Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - The Gerbiezburg Address

Episode Date: November 13, 2019

Gerbz, while standing due to a hemmy, comes back and dispels rumors of disloyalty with a vengeance. This dude is unstoppable. The best.    Rest of the Ep is on the Paytch: https://www.patreon.com/posts/31526440

what up everybody we're back thank fucking god dude we have the gerbs wow we got the gerbs it was a tough get because he didn't want to be a part of this anymore that's right he wanted to distance himself from us which you know that's an interesting thing for a friend to do but uh you're the only one to have done that throughout the whole thing you're the only friend of mine that did that the only friend of yours to distance himself actively do you want us do you know how to silence your phone do you know how to do that that's dc what's yeah that could be west wing that's a 202 area code that could be the west way curves how do you respond to these allegations shane put on you i i uh well i mean this is exactly the exhausting sort of conversation that i wanted to avoid what are you talking about i'm not having that i mean first of all you did pwn you did

pwn shane and soundcheck i'll give you that yeah and that was totally for no reason he just aggressive yeah i don't want you guys to think i'm just coming at curves right away that's all he does that's all you do is come at me for no reason in soundcheck gerby's just i sigh when i see him calling me just destroyed me i see his name and i take a breath and i brace myself all right i won't fucking call you good there goes half your phone call there goes half your friends you fucking idiot i thought this would be a little more productive and positive today so did i german walked in the house was like just angry at me it just couldn't be further from the truth of what happens oh my god hey man how you doing what the fuck is wrong with you

nothing what what i'm just kidding oh my. How are you? He started the Viking. I'm all right. Yeah, because you don't fucking sound it. Shane, that's it. It's four seconds, and I'm exhausted, and then I need to have a drink. And this whole accusations of distancing. It's like, are we not working on a show that needs... Who's we?

What, you got a mouse in your pocket? I'm not on that shit anymore. Shane, you're being so unfair. What you're doing is you're taking the enlistor's attorney and there's nuance to that. You know that there's nuance to that. I don't know much about nuance, bro. Oh, my God.

I'm just old Shane, bro. He is being so misleading about this. And I got to play the PR game of this fucking nightmare that's going to happen when all this... Oh, my God. All right. So what's... Kermit, you might be the best. Kermit, you need to slow down.

You're moving too fast. I was today, woke up from a nap before I did this, and I'm like, I got nothing in me, man. I'm an empty vessel today. I'm like, oh, wait, we have the curbs coming through, dude. The curb dome's coming on. It's so easy. Just wind them up and go. I'm like, oh, wait, we have the Gerbs coming through. The Gerb dogs coming on. It's so easy. Just wind them up and go. I'm just saying, you're the best guest we've ever had

and never hoped to have. You really are the best, man. But this is going to result almost definitely in a phone call later today. What do you think? I'm going to have to call Gerby's and be like, I'm sorry. No, you never have to call me. Time out.

Wait, let me just say this. Because we're going to leave here with a pouty, very pouty Gerby. I hope everybody can hear me talking over him. For sure. He is very conscientious. I just say this. Because we're going to leave here with a pouty, very pouty Derby. I hope everybody can hear me talking over him. For sure. He is very conscientious. I will say that. If he feels as if, I don't know. He will always call and be like, well, he'll be like, you all right?

Because you fucking better. You know, it's like that sort of thing. You think that's part of the abuse? Yeah, yeah. He's like, nice too. What's that? Stockholm Syndrome. I forget who

i was telling i was like i love him so much i've never loved somebody and hated somebody so much i didn't think our friendship was this but this is i feel like i'm on springer right now this is just a secret getting revealed to me i mean that's on air that's he'll beat you put you in the basement and come give you a hershey kiss every now and again. Matt, I'll tell you what, I never, Matt,

I never laid a hand on him. He's lying. You should have, when we were getting sax piece, he was very aggressive with me crossing the street. What'd he do? Physically aggressive,

he laid a hand on me. Oh, I put my arm around you and said, all right, so while we were walking into coffee, hold on,

I put my arm around him and said, oh, you want were walking in the coffee hold on i put my arm around him and said oh you want to distance yourself how's this for distance and i hugged him as we walked who's distancing can i just paul first of all i've been ill that is 70 percent second of all yeah it's just like just wait for this fucking company that's who the fuck knows you know the only opportunity i've ever had in my life. And Shane just wants to ruin everything. Ruin it? Or make it.

Did I make the opportunity also? Yeah. I would love to see the video of this. El Amori, like the subtitles keep changing. Like, physical allegations of abuse. Allegations of abuse. Yeah. Damn.

So it's good you guys came here to actually get this out. Yeah, I didn't know it was in there i was wondering why because he's this he never talks to me i never he never calls me ever you hang up on people i call him he literally hangs up on people i did get here's what bothers me about sheen hold on matt i'm sorry please please go ahead he's constantly this whole thing oh you would treat me better if I was a star, right? X, Y, Z. It's like, no.

Oh, my God. What? Come on, man. Come on. Oh, okay. You're showing your ass a little on this. Go ahead. I'm showing my ass.

Please, please. Hold on a second. I love you standing. Gerbs might be the most passionate Gerbs. Gerbs has been standing that entire address. Please go. Looking down at me, yelling at his old pal Shane. It's just such a nuanced scenario that you are misleading the general public about.

But anyway, the larger point is, it's like, what am I going to do? The more famous you get, the more you're just going to hang up. The more famous you get, the more you're just going to hang up. Anyway. He hangs up on people. It's insane. He hangs up on you. I don't hang up on you. Does he ever dickhead your calls?

What is that? Straight to voicemail. I'm fine with that. I don't care about that. Getting dickheaded is so funny. When you call someone, it's like ring, boom, voicemail. You know what I've been waiting to do? dickheading is nice i kind of do respect that someone dickheads my call i'm like fuck yeah that's awesome look i'm not the best on the phone

dude i saw i got a glimpse of beezer show me your text of him and O'Connor for the spots to go around. Oh, yeah. I'm crying laughing now. I was laughing so fucking hard. Like, fix my website. What is on GoDaddy? I don't fucking know. Oh, to O'Connor. What's the context?

Oh, fuck. This is the funniest fucking thing in the world. So I added healing, Buffalo and uh raleigh north carolina good nights i think one of connecticut too right and connecticut i told him no on that it's so funny that's what's the funniest part hold on i gotta find this fucking conversation because it does beezer showed it to me and i was in tears fucking laughing it was basically just him like hey hey i think it was like hey hey, dickheads, I have some dates. Let me know which one you want.

O'Connor obviously, let me get Connecticut. Shane's like, no. And Beezer's like, I'll take Connecticut. It was just like that. It was so funny. Fuck, I got to find it. It is really, really funny. But O'Connor knows.

You know, O'Connor knows. You know? O'Connor's not like Steven. O'Connor would never be like, oh, wah. He's mean. Do you think that's an accurate portrayal of what's going on? He's mean on the phone. Explain the nuance. Hit me with the nuance.

Here's what it was. This was on Thursday. I said, hey, guys. Well, I just said, yo. Yo, period. Raleigh, Buffalo. And then I gave the date. Raleigh, December 19th to the 21st buffalo

january 9th to the 11th one of you guys gets each you decide o'connor i'll take buffalo six i'll take buffalo i said six you got buffalo and then uh what a nightmare and then god and then six said no i'm good for Raleigh. Thanks, though. I'll just do Raleigh. And I said, okay, O'Connor, fix my website. He said, how? I just sent him a link to my website.

He said, what does it run on? Squarespace? GoDaddy. And then I said, also, look at the dates on the website. If either of you, and then I used a word I shouldn't use, want those dates, let me know, and I'll check it if I can I used a word I shouldn't use once. I want those dates. Let me know. And I'll check it if I can.

He said, let me do bridge for it. I didn't know. Oh my God. He, he said, did you buy the site from go? You,

you buy the site from go daddy, right? But isn't it run by something else? No idea. Like Wix or Squarespace. How did you edit it? How, what do you log into?

I think Wix. I don't know. you edit it? What do you log into? I think Wix. I don't know. Fuck you. Go, Daddy. Send me the info. No. That's it.

I don't want anything to do with any of that. I just want to enjoy you from afar. I just want to watch you do stand-up. You're like, oh, man, he's great. I know that guy. And then never, ever interact with you. And then Connor sent a very funny picture in response, which was a dog growling. Very funny.

And he probably had to think about that for 30 minutes. And then I laughed and sent him a picture of my cat, Tybalt, sitting in a chair. That's called friendship, Steven. You don't get your feelings hurt. No. You josh around with one another. What do you think about that?

I think there are many different types of friendships. I think that one's a bit extreme. I mean, for me, it's a bit extreme. I call Christopher and we talk almost every day for about a half hour. Yeah, that's good. You have a nice thing going. You try to drive a wedge in there. I'm not shitting on your relationships with other people.

So what about your guys' relationship? How do you make that work? I thought our relationship was going pretty good. This is fine. This is good. This is where I like it. You like it on the bleeding edge of contention. So.

What am I responding to here nothing yeah nothing Steven you broke my heart today you came in here and you shit all over my heart how

how you came in here in front of the viewers and shit on my heart I don't understand how I thought we I thought it was a reasonable initial hangout

I thought everything's going pretty well yeah I think this is I think this is great this is what he does. He just starts fights. Tell you what, I've been watching this Generation War on Amazon. What's that?

It's like a band of brothers except it's Nazis. A band of Nazis? A band of Nazis and you're supposed to like... It's like the traveling brotherhood of the Shostak of gray uniform. Yeah, and it's also because it's European, it's like corny. They still haven't caught up so it's it's very corny but it's just uh you're supposed to like cheer for the nazis that are in it what uh and then and then so there's a group of friends and there's four friends and

then all of a sudden in the intro a jew rides up on a bike and is like hey guys and they're like this is our other best friend a jew because you know not all nazis are that bad like that's kind of like it's a message it's like wonder years voiceover narrated uh it does have that and that's my friend he's a jew but he's all right yeah except it's german so it's like oh sure like just crazy it's like we were immortal we were five young berliners ready to take on the world and the jew like just it's great is the intro music like learn me that was pretty good was that michael mcdonald joe cocker you got good michael mcdonald dude i was just i was singing along with michael mcdonald earlier today really earlier today kenny

loggins live at the Redwood Forest, Michael McDonald on What a Fool Believes. Dude, that's crazy. I was like, damn, I sound just like Michael McDonald. Let me hear it again. That's Joe Cocker. Well, sing Let Me Hear Your Ear again like Joe Cocker. You sound like Michael.

Let me hear you. Yeah. Joe Cocker. That's good. That's cock. Yeah, that's really good. That's some good cock. Thanks.

