Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - The Shat Prophecies

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Silence falls over the doubly locked down streets of the city as a caravan of Honda Civics and Chevy Cruzes process to the secret location. A team of ample-bodied bulls guide the two operatives to the "secret" location. Fights break out. Chaos ensues. The real D.A.W.G.Z. slip out of the back of a Isuzu Rodeo and gain access to the actual safe house, looking over their shoulders at their body doubles, noting how jacked they are before slipping in through door of an unassuming row home to beam the signal 

We're here, we're live, we're in the studio, audio only, what's going on? Audio only this week. We went dark, Antifa came and hacked our systems. Antifa crashed the YouTube, although it could have been provocateurs, dude. Who knows? It might not even have been Antifa that destroyed our... It could have been neo-Nazi provocateurs as well. It's gotta be one of them.

Somebody's on to us. Somebody's got our number. Yeah. It's either the fascists or the communists, dude. We're just true Americans, just saying, both you guys are gay. Both you're gay, you don't tread on us on the youtubes no we can't figure out how to work our switcher yet so yeah we're in the studio we're live we're we're in person now dude how weird is that i know i know it's been you know i like it i'm three months dude i feel like we're like civil war pen pals right now true this is how it used to be you just didn't see any of your boys for like three months at a time yeah how did they even chill back then

they didn't chill like dude i haven't seen you in like 14 years dude yeah you're dying to chill you chilled with just your bros just your brothers you had like 12 brothers named ezekiel and you guys just fucking hung out chilled true you'd work hard then you'd chill afterwards oh yeah then it was party time then you get some mead. True. Get some naps. That's how it feels, dude. Yeah, man. This is...

I just texted my cousin. I was like, yeah, we got to get together once the apocalypse subsides. Yeah. Once the apocalypse dies down. I don't know, bro. It doesn't look like it's dying down. Every time I think we're out of it, it pulls us back in. There's a new thing.

Yeah. What do you think will be next after the race? Well, for real, we're getting locusts. Locusts are coming. Really? Yeah, we're going to have locusts this summer. So that's just, you know, that's not a big deal. They're just kind of a nuisance. They just have a lot of, like, biblical locusts.

Twitter will jerk off to that. Like, oh, locusts, thanks, 2020. Yeah. It's like, here's my 2020 in regard. In review, yeah. It's like, yeah, man. I mean, I have a theory I'm working. This is just an intuitive feeling.

I think somehow, some way, protest has been spun into the new thing of social control. I think they're controlling citizenry through protests. How so? You hype something, you get people out there we got it then you kick one off and then it's like you can have on some level have people out there who take it to the next level and everyone's just like oh is this what we're doing yeah so it's like they like the uh yeah but then what what you get to impose martial law or something yeah i guess that's what i don't know you know i don't know what's but it's like i'm seeing people protest i'm seeing like groupthink protests if that makes sense yeah

and also also like clearly the media is perpetuating it yeah like clearly like they're just showing fucked up shit non-stop i see it dude i've been cnn might be the worst shit i've ever seen like at least at least fox like, laughable on the surface. Like, you can turn it on and, like, big letters will come on and be like, fucking freedom, liberty. And then it's Tucker Carlson sitting there just like, why would you do that? Is it because you're a woman and you're stupid? Like, something very funny.

No, no, I agree with that. Yeah, yeah. Next topic. You're done. Just cutting people off. Oh, come on. Yeah, oh, please. that yeah yeah next topic get you're done just cut oh come on yeah oh please uh but cnn is so that's the only news we have in our apartment in new york so i've been watching it for the last

like three days and it's uh it's like the the cnn anchors all think that they're activists that's like their job they they believe personally that they are warriors. It's like, dude, read the fucking news. You are a newscaster. Yeah. Read it. Oh, dude. You don't have to fucking do this every week. Be like, I'm gay.

It's like, yeah, your whole staff is gay. That doesn't matter. The news was saying that? Yes, dude. I have a reporting down at Central Park and I'm gay. I'm actually gay. And, oh, my God, I just got shot with a rubber bullet. It's like, oh, were you standing in front of cops during a riot?

Were they keeping celebrating the fact that you got hit with a rubber bullet? Is that what we're doing? Were they being like, I'm gay. One gay guy. One gay guy down. Dude. Gay guy down with a bruise. And then like CNN's just fully, I think they just saw the vice model and they're copying

that. So they're like, our journalists go around the world to look at global warming. And it's just some fucking pussy that went to Columbiaumbia standing on like an iceberg just sweating yeah pretty hot fucking warm out here i think it's the white guys yeah dude they uh i saw a reporter walking in the thick of it and people were like he was like we're down here and he'd like shake touch someone's shoulder be like how you doing like walking down and then he uh someone would come up like fuck yeah fuck and give the like the camera the finger and he'd be like come on guys come on guys we're trying to do this here and someone came up and collared his neck like put him in like a big brother headlock and he like wrangled out pushed

off yeah i would fucking spazzed he like pushed off and then people came around him like hey guys stop hey guys stop but he was like like, hey, man. He was all cool. And someone came up and put him basically in a British bulldog. And he was like. Yeah, it's. Hey, hey, y'all. Come on. Come on, everybody.

Come on, man. Hey, hey, we're cool here. I don't know if you guys know this. I'm a news reporter for, you know, billionaire owned media. And I'm on your side here. Disney owns our company. We're here. We're here to help you guys.

Fuck. That's what I'm talking about. That's when I say that I think it's become an element of social control where it's like, oh, sweet, Pepsi's down with the movement now. It's like, yeah, sweet, drink Pepsi and be the winds of change. It's fucking, dude. It's been that. We've been on this tip.

We've been the tip of the spear. We've been the tip of the spear. Look what happened. All the prophecies come true, dude. They did. I mean, dude, are we the Oracle or not happened all the prophecies come true dude they did i mean dude are we the oracle or not all the prophecies came true it's just it's like i don't know it's what chaps my ass is when like you were saying people will be a newscast would be like my daughter was

down at that protest and she got pushed i don't want to live in a world where my daughter gets literally a guy said that my daughter got pushed down there and she was peacefully protesting it's like okay well your daughter's also in a war zone where people are i my friend was there when they bombed a police car yeah he said that he's like you he's like you're chilling down there and then all of a sudden like a white like crust punk dude will like pop up out of nowhere he's like he's a black dude he's like we're just yelling at cops cops yelling back at us we're like fuck you guys like fuck you guys yeah and then he's like you'll see these white cross punky dudes we'll just he's like i watched him bomb a state trooper's car and it was just like whole and you're just like whoa is this what we're doing down here now yeah we're getting rowdy said they had flamethrowers

they had like the um elon musk they had elon musk they had flamethrowers i think it was elon musk model they were like homemade like i think he said it wasn't like a weed whacker, but some sort of thing like that where they just made it so you just spit out a big flame. So he's like, there's dudes. He's like, we're all down there like yelling and doing stuff. And he was like, you know, and if it popped off, I might grab a couple things. But he was like, there's dudes down there like throwing bombs. That's where he's like, I want to go home now. This is fucked up.

So this guy's daughter is down there like, yes. Ow. Ow. I just got pushed. It's like's daughter is down there like, yes. Ow. Ow. I just got pushed. It's like, yeah, dude, people are fucking bombing cars. And you got pushed because you're around where people are bombing shit. Either you're with it or get the fuck out. Like, don't come down there to be a tourist.

Don't go down there to be like, I'm part of something right now. It's like, are you willing to, are you going to flip a cop car when that starts? Yeah, exactly. Because you better be ready. Or just be like, people are flipping cop cars. It's time for me to go home. And I got pushed in a humongous struggle. Yeah, I saw that.

It just sucks because it's like, again, everything's been reduced down to like, well, if you're not 100% blindly on this side, you're immediately this whole other thing. And it's like, all right, so the nuance of national matters are now divided into two binary categories and you can't step outside any of them you have to just go with one and be like I bet that guy was a criminal he got fucking

and it's like they're saying like we were just talking about both sides are claiming it's white people starting this and they're not on our side. That's what every protest has said. Whoever's done it, they've been like, no, it's Antifa or it's neo-Nazis. Yeah.

Personally, I think it's Antifa. I think it's pretty clear that that's them. It's anarchists. I think they're making it very clear that, hey, we're the ones doing this. Yeah. But, you know, that's what a provocateur might say. True. Anyway, what is annoying about it is like, and then I'll see a video of just white people getting rocked, dude.

Just like a lady standing in front of her business getting the fuck beat. Oh, I thought you meant like a protester. No, like I'm talking about like black dudes beating the shit out of white people. And then it's like I'm supposed to be like, I'm with that. It's like I don't take the bad parts with this. And fuck it. You know, enough people are saying enough shit. I'm just, I'm with that. It's like I don't take the bad parts with this. And fuck it. Enough people are saying enough shit. I'm just – I'm not.

Yeah, being like – I don't need to jump in and be like – It's time. Donate to this bond company. It's like who am I paying to bail out? Fucking Antifa kids? No, fuck them. Fuck them.

I'm not paying for them. Yeah. I mean it's also – it's one of those things where it's like, all right, that's cool. But if people are like, why aren't you doing this it's like i don't know i don't want to i want to see well i also want to see what the fuck's going on yeah i'd like to find out what happens so i was trying to the uh because i looked into that was the one it's like the bail project i was looking into that to see what apparently it's like so bails revolving so that the money comes out and it goes back into the fund so it can like it uses the money to bail people out

again like you're saying like who's in charge of who's getting bailed out what do these people do does it not bail out rapists you know what i'm saying like yeah i think it'd be a great idea you know get people bail people out it's unfair yeah bail is a fucking bullshit system but it is it's one of those things where you're sending money to the idea of bail and it's like what's this what's the pay structure like you can't find information on uh non-profits about how their finance how other finances work unless you have you pay like you? Like, you can't find information on nonprofits about how their finances work. Unless you have, you pay, like, you can get software. You can pay, like, hundreds of dollars a month. If you're a funder, it's all crystal clear.

You can see, like, how much is this guy getting paid? How much are they bringing in? How much is everybody getting paid? How much of it's actually going to the thing it's supposed to go to? Damn. You know what? You can't fucking find. I tried looking yesterday.

You can look through the Philadelphia library, but it's like... This shit shouldn't be that mystified how... I should look up a non-profit and bam, there's their financials. Bail bondsmen in Minnesota must be like, fuck yeah, all these people that were never going to pay bail. I'm rich as fuck. Oh, they're just getting...

I'm collecting 10% of this. Dude, they must be. Bail bondsmen, aren't they kind of like loan sharks kind of? Yeah. So they're getting skipped out of this then? Yeah, I guess if it pays the full loan, but it wouldn't pay the full loan. Oh, it would give a little. It's definitely like, here's what you would have to pay the bail bondsman to post your bail.

Oh, really? I thought you'd just go down there with a percentage of it. I would imagine you would. Well, yeah, you pay the bail bondsman like 10% and then he covers the, he fronts the rest for you. I thought it was like that. I thought it was, you just pay the state 10%. I thought when you, when you get in bail, yeah, you just come up with like, if it's

like $50,000, you come up with like five grand. Yeah. Then you give the state five grand and they hold that five grand. So like your bail, those like bail set at a million dollars. Oh yeah. It's popping off. Sirens are kicking off. Your bail set at a million dollars.

You got to come up with a hundred G's and bail set at like 5 000 you got to come up with 500 bucks so these there's dudes in there who are hung up on like they'll get hung up on like 80 bucks yeah their bail set at 5 000 they're just jammed on 500 so they'll just sit in jail for a year because they can't nobody they know can come up with 500 bucks to bail them out so that's where it's like yeah that's fucking bullshit yeah like all right you gotta and then you gotta go to trial in a jumpsuit yeah which is it's a bad look you need a nice suit oh yeah you're coming out yeah you're going into your trial from jail like a haunted you're like coming off like a haunted attraction it's not good yeah man i mean again it's just

none of this stuff's gonna help it's not gonna help anything if people just being like again watching getting programmed by the news whichever flavor of it they like. And then being like, no, this is reality. It's like, all right, it's fine. But either way, that I'm right now, though, it's like the fact that everything's in such disarray. I feel like oddly calm because I'm like, well, this is kind of my internal state 24 seven. So I'm like, this is how I it's like how I feel has oddly calm because I'm like well this is kind of my internal state 24-7 so I'm like this is how I it's like how I feel has been externalized

so I'm just like now everybody's life sucks this is how I view the world is like what I think is happening when I'm not looking so I'm just kind of like yeah okay I knew I was right about that yeah it's dude it's a collective nervous breakdown man

we're all having a nervous breakdown right now and it's we'll get's a collective nervous breakdown man we're having we're all having a nervous breakdown right now and it's we'll get through we'll freak out yeah we'll be fine but good lord this is times are gay dude i mean we're going we're going full i mean if it wasn't obvious that we were already surveillance state we're going full surveillance right now i mean it's like there's no you can't be like well we were kind of tracing the disease but like fuck that now it's like look man there's a heli i've heard a helicopter for 72 hours around me yeah the helicopters are out now that's just a thing they have helicopters now now we have helicopters yeah that'll be drones shortly because fueling a helicopter is going to take a while yeah

uh yeah it's just the whole thing is just so fucking corny. And then it's like you get on social media and it's just like, you know, there's a part of you. There's a part of me that's gay. I am half gay for sure. There's a part of me that wants to like speak out and be like, this is how I feel. And then I read 10 other people doing that. And I'm like, I could never be that. I'll never do that. That's ridiculous.

It always comes off as phony to me at least almost always a hundred percent but dude i was looking at this one dude's post that i'm friends with he it was a three right before we started there's three slides on his instagram the first slide was like uh something about the naacp and then the the final side of it was his donation he donated 110 that110. That was the third picture. He was like, hey, here's what I did. Chip in. And also, why is every fucking alt comic on the same page in this?

