Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - S4 Ep36: Ep 144- A.I. is Racist

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

YOOOOOOOOO We talkin' Football, Golden Tee, Machine learning problems, Chappelle's special, Clash of Clans and So much more, dude.  Post Ep Patreon Bonus Cast found below: https://www.patreon.com/posts/29469409

School's back, baby. We're in the thousandth grade. Let's go, dude. Wow. Did you have that loaded? School's back. You know what it was today? You think that was cool? No, you know what happened? I was making lunch for myself. I was making breakfast.

And I got a whiff of food. And it reminded me of back to school, smelling a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I'm very memory dependent on smells. My memory is very fucking olfactory. Me too. is very fucking me too i think it's everybody yeah yeah yeah yeah but dude like i was i smelled something that it was like it's just this time of year it all came together and i was just like instantly in my little gymnasium cafeteria auditorium smelling like a soggy pb and j and was like oh yeah i was like damn dude i. Literally in my head, I was like, I'm in the thousandth fucking grade now. I get it every year when

fall starts to come and it just feels like football. Like in the morning, especially in the morning. Over the summer, like when you wake up in the morning and it's like hot in the morning, it's like, oh, it's two-a-days. It just reminds me. Yeah, I saw kids doing the two-a-days recently. I'm like, damn, dude.

That was fun. Are you ready for some football? Dude i'm been ready man i'm big on preseason yeah i know that dude i was watching the preseason is wild right now bro who's your pick for the heisman this year for the heisman who do you think i'm thinking someone from like ohio maybe i don't know probably somebody from ohio probably someone with a lot of stickers on their helmet a lot of buckeyes going on oh you're going with a buuckeye. Well, they can only give it to a quarterback, right? No, you can give it to anyone. Anyone. They tend to give it to...

I'm going with a long snapper, dude. This year? Yeah. This is going to be the first year. I think I'm going for special teams, dude. Wow. Special teams is... Dude, I'm a big special teams guy.

Wow. You need a good special teams program. How about... Damn, if you had to guess, last... I mean, two years ago, you did the South Carolina preview. Of course, yeah. You're a big Gamecock guy. Of course.

If you had to guess, how do you think Notre Dame's going to do this year? What do you think their record's going to be? I think I nailed it last year. I was pretty close. Probably. What do you think it's going to be this year? I'm going to say 13-2.

How's that look? It's pretty good. That's great. I think I said, if you go back. You're just getting extra game in. Yeah, bowl game, That's pretty good. That's great. I think I said, if you go back... You can just get an extra game in. Yeah, bowl game, obviously. I'm planning for the bowl.

Well, no, that's on top. Oh, no, you know what? Yeah, dude. Sugar Bowl. The most Notre Dame can play is 14th. If they won a playoff game and the championship. Yeah, so what did I say?

13-2. 13 total. Preseason, dude. If it's just a bowl game. But yeah, I hear... Oh, preseason game. Preseason. And then the championship. Yeah, so what did I say? 13-2. 13 total. Preseason, dude. If it's just a bowl game. But yeah, oh, preseason. Preseason. And then the championship. If they win the bowl game,

they play the championship. I know, but that's true, though. If they win the first round of the playoff, then they have 15 games total. Exactly. That's what I said. No, 14-2. 14.

No, but if they win that, they play the championship. Then they play the NFL. The champion of college plays is the last place in the NFL. Who do you think is going to be last in the NFL this year? Browns. Browns is pretty good.

They're actually supposed to be good. I thought they were actually pretty good. Browns should be decent this year. Yeah. The Eagles, dude. The Eagles, if they don't win the Super Bowl, I'm going to throw a fit, dude. Dude, I just did the Shat Nation. I'm going to throw a fit.

I'm going to freak out, dude. If they win, I'm going to freak out even harder. What do you think you're going to do if the Eagles win? Oh, dude, I'm just going to go crazy. I know you love your birds. I'm going to climb something real high and fall off and die.

Those are your birds, dude. They're my birds. You're going to fucking bleed. I'm going to go to my grandfather's. I'm going to call my mom and be like, where did your bird pop up again?

And I'm going to go there and dump champagne on his grave. I'm like, we fucking did it. Yeah, take a shit on his grave. Gay birds. I'm going to go to the cemetery and throw up. What do you think

the birds are looking like this year? This is our football preview. Well, they lost preseason. They did lose. So that's how you do it. You go, you mind fuck everyone

with like a 102 loss. Yeah. You go, you lose. I would do that. If I was preseason, I'd be like, oops. And I would get everyone all fucked up and hyped.

Like, damn, these guys suck. And then come out like a machine day one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's ever done a big and hyped. Like, damn, these guys suck. And then come out like a machine day one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's ever done a big fake loss. Like, let someone score like 900 points. Yeah, treat the other team like they all have downs. You know what I mean?

Like, make a wish, just fall. Dude, that would be tight to have a whole team just throw a game to where, like, they got, like, a team got, like, 1,000 points. Oh, this is big. Andrew Luck retired. What do you think of that? Andrew Luck? Yeah, man.

The Andrew Luck. The Andrew Luck. He had a long career. What do you think of that? Andrew Luck? Yeah, man. The Andrew Luck. The Andrew Luck. He had a long career. How do you feel about him? Tight end, right? Yes. For real? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess that. Nice. I guess that. Yeah. I was thinking long career. You gave me that. I'm like mind freak. You gave me long career.

I'm like, all right, who has long careers? I'm like. Are you ready? Tight ends. Louis J. Damn, dude, that's sick. I guess that. I swear to God god I'm part psychic

What team do you think You played for Oh man I'm gonna say the Buccaneers Close Browns Yes Dude the Browns

Was the first thing That popped in my head And I dismissed it Damn Dude oh my god I swear I'm not Fucking bullshitting you Tight end for the Browns

Cause the Browns Is the first team I always think of When someone says NFL stuff Obviously I just said that earlier Damn I want Browns It's not gonna be the Browns

Twice Can't be Browns twice Like Jaguars Flash Buccaneers I'm like I'll take Buccaneers You were thinking Florida But then Obviously, I just said that earlier. I want Browns. It's not going to be the Browns twice. It can't be Browns twice. Jaguars, Flash, Buccaneers. I'm like, I'll take Buccaneers. You were thinking Florida, but then Florida and Ohio are easy to mix up. Both very in the news for crime states. True that.

Those two are linked together. Florida's about to fucking legalize THC, they said. Oh, really? I'm pretty sure they already have legal meth. Legalize it. They got to go legal. Someone has to take up the legalized meth. I'll try to get off the football. You want to talk I'm pretty sure they already have legal meth. Legalize it. They got to go legal. Someone has to take up the legalized meth. I'll try to get off the football. You want to talk about football?

We're still on the preview. What else do you want to still talk about, dude? Let's fucking unravel the pigskin. James Franklin just got in trouble. Do you know James Franklin? No. What did he get in trouble for? Let me guess.

Hitting his girlfriend? No, no, no. Murdering somebody? No, he's a coach. All right. He's Penn State's coach. Penn State's coach. He got in trouble.

Yep. What do you think he did? If you had to guess. Little Kells action, maybe? No, no, no. He got in trouble for... It's not going to make any news. He was just forcing the doctor to clear players who were hurt.

Be like, make them play. Penn State standards. I just want nothing. That's definitely an improvement, dude. Nice. Good job. I thought more came out about the Sandusky sex ring. It's probably not going to be a story.

It just happened today. I just want it to be a story because I want bad things. Break it, dude. I want bad things to happen to Penn State. For sure. And also, it's fucked up, dude. It's fucked up. They don't get paid.

They should get paid. The kids don't get paid, and that's... And you have that guy, basically anti-Will Smith, being like, he does not have a concussion. Yeah, dude, absolutely. Send him the fuck. That's bad. And he's black, too, so you did a very bad impression of James Franklin.

