Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - O'Connor's new leaf

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

O'Connor comes out of a long seclusion with a semi-hopeful message. Watch the Pod: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQfuPlUTJjs&feature=youtu.be Support the DawgZ: patreon.com/MSsecretpod

we're live baby we're on wow we're good to go a lot of people are gonna be this is really live no it's not really live i'm just saying it's live right now because we've started yeah so it's live for us look at the ocon man yeah it's set up dude chris you've got you've gone dark on me dude i haven't heard from you in a little while dude i haven't talked i haven't spoken to a soul in three or four days. Stop rocking. How have you been? That's going to be tough.

Rocking. Trying to rock away. How have you been feeling? Thanks, Matt. Thanks for the solidarity, Matt. It's gliding, right? You're not hearing any. It's gliding.

No, you look comfortable, man. Thanks, Matt. He's being fucking satanic, dude. One minute into it, he's being satanic. Yeah, no, I had to check out i had to check out from the whole world i am satanic dude why do you think i'm out in the desert i know i know not being this what where are you video right now? Shane?

This is the, yeah, this is where he does the podcast, but this is a bar, too. Like, this is the. That's his senior frogs? Yeah, look at the internet's out, dude. Disaster. What the fuck happened? What video is that? I don't know.

I don't know what they were watching. I was in my room playing Civil War Generals. You're like, God damn it, dog. The internet's out. Dog. Yeah, I was scrambling. Yeah, that would stress me the fuck out, man. Yeah, apparently it's out in all of Bisbee.

What the fuck? You know what? It's the code word, Sid. I was mid. I was mid Alex Jones and the fucking internet went out. They're trying to stop him. It was while he was saying he was going to get murdered. Really?

Yeah. Dude, he's getting too close to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Chris is a globalist. You know, Connor, you've been locked down for like four days. You said you didn't talk to anyone. Yeah, yeah. I've been keeping been keeping it Dude I needed to just reset What'd you do? Nothing just like

I just like stopped Who's that who's walking around It's Chaley It's Chaley It's Doug's manager He's the manager There's all the podcast shit here Hell yeah It's Chaley. It's Doug's manager. He's the manager? Yeah, no, I just... There's all the podcast shit here.

Hell yeah. I've been just trying to get... You're Mitch Hedberg's manager, right? Tour manager. Yeah. The best and last tour. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.

Nice. Anyway, sorry. What was going on with you, Chris? Nothing. I just... I needed to reset. I was like... I like freaked out and then um i just needed i needed to like just start i started like cooking

yeah walk us through the freak out that's what i want to know uh i i was i think i was just dealing with the fact that like uh i think stand-ups being gone i don't know it was like i was gone for so long we were like on vacation basically we were i was like in south carolina and then in the woods so the uh the quarantine hadn't hit me yeah oh yeah then i came back and uh yeah i was hanging out with that girl and she was hanging out like a lot yeah you're hanging out today you had starting up an old mac yeah yeah you had bay dude my world changed too much my world changed too much i had like i everyone had gone inside and i'd gotten a girlfriend and i was like would you say

would you say bay forcing me to sit in the back seat was kind of the beginning of the unraveling no that was that was junk dude i was layers deep into the madness at that point where it's just like you know there is i was like was that movie falling down you're like michael that was like just one fly on your windshield oh my dude that was like i'm trying to speak for me that was a big fly for me. That was a huge issue. I mean, you had decided early on that mayhem was the order of the day. I mean, as soon as she showed up, it was like, it's classic. Let's see if we can fuck O'Connor's world up.

And then so that's how you took it? Yeah, yeah. He went from great friend to a new new boyfriend mode like i just like uh me me and uh me and her gonna go hang out we're gonna go on the boat you guys just dude just left his old friend in the dust i literally there's not a single time i think i went out on that boat that i didn't immediately everyone in the house day one i was like all right nobody go to the grocery store we'll put a list together we'll all go day one chris and bay immediately go to the grocery store without telling anybody no that's not true i texted i texted shane i texted shane i was like do you want to go to the grocery store and then an hour later i hadn't heard anything oh yeah yeah yeah because this was

the first time chris had woken up before 2 p.m on the entire trip it was really shoving it in everyone's ass as you do it was 11 30 yeah thanks for the solidarity good to see solidarity this is matt and chris's podcast dude i'll just hang out i'll be a guest i knew that was i knew that was the beginning of the end shane's looking directly at me through the web i'm furious dude you think i'm happy i'm fucking ticked why are you ticked man you made it happen what are you talking about because you've you're my am i supposed to be my staunchest allies immediately siding against me dude i'm not a sycophant, dude. You can't have a sycophant.

So you think it was right what Chris did, the way he acted? To wake up early and go to the grocery store? No, no. All right, so literally the night before where it was like, all right, literally let's all wait and put together a list so we don't have to send a bunch of people out to the store at once. Then it was every single person going to the store every single day. That's a problem.

Stealing cars. That's a problem. It was mayhem, dude. I was furious. I wasn't stealing any cars. I also woke up to Chris fucking that day as well, so I was also very unhappy about that. Well, that upset me too.

Walk me through that. What were you hearing? His room was above mine. Dude, this bed dude this i woke up to a creaky bed and it was lovers dude it was a lover i mean they immediately escaped together it was a honeymoon i paid for their honeymoon is what happened i rented a house for them to have a date i'd walk out to the hot tub full they're on top of each other kissing me each other kids fuck it i'm going back inside i paid for your honeymoon total misrepresentation what first dude south carolina wonderful loved you immediately bay gets in the picture and bye-bye chris

no i was i loved i was trying to be involved and then bay came around he tried to act like he wasn't. I was still a piece of shit. I was still getting hammered and drinking myself under the table. Come on, man. Don't do that. What? I was being a piece of shit.

Come on, man. What? Come on, man. Let him get his act together, dude. Let him have love. No. Look, I'm all for him getting his act together. I want it, but I don't want it to be fake, dude.

And I could see right through his charade. Dude, I was being a good friend the whole way. I was trying. They were outside. They were also outside forces. Huh? They were outside stressors. There was a lot of stress.

The whole group came together the group came together yeah one rough week two by the end of it everybody was united we had a nice boat ride that boat ride was unbelievable magical damn reminds me what was that movie with the uh bird box or whatever o'connor's like machine gun kelly dude he just got a girl they had sex in the laundry room and then left oh yeah when they had they have sex in the laundry room they steal the car and take off it was it was that it's not even close instead of a car what'd you what'd you get when you came back with a grocery commandeered that tub dude you i i barely hung out in that tub i barely hung out in that was any sort of sex

had in the tub any sexual or sex we had sex once in the tub and i i did not initiate it the idea that how often do you guys fuck on that boat too? You fucking sleazeballs. Not once. How? Because, dude, I was just enjoying it. You gotta take it out of the lake and lay down. No, dude. Believe me, if I was out of the lake,

I was just enjoying some time not under your gaze. Not having you breathing down my neck. Did you guys at least mutually masturbate dude it was a total nightmare scenario literally that first morning for some reason i like it i didn't even think about the fact that it was like dangerous to go to the grocery store and like it wasn't i was just like i was just like i was like oh we'll just go again that was like i was like yeah she wants to fucking go it's 11 30 i haven't heard from it was bay's wishes he immediately followed bed there's no backbone here this is bay's wish it was bay trip i paid for bay

trip where did the bay come how'd you make sure to say that no baby what you know bae beforehand or do you guys just meet like changes the range of marriage i just remembered you spazzing during cards yeah dude i freaked out i finally broke and just i freaked out you know honestly i I was justified in that freak out. You've been justified this whole time. That rule. That rule. What? No.

What was the freak out? What happened? No, no. I like, I was just. Dude, you guys were on the real world. No cans, dude. I was acting like a fucking eight-year-old. He was throwing cards after every hand.

No, I threw it once. That was the split. At least twice. At least twice. Because the second time I was like, dude, stop throwing the fucking cards. And you were like, fucking relax. I was like, all right. I'm pretty fucking relaxed. That was the second time.

Tell us how it went. That was the second time. Look, I apologize. I want to go on the record. I apologize for the way I acted and the way I treated you for three weeks, the way I treated you. I'm sorry. This is brutal.

See how he just shoves it into your face. And now you have to have to do the thing where it's like, you didn't do anything wrong? You didn't do anything wrong? You didn't do anything wrong. That's what I'm saying. Don't worry, man. No, no.

See, this is brutal. Is this why you've been in lockdown what oh this is part of it this is part of it just like dude there's no there's no worse situation than having an angry shame and a girl that you can't not pay attention to. Hold on one second. I have a – We back, baby. We are. My bad. My bae was running the blender. It was loud as F.

