Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - John McAfee Please Don't Kill Us

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

The D.A.W.G.Z. landed a big weird fish. John McAfee joins the cast and gives us the business. 

All right, we're live, dude. Mr. McAfee, the fucking man himself, dude. Nice studio. I'm sorry? Nice studio. I like that. Oh, that's a green screen background, you know. Of foam?

Old foam green screen? How the hell are you, Mr. McAfee? I'm okay. You guys seem to be a little bit slow tonight. Slow? What are you talking about? Damn, dude. See?

Proof of what I'm talking about. So you guys seem a little slow. Only one of you got it. Now think about that. Right? I got it, Jim. I got it, Mr. McAfee. Only one of you.

Only one of you. That's all I'm saying. Are you trying to divide us already? Is it true? You're already divided. Listen, you were divided before I even got online. My job is to sever the connection.

You could never. You could never. You could never sever us, dude. You could never sever us. We will challenge you. It's a fucking Monday night, dude. I'll challenge you. Let me spend two minutes.

Listen. This requires, unfortunately, a shot of tequila. Whoa, dude. Party time. You live in salt life, dude. That's what's up. Woo.

Yes, now then. There you go. Okay. First of all, how long have you guys known each other? What, like seven years maybe? Yeah, probably six or seven years. Yeah. Do you guys live together? We used to. We did, yeah. Are either of you guys live together we used to we did yeah

are either of you married i'm married yeah he just got married yeah really children one child just had his first kid like how many one month old yeah you're shitting me well congratulations thank you congratulations thank you all right, I'll start fucking with you later, but let's start the conversation. Go ahead. Jump in. What do you want to talk about? By the way, where the fuck are you, numbered guy

on left? Me? I need your names. I need your names again. That's Shane. I'm Matt McCusker. Shane Gillis is to my left. Matt McCusker is me. Shane. Shane. Let me talk to Shane. I'm Matt McCusker. Shane Gillis is to my left. Matt McCusker is me. Shane. Shane.

Let me talk to Shane. Go ahead. Does Matt know? What's going on? Does Matt know that you've been sleeping with his wife? I'm just curious. Yeah, he knows.

We're kind of into it. Yeah, we're actually real into that kind of stuff. Yeah. I don't think so. I know everything. I'm John McAf it. Yeah, we're actually real into that kind of stuff. I don't think so. I know everything. I'm John McAfee. I'm the world's greatest hacker. I also would not have been able

to build the world's largest anti-hacking company, could I? No, no. Listen, we'll talk about it later. Let's move on. Norton's the shit in terms of Andy Vance. We're big Norton guys. Well, fuck you both.

Listen, I don't blame you. It doesn't matter. McAfee and Norton, it's all trash. It doesn't work. I'm just telling you now. Anti-virus software does not fucking work in this story. Damn, you're the man for that. What do you think about coronavirus i heard you're

calling it some bullshit the plandemic well fuck me are we actually going to talk about this because it's a subject that i can wax philosophical on i we that's what we want yeah man oh you people you're going to make me talk aren't you right now the coronavirus first of all it's not new the fucking virus has been around since the beginning of man

and the coronavirus like the various versions of flu have been around for centuries as long as we can detect the world of viruses which as we could detect the world of viruses, which is vastly smaller than the world of bacteria.

Yeah, it's been around forever. What is the truth? Pardon? You think Bill Gates is holding out on the cure for it or what? There's no cure for it. Who gives a shit? There's no cure for it. No cure for the flu. Let me tell you something. Even if we accept the inflated death numbers,

especially from Italy, where if you look at the statistics, 90% of the deaths were old people who were already terminally ill in the hospital expected to die in a second and of course a certain percentage of them of the world that's in that situation is going to have the coronavirus and so they go oh coronavirus killed this person oh give me a break but even if we ignore that obvious flaw in the government's logic, how many people have been killed in five months? Less than 50,000. In those same five months, which was in middle flu season, 630,000 were killed by the flu.

Worldwide. Worldwide. Well, of course, we're talking about worldwide numbers why are we not what's important here um there were 1.1 million people who died from diarrhea diarrhea people around the world i've had that around look? Look it up. No, hang on. Look it up. 2.6 million per year die from diarrhea. Why? We buy bad Mexican food for the egg.

I must be made of steel. I survived like 90 diarrheas already. Yeah, I've had nothing but diarrhea. Well, have you ever had a Mabic dysentery, which I got once. You've had it. You've got it? I got something from Mexico like that. I had diarrhea.

Amoebic dysentery, where it ain't no bacteria, it ain't no virus, it's some goddamn creepy crawly thing. Single-celled organisms called amoebics. Poor the diarrhea. Let me tell you something. It was the worst fucking thing. I was hospitalized. cell organisms called demons to start eating away. Ugh. Nasty. Let me tell you something.

It was the worst fucking thing. I was hospitalized for two fucking weeks. How'd what? How'd you get it out? I don't know. I was hospitalized

for two weeks. They gave me all kinds of fucking medications and shoved these little

flexible tubes up my anus to see what the situation was, how much blood is left to come out of this motherfucking man. And then I was okay. Where were you when that happened? I was in Cincinnati when it happened. I was in Mexico when I got infected.