Every single comedian is in agreement somehow. All the alt comics are like, yeah, burn it down. Here's how you can donate to the fucking funds. It's like, dude, why do all of you agree on this yeah that's kind of always you guys always all agree politically yeah what doesn't that fucking doesn't don't you think one of them has probably got to be like that's weird we all always agree politically we're a political party yeah exactly how has comedy become a political party exactly it's we're all morons but no it's it's now up to you as a fledgling or even if you're an established comedian yeah like i gotta i gotta

make my word put my word out there and it's like imagine if dude imagine if like 10 years ago the fucking mailman was like i've been silent too long i must be like all right dude i was getting dms from people that were like you're not using your platform to speak up. And it's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Well, that's the. Shut up. That's the problem. There's like, there's so there's people who see this and they feel it in their hearts.

And they're like, I have to express myself. And then there's people who see other people doing that. And like, oh, shit, I better say. I have to. Oh, shit. I better say something now. So then you get like, it's not activism. It's like this weird peer pressure. Dude, I was. There is peer pressure. There have to. Oh, shit. I better say something now. So then you get like, it's not activism.

It's like this weird peer pressure. Dude, I was just. There is peer pressure. There's a peer. There was a. So I was talking, doing the Church of Dogology. It's highly secretive, highly exclusive. Very secretive. Very secretive.

We were doing it. It's just a live stream. It just doesn't get recorded. It goes nowhere. Good. But some guy was, some guy was saying that his daughter's in grade school and they're being bullied. So they're, they like, they move from like a liberal area to like Trump land and they're being bullied so they're they like they move from like a liberal area to

like trump land and they're getting she's like dude my like they'll get bullied for like not being not loving trump and it's the reverse will probably happen i'm sure as well if you're like can't even imagine if you if you had a kid that was like if you were a republican and moved to new york jesus christ yeah these people like oh fuck it's it's crazy i was just up there for the Jesus Christ. Yeah. These people, like, oh, fuck. It's crazy. I was just up there for the last couple of days. Imagine being in eighth grade and they're just like, you probably, like, fucking, like, whoever. They're, like, bitching about, like, you like Elizabeth Warren?

It's like, dude, I was saying, like, I still don't know how the Senate works. I'm 34. Yeah. My life's going just fine. Yeah. You don't need it. The fact that eighth graders are bullying each other on

like political stances it obviously is being their parents are drilling this shit in their head so it's like dude imagine your mom coming home every day whacked out about the news that's that'll fuck your kid up dude yeah every day and then coming home and being like you're gay aren't you like their kid be like you sure you're not gay you sure you don't want to experiment you're allowed to experiment you don't you wear any shoes in this house that you want. You don't have to wear. I got you some dresses. Just just say I got a dress for you and a shirt. You wear whatever one you want.

Yeah, man. I mean, if you combine it all, this is my problem. Maybe again, I'm either a psycho or I'm right. I can't tell. But it's like you combine the pressure of the ability to go viral, the social pressure to conform to like, you know, whatever things are being pushed out, especially if you're an agendized person, which there's nobody more agendized than fucking people in comedy or entertainment.

I sort of got, I've, I've hung out with almost every spectrum of life and I've never met anyone more like who 24 seven is spinning their gears. Like how can I make this happen? How can I make this happen? Pretty much everyone else is going to work and coming home and like drinking a beer and being like,

finally that fucking works over. Yeah. I can go sit, I can sit in the above ground pool, chill, drink a a coors light but if you're like a fledgling that's what i try to explain to people that sounds good bro i'm telling you that sounds good if you're a fledgling comedian you're 24 7 being like how many likes did i get on this oh my god that's the most likes ever got you automatically adjusted your behavior you're getting a dopamine fix because you did a thing your behavior is going to change.

You have that in mass. You have this weird behavioral modification based on very real addictive platforms. And it's presenting itself physically into the world now with one-upsmanship of being filmed, knowing you're being filmed. Then you couple that with the self-righteousness of, like, I'm changing the world. It's like, I mean, yeah, something's getting changed for sure but it's like i don't know man i just don't know how much i buy into the authenticity of let's just say 40 percent of participants that's like and that's a big chunk of it yeah it's just like uh don't get me wrong obviously you know now you got to be fucking careful with words and shit which is gay but uh as i say gay now i gotta be a fucking gay pussy faggot and worry about words

but uh no it's like yeah it's just like uh every time there was a protest when it was fucking nazis that were marching around it's it's 90 people with cameras yeah and phones out just journalists this isn't real they're literally I mean, of course it's real. Obviously it's real. There's going to be a curfew here shortly. Oh, there is. I got to get out of the city. Broke it last night, bro.

6 p.m. I walk my dogs at 8 o'clock. You better watch out, dude. Dude, I'm not, look, I'm not having this shit. You're getting laid out. I'm going to see a video of you on TV and it's going to be like, he called them the N-word. It's just going to be you getting jumped. He definitely said the N-word right before we know

it's really just uh all right that's that's that's the left's version of like the right will see a cop video of just a kid a guy getting shot in his car like literally with his hands up like i'm gonna reach for my wallet now it's shot like 12 times yeah the the left's version of that is like these people that are getting jumped definitely said the N word right before this. Oh, that's what they, that's like how Republicans will see a tape of like a, a guy getting executed by the police and be like,

well, what happened before the, you know, the body cam came on. No left does the same thing. It'll be like a woman getting a fat lady in a wheelchair at target, getting the fuck beat out of her. And they're like,

now she was racist. Although, how nice would that be just to see a fat lady in a wheelchair at Walmart and just seeing how much she could just fucking... She took it, dude. I know, obviously. She was getting bopped around a little.

It's built in the USA, dude. She was steel, dude. That's just 100% American steel. She was, dude. She was built for it tough. She was sitting there getting bopped. She was getting hit. You ever see Imm combat where like you get hit and they do it close up it was just like cheetos cracking inside of her yeah someone's like she's got a knife

it's just like cheeto powder and her kidneys just being like yeah man i saw a snapchat of her like walking around too she was out of the wheelchair walking around yeah she got up to fight no she was just she clearly didn't need it she was like

she could walk it's funny she was so lazy she was like fuck it let me see if I can beat these guys in this chair and she's like

ah nope they caught me I think she had a pocket knife did she I don't know she busted out that keeps happening there's a video of something and then the other side

will immediately be like, well, this is what she had a pocket in. They had to take action. It was just people fucking beating her ass and stealing from her. They robbed her. That's the problem. It's like people are all basing their day in terms of what they decide to do and how they feel based off events that they weren't there to witness

and are getting an information stream that's highly suited to making them feel validated with every weird prejudice they have. So it's like, again, the lady and the dog that you were talking about last week. Yeah. Sid the Kid was apparently like went real deep into that. He was saying that what happened was, and this was from the guy's personal Facebook. He was like, hey, like you said, you got to get your dog out of this park or whatever because, you know, the dog can't be off the leash in this park.

Dog can't be off the leash. The lady was like well my dog has been cooped up and there's nowhere else for me to go so i have to do it here i'm sorry and he was like there's a place right over there you can do it she was like well i'm not going to do it and he's like well all right you can do what you want but you're not going to like what i'm about to do yeah i heard he said that's it but then according to his facebook post he pulled in he was pulling out dog treats yeah so like maybe he was like not he didn't realize how ominous it sounded but he was just saying what i'm gonna do come here what's your dog yeah or

did the lady you don't fucking know and again is that did that lady maybe one point get sexually assaulted who knows so it's like if you just hear some dude in the park being like you don't like what i'm gonna do but i think the other part is if if he had said that with a smile and she misread it and he was like pulling out treats and she was like, oh, call the fucking cops. He was like, what the fuck? So you don't know what's going on. Neither person said. But you have people who, again, I can't get over the fact that people pay money to have their reality stewarded to them or catered in a way.

It's like, yeah, dude, you're right. Yeah. Just keep just watch this. You always be right. Every now and again, I get this. I don't know. We have a Patreon. You'll always be right. Every now and again, I get motherfucked every week. Oh, we get motherfucked. Every time we try to talk about anything intelligently, every comment is just like,

shut up, retards. Go back to being funny. Good. No, I agree. I agree. But right now, it's like, this is the most insane fucking shit, dude. It'd be funny if we didn't address it.

Yeah. We should have a regular episode. Also, it's usually just about the stuff that's going on in our life. And it's like, I just had the SWAT team blow past. Bro. That's the funny thing. Everyone thinks like, everyone in my family is like, you're all right down there. And I'm like, yeah, dude.

It's like, there's, you know. It's not like, you know. What was that movie from Bruce Willis where he was in Philadelphia in like 1980 and there's just trash cans on fire like 24-7 everywhere? 12 Monkeys? I think so. I think it was when he went in the future. Yeah, 12 Monkeys.

Yeah, dude. Right? 12 Monkeys? Yeah. People are bugging out. I used to have aunts and uncles who would call me like years ago and be like, you're down in Philadelphia? Oh, all the time. My dad called me twice yesterday.

I'm sure it was about New York. Really? Yeah. But it was, I saw some protesters. What happened? I was, it was definitely anti-protesters. They were like Blue Lives Matter protesters. Hilarious.

So they went down there. They were driving through Queens in like a, definitely from like Long Island, obviously. Definitely white people from Long Island coming through all in like Jeeps and Dodge Chargers and all with American flags on every car. That was how they identified them. It was like a funeral procession with many flags. Yeah. They all had American flags.

They beeped. The whole fucking line of them was beeping. It was like 80 cars down. It was like. Is it just like Facebook groups meeting in real life? It's dude. It's like just. It really is.

And it's like you're stuck in your house all fucking day because of this coronavirus you go outside and it's just beeping it's just horns beeping yeah for an hour we go outside to people fighting over the news and it's like yeah what the fuck like all right man and then people like how dare you not it's like i i'm sorry man i just can't wrap my brain around how good this shit is yeah the fuck it i was gonna get into the personal issue on that but yeah it's just fucking bullshit dude like how do you not use your voice for the face just like i'm i don't i don't know what the fuck i don't know what i think i don't know what's going on i don't know what i think yet dude can i say that i think that it takes 15 seconds to process national events and then spit out how you feel on permanent record about them again,

which I mean, which is kind of what we've done our whole lives, the podcast, but we're fucking around to be like, if I'm going to start a serious enterprise where I'm like, here's the deal. It's like, yeah,

don't listen to me. Every time we talk about, every time we talk about something, I immediately am like, Oh, well I can, I can feel the opposite way. I just felt about that.

Like we talk, we were talking about, I was like, maybe don't crucify that lady in Central Park for that. As soon as we got done with the episode, I was like, I probably should have executed her. Yeah, but again, it's like... My mind changes. I'm not going to fucking sit here and be like, this is how I feel,

and then watch a clip of some dude get beat to death by protesters and be like, ah, fuck. Well, you know, you got to break some eggs to make an omelet. We're going to have to kill some innocent store owners. Yeah. Yeah, for real. I mean, I don't feel they got spared.

Really? Apparently they looted in Philadelphia and like it for some reason, people just were like looting and messing shit up and they like stopped and like bought Chipotle and like went back out. So Chipotle, for some reason, in the algorithm of like what to steal and like bought Chipotle and like went back out. So Chipotle, for some reason in the algorithm of like what to steal and break into,

Chipotle, Chipotle's chill. Chipotle's not part of the system, bro. Motherfucking chill, Chipotle. Yeah, dude. Chipotle is obviously not the man.

So you roll into Chipotle and it's like, also all the Chipolets in Philadelphia are primarily, almost always staffed by gay black dudes. Yeah.

Which is something I noticed a long time ago. You'd think they'd be aching to get in there and fuck shit up. No, but I'm saying they went in there and they just held, they probably held the spoons up and crossed the fucking glock spoon with the thing like, dude, we're a fucking part of the movement. They were just like, oh, shit, Chipotle's chill. I'm like, all right, let me, I'll have beans, I guess.

Well, glock's a dollar. That's fucked up, dude. You're right. It's not. It's not a dollar. Yeah, they're just like, here you go fucked up dude you're right it's not it's not a dollar yeah they're just like oh you're right you're right yeah man i uh and there's also a part there's also a part i understand the argument i kind of if you're gonna incite change through this you gotta take money so it is good kind of to do property damage for sure the only people the people at the top are only going to care about money.

Yes. But, you know, maybe destroy some federal buildings. I'm not calling for that on the podcast. But if you're going to do it, do it right. Fuck it. Yeah, I mean, that's what I was thinking. Hit them in the money. You've got to hit them in the money.

That is what works. Yeah, when they're like, this isn't what works. When they're like, this isn't the answer. I'm like, no, that's a problem. This is actually the perfect answer. This is actually the answer. You have to start blowing shit up. We don't go fuck around in other countries until people start blowing

shit up and then we're like all right what do these fucking guys want can we just let's just see let's let them come to the table give it to them like all right fine there's just like a big insurance company where they're just like now you want to control and dominate everything and then you blow shit up and they're like can we kill them and it's like i'd be a bad no we're not like all right well then give it to them all right right, fuck it. As long as we keep power. Give them what they want. Do I stay in office? Yes. All right.

All right, fucking fine. Can we use them? All right, perfect. Yeah, I mean, that's what they do. They find people blowing shit up in other countries, and they're like, here, here's weapons. We don't like it. Yeah, we actually don't like your president, so here you go. Yeah.