Yeah, but it's strange because O'Connor, we had such a good – there was just one of the three weeks were bad. Yeah. It's not bad. South Carolina was great. Now, also keep in mind, I was politic and hard. I was the mediary because I wasn't the only one who disliked the new O'Conney. Oh, who else was upset by it?

It only leaves like two people. It leaves two people. What was these? They were in their bedroom. They were in their bedroom a lot. They were like inside the whole time. What was I doing? What was I?

I don't understand what I was doing. No, it was just you were happy. So everyone hated you. Yeah. That was exhausting. It was exhausting. And then like we had a good week and I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh my God,

I'm going to get to be alone. And then, and then she took shotgun and I was like, oh no. And I was like, look, you're going to need to, you're going to need to sit in the back. And she was like, she was like, I will literally throw up if I have to sit in the back seat she was like she was like i will literally throw up if i have to sit in the back seat and i was like yeah that's a thing dude you i moved your seat i i moved your seat all the way up so her knees were literally touching the airbag my name is still touching her seat and i was fucking jamming her i was jamming her early which i didn't even know i didn't even know

that is it's thrown up like i'll throw up if i sit in the back because i don't want to sit in the back or like i feel because she'll get like motion sickness that's so good she handled that boat pretty well yeah yeah dude you should have put her to the test you should have put her to the test. You should have put her to the test and be like, throw it up a little. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. We'll switch. Oh, my God. It is literally like, that's what the struggle of the first week was. It's just like, who do I choose to have just furious at me? And then just head. choose to have just furious at me. And then it's like, I can't even fuck without this bed screaming through the household.

It's, it wasn't even like I'm doing literally like if, if you rolled over in this bed, it was like, Oh, fucking brew. It felt like, I don't know.

It felt like I was in some fucking i don't know like eternal sunshine for the spotless mind or you're in some like weird alternate universe where it's just like everything i do is as loud as possible damn i can't believe that lake house trip broke you dude oh it's fucked me up how do you work yeah what happened how to fuck you up it wasn't this bad it was so stressful it must have been very stressful for you so stressful yeah oh because you were you know yeah because it's like here's this person that i don't like i i mean yeah dude it was one of those things where like i i is like three days into that trip i was like how if i felt like i don't know how did i how did i calculate this so poorly because i knew going into i was like

we fucking miscalculated that one bad i was like well yeah you know i for some reason i was like no no this ordinarily i would never do something like that but i was like well i don't know this could work in this situation i was like this might be able to work this was matt this is a brand new what did this is a this is a brand new relate he's known her for like a month and then they lived together for two weeks known her for like a month and then they lived together for two weeks oh man okay that's why i'm getting that yeah now add to that i was trying my best to make him spaz for no reason that's a nightmare dude like i'd be very stressed i'd be i'd be edging him as hard as i could to get like during rummy when he spaz the whole time i was like well i'm winning i this is the first time i played it too i understand the rules yeah like i'm winning i this is the first time i played it too i understand the rules yeah like i was winning relationship well yeah he was also slipping into like genuine hate

oh yeah for sure yeah yeah he was like yeah he i had seen the the worm had turned or whatever the fucking expression is like i had seen i like I like, you know, I, I, I know when Shane decides that someone is irredeemable faggot done, it's just like, I know the look, I know the tone. It's just like, all right, well, I'm going to ride this out for two weeks. He was glaring at you. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just, i literally was acting like he didn't exist for a few days oh yeah why i just i just walk around anything i would say anything i

would say if i tried to be funny at all he's like why you guys do this you're great you're all great i mean like if i was if i was in the fridge getting like water or something you'd be like that was that was me that was genuinely i remember those examples that was genuinely me trying to break the ice and be like i i am being mean but i'm just fucking around like i came up to him like five different times and i was like i forgive you i forgive you well clearly i was making amends when I called you a faggot. How could that be considered aggressive? That is so funny, dude.

Like walking up behind him and whispering, whispering in his ear and be like, you fucking bitch ass faggot. That was, that was funny. That was funny. But that like, and then I did, I did take that as like, all right, all right, whatever, everything's going to be fine. But then it was like later on that night, it was right back to just like, all right, all right, whatever. Everything's going to be fine. But then it was like later on that night, it was right back to just like, dude,

everything I said was just pulverized. And the looks, the mean looks. I can't really, I shouldn't even be on the air right now. I can't explain. I can't properly defend myself in this situation. I shouldn't even be on the air right now. I had to go to the refrigerator and nowhere it's like yeah i grabbed his waist what if he invited you in for a devil's tea i shouldn't joke like that as your girlfriend don't even make satanic jokes so as i said it's a purely satanic joke you know

yeah that was oh man i was laying out my theory last night on the patreon of satanic joke you know yeah that was oh man i was laying out my theory last night on the patreon of satanic self-confidence dude that was that was my whole thing i was talking about what's satanic self-confidence self-confidence at the only behest of others what is this what are we what are we doing illuminati stuff illuminati stuff dude sorry when you hit top 20 on patreon you join the illuminati we're illuminati now damn you guys have hit top 20 yeah except i checked all the we don't have our money out our numbers and i looked at the other people's numbers and they buttfuck us because they charge more for their patreon we're true patriots that charge one dollar true that damn true that but

you're you're missing out the point chris that i did forgive you and welcome you back into the fold and i allowed you to despite your immense shortcomings i let you back in and i rallied the other half of the house to stop being fucking sour pusses as well. Question. Fair question. Did you have any hand in poisoning the other half of the house against O'Connor? No.

I truly, start to finish, was trying to be like, hey, everybody, let's all get along within that. Yes. Why did Beezer and Kylo, why were they upset about the the con man dude in love well it does suck to see o'connor in love it does suck i'll admit that well trust me it's tough to explain it's very annoying to be around yeah i don't want to happy o'Connor. He's useless to me. Oh, my God. The word, dude, get off me, Satan, dude.

The words of Satan himself. Oh, my God. What are you talking about? Yeah, dude. He's insane. Did you read the Patreon comments at all? No. There was such a mix of people being like,

fucking, God damn it, these fucking red pill covid takes this is bullshit this is rude dude it goes back it goes back to what i was saying it's it's fucking it's news porn addicts dude these people are just like oh that's retarded it's like why break it down to me bro explain yeah and also if we're on here screaming that we need to bring AR-15s to the state capitol to reopen the economy, we're obviously fucking kidding. Speak for yourself, dude. True.

Yeah, I know. It is funny. People are like, God damn, fucking ruined it. One of them on there, they're like, fucking Mullen already ruined a comedown episode with this crap. They're fucking blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, easy. Who did?

Oh, Mullen did? Yeah, Mullen's the best. It's funny you said that. It's funny you said that, Matt. The other day I was here. I was taking a piss. And I, like, accidentally nut tapped myself when I went to pull my pants down. Yeah.

And I just instantly, I did the Kenny powers when he hit it when uh what's it he goes easy by myself taking a piss i was like easy after you hit yourself with the nuts somebody wanted to hear that that is funny someone gave me a hot tip i meant to shout this person out a long time ago from i think just the reddit because i was talking about how i was constantly dripping like i'd get into bed and i'd be old dribbly and i'd get like you know a fucking deal with all that which is infuriating thing to get in trouble for because you're guilty of bringing urine into the bed and oh yeah all right yeah i'd get into bed and i'd be my ticket p and i would be dripping everywhere dude she'd be like oh my god i'm like it's fucking whatever dude if

you don't understand some dude told me if you push up the bottom like the u-trap under your your dick and balls there's like a like the bottom of a sink if you push that up it drains all of your drips out of you yeah i heard that i heard that it works i've tried it doesn't do anything you might have clogged you dude you might have clogged your trap no not anymore you probably blew that thing out and i was swimming in it in my tub no i didn't come i was swimming i did not come lovers jizz you're just picking like liquidy silky ropes out of the hot i want it on the record you're you're just up there in the water

just watching a silky rope go past his face like disgusting dude I can't I don't know chain's frozen chain's frozen oh there we go

he's moving from me wait were you not frozen oh he's not frozen he's just stone faced he's just stone faced and disapproval fuck my internet connection's unstable there you go it's all right that's all right just took a second i will fucking spaz dude let me pause it let me pause it secure the line

is your oh his lines are good hold on pause oh wait it looks good there we go we're back jump in while i'm walking up here i'm just trying to see if your internet connection is good or not dude if i stay out here the rest of this podcast i will get such a bad sunburn you might get some poisoning dude damn it's the desert bro you have a parasol wow i need one you keep a parasol At all times You should walk to the gas station With a parasol Just buy peanuts And walk back

Yeah dude I need to get one Like the judge bro Yeah man Just a parasol Out of flesh dude Out of O'Connor's Fucking flesh

I'm safe and sound I'm safe and sound Here in philadelphia a little bit longer bud and then guess who's coming back oh my god connor what's up it is bay are you still with bay right now what's the deal no she went she went home where'd she go uh she went back to this house i think for another week yeah yeah and i was late dude it was great she's like cool but i just i was like i need i need i it's the weirdest thing to just be like i like you this is good i need you to go away and not talk to me for like a week yeah i mean dude that's a lot if you just know each other and basically live you gave her you gave her the experience dude

you gave her the old contact she. You gave her the old contact. She had the contact experience. Yeah. She had a boyfriend. Do you guys still talk or what's the deal? Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Which is, yeah,

which is crazy. Why is it crazy that that's even happening? Well, I mean, again, just I was a lunatic on that trip.