Here. Okay, my girlfriend, Barbara Zas. Jesus, God, what a goddess. She had six foot three, reddish blonde hair, curly down to her fucking waist like a goddamn lioness's mane. Oh, man. Next up, lionesses don't have manes, do they? Whatever. But a mane. Oh, man. Lionesses don't have manes, do they? Whatever, but a mane.

And fucking gorgeous in the body to kill for. How much do you like pussy? Two inches taller than me, I'm sorry. How much do you love pussy? Well, if you're going to put a woman with me for the first time, I'm going to turn her around a few times and take a look. What's the front look like?

What's the side look like? What's the back look like? It may be that the pussy is the least important things for me. I might say, bitch, lie on your fucking stomach and put this pillow rolled up under your fucking hips and do it now because i want to look at your fucking ass i don't know how do i know guys you're asking me what if questions without giving me realistic yo norton is a fucking bitch dude you own norton yeah norton's a fucking bitch, dude. You own Norton. Yeah.

Norton's a fucking pussy, dude. Gates is a pussy. You are the internet. You're tech. What's that got to do with the goddamn question? I want to know. I'm curious.

We're just fine. We're just matching your style, bro. And firing questions. All right. Here's, here's a question. This is a straightforward one. I'm going to hit you with with it did you fly the drone over epstein's island slash have you ever been to epstein's island

i refuse to answer any question related to that effect fair enough under the ground fair enough did you kill to incriminate me and force me to find out what your address and situation in life may be so that I can send you a friendly fucking message, right? I'm a fucking straight shooter,

dude. McAfee's going to fucking kill you, dude. You fucking better not, dude. Once you get on my list I'm telling you now don't kill us you need us out here man we're good podcasters

listen Sean when they come sorry Shane when they come for you to say listen I didn't mean to sleep with my best friend's wife. And I didn't want to help you. I mean, I'm just telling you now, you know, there ain't no fucking excuses for anything.

Dude, can we be your cyber goons? Cyber goons? Yeah. I don't know. Are you any fucking good? Yeah. Are you any fucking good? Yeah.

Listen, a goon is someone where I go, listen, there's a lot of shit coming from Reddit, coming from 4chan. Listen, those 4chan people either want to suck my dick or roast me alive, depending on the goddamn year. But nevertheless, I'm going, all right, you goddamn goons. Go cool that for me online. I'll fucking handle that right now, dude. Who's talking shit? Oh, you have no goddamn idea what to do, do you? If you do, listen.

Say no more, dude. I'll handle it right now. Yeah? Bullshit. How? Tell me how. You're talking to the God that you are? Yeah, dude. I'm 74 years old. I spent 50 of the 74 years in computer technology and computer security. And if you think, mofo, that you can pull something over on me, so tell me.

I didn't say I'm pulling something over on you. I said I want to be a part of your squad, dude. Send me somewhere. Mr. McAfee, I apologize on behalf of my partner here. He's really getting out of fucking line. Not respect. Why aren't you smacking him? We're in different States.

I would fuck him up if I could for you. Oh, you're in different States. Yeah. I'm in an undisclosed location on a lake. I'm through a VPN right now, dude. You can never crack it.

Shane, are you there because of the illicit affair with the wife? Oh, yeah, I'm trying to hide the fact that me and Matt's wife have been together. You're hiding out from your partner.

I understand that shit. I mean, listen, we're talking about hiding out from people. Janice, is Janice? Maybe. She's here. Janice and I are the masters of fucking hiding out. I mean, listen. I thought you were going to say you're fucking.

Eight months ago, Janice and I were in a jail in the Dominican Republic. And by the way, those of you in the audience looking for a jail experience, do not start with the Dominican Republic. What was going on down there? Yeah. What was that jail like? Well, okay. Listen, I've been in jail. I'm sorry. Yeah. What was that jail like? Okay, listen. I've been in jail in the

United States, Mexico multiple times unfortunately. Yes, yes. Belize, Guatemala, the Bahamas. Yes, the Bahamas. And a few others. Never have I seen

something as challenging as this mofo. Number one, there's no glass on the windows. And we're in tropical goddamn Caribbean fucking jungle where the mosquitoes come out in clouds so thick that you know Satan is about to eat you alive. And, well, it's almost the same thing. So you can escape?

There's no walls? What? There's no glass. How do they keep you in? There's bars all the way. With rusted iron fucking bars, dude. I'd punch them out. Because if there was only glass,

let me tell you something. I don't care. I may be 74, but if I can't bust some glass with my elbow to get out of a hellhole jail, then something's wrong with it. No, iron, rusty. It looks like from the 16th century when the Spanish first conquered the Caribbean Indians in the Dominican Republic.

