Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - S3 Ep35: Ep 143- Everything is F*cking Asshoe!!!

Episode Date: August 22, 2019

Had to slap a cast together before hitting the HARRISBURG COMEDY ZONE!!!   LEZZZZ GOOOOOOOOO   We talk China We talk Glory Holes We talk LA We talk Economics   DIG IN!!!!!

What up, what up, what up? Episode 143, I think? 143, 144? Who cares? It is what it is, dude. It is what it is now. We lost count. Let's fucking go! We lost count. Yeah, dude. We're in a fucking... I mean, right now, we're in absolute time wave zero with the fact that it's just like... You don't even know what zip code you're in. You don't know what time zone.

We're out. I'm a traveling man. I'm a rambling man, bro. Yeah, dude. Never know. Never know where I'm at I don't even know We could be in LA right now Who knows Who knows

Now everybody knows Where in the world Everybody knows There's no way you're going to LA I know We're in Philly Yeah we're here We're in motherfucking Philadelphia

Regular old studio dude Just old Philly Watching fucking sick ass Well I gotta stay here This is an Illuminati hotbed, so I'm not really... I can't really talk about it, but I'm not really...

Philly is an Illuminati hotbed? I mean, it's like Freemasons and shit, but I think the Illuminati left a while ago. Who do you think's Illuminati here? Meek Mills, for sure. Obviously, Meek Mills has been inducted. Meek Mills is definitely the king of the Illuminati in the Philadelphia chapter right now.

He's the Philadelphia chapter. Only rappers and George Bush are allowed in the Illuminati right now. Really? Yeah, dude. That's the Illuminati right now? I mean, I can't really talk about it, but yeah, it's pretty much Rick Ross, George Bush. Kanye West got kicked out from what I've heard. Kanye West did get kicked out.

Jay-Z is... Jay-Z is full Illuminati. He might have started the Illuminati. Him and Beyonce are the king and queen. Yeah, I'm an investigative journalist now, so I've definitely investigated it. And I've... Thank you, Kyle. Got some deer park.

Yeah, from my investigation, I found out that Rick Ross is the high deacon. Jay-Z's the pope of the Illuminati. Meek Mill is coming up. He's a cardinal. He's a cardinal in the Illuminati. And, of course, George Bush is somewhere in the mix. He's just a local priestess. Yeah, he's just a little something

little deacon really he's a deacon yeah rappers have all the power wow rappers control the government what did you investigate at Wiggers Instagram

what is this journalism I just made it up I'm really investigating the Philadelphia Parking Authority though yeah how's that going dude they're just an evil empire it's literally it is they're like so evil empire it's literally it is

they're like so i still have no idea i still haven't found out i owe them a c-note right i owe them a hundred but i'm never getting it yeah i owe them oh you know i owe them thousands bro beezer and kyler are gonna be the ones who pay for that are they the old rolls is gonna get booted while they're while they're running errands in it. Yeah. Yeah, I owe them thousands. If you switch your plates, they leave you alone until you get another ticket, and then you'll be back up in the system. So I just switch plates? You got to pay.

Yeah, you can pay to get a new tag. Huh. And then you can be safe, you know. I think I got to get my registration, too. Do you? I got a hot car right now. The Rolls is hot. They'll take it.

Yeah, they'll take it for anything. Dude, the Philadelphia Parking Authority has, I think they bring in like $80 million a year. No, no, not even, sorry. They bring in like $360 million a year. They own like, I don't know, it's like 25,000 off-street parking spots,

all the on-street parking. They do all the airport parking. Then they have this weird deal where they give money to the school district, but then they got audited by David O., the fucking beast councilman. David O.? David O.

Sounds like a good Chinaman. He's a partner, yeah. We got a partner in the office? We got a partner in the city council. Partners love taking on the Illuminati. Obviously. That's an age-old fucking battle. Dude, you've seen them there.

Yeah, dude. They don't like the Imperial grasp. Hong Kong is battling the Imperial grasp, dude. We'll get to Hong Kong. Yeah. So right now, oh, Splinter Cell of Hong Kong, dude, is chilling. He was a fucking man. I talked to his, I forget who it is.

I don't know if it's like his sister or cousin. She was saying he's been battling the PPA for a while. So he came out and was like, he's like, where's the money going? They're like, yeah, don't worry about it. And he was like, he got them audited. And he turns out they weren't giving any money to the school, and there was $80 million missing. And they were just like, okay, yeah, our bad.

We clearly have some issues here. What the Philadelphia Parking Authority is trying to do now is add a 50 cent per ride on rideshares. They're getting paid off by ride shares to exist because they own all the taxi medallions in Philly. And the taxi medallions tanked. Ride share is the future. So the parking authority,

just the fucking bureaucratic slug that it is, is kind of like, well, okay, we totally went up against our lawyers and lost. So what we're going to do is we're going to add a 50 cent tax to every single ride in the city limits and that'll go to us, which we'll pay to the school. It's like, all right,

just send it to the school then. Why does it have to go through your guys' hands? I mean, dude, it's like, it's crazy what they're up to. Damn. And they're trying to expand into like giving out tickets

for other stuff. Like walk around, hit you like with trash fines. Yeah, they're like a fucking evil entity and no one knows. If you call the city, they're like a fucking evil entity and no one knows if you call the city they're like oh this is a state thing call the state and like dude no one knows where the money actually goes so we'll say stay tuned i'm gonna get the um i'm trying to get their all their like real deal financials it might kill you fuck them dude they can't do shit

to me they might kill you didn't they like take a car of yours before they've taken like three you've lost three cars yeah dude i fucking i kissed like three minivans goodbye to the pva you just like well one was half my brothers and you just said keep it yeah yeah i'm like i'm like they're like you owe us two thousand dollars i'm like it's funny because that car is worth four hundred dollars so keep it it's totaled Yeah, and then they charge you for selling your car. It's bullshit. But either way. I don't even know how I got on that, dude.

Oh, yeah, because I'm an investigative journalist. By the way, I have a respect for investigative journalists now. I thought it was all fun. It's like a lot of boring, shitty research. You didn't know that? No, I thought I'd be like, oh, I got the call. I thought someone was going to slide me like a WikiLeak, dude. I announced I was an investigative journalist. I'm like, all right, I thought I'd be like, oh, I got the call. I thought someone was going to slide me like a WikiLeak, dude. I announced I was an investigative journalist.

I'm like, all right, I'm here. If anyone has any State Department secrets, just dump them on me. Yeah, that's going to be a nightmare. That's like, yeah. No secrets. I just had to read. There are no secrets. It's just nobody took the time to make 50 phone calls.

Exactly. It's not a secret. There are no secrets. You're not going to find one secret. Yeah, I will. I'm telling you, you're not. to find one secret you know yeah i'm telling you you're not did you read bad blood there no c blew that out of the water that was a literal secret that they didn't have a working prototype and he coaxed that out of people who signed ndas

okay so there are secrets bro don't tell an investigative journalist there's no secret in yeah he knew there was a secret there with the ppa i think it's it is just uh you know as you said a bureaucratic slug. Dude, Andrew Rowe. It's just going to be a million. No, Andrew Rowe busted it out of the water. They were like, no, we're giving them money. He's like, all right, show us your...

They wouldn't show financials. Now they cooked up financials, but I want to see the actual breakdowns because they're just saying administrative costs, like $79 million. And they're all tied in with the unions and shit now who, inside sources, I've talked to a guy who worked a lot of the unions. All those guys are getting investigated by the FBI. They're literally up to secrets and vast corruption and conspiracy.

This is real. I'm on the fuck. My dick's in the fucking fray, dude. What's your dick doing? Someone's going to grab my dick. It's in the mix, dude. Someone's going to pull it. My dick's in the urinal, dude.

Someone's going to come up behind George Michael. You're in a glory hole. You stuck your dick doing? Someone's going to grab my dick. It's in the mix, dude. Someone's going to pull it. My dick's in the urinal, dude. Someone's going to come up behind George Michael. You're in a glory hole. You stuck your dick in the PPA glory hole. Yes, I did. And you're hoping it gets sucked, but it might just get yanked. What I'm calling for is an open source investigation. That's the way of the future. Imagine getting a fucking glory hole handjob.

Yeah, it'd be awesome. That'd be a real letdown. No way. A glory hole handjob? That would suck. How? You're like, you stick your dick in a hole like, yes. Andks it off someone's gonna suck my dick or i'm gonna fuck a lady oh nice there's gonna be something nice on the other end said you get some shitty hand job yeah

i guess okay i see what you're saying so i guess if you're in a glory hole i think you start banging it like hey that means you're gonna not don't jerk my you knock when you're gonna not yeah i wonder why you could always pull it out and say hey when's the shift change so i don't jerk you knock when you're gonna nut yeah you could always pull it out and say hey when's the shift change so i don't want to get someone else i don't think you got a lot of hand jobs going also though i mean i'm saying if you stick your dick in a glory hole you're not going to get a disappointing hand job true the person on the other or they could be half-assing because there could be another hole that they're focused on that could be the hand job that could be the blow job you would see a dude right next to you with his dick against the wall.

It's a cube. It could be on the other side. So you've got to secure the perimeter of a glory hole. You have to secure the perimeter because otherwise that person could be getting fucked. She could be, or he. Obviously. Most likely he. But if they said, hey, I'm giving you a shitty handjob because I'm getting fucked on the other side,

I'd get into it. There's no words in a glory hole. You don't speak. You stick your fingers through. You put your dick hole through. You put your dick through. No, you stick your fingers through to check it. Then someone sucks your fingers,

you're like, all right, sick. All right, there's a mouth over there. Yeah, you're like, all right. Who could that be? We'll find out. You're just like, excuse me, ma'am, you gotta shave your mustache. Yeah, you gotta definitely secure

the perimeter of a glory hole. I should have announced that, I'm sorry. Yeah. Because that's like, you're right. If someone's double timing, although if someone's like, hey, excuse the shitty hand job, I'm getting fucked currently. I might be like, okay. That's welcome news.

There's no talking. That's welcome news in the glory hole. You're communicating in ways that you cannot in the glory hole world. True. There's only two options. You either pull your dick out true in a act of fucking protest yeah but then you got to slide it back in and hope they got the message well my uncle has an eye patch he's a trucker and he did you're not supposed to do this you try to

look into a glory hole and they instantly poke your eye out real yeah you're not allowed to look in a lot of truckers are that i you see a trucker with an eye patch you know he tried to peek into a glory hole give it the old look in. You don't even see it coming, dude. It's a finger in the eye. Like a lot of stooges. Just quick. Yeah, that's glory hole reflex. Dude, see?

No one's ever peeked into one successfully. Imagine ever, ever using a fucking glory hole. I mean, dude, I was into glory hole porn for a while. I used to love glory hole porn. Glory hole porn is cool to see. Sure. But imagine. Oh, sticking your dick into a hole and just hoping someone doesn't cut it off?

Yeah. I mean, the rush must be exhilarating. And just the guaranteed AIDS or whatever you're getting out of that. Yeah, that's true. Ness, I'd rather, would you rather drink directly from the Schuylkill? Or what's the thing that flows around New York? The Hudson? Hudson or Schuylkill?

Drink like a liter of water or just stick it in a glory hole? Condiment. Lambskin condiment. You like that? That's a sick one. I don't know. That's a tough one.

