Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - S3 Ep34: Ep 142- War Room II-Pt 1

Episode Date: August 15, 2019

Anybody order a SPUDBILLMATTSHANE nightcast?? No? All good. I'll just leave this on the table, free for my sweet, sweet little piggies to enjoy. Tho the last fort is on patreon.   Part two is on patreon https://www.patreon.com/posts/29176962  

Who cares what episode it is, dude? We're fucking live, baby. Live in the chamber. I'm not even gonna worry about numbers right now. I am an excitable boy. You know people used to worship numbers? When numbers first came out, it was like a cult around it. Right in there. Right in. Woo! How about, uh...

Don't do that right into the mic. Alright, sorry. Do that into the mic, dude. Spud dogs. One Miller Lite, dude. Yeah, I mean, Spud dogs. Spike the mic, Spud dogs. I mean, Spud dogs sipping on some Miller Lite-ies. Spud dogs, Spike the mic, baby.

Dude, yeah, they used to worship numbers. Who did? When numbers, the Pythagorean. The Asians? No. No, no, no, no. That's a good guess. We don't call them Pythagoras anymore.

We don't do that stuff. This is the New Testament. That's a good guess. Yeah. It's a very educated guess. No, it was a Pythagorean cult. So Pythagoras was just like, he put two things. He's like, do you know what this is? And they're like rocks. And he was like, no, it's two rocks. And they're like two things he's like you know what this is and

they're like rocks and he was like no it's two rocks and they're like what what did you just say to me two he's like yeah dude and how there's just one they're like what they were just like we got to worship yeah do you ever see the movie pie yeah yeah it's love that movie it's kind of in that vein right i got real in a math class after watching Pie. That thick fucking vein. Life of Pie. Not the life of Pie. Life of Pie is lit, dude. Shout out Indians. All right, Billy. No, no, no, no. Yeah, we love minorities.

All right. That's good. We do. That's actually a pretty liberal thing to say. Positive odds only. Very liberal thing to say. Very resilient. Oh, yeah.

That Pie. Slumdog millionaire. Yeah. Yeah. How about we're in the midst of a shooting. Yeah, true. We're like Geraldo right now. We're in the midst of a shooting.

That's true, actually. We're in the beginning of World War IV. Technically a massdo right now. We're in the midst of a shooting. That's true, actually. We're in the beginning of World War IV. Technically a mass shooting. India invaded Kashmir. No, technically it's not. The shooter is not. Not according to Mother Jones, dude. It's not ideologically driven.

Fucking fart, dude. Who's farting? All right, all right. Smudged off farting. Let's wrap it up again. Andy Goodtimes here. He's drinking Miller Lite. Andy Goodtimes.

Yo, so what's going on, dogs? People have been asking for you guys. They want you back. For what? Also, on the record, I have no connection at all to these opinions that we're about to hear. Go ahead. Fuck Michelle Wolf. God damn it, dude.

Why? The abortion shit just destroys me, dude. Oh, yeah, that was tough. Very pro-life tough Very pro-life Very pro-life It's not that cool It's fine, it's fine Your face is all red, calm down

The abortion episode was an abortion itself You know what I mean? Ooh, wow It was a bit of a Double on top Yeah, that was a fucking rough one Machiavellian? I didn't see it

I never watched it, yeah She did like a marching band salute to abortion It's pretty edgy. It's the promotion of it that bothers me. We've covered that. We've covered this. We're very pro-life here. Love bands.

Spade could have been aborted. Love children. Dude, I was on the chat block. I'm not. Speaking of which. Yeah, I was on the chat block, bro. You were on the chat block? That's a good thing. So was the Honorable Prophet Minister Farrakhan.

He was on the chat block. Yo, that was one thing he hit people with. He was just like, honestly, he's like, my mom tried to abort me, and I got to live with that for the rest of my life, and it kind of fucks with me. And anyone who is for abortion, if you're like, what if you found out

your mom wanted to abort you, they'd be like, ah. Yeah. So either way, do your thing. I think Tim Tebow avoided it. Really? I think. Imagine the world without Tebow. it really I think imagine the world

without Tebow if you're thinking about getting an abortion picture the honorable minister Farrakhan yeah and if you can

look at the honorable minister and still go through with it if you can imagine life without Farrakhan I can't I can't I fucking love him the new testament's

fucking sweet don't call that don't call that shit alright what was I going to say? I was getting down to business here. You're talking about Pythagorean.

Talking about Pythagorean. Yeah, they used to worship numbers. We all know that. It's no big deal. Yeah, everybody knows that. It's a cool way to think about it.

Next topic. Cool way to think about it. Never heard that before. Cool way to think about numbers. Well, let's get into it, dude. We know what you guys are all about.

I want to figure out, I mean, I've tried to follow the events and I've learned that I'm pretty bad at, I mean, I am and i've learned that i'm pretty bad at uh i mean i am an investigative journalist but i'm pretty bad at like following the chain of events with the epstein stuff it's kind of old hat by now yeah we kind of missed the news cycle there people are doing emergency i'd like to miss the news cycle and let stuff develop because it's like everyone just jumps on it it's actually becoming in vogue now i've noticed a lot

of people are fucking, like... I saw a hot chick doing a podcast. She's like, I'm going to put on my tinfoil hat now. And she just started going off. And she was rattling off info. And I'm like... Well, that's because Tim Dillon's a beast. Yep.

Mullen's a beast. I'm like a pocket-sized Tim Dillon. You literally look exactly like Tim Dillon. That's insane. You look like O'Connor and Tim Dillon. Not a baby. Morphed. Especially the sexy guy haircut now. I know, dude. Whoa. I didn't even notice how... That's insane. You look like O'Connor and Tim Dillon morphed into one.

Especially the sexy guy haircut now. I know, dude. Whoa. I didn't even notice how long his guy's got. The girl who cut his hair just gave him a sexy guy haircut. I don't look in the mirror the whole time I'm getting my haircut. I just sit there, and I look up, and I was like, what did you do to me? How brutal is a haircut?

Every time. You sit there and look at yourself. I don't look at myself. I look at my thigh knee. I look right here, dude. I stare at it the whole time. Sorry. You got Tim Dillon's leg. That thing is swole. He I look at my side, dude. I look right here, dude. I stare at it the whole time. Sorry. You got Tim Dillon's leg.

That thing is swole. He's got a thick leg, dude. You got one thick leg. Did you see the one Tim Dillon when he's laying in bed? Yeah. Oh, my God. That was funny as shit. I saw the YouTube preview for that.

Yeah, well, you want to talk Epstein? It's fine, man. Just run it down, dude. I mean, it might have been said already. Just give me your – I have my notes. Where do you stand on all of it? Well –

Those are lengthy notes. These are lengthy notes. Some might call it a manifesto. Start from the top. Let me hear you. What do you got? Well, what's going on for me? All screenshots on 4chan.

It's like – So I don't think that this dude would punch his end ticket. There's no way that a guy that worships transhumanism, saving his sperm up for like the elite women to have babies with. There's no way this dude's like, oh, I want to die right now. Unless he figured out how to make himself a sperm cell. Okay. Then killed himself.

Okay. Slithered out. He's like something out of Irish folklore. I guess, dude. Yeah, it makes sense. A transhumanist typically aren't that suicidal. Dude typically craves immortality. I can't imagine a scenario where he's paying

off guards to kill himself that's not gonna work that would have came out you know yeah um once he hired two nigerian brothers dude those are the guards dude i think the prison guards are the same guys the fucking nigerians dude the amount of people this week that are unplugging from the Matrix is insane. Yeah, man. This is the red pill. The country's swallowing red pills, dude.

The only people that are believing that Epstein killed himself are people that have never been locked up. The second you get locked up, dude, belt lace is gone. Yeah, it's true. There's no way

you're killing yourself. They took my laces before. They put sheets in the cell, dude. Yeah, man. If they put you in a holding cell, how the fuck did he hang himself, then? That's what I'm saying. They never actually released what he did. And there's nothing to hang it. No, they took my shoelaces in the cell, dude. Yeah, man. If they put you in a holding cell, how the fuck did he hang himself, Hank? That's what I'm saying.

They never actually released him. And there's nothing to hang him. No, they took my shoelaces in the drunk tank. I was definitely

suicidal. You have to, like, sit hang, you know? Because there's nothing on the fucking ceiling. Even that, you need a belt.

Like the famous doorknob hanging. Yeah, you'd have to doorknob hang. Yeah, like a wire. With a red scarf. Doorknobs. Yeah, there's

nothing on a doorknob. They definitely thought out Su. With a red scarf. Doorknobs. Yeah, there's nothing on a doorknob. They definitely thought out suicide watch in a high-profile federal prison. Well, Attorney General Bill Barr, white hat, black hat,

we don't know yet. That dude is coming out saying, all right, we got to check. There's a lot of irregularities at that prison. Now, what's Barr's background? Heard a lot of flack on him.

Well, he was an attorney for CIA. Okay. His dad recruited Epstein to work at the Dalton School because he saw Epstein was very good with the litra gurge. Really? Yes. Wow.

And then Epstein's... With the little gurfriends? Were they little gurfriends? Or were they just plain little gurfriends? They were little girls. Then they became little girlfriends. Yeah, that's how it goes. And Epstein's...

Vicious cycle. Ghazane Maxwell's dad died, right? Was murdered or something? Yeah, he died a mysterious death, but she would have inherited his Mossad clearance. And this is where I go, Tim Fullhat, is like, I think that you have to be born into this stuff. Like, your family has to be compromised. Like, there's no way you're sitting there going, okay, I'm going to join the CIA. It's like, you might join the CIA, but not like these guys.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear you. They don't go around in Men in Black where they're like, you might join the CIA, but not like these guys. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear you. They don't like go around like in Men in Black where they're like, we've seen you. Like they took Epstein, dude, and they groomed him

and they're like, look at this guy. He's a fucking narcissist. He's a psycho. Like we'll give him money. We'll give him power. Like this is what he's into. So he's compromised

because he likes the little girls. Yeah. And he'll go compromise everybody else for us. And the Mossad goes against the united states wishes dude the u.s military like trump just installed all right keep going keep going keep going instead of like the next guy in line the next person in line to like run something i can't

remember what it is there's too much stuff cia or whatever it is photographic memory then yeah seriously the next person that uh was in line got bypassed by military intelligence so cia is usually civilian job yeah but dude trump was like hey by the way we're putting this guy in charge it's military intelligence military intelligence soup like they keep an eye on the fbi and the cia that that makes them shit their pants so the new c CIA, Trump's CIA, they're the good guys. They're the ones that are taking back. Trump's CIA. They're the good guys. They're the ones that are going to help us fight the world war with the globalists and China and stuff.

Damn. China comes. Damn. He's out of breath. Dude. Sorry, guys. I got way more. He's got way more.

People need to... All more Alright I'm gonna So So you So Epstein So Maxwell was probably Born into a line of CIA work Well she was Her dad

Her dad owned Media corporations So I mean Look at our media Look what Hollywood And HBO does to us Yeah Propaganda

So she had She was part of a Media She was a media empress Yeah and like She was Then was involved in a child sex ring That's on the books though That's on the books That's on the books

On the Rogan subreddit Somebody put up a thing That they went through all 2,000 pages And pulled out the bullet points And a lot of people are like There's nothing in the 2,000 things It's like dude Check it out

You'll see Jazaine Maxwell What are you laughing at dude? What the fuck? Why are you making fun of me? There's nothing in the 2000 things. It's like, dude, check it out. You'll see. Ghazain Maxwell. What are you laughing at, dude? What the fuck? Why are you making fun of me? Sorry, sorry. I'm not. It's funny, dude.

This is sick. It's not funny. Nothing funny about this. She, uh... I lost my... I know. I fucked that up. I fucked that up.

No, no. She was born into a thing. Media family. Her dad was Robert Maxwell. Some kind of a media mogul. Yeah. Right? Then she was like a young heiress to all this yeah and in the epstein things she's one of the co-conspirators and she would recruit girls and the girl that they stole from mar-a-lago got paid this is in the fucking 2000 plus files that just got busted out, she got paid 10 grand by Ghislaine Maxwell

right after she fucked Prince Andrew. That's in the fucking works, dude. Damn. So if you want to think about who would have got to Epstein, which I think Epstein's not dead. They stole him out of the... Yeah. I think Trump took him out

because the royals would have got to him. Wait. The black... Trump. I could see them pulling him out. Trump, Trump, Trump, I could see them pulling them out. Trump, CIA, military intelligence, dude.

You think they snuck them out? Well, they either took them out as a message to the Mossad, as a message to the old CIA, as a message to the Black Nobility

over in Europe. Yo, listen, I know you fit Black Nobility. Not what you think. Nah, nah. We're talking about like dark.

You're not talking about wait, what? Like dark nobility. Like you don't know who their no. We're talking about dark. You're not talking about what? Like dark nobility. You don't know who their names are. You know they're Rockefellers. That's who they want you to know. There's people above them. Yeah. Because I was going to say,

black nobility is like all black people descended from kings and queens. This is New Testament. No, no, no, no. Shame. No, no, no, no. It's a plot for Black Panther. Please.

Please. Yes. I'm not fucking leaving. No, no, no, no. Shane. No, no, no, no, no. It's a plot for Black Panther. Please. Please. Yes. So that's why. I'm not fucking leaving. My idea is that they either took. He might not be dead. I don't think he's dead. That man don't tell tales, though.

John said that. Exactly. The royals might have came after him. And by the royals, I mean the powers that be. I mean, people say. Some people say the queen still owns North America. Okay. So.

Were we ever free whoa i wonder about that if they didn't just be like all right they win the revolutionary war or whatever fucking let these idiots but they're old-time pitas like this new regime of the the new regime of the royals they're fucking full-on pita so it's in the london garden they all loved human sacrificing wait when like 20 years ago in the london guardian there's like have Epstein's Island, but then you have other islands where they do human sacrifice. I mean, dude, did you see Naomi Campbell's Island? That's fucking weird. Oh, yeah, you saw the picture of the girl who was the sex slave at Naomi Campbell's party, too?

Oh, I didn't see that, no. There's a picture in the New York Times of one of the girls who was complaining against Epstein. She was at Naomi Campbell's party. Wow, dude. Naomi Campbell's in frame right there. First of all, did you know islands are $8 million? That's it? I'm surprised, dude.

Wow. Let's get an island. Well, they're probably more expensive if you're going to have a child sex ring on them. They probably ask you, are you going to sell young on here? And you're like, nah. Nah, young trim?

Nah. $8 million. We're going to hit you with $16 million. You're probably going to get a license. Yeah, I mean... Like a child sex ring. Rather than the black nobility. Yeah, I mean, I think that we took him to protect him. He's in witness protection as a message to them.

Like, they know they didn't get him. So they're like, what the hell? What's the alternative? And they stage that weird, like, Epstein body. I think they know that's not him. I noticed Epstein's body didn't have that hook nose. Wow. Or that nose.

New Testament, dude. He had a hook nose. He did. The body had one. The body had one. The body was very interesting. The body was... Swapped out.

The body did have the nose. Yeah. The body had a very Jewish nose. Semitic nose, for sure. Oh, so they recreated it. That's hilarious.

So they tried to recreate it and they're like, what's his nose look like? It's Epstein, bro So they tried to recreate it, and they're like, what's his nose look like? It's Epstein, bro. Come on. Wow. And then they're like, oh, fuck, we got busted. His nose doesn't look like that.

I think it was like a shark nose going through the fucking... Who do you think they sacrificed to do that? Or do you think they just built a mold? No, I think it's just a 3D-print mold or whatever. No, they can make them. Anyway, that gets deeper. Let me finish this one. Go ahead, please.

So I think that they stole him as a message to everyone else being like, we got him now. Yeah. And the reason I think that is the guy that did the autopsy did JFK, did the OJ Simpson stuff, right? And the reason I'm saying it's a message

is like it's so obvious because they dust off the JFK autopsy guy. That's kind of like Trump's CIA being like, see? That guy's still doing autopsies? Yeah, well, he was a young guy. Yeah, because he did it on the plane, right? JFK's autopsy was on a plane. JFK's autopsy.

The body was switched. His body was switched. He had a body switch. So that's what I'm saying. That's a message to the elites is like this is another body switch. Damn. That's what I'm saying. No, that's true. Well, the other thing, too. So people can go body saying. That's a message to the elites is like, this is another body switch. That's what I'm saying. No, that's true. Well, the other thing too.

So people can go body switch. That's crazy. But to think that he legitimately hung himself on suicide watch is insane, dude. Yo, you want to go on Stephen Colbert and talk? I mean, come on, man. Seriously. That's what I'm saying. Not here.