It is so fucking hot up on this deck. Yeah, what's the temperature down there? It is so hot right now. No, it's probably like high 80s today, but the sun down here is fucking intense. It's bright as fuck, dude. Do you want to pause and get aviators, bro? I could get my sick ass aviators. It's up to you, dude.

I don't like people you guys keep chatting all right go ahead go for it go rip it i'm gonna go get my fucking sick ass hell yeah oh yesterday uh yesterday on the page i was laying out my theory well my my uh this was my this was a main this was a big thing for me i figured out why i didn't like stand up for so long and it has to do with a thing that i've i've coined a term called satanic self-confidence where you meet a lot of the a lot of the should you ever like work with a headliner and they're just you know they're selling out they're doing well and they're just miserable as fuck and they're like features who are back there like i know this guy i know this guy too it was yeah it's all i was dealing with

i was like just when i just started like featuring and hosting and healing him it was just like i meet fucking you know i think i first opened for like heather mcdonald brad trackman's the fucking feature both are fucking satan both are clearly satan and it's like heather mcdonald's giving me all these crazy fucking credits to remember and brad trackman's like oh i got the same manager as you and they're just fucking having this weird battle that was my uh be the worst green room ever to be in it was dude it was fucking hell but that was my theory that the con it's like yes it's this level of it's a level of confidence that you need to –

it's not like a self thing where you're like, I'm the person. You need to just be looking down. You have to be a part in your mind, if that makes sense. Yeah, that's crazy. People who are like crazy about credits and shit like that also just like – yeah, you can't help but – That's it. That's the eye of Sauron.

Yeah. We're talking about satanic self-confidence and how it's, it's credit, credit hounds being like, what are your credits? And it's crazy too, is that it's when you're in that situation, when you're in that room, it's like, it's hard not to be like, wait, am I these people? That was my problem. I like these two. It's like, I want a feature. Like i want a feature like i want to go i want to go up to the next thing like yeah am i just am i on the road to heather mcdonald and

brad trackman is that what is that my future well i'm telling you we all have it's the shadow we all have it but it was funny i was talking to spud today and spud was like spud spud was talking about he hates when comedians talk about just doing comedy when they're like oh my craft blah blah and spud's like dude i'm a master painter if i were to walk around and be like looking at people who didn't paint houses and be like they just don't understand dude what i can do it's like people like shut the fuck up for some reason comedians are like man yeah i mean you just don't understand the scene he's like what the fuck scene are you talking about? I said, imagine if I was like the Delaware County painting scene. People would be like, shut the fuck up. Well, people do love that.

They do love that stuff. What? They love like the artist tutorial kind of. Some do. Some do. I mean, maybe if you had a painting podcast, it might be appropriate. But that's my – I think because stand-up requires – it's a job that requires a gazillion people to be there.

When you do it well, they praise you. So if there was a – if you painted – you're saying like an artist really painting, you know, a gazillion people bought it or whatever. It is the same thing. It is funny though. It is a funny way to think about it. Just to be a –

Dude, I listened to War Mode, the third episode last night. It was so same thing. It is funny, though. It is a funny way to think about it. Just to be a YouTube channel. Dude, I listened to War Mode, the third episode last night. It was so fucking funny. It's unbelievable, bro. It's so fucking funny. War Mode, their podcast really is. I mean, I got to get into that. I got to say next level. Yeah.

It's next level. It's fucking funny, dude. What are they talking about on there? Just how they did. The best story was them trying to get bay well it's always about it's always about securing bay which is so funny but they were like uh there was apparently there was a bunch of chicks down by down by the skook dude down by the skookle and they were out digging digging for cobblestones they were like oh this is gonna be good this is gonna impress the bays

we're out programming we're out working and they're like the bays didn't bat an eye well no they had two female patrons and their fate their female patrons left and spud went into like a total depression thing and the girl fans left he said all they call girls chigs. Like all the chigs left. It's the funniest. It really is funny. It's awesome. It's the best.

Have you been ripping any contact episodes? Yeah, I'm putting them out. I put out like a new one and a Patreon recently. Oh, nice. Patreon, yeah. You're making an honest go of it. Should we help you? Do you want me to help you with that? yeah yeah i'm gonna try to like i'm gonna try to make you sorry for the way you handle yourself i'll see if i can't get you a couple hundred bucks a month

this will be like the fourth time i like got on a knee and apologized for doing a total fucking spaz at the lake. Shane can pull a spaz. I'm pretty even keeled and he's pulled a couple. He can definitely genius spaz out of the deck. Oh, my God. It's a gift, man. It really is. Thank you, man.

Now that's solidarity. Dude, I just call it how it is, bro. That's a gift, bro. Your ability to make people spaz i would love again if if we get some dude on like you know uh just some random dude like a high profile dude if you can just we can have a podcast of you getting celebrities to break down spaz that might be i would be the happiest person i feel bad about it. Well, here's the thing, dude. It's like a green mile. It's like a green mile. It takes a lot out of me.

I take a lot of the pain, man. It's really exhausting. I can't stop doing it. It's unreal when you watch it go, and it's just like, holy fuck, this guy's about to fucking break his – Well, dude, that's baked into the spaz. O'Connie's – It's like, what is this guy doing in there?

Why is he doing this? He's got two spazes. Why is he doing it? O'Connie has literally two of my best spazzes. I think the lake car throwing incident is one of my better spazzes. Dude, that was also – that was like a – that was a perfect storm. Oh, I know. Dude, I saw the storm.

That was a perfect storm. That was a perfect storm. That was – The best part about that spazz was while he spazzed, he screamed at me to relax. He was telling me I was spazzing. No, no, no. That was after I went down and read short stories to calm down.

What stories did you read? You went and read like James Joyce. I literally, yeah. I was like, dude, I was totally out of control. And I was like, I need to go read some stories just to to think about something else. Where was Bay when you read these stories? She was playing with old Shane. She was fighting the fight or what was going on? She was on my side. She was very disappointed and crazy. This was the perfect storm I'm talking about.

First of all, girls love that when you spaz and they come back in and you're just like, you don't understand. I don't think she was that psyched about it. I had to go downstairs and read short stories by myself for a while. I don't think she was. Those fucking aviators were getting hot. Yeah, I mean, dude, that was. Metal frame on that hurt. You're going to get some nice color tomorrow.

Yeah, that's a long. That's a good session. How long were you out there for? No, that was nothing. The other day I fucking laid out. I thought it'd be a decent idea to get burnt. Dude, my belly got crushed. I was up there shirtless.

I've laid in the sun. i've never laid in the sun like ever yeah it's under my my belly and underneath my tits haven't seen the sun in forever yeah yeah dude i do uh destroyed that outside i on my little roof deck i as soon as it gets like a little bit warm i'll give myself like dude 10 minute increments starting out because you're supposed to absorb vitamin d i think it's like a little bit warm, I'll give myself like, dude, 10 minute increments starting out. Because you're supposed to absorb vitamin D. I think it's like, if your body is supposed to be exposed to the sun to get the, I think it's like 50% of your body for 20 minutes a day. That's how you absorb enough vitamin D. So you got to go shirtless.

CDC is like, go shirtless. You got to. Doesn't that depend on your like complexion? Yeah. If you're black, you need even more sun time because the melanin blocks the sun out luckily there's no way the cdc would tell me you need to keep your shirt on you will die you will get skin cancer shortly every couple days stick your hand out the window yeah drive with your arm out their elbow out the window you'll be fine in the back seat yeah i get paler

and paler every year i tell i always tell bam like no i'm i swear i can get like a little bit tan she's like dude it's been four years bro like i don't really i have to go on vacation if i go on vacation for three weeks i get a little it's just like oh you do you do i've seen you get a little i've seen you get a little very very very but the burn I have to take the burn dude yeah so I'm gonna try I like a good burn though good burn feels good dude how about coming back inside from the beach when the burn's setting in it's nice and cold in your beach house and then you go out to the hot tub and someone else is in there isn't that a great feeling oh my god I'm still I actually miss you, dude. I miss you.