How long did you do down there? How long was Stinton? We were only in jail Dominican Republic. How long did you do down there? How long was it? We were only in jail four days. However, it was not a fun four days. I mean, listen, I think four days in a Dominican Republic jail is like 30 days in a Mexican jail. By the way, I would recommend above all else, Mexican jails for misdemeanors. I mean, don't go whacking people, you know, raping somebody's sister,

shit like that. No, no, no, no. Misdemeanor type of shit, pissing on the sidewalk, you know, drunk in public, neither of which, by the way, are illegal in Mexico. I'll try to think of something later, but it indicates Yes So now for a misdemeanor offense, which is, again, anything less than murdering your lover. This misdemeanor, meaning no big deal.

We'll work it out. That's the Mexican system of justice. We'll work it out. You may do reparations to the parents of the dude that you shot in the head because you were on acid and thought he was Satan. Whatever, whatever, who cares? Shit happens. We all understand that. Make reparations to the parents or the wife or the children. Okay.

Is that not a sane goddamn system of justice? Yes. Yes. Duh, of course. But it'll never catch on. Is that not a sane goddamn system of justice? Yes, yes, duh, of course. But it'll never catch on in the world of high capitalism. What do you think?

Do you like communism more than capitalism? No, I don't like any ism, good God almighty. What about cryptillism? If the any ism, good God almighty. What about cryptillism? If the only ism, there's only one ism, there's only one, and that is... Racism. I wish there was.

I mean, that would explain the arguments that I have with my wife frequently. No, no. Individualism, people, there is no other ism it's you your life your shoes your jeans your unique experiences which separates you every fucking second of the day from everywhere else in the world. I am John McAfee. God, I hope not. Although maybe, listen, dude, if you are, why don't we switch right now?

Because I could grow a fucking goatee on that face and change that hairstyle. We do have the same hair. I would dye it. I would dye the hair blonde is what I would do. I would grow a goatee and it's a goatee. I'm doing that as soon as we're done. If it was not dark, then I would get some utensils and darken it.

Oh, yeah. Then I'd go out to some clubs, and I would fuck every woman on the goddamn planet as long as my genes would keep my face, body, and capabilities intact. Would you say guys like us who naturally grow goatees just get more pussy or like what do you think is what's the deal what's one other reason is there i mean number one it tickles does it not it itches it's in the way what do you fucking do with it when if you don't have a goatee you can shave in the goddamn dark we all that. Try it with a goatee. Fuck me. Try it in the dark.

Turn on the lights and see what happens. It won't be pretty. So no. So no, it's not advantageous other than more pussy. Baby? I heard that. Janice? What you gonna do?

I can hear you. Huh? I can hear you. Yes. Oh. We're talking about goatees and pussy. I'm insisting that

men with goatees get more pussy. My theory, technically. You have a small experience with men. Do you agree or disagree with that? It's the pirate flag of facial hair. I'm sorry. One sec sure sorry sorry john excuse us she's not responding to me because she knows i hear you she knows it's true

i got a i got another question for you what's your uh what's your spiritual leaning i've heard you're a spiritual man what's your spiritual leaning you know if i had i would go with the cargo cult i think the waiting for stuff to come do you know there is a religion called the cargo cult yeah they're waiting for like airplanes to drop like rice and stuff on them. What happens, this is somewhere in eastern Fiji, close to the shipping lanes. And because of weather conditions,

cargo boats frequently run aground, capsize, or lose substantial parts of their cargo, which washes ashore on this island, right? And so for almost 50 fucking years, there's been a religion. And the outside world, you know, in the Fijianijian language of course it's not cargo cult it's probably whatever it is other people call it the cargo cult what do you think would happen if like a container of flashlights washed up on the shore but i don't they would probably figure out a way to either use them or worship them or I don't know. I would worship them. Yeah, I worship them.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's Fiji. You ever seen a Fijian woman? You don't want to go to them flashlights at night. You want total fucking darkness. No, no, flashlights. No one else. No one else can grab.

Flesh, flashlights. They're a male sex toy, not a flashlight. Flesh lights. Yeah. Yeah, figure that washing up on shore to the flashlight. Flesh lights. Yeah. Yeah. Figure that washing up on shore to the tribe. Flesh. That might decimate the bottom.

Listen, I'm an old man. I don't get out much, guys. I don't get out much. I'm locked in with an elderly wife. That's hot. You should try a flashlight. What's your plans, man? What are you up to?

What's your domination plan? You plans man what are you up to what's your what's your uh what's your domination plan you know what are you after janice and i talked about this only for a second you know janice and i met when i got out of prison which one guatemala in 2012 december what day baby 13 14 what 14th was after vice. 14. What? 14th. It was after Vice snitched on you. December 14th, 2012. Okay, after a serious touch and go with the Belizean government trying to whack me,

the entire army out looking for me, and I escaped into Guatemala and was arrested by Interpol and was going to be put on trial. But no, I knew that would not happen. But I was only in prison. Well, in the meantime, I retained the attorney general for the country of Guatemala, Celeste Ferroguero, as my attorney. That's legal in Guatemala. It's like retaining the president as your attorney. You's legal in Guatemala. It's like retaining the president

as your attorney. You can do that in Guatemala? Yes, duh. You just hired the boss to get you out of jail. Yes. $100,000. Okay, now, listen. I had some

inside info. Number one, Samantha Vanegas, the 21-year-old girl who was with me at the time, which everybody dissed me for. Because all of the pictures, all over Google, look it up, John McAfee, Samantha. Some pretty racy stuff. Anyway, anyway.