But it's literally, it's why they reign supreme. Why America reigns. Because we have a military who who if it comes to it we can blow everything up and break stuff and people are like breaking stuff now and it's like this isn't what it's like dude if everyone went and stood there people have been going and standing there and being like it's enough of this and they go back and they're like sweet that's over back to normal but as soon as you start breaking shit it's like all right all right this will work so it does yeah exactly this is gonna change things it works i believe this will definitely make a difference now it's not gonna change entirely obviously but no let's launch us

into a surveillance state go you know go burn down some i mean it is lame to break break they uh they broke into the pharmacy not too far from me like i mean the drugs are getting stolen yeah but you know those were highly priced although you know maybe some sick people had their prescription down there and needed it yeah man i mean there's when you're on your way getting to the perks dude it's like obviously some blood pressure medications are getting crushed up and thrown out yeah i mean dude it's just you know look this is a shit nobody wants to think about this is a shit where it's like hey you, you're not as safe as you think. You're like, well, what about people who need medication?

They might die. That's what happens. When we fall into utter chaos, people who are hanging on by a limb of this weird system keeping people with tons of diseases afloat. It's like, yeah, when the shit gets cut off, they definitely die. Yeah, they're in trouble. Yeah, they're fucked. What about this person? It's like, they the shit gets cut off they definitely die so yeah they're in trouble yeah they're fucked what about this person it's like they'll probably perish bro what happened

during the ice age if they froze and died and floods came people died it's like this is this is what happens dude you're you know you're an animal walking around on earth shit happens sometimes people die yeah a lot of times my uh my friend who was down there also was saying that he saw down on 52nd and market street. They, uh, they put a cop car in a neutral and rolled it down. I saw the video, rolled it towards the police. I thought the cop, I thought the cop was in it when I saw the helicopter. Did you see the lady try to fucking hit the car with a baton?

So he was down there and he said, and the cop, the card came. One of the lady cops out of instinct just went like this and hit the cop car with a baton. And the area was like, what the fuck? She just spat. Dude, it's fucking crazy. Yeah. You'll see footage of like cops like pushing protesters that are clearly not doing anything.

But you're also surrounding a man. Yeah. So these cops are like surrounded by people screaming at them. Yeah. Probably throwing some shit. Yeah. What about us? You're ready to fuck it.

Like you're like, it's fight or flight at that point. You're like, you're not. Dude. You're like, I got to get out of this. I'm fucking. Well, it's like the mob of people who are protesting feed off each other. One person throws shit. I've seen shit like that before, obviously when the Phillies won. And it was like, it's fun. I was down there.

Things were like, it was crazy. There was no rules going on. People was in a deli just drinking beers, basically looting a deli. But like as they, it was kind of orderly. Like everyone waited in line to buy something. Would drink like, you know, four extra beers while they waited. Yeah. It was like polite.

It was polite looting. There's some of those horrible comparisons that there's comparisons that really fucking annoy me because right now the left can't be wrong on like Twitter. Yeah. Like no matter what they say, it's just like, oh yeah, for sure. Like this is exactly like the Boston tea party. This is very similar. Yeah.

It's like, yeah, yeah. This is exactly like, it's like, how come when white folks riot, like they did after every Superbowl, nobody cares. It's like, well, the, did they burn down residential buildings immediately? Yeah. It's like, cause if they did, then yeah, that was probably a problem. Yeah. Uh, and it's like, yeah, that was probably a problem. Yeah.

And it's like, I don't know. They can't be wrong. You can't be like, well, you know you're putting that out and it's retarded, right? You can't just be like, excuse me, that's retarded what you just said? I mean, it's also not nobody cares. They're like, oh, they fucked up the city. There's something averse. And it's also not tied to it.

It's tied to like the Phillies won. Everyone's drunk, freaking out. It's agreed that it's retarded to go out and break a bunch of shit after a sports team wins. But then it just immediately stops and goes away. This is something. It's tied to something different. Yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, that was my very first joke that I did with Phillies Funnies when I was 23. I was laughing to Brittany. I was like, I used to do a thing about how when they had flash mobs, I'm like, give all the black kids Phillies hats.

And people are like, oh, whatever. a thing about how when they had flash mobs, I'm like, give all the black kids Philly's hats and people are like, oh, whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously the people are just catching up with me now,

like 10 years later, guys. Well, welcome to the fucking, you know, welcome to the mind tricks. It's lonely living in the future, bro.

But yeah, the, the, yeah, it's just stupid. The Boston Tea Party one is like, I mean, if I could,

were to compare myself to something 400 years ago, I'm like, well, it was cool when fucking King Henry VIII killed his wife. Now you guys got a fucking problem? Yeah, now it's a big problem. Now I can't chop my, okay, so I can't chop my wife's head off? Okay, I hear you. I mean, I think you're being a little bit ridiculous. Yeah, dude, they're, well, it's funny.

So my friend who was down there, I was just talking to him today, and he was like, you know, you go down there, you're hype, him today and he uh he's like you know you go down there you're hype people are throwing water bottles like yeah we're throwing water bottles of cops it's hilarious and then like a piss ball so he's like again so i'm anti-file like a dude will come up with a piss bomb and you're just like oh shit and then like i'm you know he's like i'm there with a bunch of other people we're in a cop's face he's like there's a point where i i just saw the fear in this guy's eye yeah and i was like you know it's like on he's like on a human level i was just like all right man i'm gonna leave this guy alone because he's like you know there's the whole

political side then there's like i'm now with 200 people staring down a dude with three other guys and they're terrified and they see that and i don't know this guy yeah also that's another practice how the boston massacre happened you want to talk history this is what happened there was like five i don't know how many soldiers probably like 10 british soldiers and a mob and they started throwing rocks at him and shit and they fucking opened fire yeah somebody probably from the mob according there's there's questions somebody from the mob was like yelled fire allegedly really yeah yeah the officer said he never did it and uh yeah john adams defended them in court. Pretty sick.

Did he really? He was like, they deserve a trial. One of the founding fathers defended the British soldiers. Saying like, look, man, they were mobbed up on. He was like, yeah, they shouldn't be executed for this. Yeah, fuck, that's wild. Pretty fucking cool. Yeah, but that's, I mean, it's the same thing.

I mean, it's humans. If you have a gun and all of a sudden you're getting hit with rocks and shit and people are surrounded, like you think you're going get torn apart yeah there could be there could be moments of that happening where like yeah it might open some fire it's not great it's double fear dude it's like so if i even if i successfully shoot my way out of this now i'm the next dude oh i'm the next like you know murderous police officer guy who's been spent dude that and the now the only argument people have against the cop is everyone pretty much agreed like yeah

that was fucked up the guy shouldn't have like choked that guy with his knee it was just unnecessary I'd show this Phil my dad was like oh he murdered that guy

yeah so now they're saying like well the guy according to autopsies like the guy didn't die from death by asphyxiation they're working on it they're working on it

they got their best they got the best lawyers on there so it's like I thought about that because when I first saw the video i saw a video of the guy getting yanked out of a car so i'm like sorry so you have it you're sitting there you have to physically budge people as a live for a living which is i don't ever try to move somebody against the will you immediately i get i do it with my dog every day i'm like come on go outside i'm like

whenever somebody's not moving the way you want to move it fucking makes you like level 10 angry like that's a reality that's like something like that's your job all day long like move and the guy's like no and you're like come on so it's like you know and again we're giving basically like carpenter union carpenters guns and we're like hey i think you can handle the psychological nuance of like physically interacting with like it's like every wrestling match i've ever been in turned serious and then we give cops guns like yo go fight people for real. I'm like, yo, chill also. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know.

And if you have to shoot them also, you can do that too. But try to chill, and they're like. Yeah, you can shoot them, and you're not going to get in trouble. Dude, you send dudes who, like, barely pass an OSHA 30-hour, and you're like, you got that? And they're like, yeah, I think I'm good. Yeah, now what neighborhood am I going to? Yeah, it's like, how many Monster Red Bulls?

How many Monster Energy drinks? I've had 48 ounces of Monster today. All right, you should be fine. Go ahead. Let's do a couple TikToks in your car. And then head out and police a neighborhood that's totally different than you culturally. Yeah. Go tell them what to do.

Yeah, go boss them. Yeah, go yell at those guys down there. Dude, imagine how scary that would be. Being a cop, seeing like eight dudes on the corner and going up and be like, what's going on, fellas? You must be such a retard. What I've seen happen is they adopt a personality where they come up and they're just like skullcrackers.

They're like, you guys better get the fuck out. They come up like the Punisher, basically. So they're scared. So in order to not feel scared, they come up and they'll just pull up and be like, who's going to fucking arrest today? So I've seen this. They go like extra hard where you can they'll just pull up and be like, who's going to fucking arrest today? So they, I've seen this. They go like extra hard

where you can just kind of roll up and be like, what's up dudes? Like I smell weed, that's what's up. Especially if you're a cop. Then they punk you, dude.

Then they punk you on the internet. Yeah, but if you're a cop, you're like, hey, what's up guys? Like, shut up corny ass bitch.

You're like, God damn it, I'm going viral. If I was a cop, I would just laugh though. I mean, you know, everyone's different,

but I would pull up and be like, what's up bros? And then if they're like, fuck you dude, just be like, yo, what up dudes? And pull up and you guys go. But that's the they're like fuck you dude just be like yo what up dudes but that's the thing but then you have a boss who's like no no like you got to physically get those people to move and if they say no

your only other option is to like get the fucking hockey stick check and come on get out of here get out of here and then again keep your cool the whole entire time it's like again it's not putting the guy was a fucking it's also funny to think about like the guy was a totally this is my whole point so it's like you have that going on that's the guy's job the guy's also a raging fucking asshole so as a raging asshole with a job that a raging asshole most likely should be screened out of like really easily and quickly but once you get in there it's like you're part of a unions you're like we got you buddy you fucking hit a guy in the head with a bat the other day we got you it's like the catholic church they've instead of

pedophiles they have like psycho psycho fucking sociopaths and they constantly like shuffle around they shuffle around we're gonna give you desk work and then they're just a cunt in the office so they're like all right we're putting you back out there it's ah fuck he strangled a guy he's like shit all right all right get the yeah and they're all they all have like a union lawyer on retainer but this, even if the guy, so the whole argument is like, well, he didn't die by strangulation.

He had drugs in the system. It's like, all right. As a dude who just had basically a panic attack from smoking too much weed yesterday, it can happen to anybody. Anyone could be in a dangerous car. You know,

if I was, if I was as high as it was yesterday and the cops pulled me out of my Honda civic, I might die of a heart attack too. Yeah. So it's like, look, you know,

if you're ready to send him to death, dude, think, what would you do if it was me, dude? I was high and I was doing forgery, dude, out of my Ford Explorer. But, so, sorry. If it was you, literally the news would be like, local idiot dies of a heart attack while under, you know, getting pulled over by speeding. Under a cop. Cop definitely didn't do anything.

Well, that was the thing. So they're trying to be, they're trying to build up the argument like, well, the cop technically, yeah, he was wrong, but he didn't do anything well that was the thing so they're trying to be they're trying to build the argument like well the cop technically yeah he was wrong but he didn't kill a guy it's like but even if okay so the guy didn't die but if he didn't die by asphyxiation if your job is like get move people and they're like oh shit i'm having a heart attack and you're like tough luck pal you should have thought of that before you bounced a chair you know yeah before you wrote rubber checks yeah exactly should have thought of it before you bounced a chair, you know, before you wrote a rubber checks. Yeah, exactly. Should have thought of it like, OK, that should be that's a gross, you know.

But again, it's like, fuck, dude. It's like for that argument to be, well, technically it wasn't the cops fault. It's like someone's having a heart attack and their neck, their knees on my neck and preventing me from getting help. Or really, you're supposed to be trained to be like, oh, shit, this guy's fucked up. All right. Pause on fucking cops and robbers. Get the guy to the hospital. Pause on the you owe me $20.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Pause on like you're going to jail for two years for white collar crime. Yeah. He just kept like, dude, I saw like the did you see the long video of him just kept putting pressure down? He just he did it for like nine minutes. Yeah. And it's like, again, then there's the part of like, oh like oh what the fuck dude dude you'll have people from the other side of

it being like oh you fucking pussy dude you thought he actually killed that guy people automatically make their minds up yeah and they're like this is a conspiracy this is all the dems dude everyone thinks the other political party is trying to destroy america like this is obviously the work of the dems trying to make it look as bad as they can it's because again that's that's the news that's what they're getting yeah they're getting if you watch fox the Dems, trying to make it look as bad as they can. It's because, again, that's the news. That's what they're getting. Yeah. They're getting.

If you watch Fox, the Dems are doing this. If you watch CNN, you're so powerful. Obviously. If you watch CNN, you're so powerful. Thank you. Please thank you for your service. It's literally for 40, 50-year-old white women watching Vice. It's basically their Vice.

It's like some suburban mom watching CNN. Like, wow. Yeah, man. The babes are all in on this the young babes yeah young babes love activism i saw them i saw them walking back from yesterday they came back a little early i was i was scoping the neighborhood babes came i see everyone down there with the fucking school bags and like you know the signs and i just saw i was quitting time to one i guess like the young white lady whistle blew down at the activism factory dude and they all fucking were like all right we're done our shift's done yeah we did it good job gang they came back pretty early dude i'll say that for all of our hot young activist listeners saw you guys trudging back yeah i saw the hot babies damn sam uh sam hyde posted this

shit on twitter that was like i I'm going to show you this. It was so fucking annoying. What was it? This like Instagram story or clip of like how you should protest. It's some New York thing. It's like, first off, it's a cartoon drawing of like a, you know, wide-hipped white woman. Sure. With, you know, a hoodie. white woman sure with you know a hoodie bring

snacks here's here's what you need to do you need to come prepared wear clothes you feel comfortable moving in running shoes and layers for weather bring water an energy bar and a bandana in case of surveillance next next one next slide roll with a crew we roll together in affinity groups before the march share your contact info legal blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Have each other's back in the streets. Leave together. It's a cartoon of three women, all different races apparently, and one holding up a sign that says, fuck the police.