The headlines versus the facts on the ground couldn't be more far apart. Whatever. There's a theory. I miss you, too, man. I actually miss you. Who calls who? Who makes the phone calls? You call me, but you're also a phone call person.

He doesn't call me. I haven't texted or called someone. I think I talked to Gerben for an hour the other day. How's Gerben doing? He's doing good. He's holed up. He's researching. He's doing all the things he wants to do.

Shane's a very active friend. Yeah, Shane's good. He's a good indicator. Yeah, I check in on my close pals. I've just been, yeah, radio also yeah i thought it was like i always thought until like two years ago that if i called a dude they would think i was gay for wanting to talk to them be like dude shut up i didn't i didn't call i call ahead i would call people like i'm sorry for calling you but like here's a specific thing i want to talk about but i thought they'd be like what the fuck do you want yeah i agree with that but it's nice no i think it's nice to be able to just call people

yeah i'll call i'll call matt to tell him what i'm being gay about a swag it helps like if i'm being if i'm being a girl brain about something i'd let him know and he i'm always like i shouldn't be telling anybody this. This sucks. And he's like, no, it's good to get it out. It is. I give him the girl brain thoughts. Dude, we all have them.

We all have. It's nice. It's nice to have that. It was actually, uh, it is good. You need, everyone needs that.

This is the dude. So it's funny. You actually just brought me to something that I found that I think you, you will all enjoy. Uh, while you guys were sleeping, dude, i don't know if you know this dude we got totally fucking obliterated 25 tweets dude that totally obliterated us wait what happened we're not you just reminded me a

girl brain dude this is oh my god dude this this came up while we slept dude first of all the people who don't think girls are robinson of all, the people who don't think girls are funny. Sid Robinson. The people who, yeah. The people who don't think girls are funny, excuse me. What do you think about this? Guys will stand 5'8 from you and call it six feet. Hilarious.

Oh, my God. Where's your check mark? Grown men making OnlyFans. Do you at least try selling drugs? Question mark. Hilarious. I hate when men use this emoji. It's a cry face.

What are you begging for when the patriarchy is here for you? I mean, these are too fucking funny. Wait, I don't even understand that one. O'Connor. You can't be sad, Chris. You have the patriarchy. The patriarchy who's here for you, specifically. Who's not protecting you.

What are you begging for? Okay. Yeah, who's not crying. It's like it's lover eyes or yeah it's not crying it's like it's it's lover eyes or sad it's like the please like the watery pre-cry eyes i think it actually oh god damn it sorry no it's not your fault it's pleading face it's the pleading there you go chris that's an appropriate apology dude this one is men be like quote the fuck i look like and be the fuck that looked like man girls are taking this is good stuff guys keep it up

it's well i wonder if that person ever thinks about just like i wonder if they ever like sweat over just the the wording of their tweet i'm very mad about seeing these oh i know that girl number 10 do you oh yeah boys play video games like okay so you do have passion and the ability to focus that's the oldest joke okay so you do have girl brains you do have dog so do y'all i've been i've been looking at like other reddits i'm so glad that dog dog brain has like taken off as like an acceptable people post pictures of girls with just the emojis dog and brain dog brain might be our that might be the one lasting thing we've put out it could be the

legacy our legacy being dog brain. Well, it's funny, too, because, like, imagine the negative shit you would get for that, right? You'll be like, oh, my God. Here are 25 tweets that supposedly obliterate us. And it's just like, I guess. It's like, who is this obliterating? Wait, keep scrolling down because this is actually getting me fucking angry. So do you all think dads be reflecting on the trauma they cause while sipping their tea and coffee?

Sorry, what were you saying? No, I'm glad. I haven't been mad about these people in a while. Yeah, it's kind of nice. This is good for me. Men, gross. All right, so this girl is still on the boys drool girls rule tip here. That's good.

NACA. Audrey Kaufman. Oh, my God, dude. rule girls rule tip here that's good naka audrey kaufman oh my god dude this is might be the funniest thing i've ever read boys can recommend whatever movies they want to recommend i'm going to smile and nod then watch my own instagram story instead i'm sure you're a lot man would it kill a dog brain to watch you know no country for old men once i love to see if they can get through a masterpiece yeah if it's not trolls too they they're yeah they need colors and bullshit like a wide panning thing of the horizon they're instantly like was anyone in love um no i just want to watch the office like in the background yeah i mean dude just just let's break this this thing down dude boys can recommend whatever

movies they want to recommend i'm going to smile and then watch a video i recorded of myself talking dude okay go ahead well i think i think she is being a little self-reflective there which is kind of funny like i'm just gonna sit here and watch my own ass but is there anything more infuriating than recommending to a dog brain we watch the departed again and have her just look at fucking instagram and then i'll forget because i'll get locked in, dude. You know me. But if I see Irish dudes committing crimes, I'm in. But as soon as I hear a little snicker from the couch, someone's laughing at their own. They found a meme while I'm supposed to be watching this.

Dude, someone watching TikTok, someone laughing, watching TikToks and laughing is like. Chris watches cell phone videos with audio high while you're sitting on the couch with him. Just so we're all clear on this. Watching a movie or just talking? Yeah, we could be sitting there watching TV. We could be doing something.

Chris will probably – Well, no, he'll be playing video games, and I'll watch a clip of something. And then he'll come sit next to me for no reason. This is actually kind of funny. Men having fun is a red flag to me. Female trait. It's like, all right, fair enough. That's pretty good.

There we go, Becca. Any woman consensually making a dollar off of men being horny is a queen in my book. All right. How do you consensually make a dollar? Wait, how do you not consensually? Yeah, I don't understand that. that actually i got a couple ideas yeah what are you talking about connor how this this do you read this any woman consensually making a dollar off men being horny is a queen in my book i'll tell you what those i don't think those pieces of queens in england really fucked us yeah yeah i don't think any dollar spent based off being horny is consensual yeah i don't i don't understand that's a non-consensual spend

how what is it i guess a non-consensual horny thing would be like the stuff cardi b got accused of of like getting guys drunk or using like you really have like scopolamine where you go like and blow like that dust in people's faces and it turns them into a zombie scopolamine oh dude a guy's in men learning about feminism there's a second wave man that guy that's a guy whoa hilarious good night ladies remember to die before a man telling you how you feel about that all right this is just this is just a lot of people who've had a rough go. I have a crush gaslighting myself into thinking a man is smart and cool. A lot of projection going

on here. I recognize that. That girl has blown up a lot over the past couple months. Is that the tiny Asian chick? Yeah. I like her. Yeah. Yeah, I like her work.

I'm big into all these now. You like pepper rolls. I'm satanic now, dude. True. No, you're not. I think that's what I'm going to go for now. Next time we do war mode, I'm actually going to go on. Maybe I'll do some research, get some some facts and just come at them like supporting supporting the bill and

melinda gates yeah i think i should transform to globalist yeah come on jump on in the water is warm what do you think about this boys were poised for a takeover what do you last time you literally told me to jump in the water's warm the water was ice cold and you lied what was what it was refreshing you liked it was so nice i've been thinking about that we jumped in the water at the lake off the boat it was it was freezing cold but he got in first and was like it's not bad then i jumped in as soon as i as soon as i reemerged i was like it's horrible. You fucking liar. What was the bottom like of the lake? Dude, it was like an old river system.

Yeah, it was full. It was so deep. Dude, 10 feet off of the shoreline, it was like 30 feet deep. That's fucking crazy. It was like 100 feet deep out in the middle, right? There's no man-made then. There's no man-made. No, it is man-made.

It was like they dammed a river. So, like, it'd be like if you, you know, obviously not the same, but if you dammed the Grand Canyon, how deep the center would be. You're saying that'd be the same as damming the Grand Canyon? No, I think he actually started that. I have no concept. I'm like, I would believe you. I'm like, okay.

No, you know, it's like the river has worn through like a mountain range for forever. Oh, it's carved. Yeah, and then they dam it. So it's like where the river was going, it's like crazy. Who knows where it is, dude, where it's going. It's very scary. Getting in deep water is very scary. Yeah, river, dude.

There's definitely some big crocs floating around there's big catfish underneath there it's a legend some fresh water kylo was like afraid of the boat so taking her out on the water was a uh it was a task she it was like putting a putting a cat in a car it was just non-stop just like just fucking sit down. Just fucking relax. The whole time. Like, are we going back yet? Yeah, what's out here in this water? What's going on here?

And I kept telling her there was a catfish. That was a six-foot catfish. I was going to get her. And it was genuinely scaring her. The six-foot catfish was going to get her? Yeah. Yeah. How did she think the catfish was going to jump up and sting her and jump back in?