I would go Probably the water You drink scuba water? Yeah You're just probably Going to get like Fucking horrible diarrhea True That's probably

The extent of it You could get A successful blowjob There is also that Or you could get Your thirst quenched That's true You could have

A nice glass of water That is true Alright we're flying Let's talk Hong Kong dude That's what we came here to do I have a nice glass of water that is true all right we're flying let's talk hong kong dude that's what we can do i have to let me let me do this is this is one of the more important messages of our time i mean this guy this might be the voice of a generation dude let me find this let me find this dude this is our train by day joe rogan by night oh this is our train by day, Joe Rogan by night. Oh, my God. This is our new rallying call. I was on a plane when Matt sent me this, and I did not stop laughing. I was, like, very loudly laughing, like, cackling, shaking, the dude next to me.

And this was in the middle of the flight, so it was probably kind of unnerving. And it was a late-night flight, so people were, people were asleep and probably woke up to me. Did the guy see your screen? No one saw it, no. Dude, this is... I mean, this guy's an absolute freedom fighter. Have you seen Donald Trump? Do you think he should step in?

Donald Trump don't trust China. China is asshole. Dude. Play it again. I mean, how fucking good is that? I need it at all times. It's literally probably the fun... I watched it seven times in a row.

How do you think Donald Trump, do you think he should step in? Donald Trump don't trust China. China is an asshole. It's on the Reddit, dude. It's on the Reddit. You see the guy is fucking behind John Lennon circle shades, holding up a banner. It looks a lot like the Chinatown Bus Express banner. Just like a bunch of stuff scrawled on there.

This is him with like circle shades on. Dude, his face is just deadpan, dude. It's awesome. Hong Kong freedom fighter. He's incredible. He's calling for Trump, dude. But people like. Trump, help.

Yeah, but Trump. Don't trust China. China's asshole. China's asshole, dude. China's asshole. China's asshole. What a fucking voice. I was fighting with my girlfriend because she was like, you're not even listening to me. China's asshole, dude. China's asshole. What a fucking voice. I was fighting with my girlfriend because she was like, you're not even listening to me.

I'm like, oh my God, I was watching this video. She's like, what's so funny? I showed it to her and she actually broke. Broke her. That video is so beautiful. It broke through the ice, dude. That is my girlfriend's very unnecessary rap. An icy bitch.

It broke. It thawed her, dude. That guy saying ass hair., it thawed her, dude. That guy saying ass hair, it literally thawed her. China is ass hoe. What a fucking line, dude. I was saying yesterday, dude, how sick would that be

if that became their sixth emperor, Tyrannus, dude? Yeah, when Hong Kong. Rather like a rattlesnake and it was like, China is ass hair. Have you ever, Taiwan has some good ones, too.

What do they have? There's like a bunch of things, like Taiwanese people playing video games. If you just yell China's number one, they go nuts. Really? Yeah. If you type in China's number one on YouTube, they'd be like, China not number one. China number three.

Taiwan number one. They're screaming. China like... No, was it Taiwan that like a slave colony for China One of them was I forget Hong Kong was That was imperial

So the whole hubbub there So in 18 Like during the 1850s I think the 1850s was the opium wars Yeah We broke them off England controls Hong Kong And they had a off. England controls Hong Kong, and they had a century. So England dropped.

They dropped Kratom on China and Hong Kong. Hong Kong got some Kratom. Oh, Kratom is asshole. And so, yeah, England controlled Hong Kong until 1997. That's when the treaty ended. Okay. In 1997, old Thatch Dog went over there. Thatcher talked to the Chinese.

They chatted. And they agreed that to go from British control straight to Chinese would be tough. Because you lose all your rights. Yeah. So Hong Kong has rights. Sure. They have human rights, freedom of speech, things like that, that allow us such gems. Thank God.

Yeah, exactly. Has the Constitution ever been more important? How many people do you think have been shot from the China Communist Party for saying China? There's probably someone like, China is asho. Someone comes and snatches it all back. No, no, no. There's so many people. Just some dude in a bar, just like, I have something to tell you.

We are part have resistance. China is asshole. Immediately a spotlight. Whole family wiped off the map, dude. A lot of people have died for China is asshole. Dude, that's a freedom cry, dude. That dude's modern day William Wallace. That is.

Dude, he's on a horse. There's two Hong Kong dudes. The Chinese are too many. We must go home. He, he's on a horse. There's two Hong Kong dudes. Like, the Chinese are too many. We must go home. He's like, China is asshole. And they're like, ah. Dude. So then they signed a treaty after 1997 where Hong Kong has autonomy until 2047.

What the fuck is that? So they get to... Why the countdown? Trying to ease them into dictatorship. Oh, yeah, yeah. So they've been slowly taking their rights. Yeah. Just like we were discussing. And so now they have their own elections,

but Beijing gets to select the committee that votes. Yeah, I heard it was a total farce. So it's literally just whoever Beijing wants in. Yeah. And now they're saying, this is China's asshole. Yeah, because they tried it. They did a thing where now they can extradite people, and it's their government base. So it's fake.

They're living in a fake democracy, sort of, a more extreme version of our fake democracy. Yeah. It's so much realer. Yeah, exactly. I can get on a microphone and say, someone should shoot Donald Trump in the head, and everyone's like, ha, ha, ha. If you go to Chinese and say...

Well, that's because the president doesn't matter. If you found the dude in control, and you're like, someone's got to take this person out, they'd be like, you would be dead. But, yeah, true. It's much less it's very much less like dude my uh so i was talking to my friend's brother active troop he's actually like a troop lawyer now so he's like a lawyer for the marines and he does like rules of engagement kind of law like which is so crazy now because he was what he was explaining to me was like the weaponry is so advanced that like so if you're flying in formation you can be locked on but it used to be like the rule was if like a you know when people were flying by like with a scarf and shit and they

would open fire you could fire back but now like you can die in a second so like if you know there's anti-aircraft stuff on the ground it's like technically that could be engagement because you have to wait till the guy in front of you blows up so you can engage so like he's like talking about all that but he was saying he went to china because he was in japan he was like it's very well known that you don't bring your cell phone over there because the government takes your as soon as you enter china they take your cell phone and strip all your data off and then they take all your personal information because they want to know if like cia three letter agency guys are there so like if you don't match up to like all this that they breached our uh intelligence system took like 80 million americans information because they're building a dossier to know if a foreign

spy is in their thing and that's that's what they're using their internet to do so he's like you bring a burner phone you don't bring anything it has any of your digital record because the first thing they do is steal all of your data as soon as you go in and he was saying the so the silicon valley like so they get courted by the military a lot the military will come shop and like here's what we're looking for product wise so you know like but the way it works is before you get funding you got to show us how it works and then you know the military american military in good faith will be a cool knock yourself out we just have to make sure it works so you're getting Chinese investors

coming here and being like show us the goods and they're just like thanks and they leave and they steal the plans and reverse engineer it and they're like

China is ass hoe ass hoe dude dude China is such ass hoe everyone's like they're such fucking ass hoe cause like they're manipulating currency ass hoe

and then they're coming over here to like with you know with money and then being like thanks thanks yeah they just steal the thing and go home and there's like in america in the court of like common law you could sue them they just go back to the communist party the fucking shang tisong

is just like dude excellent excellent dude fucking outstanding yeah so it's like there's not the reason that none of the i can they're like uh are like, well, they use China as like an example of like communism working. It's like, yeah, but they just completely disregard all of the rules of international law, all that stuff where it's like they fix their currency. They drop their currency. They steal fucking intellectual property constantly, which is funny. You get some like 24 year old like graphic designer, you know, it actually is a successful example. And they steal the whole portfolio. Like, oh, fuck, funny. You get some 24-year-old graphic designer being like, you know, it actually is a successful example, and they steal the whole portfolio. Oh, fuck, fuck, god damn it.

They're just like, they're going pure, they're just like, us over them, fuck the world. They can plan for 100 years at a time. This is what the guy was telling me. The way they move, they have 100-year plans. So they're just like, they're just moving, dude. It doesn't matter. This whole quarterly year plans so they're just like whatever they don't they're just moving

dude like it doesn't matter this whole like quarterly business shit they're like okay yeah you guys keep doing you we're gonna keep i'm reading a book right now it's all about like uh cyber warfare and how we kind of started it fucking with iran by like trying to like disengage their nuclear stuff we were trying to like blow their stuff up like hack their stuff and have it melt down and how like everyone's in on it now like russia's in on it china's in on it and this is like and the way it works is no government wants like they set it up so it's kind of untraceable but it's kind of obvious where it comes from so like no one admits it everyone does it in secret and there's like crazy cyber warfare going on right now yeah and it's like nobody really can talk about it because it's all classified but then the guy's like as i'm walking through the cia building i'm like what the fuck how did

how did you gain access as a journalist into the cia's building like i want to write about your top secret programs so i'm like kind of skeptical about the book but it's pretty tight to read that is tight but he's like as i walk through in arlington virginia and i'm here and i see the top officials it's like dude okay and you're writing a secret book about their secret fucking program. It's like, come on, dude. Yeah. Well, you ain't. We think you're me, dude.

Get the fuck out of here. He's not a real investigative journalist. Get the fuck out of here. Once you walk through the halls of the PPA. Oh, dude, consider me comped, dude. That's an absolute compromise. They could compromise me so easy. You know you owe us $4,500.

We're going to fuck you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, maybe. They gave me me so easy. Be like, you know, you owe us $4,500. We're going to fuck you. They gave me amnesty. Maybe don't release that little document you were thinking. Car's not my name, bro. They offered me amnesty. They were like, just give us like, my mom was so mad. They're like, give us like a hundred bucks and we'll forgive. They did it to everyone.

We'll forgive all the debts. And I was like, PPA is asho, dude. I didn't give him it. Said Donald Trump, don't trust PPA. PPA is asho. I didn't give it to him. I was like, fuck that. My mom was like, don't be an idiot.

PPA is definitely asho. PPA is asho, dude. PPA is big asho. What if I break the story and PPA is China, dude? You destroy PPA? PPA is Hawaii. Hawaii. PPA could be China.

Hawaii. Hawaii. What's it called again? The 5G? No, what's the 5G shit called hiwaii oh yeah yeah hawaii or something about hawaii no hawaii no way you think hawaii's in on it no no no but yeah dude the uh that he was telling me that shit about china he's like dude it's just like you it's unlike anything they don't play by any rules and it's like these dudes are about it dude yeah. Yeah, man. He's like, they are planning for the

takeover. I wonder if it didn't help us when we destroyed Japan. You know? The Japanese were over there. They were fighting each other. They were kind of keeping the Chinese in check. And by keeping them in check, I mean invading and raping them constantly. True. But

once we killed all the Chinese. That'll fill your daily planner. That'll take up some time. You won't be able to make knockoff Apple watches if you just keep getting raped. But then how would people buy fake Gucci purses? You got to think about that. I know. I do think about that.

I lose sleep. Yeah, man. You got to think about all the people who can't afford high-end fashion. And they want to wear knockoff. Wearing knockoff high-fashion shit is one of the most tragic. And they want to wear knock-off. Wearing knock-off high-fashion shit is like one of the most tragic. It is crazy to see. And you can tell, you know,

you'll see like a black dude dressed like Soulja Boy walking around with like crazy belts and shit. You'd be surprised, dude. I know how much of them are real because that's all of their money. Yeah, for the most part, that's the real deal.

If you can snatch a G-belt off a black dude walking around, take your shot, dude. Yeah. See like a 23-year-old white chick, they start getting into the fakes.