He's a black dude. What was your James Franklin impression? He does not have a concussion. So he... Damn, so he's being like, you're not get out there yeah it's fucked up bro you tell me dude i was like reading the book i was reading i mischaracterized last time we were on i had uh i had a totally wrong unless you're talking about this thing doing there we go unless you're talking about an athlon sports college football preview i don't want to hear about any literature right now

no it's about football how they don't how they don't pay those guys dude and it's like oh it's insane dude just like all the advertisements all the shit going in there, they're saying BP now has, I think it's Berkeley, which is funny. Berkeley's super woke. BP manufactures, or they do something where they get to research gas and shit. No, no, Berkeley has an atomic research center. Okay. So they're studying atomic weapons at berkeley nice

that's like the most like and then everyone's out front being like yeah it's like yeah dude you guys are like where they're building the you know what's going to destroy us all and people are like don't cut these four trees down fuck you guys either way let's talk football dude um so you got me yeah you got me on the thing about they should pay those motherfuckers, dude. Yeah, well, that's kind of... It's funny, too. That was like an issue. For some reason, I was just like, no. Yeah?

Well, just because then it's like, we're going to have to listen to the ladies' water polo team. Be like, we should be paid the same. You would easily do it around the money pulled in. You would think. Because that's not how it worked for men's and women's soccer. What do they do? No, I'm saying if you're going to be like,

we should pay based on who brings in more money. No, the thing is they do pay based on that and you just have to listen to a bunch of bullshit. So you'll be like, okay, here's our formula. That's what I mean. That's exactly what I said. You're going to have to listen to the fucking... Well, we have six national championships. It's like, yeah, in women's fencing.

I would say, yeah. We're in the goddamn Big 12 trying to win a title. I could definitely dominate women's polo. Women's water polo. Shallow end. I can't try water. If I'm shallow, women's pool basketball, I guarantee I would dominate. Women's pool basketball would be the funnest fucking game on.

Dude, when we played pool ball when we were young, I literally had 150 pounds on every one of my friends. Oh, you were just backing people down, dude. It was crazy. I was Thanos. All the good kids joined one team, and then me and the shitty kids were on the other team.

There's never a fair pool basketball game. Danos versus the fucking Avengers every time, dude. See, all my cousins were like six, my cousins literally six, six. So I was playing pool basketball against a merciless crowd, dude. Yeah. You're talking, I could be by like the steps in the shallow end, put up a shot and then someone's coming up and I was like. Yeah.

Cause goaltending is legal. Oh yeah. Some people just stand under the hoop. You got to fight whoever's under the hoop. I was a big stomach puncher. I would like, I would punch in the stomach. I was like, whoop. Because goaltending is legal. Oh, yeah. Some people just stand under the hoop. You got to fight whoever's under the hoop. I was a big stomach puncher. I would punch in the stomach. I would get someone underwater, scratch. Dude, I had to do everything.

I was playing against fucking the Monstars, dude. My friend Jared was like, I'm really good at pool basketball. It was only because he would strangle you. He was like, I'm good at pool basketball. I was like, dude, you're just a psycho. You're the only one that's willing to get in a fist fight right now. That's what you got to do, man, when you're playing with people who are tall. I have a scar on my back from pool basketball.

Really? Yeah, dude. I used to fuck my feet up. Took a scratch. Took a hard scratch. I had a scratch that resulted in a scar. From pool basketball? Yeah.

Dude, that's the game. A lot of pool basketball players should be paid. I should have been paid for my pool basketball, dude. I ruined the bottoms of my feet. Dude. First couple weeks. What kind of bottom of the pool did you guys have? Cement.

First couple weeks, bro. We played pool basketball. I put it all on the line, dude. Yeah, you have to. I love the game. I got nothing back. You didn't even get an education. I didn't get shit.

You did get room and board. That's true. You did get room and board. I did get room and board. That's true. But yeah, that's funny to be. It's a funny thing to be against. You're going to ruin the sport.

You got a PhD, though, from the pool of hard knocks. Woo, baby. Come on. Back from L.A. That's what the first 10 minutes were for, dude. Back from L.A. Let's go. Oh, wait.

I already did this back from L.A. We did one on Thursday. Oh, yeah. Right. Shit. I'm gay. No, you're not. Or, yeah, maybe.

I don't know. Whoa. What'd you say? I said maybe. I don't know the um whoa what'd you say I said maybe I don't know what the fuck's that you're saying you're like I'm gay and I'm like maybe you're gay I don't fucking know like if I said you're not gay that you're like I'm gay and if I was like no you're not that's mean so I had to be like yeah man you're fucking gay you think I'm gay no but if I were to be like nah Shane you're, you're not gay. Come on, bud. You're not gay. Yeah, I know. You're gay. I'm not fucking gay.

Yes. I was trying to build it up. Yeah, dude. So who's winning the national title in college football this year? College football. Yeah. Oh, man. Can't say Ohio.

I don't think about it. I don't think Ohio. Ohio will get far, but. Ohio should be all right. Yeah, they're going to have a small number. They're going to get beat by a larger number. People are going to be like, what? Oh, okay. They were fucking number two. Yeah, you think it's going to be an upset.

They were number two. Number 14 beat them? What? I think the reason... Do you know why it's called an upset? I believe the answer is... Because a bunch of four-year-old dads freak out. What? Yeah, dads get upset. Because of the bookies? No.

Upset was the name of a horse who shouldn't have won a horse race. Really? Yeah. For real. I believe that's the answer. Oh, that's fucking crazy. Could be wrong. That'd be funny to name a racing horse like Alcoholic Uncle Tears or something.

Your uncle sucks? Oh, I was watching McGregor last night. What's he up to? Wait, who's going to win? I don't know. You tell me. I mean, Bama. Bama's always... I'm not going to say Bama.

Bama and Clemson. Yeah, that's too easy. I like Clemson's coach. Dabo. I love Dabo. Dabo Sweeney. He loves God. He does love God.

I mean, how awesome is... I love that he loves God so much. How awesome is God? I'm going to pick a... Can I just pick a general region? I'm going to pick a California school. Okay. Who's going to win?

Wrong. Okay. So what happened with Conor McGregor? Nothing. He punched that geezer in the head. Right. And then he was on SportsCenter last night for like a half hour. Defending his...

Dude, he is so funny. What was he saying? He was just talking. He's like, I love the game. I love the fight game. It's in me blood. I've got my other games. I've got my other...

I'm saying the whiskeys and all the other games. Is that why he was defending, punching an old man? Like, I was in the fight game. I thought I was in the whiskey game. I was in the fight game. I'm here for redemption, respect, and I will have all that soon. It's crazy, dude. He is out of his fucking mind.

Good thing he punched someone and didn't get a me too. I will have respect. I know. Just wait. I'm going to fight someone. You'll forget all about it. Punched an old man in the face and a boy on the side of the head. I'd be sick if he did that just to get redemption and hype up his fight.

You know I need redemption from punching a geezer. He was calling out Khabib a little bit. What? Yeah, he was talking about how much he loved Nate Diaz, which I, you know, I like that. That's pretty tight. I love the respect there. I wonder how Nate would feel about it. Dude, I want to see, hopefully, like, this was like a big Rocky thing, where instead of, like, punching, like, hanging, freezing meat, he should be in

retiring home, just beating the fuck out of old people. Bars in Dublin, just sucker punching geezers. You don't like my whiskey, you son of a bitch? Dude, I'd love to hear what that geezer said to him to get socked.

I think your whiskey sucks, you pussy. Where was it? Was he in Ireland? He was in Dublin, I think. Yeah, dude, they're like, your whiskey's a fucking piss anyway, fuck off.

You got your ass beat by that fucking Indian guy in there probably. He's probably like, oh, fuck you motherfuckers. I love the game. I love the fight game. The fight game's in

me blood. Is that even a crime to punch an old man in a bar in Ireland? You cannot. The judge is like well what did he do? And he's like

he disrespected me whiskey. Serves the cunt right? Disrespected someone's whiskey in Dublin. Seems like the ultimate you know that's the ultimate crime.

