Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - The Tesseract

Episode Date: January 5, 2020

The DAWGZ hop the fence and roam the neighborhood. Topics include Iran, Shane's sick tee, oceanography, dream projection, SSPX Church, and a bunch more. 

We're officially in the building, dude. I fixed the sound problem. The cord was out of the laptop. It's back in. We're ready. How many times have we done this before? Every week. I know. And I'll tell you what, I don't make any effort to help you out. With the sound? I just sit here and watch. Watch this dude just turn. You've never come close to understanding this soundboard.

Still mystifies me, dude. You don't know what one knob does. You just start turning them. We got to figure out whose cord is which. That takes five minutes. Usually one or two of those are right. You just hit a button and turn something down, and I don't know what it is. Well, that was the third mic that's not plugged in,

but I don't know if this board will pick up some other sound. Yeah, we used to turn the – There's no way it's just going to pick up a third. You don't know't know dude you don't know about ambient sound true no one knows how the yamaha works dude do the mgxu 5100 or whatever this is dude the mg12xu that's a big sound boy this is a good board it's professional quality i mean it's crazy how good this 200 bucks dude at guitar center we're gonna do the gear is gonna we laugh now but we'll be crying wow when we swipe the plastic on those on the new gear can't wait to see the new gear i can't i'm actually really excited to just really invest we're gonna invest we're gonna invest in our cold hard cash we're gonna invest

because we believe in each other yep that's what it's about that's what i'm talking about and we believe in our entire the umbrella of beautiful podcasts that we're developing underneath our beautiful podcast we are the fertilizer i mean we we developing underneath our beautiful podcast. We are the fertilizer. I mean, we laid down our lives for it. Pretty much, dude. We sacrificed ourselves. We gave it all, dude. We did give it all.

Sorry, dude. Just peeping my new iPhone 11. Oh, you got an iPhone 11? Come on, bro. You know me. What's it do? Straight cash, homie. I saw the commercial for that this morning.

Yeah. Talking about how you can take like a slow-mo. It was just a slow-mo selfie. It's like, I can do that on the iphone 8 man that's a weird advertising i took a slow-mo selfie that it'd be crazy you haven't yet no i i avoid pictures true like a native american do you really yeah they avoid pictures a lot i don't know there's always a you know that they thought it would steal your soul uh yeah they might have been onto something yeah we had a janitor that was like that in high There was always, you know, that they thought it would steal your soul. Ah. They might have been on to something.

Yeah, we had a janitor that was like that in high school. You had a Native American janitor? He wasn't Native, though. He was some sort of fucking Amish. He was Italian? He was. Yeah. He was like, the picture captured your soul. So you had an Amish janitor?

We had like an Amish janitor. Yeah, a Mennonite guy. Damn. And if you took his picture, he would fucking spaz. Of course. I mean, with the invention you took his picture, he would fucking spaz. Of course. I mean, with the invention of the camera phone, he was fucked. Would he spaz you in like old high dramatic? Yeah, dude.

We had like Mennonites. We had some Amish that would like seep into our school. What? How did they go? There's certain, once you're like, not all Amish are like horse and buggy. Gotcha. You know? Like when you start getting into like Mennonites and shit, they can drive, like, cars, but

they have to be black. They can dress, like, certain, yeah. They, like, rarely shower. That's what's up. Yeah. Might be a Mennonite. Until you're sitting behind one. Oh, really?

Yeah. Some dirty Amish. Dude, don't look at me. I hate the Amish, dude. Why? I'm biased against the Amish. They're pretentious? Yeah, I just don't like it.. I hate the Amish, dude. Why? I'm biased against the Amish. They're pretentious? Yeah, I just don't like it.

Plug in. Fucking Luddites. Plug in, you goddamn Luddites. I'll never hear it, dude. Fuck you guys. True, they might, though. Some of the boys out in Amish. Oh, on Rumspringers?

Out in, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Shout out to everyone on Rumspringer, dude. Yeah, stay out. Honestly, dude, I was reading an article about, you ever hear of SPXX Church? No. So they're like, and I think I'm saying that right they're old school catholics who are like they're kind of amish in like terms of like they're forming like close-knit communities out like the midwest and it's like they'll take over a town and just revamp it and everyone's on a 1950s lifestyle fetish it's where it's like you go there. It's like literally wife and kids, the wives stay at home, pretty much all the wives stay

at home, church. They go back to Catholicism before the, what was the council that like, when they backpedal a little. Yeah. They're like, took it easy with the Latin and stuff. They're like, we don't need to do this in Latin. They're like full force on all of it. And they live like that.

They take over the town center. And like, apparently everything's like, you go all of it and they live like that they take over the town center and like apparently everything's like you go there and it's like thriving but like dude like girls aren't like there there was a The boys basketball team there's a female referee and they were like we're not the team got a game got canceled No, yeah, the game got canceled because they were like there's boys out here. They're gonna be like running around They're not gonna be able to focus on the game hard. I was even rock hard It was like they can't give it their all if they're worried about bumping into a female referee out of respect because they're going to be running around. They're not going to be able to focus on the game. They're going to be rock hard. It wasn't even rock hard. It was like, they can't give it their all if they're worried about bumping into a

female referee out of respect. Because they're so respectful. They're going to be like, excuse me, ma'am. And they would be real cautious around the lady referee. That's what, no. Swear to God, it was in fucking Atlantic. They refused, according to the reporter, they refused to play because they were like, it would be kind of disrespectful to be running up and down real fast

around this girl. We might spook her all right sick people are flocking out apparently it's doing pretty well that's where we should build a studio out in spx shop out there and be like yes dude you need to cover your head at mass the whole mass needs to be in latin the priest the priest faces the other way i'm pretty sure they go mass i'm pretty sure they're full back to it but they're they also there's the other thing too when like the church backpedaled on like how like they're like yeah being gay is not that big of a deal they're like we're going back to like no no it's pretty big deal yeah they're they're like yeah no you can't no gay no being gay and like the same thing with like the uh the town pool apparently got shut down

because they didn't want the boys to see the girls in, like, bathing suits and shit. So, it's pretty legit. I like that. But they do... Yeah, shut it down, dude. They use electricity. They use everything. But they're just like... You go to...