Not here. That's the crazy thing. People are like, that's ridiculous. And it's like, I still don't understand how people I will say this I will say this I in Phoenix this weekend

every time I got on stage I was like well like to open I'd be like Clinton's killed Epstein and the whole place would laugh and clap

like everybody agrees yeah everybody knows like the whole these are regular people these are desert folk and they were like they were like

the desert folk are wise they are buddy Ricky his in-law pretty Ricky's dude his nickname is pretty easy one and Ricky Bell's but we'll get into that that's on the slide his his girlfriend's parents are down in town visiting, and they're like liberal Jewish from New England. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, liberal Jewish from New England. I tried to say Jewish because it's nicer than Jewish. Jewish is nice.

J is nice. Saying the J's is nice. Liberal J? There's some people that have a problem with that. It's probably cooler. It's cooler, yeah. J's is sick. J's.

Air Jordans. J's. I just want you to imagine a couple of New York Jays that vacation up in Maine okay maybe two doesn't sound like so and when I say it's wrong right okay

but yeah they actually are like no there's no way so they've been chomping blue pills and they're they're 60 something years old 50 years old

so they're saying that's like the they don't believe this story no one believes it so you're saying the standard sponge for the New York Times is like

New York Times WAPO Times WAPO Colbert Seth Meyers No one believes it. So you're saying the standard sponge for the New York Times is like, yeah, not buying it. Times, WAPO, Colbert, Seth Meyers. Stacks of the New Yorker. Hey, man. Seriously. The Times has been like... Failing.

Yeah, it has been failing for a while. It's pretty bad. Well, dude, the thing you said makes the most sense. How Trump will win and the news will make sure he wins. Definitely, dude. Because the best thing that ever happened to Stephen Colbert is Donald Trump. You think for a second that Anderson Cooper,

who was probably sitting there going, man, I wonder how much longer people are going to watch TV, and then it's like, boom, Trump happens. Dude, that's why they don't talk about

Tulsi and Andrew, bro. Andrew Yang, baby. I know. That's why they don't talk about him. Wait, you're a fucking Yang boy. Yang box. Dude, did you watch the interview with the...

I want those neat bucks. Yang went on the H3. I love neat love neat bucks dude the government gives you money the uh he went on uh h the h3 podcast and yang was saying that like they stage the debates like it is like a reality show like so you'll you'll have your people reach out if you're like high profile democratic convention you'll reach out to like the network and be like hey we were thinking of jamming someone up about like you know xyz could you set us up for that and the moderators will like set up big things just to get better viewings and yang's like yang was like what the fuck he was like he showed he's like i showed up and i'm like no one ever asked me he's like there's already

that's very that's very dishonorable. Who did that? Oh, that was in that Shob thing. That was hilarious. That Shob thing. The Shob documentary? The Shob documentary when he took a dude that didn't talk Asian but was Asian and gave him Asian points. Wow, dude, wow.

I don't even think that's wow. That's hilarious. It's hilarious, but I mean, when somebody's trying to slam you. I don't even think that's wow. That's hilarious. It's hilarious, but I mean, when somebody's trying to slam you, yikes. Yeah. Also, yeah, to be fair, I always accurately represented my old boss, who was Korean.

That was an accurate, respectful representation. What was the type of things he would say? Yeah. I met you. He would call me Matthew, and he would go, come to the office. That's exactly. That's verbatim. He did say that, too, to me.

He told me about a pet shop. He called me, and he's like, number one business idea, pet store. Black people love to spend money. It's aboutatim. He did say that too to me. He told me about a pet shop. He called me and he's like, number one business idea, pet store. Black people's love to spend money is about the dogs. I'm like, no, bro. Dude, that is so good. Back then, I was like 22. I was like, take it easy, Mr. Kim. You're out of your fucking mind. Back when you were a fucking pussy.

I heard he had a teen. True, I was super fucking pussy. You were a young pussy. Everybody is. When you're a young boy. I was pretty bad. I bet there's a fucking maniac. Billy did not go through that phase. What are you talking about? Billy? You're talking about when you're a young boy. I was pretty bad. I bet there's a fucking maniac Billy did not go through that

When you're 22 you're generally pretty Idealistic you that go to college and you're just a gay pussy Would you like go to college and wear like pastel polo shirts and pop the collar and like go take ecstasy and stuff? Wait what? Dude I don't even want to see it. White shorts, salmon polo. I haven't went out for a while, so now I just have this. Damn, he's outing him as an Astro Roth fan.

Yeah, well, you're talking to someone who on record voted for Obama. Dude, he was cool back then, dude. He was cool. I was a little kid and I knew that. How could you get tricked? I wasn't always this woke, dude. I was like, alright, change, man. Let's go.

I was excited. I got a Bush, a Kerry, and an Obama, dude. Sue me. I wish I could. Dude, I wanted the war to end. Why do you need it, dude? That was back before Red Pill. John Kerry I wish I could yeah dude I wish I fucking could dude I wanted the war to end I need your war to end

that was back before that was back before Red Pill don't get me wrong 9-11 happened and I was like Bush let's go

okay and then after it went on I was like why are we in Iraq I was like this has to stop Kerry

yeah alright man they tricked you the media got to you well it brings up a point that a lot of the former people that were

a lot of the tinfoil hatters, man, the conspiracies against the government used to be the Democrats. They used to be like the Republicans. Weapons of mass destruction, yeah. That was a hot conspiracy that came true. Oh, yeah. Weapons of mass destruction being fake. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, my bad. How sweet is that movie with Chubby Christian Bale, dude? He's adorable. What happened? Vice. Vice, dude. What a great movie, dude. What is it? The one with Vice. With Vic Chaney? Christian Bale, dude? He's adorable. What happened? Vice. Vice, dude. What a great movie, dude. What is it?

The one with Vice. Christian Bale and Dick Cheney. Christian Bale. Oh, I didn't see that. You want to become a Dick Cheney fan? Watch that. Watch the movie Vice. Oh, yeah.

You're supposed to not like him. Again, there's one point where he's, I don't know why I said it again. He's in Wyoming, where he was from, and he's getting DUIs and shit. He's getting in bar fights. He's like a's in Wyoming Where he was from And he's getting like DUIs and shit He's getting in bar fights He's like a fat piece of shit And then He's working on like He's working on like telephone wires

He dropped out of Ivy League Because he was a dickhead And then His wife is like Are you gonna fucking Become Something Or am I gonna leave you right now

Damn And he's like Pretty much every girl said that to me He's like I'll become something. Just controls the world. Instantly for the sniz, dude.

The facade. Yeah, he got facade. He got facade at heart. Don't blame Iraq on Cheney. Blame it on his wife. On the facade. Think about the body count

from that chick being like, now I want a bigger house. That's the hive mind, dude. You know what I'm talking about. Body counts. Look at old Bill, dude.

He's just trying to get his geese up. Shit. Bill's body count is old Bill in a dress, dude. What do you think of that? Oh, dude. You don't want to talk about body counts. Look at old Bill, dude. He's just trying to get his geese up. Shit. Bill's body count is old Bill in a dress, dude. What do you think of that? Oh, dude. Well, imagine trying to engage Hillary Clinton in sex, and she's like, I kind of want to take over Haiti, and you're like, fuck.

You want to talk about the Poussade. Like, that dude is the guy that got Poussaded. Yeah. Like, Bill Clinton got Poussaded. He loved pussy so much that they sent out their top operative and fucking took him down, dude. A wise man once told me a cunt hair could pull a freight train up a mountain. Boy, was he right. Yeah, Bill Clinton got hit hard, man.

You think he got honeypotted by, like, Young? Dude, that was a fucking... That was a song. That was a song. R.I.P. Frank Poose. Dude, that was the book of Proverbs. Oh, yeah. That's Old Testament.

Proverbs is... It's in between, I think. There's no in between. It's in between, I think. It's like the middle. Yeah, dude. Wait, so Hillary was sent or you think...

I'm saying Hillary's the Poussat. Hillary might have been... True. You know, Saul Alinsky or whatever. Roasted the fuck out. Yeah, she's the original Poussat. She might have started the Poussade.

Imagine getting pussy whipped in politics. I mean, look at the world, man. Like you're at war with a country and you're like, ah, shit. You just don't want to bring it up to her. I'm super pissed at my girlfriend. What the fuck? We don't know. Who sent Monica Lewinsky into that office, man?

Yeah. True that. That was before people even thought about that. I don't know. I think if somebody was controlling Monica, who was going to get sent in there? They'd send someone a little fucking better. I don't know.

She was hot. She was okay. She was a nice, chubby morsel at the time. Not even that chubby. Definitely. I mean, come on. She had that look. We're talking the President of the United States here.

Yeah, but maybe he's in a plane change. You can't go too hot because they'll suspect it. If you sent in like a Lola Bunny type. Yeah, if you sent in like a, my bad guys, this shit got fucked up.

That's a psyop. I pulled the fucking cord. Yeah, there's some technical difficulties. No, we redacted. Shane just went back for makeup.

Now he's good to go. That's funny. That's a funny thing you just said. That's a very funny thing. Dude, so we were talking about how

not hot, although that's arguable. I mean, to someone like me, Monica Lewinsky is still to this day. Dreamboat, yeah. She is a bit of a dreamboat. And my age theory. How old was she? I think she was young.

23? I mean, she was a baby girl. Yeah, she was a baby girl. Wow, she was a secretary thick baby girl. You know what would be sick is if you had a podcast with Clinton and you started talking about BBGs and he was like, how do you know? Oh, you got impressions? She was a secretary thick baby girl You got impressions Sounded like Bill Cosby Like Clinton, I thought it was pretty good spot do it again

Can't do it on demand that's that's the worst thing to ask somebody from from an artist standpoint I gotta be honest. I told you to do the Korean and you fucking nailed it immediately Yeah but I You're an artist I've lived and died on the stage Matthew's an absolute artist Dude August He went to art school

He's a literal artist I literally am an artist Dude hold on He's not bragging Let's get down to business first Well This is a rumpus room It's tough man It's like what do you okay so i just want to

make sure everyone out there knows that epstein's probably massad and that i want people okay here's my little paragraph here when trump became the candidate i think that the deep state freaked out okay and that wasn't supposed to happen obama sent intelligence out the five eyes all the countries that the queen owns all their intelligence agencies scrambled to find trump or find dirt on trump but hey guess what dude teflon teflon don been living in the public life since fucking he was in his 20s moses had a brother. And they couldn't find anything on him. He was clean. And he was toying with a presidential run since he was in his 30s.

So he's been gearing up for this, dude. Damn. Yeah. And, you know, there was nothing to grab him on. There was no dirt. So they tried to create dirt. And they went to Christopher Steele. Who's that?

He's a spy. Ex-British spy. The Steele dossier. Who got the pussy grab video? That was like their, that was a crown jewel. They thought that was their crown jewel. That didn't work.

Steve Bannon elbowed that thing right off the table, bro. Did he really? Yeah, Bannon was like, whatever, bro. Yeah, because my mom was just like, well, it's locker room talk. Exactly.

Well, it is locker room talk. It is. If you're mic'd up in the back of a bus, good lord. Oh, dude. Look how Fredo talks and he knows he's on camera. Oh, yeah, man. It is. If you're mic'd up in the back of a bus, good lord. Look how Fredo talks. He knows he's on camera. Oh, yeah, man. Fredo.

Who's Fredo? Fake News Fredo, Chris Cuomo. Yeah, the lesser Cuomo. So go on. Well, anyway, they made up the Steele dossier. I'm sure everybody listening knows this, but it's like the Clintons paid for the Steele dossier through Fusion GPS, which is an opposition research company.

And all of this is illegal. All of this is treason because it's given the okay by the Obama administration. Yeah. Now, when they investigated him, they spent two years working on the motor report. So the government's not allowed to pay money to spy on people who run. The government's not allowed to spy on American citizens, dude. Especially not, you know. But foreign governments can. Yeah. So you can pay money to spy on people who run. The government's not allowed to spy on American citizens, dude. Especially not... But foreign governments can.

Yeah. So you can pay England to do it. So when they talk about Russian meddling... What about the Patriot Act? I don't know about that. I think that gets into that. What? That might be a thing.

About not letting them do that? Dude, they got rid of habeas... The Patriot Act, you can spy the fuck out of anybody. They got rid of habeas corpus. Oh, right, right, right. Obama drone-striked a citizen. Yeah. But not on, I don't think on American soil.

No, it was foreign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They voted for him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But the one, but no, Clinton voted for him. Every day. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

If I had voted, I would have gone. Billy and Tom, you voted for Obama. So you, so, all right. Yes, yes, spud, can. I'm picking up the picture. I got the picture you're laying down on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were like, Russian, Russian, Russian. It's like, hey, don't look at England.

England helped. England spied on Trump. Nothing came of it. That's what the whole Mueller investigation is about. Sorry, I'll contact. Do you think the queen may have been hip to the fact that Trump knew about Epstein and probably knew who was... Okay, Matt, you want to finish my...

Really? Exactly, dude. That's what's going on. Get to the dots. You're connecting the dots here. Jeez. So they know that they're on the hook here. One of our allies spied on us.

It's treason. Bill Barr has come out and said as much. So Bill Barr is the attorney general. And he's sitting there going, well well we're going to investigate the investigators and trump's been saying it on the on the uh press lawn before he gets in the helicopter damn we're going to investigate the investigators so it's like if that happens they pushed and pushed and pushed in congress we can we can prosecute trump after no one's above the law yeah no one's above the law we need to indict him after he's president and they're like okay you can't indict a sitting president.

But after they're president, you can get them. Yeah, that's the ones they voted for. Well, Obama's not president anymore, and he committed a crime that was high treason penalty of death. Jesus, what have they done? Damn, can't we be ahead of Obama? Go ahead, go ahead. What did they do with Kavanaugh? They put in Kavanaugh.

When they were questioning Kavanaugh, what did they ask him? Would you be opposed to military tribunals? No. What did they just bring back three weeks ago? Death penalty. Oh, dude. All right, guys. I don't really need to say much more.

If you guys want to check in with me, I'm going to drink a little bit. There's no way they're going to kill Obama. Talking firing squads for the Obamas? No, dude. We're talking. No, fuck. Not me. No, no, no.

No, no, no. I would never. You're talking business politics. That's my family. That's my first family, guys. We're talking. No, fuck. Not me. No, no, no. No, no, no. I would never. You're talking business politics. That's my family. That's my first family, guys. That's my president. I love Barack Obama. Hussein Obama.

Shane Gillis loves Barack Obama. I don't think they're going to. They won't kill him, but that's. I would like. It would start a civil war. I, you know, maybe. If they were like. If you take a break or something, I'll have you read this.

I see. I feel the dots. I'm saying. I have way more. I'm connecting the dots. I'm connecting the dots i'm connecting the dots there's no fucking they'll put that all out on him and be disgraced you gotta understand people like that have been watching this when they are watching cavanaugh get go in and they're like are you opposed to military tribunals he's like no if someone committed that we would go through military tribunals

i'm sitting there like oh my god my God. Who's talking about this? Q. Yeah. That's the other thing. Q's been talking about this forever. Forever. Wow. Hasn't been wrong, Ed, either.

All right. I'm done. Damn. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I would like you to just go over that again. But Obama might get out. Just bullet point that. Now get into the next part where you think the white race is superior.

Stop, dude. Knock it off. No, no, no, no, no, no. Knock it off. supreme. No, no, no, no, no, no. Knock it off. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just being fresh. You are being fresh. You are being fresh. So you think this kind of thinking leads to that kind of stuff?

Absolutely not. I'm right there with him, dude. If he's dying, I'm dying. So you're just going for yucks. The other thing I wanted to say was when Epstein first got in trouble, W was president. And he had a good relationship with the queen, and he made it all go away. And what they were pushing for was a race between Hillary and Jeb.

That's a win-win for the royals. True. Also, think about this, dude. If Hillary got in, Epstein would not have gotten in trouble. Not at all, dude. No one would have raised all this weird child sex ring stuff. Look at the stats on human trafficking. If she won, that's her dog, dude.

She would have squashed that. We would never have heard. I believe that. It's so funny that we're actually rolling off the pedophiles. We are, dude. What's the operation? It's actually correct. I mean, there literally is a global child sex,

children's sex trade. People say that's true. Well, here's a guy that's doing it. They're like, you fucking crazy nut. That's not true. They're like, people say that's true. Like, well, here's a guy that's doing it. They're like, you fucking crazy nut. That's not true. And they're like, oh, he's out of fucking lock. He was about to get,

you know, questioned and now he quote unquote committed suicide. No one really believes him anymore, dude. Dude, they did all this to protect a sloppy pedo. Now this is why,

blah, blah, blah, I wrote all this shit down. You think Prince Andrew was the one that they were really trying to button it up for? Dude, I say in this thing, they tried that pissed off Trump daddy,

and now he wants to investigate the investigators, which is really an investigation in the co-conspirators of Epstein and Great Britain. They see this coming. We have a couple of retards light up Walmarts, and it takes the news cycle out of it, but it's all coming out. Damn. Well, yeah, Billy hit me with that. I think a day before that shooting.