Crime of passion dude. That's standing your ground. That's a crime of passion. Absolutely. It's a crime of passion absolutely it's a crime of passion I don't see nothing wrong

crime crime of passion punched him in the head he said my whiskey was no good yeah this is such a funny tape have you seen the clip

no so funny the geezer is literally facing the bar. He's sitting on the bar. Connor's to his left. Just socks it. Throws a jab to the side of the guy's head.

And the guy just eats it and keeps sitting there. His arms don't move. His arms stay on the bar. He just swallows the jab. It probably happens to him every day. He probably just catches jabs. That's like they're like, you know at the bars in America, we have the punching machine to gauge.

Gauge how hard you punch. You got a 2500 on an old guy's head? You just have a shit-talking old dude. Did you ever see someone hit that and totally fucking just suck? I've never punched one of those. I refuse, man. I cannot have an actual number presented as to how big of a pussy I am. I did it once and I slapped it. And everyone was like, come on, man. What the fuck? Yeah yeah you can't yeah i just came up and was like yeah you stocked and slapped

slapped it doesn't it yeah exactly i think i hit it one time i hit it like six times before it folded back up i was like that's i hit it with a combo i think i threw a kick in there too oh man i uppercutted it and it broke. No, I was in a bar and I did Iger uppercut the punch machine and it broke. And they're like, all right, dude. You haven't really seen him since. What? Since I've Iger uppercutted him, I fucking did a 360 spiral uppercut.

Popped it, dude. How wet do chicks get watching dudes do that at the bar? Oh, my God. It's crazy. The dude who gets high scores are definitely more likely to beat their girlfriends. Damn. How wet do chicks get watching dudes do that at the bar? Oh my God. It's crazy. The dude who gets high scores are definitely more likely to beat their girlfriends. Absolutely.

So if you're like a 25, a chick should be shaking. If some dude goes in like solid connection rocks that thing, no problem. It's like he'll probably beat you.

Especially because probably when they got to the bar, he was like, nah, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. A couple shots

at some fireball. Get a shot of fireball. You're like, I'm going to set the record right now. I have the strongest punch of all my friends. Watch this, babe. Behold your future.

Yeah, they should take that game out. Yeah. They already have. A little golden tee, dude. Let them spin the wheel. Put some touch on it. It's a gentleman's game. Although, those dudes fucking rock those.

You ever see dudes play that? Yeah, I've seen people play hard. That's a good indicator of AA. If you get like, as soon as you score 100,000 on Golden Tee, congratulations, here's your local lodge, dude. You fucking alcoholic, get out of here. Everyone at AA just has the three initials. Hi, I'm JKR.

Hi, JKR. I'm JKR from Petty O'Rooney's down on Westchester Pike. You've probably seen my top three on Golden Tee. Like, damn, dude. You're J.K.R.? Damn. My boys love Golden Tee back home. Oh, yeah, dude.

Shout out, dupes. Shout out, Wes. I'm going to do a scientific study of Golden Tee scores, like liver cells. There's definitely a connection. There's a positive correlation. Man, that's really funny. Thanks, bro. As soon as you get it,

if you hit a hole in one on golden tea, they just give you directions to the church. Dude, speaking of wonky research, there was a... Cornell just let out a study so go ahead please cornell just let out a study um about they were trying to study machine learning algorithms in turn so like when things get flogged from from twitter for being like racist or like hurtful or abusive there's like specific like there's like uh algorithms that like have

certain words and they didn't study there's a gay algorithm yeah a gay retard yeah exactly but here's a problem dude if you're a gay retard you're allowed to say gay retard so they were doing these things they're saying they're saying they're like for the sake of the study there are no gay retards I'm talking I'm like in hopefully you can entertain me if you are mentally handicapped you love pussy

that's the one thing that unites the clans that's undeniable my thing is I'm talking as a strict I'm talking about programming classifiers I'm talking from a machine learning perspective so you're like having this human mess I'm in the programming classifiers. I'm talking from a machine learning perspective. So you're like having this human mess. I'm in the fucking matrix right now just talking about different classifiers.

They have different classifiers for GA versus ER. Ooh. So if you chuck the M, that's the thing. There's an R word machine. There's a server. It's the Terminator. It's the Terminator, dude. Terminator. It's a Terminator.

When you throw a hard R, John Connors comes for you. He's like, have you seen it? He used a hard R. Yeah, so they have the... Wait, was that you doing Arnold? They have a hard R. That was so bad. I know.

I can't do the... I thought you were doing a gay retort. Oh, no. Damn it. Well, we're talking... Dude, we're in machine learning, dude. We're only talking Twitter. There's nothing wrong with this.

We're talking machine learning. We're talking about classified... I learned about this because I emailed the researchers, dude, for clarification last night. Yeah. I was up in bed in between waiting for my troops to spawn from Clash of Clans. I just dropped 40 bucks on some... No. No, dude. I just dropped 40 bucks on some Chinese. No, dude.

I have this thing called the War Machine now. By the way, this is where your Patreon dollars are going. It's Matt's fucking Clash of Clans fort. I thought about it. There's money going to the economy. I'm just ruining it. I'm spending it on the most pointless thing you can get. Where do you think that goes? That goes straight to

China. Clash of Clans? Dude, you you know when i see those little symbols it gets personal i fight i invade china all the time fuck the shit up i i see that fucking i see some tattoos i'm like all right motherfuckers let's go wingdings and you invade dude yeah dude i'm like are you guys running they're running all fucking high wide dude they're fucking flying wow yeah i see the wingdings and i'm like racist like all right, boys, let's fucking go. I was going to send some goblins in to steal your golden fucking dark elixir, but now I'm going to fuck up your town center. Really?

Let you guys know that communism is a fucking farce. Are you sure it's Chinese wingdings? You could be just smashing Japanese. People are catching some flack. If I see them, I'm going in. If you see something that's not english i'll get them back for pearl harbor dude i don't give a fuck and if i see some shit dude i'm going in i'm like really though if i dude i bought i basically it's so unfair because the

level i'm in it should have taken me forever to like upgrade my gold and my elixir storages to get to get the war machine dude you don't understand it's the get the war machine. Dude, you don't understand. It's the broken down war machine. I'm sorry. I'm stuck on some dude that's high in his bed and sees somebody's Japanese castle name and is like, fucking Pearl Harbor. Doing what for? Oh my god. I'm sending in the Archer Queen. It's unbelievable.

Dude, healers above you. So the Archer Queen can run forever. If you put like three healers up, then like, I'm talking 120 people with the bows level five. What do you think the Japanese are like, healer queen is here. Archer Queen, these are Mademokuska. Oh. What's funny is we watched a replay of people attacking you. So it definitely is like, oh.

What? 75 Archer Queens come on the perimeter or 75 little archers? Definitely the noise. This undreaded Omato Mukosuko. He'll finally heal. Dude. Do you think they're making like scrolls of you

in Japan right now? There's definitely like scrolls. Town hall level 8 somehow has war machine. How? He must have spent a $40. Yeah, dude. China could technically devalue their currency. The Chinese probably have every fucking little thing.

Oh, they devalue the yen. They probably reverse engineered by war machine. Do you think that they're devaluing the yen in order to fucking take me down to take down the ultimate Damascus for sure I'm gonna go on the record and say that's exactly

why they built Hawaii that'd be funny if this was all over Clash of Clans might be oh my god how would the Chinese say that what

Clash of Clans yeah Clash of Clans nice that's how we should do it from now on what Clash of Clans if Yeah. Clash of Clans? Nice. That's how we should do it from now on. What? Clash of Clans? If I think of something racist, I'll just be like...

Hey, Matt. A little alley-oop. Do you know how many of those I've set you up for? I'm like, hey, what about this? I'm like, I'm so quick. Dude, Clash of Clans, dude. Oh, Clash of Clans. I pray to Clash of Clans.

I wonder what the name of it is in Chinese. McCaskery. McCaskery. Oh, man. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. All right. All right.

All right. Let's get back out of business. Let's get back out of business. I'm so giggly today. Dude, so. So am I. I'm happy to see you. We just watched a Dave Chappelle-a-roo.