It would just look like a normal town, but you have people in there, and they're fucking... And they're whack jobs, dude. Like, old school Catholic. Dude, they have a picture of the dude and his family, him and his six kids. They're going to end up bringing back... They're going to bring back the Klan out there. Someone's going to be like, we need to fuck these catholics up again you know what i mean they're gonna instill some other town to be like what about what if we go back to remember what we

were doing true fuck these catholics you think some protestants are gonna go back that's why the prots were doing that now the prots are too soft without being weird prots are too soft now because they're they were like they were talking about the old neighbors who were kind of like, oh, man, we lived here before. And they're probably just some wasps. It's out in a nice area in the Midwest. Or just normal Catholics. If you were just a normal person, you'd be like, this sucks. This is crazy.

Probably not even a wasp. They're just regular people living in a town. They're like, it's like the, remember when the Indian guru dude moved into a town? It's like that. But with just Notre Dame fans moved into the town. Yes. I know. They're all upset there's a black leprechaun now.

I don't know. Racially, I'm sure they're great. Because that was never really instilled in any teaching. True. Oh, I mean, yeah, if you got down with it, I'm sure. But I don't know. It's hard to say. teaching true oh i mean yeah if you got down with it i'm sure but i don't know it's hard to say i think no but in the 50s catholics were like pro-civil rights okay so like if they're like

notre dame was like at the front of that at the forefront yeah they were fighting the clan dude i mean if you went down there and you were just like super respectful they would probably be pretty cool about it i i'm guessing but there's also that person that same personality type that's being like we gotta revoke the vatican too yeah i would suspect would just be like you would imagine the one black family that might be fucking like squeezing his forehead in church like what the fuck what the fuck is this but again i don't know dude these people might be on the i don't know it's like anything else half a pro there'd be some eyebrows wiggling where they're like I don't know. It's like anything else. Half a pro there'd be some eyebrows wiggling where they're like, I don't know.

It's either there. It's either. I'm going to check his taxes. I don't know if I like it. What sport does he play? How did he get out here? What's he doing out here? But I don't know.

They're probably. Or that, or they're just overly just up in the black family's ass. You think it's like, we love you so much. That could be the case i mean let's take another picture yeah they could be like let's take another picture you guys want to be on a brochure hey why don't you hop in the selfie with us we're having fun

yeah i don't know dude i was reading the article it's pretty wild and they said these the town's been growing like they're like dude we build a school it fills up we build another one it fills up they're like lots of people are the one guy who went over there was like working seven days a week couldn't go to fucking church he was working so much oh so he like reached out to some people who knew some people moved into the spxx community and then like dude he was like they gave me a job at a place i got six kids now not allowed to use birth control either hell yeah women aren't allowed to use birth control the same thing like rumspring and shit like if you're... The kids, if they don't abide, they can leave. But I think you get excommunicated.

If you question at all, you question your faith, you get kicked out of the church. There has to be a guy behind this. There has to be one dude. There's a dude who owns the factory who everybody works at. Yeah. There's going to be a dude at the top. For sure, dude. 100%.

The money's being kicked up. Man. They probably watched like it's a wonderful life and we're like this is what we should be doing dude just a nice town small town i just watched that for the first time is it good no but my dad cried at the end of it wait what was your christmas gift so funny hold on yeah at the end of this movie first off the movie fucking sucks the guy's so annoying yeah he just screams the whole fucking time he's like oh my god it's christmas today

he's like what are you all the kids are here i love your kids he's like hugging his kids he's like my wife my beautiful wife was here what was it like the movie click where he like goes away and comes back yeah it's one of one of those... There's some evil banker. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. The SPX acts just stirred, dude. There's a disturbance in the force.

There's a Jew in the bank. This guy loses. He's going bankrupt or whatever. He's being a bitch about it, dude. He's going to kill himself because of it. What? And then he goes and... What's the banker have to do with it?

He just tells him, like, hey, by the way. So the guy, the main character sent his boy to pay off the bank. He gave him, like, eight grand in cash. And the guy loses it. And the banker finds it and just keeps it. And is like, yeah, sorry, you guys owe me money. He just stole the money. Really?

Yeah. So then the main character goes to jump off a bridge. And his guardian angel meets up with him. And then brings him back into town. I don't know. Brings him back into town as if he never existed or something. Yeah, like Ghost of Christmas Past kind of thing with a suicide twist. Yeah, the guy goes into the bar and he's like, oh, my how are you the guy's like i've never seen you mister you better get

your hands off me he's like bert what's gotten into you like punches him he's like what's going on here so he's just a stranger in his town yeah and then uh yeah in the end the whole in the end the whole town comes together to pay him to give him money they're like we heard you were down on your luck so everybody chips in to pay off his thing and then like while that was happening i was like this movie fucking sucks i look over on the recliner and my dad was sobbing and he tried to hide it he like he like looked at me he was like what i like because you know you know how when you're like have you ever cried during a movie? Sure. You know how you're like, I hope no one sees me crying.

