For sure. I mean, the third lump of coal is probably like... I mean, that's where you punch a dog in the head when you're 15. That's where you punch Riggins on the top of his head.

I mean, dude, that's fucking horrible. Yeah. I'm surprised he hasn't vacuum-sealed Riggins' head yet. True. Yeah, I mean... Goddamn. damn lump of coal for a kid is dead but again it was like the you know it was like the early 60s he's living on a creek in central pa yeah 1960s like it's

not like he was like i mean and they didn't have like lump support groups back then for kids who's got a lump of coal when you showed up to school. Kids were like, what'd you get? And he's like, fucking coal. Fuck you, dude. Santa just told me to go fuck myself. I mean, I had to been with all the religious stuff tied to that. That had to been pretty synonymous with like going to hell.

Phillip, my dad had a rough Santa Claus journey. Now that I think about it, because the other story that's like my favorite story, I think I've told it on here, was his dad died. My dad's dad died when he was young. Okay. And then that year for Christmas, his older brother, I think it was his old, no, his older brother dressed up like Santa Claus to like, because Phil and his younger brother and his sisters are young.

Okay. And the brother's like seven or eight years older so he was like gonna surprise them and like pretend to be santa claus you know it was a rough time what are you doing what did he do when the real santa claus showed up true true straight up santi fa but he got drunk and fell off the roof fuck so all the little kids were like excited for santa and then santa just was just drunk and fell and the roof. Fuck. So all the little kids were excited for Santa, and then Santa was just drunk and fell, and they're like, oh my God, Santa!

He just came out with him, and he was all shit-faced. And then a year later, that Santa gave him a lump of coal. Yeah, man. So I must have been like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, man, Santa's a dickhead, dude. Well, apparently that... That was also one of the lies. I remember lying and saying I saw Santa. What? Yeah, man. Santa's a dickhead, dude. Well, apparently that... That was also one of the lies. I remember lying and saying I saw Santa.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a lie, bro. You just believed. No, no, no. I remember saying I saw his sled. To who? To my aunt, who knew I was lying.

How old were you? I was young, obviously. But I still even then knew she knew I was lying. Just the way her path of questions. Oh, that's fucked up. She was just fucking with me like, oh, yeah? Like shit like that. I was like, yeah.

I remember being like, yeah, what the fuck is your problem? I vividly remember that lie. That's so funny. And she was just like, really now? Yeah. Did you claim to hear bells? Dude, one time. I got some great Christmas story.

Now we're in the holiday spirit. Hell yeah. The local news said there was too much fog, and you had to ring a bell so Santa could find your house. It fucked me up, dude. I was spazzing. Were you ringing a bell? I broke a bell. Did you really?

I broke the bell ringing it. I was like, come on, come on, sit. Yeah, man. He found your house? He found my house. Santy was always good. He was good to me. Dude, I was like.

Actually, he was okay. Fucking. What did he get you? I always got average. Yeah. And then my, you know, you'd see other kids with their fucking ball and shit. Crazy shit. I get nothing.

I got a PlayStation 2 once. That's good. In like eighth grade. That was sick. That's Santa coming through. That shit. I got nothing. I got a PlayStation 2 once. That's good. In my eighth grade. That was sick. That's Santa coming through. That was, yeah, that was big for Santa. The best thing I ever got on Christmas was that remote control car

that could flip over and still drive. Fuck. Remember that thing? Yes. Dude, I got that one year and was just like, fuck my, I was to the fucking moon. Yo, did you guys have to go to church

after you opened gifts? Yeah, it fucking sucked, dude. Whoa, how much does that suck? Fuck. You get all these sick toys, and then you immediately have to go to church for an hour. Yeah, dude, fuck. And then the parking lot's packed. Just let me go home and play with this fucking toy.

Sometimes we go to midnight mass. That was fucking dank. That's exciting. We got older. We go to midnight mass. You come home. Everyone gets a trade one present. We do like a family Pollyanna.

Midnight Mass. Come home around 1 o'clock. Eat some sweet treats. Some people drink a little coffee. And it's like, here's all the presents for the siblings. Then you wake up and Santa comes. And Santa has come. That's it.

It's the best. Watching a little kid who genuinely thinks Santa still believes. I'm going to get to see the kids enjoy it this year. It's the best. It's the fucking best. I'm going to get to see the kids enjoy it this year. It's the best. It's the fucking... I'm going to cry, I think. Dude, I can't buy Hallmark cards anymore without crying. I was in Target getting

a card for Britney, and I was reading it, and I was just like... The last couple times I've got them, I'm like... Yo, there's a fucking Apple commercial right now that makes me cry. What is it? This is Grandpa. I think they play the Up music. Oh, man.