So her uncle, even though she was Belizean, her uncle was Celestro Guerra. I didn't know that until we were both on the run. Because Samantha was on the run with me in Belize. Anyway, fuck that shit. So I hired Celestro. And he said, what do you want? I said, I want to go to America.

That's all. Because Belize had asked for my return to Belize, but I'm not a Belizean citizen. Thank God for that. So anyway, so the last one I said, okay. He said, that'll be $100,000. As soon as it comes into my bank account, I will be your lawyer. And I said, okay, let me give you a phone number. I have some people that work for me.

I said, you just tell them what your account number is, and it will appear. And it did. And so it was touch and fucking go. So anyway, so that was that was at night. No, actually, I retained him. But I wasn't arrested until three days after I had retained him.

I was arrested by Interpol at the biggest hotel in Guatemala City. And it's all kinds of shit. There are all kinds of video on the internet. Because everybody was videotaping it. Hundreds of press people. There were about

75 Interpol officers sent to arrest me. I was at that time 67 years old. What sort of threat could I possibly have been? Nevertheless, it doesn't matter. On the internet, I'll get on with it.

And so I got arrested and finally got sent. Wait a minute, what was the question again? What's your plan? What's your plan? What are you after right now? What's your goal? Oh, yeah, so I met Janice. Fuck me, that's the issue.

I met Janice. So Janice's the issue. I met Janice. So Janice and I, since we met in December, she was a working girl. And I was. Where'd she work? A man. A man. Huh? Where did she work? Home Depot?

On the streets. Lowe's? A working girl. A working girl. She was like a street performer. Like a mime. Like a silver robot? No.

Tell me what word she is, baby. They're stupid. I'm not sure what they're talking about. A hard-working girl? A prostitute. Okay. I heard about those. I'm sorry, baby. Don't ever reschedule these dudes. I'm about those. I'm sorry, baby. Don't ever reschedule these dudes, all right?

I'm just saying. What are you talking about, dude? This is a killer interview. What are you talking about, dude? Come on. Come on. Come on. Like, from now on, I don't know what constraints.

Listen, baby. Tell them I forgive them for being stupid. It's okay. Janice forgives you for being stupid, she said. Janice, come on. On the form, on the reply form, from now on, must have IQ greater than 50. I mean it.

We're not doing this. So how'd you guys, so she was a prostitute. How'd you meet her? Did you guys, like, bump into each other and spill coffee on each other? All right. So I got out of prison. Yeah. On.

And you're horny. December. You're in there for three days. December 13th of 2012. And it was quite a fucking event. They shut down the whole goddamn boulevard on the prison to the airport. Why? damn boulevard from the prison to the airport.

Why? The president of Guatemala had finally said, because the entire world was watching this drama, high fucking drama, had said, listen, get him out of my country. I don't give a shit what happens to him after that.

But if someone whacks him while I'm in my country, I'm going to burn your families alive, all of you. Because I did business down there. I'd never seen it. Anyway, so I get deported. Plane lands in Miami. Stops on the tarmac.

On the fucking tarmac. About five minutes later, will Mr. McAfee please come forward? I got up. I didn't have a bag. I had nothing. I just got out of prison. I had a suit jacket, a shirt, didn't have a tie, a pair of pants, socks, and shoes. I didn't have a dime to my name. No fucking money at all. No. And will Mr. McAfee please come forward? And by the way, the door had opened, the stairs had been lowered down. Some uniformed people had come on to the floor.

I came forward. There was clearly a guy who was in charge. You can always tell an official who's in charge, right? Homeland Security, some serious head in Florida was in front of me. And I go, what have I done now because I'm thinking listen for months I've been running and during you know a lot of dealt with authorities and he said no Mr. McAfee we are we're here to help you please come with us so went went down the stairs so no one else could hear us and then he said we, we're here to help. He said, there are 2,000 journalists

at the American Airlines terminal. I fucking hate journalists. Yeah, well, he said there are 2,000, and we fear for your safety and the safety of everyone. He said, we are here to help. He said, my instructions are to take you wherever, wherever you want to go. Well, listen, I'd had my fill of people in uniforms

after three months or four months or whatever on the goddamn run, bullets flying, scary shit happening. And this guy's got a uniform. I don't give a fuck that he's American and Homeland Security. I go, I said, all right, anywhere. He said, anywhere. I said, okay, I want to go to the nearest taxi stand.

