Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - The Presidents - Part Four (feat. Louis C.K.)

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod louisck.com The final chapter. Please enjoy. God bless.

What president? We just got done. Well, maybe we're done. So this is what Carter did. He put on a sweater. He said, cool it, guys. Put on a sweater and people said, go fuck yourself. Yes.

I rank the Iranian hostages. Yeah, that was the what? How long was that? How many days was that? Isn't that a new idea? There's a bunch of days for on there. I don't know. What a lot of whatever it was.

I was told like pretty much day one or two into Reagan. They fucking they were like now more. No, so Reagan got to take credit for the Carter more than anything wanted to free the hostages before he lot left office and he actually did that. He was up all night for several nights. He was haggard. There's a great story about the date of an argue Reagan's

inauguration that Carter went to get him. They that's the tradition is the sitting president goes and collects the new president and takes him escorts him. So the story was that he went to Reagan's hotel room where he was staying and Hote and him and Nancy were Reagan was putting on his tie and Nancy was getting dressed and it was like fuck smell in the room. I remember reading this somewhere, which you have to the

Carter. Yeah, the Carter was like, wow, they fuck. They're like in it. Stinks like sex in here. Yeah, fuck these freaks. Yeah, they just power over her. Horny from the power. He just assumed he gave her another pearl necklace.

Yes. And so that was the thing he was coming out with Nancy was good at giving head. I don't know what that was Nancy really look into it. Frank Sinatra says that he had a very important secret to singing is that you eat an apple and you wait an hour and then you throw it up because it creates a gravel in your throat and gives you texture.

He learned this from Nancy Reagan. It's only one way that a woman would learn this trick is cause she's fucking believe it. One day she ate an apple. She threw up and then she's like, I sound great. So the next time she worked with Sinatra, she's like, you know, you should do Frank. Yeah.

And she spread it is like a trick of the trade. That was Nancy Reagan. She probably did it with come to I don't know. Yeah, I think she did it with come. These people are all dead. So it's fine. Yeah. But so Nancy and Ron, this was Jimmy had this Jimmy Carter had

this in his unsleeping had this little observation that Reagan was grumpy on inauguration. He didn't feel like doing it and that they had just fucked and then they all got in the limo together and Jimmy got the news that the hostages were being freed. But Reagan got to announced it. So Ronald Reagan. Yeah, it's funny.

I get all these legends from my Republican family. So like, I'll tell you what? There's that pussy Carter couldn't get it done. They want a Reagan. That's right. Well, those Muslims knew. Yeah, you don't fuck with a Republican. That's right.

So Reagan and I heard this. My my legend. So who knows which one's real? But Reagan was fascinating. President two terms. There was a. Oh, I got one. Did Nixon.

Did Nixon start the war on drugs? I think it was Nixon. I know Reagan and Reagan was huge on it. Yes. He would Nancy Reagan said just say no, yeah, which was hated because people were addicted to drugs. Yeah, also AIDS started with Reagan and Reagan. I mean, he's he was the first age he fucked the monkey.

He fucked Bonzo. He fucked the monkey. But yeah, there's a bunch of movies about him and a monkey. Yeah, Bonzo bedtime for Bonzo. He fucked Bonzo. That's where Bonzo Bonzo is Nancy. I think I got AIDS from so Reagan. He was there's a piece of footage of Reagan.

There's a documentary about Huckleberry Finn and it's about how it gets banned and then rebought, refound and banned throughout history. Huckleberry Finn has been banned by liberals who don't like the N word and then conservatives who don't like whatever they and it just keeps going back and forth. And Mark Twain to some quote where Mark Twain said, I knew when I created Huck, he'd get in trouble his whole damn life.

Like he knew that this was going to happen. Okay. So there's a character in the Huckleberry Finn. I'm going to say his name's name. Wow. Wow. That was his name. Now, now this won't be on YouTube.

It'll just get it'll just get yes. Yes. So there's a there's footage of Reagan doing some tribute to Mark Twain and like whatever he's doing, he's opening a center or something and he says, he goes and who could forget the wonderful stories of Huckleberry Finn and his friend, Jim. And you can see him look off and you know that there's guys going, do we talk about this?

Like there's no, don't say that's it, but that's it. I mean, I read the books. That's his name, fellas. You can't say it. Oh, well, geez. I mean, that makes no sense. It's in the goddamn book. And so that you can see it.

Don't say that. His friend, that's him. Yeah. Fuck this country. God damn it. Don't say that, but then go ahead and get a war on drugs. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't say that word. Yeah. But so Reagan Reagan was, you know, his whole great. He was a president of SAG and then he was a governor of California. Hated hippies. Just fucking hated them so much. I gotta be honest. I think I would have, too.

I think I probably would have hated. I think I would have hated hippies. Yeah. George is George Harrison. There's an interview with him where he went to hate Ashbury. He's like, I heard they're all and he was like, they were just disgusting drug addicts. So yes, hippies are gross.

They always were. So Reagan, I mean, there's so much about Reagan for fuck's sake. He two terms and George Bush was his vice president cold war. Cold war, you know, Mr. Gorbachev take down this wall. Yes. And he called the Soviet Union, the evil empire. Yeah.

And then there was that crazy when they went to Ricky Vic, like they got really close. He did have an obsession with bringing down the proliferation of nuclear weapons. It was something that he cared about. And so they had a treaty. They had a shot at a treaty and they went flew to Ricky Vic Iceland, the two of them, and it was this exciting time where there might be this treaty signed. And then there was this awful midnight footage, which you can also see of the

two of them leaving at the same time. And they're and Reagan's gone now and going like, you know, what do you want from you? Reagan's going now, man, no fucking way. And they get in their cars and they leave and it was like shit. Yeah, it was scary. We're going to keep nooks and it looked like something worse might happen. But Gorbachev was a was an interesting dude.

You know, something interesting was going on there different from the other guys. Yeah. But so Reagan, I'm trying to remember the thing I was going to say about him. He. Fuck. Well, he was shot and I remember. Yeah, that's the one I wanted to talk about.

So I went to that guy's out. What's that? He just got out. Hinkley's out. Hinkley's out. There's pictures. There's there's like TMZ taking pictures of him. I think if I sell Hinkley, that'll help me.

Only if it's for Jody Foster. You think if I can. Yeah, somebody's around. Somebody's got to fuck Jody Foster. Somebody I mean, in connection with that. Yes. So what? What did she say?

That's my favorite. Got out. Apparently she was like, actually was kind of impressed. No. She said that I heard something else. I heard that she was talking like Phoebe Kates or something. She was being funny and she said to Phoebe Kates like, hey, nobody ever shot the president for you, huh?

You're something like that. And there's a million stories that's really foster taking, you know, which all might be. I think didn't Ed Hinkley. I think he used to call her and like leave voicemails. I don't know anything about. I think she was in college. I don't think they had voicemail them.

And you know what I mean? Yeah. Answering machine. He would call me like center tapes. He's like, wait till you see what the fuck. Wait till you see. I love you. Please watch.

Make sure you're watching TV. I went to my killer. He just got fucked up. My my mom hated Ronald Reagan, hated him since the 70s. And she saw him coming. He there was a thing about Reagan that was like Trump for for Democrats, which was it was like it's a nightmare scenario. Reagan is a nightmare scenario.

It's the end of all things. He is the worst guy in the world and they had connections between him and white supremacy, like a bunch of them like the place he gave his first speech as a candidate. Yeah, is a famous horrible. It's where the students were were in Mississippi. Yeah, it was like in that. It was like he's standing on their fucking car that they took out of the mud.

Not that, but you know, he was there. So a lot of people made connections with that shit, but people hated Ronald Reagan before he was president. When he won, I remember my mom being deeply disturbed by it. And and so there was this feeling he's not a good guy. We have a bad president from some people's point of view. And then other people you were very aware. Yeah, fucking loved the guy.

I mean, so much and the his the mask, the rubber mask of him, what became a thing and SNL was making fun of him and all this stuff. But there were these people that just absolutely they loved Reagan without any reason, without any. And some people were on his side, all kinds of stuff. But there's a lot of Democrats who just couldn't stand. Yeah. But, you know, life went on and then when he got shot, I went to

my friend Jeff Drew's house and he said the president just got shot. And these are two foot things. I remember watching on live TV again now later. One was that and one was I'm more Sidot being assassinated. The whatever president of I'm sorry, but I don't remember if it was fucking Egypt or Israel, but it was a. Sidot was killed and I was watching it on the news. There's Israel.

I don't know. While there was later somebody got shot in Israel. Yeah, I'm fucking up all the names. Yeah, that was when Clinton was president. So I'm more Sidot was on a military. They were having a parade and there was troops marching in front of him and they turned around and fucking that's gotta be Egypt. Yeah, probably.

That sounds about. I mean, it was not through hand grenades. It was his guys and they turned around and just riddle. There was a bunch of guys like at a dais like a whole bunch of dignitaries and they just get what? And I was watching this. I was watching the live news and they broke in and said, I mean, it's somewhat watching.

There was a special report that used to be a big thing. Now it's every breaking news break breaking. Yeah, breaking news on where Sidot is dead. We have footage. It's straight out of the beta cam and it hasn't been edited. We're going to warn you that this hasn't been edited. I and I watched this footage of a guy just watching the fucking parade and then the lens goes down and then he goes up on the bandstand

and what and you see a guy holding his own arm with what the fuck and there's like strands of blood and stuff and muscle and he's holding it in these days like ask asking people walking by like, what do I do with my arm? Like that kind of thing and just blood. I mean, I saw I was a kid and I saw that on TV and the other thing was Reagan had just been shot when I got to Jeff's house and we sat down and we watched that footage.

Yeah, you know, of him like the dumb one. And you know, he got thrown into the limousine and Hinkley his own guy jumped on. Did he kill one of the guys? He killed. Oh yeah, he killed he killed a cop. He James Brady took who was the press secretary took one to the head and was like this for the rest of his life and the Brady bill was

this big gun. His his whole life became about gun control. Oh, I think he was started by his family by by James Brady, who was Reagan Republican, conservative, Reagan's press secretary. He was his spokesman. Very, very brilliant guy who suddenly was like this and talk like that and he would make speeches and his wife would help him and the Brady bill was like we of course we're going to pass this because

it was in a lot of Republicans were in favor of it. But the NRA was just a motherfucker. There was no way to to pass it. You're looking up James Brady. No, I'm just looking at how funny Hinkley is now. Look at him. He's just leaving a subway. Oh, he looks exactly like me.

He's doing pretty good. He looks like me. He's got the same body playing guitar. Good for you, John. To CNN, boy, man who shot Reagan is now posting love songs online. Hey, he's like, I got to get chicks the old fashioned way. Sing him a song.

He was just leaving subway. I used to shoot presidents to impress girls and now I just sing him a song like a good old boy. I hope he gets pussies. Well, he's in there. That's a subway. It's getting nice subway just like Jared. If he keeps eating those, he can get skinny like Jared and now he's

going to get some pussy. He can be a kid fucking president murdering guitarist. This guy's not done. He's got his brand. He's still building his brand. He's got a shot. I mean, he looks young and healthy. It's funny to be fat and be like, I'm trying to get pussy.

I can get all this story. I couldn't go to the gym that he had. There's these are the legends. He had dinner at George Bush's house apparently like a couple of weeks before he shot the president. No, look up John Hinckley and the Bush family. Their families were linked. The Hinckley's, I think, gave money to the Bushes or something like that.