Like, you try so hard to be like. You're like. Yeah, he did that. But he was just full, like, eyes just. Oh, my God. Because he, like, wasn't letting himself cry. So his eyes were just totally just filled with water. Yeah, like SpongeBob eyes.

Yeah. Totally. Like, totally full eyes of tears. And I like looked over and he was like, what? I was like, are you fucking crying at this dumb fucking movie? What did he say? He got up and walked away. Oh, man, dude.

It's so funny. I ruined his. He loves the movie. You know, probably a sentimental value. You know, he grew up watching it. Sure. But it was fun. It was good you could ruin that for him.

It was fun to, like, look over the couch and be like, you're fucking gay, dude? What's wrong with you? Yeah, then I cried during an Apple commercial later that day. Did you really? I was like, all right, I see where I get it. Well, what commercial was it? We talked about it's a commercial where this granddaughter makes a slideshow for her grandpa on an ipad where her dead grandma his wife is

at the family table they play like the up music dead grandmoms will get you yeah yeah just an old man that's like i I miss her so much. Yeah, surviving grandpa. Surviving grandpa is tough. Surviving grandma can just plow through it. I didn't like him. Oh, yeah, for sure. She has a bunch of jewelry, and she's like, whatever. But no, the gift.

We talked about this. Hold on one second. Let me plug this in before everything gets ruined. All right, we're back. I had to plug in. We were operating on some low battery energy. Did not want to just have something just slip into total...

Yeah. The void. So what is the gift? Refresh my memory. My mom bought me a t-shirt that said, I paused my game for this. You didn't tell me this, dude. I was probably ashamed.

It's one of the most shameful gifts I've ever received. That's a nice dub-tee fucking gift. I couldn't believe she got me that. the most shameful gifts I've ever received. That's a nice dub T fucking gift. I couldn't believe she got me that. She knows you're a gamer, bro. Yeah, I just handed it back to her. I was like, what are you doing? You're not going to wear that? You think I'm going to wear a fucking I paused my video game for this T-shirt?

Dude, she probably thought you were an um good boy, dude. She tried to buy me an um good boy gift. I'm like, I'm not going to wear this on I do. Like, I'm not going to wear it. Do you think I'm going to wear this, like, on stage? You should have, dude. Like, I paused my game for this. She probably thought it was funny. You know how much laughs you would get?

People are like, damn. She got some chuckles out of it. She was like, well, you probably did. I was like, shut the fuck up. Oh, my mom. Shut up, mom. So, what, you gave it back to her? Yeah, I handed back every gift I got.

For Christmas? Just about. Except my one sister got me eye drops. That's what I kept. There you go. so what you gave it back to her yeah i handed back every gift i got for christmas just about except my one sister got me eye drops that's what i kept there you go i got towels and eye drops there you go what were your other gifts what was your haul my dad got me a button down with a notre dame logo and just sewn onto it it was like a regular button down that's like a fucking checkered button down it makes no sense that it has a notre dame logo on it it's crazy that's like a fucking checkered button down it makes no sense that it has a notre dame logo on it it's crazy that's i can i've seen those shirts before i think your dad has one of those yeah he wears those constantly i was like all right well you're gonna keep this so here you go i just gave that back to him and then katie bought me a pair of boots that had

like a zipper up the side these like black leather boots i was like i'm never gonna wear these you can keep these also the zip up the sides tough wild oh you could slide in and out of them were they like pointy like were they like elvin they were insane you're not you should have worn some cool shoes with what some you should wear some like barn dog boots barn dog wears cool boots yeah i think he got out of that face did he yeah he was wearing cowboy boots for a minute. Yeah. Well, there's cowboy boots. It's a tough phase. And there's like 1940s Italian hitman boots. Yeah.

Like weird pointy. Well, Barn Dog's short, so he fucking, he likes those like secretly platform boots. Ah. Gives him an idea. Yeah. Where is the Barn Dog? He's out in LA. Oh, I thought he was coming on.

Oh, yeah. We were supposed to have the Barn Dog on, but. Schedule. The schedule's just fucked us up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We were supposed to have the barn dog on, but... Schedule. The schedule just fucked us up. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to mention this. Shout out. I shit on the hard times that one time.

What was the hard times? The hard times. Oh, yeah, dude. I shit on that. Like, just fucking around. I know. I feel bad. Oh, because we said they stole the marathon shit again.

Yeah. Dude, they took that personally. I know. Well, that's a bad thing to be accused of. Rightfully so. Rightfully. I just didn't think it was going to get back to them. Didn't even think about it.

Yeah. And then I was like, man, I don't think we said anything that bad. Because as soon as you were like, somebody else said the same thing, it was like, oh, okay. But then someone was like, what's the hard times? And I just shit on it. That's so fucking funny. The guy reached out and was like, what are you doing?

I was like, nothing. My bad, man. I like it. I read it. I read it. It's funny. It was funny because just that week, I was like nothing my bad man i like it i read it i read well there was uh it was funny because just that week i'm like hey man that's what happened sometimes people have to steal your shit and it really was there's three people today in the same thing uh that week afterwards i said something i don't even remember oh people getting ptsd from virtual reality people he's still laughing holy sunny it's like so i'm like yeah that's what the fuck i get honestly it's exactly what we get but in other news what um no dude how about fact so first of all the fact that you handed all your family gifts back is like very nebuchadnezzar or whatever who's

that guy from the bible nebuchadnezzar that nebuchadnezzar dude nebuchadnezzar very nebuchadnezzarian that was dude that was a very regal. Yeah, my mom also tried to give me a check. That was like my gift. It was $200. That's what's up. I said, babe, hang on to it. Treat yourself.

