Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Santa Maria

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Adonai Blesses the DAWGZ with his humble teacher goddess, Santa Maria. Hear her teachings!

We're back, dude. We're here. We're live. We're on right now. You're on, baby. Oh, man. We're fucking on. Damn, I was just reading that MSG article CNN put out. Did you see the things people shared? They had Eddie Huang, I believe, do it, and somebody else were like, change the dictionary, Merriam-Webster.

Yeah. I think, yeah. I don't mind that. I think it's funny to make it a cause, but Chinese restaurant syndrome does sound a little aggressive. It is aggressive, but at the same time, people didn't look at Chinese people and form this opinion. They ate Chinese food. Should we be talking about that? Should we even be on the air right now? It doesn't matter.

It is a funny thing to be like Chinese food. It's not really Chinese. It would be like if people just ate burger king and we're like dude american food's fucked up because pretty much most people eat chinese food and eat like yeah you know places like uh like all of the shit on the way you can get actual chinese but again where are you let me know where those spots are because every time i eat chinese food i feel fucking starving two hours later tiptoed on the boundary you can't listen i'm here to push them they're like this is racist and it's like well okay it is funny they give it all to the chinese though but then again like when you eat sushi you don't feel fucking hungry two minutes later they were like it's in american foods too it's in doritos and ranch it's like yeah dude shitty food anybody that eats doritos isn't like this is a good cuisine it's like no

dude i'm embarrassed i'm eating this true you're not eating shit it's like a criticism it's like why don't you go eat some fucking doritos dude you fat idiot or especially like yeah if you were to eat like flaming hots and be like uh excuse me flaming hot didn't cause hot diarrhea how dare you dude how dare you accuse it? You know, the Cheeto is an endangered species. Yeah, I don't know. I'll be curious where that one spills out because it's like... The Cheeto is an endangered species.

The Cheeto? The Cheeto. The Cheeto is. Chester Cheeto. Yeah, dude. The Chinese are grinding up Cheeto bones to get erections. Really? Cheetos give you hard erections? Cheetos give you hard erections?

No, I think they were doing that with rhino. Rhino horns. Right. It's like a big, it's like a, yeah, they're like

grinding up rhino horns. Obviously that gives you hard as fuck. Definitely. Worth it. We gotta, dude, honestly. I think I was

wondering if it was like the same exact thing as like your fingernails. That's what rhino horns are like made out of. Oh, they're made

out of collagen. That's big business, dude. That's why I bite my nails so much so I get rock hard. Well. That's what rhino horns are made out of. Yeah. If they're made out of collagen, that's big business, dude. That's why I bite my nails so much. I get rock hard. That's what BB ladies do. They're leading the cause in that. They love collagen. Really?

It's like the fountain of youth. If you're a BB lady and you eat enough collagen, you're like... You'll be young again. You'll feel, yeah. Your hair grows better and your nails get stronger. So they're the ones taking out the rhinos. The Chinese are just serving the market, dude're just like yo that's just capitalism what are these things like dinosaur armadillos dude fuck cut these things heads off kill them fuck it

yeah i mean if you yeah there's no uh yeah there's no love there's no love there for honestly too if rhinos were to go extinct i'd be like all right yeah it's kind of how when everybody's complaining about like the polar bears. Yeah. With the ice, I'd say, all right. They can go.

Just keep the bees. I like the bees. Bees are good. We need the bees. We do not need polar bears. They're not part of the plan. They're not going to help us. They're not going to help us

get to Mars. Yeah, what do polar bears do through the environment, dude? I mean, I guess they keep certain like stuff in check, but it's like, what, penguins? No, they're they're not even they're on different side of the earth as as

penguins true they're not even chilling with the penguins that's just a live big coca-cola if i hear anyone talk about their bellyache after the chinese food i'm coming for them dude i'll excuse me pardon me excuse me how dare you excuse me please stop it's like oh you're thirsty after you had Chinese food? That's on you. That's racist. That's on you, bro. Exactly. That's racist.

Dude, my digestive system might be racist. Oh, it has nothing to do with it that you just ate a bowl of sodium? No, that's racist. We're fired up. Yeah, dude. Take that, dude. Take Merriam-Webster. If you're listening to this.

Merriam-Webster, please. It's time. Look, this was a comedy podcast. We're just joking around about it. You don't fuck with Chinese food for real. Seriously. And in the dictionary, calling it Chinese restaurant syndrome. Yeah, they should.

It's fucked up, dude. What should they call it? What would be the thing to call that? Don't give me that. Don't give me that softball. You just lob that up and see what I say on that? Nope. Because how could they?

I'm just trying to think. Like, will they have to specify? You have to be more specific. I think it'd be shitty Chinese food. they... I'm just trying to think. Like, will they have to... You have to be more specific. I think it'd be shitty Chinese food. No. No. No, it has to be

bad Chinese food syndrome. Or just bad food syndrome. Yeah. Don't, you know... When's ramen gonna change? Oriental. It's almost time. What do you mean?

That flavor. They got a fucking flavor called Oriental. Isn't... Aren't they allowed to? Isn't Ramen Corp allowed to? to oh yeah true yeah i think that i think they're cool on that true oriental they have oriental spice popeye's having a chicken sandwich just called the n-word i'd be like all right i think they're allowed to say it's popeye's i think popeye's is black owned no way i'm telling you they have a black spokeswoman but i bet popeyes is honkeys i don't know but

typically i would guess evil honkeys yeah i thought it was uh oh i had a fucking i had a popeyes chicken sandwich this weekend how was it it was chick-fil-a i was like excited about it it's nothing i'm just digesting your popeyes sandwich i'll have i'll have that no no that one no number six you want the sandwich or the full meal oh my god do you imagine i couldn't imagine i'd go to marion webster immediately dude they got guys we just got rid of cS, and now I'm seeing this. And now Popeye's is running. Yeah, man. It's funny Merriam-Webster put out, like, an apology.

Well, it's funny if you remember. You have to, dude. If you get tweeted at, you better have an apology on deck. What do they say, by the way? Merriam-Webster. It's got to be some old English dude who knows all the words and is like, sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, yeah, it was like, we are going to move expeditiously.

They're moving expeditiously? Yeah, they're TIing it. So they're going to take it out of all the ones? I'm sure they'll take it out. For sure. That's crazy. You get a couple bad tweets, it's time to move. Well, dude, the funny thing is, is I've been to a graduation party.

It was a Chinese family, and I had homemade Chinese food. I remember being like why don't you guys just sell this this shit's delicious so yeah i mean there's obviously there's great chinese food obviously i crush chinese food even jane g's shut down constantly why that's where i came up my i ate there the one day it60. The food is so good. It's fucking, it was like rice paper. The noodles are so good. The noodles. The noodles.

We don't fuck around, dude. No more fucking around, dude. The noodles. The noodles are delicious. Yeah. But. Delicious. No, dude.

$60. I took my bay there, $60. That's good. And I finished my meal and I'm like, what did I just eat? And I was like, like an eighth of a pound of fucking salty meat. So the price was high. Yeah, but it was like. You don't have to be racist because of the price.

I'm not being racist. I was just kind of like, yeah, I can mark this off. Thai food, let's go. I love Thai food. Thai food is good. It was some fucking herbs and vegetables and shit. Not just like fucking sauce meat meat, and fucking rice paste. Yes, that's my shit.

True. It is delicious. It's so good. So either way. There we go. We squashed the beef, dude. The beef's over. Take it out.

Marry him. Come on. Come on. Marry him. And if you dare to feel indigestion or thirsty after you eat Chinese food, check yourself, dude. Check yourself. Please check your privilege.

Exactly. Your privileged fucking palate, dude. You got to, you know, if your heart skips a beat or you get high blood pressure, that's your fucking problem, dude you got a you know if your heart skips a beat you get high blood pressure that's your fucking problem dude it has nothing to do with the incredibly high amounts of sodium it is funny though just still like just still go back every single time what people being like that being like say that's like a popular conception like oh yeah every time you eat chinese food you feel hungry afterwards blah blah and then be like it's just some chinese food oh man it's so good yeah anything with yeah like a ton of sodium or salt i'm i'm all in true i i cannot stop eating it general styles general styles is scotty approved dude sweet and salty

bro when i was a kid i hated chinese food i just didn't i just didn't excuse me i didn't like first off matthew i hear what you're doing. I know what you're doing. When I was a kid, I hated it. And then I had Scotty approve General Sal's. And I was like all in, dude. I'm a young Scotty. I got the Scotty in me, dude.