But apparently Hinckley was a guest in a Bush house. An alarmingly short amount of time before he shot President Reagan. And a very interesting thing about it is that George Bush was where? When he was, when Reagan was shot, you know where George Bush was? When Reagan was shot? Texas. He was in Texas. This is the thing about Texas.

Was he in Dallas when Kennedy was shot? That's what folks say. And he was at like Texas is this place to like, like it feels like. He was, he was skull and bones. But oh, yeah, skull and bones very big. George Bush and we'll get to him, but George Bush was a power nerd. And he was a guy who really hated the shooting. The shooter's father, John Hinckley, Sr.

was friends with George HW Bush. Yes. So he's like a regular, regular contributors to the Bush campaign. Yes. How's your son? How's your, how's your boy, John? Oh, I gotta tell you. It's trouble.

He's troubled. Troubled, is he? Yeah, I don't know what's going on with. Maybe I should have a talk with him. He's like, Hey, you want to fuck Jody Foster? Oh, he's like, so tell me what's going on. I'm just really into just really into just really into Jody. I'm just really in love with Jody Foster.

I know that's weird. I'm in love with Jody Foster. Well, you know, son, you can't just sit on your, on your keyster. You got to do something. I mean, what could you do to get her? You know, well, how should I get her? I wrote her letters. I wrote her hundreds of letters.

Uh, girl like that. She's famous. You got to do something. Everybody for everyone to see. Yeah. I'll tell you who she hates. Do something that's going to make everybody see. I just talked to Jody.

You know who she really hates? I mean, if you were to do something to, you know what they say. Now was, was, was, uh, was Lenin dead yet? Lenin was 1980. He was shot in December. And when was Kennedy, when you Kennedy, when was Reagan shot? When was Lenin shot? Important dates.

So Reagan was shot 81. So right after, um, fucking Chapman, David Chapman killed, uh, Lenin. Yeah. And he said, the Beatles changed the world and I changed the Beatles. You know what that, you know, that Chapman Phil said, I read this in Rolling Stone magazine. He said, Beatles changed the world. And gosh, they sure did.

And I changed the Beatles. That's what he said. So I don't know. I mean, a fella could find someone who's really changed in the world. I don't know. I mean anyone, you know, Stevie Wonder. We're at Ronald Reagan and Ronald Reagan and maybe take, you know, have an effect on his life.

I mean, what do you, you know, anyway, so yeah. So, so Hinkley was like, I don't know why you're talking, talking about that. I know what you're saying. And so then he went to his bedroom and he looked in the drawer and he found a gun. He's like, where's this gun come from? I left something for you. I left you a little something.

You know, you have to do something. Yeah. So if you're the vice president and you have anything to do with the president being shot, you need to be in Texas because if there's any sort of like where we have word that vice president, whatever. And then the governor of Texas is like, we're not extraditing. Like it's the one place he might be able to pull up and maybe even stage a coup from.

He's like, no, we're the Republican Texas now. Like it could work. So Bush is in Texas and he refuses to come to Washington. It was a big deal because he just should have taken and taken over, but he refuses to come to Washington. He's like, I'm not going. I'm not going to show up in the White House while the Gippers fighting for his life.

He had big statements about it, but he stayed away. He stayed and it got really chaotic. As we all know, there's a great movie. How long was Reagan out? Um, I think a few days, but Nancy. So there's an amazing movie made by HBO called the day the president was shot. Richard Crenna plays Reagan and Richard Dreyfus plays Alexander Hague.

And it's like a comedy in a way. But anyway, um, when Nixon was in the, in the, uh, I mean, when Reagan they drove him to George, there's a hospital that's for the president. First of all, the cottage, the White House, they have a emergency room. They have everything there, but he was bleeding. He was spitting blood. So, uh, and he got him. He fucking shot him in the armpit.

President of the limo shot him. And then he, and then he thought his bodyguard jumped on him. And then he said, I think you broke my rib. He, that's what he thought happened. He said, I think he broke my ribs. So they, so they, they were going to go back to the White House to get him looked at, but then, uh, then he started spitting lots of blood. And so they went straight to George Washington hospital, which was just

a fucking homeless people out front and the fucking limousine by itself just screeches up and they brought a gurney, but the president said, I'm not going in on my back. You're not doing that. What? It's true. And he walked in. And this great, this, there's a movie.

This movie, the best part is showing him. Hello walking by and you see this black guy go like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like just 80s black guys or in front of a hospital, like their wife's fucking having a baby. They're smoking. And that's the fucking president. And he's like, hello.

And then he, as soon as he got, as soon as he got inside. Hey, fellas, yes, he crumbled and, uh, they got him on the, uh, on the gurney and they're going and he, he came to at one moment because the nurse was holding his hand and he said, does Nancy know about you and me? And then, uh, right before he went on a charming devil. Yes. The, the doctors, right before anesthesia, they said, Mr.

Brooks, they had to tell him, he was the head of the fucking world and there was no, he was in charge and they didn't know. Do we, do we, he's going under anesthesia and they said, Mr. President, we're going to put you under. We have to get this bullet out of you. And it was an exploding bullet. So the doctors were all in danger. Hinkley, Hinkley exploding.

What? And it was next to his heart. It was like leaning against his heart like this, the bullet. And so the doctors said, we got to get this bullet out of you. So I'm going to put you under now. And he said, I hope that you guys are Republicans and the doctor who was not a Republican said, Mr. President today, we're all Republicans and he saved his life.

But he was extremely, I mean, he was on death's door for a few days. Now. The White House has Alexander Hague saying, I'm, I'm in charge here at the White House. I'm, I'm, he was the secretary of state. He had no business saying that. He was like, by the, he made up this thing by the success, laws of succession, I would be next.

It's like, no, no. You're like 20th down. And meanwhile at the, at the hospital, Nancy's there with the chief of staff and there was a battle between the White House and the guys at the hospital. So they needed to prove that Reagan was functioning as a president. So they needed a photograph and they needed him to do a piece of business. So they had a, the dairy bill and some bill that's like for dairy subsidies that needed to be signed.

Jackpot for those guys. Yes. We did. That's what it was. Milk people milk people did the whole thing for another 15 cents on a fucking carton of milk. So Nancy got enlisted and they said, you need to do this and you need to handle them like you handled them in the movies.

And so she put makeup on his face and she like slaps Ron. You got to wake up and they have, and they leaned his bed up like this and she just kept trying to wake him up. And this is all in the movie done very well, but it's true. And they took a picture of him like, like a really weird picture that I think did more harm than good. And then he signed that he said he looks great. Yeah.

Sign the dairy bill is a great pick. The girl, one great picture is very rare to find of Reagan. He had like, he had many operations. He was a very sick and dying old man. Yeah. He had some brain like something taken off his brain or something. So he had had his half of his head was shaved. And it won't, and he was coming out of the airplane and he had a baseball

cap on and he went like, like this and Nancy's going. She's like horrified and he thought it was funny. Half his head is shaved. It's creepy. I saw that picture once I never saw it again. Uh, so anyway, Reagan survived obviously. And then that just was a massive lift. Yeah.

I was a kid. My mother hated Reagan and I was just like, yeah, good, you know, good for you. You know, everybody was happy for him. Yeah, there it is. There it is. Oh my God. Yeah, she's really mad. Yes.

Uh, so Reagan. I raise a guy rock it. I ran contra happens. They were, uh, using, there were still some hostages and I ran and they were offering the Iranians weapons in exchange for hostages and money. And then they were going to use the money to fund the Contras and, um, in El Salvador. Yeah.

And it was all done by this guy, Oliver North North. Yeah. I'll Colonel Oliver North. It was Reagan. It was dirty. It was a dirty Reagan thing and Reagan said, I take responsibility for it because I'm not sure what I remember that I was told about this and we're looking into it, but make no mistake.

It's my responsibility. Very nobody does that anymore. Yeah. So he did that and that kind of got him through it and it made people believe that he was really looking into it. And then they pinned it all on this guy who I remember his hearings was a big it was the biggest deal since, since Watergate. I ran Contragate.

That's what they, it was first thing that they gate that they said gate about. And, um, Oliver North was, he said, I don't think that he said somebody pitched the, somebody pitched this idea to me of the missiles and then the money and he said, I thought it was a neat idea. And when everybody heard him say that they, it became plausible that this fucking dummy did, he just was stupid and crazy and that he did it. He later ran for governor of Virginia as a Republican. Might be West Virginia.

I'm sorry, but Chuck Todd, who was the, that lieutenant that sent the tape to Yeah. Lyndon Johnson's son-in-law who was thought to be the next great. He was supposed to be the next Kennedy, but he had a bad coke habit, but, but he was cool enough to be a Senator, who's Senator from my think West Virginia for years and he just didn't care anymore. So there's another great documentary about called the perfect candidate and it's a really great, um, it's a documentary about him running against

Oliver North decided after all this shit had happened, he's going to run and it teaches you something about presidential politics. That's why I'm bringing it up. So Chuck Todd was a Democrat. He's like one of these guys you have now, you know, just a machine Democrat. Like there's a scene in the documentary where, uh, reporter asks him, what do you think of, uh, furlough programs and prisons? And he goes, what?

I don't, I didn't, I didn't make it. I didn't say anything about, I haven't said anything about that. It goes, well, what do you think about it? It goes, I've never, I haven't changed, I haven't changed my position on, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I have a good, very good record on crime. And he goes, I'm just asking your opinion. Yeah. And he goes, well, I, I, I, I appreciate the work that everybody has done.

And he walked away and the guy's like, I can't even get an opinion out of this guy. That's who is running, right? He's a tool. Yeah. And he's the Democrat. And then Oliver North, he announces his candidacy in a black church, all black ladies, and he's this notorious guy.

And he says, he says, I've made terrible, terrible mistakes in my life. When you hear the black women, oh, yeah, don't forgive him. Oh, and he goes, and I'm a bad man. I've been a bad man, but there's one thing I love. And that's the people who West Virginia, he starts crying. Oh my God. Love him. They love him.

And he's winning the fucking, he's going to be a senator, a big deal. And then right at the end of the documentary, Clinton, who is just sweeping the country, comes in and spends like two days just going, you got you, you know, Chuck Todd is the only man in this. And he just and the black women love Clinton and he, he put him over the top. Okay. Reagan gets old. He gets Alzheimer's while he's in office.

Nancy Reagan very openly talked about this once he was dead because Alzheimer's became her issue. And so she didn't mind giving his legacy away because it was more important to take care of the disease. So she gave us some great stories. One of them was that she was at the white. She was always at meetings and he's, he told a funny story. Hey, and then ate some chicken and then he told it again.

Oh, no, told it twice. And everyone was there at me, so whoever the guys and and she said in his presence, do you guys see this? Yeah, does anybody like, do we see what's happening here? Cause she was really concerned. You're like, no, no, no. So they started having meetings about it and there's a great story. Reagan's doctor, you can look it up.

Um, decided it was time to, uh, to talk about it. He examined Reagan and then he went to Reagan's ranch in California and Reagan was chopping wood. He, his body never gave up on him. He was as fucking strong as a piece of oak. He was chopping wood in a red flannel. You could just see this, you know, on his ranch and the doctor comes up and he says, uh, he says, Mr.