Great. Dave Chappelle's most recent special is. Fantastic, dude. So fucking good. Yeah, it's good. Good Lord. Dude, that was a total touchdown. God damn.

That was a total touchdown. That was. I mean, that was like he was listening to the cast, dude. Yeah, man. He's rocking. I mean, that was moonwalking in the end zone the entire time that was unbelievable yeah yeah that was every joke dude so that that was sorry that's special i interrupted the craft please that ties me all in that that's special so here's what happened they did they studied the machine learning uh to see who's getting flagged and then they did like so they had like five

different data sets that were studied before it was weird i didn't understand how those the first studies were like they would have them judged by a gender studies student no yeah dude a gender studies student and they said a politically inactive feminist which i don't fucking know what that means i guess it's a female comedian true so like it was a it was a feminist who was in act like they weren't at the moment taking pictures of themselves and putting it on facebook yeah so it was a gender studies in between that was the two judges like make sure like things weren't getting like you know jumbled and overlooked that's exactly who i want deciding cultural yeah dude exactly it was it was great to be able to be like hey twitter sorry but your algorithms are racist we have a they literally

said quotes 25 year old gender studies major to go through, you know, thousands of tweets, but they're a dumber motherfucker on earth. No. Then a 25 year old gender studies major. No. I mean,

dude, that's like, it's literally, you're going to school and your head's being filled with shit. You might as well. I would pay money not to be a gender studies major. Like you said, you're, you're paying to get a degree

on boys and girls. Yeah, the boys are mean to the girls, too. Boys are mean to the girls. There's your degree. Today you learn the boys are mean to the girls and the girls... The girls...

The girls wanted to be like the boys and the boys are mean to the girls. Yeah, it's fucking bullshit. So, they found out that... They found out that the... So, the null hypothesis, the but don't don't if it's too much jargon don't worry about it was tight actually understood the research the ho ho is

a null hypothesis they're gonna have to change that so the null hypothesis and research you assume there's no relation between the race of the user and their the amount that the likelihood of them being uh you know kicked off of twitter or whatever or reported so but it was funny because they can't you know they couldn't get the race so they had to go through the lexicon and be like they would call them an african-american english they would say in standard american english so they're like so they would say like that terminology yeah so they were trying to figure out their by being able to standard or african-american by proxy to figure out like being able to... Standard or African-American. By proxy to figure out the race of people,

they would use another machine learning algorithm to determine, they test, it could determine upon frequency of the way someone tweeted if they were white or black. So not everyone was going to, but it was like if you use that type of... Yeah. They're trying to say like...

It's like if you're tweeting out Dragon Ball Z memes, you are African-American. If you started with bruh, dude, and there's the fucking – yeah. It's like – so if you were using AAA, then they're saying that's more likely – because it wasn't really – they were saying the algorithms are somehow from the bias of the people putting them out against AAA, and they report them – they flag them more because they were like according to null hypothesis it should be no difference if anything they say the difference that should be is that white people get reported more because white people are racist so if any

according to the researchers cornell saying that white people should be sorry i've seen if i got email me back he did not the researcher email me once um so they're like white people should be getting reported more what happened was black people were getting reported more but then they had the n-word debacle where they were like oh shit we forgot they can use the n-word so that fucks up the whole thing of our data so then they had to like go back and do that but then they did sexism and sexism came up like two times more likely and they were like these fucking algorithms are clearly racist and the argument is like well maybe with the cultural licensing obviously you know black people can say the n-word who cares yeah but if

you maybe some of that cultural licensing creeps into the areas of maybe sexism and all that other stuff to where it's like i can say when i want my bitch to get home blah blah blah that was the word bitch hey matt they're like um they found that AAE were more likely to use the terminology, bitch. But they were like, this is clearly, people need to recognize that these machine learning algorithms, we can't have the legacy of races coded into the fucking zeros and ones of the future. That's so sick. When the robots take over, they're going to have AAE terminology. They're like, what's up, hoe bitches?

The Matrix robots are going to be talking like black Twitter. They're saying right now they're not. Right now they're going to be like, hey, knock that off. The robots are white right now. It's going to be embedded in there. They're going to have to fix it. When the robots take over, it's going to be pure AAE. Yeah, dude.

When they all switch off of the fucking motherboard, they're just gonna be Shit Shit It's gonna be the noise The motor makes When they fly Shit Shit

But yeah So And I Shit I want the guy to I want the guy to get back to me Because I'm like I just want to make sure

I have this right Because it's all getting Damn He didn't get back to me It's all getting Like of course There's like You know They took it already In the news They were like Black people are more racist We have proof now And it's all it's all getting uh damn he didn't get back to me it's all getting like of course there's like you know they took it already in the news they were like black people more racist we have proof now and it's like well there's like it also could be the

sample itself could have just been skewed somehow with more black people but it does bring up interesting questions where it's like now you're you're doing this is hard data on who's getting reported by an algorithm i don't know i would say their twitter has put some time and effort into this shit you know what i mean so the sexism one's weird where they're like some reason black people came up as twice twice as many times being reported for being sexist and it's clearly like a you know someone fucked up the coding and of these of these training these classifiers i mean it sounds like the only way you're going to be able to do this is to just let everybody say whatever exactly and that's the thing too is like yeah we the thing that we can have a fucking machine like

sift through the nuances is like let people's brains can do this automatically read it they'll say the n-word and like oh he's a black guy okay i have no need to worry but they have twitter's like ping ping ping bing bong big n-word wall the wakanda n-word wall dude is on twitter and dude someone busted through like oh fuck shit we get basketball me screaming it but yeah man that was that study was like i was up all night last night reading about that like dude this is fucking crazy in between crushing oh. Oh, then, yeah. Then the fucking, everyone. How'd you do in the clans last night?

Bro, I didn't lose, man. Really? I have, right now, I'm sitting pretty in my attack. My defenses are, my attacks, my offense is way better. My defense,

it takes so much time to arrange everything perfectly. This is like Big 12 football. Yeah, my offense, bro. Offense, great. I'm getting 100% destruction on people. Really? Yeah.

So you're just destroying people's entire village i skip though if i see real hard looking villages i'm like no no and i see one with like if i see if i see stone walls dude oh dude i destroy them it was funny too because i was like i had all these new things unlocked i'd researched all that leveled all my guys up and for a second i was in bed last night and i was like i just was about to just roll through a town i'm like dude this is how rome must have felt dude when that rome was just like yeah we are the we have the best fucking like going against like some shitty fucking tribe yeah we're gonna butt fuck

these guys yeah and i would just i just sit there and watch it 100 you watch like your plan unfold perfectly and you're like oh my god dude i'm the best here's 20 more dollars somehow i need i need better walls. So while you're gone, someone can attack your shit? So you just log back on and your shit's just ruined? And some bae is like, oh no, we've been raided. And you'll see whether or not your defense has stood up. If they get 50% destruction or destroy your town hall, you lose.

But if you hold them to like 49% and retain your town hall... So there's nothing you can do while you're on defense? You can just set up. You can just geniusly engineer your village against invaders. Barbarians. Wait. Everyone that invades is a barbarian? So when you're on offense, you're a barbarian? For sure.

Oh, okay. No, I'm an invasive force. Yeah. Yeah, we're like purely... I'm fascist. You're expanding your empire. Yeah, I'm fascist. You're not a barbarian. True. You're like purely... I'm fascist. You're expanding your empire. Yeah, I'm fascist. You're not a barbarian.

True. You're not just... Eh, kind of am, actually. I'm not really... I have no rhyme or reason. I'm just smashing people and taking their shit, actually. Man, that's awesome.

I pretty much only upgrade my troops. I just get the... That's because you support them. Exactly. You love them. I love the troops. I love the skeletons with fucking bombs, and I love the dragons. Skeletons with with fucking bombs. And I love the dragons.

Skeletons with bombs? Yeah, we have skeletons with bombs, dragons. There's a guy that literally carries a bomb into the wall. Love him. He's the guy. R.I.P. Does he have a name? What's the name of the troop?