And his granddaughter makes a slideshow on a tablet that has Grandma photoshopped into it. Is Grandma dead? Yeah. Jesus, dude. Yeah. That's too much. That's bullshit. That's too much.

Dude, there was one. I was watching, there's a commercial, there's a girl, a little girl in bed, in a hospital bed. Mm-hmm. And a nurse walks in and she's like, she sticks her arm out because she's clearly getting chemo. She's like, more treatment today? And the nurse is like, different kind of treatment today. And a dog comes in and it's like a nice dog. Mm-hmm. Like a, you know, a treatment today? And the nurse is like, different kind of treatment today. And a dog comes in.

And it's like a nice dog. Like a treatment animal. Yeah. And then they're like, pedigree. Dog food. Fuck, man. Why are you showing me a kid with cancer? I'm telling you, that's the real.

To buy dog food. That's the move. Then you show like a dead, an old man crying with his granddaughter on his lap. Yeah. He's like, that's her, isn't it? It's like, Jesus Christ, dude. Fuck. What are we doing?

That'd be tight to bring like a Shyamalanian twist to those commercials and the grandmom standing behind is like, shh, dementia. After care dementia. Sunrise assisted living. Dude, that'd be tight. Yo.

Because commercials are like, well, dude, i saw a lady today in whole foods with a shop like you know people bring their own shopping bags yeah it's like this bag saved this bag fed four rescue dogs it's like what what is this need to broadcast all this weird good word it's so busy dude i'm telling you it reminds me of back in the day when people could buy their way into heaven through church yeah and. And now you can do it, you know, in a certain sense, through, like, buying sugar from Cameroon and being like, well. Yeah.

I helped a warlord who uses child generals. Child soldiers. Anyway, dude, let's get back to the Christmas spirit. Exactly, exactly. I'm so hyped on Christmas spirit. Going to fucking church. You know, the lights in my my house like the Christmas lights at night on the tree

come on you come downstairs in the morning it's so early it's kind of dark out you see the lights and you're like whoa I didn't see that bicycle when I went to bed dude it's unbelievable it's ecstasy sheer ecstasy

you come down and it's kind of still dark out. The lights are blinking. The elves are like, my mom has these weird ass fucking like wire form elves that you can kind of put in a different. We used to always, we had like a wire form elf, wire form Santa. We used to bend Mrs. Santa over and have the Santa. Who's messy with the elves again? Yeah, we used to do that with the reindeer. Yeah, you make them up.

People put out front. Oh, that's sick. And we used to do that with the reindeer yeah people put out front oh and uh we used to do it in my neighborhood we would make the reindeer fuck and then on people's front yards hilarious so funny but when i my ex-girlfriend's grandparents lived in my neighborhood and i didn't know and they were talking about how every year that would happen and i was just like whoa that was me did you do anyone whoever was me you don you know anyone who ever... That was me. Did you know anyone who ever popped those things? No, I think that's fucked up.

I have been a part of that. And I wasn't. I really regret it, to be honest. I'm just kidding. I remember being... I don't know who it was, but someone would run up and watch this. They're like a hundred bucks a piece.

I know, which also now that I'm an adult i'm like yeah good what pop them good fuck those dickheads that have those giant inflatable things and them getting popped you're just down 100 bucks and you don't have to store that thing 360 days a year in your fucking garage you think some of it might be like an inside job like you fucking popped our floating santa claus like our little snow our floating snow globe that's through to go over it's funny too to be like daddy the snow glows some dude just walked by like stabbed it fuck man i'm excited i'm fucking stoked i got christmas spirit usually christmas i have a tradition where i get stoned and i drive around and look at all the christ lights. I'll go to a nice neighborhood and look at all the Christmas lights.

We do this thing in my neighborhood. Awesome. Luminaries, they call it. They just put bags of sand with a candle on the curbs, on all the curbs. That's sick. Like lining the streets. It looks fucking nice. That's awesome.

And you can always see the Jew house. No. They participate. Do they? Everybody loves it. They don't. They put the fucking. They still have... No. I mean, they participate. Do they? They do. Everybody loves it. They don't... They put the fucking...

They still have candles. They enjoy it. You see the Jew house. Yeah, that's how you know. Oh, that's funny. But yeah, the Christmas spirit is... Do they... How many candles they have outside their driveway?

Seven. Eight. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was 12, so I don't know. Fucking no. I don't know either. It's probably eight or something. I don't know. It's more than eight't know either. It's probably eight or something.

I don't know. More than eight. Is it? Eight crazy nights. Wait. 12 nights of Christmas. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so Christian.