I guess you see a lot of girls, I feel like, buy a lot of the fake shit. I think a lot of the black dudes in the hood are definitely... Dude, there is like

black NSA to sniff out fake stuff. Yeah, there's also retarded guys that live in the hood that are like, I'll wear anything. No one stands to lose.

True. But no one stands to lose more on fake fucking Jordans than a black dude in the hood. Because there's like a literal task force that's out looking constantly. My girlfriend's cousin got busted for wearing some Mexican mics, dude. He never lived it down. His number was 45. His baseball number. He had the Michael Jordan number 45s.

He's like, fucking, I like these, dude. He came back a year. He wore it in the NBA. Did he? He wore 45s. Yeah, 45s, dude. Everyone was killing him. That was not a good time.

So, yeah, there's lots of vigilance around fake stuff. I'm reading Chris Hedges' book right now, dude. It's so fucking good. On what? It's something about illiteracy. Whatever his book is with the title of illiteracy in it oh yeah you sent me that yeah man he's going basically how we're just sliding down into like so he's talking about like the orwell's version of what's going to happen in huxley and orwell was like china was the the like the uh the scary situation we're

going to be like like just bullied into submission huxley was more like no we're going to be like coddled into submission with like a ton of unnecessary bullshit to where we don't know what's real and it's like you know china kind of went orwell we're kind of going huxley yeah where do the the literacy rates have been dropping where it's like 42 percent of people out of college never pick up a book again a third of the country is like functionally illiterate well 42 people they never pick up a book again because you don't need to anymore i mean yeah you do you gotta continually you gotta keep refining yourself dude there's worlds changing all the time you don't pick up a book and you only watch no no i meant as far as entertainment goes

that's why people were reading they weren't reading for refinement back then they were reading to be like i have nothing to do Here's a story about a whale. False. False. False. Way false. Yeah, dude. When Abraham Lincoln gave the, when his address,

the Gettysburg address, that was at like an 11th grade reading level. When George Bush spoke, it was at like a 7th grade reading level. So people were refining themselves to reading. And there was like, there was an advancement of knowledge that was like, it was sick.

The literacy rates are significantly higher now. Yeah, but the way people present issues was at a higher level. So people who could read were keeping themselves at a higher standard. Well, maybe they kept it at a higher level so that the population didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. Literacy rates are declining, too. I mean, yeah, they're higher now. Not since 1866. But they spiked in the early 1900s, and now they're starting to decline.

They're declining, like, precipitously. In the early 1900s, literacy rates spiked in the early 1900s, and now they're starting to decline. They're declining precipitously. In the early 1900s, literacy rates spiked. Right after slavery. I mean, literacy rates spiked among black people right after slavery. Among black people? Yeah, unbelievably so. I thought you were talking about the population. No, more people are literate, but it's bad.

Literacy's dropping from, I don't know the exact time, and even if the fact that, I guess there's more and more people now, I don't know the exact time and even if the fact that I guess there's more and more people now I don't know but they're saying that there's like a good third of people can't really read at all and the majority of things the public discourse has been dumbed down

from an 11th grade level in Abraham Lincoln's time to for 8th graders and I'm saying maybe they used to talk like that to make sure that it was only the people that were able to get education were making choices and listening to things like that. Yeah, I don't know. I would go with that. But all the shit I hear, like any politician talk about is just bullshit. So it's like they were breaking down important concepts.

Like, you guys got to understand this. But they're just like, look, you're about to be raped by Mexicans. Be weary. Be on guard. So it's not like they're like... Because I like when authors do that. When they write books for the masses, like, all right,

my shit's too fucking esoteric. I'm gonna write a book that, like, everyone can get behind, but it's like... And again, this Chris Hedges is the ultimate, like, we're dead, we're doom and gloom. Dude, he was talking about the show The Swan.

Remember that? The reality show on Fox? Do you know what that was? Yeah, is that where the guy pretended not to be a millionaire? No, dude. No, no, no. The Swan. I know what you're talking about.

The Swan is in the early, I think 2004. I remember this. I remember vaguely when I read what it was. I was like, whoa, I forgot all about that. So if you were at Bay, you'd be like, I'm not pretty. My husband doesn't have sex with me. And they'd be like, all right. And they would arrange a team of plastic surgeons and give you surgery, personal trainers, psychiatrists.

And they would give you like a 90-day makeover. And you would just come as like a new, like complete new draw, breast implants, everything done, wardrobe change. Did they like unveil you in front of your husband? They unveil you in front of people. They unveil you in front of a live audience? Yeah. But then it's you versus another person. Whoever's prettier wins

and the one who's not pretty is like, you know, they get like a, their family's there. They remove your tits. The family, they give you a double mastectomy. The family's there

and it's like, oh, like they'd still be like, oh, your family's all here but yeah, you lost, you don't get to go to the beauty pageant. So you have these people who are like crippling

body images body image issues and then you give them plastic surgery and then you make them compete for who's prettier so you have someone who has like

still totally rocked from a lifetime of just not really liking themselves in a new body and then they're like you lose lasted two seasons

and they fucking they trashed it that was 2004 dude there was a show fuck we watched it on the bonfire. It was like you get hooked up to a lie detector before the show and they ask you questions. And if you tell the truth, you advance.

And the questions were like, did you cheat on your husband? Remember that? And they'd be like, yes. And they'd be like, that's true. And then the husband would be sitting on a couch right there and he'd have a button. So you could skip a question if the question was too fucked up you could skip it but then the next like the question would be like did you cheat on your husband he'd be like skip we

don't need to know that don't worry about it honey let's get some money okay then the next question was like have you ever fucked one of his work friends while he was gone. And it's like, well, I'm just going to say it. We're already this far. Yes. It's like, oh, God. Yeah. Fuck, what was the name of that show? The whole show is them just burning their family down.

It only lasted. For like $100,000. Yeah, it lasted very short. That was right around the same time as The Swan. There was a real push after Survivor to just come up with the most fucked up reality shows yeah and that was like that's what was in that golden age of just pure fucking who cares it was like who cares but we're getting back to it with that pd live pd is fucked up what's pd uh it's a live cops well there's also hookup island or whatever

that shit's called live p, Live PD is like cops. Did you ever see NFL Red Zone? No. So NFL Red Zone is on the NFL Network. That's where they put it on if you're in the Red Zone. Yes. So they're like, oh, we got some crazy shit going on in Arizona, San Diego. Let's check it out.

And then you'll see someone score a touchdown. Someone's not in the Red Zone. It's just like a meth head being arrested. No. So this is just them. Like, fuck, someone's about to get a touchdown. This is the exact same format. It's a dude.

There's like three cops in a fucking studio. And they're like, all right, we're getting some news from, you know, Grand Rapids. Let's go check out. Let's see what's going on there. And it goes to live, live cops where they're arresting people. Dude, I did a show in Providence, and a guy in the audience punched the GM and ran out, and he got arrested on live PD. It was real.

You want to talk dystopian? What? Orwellian. That's crazy. It was exactly like 19. Like, it was, you know. Yeah, yeah. We were like, holy shit.

That guy just got arrested on national television. What the fuck? Yeah. Wild, bro. Yeah, well, that's what the Hed the yeah wild bro yeah well that's so that's what the hedges book is about is how like that's the only thing left is like getting all access to like television and like how that's like the only portal for like left for meeting for americans how like it's like celebrity culture television how like he was showing these shows how people will just like

literally incinerate their families oh for like a second in that spotlight and how all those reality shows are pumping out like fuck everybody getting ahead is the second in that spotlight and how all those reality shows are pumping out like fuck everybody getting ahead is the only thing that matters and he's like

that's our like it's our literal like religion right now so you know I hate when people people always try like this is a new religion but he was like

that's kind of our substitute for religious values and we're in like a total downslide this guy's a real downer Hedges spent his whole time he's also he's a fellow

investigative journalist he spent his entire like I think he spent like 25 years in active war zones where countries were like where regimes were being toppled i think he was in like bulgaria somewhere he like watched like an eastern european government fall he went to another place another government got overthrown so he spent years over there watching societies collapse and then he came to america and he was like this is all eerily familiar so he was like we're in debt we're in fucking we're in decline we're sliding down i don't like it study this for 25 years this is what happened over there when they're

about dude hedges stuff he's he is he's the ultimate he's a black pill pez dispenser dude yeah i'm reading his book i'm just going oh, oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Yeah, sitting around and being like, because the literacy thing is not true. Well, I could also be mischaracterizing it. But he's saying that basically we're being dumb. The discourse is dumbed down. The discourse is dumbed down, too. All right, the discourse is dumbed down. The education is dumbed down, too.

The discourse is dumbed down for a pretty obvious reason, which is because now it's entertainment and now it's meant to reach everybody. Yeah, but even the education protocol is dumbed up. People used to learn all the classical language. If you went to school, you went to school. If you didn't go to school, you just worked. But now it's like everyone kind of goes to school, but everyone gets a bullshit education. Before, you would learn the classics, learn mythology, learn history, learn philosophy.

Now they're like state capitals, arithmetic. You know, you're fucking out. So we're getting a bullshit education. You think education's ass-ho? Education's ass-ho, dude. I didn't learn shit. Yeah, but there's pros to all of these. There's pros to all of these huge problems.

What? You were forced to learn cursive and the fucking Iliad. Who gives a fuck? That's the problem. Okay, so back then back then yeah you did get to know the classics now uh become a computer programmer yeah so so there aren't there's room for both that's the thing i didn't even learn about fucking computers so like they could have taught me about computers i could have learned like the books i'm reading right now and this even goes for my school now like i'm learning more off audible than i am in my fucking school,

where it's like I could have learned, like that book, All the Shining Things is like the progression of Western thought encapsulated in a quick book where now I go, okay, cool, that's a useful piece to be able to be like, where did our thinking come from? How are certain lines of thinking revolutionized? Where are we at now? You don't learn any of that.

It's just kind of like how to be basically an effective factory worker. Which is fine. It's whatever. Dude, it's... We don't need more philosophers. We need more factory workers. No, they're done. We need more philosophers now.

We need... We need more philosophers that can make killer content. Well, yeah. That's what we are. I heard that. No, I mean, that's true. I was literally a factory worker You were

So Yeah You're 8 mile dude Factory work Yeah 8 mile in the ice cream factory Yeah that's I don't know Anytime somebody writes

Books like that Or like Says shit like that Where it's like This is it This is the You know this is the end This is like the end

Of the Roman Empire They've been saying that forever It's the same people That are saying This is the end. This is like the end of the Roman Empire. They've been saying that forever. It's the same people that are saying this is the end of the world. They've been saying that forever. Forever is a couple hundred years and it took the Roman Empire

a couple hundred years to fall. So I think we are in decline. They're not saying that about, like a couple, they haven't been saying that a couple hundred years about the United States. The United States

is a couple hundred years old. Okay, yeah. So. When do they start saying it? Like the. Everybody always, they're literally always saying like the end is nigh. Forever. the United States is a couple hundred years old. Okay, yeah. When did they start saying it? They're literally always saying the end is nigh, forever. One of these times they're going to be right. Check this out.

No, no, no. We can pull out of it, but he was like, we're so enmeshed in basically all the bullshit. And there was this other thing I started watching. This was really, really good. It's Mark Blythe. It's Global Trumpism, the future of the global economy.

He was saying how every 30 years, basically in any capitalistic system, he calls it the hardware and the software. So in the 70s, it was like labor was a strong force. I think the labor pool owned like 75% of the wealth. Everything was worked out to where that worked. It reduced unemployment, but then inflation rose. So then he's like, every 30 years, a bug

will present itself and it has to be fixed. Then we went to the neoliberal approach where it's like, alright, we're going to just stop keeping money in a country and start putting it everywhere. Production skyrocketed, but the price of labor is supposed to increase with production.