But, yeah, it's funny to watch a show that's like the Nazis. Some of the Nazis were pretty cool, right? Germany. I can't get over the word. Which historically, yes, of course, there were good people that were Germans, but it's funny to make a show. I think this is the appropriate time to spotlight the good Nazis. I think for me, career-wise, right, Steve?

His older brother was like- I don't even follow the plot of the show. Steve, let's talk good Nazis I still like the idea of an older brother be like this is a butthead you guys never watch one of yours no but I hear you yeah I hear what you're getting at yeah he calls uh his brother butthead all the time no but they just it's the show's good somebody recommended it to me I forget but uh the like Nazis, it's just all these cliches. They do the same fucking thing in every World War II movie.

Which is what? They always have that fight. And it's an every war movie where a bomb goes off and the buzz in the air. And you look around in slow motion and your whole squad's getting killed. Yeah. They do that every time. It's like, can we not do that? Like the ping?

Leave that out. Yeah, the ping with people. Yeah, like somebody cowering like crying while the may this happen to the nazi like the hard ass is like looking around in slow-mo does this happen to the nazis that did happen the nazis the soviets were getting them so this is versus soviets this is on the eastern front so that's cool i'm into that i'm into the'm a big Eastern Front guy. So you're saying the historical narrative is a little bit flexible in this show? Well, did they get the earring? I don't know. Is that what you're asking?

I think a lot of people got their bells rung back then. I think the bells get rung, but it's in every single movie. Yeah, it is kind of a... It's in every movie. And then also every SS officer. All right, so you got to keep in mind, these are just the good Nazis that the show's about. These are the good boys. But the bad boys will show up, the SS boys.

They'll show up and be like, that is the Jew. And the good Nazis are like, they're not around. You better get out of here. You think it's cool killing civilians? I don't. So this is like kind of a Gryffindor-Slytherin kind of divide. It is. It is, It is.

Except they are still under one Hogwarts. For sure, yeah. You know what I mean? So they still are. It's also jarring and it's still funny. Hitler's Gryffindor? Or Hitler's the fucking Gandalf or whatever? What's the guy's name?

Dumbledore. Dumbledore. Sorry. It's funny to watch a dude in a suit walk into a room and just be like, I'll hit that. Just walk in and they're like, oh, hey, what's up? That's how they said hi to each other. It's so to watch a dude in a suit walk into a room and just be like, I'll hit that. Just walk in and they're like, oh, hey, what's up? That's how they said hi to each other. It's so funny.

Damn. But yeah, every SS officer, they're always eating an apple or candy or something while they're like, kill them. You know what I mean? It's just a very common thing in all these fucking movies. Yeah, it's kind of weird. Although, did SS officers constantly, like, stroke cats and eat candies while they did that?

I think they did have. I feel like that's a kind of uniquely German thing to do. To just be eating a sweet. Yeah, to be enjoying a delicacy while you carry out, like, a horrible thing. Yeah. Steve, you're Jewish. What happened? What?

What's your take on this? Honestly, I didn't even follow the plot. So they're good Nazis? Wouldn't they just be Germans? It's like Ghostbusters, but instead you have Nazis. Wouldn't they just be Germans? Why would they be Nazis? Well, because you had to be.

If you were a German in World War II and you were a guy our age. Right. Or younger. No one was our age. We're old dude true out true they brought us in late yeah we were dead when shit was falling apart they brought in the geezers yeah what was that like for the geezers that were like i guess i'm a fucking nazi you know this sucks yeah well they they were all fired up the geezers were fired up dude i mean imagine the fox news

geezers here yeah boomers imagine the geezers over there they must have been like oh yeah for sure i fought in world war one dude i knew we were the best yeah yeah i think everyone was pretty fucked up from ww1 weren't ww1 got them fired up yeah everyone got like atrociously butt fucked and no one knew what happened yeah or why there was no reason for the whole war to have happened so the whole country was like we got fucked yeah what the fuck was that who fucked us and then fucking dumbledore showed up he's like i'll tell you i'll tell you who fucked us he put on the sorting hat he was like auschwitz what what is the sorting hat? From Harry Potter.

Ah, man, if this was Old Testament, I'd be flying right now. Damn. Bringing a little levity to World War II, dude. I know. It's an atrocity, so the only thing you can do is laugh. That's the only thing my culture knows how to do. But yes, putting a sorting hat to the side. That's the only thing my culture knows how to do through genocide, dude. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Pardon me. No, man. Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me. No, man. But yeah. Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Ashwagandha. Fuck! God damn it! Sorry, Steve.

I just don't... I've never read Harry Potter. I don't understand that. Sorry, I'm processing historical trauma. I'm sorry if that offends you. Yeah. You've never read Harry Potter? That's your hang-up on this conversation? I don't understand what theends you. Yeah. You never read Harry Potter? That's your hang up on this conversation?

I don't understand what the fuck you're talking about. Like with a hat and everything? It was a sorting hat. Either you went to Hufflepuff. So when you joined, when the students got to Hogwarts and Harry Potter, that's the school. They put a hat on to decide which class they're in. Okay. So in Matt's sick and twisted joke that i don't approve of

that i would distance myself from like you oh for god's sake the way i would do it but it is in matt's world i think what he thinks is funny is a line of jewish people and a nazi is putting a sorting hat on them that's telling them dachau auschwitz driblinka stuff like that But that's not a joke I would make. Or the U.S. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you're out of here. No, they didn't get it. They didn't hand that.

The U.S. said, nine. Really? The U.S. wasn't too, yeah, the U.S. wasn't very receptive. Yeah, that's true, actually. No one really talks about that. Yeah, the U.S. didn't really help out that much. The United States intelligence had to have known kind of what's going on. There's no fucking way. They were like, wait, what?

Yeah, I bet in... Yes. I bet the deep state knew. I'm pretty sure. But I think a lot of the boys were shocked when they found it. When they started finding camps and shit, they were like, oh my god, this is what you guys were doing? What the fuck are you guys doing over here?

Yeah, I mean, what do they think? We thought you guys were just? What the fuck are you guys doing over here? Yeah, well, I mean, what do they think? They're like, we thought you guys were just kind of like, you know, POW stuff. They did put out propaganda that was like, hey, these are kind of fun camps where we're exercising and eating together. The Nazis put out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, do the people be like, hey, don't worry about your neighbor. Yeah, don't worry about your neighbor that you sold out. They're just getting yoked. Yeah, they're just in here getting yoked, doing, yeah. Oh, do the people be like, hey, don't worry about your neighbor. Yeah, don't worry about your neighbor that you sold out. They're just getting yoked. Yeah, they're just in here getting yoked, doing burpees.

They're doing that fucking plan where they got to do burpees and scream white power at the top of the burpee. Pretty much, yeah. But. But yeah, that's what it is. That's where it comes from. Got it. Yeah, and the show, there's no real plot. It's just about.

Well, there is a plot. Each one of them. It's kind of fucking annoying. They also keep meeting up throughout the so during world war ii they keep running into each other in like russia all four friends it's kind of fucking annoying it's on amazon it's like dude yeah and the whole thing they keep running into each other. One of the girls becomes a nurse. One of them becomes like a famous like USO type diva, you know? Yeah, I'm going to plug my computer in. Yeah, and they just keep fucking running into it.

Like the field hospital is right behind the line that the two brothers are on. So they keep seeing that girl. I don't know. It's classic. Yeah, pretty. I mean, I guess so. It's got to be tough for you to be such a history buff and watch these movies and have all these things constantly coming.

You're also a very staunch realist. Yeah, which I think makes for horrible television and movies. If things are just totally real, I'm like, he would never say that in that situation. It's like, well, then nobody's going to say anything. Yeah, I wonder how you'd really play that out if that was the show and then they like saw each other and the characters is completely dispersed and like slowly died and like lived like slow meaningless lives perfect finally

something real or the guy just gets he just freezes to death the first day yeah it's like all right good end of the show that might be your calling dude you might have to write a world the most real world war War II story ever. Yeah, a guy that just hangs out for like three years and then finally gets on the front line, just gets zinged right in the head right away. That would be kind of cool. That'd be nice.

Someone just sitting there, kicking around, kind of like a half-assed relationship, ultimately gets to the ranks, doesn't really believe in what he's doing, gets murdered, fade to black. What the fuck was that? What do you think about about that i don't think that's a good i i wouldn't watch would you go sign that project no why i i don't really i don't know i know i don't have a good uh explanation for that um i was thinking about when you were talking. I mean, can I just switch the subject? Sure, of course.

What? Please, no, please. Just fucking talk. It's not that easy, man. I mean, the... What? I don't know. This is funny. I'm actually on the edge of my seat.

I want to hear... I'm glad you switched the subject. What do you got to say? Well, I was just going to talk about political pragmatism because I was reading Kissinger, Henry Kissinger on China. Oh, man, I'm delighted. Do you like Kiss? subject what do you got to say well i was just gonna talk about political pragmatism because i was reading uh kissinger henry kissinger oh man you like kiss oh well i i mean i really like him in this book yeah okay um you know i know a lot of people find him to be a war criminal you know i i but but even if he even if that's true, that he is a war criminal, you'd still like I would still read a book by a murderer if there was information that, you know, is interested in.

So nevertheless, the when Tiananmen Square happened was so interesting is that they had been, you know, this guy, Deng Xiaoping, had been like making all this progress in the country after Mao. Xiaoping had been like making all this progress in the country after Mao. And, you know, but it never claimed to be anything but, you know, well, definitely didn't claim to be like a Western democracy. And anyway, Tiananmen Square happens and there's all this international condemnation. Dang, this is like, what are you guys doing? Like he was he and Bush had this back and forth. It was George H.W. Bush at the time that was like, relations went south really quick because Bush was like, our people can't see that degree of government repression and not flip out about it. But yet, if you put pressure on China in that situation, you may undo a lot of the progress that had been done from opening themselves up to markets, which is exactly what happened. So it's this weird

position where do you do the pragmatic thing in that moment, which is just kind of like, let it go and not say anything about it, which of course we couldn't do, but in the long run yeah so just kissinger walking through those those arguments is really interesting and i was the ones that i would never have considered because i i would just be like no you we have our ideals and that's it and there's no compromise but it's like does that undo everything you know it's if there's a revolution happening or or change happening it can't happen overnight and so you know yeah yeah also so are you talking about china now is that tying to how you feel yeah that's

because that's what i'm interested in now i don't understand anything about it right in hong kong yeah yeah so you know it's just one of those things and uh dang was saying he was like when you're trying to do reform you're you always have strife in the country because there's a group of people who don't want reform and then there's a group of people who think reform is not happening fast enough and so then you know how do you navigate that what did kiss say he was like um he he subscribes to i guess real politic is the term which is pragmatism. So in that case, he didn't really weigh in on what he would do. He was just giving you the the how difficult the situation was to navigate politically.