I thought it was 12. My bad. Sorry, I'm so Christian. I don't respect Jesus. No, I'm just saying I don't know them. Yeah, dude. That was... Coming downstairs, man. Christmas Day. Get down early. You ever get down early before everyone for sure i did that yeah sneaky move tear open a fucking corner peak

oh run back up that's fine look i know what everyone has yes that's pretty tight yeah i'm still geeking out what so what happens with hanukkah do you is it just kind of like you get a gift every day for eight days right yeah and i think that they are they've they've seen enough christmas that they want a piece oh and i think they christmas out i think that would piss me the fuck off i think i think jews that are like a little older now really got fucked for sure they got like shitty hanukkah do you have the young jews that are growing up now gotcha like our age or younger have have they've they've got a very americanized how many hanukkah how many young jewish kids do you think have gotten stiffed on christmas

and resorted unknowingly to a slur in the context of like calling their mom and dad a jew you fucking jew i hate christmas i wish we were fucking jewish you slap your honey your yarmulke down and run up the steps definitely definitely that must be so hard oh to watch everyone come out with new bikes and fucking toys and shit you're just like fuck i hate being jewish don't worry young jew someday you'll own all of their bikes someday alleday all those dumb Christians, you will own. Is that what city bike's about? Did you ever see the blue rental bike? Could be.

That could be a Jew that got stiffed on fucking Hanukkah. Just scheming, dude. For decades, just like, I'm going to fucking own all the bikes. I'm going to start a bike empire. Yeah. Oh, that's so fucking funny. I'm going to look into the toy industry and see if the J's are behind it. The toy industry?

I bet they are. You think the J's invented Christmas? I think the J's control the toy industry. I mean, dude, let them. That Christmas joy is so... I'm still laughing about it. I mean, there has to be a conversation in Jewish households where they're like, what the fuck? This fucking sucks.

Yeah. But in their defense defense they do get several days before christmas you know i mean so there's a few days of like check this out check this out coming into school with a new toy i mean being like damn where are you getting that yeah but it's what's going on with that true but then the payoff is everybody comes back from christmas and it's like gear i mean the gear is loaded yeah and you come back and your gear is just right for that's all i had every year that's all my clothes was christmas clothes my mom dictated my clothing for years yeah i remember i caught a pair of

bullheads one year dude wide like jinko leg length flare dude and just went into dress down day i couldn't jinko jeans i had bullheads what are they so they were like they were of the wider leg variety but not as wide as jinkos you had wide jeans i was a skater bro i was a skater surfer snowboarder from san diego bro of course i fucking true that's how you got surfers out of those jinkos you were wearing bullheads bro the bullheads got in i got them from pac sun they were khakis and they're white stripe and they were so fucking wide, dude. They're almost as wide. My mom wouldn't let me get JNCOs because they were 50 bucks.

JNCOs are wild. She was like, if you want, I'm not paying. I remember they had the little cartoon character on the back pocket. Dude, anyone who had JNCOs at CN Skate Palace was a fucking man. Fuck. I just wanted to fucking listen. Thank God I played sports then. I played sports a little bit. Skateboard. I played extreme sports extreme sports dude yeah let me get out to the camera and stick my tongue

out dude dude i fucking uh no no showboating i remember i showboating on my end bro i'm all showboat i'm all hot dog i said hot dogging in school the other day so we're like what the fuck's hot dog and i explained to him he started cracking up he's like that's the funniest fucking thing i've ever heard hot dog and we never heard hot dog bro? He's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I explained it to him. He's like, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, he had bullheads. Christmas is hot-dogging.

Hanukkah is just good. True. Run the football. Hand the ball to the ref. Christmas is big-time hot-dogging. Yeah, that's like being down by 10, still dancing after you get a sack. I don't understand. What the fuck are you celebrating?

I mean, come on. Yeah, that's big-time hot-dogging. I'm still, I mean, again. I don't understand. What the fuck are you celebrating? I mean, come on. Yeah, that's big time hot dog. I'm still, I mean, again, I don't know. That's got to be tough. I mean, you got to have the guilt on you as a Jewish parent to like Christmas Day to be like...

I know, I'm saying they do that. So now they're hyping it up? I think now it's definitely more like give you a bunch of gifts. They have like a Christmas... Christmas month. Type thing. Gotcha.

I think they have, yeah. I don't know how I feel about that. I feel appropriated. I think they have appropriated. You think? I think we kind of jammed it down the throat, but also slight appropriation. What? Slight appropriation.