And without hesitation, without anything, he said, yes, sir, please step into the car. He got in on the other side and said, you'll just have to wait for a few moments. So we waited maybe 10 minutes. So we pull into the southwest terminal. All right. There's nothing there. No cars, no no people no baggage it's been cleared

except for one yellow taxi with an Indian driver from India with a turbine who's got both hands on the steering wheel and he's looking around like oh my god

oh my god what has just happened? Seriously, the poor bastard. So anyway, they pulled up. I got out, went to the cab. A few people asked, can we have your autograph, Mr. McAfee? But the captain said no and shook my hand. One of the other guys leaned over and was talking something to the Hindu, to the Indian. I shook hands, got into the back of the cab, and he said, he turned around the driver,

sir, who are you? I go, if I fucking knew, I would tell you, take me to South Beach. I didn't have a dime, but I did have a hotel. Anyway, that's all a long story. Forget it. I managed to get into the hotel. I knew the concierge, all this other shit. It's now two o'clock in the morning. Now, even though I've been in Guatemala, where some of the finest

coffee in the world is made, I've been in goddamn prison. Try in prison to get some decent fucking coffee, even in Guatemala. It ain't possible. What were you in jail for in Guatemala? Entering the country?

Okay. I was on the run from Belize. For what? Pardon? What was the issue in Belize? Government. Yeah, the government set me up, basically.

They didn't charge me with murder. However, they wanted to talk to me about the murder of my neighbor. Of course, they talked to everybody who was a person of interest. I chose not to do it because I had a history with the government yeah I said fuck no I'm not doing this shit uh and so I went on the run because I knew I'd be in prison tortured killed whatever so no I did I'm not playing that goddamn game well never was I formally charged with murder well did the Belizean government have a role in that a lot of that I know you caught a lot of flack for the Showtime

documentary. You said that was the Belizean government just writing propaganda against you? No, I think the Belizean government killed Gregory Falk. They killed that dude. Why? So they could blame me. What was their

beef with you? What were you doing they were so mad about? I saw you, what was it, Carmelita? Is that the name of the town? Yeah, Carmelita. Well, Jesus. I don't know if I'm supposed to not like you or not, but you were the man. If I had stayed in San

Pedro in Belize, I'd still be there enjoying the sun, provided I was still alive after fucking 20 hours a day. But anyway, and enjoying myself. No, so I got tired. I got tired of the American enclave in that beautiful island and decided to go into the jungle. I was the only white man in a district of 15,000 people, the largest district in Belize. So now, so I moved there.

I built this compound. Well, that was a goddamn mistake. I mean, these people have never seen a white man living here. They've seen maybe a few pass through. No reason to pass through. There's no hotels. There's no entertainment. There's nothing for tourists because nobody goes there.

It's the middle of the fucking jungle in Belize. Why did I go there? Crazy, I guess. Nevertheless, I did. Okay, I'm there for a year and a half. And a representative of the government, a local guy, comes in and says, Mr. McAfee, our election's coming up. And if you would donate $2 million to the, by the way, $2 million

is probably the gross national product of the entire fucking district, right? Donate $2 million to our campaign for re-election. We'd like to grant you the following concessions, and those included thousands of acres along the New River which probably in 400 years might be worth a fortune. No taxes, all kinds of things, all the women in the fucking world, you name it. It was like God's gift. Okay, you've lived a righteous life, John. Here. No, so I go, listen, if it smells bad, looks bad, doesn't add up, then something's wrong. Okay, so I said, really, I'm not into politics.

But one week to the day later, my compound was raided by 41, 42 special forces from the prime minister's private security contingent called the Gang Suppression Unit, the most violent motherfuckers in all of Central America. Well-trained, heavily fucking armed, stormed my property at 6 a.m. I'm in bed with somebody, Amy, maybe more, who knows. I jump out of bed. I have my pistol. Are you hard when you jump out of bed? Yeah, did you have a boner?

Yeah, did you have a boner? Because it was early in the morning. You were laying with a bunch of girls. How would I fucking know? I had a pistol in my hand. That was my biggest thing. Where's my goddamn gun? It's in my hand.

I don't give a shit what my dick is doing. I've got to survive now. Fair enough. So I go outside. Well, that's a special force. And I see coming down the driveway, having broken through my security gate, soldiers doing the lockstep, fuck me,

these are serious dudes, right? Hang on. In any case, so now, it was a bad day. They shot one of my dogs in front of me. Ah, damn. Soldiers saying, said, Mr. McAfee, do you think we're not serious? And he had the dog put his rifle in and blew his head off. It's fucked up in front of me. And there are photos of that, by the way on the net. What does this sound like? Who knows? Let's try this. That's

much better. Yes. Anyway. Where was I? It was a terrible day. They destroyed a half-maned office on the property. Shot my dog. Carded me off to jail. Let me out immediately. Or if I went to be San Pedro.

No, no, that was not it. Okay, the car had to be off then. Then. Weren't they trying to claim you were like making drugs or something? What was their initial charge? What was the charge? Manufacturing drugs. But everybody knew I was manufacturing antibiotics, for fuck's sake.

Everybody knew that. Plus, they came and stormed the lab. There was nothing in there. Everybody in there. Because I hired 20 or 30 people. They all knew. And it was just they did this to you to try to intimidate you because you didn't give them the two mil. Didn't give them their money. So then, then the next day I'm get out of jail. The guy comes back and said Mr. Macpherson said have you reconsidered your donation?