Yeah, for real. Slit it right back. Come on, man. Damn, so you're just giving gifts. That's a tight Christmas strategy to be like, nah, you can have it. You can have that. Well, every gift sucked.

So I was like, you you just hang on to this they're like no we'll just take it back here's the receipt i'm like i'm not i'm not going to the mall to get a fucking 50 credit at the shoe depot man that sucks christmas shopping sucks then someone would be like no i don't i'm not even going to do the nicety of like pretending i'm going to return this just this stays with you well because i know it'll happen it'll just sit in my room fair enough it'll i'll have a pile of junk in my room and i'll never touch you were the grinch i didn't grinch i was nebuchadnezzar go back to that keep thinking i'm biblical royalty if you're the grinch you would have stole everything i would have grinched out so you just basically told everyone for next year you

guys give me gifts that i'm gonna to want. Yeah, do better. This is crazy. Although, the mom, I paused my game for this. I paused my game for this. It's pretty good, dude. It's pretty good. She gave me a fucking Iceman Jones t-shirt. Fuck, dude.

That's an absolute Iceman t-shirt. She gave you Scotty gear. She gave me an Iceman tee. Dude, your mom- My mom basically was like, I think you're Iceman. Does your mom have it in your head that you wear like cargo shorts 20 like all year round yes i think they buy me cargo shorts occasionally that's dude there was a never talking about the billy came up with the concept of scottie's which is my maybe my favorite

thing right now what's your scottie is no scottie is just like a dude basically who would just be like rolling around and like i pause my game for this tea just big fat fucking legs and like fucking cargos 24 like you know people are wearing yeah shorts in like the middle of january and the regs their legs are just like totally red and they're just walking around just like shorts yeah i mean scotty or there's another oh wait monster autism yeah monster energy drink in hand at all times yeah it's a scotty dude true dude it was so fun. I like it. Billy calls Spud a Scotty all the time.

He's like, dude, you're a fucking Scotty. Dude, it's so fucking funny. Dude, Billy's a gamer. Billy's a big-time gamer. Billy paused his game for this. Billy's a big-time gamer. Billy paused his game for this. Oh, dude, for sure. Every time he's at work, he paused his game for this.

For sure. He's got the headset on playing Call of Duty. I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know. He paused his game to get up to go to work. Dude, so then we did a dad meet. You'd be mad about that.

What, who? Billy? He paused his game for this. Spud's been killing him lately. With what? Dude. Spud's been killing him. Oh, somebody hit me up

or somebody tweeted at us and was like, we need a war room. What? With Iran. Billy and Spud, yeah. We need to figure out what's going on.

Yeah, I'll let them discuss their fucking what they've been attacking each other with. Dude, it's so fucking funny. Oh, well, tell me about it. It and Spud. We need to figure out what's going on. Yeah, I'll let them discuss their fucking... Let them ruminate. What they've been attacking each other with. Dude, it's so fucking funny. Oh, well, tell me about it. It's pretty funny. What is it?

Spud calls Billy Schaub now. Okay. And it pisses him off so bad. Really? Why? What's he say? I have to let Spud explain it. I don't know.

But the way Spud explains it's so fucking funny just saying that he just makes fun of me he's like i don't know you'd have to he talks about very specific stuff from that and i forget because he's jacked no he just like i i'd have to i'll let me call i'll call spud in right now actually where's my who the fuck is that who knows i don't know i'll have to i'll have to revisit i really don't fucking i don't want to do it uh an injustice but yeah he called i think because he just says like he's just uh i don't know i don't say i have no fucking clue sorry let me find my phone

yo bros yo i can't hear you. What'd you say? Yo, my bad. You mind if I put you guys on the cast real quick? I want to clear up the fight you guys have been having. What are you talking about? About what you've been... What have you been ripping...

Is this Billy, dude? This is me. Yeah, me, you, Billy. Fuck Billy, dude. He's talking so much shit on my phone. Oh, my God, dude. He's literally a fucking girl. Why?

He's being so gay today, dude. He's just being fucking girl. Why? He's being so gay today, dude. He's just being a girl. Hold on. So what have you been ripping Billy up with? Everything. Billy's a piece of shit. What are you shoving in your face, Andrew?

Well, I was explaining what... I'm shoving him for... Oh, dude, I got my hey buddy. Yo, I got hey buddy on video, dude, and he called me. What's hey buddy? Bill? No, no, I got my hey, buddy. Yo, I got hey, buddy on video, dude, and he called me. What's hey, buddy? Bill? No, no, no. Hey, buddy, what's up? Oh, you got boss man on video.

I put boss man on video, and he, like, totally looked at the camera. My phone was still in the middle of the video. He goes, you already being helped, buddy? I was like, fuck, dude. I thought I had gold. I got back to my man. It was dawn. Yeah, because you're a bully.

So, dude, you guys, you're on the cast right now. I don't. Come on, man. Can you guys. Really? I'm going to wrangle. I got to wrangle it. You guys are on the cast right now.

I was talking about how you're calling. I wanted to explain why you're. Why are you calling Billy Schaub? Billy Schaub's the new Schaub. It's hilarious. Why? He doesn't have a reason. I don't know.