Oh, you think on their end? It's a slight appropriation but also everyone really kind of don't have a choice dude it's so irresistible dude I mean honestly they must be kind of real at our pagan roots of like the tree

the evergreen tree fucking the shoe out and all that stuff it must honestly probably be a turn off like nah dude this is a fucking this is all about the oil

what's the best gift you got I don't know I think mine's I think I got a Playstation 2 in 8th grade This is all about the oil. What's the best gift you got? I don't know. I think I got a PlayStation 2 in eighth grade. I think that was my best gift. My best gift was my bicycle with a radio attached to it. Free spirit. That's awesome.

I wanted a green bike. That's the first time Santa slipped. I asked for a green bike. My sister asked for a purple bike. I got a purple bike with a radio on it, but I was like, whatever. I can still bump fucking tubes. How old were you? Fuck, man. I was probably like six. I was back when i still lived in haverton wow so that was santa that was santee bro i remember coming down being like oh santa makes mistakes i was like well you know he's got a lot on his mind makes mistakes i remember thinking like

i didn't ask for i asked for a green's my favorite color not purple and i was just kind of like well whatever i'm not gonna say anything i was dude i was still like this is fucking sick that's nice i'll bust that thing around crank fucking under the bridge i wanted a bb gun yeah never got that i think i got a uh marksman slingshot that was no did i have one of those the motor brother had one excuse me you're excused that bike you know i don't want to slingshot a lot. You're excused. That bike was probably, I would say, the dankest thing ever. The bike and the flip-over remote control car, easily the two dankest Christmas presents I ever received. PlayStation 2.

That's a biggie, dude. Yeah. That was nice. And the way Santi delivered it to me. How? Was he hid it behind the couch. You thought it was over. So they got to see me fucking half fucking like,

God damn it, dude. The one thing I asked for, you motherfuckers couldn't get me. They wanted to see if I would be grateful or not. Really? If I would be a little brat. That's Cole mentality, dude. And I did not brat. Really?

You were like, oh, shucks, guys. I did not brat. In my head, I bratted so hard. You're like, fuck. So hard. And then they're like, why don'tucks, guys. I did not brat. In my head, I bratted so hard. You're like, fuck. So hard. And then they're like, why don't you check out behind the couch? And I was like, yes, I knew it. I knew it.

I knew you guys weren't pieces of shit. Fucking bitch. Damn, only someone who's gotten coal would put you through the test. That was a rite of passage, dude. That was a big test. Being a Christmas brat is where I might go home and brat out for Christmas. Being a Christmas brat stinks. Dude might go home And brat out for Christmas Being a Christmas brat stinks Dude it's so fucking funny Yeah

I didn't get what I wanted That's it? Yeah That's it? That's it? They're still opening gifts I didn't I'm done with my gifts already

I actually do that every year To my mom Do you really? I tell her that she likes Katie more than me That's fucking funny And every year Katie gets more Well cause Katie always owns

Like a house Or an apartment So my mom buys a ton Of fucking that shit i get like socks my mom gives me socks my mom calls me she's like we're not doing a big thing for christmas every year what do you i can get you a gift i'm like dude i don't want anything yeah i know i mean i even told her i'm like dude i actually will take some socks i'm at the point now where i can definitely appreciate a new pack of socks socks and undies. Yeah. Flashlight.

That's all I asked for. A butthole flashlight. Dude, next time my mom asks me, I'm like, I'll have a butthole flashlight, please. Please. You asked. I'm telling. Hell yeah. Motherfucking butthole flashlight.

Write it down. Write a list. Write a letter to Santa and just leave it at your parents. I might, dude. I've been getting real uh real frisky i've been having real sexual kind of conversations around my family i don't think they appreciate it yeah that's never good because my i walked in the other day around people's families that are open about that no i don't think it's very i have it's very weird no i don't think i have families that make like sexual jokes I don't think I have honestly yeah I've been around a few

I walked into my parents and they're like you know like my brother's usually there it's usually a girlfriend's family yeah I mean girl house the family will joke

about you fucking girl houses are very dying I shouldn't do to get in there and everyone's like oh it's cool I've dated a girl whose mom was like

I'm gonna leave you two guys alone have fun yeah kind of like yuck ew I don't what the fuck I'm gonna get her pregnant guys alone have fun yeah kind of like yuck ew i don't what the fuck i'm gonna get her pregnant yeah exactly it's just on breakfast alone yeah dude the uh

i walked in the other day my parents were like watching a movie like nobody else usually there's like my brothers there my niece and like my sisters and stuff are all like kind of there every now and again and i walked in like real quick and they like looked over i was like whoa my bad my bad and after i was empty house and there my dad was just like dude chill and i was just like yeah i don't bust up your guys little date he used to do that to me dude when i was down there with the chick you come in and be like hey come on what are you guys doing like all that shit i hit him with like oh whoa forgot it was empty house my bad pretty nice for dads bro in hindsight that's pretty... Walking in on a hot teen.