President, I got an issue. He says, some of us think that you might be losing your mental capacities. And right now you're okay, but you're declining and I need to know what to do if I perceive that cause I can't talk to you once you lose your mind. Yeah, we can't have this conversation. Maybe in a year or so, I won't be able to have this conversation with you cause you won't be cognizant. So while you're still okay and I think you are, I need to ask, I need instructions

from you. What do I do when I believe that you left the earth and Reagan just took it as a piece of business, took off his leather gloves and he said, well, uh, speak to Nancy and speak to the chief of staff and, uh, the, the head Democrat speaker, the, however is the number one Democrat, get them in a room and make a committee and tell them I'll do whatever they say. And so that didn't end up happening. Yeah.

The second time he won the presidency was a moment for me to was a kid cause he won and it was just every time a president wanted Nixon, you know, this whole thing and, and then when Reagan won the second time, they, he didn't, he wasn't with balloons. He was in a hotel room and footage you can find of him and they cut to all these Republicans cheering and they cut to him and Nancy on a couch watching on a TV holding hands and they look really upset. They're just sitting there and he's literally going like this.

And it was this, it may have been performative, but the signal was, I got it. I have to do it. It's my duty, but I'm an old, I don't want to do it. This is a grave responsibility. He took it seriously and he was frowning when he, when he learned that he won. And that was a, that was a big character moment. Yeah. By an actor, of course, but nonetheless, it was a big deal.

A lot of it's, a lot of it's acting. A lot of these guys. Yes. And that's, uh, that's Reagan. And then Bush ran against Mike Dukakis. This is where I'm starting to become somewhat cognizant. I was starting to, okay. Yeah, I don't know.

No, no, no, I don't remember. I barely remember Clinton. Bush Clinton is like the first election. I remember being like, yeah, that's amazing to me. Yeah. Amazing Clinton. Well, cause I remember that's so funny. Here's his Obama.

I remember that's so funny to me. Bush's W is inauguration. That's like the first political thing I remember. It's incredible to me cause Clinton was a change, a sea change. Yeah. Because Bush, so Bush ran against Mike Dukakis, who was the governor of Massachusetts, where I was from. So he was our governor and he was running against Jesse Jackson in the primaries

and Jesse Jackson was just like killing. He was out there making these speeches. People loves the Jackson. What's that? Is that Jaime town? Hi, Jesse Jackson. He called New York. Hi, me town.

Was he in like the garden? Yeah. I think he said it. He called New York City. Hi, me town. Yes, he sure did. I like that. And so he Jesse Jackson attacked Cedric the entertainer many years

later for a character. He played in Barbershop where he says fuck Rosa Parks. Everyone's sick of hearing about Rosa Parks. It's a really funny scene where he's a black guy saying, I don't give a shit about Rosa Parks. And Jesse Jackson said he never should have said that. She's a, you know, you don't touch this woman with your humor and he's yelled at and Cedric was a religious guy and you know, he was upset.

And I was pissed off of Jesse and I just did some once in a while. I do this kind of dumb thing. I called the fucking his the rainbow coalition. That's his office in Chicago and this woman answered the phone. Hello. And I go, I have a complaint about Jesse Jackson. She goes, who are you? I said, I'm just a citizen.

And I don't agree with what she said. And he says, he don't care what you think, young man. And she hung up. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Cause you know, I sometimes I've called the White House like four times in my life and said, Hey, you know, and they say, yes, tell me the thing.

And they politely take it down. I called Trump when Trump was like not, not conceding the election. Yeah. I called the White House and it was deep into it. Yeah. And usually it's like, hello, White House is a switchboard operator on the and you say, I want to make a complaint. And she says, yes, I'll put you through and they either, you know,

they give you a voicemail or they put somebody who just writes down. Thank you very much. They take your comment and you just figured it's one of a trillion. But when I called Trump's White House, some guy, you could hear a loosened tie and no and shade unshaving somebody goes, hello, White House. And I go, hi, I want to make a complaint. He goes, what? I want to make a complaint.

He goes, ah, look, please just go to the website. Can you just go to the website? And I said, I said, are you okay? And he goes, not great. I swear to God, I had this conversation. He was not great. I said, okay, well, I hope you have a better day. He said, thank you.

I do appreciate that. So it was at that point, the White House is in a place where it was like, Trump's like, somebody get the fucking phone. The fucking phone is really like, nobody's left. It was the end of Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Everybody is falling apart or nuts. But so, yeah.

So Jesse Jackson was running in a great comedian named Barry Kremlitz. I can't believe you're calling the White House. I call the White House occasionally. You're a fucking radio. Talk shows sometimes. I called a radio talk show and spoke to John McCain on the phone once on the radio. Yeah. What'd you tell him?

He was in New York campaign campaigning or Bloomberg. He was campaigning for Bloomberg to be mayor. Bloomberg was running against Mark Green, who was a firebrand, like anti-establishment guy. And I called McCain and I said, first of all, you should be supporting Mark Green because he's just like you. And he said, I love Mark Green. Like I got him to say. It's like, Mark Green is a great guy, but, you know, Mike's got it.

Mike Bloomberg's got it. And I said, also, you should run for president. He's like, no, no, no, stop. Get it. Get him off the phone. I was like, get him off the phone. Yeah. So that was my, and then later I met McCain at the Tonight Show.

I was the lead guest and his daughter was the second guest. And I went and his daughter said, my dad wants to meet you. And I went to her dressing room and he was there and I said, hey, I just love John McCain, I fucking love it. And I just saying, Hey, man, I just, you know, you're really something. Yeah. And he said, Louie, you're the best. And he said, I heard you did USO shows.

And I said, yeah, I was in Iraq. I was in Afghanistan. And so then when she was being interviewed, she brought out her dad and he sat down and he's, he sat down and he said before and Jay goes, and McCain goes, before I say anything, I just want to, I want to pay tribute to Louis C. Because he went to the Middle East, put his life in danger to entertain our troops and how about that? And he got the first thing out of his mouth.

That's fucking cool. And he said that he wanted to exchange numbers because we both read a lot of the same books. He's a great guy. I never got to talk to him again after. Okay. You remember when Trump smashed? What's that?

When Trump talks shit off. Oh God, it was just, it was, it was genius. It's so funny. Genius moment. It was such a funny, you know, the thing about when you get to the the, the, the, the schoolyard, you look for the biggest kid and you punch him in the nose, you might get your ass kicked, but no one else will fuck with you. So in the politics at that time for Trump, it was like, who's the most loved?

Who is the most loved man in American politics? John McCain. I'm going to call him a loser. I like the guys who don't get shot down. Yeah. You know, the guys who don't get shot down are the guys who avoid the, you know, who don't do their jobs. Yeah.

He's a shit. That was a good joke. Great joke. Brilliant. I mean, great, great level of shit talking. So people calling somebody war hero and being like, I mean, he got captured. I mean, that was one of those fucking, Trump had so many moments where I was just like, Oh my God.

That was, that was one that that was, and again, from the backstory of every, every detail I remember about all these guys. But anyway, let's wait. Yeah, let's go here. We got George. I mean, we got Herbert walk. Yeah, we got to see. Let's skip.

Oh, this is this one's too. Damn. Skip HW fucking. Herbert Walker Bush. CIA CIA evil. If you look into everything they've done, he engineered his whole life to become president. He had Reagan shot and his father, Prescott, Kennedy, Prescott Bush.

Um, was, uh, a senator and he traded with the Nazis. Like he got censured by the Senate for selling goods to the Nazis back when they were. Well, there's a lot of Americans making money selling shit to Hitler. If you ever go to 30, so 30 rock where I was almost there, you were almost there, but then you said something terrible, just terrible. Shane, how dare you? I just remembered.

Get out of my house. Oh, shame on you, Shane. Get like my SNL. Shame on you. Didn't get caught. I worked at Conan, which is in the same building and the, the, the, uh, producer is Jeff Ross, not Jeffrey Ross, the comedian. This is producer and he was really interested in history and he said, you

want to see something cool? And he took me into the, there was a stairwell in 30 rock and he took me in there and he pushed my head down. No, and, uh, there's these big red pipes in the stairwells that are feeding the whatever sprinklers. I don't know whether they're big, big iron red pipes that have been there since 30 Rock was built back in the late thirties mid late thirties by Rockefeller. And, um, there's a big spigot coming off of the side of one of them with a big,

you know, wheel. It's some release valve. And on the side of it is a fucking Nazi, like an embossed Nazi and it's raised, you know, it's not painted. Oh, it's in the, yeah. It's, it's a not a swastika. And he said, these are all of the steel in this building is Nazi steel. It's all German.

That was the flag. It wasn't a political flag. Like it wasn't political, but it was also just the flag of German. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if you bought German steel, it was like made in USA. Yeah.

It had a swastika on it and they bought it and all he said, all of the steel in 30 Rock has swastikas on it, but they, at one point, they turn them into the corners, but they can't turn these spigots. So every time I used to go to 30 Rock, like when I hosted SNL, I would take anybody who didn't know about it and show it to them. But the last time I went there, they had shaved it down. Somebody got in there with a thing and shaved it down. Holy shit.

But so that's how fucked up. So that's Prescott Bush was one of the guys making money on Nazis. And then his it's skull and bones guy. Yeah. George Bush, a skull and bones, skull and bones, but he was a kind of a Nixon-y thing where I think he went too far. He got Reagan shot. He just went too many fucked up things.

Who's CIA, man? Yes, and he was supposed to run. He was supposed to win. I said that this is when I started to believe in this country was when Clinton ran for president because. And again, not based on politics, even, but how Doug in Reagan and Bush felt and Bush just felt like you ain't going to beat this guy with nothing. These guys are in there.

There's Dick Cheney in there and and Donna Rumsfeld. These fucking guys are like, these are hard ass fucking guys who don't believe you just don't believe they bleed and they got it all worked out. And they've been there for 12 fucking years. Yeah. And here comes Clinton, whose mom was a blackjack dealer in Vegas and whose dad died in a three inch puddle. He died.

He was drunk and he hit a tree and was launched out of his car and landed in three little feet of brown water and drowned in it. That was Clinton's dad. And then his that was a Jefferson, his father. He was his name was his real dad or his dad's last name is Jefferson. Yeah. It would have been another Jefferson house. His real dad, his mom, then married a guy named Clinton and had Roger and his

mom and that guy used to beat the shit out of his mom. And the second Clinton got big enough one night, his stepdad, he came home drunk and he stood up to him and he said, if you hit my mom again, I'm going to kill you and he used to protect his little brother and his little brother was like an orphan. His dad's a drunk. Yeah. So the dad disappears and the day that Clinton turned 18.

He was already in charge of the family. The day he turned 18, he took his brother to City Hall and he said, you know what I'm doing today? I'm changing my last name to Clinton so that you and me are real brothers. That's why his last name is Clinton. Yeah. That's who Bill Clinton is. Okay.

And he fucked a bunch of 10 year old girls on a jet. He also fucked those kids. But he did. That's the problem. I don't know, man. I have no idea. I don't know. It wasn't my pussy.

It wasn't my pussy. It wasn't mine, but it's not looking good. Oh, it's not looking good at all. I mean, he took a lot of those. He loved the ladies, which you can't knock a guy for liking ladies. But those aren't ladies. Those are babies. No, I meant his reputation.