Scotty Pippin, dude. I had General Sal's and it was over, dude. Someone tossed you the Sal's. Scotty Pippin, dude. I wonder about that because there are those like entry for like General Sows is entry level for Scotty's. Yeah, let's say

International Cuisine. I was on a pure chicken finger tip. I was on Tendi's tip forever. And then I've had some General Sows and expanded.

Well, there's yeah, so there's Pad Thai. That's like the thing that bridges people to Thai food. General Sows. I'm still stuck at the entry level. Yeah, and then there's, what do you eat for Indian food?

Tikka Masala. Yes. So you're all, that's all, there are the gateways. I'm on the gateways of all of them. There are the portals from Tendi's to any international cuisine. There's like four different things you can eat. And all of those, I only still eat. And I eat Indian constantly.

And I still get the same thing. Tikka's fucking good. With a big fucking naan. That's what it's called, right? Yeah, naan bread. Naan bread, dude. Dip that in. Excuse me, it's naan bread.

Naan? Excuse me. Pardon me. Naan. I'm going to issue an apology. Let me get some of that naan bread. Dude, you ain't no naan. I think it's technically naan.

Naan's good. Naan, double A. I would say naan. Naan? Naan bread. I think it's naan. Naan bread. I don't know. Name? Name bread. I think it's non. Non bread. I don't know.

But that's tight, dude. That's tight. You're still at the portal of all of these international teams. I'm at a pure Scotty on just about everything I eat. That's awesome. Salads, I'm still Scotty. No, you're an adventurous Scotty. No, salads, I'm still Scotty.

What do you get, a Caesar? Chicken Caesar. A little Caesar? Yeah, you can't. I can't. Don't you dare put fruit in my salad, dude, or it's on site. You better drench my fucking vegetables in cheese. Yeah, you can't. I can't. Don't you dare put fruit in my salad, dude, or it's on site. You better drench my fucking vegetables in cheese. Yeah, man.

Caesar dressing is just like cheese. That's racist against Italians. They can get it all day, dude. What? Italians can get it all day. That's what we thought about Asians, dude. No, we're going to get in trouble in 2024 for making fun of Italians. Ooh, you just called Indians Italians?

You're getting on Columbus, aren't you? They're whatever we say they are. Dude. So what are you doing? What's going on? What's going on? Dude, I showed you what's going on. I got a big game going on right now.

Oh, yeah. You're solidifying the... Supremacy 1914. That's the name of the game. It's German created, so that name's a little uncomfortable. It's called Supremacy? It's called Supremacy. Supremacy 1914.

So it's like a World War I... It's sick, dude. It's risk. It's basically risk. So it's a big map online on your phone. I'm surprised Germany didn't issue a Supremacy World War II game. Yeah, true. Yeah, they definitely had to include 1914 in the title oh yeah to be like we mean world war one for sure that's fucking ballsy dude how'd you find out it was a german game uh because the

tutorial was all in german like the whole thing's in german jesus yeah but got through it got through the tutorial yeah broke out now you're playing international. Now I'm just in a game right now. Me and this guy, Yeet Meat, he controls the south. Yeet Meat controls the south. Does he really? I control the north of America. How small of an area did you start with? I started with like Pennsylvania and New England.

Damn, so you expanded nicely. Yeah, then I took the south immediately. Who's west? No one. It stops at like the Mississippi. okay you you were all the way to the mississippi yeah i control from maine down to tennessee we're doing well there's one guy he still holds north carolina he was the first guy i betrayed immediately he was at war with the south so this one guy controlled like florida georgia alabama mississippi the deep south this guy controlled like virginia north carolina south carolina yeah the middle south right and he was basically firework right where you sell fireworks he yeah he was in the

fireworks territory and he was going to battle with the actual racists and then me being the coastal elites abolitionists yeah I was the abolitionist. As soon as I saw the opening while the fireworks were fighting the racists, I just destroyed the fireworks. You turned on. I turned on right away. That's the funniest part of this game. So he left his troops.

He took his troops down south. All his troops were down south fighting. It was just women and children. I just came in with the women and children. I said, ladies. Surrender. Kids, you are now part of the coastal elites. Welcome.

Welcome to the fucking fold. Was he pissed? It's funny because, yeah, you can DM each other. He was like, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, we didn't even start the game. You're already ending it. Because it is the very beginning of the game. So you're supposed to build up and shit.

I just killed him right away. Now I'm trying to. But see, now I'm a little depleted from going to war so the guy the south is like he's looking good he could fuck me up and i'm like dming him to be like let's become allies he's gonna do the same thing i did what he said he said yes but he already he's marching troops north well as we speak technically though you, you saved him. He was being attacked. He was being attacked and I saved him, but when I saved him, that guy that I started attacking sent all his troops back up north to fight me.

That was a war of attrition. I'm low right now. I got rid of that guy, but now the south is going to get me. If he was a thinking man, he'd be like, well, if this was his he knew you two were allies. He knows. He knows I'm not to be trusted. Right man, he'd be like, well, if this was his, he knew you two were allies. He knows.

He knows I'm not to be trusted. So right now, he's like DJT, you're Kim Jung. I'm Kim Jung. I'm not very trustworthy. So he's DJT being like, I got it. He's like, we'll do whatever it takes to just, you know, we need to keep things peaceful. But he sees me expanding.

He sees me. Really? There's nothing he can do to stop me. Anyway, so I got that going on. That's so fun. Supremacy 1914 on. Get it. Download it on the App Store.

Such a fun. Oh, shit. This morning, I was worried that that guy was going to attack me. So I spent $20. What'd you do? I put $20. I put $20 into the game. What'd you buy?

I've never bought a cell phone game in my life. Welcome to the fucking fold, dude. I remember mocking you for this. I do it out into the game. What'd you buy? I've never bought a cell phone game in my life. Welcome to the fucking fold, dude. I remember mocking you for this. I do it out of impatience. I would play Clash of Clans. And you gotta update the fucking, yeah, it's like three hours to update this fort. I'm like, nah. Level 7 town center?

It's like, I can have a wizard? I need that now. I'm like, let me get that. Yeah. And then you get all this stuff. And then you gotta fight people who have all that. Like, you get a nice little golden period where you have to fuck everybody up and then they level you up and now you have people who have better shit and you're like oh i need the better shit and then

i was like you know what i'm getting i'm just gonna put 30 bucks into this yeah dude i was thinking i was like it'd be sick if these weren't even real people oh god that'd be the ultimate app to just make whoever's playing panic into buying like like, I need to upgrade this. I need to get the armored car. Jesus Christ. Put $20 in a hotel room just laying there. It works. It's fun. Yeah.

I'm having fun, dude. I'll throw more money at this app if I have to. Whatever it takes to win. What do you think empires are built with, bro? True. $20 at a time. Literal money. Just fucking someone's chin scrunched in a hotel room like i can't lose tennessee just to yeet me

so yeah that was that's my weekend that's what's up that's a big weekend dude that's what's up i uh dude you uh you know what today is right come on please mlk day bro msg day it's msg mlk day excuse me dude did you read the uh there was an article on business insider i don't know dude i don't know who the fuck told them to put this up there where the i don't have it but they um they went through and they i get there's somebody who's writing an autobiography of martin luther, I guess, has those FBI tapes. You know they bugged his hotel room, right? They bugged two lamps in his hotel room.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just trying to catch him getting sneezed, bro. Have you heard the allegations? What? How he claimed to be in the International Pussy Eaters Association or something? Yeah, I did hear something like that. How dare you? On the day?

Well, here's the fucked up thing. So I'm reading the Business Insider article came out like two days ago. So someone was like, oh, I know what time it is. But Business Insider is such a weird publication to be like, all right, let's hit them with Hoover's FBI report on Martin Luther King. It's kind of strange. But they put out all this stuff saying like. It's for the clicks, baby. Pretty much.