Maybe. There wasn't a lot i mean it was yeah it would have jumped out and like knocked her out with this big body and fell back in the water she has a lot of she has a lot of fears i feel like don't necessarily have like a chain of reasoning behind them it's just like a yeah it's just wow dude i wouldn't say that about my friend's girlfriend but go ahead it's kind of fucked up dude beezer's gonna fuck you up for that i don't think so we talked about it in the car yeah i can i i literally i literally would get in fights in front of in front of beezer with kyla like she and i will get in arguments yeah and beezer will just be like, both of you shut the fuck off. Dude, I would,

it's so funny. Nobody would ever allow that. No, like if I got like a fight with Brittany in front of you, you'd be like, you need to stop. Please, please.

That is, that's so, that would be so uncomfortable. Oh yeah. He'll just, but me and Kyle are very close. So us arguing isn't that crazy. And she talks a lot of shit and, you know, so do I.

Yeah, you guys are – the last thing I remember you're arguing, this is a long time ago, but about just like some sport. It was the funniest. Oh, my God. Dude, she was trying to tell – this bothered me. It still bothers me. You even mentioning it right now. She was trying to say that hockey players were

the most athletic was the most athletic sport yeah they were the most athletic people and uh it it really fired me up yeah what was your what was your who was the most athletic who are you talking about who did you say was i mean you could say there's two arguments it's nba or nfl nfl like a defensive back in the NFL, like he sprints backwards faster than a wide receiver running forward. Like it's crazy what those guys do. I mean, defensive ends are like 6'8", and fast, and strong as fuck. Like, I mean, hockey is a bunch of white dudes that are skating.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. It's clearly – it's incredibly athletic, and the hand-eye coordination is incredible. But there's a reason it's a white guy sport. Yeah, if you were to do like strength – you could really break it down in like strength, agility, different things, speed, and yeah.

That was it. That's all I was saying. If you look at some of these like combine number, I'm sure the NHL draft has like numbers too, but it's like, there'll be like a 350 pound offensive lineman. Who's got like a 32 inch vertical. Yeah. And then, I mean, I'm just during that, during that draft, they were showing some of those offensive linemen that got drafted that were

running there. The one guy was 350 pounds and ran a five second 40. It's it's impossible how dude that's a 350 pound dude that's as fast as you guys that's how that's about what you guys would run right now yeah five what like a five second 40 that's probably i'll take that and we would run it thank you i'll take that yeah i'm trying i don't know i know how dudes get with being fast which is funny i got when i was when i was at my fastest, I think I was like 4'5". I think I was always like a 5'6". No, you were never running a 4'5", O'Connor. 4'6".

I just tried to run before this podcast. Oh, I never did like a laser-guided one or whatever. Yeah, you couldn't. A 4'5 is genuinely like what a lot of NFL running back and wider receivers run. Yeah, that's super fast. I think I ran that. Well, they're also fucking super tall. Doesn't matter.

That would only help you run faster. Yeah, I don't know because it takes a while to get up and going. Chris, you're not faster than – Isn't that the slowest part of the 40? Like Ezekiel Elliott. What does he run? I don't know. I think his is actually fast.

I think he might run a four four you're not a tenth of a second slower than his kilo yeah i think i ran in high school i was like a five in my heyday five two i think i broke i think i hit the five and i bet you i could throw a football over the mountains huh chris yeah i just what i tried i've been trying to like i don't feel like doing exercises in my house i'm gonna start running dude i can make it through like the guts of one three-minute song and i'm just like absolutely my like shoulders are in pain i'm just like holy yeah here's here's according to a five-year nfl combine report uh wide receivers and corners had the fastest average time at 4-4-8,

followed by running backs at 4-4-9. So literally you're saying you run the average NFL running back 40. I can see it. I think it's time to walk it back. You're getting hammered. I said 4-5-4-6. We should take it. I gave myself.

I would run a 6-3. 5-5, yeah. I wouldn take it. I gave myself. I would run a 6'3". Probably 5'5". Yeah. I wouldn't finish. I may not finish. I may walk off the course. Dude, I did a – oh, my God. When Brittany was training for her like physical thing for the police academy,

I did the police test. And at one point, we did a 200-meter sprint, and I had an Apple Watch. My heart rate broke like 200 beats per minute. It went up so high. The first time I sprinted 200 meters I was in a dangerous level, a dangerous range. I ran a 40 at

West Virginia, at the combine, this high school combine at West Virginia. On the field there, I ran a, I think it was a either a I think it was a five nine with pads no just straight up regular and I was that was that's like I got done I think I ran a six one the first time and the guy was like it was one of the players that was that went to west virginia that was doing the times and when i ran it he was like jesus christ i got back and ran like a five nine or a five eight and i was like pretty good that's pretty

good so fucking funny that's funny they're like it again. Yeah, you ran it twice regardless. But then in the one-on-ones, I dominated, bro. That was big. Obviously. Just a fastball. I mean, I'm more on the field guy. Tough to get around. I will say, I tried to get around you on the beach that one time.

You definitely were tough to get around. But you're not getting into the second level? Is that what you're saying? But the amount, the 40 time I ran there is so slow that it would prevent me from having any type of career in football. Really? Really? Yeah, I mean, that's the slowest it possibly gets. So that guy clocked you in and was like, you're no Chris O'Connor, bud.

Get back there. You think you can run a 4.5? Dude, Beezer was in front of you in that race at the beach. Not true. I heard Beezer had some jets, dude. Beezer did have some jets. I was surprised. Both of them were way more.

I was shocked at Beezer's jets. I think you were too, Chris. I was. I almost pulled both my hamstrings in the first four yards. I think my whole back tightened up on me. Oh, man. like my whole back tightened up on me oh man i was i was so close to literally the best thing that could have possibly happened which would have been you tearing your hamstrings and these are right there i was right there oh fuck if that camera wasn't rolling i would have stopped i would have just like pulled up for a second i couldn't i couldn't believe you guys did that i was what a great thing that was fun started we

started we were drinking and they started challenging each other to a race well you were stirring the pot i was shocked at how that this could even be a possibility this just fell into my lap yeah we should do this One of them had to lose secret. Yeah. You got that yard next to your house. It'll be a problem, dude. And what crush this special or the special Olympics,

Matt and Shane special Olympics. He'd crush every event probably. Right. Except for running. Right. Doesn't he have, but not if we played any real sports oh of course if we did like a combine yeah but if we played like an actual like if basketball was an event yeah we 101 basketball pass blocking like kick oh thank you yeah oh it's gonna we're gonna we're gonna definitely i'm gonna sit out i'm gonna sit out events you do that i'm sitting out many events i'm just trying to

score so high is it is it like a decathlon or are we just it would be a diff a bunch of different games calisthenics and skill sets that'd be pretty tight my cousin dude hoss tried to do something like this before he tried to have like a family-wide olympics and everyone's like fuck off dude he's on something we should do we should do a shat nation uh we should just do a shat basketball tournament that would be pretty tight everybody's podcast versus each other's yeah contact you can you can team up with the woodman you guys are the only individuals like a two-on-two white man can't jump we would get destroyed oh that's such a good idea we definitely i don't know shayner shayner definitely can't i know that's why i'm trying to set this up i said the kid and ansley i mean yes it's actually sid

can play but i you can you can lock sit up and then yeah i get locked i will literally swat the fuck out of ansley yeah that's true that's true. Dude, that would be the ship, dude. But then she could beat the shit out of me. Well, we're sticking to Paul. Yeah, when we get to MMA. We do the jiu-jitsu tag team. We do the jiu-jitsu tag team. I mean, I got a one-strike white belt, so, you know.

And I'm probably going to wear four-ounce gloves. I'm definitely going to throw something. I'm doing it. Oh, that would be Rainey and Butterly in a mile. Unless Ansley is that nasty. Ansley's nasty, but again, Butterly is really good.

He's a man, so he can throw strikes. We might have to do strike proof or just slaps. Do you think Rainey and Butterly could take him? Slaps are kryptonite to women. No, they couldn't. Neither of them definitely have ever played basketball. I don't know. I could see

Butterly being sneaky good at basketball. Butterly was like a chubby comic book dork his whole life. Yeah, yeah, but he's... No, he's a fighter. I could see how he's a fighter. Fighters and basketball rarely overlap, dude. I can see his parents kicking him outside, forcing him to stand next to a hoop.

Chris, I'm going to go ahead and stop you now. You're wrong. Really? Go ahead and stop this bit you're trying to do. Yeah, the Olympics would be nice. Oh, man, I'm getting PTSD. What happened down to the beach? You do look like someone who's recovering

from like a stressful event right now you got three weeks with me dude oh three weeks dude at the beach i would literally go into his room he's taking a break he's struggling he's taking a break he's out of view your setup's nice man wait so what are you saying at the beach you'd what oh i would wake him up i would sit on the bed next to his bed and be like all right you want to do better today you think we can do better a couple mornings and i was not doing better i loved, O'Connor at the beach, A+. O'Connor week one at the lake, F, expelled.