And at that time, this guy, if you look, people in China kept getting like banished and then brought back and then banished, like Dang had been sent away for a while. And there was a physicist named Fang something. And he had something to do with the protests and then sought refugee in the American embassy. Are you familiar with that? No. Oh. This is Fang. Yeah. OK.

Something. And then it was all this strife about, you know, Dang saying we need him back. And Bush was like, I can't. I can't give you this guy back so dang wanted fang back yeah yeah gotcha and because he you know and so then that became this huge turmoil and kissinger had to go and try and negotiate that and uh i haven't gotten to where that ends up but i think they end up just sending fang to some other place you know damn switzerland or something yeah it's china's fucking bizarre man that shit scares the hell out of me it's yeah and how and there's a

billion they have a billion fucking but it was like 1.3 billion people two billion people or something and also it's like how do you interact with a country like that like a totalitarian regime right how slowly undermine it from within. Establish your own leadership and take all their natural resources eventually. Which is what they're trying to do to us, I think. Did you see anything on Rogan about all the fentanyl coming from China? I did see that, yeah.

Dude, they're using the opium wars, like the shit England did to them. The Chinese killed Prince? Pretty much, bro. They killed Prince? Pretty much. That is literally what it's like. Did you hear about how Tom Petty died? Tom Petty died from fentanyl, too. They killed Prince? Pretty much. That is literally what it's like. Did you hear about how Tom Petty died?

Tom Petty died from fentanyl, too. They killed Petty and Prince? Yeah. That's an act of war. Petty thought he was taking a fucking Percocet. Good for them. Good for them on the old reverse fucking opium wars. You know what I mean?

You think they did? They had their own... I mean, I know. Good for them. That's the ultimate fucking comeback. Yeah, that's a hard comeback. Remember when the West did this to us? What do you guys think about this, huh?

Do you think they addressed their people and they're like, we have killed Tom Petty. He died like a dog. Died like a dog. He was crying. He was screaming. Also, I know someone who just died from GHB. What's that?

That's like the Rohypnol. It's like a date rape drug. But ravers will take that as well they'll roofie themselves yeah it was like my my one boy was telling me about he's like you know this dude i was like yeah what the fuck's he up to he's dead i was like what the fuck oh man damn yeah dude he just was partying drinking and the girl he was hanging out with was like let's do date rape drugs together and the dude just died that's like and i like heard the news and it was like you know it was like nighttime i was like heard the news and it was like, you know, it was like nighttime and I was like putting something outside

and it just was like, fuck, what a dumb, shitty way to die. I know. And it's also like, I thought it was like fentanyl or something. It's usually like if you're drinking

and someone offers you drugs, I wonder if it's like, if he, if she was like, let's do it. And he was like, ah, I shouldn't.

He'd been drinking all day. Come on, pussy. And he was like, ah, fuck it. Ah, come on.

And I can't imagine a bay i've always had bays who have been like i've always had very pragmatic i've always had very kissinger bays yeah a lot of the kissinger bays i bet like don't you don't need that's what i've had i've had kissinger bays real real politics babes in my life you ran into a dang bear you ran into a danger fang i'm not sure like i couldn't imagine having a girl that i'm like into pressuring me to do like drugs because i would instantly be like yes definitely let's do drugs together yeah i would not be able to say i can't say no to like poor financial decisions i follow them into so if they're like let's do this drug together and they'll even drink it all day

i'm gonna be like yeah for sure i've always had to treat bays like the general public and i've hide all my dirty dealings behind their back. You know what I mean? And I give them propaganda of how the night went. I did not do cocaine. Cocaine is bad. Imagine the chick was like, no, for real. Let's fucking, quit being a pussy.

Let's fucking, let's hit these lines. That's how you end up. I'm going to lay down railroad tracks. Let's do these, dude, and get out of here. That's how you end up doing real hard drugs. You find a bay that's down. And now, you know, next thing you know, you you and her just hanging out at gas stations most nights chilling yeah that's terrifying dude this guy died and i was like fuck what a dumb way what a shitty way to end your entire if it's you know one existence is

all you get it's like ghb fucking date you purposely did date rape drugs and died on like a thursday night and the one existence you have that's it that's all you get you get one shot one shot and you're just like what's this clear unnameable liquid are you sure this is a and you're just fucking uh what the fuck that sucks yeah that fucking we're talking last night about all the fucking dumb ways people, like, we watched The King. Did you guys see The King on Netflix? Mm-mm.

It's great, but. It's great. It's Tim Dillon. It's great. Dude, that was awesome. Okay. It's great. That was great.

He, the king, King Henry at the time, O'connor was telling me this last night because i looked it up and it said he died of dysentery which is pretty funny like timothy chalamet plays this like awesome badass king and then you look into it and it's like oh he died at 35 of diarrhea it's not a cool but it turns out he was like riding around on a very hot day in his night outfit and just respect in his armor and passed out and died, probably of heat stroke, because they didn't... They're fucking idiots.

So he's driving around in a fucking metal suit in the, like, 90 degrees. It's probably, like, 200 degrees inside his armor, just like... Oh, fuck. My lord, have a sip of water. And he's like, get out of my face, pussy. Oh, water is for pussies.

Just dying in there. There was also a, I forget who it was. I wanted to say Barbarossa, but I think I'm wrong about it. Or like Frederick or something. One of these guys that went to the Middle East in, I think it was a crusade. And he was, he like found water and just ran into the water and was wearing his armor. Oh, fuck. And just drowned right away. He just ran into the water and just drowned in armor. Oh, fuck. And just drowned right away.

He just ran into the water and just drowned in front of all his troops. Oh, my God. And then I was just thinking about how funny it is to be those guys that he brought. Like, you're just a moron from a village in, like, Germany. And you're like, hey, there's our fearless leader who brought us here. Oh, fuck. He's just drowned himself, and now we're just standing in the desert. Oh, fuck. How do we get home? Dr now we're just standing in the desert. Oh, fuck.

How do we get home? Drowning in armor, you would submerge so fast. You just get him like... Everybody waited like 10 minutes, because he probably told them he was also God, too. They're like, no, no, he'll pop out in a dragon. Just chill out, everybody. Camp set up for two days.

We got to fucking figure something out. Yeah, they're like, I wonder what he's up to. This is majesty. But yeah, people dying dumb ways. I mean, roofing yourself. That's up there. That's modern day. That's the thing that everyone gets away from is the personal agency.

Everyone tries to act like your decisions don't matter. And it's like, here's a clear cut decision. It's like, do roofie drugs or not and you're like man okay and it's like bam that's a decision that will only happen to you if you take roofie drugs while you're drinking all day yeah it's fucked up dude yeah that's terrible shit is fucked that's no good i mean i don't mean to smite the man's memory but fuck man that man, that fucking sucks. That just sucks, man. Let that be a cautionary tale. You know what I mean? It's like, if you're doing that, don't. Yeah.

Especially this person. They're up in the H2. It's like, come on. What the fuck are you doing? What was that? They were up in the H2. This isn't like 18 years old. Oh, I thought you said they were up in the H2. I was like, damn, he was driving an H2?

Yo, that's nothing. He was driving a Hummer, dude. That's nothing but respect, dude. That's nothing but respect. It's like, he had it all, man. He had nothing but respect. He had it all, man. He had an H2. He just threw it all out. I might get an airbrushed T of him.

R.I.P. Fuck GHB. That'd be tight. Yeah, who's that? It's my boy who died from a GHB overdose, dude. Have some fucking sensitivity. Please. Motherfuckers.

Please have sensitivity. Steve, what were you about to say? Oh, because... Have you ever had a near-death experience? Yes. I mean, yeah, definitely. Which one? What were they? I probably didn't know.

I was probably hammered. Okay. To be honest. Oh, yeah, you almost crashed your car and died. Oh, yeah, true. I mean, I fell asleep driving on the turnpike going like 80 oh geez cruise control thankfully it drifted to the left and hit the median yeah but yeah if there had been if i drifted right whoo into the trees balling i uh i got i answered the door like to my house uh yesterday when i thought it was uh i thought it was a

delivery guy and it wasn't who was it he was this kid and or or young adult it was a thought it was a i thought it was a delivery guy and it wasn't who was it he was this kid and or or young adult it was a young it was a young adult or like an older man i don't know all right so he was black and you can differentiate that's what you're trying to say and uh i i was like because i again i thought i was getting a delivery so then i opened the door and he's you know like hoodie up over whatever just gary coleman is that the is that the is that the what i don't know the midgets no we don't say those words well steve gerben uses that word good lord so anyway who was this who was this mysterious gentleman so he's like

who's this gentleman caller so I'm like hey what's going on and then he goes he's asking a question but I can't make out what I heard was like you're doing work upstairs or something and then luckily I had a

pair of scissors in my hand because I was I was trying to pack my cat's like little toy with a catnip. So I was like, I have these scissors. So I was like, I braced the door. Cause I mean his eye, there was, it, there was something up. Red flags were everywhere. I mean, like he wasn't, he, he was totally with it, but it's like he was running through something else behind what his mouth is

saying so he's like and i'm like yeah yeah and he's like oh i live down on uh and then he starts like squinting and like saying uh you know like the name of an address and i was like all right and he's like so can i just like stay with you for a little bit and i was like no man i'm sorry and he was like oh are you sure and i'm like yeah man sorry boom but it was just like whoa that could because one hand never left his pocket hold on so you're that's a near-death experience you had a black guy knock out for you yeah a black guy talked to you no hang on i was just i wasn't saying that that was a near-death experience you did say did you guys ever have a near-death experience i talked

to a black guy you have a black guy trying to sell you magazines yeah you shouldn't now first of all i i live in a rough neighborhood okay okay and so yeah you just don't answer the door for people that you don't know that's a reasonable thing everybody can call me a racist for that but it's just like you know no i've seen your neighborhood it's one of the shitty ones where you're over i know you're at yeah so you gotta keep the scissors tucked bro you're the hawk on you got that thang on you you got that you were about to let the scissors sang on them no i if you attacked with scissors would it be a stab he's making the actual scissor cut motion i had them in stabbing i had them in stab Like a stab Would you hand it to him

And be like Run down the hallway As fast as you can No I was What I did is I braced it And I was gonna throw My shoulder and hip

Into the door And like you know Maybe stab a hand As I was trying to slam And then spin the scissors Like a Raphael His side Wow