That stops. So labor stagnated and the production skyrocketed. So all the wealth has been concentrated and, like, the hands are very few. That is our literal situation right now. Yeah, we have a problem with too many... Not enough...

There's too many fucking, like, billionaires. And that's ridiculous. Yeah, I mean, it's also... Well, it'd be cool. They can save... Less than 1% of the 1%. That's the problem now. And that's what we're facing.

There's Trump-like figures popping up around the world because this happened kind of... India has some great ones. Do they really? India has some fucking hilarious... They have Indian Trumps? Dude, every billionaire. So all these third world countries are all

new money. So they are not handling it great. Like in America and like England and shit, when you're a billionaire it's like, I'm a Vanderbilt. I've been blah blah blah. Like there's a certain level of prestige. These Indians get money, they're like, I burn a million dollars a day

on Instagram. It's like, yes. They go wild. Yeah, they're great. I mean, it's like Dubai. They're like, I burn a million dollars a day on Instagram. It's like, yes. They go wild. Yeah, they're great. I mean, it's like Dubai. Yeah, it's true. They're just like golden Ferraris. They're like, suck our fucking dicks, dude.

But he was saying, I didn't watch the whole entire thing. It's really good so far. The guy, I think, used to be a comedian. He was saying now how there's so many leaders. So he sucks. He's sick, dude. This guy is so good. If he used to be a comedian, he stinks. Boss, dude.

This guy's a boss. My bad. I was like, why is he defending that so much? Oh, yeah. Dude, he's a boss, dude. I'm telling you, this guy's great. Yeah. He goes and basically gives like a presentation on the history of, you know, like a short history of capitalism.

How now like every 30 years or so, if you watch like the graphs, it bugs out and hits a hard dip. He's like, that's because there's too many new factors entered into an old system and the system needs to be continually changed. So right now he's like, our problem is the wages have just stagnated

and all the production or the people at the top who are like the capitalists basically are like lending out money like the uh finance class they're they got all they're getting all the gain from all the production and the wages are just flat rated and he was like people are just not having it so when when they're saying like trump is coming just because of racism it's like sorry bro and think about who stands to gain from being like yeah don't listen to Donald Trump's economic stuff. It's just racism.

Not even like he's going to save us all. He's just tapping into all this discontent. He's like, oh, I can definitely just run a. Oh, yeah. I can just run a populist fucking thing. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. But but when people try to reduce him on all the major news, think about why all these newspapers are so against him.

He's running. He's going to he's trying to smash this economic system. That's basically, you know, the people who own the New York Times, Jeff Bezos, Washington Post, stand to gather off so much because the labor, people who were just like the labor pool used to have so much of the money. Now they have

a lot less. I think it was like 63%, now it's 57%. So yeah, they lost like a significant portion, but it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when production rose that much, they didn't get any of that. So it's like, it's a big deal and it's basically worldwide so you're having all these wild men pop up and it's just like people like it's just racism it's like dude it's just not i mean that's one effective tool obviously but it's like it's a lot deeper than that people just want to be like yeah there's a there's just like a bunch of there's like literally

a narrative that there's a bunch of like dormant kkk people who are just like loaded and chilling who are like finally it's time to come out yeah it's like yeah dude sorry no it's not the fucking case so that was that guy's thing that guy's presentation is awesome really fucking good nice yeah yeah that'd be good i'm stoked on that that's sick i'm pretty i'm pretty happy yeah trump uh yeah he was going to he's he's doing battle with china dude we're gonna get some we're going to battle with China Dude we're gonna We're going to war with China We're going to I saw some decent clips of him

Talking shit to China I mean dude We're gonna go to war with China That's just what it is I know short term Might not be good But we gotta do this Long term

I mean dude It's gonna be I don't know how We're even gonna do it Yeah I don't know anything Did you see the thing I think I saw this in New York I was in New York for a wedding

I was in Brooklyn I saw a I saw a thing On York. I was in New York for a wedding. I was in Brooklyn. I saw a thing on like, you know how Brooklyn has like woke advertisements just like fucking posted up everywhere? Yeah. There was a thing that was like, dear America, walls aren't the answer. Signed, Germany. It's like, you guys think walls are what people are giving you guys? First of all, who knocked down that wall, you ungrateful fucking krauts?

Who knocked it down, you dirty krauts? Dude, and they're like, oh, yeah, like we tried walls. It's like, yeah, that's not what you guys are really known for, guys. Don't be all humanitarian. You guys still got to sit on the sidelines. It's like, oh, you mean the wall that the communists built in your country? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one.

I wish I had the historical context, dude. All I could think about was the fucking... So you guys were the fucking... You guys genocide Jews. Yeah, so you guys were more known for... You're going to get morally righteous? It's kind of like fences and barbed wire. And like shacks. But so the communist party built that wall?

Yeah, it was East Berlin and West Berlin. Dude, that's so funny. So after World War II, we split Berlin. The Soviets got East Berlin. We got split Berlin. The Soviets got East Berlin. We got West Berlin. The Allies got West Berlin. Yeah. So then everybody was trying to get to the fucking West.

So you didn't live under Stalin. Pretty much people don't want to live under communist rule for the most part. Never. They try to escape it. So communism pops up. People are like, yes. And then they get walled in. They're like, no.

Fuck. And then the other side has like cool ads because it's like building so you see like oh fuck they got coca-cola what the fuck is that yeah we're stuck here with gruel well it's really like they have creative expression and we don't yeah it's lit it's the literal dude it's a big fucking deal yeah man did not have like even like i said even if the whole thing goes and again if it's going to get into, if you're a communist, it's going to become a totalitarian nightmare. If you go full capitalist, a bunch of people are going to get rich. Most people are going to kind of suck, is what it is.

But it's like, pick your fucking poison, dude. Again, if I was in control, I think I could come up with a third way. Actually, they'll probably kill me like they did Gaddafi, but I think I can figure out a different way. Oh, no. Isn't that funny, though? It's like, dear America, walls aren't the answer. Love, Germany. It's like, okay, you guys are known for your wellness.

Germany, it hasn't even been a century. You guys did the most recent genocide in Europe. Also... No, they didn't, but yes. Who's the most recent genocide? When did the Armenians get genocide? The Armenians got genocide. They got G'd up hard.

They got G'd up hard, but that was World War I. Okay. But the genocides, like Bosnia, we went over there to help the Muslims. So the Muslims were getting genocide. The Muslims were getting genocide. By the Bosnians? Yeah. Eastern Europe was none too pleased with the Muzzies.

Really? So they started killing them, and we came over and protected the Muzz. Really? Yeah, bro. Like, hey, back killing them and we came over and protected the muzz. Really? Yeah, bro. Like, hey, back off, dude. Yeah, really? Only we can bully the muzz. It's like our little brothers, dude.

They're like, hey, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We fucked with them, but only us can. So that was Clinton. I'm trying to think the last European genocide. Damn, Bosnia did it?

Yeah, it was like the 90s, early 90s. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, they definitely have. Again, that wasn't Western white people. Gotcha, gotcha. That's what the big thing about the Holocaust was. Yeah. I mean, they definitely have... But again, that wasn't Western white people. Gotcha, gotcha.

That's what the big thing about the Holocaust was. Yeah. You know? It was... It was pretty much white on white. It was like, they look exactly like us and act exactly like us. The Germans and the Jews. Yeah.

So it's weird to see them kill each other. Like Rwanda, it's like, yeah, all right. Who gives a fuck? Tootsies and fucking Hutus or whatever. Yes. But that's... I can't relate to that at all. That's ongoing.

That's ongoing genocide as well. Rwanda? I don't think so. They stopped. They chilled. They fucking ended that one. Yeah, Don Cheadle fucking locked it down. Don Cheadle stopped.

He'd fly over in the iron suit and was like. Yeah, he was like, come chill at my holiday inn. That was the movie. And then, yeah, there's a bunch of genocides going on right now, but it's in Africa and like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you how do you China?

China is there. They're fucking up. They're rounding up the muzz into like camps and shit. So that's no good. Man, that's crazy. India, Pakistan's about to go to fucking war. That was one that's like that's a hotbed. That's always been bad.

But yeah, India, Pakistan, India, Pakistan, the battle over fucking Bob's. I feel like Bob's over hotbed. That's always been bad. Yeah, India-Pakistan? India-Pakistan. They're the battle over fucking bobs, dude. I feel like... Fucking bobs over Baghdad. They're sending bobs. So you think... I just wonder, like, India is like... Is Pakistan just like square-ass India? They seem like a real serious version of India.

India is very... They're both very serious. I feel like India kind of does like, you know... Yeah, they do the fucking... You catch them in a train station. Some dude will like dance for a chick. They have at least they have Bollywood. Yeah.

Pakistan doesn't. Pakistan is more like sheltered Osama bin Laden. Chill. Nobody. So they don't have any musical. No, Pakistan has. They got Kumail Nanjiani or whatever. Dude from Silicon Valley.

Does he? He's Pakistani. Has he ever done like a Dance number type thing I don't know if he has I'm just trying to learn I'm trying to learn About the culture dude Pakistan has some

Excuse me Pakistan has decent ballers I worked with a Pakistani He was the man I'm not saying I hate Pakistanis No I don't think you do Culturally

I feel like Pakistan Is way more serious So that was Excuse me I'm trying to learn About the culture chain That was another genocide Excuse me, I'm trying to learn about the culture chain. That was another genocide. Who?

India and Pakistan. Who G'd who? So they G'd each other. So I guess that's not a genocide. That's a war, yeah. It's just killing people. It was just people on people. It wasn't even military, really.

Yeah, genocide is like... The Germans... Again... Both claimed genocide on this, though. India and Pakistan. Because they were just atrocities You think anyone was like You genocided us first

Yeah You fucking genocided us first That's exactly what they're doing I didn't fucking genocide you Well Pakistan wasn't a country Yeah There were Muslims and Hindus In India

How many people do you need for a G? For a genocide? Yeah Is it a thousand? Is that where saying I have a G comes from? I don't know what the apps the number is what is it though i guess if you have no idea i guess if you call your show have you babe ruth it like i'm killing these people and then kill a couple from the government it has to be like a

systematic you know yeah you know i bet it can be a lot but if it's your government targeting a race or dude ethnicity or religion you know what's funny, too? In terms of the Holocaust, that was in secret at first, right? So there was German conspiracy theorists who were like, we are killing the Jews and people were like, come on, dude. There were Jews that were saying, they're killing us.

They're going to come kill us. And the other Jews were like, shut the fuck up, dude. Yeah, dude, think about that. Get your fucking tinfoil hat off. Oh, Jesus Christ, fuck. Isn't that wild? Think about the conspiracy theorists back then. Be like, dude, Think about that. Oh, dude, get your fucking tinfoil hat off. Then you're like, oh, Jesus Christ, fuck. Isn't that wild? Think about the conspiracy theorists back then. Be like, dude, I don't know.

It seems like, I swear I saw them going into them. They're around like, come on, dude. Yeah, that's what the book Knight opens up about. You gave me that. The guy who came back. The guy who escaped and got to the next town and was like, they just put us all in a ditch and shot us. And everyone was like, you're drunk.

And then they woke up in a ditch like, God damn it. Yeah. That's all they could do is be like, no. Yeah. That's true. You know, if you have someone told me like they're coming down again. Actually, I'd probably be like, let's go. Let's fucking if somebody came into this like.