Connor, how'd you feel? Juxtapose that with how you felt in both weeks. I think you would agree with my ratings. Week two at the beach, A+. I mean, week one at the beach was really fun but i was also i was like the behavior was so unhealthy it was crazy i was probably i smoked like a thousand cigarettes and was like getting shit faced and like sneaking mushrooms every night mushrooms were running low and uh so that had me like this is fun but i gotta i gotta turn this around i can't yeah like i can't keep living

i can't keep living like this okay and then uh yeah i had some like bad i had like a bad mushroom trip where i like you know freaked out a little bit. Alcohol? Was it with alcohol or just mushrooms? Yeah, with booze. Yeah, alcohol and mushrooms don't mix, in my opinion. Yeah. I've enjoyed it.

How much did you eat? Then again, yeah, you said you had a decent amount. I've done it. I don't like it. Well, I stopped drinking. You're right. I do stop drinking as soon as I take them. Yeah, yeah. had a decent amount yeah i've done it i don't like it i just got well i stopped drinking you're right i do stop drinking as soon as i take them yeah yeah or if it's a small amount i'll keep drinking but yeah or just be usually it's a knockout because usually it makes me slightly

nauseous and if you include alcohol with that that does suck yeah it really sucks yeah being drunk and tripping which is strange i remember i did it while i was hammered and i ate a bunch of them and i was drunk and tripping and it was just like fuck man it was weird just being being like having drunk hallucinating thoughts it was just not fun yeah dude the next morning you're just the man in your hallucinations i was just hallucinating like, yeah, I am the fucking best. I'll fight that. I'll fight that tiger that's in my room. Yeah, I was just scared of Wayne's World, and then I went outside and was scared of my neighborhood and then just laid under my blankets for a couple hours.

Dude, I told you. I just watched MIB's like three or four and just had one of the better nights I've had. That's awesome. That's the best. nice chris i'm sorry i'm sorry that i put you into a recluse state i feel bad well it wasn't just you it's a combination of factors it was a combination of other It's like, yeah. I always take it easy on myself. I don't like recluse, Chris. I don't like it.

I need you out. I need you out and scaring me. I always let myself off the hook. I need you out and scaring me. When I get back to Philly, dude, you're scaring me. No, I'm channeling. I'm just channeling nothing but good vibes. I take it you don't want to get another lake house right i don't think so i need to i need i need to like genuinely be

productive i need to establish like a new life for myself you know that's how you do it there's i it's yeah that's how you do it yeah start from square one what you're going to what's your new program nothing right there's nothing there's a fucking nothing daily contacts need that i don't know about daily contacts but i'll try i'm trying to put them out so you can't you can't do a podcast at lake house no i can do a podcast you don't think i would encourage that and help it flourish? Yeah, yeah. But I also need to be in a schedule. You know?

How are you going to do it? While you're in a recluse upstairs. What are you doing in there? I know how you get in there. I've been trying to. I've been trying to. No, no cigarettes. I haven't been smoking.

No cigarettes. It has my throat. It's all like froggy. It's just shitty. No, I haven't been smoking i quit cigarettes i've been trying to like i've been trying to like actually like sit down and like write things during the day trying to organize some thoughts i've been like reading like watching stuff i'm a sleep cycle still like fucked i have like a hard time like getting into like a rhythm, but yeah,

I've had a, I've had a genuinely tough time sleeping here. Yeah. I'm like used to getting that adrenaline, that nighttime standup adrenaline boost. So your body's wired to just be like being a bit like, you know, 11,

12, one. It takes a while for your body to readjust, but, and the time difference too yeah the time difference out here really fucked me up for sure dude i uh okay you're talking about writing like thoughts down i was reading so remember i was talking about the book the shallow shane the book about the uh internet and how it's affecting our brain the first half of that is just

like the history of writing and reading it just goes on for fucking ever they finally explain how the internet affects our ability to learn and retain information it's fucking nuts it so when you read a book you just sit there like you're talking about like forming ideas and writing stuff down if you're reading a book so if you're like your short-term memory is like a like a thimble you can only now you can only have like five chunks of five to seven chunks of information. That's why phone numbers are like six when like, you know, you can only, they're only like seven digits. Yeah. They chunk stuff together because if it's more than that, your brain will most likely just forget unless you sit and wrote rehearsal it.

So they're saying how typically if you're reading something or audio book and same thing, really, if you're doing that, you're taking like, your short-term memory is like a thimble and that has to go, it has to fill up your long-term memory, which is like a bathtub. So you can only bring a tiny bit of information at a time and try to get it to your long-term memory. When you go, so when you're reading, it's just like, they're giving you a little drips and you're slowly,

it takes your time or you take your time. You can do it. When you go online and they did studies of this. So when you're on an internet, when you're like reading text with hyperlinks your brain is constantly doing little problem solving like a crossword puzzle where like should i click that what happens oh i click this thing and they've done like you you end up not retaining any information because your short-term memory is just completely overloaded where like you have this little thimble and they're just gushing information at you and you're the whole time it's like you're doing a crossword puzzle so they're finding that and the way people come up with ideas is that when you get enough information into your long-term memory you form what's called a schema so you can like read read

read and then you're like oh this makes sense but if you're constantly reading online all you're doing is viscerally reacting to stimuli and like you'll get a little bit you'll get little bits here and there but it's not really it doesn't really compare like hyper it's called hypertext the idea was that so fucking funny man the uh so like the original sjw professors were saying like hypertext was going to free us from the patriarchal authority of authors being like like you could write a book shane and then like i'm reading your book i'm trapped in shane gillis's world dude you're exuding patriarchal force over my thinking but if i could go online i could read like 30 different offers and continuously hyperlink between a bunch of different ideas and they're like this is there's going to be the wave of the future and they found out they're like

you don't really retain any information at all yeah dude i feel like that happens to me all the time i will look at shit on the internet all day and be like what did i even see you don't your brain it's it's hard for you to bring that stuff back because you're constantly you're using right here and you're constantly doing these little problems you're problem solving the whole time and it's addictive too because our brains love little problem solving activities so you're just sitting there all day being like click that oh what happens oh click that i'm gonna read this and when people read online they just read in an f pattern they scan the first couple lines scan down and they skip the next thing it's also like when it's in those little yeah when it's in those little bites it's like i'm just constantly

reading stuff i don't trust so i'm just like well that's bullshit that's bullshit that's yeah well it's weird if someone's written a big thoughtful thing i'll be like all right it's weird to think they're the new medium now does not encourage forming like ingrained schemas and ideas on the world you think that's yeah i guess it's by design on some level but it feels like an accident right it's an accident yeah i think it's an accident i mean you would think you'd be information overload i would think like i go online to do research for stuff and i'm just like what the fuck what did i just read yeah yeah if you get into especially if you get like into like two people debating something you don't understand

it's also your so and then your long-term memory that's constantly working in the background so like if you have a problem that you're like like, you can't think of a solution for, like, if you're writing something, you're like, I don't know what to do with this, you're supposed to just, you concentrate, like, very specifically on what you're doing, and then you just go do nothing. And then your long-term memory just churns it around in the back of your head, and then that's how an idea will pop into your brain like that. Pretty neat.

Pretty neat. Yeah, I got to start doing that. That is neat stuff neat it's just neat there's nothing funny about it it's just neato no it's neat i think it's neat i think it's neat and i think you know i think it's neat i appreciate that you shared it it'd be nice to be it'd be nice to be able to write write things like write out a whole thing

yep and just have organized thoughts well that they i haven't written a like a paper you can fucking kill yourself when was the last time you wrote something never yeah wouldn't that be nice that's a life that's what I'm working to that's a life that's a life that's a life

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that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life

that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life

that's a life that's a life that's a life that's a life little love you know face was it aristotle both or whatever well yeah they both were didn't plato write the cave or something plato i think i was the one who wrote down socrates stuff so socrates you're socrates you're og socrates that's it beyond plato plato you plato was gay socrates like i'll tell you my secrets but dude you're gay you're writing shit down i'm like dude be able to say it live what are you a coward you can't say it in front you need to be able to say it live. That's true. What are you, a coward? You can't say it in front.

You need to be hidden to write it down, you pussy. Say it in front of people. That's where our, I think that's where our whole school system comes from, of having to memorize stuff from the, you used to have to memorize, like it was just all rote memorization. I think it comes from ancient Greece.

That's why we just never came. It's like you have to know all of the times tables. It's like, why, dude? Well, if you're ever in a toga and you want to have a debate with somebody, you can be like six plus six is easily six. I wish I memorized the times tables. Where do you stop off? You haven't?