Wait so what did this guy What he was out of his mind No no He also could have just been looking for a place to say i mean but he did not seem like he was on drugs or anything like that yeah i think what he was probably doing when you're like he had other motives was probably trying to keep some ounce of dignity or pride while he was asking you for a place to stay well he would have you turned down a lonely homeless boy and you said he was not i almost died he was not homeless and we did not appear to be homeless he was fresh yeah yeah

really things were taken care of you should have let him stay no absolutely not you got a slumber party you could play with your cat together oh my god what was his situation what did he see him you said he didn't know what his situation was he said let me crash he's like in a crash with you yeah he didn't see me out of it he seemed like he was calculating other things like he was like looking around like i don't know if he accidentally made eye contact with me like he was just kind of looking around and then i think he was trying to suck you no given a suck i think i think it was either there's been a lot of home invasion sucks been going on is that right break it up tie you up suck you and leave you heard about that guy with the four well yeah maybe he was just trying to

break in your house and he was checking to see if anyone was there that's what i think when you answered he was like oh fuck right that that's what i think it was yeah gotcha so there's been some break-ins have you had any ndes what's that near-death experiences uh none that were real i don't think no just like bad panic attacks i'm like i'm dying from this thing that's all that counts yeah those count the only one time i was waiting on a train and i thought about my life and how what it would amount to and i couldn't breathe i could yeah the only one i got definitely that i thought i was dying was the time i smoked synthetic weed fuck that was it what's that what's synthetic weed fucking k2 k2 if you're gonna be out in the block packing this is you gotta know the drugs bro k2 you start selling

deuce out of your apartment spice it was uh It was Yeah it was just this shit that I like Definitely I probably was You can Like I was having like heart My heart was freaking out Stop doing that That was years ago

Oh okay Don't let him fool you dude He's a K2 head Tried and true I've never done it since I did it once And I was like This is the worst drug I've ever taken

It's a big drug now Because you can You could take it in jail Because you could pass for drug tests Because it didn't come up and now they test for it. Okay. And now they lace it

with all this other shit. Gotcha. So. But it's no good. It's bad for you. Bad news. Yeah. Also it's like

just get weed. Yeah. It's. It's not. Also it's nothing like weed. No. The. What happens to you

is nothing like weed. It's like bath salts kind of. It's terrible. It's really really bad. It's bad that it's also. I have like hallucinations. Yeah like bath salts, kind of. It's terrible. It's really, really bad. It's bad that it's also... I have hallucinations. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. It was crazy. What were you hallucinating? The only thing I remember hallucinating about was literally seeing my elementary school bathroom. Whoa. That's like what I... And I hadn't thought about that or what that looked like in a year.

I didn't remember. What were you doing in there? Nothing. I just saw the bathroom. Like in the corner of the room, I could see what it looked like. It was wild, man. Holy fuck. Yeah, and then that was the night I wrote a note on my phone.

Because I was like, I'm definitely dying, but I can't go to the hospital for this because that would be very gay. And I wrote a note to my family on my phone that was like, I'm dead. Sorry. I'm a fucking idiot. And then I woke up phone that was like, I'm dead. Sorry. I'm a fucking idiot. And then I woke up the next morning like, oh, Jesus Christ. Is that what the note said? Yeah, it was something like that. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, I love you guys. Oh, okay. I died like a moron. Did you go back down for breakfast that morning? Like, hey, guys. No, I was at my friend's house. Damn, dude.

What was the K2 hangover like? I don't remember. I don't think it was the K2 hangover like? I don't remember. I don't think it was strong. I was young, so I didn't really get hangover. Be tight if you're just still tripping. Damn, dude. I woke up on the couch. I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live now.

I was like, delete the podcast. Just wake up in 2005 on a couch. Jesus, delete it. I'm going to be telling them Saturday Night Live. I'll be there soon. What's a fucking podcast? I'm like, I don't know. It's coming.

Limp Bizkit's break stuff is playing. Damn, that's crazy. We're just all figments of your salvia trip. You could be. I never met any before that trip.

True. Oh, no. Am I locked in? Is this dude? We're all part of your hallucinatory fucking nightmare. Well, I'm bummed I fucking created Steve. What a shitty creation that is. Somebody who should be my friend is just like,

I am your friend. I don't like you. Oh, my God. I don't like you. I am your friend. No, you're not. I don't like you. Oh, my God. I don't like you. I am your friend. No, you're not. I'm sincere with you constantly. Would you say you're the Kissinger to Shane's China?

It's very hard being Kissinger to Shane, but this is what I was telling you before the thing. I think about, he stresses me out so much. When I, like this, just doing this, I had like three arguments with him in my head last night. Yeah, he was prepping. He was fighting me in his head. Good.

One was the seat cushion. Okay. Those are the roids. And it was just like, just let me stand, Shane. And it's just like, you know, I'm in this, you know, and just the whole thing and his fucking reaction. What was my reaction to let me stand? Your reaction is the standard.

So your reaction is, and now again, I didn't have... I did say a few things out loud. What did you say out loud? What happens is I become so overwhelmed... Were you saying mean things to me? No, it's just like... Were you saying very personal mean things? Just leave it go.

Do you ever do that while you're not realizing someone else is there? Oh, yeah, yeah. I've done that before too. My cousin was there. I didn't tell him what was going on. Oh, he heard you say it? It wasn't about you but it was about like a different thing you know i've done that out in public where i'm like thinking about something and i talk about it out loud and i'm like oh shit you're right oh shit yeah but this one was like i need to stand

up and then he was like come on come on come on yeah that's pretty good i'll give you that and then come on come on what are you doing and then uh and then i'm like shane I need to just let me stand. It's like, dude, don't fucking stand. Sit down. What's your problem? I'm like, I don't have a problem. I've got this. I've got hemorrhoids.

And then he does stuff like that. And then it's just like, you know. But then he threw me through a loop because in the car ride to Saxby's, he was really amenable to different positions that I potentially might need to physically yeah i wanted you to lay on your belly i wanted to do this in the living room so steve could lay on his belly face down ass up dude yes i would like that that's why we're like fuck see i do know a few things god i just sounded like my dad why see i do know a few things um because i didn't know har Potter. Because I didn't know the Harry Potter. You love your dad. I love my dad.

What? I don't know. I love it. It's funny. No, I love him. I was going to have him do, I don't know if I told you this, but like a public apology, like record him reading a public apology about the toilet scenario. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, and he denied you the dump. Yeah, he denied Shane. He didn't deny me. I took the dump. I just he denied Shane. He didn't deny me. I took the dump. I just took my ground hard on that. You knocked on his door and you're like, hey, what's going on? No, no, no. He came upstairs.

He grabbed the scissors and was just like, you know, I'm going to dump you. He had the scissors. Family crest. He's just like a fucking scissor. With a toe bracing the door. When I first moved to New York, he helped me move in. You shall not enter. None shall enter here without the scissor.

You shall face the scissor. You know, if you understood the lesson, my dad, you wouldn't really be able to tell that I'm his son so much. I mean, he's like a bigger guy and doesn't... Yeah, sure. Anyway... Yeah, he's like a bigger guy and and doesn't he's a big you know yeah sure anyway yeah he's jacked he's jacked he doesn't talk like me oh my god but so what are you saying about new york well when i first moved he like moved me in and that this i think this was like one of our first conversations we had had about hemorrhoids and he was like and he gave you the birds and the

bees yeah he was like he's like steven you know i'll tell you what you do he's like, yeah, he gave you the birds and the bees. He was like, he's like, Stephen, you know, I'll tell you what you do. He's like, you got to have these wipes. He's preparation each wipes. He's like, you know, before that, I'd have grapes hanging out now. Oh, yeah. He was taking shop dumps, dude. I guess. So I want you to see that toilet. It's probably like mystical ruins of like blood splatters and shit.

So I'm in the apartment apartment i go like to use the bathroom at one point i hear him like shuffle up to the door he's like what are you doing in there i was like dad go the fuck away he's like you're gonna use those wipes i was like i'll use the wipes like steven i'm telling he's like oh like monitoring whether or not i actually cares about your ass i guess yeah he wants his boy to have a healthy hole. Yeah. He can't seem to get... He can't seem to accept the fact that they don't work. They don't work?

Not for me, no. I thought pretty poor of him. Yeah, I didn't... I got a stick of... You get the suppository? Yeah, I got a suppository. Ooh, dude. I love those.

I did it once, and I've been aching to get one back in my hole I'm gonna get one anyway When your butthole just sucks it It's like a UFO A little tractor beam What's it suck up? Like a little

It's like a dishwasher pod It's like a white little cylinder It's almost like if you think of a sperm Because it's got a little bulb at the top So once it reaches It's like a little think of like a sperm because it got a little bulb at the top so once it reaches okay once it reaches like a little block of cum right and once it reaches a threshold over the thing it's like butthole takes it do you ever like role play an accidental cream pie while you're doing it but no no oh my god no yeah what what the fuck did you just come in me? What the fuck? Accidental cream pie.

It's so nice, dude. Hold on. So this thing goes, does it dissolve? Is there like a carrying case? It's very spooky. It feels like someone's in there taking it. You don't know someone's in there. It's like a Ouija board.

It's like sleep porn. It's like where you're using the Ouija board and all of a sudden it controls itself. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You push this thing up like halfway and then all of a sudden it's like. Your butthole does it right? Your butthole takes it. Oh my God. I didn't know you were doing it. You should do it just for sport, whoa. You push this thing up like halfway, and then all of a sudden it's like. Your butthole does it right? The butthole takes it. Oh, my God. I didn't know you were doing it.

You should do it just for sport, man. It's great. Yeah, but I'm saying the vehicle that carries this up, does it disintegrate or does it pop back out? There's no vehicle. It's a piece of fucking, it disintegrates. So you use your finger to push up the back end. The goo? It's not gooey.

It's not gooey. It's actually, and if you put them in the refrigerator, then. Oh, you're a freak, bro. And then, you know, there's nothing comingey. It's not gooey. It's actually, and if you put them in the refrigerator, then. Oh, you cold them up. You're a freak, bro. And then, you know, there's nothing coming off on your hand. You just plop. Is it kind of like when you go to like a drive-thru bank teller? It really is, dude.

It's exactly like that. Same cylinder, too. You just put it in. You like start to lift, and it's crazy. I'm saying what happens to the cylinder? It disintegrates. Damn. That's the medicine.

What's it made out of? It's made out of cum? It's just the medicine. There's no casing on it. It's just medicine. It's not like a gusher. I was thinking something that squirts. Oh, no.

No, no, no. It's just the... I think I was envisioning a douche. No. It's just the medicine. Wow. Just shove it right. I'm going to get one after this.