All right. So, Shaner. Yeah. Shaner breaks in and is like, yo. Yeah. They're rounding up dudes in North Philly. They're coming to West Philly next. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. I would listen to him.

I know you would. If someone came in and was like, hey, I just came from the other town. They're murdering us. I'd be like, okay. All right, but you don't live in like 1930s Poland. There's some real dumb fucking idiots

roaming the hills. True. So this is a dude, and in the book, they're like, we thought he was an idiot. He was an idiot by 1930s Poland standards.

That's the dumbest guy. How'd he get out? He was so dumb, dude. He was crafty. He was so dumb. He just, I think he, I forget in the book if he said he played dead.

Played possum on him. Damn. But, yeah. Yeah, you got some good... There's some good wild chick on... Amazon's burning. You see that? Oh, the Amazon's on fire.

Yeah, the Amazon. Bolsonaro's calling... He's saying it's eco-terrorism. He's just like... These are just like environmental groups lighting it on fire on purpose, which is like... Really? That's a bold move. He's calling, he's saying it's eco-terrorism. He's just like, these are just like environmental groups lighting it on fire on purpose, which is like. Really? That's a bold move.

He's calling it environmental false flags. He's getting his own conspiracies going. Yeah, he's getting them rolling, dude. That's a good way to fight. Also, it's funny to think about a fucking, a conservationist being like, let's burn down a quarter of the rainforest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the fuck out of here. Finally some attention. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's just deforestation. Why does that even need a... Why doesn't someone be like, all right, we'll dump

some water on it and be like, this is fucking obviously my political enemy is lighting the rainforest on fire. I know, I know, I know. It's like, dude,

no one would have blamed that on you. Yeah, we got to fight this. Well, it is his fault. Why? Because he sold all the fucking land and they're...

So the reason it's burning is because of the deforestation fuck this is all them like dude i think mcdonald's has a fucking like like several states worth of land in the amazon of just cows and like they just clear it out and then fires start oh okay that makes sense so it's all deforestation. So it is his fault. It literally is that guy's fault. His whole campaign was like, we're gonna start making some fucking money, dude. We're gonna start mining and all that shit

in the Amazon. All these fucking trees, dude. Yeah, he's like, I'm sick of these fucking trees. Who cares about bugs and frogs and shit, dude? Imagine being that cock. Let's get guap. Imagine being that cock if someone's like, no, dude, the whole planet needs this rainforest. And you're like, dude. Imagine being that cock. Let's get guap. Imagine being that cock if someone's like, no, dude, the whole planet

needs this rainforest and you're like, pussy. Bitch. Oh, the world needs oxygen? Fuck you guys, dude. I need money. Let's go.

That guy's awesome. I mean, that's some fucking, that is some like, I wish sometimes I was just that, just like, hellbent.

Did you see that video of Sao Paulo? No. It was dark at 2 p.m. because of the smoke. It was nighttime in a major city. Damn. That's how big this fire is. It's scary to look at.

What? At 2 p.m. in Sao Paulo. I think it's their most populous city. Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, it was pitch black. What? Yeah, bro. Scary.

He's clearly the work of my political enemies. Very spooky times. I mean, it could have been a video from night that someone was just like, this was 2 p.m. But I think it was real. Yeah, it probably was. It seemed pretty real. I would say, yeah. Dude, that guy's response killed me, dude.

Claiming eco-terrorists? I mean, it's a false flag. He's an eco-terrorist. It's an eco-terrorist false flag to frame him. So the pesky environmentalists are like, well, we'll burn down a bunch of the rainforests, and then we'll get them to target. The one thing we're trying to protect?

We're going to bring you down. Yeah, man. Well, dude, I'm telling you, this is why these kind of people are rising up, though. It's just like, again, me and Chris Hedges are obviously on the cutting edge, but it's like people are rising up, though. It's just like, again, me and Chris Hedges obviously are on the cutting edge, but it's like people are being dumbed down,

people are being fucked economically, and then a guy comes who's like, fuck pussies, and everyone's like, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know. I mean, it's too late. Idiocracy. It's happening. Like that movie.

Like, it is not. But there is different forms of literacy obviously so like sure a kid can't read fucking Moby Dick but

he can operate an iPad yeah then he just selects a propaganda video watches it and is like fuck yeah sure but you could have selected a propaganda book

like the Protocols of Zion true so I mean it's just a different form of you know. Yeah, I see. I don't know.

I don't know. I read a book. There's a book called, like, Everything Bad for You is Good. What's that? It's the guy kind of arguing, like, video games have a ton of benefits. TV has a ton of benefits, you know? Yeah. Dude, TV having a ton of benefits.

People can miss me with that. You know what I'm into right now? Documents. Self-help books with curse words in the title. That helps. That's my shit, dude. The subtle art of not giving a fuck. I thought that was the name of the book.

What? That's my shit. Well, the one is... How to kick ass. One's get your shit together, and the other one's the subtle art of not giving a fuck. I mean, that's Jordan Peterson with a swear word. Literally. It's like,

clean your fucking room. Clean your room, bitch. Make sure your dick is clean. Wash your dick every morning. That's just, dude, I'm telling you, you write a self-help book and put a curse word on the title,

if you get it out by tomorrow, someone will pick that up and give you probably 40 grand for it. Yeah. But most of the girls that I've dated would read... Girls love those books.

Get your shit together. That was the mexter's girlfriend was searching for that. What? She just kept. She's like, I fucking hate self-help books. And she kept reading them. Yeah. There was the other ones like, be a bitch. Yeah.

Be a bitch. Could you please be a bitch? Are you trying to make more money right now? Be a fucking bitch to everybody around you. It's yeah. All that shit's disgusting. Gary Vaynerchuk. All that.

Yeah. Dude, I saw. So I was telling you about Joel Osteen, dude. I saw you. Yeah, all that shit's disgusting. Gary Vaynerchuk, all that. Yeah. Dude, I was telling you about Joel Osteen. Dude, I saw him. Oh, yeah, you went and saw Joel Osteen. Saw Joel Osteen, yeah. Woodman had tickets, dude. Bro, I ran into fucking Bill Nye. Huh?

You punch him? I ran into Bill Nye the science guy. You punch him? Dude, I'm sorry to cut. I met some fucking hot celebs. What the fuck are you doing? You're in California. I hung out with The Weeknd.

What? Was he doing cocaine? No. It was funny because... All he talks about is cocaine. So in at the store in the green room, there's like a bar. There's like a back bar for comics and hot ass celebs. Yeah.

And Andrew... So I was in the green room for the first show. The first show I did there last week. And I was nervous. It's the store. That's the place I've always wanted to perform. That's the one that's... Lou B I did there last week. And, you know, I was nervous. It's the store. That's the place I've always wanted to perform. That's the one that's... We do a special there, right?

It's in black. Yes. It looks kind of intimidating. That's Rogi's. That's Rogi's headquarters. Yeah, yeah. So I'm in the green room. And all these comics kind of, you know, they do that thing where they don't talk to you

if they don't know you. Sure. Which I never understood. Because if somebody's... If I know everyone in the green... Like, let's say you, me, and Beezer are bees are in a green room yeah and somebody else is in there i'm not just gonna keep having a conversation with you two i'm gonna be like what's up dude where are you from what do you do it's the weirdest thing it's such an odd thing it's so weird to me it's it but then

andrew santino came in great dog dude yeah you would like this guy he's a man yeah santino good bull really he came in scooped me off he was like let's go fucking chill dude let's get some beers we went down uh and then i scooped up the mexter so it was me mackie santino we go down the green or that bar and uh there's like a squad of clearly famous dudes yeah i just didn't know who the fuck they were sure the weekend cut his hair i'd say he's easy the weekend easy to weekend no the weekend if he had his hair i would have known sure instead he was just like a chubby black dude sitting on a stool i didn't even think he was the alpha i just i like shook my hand to like one of his drivers yeah i was like yes dude it's nice to meet you and then i should when i

shook the weekend's hand i don't even think i made eye contact i got big time i was like what's up dude how are you i was like hey i'm shane hey i'm shane hey i'm just that he got he got the exact same treatment as like everybody in there and then one dude that was wearing like a sweater and a chain i was like what's up man it's really nice to meet you who was it i don't know it was just some random guy oh that's i hit the wrong guy in a squad and then i'm sitting over there and mecky's like that was the weekend i'm like the weekend's white because the guy i shook hands super light yeah yeah yeah and i was like like, that was the weekend. I'm like, the weekend's white? Because the guy I shook hands with was white.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, is the weekend a band? Because I thought I saw the weekend. He was like, he cut his hair, and then I was like, oh, that's the guy that's like,

I know you'll be the death of me. And I sang it loud enough that they looked over, and I was like, oh, fuck. That's so funny. And then the next night, the next night night i was at the improv did a set and bill nye was there and bill nye has the same he was with my agents yeah he's under the same reps

and he came up and like i when he walked up to me i was like dude global warming is a fucking hoax and he was a fan he liked my stand-up that's awesome which was hilarious because i was like i think i have an episode of my podcast dedicated to how much of a fucking tool bill nye is i meet him i'm like yo man what's up dude i would love to be bill and i it was he was he was funny bill nye was funny what did he do fucking well also why were we why were again? He had that episode of... He had a show on Netflix. And he had a whole episode of like, yo, gender is just made up. And then there was a girl...

I forgot about that. There was a girl... Fuck, who was it? It was like a female comedic actress or a comedian that did a gender rap song on his show. Right, yeah. It was something that was just so bad. It sucked. He put out trash. He got busted. just so bad sucked he put out trash he got

busted he put out trash and it's garbage yeah get that junk out of here yes junk that's don't either junk guy dude get the junk out of here he backed he backed up a trash truck and dumped some junk down on that bunch of it happens dude bill nye's asshole he might have was asshole he was asshole now he's the man first off he loved my stand-up, which is great. I mean, that is the absolution of anything. And then he was like, when we started, I was like, dude, you fucking fat cat scientists trying to come up with global warming is a hoax, dude. Oh, it's so funny. All you fat cats lining your pockets.

He was a good sport. It was funny. That's so fucking funny. And then he demanded a selfie. What's his next move? And then I think someone was like, you know, Bill Nye invented the selfie. Stop. And I was like, first off, no.

Yeah. I think the guy with the first camera did. Yeah, dude. For sure. Exactly. Whoops. But they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's some guy who developed a picture of him.

Yeah, why? It's such a fucking bullshit. Yeah. It was something broad. Who was this Bill Nye mega fan spreading disinfo? Some lady. But Bill Nye has some mega fans, dude. That was like...

Really? The whole place was buzzing. Bill Nye get pussy? Definitely. Degrass was getting pussy. Bill Nye definitely gets pussy. Dude, Bill Nye and Degrass, they're celebrities. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

He has a fucking show on Netflix. He gets snizzed. Degrass got jammed up. He got jammed. He got jammed. Jammed him. He got caught with He got jammed. Jammed him. He got caught with a little inside heat. Jammed him.

Jammed him on that one. Bill Nye was the man. And then Saul Rogies. Was Rogies up in there? Yeah. What was he doing? Rogies was being rogued. Jacked as fuck?

Rogies was being jacked as fuck. Then he got off stage and watched. It was cool to watch him watch Joey Diaz In the small room there It was cool man The Comedy Store was the coolest fucking place ever Comedy Cellar is asshole Comedy Cellar is asshole

Comedy Cellar Comedy Cellar number one Comedy Store number one Comedy Cellar asshole The stand Comedy Cellar is asshole dude Comedy Cellar is asshole, dude. Comedy Cellar is asshole.