No. Where do you stop off? What are you talking about? I don't have them memorized. Well, you do have a memorized because if somebody asked you a basic times table you would understand you would answer it yeah i'd come i'd find it nine times nine 81 okay yeah come on seven times any of the nines dude any of the nines i'm fucking late is that 42ines. I'm fucking lit. Is that 42 or something? Yeah. You got it. The eights throw me for a loop, dude.

So, eight, six. What's that? 48? 48, yeah. Seven times six. That's 42. I said I'll trick you. Yo, math is the gayest.

I do. Math is gayer than writing. That's absolute truth dude you're already right now only because i couldn't get seven times six yeah man that got me that fucked me up dude you know i was driving through the desert today listening to fucking pock and Puff, dude, just getting hugged on us. I was so hyped. We are, dude.

You're absolutely right. It's totally true. Chris, you're Lil' C's. Yeah, for sure, dude. I don't know who that is. You're Lil' C's. I'm sure it's insulting, but I'll have to unpack. Lil' C's? No, Lil' C's have to unpack Lil' C's are sick

Lil' C's are sick Nah, you can be Mace when I die Mace? When I die, you and Matt can try to pick something up and it won't be the same and Matt will just be CEO and you'll be some sort of preacher Lil' C's

Are you familiar with Bad Boy O'Connor? Are you not Bad Boy for life? I mean, sure. It's Cuss Daddy, dude. Yeah, we're talking about how we're basically big and puff and there's going to be a big comedy. We're just going to go to war with the West Coast. We don't hate them as people, dude.

We just hate their lifestyle and hate their ideas, dude. Yeah. They're fine. They're fine, dude. They're as people, dude. We just hate their lifestyle and hate their ideas, dude. Yeah. They're fine. They're fine, dude. They're fine people, dude. Those are fine men. I like those men. I hate what they stand for.

Chris, are you researching Little C's right now? I see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking at them. I think he had, like, sickle cell. James Lloyd, he's part of the junior mafia. Or should we go more G-unit? Nah, I think bad boys.

I mean, we can still wear G-Unit wifey. Yeah, we need G-Unit wifey. Chris, you might be Lil' Kim. Chris might be Lil' Kim. You might be the fucking slut of the group, dude. You might be the dirty slut. Nah, not anymore. I'm cleaning up my ass.

I'm trying to win you back. You and me have an on-again off-again thing. Dude, if you were to get jacked and do stand up and 50 cent white feeders, dude, G-unit white feeders, it'd be over. Lil' C's album cover sucks. Lil' C's had an album?

Yeah, The Wonderful World of C's Alio. Yeah, they all come in they all come in it is the worst album cover it's just him standing naked and four hands reaching in from out like off the album covering his dick takes four hands that's what's up well actually little the the the text little c's is covering his dick nice and two hands are white and two hands are black.

I don't know if that's like a – It's all about unity. It's fair. Yeah, man. The war is going to get ugly, dude. It's going to get nasty. Does that mean Rogi's his fucking Suge Knight? For sure.

Or is Rogi's Pac, dude? Rogi's the Suge Knight. Rogi's a geezer, dude. Yeah, he's Suge. Yeah, Rogi's a Suge. Who else? Who would be, dude. Yeah, he's a shoog. Yeah, Rogi's a shoog. Who else? Who would be – I'm trying to think. Who was on the west side like that?

Who would be like corrupt and Daz or Daz and corrupt? I don't know. Pock, Snoop, Dre. True. Fucking – what's his name? Ice Cube. NWA. Ice Cube.

Ice Cube, yeah. Yeah, I mean, i mean they're probably gonna hit us pretty hard but we'll be ready if he had to go toe for toe dude no fucking way too many no legion english are too many nah dude yeah but in like 2045 we'll all do like a family vacation video movie i mean what you mean like after oh yeah yeah yeah after the fall out you can like ice cube true making like family

movies yeah chris you don't want to go to another lake house dude i'm thinking about getting one in may where see he's back hooked him again he got. Oh, we got one. We got him again. Where? Someone has to do a Lake Placid Photoshop where just Shane in the water sharking on O'Connor. O'Connor, I need you because you're the only one that can drive a fucking boat. All right?

You can drive a boat. You drove a boat. Barely. Where are you thinking? I like that fucking lake in virginia yeah just go back there it's a good lake it's not far it is good soda wonder how to wantson but soda i think would bring bay so then we're talking about a bay trip and i don't know if i want a bay trip or just i can't i can't do another one of that i can't do yeah no bay trip no girls just dogs dude you me wood man who else well he could probably

he could probably bring bay woodman no i mean uh soda would that you think that would be a problem anyway we should probably podcast instead of... Planning a vacation. Planning a sick-ass trip. I just wanted to see if I could get Chris to admit he does want to come to the lake with me again. We're still friends, dude. We're still friends. I always want to go on a trip.

Oh, we are still friends. What's the new program, O'Connor? You're laying your white stuff down. What are you giving me those eyes for? I just hate this. It's getting dark in there. It's getting fucking... It seems like... I got lights on. You're worried about him there. It's getting fucking, it's just,

it seems like I got lights on. You're worried about it. You're worried. I am worried about him. I am worried about him. Should I turn on that? How much our backgrounds reflect exactly who we are. You're a Mexican restaurant.

I'm a Mexican restaurant. O'Connor thought my background was fake today I did I thought it was like one of those fake background stock backgrounds does look fake oh man where are we at this thing is dragging. We're good.

Yeah, we're good, man. We've ripped. I just want to know how everybody's doing, what everyone plans to do. How are you guys going to enjoy the rest of your night? I'm actually about to do fucking Legion of Skanks next. Wicked. And I think it'll be me, Doug, and Lewis drinking. So it'll be fun.

It'll be very fun. Yeah, that'll be very fun tomorrow tomorrow i'll be in chris's room sitting there talking about i need to change you'll be in the third you'll be in the third four and then two days two days later i'll be in a sunny lime green mexican restaurant partying there's only two there's only two sides to this life those colors bring out the party animal if i'm in bright colors like that i just want to like party and be in the sun and drink and stuff man that is yeah this this place like when he has he has i just imagine chris painting his apartment yellow and then crying and moping around i gotta write to write something. I wish I could write.

Yeah, I've been just going. You don't need to write. What are you writing? No. It's good for you. I'm working on an animation. It doesn't seem like it's good for him. I know the animation. I remember the animation.

It's coming together. I'm going to make something. Yeah, man needs a constant. I'm excited about it. You want to talk about your new animated series? A boy and a penguin and a magician. Sounds fucking awesome. The first episode is so stupid and bad.

What happens? You know. Don't be afraid. You can trust us. This is how my writing's going the first episode the first episode is uh this dude gets a potion gets a like a recipe through a freedom of information act request to bring jeffrey epstein back to life. Awesome. To destroy the Clintons. Awesome. I can't believe how good that is, dude.

It's the first episode of the cartoon. I like that. Wait, the boy gets the potion or the penguin? No, the magician. The magician's trying to bring Epstein back to life. They're all roommates. They're all roommates, yeah. The boy lives with the magician and Epstein? Yeah, it's like a dude.

No, no, Epstein's not alive. They're going to bring Epstein back to life. That's pretty good. That's satanic. Sounds satanic. I like it. Dude, can I do the voice of the penguin or what?

Oh yeah. Please. Am I voicing the penguin or no? Yeah. Be the penguin. Yeah. How have you not gotten into voice acting shane uh because i got fired from snl yeah but you know do a pseudonym and just get the money i was doing i was doing like voice acting auditions but then i i you know it all happened at once and since then i've been blacklisted that's that's bullshit i can't audition for things

yeah not yet i will i'll be back dude i'll be back i'm gonna go full fucking illuminati i'm fully i will fully go satan you will do what it takes great voice actor i know thanks chris yeah hey it's me the penguin are we gonna get Epstein? Come on, Chris. This sack of shit cartoon? That's not how I've written the character. Is he more like a Brian?

Is he like a partier penguin like he drinks? He's always holding like a martini? No. What's the penguin do? He it's a regular guy give him direction give shane some direction let me know what the penguin does i'll let you know i gotta i gotta i gotta flesh it out true true junk that's junk no i'm happy for you all right i'll stop i feel bad genuinely feel bad. That's why I was just looking at you like, oh, does Chris fucking actually hate me now?

This sucks. No. Wait, why? You think I hate you? Yeah. We're all losing it, dude. We're all slowly losing it. No, man.

I just got to retreat. I'm gaining power. I heard that. I'm gaining mass and power right now. I'm gaining mass and power right now. I'm coming back to the city. I'm bringing swords with me, dude. Oh, yo, I was looking up. This is what I was doing last night at like 3 a.m.