It's all for the clicks. There is no morality in journalism. Especially not Business Insider, dude. I thought they were going to be talking about something else. Because I pulled it up yesterday. I was going, I was researching famous historical figures who've cheated on their wife. I'm expanding, dude. I'm expanding my act.

Oh, I hear you. So I'm expanding. Working on that Ben Franklin thing. Exactly. So I'm looking, I'm seeing all these people who fucking cheated, and I'm like, that's hilarious. MLK comes up. I'm like, yeah, I heard he was a bit of a womanizer.

Dude, they're saying like he on tape FBI people were listening and a reverend he was a pastor he was with raped a woman in a hotel room they were all in and but then they're like the FBI was just sitting there like oh fuck and this again this is according to the FBI who heard there was a black guy being like hey come on this shit sucks for us and they're like go dig up some dirt on him I mean so it's like do you FBI who heard there was a black guy being like, hey, come on. This shit sucks for us. And they were like, go dig up some dirt on him. I mean, unreal. So it's like, do you think they planted it?

Do you think they made this shit up? Dude. It's the most uncomfortable thing to think about because from any way you look at it, there's a chance this guy who was a freedom fighter was also a pussy hound. Whatever. Yeah. But dude, they're going into orgies they're saying like he would lay on the pillow and like get real close up on pen shots and like watch his boy fuck somebody it's so weird and specific but then again it's coming from hoover's fbi dude yeah

all right fbi body he was like we gotta squash this black man so let's dig up dirt and they're like this guy's like well we got out but, it's all sealed. He loves sticking his head near the penetration. He was watching Penn. According to this article, again, I could have just made it into something I wanted. Dude, think of these dudes in a van being like, sir, we got him. You know that shot in porn, the underneath shot? He puts his head there. I know.

And he called him. But then again, it's like all the things are sealed. So there's this thing that's like all the things are sealed so no one can so there's this thing that's like oh yeah him yeah he like watched rapes and stuff but you guys can never hear it

because it's sealed so they're able to just be like oh yeah no yeah he's a fucking pussy hound which alright so maybe

maybe just once MLK had a couple cocktails his boys were getting freaky and they hoped that him and his squad was fucking someaky and they hoped to him and his squad was fucking some chick and he stuck his head down there did you ever do something weird just randomly and then once the one time you get caught doing something weird everyone's like yeah

that's what he's into i also love he's just doing something weird i love the fact it's like act as if if anyone bugged anyone's house for a significant amount of time. Someone, they're coming up with a DOS on you. You're getting hit hard. I'm fried. Look. If they bugged my house, this whole weird, like. We bugged ourselves, and it cost us everything. We bugged ourselves early.

We bugged our lamps, dude. We're like, oh, nice. We're going to start a comedy. What, a career? Nice. Let's just sabotage this immediately dude I've been listening to the Old Testament

trying to fucking find stuff I've been listening to the Old Testament it's wild we can't it's too much every episode

it's like alright this is going well this is going well and then I'm like fucking faggot it's like god damn it you think we gotta seal it we need Hoover's FBI

to seal it we can't seal it we can't seal it it's there but it's you know they're gonna find out dude You think we've got to seal it? We're going to need Hoover's FBI to seal it. We can't seal it. We can't seal it. It's there. But it's, you know. They're going to find out, dude. I got the ultimate POV.

Yeah, they're going to find out, dude. Dude, this is where I have to find the article. If they listened to just that, they'd be like, Matt lays on his side and jizzes, and then Shane comes in the room and lays on the bed where he just came. Oh, yes. We talked about that. I mean, there's a lot of weird stuff we split fleshlight lube oh that was well that was not that bad that is not bad that's just friends that's just friends being friends that's friend sharing lube i have to find this dude martin luther god damn it all the internet here fuck all right um oh really i forgot to hook my this is a new laptop it's

pa gone wild bro dude but think about that that's such a fucking like weird conundrum you know what the password is i don't know your phone number is it yeah oh cool the um i'll set it up the that is a weird conundrum though because it's like could this guy this like you know civil rights freedom fighter could he have been a pussy A lot of great thinkers happen to also be pussy hounds, bro. Albert Einstein. Fucked his cousin, bro. Cheated on his wife. Fucked his cousin.

A lot of them, dude. Yeah. But again, they're saying he's... Gandhi. Gandhi. He was laying with the teens, bro. He was a peed, right? We can't call him a peed.

He was in India. He was in India back then, dude. Not a peed. When was this? I call him a peed. He was in India. He was in India back then, dude. Not a peed. When was this? Fucking 40s, 50s. How old were these girls? Pretty young. Well, pretty much all the rock and roll legends.

Pretty much Beatles mania, dude. That's what I'm saying. He had Beatlemania. He was like, she's only 17, if you know what I mean. So if you claim to be rolling up the pedos and you still listen to classic, you've got to stop listening to classic rock. Got to turn it off. Yeah, dude.

If you hate Epstein, you also hate Led Zeppelin, bro. Hate to break it to you. Sorry. Can't have both. You've got to do like me. I listen to nothing but fucking spa meditation music. What do you think is going on in spas, dude? That might be the worst thing to listen to.

You might be right. Dude, I did a deep dive with us. What do you think they were playing at Epstein's temple? Exactly that. Beatles. We all live on. I had a deep dive, dude. I brought Sid the Kid and Butterly over.

Nice. I've expanded my, I don't know what you would call that. Your squad? Yeah. I've had two more people who have experienced it. Dude, it's the simplest fucking thing. What, getting high? You say that, dude. I've been two more people who have experienced dude it's the simplest fucking thing what getting high you say that dude

I've been listening to a book it's called Cannabis and Spirituality thank you exactly oh excuse me thank you I see the words too

as they come to me and I read them thank you for saying it dude it's literally how you're supposed to use it I'm like I come up I mean I didn't invent this

obviously this was told to me by a second is how you're supposed to use weed yes you're not supposed to like this all day, every day. Excuse Lewis's blunt stuff there. I love him, but he's just abusing Santa Maria, dude. The fucking plant spirit of cannabis.

You're supposed to just only use it once every two weeks. Two weeks, three weeks. I mean, again, you can do whatever you want. But if you want the maximal effect, you have to fast from the plant. And then you just take a moderate to large dose, lay down, blindfold, hit the fucking mute. Play to the wildest fucking playlist. Same thing with booze, bro. I'm on the same tip.

No, dude. That's too much yang energy, bro. No. That's yang energy. What do you mean? Yang, dude. That's all booze, cigarettes. They're repetitive.

That's yang energy, dude. This is yin. Bro. Football, booze, yang energy. What's wrong with football? It's a yang cult, dude. How dare you? It's yang energy dude i'm all this is yin bro football booze yang energy what's wrong with football it's a yang cult dude how dare you it's yang energy i'm just gang bro thrust not how dare you yang no not politically i'm talking yin yang yang's obviously the masculine penetrative force yin is more of like the passive kind of like contemplative force We live in a yang culture, so it's important to get yang. A rape culture? Yeah. Yang, dude.

Is it a yang culture? Football is a yang cult. Anything that requires repetitive, constant use, that's yang. So anything that requires discipline? Is yin. Is yang, dude. Repetitive. Awesome. You stick with it. You keep doing it.

It's not discipline. But yeah, if you were like, dude, this book i'm reading it's it's crazy because this is the same thing though every you know once once a week two weeks get shit faced lay in a room turn the lights off just channel the viking gods dude channel them all channel all the yang gods dude gangas khan speak to. Genghis Khan was one of the people. He's like, you should get up and piss in the hotel sink. I'm like, okay. Dude, I'm telling you, man. You should stare in the mirror at yourself naked while you piss in the sink.

Thank you, Genghis. Telling you, unbelievable. I did it. Me said to Kim. If you're not getting fucked up and pissing in the hotel sink, dude, get the fuck out of my face. You have to piss in the sink. You have to piss in the sink. There's nothing wrong with that.

Sorry. Sorry, I shouldn't be on the air right now. There's nothing wrong with that. Speaking of Alex Jones, my name was spoken in Alex Jones' studio, bro. I mean. They talked about it. We're done. Thank you, Tim Dillon.