It's like a big old pill you put on your butt. I'll show you. I'll show you. What's it do to your butt? What's the medicinal... Does it just feel good? Or does it have medicinal properties? I think it just has anti-inflammatory...

It'll reduce the... It's the magic stick. It is. It's the candy shop, bro. It's so good. I do it just for pleasure. I do it without Hemmings. I'll just pop on it.

What's the biggest one you can get? It's a big black one. The black box. Usually it's nice because they keep them in a yellow box, so you know it's small. You can get a Lexington Steel fucking suppository. Like his autograph on the outside of the box. The yellow is the classic, but then you can upgrade.

If you get the black box, the extreme, it says extreme with like three X's. It's like, holy shit, this is going to be an intense suppository. Oh, boy. Do you like that, Steve? Do you like the big boys getting in you? Sure. Do you ever place it on the ground and like squat down onto it?

No. Do you ever ride it? Do you ever bounce on it? Yeah. Did you see the video I sent you with the lady sucking the sausages in her butt? Yes. How great was that? Oh, my God.

Dude, how great was that? That was insane. What is it? It's German. Dancing. It great was that? That was insane. What is it? It's German dancing. It's like German-American Idol. German- It's Nazis Got Talent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's Deutschland von Heidenson. Yeah, and she does this whole act where she runs out and is like, have you seen this dog? And the crowd's like, what the fuck? And then she comes out and it's just her ass with a dog painted on her ass. Yeah, she's walking backwards with a dog on her ass. And then shakes her ass like it's a dog. They can show it on TV.

Does she have a nice ass? In Germany, you're allowed to do that. She does not have a nice ass, in my opinion. I can't judge white chicks' asses. I don't know. Is that right? I don't know. I guess this thing's nice.

All right. It's flat. It's flat. She wasn't the worst looking lady, but it wasn't exciting to see her do that. Got it. It was really off-putting. I thought she had a standard white chick butt. It was just kind of like teardropped and like very 2D.

She did. She never don't. Very 2D. She had a standard. Now the young whites are getting the bubble butts. They're working hard at it. They're going to the gym for it. This is Deutschland where I'm sure that, in fact,

in Deutschland they probably still favor the flat. Yeah-shaped chinese the nordic butt a mountain climb an everest but yeah yeah yeah so okay so she comes out her butts out butts out there's like a dog face on it and she's shaking it around being like and it's going she's making noises like yeah very bad again dude germans just out of control how shitty they are at everything. Well, they're good at everything except anything human. It's true. So it's like, can you make a dog noise? They're like, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. It's like, Jesus Christ.

And then they go back and forth. There's a big final ending, which is a... Bow wow? She's trying to find this dog, and then she comes out and drops sausages, and the crowd's like, no, no. Her ass comes out at the end. Yeah, she lays out a bunch sausages and the crowd's like, no, no. And her ass comes out at the end.

a bunch of sausage links, like a very long roll. A renal schnitzel. And the whole crowd immediately knows. She's like, oh no, the dog's going to eat the sausage.

So then she runs back behind the curtain and comes out with her ass with the dog. Somehow sucks him up, bro. Sucks him crazy. I would definitely watch that. Do you think you're going

to masturbate to it? No. Do you think it'll jar one loose that'll get you fired up? Get me fired up? It depends.. Crazy. I would definitely watch that. Do you think you're going to masturbate to it? No. Do you think it will jar one loose though? Get you fired up? Get me fired up? It depends. It could. Who knows?

I watched it having no idea what was about to happen. She dropped the sausages and I was like, whoa. Yeah. That was tight. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I was impressed. You know what we haven't asked about, Steven?

I know you've been going through some problems with your arthritis. Yeah. How have you been doing in the cum game oh terrible terrible yeah it's not that's it influences your cum game oh yeah you know the i mean for a bit there was like a you know a lot of discomfort from the arthritis stuff and that was it like there was no libido even which was actually i mean pain don't take that out yeah you're in pain physically you're not like the cum cum knows its place yeah which was like in a weird way slightly liberating hell yeah because yeah you're not a slave to your cum anymore yeah like everything because so much of what i do is you know just uh yeah i need a girlfriend i need a girlfriend no you don't you don't need a girlfriend dude

yeah it's pretty nice getting out of that man of just like but it was also too it was like with comedy that was always I think like the main goal it was like oh get like get a baby get some snizz yeah what if you re-approach comedy with no fact with snizz not a

factor whatsoever that's you know I don't know that's the world i'm in right now just nice because when i when uh me and my ex broke up i was in that world of like i gotta get a girl like all this weird like i was into the competent i like hey i was like other men are fucking stupid like all of a sudden just and then yeah recently transcended transcended snizz i'm above SNES right now. Good for you. Now, hopefully, I can stay there.

But for right now, SNES is on the back burner. They'll send one of their finest operatives in. They'll send it. They'll send the facade. Tough to deny, yeah. They're sending some... Yeah. Yeah, they hear that you're above them, and they're like...

That's when they need you the most. Send in Agent 6. Oh. Beezer? Beezer? Agent 6. Oh, no, no, I hear that you're above them and they're like... That's when they need you the most. Send in Agent 6. Oh. Beezer? Beezer? Agent 6. Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that. Dude, what if I started fucking Beezer?

That would be sick. That'd be tight. Kept it all in the podcast family. Oh, yeah. We should make a blood pact. Everyone who does Philadelphia podcasts should only be able to fuck each other. That reminds me of the blood pact, dude. That horrible dream I had last night.

What? Yeah. Dude, I had a very long dream last night that I got HIV. Whoa. It was nightmarish. And it was very realistic. That's bizarre. It sucked.

It was one of those that I woke up from like, oh, thank fucking God. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was crazy. I went to get like an STD test. And the doctor was like, come in here. I was like, what?

It's not a big deal. These days it's very treatable, like all that. He's like, but you did test positive for HIV. And I'm just sitting there like, oh, fuck. Damn. Yeah, it was crazy, man. Wild dream. That's terrifying.

Yeah, it was a bummer. But yeah. Do you have any good dreams lately? No. I started the weird thing I was going to tell you guys that I've started doing is rub Minoxidil on my face. What? Which is like Rogaine.

On your face? Yeah, yeah. Trying to get a beard? Yeah. There's like a whole community. It's just like... Stop looking for communities. I can't help it.

It was a YouTube thing. To get a beard going. Yeah, they're called minox beards and like people that can't grow a beard rub rogaine on their face it's crazy it's it's actually where i got shaved let me see what kind of where are you growing just like a beard what it's kind of crazy because i've never i just gotta be honest i don't think you should do that all right i just there has to be repercussions to robin rogan on your face well what's the difference between that and your head uh neither i think there's repercussions to that is that like the pinned comment in the forum yeah yeah yeah yeah well when your friends argue with you here's what you say what is the what is the side effects of Rogaine? How does it work?

Well, it was originally developed to lower blood pressure as a pill. And then they noticed people had weird growth. And so you could rub it on your head. And then people started rubbing it on their face and grew beards. No, it doesn't work for everybody, but... Whoa. Is it like... It was just one of those things where... Does it grow?

What kind of hair? If I rub it on my pubes, would I get a yeah yeah i think so it depends i think people are more could shave all those curlies off and get a nice straight get like a nice like butt cut flow dude imagine that if you like you that would be that would be awesome to shave all your pubes but rogaine and get like a sick like spike like right here yes that'd be awesome yeah no i'm saying like a ponytail anyway didn't elicit the teasing that i was expecting it to but the face the yeah i support you dude i want to see you have a big ass it's not gonna work for me i don't think because i think like the the guys who really have um benefits from other ones with like patchy beards

i could i could get a little Rogaine beard. If you wanted to thicken it up, you can do that. That's like... You're just going to break out with some weird rash. I definitely will. I'll definitely get sick. It's another one of those things where it's like I just shouldn't

worry about it. You look cute. Go for a goatee. I wouldn't do that. I'd like to get a mustache. I think a mustache worry about it. What if you just do like that? I just thought it would be cool to... You look cute. You're cute. Go for a goatee. I wouldn't do that. Just go Rogaine goatee. I'd like to get a mustache. I think a mustache would be fun. You'd be fucking really sick with a mustache.

Yeah, you'd be a problem. You'd be a problem on the streets. That kid would never knock on... You can lose the scissors if you get a mustache. They might send you to China to deal with them. Like, Gerbs, you get a mustache? Get the fuck over there. Get over there.

Let them know. I would love to be a diplomat. You'd be a Gerbs, you got a mustache? Get the fuck over there. Get over there. Let them know. I would love to be a diplomat. You'd be a horrible diplomat. I think I'd be a great diplomat. Look how you deal with me. You can't even deal with me. No, I do deal with you. This is a good practice.

You, no, time out. You would be a nightmare. This is dealing with the Kazakhstan-y. You might take over the world if you were a political leader. No, no, no, no, no. It would be really difficult. Very peaceful. Dude, I'm, come on, man. What are you talking about? the world if you were a political leader no no no no no it would be really difficult very peaceful dude i'm come on man what are you talking about you would be very difficult to deal with you know

what i was listening to uh you would be taking politics i would be hitting a lot of people against you i would make a deal immediately then i'd make a horrible shady deal day one and just never be able to. Did you have something to say? Because I just remembered something else on the China thing. Because Shane was talking about the opium wars. Yeah. Which, as I understand it, is like the British wanted to open trade with China back in the day. I think this is like 1750 to 80 or something around there.

So they sail over and they bring like a litany of their things that they've created. So they've got like a chariot, a hot air balloon, you know. Chariot? Yeah, cannon. And they're showing this stuff. Yeah, chariots predate that. I may have read that. Hot air balloon for sure.

I'm pretty sure he wrote chariot. This was from the Kissinger book, obviously. Well, true. That would have been big in China because they were using people instead of horses. Oh, yeah. Chariots might have been more. Hey, you guys don't need to use that rickshaw anymore. I hear what you're saying.

Yeah. Because I think they had chariots in like 1400s in like Ireland and shit. No, they had chariots in Egypt. Yeah, like Egypt. Yeah. So then he's saying that basically China had this. It didn't have the sort of religion that some of the Western cultures had where it's like God made X, Y, and Z.

They saw it as like China always existed. It was always the greatest. Well, let me fuck you up real quick, Herbs. Have you ever gotten... No, no, you're fine. Have you ever gotten into the... how people who speak different languages have different perceptions of reality

because of like the past... like having different tenses and like present, future versus all that? I haven't, no. They interpret reality completely different because they have a whole different language and different ways of seeing the world. That's really interesting, yeah.