I could get the fuck off my property. That was a mistake. A smart man would have said, yes, I have. And in fact, you asked for $2 million. Here, I'm giving you a check for $4. That's what a smart man would have done. But an ignorant motherfucker like me that takes offense easily, I go get the fuck off my property.

That began the war that ended six months later with the death of my neighbor. You understand? I was at war now with police. They fucked with me. Oh, here's the thing. Google John McAfee demands apology from prime minister. Demands. That was in all of the Central American newspapers with the word demands in quotes.

You don't demand an apology from a goddamn dictator. Do you now? Yeah. That's not great. I did. No. And so that was the day after. And after that headline, John McAfee demands apology

from the strong man of Central America. Fuck you. I don't give a shit. You killed my goddamn dog. That's what I wanted an apology for. Fuck the raid. Fuck all the other shit. Fuck.

They destroyed my biology lab after two goddamn years of work. Every single thing we had done, broken, destroyed, burned to the fucking ground. So people. Yeah. So were they behind the Showtime documentary? That came out. Yes, of course they were. Duh.

Yeah, I watched the whole thing. I watched it and the story was really weird with the lady saying that you guys get mad and then you are this is a story correct me i'm wrong you guys had argued and then after the argument you gave her a drink and then she took it and just she like forgot this this was in the short time documentary the young lab i haven't seen it okay uh well i know i don't have. I don't have time for shit like that. I know you wrote a thing saying it was bullshit.

Well, if I've heard about it, yes, but I haven't seen it. You haven't heard any of what they were saying you were doing in there, like getting dumped on and stuff? Of course I've heard those things. But I could care less what people want to say. you. I'm with you.

What people want to say. Yeah, I'm with you. Which is why I don't want to watch it. I've already lived in my shoes. I know me. True. I watch it. This is not the worst press I've ever had.

It was fishy. I'm sorry? It was fishy. I saw it. It was fishy. Fishy? It was fishy. Well, I like fish.

True. Duna? Raw? How muchy? That would get my goat. If the collegiate government made up a documentary about me, that would piss me off. Oh, that's you. True. I don't care what anybody else thinks or says or does about me.

If it touches me, then I'll stand up and say, back off. If it doesn't, I mean, that didn't touch me. It's a fucking talking dog. No way of looking at it. They did say you paid people. They didn't send out 15 Israeli hitmen to whack me. No, they didn't do jack shits. So why would I care?

The last thing you want is 15 Jewish guys coming after you. Well, you know, the Mossad people. The scariest people on this planet. Have you interacted with them? Duh.

Hang on. Yes. Have you ever seen photos of me with my security teams? Yes. And I've had over 200 security in the past 25 years. All of them mean mofos. And those rare occasions

where I could hire someone from Mossad fuck yes I don't think I took off me five times with anybody else I would fire five people in the heart of the one what do they do what do they do well I mean they don't do accounting

you know what do they know what kind of what's that karate they do or whatever okay people you watch too much television if in fact you are in a

situation you've got to use karate then number one you're incompetent. Or number two, your enemy's incompetent for not having killed you already. Do you understand? Nobody ever gets to that point. Why?

We have things like firearms capable of whacking a person two miles away while the person's moving. Yeah, but what about getting a handgun out of someone's hand? Yeah, that shit does not go down, right? I'm sorry. I don't care what the movies say, okay? Please wake the fuck up, kids. Just wake the fuck up, all right?

That's true. Where can I get my sides from? I might get a couple. How much scratch are we talking? A quarter of a million a year. That's it? All right. No problem.

Per? Or like a team of three? Done? We might be able to get our Patreon up to actually get one Masaad agent. Good. to actually get one Mossad agent. Good. Rather than that,

if I had a quarter of a million dollars and the world was not actually trying to kill me, like, unless Janice and I are super paranoid that it might be our case, I would spend $250 million not on Mossad but on massage

from Thai prostitutes from Bangkok. Yes! 10 of them over for that much money. In fact, 20 if you hired a private aircraft. It only costs you $30,000 to be a mall here.

Then start your own Thai massage business. Maybe an island? What? Maybe an island. What? Maybe an island. Yeah, maybe an island if you're shipping them in. You could fly all together on the airplane, call it the Thailand Express or something.

I don't know. It depends on how much money you have. I'm just giving you the idea. I hear you. I'm going into business with you, okay? Go into business with us. Can we please start an island? We need you.

The three of us. You would not want that. I promise you. Let's start a honey bird operation. You'd be working 20 hours a day. I'd be cranking you off 20 hours a day. For the rest of your life. Why do I got to work on the island?

I thought it's our business. Matt, you have to work. Me and John are hanging out. You guys just get hand jobs and I got to take out the trash? This is fucking bullshit. You got to empty the fucking comestills. Listen, I'm sorry.

Here's the way it works. Do you think pyramids start at the bottom with a massive base and end up at the top with a point? No, it's the reverse. Dude, you, you are going to support everything. You're at the very bottom. I'm the I, dude. What are you talking about? You're at the fucking bottom. This is me. You're at the I. You're at the very bottom. I'm the I, dude. You're at the fucking bottom. This is me.