All right, fair enough. That's Faith's best defense against me and the king, Scott. What are you eating, Scott? What kind of bagel are you hurting yourself with? This is even worse than the fucking The shit The treadmill that is your mouth this morning dude Oh my god

What are you eating? I'm with Shane right now I'm eating lunch dude Yeah what? What kind of bagel? A pork rye and cheese man Or what bagel? Or the egg bagel

Jesus Christ you know what I eat dude I'm surprised there's not a maple syrup cinnamon twist bagel you're eating. I don't see you, dude. Again, dude, this is what I was saying to you before, Bill. Just fucking laugh at me and I'll lift me stuff. You know what I mean? You can't have fun with another more serious. Where are you guys right now?

I'm at my house. I'm about to go to Bob's house. I got to fucking place your shit. All right alright fair enough we gotta have there's been people want you guys on for another war room soon

it's whatever it's safe dude I was making videos of Iran today having a blast they're freaking the fuck out the Iranians

I don't know if you're into that we're gonna have to get filled in honestly so go go your ways I wanted to check in I thought there was a logic to you making fun of Billy for that We're going to have to get filled in, honestly. So go your ways.

I wanted to check in. I thought there was a logic to you making fun of Billy for that. Yeah, I make fun of Billy because it's the same setup as fucking I'm older than him, dude. He just kind of pretends. He'll hear something, and he'll pick it up. I thought Billy was so fucking funny. I was like, damn, Billy's fucking hilarious. And then I watched Chris Dillian. I was like, ohillian i was like oh he just oh yeah literally the same thing as

brandon shaw does dude okay oh so you're you're callen spud you're callen he shop that's your guy's dynamic i mean not really but i mean you know i hear it no i hear you Dave's Brian Redman. See, that's what I'm saying. I'm working. I'm living my life, dude. I'm getting hit with phone calls like this, dude. How the fuck is this? Dude, go serious.

I have fun. I have fun. You meet Wes one time. That'd be so cool. Dude, I'm on the path, dude. You're fucking interrupting the path. I'm trying to win. I'm about to blast my chest. Are you familiar with Cometsville? Yeah, I'm on the way, dude. You are the interrupting the pass. I'm trying to win. Are you familiar with comments, Bill?

Yeah, I'm well aware, dude. You are the teller. Hang on. I gotta go. I gotta go. God damn, dude. Sorry, dude. That was... That's what he was talking about. I hope the audio comes through. He was saying that Billy just steals

Chris D'Elia's pants. He's like, Billy, here's one thing. Now he's Wes Watson for a week. Talks like D'Elia's pants and he's shot. He's like, Billy, here's one thing. Now he's Wes Watson for a week. Talks like D'Elia. He's like, oh, man, Billy's so funny. Then I look up, I'm like, oh, this is where this all comes from. Nice. Sorry.

No, don't be sorry. I made me laugh. Yeah, I mean, that's as funny as it gets. Those two. Just fighting. Dude, that's literally. You just throw them on the phone and they instantly start fighting. that's what they do all day yeah it's great they fight each other all day long and then there's like you're this person no you're this person no you're this person

so i love it glimpse that's a glimpse into the life of billions bud both on fucking headsets walking around the world just being like hold on dude, dude, I'm in a deli. And Billy being like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. It's the best. So, either way. Hell yeah. Yeah, I feel greasy. I feel like I did a greasy thing. What do you mean?

I feel like I did a greasy, I feel like I summoned online, just tons of online demons in a greasy manner. I understand that feeling, Matt. It's a tough feeling. Yeah. I don't think, I think you're fine. We didn't say anything bad about anything. Oh, I don't give a fuck about that. It was just funny.

I just, I thought it was going to be more succinct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, well, why do you, I don't, I have no idea. Yeah, that's good. So you had the gamer shirt, handed back all the gifts. Handed it back. No, dude, I'm on that Iran tip also. Spud's on that right now.

We needed a war room. I forgot. We should have organized a war room. He's working, obviously. I know, I know. Spud needs to get the SPXX, dude. Otherwise, he's going to never be able to get to church. True.

If he doesn't be able to get to work in the factory with the fucking church leader, dude, he's... I think Spud would do well out there. Spud would crush it in SPXX. Yeah, he's a good worker. Dude. He's a good boy. Yeah.

He'd fucking keep his head down. He'd find a... He'd find a... He'd find bae. Oh, my God, dude. He'd find a good, chaste bae. No birth control.

So it's like, you just keep having kids, dude. Yeah. The guy, the one dude... Spud seems like he'd be a guy with, like, eight kids. For sure. Yeah. Down in SPXXxx you might go down there and tear it down dude i think you get descommunicated pretty quickly yeah he's he's not one to filter himself

so really yeah dude so i also read there's another article in The Atlantic about deep sea exploration. You fuck with the deep sea at all? Yeah, what, the Marianas Trench or what? You know about it. You know about the trenches. You know about the underwater hot springs and geysers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the soup comes.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done your research. I just know about it. What are the zones? Primordial soup. What are the zones? What do you've done your research i just know about this what are the what are the primordial soup what are the zones what do you mean oh the different oh yeah yeah yeah i don't remember them now blue zone twilight zone the abyss and then the hadel zone is below the abyss yeah no one's no one can get down there no one can get to the hadel only only james cameron tried his shit failed his screens his shit started cracking and breaking.

Yeah. It couldn't handle the pressure. It's terrifying. I think he went to the abyss. I don't think he went down to the Hadal zone, dude. Because there's... Scary stuff going on. Well, they're going to mine, they're going to start mining the very, very bottom of the

ocean because there's a ton of minerals down there. But nobody knows what the fuck's down there. So there's a bunch of scientists... Pacific Rim, dude. That's where you get Godzillas. Oh, for sure. Mechalodons, dude. All these things are going to come out. Mothras.