Yeah. He was, you know, because I've been calling the Kenworth kid. I've been FaceTiming the Kenworth kid while he's in the truck. He cracks me up. Dude, it is the funniest fucking thing in the world. Cole is a fucking cute guy. It's so fucking funny, dude. He's got no AC in his... I just got AC.

And he has to roll the windows up to talk to me. And he's like... He just screams. I do it all the time. He just screams the whole time. I hate the window. I hate... Do you roll... Does he ask you about the window or do you just roll it up? I just roll them up. He talk to me. And he's like, he just screams. He just screams the whole time. I hate the wind, dude. I hate, do you roll, does he ask you about the wind or do you just roll up? I just roll him up.

Like it's royalty. Oh, wow. He don't roll him up for you? You did vote for Obama, dude. Yeah, I didn't vote for Obama, dude. Yeah. I did not vote for Obama. No, I'm kidding.

You had to make this public, didn't you? Spud voted for Barack Obama. Wow. Dude, honestly, if. Because he wanted change. If I. Good one, dude. Hold on. Yeah, I, if... Because he wanted change. If I... Good one, dude. Hold on.

Yeah, I wanted hate. The Syrian blood's on your hands. If I... Hope and change, baby. If I actually knew how to vote at the time, I probably would have done it myself.

Yeah, dude, don't... I just don't know how to do it. I know you. You know me. I was genuinely... I definitely got hoodwinked. I'm not going to lie. I was more or less...

You got fucking... We were both hoodwinked. I was just like, oh, nice. I literally was just like... Crazy, you got fucking. We were both hooked. I was just like, oh, nice. I'm on an Obama phone. I literally was just like. True, they were giving out. Sorry, sorry.

They did offer me one. I legitimately was like, nice, a black guy is elected. Remember Cash for Clunkers, man? I know a lot of dudes that came up on that. Cash for Clunkers? Yeah, dude.

That was the Obama bill? Adgo came up on that. True. Adgo traded in an O'Connell line, an 89 O'Connell line for a new Ford Fusion. Wait, was that Obama's like. That was like one of his things.

That was his freedom fund? Well, I don't know. Actually, you know, that might have been end of Bush. I can't remember. Remember when Bush gave everybody a bunch of money? Everybody loved that.

No, I can't remember. Bush gave everybody like a beefy tax return one year. Like everybody got a G. Really? Oh, yeah. That happened, yeah. He was like,

look, you guys aren't going to like what I'm about to do. Here's a thousand bucks. Exactly. Super sorry for 9-11. So sorry about the what I'm about to do. Here's a thousand bucks. Exactly. Super sorry for 9-11. So sorry about the tunnels on Epstein's Island. Here's a G. I was at Harrisburg Area Community College when Obama was getting elected.

Yeah. And as one of the few honkies there, got to tell you. Is that like a black school or something? Yeah. Okay. I'm confused. It's one of the few honks in attendance. You say Harrisburg.

This is after you went AWOL. Oh, yeah, dude. Harrisburg's black as fuck. I went AWOL at West Point because I got, bro, I might be Mossad. Yeah, I got PTSD from waking up early. You might have been late, dude. So you were at the college. Yeah, they did not.

I'll tell you what. They did not handle Barack Obama winning with class and dignity. Really? A lot of showboating going on. They were showboating? To the white kids. I remember that. To the honky students.

I remember instantly regretting that. I was living in the hood when Michael Jackson died. It was the opposite. The whole hood was shut down for like 72 hours people were walking by like super round shouldered for like dude for three days

and I was like they still don't believe he touched kids dude I've heard some stuff they're coming around yeah some people Matt

those guys they are speaking the truth dude what those guys on that documentary yeah oh for sure yeah

there's people saying that he owned like he Michael Jackson owns like a resort in the Bahamas still like sandals What? Those guys on that documentary. Yeah, for sure. Oh, for sure, yeah. There's people saying that he owned... Michael Jackson owns a resort in the Bahamas. Still? Sandals. He owns a big resort. I mean, maybe not anymore.

Some 12-year-old kid probably owns half of it now. But yeah, people were saying that he had all of his musical rights and someone was like pedo setting him up to get pretty young things. All right, all right. I mean, dude, whether it's true or not, I don't know. They're saying the same stuff about R. Kelly too, aren't they? was like pedo setting him up to get like pretty young thing get the rights like pretty young alright alright I mean dude whether it's true they're saying the same

stuff about R. Kelly too aren't they well Kells is innocent Kells is so Kells is busted dude he got busted is he still gone did you see the one

Argo where it's like he's so depressed he can't read his fan letters cause he's illiterate oh man he's getting fan letters right now

he's getting fan letters but his lawyer was like he's so depressed and he's illiterate, he can't read his fan letters. When you realize he's illiterate, the song, I am a mountain. I am an eagle. I am a tall tree. This guy doesn't know anything. This guy's a fucking moron. I went back and listened to I Believe I Can Fly,

and I was just kind of like, all right. I was like, damn, this is impressive for a dude who couldn't read. When you realize R. Kelly's retarded, that all makes sense. It's like, oh, shit, this is a true statement he's making. That's a real story. And, dude, all those girls are on his reading level. Really? Think about it

Maybe he was just Trying to learn how to read Maybe the whole thing Was like some sort of book club I was about to say Some sort of 17 year old book club You think he was like On a video set

He can really relate To 15 year olds The Barron's team Barely legal He was like sitting there And he was like She was like You ever read Goosebumps

She was like This is amazing literature girl Come to my studio now We must talk about this i am a snowman in pasadena oh i am a werewolf say cheese and die rl stein this is amazing literature he probably sat in his home like an ascot in a scarf like one foot up

like a skull in a candle burning he'd get scared he'd get scared he'd turn the page he'd read a fucking choose your own adventure and choose the wrong path

and be like oh god oh god do you think someone's ever jumped reading like while you're reading definitely Kells dude Kells would jump

if you're reading something really scary how spooky very scary like the dossier on getting jumping while reading Oh, definitely Kells, dude. Kells would jump. If you're reading something really scary. How spooky? Very scary. Like the dossier on... That'd be something. I don't see it. He's getting jumping while reading.

Jumping while reading. Whoa. What a twist. You have to be a speed... If you're a speed reader, that could probably happen to you. Yeah. You're like, oh, Jesus Christ. I gotta read every paragraph like six times.

Such a fucking moron. I'll read and my eyes will catch something ahead of me and spoil that. I'm like, oh, fuck. I didn't want to see that. And I cut it up and down. Damn, dude. So, yeah, man, I'm really excited to see how people take all this. Because that's been like, you know, all the New York Times, Atlantic. Go ahead.

I got one more. Go ahead. This is going well. If we're back on Michael Jackson. Yeah. So the first night I came on stage they played the Jackson 5 in Phoenix

and then I was making fun I was like you know about the implications and the crowd it was everybody like it was

and I was like which is funny because little Michael was probably older Michael's type you know what I mean and if there was

some sort of looper situation where older Mike got a hold of little Mike, perhaps he would have him. What song was this? What was I playing? Jack A, B, C.

It's a great fucking song. Great song. Fun song. Separate the art from the artist. So you're saying Michael, if there was a looper, if there was a looper, he'd go back

and he would get little Mike. Whatever you do, it would be like, whatever you do, do not mess with yourself. And he'd be like, God damn, we're going to dance up there. Kids dancing? Shit.

All right, sorry. He just goes back in time. Nothing ever happens. He remembers himself touching his butthole. And he's like, what? Maybe that's exactly what happened. Because a lot of sexual predators start from getting preyed upon. Maybe MJ invented time travel.

He moonwalked back in time and fucked himself and then became a predator. Very true. That checks out. Spud will believe that. I want to be the... When I have my kid, I want to be like the Joe Jackson of podcasts. Beat the fuck out of him.

Make a funny joke. He didn't molest his kids. Joe Jackson beat his kids into adulthood. That's Matt's black side coming right out. Is that what you're talking about? Joe Jackson didn't do nothing wrong. Who said he molest his kids. Joe Jackson beat his kids into adulthood. That's Matt's black side coming right out. What are you talking about? Joe Jackson didn't do nothing wrong. Wait, who said he molested his kids? He ain't touched no kids.

He ain't touched no goddamn kids. He taught them discipline. Taught them how to dance well. How do you know this? They all came out that I used to beat the shit out of them. Yeah, Latoya is fucked up. Okay, that's a damning accusation. I can see that

you may have a point you'd be surprised how many dads fuck their daughters and when the oldest one grows up and moves out they just go to the youngest one you'd be surprised

no apparently like I said I was reading the that stat from that thing before okay that's not funny I shouldn't have said that it's not funny I was reading

I was reading a stat before and they were saying jogging millers dude from a CDC sample they did people with like it was either eating disorder

or some kind of disorder 37% of them had been molested yeah that's a huge that was like 23 a sample

a sample of 23,000 people it's literally like the thing that fucks you up the most yeah for sure well it's one of those things too when like you start to get close with people, you become like legitimately terrified that they're going to like.

That's why I'm like kind of like not that jammed up about, I mean this is going to sound bad, but like the girls that are sold into sex slavery and these dudes are just, all right, man, Bill, stop. But the dudes are just trying to get like a 15-year-old fuck on. To me, that's not as bad as like the people that psyop the little kids. For sure. You know what I mean?

Definitely. The psyop in the little kids is the thing that's fucking evil. Yeah, it is. It's not fucking the kid? Fucking the kid is bad. It's bad. I'm not saying it's bad. I think they're both evil.

No, they're both evil. But there's one. It's like teaching a man to fish in the opposite. It's like if you psyop, there's a guy who was kicking's like teaching a man to fish in the opposite it's like if you psyop there's like there's a guy who was kicking around

because you're creating a victim instead of using a victim if you give a man a kid he's gonna be hungry in a day that's the thing with Ghislaine Maxwell but if you psyop a kid

but if you psyop a kid you teach a man to psyop kids Ghislaine Maxwell and Epstein used to psyop the girls so they were virgins and they got psyoped into this.

And that's why they're the real criminals. All the guys that flew on the plane, like, Jesus Christ, the guy that made World of Warcraft was on the island. The fucking... Oh. What a fun island outside of the... Shane. Dude, you're triggering Hollywood, bro. This is what they don't want you to know.

They think it's just like, oh, they're having sex with 16-year-olds. There's human sacrificing going on down there, dude. World of Warcraft guy witnessed a human sacrifice? I don't know. I don't know. Come on. He's on the plane. That's the first level.

He's on the dock. That's the first level of the island. The guy that made the sin, Matt Groening, went on. Yeah, once you're Prince Andrew, the high-power elites, dude, they get off the human sacrifice, dude. They're psychopaths. They want power. So, I mean, the downfall of all great civilizations is human sacrifice.

Jones said it. The Mayans, they all start sacrificing fucking humans. Yeah, the civilizations become vampiric on the children. Damn. Jones said it. Maxwell would be a procurer, a Renfield. A Renfield, yeah. Someone who goes and gets the people for that.

There's multiple people on the record coming at her for that. Yeah. And supposedly she's ready to talk, but I don't believe it. I believe it when I say it. Is she just browsing the fashion bug? What do you mean? I don't know. One of us shoplifts her shit from fashion bug.

What's fashion bug? It's like a store, like a 15-year-old. I got a DM from A. Chris O'Connor. What do you want? Who cares? Maxwell needs to be prosecuted. That's what I'm saying. Where are the red pills that are being swallowed

from the midget? Even liberal-ass bitch Chris O'Connor, I wouldn't say that. No, no, no. What? No, no, no, no. What'd you say?

A little person, Chris O'Connor. Jesus Christ. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, yeah. Spud's got some Bud Light or Miller Lights in him. I forgot.

Dude, well, that's... Yes. So we're putting the picture together. Maxwell, you think they're actually going to... They'll probably make a show out I forgot. Dude, well, that's, so we're putting the picture together. Maxwell, you think they're actually going to, they'll probably

make a show out of her. No, most of the time she would have been Epstein's handler from Mossad. So he was, he was the, he was their operative.

She was the handler. They never get in trouble. So whatever she's going to say is fake. Can I ask a question? So you think the Mossad? The Mossad did this, yeah.

You think the Jays? The Jays, yeah. Why would they do it? To have the DOS on everybody? Mossad did this, yeah. You think the Jays? The Jays, yeah. Why would they do it? To have the DOS on everybody? This is their CIA, yeah. It's just their CIA. They have Biden and all the most powerful people. Yeah, the British gave them a country,

and they got their own intelligence agency. Yeah, I know that, but I'm saying, why not our intelligence agency doing this? Why does it have to be Mossad? Oh, I'm sure we have our own. It's not the CIA doing this? We have our own stuff going on but they think that he's massad epstein yeah well if he is an operative from massad he would be an operative for anybody because he's compromised across the board so if the cia got a hold of him they would be like you work for us now what a

life though you gotta get in that but he started out with jose maxwell and she's her dad was massad so that's why they're saying he's inside yeah he could have been okay i was wondering where the connection is i'm sorry point like the cia could have grabbed him and like you're working for us now and like you know what i mean the massad might work for us no because the massad did 9-11 the dancing israelis you never saw that video? No Okay I know Trump saw Muslims dancing in Jersey City Dude speaking Trump when it first happened

Play the clips What did Trump say And then a couple weeks later After he was Basically told by his hand There's what to say You know what I mean? What was the first thing he said?

He was all like Let's get these Let's look at this This looks like a Controlled demolition I've built a ton of buildings. There's no way. Oh, he was a 9-11 denier off the bat.

Right off the bat. This is before, like, the presidency. That's a fucking moron. No way. Dude went to. It just instantly is like. The dude went to the Wharton School of Business. He's smarter than all of us.

Go to, you think there's just a whole school of people smarter than you right over there. One billion percent. You guys are geniuses. No. We haven't had too much college. Yeah. They're not smarter than you right over there. One trillion percent. You guys are geniuses. No. We haven't had too much college. Yeah. They're not smarter than you. Dude,

the kids at the Wharton School of Business are smart as balls. Are all smarter than you? Yes. IQ levels? I hope so, yeah. Well, it's like,

they're definitely rocking, they're probably rocking high SATs. I mean, street smarts, dude? Yeah, not a chance. Maybe not. The Asians,

spatial awareness, probably not. Spatial awareness is tough. You guys were talking about that? I just walked through fucking Penn Station. Yeah. Bro. It's a video game, dude.

It is insane, dude. Yeah. I want to just fucking knock them all over. Wow. No, I just said knock them over. I just want to walk through there, and there's zero spatial awareness. Yeah, I know. It's awesome.

It's hilarious. The Chinese have none. They would just walk right in there. I think there's so many people. Yeah, I know. It's awesome. They're fucking... Spatial awareness. The Chinese have none. They would just walk right in. I think they're probably more used... There's so many people over in Asian countries. No, they're just like, their spatial awareness is trash. Really?

In that bell curve book, that's part of the idea. Oh, really? It's in there? Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. They have low spatial awareness. I just gained it from...

That's where we get that stat from. That's crazy. I just gained it from experience. No, yeah. There was a family today. They should actually be like You know When they are driving

They should have special Extra bumpers Oh yeah I mean that's fair dude Sorry to interrupt They should have a big wire Hanging from the top No yours is funnier

The fact that Asians Should have bumper cars Yeah with the thing Sparking on the roof Just so you know You're like oh fuck alright Yeah that can't be original That Asians should drive bumper cars I mean that can't be Original That Asians should

Drive bumper cars I mean that can't be That's a joke from like As soon as they invented Bumper cars Someone was like Yeah Jinx should drive these My grandpa probably did that

You think they used to Call them Asian cars When they first came out I would do the Asian cars A bumper car I would do the Asian cars And every like Every like 10 seconds

On the gas pedal Your thing would just Veer to the left And be like, boom. It's like low speed crashes. Dude, I got in a low speed Asian crash. Some guy bumped into me like six miles an hour. That spark at the top, that's so funny.

Oh, dude, I want to talk about our Uber driver, dude. Me and Spud got the inside track on how to get multiple wives in a Muslim household. Yo, this shit was fucking wild. Well, the dude was, the guy, we were talking Tinder. Of course. I'm talking Tinder with Spud. I'm like, yo, bro, you keep sending the message. My whole thing was like.

Is it on? Pay for unlimited. Pay for unlimited. Swipe as many times as you can. Spud, you're a handsome dude. That's what I'm saying. It's all the days. That's what I'm saying.