I don't know. I don't find outside of banging the kids. His reputation was love the ladies. Lewinsky and the others. Sure. So Clinton. But Clinton was this fucking country. Good old boy and they threw enemy.

We had just lost Gary Hart. He was that's why that's why do caucus ran. Yeah, because Gary Hart got caught with a chick. And so though that was Democrats his problems. Is that is the way too much pussy too much pussy. And so so Clinton shows up in the first thing that happens in New Hampshire is fucking Jennifer Flowers. And but then there was this feeling that it was a kind of a circus.

And I remember Howard Stern's guy stuttering John. Do you remember him? Yes, sir. John Stuttering John. The Jennifer Flowers is first in like her press conference. It was like a serious thing. And she's like, yes, I did have sex with him. And then you heard Stuttering John say, are you planning to

have sex with any more Democratic candidates? And she laughed and everybody laughed. To me, that was the moment where everybody was like, who gives a who gives a fuck who we fucked? Hillary stood by him. We did the interview with him and with Barbara Walters. A light fell from the from the grid and crashed on the floor right next to them and the Clintons hugged and they were

both crying. So it was like they're under a lot of stress and they almost one of them died and it was a and Barbara Walters saw this and told everyone the story. And so it was like everybody started to love Bill Clinton. Same as same as Oliver North. You're looking at a Clinton body count. What's that?

How many people they've killed? Oh, you mean Foster the guy? Yeah, he shot so didn't he shoot himself twice? There's a bunch of guys who shot themselves twice in the head stuff like that. I don't know. But the Republican is the only stick to a shot a guy in the face.

Dick Cheney. Yeah, but that was fun. He was having fun. I know. I'll tell you about that. But so so Clinton made me feel like I can't believe this. They just got rid of the bushes. Yeah, they got rid of Cheney.

They got they really like in my lifetime that didn't exist. The idea of that. So I was pretty fucking impressed. Likewise with Obama later. But so that made me think, you know, maybe this is actually something kind of you know, and then later you learned that Clinton and Gore together learned how to go for business and tell big business.

Look, we're going to make you a fortune. Don't worry about the social issues. We're going to take care of the poor. We're going to do all kinds of programs, but we're getting rid of wealth. He got rid of welfare. And he was also a death penalty governor. Yeah.

He put a retarded guy in the electric chair. He put a retarded guy in the electric chair when he was governor. He literally just like he was drunk. And he just said, come here. And he's like, what are you doing? And he just took him and he put him in it. And he said, never mind.

She's looking shut up. Killed a retarded guy single-handedly. Clinton anyway, Clinton. I loved Clinton when I was a kid. I loved Clinton. Just loved him. And I remember when Coretta Scott King died. Her funeral.

He closed it like I think Jesse Jackson was there. Every president was there. Everybody had passed president. All the greats came to make speeches. And then Clinton Clinton wasn't George W. Bush was president now. So Bush went before, but he let Clinton close. There was they all made speeches about how far we've come

and the importance of Martin Luther King. And then they'd make a comment about her. It was really about Martin Luther King and then she was a great woman and Clinton just fucking talked. He went up there and he leaned on the podium and he said, you know, we're all talking about a lot of stuff here, but there's a woman in that box. Like he literally pointed her dead body.

There's a woman in that box. Fine. Beautiful. A woman who had he said she had dreams. She had passions. She was any talk said made made one said one word that sounded a little sexy. Yeah. And look at her kids and what are they going to do?

They have they're already dealing with their daddy's legacy. That's a burden on them. That's a burden on them. And it was a burden on her. And now it passes to them. And my God, what is it like to be them now? And you just hear people going, oh, that's what Clinton just had that ability and he fucks so many children.

Just hundreds. He did fuck those kids on that island on the island of Kit fuck. What was he going to do on that island? We're going to go to that island and just stand by the Pepsi machine and Trump Trump went to look at your phone, Trump only hung out with the staff. Totally.

That's true. And it is funny that the like the the politics I have instilled in me. Yeah, I just remember I hated Clinton. Just I was I just loved him. I was eight or however I was like five at a rat. I was in New Orleans for a film festival. I'd made a little shitty short film and it won best comedy

at the New Orleans Film Festival and I went down there. And this was back when you had to send a VHS of your movie and then you'd get it on the mail. You'd get a letter. I got a letter in the mail saying you want an award. So I went down to New Orleans. I was a kid in 1992. So I was a kid.

It was 18 plus seven, whatever that is 25. Sounds good. I went to New Orleans and I'm just walking around a park and then this fucking bus pulls up with Clinton Goron aside and they just get out and start a rally. And there's people just started showing up. It was like at some park and the next thing I know I'm at a Clinton and Al Gore comes out and he says the governor

can't talk because his his voice is destroyed by all these rallies. So I'm going to make the speech and then he talked and then it's kind of we're going to return. We're just boring and then Hillary came out and said a few things. Nobody cared and then Clinton came out and it was like and he was like and he was a little hush but he made an

amazing speech and I'm standing there and I watched and make this speech and then he came down off the podium and he just walked I stood there. Some guy handed me a placard and so I had this placard Clinton Gore and he found me in this. There was this lady next to me and she had a throwaway camera. That's how long this was and she goes.

Can you take a picture of me with the governor? So I took a picture of her with Clinton and some guy took a placard and put it in front of their faces and he swatted it down. He said what's wrong with you screamed at the sky and he said to me take it again. Oh my God. So I took another picture Clinton.

Eight years. The king of the world. Unbeatable gets Monica Lewinsky gets impeached the crime bill though. That wasn't great. I don't know. Yeah, I don't fucking care what these guys do. Just a super interesting guy.

It's funny. It's just funny to speak it. Crime bill. Coretta home. Coretta's funeral and then be like crime. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. So Clinton and and Gore is vice president and one of the

fly in the wall moments like the thing I wish I was there for is apparently somewhere Clinton and Gore had to do an event together and this is when Clinton needed to tell Gore that he fucked Monica Lewinsky because Gore backed him up. Yeah, everybody believed. Yes. When he was saying like let me tell we got to get in the

business. I did not have sex with that way. I did not have sex with that woman miss Lewinsky and we have like he's slipped her name in. So he sat in a limousine with Gore apparently and said I fucked her. It's coming out and Gore was like, well, gosh darn it. Geez, Bill.

I mean, I mean, it's like you're doing it to me on purpose. My God. And they just sat in that limo and they dealt with it. Yeah. There's another flying them on the wall moment with them later on September 11th. Gore was in Canada. He was flying in Canada and his plane was grounded and he

couldn't fly into this. Nobody could fly. So he got a car. He rented a car because they're all losers now and he drove. Yes, and they and he drove to back to Washington, but he stopped in Chapa Quiddick and he got there like midnight. I'm Chapa Quiddick.

What's the name of the Chapa Qua where the Clintons live? They live in upstate New York. Yeah, Chapa Quiddick. He stopped at Clinton's house and they sat in the kitchen apparently till like, you know, three in the morning just talking just talk that I wish I could have been in that room like damn we on 9 11. We could have got him.

Yes. Yes. So you remember that guy? Which guy? No, this is them sitting in the kitchen like, holy shit. It was him. Yes. Exactly.

He did it. Exactly. So Clinton gone and then, yeah, but Gore and Bush and you had the crazy, I mean, I'm getting tired. So it's hard to get into like bushes, bushes, the hanging chads and Bush was another like this is going to be a nightmare and I remember I here's what I hated about because I wasn't predisposed to hate Bush because I heard he was

like a compassionate conservative. That was the word on Bush. Yeah. Compassionate conservative and I could read on him that he was a kid of my he was like of my generation or just above that he was a post summer of love guy like, you know, Clinton loved saying that he had what was your name? Madeline Albright and but Bush had black people and women

in his cabinet as a matter of like, he's like, why wouldn't you like for Bush? It wasn't it stopped the bigotry of the Republican Party and by the Democrats tons of it also stopped at because Clinton was like, you gotta have a couple of darkies in there. People get mad, you know, and the gals, you know, the gals are good, you know, not a bad thing. It helps you.

But Bush was like Condoleezza Rice is fucking amazing. She's going to run everything. Colin Powell. So I liked Bush in that sense, but I remember he gave he was interviewed about foreign policy and he just sounded like a fucking idiot. He didn't know anything. Yeah, nothing.

And then he took a day and crammed and did it again. And then they were like, what about North Korea? And he goes, okay, so North Korea, you got Kim Il-Joon and and and then in the South those were and he just answered like that like real quick can answers. And I remember they cut to who like Wolf Blitzer and he's like, well, that's really impressive. Clearly he does know about foreign policy.

And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? So Bush was president September 11th, you know, that was the first president I remember all the kids my age hated Bush. So then I liked him. I get that all the kids were like, he's evil. He's going to ruin the country. And I was like, dude, he's awesome. It just made me like him.

There was a woman who made a documentary about riding the bus with him. She was one of his press people and she brought a camera and I forget what it's called or what her name is, but she was kind of a kind of a old G whiz when he rife and so. But there is a moment in it where she took a poll. She was like kind of a goofball and she was with the press core on his plane and she went around and asked everybody.

Who do you think is going to win? And the press all said, I think it was in the primaries. So McCain was starting to lead and so she it leaked through her someone leaked that she because she was just doing it privately for fun. Someone leaked it that that his press corps thought he was going to lose and it was really damaging and everyone threw her under the bus.

Everybody in the press said it was her. We didn't do it. And then nobody would talk to her. So while they were on the plane and this is I think on film on the thing. She's sitting there just devastated and Bush comes which he never did back and he sits right next to her and he says, I want you to take a good look around at these people because

now you know who they really are. He said, now you know who your friends are. Now you know who they're not. Yeah, don't forget this moment because this this is really just just don't let them forget it. Yeah, and you forget. There was a guy I was fuck. I forget the name of this guy.

He was a might have been on Rogan. He was on there and he was talking about how he was like a Muslim extremist. He got arrested after 9 11 in Egypt. You remember that? I don't know if it was Rogan. He was great. He was incredible, but he had sat down and talked to a bunch

of presidents and Rogan was like, who is the best one? He was like W seemed to be genuinely compassionate. I do believe that I believe that he had a conscious and did he do anything about it? It's like, no, maybe not again. What all these guys did and what how much of it was their fault? How much of it was the deep state or whatever it is?

I don't know any of this stuff. Yeah, but my feet all I'm talk all I'm going by is my feelings about the guys and there's moments about W that I remember because I politically I hated them. The whole thing with the Patriot Act, all this kind of stuff but and and Iraq was shocking, shocking. So many people died. Did you know Iraq so bad at the time when when the towers

were on fire? I saw all I could think of was this people in the desert that are going to die who had nothing like I could all like we're going to overreact and they're going to kill so many people. We did hundreds of thousands of fucking Iraqis that we killed. Yeah, we're just fucking had nothing to do with it. Nothing. See, I was in eighth grade and I was sitting there like whoever

did this is going to get a fucking knuckle sandwich. Well, Bush had a great. In fact, he dominated after that like when he was on with it when he was in the in Omaha going like I don't know what this guy he looked bad. It looked like this is bad. But then he went to fucking ground zero around zero held the megaphone and someone said I can't hear you.

And he said, well, I can hear you and the people who did this are going to hear from all of us. That's pretty good fucking Adlin and the first pitch at the Yankees game. Yes, also easily. He could have said, OK, then you're going to yell. I can't hear you. Of course, of course, it was probably Cheney.