Even though it's with your boy. My dad caught me sucking titties, bro. Did he get to see the titties? I mean, she had a starter jacket unzipped and opened, and I lifted him up on my couch sucking titties. So he knew it was going down. He knew it was going down. She had an unzipped starter and you were sucking titties?

I think she had an unzipped San Jose, dude. She had a San Joseipped starter and you were sucking tees? I think she had an unzipped San Jose, dude. She had a San Jose Sharks and you were sucking tees? I forget exactly. Honestly, I think it was a flyer. I think it was fly guys. Obviously. I think she had a black and orange starter. I think she had a black and orange and I was fucking sucking titties on the couch.

I had like 14 ounces of cologne on, sucking titties. I feel like dad, my girlfriend's coming over and the whole house would smell like fucking cheap cologne. Adidas moves. Cologne fucking rules. I got to start wearing more cologne. Adidas moves.

We're just wearing cologne. Tommy wears cologne. Tommy wears cologne. I can't even wear that. When he gets ready, nine times out of ten. I thought you were talking about Tommy wear, like the actual Tommy gear cologne.

Tommy wears cologne and he sprays a fucking ton of it every time he leaves the house every time and I'm always playing video games by the time he's leaving what do you ever like you're bringing up I'll cough I'll give him some like Jesus man what's going on

they fucking play video games again do you make it fun it's over wearing cologne is the easiest to make fun. Because it's kind of like, bro, what are you doing? What are you trying to do here? Who are you trying to fuck? What is that, perfume?

Calling it perfume right away is the funniest thing. Like, dude, is that perfume? Or calling someone Pepe Le Pew. Popey Le Pew? Pepe Le Pope? Yeah, dude, making fun of clones is fun. Because then it's on you, so there's nothing you can do. Or going to the mall and walking by the tester station and spraying someone unknowingly like 10 times on their back.

That's the fucking move. So fucking funny. True. Because then they walk and they're like... And by the time you get sprayed, it's too late. You've been hit. That's the best. That's sick.

Especially if you get like two different types of bottles. I used to go to Boscov's and spray. You know the tester stations? I'd hit one and spray like 15 different types of bottles. I used to go to Boscov's and spray. You know the tester stations? I'd hit one and spray like 15 different colognes on me and walk around and people would just be like, what the fuck is this? And your fucking bulldogs? Dude, you sucked. You didn't get my fucking bullheads. You just smell like a fucking toxic cloud.

I used to walk around the mall in shoplifts and people were like, dude, get this guy the fuck out of here. Fuck. I mean, highly conspicuous pants, putting off like an offensive odor, just walking around stealing stuff. I got a fucking Christmas shop tomorrow. I gotta finish up, man. Going to the mall on Christmas Eve sucks. I'm gonna find a, what's that, Brookstone store?

Full of like cool stuff. That's the one, my parents, I can never buy them anything, but if I see like a tight like scene on tv thing that's the way you crush your parents they're like whoa fuck true get them some that glue something oh man is that tape yeah oh a gorilla guy that sewed that boat in half that would be fine so there's boat in half yeah dude my dad would like some high density tape that he's seen on TV. That would be nice. This is tight.

That would be nice. He gave me a... Oh, we're getting Phil a snowblower. I went in on it. 1,500. Big snowblower for Phil. That's the only time he's ever asked for anything. A snowblower.

A snowblower this year. It is time, because if he keeps shoveling, he's going to die. He's going to fucking... Heart attack big time. That's a lot. Because he's boozing when he's going to die. He's going to fucking... Heart attack, big time. That's a lot. Because he's boozing when he's doing it. That's actually... We'll bring out a beer. I don't know if you guys know,

when landscapers plow and shovel, they're fucked up. Yeah. When I was in eighth grade, they used to scoot me and my cousins up. I hated that, dude. I had to go fucking shovel and salt a neighborhood once. Yeah, dude. Did they get you drunk? No.

There were people drinking, but I was just... Yeah, dude. This was after Spain. I came back. I was like... Dude, that's... I'm not a working man. That's a tough van.

I am not a working man. I loved it, dude, because it was like they would wait... I like salting. Salting destroys your fucking gloves, dude. I like salting. Nah, give me the shove. I would take a shovel. We have a good team.