I couldn't sleep. I was looking up fucking billboard pricing in Philly. Dude, we need a Matt and Shane Seeker billboard in Philly. It's like 4Gs. No need to worry. My account handles that. How long do you get it for like a month i think jesus that would be so fucking funny just hopefully we can put it unfortunately in chinatown uh that's the only place to let us put it because that's that's

where our enemies not those not the asians not actually our other are other enemies. True. We get a lot of Asian support, by the way. That would actually be a very bad look if I put a billboard of me in Chinatown. I think it would be funny. I mean, dude, it's on 676, right? It's technically like it stands in Chinatown, but it's on. True. I don't know. There's a bunch of those.

We get a digital one for like five g's i mean dude we were just we were just fired up about hong kong you know people don't understand the full context we're freedom fighters dude love hong kong we're fired up about hong chong that's my long-term memory, dude. That's my schema. God damn it. Hong Kong. Hong Kong. They'd laugh at that.

That's funny. Hong Kongians be like, that's funny. Hong Kongians be stay laughing, bro. Yeah, they love it. They love the cat. All right. All right, we out. It's a long one.

This was a long one, dude. Yeah. All right. All right, we out. It's a long one. Man, this was a long one, dude. We did this. Yeah. All right. It's fun, dude. It was a power round. We're having a good old time. Yeah, this was a power round.

This was a fun power round. Chris, how do you feel? Do you feel better? You fucking talked to somebody for the first time in four days. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice to talk to some people. It's nice to get out there. Good.

I've been feeling, yeah. Keep doing what you're doing. I will say, Chris, I think Chris called me, but I was playing Civil War generals, and he was, like, telling me a story, and I was just like, look, I'm not paying attention to you at all. Call me later. And he hasn't called since. I'm like, why does he call?

Mid-story, I was like, hold on. I'm actually not listening to you at all yeah and i was like oh you know i'll talk to someone i'll like get out there i'll see how he's doing what uh i'm not even listening to you so i'll call me back that's honesty i kind of strung you along i was playing civil war. Just close the blinds. It's so fucking funny. Chris, I'm coming to Philly. I've been reevaluating my whole life. I'm like,

just I don't know. I'm really bad at getting people gifts. I was just like, yeah, I'm just bad at getting people gifts. Then this whole week, I'm just like, no, you're a selfish piece of shit. You don't think about anybody else. Can you please do a contact, bro?

Can you please rip an old contact? I got a fresh one out on the Patreon. I'll do another one. People will join, dude. You are a good podcaster. I love to hear it. Can you imagine how bad a horrible, I mean, a happy Chris O'Contax would be? Terrible episode.

I need shaken. I need upset. Presto, Connor. I'm going to try to get up. He's got a little Connor B. O'Connor, dude. Just let the bird fly. Two a week, O'Connor. Two a week. Two O'Cont O'Connor. Two a week.

Two O'Connor. I'll do two a week. I'm trying to dry out. I'm trying to be interested. I'm trying to be interested in you guys and what you're doing, what people are up to, what people are thinking and saying, instead of just sitting and staring at a wall. That's what I'm talking about, dude.

That's good. Those are goals. Stop staring at walls. Step one. Get a magazine subscription dude uh get a couple these are thoughtful things a couple magazines are you do you look at magazines yeah i have the atlantic magazines dude how do you think we rule yeah man atlantic the economist you just get a bunch of them they're not that

get nat geo nat geo be sick dude like yo there's these frogs out here. And you know what you could do? That's West Coast comedy. That's West Coast animal talks, West Coast comedy. We don't do that shit. True. We're history. East Coast is all about history. You can build an empire on that. The West has no history. Chris, what I'd like you to do

is to put together a dream board so when you get the magazines, you're going to cut out some pictures, put together a collage of what you want to accomplish and what you want to be. What would be some things that you would want? Just guess. Um, brain still a little spitball.

A little. Yeah. I think, I think a big thing is I just want to like, I want to be able to cook. I want to get, I want to like get in shape a little bit. I want to stop like every now little bit. I want to stop.

Every time I sleep on my side now, my shoulder hurts. It's going to fall out of the socket. Yeah, that sucks. And then you got to lay on your back and try to fucking. Where do you put your arms? Yeah, and then the pillow is pushing my head forward. And then what do I just lay with no pillow on the bed? You just got to drink yourself to sleep, dude.

Yeah. I mean, that's how I've been doing it for so long. Just wake up with a dead arm every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was hammered enough. It didn't hurt. Yeah. That's actually a thing that happens to people.

Like, alcoholics get, like, fucked up arms because they sleep on them. Yeah. I mean, that happened to me a couple months ago i got shit-faced fell asleep woke up with like a pinch nerve and that just last the first time i ever had that that lasted for that's absolutely rough dude but i fucked up dude the palm of my hand still hurts from when I fell on the beach a month ago. Yeah, I like fucked it up. Dude, and then I tried to like – Fuck you, Matt. Don't judge me.

I'm not judging. I'm saying that sounds horrible. My hand still fucking hurts. Fuck something up on that. Yeah, it's not good. You're getting drunk injuries? Huh? Well, I'm still laughing.

I mean, it was an up-down. I'm still laughing from the – I'm sure it was an up-down. I'm still laughing from the Patreon. I'm like, my mom's bugging out about me. And then you do the next sentence. Like, so I threw up my breakfast.

It's like, dude, your mom's doing exactly what you should be. Wait, how come you threw up a taco? And just drinking the night before. Cause I was hung over. Tommy.

Tommy got sick from alcohol. Cause I was drinking fucking white Russians. So I had a gallon of milk in my stomach. Gallon of milk and vodka.'s so good dude white russians are literally the best drinks i've ever had yeah they're really good yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna get drunk on white russians tonight probably get it especially after three weeks of miller lights oh yeah it's nice to be gone with the beers. Switch over to liquor, dude. Become great. Yeah, hell yeah. I can't. I can't do it.

Oh, no, Matt. Me and my mom made amends. I called her today. Yeah. And I asked her, I was like, do you think maybe when you fell down that hill, do you think God had anything to do with that? What'd you say? She started it.

She was like, are you just going to call to lecture me? Because I told her to stop listening to the podcast. I was like, you have to stop. It's not good for either of us. True. It fucks up what I'm going to say. I don't want my mom listening to me on here being like, saying I've done things.

I made my mom promise you wouldn't listen. Yeah, but Joan's not. She's not a listener. She's not going to church. She's not following the rules. True. Joan is a dog brain. Wait, how did she fall down a hill?

Her and Phil tried to go hiking, and then God punished her for accusing me of doing drugs. Damn. She tumbled. So God tumbled. And then Phil.il dude i got a sick picture of phil i would love this on top of a hill i'd love to see phil's reaction to her fall he was delighted god damn it um no i think i think it was actually pretty i think it was pretty sweet i think he he actually cared for it.

He carried her back to the car. But then as soon as he realized she was okay, he started laughing. But she's got a fucking shiner, dude. She's got a black eye. She's got a fucked up face. Yeah, she face-played it on a horse, dude. Face first? Yeah, that's dog brain.

It's just like a 63-year-old geezer trying to go downhill on a hike. Did she try to run for a second no chance oh man she got bugs bunny phil was in front of her he said he just heard it coming he said it sounded like a buffalo dude hearing her face smack the ground must have been terrifying jesus yeah man that's horrible that's horrible die from that true especially with covid going around too that could have definitely ended up with a death she would have fell down the hill they went at the hospital they'd be like covid she died of covid on a hike acted fast chris how do you feel that your gay ass democrat party is trying to ruin the world

what do you mean chris tell us why you're gonna vote for joe biden oh man because there's there's nobody else i mean that's gonna be rough that's gonna be right we're gonna see we're gonna that's gonna be really rough give us a tour of the place real quick i want to see how messy it is really rough give us a tour of the place real quick i want to see how messy it is it's actually it's not bad right now actually i'll give you a look i'll give you a look i've never been to a shitty shitty bed it's nice there's a big bedroom bro oh the acoustic dude yeah yeah i'm gonna yeah. Will you rip something to close us out, please? No way. A little Stone Temple pilot?

It's something unpredictable. In the end, it's right. No, I picked up the guitar. I picked up the guitar a little bit. Hell yeah. I probably ended quick. Yeah. Yeah, I was like...

I was never good at it well that's that's a good way to stay not good at it good boy chris you're a good boy we care about you listeners go check out contact on uh on apple music or whatever the fuck it's on itunes whatever yeah it should be on all the things then if you like it join his patreon because chris i don't know if you can tell, is hurting. He's hurting inside. He's a good boy.

He's a good boy. Spud loves contact. We need more spuds in the world. Amen, brother. But yeah, I'll be putting a bunch of stuff out. Hopefully you guys like it. Hell yeah. Hopefully you guys will be excited fuck yeah yes all right all right brothers good talk guys yeah later dogs see you chris see you chris thanks thanks for having me guys

see you chris oh there you go finally