I can't hear you Cheney. By the way, it was the really the Bush story. I was doing Charlie Rose. OK, and me and Charlie later our lives changed. But Charlie Rose at the time had a very important show where you'd sit in a dark room and be interviewed. And so I went to do Charlie Rose and the guest ahead of me was Jill Cheney, Cheney's wife.

She is a historian and she wrote a book about Madison and the Framers and she just he was just ask her questions and she just she's fascinating woman fucking brilliant historian and she talked ad nauseam about all the people we did in the first one. Yeah. And I was just riveted and then they brought me in as they were taking her out and I was just trying to like this is

not she's not my world and somebody said we just need your microphone because we need to give the next guest and she said who's the next guest and they said Louie CK and she said Louie BK Louie where is he where is he and I'm she turns around standing there and she goes Louie BK I'm not going to correct her. I go yep Louie BK she goes oh my God my grandchildren love you we're getting a picture we're gonna I'm gonna you're going

on Twitter with me son come here come here what and she took you can find this picture of you and Liz Cheney picture of me with Liz Cheney. Liz Jill. Jill. Liz is the dog. Yeah what she called me Louie BK so fuck her. But so yeah so we took a picture and she tweeted it.

Damn I wonder if Dick ever watched. I have no idea. He's probably this guy's kind of an asshole piece of shit. But yeah so that's Cheney and Bush in 911 Bush and then after Bush was president I was I told this to rank Conan I'm not going to tell it again that's fucking boring but I saw Bush I was in traffic and then his motorcade just was next to me and I looked and I saw him through the window of SUV and

I'm just another like the dull like moment. I'm like I fuck Bush but I look at him and he goes like this and I'm like of course of course you have to yes but the thing I liked about Bush was that when he like when the guy threw shoes at him. Do you remember that guy threw two shoes at him. He got two shots. Talk about fucking fucking we are getting two shots with a

bolt rifle this guy got two fucking shoes off. With a fucking at a standing target with a press all around him and his secret service right there. He threw a shoe Bush ducked and another one and Bush ducked because came back smiling. Yes throwing shoes is the most insulting thing you can do is throw hit somebody with one of your shoes in America. You know what the most insulting thing you do in the

Middle East is what's that kill all of them kill all of them. I wonder if he was thinking that. I killed a lot of your family. Yeah I'm about to hit your wedding for this. So bad but Bush they asked him about afterwards and he said well you know I got good I got good reflexes and he said look he was he's in a country where you can you know he's not going to get killed for that and people express themselves.

He always appreciated freedom of speech. He always appreciated he didn't never mind being made that guy went to jail when he I'm sure he did but yeah when when Bush was made fun of he took it very well when he was he would go on SNL and read jokes that were just devastating against himself and he did them with really good timing and he was funny. He was a funny dude was funny got why that was important and

I remember he was debating Gore and they did a typical thing they do in debates. They tell each other the bad things. So he told the moderator said Al Gore said this about you and he reads some shitty things Al Gore said he goes what's your reaction now that you're with him and Bush goes like I don't know he's going to go for he's running for president I mean that's it's the game we're trying to win we're trying to you

know we have different views he didn't care and later also they asked him about the press and that he said we counted on the press to keep us honest. He said when you're out there making decisions that are outside of the decisions that come to the president are the ones that nobody knows what to do the ones that are clear what the law is and what's practical other people make those decisions they go to the president where where they're

like we're not sure what's legal here and we're not sure what the American people would want here and so it's the hardest job in the world because you have to deal with the cutting edge of where the country is going why it's going there and what people really want even if they don't know what's going on and what's legal it's not it's so unclear sometimes and he said I depended on the press because we knew they were probing everything we knew they were

watching everything and we knew they were adversarial that they were they were ambitious to bust us and that made me comfortable because it made me confident that I'm not going to in my confusion make any real mistakes like that's what Bush that's a profound thing for president to say and it shows the level of confidence that he had which is why did not like Donald Trump because he didn't have that it to be made fun of is a place of strength if you're to if you I can't take

you seriously unless you don't take yourself seriously if you're a person to be taken seriously then you can be made fun if you can't be made fun of you can't be taken seriously if you're like do not make that joke about me it's like you're a pussy you have no fucking you have no confidence in yourself you need to hear good about you all the time that is a mental and emotional problem so Bush didn't have that to me and I appreciate him for that he killed mountains of Arabs just

mount mountains of them and other people and who knows what but but interesting dude yeah and the way he reacted to Obama winning was cool yeah I like the way he handled that in the middle of that you got another connective tissue guy which is McCain became was a great great man I think yeah there's clips of him when he's debating Obama and someone's like he's a Muslim and he's like he goes don't say that you he was like he took the microphone away that she goes

he's an Arab this lady and he goes no no no give me he says listen I don't agree with the guy about how to run the country but he's a good man we're starting with that he's a good man yeah and then there was a lady who yelled out during Sarah Palin's rally she said you need gloves to touch him which is a weird shit but it's like what does that mean like he's very delicate or it's the most racist thing I've ever heard or yet but also why do you want to touch him it's

almost like she's like I want to touch him why do I have to wear gloves but yeah so that was crazy and McCain handled it as best as he could there's another McCain thing fuck oh he had a great story about Obama he was because he met Obama when Obama was in the Senate and someone asked McCain what was your first impression of him so he said well I remember when Obama his first day like in the Senate he came to see me and he said listen I think that you know you're the smartest guy

on the other side and I wanted to be bipartisan and he said what can let's you and I talk and find something that we both care about like that was Obama's first idea and so McCain and him thought for they talked for about an hour and they came up with something they both cared about and he's like let's work on that together McCain said sure and he was a veteran senator at this point and Obama goes off and then the Democratic leadership gets to Obama and goes dude do not

fuck it you don't just fucking do that the fuck are you doing and then he saw McCain in the hall Obama was like I gotta I gotta and so the interviewer asked McCain did you also you have a bad opinion of him and he goes not at all he said it was a rookie mistake it was a rookie mistake that he thought he could just to think we could get something done and also the way he handled the getting out of it was rookie he said but I knew that he had a good heart this is how McCain was

such a guy who's running against the guy and he kept praising him but so Obama we're almost there so close it's gonna be dark Obama what do you think you like I loved him I just loved him from the get-go and I could tell that he was a lot of flash on some level yeah but one of the first things I heard about him that impressed me was Biden was Biden said he's he just getting to know him he said I gotta tell you he's a really surprising bright guy you know for a black yeah yeah well

spoke it felt like that a little but Biden was like he said I got on a phone call with him and there was three of us on the call and then a Biden and then Obama jumped on he said I have four questions for this group he asked his questions he gave his comments and he got off and I was like that guy's got a good mind the guys gotta you know I do think Obama had a mind that got around the present he got his brain around yeah I think so and the picture of him leaning down so some kid

could touch his head he that's as important as almost anything with the president you ever see Trump put the candy bar on the minion put the candy bar on the what there's a Halloween you know they're doing the Halloween thing yeah yeah just a kid in like an inflatable minion costume comes by and he's like he's put the candy bar on his head get out of here yeah Obama Obama is a great speaker and he gave people a feeling about where the country was and he brought up feeling to the

presidency that there was a kindness in it and he taught I learned a lot from him in terms of confrontation and like he debated with McCain and McCain was just kind of like bulldog in him and Obama knew that you don't win in the room you don't win because he says you're right he's never gonna say you're right there's other people watching like I've learned from this in my life like this guy's going and Obama would say something and McCain would attack and Obama would just go

alright and just look at the camera and smile and people at home are going like I like what he said better I don't need him to attack this guy to make the point I like what I like his the sound he's making better than his sound it's not about who wins this and McCain being like a military guy you know this is his his way you ever get to meet Obama I never got to meet Obama but I was in Washington and I was a big deal at the time and I thought maybe I could meet the president and

staying at the Hey Adams which is across the call so I call my my publicist I no longer have one of those I used to have an agent publicist and I have none of these people anymore but I call my publicist and said is he think is any way I could meet the president while I'm in town is as I was on the phone I saw Marine one taken off and he he was on hold when he came back and said that he's they said he just left but they said but they asked and they said that Obama asked to ask you

if you would help him help them come up with jokes for the correspondence dinner because it was in a few days and they're they're meeting to to try to write it and they asked if you come across the street the White House and pitch in and I said of course so I went into the White House and they gave me a pass and I went down to their room the White House the rooms that aren't the office are all shit because they keep packing because government never stops growing but the White House

stays the same size I mean that's my idea of it but I was in literally I had to duck into the room because the ceiling was so low and it was like his head speech writer John Favreau or something weird same name is John Favreau but anyway so we sat in his office and I pitched jokes and I got one in he opened with my joke which was because it was his last one and Trump had won so it was his swan song and my joke was it's an honor to be here for my last correspondence dinner

probably the last correspondence there and it turned out to be true Trump you were close to him. Yeah, Trump just did the first one. Yes. But anyway, he did that he opened with my I was hoping you didn't write the one that made Trump the president. No, that was before you remember that. No, I didn't yes. It's one of my favorite clips of all time. Oh, I mean, Obama was so good. It's such a destroying Trump. Yes, I'm gonna be fucking president piece of shit. It's pretty good.

Yes, it is. I do respect those moments just like Cheney in the movie. Sure. Where they're like, you got to change it. I was like, I'm gonna do it. Yes. It's a cool like watching Trump sit there with his fucking hair just bobbing laughing. Uh huh. All right, we'll see. We'll see. Laugh at Trump. You would see what happens when you laugh. And that's by the way what he was thinking was literally the words laugh at Trump. Everybody's laughing at Trump. Don't laugh because he

talks about he talks about Trump. So Obama. Yeah, so Obama wrote me a letter saying thanks for helping and I'm a fan and maybe we'll meet someday but I never met him. Yeah. And he went on Mark Marin's podcast and they talk about politics for like two hours and at the end, Marin asked him, uh, did you enjoy being on the show? And Obama said, I thought we were gonna talk about comedy and Marin was like, Oh, because he talks about politics. Yeah. And he goes, Oh,

well, who are your favorite comedians? And he says, Well, I like Jerry Seinfeld and Dick Gregory and but my guy really love is Louis because you can tell even though he's says terrible things. He's a good guy. So I'm like, they said something nice about them meant a lot to me because I just with no, uh, regard for history or morality. I just love Obama. Yeah. No idea if he's done good or bad. But as a guy, I just really, you know, I dug him. Yeah. He seems he seems

like, uh, I mean, he's just an incredible speaker and he was like, what a present should be on on on appearance carrying this. Sure. The office and the way he the way he operated and the way he communicated. And you know, things started getting really fucked up during Obama in this country, you know, people started to get really the banks. I mean, that was that was insane. All that shit. But also just like the word problematic happened under Obama, like his last four years was when people

started getting ultra, ultra sensitive and digging trying to find dig down into where is our moral center to the point where you just you just never going to find it because human beings are flawed. And that started, I think Obama left in a strange place because it was like, what were we all doing? I remember seeing famous liberals saying, I'm disappointed in this president. I'm like, yeah, you know, when he was running, they are, you know, shepherd fairy did the cool poster of