Dude, yeah, for sure. There's going to be some big moths coming out. You think you're getting some iron ore, dude. You're going to get an ancient monster. But the worry is they're kicking up. They're going to kick just dust up everywhere all throughout the ocean. They're like, eh. Who cares?

But the cool- Like 10 dudes are going to get rich. Oh, they're going to get fucking paper, dude. Fuck everybody. They're signing contracts right now to people getting thousands of miles of the ocean at a clip where they just get to troll it with little things and just stir up crap and just pull up metal. They're just going to pull up iPhone batteries and just get fucking paid. Wait until the Chinese get a hold of this.

Bro. China is going to fuck the ocean's ass. Do you think Chineselantis is down on the hadle zone with all the cell phone batteries dude the um oh yeah dude well it's already the race is already on but the weird thing is so there's hot springs down there and they they have studied like the life form so there's no light no oxygen and it's like you said it's a chemical soup and there is organisms that thrive munching on that munch on that stuff yeah so it begs the question on like what's a fiery planet like saturn or what's pluto what's what no that's cold what's a real fiery planet venus yeah they're all very spooky very

what's one that's just gas? Which one is that? I'm not sure. I would say Venus is a very gaseous. If I had to guess, yeah. Maybe, I don't know. Or Uranus. So here's what I'm thinking.

So if there's stuff living, if there's organisms in the hadal zone, or not to get too technical, down in the hadal zone, down in the fucking, there's like Grand Canyons in the ocean, which is crazy to think about, with fucking hot springs shooting up chemicals. So if you have life forms in that, there could be little life forms in those planets that we can't really approach. And if there could have been life that has evolved on gaseous planets, we could have intelligent gas forms that are flying around in outer space.

That's what ghosts are dude come on give it up give it up come on so you think ghosts are intelligent gas worms from from venus yeah dude that just they the only thing they can do everything they just can't since they're gas they have a hard time manipulating physical reality just knock over like a cup that's all they can do dude they're just like they have a hard time manipulating physical reality. But they can just knock over a cup. That's all they can do, dude. They're just like, God fucking... Only when they get mad... They're trying so hard.

They're trying to save our planet. They're like, stop. You have to stop. They just knock over a cup. Someone's like, I think this house is haunted. It's like, shut up, bitch. Ghosts aren't real. They just slam the door and you're like, that must be the wind.

Anyway, well... Anyway, so I was jerking off to this fucking trip. There's this ancient fucking sentient life that just floated. And they're like, I figured it all out. And I'm like, I'm cold. What the fuck is this? Why am I chilly all of a sudden? Ooh.

Oh, man. Yeah, dude. I was bugging out on the hadal zone. It is scary. Just confirms more. Dude, I'm telling you. I keep coming into things that just confirm my research. You know what's scary?

Giant squids. They're spooky. Yeah. Sperm whales and giant squid down there just fighting. Oh, for sure. It's so scary. Terrifying. It's so scary to know that in like pitch black water,

in like freezing cold pitch black water, some sperm whale is fighting a fucking squid in the middle of the ocean. And there's a methane jet that just fucking releases all over them, and there's little things eating it. Dude, it's fucked up to think about. Also, there's just shit down there. We have no fucking idea. There might as well be aliens

in the bottom of the ocean and we have no fucking clue what they are. Yeah, dude, that's the real final frontier. Dude, literally. It's the bottom of the ocean. We don't know what's that. It's harder to get to than the moon. I'm gonna go ahead and guess it's mud and shit.

It's not, dude. It's shit down there. There's gold down there. There's all kinds... There's a going to go ahead and guess it's mud and shit. It's not, dude. It's shit down there. There's gold down there. There's a ton of minerals. Yeah, there's rocks and shit. Yeah, dude. Grand Canyons, geysers. Dude, it's literally...

They tried putting the most sophisticated scientists, made like a $30 million robot, dropped it to the bottom, and they're like, we got this. Dude, I think... They did all the tests, all the physics,

floated to the top two days later in a bunch of pieces. It's millions of pounds of pressure. As soon as you go down lower, just fucking crunch it. You can't get down there. It's scary. It's harder to get to the bottom of the ocean than in outer space, obviously. Yeah. Very spooky down there.

Dude, it's literally the spookiest. Have you seen just fish from the abyss? I've snorkeled before. I've gone down like nine feet. I've poached the blue zone a little bit. No, I'm not going to brag. I can snorkel and plug it up with my tongue, deep dive down and come back up and back down. So I'm a pretty good snorkel.

I'm basically a pearl diver. Yeah, true. I can go down pretty deep. Well, that's how you got that surfer's eye. mean i don't know i don't lionize myself you get into it probably from all the snorkeling i did for sure yeah i'm bugging on deep sea the fact that there's literally things that could have been down there for billions of years evolving you know we bring them up we evolved out of of plasma or whatever. Junk. Sea junk.

Don't tell that to the SXSS people. You're going to get fucking flogged in the town square. Oh, they would hate me. Dude, a mystic like me, they would fucking freak out at me. I'm a heretic. They would burn you. Probably, honestly. In a different century, I would orchestrate your burning. Dude, I'm like Giordano Bruno, dude.

Exactly. That's exactly who I was thinking of. Exactly. Dude, I was reading. I wasn't reading. I was watching a YouTube video. I like it. There's a little honesty.