I forget. What are the names of some of the troops? Literally, it's just like Archer Queen, Bomber Skeleton. It's pretty straightforward. Nice. Yeah. That's because it's got to be... Universal, dude.

Yeah, yeah. It's World War IV, dude. Wow. The new war will be fought out on Clash of Clans. You think? For sure. Dude,

did you have fun on Thursday night? Yo, man. That was a blast. That was fun. That was so fucking fun. A little sold out Harrisburg comedy zone. Wow. God damn. Wow. That was a blast, dude. Yeah. That was so fucking fun. A little sold out Hairspring comedy zone.

Wow. God damn. Wow. That was a blast, dude. Yeah, it was really fun. Dude, we didn't get to talk about the night before or the two nights before

when that old lady fucking attacked me. Did you know I always train No, I always train up, dude, for the big event. Whenever you get me to do something, I go, all right,

I got to hit a mic. I got to hit a show. So I hit a weekend show, dude. Dude, fresh off like i don't know how when's the last time you did that show in helium i don't know six months ago a while yeah six months dude break show up go last not bragging no yeah not bragging yeah weekend i say whatever you whatever wherever you guys want me man just tell me to go i go up and dude i just argued with the lady for fucking eight minutes. You just argued with the lady?

Argued the whole entire time. Yeah, I had nothing. So I went up and I was talking about people getting like in the 40s, like people getting jerked off in the 40s and stuff. Had nothing. It was so stupid. No, it was a good bit. It was fun.

It was fun. It was relating all like the high pitch singing to people just being like steaming tea kettles full of cum. Just like, hilarious. to people just being like steaming tea kettles full of cum just like hilarious but the uh the lady obviously had a fucking bug up her ass calling anybody a steaming tea kettle full of that's whistling music it's so great yeah so the uh so that was your opener and she came out none too please oh i came out talking about how girls are so dumb at giving hand jobs and it was like different stuff about how they have like no idea how to handle dicks and

like the, uh, so we, we started talking about that and then, and then I'm making fun of dudes in the forties and this lady was just like, can you be funny? She was like talking right in front of me and I was like, what the fuck's the problem? She was like, you think you can be funny without mentioning sex? And I was just like, no, I definitely can't do that. I'm fully incapable. I have to talk about it. It's the only thing I can say.

It's literally the only thing I know. I'm like, fuck with this lady. Dude, the moral of the story, dude, is the, so I'm like, I'm looking at her husband. He's just like, oh, come on, man. That's what you got down there. I know. Check your bitch, dude. So I'm trying.

I'm like, dude, do you want it? You might want it. Check your bitch. He's looking down. And finally, dude, it dude. So I'm trying. I'm like, dude, do you want to? You might want to. Check your bitch. He's looking down. And finally, dude, it was like, I shouldn't. I mean, I did a wicked, wicked thing, dude. But I was like, is it possible for you to maybe go out in public without making your husband stare at his feet the entire time because of your actions?

Dude, it's like a 45-year-old lady, dude. Dude, the place went nuts. And she was just like, we fought a little longer and she left. And it was me stored up from dealing with my bae. I've been fighting my bae. And this bitch, I was like. Lady. You have no idea.

McCuskeroo, dude. What you just walked into. Oh, my God. Dude, I annihilated this lady. Banzai charged. It was tough, man. You blew a whistle. It was funny.

You had a sword and you ran out of the jungle. Spud actually had a funny line. He should have been like, dude, you don't understand. I got one of It was tough, man. You blew a whistle. It was funny. You had a sword and you ran out of the jungle. Spud actually had a funny line. He should have been like, dude, you don't understand. I got one of these at home, too. I live with you. Yeah, I know how to fucking unplug this thing. Yeah. Should I try hitting it?

It's like an air conditioning unit. You got to slap it around a little. Dude, this lady was out of control, man. Is that what we were saying? No, that's all you got to gotta do that's a guaranteed knockout like if a chick is talking you look at her boyfriend and say dude check your bitch oh kills the crowd goes especially in a black room if you tell someone to check the bitch in a black room the place is like it's a fight you gotta fight the guy also though the thing i was explaining to her i'm like look

i know like you were just rambling out nonsense but what you're doing is you're right now making his life horrible yeah from your bullshit you don't have to deal with any of this he has to because if i really were to like do something to hurt like you know say something back seriously to hurt you he has to deal with that yeah you're just causing shit dude and this guy just little tommy bahama she's just an archer queen dude she was an archer queen with a fucking heel. She ran into some purple crystal walls, dude, and a good air defense. He was just a skeleton bomber.

Oh, dude. He was a goblin, dude. Yeah. Goblins just run the perimeter and grab gold and fucking clash at glance. Isn't that funny? The goblin is... Yeah, who do they represent? The goblin?

I don't know. I guess like medieval folklore, I guess. The goblin... There's no one you can think of? Like during a war that might run around? Oh, while a war's going on, someone like manipulating the economics of it? Yeah, what do goblins look like? Dude.

Just wondering. I don't know. Very goblin-esque. Very goblin-esque. That is funny. That never occurred to me until now. Well, you're not anti-Semitic. Exactly.

But I was like, fuck, the goblins just run around. I think that's literally what goblins are known for. Gold. Yeah, go're not anti-Semitic. Exactly. But I was like, fuck, the goblins is running around. I think that's literally what goblins are known for. Gold. Gold. Yeah, goblins are big gold guys. Goblins love gold. Yeah.

That's a funny mythology to pop about. There's like dragons that burn you. Dragons like gold too, but goblins like the fucking... They like the gold. Yeah, dude.

That's weird. All these other things will get you. And there's these things that'll steal your gold. Gre greedy little green things that go around and steal your fucking gold it's like what but dude so yeah so dude that's nice i'm just leading up to battle harry yeah absolute battle then led up to harrisburg that's all i was getting ready for you're just getting ready for the fight that was a sparring session that was a sparring session

with a 45 year old lady it was pretty people were like. That was a sparring session with a 45-year-old lady. It was pretty, people were like, dude, that was awesome. I'm like, I had a battle of wits with like a lady who was blacked out who was like 50 years old. Like, I hope I'd fucking win. How about during Blizz's set, dude?

I've never heard anything like that. Oh my God, dude. 10 years of stand-up, I've never experienced that. Oh, down Harrisburg. Yeah, the whole room got an Amber Alert. Yep.

Sold-out room. It was like loud. Yeah, it was like 200 something people 200 phones going off on a fucking amber alert while he was on stage it was great yeah he handled it great that was fun i was saying that too only blizz dude yeah it was so fucking funny it was funny everyone coming up afterwards and being like great show guys amber alert it was already a thing where he's just like ha ha i know it's hilarious man post post show comments you have no idea how unoriginal you are everything you're saying to me you're the fifth person to

say it but it was like except the dogs dude the dogs are great the dogs come up and they're always fucking so funny dogs are always they always have a question about you every time like in dc it's always just like what what fucking books does he read like just shit like that just non-stop like where the fuck's mccoskey dude chilling i just gotta be like he's in his tent oh dude he's slumbering right now sleeping baby yep nice preparing for the next battle dude that was so fucking that whole uh that whole night of stand-up was great man yeah because it was weird i had no i didn't have any stand-up material michael donald dog dude came up front he did like 20 minutes oh really i went out yeah he was having fun he did

a good time you know he did a you know he did a decent upfront set mike crushed beezer crushed blizz yeah it was great it was fun it was very fun it's a good time it was weird i haven't been getting like stand-upy thoughts at all for a while and then i started like two months ago they started coming i was like no go away i noticed go away i noticed you were having fun i was having a blast you were loving that chapelle special oh man nothing like seeing a good special to just be like oh fuck yeah i love stand-up it's good it's a good marker it's like shooting a flare up in the sky everyone's like wait what's going on someone Someone does a special and they're like, oh, fuck, thank God. Yeah. Oh, thank God. His, man, Chappelle's... I'm going to be interested

to see what people say. I think people... Because there's nothing... I don't know, man. It was good. Well, you already... I mean, dude, it's like everyone

rose up against him once, so they're not going to do it again. They will. They will. There's going to be a ton of fucking dumb articles that are like,

this is his... This is why it's still problematic. Yeah. Dave Chappelle is still problematic. He's just going to laugh. Yeah, like, this is why it's still problematic. Yeah. Dave Chappelle is still problematic. He's just gonna laugh. Yeah. I don't know. He just got paid a bunch of money.