him and, uh, white cleft, whoever the fuck did a song and black and white video. But once he's president, everyone's like, I'm not gonna, it's not cool to help the president. Yeah. So they all just vanished. And he's like, Hey guys, I'm the only black guy even here. I'm not just the first black president. I'm the only black guy at this level. And no one's helping me. I mean, that's how I felt was that he got kind of abandoned. And he couldn't find, you know, and Congress became

weird. But I don't know anything about that. That's not my expertise. My thing is, I just really, I really dug the guy as a person the way he carried the office. And, uh, and he was another example where I was like, you know, that feels like a democracy and a lot of people be like, well, you know, then you're deluded, you know, fine. Sure. But I'm 54. And that's how I feel. Yeah. That was the first election that I remembered. It seemed to start to get really polarized. Like I remember

when he won. Yeah. People I was with were upset. Yes. And that, and that wasn't even close to where we got. That was the first time I remember the world being that there were people who hated the president. Yeah. That was the first time I mean, maybe my mom was upset. But oh, yeah, we're good. Obviously, we're going to close with the dog. Um, so my mom really surprised me twice in terms of my mom died a couple of years ago, but she was like my best friend

and my intellectual counterpart. She's what I talked about everything. And I remember, first of all, when John Kerry ran president, I called her up because my three sisters, my mom and I basically controlled the household vote. So we figured we have, we have a bloatware super delegates. We five votes. Yeah. So they just because our sisters, my sisters would vote for whoever we said. My mom was a Republican and a conservative as a kid. And then Jack Kennedy came to speak

at her at Michigan, where she was in college and her friend of hers grabbed her and said, you're coming to watch Kennedy and they sat in the front row with knitting waiting while the crowd gathered. And then she watched Kennedy speak from this close and shoot that was she was a Democrat from that day on. But when I called her and said, so we're voting for Kerry, she said, I'm not voting for that guy. I was like, what? And she said, I won't vote for him. I won't vote at

all. Because I can't vote for Bush, but I can't vote for that man because my brother was in Vietnam and we were scared every day that he was going to die. And Kerry came home and spoke against the troops. That's how we felt. And she says, I know now I look at it differently now. And that he was trying to do good. But it just left a bad taste in my mouth. He was a rich kid. And my brother wasn't. And he came he did one tour came home and started, you know, grandstanding

while there's boys over there getting killed every day. And she he was pulling support out from under their feet. Yeah. So I can't do it. And and I'm like, mom, there's more to the story. She's like, I know, but you can't make you mom. You have John Kerry. John Kerry was a fucking I mean, he's still alive. So I don't want to say, but geez, he had lipstick. He was and he was like, I report for he was a mess. And then his fucking wife, Teresa Hines, I am Teresa Hines.

And I have something to say. It was like, we're done. We lost. Yeah. Fuck him. And also by the fucking way, take that part out. Oh, wow. I'm actually one part I want out. Okay. About I feel bad because people make mistakes. But when Bush was running against Kerry, a thing that came up that was big was gay marriage. It was starting to be an issue. And I got really angry at John Kerry then because Bush had a really sound arguments. It wasn't and this is when people

started just lobbing names at each other, right? So anti it's anti gay people's homophobic to be against gay marriage. Bush made an argument that was practical. He said, listen, marriage is the easiest contract in the whole world. And by the time by the way, during that time, they weren't talking about national gay marriage or talking about the states that had started to there was legal Massachusetts, I think California. Yeah. So he said marriage is the simplest contract

in the world. You it costs $10 most places and its iron clad and it's accepted all over the world as meaning the same thing. Now, if you start messing with that, and you start saying, well, this means this here means this there, you're really you're you're messing with an institution that is the backbone of the family and this country. That is such a good argument. Now you can argue against it and people have very well. This is nothing to be afraid of. This is about their rights. You all

kinds of things. But the Democrats didn't want to say Yeah, this is their right. Why would you the thing you just said? Why would you deprive gay people of it? It's it you're living in a fucking in a time capsule. This is important. It's the same as they said this about interracial marriage. A million arguments. But Kerry didn't want to go there. He was like, look, I am it's a man and a woman to me, but I don't think we but they're homophobic. They're homophobic. They

don't like gay people and Cheney's daughter's gay and I don't have a problem with Cheney's daughter being they did that. Yeah. Edwards did it. Edwards said, because Cheney and him debated. He said, I think it's great that his daughter is gay. I think that's great. What do you think of that? And he expected Cheney to have a bad moment. And Cheney, who's a very complicated guy, said, Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I love her. Oh, I mean, they just want right there. So

go I don't know how I got back to him. We're at the end of Obama Obama in the Trump. Oh, yeah, this is like, like I was saying, like I remember when Obama beat Bush or Romney. That was the first time I felt like, Oh, this was like, totally divided. Because towards the end of Bush, everybody hated Bush. Like that was divided. Half the country, you know, really hated him. Like, bands were coming out with music against him. Like, that's what that's that's why because I was saying

people hated Obama so much. And it's when I started feeling things coming apart, because I had that moment about Bush, I was against Bush as president, but I could see his I could see where he was at. And then the other thing was, it's because my mom. So when Obama was running, I'm like, we're in for Obama, right? We're doing Obama. And my mom said I'm not voting for Obama. And I was like, What the fuck are you talking about? She said I'm not voting for him. Because he

picked Joe Biden as a vice president. And he Hillary Clinton had nearly beat Obama in the primaries. And she had done an incredible campaign. She her campaign was historic. Because she was the first woman to run effectively for national office and to get that close. It was a big deal. She said and she said she won and she also remembers when she was younger, that typically the president guy running for president, his running mate would be his rival, you pick your rival, because

it's your way of saying I'm not afraid of my rival, I can work with the people who it's how you unite the party. It's what Reagan did with Bush. It's what Kennedy did with Johnson. Johnson was bitterly hated Kennedy and then Kennedy subjugated him by saying you're going to run with me, we're going to do this together, buddy. And I'm not afraid of your rivalry, because I'm strong, right? And he said he didn't pick Hillary and she earned it. And he gave it to Joe and she had the name Joe

drove her crazy. She didn't care about Biden was fine. She said Joe Joe Biden is a regular guy. And I'm my mother worked her whole life. She was a single mother. She says I worked my whole life. And me and women I worked with, would earn the spot and it would be given to Joe, just some Joe who smiled and knew how to work it. Yeah. And the woman who earned it gets fucked. And the reason I hate him for it is because it means he has no balls. My mother said this. Obama has no balls.

Because he picked a guy. He didn't want to pick her because he's afraid of women. He's afraid of a strong woman. And she said, I'll never vote for him. He was afraid of losing not use the end work. And then he was afraid of losing. So no, I don't think that this would happen. But here's what's cool about it. McCain picked Palin. And then my mother said I'm going to go for Obama now for the opposite reason, which is McCain picked Palin is a who's an idiot, a douchebag, a

retard, who I personally love now. Get to that later. But you don't I met her? I mean, all these crazy people I met. She said he picked McCain to get the woman's vote. Yeah, and you're not going to get a smart woman's vote by picking somebody like that. So I'm voting for Obama. And then later I checked in with my mom when Obama became president and made Hillary Clinton Secretary of State, which is a far more important position than but I call my mom and I said, you got to give

that to him that and he didn't run on it. He didn't say to the women of the world, I'm gonna give he didn't tell anybody he gave her the job because he thought he she had earned that job to actually do. Yeah, not just the bullshit political position. She said yes, I'm with you and she ended up loving Obama. But Sarah Palin. Amazing person. Amazing person. I mean, when McCain announced her and she spoke her first national speech, and did the joke about, you know, the difference

between a bulldog and a hockey mom lipstick and the place is apeshit. Yeah, I was like, this woman is incredible. She was an incredible force in American history to me. And I was on an airplane one day, flying home from LA. And I got drunk on rum and coke. When I drink rum and coax, it's like being on acid. Because you get a lift from the sugar in the caffeine and rum is a fucking yeah, mental drink rum. And I start tweeting I didn't know what Twitter I didn't understand what Twitter

was. I just loaded it on my phone. I had about 5000 followers. And I wrote something like I want there's a family of Chinese people living in Sarah Palin's cunt. I guess the only tweet I remember. Yeah. I want to fuck her tits with my father's cock. That's what I said. I just started tweeting about her solid and then solid like a Legion of Skanks fan. And my Twitter followers is just going up by the time the plane landed I had a quarter of a

million followers. I didn't understand with that I didn't understand what they look at it on their phone. I thought they go check the website and they look at my name. I didn't understand that people are getting like a phone call and seeing what I said and then sending it to their friends and it's just exploding. And then I get a text from Sarah Silverman who says I have a friend that works at the White House who says you should probably stop you're getting yourself and

some. And then the pop the publicity head of FX wrote me and said we need you to stop this. I didn't understand that everybody was reading it. I'm like what and I'm drunk and like so what. Anyway, I was hired to host the congressional correspondence dinner. It's the one it's right before the presidential one the White House and Greta van Sustern said on CNN. I'm boycotting that dinner because that pig Louis C. K. said these things about Sarah Palin. Also that

woman who testified before Congress to say that college students should have their abortions paid for Sarah something. Rush Limbaugh called her a slut. So I'm not I'm not we're not going to pay for you to have an abortion because you're a college slut. And so everyone all the Democrats were like that's terrible that he called her that but then Bill Mark called Sarah Palin a cunt and gave a million dollars to Obama with a giant check. And then I said that she is Chinese

people living in her cunt. I didn't call her a cunt. That's different. And I was going to host the dinner. So I found out I call my mom I said, I'm being boycotted. She's get out call call them now and say you're not doing it. So I got out. Oh, I didn't do it. And I dodged the thing and it got weird and ugly. So I run I'm at SNL 40th anniversary. And Sarah Palin is there. And I see her I'm in the audience which is all famous people like the Rolling Stones, Jack Wilson, all of the SNL

that ever was but also just the most famous people in the world that I was there presenting something so I was there. And I look up and I just see Sarah Palin looking at me like this, like just looking at me. And I'm like, Oh, shit, she knows. So I Oh, and earlier than that, there was a documentary made about how much people hated Sarah Palin and it was a big conspiracy. And that documentary was directed by Steve Bannon. And he I was in it saying something about her. And

my lawyer told me and I said, Well, Tom, take it out because they didn't have my permission. So he called Steve Bannon. And Steve Bannon said, Well, I want to interview you want to interview me. And I said, No, just leave you can have the footage. Okay, so Sarah Palin, I'm at the SNL party afterwards. And there's she's standing right there. And she says, My nephew is a big comedy fan. And he said, I have to say hi to you. And I said, I'm sorry. And she said, What? I said, I

apologize. I said, I wrote some really awful things about you on Twitter. I would never apologize to like, of course, the world, but this woman standing in front of me, of course, I said, Listen, I'm not that's not what I do is like attack people. And I don't know if it hurt your feelings. But if it did, I'm really sorry. Yeah. And she said, Well, that's really something. I really, really appreciate that. She said, If you ever come to Alaska, come and go ice fishing with me. And