Pretty cool, but go ahead. You have to send me something. I have a book on it. It's pretty cool. So they show this stuff to the emperor, and because the emperor is under the mindset that China's the greatest, it's like, well, if China didn't make it,

then it doesn't actually matter. So he's looking at the cannons, and they're firing. There's no Made in China sticker on it. There's not on it there's not saying well we don't need this junk so he's looking at like it's a toy so mcdonald's toys were their answer to that and they were like yeah check this out oh you guys think chariots are cool that is one of the crazy things look at this inspector gadget look at this bobblehead figurine look at this grimace we made we fucking made slaves make eight million of these fucking grimaces damn dude think of that

that's you when you think of like the chinese slave like all those slave like those sweatshops and shit you think of them make like toiling over like iphones and shit there is definitely a happy meal factory where they were just sitting there making like a smiley face on a fucking monster every day little kid oh all right some kid opens up the burger and is just like throws it out and eats it throws it out yeah that's fucking just thinking the little kids that were making it that didn't have any toys of their own just like i wanted that one yeah oh i wanted that oh that's wanted that one. He got caught with a grommet, and one of the dudes breaks their little brother's finger. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, that's no fun. That's no fun. Yeah, but didn't they invent a gun tower? This is another thing that I've been thinking about with all this. It's like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? You know, there's stuff like that going on where it's like, what can I do to help? But anyway, even though it's a fake scenario. Buy more it's like, what can I do to help? But anyway, just buy more stuff.

Even though it's a fake scenario. Buy more stuff. Honestly, that's true. Don't question the Chinese regime. That's the biggest thing you can do right now to help. Okay. Don't question them and just let them do their thing.

Yeah. No, I'm kidding. That's what they got in trouble for in the NBA. Everyone's like, free Hong Kong. LeBron's like, well, it's pretty nuanced over there.

Yeah, dude. LeBron coming in hot with the fucking pro-China take. I appreciated that. That was tight. So back to the, you know, so the emperor's watching this can and he's unfazed by it. So he sends the British back with sort of like a condescending note to the queen.

Didn't like a hot air balloon? Wasn't. Yeah, apparently. The only thing he really took to was they brought like four german musicians or whatever they were four musicians they played every night and they were like this is great yeah uh these guys rule so he sends them back with sort of oh and it was funny though because when they had the ships and they were like sailing them the chinese put like big signs on they're like gifts for the emperor and they're like well it's not it's like we're trying

to so the emperor thought he could keep them well i think they were just it was propaganda right so then when uh they go back at some point i love i'm sorry i love that it was like yeah we got a hot air balloon chariot we got some fucking sick musicians like you got anything else like we got some fucking heroin you guys want, you got anything else? We got some fucking heroin. You guys want heroin? He's probably hanging out with the musicians backstage. He's like, what are you guys up to? And he's like, oh, did you try this shit? He's like, this is all fucking rules.

Hot air balloons fucking suck. It's tight to be unimpressed by a hot air balloon. Just like this was pre, like, when people weren't. This was before the Wright Brothers, right? So a dude flew over and the emperor was like, meh. All right. I see how that works whatever yeah but didn't they they had gunpowder didn't they so they saw cannon for like fireworks i think so they they're probably like yeah this is so much sicker so they uh then the merchants go and they start selling opium and uh this is obviously you know not good because now their people are like getting addicted to opium.

So they violently sort of kick out those traders and then that – traders, T-R-A-R. Like Trader Joe's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Trader Joe's. And that gets back to the British and now the British like come in and they – Trader Steve's. I mean there's – I'm not – I'm not trading on treacherous all right go ahead yeah so they kick out don't trade on me just say something don't you dare trade on me i'm not trading on

you don't trade on me yeah i just i mean the one the one really bizarre thing i just want to say this oh god you don't have to all right go ahead so anyway they uh they come around, they like block the ports, you know, Chinese. Oh, the English do. The British do, right? In retaliation for these opium, for like what happened to their traders. Damn. So they block the ports, they start firing off the cannons. All of a sudden, everybody's like, oh, shit.

We should have kept those cannons. And like notes are going. They're just setting off fireworks in response. So then they have to come to an agreement, right? Like a treaty. And one of the things that then the British put in writing, and I can send this to you, was like, they said to the Chinese, like, you have to stop publicly saying that the British are trembling in the face of the emperor. Like, we won. We won.

And yet everything they're doing, like, you have to stop saying that we're obeying and that we're trembling in the face of the emperor like we won we won and yet everything they're doing like you have to stop saying that we're obeying and that we're trembling in the face of it's like language like that that they kept using damn it's really interesting it's like stop talking shit yeah stop acting like you won you're here to god that's acquiesce to embarrassing yeah it's interesting yeah now we have fentanyl and now i got fentanyl sure and that's what i was saying they're returning the favor yeah dang was making all those revolutions in china and this was like in the 70s he was like we need to focus on math and science we need to catch up with the world which is so interesting to hear him talking about it in that way because

right now the stereotype from china is like their math and science you know whatever so they really it's a fast turnaround yeah when they put their mind to something they fucking yeah they ripped it dude get to it they fucking ripped it damn dude that's crazy yeah i was we were talking about dealing with foreign leaders i was listening to uh dealing with foreign leaders. I was listening to, what's his name, Duncan? He has those Revolutions podcasts. They're so good. It's like Hardcore History.

It's another history podcast. Yeah, I've never heard of it. But it's a little bit more matter of fact, like him just talking. Significantly more matter of fact. I know that one. 100% less boxing analogies. It's like, imagine opium is Floyd Mayweather. You can't quite shake him You don't know what's hitting you

But then I was just listening to the one about Alexander, Tsar Alexander The emperor of Russia at the time Dealing with Napoleon, it's so funny Napoleon's just such a little dickhead To everybody, just being like Yeah, yeah, yeah, I promise not to hit you Like he just invades Up to their border Napoleon it's so funny Napoleon's just such a little dickhead to everybody just being like yeah

yeah yeah well uh I promise not to hit you like he just invades up to their border they're like he's like dude we're so far apart we should just be friends like we're never gonna fight each other and then Russia's like okay cool then he just invades everywhere up to Russia and they're like what the fuck dude now we're bordering you said you weren't gonna do that then he invades Russia isn't it great isn't the beef with NATO like like yeah oh sure chill dude why are you guys so fucking paranoid i don't know because you set up missile silos along our border what the fuck are you guys so paranoid about god you guys are crazy anyway uh we set up a missile silo in estonia like that's not for you that's for china guys relax just relax dude

chill but uh yeah listen to those podcasts they're fucking sick yeah history podcasts are like it's nice good history podcasts are great especially one it's just revolutions yeah i find that guy tough though because i'm not like um i get distracted really easy if you miss like 10 seconds you you skip a decade yes it's tough you gotta have like good concentration skills what do you so if you had to predict if you had a nostradamus future revolutions what what uh countries do you or do you predict i don't know what do you predict i'm i'm predicting a hard decline in the united states i really i don't know it's either fair to i mean everybody's well it's one or the other

or it's total... What the fuck's that word everybody uses? Renaissance. It's total renaissance. I'm trying to... I'm like the bald dude from Game of Thrones.

I'm just about the realm. I'm trying to turn the fucking wood to total renaissance but, dude, it's like... Yeah. It's not looking good, man. Well, China, there's no way.

They're not ousting china dude they're it's too controlled by the internet and they have they have everything there's no there's not going to be like in a in a major western power or like a major power there's not gonna be like an armed revolution anytime soon no i think it's going to be total fucking like slight demise yeah revolutions will take place in like shitty shittier countries yeah the middle like they had the middle east had those, you know, the spring. Arab Spring and all that shit. There'll be stuff like that.

Like, Brazil, maybe. Yeah. They get a little rowdy. Yeah, Brazil's on the teetering edge, too. They got the Bolsonaire dog. Yeah, they're getting fired up. Well, someone was telling me, apparently, it's only the English-speaking countries that have this new, like, cultural reform stuff going on.

No one else has it they don't really have it as this was guy told me it's not as much in germany and elsewhere it's more so what do you mean like as far as like uh like being woke yeah germany has it germany has germany has it majorly okay germany ever since world war ii has been kind of at the forefront of like no we're woke we're woke as fuck true yeah that's true yeah yeah that makes sense and they're like real they're kind of like smug about it too yeah i know they are pretty kind of real like we sent her a miracle she made fun of your stupid president she's so cool women are so cool it's like dude you guys come on man yeah you're right actually i didn't think about you guys take a couple plays off of being smug yeah for another

century before you guys can start acting up yeah especially considering like every bad scenario is compared to like germany what you guys did yeah that's true that's also kind of makes sense they'd be the ones kind of doing that so i take that back i was misled by a a lyft driver excuse me yeah you gotta stop getting your info from well he was he was a professor of economics at Delaware County College. He was fibbing. He was driving a Lyft. Delaware County College.

He was not a professor. At Delaware County Community College, he goes, this is what's going on. Dude, it was so funny. He, yeah, also the French are confusing about that. Because the French always, you seem, like you would imagine they'd be very, very liberal. But then they'll pass legislation like you can't wear a fucking hijab around yeah it's like wait are they what are they i'd have i know i don't know if he's a frenchman or a rusky he was in my house the other day i had a guy he came did like the carpet cleaning total fucking sham dude the ruskies

are always primed for a revolution they're always terrifying they're historically this dude came into my house it's supposed to be 180 bucks to clean the carpets which first of all it's like someone comes in your house and just sprays febreze on your carpet and charge you 180 this guy comes in is like i just it i will not do it for 180 you must do 500 total deep clean it goes down and it sucks all this stuff up and i'm like bro i don't give a new house dude i'm like i don't give a fuck if you do this or not my girlfriend wants you to do it he's like he tried to say like I won't do this if you want it because he quoted $180

came to look at my house he goes it smells like your dogs right they shit pee on the rug right I'm like no dude what the fuck do you think what do you think I'm doing in here I'm like no they don't shit and pee on the rug he's trying to set you up for a real life infomercial your life is the black and white in the beginning of infomercial right dog shit everywhere

you piss all over you slip on the is the black and white in the beginning of infomercial, right? Dog shit everywhere. You piss all over. You slip on the piss. You fall. You lay in the piss. He's like, matter of fact, your dog shit on the rug, right? And I'm like, no, dude. What the fuck? And then he's just like, look, deep clean, $590.

I will not do it, the basic one. And I'm like, then get out. I don't give a fuck if this gets done or not. I'll just vacuum again. I don't care. I don't even want to do this. And he comes back. He's like, I will do. Dude, it took him literally 45 minutes he was out he just went

and squirted she like squirted febreze in my rug and left i'm like dude get the fuck out fucking asshole the ruskies still have that they're very like you know they still got the state control but it's not like china where they can really i don't know i don't know china has the china's got a hard state control but i think they can really back it don't know. China's got hard state control, but I think they can really back it up. Russia's got all these different fucking regions of mountain people.