Compared to... Until I get past there and we have to delete this episode. Dude, if they brought you to a room like, we like you, but you called us ass hair. Oh, I'd be like, dude, you guys are ass hair. If you had to be like, guys, I just want to apologize to everybody. I called Comedy Cellar asshole. No, Comedy Cellar is obviously fucking sick. But the store... I mean, dude.

Comedy Cellar is sick. It's not as good. It's like Disney World versus Universal Theme Park kind of. You're telling me there's just a little better attractions there. Maybe a little bit better mood going on there. Well, that's the thing. The store is like... It is electric.

Yeah, it's fun. Every room is fucking packed. Oh, it's the every room is fucking packed oh it's every single room there's like four rooms there they're all packed every room you know rogues is fucking hopping around it's fucking sick that's fucking sick yeah and uh yeah did kill tony that was fucking fun that was fun i watched that was fun dude that was awesome again i mean you're just quietly doing fucking stuff is the man really what a never mean, you're just quietly doing fucking Tony cast stuff. Tony Hinchcliffe is the man. Really? What a never cast. Yeah, it's like.

Just off the fucking, just by, you know. I knew it. I discovered it at Skank Fest. Yeah, when he was doing the song. That Hinchcliffe was the dog. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah, dude, it's people.

Under the radar dog, dude. Hinchcliffe, Santino. Yeah. Yeah, because there was a. He was getting a lot of hate. People were hating on him. But that is what it is, dude. Yeah, because he was getting a lot of hate. People were hating on him. But that is what it is, dude. Yeah, some of the stuff was kind of corny.

Yeah. You know. Whatever. Whatever, dude. Exactly. It's a good show. That show, Kill Tony is a fucking... Schaub came through.

Sick-ass show. Really? Fucking giant. He's a big boy. I didn't see him perform or anything, but he just came. You talking about his UFC fight record? No. You should have talked about it.

I should have Nate Diaz'd him. You know he ran away in the ring, right? He would have. I can't believe that dude put a documentary, like an hour-long documentary, just trashing him. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's like, the funniest part, I forgot to say this,

is when that guy talked about, when Job mentioned people gaming wasn't a hustle, that guy's voice broke. And he was like, he's going to say he's sitting down and playing video games for 12 hours. But he showed a video of him running away in the ring. And he's like, it's just some dude put out a thing of you doing that. It's like, dude, that would piss me off so bad. Yeah, especially because it's a sport.

It's like running away in the ring is like. He's like, I made the right decision. Yeah. Yeah, it's like fucking kneeling the ball in football. Yeah. Well, it's also a fight, too. So there's like, you can win on the scorecard. You can get your face bashed in.

All these people are like, you got heart. Yeah. It's like, yay. I can't talk shit because in baseball, I don't think I ever didn't jump out of the box once. That ball would come at me and I was like, no. Dude, if you're getting beat up. Yeah, fuck that shit.

Get away. Waste the clock. I know. It's funny how I'm always like that watching a fight. Where I'll be like, why don't they... They got to knock him out. They got to go for the knockout. They're losing the fight.

Yeah. They're not going to go for the fucking knockout. They're getting fucking pummeled. Yeah. And there's a guy who's kicking their ass. They're kicking their ass. And now They're not going to go for the fucking knockout. They're getting fucking pummeled. Yeah. And there's a guy who's kicking their ass. They're kicking their ass. And now you've got to

try to knock him out. And it's scary, dude. Because you're going to get laid out. You're just trying not to get knocked out. So you're like, all right,

I'm going to take a break from being terrified of this person who's clearly stronger and better at me in fighting. And I'm going to just get the one that gets him. It's like,

yeah, it's not going to happen. Unless you look kind of like retarded. That helps. If you're just like dumb as fuck and you're just like, I got to go for the knockout. Diaz is the king.

Diaz goes for it. Did you watch those fights? Which ones? Diaz just fought. Did he win? Yeah. Yes. It was Diaz dominant.

Dude, there is a fight. Yoel Romero versus this Brazilian dude, Costa. Yeah. And it's one of the funniest fights you'll ever see. Yoel Romero, do you remember him? Giant jacked black dude from Cuba. Yes, I kind of do, yeah. Huge, like traps

to his ears. Yeah. He looks like he's, he literally looks like he has a turtle shell. Like that's how he's built. He's built like that. But then Costa's huge too.

Costa wasn't a fighter, he was a bodybuilder for a while. I kind of remember Costa, I think I've heard of him before. It was such a funny fight. Dude, the fight starts, they're like jumping in the air,

throwing punches, like flying around. Yoel Romero gets caught in the first round, gets like knocked out, falls face first, starts getting hit. He comes back, gets back up. They start throwing punches again. Yoel Romero literally goes, look over there. Points. Having just been knocked out, he goes, look over there. And knocks the other guy out.

What? The other guy gets up, and they both there. And knocks the other guy out. What? The other guy gets up, and they both laugh. It's the fucking funniest fight you'll ever see. And there's like two jack dudes who are like... Two giant jack dudes, clearly both, I would say clearly roided. Sure. Just not literally knocking each other out back and forth, and then getting up and being like... Who won?

It was like Bebop and Rocksteady. It really was, dude. Costa won on decision. It's funny because they Rocksteady. It really was, dude. Costa won on decision. They always use a fight on the show, too. Costa won on decision, but they were like taunting each other

and laughing the entire fight. Holy fuck. And then Cormier versus Miocic was fucking sick. That was good. Yeah. Dude,

in the end of the fight, Cormier was winning the whole time. And then all of a sudden, Miocic figured out he could just throw a body hook. It's like when you're playing UFC.

When you're playing a video game and the other guy doesn't know how to block the leg and you just keep throwing it. It's like, stop, dude. Stop. All of a sudden, Miocic was like, I can just hook him in the belly. He was just throwing haymakers to this dude's belly. After the third one, it was like, he's going to be dead now.

He hit him with the sub-zero slide kick he hit him with the slide kick like five different times oh what a dick yeah so they had to call the fight because he was getting punched in the stomach

he was getting punched in his belly and then he was dead so then Miocic just fucking it was ugly at the end what? this is the same

fucking Cormier was holding him in the air in the beginning of the fight Cormier was literally like holding him in the air and everyone was like he's gonna kill him then Miocic punched him in the belly punched him in the beginning of the fight Cormier was literally like holding him in the air and everyone was like ah he's gonna kill him then Miocic punched him in the belly

gave him a nerd punch nerd he's like some this is the exact punch of a guy like sitting against the locker he's like get away from me damn dude so then Diaz fought the other guy and Diaz fought Pettis which Diaz Diaz just fucking dominated the fight did he really yeah did he go to decision start to finish

yeah it did go to decision but it was just three nothing three rounds to none that's awesome yeah Diaz is the best yes

Diaz is a new thing where he's just like I only fight whoever's doing cool shit that's who I want to fight he's like the reason I fought Pettis was because he's actually doing cool shit the who I want to fight. He's like, the reason I fought Pettis was because he's actually doing cool shit.

The reason I want to fight Masvidal is because he's doing cool shit. When people are blowing up, they have to face Diaz. They have to fight Diaz. Fuck, he's so smart. Diaz is also like, the reason I took off for three years is because everybody here is a pussy. So I didn't want to fight anybody. That was his speech. He's like, Masvidal, he's So I didn't want to fight anybody. Like, that was his speech. And he was like, Mazov et al., he's doing cool shit.

I'll fucking, I'll fight him. I mean, he basically ended McGregor's reign. He took the wind out of his sails hard. I mean, fucking what's his name, really? Yeah, Khabib really sealed it. That was the beginning of the game. Did you see McGregor punched an old dude? Why?

McGregor socked an old dude for like talking shit, saying something about his whiskey. Oh, he has his whiskey pouring out his

whiskey. Trying to give whiskey to these old dudes as like a, you know, PR thing. And an old dude

sitting at the bar must have said something. And McGregor just fucking punches him in the face. The old dude

took it. He's like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's pretty great. McGregor's out of his mind. face. The old dude took it. He's like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's pretty great. McGregor's out of his mind. He did. He lost it. Fighter turned businessman is like, seems like a good idea.

George Foreman. Foreman sold the grills. He was very hands off, dude. There's no way he had anything to do with any of that. He wasn't walking around guys in the park. Here, let me clamp this shitty shell around your chicken and burn it. You've been punching

people left and right. But dude, please don't dry out my chicken with that piece of shit. Yeah. I hate forming grills. Yeah, they are bad. So what about a waffle maker

but for chicken? Yeah, the only reason I liked them is because it was the only way I knew how to cook things. I cooked on them forever. It's like a microwave for, you know, meat.

It really is. It's a hair dryer. If you're a retarded guy like me, George Foreman Grills, I should be the new spokesman. It's literally a hair dryer that just has ridges. I could be the spokesman for that. It's like, hey, are you fucking retarded? Well, go to Walmart.

Do you have 20 pounds of frozen chicken you're trying to cook in a day? Don't even thaw them. Just throw them on the form while they're frozen. Dude. Just leave it. Go watch TV for a half hour. Come back. It's going to be hard.

It's going to be bad, dry chicken. But you're going to eat. Yeah, so I ate off a form and grilled for like five years and everything sucked. I don't understand. Cleaning was fun, though.

Dropping water on it after it was... True, it sizzles down. True that. Yeah. Collected in that. You get to see the jar. I lost my fat tray, so that shit would just dribble down. You got to just drip it onto the sink orles down. Through that. Yeah. Through that. Collected in that. You get to see the jar. I lost my fat tray, so that shit would just dribble down.

You got to just drip it onto the sink or something? Yeah, yeah. That's motherfucking bullshit. If you forget the tray or it's off a centimeter, that's a problem. Tinfoil. I had a little tinfoil reservoir. I didn't even get that far mentally. Yeah, they fall over.

They fall. They get filled up and they tip, dude. They're not heavy. Yeah, forming gr Grill is not great. No, I don't know a lot of fighter turned... I mean, Tyson's kind of doing it. Tyson's successful. Several lawsuits, rape allegations.

Despite being arrested for rape. Yeah. He went to jail. For rape, yes. Tupac went to jail for rape. He claimed that was conspiracy. He did go for rape. He claimed that was pure fucking.

It was a chick that got gang banged in his hotel against her will. Yeah. So even if he didn't do it, he was pretty complicit. It was his boys. Complicit, yeah. Yeesh. Yeah, I got the doss on Tupac. Not good.

Yeah. Shot a kid in the head. Yeah, remember you told me that. I got over that one. Kid got hit in the head with a bullet. I got over that one. I was like, you know what? Because I listened to Tupac's greatest hit i used to listen on the bus and i listened

to him like that's pretty good and then i was like i heard he was like i was watching a documentary about his you know his life basically he caught that rape case and he was like they're just obviously taking me down this is bullshit no one we talked to everyone and i was like all right well tupac you sold me i believe you yeah now you're presenting me with information that that was a gang rape. I believe that's what I was... But then again, that might have been the false information that they're trying to... Who's trying to bring him down?

I don't know. I forget. He said it. He said it pretty good. When he said it, I forget what he said, but I was like, all right, Tupac, you sold me. Tupac was, just like NWA, was being represented and controlled by white dudes. Yeah.