I thought I might get to fuck Sarah. And so she wrote a book and she put a chapter about me a little chapter about me. And she described that moment faithfully about how I came up apologize to her and she said of all the things that all of the people said about me the terrible things that were ever said about me. He's the only man that has ever apologized to me. So that's my serve. Yeah. But okay, so Obama and Trump and Trump the Trump the seminal Trump moment that made him matter to

me was the debate with the 16 he had 16 guys. He had on his left and he had on his right. And they were I mean, Chris Christie, fucking Lindsey Graham, fucking Bush. Yeah, Bush. Low energy. I mean, just these guys, but without him on stage. They're all stars. They're all stars. Fucking Ted and fucking Rubio Wisconsin. No, not Kucinich. Ohio guy. Yeah, but he was a Democrat. No, he was a Democrat

who was like an anti-war Democrat. No, he was like a super liberal Democrat. No, the who's that weird looking Casey, Casey, Casey. Who's the weird dude that was Romney's Vice President nominee? Wasn't he Wisconsin guy Ryan? Oh, yeah, Paul Ryan. Yeah, but he wasn't up there. No, he didn't but he didn't run. Yeah. By the way, just to give Romney for one second, because I never liked I didn't like Romney. Yeah, because he was a venture capitalist with what do you

call the fund those funds hedge hedge fund. These guys ruin capitalism, capitalism used capitalism used to be make the best of something or and make a ton of money or or make the second best and kneecap the guy who makes the best and which is fine. That's how that's why we had VHS instead of beta beta was better, but VHS just went after beta and one. That's why we had IBM instead of Apple for a long time. IBM Apple was better. And it's by the way, why we have the records, the the

the grooves go up and down, which is stupid. They were better side to side. But that guy that that patent got it's just bullshit. Romney never liked him until the whole fucking capital riot thing happened. And then he did that thing where he stood up in the middle of that crazy shit after January 6 after the riot. And he said, you know, I know all of you are trying to serve your constituents by telling them what they want to hear. But why don't you help them the people

who you work for by telling them the truth? And the place it was just rockus applause. And he looked at the applauding people. And it reminded me of the Reagan thing because he looked at them like, Why is that getting applause? That's just normal. What has happened to this country? So Romney's an interesting guy to me. Yeah, because of that. I don't yeah, I never really liked him. I don't like him. But that was an interesting moment that was human to me. And he kept his dog

on the roof of the car. He did do some you drive. What? I mean, the dog was in a box. He just he seems like the establishment to me. He is the establishment. And so like never never had a he always tried to stop Trump. So of course, no matter what he did, even if it hated Trump. Yeah. But the moment that made Trump matter was when he was in that room. And he said these guys are all crooks. And I'll tell you how I know, because I'm a billionaire, I'm a businessman. And I give them

all money and the Democrats. Yep. And if I call them, they pick up the phone. Yeah, if I call any and they're all like, you can tell me do I was just sitting home like what just happened? Yeah, that moment was just like a you could hear the country go, What? Yeah, fuck is going on here. And every time he spoke at those debates, and you just saw those guys less and less peeling off whoever was the size. And you saw him turn. And you saw him reveal what people were over time

also. I remember Lindsey Graham saying after Trump said some really super fucked up thing. I forget which one. Lindsey Graham said, for any of us looking for an off ramp, this is probably the last one. And I thought, wow, Lindsey Graham's got Lindsey Graham's got it. Lindsey Graham gets it. And boy, I mean, that guy, what he revealed about Lindsey Graham and how fake he is, and how full of shit he is is incredible. Because he Lindsey Graham announced to the world that

this guy is a crook. He's a borrent that he's against everything that he's for. And then he defended him and he loved him and he just kissed every one of us every one of those guys. They're just so full. He was up there. He was up there destroying Chris Christie. Destroying me ruined his political career. Chris Christie was supposed to be something I that guy I think might be president and then I think Chris Christie might be president. I think Chris Christie

has had a journey. Same as as Nixon did. Nixon was toast. He had to give a speech on TV saying I'm keeping the dog that I shouldn't you know, he had to give the checker speech and then he ended up being president twice. Didn't end well. But Chris Christie has had a fucked up life, but he's also had real like his you know, drug addiction in his family that he gave one speech about drug addiction that was like off the cuff. That's like his one of his best moments. It was

passionate. He's another guy that I met barely. I was walking in an airport after he'd washed out of the election and I was in an airport and there was Chris Christie alone with his big suit and his Hudson News Airport bag with like a heavy drink and snacks soda and he was just walking and he saw me and I think the recognition was just like we're both on we're both pictures on Twitter and he just went like this like that. He just looked sad in the airport. But then I saw him

on Bill Maher recently and he took some tough questions and he sounds like he's got it. He's got some grit to him and he's got some complexity and some dimension and I think he's digging his heels in and thinking about what he believes now because there was one I think it was it was right after him and Trump obviously where he Trump killed him and then he's standing on stage with Trump at another rally and Trump's like you can go at like he introduced him and then

was standing there and he was like you can get off the stage he was being as brutal as Trump was to the people around him including Giuliani who used to say shut the fuck up to Giuliani he curses him in front of everybody. Yeah. He shits on all these guys. Now that is an incredibly fast and powerful engine to be Trump. You just shoot to the top but it's unstable. It's like Caligula. It's the same fucking thing. He's he's everybody around you hates you a little more each

yeah. It's Jackson. Yes. And also no goals. No real goals for the country. Just a win win win which can get you to win to a certain degree but there's a limit to it. I'm just talking I'm not talking no I'm talking about what works. Yeah. And I think that he's he's come to a critical place. I don't know if he'll win again. I don't think he's I don't even think he's gonna run. I don't think he'll be I think DeSantis is gonna run but but I don't know. No but when he was I'm sitting

here like you know who I think I've got my eye on the governor of Florida. I don't know a fucking thing. I don't know either and I but I do. I think that his win changed everything his win changed everything and and maybe for the better. I and some every maybe everything has both sides. Yeah. Every single change that comes to your life has both sides good and bad has pain and and healing and if you resist pain you're you're not going to get the healing if and if you also

if you try to freeze you're the moment of happiness you're gonna miss the sad on the other side which you need you need it otherwise you go you go you're not living in the real world but the thing I would have said to or was just talking about Trump. The thing about these guys is this is what I think about Christy okay. He's got an idea in his head of who he is and what he believes in. That's what I feel when I see him talk now and that's what these guys are usually missing

the ones who lose like I used to watch American Idol love that show. I love any show that's like emotional so yeah I watch Dealer No Deal. I used to watch that all the time. You were watching the show. That's great. I was watching Dealer No Deal because I was depressed and I didn't want to change the channel and I was just staring at it and I was it was a Marine who was during the Iraq war. He was in New York on leave and they talked to me and he's got all his medals and

he says I'm a little bum because my family lives in San Diego and I don't have time. I'm only here for two days. I go ship back out and so of course how he made dog goes well they're here and we flew him out and his little girl like you know he's crying you know and he takes one knee just like Nixon did in my dream. He's crying and he's crying it's huge. Yeah. I'm sitting there. I'm starting and my lips trembling. Of course and then they do the crazy Dealer No

Deal which is American. Fucking losers. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going and there's always this moment where they're like you could you and the guys go oh my god you could be this is it. You've got $250,000 but you could get 10 million and the guy's like and then then he goes one step too far and the lights come on and it's back to Iraq. Yes. Well that's what usually happens but whenever somebody hits I'm going to take I'm going to take everybody's going don't keep going. Keep

going. He goes no I'm stopping here. Yeah. They always go oh thank god. Yeah. Yeah. So this was one of those moments. He had a ridiculous you know the game at all all the little baskets were gone. They were all retired. He had like one for ten million over here and whatever crazy numbers and then one that was like five dollars but eight of them were good. Yeah. And he had something like a quarter of a million on the thing and everybody's saying go go and

he's like he tells them in his military way quiet. He says to his little daughter you understand what's happening here. You understand how likely it is how good the odds are that if I go one more step I could get more money. I'm not doing that with your future. I was. I was. But I was talking about that because something else just like I've lost my mind at this point. Yeah. Do you remember how I get to deal with no deal. I was talking about Trump and we were talking

about a fuck. I had a point. What's his name. Christie's talking. Oh. American Idol. Yes. Whenever they sing a song on American Idol. I know and Simon and them are asking we fast forwarded those fucking first ten presidents and now it's just like American Idol is one time. Whenever they sing a song and Simon says you're a little pitchy or whatever. Yeah. The thing I always want them to ask these kids is do you know what that song is about. Do you know what the song

is about that you're fucking singing. You know like. Yeah. Clay Aiken. One of his big hits was Bridge over Trouble Water and he sings like like a bridge over troubled water. Yeah. You know that song is about it's about like when you have nothing when your life is shit when you when you're down and out I will lay myself down like a bridge over trouble or you can you can count you can walk on me like that's a profound and deep thing. Another one was a kid

who sang I hear a train a coming. Yeah. Yeah. And he's singing it like this. I hear a train. Yeah. It's coming. He's literally between going. It's coming around the bed and I've seen sunshine. That song is about a man who murdered somebody just to watch him. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die and the sound of the train because he can picture the cigars smoking. I bet there's smoking big cigars that it's it's it tortures him to think of the

freedom because I know I I got it coming. I know I can't go free but I hear the whistle blowing and that's what tortures me and he says if I had all the money in the world and I was a free man all I would do is move that railroad a little bit further down the line so I wouldn't have to hear the whistle like all he asks for is that the train was a little further way that that good life was further way and this kid is singing it like it's because he just

wants to win. He wants to be a winner. He wants to be loved. He wants to connect with the audience is to me that's Trump to me the great presidents have been guys who are like I'm when I I got an idea. I know what I'm singing about. I know what I know what I'm about. I know what the for Clinton was the American people. He said all the time. I don't think the American people want that like he was connect because he was a son of a Vegas Blackjack

dealer. That is he was an American Obama when Obama was president. He was an American. So to me Trump changed the game in a way a lot of people could have and didn't but I think it's like it's got limited. It's got limited legs and I never thought. I think a huge mistake that the Democrats made was to shit on his on the people who loved him. That's a dumb. Yeah they can't stop doing basket of deploring. They can't stop. I mean it's just

the stupidest thing you can do. The thing that progressives do that I've never seen in all these years we've talked about never seen a political movement do is assign people to the other side. Yeah. You what Clinton did what anybody running for president Nixon did it. You could see examples of all of them when they talked like especially when they started doing town halls which was a great addition. Yeah. They would say somebody would stand up and say I don't want

to vote for you because I'm a Democrat and because I think you're you know whatever and they go OK tell me what does that mean to you being a Democrat. Yeah. Well the economy is very important to me and health care and I want people to be taken care of when they're older sick and he goes I'm afraid to tell you but you're a Republican. That's what that's what people do is like come here. I've got I've got the same I'm like you you're like me more than you understand now and

they they hedge it. They go like now I'm not I don't I don't agree with my opponents bill for health care but I have the same concern as you do about health care. The same values you do where like you should vote for me but what progressives do is they you actually say to them I'm a progressive. Yeah. They go really prove it. Well I'm for gay marriage. We mean gay. We mean marriage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are a Trump. They like tell other people that they belong to Trump. They

give him. Yeah. Push people away. Push everyone to him because the goal is not actually to win and to change the country which is a ugly difficulty really change the country is a gray difficult boring bureaucratic unsatisfying slow business and people want to be able to make it happen like this. I can this I can just and they're not trying to make something happen. They're just trying to feel they're trying to show what they think and perform what they are

and and just get it and they're addicted. It's a sickness. I feel sorry for them. I don't hate people like this. It's just that they're sick. They can't stop this thing. This does if this doesn't bark they start feeling sick inside. So if it's not barking they bark at it so that'll bark back and that's on both sides. Yeah. That's everybody on the Trump side. That's everybody on the on the progressive side. Yeah. It's sick but I feel that's on me. I'm skipping over