You got to follow up. That's what I'm saying. You got to follow up on him. Get that leg fixed. That's what I'm saying. That's all the days. That's what I'm saying. You got to follow up. That's what I'm saying. You got to follow up on them. Get that leg fixed. We'll get you out there. Turn that Frankenstein into Franken-fine, baby. We're talking Tinder. And, dude, this guy, we're talking Tinder.

All of a sudden, we see a big unibrow rise in the rearview mirror. It's the driver. He's got a big calanchocula bro he's got that muslim brow yeah dude he fucking pops that brow up and he was like you gotta be ruthless out there bro he starts talking he was like yo i like he's like you ever fuck with older women bro he's like i he's like when you're with an older woman you just feel the pleasure more Spain just in the back yeah all the time yeah I fuck old and young

you name it pretty much he's driving he's like you guys know what I'm saying you just feel the pleasure alright dude I guess I don't know he's like yo we go down to AC oh man

they're just so nice they're rich you get oh man look I'm gonna make you feel good just take care of me what the fuck out of AC. Oh, man. They're just so nice. They're rich. You can get, oh, man, you get what, you just, look, I'm gonna make you feel good.

Just take care of me. What the fuck? So this guy's going, oh, we know this guy from Adam. You got him hard as fuck. We were in a car for about three minutes.

Dude, this guy, yeah, he jumps right into it. We're like, what the fuck? And, you know, we're telling him where we're going to paint. He's like,

oh, man, I went to high school there, blah, blah, blah. And then he starts talking about, how the fuck, oh, out of nowhere, he was just like, yeah, I'm married, by the way. And we're like, oh, man, I went to high school there, blah, blah, blah. And then he starts talking about how the fuck – oh, out of nowhere, he was just like, yeah, I'm married, by the way. We're like, just talking about dogging 50-year-olds in Atlantic City. He was like – No, I said –

Dogging 50-year-olds. We were at State Road in Lansdowne, and I was like, most of the girls that like me on the internet are moms. Yeah. And then he was like, they really appreciate it. And he started talking about how he could somehow marry his wife's cousin but explain that oh god yeah well we started talking about multiple he started he brings up the thing of multiple oh he was talking about his uncle his uncle she she's trying to find yeah her uncle she's trying to find yep a girl for him his his first love so his wife's uncle is trying to reunite with his first love as his second wife, and they're 60 years old.

What's up with him? He's 60, but she's 55. Yeah. I have to squat. What's going on? Nothing. What's up with the sidebar? I got a text.

Be quiet about it. Be quiet about it. Okay. Christ. He's talking about multiple wives. Sorry to the listener. Sorry to the listener. So we're talking about multiple wives. Sorry to the listener. Sorry to the listener. So we're talking about multiple wives.

You're right. So the guy, so this dude is, he's in the car telling us how his problem right now is his wife's uncle is trying to bone his first love. 60-year-old married man. But he's already married. He's already married. And I was like, how's he going to do that? And she's like,

we're Muslims, so we can have more than one wife. And that's when we were like, off the floor wives. I worked with a guy who had three wives, Amir, and he was literally on the phone.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Can you imagine? He's like an Amazon control center guy. We were jackhammers. He was. Dude,

that's why Muslims are so good. That's why Indians and Muslims are so good at phone centers. Dude, also wives. All they're dealing with so many wives also hold on one second

I'll take your call I have to speak to the management now speak to a different wife just like I will put the dishes away when I get home as soon as possible

hold on one moment yes I'm very sorry about that I have a hold on one second I have to put your yes I did not forget to vacuum the steps

as well the steps are very difficult one second hold on they will be extra I vacuum the steps as well. The steps are very difficult. One second. Hold on. They will be extra. I know the steps are your least favorite. Yes, we are very sorry for any inconvenience that may have caused. Dude, so then he's telling us this.

We're like, what the fuck? This dude's 60. He's like, that's what I told her. It's forbidden because you need to get your wife's consent in order to get a second wife. So you got to scream this to your wife. Now we're getting the your wife check this out so he was like i don't think it's hard to get muslim women's consent as a muslim he's trying to paint the picture like it's even steven even though i was dying to be like well can your wife have an extra husband but i was i didn't want to rock this dude's you would get

he would crash the car immediately. Matt was... Oh, I said... Matt got nervous because he was talking about the prophet and I was like, the prophet was a bad boy. The prophet was a bit of a bad boy. The prophet would have been on the island. And he said that... The prophet would have been on the island.

Well, here's his rationale. Wait, wait, wait. Here's his rationale. It's so fucking funny, dude. He says that Muhammad married a girl 20 years younger than him to protect her. But I was like, he was 29.

I heard that on Dateline exactly can you ever tell her how not good this is and she should be safe on the internet that's what you were saying but I looked it up

and you're not allowed to have sex with little girls but if you have impure thoughts and you get hard you can rub your boner on their thighs and stuff you're allowed to be that how sick would it be

if Muhammad got the Quran what yeah half of the book also is about killing all of us Chris Hansen walked into a tent with... If Muhammad came into a tent with like six jugs of wine,

and was just like, I was just here to... There's just two goats and six jugs of wine? Sorry, I was just here to talk to her. I was not a... I'm stupid. I'm so stupid. I want to make sure she's not going to do this.

There's a wagon of gold chalices behind him. He's like, what are the gold chalices about? He's like, it is nothing, just a small gift. What are these lambskin condoms? Why don't you go ahead and take a seat there on the rug there, would you? He's like, what, through this rug? This is a good rug. Yes, I'm so stupid.

I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck. This is the first time I've ever done something like that. Wow, they all say the same thing, dude. Just a pop spot. He's like, so I'm like, we're asking. I'm like, wait, so you got to screen this through your wife?

And he was like, yeah, man, that's why I'm mad at my wife. Because basically, and this dude, it's a legitimate thing to go to your wife, but you're not giving me enough sex. I need enough sex. Therefore, I need a new wife. Another Muslim guy I work with, Jalil, told me about. Muslims got this shit right. Yo, this guy goes, he goes, well, look, man, and he's how he defends it.

He goes, well, look, you guys know men are stronger in sex than women. I was like, say that again, bro. He's right. What's that mean? Yep. He basically, by being like, a man needs to cum more than we're stronger in sex. Our boners hurt and we need to cum all the time. So you can go to your wife.

And he goes, for example, my wife has a cousin that has four kids and no husband. I could marry her. She's 23 years old. And we were like, yeah, dude, you want to get some pussy? He goes, it's not about pussy. It's about protecting her. That comes later. So you can marry, like, so you can go to your wife and be like, I've got to protect your cousin.

Maybe Epstein was just trying to protect everyone. Maybe he was Muslim. Maybe he was a bit of a protector, like Chris Kyle. He was only getting, yeah. Much like Chris Kyle. Don't do that. Instead of sniping, you think he was. But, dude, Epstein was only getting massages.

So maybe he was just rubbing his boner on him. Maybe Epstein was only getting massages, so maybe he was just rubbing his boner on him. Maybe Epstein was a Muslim. Maybe this whole thing is a farce. There is a... They are trying to push Muslims on us.

Whoa. What? Who is? Yeah, that's like a whole thing. That's like a whole theory trying to push Muslims into countries

because it breaks up the family and turns into socialism. Oh, man. Sorry, guys. and turns into socialism. Oh, man. Sorry, guys. I told you this. Sorry, guys. Are Muslims socialists?

Muslims love families. Muslims are incredibly... Yeah, multiple families. Oh, you're saying the law, the difference in law, like Sharia law. The difference in law, yeah, yeah. Then you enter Sharia law. You're allowed to marry multiple wives under Sharia law. That's the question.

Okay. That's the question of multiculturalism. If Muslims move into America, can they have, well, I guess Mormons. Yeah, Mormons. We allow multiple wives. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, you would be allowed to do that. Yeah, whatever.

But the cool thing about that was the dude goes. That's such a good answer to all that. It's just like, wait, what about this? What about that? Just somebody be like, build a wall. No, you just build a fucking wall. about that? Just somebody be like, build a wall. You just build a fucking wall. I wouldn't say something like that, though.

Ah, Svea just got his mic. You got to tilt that. No, it's not his fault. This thing's loose and it's fucking loose. He fiddles with it. No, I don't. I'm trying to tighten it because it keeps falling. Yeah, this thing keeps falling. This thing's an accomplice.

It keeps spinning north. No, but the cool thing is the dude, so the whole thing is the girl, his wife was like, I'm going to help my uncle get some snizz, and he was like, don't do that. It's forbidden. What if I tried to have sex with your cousin and gave her this whole full-on plan?

I would never even think about it. I'm not saying that I would do this, but I mean, your cousin has four kids, and she needs a husband, and it's like that chick, that wife's just crab clawing, dude, like staring at the ceiling spinning. Yeah. What's going on? She said. It's a Mr clawing dude like staring at the ceiling spinning yeah what's going on

she said Mr. Crab's meme this is like crabby swirls but I love crab this is gen 4 of this meme for space

no he said though crab manning crab swirling all he's saying he said crabbing he said that his wife yeah the wife's just

sitting there going what no he said his wife was like yeah but I'll never neglect you sexually like that yeah that was her

comeback which is awesome and like what I wanted to say when you were you sexually like that. Yeah, that was her comeback, which is awesome. And what I wanted to say when you were talking about this, that day when you dropped me off, right? I end up with Robbie. Robbie, shout out Robbie, Native American. He gets a piece of the casinos. 12 G's a month, dude.

Damn. Robbie used to be Christian as fuck. But Robbie got angry with his bae, dude. His bae has some kids. They're a piece of the tribe. So the kids are getting taken care of. That ain't no problem. So Robbie's getting 12 Gs a month, drives a brand new Tundra.

What up? And Robbie's got a new girlfriend that he talks to on the Apple Watch. His girlfriend's hot as a stripper, bro. And when she calls him during work, dude, is he sitting there going like, Hey, babe. What's up? Okay. Okay, sweetheart. Okay.

No. He's like yo i'm at work right now what the fuck you want no i can't talk to you it's fucking sick that's all he's a fucking man but you're saying muslims know how to take care of it i'm just saying native americans yeah i don't need americans now americans and moz do all they control their sniz proper and indians i'm not saying you should control them but they do know how to talk to them on a level playing they say They talk to their girlfriends well. They say, send us our fucking bobs.

Send the fucking vageen now, dude. That's a good point. That's something we could fucking welcome. We do need to welcome several things from other cultures. White guys might be the most pussy whipped out of all the dudes. Dude, Robbie, we're painting a room.

It's me, Savage, Malky, and Robbie in a room painting and he gets a call gets his watch and goes not right now babe i'm still at work and walks out of the room and i was like i looked at maliki he's like that's how you fucking do that dude and he goes yep damn it's like it takes white dudes like a whole fucking 15 years to figure that out true robbie just came gift you know native american obviously 12 grand a month i mean imagine getting 12, that's true. Jesus Christ, man.

Talk about UBI. Woo. Woo. God damn. Shout out to CNS, dude. Shout out to the Cassinis. By the way, that word. What?

Kid stealing? What? Cassinis was the start of all that. The fucking CITES. The way that Cassinis. Oh, okay. That's how that morphed? Yeah.

Yeah. Cassinis. That was the first one. Wow. Down at the Cassini might. Yeah, we were. Yeah. Cassinis. That was the first one. Down at the Cassini. Bingo history. That's the spawn. You have a bunch of kids on Reddit jerking off now. Cassinis.

Wow. Cassinis. No, the Muzz definitely have that down. Yeah. And you got to give them some respect on that. I also had another Uber ride with 2GunTony, and 2GunTony, he felt me out for a while to see if it was okay to talk about

how the neighborhoods in Philly had turned to shit, and then he went off, dude, talking about how he killed a couple dudes back in the day. He kind of called it today. Dude was the man. Yeah, he kind of called that some neighborhoods are bad today because there's a mass shooting. Let me fix Spade's mic.

This is killing me. No, no, it's not your fault. All right, fix the mic. We're all good here. I'll show you. Yeah. Oh, now mine's broke. Spud's mic,

every time we were doing it, it would just literally float to like the left. It wasn't your fault, bro. It's a ghost of Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, sorry. It's a ghost of Epstein. Dude, shut up.

Wow. It's spooky. Shut the fuck up. Seriously, guys. It's not fucking cool. Wait. Isn't Epstein like... Is it perhaps that Epstein is a white hat in this?

No. I don't know. They like to do that. They like to do that in these conspiracy theories where they bring the victim into the... Name one. I just thought it sounded cute. He's getting set up. Once you guys showed me the...

No, this is going to sound bad too, but once you guys showed me the picture of Bill dressed like a girl, I was like, man, how cool is it to hang out with these guys? They might be funny as fuck. Yeah, that came out. That's fucking crazy. They might be funny fucking dudes to chill with. It's like they just got one problem. Who's going to these guys?

Must know how to keep it quiet, because who's going to that office and not going like... Oh, yeah. That's pre-camera fun. Well, you can also get shot in the fucking head. Yesterday? I mean, these guys just got it. Oh, you mean the photograph of the painting? That's just-camera fun. Well, you can also get shot in the fucking head. Yesterday? I mean, these guys just got it. Oh, you mean the photograph of the painting.

That's just at his house. Well, it's also like you definitely don't want to leak. If you're down on an island full of a guy running like a pedophile sex ring. This is at his house in New York. What? Yeah. But I mean, Bannon was there. Do you see what Sam Hyde's doing with that?

What? You see Sam Hyde? Oh, yeah. I saw Sam Hyde and Banksy. At Leroy? Yeah. Like spray painting at Leroy on things? They've spray painted at Leroy. What is painting at Leroy on things they've spray painted

at Leroy what is that on Epstein's that's it Leroy is Sam Hyde's Instagram okay

so at Leroy on Epstein's house in New York and his house in West Palm Beach yeah it's weird that people hate him

I got my wisdom I got my wisdom tooth pulled right whoa bro sorry yo I got my wisdom tooth pulled and I was on anesthesia

so i was fucked up and matt picked me up matt dropped me off at his house and was like yo chill here for a while till you recover puts on million dollar extreme the funniest shit i've ever seen in my life dude ahead of its time i've never seen this shit before i thought this was funny as fuck then i'm like people hate sam howdy like as fuck. Dude, my friend Burke did Million Dollar Extreme back when they were just starting in Brooklyn. Like, when they just started. Like, interviewing the chicks on the street? I've been on fucking Million Dollar Extreme since literally day one. You showed it to me.

I showed it. Dude, I was so hyped when they got a fucking adult. Dude, Million Dollar Extreme is so fucking funny. The sketch or whatever, when they're sitting there with that mom on the couch, that was funny as shit, dude. Oh, my God. Everything they do. When they interviewed hipsters in Brooklyn, that might have been the funniest.

Williamsburg. Williamsburg. It's Williamsburg. You're like, did your dad pay for this? Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad we got the full scoop right now on Epstein. I mean, it's not the full scoop, but it's a good enough thing. The thing about...

It's boring to people, man. No, it's not, dude. More people now are getting engaged. There's a lot of people now who are trying to play catch up because they've definitely missed. That's what I'm saying. O'Connor's sitting there texting...

That's what I was saying to you on the phone. O'Connor's going to sit there and text Shane, Maxwell needs to be locked up. Now, he just put his little foot in the pool, dude. I know. I'm the fucking lifeguard, baby. I know. Let's go.

Well, the whole thing of honeypotting was like a... That was a conspiracy theory of itself. Like the CIA bring people in to like have sex with kids and like compromise them. I mean, sexual blackmail, sexual blackmail is one thing, right? Sexual blackmail is one thing. Pedophile blackmail is the ultimate. Yeah. And they've been doing this shit since after World War II.

So there's records of this. Actually, there's dudes that think that woodrow wilson was compromised into letting the irs exist so before we had income tax there's no way like that's the most un-american thing ever yeah and then they think that he got compromised and dude i don't know enough about it but that is some that is something that i've heard before that makes sense woodrow wilson got compromised by like the bankers because Abraham Lincoln was like, there's never going to be

a central bank in the United States. Yeah. And he printed his own money being like, fuck you guys. And he got the Russians to help fight the Civil War.

And shout out to all the manlets. Most Civil War fighters were 5'4", 125 pounds. Were they really? It was a war of manlets? Little guys, dude. Tiny, tiny.

The war of manlets, dude. Yeah, it was. Yeah, we lost 6 a war of manlets? Little guys, dude. Tiny, tiny. It was a war of manlets, dude. Yeah, it was. We lost 660,000 manlets. Mostly to diarrhea. Most of the manlets couldn't handle their chow. A lot of the chow was too much for the manlets. Mostly to infections and diarrhea. It was just guys across the field looking at each other,

like shitting, like, ah! Dude, people want more history, Cass. You've got to do a history, Cass. I mean, more people died of people want more history case, dude. You gotta do a history case. I mean, more people died of diarrhea than bullets in the Civil War. That sounds pretty shitty. Now that's why the Kenworth kids here, dude. That's why we bring in the Kenworth.