We did it. We're done. Exactly. That was the mountaintop. That was the point of this whole podcast we did it so i don't know i mean whatever the cost was it doesn't matter worth it dude we got alex jones dude hold let's think about what we've gotten we both we got on saturday night live we both got on saturday night we both got that we both got on alex jones what else have we got how many things have we got? How many things have we got? CNN. LA Times. Dude. What else can we do?

Failing New York Times. We got that. That's my new thing now. Presidential candidate. We got that. Turn that down. That was a strong turn down. I did turn that down.

He wanted to sit down and talk. Reach out and take that. I said, dog, give me a minute because I'm going to come off like an emo bitch if we talk. Still on the table? I don't think. I doubt it. Does he still have the same cell phone yes call him up i'm gonna call him for the cast right now yo andrew what's up bro no i can't abuse that i can't abuse his trust let's wiretap him let's record the president nominee secretly dude they did it i think we should do that they did it to trump bro you think that's gonna help obama did it allegedly true ob You think we should do that? They did it to Trump, bro. You think we should do that? You think that's going to help? Obama did it, allegedly.

True. Obama did wire up Trump. He listed to Trump. We should fucking... The reason you know that that's not true, that Obama didn't wire that, because right away they would have got dirt immediately and they didn't report it. Well, it was a weird thing. It was like, how did they not get dirt on him yet?

Dude, the powers that be that are digging on that guy. Dude, I mean, take me six minutes. Oh, this guy owes the parking authority $5,000. I mean, shut up, shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, to get dirt on someone, for me, it took four hours. Literally. To actually have the article complete took like four hours.

I mean, I just wonder how they haven't got him yet. They got the pussy tape. They got the pussy tape. Bro, you're talking lawyers. You're talking tax guys. But again, he has lawyers and tax. So he's, I guess, kind of like set up for that against that. Yeah.

He cheated too. Go ahead. He cheated on his bet. Yeah. I mean, he openly was a pussy hound forever. So they can't really get him on that. Yeah. I think that's his defense is just like he's pretty much

been openly shitty but he doesn't drink yeah he's like snorting adderall true true he's doing something man yeah did you see that picture of him remember when he did that taco tuesday thing when everyone was like he hates hispanics and then he tweeted like a picture of him eating a taco tuesday it wasn't like a burrito bowl. Yeah. He was eating like a burrito bowl in his office at Trump Tower. It was like, we love Mexicans. But there was an open drawer in the background that was just filled with Sudafed. Like 30 fucking packs of Sudafed.

He's just fucking, he's going through the nose up there, boy. Sudafed's like allergy medicine. Yeah. I think it was Sudafed. You think he's doing shake and bake? The fucking, the was Sudafed, right? You think he's doing shake and bake? The fucking spray, the nostril spray? You think he's doing shake? Oh, I thought he was making like shake and bake meth.

No, what's the, is it Sudafed? Sudafed, you spray that shit up your nose, yeah. That's why every once in a while you'll hear his debates and he's like. He might have an obstructed nasal passage. He has like a closed nose for like once every three speeches. Why doesn't he get that fixed? I don't know. Somebody said he was snoring Adderall on The Apprentice.

Really? That was one. I mean, he's been hit with just about every allegation. Why would he not just get the best Coke? Why would a guy who's that rich snort Adderall? That's probably why it's not true. Yeah. Who knows?

You don't talk about the commander-in-chief like that. Snorting Adderall? How dare you? That's not a geez the commander-in-chief like that. Snorting Adderall? How dare you? That's not a geezer move, dude. It's not. Geezers don't snort Adderall. No. I'm calling bullshit on that one.

Then again, if you're hanging with Young, you might have been hanging with some Young sniz, and they were like, check this out. Crush me some more of those orange things. What was that? What is that, time release? Crush it. I feel unstoppable.

Is it time release? Crush it feel unstoppable it's a time release crush it this is how I make deals snorts Adderall goes in and talks to Kim Jong-un he's like get rid of your nukes

I mean dude that is business school you can pay like $100,000 for business school or you can just start snorting Adderall either way you're going to the top

exactly either way you're taking over dude I worked at a real estate company I used to sell Adderall to the guys I worked with and there was like higher ups there that would come in and gack the fuck out to meetings. It'd be like, this is the president. And they would come in.

I was like, dudes, what the fuck? Yeah. I was taking some Adderall sometimes. Don't. It's not for me. It gives me a headache. It's just too much. Dude, I can't take that.

I liked it when I was like, if I was going to day drink, it was pretty good for that to keep you going but other than that it's just yeah well i i inherently have like way too much yang energy so like when i take adderall i just go way over the top really yeah that's why some guys can't handle even a little bit of yang that's what i'm saying like i have so much of it so i have that's why i'm constantly going in just a lot you're just you're very passive very subdued, and as soon as something confrontational like yang energy comes, you freak out. It's understandable.

No, don't. Look, look, look. It's fine. Matt, not everything you do is perfect. I'm not saying it's perfect. It's okay. I told you I can't be Adderall. Matt, Matt, Matt.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm saying I have too much yang energy, dude. It's a problem. Is soccer a yang sport or a yin sport? I'd say it's a bit of a balance. Are all sports yang? No. What sports? Golf? That's a or a yin sport? I'd say it's a bit of a balance. Are all sports yang? No.

What sports? Golf? That's a lot of yin energy. That's a lot of yin energy. A lot of yin energy. You've got to just harness yourself. Yeah, when you try to go too yang on a golf, the ball fucking curves out. Yeah. No, yeah.

MMA? It's yang energy, bro. Unless you do jiu-jitsu. There's a lot of yin in there. There's point. Yeah, there's, again, this all boils down to individuals to individuals i mean what do you think football is why do you think it's yang like that football is pretty much yang energy bro you know how much you have to think and figure yourself out you can't go out there all fired up you'll fuck up true you know but i would

say primarily i mean of course you're hitting the you're hitting the fundamental reality are you excited sorry we're just are you excited for the Super Bowl? Oh, I can't wait, bro. Who you got? Chiefs, baby. Chiefs versus? The 49ers. Nice.

Yeah, man. Look at that, dude. I watched it. You watched the SportsCenter. Yeah, we got some sort of sports package on our TV now somehow. Oh. We got everything through like the Amazon Fire Stick or something. Who you got?

I want the Chiefs to win. Nice. Nice. Yeah. I don't know. I'm going to wait until they see the game. Whoever's winning, I'm going to cheer for them. Really? You're going to bandwagon at a Super Bowl party?

I don't like to cheer for the losing team. Yeah. I just like to rejoice with the victory. It's a sick move. Just bring a hat. Just bring two hats. And just after the first touchdown, be like, excuse me, go to the bathroom, toss it on, come back, be like, what me. Go to the bathroom. Toss it on.

Come back. Be like, what'd I miss? I might get two NFC champion hats or whatever. The two champion hats. And literally go to someone's Super Bowl party and just stay quietly switching hats in the bathroom. That'd be tight. Dude, that'd be so funny. That's a good move.

Like, no, I've been wearing this hat. What the fuck are you talking about? That'd be so fucking funny. That'd be sick. That's why I watch sports. I just wait for the victory. It doesn't matter who wins. I wait for the victory. And I'm just like, yes! Yes!

In your fucking face. Babe, we fucking did it. Babe, I fucking love you so much. I kiss your babe in front of everybody in front of the TV. I just spray fucking champagne on my grandfather's grave. I'm like, we fucking did it. Love you, pops. The Minnesota Vikings are fucking 14-4.

That's a good record. You did good there. Is it close? Yeah. Yes, dude. That was good. How many games did you play again? 14 regular season?

The NFL was 16. Okay. That's not bad. But then postseason. Exactly. There you go. Yes, dude. Yeah, man.

That's, dude, I'm telling you, I love watching sports and seeing a victory. If you started to figure out sports, you'd be unstoppable. You would know everything. True. There's nothing else to know. True. But then again, sports. I could just leave. seeing a victory and just if you know if you started to figure out sports you'd be unstoppable you would know everything true there's nothing else to know true but then again I could just leave

the podcast would be you would control both yin and yang no way dude so I didn't get you into the deep dive what's that

oh yeah you have to do this your fucking yin squad yin squad baby yin gang dude the yin gang well gang's a little bit of a yang word true you want something more passive yin squad yeah You're fucking Yin Squad. Yin Squad, baby. Yin Gang, dude. The Yin Gang. Well, gang's a little bit of a yang word. True, true.