You're at the point. So everything that's built on top of that, you got to carry. Get used to it. I'm at the top, dude. I'm looking down over everything, squashing descent. John, you're the fucking man. Hey, baby.

Baby. Yo, babe. Dennis? Do I have any real interviews tonight? I'm just curious. Are you serious, dude? What are your thoughts on Bitcoin? What?

Bitcoin or cryptocurrency? Listen, I hate this when people go Bitcoin. That explains the universe Which one? Hold on, I have a very serious crypto question I'm going to bring it up for you right now I'm serious, it's going to knock your socks off Here it is, you ready for it?

Yeah It's coming up Here we go I'm popping it, dude Come on, Matt I'm popping it, here it comes, dude, it's coming up. Here we go. Pop it already. I'm popping it, dude. Come on, Matt. I'm popping it. Here it comes, dude. It's coming.

Is this coming from the inside of your brain? Yeah, it is. Yes. I know it's in my brain somewhere. Here it is. Is this what's happening? John, what are your thoughts on decentralized Oracle networks? Do you think they are a good idea?

Also, what are your thoughts on chain link a decentralized oracle network have ever spoken to sergi nazarov ceo of chain link if so what did you two discuss i'm not going to address any i'm not i'm i'm never going to address any specific personality, nor any specific product, nor religion, nor leanings. Let's talk about decentralization. What people are missing about this entire decentralization issue is that it is decentralization Decentralization that allow us to have a permissionless, trustless system. Without it, it can't happen. It cannot. Explain that.

So what's that mean? If you're decentralized, why don't you need trust? It's not like a fiat currency? Let's look at a decentralized currency like Monero. Now, Monero, I don't have any fucking idea who you are.

You're maybe talking to me in code about some shipment of drugs, which I just bought. I don't know. But do I need to trust you? No. We've got a fucking smart contract somewhere. And in that smart contract, but do I need to trust you no we got a fucking smart contract somewhere and in that smart contract

it says okay here's the money I put the money out now we have a way of verifying whether I got the cocaine and that verifiers or those verifiers go no man the cocaine never showed up

are you going to get your money? No. He can't fuck you over. What if you do get it and they say you didn't? How do you protect for that? Because you have observers on both sides.

It's not just a one-sided affair, people. You can get as many as you want hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands it's a smart contract it's there for all to see so if all can go no that's utter bullshit I was there

the dope never showed up it was flour the coarse kind too when you snorted it it made your nose run for two days that's the only kind too when you snorted it it made your nose run for two days that's the only kind I get that's the only kind I get that's the trustless part

and the permissionless part whose permission do you fucking need to transact business with a cryptocurrency nobody's you don't have to go to your bank and the bank goes,

do a wire transfer to Iran. I'm sorry. This year, you can't do that. Not to Iran. Or just to send the money. I have a question though. I feel like if I did this,

I would instantly get caught. How do you do this without getting caught? Do what? Do crypto business. How would I not? I feel like if I did this, I would instantly get caught. How do you do this without getting caught? Do what? What are you getting caught for? Do crypto business, dude. Do crypto business. I feel like I would get caught instantly. Well, then don't do anything illegal in crypto.

All right. Well, what do you buy illegal? What illegal thing are you talking about? No, I want to do illegal stuff in crypto. How do I do that without getting caught? Illegal stuff? Yeah. Listen, I don't usually

give this advice out for free. You're asking for deep shit here. That's what I'm about. Heads of crime syndicates around the world come on their knees going, oh, McAfee,

God of these, of such things. Will you tell us? A little hint. Do our shit without getting caught. I go, yeah, of course. I need a quarter of a mil up front. Okay.

Mom, I just sent that. Now, I'm going to assume that you do have that much money and you will send it to me. So let me continue. How? This is how. All right.

There exist tens of thousands of people today in the world who no longer use banks, credit cards, cash, or anything. I'm one of them. Janice is one of them. We can't have banks and credit cards, cash, or anything. I'm one of them. Janice is one of them. We can't have banks and credit cards. Perhaps that might be the cause. Nevertheless, we don't use them. Tens of thousands don't. You don't need them. Nothing in this world that you need is out of reach of being purchased by crypto. And no talent that you may have is out of reach of being paid in crypto. When people come to me and ask to promote something, or to consult on an issue, when the crime families beg for, how do I do this more legally?

I charge a fortune. There you go. For you guys, here's what you do. Privacy coins, and I recommend Monero. Write that down. M-O-N-E-R-O. It's the most widely used privacy coin, one of the top 10 coins. And no one has yet broken it, ever.

Now, what Monero gives you is total privacy, anonymity, and security. The security part, only if you have some goddamn common sense and know how to protect whatever assets you may have, small or large, or narrow. Now, what's missing? Distributed exchanges. Distributed exchanges. No, I did one and we're still in beta of that. We've been in beta, unfortunately, for four months.