You got the DOS on that? I love that conspiracy theory. You're talking about the record label? Yeah, it's like record labels, agents, all that. It's like, dude, no one's trying to bring you down. They're all with you. LA police? Hating ass hoes?

Think about the hating ass hoes he had. No, I meant Illuminati style. None of the globalists trying to bring you down. Possibly. No, the globalists are making money off of it. Yeah, but you would have like a J. Edgar Hoover file on you. J. Edgar. Dude, the J's.

J. Edgar Hoover. You'd have some Hoover you'd have like some dude would be like I don't fucking like this dude the Illuminati loved it it was destabilizing the populace I know this for sure come on man

I knew trust me I thought you'd be I thought your third eye would be open to that I'm all over this dude you know fucking Malcolm X

Martin Luther King's dead all of a sudden you usher in all these other guys who are just telling people to sell drugs Snoop Dogg was in the meeting he was in the meeting. He was in the meeting and was told, I know this.

I got the DOS on all this. That is funny, though, dude, when they say, when they don't count that as a mass shooting. Like, well, it's not ideologically driven. They're like, well, it's just black guys. Dude, they literally do that. And they say, I watched a guy on a thing on black people Twitter where the guys, like, they used to always say, oh, this is all senseless violence. And's like what like we don't we're like retarded he was like there's reasons they're people are like there's an ideology behind a gang there's the taliban

there's white supremacists who shoot people there's the fucking i'm not gonna name them don't want to get killed but gangs i don't want to name a specific one to get fucking jumped on by a set but there's like there do you think if you said the Bloods? For sure, dude. Some Bloods are gonna come out. I know Bloods. I know a couple Bloods, dude. Yeah. They might be like,

yo, I listen to your podcast. We gotta fuck you up now. But no, it's like they act as if a gang's not an ideology. It's like, dude, it's the same framework as ISIS, basically.

Yeah. It's just different motives, different set of beliefs. It's like a very similar organization, very similar to the Aryan Brotherhood. If the Aryan Brotherhood went in and shot someone, that would be an ideologically driven hate crime. If a crip goes in and shoots five people, it's like you said.

They're like, black people. They're different. They're poor. They're black people doing black things. Dude, I'm telling you. That's the way it's looked at. Remember when Biden was like, did you see his little snafu? Yeah, it's great.

He was like, they're just as good as a... Poor people are just as good as white kids. He was like, it was like, did you see his little snafu? Or he was like, they're just as good as a, poor people are just as good as white kids. He was like, whoops. And he was like, and, and, and Chinese kids and black kids and Mexicans and,

uh, everybody. Dude, did you see the whole fallout from that? People like, Oh my God, Trump's making fun of Biden for his little gap. It's like,

yeah, dude, first of all, it's his political enemy. Second of all, dude, like it's like Trump said, we're, we're stuff. It's like, dude first of all it's his political enemy second of all dude like it's like trump said worse stuff it's like okay trump's not woke biden's supposedly woke and he's like constantly fucking up like which is he's too old we have to stop fucking running these geezers dude geezers dude they should do driver's license test then you can go you can maybe think

about it no way biden's passing driver's That reminds me of that Matt Groening thing. What? The Simpsons. Oh, fuck. Dude, there is a clip online of the Simpsons. They made this thing where Donald Trump, it's like, what's the name of that song? Is that from the song from

not Fiddler on the West Side Story? Maybe, I didn't recognize it. Like, America. Probably. America. You have to ask my dad. He's big on musicals. My dad loves musicals, dude.

Oof. He was like, all I ever did when I was little was watch TV. So I would watch musicals all the time. That sucks. Yeah, he knows. That's embarrassing. Dude, you're right. My dad will just sing all the songs.

He loves them. I know, but that's gay. That's what I'm saying. No way, dude. Musicals? Yeah, musicals fucking rule. Musicals are very gay. Musicals rule, dude.

Musicals suck. You hate the theater? Yes. That'll change. I hate theater. You'll get refined, dude, and you're going to love the theater, dude. If I start listening to more books on tape, maybe. You will love the theater, dude.

I don't like the theater well we'll see i never tell i love i'm a big patron of the theater really what do you what's your favorite show you mean play yeah no it's a good show you mean it's a show trust me matt saint thomas the apostle fiddler on the roof as someone who is matt hold on as someone who performs on broadway often which I do. When? I'm around the arts quite a bit.

You are around the arts. So, so. What's your problem with, what's your problem with fucking live theater? It's, it, by definition, is gay.

No, it's not, dude. Yes, it is. It's the ultimate form of expression. Drama, music. I did like Anne Frank. The musical? Yeah.

What was that? Something, something, America. Anne Frank does not have a musical. Anne Frank has a play. It's called The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a play. And it's a musical? I don't think it's a fucking musical.

It's a play, though. Oh, I was talking about the musical. Anne Frank, the musical will be lit. I saw Chicago when I was a kid, and I hated it. Yeah, I never saw it. I didn't about the musical. And Frank, the musical will be lit. I saw Chicago when I was a kid and I hated it. Yeah, I never saw it. I didn't see any musicals. My dad tells me. My dad literally.

I know you're stupid. I saw Mamma Mia. Look, I get it. You're defending your pops on this one. I love my daddy, dude. I know you love your daddy. He loves musicals. I'm saying that sucks.

That's great. I love that my dad is refined. Watched, he saw Fiddler on the Roof. My dad loves musicals. I liked Fiddler on the Roof, the movie. I had to watch it. That's all my dad is refined. He saw Fiddler on the Roof. My dad loves musicals. I liked Fiddler on the Roof, the movie. I had to watch it. That's all my dad saw. My dad only saw the movies.

I think I liked it because I was watching it in a class. So it was nice to not have class. Yeah, to be clear, my dad's only ever seen the musical movies. So he's seen Grease, the movie, Fiddler on the Roof, the movie. Grease sucks. And he remembers all the movies. He knows all the stuff for at least Fiddler on the Roof and then one other. He knows all the songs. Grease, the movie. Fiddler on the Roof, the movie. Grease sucks. And he remembers all the movies. He knows all the stuff for at least Fiddler on the Roof and then one other.

He knows all the songs. Grease sucks. Dude, it's like if I watched fucking... I know all the songs from The Lion King because I had to watch them because all my little brothers and sisters watch them over and over. I took an ex-girlfriend to see...

I'm about to snap. My ex-girlfriend loved Beauty and the Beast. And for some reason, the cartoon was back in theaters. Sure. Not the new one. It was just the old one. The old school cartoon, yeah. Just in the theater.

Classic. She was begging me to go. Yeah. And we went. And it sucked ass. What? Dude, go watch one of those Disney movies. Oh, they're so...

Yeah, they're really bad. They suck. Yeah, they're bad. They suck Yeah they're bad They all suck Pocahontas is good Pocahontas Pocahontas can't be showed anymore Sucks

I watched it recently It runs into lots of Fucking problems Yeah That's pretty sick though It runs into lots of like This is the white man's land Dude it's pretty fucking funny

They're hitting savages really hard Pocahontas You watch that You're like damn Yeah I started watching it Pocahontas was hot as fuck, you're like, damn. Yeah. I started watching it. Pocahontas was hot as fuck, though. Oh, my God.

Bro, she looks so soft. She's so good in that. She looks, yeah, she, oh, all the Disney princesses are like. Disney princesses. Think about the nerds drawing those, dude. So, yeah, we'll draw something. They all have, like, these big-ass fucking eyes. I mean, dude.

Imagine what the porn those guys have drawn. They probably drawed all the bootleg fucking porn that you can find. Moment of silence for that, dude. Imagine what the porn those guys have drawn. They probably drawled all the bootleg fucking porn that you can find. Moment of silence for that, dude. Yeah. Wow. Imagine them catching a hard lunch. How do you feel about Little Mermaid? How do I feel about it?

About Little Mermaid. Yeah, you know me, bro. I was more of a Pocahontas, Jasmine kind of guy. No, no, no. The new Little Mermaid. Oh, isn't it Ariana Grande or something? No, it's a black chick. It's the Little Mermaid, dude.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck. It's funny to me when people freak out about that well it's funny when people freak out it's like people forget like yeah there's movies for little fucking kids of course so until like if a bunch of like nine-year-olds are like what the fuck the little mermaid's black it's like all right we can like now we can talk about it but they're not going like if they raise the issue, be like, Dad, the fucking Little Mermaid's black. We haven't got our wages risen in 30 fucking years. It's like, then we can talk.

I don't know why people freak out about that. It's like, yeah, it's fine. It's not a big deal. I saw a funny meme about Ariana Grande, though. It's like, Ariana Grande used to look like

the Little Mermaid and now she looks like the Little Mermaid. That was really fucking funny. That was very funny. Classic. Yeah. When people do that shit, it's Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was really fucking funny. That was very funny. Classic. Yeah. Yeah, when people do that shit,

it's like, it's for little kids, man. If you're... Imagine being a little nine-year-old and you're like, oh, Little Mermaid, and your dad's like, fucking black.

And you're just like, dude, fucking take a night off, dude. Relax. Little kid, just like, we came through like World War II, Vietnam. All the fucked up shit's downloaded in your head

just for the sake of your little kid. Just bite it back a little. Yeah. You can be like Trump fucking rules, blah, blah, blah. If a little mermaid's black,

just be like, take a Coors Light behind your shed and just drink it. Just drink it and fucking be quiet. Not my little mermaid. That's what I've been

saying on stage. I've literally been doing that. The exact voice you just did. That's your voice. Not my little mermaid. God damn it. That's where I got been saying on stage. I've literally been doing that. The exact voice you just did. That's your voice. Not my Little Mermaid. God damn it. That's where I got it from. And then I also.

It comes from I don't like it. I don't like it. Little Mermaid's white. And then I've also been talking about how. Oh, fuck. What was it? Oh, it's now. It's now it's pronounced Lil Mermaid.

Woo. That's sick. I mean, somebody has to have. That's pronounced Lil Mermaid. I mean, somebody has to have. That's not original at all. I don't know. I thought of it. I don't think anyone's taking it to the local theater, yo. I am bringing it onto the stage. It is so funny to be like, yo, theater's gay.

I actually go on stage every night and talk. When are people going to discover how fucking corny stand-up is i dude i think it's coming it's coming i think it about like bro it's not even that it's coming it's just there's a group of kids who's i mean stand-up will be good for like 10 to 15 minute quips the hour-long special i think will die yeah i think stand-up will be fun. This is what I think stand-up is actually supposed to be for. It's not like late-night monologue, but you should write 20-minute specials about what's going on in a given six-month time. Hit it, forget it, see what else is going on.

It should be reduced to 20. It's Live at the Cellar, by the way. That's a show on Comedy Central. Is it really? Every week, it's called Live at the Cellar. And it's topical, weekly stand-up. That was the joke. That was the audition I bombed.

Well, yeah, they didn't want you to win it, bro. No, they didn't. So you need that. Comedy Central wanted me to get that. And I auditioned it at the fucking asshole cellar. And I fucking bombed. I took Adderall that day. When's it come back on?

You could probably do it again, though, if it's like a recurring thing. I will do it again. Yeah, dude. Trust trust me all i did was try to make cover hong kong i just tried to make my jokes topical just whatever material i already had i was like oh the ufc just happened this week here's my nate diaz impression it was so bad dude yeah they need that but a lot of the tv stuff gets filtered through like people's ideological lenses so they need they if they have that crack, if you have the cop show, if you're doing open mic where you're just hitting fucking random open mics and you're putting the cream in the crop on, or whoever crushes around the thing, if you're just traveling around hitting all that, put that on a show, dude, that would crush, dude. Dude. That would be awesome.