You want something more passive. Yin Squad. Yeah. Yin Collective. The Yin Collective. Yin Collective. Dude, I'm literally, I'm getting a space, and I'm going to start doing this. That's my plan.

Now that I can pay my bills, praise fucking, praise Santa Maria, praise fucking Adonay, through the podcast,'m i'm using all my other money to start basically uh like a center that i'm just gonna i told you i talked about this on the patreon so i'm gonna do therapy on the fucking fort a playhouse for you and your buddies to smoke dope brain park you're building a fucking playhouse excuse me it's called a brain park for you and your buddies to fart around no dude, dude. This is, yo. You do. I'm going to have. It's fucking. It's Rompus. It's Rompus. I'm going to have you and Louis J. You and Louis J are my next deep dives, dude.

You can't get me and Louis. You have to do it, dude. You couldn't get me and Louis. Louis would do it. Louis will try to do it. He's too yang. I joke around about it. He's actually far too retarded.

I'm telling you, dude. You guys think this, but there's these plants that have grown that will literally hit you right where you need to be hit. You hit the music on. Dude, we did it. So the format is you do it. You set it all up. I'll do it if you go get fucked up with me then, too.

Yeah, I'll go drink. I'll imbibe yang energy just to have you do it. For sure. You got to dance with me, too, then. That's fine. I'll come down. I'll do your little fucking sit around, cry, and smoke weed joint. Have fun down there at the clubhouse

sure dude i'm telling you i'll come down and cry because me and my dad don't get along at your little weed playhouse yo i'm gonna hire a fish cover band to come down for the opening ceremony there's like 60 of them, dude. Which one are you going to get? I'm going to get you guys a sick jam band. Get splintered. Are white dreadlocks a requirement at your new...

I fucking wish, dude. Dude, get splintered sunlight. Do you promise me you'll call it the rumpus room? No, dude, you... I mean, dude, this is... It's the rumpus room, dude. It's just... Santa Maria.

He knows not what he does. Please, Santa Maria. Donya. Donya Maria. Donya Maria. Please, Santa Maria. Donya. Donya Maria. Donya Maria, please fucking spare him. Don't listen to this lying. Donya is going to fucking put you down. Religion is gang, bro.

It is my, this is my religion. Catholic religion is ganged out. It's literally super ganged out. They've monopolized divine experience and they're like, trust, take our word for it. Yeah. You guys, this used to be accessible to everybody. And like the thing that like gave people meaning in their life you're like no no we got that for you guys just give us money give us some money we'll bury you when you're dead if not you're going to hell horrible dude it's a good move it's straight far from what

sorry i like getting papered dude really in the catholic church on the same page you like that getting papered up just go this is a winner circle you just go there and you're like dude i'm telling you man it's an so you get it all higher look i'll i promise you i'll get you the best grateful dead cover band please come down jam sesh i would honestly love love that. Sick jam sesh. Yes. And then everybody can just get high as fuck. It'll be fun. You're talking about a yang application. There is misuse of the plant, dude.

You're talking about how, God forbid, Santa Maria, dude, was stepped on and trampled and oppressed and then pulled into like a yang drug-taking system, which would be the whole like, we're going to get fucked up. It's not about that, dude.

She punishes that kind of activity, too. That's why you lay in your bed and it's not so fun for you, dude. What are you talking about? I have fun in my bed. You take weed through Yang. I have fun in my bed. Now you have weed. True.

That's a negative experience. Santa Maria, dude. Santa Maria blesses me when I do mushrooms, though. That's not Santa Maria, bro. Who's that? That's the head medicine spirit of psilocybin. Who's he? There's head medicine spirits of all the plants. There's like a thousand spirits in every plant.

But you have to find the head medicine spirit. Dude, I literally figured this out. During the deep dive. What was the deep dive? Sorry. It's an hour. So you have, I'd see the kid, bodily come over,

hit them with the edibles first. So you guys get high as fuck on gummy bears? Not yet. So while that's kicking in. You sit, talk. I had my big old real comfortable bean bag. Say the kids on my little chain bags, lava lamps. It's pretty tight, too.

So he goes down. So you're while the edibles is, you know, starting to kick in while the while the the bong. That's the name of the. That's where the term comes from. See, ingestible. That was like the milk tea they used to make in India. It was called bong. But the mushroom. That's where the term comes from it's the ingestible that was like the the milk tea they used to make in india it was called bong but the uh mushroom that's where they say so you and your

culture perverted it you know bong bro no just like the nazis took the swastika out of there and perverted it you and your stoner ilk nope that was just santa maria getting by as she needed to for the time dude she they We forced her underground, dude. She had to live through those channels. So you take it, edibles in, and then you sit down. I'm like, all right, here's the deal. I explained Santa Maria to them. So then you get your friends high and then start talking about Santa Maria.

First of all, they had the gummy. The gummy hasn't kicked in yet. Fire up the volcano. So the way you do it, and I learned this through cannabis and spirituality, you've got to get all the blends. So you've got to get an indica, sativa, and a hybrid. So I have six different strains. So you're like getting body highs, head highs.

You're not that hungry. Full spectrum. Well, the hunger will come in, but you can put a little bit of Himalayan salt in the water, and that gives your body electrolytes so that it doesn't crave acidic foods. When you're in the grasp of Santa Maria, you're in an alkaline. Your body goes into an alkaline state. So wait, the plants crave electrolytes? No, Santa Maria.

That's what plants crave. They do. But they put you in an alkaline state, and then your body normally running on acidic, like inflammatory. You're very Eastern. You're very Eastern like medicine tech. I'm a combination of both. I like both. Again, I'm. You're very Eastern like medicine tech, you know? I'm a combination of both.

I like both, dude. Again, I'm Apollonian, so I'm a synthesizer. So I'm right on the line of the yin and the yang. Anyway, but the... So then... I think you're that dot in the yang. That little dot in the yang. You think I'm the yin dot in the yang? Thank you, bro.

That's what's up. I feel that. I like that. You're surrounded by yang, but you exude yin. I try to, dude. I put yang on. Except when you bend forks out of anger. Yeah.

Sorry. I told him, I was like, this is the blend, dude. This is a little bit of everything. Put that in the volcano. We're hitting the volcano. Hit the volcano bags pretty seriously. Hit the very spiritual, important volcano. Dude, you got to work with the tools you have dude yeah and the volcano is nice because

then you get the all like when you vaporize it it's a little bit different when you add the edible in there so dude i get them in a state of the volcano or like things are looking a little cartoonish i'm like all right guys sounds a little weird i explained santa maria i'm like you gotta you have to this is the thing this is probably where you probably go wrong when you try to utilize cannabis you have to set an intention when thing. This is probably where you probably go wrong when you try to utilize cannabis. You have to set an intention. When I get high like a jackass? You have to set an intention.

When I'm up there laughing and giggling like a damn jackass? You have to set an intention. So you have to go, all right, this is what I'm... I told him, if you don't have one, just set an intention of interfacing with Santa Maria, the head... Can I just take a bunch of mushrooms and come hang out? You could do that, too. Yeah. You can do that, too.

I mean, it would definitely be battling energies, but we could probably continue. I'm sure either way, if I'm there, we're battling energies. Can I sneak some Bud Lights? No one's looking, dude. Just shotgun a BL. Dude, you can't have Bud Light. Oh, everyone's gay here. Genghis, help.

You can do that. Genghis, help. You can do that. Genghis would come. They warn against alcohol can be a crutch for people in this state because it just washes out. Yeah. Because you need,

it kind of, whatchamacallit, well, if you're smoking cigarettes, tobacco kind of calcifies your pineal gland. Yeah. So it's like, if you have cigarettes,

you're like, that's when people mix tobacco and cannabis and don't say marijuana or weed anymore. When they mix it, they say like, this book is so fun. The claims they make are just kind of like, well, obviously tobacco calcifies the brain, hardens the walls around the pineal gland.