He likes to lionize your reading. But I'll say there was text on screen that I did read. Yeah, technically I did read Parasite. True. That's fair enough. It was the last book I read. Dude, Schopenhauer. What do you know about him

not much go ahead i think you'd be into him what's he up to so it's again i had i just been following my intuition here i'm watching all this there's like uh just following my intuition here there's school of thought right there's a school of life i was watching they're like breakdown like philosophers and stuff so i'd like watch a little breakdown like because that way like i'm not going to read some old dusty book then like i watch a summary and it's like oh this is what this guy was after and it's like i'm cool on that for some reason the schopenhauer one i'm like i didn't no idea what he was about but i'm like damn this guy's shit seems sick so then i watched the academy of ideas video about schopenhauer two-parter dude his whole his whole part

so i'm like i'm like like, I love getting their whole, it's nice how you can condense a philosopher's life work in 24 minutes. Pretty fucking sick. Yeah. So basically, he came to the conclusion that all life is, it's just will. It's blind will and blind force. Up from the bottomless level to the very top,

which is like dogs, cats, human beings, and all we're doing is just kind of like urging, just urging forward out of like weird anxiety and doom instincts. And it's nothing more than a tangle of just things eating each other. Yeah, exactly. I figured you'd be kind of into this. So, and then he showed, there was like, it sounds like something you'd like doom and instinct.

Yeah. Everything's just fucking and eating and shitting. So his whole philosophy is like that's the reality of that's the reality of our world and we don't we can never gain an objective understanding on the world outside of our own psychic phenomenon we just look at stuff make up stories about it but in the end of it we're just walking around we've just staved off all the things that are trying to eat us for now and he was talking about like an explorer get to that mothra until we fucking pull that thing off from the bottom, dude.

Those fucking gas ghosts come from outer space. Like, oh, actually, you figured out how to push buttons now. But the, so he was like, you. So he's like, that's, and there was an explorer. They had a picture of it. It looked really fucked up. How come a ghost never did that? Push the nuke button?

If ghosts are knocking over cups and shit. Dude, don't tell anyone. Oh, shit. One of the ghosts might be like, oh, yeah. Fuck, dude. Oh, fuck. How are we oh fuck how are we not how many ghost listeners we have yo this shit they came from fucking pluto like this shit fucking rules i mean technically we've been doing this podcast long enough that one of our listeners has died true true that oh no no doubt it's definitely been a listener that's died i I would say probably like 10. Yeah, based on our... There's been a couple ODs in our fucking group.

RIPs. RIP to the dead dogs, dude. RIP to all the dead dogs, dude. Shout out to the dogs, dude. Pour one out. It's probably like World War II statistics, dude. It's true. We probably are.

It's like, how come our listenership doesn't go up? Because they all keep ODing. Oh, fuck, that's funny. Yeah, so then he was talking about this explorer who was like sitting there the one day and he was like, he was like just chilling in the tall grass and he saw a, what the fuck was it? There was like a, some sort of bird died and like dogs started eating the bird and then fucking, like fucking the lion came or tiger came out and started eating the dogs and he

was just like, Jesus fucking Christ. This is horrible to watch. So he's like, that's the nature of reality. And then all we, so that's our, that's all it is. It's just hard to watch. That stuff's hard to watch.

Like that nature is metal stuff that like, yeah, man, there's something in there that I just hate. Oh, it's horrible. It's a horrible, and he's like,

that's, he's like, that's, that's it. That's what you get. Dude, there's this image of a fucking baby kangaroo. And you know the fires in Australia right now?

Yeah. That just got, while it was running, got caught in a fence and just like charred in a fence. Oh. And the fucking, I forget who's, it was like a tweet that was like, this animal died in immense pain, in absolute silence, like alone. And it was like, all right. Yeah, man. Whoa. that's what kangaroos do every kangaroo has died in immense pain alone none of them died on their death bed like i had

a good time did you ever hear the island of monkeys that like a guy has to take care of now they were research monkeys and they were like on an island and the companies were just like fuck putting all these fucked up chemicals in them and then they were like oh shit the funding got shut down and they just left them on an island and And the companies were just like putting all these fucked up chemicals in them. And then they were like, oh shit, the funding got shut down. And they just left them on an island. And then some dude who was the janitor apparently is just like, what the fuck? And he just sits there and takes care of them now. That's sick. Yeah, he just fucking sits there and takes care of a bunch of like.

He is going to get mauled hard, dude. I don't know. I forget what the guy is doing. He's getting ripped apart eventually. Maybe. He will. Yeah, maybe. He's going to. I mean, that's like forget what the guy is. He's getting ripped apart eventually. Maybe. He will. Yeah, maybe.

He's going to, I mean, that's like grizzly, man. Once the unnamed, like, isotope 44, because they can't go out in the wild. They have no survival skills. And they're like, they've been injected with tons of diseases to study what diseases do. So they're just diseased monkeys on an island. And he, like, petitioned, like, governments down there. It was like, you guys, they're like third world governments. They're like, dude, fuck off. Yeah.

I mean, if you get a government involved, they're just going to kill every monkey there. Some billionaire was like, I'll fund it. Somebody needs to kill those monkeys. They're like bioweapons, dude. Somebody needs to put them down. Someone watched Planet of the Apes. Like, I could do that. It was like, oh, no, they just have diseases now.