Dude, we'd put MGDs in the snow. We'd be smoking hash, getting fucked up. I i would stay up all night and then we would just this dude would bring us back to his house and he would get his pizza or whatever like we woke up he would get us like whatever for food and we would just like sleep in like our soggy little snow clothes then we'd have to go back out that next morning i was like dude it felt like i was in the army i'm like this fucking rules yeah then i get an envelope of like 300 bucks and be like yeah and it's funny too because this guy was using us and i mean we're getting paid decently but like dude this guy was probably getting i mean looking back on it i'm probably getting like

shovel and 14 bucks a neighborhood especially when snow hits a certain part like a certain height it becomes like i think it's like emergency levels and dude the money you the cost to plow it is so fucking much yeah and dude there's like these are like And, dude, the money, the cost to plow it is so fucking much. Yeah. And, dude, these are like, we're like 18, 19-year-old bulls, dude, just out there just all night just ripping. Just stoked on $14 an hour. Fun times. The best.

While it's snowing, that's nice. Out there drinking. I told you the one time when Ajax was the boss, right? No. I never told you about this? No. Dude, so we were like, you know, I hadn't shoveled. I was out of the shovel when Ajax was the boss, right? No. I never told you about this? No. Dude, so we were like, you know, I hadn't shoveled. I was out of the shoveling game for a while.

Every now and again. You may remember Ajax from the Old Testament. Yeah. He's a guy who shot a goose. Shot a goose with a bow and arrow. Strangled it. Threw a baseball bat in my head. You poured water on him?

Yeah, he was going to a job interview. Tell it again, dude. Tell it again. This is Old Testament. So he was going to, my cousin Ajax was going to a job interview tell it again dude tell it again this is old testament so he was going to my cousin ajax is going to a job interview at wawa he fucking was wearing like his best tucked in metallica t-shirt and he's all ready to go we're like jacks come here he's like what he got a bucket of water and threw it on him that's what he threw he went to the interview i think he might have changed his he might have changed to like a fucking Megadeth, but

he probably had an alternate, but he fucking picked up a metal bat and just wung it at us, dude. I remember hitting the deck and this thing whizzed over us being like, reaction time. I was like, that's what's up. Dude, but fucking. Ajax was leading the plow. Dude, so that, yeah. So then like, so we used to like my brother, like I guess it'd be like my cousin-in-law whatever like my cousin's husband he was tapping us to like we

were the soldiers that would come shovel then like i was out of the game for a while and then uh i did it a couple times for philadelphia management and then like ajax secured the fucking bag dude he got the contract by this this guy's name the guy's name who was like a like subbing out to ajax is called like i think like van helsing or something like a weird ass last name he'd be like guys van mr van helsing said he would round us all up but we would do we did like a shopping center in like falkor off it was like it was just like in the outskirts of ridley and it was just this like dumb fucking shopping center and there was like one bar with saloon doors that like we would all just hide and like take dumps in so we would everyone bullshit it no one did anything we were like everyone would hide nobody did any work

oh it was so fun hiding from him ajax would come back what the hell are you guys doing cool he was like yelling i was like oh sorry dude what the fuck you you guys doing? He was like yelling. I was like, oh, sorry, dude, what the fuck? You're such a fucking slave driver, dude. Take it easy. No one did anything. Everyone bullshit Ajax lose the Van Helsing contract. So we're sitting there and then Bob started like, there was another guy there

and I think the guy who was supposed to show up was like a big pill head and like his pop, my one cousin was like, kept fucking with Ajax and being like, yo,

I'll take his money. I'm gonna take his money. And he was like, he was saying something like making fucking with ajax and being like yo i'll take his money i'm gonna take his money anyway he's like he was saying something like making fun of the dude for being an oxy head and being like yo dude i sold that guy perks that's why he's not here like just like fucking with ajax and he kept making fun of him he's like yo dude why isn't this guy showed up he's a fucking junkie and jack's ended up getting so fucking mad he's like bob go home so he fired his brother wow fired bob fucking by i swear i've told this before no bob drove home and then halfway called jacks he was just making this up he was like yo ajax i fucking flipped over in a snow bag my car's flipped i need help

ajax i remember why he told us like do you watch this? Ajax pauses and goes, well, that's your situation. You got to deal with it. We got to shuffle. Dude, the Van Helsing contract is all. It was like there will be blood. It was there will be blood, dude. It was an ocean of oil under his feet. Ajax is the only one who can get it.

Dude. It is like there will be blood. You're like, is Bob okay? He's like, no, he is not. Bob is deaf. Dude, I have never phoned it in. So we would just walk around just like go out like we would like, you know, be at the shopping center. Then I would like I'll do the back steps.

I was like lean on a shovel. He come around like, what are we doing? Come on. We got Van Helsing. It's like this meanwhile it's like dr claw figured big jack's where are we at on the fucking on the bootlegger situation like the bar whatever it's called dude fucking christ that was so funny it was like two days straight of fucking ajax just slave driving us no one doing shit and there was like a couple random like like other dudes like pill heads working there. Dude, it was just so funny, man.