My apologies. We started out just with the Ethereum chain, ERC20 all the way up to ERC1440. We added Tron, Binance, now we're adding Bitcoin. Cross-chain transactions in the beta. When we're finished early this summer, we'll have cross-chain with every token. Now, what's the difference between a distributed exchange and a centralized exchange. A centralized exchange like Binance or any other will have to conform to government's demands or be shut down, like China two years ago shut down every exchange in China. Very simple.

You have an address, they'll shut you down. Turn off the electricity, set the building on fire, arrest everybody. Who knows? A thousand ways. So, it doesn't matter if you have a privacy coin, if in fact the centralized exchanges

that know who you are as your transactive business can still tell the feds, yeah, okay, this is Sam Smith, and he did this transaction in Monero. Who cares if Monero is private if you have to give info to the exchanges? MyExchange, McAfeeDex.com, still in beta.

Still in beta. True. Do not bet more than $1.40 on that exchange right now if you want to try it out, although no one's lost anything yet. We don't ask for anything. No KYC, no AML, nothing. We don't ask for your name. We don't ask for your name we don't ask for your IP address your email address we don't look for documents

we have nothing at all and it's in smart contracts on the blockchains and because it's on smart contracts, it can never be shut down. Ah. So you can send $1.40 right now

and get myself some Monero on the McAfeeDex.com. Nope. Monero's not on there yet. Let me give you one more time. We started just with Ethereum. We're still in the testing phase. Gotcha.

We started with Ethereum. We added Tron. then we added Binance, now we're adding Bitcoin. So wouldn't you be a central force of that DEX? Because you would own that DEX, so all that money... There's nothing to own, do you understand? It's more contracts on the blockchain. Nobody owns it. I'm trying to figure out how I can start one of these and just take all that money. to own. Do you understand? It's more contracts on the blockchain. Nobody owns it. I'm trying to figure out how I can start

one of these. If the SEC or the IRS snatches me up and goes, all right, shut it down. I go, how the fuck can I shut it down? God himself could not shut this down without first changing the laws of

mathematics. Now, if you can get god to do that please ask him i can't that's the only answer i can never you just start them up and you get that's pretty tight it's listen once you start a smart contract on the blockchain you got to get one it's there and i'm about to let you go we're going to let you go but we know you're a libertarian dude yes that's all right that's what's up i don't say that do you do you support donald trump i don't support any any personality i don't think it matters who the president is quite frankly you know we're into a different arena which could go on for hours of discussion between us true no i don't give a shit about trump or clinton

or anybody there's our system people it's a it's like an automobile with a frozen steering wheel it doesn't matter who's driving that motherfucker who sits in the driver's seat who cares he's going where he's going you think he he's funny? I don't give a shit. All right. Do you think he's funny? What? You think Trump's funny, at least? Funny. Yeah, you think he's funny. You think he's a funny guy.

Well, from a certain perspective, a very dark one, of course. Yes, he's funny. He's hysterical. I prefer not to stand on that ledge. Did you ever have any dealings with the Clinton Foundation? No, none whatsoever. No doubt. Neither did I eat those children in Cincinnati.

Never had adrenochrome. They claimed those 36 children who disappeared over five years. I was responsible. You didn't munch any of the kids? There's a problem. i don't know i mean i was an alcoholic blackout drunk the entire time every once in a while you can black out and accidentally eat a kid i get it no i mean allegedly they said i did it 30 and 40 times clint who said you ate all the kids well the fbi cincinnati police what the um i'm fucking with you dude it's good i'm too easy

janice next time i swear to god janice thank you so much greater than 50 greater than 50 janice you're the best janice is the best isn't she the best she's great they just said the truth. Janice is the best, baby. And she's waving. Oh, nice. Well, Shane, you got any other hard hitters? What? I was asking if you had any hard hitting questions for you. I think there was one rumor about you where people were dumping on you

through hammocks. Is that true? A sexual thing? Yeah, where people were taking shits on you that sexual thing right yeah sexual sexual dumps not like just like you know what the fuck there's a rumor i just want to ask well no i think it's who cares what the fuck business is it if anybody's if it's a sexual thing, good God. Did I ask you about your sexual life? Yes.

Have you ever nicked an asshole? Have you sodomized another human being? How do you feel about that? I'm pretty excited about it. None of your fucking business what I do in bed i promise you i promise you if we were to divulge me and my present and past wise girlfriends and associates the truth of our sexual relationship

it would make that sound so fucking kindergarten awesome dude that's awesome you're talking about you've got dumped on from higher up in a hammock and had the mega jesus christ almighty that is so low down on the kink scale if you're bringing that shit up as kink what's your current kink what's your current kink come on my current kink? Yeah. I'd like... I mean, everybody knows that fisting is one of my favorite things. I've always been into anal fisting. John McAfee. Not so much vaginal.

Janice said I got to wind this up. Is it because of language, maybe, or the time? Oh, I've got another interview coming. I'm sorry. I cannot continue. Part two coming soon. All right. language maybe or the time oh i got another interview coming i'm sorry i can't i can't i cannot continue part two coming soon all right bye bye thank you very much yeah you're the man thank you so much