So when you smoke a spliff, basically, they're saying that it hardens the walls around the pineal gland but activates the pineal gland. So you get trapped in there. You're like, ah, all you're in there. It just freaks you out. So know so your alcohol just to be off track but so that's the whole so you get people into a state where like i explained all my sudden intention think about something you want to think about work on if not just mess around you don't have to believe in it but just mess around santa maria with interfacing with a mary medicine spirit

could be mary could be santa mar, bro. Mary could be an imagination. That's St. Mary. That's Mary. That's Jesus's mother. Yeah, it could be. Could be dude.

Again, I mean, we're not going to talk about, you know, you got to channel the Virgin Mary. You can, but again, I, you talk about like the,

what is it? The monotheistic cults out of the desert. Obviously they're harsh because their natural habitat was like, not, it was pretty unforgiving. Therefore their God, they project it was like the manifestation of the natural habitat but anyway the yeah so you know that's why the old testament god's so nasty and a motherfucker because they were desert people

yeah so they're just pissed yeah that literally came from the deserts mono western monotheism came from the deserts so anyway excuse, yeah, you set an intention. You interface with Santa Maria. Dude, when I'm explaining to Santa Maria, they're just both, I see their eyes. They're just like, they're so fucking high at this point. They're just like. They're so fucking high. Dude, so then, I don't know, I didn't have a mask on.

Hit the lights out, took the music on, and it wasn't the playlist. I'm going to donate a case of eye drops and Axe body spray for your boys. That'd be tight, dude. You guys can spray up before you go back in the house for dinner. You don't smell because it's a vaporizer.

I'm ten steps ahead of you, bro. You don't think that place is going to smell like weed a little? Very faintly, dude. When you smoke a volcano, it's gone in like, I'm telling you, it's gone in like two seconds.

It's like a tea kettle boiling. So then, it's like an hour and 15 minutes. You're laying down in total darkness. It's tea time. Tea time, 15 minutes you're laying down total darkness it's tea time tea time dude you're laying down

you're talking to Santa Maria dude you're doing your thing then about an hour and 15 you come back together and you're like this is what I was thinking about dude it's the fucking best

Butterly came up with a story idea that might be the coolest thing I've ever fucking heard do you want to share it or no? I couldn't even share it if I tried it's good it's really cool

it's animated I'll let him share it because I don't I literally forget it I don't forget I know what it is but I wouldn't even share it if I tried. It's good. It's really cool. It's animated. I'll let him share it because I don't. I literally forget it. I don't forget. I know what it is, but I wouldn't be able to explain it. Yeah. I don't know who explained it. It's fucking sick.

Nice. I heard it. I was like, this is awesome. Were you high when you heard it? I mean, I was in an alkaline state for sure, but I wouldn't say I was high. I don't use that. Because sometimes I write down ideas when I'm in an alkaline state. Nah, dude.

I know what you're saying. This was a legitimately very good idea. Okay. I'm telling you. I'm in an alkaline state. Nah, dude. I know what you're saying. This was a legitimately very good idea. Okay. I'm telling you. I believe you. I came up... Just, you know... For sure, that happens.

I'm a devil's advocate, because I am the devil. Dude. Google that quote. Gomez was talking about how he had an angel and a devil on his shoulder over the weekend. He said the angel died. The devil killed the angel. He's purely dark and twisted, dude. Where did he say that?

Did he say that for real? Right in your chair. And did he say it genuinely? I think he's fucking around. He's so funny, dude. He is, man. I'm so glad everybody's... I spent the entire weekend basically with Gomez.

He might be the funniest dude in the world. I was like a little jealous. I was up there. You know, dude, I'm doing my thing. I'm out here on my journey, dude. 100%. But I was like, oh, man, all my boys are getting together. It's good to see everybody coming together.

Dude, if you, me, and B's, the one we did yesterday, if you, me, B's, and Gomez got to do one, that would have been so much fun. The Philly collective is just... It's out of control. The podcast gang is just too strong. It's out of control. We just added the wood man to the...

Skyrocket. The squad is just... I'm telling you, dude. It's too powerful right now. It is, strong. It's out of control. We just added the wood man to the... Skyrocket. The squad is just... I'm telling you, dude. It's too powerful right now. It is, man. It is. People are noticing. Dude, so then...

So we go... We're going to be like Atlanta in rap. Oh, for sure. Remember when Atlanta blew up? We're crunk. Everyone was like, wait, this isn't New York or LA. Who are these guys? Bam.

We're crunk, dude. Whoa. I might be Lil Jon. I'm both of the Ying Yang twins. I was just talking to somebody about that. The reason Atlanta blew up like that is because they were only making music for strip clubs. Like, New York and L.A. were making music for the radio, but Atlanta was focused entirely on making good dance music for strippers.

That's a good mission. That genre just blew up. that's awesome that's i was like how the fuck did atlanta just explode as like the best because anytime that shit comes on in a strip club it's like yes because there was like a almost 10 year period where atlanta was the best yeah pretty wild yeah it was it was like ti ying yang twins i mean outcastkast. Outkast was a little earlier. They were like radio success. It was Ying Yang Twins, T.I., or... Was it CeeLo down there? CeeLo was down there.

He got hard me-tuned. CeeLo Green? Yeah, way back when. He was basically Cosby-ing. CeeLo was doing that? He was alleged that he was Cosby-ing. Was that before or after his cell phone blew up in his ear? You ever see that fake video they made?

It's just a fake viral video. Yeah, they came out that he was basically slipping Molly and stuff in people's drinks. He also wears a fucking space ghost outfit. So if you're hanging out with him like that's one of those where if you get raped by him the question is what was he wearing you know what i mean it's like wait did he show up dressed like a ghost buster all right well it's kind of on you it's like and you didn't think there's gonna be drugs in your drink like what are you doing yeah yeah dude but no it was uh it was cool it was awesome spud

rave reviews but at least they are now in the thing you hit the spud man with it spud man dude i would ask spud about it it was it was like total 180 for him spud's looking for spiritual guidance i'm not dude i found my lord and savior what's your lord and savior you know no r1 and only jesus please okay that's fair please that's fair dude so I had an insight. I don't need saving. I'm perfect, dude. Okay.

I'm fine. Okay. Pride. Things are fine. Okay. I'm doing great. Pride comes before the fall. Pride comes before the fall, dude.

I'm telling you, the deep dive, it's a good experience because it's easy. It's super light. It doesn't take much out of you. And, dude, it's fucking crazy how if you do it properly, that you do go into a fucking state. It's fucking nuts. I came up with this. So I'm sitting there.

They were laying down. So I'll just sit in my computer chair. I started thinking about, what the fuck? It was something about like, I think I had a heart app on my watch, and it beeped. And I was like, I constantly, I think I had, like, a heart app on my watch, and it beeped, and I was, like, I constantly am thinking, like, my heart's, I'm gonna have a heart attack, now, I'm, you know, I don't, obviously, but I had, that was a thing I had for a while, and my heart thing beeps, and I was just, like, this is it, I knew it, my heart's going, I'm getting sensors at my heart's, or, like, sensor alerts, my heart's getting fucked up, and, uh,

so I feel a tinge of anxiety, and I'm, like, god damn it, so I'm, like, here I am again, baby, flood it with the negative neurochemicals, I got, you know, I got, anxiety and I'm like, God damn it. So I'm like, here I am again, baby. Flood it with the negative neurochemicals. You know, I got like a, like whatever, adrenaline, all those other things that give you, make you, give you that anxiety feeling. So I'm like, all right, how do I get out of this? And I'm in like a meditative trance, dude. So you're just like thinking like, and you're just visualizing your thoughts. It's fucking sick. And then I was like, all right, I have to start thinking good thoughts because my bad thoughts are triggering or triggering like a cascade of negative neurotransmitters. So I have to think the good thoughts. So I'm like, all right, I'm thinking the good thoughts.

I'm like, I'm cool. This and that. I'm fucking life sick. All right. And then it was like, it's not working. And then I was like, oh, yeah, in order to get the actual neurochemical payoff, you have to believe the good thoughts. In order to believe the good thoughts, you have to live an honest, true life, dude. So I'm like, damn, I do those things.