It was so much fun. It was like me and all my brothers and cousins in a shopping center with shovels just fucking laughing. And Ajax would come scoop us up in Van Helsing's van. It was so fucking funny. Scooping up dudes in a van to work it's fucking late dude it was so fucking scooping up dudes oh my god get the van full of dudes and rolling it's so fun we got a mission snow outside of a bar there's something like business tycoon who's like yes i control these contracts like i need you to secure the forces there's a bunch of guys who are like kind of

stone just like all right whatever whatever. Nothing gets done. You're like, fuck, my business is failing. Some dude's just fucking big dick in the whole operation and be like, yeah, I got my best guys on it. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

That was the funnest fucking thing. Yeah. Throwing snowballs at cars. That's a fun snow operation. We should build a snowman in the middle of the street cars would stop we have a snowman with a big dick on it the cars would stop and then you just pop out of the woods and they're like

i remember the oil truck just fucking ran the snowman over and we were like it was fucking awesome fuck that would have been snowballs of cars is snowballs of cars is the best oh yeah just the release because it's at night so so you throw it, you can't see it, you just hear a thud, and it's like, fuck. Run. We used to do daylight. We used to have these tree covers, and you sit there, and it's like, boom, and just run into the woods.

Did you ever be on the other end of that? No. Dude, I was on the other end of that. Yes, we've talked about this. We've talked about this. Yes. My old coworker... This is Old Testament, though.

My old coworker got out of the truck and beat the fuck out of a kid, and I just sat there yes my old co-worker this is Old Testament though my old co-worker got out of the truck and beat the fuck out of a kid and I just sat there and was like whoa this is fucked he kind of like he like didn't like beat his ass

the kid was old enough he was like 15 or so my co-worker got out chased him down catch a whooping it wasn't like it was like a slight whooping but like a heavy whitewash

where he dug his face in the snow hard and the kid started crying and then he's like get the fuck out of here don't throw fuck it's like someone had cracked his windshield before yeah it's old this is yes no we've had the exact because now then i told we had a snowball fight in our backyard these little kids were building a fort and then me and my friends ran out and fucked their fort up while they're in it but it was just a fun snowball fight and then i just

winged one and it hit this little kid. But I remember he was wearing glasses and the way it stuck was in the glass. The glasses stayed on and the snowball just popped him in the eye. He had like a pirate patch. He had a full pirate patch. And he cried and that ended it. And then I had to go apologize. That sucks.

Yeah, they called my parents. Yeah, having to apologize to kids sucks. Having to go back and apologize to like a five-year-old. Did your dad make you do that? Yeah. Yeah. No, my mom. Okay.

Phil would have. My dad was a big force for me to apologize. Like driving me to a kid's house. Yeah, I did drive to a kid's house after I punched him at the bus stop. Did you? Did you have to read a letter or just apologize? No, I just had to apologize. Shake hands.

Couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. That sucks, dude. Yeah. How was the conversation on the way over there big phil i was with my mom your mom made you do that yeah what was big phil's thoughts on me getting in fights was did you win yeah that was it that's what's up that was it i was more like i remember i cried about getting bullied in like first or second grade and my parents were like stop

basically like stop being a pussy deal with it yeah and i punched the kid and they were like that's what's up bro yeah i was like hell yeah well i punched i beat up this kid for no reason and he was like as long as you win yeah there were other times i've got i'd got in fights like in the neighborhood and my dad would be like that was his question yeah it's like well what happened i told him like all right but my mom would be like, you need to... Yeah, it was one of those silent rides, too, where you turn the radio off and you just drive over dead silence. Mom, I said I was sorry.

We don't have to do this. That must have been so funny, her raggling you as a little kid. That was so fucking funny. Ringing the bell, though. That would have been so fun to watch. You're standing there, like, fucking kicking the stone on the thing. It's like, I'm sorry if I'm in a bunch of... Yeah, I remember he was still crying.

Really? When I got to the house, he was probably crying about the same thing. He was probably like, Mom, don't make him come over and apologize. Yeah, because I just beat my fucking ass. Yeah. I don't know. I might be like, if I got my ass kicked, I'd be like, apologies in order. Yeah, you better come over, because I didn't suck a bunch of this kid at the bus stop for no reason

no reason other than older kids told me to do it that's a reason they're like you won't do it and i yeah that's a reason dude behind him through a haymaker oh my god you cracked him yeah punch him in the face from like the side oh Oh, you fucking knockout gamed him. Yeah. So what happened to those older kids? I didn't rat. So you just got in all the trouble? They were like, that's what's up?