I don't know. China, apparently, I saw a thing where you walk into the Chinese airport and if you're a person of interest, they scan your face and you're gone. They'll snatch you up in the airport. Then again, they could be fronting. Like you said, they lie. I don't know, but I think...

China. I don't know about that. I wouldn't make a statement like that. I'm just saying the fact that they're telling them they beat England. Yeah, the Chinese government is probably prone to lie. So does America. I think every government probably kind of churches up

what's going on. Yeah. America's like, we're the best. You look up vital statistics of citizen well-being and it's like, wait a second. I don't know. This is what I don't, you know, I don't have an opinion on this either way, but I wonder about monopolies just because, you know, Warren's talking about breaking up monopolies.

But I think probably an important thing to worry about is like AI and then also like 5G internet. Have you heard about that? Yeah, Hawaii, Hawaii. I can never fucking say it. Huawei or whatever. Huawei, yeah. And so the reason I think that that ties into monopolies is like, so China is basically a monopoly, right?

I mean, anything that they do, the government is going to put all its resources into that. And then Google is working on it as well. But then if you want to break up Google google don't you just like slow down their progress and then china can take over because it would need to be a u.s government funded you see what yeah we're going into like just straight totalitarian cyber systems and what you're saying our our thing is either google like links up with the government, becomes our ruler, or we accept China as our ruler. Yeah, well, I suppose. I mean, I haven't thought carefully about it.

You can think talk, dude. I think, yeah, because the idea of the benefits of a monopoly is they have a lot of money to spend in, to take risks with, for things that are like, costs a lot to take risks. So developing something that would compete with what China's doing. Yeah. Go ahead. So you guys talk. Is this all about VR porn? Yes, that's exactly what's coming up. You just want the faster speed?

No, that's good. You got to get an Oculus. What's that? Is that the thing that sits on your face? I think it's like a nice VR thing so you can jerk off with it. Sure. I'll get you one of those. Don't get me one of those.

We got to lock you up. No, we'll be tight. We got to keep you happy. You're an agoraphobe, dude. I'm not an agoraphobe. No, we'll be tight. Did you see the accusation there? I saw it.

I saw it. I'm like a duck, dude. It's right off. Yeah. Dude. I'm not. You'll get it. Your feathers will get oily, dude.

No, they don't get oily. They don't get oily. I've got nice. I've got sincere feathers. I wonder if in time, of course, when we enter our dystopian fucking cyber future, if through the Oculus Rift, people can start communicating their true realities to other people. So you're a Chinese citizen. No, this is actually what it's like over here. You send gerbs.

You're over there. You're fucking, you're cranking it. And all of a sudden, you're like, oh, fuck, one of my boys in China, and you're like, well, that's what's actually going on over there. That'd be pretty tight. You're inside, cranking it. Sure.

And he's like, see what's going on? I'm like, that's pretty bad, and you're still cranking it, and you're like, whatever, dude, I gotta get this done. Okay. But yeah, I was watching the thing about, I mean, I completely freaked out about this

and deleted all my social media, which may have been a bit rash, but the whole... No, no may have been a bit rash. No, no, no. It wasn't. Good call. I did. It was pretty cool. It was so nice, yeah.

But, dude, this is the idea of people being completely spoon-fed by an algorithm. I was on Butterly and Rainey's thing, and they were talking about on DadMeat, and they were saying, Butterly's saying how he takes total control of his algorithm. And he's like, no, no, whatever he doesn't like, he turns off. Whatever makes him feel not so great, he turns off. And it's like you have a whole group of people who are coming up on that of being able, having their thing, being completely spoon fed. Everything they take in being completely curated for them specifically. Right.

And the whole idea behind that is behavioral modification. To see what they can prompt you to do or what they can get you to click on or what kind of like, literally by watching your facial expressions and shit as you watch videos through your devices. That's fucking terrifying to be in the, that information to be in the hands of one monopoly. But again, like you say, if China's doing it anyway, what the fuck are you going to do? What about the Andrew Yang argument

that it's like, it's a winner-take-all economy, like you're not going to go to the third best search engine? True. Did you ever try another search engine besides Google? I use Bing constantly. What? But it's for work, to go to the third best search engine true do you ever tried another search engine i use bing constantly what but it's for work and it's worse and that actually makes it better because it it it gives you url like yeah explain oh explain just like google will give you more of what

you're looking for and bing will respond whether those keywords are in the URL, and that's more what I'm looking for. So if a website, there's no traffic to it, it doesn't have any value really, Bing will still show it, and Google won't. But I need that too for work. For work. I'm curious. I don't understand. He's winking at me. It's boring. It's just boring, right?

Is that how you find exotic porn? Is that a Bing? What's that? Trying right? Is that how you find exotic porn? Is that a... You gotta bang. What's that? Try to find stuff that's not... No, no. The other boys aren't watching. Wow, that's pretty cool

to go to a different porn engine or a different search engine to go for the porns you haven't seen. I don't even go to different porn sites. You don't? You're a one-trick pony. Oh, I cycle. I just stay on Pornhub.

Is that right? I haven't broken out of Pornhub in years. Shane, you gotta... Yeah, I just haven't. I've been trying to get off it, dude. I'm pretty close to getting off the Pornhub. Oh, yeah, I wanted to have an argument with you about this, too. Sure.

Because I remember we disagreed about this porn stuff. What? You don't want to... No, go ahead. Jesus Christ. Oh, it was... Jesus Christ yourself! This is what it feels like to be scrutinized.

How did I scrutinize you? No, I scrutinized you. Just now. You said what? You don't want to talk about it. What are you talking about? Anyway, it was an over-scrutinization, and then you responded negatively to it,

and I was just trying to lock that in and talk to you every fucking time. Okay, so basically, if porn was more accepted socially... It is. But go ahead. No, because if I... It's totally accepted.

What the fuck are you talking about? If you tell someone you don't watch porn, they're like, what the fuck? My understanding... Well, no, no. Of being in porn. So, like, if you... My understanding still from the interviews that I watch with porn stars is that they still get an enormous amount of blowback socially

from people that they care about. Dads. Yeah, because it's upsetting to see your daughter being gagged and strangled and coming to her butt. It's horrible to see. Okay, well, what if it's just regular sex? You're talking about the degeneration of society. This is what you want.

What I'm saying... Wait. You want a bunch of dudes and everyone is... If there was like 40 dudes who banged your daughter wearing masks, you want what i'm saying wait you're a bunch of dudes and you want everyone is if you know there's like 40 dudes who banged your daughter wearing masks you want people to be like well wait a second why would like attending that like a piano recital i feel like you're just arguing to the extreme you're arguing to the extreme it's like why you're talking if that's what she wanted what if she just wanted she was fine with having sex on camera with one person that's way different than being like absorbed by the porn industry but my point is is that the porn industry is in the in

all the ways that you don't like it is a result of us uh demonizing people that would want to do it so it's not worth the social price for people who would do it and are fine with it but they don't want to pay that social price so it's only left to people that have you know issues yeah but what okay so how are you going to know how your child responds to you getting like butt fucked by your dad on camera and everyone can see it how am i so it's all becomes on your kids so it's like you could do this this all sounds great then you have kids and your kid has to like come across your mom just like yeah i mean imagine your kid coming across your podcast yeah that's gonna be bad enough yeah i'm we're me we're basically kind of porn stars dude this is an ill-trodden path but but i think that's the point it's right it's i mean i i hear what you're saying i do i do agree with that i i think people should air out

all their dirt i do i agree with that i do people should just get out of their whole puritanical sense and just go in there's something to be said for that right just like if it's your if you knew that if i knew that my parents had done porn but could you not watch your parents if you knew it existed a hundred percent i mean on like the dark stormy night like or if your boys were like yo I saw that video of your mom dude is so funny there was a porn of one of your guys do that regardless if there was a no but like they could like have like they go I would hold the freckles like counting the freckles on your mom's back. I forgot shit. I forgot shit. That's the reason why I argue it.

Matt would do it. He would hold up your mom and be like. If my mom had a porn out, you would definitely be like. I mean, that's the thing, too. We'd all be jerking off to each other's moms. For sure. Which would be. I mean.

That's a bit liberating. Well, this is a good test of my theory. I'm not against you. No, no, no. You're right. I responded rashly and extremely, and you're right about that. What would that be like? Yeah, but then, like, oh, goddammit, man.

That would take a huge shift, because then, like, every girlfriend you ever had, you'd have to contend with the, like, visual reality of her past relationships. That might be a little daunting. Yeah. We'd all have to have Kanye west energy to be able to take that he didn't handle it great i do who the fuck could it's tough it's tough and it's like how i hear what you're saying in an ideal terms but how can we how much can we actually override our animal instincts i think a lot but then this is explicitly sort of catering to them, I suppose.

So I don't know. What about the fallout of like jealousy, all that other stuff? Like seeing your girl get dicked down before. Yeah. Look, I've already conceded the argument the moment Shane talked about holding up a... No, I think about it. Got some things to reconsider. I do think about this stuff a lot

Everyone just getting it all out And being like what's up Yeah Web history Here it is dude What's good What you got Have you typed

Instead of baseball cards For kids to start like Trading their web histories Oh god And be like this is This is me It's like job resume Like here's my history

Here's I would love to see Steve's Here's everything about That would be kind of liberating It's a lot of like Zillow. It's like watching if houses get bought. That would be liberating, though, for people to get out of everything

and just be like, here's a picture of my dick. Here's my web history. What's up, dude? Is what it is. Kind of if we kind of took like... We became like ants in a way. We're just like... I don't know, dude? Is what it is. Kind of, we kind of took like ant, we became like ants in a way. We're just like.

I don't know, dude. We just became ants. Just mindlessly working. I just, I don't know. I guess ants eat each other's dicks and stuff all the time. True. I don't know. I wrestle with this, Scurvies.

I really do. Yeah. I do. You're on, I do think you're on to something. Then I go back to like, well, what's the reality of that? How does that actually play out? Yeah. Pass like.

Matt's four steps ahead of you, bud. Sorry. No, no, no. It's all right. Don't ever bring that theory up again. No, I got to let it go. No, I don't know. You do.

I don't know. It's just that it's like, do I need to recalibrate my morality to this? Because I watch porn a ton. Yeah. So I love it. You love the women. I love those women. Yeah. Yeah. But it's it. You love the women. I love it. You love those women. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's also, so how much do you think, do you believe that watching porn negatively affects human relationships? I mean, I don't have great, you know, I don't have, I'm not, Yeah, you're an agoraphobe.