Stay in the streets together. This is a good one. The streets are our voice. Pigs will work to split us apart to try to get us on the sidewalk. It's just like throughout the whole thing, it calls themselves comrades, pigs. And it's like a nice cartoon of white women in snow hats. I mean, dude, this this I can't help but my my conspiratorial part of my brain to be like this seems not overtly controlled and like step A, step B, step C. But it seems like this has been guided by –

I personally think this might be like Russian or some foreign government interference. This is something. Because apparently they said foreign governments infiltrated the social sciences and started like publishing all this like pro-communist shit. So I don't know. This one's diversity of tactics. So it's different ways you can do it. One of them is just jumping over a turnstile, throwing smoke, spray paint, donuts, bike locks. Throwing a trash can.

One's just mooning, mooning the police. And then bottom left is Drake pointing that meme. And it says, we don't police each other's actions or snitch on each other to pigs or the media. At the same time, we take care not to endanger others with our actions. Also, imagine if you have to learn how to, like, participate in a protest from a meme. It's like what what like what level of non thinking are you to where you're relying on the Internet to go like, I'm going to see how I should move about in public and protest. I need to bring water and snack bars.

It's like, dude, stay the fuck at home. If you think you need a snack bar, if you're a protester, they're like, well, I'm going to need a snack. I'm going to need a snack while I fight the cops. It's like, dude, you don't want to fight. If you have snacks, you don't want to fight the cops. If you have gushers in a fucking fanny pack,

some dude is going to hit you in the face with a stick. It's going to suck. It's going to suck. It's going to suck. Imagine if someone gets hit in the fucking pocket and all the gushers burst. Oh, fuck, dude. Mom! Mom! Yeah, there's a lot of bad ideas getting tossed around right now.

The one of the suburbs is... That's horrible. That's when a race war starts. And again, that's – That's a bad thing. That's one of those things where if there are people who do have some sort of interest in causing as much chaos as possible, you set up a fake account. You go on. This already did happen to Black Lives Matter before.

The Russians infiltrated them and set up fake stuff with false information. Well, they would just set up a – they'd be like, hey, this is where we're having a protest. And then they'd set up a white rally at the same spot on the same day. Yeah, exactly. Shit like that. Just a Facebook event like, oh, this is where we're having a protest and then they'd set up a white rally at the same spot yeah yeah exactly like that facebook event like oh this is where we're hanging out yeah so you just you just set it up like we're going to the suburbs and it was like yeah fuck yeah they see a meme obviously they don't think for themselves so they obey what they see on the internet you do the same thing to people like they're coming for us check this out they're all saying that and all of a sudden you have absolute morons fighting because they were just like watching they watched the wrong thing and believed it.

And then they go to the suburbs. It's going to be, it's going to, it would be, it wouldn't last very long at all because it would just be, it would be, people would be shooting.

Suburbs is guns. Yeah, that's people. That will be guns, especially rightfully so if you're going into people's houses. Yeah. That's what happened.

If you're going to start attacking people's houses. Well, that's a battle. That's a battle at that point. You start invading someone's house. That that's like now we're going back just watch apocalypto i just watched it i watched it two nights ago dude i just watched it yesterday morning dude yo watch it two mornings ago dude and then i went for a fucking run you're pretty much jaguar paul thank you dude fucking thank you remind me a lot of jaguar paul oh dude holy

fuck no one said anything that nice to me in like three months is that what you're thinking of while you're watching it you're like that's that's bay and my baby down in the well i'm pretty much obviously dude i fucking went out and i took a run i ran further i ran i i made it my bragging 0.6 miles dude usually i make it 0.4 before i gas after i watch apocalypse though i made it 0.6 who do you think I identified with that? In the movie? I'm trying to think. So there was the guy who couldn't get the girl pregnant. Yes. 100%. I was cheering for that guy the whole time.

He ruled. He did rule. You got the hot peppers on his dick? Hot peppers on his dick and her mouth. Oh, yeah. I saw that. He was getting head in the butt. You know what's funny?

The first time I tried to watch that. And he fucked people up during the fucking. Dude, he ruled. I was kind of pissed he ran. He didn't turn around and try to fight in the hut. You know what's funny? The first time I tried to watch that. And he fucked people up during the fucking. Dude, he ruled. I was kind of pissed he ran. He didn't turn around and try to fight all the dudes. What, when he got shot at the end? Yeah. Then again, I was like, to be fair, as Jaguar Paul,

I'd probably, the guy in my dream told me to run, so I'm going to run. I tried watching that without subtitles the first time I watched it because I watched it on Pirate Bay. You could. Yeah, I thought I was following. There was so much shit that I would have I was like I had the idea and I was like you could you can watch it like that but it is so yeah well without the prophecy from that little girl exactly kind of yeah the guy running with the dude how nice is it when that jaguar is

chasing him and gets that guy's face I honestly might be my favorite snake snake to the throat when he has to cut his own wrist yeah that movie fucking rules it might be my favorite movie yeah the thing that sucks about it has to cut his own wrist. Yeah, that movie fucking rules. That might be my favorite movie. Yeah, the thing that sucks about it is it didn't get a lot of love because it was right after Mel went after the Jews. Was that after he went after the Jews? It was right after. I think it was his first movie back from attacking the Jews. I mean, that's a good one. He came back with his best movie.

He came back with some heat. I'll tell you that. Apocalypto might be one of the best movies. And also, I had had a couple drinks. And now, like I said, I'm listening to that book on the French and Indian War. So I got a lot of savagery on the brain. Like I've been reading about Indian atrocities. And then I'm watching the Mayans or the Aztecs.

It was the Mayans in that? I believe so. I don't even remember the rest. I don't know.ans or the Aztecs. It was the Mayans in that? I believe so. I don't even remember the last one. I don't know. Mayans or Aztecs. Cutting people's heads off and hearts out. They would do that all the time. Committing atrocities in that.

And then you hear white people, like liberals today, be like, and the Native Americans were such good people. Yeah. The whole time I was watching Apocalypto, I was like, wait until the boys show up at the end. They see some boats and it's like, whole time i was watching apocalyptic i was like wait till the boys show up at the end they see some boats and it's like the fuck is that rumpus time is over dude there's no frame of imagine that we're cutting heads off like that there's no frame of reference yeah that's uh it's also funny to be an adult and think that like there was a group of people at a period of history who are all like uniformly good and peaceful they just loved the

land and they shared it and you know what Women had a stronger gender role than they do. Like, just all this shit. And it's just like, well, they also... Dude, throw his girlfriend down a well. You know, they also used to, like, eat each other. Yeah. And scalps were big. Rape was pretty common.

They thought... Did I say this on the last one? Like, the way they thought... The Native Americans in the Northeast, at least, that's another thing. You have to specify when you talk about... that literally is like comparing finland to fucking italy yeah if you're talking about you know but uh they the way they thought they won wars was by the cruelty you inflicted on the other person so like let's say they just caught you and we're

gonna kill you they would torture you and let's say no one's going to know that you got tortured. It's just between you and them. They're not sending a message to anyone. They're like, this is how we win is we make him hurt. He's hurt. I got what you're saying. It's like we're not just killing him to get rid of him. We're inflicting so much pain on them.

The Jesuits got rocked, dude. I had to have talked about this on the last Zoom. I think a little bit. You mentioned the Jesuits again. Jesuits. I didn't go into detail. Remember that movie the the silence or whatever the one with yeah japan yep when the partners were not having it yeah partners didn't like it same thing with the native so these jesuit priests were like trained kind of in the same thing i think it

was roughly the same time period too yeah and uh so they were like priests and a lot of French priests, because they were Catholic, obviously, because it was French and British in North America. They were like trained to go get tortured. Like their mission was to go spread the word in the wilderness in fucking, you know, the Northeast, North America, and just guaranteed you're getting tortured. Like that's part of your mission.

Pretty fucking cool. Pretty badass dance. That's fucking cool. Pretty badass. That's fucking nuts. The Mohawks would get you and one of the first things they did was chew off your fingernails. They would just, immediately when they caught you,

they'd bite your fingernails off. They scalped this dude and they all had sharp fingernails and were just digging their nails into his fucking head. Like, they just... Oh. But,

it worked out. Sorry, chill no no it worked out fucking nuts because when the french and indian war broke out so the indians respected the fuck out of french a lot more than they did the british because they saw the willpower of the french coming in with the bible and they saw the strength they were like oh that god's real because they saw those jesuits getting fucking burnt and tortured and all that shit and they're like i, that God's real. Because they saw those Jesuits getting fucking burnt and tortured and all that shit. And they were like, I think that God's real. So they started, the Indians at first were pretty pro-French, pro-Catholic. I mean, again, talk about like, you know, we're just saying, you know, like it does work to like blow shit up.

It works to just go and let yourself be like devastated. Yeah, self-immolate. I mean, it happened in Vietnam when those burned themselves. People were like, I think those guys have a good point if they're willing to do that yeah the jesuit dude they would just go it would go into the jungle of the bible and just be like hey yeah basically a jungle yeah the north america yeah or the woods yeah just getting with yeah still on apocalypse and they're learning uh like they they were like english they were scholars of language they were like go and set up ways to communicate with each other.

And the British didn't. The British just landed and beat it. Started shooting at them. This is the King's Highway now. There's a bunch of Mohawk Indians. What's wrong with you? Here's some beads. Now take away.

Take flight, savages. Yeah, those stories are just like i mean dude it's just the apocalypto is like you would be chilling and it wasn't out of the it wasn't out of the realm of possibility for like your home your home being invaded and like your wife being raped in front of you was like you know at any minute that could happen that was you know right now people are dealing with like you know what if they what that could happen. That was, you know, right now people are dealing with like, you know, what if they, what if people invaded the suburbs punched on the television?

Yeah. What if I get pushed? If my daughter gets pushed, it's like that. I don't think, you know, whatever, but yeah,

it's like, that was a, that was a reality dude. Like back then, it was so funny. Cause I watched it and, uh, Brittany came down.

What's this? It's like apocalypto. And I saw like the lady trying to like crawl, crawl out of a well. Yeah. And I was just like, this is what people had to deal with. Britt. That's what people used to have to deal with all right this is you know this is how it was and she was like all right man and i was like i'm gonna go for a run i did broke my record i did i was so excited to run after watching apocalypto

yeah apocalypto is fucking fear is a disease dude fear is a disease dude it is a disease don't let it strike i struck it from my heart and i was like, I'm going to make a mile, hit.6. I was like, that's not bad. Yeah. That's not bad. That's not bad progress. Also, Almost was funny in it. The guy who kept calling him Almost. Yeah, he ruled too. He was actually funny. He was a brat. The second time I watched it, he was a brat, but he was also, dude, imagine somebody

just about killing you and just calling him Almost. He almost got me. He almost got me. Punk, dude, now I'm going to kill you. I'm going to fuck you up. Oh, that's your dad? I'm going to slit his throat in front of you. Oh, that's your dad? Yeah, I'm going to fucking kill him. Nice almost got me. He almost got me. Punk dude. Now I'm going to kill you. Oh that's your dad. I'm going to slit his throat in front of you. Oh that's your dad. Yeah I'm going to

fucking kill him. Nice try bitch. Nice try bitch. Also you're like Dad how did I do? I was pretty good in the battle. Alright sick.

Yeah that guy. He was funny. That whole. Yeah I got to chill on the Indians. I'm starting to get anti-Indian. They did cool shit.

There were some cool ass fucking tribes dude. That fucking. I'm getting that painting for the studio. Also yeah. chill on the indians i'm starting to get anti-indian well just they did cool shit they were there was some cool ass fucking tribes dude that that fucking i'm getting that painting for the studio also too yeah you're not gonna i'm showing you this painting yeah i'm not gonna no i'm not like afraid of you but if you research it enough you're like oh shit yeah indians were nasty motherfuckers now they were cool as fuck they were like warrior like pontiac chief pontiac you gotta look him up dude yeah he's stoked on him war party from the ticonderoga is i'm getting that painting for the studio that'd be awesome well it's also that's the problem of being like no i know everything there is to know about indians and they were all good and it's like oh yeah they got fucked

people who are doing bad shit can get fucked over too yeah like you know people who a group of people who part of them are doing bad shit can get fucked over by yeah like you know people who a group of people who part of them are doing bad shit can get fucked over by another group of people it's like that that's scary i'm sure i think i've made you look at that picture a thousand times war party for the ticonderoga look at those boys dude that's pretty wild those are some cool boys yeah i mean that's fucking wild dude i think those are algonquin but they're fucking just dudes that are like, they were silent. They would just come in and they would approach war party. Like they would ambush.

They ambushed the British all the time, like silently. They didn't line up. Like from five feet away from you, there'd just be 30 dudes out of nowhere in the woods. And they'd all start screaming right away. And these dudes are like, these British dudes, you know, they're fucking poor dudes from like. Yeah. Oh, I'm from Manchester. Fucking like just shitty yeah and the conscripted soldiers back then were considered like losers really like if you were a soldier you were a fucking loot they did not respect the troops

back in the day back in the day that was a job for fucking morons really yeah troop people like you're a fucking troop dude idiot you fucking loser oh it's i mean rightfully so it was all yeah that's kind of funny what well it's all like territorial wars and like you're fighting for like a lord versus like his cousin and i was thinking about today it's kind of like you're fighting for like dirt yeah you're fighting for like oil yeah i mean there's their use hasn't really changed much. Being like, yeah, some of those guys in there. Yeah. And I think, yeah, I mean, we just had to respect the fuck out of them so that dudes would do it.

Yeah. The propaganda had to change to be like, yeah, if we keep shitting on these guys, no one's going to want to do it. Yeah, people are probably like, fuck this. I'm not doing that. Yeah, I'm not going to get humiliated for also risking my life. People are like, no, you're a hero. All right, I'll do it. Yeah.

I mean. I'm just kidding dude i respect the troops respect the troops dude obviously i mean it's you know that's a that's a wild i mean the part of that job is like it's one of those things where it's like you know like as a comedian they're like yeah but it'll be good exposure they're like it's your country bro yeah yeah yeah we'll give you like sixty thousand dollars a year in college but you know if you die it's also – Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Thanks.