Trump because I think the whole country has been in a fevered nightmare for all the time he was president and he was the he was the perfect president for the time we are living. He was all the people that hate Trump that really hate them are exactly like him and they picked him CNN and MSNBC refused to talk about any other Republicans like I wrote a dumb thing that I never should have written about Trump and the point of it was pick a pick a real

conservative like I'm not I'm not a conservative generally I am about things. I mean look if I go to a smoothie place I don't pick one of the like cool blue or the berry I like to make my own. That's where I am politically like bananas with some spinach and some you know agave. Okay. So that's the way I am politically but I think it's I wanted to say if you're going to pick a conservative pick a person who's going to really talk about conservative politics

there's a lot of value in that and then let's have a real debate. Trump wasn't that to me. Yeah. Psycho weirdo fucking salesman and he was extremely yeah fascinating had his finger on the pulse of the people knew how to run a rally and then would get in his helicopter by the way and buzz them because he thought it was funny to watch them run in fear. He's a screwed up dude. Now he did that because it was cool. He did that because it was cool when the people down there were

probably like yes. No he's like scaring. He here's the thing with Trump. He was to me he's just a result of where we were politically. He was a result result. He's not the cause and then to watch the way the left kicked and screamed the entire time he was in office and they got their way. They got their way and that's what bothers me because there's a part of me that's always like look I'm glad he's gone so we don't have to fucking fight every single day. That was annoying but then

it's like do I want to reward the side that fucking cried every day when they lost. Do we want to reward them with an actual result which is they got their guy who happens to be dead. Well I guess what I think is the only way you get out of nightmare moments in history which happen all the time. Yeah. They come and they go and they come and they go and they come and they go. It's just constant and every time you think this is all over like I used to tell my kids and people

you know around me that we're really upset when Trump won. Hey that's how we felt when Reagan won and you know we got a lot of good after him and even some good out of him and I like when people are afraid of we're afraid of terrorism. I mean that was all anybody cared about. Yeah. After 9 11 and I remember telling people everybody was like we're all going to get blown up is going to be the end. It's going to be another many more 9 11 tonight. That's what we

thought about nuclear war. That's what we thought about. So these kind of things do happen cyclically cyclically and I think that the only way you get out of them is by giving up on our side your side and I see people doing that. I see everybody doing that. I see I see it in the way you what you do on stage. I see it in the way when you first I remember this is the way I tell myself the story. You would go to the comedy cellar and you want to tell some jokes about your dad

and you'd say my dad is a Fox News guy and they all go boo because it's their place. It's New York City and they have no shame just booing. Yeah. My dad. This is definitely the right move boo and you would take it with your red Irish half retarded face and you would just take it and get angry but you'd swallow the anger and you continue talking about your dad and it was hard and you went kept going to these and you're not playing and you're not being Theo Vaughn playing

the South you're in New York City nothing against the old one but you're here and and then one night you said to them they boo you said my dad's a Trump guy. I mean he's a Fox News guy and they said boo and you said hey all your dads are Fox News guys and they went oh yeah and you said and guess what you want your dad to be a Fox News guy and you found this common ground with them and the thing that S and L really fucked up by not having you on there by the way you wouldn't

have been able to do what you do of course but if you could have been you your version the thing that you do that's great is that you make fun of Pennsylvania Fox News Trump world from because they're your family and you love them and they're part of you and yet you hate them you want out you're throwing up and so you but you know how you can only make fun of somebody I'm going back to you can only it's growing on you can only make fun of someone yeah love them if

there's love there and you know them and you know Seth you know fucking Myers and a trumpet a bit there's no fun there's their jokes are crafted but there's I don't give a fuck like it's us versus those yes that's not fun it's fun to watch a guy go this is my dad listen you want to you want to know about yeah you want to know what's really flawed about a Fox News guy listen to the stories about my dad because and unfortunately you're gonna like my dad you're gonna like

him and that that mix that being able to like go like a you fucker but I can't get you and I probably disagree about almost everything but I can't get your sound anywhere else I can't get your sound of humanity anywhere else so I think that all this time drove us apart and then we got lonely this is a human story you you want to get away from people that you think are hurting you and then you miss them so much and then you come back together and we'll do it again

but I do believe and again I do think that I mean Trump could have he ran for president every every election people like where did this he he could have the country decided it's time for Trump because we lost our minds but he ran I remember he ran one year and he got a shot he would did a town hall just one on one with some big Chris Matthews and he said well what do you think of the Republican National whatever and Trump said they're just retarded and Chris

Matthews was like I was like did he just say retarded he's just so retarded and nobody took him seriously yeah he ran every four years and it would just be like stop it there's an interesting get me the fucking break with Bannon this what yes Bannon has it there's a YouTube video of Bannon doing an interview about about Trump and like finding Trump and like he's taking a lot of credit but the populist movement which is Jackson like just being like there's

something here we can do this this guy has a well he he failed them too by the way like he the thing is Trump's magic was an absolute perfect narcissism like a crystal fucking diamond just perfect no flaws yeah narcissism and at an age where that was the country everybody and people something was invented under Trump I feel which is or maybe this goes all the way back to everybody who's ever been like a big crazy leader is narcissism in the collective

that people are obsessed with one person and they can't hear anything against them and they don't give a shit without what happens as long as the person wins that sort of he came at a time where people were obsessed with personal attention with feelings and they just were in denial about what's yeah what's going to happen again he was he was a result yes he was a result of social media he was a result of how America is acting and like he was also a result of

the left being complete fucking dickheads and it was more fun to be like I want to watch Trump win and watch this fucking people that openly hate me I want to watch them cry when Hillary loses I understand that I understand that and I was I was I felt in agony every minute that he was president and I hated it but I understood I understand that I understand why people dug I look I didn't I get it I didn't vote for him but the night he won I was doing an open mic

and I was like this is fun I got to watch all the fucking alt comics literally when I was I was and I was happy I was on tour when he won and I was in Dallas the night he won or the night after the first day of him being president and I said hey guys you know all this stuff about probably because everybody was into problematic and writing three pieces about you know this and I was like so this is what you did thank you yeah this is where it got us this

way that was my feeling back then was like this is what's happened is that there's no conversation going on anymore nobody's really defending liberal politics and there isn't a real conservative running it's just a it's just a shit show and a piece of shit one the right shit just put out a guy that goes aren't they fucking crazy and and do well because of how crazy the left is I think the next thing that would restore the country is a fucking normal conservative and

normal Chris Christie yeah a normal fucking dude because there's no Democrat first of all they're all behind but there's nobody even think there's not but at this point is 2022 the presidential election is in 2024 and not one Democrat is talking about running so there is it's going to be Biden and it can't be it feels it literally can't be I think it literally can't be too so I don't really know it and it's such a mess over on the on the on the Democrat

side and but it can't be these it can't be these guys who are just pushing whatever button that day I'm going to go against the liberals on this because that's what they're mad about today it's got to be somebody who goes back to just regular and I don't want to conservative president but I believe I live in a democracy in that the president should only sometimes reflect my values because I'm I'm a part of the country of not the whole country yeah so if I lived in

a country where I love the president my whole lifetime that would be fucked up because I only agree with about 38 percent of the people in the country yeah so that's to me the what is the test of what a president should be is it that he should be compassionate strong all these to me what he should be is a representative of the people's will he remember this thing that I said he is a president he presides like when they talk about like real intellectuals talk about

it and real press guys they say you are president they don't say you're the president you they say you're president and Obama used to say when it comes to president he didn't say being the he said president because it's a verb it's present you're presiding like I said it's not it's a simple job Trump always talks about leader when you're a leader you're not a leader you're not a ruler you are presiding over a process you're presiding over a process of equals

deciding things together you're supposed to be just one of the people who was chosen to step up and and run shit for a while being told by this group of all that's all we also voted for what to do that's what the legislators and then these nine people who are looking after making sure that all that it's supposed to result in the right thing and keeping after that keeping the tiller in the right direction but it's a print it's a humble position that's why I don't think it

belongs to a guy like him I think it's fascinating that he took it for as long as it for those four years and they fucking impeached otherwise if you impeach somebody and they win they makes them stronger I mean Clinton proved that it's just so fucking stupid but if it wasn't for COVID we he'd still it's still be there I don't know I don't know it's hard to say he really was running hot and he gave up and he can give a fuck and that's just a something's gonna get you same

was Nixon same with Caligula just somebody some thing that you left because you didn't care same with Putin I mean these guys who just like they create a ball of energy that shoots so high but it burns everything around them and when they need someone if you stay in politics long enough you're gonna have a moment where things are good and you look to your right and somebody's like fuck you and you start to take a dump into the ground now if you get your hold on the mechanisms hard

enough like get rid of to me the thing about Trump is that he had no respect for the democratic process to me the thing on the left is they have no respect for liberal for liberty that this America is about democracy and liberty okay it's about that we choose amongst ourselves and that there's a working fair democracy and it's about you could say what you want you can believe what you want you can be who you want you can have the identity you want you can be anything you

want and no one and the great American ideal is leave people alone that's the one they forget it's not about like say this here that's about leave folks alone let people do what they want and the left forgot that they don't give a fuck about freedom of speech anymore they don't get how stupid it is to shut people up and how quickly that's going to come around and kick you in the ass same thing with Trump if you just wheeled authority like this say fuck democracy no one's going

to have your back yeah no one's going to be there to make sure you're doing the right thing like the press is supposed to do and doesn't do anymore so that's to me the two sides have fucked up those those two those two Prince and that the promise is both those sides are correct to point the finger at the other side yes that's why this is why we're fucked up that's why we're fucked up that's why it becomes that's why it becomes a looking glass because they don't understand

each other and yes they are right about each other they're right they're right about each other the left is right about Trump Trump's right about the left and all the people are left that you know and so it's a mess but the thing I count on is just human spirit human nature which is that we got it we we like each other I think and we like to laugh at each other and and everybody knows that they're full of shit everybody knows it's the thing that's sad about the phone to

me and it's the last thing I'm going to say I'm going losing my mind because the last thing is this you get on a subway train or on a bus or in a plane and you look at another person and is that weird eye contact thing you're like this and you look at a person and you kind of hate you're we're we're reptilian like a hell fuck that guy yeah he's competition or whatever it is but you look at a person and you go he ain't that bad and then you see him look at you and you see yourself

through his eyes and you think I ain't that great these are these two very important parts he ain't that bad I ain't that great and you get that from eye contact and personal contact and through forced you just around people that you don't love around people that you're not that aren't like you that's why I've always loved New York City because I always used to feel like that but with this thing you just you don't you don't have to ever have that moment you just looking into this and it

keeps and it keeps this magical algorithm keeps telling you more and more of what you want to feel it doesn't give you any it keeps you from any resistance you know kids get out of college and they just feel like idiots because they go in the world and every nobody cares what they think but they start to get stronger every day they meet with resistance and also they start to hear shit they don't believe in and believe some of it you know what I mean and the world expands but

this thing takes you into a smaller world every day smaller small further away from other people and everybody instead of learning and growing everybody's becoming retarded that's where Trump came from and I don't know what yeah I really don't I don't know what they're gonna do that's all I got hell yeah please don't post this deleted