Back it up, dude. That's a funny stat. That's a Kenworth back in there. I know you're talking to Billy and the beeps happen, dude. It's so loud. It's not that loud, dude. You're a pussy. I have my parrot on, dude. It's so loud. It's not that loud, dude. You're a pussy.

I have my power on, dude. It's loud as shit. I have my power on every day. I've had it on longer than you. You probably have, like, hearing damage, though. Nope. Not me, bro. Not me.

Bulletproof, dude. No, no, no. I was telling Brittany about it the other day. When you were a baby, I swear to God, I'm not making this up. You still had your rooting reflex. My what? Your rooting reflex. When babies instinctively search for the nipple.

I used to hold you and used to suck my nipples when you were a baby. When he was a baby, he would suck, you would try to suck my nipples. No way. You tried to suck nips? He was a baby. It was instinct. You can't hold it against him. Don't say no way. It's okay, dude. Dude, it's fine. It's not wrong. You were just, you were

the best. See, Bill, you know why I'm not gay? I never had it, because Cause never had a mom Yeah right That's even gayer It's not funny to say gay I know I'm laughing at

Can we stop No but no I told you that Silly I remember that When you were little You wish dude You wish

Oh he said silly Instead of gay That's probably When he's like Oh that's silly He's like oh okay He's dog whistling He's dog whistling.

He's dog whistling. I'm bringing it back. What? What? Gay? No, I didn't say that. Let us say it. Silly? Yeah.

Wink and nod? No, dude. You used to try to suck my nipples. Justin. You did. It's okay. He was a baby. You were not even a year old.

You don't remember. You don't remember. What else were you getting me to do, dude? I was trying to hold you. Was I touched? No. You touched me. Dude? What else were you getting me to do, dude? I was just trying to hold you. Was I touched? No. You touched me. Dude, was he touched?

No, he touched me. How weird was it when he went? Were you just trying to protect me? Did he latch to you? Did you let him latch to you? He clamped on me one time, dude. Is that why you like getting your nipples sucked so much? Could be.

No, they're just really sensitive. You do like nipple play, dude. I do. It makes me come immediately. But I love chicks. No, dude. It wasn't your fault. You love tits so much you try to suck me. It's so chill that I would do that for you.

No, really. You were a baby and it was a rooting reflex and the first time holding you, you went and latched onto my nipple. I'm like, ah, what the fuck? And now you get hard because of that. Pretty much, yeah. You're flipping this. You're trying so hard to fly. This is jiu-jitsu, dude.

Matt has you down, bro. Matt's got you down, dude. The more you resist, the more you're resistant from this choke, the deeper the choke's getting. You suckled a male nip, dude. I'm saying it's not a big deal. It was just a good memory I had.

I was like, oh, that was so cute when you tried to suck my nipples when you were a baby. Why are we even fighting? Why are we talking about this? What are we even talking about? You're a hand pal, dude. Why are we even arguing? We're all friends. Why are we even are we even arguing We're all friends

Why are we even talking We're all friends And we're all family Can we please stop Yeah Like I was just a good memory We were talking about

Something else Way cooler before this So let's talk about that I mean dude How freaking Horrible is Jeffrey Epstein And the Democrats Honestly fuck Democrats

And I was never breastfed And it doesn't make me sad at all Yeah dude Yeah you have a fucking Long You have a long And sordid fucking biography honestly fuck Democrats and I was never breastfed and it doesn't make me sad at all yeah dude you have a long and sordid fucking biography I was breastfed for five days I don't even remember it you're the opposite of everything you're fighting against

what do you mean bastard in a basket bastard in a basket wow that's way funny let's a basket wow that's way funny let's talk about that what's way funnier that I don't have a family yeah

I've been hitting Billy with like Billy like he's like I gotta go home for Mara's birthday I was like why the fuck

you gotta go home oh that was great he's sitting there like this who the fuck has birthday parties for their fucking brothers and sisters

and like in my head I'm just like, damn, maybe he's right. Is my family just being gay about birthdays? They are in their 20s. And I'm like, oh, wait. Spade family hates him, dude. Oh, yeah. Spud's a bastard in a basket. Dude, you're a superhero designed to fucking take down the fucking Mossad.

Let's go. I like the sounds of this. And the CIA. That's way cooler. The CIA and all those motherfuckers that were born into it. They were fucking born with a silver spoon and born into this secret society. Not you, bro. You were born into a fucking shed, dude.

You were born into a manger surrounded by asses. That's true. Mythologically speaking, you are the hero. Mythologically. I do love myths, dude. I also do love Harry Potter. You are the mythological. Also, too, I will say there is something to be said about your

resilience. I am a resilient dude. Definitely. Admirable. But yeah, you are the mythological hero. Five people have cashed in already. That's what I'm saying. I'm watching Epstein and being like, that dude definitely did not kill himself. Yeah, I have a hard time. Although, someone just busted my pedophile ring.

I might be like, eeeeh. I don't know how to handle the pressure. I mean, he filed two appeals. I don't think he could have. That was the thing. I don't think he could have killed himself. He's filing appeals. He was fighting it.

He beat it once, too. Yeah, he beat it once. And it's not like he was that worried about people knowing he was a pedophile because he still was a pedophile. Let me unlock this level of the game for you. He got busted. His original plea deal makes all the co-conspirators immune. I know. It gives them immunity.

Yeah. If he dies, that immunity goes away. If they fake his death and take it away and just say to the public that he's dead, death certificate and everything, all the co-conspirators will go down. They're still on the hook. Yesterday, Bill Barr had a conference saying,

don't worry, victims. You will have justice. We're going to go after all co-conspirators who signed his i mean dude who's the guy who signed it what was the guy's name bill clinton was his name what yes the clinton foundation the cfr the trilateral commission the deep state signed uh signed they were his references when he got the plea deal yeah damn no it's just i'm sitting here thinking, I believe everything you just said, by the way. It's just funny that podcasts are what's going to bring down... Oh, yeah, podcasts will bring down the deep state.

As soon as the technology advanced so that every retard in the country could talk, people were like, hey, I did research. Because no one else is doing research. Everyone's just doing their job. You go to work. I read this thing. This is what it took to bring down... It's called open source know. Everyone's just doing their job. You go to work. I read this thing.

It's like, this is what it took to break down. It's called open source investigations. It's crazy. That's how Matt's going to take down the PPA. That's how I'm taking down the PPA.

Fuck the PPA. I'm calling on all citizens to become open source investigators. It's like now that with the information at your fingertips, the press has to be wrestled

out of the hands. If anybody bothers you, go on the internet and dig up dirt on them. That's what we're saying. In general, it's like the press has to be taken out out of the hands. If anybody bothers you, go on the internet and dig up dirt on them. Yeah, or just... That's what we're saying. In general, it's like the press has to be taken out of the hands of the elite. Wow, man.

People are propagandized. When the founding fathers founded America, dude, they wanted people like Infowars. That's what they wanted. They didn't want CNN. That's what Jefferson wanted. Jefferson was fighting Muslims, dude. Sure he was. The Barbary States?

Yes, dude. Wow, this is why we need a history podcast, dude. What happened? I love this fucking dude. No, that was like one of our first... Yeah, dude. When we got attacked

by Muslims on the high seas. Muzzy pirates, yeah. Yeah, that's why the Barbary States, like North Africa. Yeah, dude. The Muzzies were coming after us. Pretty much modern day Algeria.

People don't talk about that. Dude, they invaded Europe 500 times before we invaded them 12 times for the Crusades. Really? How about the Polacks taking them down, though? A lot of people don't give the Polacks credit.

Yeah, they make fun of them. Everybody historically is like, yeah, you're pretty easy to get invaded. Thick roots, I've said that before. The Polacks, with their thick roots, took on the Muzz, dude. That must have been a hellish battle, dude. Thick dongs were his fucking... You see like a sea of big fat square heads coming down at you. It was a time

where sissy had a little revolving door of boyfriends coming around and what shut it down? Polak. What happened? My sissy, dude. Who's your sissy? My sister. Your sister had a revolving door. A lot of dudes coming around, right? A lot of Polish? No, no. A lot of dudes coming around and

one Polak came in it was like all right let's go right up wow shut the lock the gates yeah yeah they have they have thick hogs let's go baby finger in the dike type baby married let's go wow you got polish blood no i don't your family yes there are pull-ups in my family i also have a little person too yeah he was on barstool for doing fucking olymp. I love Barstool. He's strong as shit. Dude, I have a cousin that's famous for lifting. Yeah. He's a little person, and he lifts.

A midget that lifts? Bill, can he lift more than you? Fuck no, I'll kick his ass, dude. What is he putting up? Dude, he has a custom Jeep, and he has another midget girlfriend. He's the man. Damn, dude, you and him must have a fucking rivalry. Is she jacked, too?

Oh, no. What's his thing? Germ. I don't know his real name. Wait, is she jacked? Is she jacked, too? Oh, no. What's his thing? Germ. I don't know his real name. Wait, is she jacked? Is it like Midget China? Dude, he found her on the internet because he became famous. Yeah.

Yeah, he's famous. That's all you need. He's actually famous. I mean, if you look him up. The funniest part, what's kind of fucked up, he kind of looks like Spade, even though Spade's adopted him. They're not related. I'm going to flip this fucking table, dude.

Flip the table, dude. Watch out. Billy will suck your fucking nipples. Billy's trying to get out of the smoking rubble he's been left in, dude. Flip the table, dude. Watch out. Billy will suck your fucking nipples. Billy's still trying to get out of the smoking rubble he's been left in, dude. What in the fuck happened to you, man? Dude, you guys are just... Billy's wearing a fucking firefighter helmet and a megaphone. He's just like, we're going to get the sons of bitches who did this to us.

Yo, did you ever get into internal family systems? What's that? What you said just reminded me of that I'm still trying to Incorporate the grid of The interaction grid Interaction grid That's dude

This will help you dude Internal family systems That's Spade's cousin Yeah that's my cousin Your cousin Is yoked Yoked bro Is a midget deadlifting

225 right now Yeah I can do that I can bench press that but Okay Yeah but he's a midget deadlifting It's easier for him Yeah, I can do that. I can bench press that, but... Yeah, but he's a midget deadlifting. It's easier for him. How many times?

No, I asked if he could, dude. I asked if he could. Don't get defensive, bro. I had you beat severely, boy. What? No, no, no. Now it's all gone. Now I...

What were you putting up? 225 would collapse on me. What were you putting up? I had 225. Yeah, 10 times. Significantly more than that. Dude, Shane, get big again, dude. I know, I gotta get swole again.

I'm being a fat fucking pussy. Get alpha, dude. I'm such a fat pussy. Get that cool surfer hair, dude. If you got the cool surfer hair, okay? Cool surfer hair. Just bring the picture. I have about a year left of hair.

Let it roll. Get the fuck out of here. It's wild. But dude, no, it's going fast, dude. Really? You should see my bed I sleep in. Just filled with air. There's no better time to turn all your fat into muscle.

Dude, that's the biggest... Irish jokes, like all the dudes I work with are like, you got more on your... I bet your pillow's got hair on it, and they all laugh about it at the paint store, dude. Have you seen this guy?

That's Spud's cousin, dude. He's a jacked midget. He's jacked as fuck. That's awesome. Yeah. That's a man. He gets internet play. Yeah. So he found a bay on the internet and they custom made a jeep for him

so he could drive to go meet her in the Midwest. It's got long pedals so he can drive around in the car. Damn. It's not fucked up that I say this because it's a little person. Yeah, they have little pedals for him.

That makes sense. Who, uh, what make and model? Power wheel? It's fucked up, dude. It's fucked up. It's over. Shut it down.

Shut it down, dude. Jeremy, if you're listening, you're the man. Shut it down. Jeremy, you're the man. What make and model? Shut it down. How much do his plastic tires cost?

This is Matt, not me. What's that, about 80 pony power come on that is good he peels out your power wheel peel out like yeah dude dude's the man dude's the man seems like the fucking man he was a wrestling champion like I'm just razzing out like Kennet or something I'm just

razzing the local circus Dude imagine Dude Yo Here's one thing right Imagine you're in high school And you're like a wrestler A regular ass wrestler The mind fucking is

Having the cubs come out Hey guess what You're probably what Five two anyway True And here comes a jacked midge Here comes a fucking Jacked LP bro

In your face LP Good luck bro And then you're Beat by a midge, dude. The dude was a champ. Oh, you have to give him the belt immediately. He's a powerlifting midge. You're not arm locking him.

Do they have high school wrestling? Do they have the belt? I don't think so. I don't think so, no. You get to come in with it and be like. You should have the belt. You know what they do? They do throw the hands up.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I would. Yeah. Yeah. They start giving them like the belt. Jesus Christ. I don't think about it. I might petition. That would be sick. Have the hardcore up. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Start giving them like the belt. Jesus Christ.

I don't think about it. I might petition. That would be sick. Have the hardcore belt. Get to end them with chairs and shit. Sorry. So.

Dude, that fucking killed me. I mean, Power Wheels. Dude, sorry. It's one of the better jokes. Can I steal that? It's fine. It's fine. For sure.

Guys are gonna Hey, man, Jeremy, if you're listening, bro, I know you're not, but whatever. Yo, he's a good boy he's a good boy him and the buddies

will be in the gym dude they'll fucking laugh that off what's funny is he's cut he looks exactly like one of those remember you ever

saw Hulk Hogan buddy doll he's built him and the buddy dolls would have like a good fight him versus the ultimate warrior

and Hulk Hogan buddy dolls the wrestling dolls you sleep with they're literally cut from the same Dude, the weird thing is... Him versus the Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan buddy dolls, the wrestling dolls you sleep with, they're literally cut from the same cloth. True. Dude, the weird thing is, I got thrown into a whole other family after my mom died, right?

What'd she die of? What's that? What'd she die of? Cancer. No, I'm kidding. So, anyway, I got thrown into a... What a fucking idiot. Got thrown into a whole other family. Are you sure and I was cancer Are you sure it wasn't the might have been the deep state could have been the Trump CIA?

No, Trump CIA would prepare their fucking hero, please sir You got it. You got to do some evil shit to get a monster and the You gotta create a monster don't be fresh No, I'm drawing the line. I'm drawing the line. You gotta create a monster. Don't be fresh. Don't be fresh. I'm drawing the line. No, I'm not being fresh. Hold on, McCuskers. You're being fresh about his mom. Let me talk to you, McCuskers. McCuskers.

I'm not being fresh about your mom. I'm saying there's an outside shot that the Trump CIA knew. In the past. In the past. Because of the time traveling conspiracy. You think they sent Michael Jackson back in time? Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm with you.

MJ walked back in time. I'm feeling you on this. You're really pumping me up on this. Here we go. Oh, I like to see where he's going. I like this. This is Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm with you. MJ walked back in time. I'm feeling you on this. You're really pumping me up with this. Here we go. Oh, I like to see where he's going. I like this. This is like Terminator. Oh, fuck yeah, dude.

Terminator Salvation. We need to go back in time and be like, this is going to be our fucking guy. God damn, you're the man. He's going to protect us from the drones. God damn, dude. And then they gave your mom cancer. And now you fucking, you're naked. You're reborn.

I'm fucking so hard as fuck right now You're jacked You've been doing those biceps So you said This is a person you said From your second family Oh yeah So I'm saying like

So I met this new family I'm like alright This is my stepfather So it's not genetic But out of all of them Like his parents are cool as fuck Are they really? Oh yeah

I'm like yo what's up Like I love them Christmas, Thanksgiving I'm like what's up And like he Dude he never even shows up. Because why? He's so busy, he's famous.

I mean, his dad's... That's a good... He's so busy, he's famous. That's a good dad, though. You have a mid-son. You're like, all right, motherfucker, let's go. And he was like, yo. Deadlifts.

Dude gave the basement to him. Made him lift. Made it his ludus? Made him his ludus, dude. Damn, dude. You know how many times I wanted a ludus? My dad was like, eh, cool. You're on your own.

Later. Yeah, go smoke pot. Yeah. Get out of here. You'll be a fucking jerk off. That's exactly what you needed. No way, dude. Change right, dude, is my creation story. I love it. Origins unknown.

You needed a dark origin, dude. Otherwise, how would you do this? How would you do what you're doing right now? Kid stealing. That's true. How would you do that? Are you doing a... Are you a rick flair pedophile island visiting island dealing yeah dude that's awesome dude i uh i went to a party saturday this might have been kids too i might i haven't laughed this hard i was at a a party and this dude, it's hard to explain this dude.