If you were to, I'm not an agoraphobe. I mean, there's a, you know, there's a, You just stay inside. I don't like parties. You stay inside and you masturbate. I don't like staying inside and you don't like parties emily dick in hand i wish i could i want to be an agoraphobe like parties no no it's the exact opposite of you

because he he when the last time i saw you was at helium the whole thing it's just like it's the exact opposite he wants a lot of people there he mills and he talks and he's just boom boom boom and he's in and out and i'm just like i i want one person oh i don't want that's sweet you know heard that um but anyway yeah uh what was i saying about porn you know we're talking about the negative drop yeah i mean i pay i'll pay to like uh you know like a porn Pornhub thing if I'm watching. Oh, you're paying. Yeah, because I feel like that, you know, I guess depending on which way you look at it,

either I'm incentivizing somebody to keep doing it, but I also feel like. So you're economically, you're like, you're getting into like the economics. So after you come. You're like the Adam Smith of porn. Yeah. The invisible hand. It's like giving yourself a stranger. Jerk off with the invisible hand.

So you're a patron of the pornographic arts. So you'll ejaculate and then sit there and be like, you know what? I owe her a buck. Yes. That's crazy. I mean, she's probably dead, too. She definitely roofied herself at a party that's the thing they get chewed up and spit out pretty fucking hard and fast yeah that's the worst like you find like a young porn star like where it's like oh nice she's so

hot and then you see like four videos down what she looks like now yeah it's like giant fake tits and fake face and like oh why'd you change she's got like methadone body she's all like fucking yeah yeah i mean that's terrible that's like the shining that scene where you see like that beautiful woman get out of the tub and then he looks in the mirror and sees what she looks like you know what i'm talking about no no i've never seen the shining you never You've never saw The Shining? No, no. I saw it a long, long time ago. Well, there's a part where Jack is in this hotel room and a really hot naked lady's in a tub and she gets out and starts walking towards him. Then they start making out and he looks in the mirror

and she's dead. Her body's decaying. She had died there. And I'm saying that's what it's like to see a young porn star. It's like, oh, you're great. And then you scroll three videos down and it's like, oh no, what happened? Did you ever get into The theories of The Shining?

How they have Young's Red Book on the office? And I think it's in the beginning. What about the Apollo missions and shit? No, the Red Book is when Young broke down and had a bunch of crazy hallucinations and stuff. I have to watch the documentary. Yeah. C.G. Young, bro.

My boy. What about him? What does he have to do with The Shining? His book is found on the dude's desk in, I think, the very beginning. C.G. Young. C.G. Young, bro. My boy. What about him? What does he have to do with The Shining? His book is found on the dude's desk in, I think, the very beginning. Oh, okay. And they're pointing, they're saying that. Who's the guy who did The Shining? It's filmed, right?

Stephen King and Stanley Kubrick. Stanley Kubrick. They said he's a master of, like, throwing little tiny things in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're saying they explore, like, if Hal, reading that book, what it means to that. Anyway, I'm just, you know. I hear you. I'm not going to give up.

Just die. Come on, man. I'm not going to give up gonna shouldn't even be on the air right now with this but gerbs i do can again what would it take to get people over the hump of seeing their sweet little princess seeing their angel get pounded getting this like totally dogged just used how many generations do you think it would take i don't know and what do you are there negative drawbacks to forsaking physical real life interaction for pornography i'm sure there are i'm sure there are well i go back and forth on it because i try to shuck porn off and then i have all my cum inside me and i'm like i can't live like this either so i need to get it out so

i am kind of glad it exists but it is like it's a quagmire bro it is it's a quagmire dude it's a huge quagmire and i i you know i want to be against porn but every now and again like last night couldn't fucking sleep last night last night no man would you watch would you watch uh squirting vids obviously the uh squirting comp took it back to squirting comp was pretty tight There it is Yo it was so funny Go ahead Please Please No no no

Go ahead Well we can circle back There is We can circle back See this is another thing That I think I won't forget this You know how they always

Like follow your interests In life And like do Like some people It's like Poor I mean obviously One of your interests

Is squirt comps Yeah What if you just wanna like Fucking bolt your door shut And jerk off Till interest is squirt comps yeah what if you just want to like fucking bolt your door shut and jerk off till you die squirt comps anyway so continue so there's a score why don't you get into producing and directing no no no why don't you no no why i'm not because i guess the same thing that you're you're talking about it's like it i i think you could make you could i mean i have jerked off to like what's called like women-friendly tasteful porn yeah it's all right you know it's like it's the bud light

it's cool i could probably drink 12 of these yeah yeah no i do like passionate you ever watch like hardcore kissing porns i have watched that it's kind of nice that is nice they just kiss really are girlfriend girlfriend porn so hot girlfriend points is pretty tight girlfriend points where I've watched that. It's kind of nice. That is nice. They just kiss really hard. Girlfriend, girlfriend porn. It's so hot. Girlfriend porn is pretty tight. Girlfriend porn is where they go out on like a date first. Yeah,

and they like start kissing. I love you so much. You guys call me. He's like, I love you so much. Really? I've never watched that. I like real,

I'm really always scanning for like a real, real facial intimacy. I like when I, when it's like deadpan, it's like, oh, fuck my gaping asshole i'm like i don't know yeah that's a lot of times i'll google like uh with a particular

ad it's like that like favorite scene you know because they'll give like interviews and then talk about their favorite scene and then you can go back and watch it knowing that she's really into it wow that's pretty sick dude also that's awesome whoa my dude uh who the fuck was telling me about this i think it might have been the spud dog don't know don't want to air him out was saying there's shit on reddit where girl there's subreddits where girls will be like this is my favorite porn that i can't stop watching and then you could read about why a girl likes this porn and then jerk off to that porn knowing this girl finds that porn that would do it for me yeah dude exactly yeah that sounds pretty fucking good

i heard that i was like whoa which is i guess like a bit of a community aspect to porn now if you could slowly start kind of i mean really we all had it figured out and we all jerked off together in the basement that was the kind of you're telling me i mean it was figured out that was man discovering fire. You and your boys getting together, dancing around the flame. That was nice. Is that story still up about the... You took it down. No, I didn't. Cliff?

Yeah. Yeah, that was your YouTube. Yeah, I didn't take anything down. I sent you the thing in case you wanted to take it down. I didn't take it down. Okay, then it's still up then. YouTube went on a spree. When there was the first group...

No, the Cliff story is not up. People have asked me about it. 100% spree when there when there was the first group story is not up people have asked me about a hundred percent i'll say when they were when the first really a hundred percent i i sent you that email that was like because i didn't know what you were gonna want to do yeah no during during the first day i left during that first batch of um fucking like anonymous video accounts i went on and was like the block was super hot and i was like yo youtube fucking kill this shit oh and i think youtube went like youtube might have went because i remember there's a bunch of other stuff that got taken down i was like no i like that one why'd that get taken down yeah so i went out i was like the fuck out of here with this shit yeah that's the one funny thing of people who will just like i'm the lord of the internet and i can post

whatever i want it's like yeah well i'm the lord of the i'm your fucking devil and i can flag whatever the fuck i want to so fuck you like consider me your personal lucifer but yeah i mean or just wait till the fucking block cools down bro but the um that's but yeah when those first whole episodes came out i was like man get the fuck out of here with this shit because it's it's our stuff but again we live in the age of the internet so it's you know whatever you can have it too just when i come knocking on your door in your apartment door like do you have a place to stay you better let me the fuck in yeah man you better put down the scissors dude i come trembling to your door yeah because it's there's yeah the youtube stuff with our stuff really fucking

bothers me yeah it really fucking annoys me also to be like like i'm a free because like i reached out to a few of these guys personally and just like hey could you please take that down for a little while just chill and just give me like six months please just take that shit down for a few months and like no i'm helping you and here's your business plan this is what you need to be doing on your patreon like all of a sudden they're coaching me in my career it's like dude you won't even tell me your fucking name, you pussy. Don't tell me how to run

my fucking career. He might come tell you, dude. It's just annoying. I know, it's annoying as fuck. And it's also, it's like, is that the real motive, dude? Or are you like,

I don't know, kind of aggrandizing on a thing and being like, plugging into it in a way where you're like, I have subscribers now. Yeah, it's like, dude, just like if you're a- First of all, you don't want them. You don't want them. where you're like, I have subscribers now. Yeah. It's like, dude, just like,

if you're a, first of all, you don't want them. You don't want them. If you're a fan of our podcast, just why would you not like listen to us when we're asking you to help? Like that's not, we don't want your,

like, don't go against us to help us. 99% of people batting down the hatches. When I went to the, when the, when everything, everything happened, the subreddit locked down

hard dude that was actually I was like kind of proud of that people were like let me get the links people were like fuck you dude get out of here

I was like man that's awesome and I do like knowing that they exist and they're floating around but yeah it's like we need to split up into splinter cells we can't have fucking heroes

out here being like oh I got all of them it's like bro just let us handle our shit we'll do it use some use some fucking judgment talk to some boys here you go we got all of them. It's like, bro, just let us handle our shit. We'll do it. Use some fucking judgment. Talk to some boys.

Here you go. We yell politic. This is uranium. You're dealing with enriched uranium, bro. Deal accordingly, dude. Don't be a hero, dude. Now, why am I catching shit

for just handling uranium in a delicate way? Steve, I don't care at all what you do. See how he does that it's important for you to know that see that hurts my feelings

it hurts my feelings it's a slam apathy apathy is worse no like me joking around about you distancing yourself I don't care I wasn't hurt by that at all

I understand what you're doing it's okay but you claim no distance no no no he admitted you claim popping up the collar dude and moving through the shadows to his crime he confessed his crime to me a crime and i said

there are you are forgiven my son for i don't accept your i forgive you i don't i don't i'm not asking for you are you blocking his sign of the cross what i'm saying is that there are other people who have jobs on the line. And it's just like, just tow this thing because we've got other... And then there's this whole other scenario with him trying to jump back on this thing. And so it's like, I just... I don't know what to do. I'm not you. Everything's okay.

I told you that the whole time. I mean, I'll fuck with you for sure. But everything's fine. So this is a hot potato. It's not a... It's not. It's not a hot... He thinks it is, but it's not. So this is a hot potato. It's not. It's not. It's not. He thinks it is, but it's not.

Right. Well, I don't. I'm exercising an abundance of caution. Gosh. Yeah. But then again. Want to switch to the page? Sure.

What do you want to do? Yeah, I don't care. Let's switch to the page. Let's rip to the page right now. We'll do a little something.