Thanks for doing that. Pretty cool. Pretty cool you did that. Now I don't have to pay for your college, so that worked out for me. You secured the oil and I don't have to buy your college? Perfect. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Well, we're going to have like a plane fly over a baseball game for you. Yeah, dude. That's the bitter reality of it, dude. Yeah. Well, the bitter – I mean there's also – being a troop is fucking sick. It's the bitter reality of it, dude. Yeah. Well, the bitter reality, I mean, there's also being a troop's fucking sick. It's tight.

Being a troop's tight. I thought about it. Of course. Of course I thought about it, dude. I really thought about it. I became a troop, dude. You almost did it, dude. Legally, I became a troop.

I pledged, dude. I was like domestic and abroad, dude. I'm going to fuck them up. And then a day later, I was like, I think I'm going domestic. I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to defend dude. I'm going to fuck them up. And then a day later, I was like, I think I'm going domestic. I'm going to go ahead.

I'm going to defend domestic. I'm going to stay domestic. You should join the National Guard. Maybe. Dude, it'd be one Saturday. You'd have to go one Saturday a month. Until this shit pops up. Yeah, wait.

Let's just die down. Let's just die down a little bit. Yeah, that sucks, dude. Dude, if you National Guard it, no one could stop you. Yeah, true. If you guarded the National, dude. I'm big guarding the National. If you stopped, if you National Guard it, no one could stop you. Yeah, true. If you guarded the National, dude. I'm big on the National. If you stopped and became a National Guard.

Dude, they sent me emails when I was at Bryn Mawr getting my Masters. They'd send me emails being like, join the National Guard, 30 Gs. And I was like, Brit, how bad would it be if I was gone? There was like a Saturday where I was almost about to join the National. They were floating fucking like 20 or 30 Gs at me. I'm like, and I was like, dude, I could. that's like the answer to all my problems right now true it's discipline it's fucking yeah i was like i can learn how to do stuff and like build stuff maybe and i was like and it's just one saturday i like i already had it in my head i was like

i mean a couple saturdays i could go work out i could do that and i was like student loans i don't have to worry about them and then bernie was like don't please you don't want to do that and i was like yeah you're right i couldn't deal as soon as it was like one you didn't watch like apocalypto right before that that would have that might have been a national guardsman joined well yeah apocalypto no i'd have to watch something like i had to watch apocalypto american snipers are guaranteed yeah american sniper would have fucked me up if i watched that i would have been like oh i'm in oh that's what you do lone survivor i'm in oh fuck i'm in yeah apocalypto just got me hyped on like i mean i i have very i have like a very i have a problem with like i i very much idealize hunter-gatherer life where i'm like that would have been so much better so when i watch it like that it fucks me up for like a week yeah well you

need to you it's good for you to see exactly how absolutely horrendous being in a tribe would be. Yeah. Awesome, though, too, though. Cool for like, yeah, and these guys were all like 17 and got their hearts ripped out publicly. Yeah, but they got to like, you know, obviously the bay was there. They're in a village. You're just having kids. You're just like, yeah, many of these.

Most of them are dying. Okay. A lot of the, most of the bays are dying in childbirth. A couple go to the Great Spirit. A lot of them are with the Great Spirit. You're there and you're just sitting there just like, oh man. First off, not everybody's dad was a noble guy that was like, do not fear death, son. No, there were a lot of dads that were like, I didn't get enough berries. Faggots are timeless.

Those guys lived in every civilization. We don't have as nice a stick as them. It was probably, I think, I'm willing to bet, it was like one dude who was kind of like, no, man, you can't be a bitch, and everyone else was bitching. It was probably one dude who was like, can't be a bitch, and everyone else was like, meh. Yeah, somehow that character's made his way into every movie that's like,

I do not fear death. It's like, you all did, everybody did. You can be as convicted in your religion as possible you're still you fear you fear it yeah that's the only thing though there's dudes who like were 100 certain of like oh sweet now i'm going over to the great mother like there was dudes who were like hell yeah yeah in fact yeah just to cut yourself would be scary it was definitely a higher percentage than western cultures like those the dudes i'm reading about in these tribes were, like, they were built to die in battle. Like, that's what they were all built to do.

Yeah. And they did it. They were fucking wild. But if you didn't die in battle, you got to chill. Like, do cool stuff. Yeah, but if you didn't die in battle, you were, like, you got, well, first off, you were going to get killed. If you couldn't fight, you're fucked. And, like, they would, you'd just be, like, you'd have to go find the white settlers and live with them

and just be, like, a shitty poor person. Oh, if you lost, yeah, yeah. Like, if tribes that got conquered by other tribes, like, all the poor shitty ones that, like, limped out of the woods would go live on, like, the outskirts of, like, New England towns. Really? And the New Englanders hated them, but they would use them as, like, a buffer against Indian raids. Like, there'd be a ring of, like, poor Indians around England towns. Really? And the New Englanders hated them, but they would use them as like a buffer against Indian raids.

Like there'd be a ring of like poor Indians around regular towns. Yeah, that's true. And then Irish people as well. Yeah, I just found out. It's pretty funny. Like Irish shitty people

and the Indians. That's how the story, oh, we're getting into it. That's how Robert Rogers starts. Really? Yeah, his family was like shitty Scots-Irish. So he lived on the outskirt

of town originally with the Indians. Yeah. Then them and the other poors. That what they did they would be like you don't want to live in philadelphia i gotta track the land with your name on it like really good deal and you're like yeah don't you know just move out there and all of a sudden they move in and be like do you guys just see something running through the woods naked yeah yeah like who is that and you're like oh yeah at night uh demons dance in front of a bonfire out in the woods just don't go out there because they're gonna cut your fucking head off if you go out there.

Murder your entire family. Yeah, slowly. Yeah, man. So we've come a long way. Well, it's funny, too, to think about how there's all that cool fight choreography in those movies when in reality it was just dudes throwing haymakers. The gun would obviously—it's like five out of ten guns would jam, and there would be a guy just throwing haymakers, missing.

Everyone's out of breath. Did you see The King? No. It's like five out of ten guns would jam, and there would be a guy just throwing haymakers, missing. Everyone's out of breath. Did you see The King? No. It's fucking good. Oh, The King with a guy. Yeah, it was fucking sick. That fight scene was great when both of them are in full suited armor. Yeah, that was the one about Braveheart 2, basically.

No, that was The Outlaw King. Oh, Outlaw King. There's a movie called The King on Netflix, Timothy Chalmers. It's fucking sick. Is it dudes just like swinging? It's two dudes in uh like they did one of those things where they settled up instead of a battle they just had two champions fight and uh it's just two dudes in full knight armor so it's impossible

to fight banging each other yeah just hitting each other and they're like like breathing in it sweating like you've ate nothing but like beer bread, and meat for your whole life. It's time to fight in a metal trap. I had a full 800-pound suit, and it's 90 degrees out. Dudes would die all the time. Dudes just died dropping. It's one of the kings. The fat one, the sassy daddy, dude.

He had a full armor suit, and he fucking died. He went out riding, and he'd bake. He would wear steel in the heat and their bodies their temperature internally must have been like 150 degrees why does love so you have that guy who's wearing like a metal trash can just like having heat stroke on a horse and then you're like look how fucked up this guy look how fucked up the way they used to think is it's like yeah dude this guy couldn't figure out not to wear a medal in this song so that guy's so fucked up and he saw another person thought he was better because of the color of his skin it's like yeah this guy was not firing yeah

no these guys he no imagine the battle or like they're just swinging his first one to pass out from heat stroke and then like you kind of passes out and he's like yeah you got lost yeah you can kind of stab him in the throat like through the mask you know like slowly just lift the trash can lid and stab them in the neck yeah here we go look it's not all doom and gloom we're having fun laughing at all the old doom and gloom it's not ours currently yeah i mean dude it's like yeah it is one of those things where it's like this shit sucks but it's not you know things where it's like, this shit sucks, but it's not, you know. It blows. It's fucked up, but yeah, it's going to bounce back. I was telling, I feel like I live in fucking Croatia, dude.

I'm like going to go outside. I'm like, oh yeah, we're on lockdown. Oh yeah. Yeah, it is. It is. I feel like I'm living, and I was telling Brittany today, she was like, this is crazy. I'm like, this is what it's like to be in another country.

This is every other country. Not every other, you know what I mean. Yeah, a lot of other countries. You're just kind of locked down. There's barricades. You're like, fuck, I can't go outside. Like that Louis joke. Like, oh fuck, they're going to cut all our what I mean. Yeah. A lot of other countries, you're just kind of locked down. There's barricades. You're like, fuck. I can't go outside. Like that Louis joke.

Like, oh, fuck. They're going to cut all our heads off today. Yeah. He started that, white people problems. First world problems. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, we have first world problems.

He coined that. He started that on that bit. That's fucking funny. He was like, is this plane going to take off? Yeah. He's like, in other countries, they're sitting around like, oh, fuck. They cut our heads off today that's so fucking funny i was church i was talking in the church of dogology about how we should outsource outsource therapy to the third world where it's like you call and

you're like didn't do my favorite food and like you have a fucking favorite food like yeah i have you know like i can put it to you whatever i want but there's things i really like to eat it was my birthday and they're like yeah i don't even know how old I am, bro. Like, well, I guess you have a point. All right. Maybe I'm being kind of a pussy. Yeah, I don't know how old I am. That's very funny. They don't.

A lot of them don't. Like Cuban baseball players that come here and they'll be like, he's either fucking 38 or 14. No one knows this guy. Yeah, Daniel Monte did that. Really? He pitched and he threw like no hitters in the Little League World Series. He was like 17.

He was going against like 12-year-olds. So he was just like, oh, that's awesome, dude. Throwing like 80. Oh, yeah. He was a household name. Danny Almonte was like, I think he was like Queens' team or the Bronx. It was like all Puerto Rican kids from the Bronx that were just fucking up the Little League World Series. Dude, imagine also if you're down in some other country.

The kid was like 20. Imagine if you get hip to this and you're like, you know, you got some like stud 18-year-old and you're like, you want to be, I'll doctor some fucking birth certificates and send you to America and let you reign. You're going to win the Little League World Series. You're going to win about 20 Gs off this, but we're sending you up there, which down there. Yeah, bro.

That's a fun. That's a major come up. I mean, also, too, you could just do that all day long. And it'd be fun. It's going to be fun. So much fucking fun. Damn. I wish I could go back and play Little League right now.

They should do a league of their own. Of just, like, 40-year-old Puerto Ricans. That are pretending to be Little Leaguers. Just coming and smashing. Like, they said we couldn't play yeah they said we were too old for this game sorry white people you don't like it because we're minorities it's like well now it's because you guys you know you're 20 25 dude whatever racist yeah you could do that and hide under the guys just be like shut up racist they don't want you to succeed brothers oh that'd be

so fucking funny yeah yeah man yeah yeah but again that's you know this is what this is what we're dealing with bro then you get the trump dog dude trump dog i we were talking about before if he got look i'm not calling for violence sure would never do that but we're just we're just this is just strategy yeah this is just you know joshing this is 100% joke if trump got like pulled out of the white house by protesters and like ripped apart like gaddafi yeah like a stick up his butt i would hate that well it's it's fun dude i was telling you about his tweets he was putting out basically talking shit from the white house being like you guys can't get me he he somehow he got the like the baddest bigger brother baddest

biggest brother and now it's like he was in tweeting being like and if anyone thinks to come in here they'll be attacked by vicious dogs and weapons most ominous and it's like he starts writing like fucking merlin out of what's like dude what are you doing what the fuck are you doing well the rich yeah that's what happens the rich immediately resort to like oh how do we do this what's the what's the rule book on that? There's definitely like a rich guy rule book of like when there's a riot. Yeah. Like you have to release the vicious dogs upon the peasants.

Like how do we fight poor? It's been so long. I don't know how to fight poor people. Yeah, when's the last time we had to fight poor people? I know I used dogs. I remember that. Dogs hate poor people. Weapons most ominous.

Dogs are bougie as fuck, dude. Oh, for sure dude dogs are fucking dickheads I mean that's so fucking that sucks if you're just like rushing the president and you get bit by a dog

yeah also he was like you'll feel the might of the US military if you guys even he basically was saying like you think about coming into the White House

like don't even think about coming into the White House also imagine you're in the White House it's like you know when you're in if you're in like Libya it's like I you know and when you're in you're in like libya it's like yeah i'm only not talk too much shit to my citizenry because like they can in

theory come and put a fucking like a broomstick up my mat like a you know yeah they can hang me yeah they can't hang me from a fucking bobcat they can fucking dangle me from a mini excavator yeah dude dude but trump is like all right they definitely how they all get hung yeah dude i'm telling you all on like pallet carriers yeah they all get hung it's a forklift if you're trump it's like yeah they can't get in here and get me but it's like i'm gonna sit in here anyway and just talk so much shit about how hard like i'm gonna be like oh in case you guys don't know, there's so many obstacles in here. If you're in there and you're like,

Trump's like, can they get me? And they're like, no, we got dogs. And we have guns and stuff. He's like, vicious dogs? He's like, yeah. How vicious? Tell me how vicious the dogs are. How vicious are the dogs?

Dude, we were... Can they get me? I was just talking, it was making me laugh. So we were talking about how Trump does, like, press conferences. He does, like, a Trump Batman sometimes when he's arguing with people just talking, it was making me laugh. So we were talking about how Trump does like press conferences. He does like a Trump Batman sometimes when he's arguing with people. Like someone was like,

and they started it and he's like, you started it. All of a sudden he turns into Batman a lot. It's funny. Where are the protesters? Well, they probably do have,

have you ever seen like all the James Bond movies where they're like, oh, here's our latest weapons and he goes through like a thing. Oh, 100%. He flips up and he's like,

it's a watch. It's really a bomb. It's really pretty cool. Take me through the weapon update again. like, oh, here's our Atlantis weapons and he goes through like a thing. Oh, 100%. He flips up and he's like, it's a watch. It's really a bomb. It's pretty cool. Take me through the weapon update again. Like, dude, we just did this yesterday. I need to know.