That's what's up. Goes away. I'm like, fuck, I just figured it out. At least how to get out of a negative mind state. Typically, you have to check in. You have to go, all right, what's good? And you're like, this is pretty cool. It's pretty cool.

And if you can't think of anything good, it's like, well. What if your life's a fucking mess, dude? That's when you start. That's the point of Santa Maria. Then you go, okay, well, what could I do? Santa Maria, what could I be doing better? Dude, I did it. What does Santa Maria say?

Does she say anything? So, to be an example. Or does she just speak through you? She speaks through you. She's in your body, basically. But, because you ingest her. But the, so the other, I was having problems with my bae, dude. We're fighting like motherfuckers constantly.

It wasn't that bad. It's getting better, but it's like, we're just tit for tatting. I'm, I'm in my head. Like it's her. I know it's her. She's like, I've really thought like I'm, I'm not doing anything. It's her. Um, so before, like, you know, a week before the last one I did, I'm like, let's, there's a first time I try to mess around with Santa Maria, dude.

I lay, I sit there. I'm like, Santa Maria, tell me what try to mess around with Santa Maria. Dude, I sit there. I'm like, Santa Maria, tell me what's wrong with my fucking stupid wife. Dude, I was literally just within like two seconds. It was like, well, you haven't done this. You guys don't go anywhere. You guys don't do anything. Don't really touch her that much. Like all this thing.

Now, I obviously like do, but they're like, dude, like I was going to get her a massage basically. Yeah. And then it was basically like, why would you pay somebody else to rub your wife? Santa Maria was basically like, you're gay. Santa Maria, you got high and were like, I'm gay? Yeah. So it was like, go do this, go do that. And then it was like, this is all kind of occurring in your head.

And it's like, you guys don't do anything. And I was like, all right, well, I'll just tell her we'll go see a movie. I was like, hey, we should go see a movie. I don't take you anywhere. Dude, instant smiles. Instant, I was like, fuck should go see a movie i don't take you anywhere dude instant smiles and i was like fuck god damn it yeah pretty crazy dude so you think like it does it kind of just like my friend was explaining this to me last night it just kind of like pushes pulls your ego apart for long enough that you can be like okay here's all the weird stuff i'm doing wrong that i'm just inherently i just won't see because i might i

just can't take it living like that if you were seeing all the stuff you're doing wrong 24-7, you can't function, bro. I'm seeing it. I'm watching. I'm watching from the sidelines on most of it. Dude, in the book, too, it talks about this, how you get to, like, when you get deep enough into that state, you interact with, like, your very deepest base level fears. And then you get yourself through, like, thinking about it. base level fears.

And then you get yourself through like thinking about it. You can literally remove them and then experience what it's like to not have those baseline fears in your head. And then when it goes up, they come back and it was like, Oh Jesus Christ, I'm carrying all this. And you know, you can start working to get out of it.

It's pretty crazy, pretty tight. My center is going to be tight to you. When I open that up, centers, centers, you're going to franchise this this thing it'll be open source totally free franchise this is i'm opening a non-profit public institution so it's just going

to be like i just want this place to exist so if if here's how much this place costs if i can get this uniform you have to wear to enter the dojo no way dude gray sweatsuit would be tight that would be cool gray sweatsuits are 100 welcome i might put one of those uh opposite signs up where it's like no sports jerseys, no Timberlands. I'm like, must wear sports jerseys, Timberlands. True. That'd be nice. That'd be tight. Must wear sports jerseys.

That would be tight if everyone showed up. Everybody has to wear throwback jerseys. Dressed like Lisa Left Eye Lopez. Yeah, you have to wear a throwback jersey. But yeah, I might do that. So yeah, that was the weekend. The weekend was a fucking success. Nice.

Me too. That's what's up. I had a successful weekend. You had the stress factor. It was a good week. Oh, except the first fucking night. The first night I stayed there, the hotel room was set to 80 degrees.

Set the fucking thermostat to 65 when I got in. Yeah. Got back to my room after the show. So I got in late. I got in like two rooms at 80 fucking degrees. And you set it to 65 when I got in. Got back to my room after the show. So I got in late. I got in like two rooms at 80 fucking degrees. And you set it to 65 too. So I go down to the lobby and they're like,

yeah, we can't change that. It's just, this hotel was built so it's either hot or cold. And the heat's on right now. So your room's just that. So that thing's fake? The thing that you think you can control the temperature with? And that it was, yeah. That sucks. So my room was 80 degrees and i i just couldn't sleep went to bed i probably fell asleep at like four

woke back up around like 6 30 and couldn't go back to sleep oh just laid in bed for like three hours just with the weirdest intense anxiety, like just frustration and anger from just not being able to sleep and how hot it was. Like trying to sleep. That sucks. Like I need to sleep or I'm fucked. Were you solo in the room?

No. Well, it was a suite, so I put Tommy out on a cot in the living room. He had a good time. Yeah. He had a nice cot out there. Was it cool out there?

It was cooler out there. Did you have a window? I opened it out there, but it wasn't, my room just had heat just blasting. Oh, bro. It was cooler out there. Do you have a window? I opened it out there, but it wasn't. My room just had heat just blasting. Oh, bro. It was crazy. That sucks.

So I went down to the lobby, and I was like, I went down to the lobby at like 8 a.m. Still not being able to sleep. Disgruntled. And I was like, oh, I was just, I looked like a maniac, dude. Saw myself in that mirror. I was like, oh, man. They're not going to trust me. But I went down.

I was like, my room's 80. They're not going to trust me. I'm going to be like, all right, get like, oh, man. They're not going to trust me. But I went down. I was like, my room's 80. They're not going to trust me. I'd be like, all right. Get out of here, man. Go back to bed. But that's basically what she hit me with. She was like, yeah, that's just what it is. She put you back to bed.

And our room sold out. So that's where you're sleeping. And I was just like, all right. Is there anything we can do? They were like, we can give you a fan. I was like, all right. Send it up. I was like, alright, send it up. I'll take that, yeah. So like an hour later, I get a knock on the door. Some kids

handed me a fan. I had to put it in my room. There were no outlets either. The only outlet was in the center of the bed, behind the bed, against the wall. I had to move the mattress to plug this fucking thing in. Dude, I had to unplug the light. So there's no light in my room now.

The whole weekend, my room was dark. It was a hot, dark box. It was hellish. I slept for maybe three hours the first night. Dude, getting too hot and sleeping. But I was so like, so it had sliding doors

out to the living room so I could see Tommy's cot while I was sleeping. And the anger from the anxiety, like the anxiety and anger in me i was literally like laying in bed just staring at him being like piece of shit woke me up fucking asshole woke me up asshole and then the toilet was running dude this is how crazy i was going crazy it was nuts dude the toilet was running in the bathroom so i thought the toilet was running. Dude, this is how crazy. I was going crazy. It was nuts. Dude, the toilet was running in the bathroom, so I thought the shower was on. Yeah.

I texted him at 7 in the morning. I was like, are you in the fucking shower right now, dude? I hate you. And he was in bed out in the living room. The next day, I woke up just like, I'm sorry, man. I had a wild night. I slept for like two hours he was blissed out just sleeping he was out he was out i noticed he was out there after i had texted him and i was like

yeah i'm losing my mind right now this is crazy i just scolded him for being in the bathroom damn yeah do you think you're the dts i don't know you might have the dts bro what's that you stopped drinking no it wasn't like that Jesus Christ you're demons what no I didn't have that it was from no I'm kidding

it was just full fucking just not being able to sleep you know that feeling of like I need to sleep and then you just get even more angry and awake I get it every night

wild she comes in from like she works like a later shift and comes in at night and just comes in full blast like grabbing me and I'm like no no I'm sleeping you're awake but that doesn't mean I'm gonna like a later shift and comes in at night and just comes in full blast like grabbing me and yeah and

i'm like no no like i'm sleeping you're awake but that doesn't mean i'm gonna enter like interact with you on this level dude it's like or i'll lay down she's like can you um get me and i'm just like i've been waking up grumpy lately too so dude that's why lewis j got kicked out of his hotel oh he was grumpy he woke up grumpy oh Oh. He said he just went down, wanted soup. They weren't quick enough with it. All right. Well, I come out of it after like 10 minutes.