It was all funny. The whole... Dude, if he was up there literally espousing something that was, like, heinous, nobody would fucking laugh. Everyone would be like, dude, Dave Chappelle's

lost his fucking mind. Yeah. But you know he's kidding. Yeah. Kidding and bringing up very interesting points yeah what do you think about him calling him the tease yeah man dude i saw that and was absolutely that's so funny that was too funny um yeah that's it's funny because at that party he

was like i'm gonna say some shit that they're gonna come for me he's like and they might kill me so somebody in here might have to take the reins damn yeah it was pretty cool they're not gonna take him down i was high in the back just like yes i'll take the reins i'll do it for you david just standing by myself everyone else knew each other was having fun i was just in the back like i will be great for you dave you were in a jumpsuit with s on it like, I'm ready. Oh, my God. Yeah, man. That's a... But yeah, I had no idea he was going to come out that hard. He was swinging, man.

Dude, that was unbelievable. That took a lot of fucking... To do that on Netflix is pretty wild. That comes... Dude, it's what we were talking about with the fucking Twitter algorithm. And Netflix had to approve it. Yeah. So Netflix was like, we'll let you say this.

We'll let you roll. This is funny. And you're telling me's your role this is funny and you're telling me that somehow doesn't translate because that's gonna that's gonna be a big that's gonna be big for netflix big uproar a lot of money so maybe money's more important than social justice to some of these companies out of netflix yeah yeah i mean dude it's also it's he was the perfect person to do that. If you came out swinging and dropped that, you would have been buried, dude. You would have sunk into the sand like Jafar, dude. Just like...

Jafag? Yeah, dude, the fucking Jaguar head would have swallowed you up. Jaguar? Yeah, dude, you're taking the reins, dude. What? Taking the fucking reins right now. I'm empowered right now. Dave Chappelle just emboldened hate speech. Fuck dude i'm happy yeah the um dude that's what

i'm talking about though he's that you're maybe just maybe it's a null hypothesis just maybe he has i mean i think i've made up the term cultural licensing he is allowed to say all that shit yeah of course so it's like you don't think that that and that the whole country's like ah hilarious you don't think that transmits onto twitter and shit because they were like why are all these guys getting pinched for by our algorithms we set up to protect protected classes why are they why are they turning and doing all this stuff and it's like i don't know it's gonna it's gonna it's gonna need some very deep research and hopefully not from 25 year old gender studies students yes who's like manning this research how the fuck they're working i would watch the with machine i would

watch the gender specific terminology used gender studies no like manning this operation sorry please sorry please control that we need someone to trans this operation we need a few good trans to step up to not like these words but dude it's like why you're talking like machine learning like they're talking about like you know like we repurpose some informational qualifiers it's like okay he's just talking machine learning and who but fucking filma from skibby do is like i got this yeah hold up no not racist uh obviously racist uh wait black people can't be i'm in a school where they say black people can't be racist so like that the whole thing of so like okay so you take out racism do the power dynamic now can black people commit

acts of abusive speech online well uh you have to look at the context and obviously these you have to look at their avatar. Is their avatar Goku? If the avatar's Goku, they can say the N-word. It also could have been the fact that there was just a bad sample. That's what I hate with the statistics shit. They could have just had a weirdly lopsided sample full of more black people.

Could be the weird culture. If a lot of it's coming up around use of the N-word, is there any other words maybe are being being used god freely you know imagine studying that oh my god and being like we cracked the case uh machine learning's racist we did it thank you oh my god and even the things about studies it's annoying is that like in the conclusions they there's a last paragraph that they say like well here's what here's what also could explain the fact that we rejected the null hypothesis meaning that we like our hypothesis is true or it was, you know, and all you need to is like a 0.001 or a 0.005 and it's statistically significant.

So it's like a math problem. So it can not make sense logically. But if you get that 0.001, that's statistically significant. And as long as you acknowledge in the end, like, well, it could have also been these things you publish at the newspapers, read the title and and go holy shit dude machine that machine learning is racist and dude that's like 80 of our new i would say 95 of our news on science are misleaded studies or studies that are just misread by people who don't understand them and go like oh this is what happened and then other people like no here's what happened it's fucking ridiculous thursday night yeah and blizz went back to philly me beezer kyla how'd that go donald ray from pittsburgh

i met ray ray from pittsburgh i met ray from pittsburgh supported sex workers excellent i sat there for probably an hour trying to kiss a stripper did you really i was like how can i kiss you she was like you she's like it's weird that you're that's what you want yeah you want to kiss yeah you just want to pick you want to peck i want to pack the stripper what the fuck's wrong with that i thought it was nice your mom and apple pie dude yeah dude i'm just you're america you were like let me pay you to kiss you you're fucking prince charming dude yeah man you're like let me pay you to kiss you and you're gonna be like oh my god that Yeah, man. You're like, let me pay you to kiss you. And you're going to be like, oh, my God, that was so wholesome. She was going to leave the life. She was going to get clothes on.

Yeah. She was magically going to get clothes put on her. She was going to go back in the whore den and put on a sweater. Go back in the locker room. The whore bunker. Dude, can you imagine being in the locker room in a strip club? Oh. Woo.

Would you like that? Dude, it's just like borderline personality convention. Oh my God. You go back, everyone's just like, yeah, you're totally out of get me. They're all fighting each other

and forming weird alliances. Yeah, they all click. Oh boy. The new girl shows up. Oh, imagine being a new 19-year-old girl. Hot as fuck. And you go in amongst

like 32-year-old strippers and they're playing, they're running their mind games on you. Vets. Woo. Just those vets in there wow dude what a world that must be that's chaos bro that is that is total chaos yeah dude 19 year old girl walking in you're hot you're tight you're walking in you got the trim what i'm talking like stomach wise you got the midriff dude you don't have any weird like c-section scars. You're coming in.

I mean, you're the, you're fucking Twitter stock in the strip club and you got these fucking 30. You got the blue bloods. You got 32 year old, 40 year old waitresses who are bitter. Yeah. Imagine a 40 year old stripper,

bro. Ooh, you're talking about multiple families have sailed past in the horizon. Yeah. She's just staring death in the face. Cause that's what's next? It's a grim future. As a 40-year-old stripper,

it's like, you know, and again, well, I could say this pretty safely. I could guess that maybe at some point you got your kid taken away. No, Matt. And then you got them back. You're like, I got it back.

A tale of redemption and respect. A tale of redemption. And I really get my son back. You're old enough to have gotten your kids back and lost them again to where you're like, fuck. And then you see some hot little thing come in. He's like, everyone's buying me stuff. This is the best.

And you're just like, you have no idea what you're in store for. You just fucking butt fucker. And the voice is like, you should help this girl. Tell her what to do. But you've got struck by lightning like 9,000 times. And just like i only want to destroy her and i don't know why but that's what i'll do could you imagine bro yeah i know dudes are like i'm dating a stripper oh it's awesome i'm like dude stop that's tough that's tough stuff it's tough sledding that's that's a that's a black diamond dude it's tough sledding dudes brag about that

it's like yeah I never understood that yeah dude I'm dating a stripper yeah well she goes home with me it's like oh hot dude you guys fuck

it's like after she blows a guy in the fucking parking lot yeah exactly after she like fucking like farts on dudes I would talk to a stripper who used to drink guys

who used to watch guys drink their piss it's like even if they're not touching there's guys still like drinking their piss and shit it's like it's like even if they're not touching there's guys still like drinking their piss and shit it's like it's a bad environment i never do well in the show i did i did not do great again at the strip club really yeah i used to love it dude i just i can't do it anymore it's not great oh and then ray we got into the house i was like yeah you can just

sleep here right from pittsburgh's left in the house pittsburgh's left on my parents couch oh my god dude you think he jerked off in your bathroom maybe i mean i wouldn't blame him he Right from Pittsburgh, slept in the house? Right from Pittsburgh, slept on my parents' couch. Oh my God, dude. You think he jerked off in your bathroom? Maybe. I mean, I wouldn't blame him. It's a long ride.