It's pretty cool. We got bad men here. Very bad. Wait a second. This is a watch that is, what can this do? It's like, it can blow up a car.

It's going to kill poor people, sir. Perfect. Perfect. I hate them. I've learned four. That is, I mean,

I got to say, dude, all those people who are like, the fucking left's fucking, they're, it's like, dude, all those people who are like, the fucking lefts, fucking they're, they're, it's like, dude, you really think a guy who made a living by beating developers and construction people out of money is like, that's the dude he's coming to say. He's just had a change of heart and he's like, no, you're right.

Abortion's wrong. And I have to save all the poor people in Kansas. It's like, dude, that's, he got off of TV. He got off of a reality t show you're thinking a reality tv star who you know would bankrupt people with no problem but which is you know a lot of those developers were doing he left reality tv and was like no you know what i'm gonna go save people who can't mind cole anymore it's like you think that guy someone was like what's your favorite book he's like the bible the bible which part both all of them the books the books many books there's good books people don't listen to it anymore

it is funny people think like no this guy is gonna save me it's like dude you are you know again it happens we all get fooled it's not a big deal yeah he got bamboozled by the trump dog trump dog was a good one he was was very funny. He's good. It's tough to support him now. Yeah. Dude, imagine when Biden was like, they were doing like playlists with Obama and Biden. They're getting ice cream together. They're just bros with aviators.

People bought into all that. They're like, yeah, finally, finally, these guys. Yeah, some cool guys. This is like how I met your mother. These are our political people. Yeah, some cool guys. This is like how I met your mother. These are our political people. Yeah, dude. And now it's also, too, it's like, I was like, why do we even have fucking Biden? Like, you can't do that, Joe. That's guy code.

Yeah, exactly. They're such bros. It's so fucking cute. Wait, is Obama like Biden? Okay, cool. Holy shit. Obama listens to Lana Del Rey, dude. Awesome.

I knew he liked her. Brow. I like to put on Lana Del Rey and think about Obama listening to Lana Del Rey, dude. Awesome. I knew he liked it. Brow. I like to put on Lana Del Rey and think about Obama listening to Lana Del Rey at the exact same time. People, you make fun of that, and then you're like, but anyway, dude, no, seriously, Trump's in there, and he's got all the top generals, and he's figuring this shit out. It's like, no, dude, you just got fooled again. No, Trump's retarded, too. You dodged one. Maybe you just didn't like Obama for whatever reason you didn't like him for, so you're like, I don't know if I buy this.

Maybe you just didn't like Obama for whatever reason you like him for. So you're like, I don't know if I buy this. And then you get some seven year old white guy who's like, yeah, we got to keep fucking Mexicans out here. And you're like, this guy's fucking. See, finally, you know, he's not a politician. That's what I like about him. Well, apparently to all the I was talking to someone about this recently. He was saying they like chilled with the coyote and they were like, oh, no, they fly Mexicans in through Canada and they just walk through the woods. So he's like, there's no.

Yeah. Watch those woods. Well, they're saying they're building's some fucking... There's some mohawk up there. Oh, yeah, well... A war party from the Ticano. The lads will fucking... Lads will get torched by... Dude, Native Americans were like super lads.

True. They were like athletic flying around lads. Although lads developed over time like a very thick chin. Native Americans basically turned into like small bricks. That's what Mexicans are. They just got beaten down into like charcoal

into like diamonds. They just compressed into diamonds dude. They compressed into like an impulse. Every Mexican boxer is just like punched in the face.

You need to kill them to knock them out. They're just granite yeah. They are. I mean that is that is true dude. It's like especially like you know like, you know,

those guys, you drop a Mexican off in like the northern woods of Canada and they've got to run to America, they're instantly Jaguar, Paul, where like if anyone's trying to stop them,

they're like, these are my woods. I have, my father hunted them and I have hunted them with my father. You can't stop that, dude. That's insane.

He's going to lay in the mud puddle and pop up and just be like, poisonous stars. Pa, pa. Jump in the fall puddle and pop up and just be like poisonous stars. Jump in the fall. Just like a four-foot drop. He's just like.

Yeah, apparently they're like, yeah, they're just flying. I talked to a coyote and they were like, oh, yeah, we just fucking fly to Canada. Just walk. It's pretty easy, actually. They fly and they go on to land. That sucks. They walk straight to Minnesota. Yeah. Yeah. They're just it this is america this sucks they like get to they get flown in and then they they can just you know you just i guess fly a private plane if you have enough money you just fly a private plane so it's like or you just fly i don't know how it works but

you just fly into canada and then you're like hey is it cool if i come they're like yeah yeah it's cool totally chill and then you just go to a cartel owned farm that's butted up against the border yeah and just walk in it's really pretty easy yeah that makes sense going up to like i guess the pacific northwest yeah so they didn't yeah they're not hitting a lot of farms yeah exactly yeah well there was guys out in california used to grow before when you had like you know you could only grow so many plants they would limit you so they would just divide their properties up they would buy properties and they're all right like just i'm gonna cut this property in half sell it to my friends and sell it back to me so now i own like six properties and now i can grow like 2 000

plants because now i have multiple properties it's 200 properties per plant or i'm gonna put like six other properties in people's names tight pretty chill that is chill i support that yeah man but that's uh i think we'll get legal weed out of this you know i don't want to be selfish but i think i think we'll get federally legal weed yeah i think i think that's a bone they're like it's coming out of the riots right now just out of like the new you know when we go into the new regime almost a new world order we go the new regime because it's like dude it is it will be this is on this is on demand now dude it's like i don't know man it's just it's fucked up which yeah it does suck because there's

definitely a lot of good coming out of it but for all the good coming out of it there's just you know 10 fucking twitter videos of people just getting jumped we're getting fucked up but the problem is again it's like this is the fallout. It's what happens. It's what happens. Our brains, you know when you go to Afghanistan, all the walls are always like Call of Duty bullet holes and crumbled? Yeah.

This is the American psyche right now. We're in the middle of psychological warfare between billionaires who for some reason, nobody understands what the president really truly does. I mean, or maybe I'm just an idiot and I don't. But it's like you have this office that can be filled with either Joe Biden or Donald Trump who, you know, idiot and i don't but it's like you have this office that can be filled with either joe biden or donald trump who you know donald trump kind of like pulled some mega moves somehow and you know did his thing biden's being kind of propped up just by a huge political business apparatus that

is like for some reason this very important job this is the guy we need to put in there and it's like i don't i still don't and then in the midst of that there's these two forces trying to get like geezers into power positions and then they'll stop at nothing to like fuck everybody's brains up to be like no yeah yeah this is the guy and you're like all right yeah i guess that's the guy now you know what i'm saying yeah it's like i don't even know what the job does i don't even know what the fuck they do yeah i mean dude elon musk just built a fucking rocket ship yeah why can't we have like maybe maybe set the bar like oh you got to be able to build a rocket ship too if you want to be the president you got to be like able to do shit

that's like super impressive on paper rather than just being like for abortion in the 80s against it in the 90s against black you know it's like dude i was looking at like like i've been watching uh go ahead and watch grant on the history channel peep that still uh it's so funny to see what like a president used to be like yeah like he was like west point mexican american war failed at like he was a drunk at first because he was out of like in the middle of nowhere on a and then he came home like left first because he was out in the middle of nowhere. And then he came home, left the military, basically was like a loser, worked at his dad's shop. And then the war broke out. While he was poor, he turned in one of his slaves and set his slave free.

He got a slave because his family was anti, they were abolitionists. And Grant married into a slave-owning family, like in Missouri. And he would, like, work in the field with the slaves. Like, everybody hated him for doing shit like that. And then while he was very poor, instead of selling his slaves, he gave them all their freedom. Yeah. Which back then was, like, crazy. Yeah, dude.

And, like, then he, you know, just became the best military commander in the world and then became the president. Compare that to Trump's resume. Yeah, again. Now, how could you compare a modern politician to a Civil War general? But still, it's funny to see, like, what presidents used to be. Yeah, now it's just a popularity contest. Now it's just corporate interest.

It started, you know, probably after they shot Kennedy. You think so? Yeah, the last, like, probably the 60s, 70s. Oh, yeah. Is probably when it just totally turned to just, like, this guy's going to make the most powerful people the most money. Yeah. That's kind of it.

That's all it is. That's why they're pushing so hard. Like, the guys that are going to make the most money off Biden being in office, the guys who he owes favors to, are definitely like we need them in there how fun would politics be when you think about betting on sports how fun would politics be if you have like billions resting on like this guy be able to play the saxophone on a night show yeah yeah and then you got your buddy owns a newspaper you're like dude please write some shit yeah please. Yeah. Please.

Write something good. Or, you know what? Just write something horrible about the other guy. Yeah. Say the other guy supports Nazis. Yeah, for real. And then, I don't know, maybe start saying there's Nazi riots. Dude, I mean.

That might help. That's the problem, too. There's different social classes. So it's like if you're, you know, I have like, you know, middle to upper middle class social class. So it's like. yeah, there's shit. I know if I need a job, I can hit up somebody in my family network and somebody will give me like, you're not going to be homeless. You're never going to be homeless.

I'll never be homeless. Unless you get into opioids. That's the perks. Exactly. I have to go real hard. I have to go real hard in the streets to go homeless. So that's, that's the perks of my social class. There's people who grew up watching their dad just call the newspaper and be like, yo,

man, I need you to do me a favor. Can you cover this thing and the guy's like yeah i got you yeah and they're like oh cool that's how newspapers work so like that is a thing and then you combine that with like money interest into politics and it's like then you get a fucking 40 year old lady watching cnn take making fun of someone who takes the bible literally then they'll watch cnn and just take it as like take it literally god's fucking word and it's like dude i mean oh did we even talk about uh this probably isn't the best but i told you i hated don lemon right yeah this isn't good for me to target a black liberal these days but yeah did i i told you about his sexual assault right did we Did we talk about it on here? He did. No, you just told me he grabbed someone's dick, right?

No. Well, I think he probably grabbed the guy's dick. He grabbed – he rubbed his own balls and shoved them in a dude's face and was like, do you like cock or pussy? And the guy like cried. And Don Lemon – Don Lemon's burying that story. Now he's on TV every night being like a sexual assault is evil and anybody who does it. And it's like, you did it, you fucking loser. He gave a guy like a ball sweat D evil and anybody who doesn't and it's like you did it you fucking loser

and he gave he gave a guy like a ball sweat Dirty Sanchez yes and is like is this America right now really

yeah Mr. President like dude didn't you finger your butt and like put it in a guy's face yeah didn't you do that to like some dude in like the Hamptons it was in the Hamptons

at like the gate like a it's just like well then this is the problem too with the news and then he'll just cover it up because he's rich he'll literally cover that up this is the problem with the news it's just like... Well, then this is the problem, too, with the news. It's like... And then he'll just cover it up because he's rich. He'll literally cover that up.

This is the problem with the news. It's like, did that happen? Yeah, that happened. So that definitely happened. Yeah, it got... I mean, it's... You can look it up. True, I guess, yeah, you have the records and shit.

Yeah. Because that's the... That guy's pressing charges. It's going to get dropped. Also, but this is the thing, too, with when I... You know, from seeing comedy, the people who are the hardest, like, warriors against all this shit typically are associated with a little blunder on their part.

They have a little, yeah. Something happened. Something on the resume back there. It's a little... And all of a sudden, it's like, yeah, exactly. It's like, so. A lot of times when people do this,

well, there's also the thing, too. They say the more of a zealot somebody is about a thing, typically it shows that they have a ton of, like, a bunch of guilt. Not a guilt. They have a bunch of doubt that they don't want to express they turn that in they double down even harder and they're like no yeah and that's that's kind of there's a part of me that you know i'm gonna get called fucking pussy for this but that's like there is like the guilt

and doubt right now like where it's like white people are fucking they're fucking and then like there's a part of me that's like damn i do I do feel bad. Yeah. Like, I wish there was some way I could distance myself from the bad whites. Yeah. Like, maybe I could just put, like, a Black Lives Matter thing on my Instagram. Maybe that'll let everybody. It's like, that's in there. Like, you know. Yeah.

And then it's like, all right, no, I just got to fucking calm down. Yeah. Don't be a bitch about that. I don't need to announce to everybody, hello, I'm not racist. Which, by the way, for me on a social platform, might not look great. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

So maybe I have other reasons to not speak up right now other than. It's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. And, again, the only thing, the only real thing is, again, what my friend was saying, how it's like he's there. He's in a cop's face. That's, you know, according to the agenda, this is the enemy. This is what we're doing. Then you see, like, the fear in another human being's eye. I know cops you know, according to the agenda, this is the enemy. This is what we're doing. Then you see, like, the fear in another human being's eye.

I know cops. Yeah, and you're like, oh, this is a fucking guy. Yeah. Who, like, kind of stunting on mailmen. Like, he's here. And it's like, all right, this guy, like, he's scared. I'm being a human. Like, the human being inside me transcends my political leanings and all this stuff.

And I'm going to be like, all right, let's go down this. Let's just move away from this. This is like you know you get you get face to face with another human being and you're like oh fuck okay yeah that's i forgot i forgot that's what we're dealing with and it's like yeah it's easy to look on twitter yeah but if you're in person i'm sure it's i mean he was saying he was like it was pretty sick to watch cop cars get blown up and it's like for sure it's fucking awesome oh i cars get blown up. And it's like, for sure. It's fucking awesome. Oh, I've been watching the fuck out of videos. Like, oh, I hope something wild happens.