I don't even remember the older kids saying anything. I went out to dinner with my brother Tom recently. I think they probably took off. Oh, for sure. They were like, holy fuck, he did. This guy fucking swam. Swam to my kid. off oh for sure like holy fuck he did this guy fucking my brother tom was talking we went to dinner with him recently he was telling me about a time he got bullied when he was in like third

grade he said there was these dudes who were in like seventh grade or no they're eighth graders who were just torturing him he'd get on the bus and they'd be like faggot faggot fuck you dude you're a fucking bitch and just like we're crushing him constantly and he was like maybe he was in like fourth or so he was old enough where he could like observe the social situation and he saw that those kids like weren't the coolest baddest kids in the eighth grade and he's went up to like the cooler kids in the eighth grade on his bus this kid like i think his name is tommy smith or something was like yo fucking uh gary and them kept calling you guys gay he was just like what he's a gay every time i talked to him he's just like yo those guys are fucking gay and like he said in the recess yard those

dudes beat the fuck out of that dude who was beating him up and he was just like fuck you guys wow dude i was like that's fucking wild little kid tom damn kids were like four years older than dishonest man he masterminded a fucking wow he basically put fucking... Masterminded like a hit on these kids. Wow. Because they were bullying him so much. And he was like, I don't think these kids are even that cool. And he found the cool kids. It was like, yeah, that guy called you a faggot.

All the stuff they were calling him. He was just like, yeah, they called you a faggot. Wow. They were like, who? They were like, yeah. Every time I see them, I was like, I don't know. They just keep... They just beat the fuck out of...

And then he said... Sick. He went up and was like, what's up, pussies? I think they were just like, fuck out of him. And then he said... He went up and was like, what's up, pussies? I think they were just like, fuck it, dude. He ended his bully fourth grade by setting up another kid to beat up the other. I was like, dude, that's fucking wild shit. Wow. Yeah, I was pretty happy hearing that.

Oh, man. It's one way to do it. We should wrap it up. Yeah, just get the fuck out. Yeah. Fuck. I'll be at McGoobie's this weekend. If any of you fuckers live near baltimore

uh that's the 26 27th 28th the day after christmas 26 that'll be a light one at mcgoobs if you guys ever wanted to see me bomb i will bomb december 26th see a bunch of people in sweaters with their arms crossed yeah see a bunch of tired people not laughing. Come see me. That'll be good. It's Christmas spirit. Then the 9th, 10th, and 11th, Helium Buffalo. January 9th, 10th, 11th, Helium Buffalo.

Then January 16th, 17th, and 18th, Stress Factory in New Brunswick. That's a good tri-state tour, dude. Buffalo's pretty fucking far. Buffalo, Baltimore, New Jersey. Pretty local, dude. That's good. That's a good tri-state tour, dude. Buffalo's pretty fucking far. Buffalo, Baltimore, New Jersey. Pretty local, dude. That's good. That'll be good. Yeah.

Rally of dogs. Exactly. And you can kind of, in terms of driving around to collect some checks. No, that's not bad. That's pretty tight. You're just down North Carolina, bro. I'm just down North CAC. Shit.

Shit. The dogs came out. It was fun. Dude was rocking one of those McCusker shirts that I was wearing. That was so fucking funny. Where are they finding that? I forget the guy's name. I forget the guy's name.

It's called like High Oregon or some sort of name. Yeah, it's out west. Yeah. If you're listening to this, that guy, DM me. Yeah. We got to get more of those. People like those shirts. Fire those things up.

So I think he just took orders not too long ago on the Reddit or something. Oh, okay. It was like, yo, I have the last ones. Like, let's roll. Yeah. All right. Hey, guys. Have a Merry Christmas.

Please do. You know? Please do. Please. I have a sick interview coming up tomorrow or the day after Christmas on the page. Surprise guest. It's going to be tight. Who?

I'll tell you when we get done. It's going to be tight. Who? I'll tell you when we get done. It's going to be fucking sick. Any clues? I mean, this guy, I can't give you a clue. I have to tell you. I don't want to betray. I don't know what information he wants to talk about. I have a couple sick interviews coming up, and the one, I think it'll be really good.

I'm going to do the one live. Usually I do them through the phone. I'm going to have a dude come in and talk. Really? To the studio. The studio's the man. All right, sick. Wild child. Sick. Yeah, I'll let you good. I'm going to do the one live. Usually I do them through the phone. I'm going to have a dude come in and talk. Really? To the studio. The studio's the man. All right, sick. Wild child.

Sick. Yeah, I'll let you know. All right. Later.