Yeah, he was out early. He left the house early before my parents woke up. Thank God, dude. Speed by fed the color and bounced, dude. My jizz is in the toilet. He might have gave you

an upper jizzer. My mom came down and was like, a fan slept here last night. She was like, what? Who? Your mom is so sweet. I was like, a fan slept here last night. She was like, what? Who? Your mom is so sweet. I was like, Ray's the man, dude.

He would never hurt us. I'd be sick if Ray would have killed us. You woke up, you're just biting your dad's neck. He might have gave you an upper jizzer in the guest bathroom. Imagine jizzing in the fucking upper jizzer. It just binds up that weird little pump and rise mechanism. My dad's like, what the hell is this?

Did Ray give us an upper jizzer? Did the fan come in our place? What happens if you jizz in the top of someone's toilet? It just looks like a loogie gets flushed down when you flush the toilet. So you flush the toilet, a loogie, but you see a cum, and you see a cum, and you're like, what? And it slips away.

I've been upper jizzed damn you rub your eyes you're like what the fuck was that people getting payback by giving someone a legitimate upper decker is the funniest fucking thing it's like what the fuck taking an upper decker is the funniest thing possible it should be illegal i mean it has to be it has to be i guarantee that's illegal taking an upper decker yeah it's thing possible. It should be illegal. I mean, it has to be. It has to be illegal. I guarantee that's illegal. Taking an upper decker? Yeah, it's got to count. It's got to be something. What do you think was the landmark case?

I don't know. Like, well, how did you know there was a turn in the top chamber? The water was brown for weeks, Your Honor. We caught a plumber. He pulled a diagnosis, a classic upper decker. Oh, man. Like, well, who of you had a problem? Like, what, from an argument with his son?

That was Brown versus the Board of Education. You'd have to solve it like a classic murder case. Like, well, who has reason to upper deck you? Like, well, I fired an employee last week.

Does it make a murder case? It's always just at a party and a high school kid. Dude, if they did CSI, just upper deckers, that'd be the best fucking show. Yeah, CSI upper deckers would be a fucking great show. I think we're on some.

Hell yeah. Let's go. But yeah, Upper Deckers is... Do people still do them? They have to. It's the funniest thing in the world. That still has to happen. I've worked with people who have legitimately told me stories that ended with them Upper

Decking someone and be like, serves them right. Serves them right, dude. You're like, wait, what? You shit in the top of the toilet dude how does that translate it's like dude he's a fucking asshole you fucking upper deckered him and it's a big contract psycho move to actually like stand on top of a toilet the actual act itself is so funny because then when whoever opens the tank and looks at it, they have to piece all that together. Like, someone stood here?

Also, you gotta fucking... You gotta wipe your ass afterwards. So you gotta sit and think about it. Oh, yeah. And you could get an alarm. And you can't flush after you wipe. You could still flush. No, but it'll suck the turd down.

The turd will remain. The turd stays in a good upper deck? People who tend to upper decks tend to have humongous turds. There's not a basket of shrimp you're talking about. I guess, does it suck the turd? Basket of shrimp. I know exactly the term. Have you put a shrimp basket in your toilet?

Dude. Shrimp. Oh, man. It's going to be solved. You get an alarm on the top of your toilet. So if someone lifts your top of your toilet, it's like, whee, whee. Like a car alarm. And then you go, what the fuck, dude? You what the fuck dude you're fucking upper decking me dude the alarm's going off it's like a bank robbery going bad like

we still gotta do it we still gotta get the job it's like an ink splat that stains your butt you have an ink gun that stains your butthole that's what heat was about they broke into upper deck dude yeah i talked to guys who defended him being like yeah he's a fucking asshole do you owe me money i'm gonna protect him damn dude it's so funny to just casually but yeah i didn't think about the turd i don't think the turd gets i think the turd remains the water it's the water gets sucked into that yeah but if the turd the turd unless it breaks the turd because the turd yeah but the whole the toilet hole. Then it's got to clog the thing. The shit pump, dude.

That's like an inch in diameter. That little water hole is maybe an inch or two. So you're going to have a turd fold and break and then squeeze down. Like Titanic, yeah. I love how ships and shit follow the same trajectory. I guess it's just physics at that point. They fucking fold and break. They leave little smears on the coral reef.

They're just splinters in the coral All the way down Damn And you have to clean it Yeah dude You have to clean it How do you do it? You have to clean it How do you clean a barrel?

It's a good thing to specialize In upper decker remediation As a plumber We've remediated several upper deckers dude Yeah You just gotta get one that's like aquarium nets. Just fish it out.

Yeah, but then if a turd goes down... Sorry, it's a... It's a shrimp basket. It's like, oh, that's no problem. We got a net for that. I need a smaller micron net. You have a shrimp basket, sir.

We have a shrimp basket on our hands. A little harder to grab than a dry camouflage turd. Did you ever get like a fucking three-turd turd? A Neapolitan turd? Oh, fuck. You're like a half corn kernel or half. You know when it's just like little balls and then it's like a light brown, dark brown?

Yeah. Nice turd dude dude Napoleon someone there's a plaster of Napoleon's dick dude that was just on fucking

Succession I immediately googled it is there yes Napoleon's dick is out there I mean for someone serious no but for a curio like me

how good is Succession oh my god it's the best It's so fucking good I have a new episode Locked up right now I'm gonna go home Watch it last night Tell the Bay to take a load off

You are gonna fucking love it Yes It's so good The last episode is so good Dude the whole The idea of the show Them controlling the news And all this shit

They play a game called Boar on the Floor That's all I'm gonna say It's so funny to watch It's so funny I'm loving Kendall right now Kendall's the man dude Loving him dude

I love Kendall He's a killer right now dude Kendall's the man, dude. Loving him, dude. I love Kendall. He's a killer right now, dude. Wait, did you see... I saw the cloak and dagger. Okay. Sorry about the cloak and dagger. Dude. With Vulture?

Vulture, yeah. I think that's supposed to be BuzzFeed. How good was that? That's supposed to be BuzzFeed, by the way. How good was that? When he goes in and he's just like, yeah, you're all fired. You have 15 minutes. Spoiler alert. When the dude spits in his face, he's just like, yeah, you're all fired. You have 15 minutes.

Spoiler alert. When the dude spits in his face, he's like, that's all you got? That's all you got. Yo, he's a machine, dude. I'm loving him right now. Why'd you do that? Because my daddy told me to.

Daddy told me to? Yo, he's fucking awesome. Yes, he is. He bought me street coke. Dude. He's like, what, are you going to return it? That guy's, yes. He made it.

I was cheering for him the whole time. I was cheering for him in season one. Yeah, man. When he went for that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Still cheering for him, dude. I'm like, I think this season's going to be about the daughter more. Yeah.

She's in the thing. I'm like, ah, fucking old Ken. I do not like that Polly relationship. They have? Neither does the fucking character. She's a fat ass, bro. Yeah, she's leaning on that one scene. Yeah, man.

I know the exact scene Dude I saw that season one I was like It was funny my girlfriend My girlfriend has like a She's on Constant radar Of like

Fat ass white chicks dude She's like she has a fat ass And I'm like You think She's like wait I'm like whoa Wow Yeah she watched like

The Sex and the City She's got solid pogdar Oh yeah her pogdar Is very Dude it's like She'll catch them I'm like how the fuck Did you know She's got the pogdar. Oh, yeah. Her pogdar is very... Dude, it's like, she'll catch them with that. I'm like, how the fuck did you know?

She's got the pogdar of a 50-year-old African-American. Yeah, dude. The Carrie Diaries. Dang. Yeah, she's got like a fucking Jamaican cab driver fucking pogdar, dude.