Well, did you see? There's videos of black people being like, we don't know how to build no motherfucking bombs. That ain't us. Obviously, that's not us. And it's like, it was funny. Brittany was telling me about that. And she was like, you know, I was kind of like, yeah, that's true. But also like, damn, man, have some faith in yourself, dude.

Yeah, come on, man. You guys can do anything. But it was funny. Like, we don't know nothing about no motherfucking bombs and shit. That's definitely white people. That was, like, the argument. Like, it's fucking protesters going wild. Yeah, but there's also, again, though, there's still videos of black people assaulting people.

Yeah, fucking people. So it's like, yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm sure, I don't know. I haven't even seen the media, like, blaming black people too much. I haven't. Yeah, I mean – I'm not saying it's not out there. My social media is so encapsulated.

It's an echo chamber of just liberals. So, like, I'll get on Twitter and see every single person's on there, like, sorry, racist, you fucking pussy. It's like, dude, who are we yelling at? Well, that's the problem. Who on Instagram and Twitter are we all yelling at right now? Or are we just at well that's the problem who on instagram and twitter are we all yelling at right now or are we just raising our hands together to be like i'm with the group i'm part of it guys yeah i'm not one of the bag it's like i don't know well people

are filtering the actions of individuals through social constructs of like here's five black kids who beat the fuck out of a lady in a wheelchair now they're like oh check mark next to black people that's yes negative score black people lost a point and then it's there then you know like a white guy with a ar-15 like body checking like a young black lesbian it's like up all white people now you guys okay you guys are even it's like it's like this tally where there's just yeah people doing things they're in accord and it's like okay you just acted for your entire race and it's being presented by the fucking news like this and again dude the news in the 90s was another black guy murders everybody tonight and they they absolutely and it's funny too as you're watching you're like

i can see now like oh that must have been pretty annoying to be black in the 90s and be like dude come on bro fucking dude can you guys put something else on here it's like oh that fair enough but it's like for the news to be like and then now all these white people are racist against black people and it's like yeah dude you fucking scared the fuck out of every old white suburban person for the last decade yeah and now it's been like we were talking on the phone it's like i'd say about good five six five years straight of just like, oh, this just it breaking. White men are evil literally every day, all day, nonstop.

Like, oh, women are getting raped. White men. Yeah. White men are invented rape. That's another one that I fucking did. Oh, you came across that one? I've come across fucking we learned violence from you. Yeah. So you think we learned violence from you. Yeah.

So you think we, I mean, look. Yeah. You're giving us a lot of credit for that one. Yeah. Trust me. You know, white people invented, you know, we invented some things. Cool stuff. Maybe we did invent violence.

I doubt it. Yeah. I mean, it's, I read, I told you about an article I read a long time ago where it was like Latinx communities, they didn't know about rape until like the colonizers came. And it's like, right, the people who were like cutting out hearts and sacrificing. Yeah, they never just. Sacrifice and virgins didn't know. They never just wanted pussy.

They were like going and cutting out people's hearts before, when they were like about to go down on a girl. They were like, you sure this is cool? Okay, dude. Okay. This is a girl with a fucking master's degree from a liberal arts college who's being like, yes, yes, everyone's. Dude, there's people.

I could have went to Bryn Mawr and just solely been like, I recognize white supremacy. I recognize I am a Democrat. And, dude, I could have just wrote all my papers like that, and I would have gotten the same degree I got. If you just go there and you're like, yeah, man, you sing the song and do the dance and just don't question anything, they're like, good job.

They actively discourage people from thinking out. And it's from all the students, the teachers do it. Because the teachers, you start – I'd start popping off and the teachers would be like – I'd see them like, dude, stop, stop, stop. Like now they have to kind of do it. It's like, well, fuck this. This is bullshit. Fuck me. I just saw this, dude. This professor from Villanova tweeted some shit that just was, like, some white guy.

And he was like, as a professor of this, I want you to know that, like, white people invented. It was some sort of, like, white guys invented violence somehow. I get it. I get it. The one thing that's kind of true in the the, we learned this from you debate is like, yeah. Like the, the plantation slavery was,

that was adopted in other countries by minorities against minorities. Yeah. Well, I mean, over there, they weren't minorities, but you know what I mean? Sure.

So they did learn that kind of, but when it comes to like, we learned murder from you, it's like, what are you getting at there? It's also like, what are you like our little brother? It's like, so are you getting at there? Well, it's also like, what are you, like our little brother? It's like, so you have, you're saying that, you know,

you guys learned, quote unquote, to do that. It's like, yeah, but so you still had to filter that decision through your own moral compass, and you weren't just like, oh, sweet. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I don't know. Maybe we're just misinterpreting when they're saying learning to just like we're doing it out of a reaction. I don't know. Or just be like, well, you guys did that.

That's what they're saying. You started it. Yeah, if I was like a third generation slave and they freed me and sent me back to another country, I'd probably be like, what do you do with yourself? I'm like, I'm going to get some fucking slaves, dude. That's what you do. You fucking conquer people and then they do stuff for you. But yeah, that's just a weird infantile like,

we learned it from you. It's like, alright, dude. from you it's like all right dude yeah it's like this is gonna be uncomfortable white people but you need to face yourselves it's like well i think maybe we all need to face ourselves a little that's maybe everybody needs to look inside a little that's the thing it's like all we're doing is shifting it was before like super predators there's that dude that was by i mean obviously biden was there's a video of him being like they don't have a car and he even said he was like i hate to say this but nobody their parents aren't there they don't have a conscience they're blah blah blah blah blah blah

and now they're like all right dude you know we went a little hard on the paint against inner city black dudes so it's like they're just doing the same exact thing again yeah it's like dude you guys haven't figured out but again that's not that you know i think they did figure it out it does work they are in power yeah man it does work yeah and we're again writing articles for dude i'd have a guy be like yeah just just can you just do something that pisses people off to get shared a lot they would ask me to do that so i you know this was like real low stakes i could imagine of course you know it's like fuck fox is beating us what do we got yeah what do we have it's like this is this this shit's pretty fucking wild don give us a soundbite mr president sorry sorry yeah i mean i don't know it's hard it's

hard to even uh it just sucks dude like i said it's everyone's thinking it's like all right this is all filtered through there's two options now it's like pick one and then that's that's your that's your thought team and that's kind of you know the you're on. It's like, well, all right. That's weird. Yeah, don't do that. Don't join thought teams. Yeah, baby. Unless you feel real strongly about it.

Then go do it. Or just have fun. If that's what you'd like to do for fun, enjoy yourself. It just seems to me that becoming like, again, like an activity. It's like, oh, what am I going to do? I'm going to go here. I'm an activist. There's a lot of professional activists these days.

Yeah, man. In just about every field. Yeah. Not just like, you know, black activists. There's a lot of, like, my career is I'm an activist. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, it's like, man.

Yeah, I saw Remember the Titans in fifth grade. Loved it. Became an activist. I'm the, you know, I'm the little white girl in that movie that's like friends with all the black players. I saw. That's me. That's who I am. I identified as her.

And I apply for grants, and I have a nonprofit, and I pay myself $80,000 a year to be a good person. And I will call the police the second a black person assaults me. Yeah, I know. Immediately. Yeah, man. And by assault, I mean, like, looks at them wrong. Yeah. Excuse me?

I don't know. We're at time, dude., like, looks at them wrong. Yeah. Excuse me? I don't know. We're out of time, dude. This thing, this is... I mean, dude, this is the state of the union. This is a tough state of the union. Hour and a half. It's tough. The message is, is like, dude, just, you know, chill with you and yours, dude.

Don't turn off the fucking news. Don't get over... Don't get hyped on either side of this shit. We've been saying this the whole time. Yeah. Don't get hyped on either side of this shit. Yeah, don't get too hyped on either side of this shit we've been saying this the whole time yeah don't get hyped on either side yeah don't get too hyped on either side of this because you're gonna be wrong but then again you get a lady who just got her hair salon shut down by the government how dare

they and then you know this is all in theory so in theory i'm like i'm chilling so if i'm sitting there and like all of a sudden like my livelihood gets shut down by the government because of covid then all of a sudden now there's people like looting nearby yeah i might be on edge no i get it but without without you know sounding too fucking cunty and like looting nearby yeah i might be on edge no i get it but without without you know sounding too fucking cunty and like with the whole like i'm not gonna be like as a white man i cannot ever begin to understand your plight yeah like it's like dude fucking relax like yeah it's almost it's borderline disrespectful the way white people are talking to black people in that yeah when they're like i can't even imagine how shitty and awful your life is. Like, slow down. My life's been so fucking good.

My life is perfect because I'm white. All right, fucking stop. But, like, if, if, I was thinking this, because, you know, as a white guy, right away, my instincts, if I'm seeing, like, looting and shit, I'm like, fucking dickheads. Yeah. Like, just going in and breaking into a pharmacy in a Target, I'm like, that doesn't, like, a guy carrying out a fucking 70- fucking 70 inch flat screen from target like every time he turns that on he has to be like

thanks george like you know i mean like that's a weird thing to gather from a protest but yeah yeah i hear you saying but like i saw riding i saw looting all that shit and instantly my first reaction was like man this is ridiculous but then i was like in mechanic like in my there's a time there's a police station by my house. If one of those dudes strangled somebody I knew. Yeah. And they did it, like, every once in a while. They just did that.

There's a group of dudes that every once in a while just killed someone in the town. Yeah. I think we would do, we would fuck, we would rip that police station apart. 100%, dude. 100%. And it wouldn't be, like, litigious. It would be physically going into the office and beating the shit out of the guys.

They would militia up so fast. So, I mean, as soon as you put it in those terms where it's like, what if this was your town? I think it makes a little more sense. Dude, my brother,

I told you before my brother got hit in the ribs. God, thank God I didn't tweet something gay like that. I mean, saying it real quick off the top of my head, a little less gay. Cause I thought about that. I was like,

all right, to be fair, what would happen? I was the same thing. I thing i was like dude it would be like like my brother got hit in the ribs with uh a baton when he was younger i think he got like the fucking check yeah he was like trying to call my cross-checked that's wrong that is cross-checking yeah fuck his yeah it's a penalty it's a penalty in hockey yeah it is a penalty in hockey what they're doing you can't do it in the streets that That's true. They should have that rule for the riders. There should be refs down there to just be like, all right, fight.

You two can fight. Everybody stand up. Penalty box. After the fight, you two are going home, but you two get to square up. That'd be fucking awesome. That should be the return of the NHL. They should just be in every city at the riots being like, just hockey rules. Cross-checking, you're out.

Bring out the big chongas. They did political UFC. That would be awesome. That could be where we're headed. Anyway, so... No, it's... My brother got hit. I remember I was little.

My brother got... They hit my brother with a thing and he was like... I was just like, hey, I'm trying to... And they're like, whap. They just fucking nailed him. He was trying to calm my cousin down.

And I remember being little and being like... I remember I was like fucking jerk. I hated cops. I was like, you're all the fucking sons of bitches i'm fucking and i just always you know my whole household's kind of that is yeah my household too there is a there is a very uh for some reason under under reported uh their white trash hates cops yeah hates him my dad i grew up with my dad being like fucking cops are all of us everybody got a dui that i know and hates cops

hates them yeah but that was something i grew up out of and i was like all right let me maybe it's kind of stupid for me to be like we fucking hate the point like you meet them and you're like that's a dude yeah they are kind of corny some of them are oh yeah it's a lot of corn balls it's just like it's the worst thing it's like if you're a natural dickhead and asshole, if you become a cop, it's just full super scion mode where you now have like your your like reign of assholes becomes like exponentially expanded. It's you become a actual physical like a terror. Well, imagine being that dude. You're just you're just being an asshole all day long. You're doing this.

You're, you know, all day long. You're like, yeah, I'm rough, dude. I'm they all they all say you can't police like you used to be able to back in the day i'm an old school guy i fucking i'll fucking throw someone an elbow they all say like i'll fucking you know every now and again you got a fucking jack so i went up i pulled the gun out i was like i'll shoot you in the fucking head i'll kill you i'll kill myself i was in the thing one time i saw a baby got fucked up and i was like i just fucking blasted him and like something whatever imagine being that guy who's like you're just chugging around like i'm throwing bows i'm doing like yeah

i'm gonna put my fucking knee on this guy the guy fucking died from asphyxiation or just if i'm having a heart attack because you were just fucking posing on him yeah imagine being that guy where your action led to like global rioting and you were just like fuck I think I'm gonna beat this case yeah he's like so you said he didn't die of asphyxiation what the fuck's that guy gonna go do

I don't know he's probably gonna go on the George Zimmerman tour what does George George was out like selling the fucking gun on eBay like George was like

George sued the fucking Trayvon Martin's family that's a whole can of worms George is if you ever get in the Trayvon Martin case it's That's a whole can of worms, dude. George is. If you ever get into Trayvon Martin, there's a whole other can of worms. Now's not the day. Glenn Lowry.

Now's not the day, Matt. Watch Talking Heads. Watch the guy, Glenn Lowry and John McWhorter. They dig into it. But no, this guy, you know, he did kind of murder that guy. Yeah. Sure looked like it. So that should.

And the fact that, again, it's like, dude, you can put the that should and the and the fact that again it's like dude you can put the guy in jail immediately and figure it out he's dead yeah you know what i mean oh yeah you can't put him obviously not in general popularity but like arrest that guy the cop as soon as you see that footage yeah be like all right let's arrest him well they thought figure this out i think they thought like i'll be good but they i'm sure they were... We'll figure this out. I think they thought, like, that would be good. But they... I'm sure they were like, yeah, we've done this a bunch of times. Yeah, they're like, we got this. What, that? Oh, that's...

I mean, the mayor was like, lock him up. The mayor was basically like, dude, lock him up. So the mayor called for his head. He was like, fuck it, lock him up. Yeah. It's like, dude. I mean, again, maybe the guy technically didn't murder... You know, it's like, well, the thing found out he had a heart attack.