If you did NFL Red Zone for stand-up and you set up cameras at the asshole salad, if you set it at the cool-ass fucking stand, if you set one at the store and you're just like, oh shit, Rogues is on, let's cut over to Rogues. That's what it should be called. But nobody in there is going to want to give up their material. Forget about it. Forget about your live special, dude.

You're putting out nuggets. People are like, fuck yeah. Then they fuck with your podcast. So stand-up should be here. That's how it's going to go. That is how it's going. What. That is how it's going. That's what... What's his name? Schultz.

Andrew Schultz is doing that. He's just live-streaming all this stuff. Another elite dog. We're going to become webcam models, dude. Our guys are going to jerk off. Oh, dude, my Instagram got, like, not verified, but once you hit... Stop.

You get the check? I didn't get the check. Once you hit 10K followers, it goes to this weird... You're an influencer. What? Your profile changed. When I hit 10K on followers, it changed the format of the Instagram. You have to define what you are.

Comedian, actor, activist. There's a list of things you have to select and then uh you can promote posts it also shows you who's interacting with your posts now it shows you like where people are looking at your posts how many profile views you got that like you're you're that's hilarious you just instantly become you have metrics now i have metrics as soon as you get to 10 000000 followers, you get metrics on your Instagram. That's fucking crazy. It is.

You know what you got to do right now is rent a Ferrari and just go into your garage and be like, hey, guys, real quick. Yeah, and promote it. You should. Be like, ask me how I got all this. You should go full Tai Lopez, dude. So you have a whole new Instagram. They do that with Lyft, too.

If you get high up in the Lyft realm, your shit changes. They don't really tell you. Oh, really? Lyft drivers have told me. They're like, dude, my Lyft is times three all the time. Nice. If you're a good Lyft driver. Yeah. If you're putting in the 40, 50 hour weeks, you get into a whole different realm.

I just got a text. I have to. This sucks. I have to cancel Cap City. Shit. So I have to cancel a week in Austin next week. That's some

motherfucking bullshit. That's fucking asshole, dude. Dude, my fucking agent's management is an asshole. That is total

asshole, dude. No, my agent's management are not assholes. It's actually one of the coolest things I'll ever, probably one of the coolest things

I've ever done is what I have to cancel For sure And in a week or two we'll talk about it But obviously right now Can't talk I love keeping shit under wraps We gotta keep it under wraps

But next week I'm doing something That you know You kind of dream of doing Yeah and if they If they you know We'll see if they're fucking asshoes or not I think they are definitely asshoes. You think so?

Fuck yeah. Dude, I bashed them in every single meeting. Fuck, I mean. Dude, LA was just meetings. I would go to four different studios like a day. Yeah, how was that? And sit down with cream of the crop J's. Yeah, these dudes were fucking.

I sat with the Illuminati. The Sony Illuminati tried to get me to fucking stay. They were like, stay in LA. Stay here. Why? What the fuck are they going to do? Sony, I don't know. Imagine being so rich to see people working their whole lives.

Like, I can make money off that guy. That's exactly what's happening right now. That's crazy. They're just like, we love you, everybody. Like, oh my God, we love you. Except one company that was really... Everybody was cool as fuck. One company, I'll tell you after,

it was fucking hilarious. Really, the jerks? Just sit there and just be like, they just listed a couple of the comedy specials they produced. Yeah. And it was just dud, dud, dud. And I was just sitting there like,

I can leave. Fuck. Yeah, and it was all weird specials. It wasn't like a normal. Yeah. Tony, dude, Wave of the Future is like, drop the special, get onto whatever platforms are around, get on all of them, and then the new, there was that Gaffigan article,

I think, what's his name? I can't think of his name. The guy's a man. Tim. Dylan? Dylan. Tim Dylan fucking put out an article about Gaffigan, who's like now going on like Amazon or some weird shit.

Tim Dylan and Andrew Schultz. Andrew Schultz has been leading the charge on this pretty hard. Louie, dude. Louie was the one. Louie produced his own thing. Which, by the way, that's the only thing I talked about in every single meeting was Donald Trump and Louie. I don't think I was supposed to do that, but that's what I was doing. Why?

What was their problem? They would be like, who's your favorite comedian? You said Donald Trump. I said Louis every single time. And then it instantly would get into PC. And how I think... No, dude, behind closed doors, every single person is like...

Nobody likes this shit, dude. Nobody likes it. Fuck, I knew it. And that was with every possible studio and production. Every TV, every fucking show I went to. Everybody hates it, dude. Everybody hates the PC show. I'm in the belly of the beast,

and there's only, like, five people. There's a bunch of people who are like, like, that whole SJW PC thing is like a, kind of like a siren. Like, it calls people's attention to stuff, and you're like, okay, I see this. And then all of a sudden, it's like, here's what we're gonna do,

and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys, no, no, no. And then all of a sudden it's like, here's what we're going to do. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys are very bad. No, no, no, no, no. It's nice you drew all of our attention to that. We'll figure out a good thing around that. Thoughtful. Slow the fuck down.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, dude. But most people in my school are like, all right, we get it. And then there's a couple who are just feeding off this shit. And it's like, fuck, nobody likes it. Dude, imagine the Trojan horse you and I are. I mean, you're fucking Trojan horsing

into the fucking world of education. I just went into Hollywood. Two of the fucking meccas for liberal fucking bullshit gay think. Damn, dude.

That's fucking wild. Yeah, and everybody in Hollywood was like, yeah, we're done with this. Everybody's done with this. It's not working for them. Yeah, it's not making money. People have spoke. That's what wild. Yeah, and everybody in Hollywood was like, yeah, we're done with this. Everybody's done with this. It's not working for them.

Yeah, it's not making money. People have spoke, dude. That's what this whole thing was about, and always will be. Yeah,

of course. Them sitting around being like, it was just funny to sit there and everybody's like, when do you think Louie's coming back?

Like, everybody was like, he's the best. Well, they're letting that guy go. Who was that senator guy that got in trouble? He had like, bushy ass eyebrows kinda looked like

are you talking about Al Franken? Franken whatever they're letting him, they're like alright our bad we didn't mean to slam dunk a me too on you that hard but I think the agreement is like alright we're getting Louis back then Franken for Louis it is like the racial draft, the left and the right

alright we get Louis back I think what that was was for all the PCSJW stuff franken for louis there should be it is like the racial draft the left and the right like all right we get louis back i think what that was was for all like the pcsjw stuff was like these corporations like oh fuck we're gonna get in trouble and they're all right and then they're like you think this is like a business and they try to like invest in it and they're like ah yeah everybody hates this and like all right let's let's fucking run it back again people fucking hate it dude yeah they did this atlantic did this study years ago where it's like 70, on average, about 70% of people from every race kind of were like, yeah, this shit's out of control. That was, I mean, that's what, like, all these people would be like, do you think Louie's coming back or like when? And I'd be like, definitely.

And I was like, also, if you leave, like, this industry or, like, woke people in a city literally no one cares no one nobody gives no one knows no people like if you talk you talk to like women even fucking chicks in a city just talking to be like louis like why would he be in trouble like he jerked off in front of girls dude he'll be like what you get the most freedom of the freedom fighters one-on-one. I'm speaking from experience. Bro, they start. They're like, yeah, yeah. Dude, I've laid and gazed into their eyes, dude. I've slept with the enemy.

This is way back when. This is back when I was dating and stuff on Tinder. When I was on Tinder. I would go on dates and just argue with women, and then we would fucking finally take it, dude. I would sheath my sword, dude, on the romance cover like let's lay down i would just like and you would lay with them the half hard dick be like okay let's just stop then we would sit there and talk and it was just kind of like and i would talk to him about stuff and dude like it was the one lady

was really funny she was just like i used to work in retail and i just fucking hate asians i'm like dude you were just arguing me about me saying white trash. What the fuck? So it's funny. You get a, you know, I'm not saying, you know, well, her argument was just like she was an SJW, but she was like the reality. There was a reality, a sinister reality underlying her SJW dumb where she was in retail and she was just China was asshole to her. While she was retail, she said China was asshole. China, dude, I got some intel. In retail. I got some intel. Which is fine.

It just doesn't mean every Chinese person is an asshole. But if you're in retail, brace yourself. They are assholes. Because Chinese can be an asshole. If you are a waiter or a waitress, prepare for Indians. And Indians will come in and they are asshole. They're asshole. I've seen it.

Really? Indians are very disrespectful to the servants. They treat them like servants. What, do they try to fuck you? No, they just fucking like... They try to sway you to the harem? Go get us the fucking water. Really?

They treat... Well, they have servants. No, asshole. Well, that's a caste system, dude. Exactly. If there's people socially below you, it's totally... I watched someone...

The Koreans, when I was Ubering. Yeah, that's true. Oh, cool. They just equated you to a total rickshaw. I was absolutely a rickshaw pulling five Koreans. I'm like, oh, so you guys go to Penn? That's cool. I live right by Drexel.

Cool. Oh, cool. What the fuck? Dude, you didn't even look. He's like, what the fuck? I was like, I got that. I heard that one. I understood look. Oh, my God. He's like, what the fuck? I was like, I got that. I heard that one. I understood that.

Oh, my God. Too funny. How about tonight, dude? How sick is fucking tonight going to be? Matt McCusker making his fucking return to the stage, dude. Very dramatic. I didn't even tell you what happened to me. We got to leave, though.

Yeah, it's 326. It is. Yeah. The show is at 8? Yeah. But we got to start hitting It is. Yeah. The show is at 8? Yeah. But we got to start hitting the road. How long has this been? Hour and 28 minutes.

All right, cool. We'll be able to get another one in. What's your plan? I'm going to be able to come back Sunday. All right. The 25th. I'll be able to come back Sunday. We'll be able to get one.

I got to go to D.C. tonight, Harrisburg. 23rd and 24th, D.C. Draft House to come back Sunday I gotta go to DC tonight Harrisburg 23rd and 24th DC Draft House Come back Sunday We'll lock one up I'm good dude I'm in town Now that Austin just got cancelled

I'm in town And then all of September I'm in New York Sick It's a turbulent month August was wild. Yeah, it was a turbulent month. That was a lot.

And that was, but the 20th and 21st, I'm in Indianapolis at Helium. Helium and Indy. 20th and 21st of September. Hell yeah. But, yeah, that was a lot. We'll figure out some page stuff for the dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll figure out this weekend.

Maybe we can do something Sunday. We'll get two episodes. We'll rip it, yeah. God damn. Oh, yeah. Hopefully I'll be be able to i won't be able to talk yet yeah dude in september dude i'll be able to tell you guys about cool fucking thing i did i always i'm not gonna lie i always wanted this podcast to have a secret i always listen to podcasts i can't talk about that yet i'm like damn that's awesome whatever it is now we have a secret dude it's a cool ass hoe i have a i actually have a secret i'm harboring as well. You have two cool secrets.

What's my other one? Well, no, no, I have another. Oh, I have another cool secret, too. Yeah, I have an immediate secret right now. True. Big one, dude. I might debut the news tonight. Oh, nice.

That'd be fun. Live on stage. Yeah. Live on stage. Live on stage. There's a lot of fans though a lot of the bulls are showing up dude i'm gonna bless them dude i'm gonna bless them with a absolutely beautiful fucking i mean wow beautiful announcement all right uh probably just gave it away all right we gotta get out of here let's roll eat our shit