It was like, I met him last year. He's kind of a dude, people clown on this guy constantly. Like, fuck with him. Good sport. This year shows up, has a fucking Kangol bucket hat on. It's a regular dude, we know. Yeah, no, this is just a dude. Hello, Uncle Jay.

Yes. You're going to kill yourself. You just tell me the Epstein, bro? Come on. Dude, so he's like, it's Epstein bro come on dude so he's like it's hard to explain this dude but he's like he kind of gets clowned

all the time he like last year at this party wrestled seriously wrestled two girls in the end of like the little fucking

swimming pool well this guy rules got beat up he lost took an L but he's the fucking funniest dude nicest guy in the world

he uh we're eating water ice and like he just like will come up it's like the little shit he does makes me laugh like he we're eating water ice and he just will come up it's like the little shit he does makes me laugh like he

reading water ice they had like a water ice truck come up and he like just casually like pops a song in his pocket

and just chills there with music on his phone oh my god give me a taste dude what kind of song it was just like

I mean I can't remember if we were all chilling I just walked up and put on like the Linkin Park Jay Z mashup and just like stood there and then like constantly was like I don't want to hear we were all chilling, I just walked up and put on the Linkin Park Jay-Z mashup

and just stood there. I don't want to hear this. I switch songs every 30 seconds. Dude, he's the funniest fucking guy. Who is this guy? It's my friend's brother-in-law. This is the man. Wrestle two chicks, plays music out of his phone. Wrestled a chick again this year.

Wrestled a chick again, dude. We were doing slip and slide flip cups. You do like a big inflatable. You hit the Playboy Mansion? Dude, this guy, this is the fucking best. You go, you slide all the way down. Omar was a creep there, by the way. So either way, so we're talking.

It's him and his friend. And they told me, this guy didn't even want to talk about this, but his friend was talking about the time they became the Four Loko plug. Four Loko became. The old Four Loko. The old Four Loko. It was Out plug. Four Loko was Outlaw. I remember it was Outlaw. Shout out Ajax.

Yeah, dude. Ajax stocked up too. It's the only thing that could take Ajax down. Four Loko. The old Four Loko. He complained that the new Four Loko was trash. These guys saw the sea change in the Four Loko, in the energy drink, malted beverage industry. Felt it coming.

Felt it coming, dude. A couple of young innovators. Like the pioneers. Tim and his boy Rameek. They were college roommates. They felt the invisible hand. They felt the invisible hand. Dictating the market of energy drink alcohol.

Very Adam Smith-y, dude. Alpha brain. Dude, so his boy Rameek, he's an airplane mechanic. He was actually telling me a lot of shit about airplanes I didn't know. But he had the money. You don't know a single thing. Like anything he said about airplanes.

All the other stuff I don't know. All the stuff I don't know, dude. Do you know where the air comes from? He pretty much got 80% of airplanes down. I don't even know how they fly. The blades go real fast. I really don't know anything. It was a giant remote control.

He was explaining to me how the air system works. You know how you turn that little nipple, Billy? You know how you turn that little nipple and the air comes out? You're buried. Billy, damn. I didn't even catch that. It was so good. There's a straw sticking up out of the sand, out. You're buried. Billy, damn. I didn't even catch that. It was so good. There's a straw sticking up out of the sand, dude.

You know what I'm saying? Steve, do you ever, like, while you're sitting in the chair of an airplane, are you ever just like... Find yourself... Suckle. Yeah, yeah. What am I? Okay. What were you saying, dude?

This is so dumb. This is crazy. Chris Kyle would never put up with this type of shit. I'd have a rep guy and kill him. So he was explaining to me, when you turn those little things, little air vents, we'll call them. He was like, do you know where the air comes from? And I was like, I don't know, like a Freon. I thought I was all smart.

Like, oh, like a little closed loop Freon system for yeah what a fucking idiot he was saying that it's like their turbine the one thing spins so there's heat coming from the engine and then there's stuff that's spinning so fast that it also generates cold air those two streams of air mixed together and create like a nice like teppid, coolish air that hits you. He's like, it's entirely... Makes perfect sense. Finally. Because when I'm on the runway and you have the nipple on,

it's kind of warm air. You're trying to suckle for the nipple. If it's warm enough, I'm like... But you know when the plane's not moving as fast, it gets kind of warm. It's crazy, man. But either way, so this guy obviously is the money behind this. So he fronted like 1500 bucks

sets my boy up he's like alright they like their house at a table with all the different flavors of Four Loko they had like cases of this shit

they went and bought them all out negotiated everything that's sick one of the dumbest group of dudes ever dude so the guy

the dude's brother-in-law the dude's brother-in-law I know got too deep in the Four Loko game started getting high on his own supply dude he got fucked up and he got too deep in the Four Loko game, started getting high on his own supply, dude. He got fucked up, and he got pulled over in a bathrobe

and came out screaming, fuck the police. He got a DUI. He got high on his own supply on Four Lokos? On Loko. Dude, that's probably why he's retarded now. He was drinking alcohol that was made illegal because it was the chemicals. He was deep in the Four Loko chemicals so he was like deep in the four loco game he's like i gotta run out to the store and he was so fucked up from he was just constantly

drinking he said the cops pulled him over he's in a full like hugh heffner outfit he was like fuck the police they locked him up he's like you should make a scar face like this this would be such a good scar face movie they pepper sprayed him in the drunk tank and then he got pepper spray he ate a fucking stream of pepper spray. Then he gets one phone call, calls his mom, who's a nearby... A nurse in a nearby hospital.

And she was like, stop being such a pussy and hung up on him. And the whole time he's like, honestly, it's not that funny of a story. This is a pretty bad time for me. Dude, I was like fucking laughing so hard

thinking about a Four Loko Kingpin dude being taken down by... Four Loko Kingpin is the shit. Mark Random's origin story. Fucking Random, I forgot about that guy. Dude, Four Loko Kingpin is my favorite fucking story. You can't. Oh my god. Sorry, I just wanted to remember that.

You know what's like similar to that but not the same? The movie Pain and Gain. Pain and Gain is a great fucking movie, dude. Really? Have you ever seen Pain and Gain? No. Dude, Pain and Gain with Wahlberg and The Rock. Wahlberg getting jacked.

Fuck, dude. This was one of the funniest fucking movies ever. Oh, dude. It's hilarious, dude. It's as funny as that story. I didn't know it was supposed to be funny. It's funnier than that story. It's based on a true story.

It sounds funny if it's jacked dudes. Dude, in the middle of the movie, it's so funny and crazy that they stop the movie and go, this is still a true story. They stop the movie and they go, just to remind you. Just a couple of meets, dude. Silent Roids. Yeah, they get deep in the game. It's pretty fucking funny.

They get high on their own supply. I forgot about that. Yeah, dude... And again, it's a great movie. Dude cracked into some watermelon four locos, dude, and fucking confronted the police. Came out of the car

with a full... Fucked a police. In pajama pants. He says he wasn't wearing a robe. His sister says he was. Yeah. He's like,

I had pajama pants and slippers. I was not wearing a robe. Dude, I was telling him, I'm like, you are the funniest. You are the fucking sickest dude.

He wrestles girls. He'll get drunk and wrestle girls. Dude, he's so funny. Yeah, he has this dude on the cast, bro. I have to. He's unbelievable, dude. This guy rules. How sick drunk and wrestle girls dude he's so funny you gotta get this dude on the cast bro I have to he's unbelievable

this guy rules how sick this guy is did he sell all the four logos I think he got I was telling him I was like you were the fall guy bro

you're gonna fucking kill me where's all the other four logo guys where's the other three Ramit came up dude it was a deep state movement yeah man dude that

that killed me dude that was four locos was responsible for my first absolute bomb It came up, dude. It was a deep state movement. Yeah, man. Dude, that killed me, dude. That was Four Locos was responsible for my first absolute bomb in stand-up. Oh, God, dude. Going on the stage on Four Locos. That was my first weekend I ever did stand-up was out in Pittsburgh. First weekend ever. How did you start doing stand-up out of nowhere? I just started doing stand-up.

I don't know. I've been saying, like, so you're a normal dude. Yeah. And you're like, today I'm going to go try to do stand-up. I mean, how does that happen? You start by, so I was washing dishes. This is my Harrisburg area community college days. And right around when Obama was winning.

You voted for him. I can't believe you voted for him, bro. Okay, let's move on that. You suck Matt's tit. Whoa, voted for him. Okay, let's move on that. Billy sucked Matt's tit. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. He said his blood missile. Billy is so bulletproof that this story, a fictional story about you sucking a nipple,

is getting to me. It's your Achilles' tit, dude. You're bulletproof, bro. You were a baby, dude. I don't even remember. You could be making this up. Who'd you call an alcoholic? You want to talk about origin stories.

That's an origin story, dude. It's true. Dude, I just didn't do that. You probably knew I was high T, and you're like, I just didn't do that. Dude, I thought pro wrestling was a thing. When my little brother was born, I thought he came fully equipped, and I threw him down the stairs like we were playing wrestling. What?

He turned out fine. He's an engineer. He's smart as shit. Wait, you threw him down the stairs? Yeah, when I got my little brother, he was a newborn. Yeah. But me and Jamie are adopted. Yeah.

So we come ready for rumble. You guys came out the box, right? Ready for rumble. You guys came out the box ready for rumble. When my little brother came I thought it was time to wrestle but he was just like eight days old and I

threw him down the stairs. Holy fuck. My mom freaked the fuck out. What did he land on? He landed on the

basement carpet. Eye eye killer. Their bones are rubber. Their bones are rubber. Good thing they finished the basement.

My mom freaked the fuck out. I got so much trouble. I was like eight. Did they break his arms or anything? He was just chill. No, he's totally fine. Yeah, he was eight days old.

Tim does have a large head, though. Oh, yeah. He had a Frankenstein head for years. You might have water-brained him. Well, he played D1 football, so. Oh, so he was like, what? I fell on the wall in Wandawella. Come on.

Sort of D1. Sort of D1. Come on. Wow. I mean, he got tossed down the steps, dude. One double A's up. That's a fucking come up. He almost played.

Dude, he almost played. And then he was a junior, and he's like, all right, I'm going to play. And then some freshman came in. And I was like, dude, obviously there's no white cornerbacks, dude. Oh, your brother was trying to be a white corner? Yeah. Some freshman showed up and, like, don't. Was black?

Yeah. He was like, I'm going to quit, yeah. That's cool. You still got, like, to hang out and do the team stuff. Yeah, I mean, he was fast. It was fun. It kind of sucks, though. Yeah.

It's cool because you're friends with everybody, but then you're like, well, I suck. It's got to suck to be like... So there's like some sort of totem pole. True. Yeah, I played flag football intramural. I know what you're talking about. College. It sucks to be like I'm almost going to...

Like you're thinking, this is my year. This is my year. Yeah. I'm being the shit in high school and then just going to like the kid you used to make fun of in high school. Exactly. That's exactly what I did. That's why I quit playing college football. Yeah. I got... make fun of in high school. Exactly. That's exactly what I did. That's why I quit playing college football.

Yeah, I got that. You go from the man and bigger than every single person out there to then in literally three months being the smallest pussy on the team. And then you're the one that you get made fun of. Yeah, and then they start showering on top of that. And then you got a small dick. Tim went to Sally's, so I don't think he experienced that. If you go to Obama's, everyone I know that played sports in college are like,

dude, what the fuck? Can you opt out of the shower? Dude, how many of them played in the South? I was playing Southern college football, dude. My one buddy went to UNC. My other one went to Maryland. You played in the South, dude? Oh, Maryland would have been nuts.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, Mulroney went, Maryland would have been nuts. Yeah. Yeah, Mulroney went to Maryland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was getting mugged left and right. He got mugged hard, dude. Maryland was recruiting fucking dogs. Dogs at the time, dude. Maryland got in trouble. They were recruiting too many dogs.

Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the best quotes ever, that fucking college football coach at Coastal Carolina. He's like, we got too many cats on this team. We need more dogs. His team lost lost he's in a press conference he's like everybody's looking in the mirror before the game looking at my wristbands like i'm some kind of cat we need dogs i think i got fired he's got a point though it is true We need more dollars Speaking of which The Patreon

What? You got some creeps On the Reddit There's like 500 Redditors There's 25 Redditors 2500 Redditors And 1900 Patreons Dude

Yeah So Redditors Hey guys What? You don't got 5 bucks? You don't got 5 bucks? If you want 5 bucks Commit

Hey Or just download Nah nah nah this has never been about the cash well i hear you we're me me and billy we're all about family and winning true and we're like what's going on we see these people like what's the link for the uh your mother that's the link your mother your. That's what I would say. Your mother. Get fucked, you jerk. Exactly. It's also the annoyance of having to get your credit. That's a whole paywall you have to get in front of.

Even if it's $0, just type in your credit card number. I'm like, I don't know. Dude, if they have an iPhone, they have a fucking credit card. True. They can do it pretty quickly. Come on, man. I'm a retard, and I can do it. That's true. Spade didn't even have a debit card.

How the hell did you put a date on it? I'm going to get that. You know how websites have testimonials? I was off the grid. Are hell did you put a paycheck I'm gonna get that You know the other websites Have testimonials I was off the grid Are you paying cash for Patreon Yeah I'm like mailing them checks People have hit me up about that

They're like Give me an address I'll mail you a check Some dude Venmo'd me Like four bucks Hell yeah This week It was like

Yeah he was like I'm not joining Patreon That's awesome Just Venmo'd me four dollars That's awesome It's the same move We'll work something out For people who just want to Venmo

I Venmo'd Matt $2. I'll just give you our password. You do this whole Sam Harris thing. If you're really in trouble with money, don't do it,

but if you got $5, what's wrong with you? A dollar, dude. It's a dollar. Yeah, man. Chuck a buck. Dude, I want to get that on a testimonial

on our website. Just be like, I'm a fucking retard and I can do it. Entropy. Yeah. Damn, dude. Bro, my fucking DMs have never been this hot right now. Really? I posted a vid and I could do it. Entropy. Damn, dude.

Bro, my fucking DMs have never been this hot right now. Really? I posted a vid of the spud dog. People are wild. DMs are blowing up. Really? So what's going on? I think he's a straight retard.

Dude, this is what I wanted to talk about. I started talking about internal family systems. Oh, yeah, let's go. Bro, this is like one of my favorite things right now. Let's order a pizza. Let's do something. It's very close to the interaction grid This is like one of my favorite things right now. Let's order a pizza. Let's do something. It's very close to the interaction grid. What am I ordering a 30-pack? I'll tell you that.

Dude. Sorry, guys. I'm an alcoholic. We got to work tomorrow. Yeah, it doesn't matter, dude. He's going to be, dude, last time he did this. Maybe not even last time. Come on, Bill.

He was coming to my house to paint the next day, dude. Oh, my God. What happened? He was just like Charlie Brown music playing everywhere he went and he'd just go down to the bathroom and come up

eyes all bloodshot. I was there actually. I was like, crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many drinks have you had? You're going to be how fucked up are you going to be tomorrow?

I think I'm going to be fucked up, but I don't think I'm going to try to suck Matt's tit. Oh, damn. That's forever. No, we'll do. I should have brought my fucking...

You've got to debunk this, dude. I should have brought some gummies. Yeah, I literally can't. I should have brought some gummies. It's true. You've got to just tell him it's not true. He's obviously lying. No, it's not.

For real, Billy. Dude, it was instinct, dude. Dude, you wish. It's like a turtle biting your... Dude, what do you think the Reddit's going to do when they find out you suck? It's not shameful. The Reddit is so bitch anymore. It's not shameful. The Reddit is so bitch anymore.

It's not shameful. Yeah, the Reddit went gay. It's so bitch. You wouldn't yell at a turtle biting your finger. You wouldn't judge it. It's just instinct. The turtle's not your brother. The turtle's not biting your nipple, bro.

That's gay. It would if I held it there and it was hungry. What are we talking about for this? Why are you doing this? What do you think about the Reddit? The Reddit's fucking beat. Back in the day, it was cool shit. Now it's a bunch of people spurging out on paragraphs.

The Reddit was funny. You know what's funny, though? When I watched the... Whatever the fuck the guy's name is. Who's the guy that people came up with the... I miss Dairy Queen. Where the fuck is Dairy Queen? Butterly called it an incel documentary.

It came out against Justin Robb. What's his name? I don't know. Oh, you're talking about the Ellie Smith guy? No, What's his name? I don't know. Oh, you're talking about the Ellie Smith guy. No. Yeah. Who's Ellie Rogers.

Ellie Rogers. Shout out. No. Who's the guy who attacked? No. Who's the guy who attacked the MMA guy? Not me. Brendan.