She sees fat asses from so far. It's pretty awesome. Damn. That just reminds me of Thicker Than a Bowl of Oatmeal. Thicker Than a Bowl of Oatmeal? You ever see that? No.

It's one of the funniest. Pogdar? Dude, this guy's Pogdar. So he gets arrested, and the lawyer is reading what he said to the, I think it was an undercover female police officer that arrested him. And he was like, girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. And then the camera pans out to him, and he's like. He's getting interviewed from the jail cell. He's yo yo that ass was fat oh my god what is funny too like just walking around and like you'll still see you'll see dudes in general but like i it where i live i'll see a

lot of black dudes who haven't caught the memo that like when a chick walks around you can't like turn your whole body and like dude they'll like be walking stop in their tracks and do like a full 180 and like stop and turn around stare at chicks i'm like dude it's so so funny to watch when people are drinking it'll be some like fat like five foot two dude with like a towel on his head just like turns around it's like i'm like dude keep moving bro like what the fuck do you think's gonna happen it's gonna happen here get out of here if you stare hard enough it's yours oh dude it's so funny yeah man um shows were good dc was fucking so how was that dc was great man dc was fun a lot of questions about where's old mccuskey we're gonna have to start getting i dropped some fucking crumbs yeah i say in the tri-state area

up until big event coming in Marchy March. I dropped breadcrumbs in Harrisburg. I pretty much dropped it. I'll take it to Paige, bro. It's not really a big deal. Having a fucking kid. What? Having a baby.

You sure? Pogdars, having a baby, dude. You sure you want to release this? Yeah, why not? Let's do it. Why not? Yeah, man. Pretty tight.

That's so great. I know, I'm pretty happy. We're going late, far in there. I can't have a secret in me, bro. Secrets fucking burn my core, bro. You did not do good with keeping this one a secret. No, I told everybody right away, dude. You told everyone right away.

I was talking about it in Harrisburg. I was like, I've got to talk about this. Yeah, man. Well, it's awesome. I'm excited. It's crazy. Yeah, I'm stoked on it. Old McCuskey. You've got to be a dad, dude. I know. I'm so Yeah, man. Well, it's awesome. I'm excited. It's crazy. Yeah, I'm stoked on it. Old McCuskey.

You got to be a dad, dude. Holy shit. I'm so excited, man. Holy shit. Cannot wait, dude. It's so funny. Dude, when you called me and you're like, she's pregnant, I was just like, oh. And you're like, no, I'm excited about it.

I was like, yes. A lot of people would be like, is it good news or bad news? I'm like, fucking awesome news. Yeah, of course. So funny when she told me, dude. She was mad at me. And she was like, oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. I just found out.

I was like, sweet, fucking awesome. She's like, what? OK, fine. Dude, it was so funny. I was like, fucking sick. That's awesome. Yeah, man, I'm happy. You're going to be a good dad.

Can't wait. I can't wait for my... My kid's going to be spoiled, dude. They're going to inherit purple crystal walls. They're going to inherit so much, dude. I can't wait. I can't wait for my... My kid's going to be spoiled, dude. They're going to inherit purple crystal walls. They're going to inherit so much, dude. Level nine town hall. They're going to be at school being like, my dad would beat the fuck out of your dad in class.

But yeah, so I'm excited about that. But yeah, that's been... Dude, I'll tell you what, man. That's a whole other ballgame. Wow. Talking about... What are we at time-wise? An hour.

We can jump. We're at 59 minutes 22 seconds Nah we can keep it going I just wasn't sure If we got to that Enough that we could Have paged that But whatever

We can Oh no no We can Dude Retroactively Icebreaker's an icebreaker Dudes are hard right now The boys are fired up

That was a solid hour bro That was an absolute power hour I can't wait to baptize your son Dude That would be awesome In Bud Light Just be like dude Welcome to La Familia.

Dude, how can we not talk about this? I know. Seriously. How can we not talk about family? That's what I was thinking. The heir to the podcasting throne? The heir to the throne, dude. How can we not talk about family right now?

Dude, and some of that stuff I was talking about, my kids will be able to say whatever they want. Actually, by the time, they'll probably get clamped down on. This is all strategic, dude. That's something you're excited about. I need someone. My son's going to be able to say the N-word. Or daughter.

Or neither. It's getting to the point. I hope you have a fucking T, dude. That'd be sick, bro. Dude, if you had a biracial T. If I had a biracial T? If you had a biracial T, the cast is untouchable. Please have a biracial T. I can only hope. I had a biracial tea the cast is untouchable please have

a biracial tea i can only hope i wonder if is there any like things you can do is there any like you know you know you know they say like when the baby sits high it's a boy when it sits low it's a girl is there any like folklore for like it's a tea yeah uh if it's complaining. It's going to have a cry. It's like... You hear it in the womb already. You've got to identify the different cries. There's a hungry cry. There's a sleep cry.

It's feeling misidentified. Yeah. It's like... Damn, dude. That's so wild. Yeah, bro. It's funny because it's like, dude, you Damn, dude. That's so wild. Yeah, bro. It's funny because it's like, dude, you're what, 32? Yeah.

33, am I? You're 33. I think I'm 33. Dude, I'm telling you. I went full Manute Bowl. Yeah. Or no. Who was that?

Dominic. Who's the guy? Mutombo. I'm Mutombo with my age, dude. I don't fuck. I have no clue. People ask me. Her family's like, well, what are you?

I'm like, 32, 33. I don't fucking know. 33. Definitely 33. Christ said. Pippin baby yeah cry exactly it's about time christ was born dude yeah dude equating your me basically that would make me god yeah my kid christ which is fucking sick do you think that's the case for sure my my kid's gonna definitely revel it's gonna come and save podcasting we're like the Old Testament Jews Right now We're doing the best

Of what we have We're trying We're doing the best dude We're very rigid Oh for sure A lot of war All that New Testament's gonna come

And be very peaceful Yeah exactly My kid's gonna come Revolutionize it Oh I'm so funny And guess what else I can do Say anything

At least for now there's even when I see it's getting there when I watch my John McWhorter Glenn Lowry stuff I'll watch John McWhorter

chuck out a hard ER he's a black dude and you're like whew baby throw some heat on that thing John McWhorter whew

put some heat on it spitball dude thing's coming right down he's jammed me a couple times he jammed him yeah man that's uh

damn dude so stoked I'm sure the reddit and our and twitter and everybody will handle this with class

whatever dude do you you'll just have to answer to my fucking child dude I'll be like look there's the that's the twitter user that's the man

called you a fucking dick yeah and just get ready for all of our you know internet avatars to be released who are actually who we really are so whatever you say

on all this someday we'll come back what do you mean on the internet like you can anonymously talk shit for now oh Dave Reckoning

Dave Reckoning will come and we're like we need to crack down on you think they're gonna lift the box and the insects are gonna fucking scatter yeah dude

yeah I mean dude it's a it is one of those weird things. It's something they never prepared you for, working on the internet. It's like they couldn't prepare you for that. Like the fucking psychology of interacting with anonymous fucking strangers. Oh, man. Bro, that's crazy.

It's like the stripper booth I was talking about. Going in the stripper locker room, dude, you're a young podcaster, bro. Same fucking thing. Yeah, man. Remember, we met an old grizzled fucking stripper who was like podcast why would you do a podcast that's oh don't do that yeah where is he now dude he's fucking dead i haven't even heard dude i don't even know what fucking cemetery he's in fuck him dude last motherfucker that was talking shit on us dead i don't even know where he damn dude i was in bed last night thinking how sick it was to just

go up just Right before you, right when you start to do stand-up, before you even say anything, be like, dude, how sick is it when your haters become your fans

and just do a fucking handshake with the first person in the audience? Like, who the fuck? Just do it like a local open mic and people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, man.

What do you want to do? Let's jump the page. What time you got to go? I have a spot in the city. I'm good. Let's jump. Let's do time do you got to go? I have a spot in the city. I'm good. Let's jump. We got to give people on the page something, dude. It fucking breaks my heart.

Oof.