Yeah. I would not go down to the lobby and be like, where's my fucking soup? He did, dude. I should have channeled Lewis and freaked out on the staff at that hotel

because that was crazy. That might have been why he woke up grumpy. He might have felt your customer dissatisfaction and was just like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Because he said he woke up grumpus and then went down and started dude that was the funniest story I've ever heard it was he was explaining

the situation it was just a complete situation I'm so glad you guys get to experience this person he's dude he tries it

like I've gone out to eat with him a couple times it's nuts I've never seen someone treat people like this really

yeah dude he mother fucks every Uber driver mother fucks every cab driver every if you're every restaurant you go to he's gonna complain unless you're wild you're good it's wild and if you're good hold the hold so we'll say it yeah he'll be very outward like this is how it's supposed to be done it's like all right slow down dude yeah but that was that was

the first night bounce back though yeah they had a good i thought that was That was the first night Bounced back though Yeah Had a good I thought that was gonna kill me I thought I'd be like Super like Cloudy and all that But The You know

Once you get on stage All that fucking adrenaline Right away I was fine Great shows Everything was good Yeah it was fun Good weekend

Stress Successful Stress Factory was good Stress Factory was a good weekend. Damn, that sucks. Successful. That dude being hot and not being able to sleep fucking blows. That's terrible.

You didn't have a window in your room? Yeah, but you can't really open hotel rooms. You can only give you a flaccid bird. The guy holds up his flaccid bird. He's like, all right, that's enough. Dude, they were like, we'll send up an engineer to open your window. I was like, you don't. I mean. If you open it, it's like you don't i mean if you open it i might actually i'm gonna jump dude i might yeah it's like you might regret that what nothing oh i knew you said i might lob what's that mean just lob myself out the window what's wrong with that i got a lob is that what

it's called yeah that'd be tough yeah there's a I'll tell you after. Oh, okay. Why? That's a problem. But yeah. You're sliding the page and now it's the fucking battle plans, dude. Oh, okay. Where are we at time-wise? 57. Ooh, a little quickie. A little quickie for him. I like it.

No, no, no. Let's take a break. All right. Take a little break. We'll decide. We're back, dude. Yo. We've discussed.

We've convened. Yep. Both the yin and the yang have agreed in fact it is time to move over to the patreon uh before we do that before we make the big jump uh why don't you come see me chris o'connor and brian six the 23rd 24th and 25th this thursday friday saturday at comics at mohegan sun up in the Cassini. Oh. You want to see Beezer and particularly O'Conney. In his hometown.

O'Conney in Connecticut. In his. In a Cassini. Oh, boy. You should just follow him. That's going to be one of the funnier weekends possible. Beezer and O'Contact and O'Conney just scurrying around a casino floor. This place is nice.

It doesn't get better. Mohegan Sun's nice as fuck. Mohegan Sun's very nice, dude. It's where Uncut Gems took place. Really? Sent his bae up, yeah. It's where they're placing all the bets in the movie. But watching O'Connor scurry around a casino floor is about as exciting as it gets. Our vice lord, O'Connor?

I mean, absolute vice lord, dude. February 7th and 8th, I'll be at the Comedy Works at Saratoga Springs, New York. The February 14th, I think it's the 14th or the 15th, I forget. February 14th, I think I'm at the Grand Girard Theater in Toronto. Valentine's Day. Come up. A little Valentine's Day treat. Hey, dude. You Canadian dipshits.

Valentine's Day. Come up. A little Valentine's Day treat. Bring your bae, dude. You Canadian dipshits. Oh, yeah. Vancouver got rescheduled to this summer. Ooh, Vancouver in the summertime.

Yeah, that'd be nice. Talking Vancouver in the summertime? I was supposed to be going up to Vancouver in February, and that would have sucked dick. Yeah, man. So I'm glad it got rescheduled there. That'd be nice. Although, summertime Vancouver, bro. Does Vancouver get that much snow? I wonder if it's kind of like the Pacific Northwest where it's like.

Is it on that side of things? Do they get fucking hammered? I would imagine they get some snow. You would think. Yeah, I'd imagine they get some snow. Definitely some. But I don't think it's like here. I don't know.

Could be. I could be fucking stupid i think canada universally gets pretty heavy snow for sure i imagine that but i think it it's worse obviously in some parts but like i was just wondering if it had the same climate as like the pacific northwest which is where it is is the pacific northwest yeah yeah north northwest yeah you're loud and are you loud in can. Are you allowed in Canada? I am allowed in Canada. What's your problem?

I'm just curious. What's that about? I know if you get like, you know. I never called a DUI. I think they like breathalyze you as soon as you go in. I never called a DUI. The Mounties breathalyze you as soon as you go in. Yo, Miami.

April 17th and 18th. I forgot about that. You're going to Miami? Miami. You're going to Miami? Comedy Inn, April 17th and 18th. That'll about that. You're going to Miami? Miami. You're going to Miami? The Comedy Inn, April 17th and 18th. That'll be fun. That'll be awesome, dude.

And then beginning of April, Big J. I'm going to open for Big J in Phoenix and San Diego. Take a little L.A. trip the first week of April. Come back, hit Miami up. Hit South, dude. You know me. Just imagine me on South Beach, dude. Bro, that's going to be tight.

Gym shorts. Yo, you can rent a Vespa, dude. No, I'm not bullshitting you. No, good. So know me. Just imagine me on South Beach, dude. Bro, that's going to be tight. Gym shorts. Yo, you can rent a Vespa, dude. No, I'm not bullshitting you. No, I'm good. So I can crash a Vespa? You can rent a Vespa. It's like 40 bucks for like three days. Bro, April.

It's the funnest thing in the world. When's your baby coming? March? March 1st. Damn. Yeah, I'm going to be March. Give me like four months. Like a little sucker fucking.

I wouldn't call it that. A little sucker. Come on. I was making fun of. I'm't call it that. A little sucker. Come on. I was making fun of. I'm not going to talk about this. I was making fun of dudes who want sons real bad. It was pretty fun. Nice.

It was pretty fun. I'm not going to talk about that. No. I mean, I just. Yeah, whatever. Save it for the page, dude. Oh, yeah. And then April.

You got a big announcement. April. Austin, Texas. Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Did you see them add me to the flyer? Yeah, you didn't see the flyer. No. Dead last on the flyer dead last on

the flyer like just your name or your picture yeah it goes like they put like the top build names over the top and like it's like a festival poster and then the very end it's not the smallest font they're like oh yeah shane gillis they're like please don't anyone criticize us for this shane gillis is on this that's so funny I'll be in. Thankfully, they're doing that for me, so that's good. Yeah, that's a tight move. That'll be cool. Yeah. I'll be at Topgolf.

That's where I exclusively perform. If you want to see me do stand-up. Matt's getting back into stand-up, and he's doing it the most unconventional way possible. He's only performing at Topgolfs in the Philadelphia region. That's in New Jersey. Nice. While I get my chops back. That's in New Jersey, dude.

They're Jersey interstate true tri-state area true that's 25 minute sets dude I'm gonna jump in you do 5 of them that's where I'm gonna get my chops back

5 a night? no you do like 3 then 2 sick yeah dude so I'll be if you wanna see me I'll be at Topgolf

January 31st February 1st wow that's all I'm literally gonna be playing virtual golf February 31st January 31st, February 1st. Wow. I'm literally going to be playing virtual golf. February 31st. January 31st? January 31st, February 1st.

I'll be there two nights. New Jersey. I'll be there two nights. Yo, should I jump on that? I'm open that weekend now. That would be so fun, dude. If you did Topgolf, that would be so fun. I might do Topgolf.

Dude, it would go nuts. Dude, that would be so fun. That would be fun. We could go there like two hours earlier and play Topgolf, that'd be so fun. I might do Topgolf. Dude, it would go nuts. That would be so fun. That would be fun. We could go there like two hours earlier and play Topgolf, and then afterwards just play more Topgolf. Well, Matt's definitely going to be there. Maybe I'll be there. That would be fun.

That would be a fun one. Anyway, thanks for listening. And, yeah. Yeah, man. We're switching over to the page. Come to the motherfucking page.