Oh, Brendan shop. Brendan shop. Oh, that was brutal, man. Brutal. That was tough.

It was the, the brutal part. It was funny when I was watching him being like, Oh dude, when people say shit about me on the internet, I don't even care, dude. Like they're just like, and I'm watching,

I'm like, dude, it hurts. They have a man. I'm watching this guy, I'm like, his feelings are hurt. Dude, Billy said one of the funniest things. They're just like fucking homeless people. Whenever someone's like, I don't even think about it.

When people say negative stuff about me, it doesn't even cross my mind. It's like, yeah, you're fucking talking about it. When Shob hit that kid that called in to the show, it was like, yeah, I play video games or whatever. He's like, we, you're fucking talking about it. When Shob hit that kid that called in to the show and was like, yeah, I play video games or whatever. He's like, we were grinding for a while. He's like, yeah, but have you gotten pussy? Yeah, talking about Fortnite. It's like you're like a six.

You got him. You got that teen. Yeah. You nailed him. But Shob definitely was feeling it. It hurts. When you get fucking crushed on the Reddit, it fucking hurts, bro. Dude, the funniest shit about that. hurts bro Dude the funniest shit about that

It hurts The funniest shit about that And just know That we're watching Like Don't think for a second Every once in a while I'll fucking not watch

For like three or four days But Well it's funny too Cause I shit on people at will As soon as someone says Something kind of negative about me I'm like how could they Yeah

I'm constantly talking shit Some guy said I sucked at smiling And all of a sudden I was just like Wait do I suck at smiling I thought I was alright I think guy said I sucked at smiling. And all of a sudden I was like, wait, do I suck at smiling? I thought I was all right. I think you're really good at smiling. Oh, you're talking about like headshots. I don't know.

Your smile's good. Dude, I'm telling you, man. It's like, well... You think that's what it looks like? So this is what I want to talk about. Shut the fuck up. This is a good thing to lead into this. This is good.

I like this. Internal family This is a good thing to lead into this. This is good. I like this. Internal family systems is my new thing. So you recognize within yourself there's a family of sub-personalities that are constantly that arise as adaptations to protect the child inside you. Mine's pretty much like a SEAL team.

Yeah, Billy, dude, you have a fucking... Just a bunch of alphas Like yeah dude Fucking dude You have six fucking Chris Kyles inside of you There's no way There's no way

Your whole family Just Chris Kyles That's way too tight To fit in there dude Let me finish So I can figure out What I am dude No that was great

Dude You got a lunch table Of Chris Kyles Just sitting in your head Just like Go ahead pass me that Fuck dude Lunch tables are tough

You're bringing up bad shit You just have Seal team six In your head head oh here's an interesting fact i've been spewing a lot that i think might be wrong there's no seal team six was our first seal team what oh it was during the cold war so we were like what seal team number six we got a bunch of these motherfuckers this is only number six you guys don't even know. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the level of like deep state that we're talking about. Well, apparently

Trump did 19 or like a year ago Trump had done 19 in Africa. 19 SEAL teams. He did 19 SEAL operations.

In Africa. Yeah, in Africa. That's because the Chinese are fighting the Chai Coms. The Chai Coms. You know what's crazy? And I hate to break it to all the listeners, but we're at war with China. Really?

Yeah. And we've been at war with China, but it just became a hot war. Yeah, of course. It just became a hot war because they just invaded their own people in Hong Kong. Yeah, why were they waving American flags? The UN is waving American flags because or the Hong Kong is waving American flags. They were British for a hundred years.

And now they're like, what the fuck is this Chinese shit? That was a deal that Britain worked out with China. It's not like they're like British people. They're like, oh, what is this? Very Chinese. The time's getting disturbed. They also suffer from lack of

spatial awareness. That's why they're all running and they go down the subway. They lost all their rights. But they're into the English law and all that stuff. They have Western culture. They know what it is. They wear bape constantly. I heard somebody

drove a bomber car straight through all the protesters. Four shins. That was not me. Four shins were injured. Four shins. Not me. That was not me. Four shins were injured. Several shins. Oh. Four shins.

Four shins are being treated at home. My way through. You mean like the body part or the last name? Okay. Four different guys named shins. Come on. Here we are. That was good.

Here we are. We're here. We're here. That's your SEAL team in your head going clear that's what happened in my head i had a crisscross on my head that was like you're clear for my head god damn it he's funny you're talking shit on bill and bill's head is like take the shot take the shot abort abort so yeah that's a good point so we're at war with china well what do you think 5g comes into all that i don't know i think that's a psyop back So we're at war with China. Well, what do you think 5G comes into all that? I don't know. I think that's a psyop.

Back it up a bit. They physically drove, like, I think they're called MRPs, whatever. A bunch of motorcycles, which couldn't be funnier. Not motorcycles.

They're giant army vans full of soldiers. But, uh, they drove. You don't see many Asians on motorcycles. You're doing the fucking cool movies. You never see Asians on motorcycles. Well,

okay. Nevermind. I take that back. Isn't there like a whole movie about motorcycles. Well, okay. Never mind. I take that back. Isn't there like a whole movie about that? I'm a fucking moron. I take that back. He's still in IRL. Yeah.

That goes back to, is that you guys who say they're either drift or they're fucking... That was Bill Burr. Oh, okay. My bad. I confused it.

It's either Tokyo. I confused it because Shane's that good. It's either Tokyo or drift. Get off your knees for real. Get off your knees. I'm dead ass serious. Get off your knees

and stand up like Bill would and just go straight for the nipple. Get off your knees for real. Get off your knees. I'm dead ass serious. Get off your knees and stand up like Bill Wood and just go straight for the nipple. So we're at war with China. Yeah, we're at war with China because they just invaded Hong Kong, which is part of their shit, but that will be a UN thing. So there's going to be a UN agreement

that that breaks the Geneva thing. So does Trump... Do you ever think about running for Congress? He probably could do better than those other four. Is Trump about to go argue with Chinese people in front of the UN? Are they doing real life model UN? You know I don't have the articulation for this.

Don't worry about it. There's going to be a thing where they're at the UN going, this is not right. And they're going to say, who's going to fix it? Trump daddy. They're going to ask for American help. Hong Kong's going to appeal to America. Hong Kong's like, this is not right. And they're going to say, who's going to fix it? Trump daddy. I mean, they're going to ask for American help. That's why they're willing to pay. Hong Kong's going to appeal to America.

Hong Kong's like, this is fucked up. Who's Trump friends with? Who? Okay, so where's China? Where's China? Next to Russia? Okay, where's China? Japan.

China's here, right? China's friends with who? North Korea? Is China friends with... Is Trump friends with Russia? Is Trump friends with India? Is Trump friends with India? Oh, is he playing 5D chess? He's an idiot.

He's an idiot. Says the New Yorker. World War IV. You think we're going to World War IV with China? It's more of a financial war. We've been at economic war with them, but it just became a hot war because they invaded Hong Kong. So the UN is going to say, is this a war crime?

Once it becomes a war crime, NATO is going to be deployed. Yo, India and Pakistan are already at it. India is going after Kashmir like hot boys, dude. What are they doing? They're looking for bobs in Kashmir. They're calling them Hindu extremists. People are calling the dudes in India Hindu extremists. That's propaganda, dude.

You see what the Chinese are doing to the Muz, though? What? They put them in camps. Are they really? Yeah, the Chinese are doing to the Muz, though? What? They put them in camps. Are they really? Yeah, the Chinese are rounding up the Muz. Think about this, right? For real.

This isn't like our camps. No, this is bad Chinese camps. This is like a real camp. This is a Chinese camp. It's like Red Dawn. This is a bad Chinese camp.

Dude, Red Dawn was the shit. Fuck yeah, dude. You are a Wolverine, dude. Built like one. Good wishes, dude. Yeah, honey badger, dude. badger dude What I'm saying is History is going to look back on Trump And be like wow that's weird

He got an office, made friends with North Korea Made friends with Putin He just made friends with India like three weeks ago And it's like who are all they surrounded China China bro China is the only GDP that's anywhere near us. China went hot

and as soon as Trump became president, they started fucking around in South China Sea. What did Trump do? Fly some aircraft carriers right by South China Sea just to be like,

yo, what's up? How fast can we get here? Weird. Damn. So it's like, dude, you can say that he's retarded, but it's like, when he became president,

he got slipped the dossier on fucking everybody. Yeah. And even if you want to say he's aarded, but it's like, when he became president, he got slipped the dossier on fucking everybody. And even if you want to say he's a narcissistic retard, I mean, give a narcissistic retard the dossier on everyone. They all are narcissistic retards. From the start. There is no denying that. So Trump, when you

call Trump a narcissistic retard, he is. But so is everybody that's ever become a world leader. Sure, absolutely. Alright, there we go. He's got the dots on everybody George Washington was an elite bull that was dead silent He's not a retard In Congress they were like

Who's the only dude in here that's actually the fucking man Alpha True alpha That's literally why they elected him No, Jefferson's like a sigma Okay, okay He was the only Washington was the only true alpha Yeah I mean they were all obviously alphas True alpha. That's literally why they elected him. No, Jefferson's like a sigma. Okay, okay. He was the only... Washington was the only true alpha.

Yeah. I mean, they were all obviously alphas. Well, imagine being an alpha back then, too. I mean, check out the Jefferson family reunion, George Washington probably shit wherever... He probably shit wherever he wanted to. He probably just dumped. George Washington probably took a dump wherever...

Walked and dumped in this fair city. Definitely. Oh, that's awesome. Think about how they all died. It's exactly where we're standing right now. They died of fucking college. It's the Oregon Trail, dude. Dude, that shit you were telling me about the Oregon Trail is crazy.

It was just pretty much the West Coast's people. Oh, that's a cool movie, dude, with Michelle Williams. My bad, dude. Yeah, you're saying people who went on the Oregon Trail were just like, go ahead. Oregon Trail was just made up of people with mental disabilities. Just random ass people, yeah. Really?

People who went out here. Only whack jobs would have left, and whack jobs would have also been kicked out of town. Go pee, go pee, come back. Really? People who went out. Yeah. Whack jobs would have left and whack jobs would have also been kicked out of town. Go pee. Go pee. Come back. Yeah.

Let the history go. But yeah, it's pretty wild. So say we're all in a town and I'm like, Bill's cool. Bill's friends with Matt. Matt's cool.

And you guys are like, Spade, you're weird as fuck. Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to be like, fuck you guys. I'm moving out here. It's cooler.

It would have been like trying to cross the river with your horse. I'll cock up my fucking wood. I'm good. It would have been like saying to cross a river with your horses and driving. Yeah, I'll caulk up my fucking wood. I'm good. It would have been like saying you're going to the moon. Be like, pfft, okay, dude.

I mean, did we get in the moon? I mean, imagine if I just, out of nowhere, imagine if I was like, I'm going to ride my bicycle to California. You'd be like, pfft. Dude, did you see

First Man on HBO? No. So, on First Man, so I don't know what you thought about the Apollo program, but, like, you know how there's Apollo 13? Yeah.

And Apollo 11? Yeah, yeah. And Apollo 1? Mm-hmm. So how much time do you think went by in between Apollo 1 and Apollo 13? No, 10, 15 years? Yeah, dude, like a year. What?

Yeah, isn't that nuts? So, in Apollo... Why did they name it 13? Dude, in the Apollo program, what they did was, every time they fired off a fucking little, like, a part of the mission... Yeah. Like, so say the first part of the mission was just going up into space. That would be Apollo 1. Yeah. So, like, the difference between Apollo 1 and Apollo 13 was, like...

Or, the difference between Apollo 1 and Apollo 11 was not that long. Maybe, like, a year and a half. Okay. Isn't that nuts? Yeah, it's really weird. So like Neil Armstrong watched his boys die. Oh, Jesus. In a fucking, they burned to death.

Was Apollo 1 the challenger? No, Apollo 1 was like. Oh, they were the guys. Okay, that's a David Bowie song. Yeah, I mean, dude, hopefully Shane knows. I bet you Shane knows this shit, dude. No, I don't know shit about the Apollos. Ah, fuck.

But anyway. So he watched them burn to death and he popped on. Dude, in the movie First Man, he watches them burn to death and he has to go up like eight months later. But in our heads, when you say like Apollo 11, Apollo 13, we're imagining like years are going by. Dude, it's like weeks. Jesus.

Yeah. They ran the space program like boom, boom, boom. We were in an intense Cold War with Russia, and then we were spending half the GDP on space. That's actually something I can get behind. And when they keep all the conspiracy... I just got in a fight about that. All the conspiracy theorists are like,

why don't we go back to space? It's like, dude, we used to spend half the GDP on it. It's like, if we did that now, we could go to the moon. But it's like... What the fuck are we going to do up there? Well, I think that's the argument, yeah. Have fun up there. I mean, I'm excited. they should let these billionaires figure out the space travel oh yeah the israelis just sent up something with the tardigrades on it and the thing survived on the moon you ever see those little bad boys little bears tardigrades what is that they're like

they can live on the moon they live on the moon That's the original idea I'm glad that guy Stepped on Jesus Christ The sun's so cold up here Oh god Can I get a scoop out? The moon It isn't made of cheese What kind of cheese is this?

There's Jews on the moon? They don't even have bialis Where's a good deli To get kevelta fish? They have Jews on the moon right now yeah right now all tiny organisms all fuckers

yeah right now yeah that's crazy that's a song something else I'll tell you that if they believe they put a jew on the moon

fuck yeah dude um I enjoy that very much fuck so sick yeah we were talking you were talking about

dudes going west going west Going west yeah Full retards They're full retards Yeah they were full Kick them the fuck out Maybe right now If I could

Riding a covered wagon Is I would say Arguably harder Than me riding my bicycle So I was watching a movie With Michelle Williams Bro With literally zero doubt

And like I could stop At gas stations And buy food And it was You'd still be like You're out of your fucking mind. Let me paint you some scenarios, okay? So I'm watching this movie, and I'm sitting there thinking, like, all right, you're out there with your bae.

The Indians come upon you, the red men. And you're, like, talking to them, but you're fully autistic. And even the Indians are like, all right, dude. And they fucking let you go. And you end up in fucking Oregon. Like, how the fuck are you making it past? You think the dudes that got,

you think like Lewis and Clark and shit, like everybody that got west, the Indians were just like, they started rattling off facts about wagons. Did you know this one has 13 spokes?

We usually have when we have 16. Do you know how good I am at archery? I've fixed my wagon four times. Yeah, true. That is true.

I feel like Native Americans would have gotten down with autists back then. For sure. People don't talk about that. People don't talk about savages that also had Down syndrome. True. They don't talk about that.

A pack of them? Do you think that went unchecked? I think that's how Custer got crushed, dude. Did you ever get into Mosaic Down syndrome? What? Did you ever get into Mosaic Down syndrome? It's like almost regular. Yeah.

What, me? It's so close. So close. Yeah, mosaic down syndrome is like passable. It's all the actors. Most of the actors that are down syndrome have mosaic down syndrome. Oh, God. I thought you said most actors are retarded.

I thought there was some sort of deep sink. I don't know. That would be awesome. So most of the retarded actors. thought there was some sort of deep... I don't know. That would be awesome. So most of the retarded actors... Most Down syndrome actors have the mosaic, but it's like mosaic Down syndrome is like... Normally disabled. It's like they're so close.

Little D. Thank you. Big A. Dude. That's how they spell it. Little D. No homo. No homo.

There's a book called Little D. There's a book in different stars above about them going west. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Is it like what I about them going west yeah it's unbelievable is it like where I'm standing yeah it's exactly you had to walk

you had to walk you weren't in the wagon like one person was in the wagon there was just shit in the wagon you gotta fucking stand and walk through

the middle of the country Rattler's Field oh the movie I saw was called Miller's Crossing by the way there's also I thought that was like a movie about kids would get off and wander into the grass the. There's also like... I thought that was like a movie about...

Kids would get off and wander into the grass. The grass was tall as fuck. Snakes everywhere. The grass was tall as fuck. You would just lose kids. It's like swimming to England. People would go out and you would just lose them forever. It's the absolute wilderness, dude.

The complete wilderness in the Midwest of this country. How the fuck do you make a road? Have you ever been to Central PA? You barely do. Beside Shane? Have you ever been to Central PA? It's that times a million. So, dude, we used to go out to Central PA, me and Steve, shout out to Steve, to get fucked

up. And we would smoke weed. Like, so much weed, dude. Yeah. Middies. So many middies. Body highs. We would end up in, like, Penn State, Mont Alto, in the woods.