Even if the guy had a heart condition. Exactly. You can't hold someone down by their neck when they're having a heart attack. And be like, too bad, dude. Too bad, bro. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. You got 20 bucks on you, I'll let you up.

There's no... You have that 20 bucks, you're out. There's no argument. Yeah, I saw somebody tweeted like, this never would have happened. Oh, oh god what do you say uh truly a fucking moronic tweet yeah uh and i think he did it on purpose it's michael malice you know that guy no he's a compound media guy he tweeted out he was like just think none of this would have happened if george floyd didn't break the law again again like you're saying it's like okay dude and then as soon as like that you know your kids like underage drinking or like does something yeah you get

shot and get shot and it's like he was taking you're gonna it's such a fun and again for four if he was a pedophile i'd have been like fuck him yeah forgery it's like come on bro but there was another one this was a good tweet now that we're on the crime of forgery, someone was like, white people will literally make a movie and obsess over Frank Abagnale and catch me if you can. But when a black guy does it, he gets murdered in the street. It's like, dude, if we made a movie about Frank Abagnale getting hammered and trying to buy something with a fake 20. Is that what he did?

Yeah, that's George. What happened? I think George was a little fucked up, and he either wrote a fake check or had counterfeit money. Some bullshit. Something like whatever he tried to pay with wasn't real. So it probably was a counterfeit check. He was writing bad checks, dude. Yeah, he wrote a bad check.

Did you ever see Medea? Every time she writes a bad check, every single time. She's like, I'll figure it out later. Really? One of the running gags of Madea is that she just writes checks with no money

and gives them out to people. Fuck, they're going to have to rewrite that. I know. But it's so funny. And then there's that tweet that it's like,

white people fucking worship. Catch me if you can. They'll make a movie out of it that black people does and they get killed. It's like, dude, well, I mean, you've had the FBI.

That's not even close and nobody's like we should kill forgerers or like whatever yeah except for that one guy who's but it's yeah obviously he was pretty pissed about it he probably might have had a check bounced before well there's like imagine there's a guy who's so fucking possessed by fox news that he's like well he shouldn't have fucking wrote that's what happens when you break the law. And all of a sudden, he's fucking Hammurabi. It's like, alright, dude. That's how you view the law. Like, if you cut someone... If I get caught in your house, you cut my

fingers off and shit. It's fucking... It's news overdose, dude. That's the fucking problem. We do have too much news. And we also have a giant abundance of like, college-educated white pussies. Oh, they're bad.

So many people with wide hips down there in Brooklyn throwing rocks. That's a form of pollution. It really is. That's the internet pollution. If you're like me, basically, I was describing myself. If you're 34 and you just got a master's degree in social science, you're part of the problem. Yeah, true. I was like, if you're just a fat, pale idiot, you're ruining things you just got a master's degree in social science, you're part of the problem. Yeah, true. I was like, if you're just a fat, pale idiot, you're ruining things.

But I can admit that. Damn it. If I had gone there and been like, oh, whoa, okay, this is how I look at the world now. You just hit Facebook. You now have a new peer group now. You went and you hung out. A lot of dating going on in there. A lot of secret boyfriends and girlfriends.

Again, again. What, the comrades? Yeah, bro. I heard. I got the scoop. and girlfriends again what the comrades yeah i heard i got the scoop there i can't believe the comrades are using uh politics to get pussy oh dude it was there was a whole i didn't know about this because nobody was my friend except for like four people down there you had the black you were the black conservatives there's black conservatives there were even black conservatives there were like there was ladies who were like yeah my mom i would go to school with a lady who was like yeah my mom was like a black panther but they were just i would

we just got along. We were all fucking around. We had a good time. Black Panthers can be Black conservatives, dude. True. They make that change in the old age. True. They're just like white people.

They go from liberal when they're young to, you can transform to conservative. Oh, 100%. I mean, you know, Clint Lowry did it. Also, there's a lot of Black Panthers. Thomas Sowell did it, too. A lot of Black Panthers were like staunch Muslims,s which is very very conservative that yeah so a lot of the black panthers were very conservative oh dude yeah big time black panthers are conservative we're calling them dibs sorry dibs sorry republicans called black panthers called them you can't have them because

they're cool right now as soon as they're not cool, we're going to go back to classifying them as terrorists. Yeah, exactly. Boy, I hate it. I hate Brooklyn Antifa. Ah, dude. Yeah, man, but that's the game. That fucking dude. I don't feel like even naming people, but the one guy got arrested that's just such a turd.

Just all these dudes, just like fat, gutted dudes that think they're fucking Che. Imagine the pre-cum dude coming out and they're fucking they're like oh you're off oh god oh you're getting this oh my god oh and they're like yeah dude you got a disorderly conduct yeah yours five hundred dollars you won't settle me down mom mom i got a disorderly i was fighting we're taking the crimes yeah that's what it was it was something along the lines of like white kids white kids in Brooklyn being like, we're getting arrested so that the cops don't arrest black people because they'll be easier on us. So the white people are like, please arrest us.

They weaponize their white privilege? Yeah, they weaponize their white privilege. There's, like, lines. Watch out. There's, like, literally there's lines of fat white women with, like, colored hair holding hands in between cops and black people and, like, protecting them. They're kind of fencing them in a little.

So they were like they formed a wall of like white subcutaneous like a subcutaneous layer of just fat yes around them like yeah kind of like a cell you know they had a fat force field yes so they think they were like they're the powerhouse of the cell they're the mitochondria so they knew they were like they hold arms like you better not hit me i bruise very easily bruise easy i'm incredibly pale and i bruise almost immediately they literally are all surrounding like yeah all these white fuck yeah jesus christ it bothers me so much oh oh i have contact i get contact dermatitis easily that's what honestly makes it so hard to not like i can't i can't bring myself to be like, yeah, I support this

because of how much I hate the fucking white liberal people. Yeah. I hate them so much that I can't be like, this is a good cause. It's like, I know their motives for being down there. Exactly. Why can't your cause be the fact

that you think they're being disingenuous? Yeah. I think they are being disingenuous. I think fucking George Floyd got murdered. I think there needs to be obviously some changes in that Yeah and what is the force you're feeling There's a pressure You're thinking for yourself

And you're being pressured by You could say society at large To conform So two little pockets that all they do is fight each other And if you think for yourself You just get gnawed at every day Economically there's shit at stake economically like dude it's it's a real thing we're being herded into groupthink or just in occupying two diametrically opposed parties so it's so advantageous to join one of

those oh dude dude if i came out if i started tweeting like fucking thugs ruining this country i love the cops i might sell out you clubs for the rest of my career now granted it'd be kind of shitty locations it'd be like fucking you'd cash a check you'd be like the guy who was a child star that shit on his friend and now is like a youtube child star there was a guy remember the guy who did the the uh harlem shake video and it's like that guy's like a millionaire a child star now yeah so he's just he just acts like Steve from Blue's Clues, like 9 to 5, and then he goes to Vegas and puts him in hot chicks up, and he'll flaunt pussy.

Yeah, those are the options. Or I could go full left. I could be like... I could get an old helmet, put on some cargo shorts, go down and throw a rock, film it, put it on Instagram, and be like, I'm liberal as fuck all you need is a publicist you could build a

you could have a guy you could pay a company to re-spin your image and be like have a picture of you being like I was lost but I found my way

and have you like screaming at a cop and then it's just boom now everyone's like oh cool I read in my newspaper that if you have contacts

that have that newspaper that people read spin you in a positive light people will see you in a positive light. For the most part. They were working on that during the SNL thing. Yeah, dude, that's a whole. We have reporters at the New York Times that report comedy that maybe that's an option. We could have them write an article about you.

That's one way we could get out of this. Dude, that's SNL. Imagine the fucking government, what they can do. Yeah. And people want to sit here and be like, well, I'm selling all the news. It's like, if you know how anything anything works it's like that that's all multiple that's all for sale you can do that you can spin things how you want if you have enough money you can spin dude fucking uh that guy got busted with prince andrew didn't he bust it with like

prostitutes and shit he probably had a team non-stop being like no actually prince andrew's pretty chill it's good dad i think anonymous did you see what Anonymous was releasing? No. Did you see any of that? No. I could be wrong. I mean, chances are it's fake. But they did put out like a, this is interesting.

I'm surprised war mode's not all over this. I think Trump Dogg, they keep calling Trump a pedophile and put out a bunch of names of accusers of him, of when and how a 10-year-old in bunch of like names of accusers of him of when and how he like like a 10 year old in Trump Tower for sodomy was the charge. What?

Like shit like that. Yeah. Damn. Now Anonymous I kind of think they're kind of disingenuous kind of corny. They're like

we are the Legion. We are Legion. Expect us. Yeah. It's like why are you putting cool music in the background of your video? Just I like the Guy F fox is pushing it for me when i see guy fox i love to be for vendetta but i think you can't live it but when you put the guy fox music with like the

matrix like ones and zeros the binary code like moving around the screen lightly and then there's like call of duty music in the background and you're like we will find out your secrets yeah it's like dude don't make it cool also like all right well what are they tell us some tell us some yeah yeah why did it take this for you guys to release that you knew trump was a pedophile you should have just done that well all right let's schedule the trump is a pedophile for release next next Wednesday. We'll live premiere that. Also, I can't laugh at it. I keep laughing at... So apparently there's still people... So when we were doing them on Zoom, right?

Yeah. Since we weren't live streaming them. Are we live streaming this? No. I don't know. Some guy just tweeted at me. He said... I don't know.

I mean, we're definitely... Unless I'm somehow... I was fucking with this, trying to set up a live stream earlier today I might be live streaming with just my face talking but no I don't have that's not open

that'd be hilarious um when they find out that like the zoom ones we were doing were just like I do live premiere just so people can like

chat while they're doing it and uh live premiere's awesome dude guys go on it just happens every now and again a dude went on it was just like what

I was like hold on I paused it and like let my dogs out and came back in the guy there'll be some dude will be like are you what the fuck this isn't live it's like it's so bad that one guy was like put out live for me with pre-recorded stuff and watch your entire fan base walk away it's like i was just laughing i was watching it just like damn dude all right sorry bro yeah next time we do that we'll just be in the chat. We'll be like, hey, we're in the chat. We're live premiering it here. Yeah.

I always do it. And I'm always like, yo, what's up, bro? I'm always in there reading the chat. Yeah, you've got an eye on it. I've got an eye on it. And every once in a while, we get some bad boys saying bad things. And it gives me anxiety. Well, apparently, YouTube's going to try to start pulling people.

I don't know how they're going to do this, but I think they're going to make you like. Yeah, that'd be. I think they're going to send you a thing and be like, do you see this? So you'd have to like, in theory. Now they slid you the DOS and now you can't just be like, I'm not fucking talking about that. But now you're going to have to be like, hey guys, whoever. We need to support POC right now and we cannot have internet comments that are anti-POC. Such as, and they start reading them, and then everyone's like,

Yeah. Good Lord, if they try to enforce that on... I don't know what they're going to do. Anonymous people on the internet being like, hey, you're not allowed to say bad words on the internet. It's like, literally, they're just going to type bad words the whole time. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

Oh, dude, I showed you that fucking pyramid of racially, like, crimes against racism. No. There's a pyramid of, like, like crimes against like racism no there's a pyramid of like these are socially these are the worst and then you know these are the things you probably wouldn't know yeah that you do the top of the pyramid is fucking racist jokes next to kkk oh i saw that i saw that thing it's like things you what are we doing it's like uh elements of white supremacy that are acceptable and something yeah not acceptable it's like things you what are we doing it's like uh elements of white supremacy that are acceptable and something yeah not acceptable it's like racist jokes aren't acceptable yeah i saw that directly next to the kkk yeah that was pretty ridiculous that was uh i saw that the other day it was just kind of like i saw like the first two i was like yeah i'm fucking i'm done with this

all right let's do it let's wrap it uh so we're going to, you know, we'll figure something out. We'll get a page this week. Yeah, let's do it. We're working on the studio. We wanted to make sure the first episode filmed was done correct. We're in the studio right now. We are in the studio.

The studio is fucking nice. But yeah, we're going to do it right. If anyone knows anything about ATEM switchers, get at me, bro. No, that was a mistake. Why?

Oh, yeah. Whatever. Also, the St. Louis gig just got rescheduled it's no longer the fourth fifth and sixth it is now i believe the 18th 19th and 20th of june god does not want me to do stand-up so imagine you if you went full right for your for your career the post the artwork would be so sick dude it'd be like you with a microphone and like rioters everywhere you'd be like get back everybody sorry

facts sorry you can't stop me fags that's how weird social media is I was looking at a picture of you

instead of just talking to you really I was literally what was I doing it was you and bae bae posted a picture oh yeah we got family pictures from my mom for our birthday yesterday yeah cute you look like a pig dude i'm fat no i didn't mean fat i'm like a cop sorry i was never right i'm a long hair dude you're a pig

dude you're one of the pigs i'm a comrade you're the comrades you're pigs i'm true that's it that's true that's it's yeah i forgot call them comrades is very funny. Comrade is funny. All the comrades? The comrades definitely try to fuck each other. Use political gains. I hate that every fucking alt comic's a comrade. Yeah. That really annoys me.

Yeah. How do none of them have different political opinions? They do. It's just they... Well, yeah, of course. There's this little thing inside them that's their genuine self. It's squashed by an ideology that's held by the social fear around not getting called out by other people. So they live secret lives, dude,

and they see stuff and they're like... And they vanquish it from their heads and they just drink like four PBRs and change their bandana and they're like, nah, dude, I'm a fucking communist. I'm gonna break some windows. I'm a communist. Alright, we gotta go. Alright, let me get out of here.

I gotta get out of here before the sun goes down on the road.