And, like, I did a ton of ketamine and shit. And I'm out there, and it's like, I have nightmares still about mountain lions in the fucking woods. You get out in Central PA, and you see the fucking stars, and you'm out there and it's like i have nightmares still about mountain lions in the fucking woods you get out in central pa and you see the fucking stars and you're out looking at the woods and you're like there's mountain lions that can hunt me you see those secret cameras that they set up in the woods with the mountain lions don't laugh at me it's true it's true i'm all like yeah but dude the mountain lions Are terrifying And it's like You don't have to worry About mountain lions

In central PA Really Well in my head I have nightmares But I'm saying If you're traveling out west That's just a taste I mean out west

Yeah that's a very That's just a taste Sure I can't even You know If you're going from Pittsburgh A lot of these people Went from Pittsburgh

To like Utah let's say Damn Like that was like One generation Imagine hitting the Rockies Fuck Oh yeah I mean that was like one generation. Imagine him in the Rockies. Oh yeah. I mean, that's what The Indifferent Stars Above is about, the Donner Party. And what happened to that.

There was a fucking dude who just lied. So there's lies. I mean, this is bad. You could be literally a snake oil. You could be an unchecked liar. Trump's grandpappy was a hotel guy back then. I don't know if you ever got into hotel. Oh yeah, I watched the... He owned a hotel out there. I don't know if you ever got into hotel. Oh, yeah. I watched the... Oh, yeah.

He owned a hotel out there. Yeah, he owned a hotel. He was an altist that made it out there. Might have been. This guy was like, oh, I got a little secret passage. And he sold a book that was like, here's the secret passage out west. It was just made up. It was a hellish pass.

So they're trying to go through the Rocky Mountains, and then they get hit with the fucking winter. Actually, it was the Sierra Nevadas. It wasn't even the Rockies. They got just... That was the equivalent of internet dick pills back then. It really was. It was like, do you want your dick to be big?

And then retarded guys that lived in Illinois were like, well, I'm a failure here. I'll give this whole going west thing a try. Because you had to fail on the east coast to go west. Kind of like in comedy. But you had to fail on the east coast to go west. Sure. Kind of like in comedy. But you had to fail on the east coast to go west. Civilians don't understand the joke, but... The civvies won't get it.

But when they found the Donner Party and shit, there were like snow drifts that were so hot. So they got trapped in snow drifts. So like... Fuck. You're trapped in there with like three or four people and one dude would just... You're in in there with three or four people. One dude would just... A dude would munch you.

A dude munched... The people who found them looked into a pit and found people munching people. And then were like, we gotta just kill these people. Wendigo. They had to argue that somebody saved them.

It's a racial slur, dude, for Italians. No, Wendigo is Indian for the people that Wendigo. They had to argue that somebody saved them because of the racial slur, dude, for Italians. No, Wendigo is Indian for the people that eat other people. Fuck. They had a literal debate between the party, the searching party,

the party, the rescue party, to kill them or not. Indians saved them? No. The whites. But they were like, we need to kill these people

because of what they've done. Yeah, they were eating people. And they were like, it wasn't like a kill. They were mad. It was just a mercy kill. They were like... They need to kill these people because of what they've done. Yeah, they were eating people. And they were like, it wasn't like a kill. They were mad. It was just a mercy kill. They were like. They're out of it, yeah.

They're gone. Put them out. Because they're out here. They're eating children in cabins. They got snowed in. That also makes sense, though. You see people eating each other in a hole. And you're like, all right, you know what?

In a ditch. Let's wipe the slate clean. We don't need these guys. And then you have like fucking pedophiles and I've always argued it's like fucking shoot them,

I guess. I know, it's bad luck. You became a pedophile for the most part. What do you mean? It's kind of bad luck. To shoot a pedophile?

No, to have the, to either get raped into it or to have the inclination to want to fuck kids. But it is what it is and you should be put down. Killed.

Yeah. It's one of those things where like, yeah, Shane it is what it is, and you should be put down. It's one of those things where you're like, yeah. Shane, chill. It's like, sorry you got rabies. Sex is a spectrum. I love you. I love you. Sex is a spectrum. Say it with me.

Sex is a spectrum, dude. And more importantly, and this is important for the people that listen to the cast, bisexuality is not a myth. True. I hate to break it to you. Yeah, dude. Being bisexual is very real. And natural. I was bisexual

last week. What'd you do? Sucked a dude's nipples. Phil, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You were a baby and you were hungry. It's crazy that you're letting it get to you. I know. I don't understand why you're saying that. I just don't like when people lie on me. I hate when people lie on me.

Are you a liar? No, his little tiny teeth. I still feel them on my, bro. I hate when people lie on me. Bill, I can still feel Bill. Are you a liar? No, his little tiny teeth, dude. I still feel them on my nipples, bro. You were aggressive about it. He's making it difficult. You also, dude, you also, when you had to poop, you would have walked behind a couch and just look at me and go. You had a gay thing.

And you would poop behind the couch? Well, he had a diaper on. Dude, you're obsessed with me. Yeah. On the fact that you're obsessed. That's the reverse. On the fact that you're obsessed with Bill is like the fact that nipple play turns you on. That's fucking wild.

I'm an open book, bro. Maybe you might have turned me out. This feels like... It's kind of alpha as fuck for me being one and turning you out. Honestly, I'm alpha. True. I thought you were a Sigma dude, but hey, man, I bow. No, that was that SEAL team being like, we need rations.

Go for those nipples. Any nipples will do. Choir milk. Wow. Choir milk. Choir milk at any expense. That reversal you just did with the, you're obsessed with me? That's a killer fucking reversal. You're obsessed with me? If you ever get in an argument, why are we even fighting?

It's the best thing ever created. This is me and Billy. Why are we even fighting right now? You're the one getting crushed. Now that you're FaceTiming him, these are way out. If McKeever would ever make fun of me right when I moved to Philly, because it hurt me so much. All I wanted was John McKeever.

You had a man cave in your head. I wanted McKeever to fucking love me. Oh, that's what I was going to say, dude. Hold on. Shut the fuck up, Spud, dude. Oh, sorry. You want to know a good way out, too? If someone's talking shit to you, just be like,

dude, not in front of the guys. If someone's hitting you hard, just be like, come on, dude. No, come on. That's a slide slam. Not in front of the guys. Like, if someone's hitting you hard, just be like, come on, dude, not in front of the guys. You'd just say it straight to them. Just be like, come on, man.

We talked about this. Billy came up with it today. Like, you know, like, man came in your head. Billy came up with like, I could gentrify his head. Dude,

that's funny. We won't talk about it. I got free real estate up there. I could gentrify that. I was talking about I could gentrify someone's fucking head. He's like, dude,

he's beyond man game. Like, I could gentrify. I can't even release it. Not for the cast. Too hot. Too the cast too hot too hot release it too hot for the cast dude all right so it's your enemy of yours not even an enemy just someone that i let live every day and i could fucking from the top rope destroy their life there's top what's the beef situation no beef it's just i have why do you want to destroy someone's life i don't but dude i have fucking nukes pointed at everyone so i'm just waiting me well like you're not a family like

a little brother a little like a little brother i'm a i was made like this i'm a little brother too and i literally constantly have nukes at every single person there's a person like when you're a little brother or you're a bastard it's kind of you're in the same boat it's like there's nukes pointed at you and you're like, dude, I have Moab. Yeah. And you let them live because you're like, I let you live until I need it because you can only use it once. True. Because like you could release it too quick and look like an autistic idiot.

Just like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Say something horrible. Somebody slightly wrongs you. Like if somebody was like, I heard you when you were a baby, you sucked nibbles. And you're like, I fucked your wife! It's like, alright, whoa, whoa. It's always good to have a fucking dossier on someone.

You guys got quiet when I said that. The whole time, I was looking up the movie Ravenous. Ravenous is a great movie about cannibalism. It's fucking sick from the 90s. I watched it. I fell asleep watching it. And my roommate from college, Kevin McElroy, shout out, fucking woke me up with a knife in my face going,

scared the shit out of me. Dude, I was in Ridley Park. I almost pissed my pants. Yeah, dude. It's fucking terrifying. Shout out, Ridley Park. Whatever. Kevin McElroy's a badass, dude.

Yeah, he's a badass. He wakes me up with knives and shit. Dude. Oh, awesome, too. Fucking McIver's funny as shit. Why has there not been any McIver casts? There have. He's been on before.

We had one that got redacted. Why? I need some more, dude. Because he had one of the... All right, so... McIver cast has to happen, bro. Still on my laptop. The night before, there's a redacted McIver.

Me and him Were at Bards We were drinking And we were making fun of the fact that Muhammad Ali like got retarded And his rhymes still Like once he got retarded They started to go bad Like you know Joe

Well He's an idiot And everybody was like Oh great great great Nice work And then Somehow it got to the point he's an idiot and everybody was like and you're done oh great great great nice work and then somehow it got to the point

where I was like hurry up do a Martin Luther King impression and he was like oh it was just the exact same impression as the Muhammad Ali

and then yeah on his ride home I think he got some got some guilt he got some butterflies and that happens that happens well That happens. Well, he also had something big in the works.

He did. The king came to him. He had a deal in the works. Me and Bill can't really be compromised, so it's kind of not the same thing. You guys are uncompromised. And this is exactly what you were born into. Yeah, we're born into this. It's fucking sick, actually.

Can't get me. Pretty sick. No one can touch you two. Billy and Spud are literally the fucking beacons. But you can fuck with Spade if you call him stupid on the Reddit. Oh, yeah. He gets phased by it. People call me dumb all the time, Spade.

People call me dumb all the time. It's not like I'm phased by it, but I'm like, dude, I can't articulate most of the shit in my head. By the way, without a doubt, I get hit the hardest on the Reddit. Shane does. I think about it, man. I mean, literally, people put up pictures of Shane on Reddit. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, bro. That's how it goes.

True. And dudes put up a picture. Sword of Democles. And it's like 80 fucking... Oh, let's get 80 upvotes for Shane's retard jokes. Yeah. Cool, guys.

You're hilarious. That's like the shit on the Reddit that's pit... Go ahead, dude. No, I'm sorry. I'm just speaking out there. They just... They just reposted a joke.

Get Matt's shit out, dude. I made a retarded face on my Instagram. Yeah, it was a joke. And they posted it. We're like, look how dumb he is. Yeah. Don't bother the fuck out.

How's that funny? That was a joke, right? Come on, dogs. It's weird that they do that. And then like the shit that really kills me. Did he have a stroke? I don't know. I was talking to Spade about this earlier.

It's just like, hey, I'm on the Reddit now. Matt, I even did mushrooms tonight. And like, I'm going to smoke weed and even get high on mushrooms. Don't do it to him, dude. Don't do it to him. So are you even my shaman? Because I am so tripping. Dongwax.

It's like, dude, delete your Reddit. Get the fuck out of here. I can't believe you just did it to him, dude. We should build a wall. Yeah, build a wall for all the losers. No, I think the Reddit needs a wall. I think we need to build the wall.

Pay wall. Patreon Reddit. Way better, dude. Honestly, the Patreon thing? Shane keeps on putting naked pictures of chicks up on it, dudes. If you haven't seen it now,

there's so many naked original content porn on the Patreon. What the fuck are you doing? Dude, chill, chill, chill. I'm kidding. It's a joke. They can't subscribe to it.

They can't even subscribe to it. Chill, chill, chill, chill. There's all this OC porn. That's actually illegal, Billy. You're not allowed to do that. Billy, chill, chill, chill. I'll show you nudes. Chill, chill, chill, chill. There's all this OC porn. That's actually illegal, Billy. You're not allowed to do that. Chill, chill, chill. I'll show you nudes.

Chill, chill, chill. No, no, no. I'm talking about all the ones, all the real dudes on Patreon. No, no. I'm just saying everyone on Patreon, they put up all that crazy porn, all those crazy stories no one sees on Reddit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you have to pay for it to read it, so it doesn't matter. It's kind of like the Ivan thing. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. I didn't know that Patreon has a little Reddit thing.

I just found that out I feel like a I felt like a retard when I clicked on that Wait there's a Patreon Reddit? Yeah dude I clicked on it and I was like

way better way better than anything on the internet Absolutely elite dogs only I mean that's that's fucking It's the elite dogs That's seals

That's seals Those are Navy SEALs You know I saw Shane live and he's amazing Shit like that Also Shout out to my boys on the Reddit dude

seeking guidance for mushroom trips. You can't judge a guy tripping on mushrooms writing on Reddit, dude. I can't, but dude, just fucking make it a little smoother. Don't throw up when you're typing it. Yeah, that's tough. BL. There's some posts that I'll literally be like literally be like is this a Comptown listener making fun of

like ironically posting being like yo I had BLs and got fucked up Williamsburg ironicalism they would

they would dude this is just straight positive vibes that's what we're about that's what the early Reddit was about good old fun band photoshops

dude remember Frankston remember Dairy Queen shout out Frankston Frankston's still around I know he's the man hey you talking head whatops. Dude, remember Frankston? Remember Dairy Queen? Shout out Frankston. Frankston's still around. I know, he's the man. Hey, you talking head, what up? But there's still... Hey, you talking head. Dairy Queen.

Dairy Queen's the dog, dude. Good times, good times. Dairy Queen's a great dog. There's a tendency for people... We knew them. Got them off Reddit. There's a tendency. For some reason, there's people who thrive on, like, making thing, like, thingization,

where they're like, Bud Light, Shane're like bud lights that's a thing now meme and then they just like flock to like a thing okay there's and it's like a people have to quantify you and then like hype up the quanta like just to like figure out what you are and then just kind of build a thing around that box yeah you couldn't fit him in a fucking skyscraper that's that's a that's a it's, that would be... That was nice. Thingization is the white man's totem pole. What the fuck? You're blowing minds right now.

You know what I'm saying? It's like... Thingization is the white man's totem... Yeah. We need to unpack that. Yeah. Let's put a button in that. Keep rolling.

Keep the cast rolling. I'm telling you, that is the... We need to unpack that. Yeah, by the way, we should be off the air right now. Oh, for sure. We should be done by now. I'm cutting this in half. This will probably be on Patreon. New York's probably on the way down here right now. We should be done by now. I'm cutting this in half. New York's probably on the way down here right now.

I'll probably cut this in like... I'm going to put... We're at two hours. You said you've never had a Jones-level cast. A three-hour? We hit like two and a half, that's it. We should do a four-hour one. Dude, ain't no problem for me and Bill, dude.

We still got 50 minutes. We got 50 minutes., ain't no problem for me and Bill, dude. Yeah. We still got 50 minutes. Yeah, we got 50 minutes. That ain't nothing. You tried to stop our last fucking cast three separate times and it went on 30 minutes every time. Sometimes my ear gets- On the last one,

it was just like, all right, let's wrap this up and then it's like 40 more minutes. All right, let's wrap this up. During the day, my ear gets hot

and I'm like, what the fuck's going on? I pop my ear off, I look at my phone, 42 minutes, Bill's been talking to me, dude, nonstop.

Yeah, Bill's- Bill will rip. He's a little nervous on the cast. You know what, that's what I'm, 42 minutes Bill's been talking to me, dude. Non-stop. Yeah, Bill is. Bill will rip. He's a little nervous on the cast. You know what, that's what I'm gonna do. Bill is so good to talk to. Bill will rip, dude. Unbelievable, dude. He's quiet. He seems fucking quiet, dude.

I'm so outgoing, so loving, so caring. Well, we gotta talk about Bill topics, though, to get him going. Hold on, hold on. I will say this. I think Bill might be the George Washington of the cast. Life force. I think I'm more of a Ben Franklin type.

Kind of an outgoing womanizer. Fat retard. Kind of ugly. Which founding father are you? Spud? Obviously John Adams, dude. You're Jefferson. Wow. Very easily. Big time Thomas Jefferson. I'm definitely John Adams, dude. You're Jefferson. Oh, God. Wow, very easily. You're big time Thomas Jefferson. I'm definitely John Adams, man.

Yeah, clearly. Wow. We actually have the exact... We are the founding fathers, dude. Fuck, dude. That's pretty weird. That's pretty weird. Wow, when you think about it that way,

holy shit. It's crazy. I mean, there is a new America for me. Were those our descendants? I'm all like going to France being like, Shane, chill with this shit. Origins unknown.

Wow. Origins Unknown wow Origins Unknown dude fuck man John Adams was the man dude John Q Adams what's that

I wanna dude hold on I'm going on my phone let's take a break let's take a break wow um

I mean that's two hours might be enough for you you might say you know what, Matt? I'm cool in this. I'm going to keep enjoying just the truckloads of free content. And that's fine.

That's why we put it out there. If you want to listen to the last 40 minutes, it's on Patreon. The link is in the episode description. description so if you want to listen less 40 minutes and like you know I don't know hours of other content you can literally pay $1 it is recurring every month you can pay and cancel if you want don't care you can scam the patreon system don't care but if you listen the last 40 minutes on patreon and if you don't whatevs