And then some guy is just like, what the fuck? And he just sits there and lives with them. Or he doesn't live with them, but he like drives over boats of bananas every single day. Dude, it costs like thousands of dollars to keep these monkeys alive. there's just some billionaire in new york who was like fucking fine yeah it's like i don't know dude djt might have to fucking drone strike like the fucking yeah yeah that's not a good island there's gonna be some fucked up disease that comes out of there yeah for sure but either way but the um i don't think i was like a researcher i don't i remember he was a dude who just like worked with him in some weird

capacity and was just like what the fuck that's it and they're like whatever dude is over come on you're done here's your two weeks get the fuck out of here yeah no it sucks we gotta find new jobs he's like no what about these guys he has like he's like they all have personalities i know them yeah of course so but the second part of the schopenhauer stuff he's like once you realize you're like all it is is blind will every single organism everything is just fucking pulsing towards something you know for its own benefit um he's like the next part is recognizing how you move around and that's all you're just trapped in a loop of the future reward and how you're just kind of like give it one day but one day and he's like it never does you get your reward and like the pain and agony goes away for a second and then you just

get bored which inspires more pain and agony and you go forward and then you just go forward again like no this is what i'm gonna do yeah so his whole thing was like it sounds fatalistic but his whole his whole idea was that like that's that's what it is and you have to completely transcend will in and of itself where you just went to like he became like an indian mystic basically and was just like so again well the whole point of that story is not to bore you is to say all of the things i'm reading all lead to mysticism dude schopenhauer i didn't have there was nothing about mysticism that came about it i started researching them bam at the end start talking about the up and shots and i'm like dude what the fuck i think that's because philosophy never gives you a real answer and the only answer ever is to be like you just

gotta shut off not all the time not everybody there's almost no answer in philosophy oh no i always hated about it true you know well yeah i was like here's my theory and then somebody would be like no that's wrong here's the theory oh he dude he, he claims to be like, I have the end all be all. He is right. He basically was like, you guys can stop now. This is what it is. It's kind of right, though.

Everything's just trying to fucking push itself forward. And again, I've talked about it since I was a kid. I've always been like, everything's instinct. Everything we do or say or act on is just instinct. Sure. I don't think there's much free will. Yeah. Well, that's, he said said i yeah that's a good point because i've been i've been bugging out on free will lately so yeah but how about the fact that i infiltrated your dreams today dude that's got to bug you out

that is i'm reading about first time you've actually proven yourself to be a fucking clairvoyant real shaman dude this was intense that was dude so i'm today i'm on the treadmill i'm all i read about is mysticism the rock contact schopenhauer just all that's all i've been reading about is extra sensory perception there was another study i read another book i read yesterday they're talking about uh there was a study where they did it they would try to place images in people's dreams while someone was sleeping there was a guy who would try to place images in people's dreams. While someone was sleeping, there was a guy who would try to place an image.

It was more likely than chance that people would have ESP things projected in their dreams. I'm on the Tresmo. No, I'm on the elliptical today, dude. I've told you about the Tesseract, right? You love lionizing yourself. No, dude, I'm telling you. Claiming treadmill.

Not treadmill. Elliptical. Elliptical, dude. Let's get the story straight. i well i was i was saying the tesseract i call the elliptical the tesseract okay you know what i talked about this no it's dude i fucking i every morning i hit the elliptical and the first thing in the morning and i do it for 15 minutes and i just work and i send people good energy i send you at 7 42 i'm soundless like this i'm working up a ball there's tons of like,

people don't can't see this, but there's a metaphysical fucking storm around me and I'm sending them off to everyone I know. That's the Tesseract, dude. I go there in the morning. Have you ever said

bad energy to people? No, I never, no. Hell no, bro. I'm not a dark shaman, but today. That's all I would do. I'm serious. I don't, I do,

I actually do that without thinking. I'm just on the treadmill like, you know what? Fuck that guy. I hope shit doesn't work out for him. There's nothing bad about that. It's just a certain polarity.

So I'm pushing, dude, on the Tesseract. And I'm like this. I'm sending Shane good energy right now. And I'm like, I wonder if I can fucking infiltrate his dreams. And I try to send you an elephant. The first thing that came to my mind, I started going, first I sent you my little golden ball of energy. I told you about that. Sent you that.

I was like, maybe he'll see that flying around like the golden snitch. And then I was like, a gigantic elephant. I'm trying to channel images into your dreams. And then what happens? I come see you first thing in the morning. I said, Shane, did you have any dreams? What happened? I said, you were actually in my dreams.

I made it through. I was trying to send symbols and there boom i popped up so weird that the first thing you said was like you have any dreams last night i was like you were in my dream the dream was about you and me fucking that would be tight that'd be tight it's like uh yeah i didn't want to tell you this but uh how'd you know yes sucked your dick last night yeah no the dream was you and me had a bunch of money. Mm-hmm. And it was drug money, and I hid it in a couch in my house. And a dude came over and stole it. Motherfucker.

And then it was like, what do we do? We got to kill him? Story of my life. I mean, I guess we just got to cut our losses and be like, all right, that money's his. That's all you can do, bro. Because you can't kill him. Wow. That was my dream.

Interesting. That was an interesting dream. You were in my dream, though. Very interesting. And it was around the time, around 740-ish. Probably right around that time. I was... Yep.

That's a deep REM. You were up on the Tesseract or whatever. I was on the Tesseract. Tesseract. A lot of deep REM right before waking hours. I was 740-ish. Shane's probably in stage four REM right now. I could probably infiltrate his dreams.

And I did. Pretty excited about it. Going to try to do it to some more people. It's not going to work ever again. I mean, dude, I'm one for one right now. Yeah, but that was pure fluke. You're talking about just pure synchronicity? No, you just happened to be in my dream.

You said to yourself you never dream about me? No, I said I rarely dream. Okay. happened to be in my dream you said to yourself you never dream about me no i said i don't i rarely dream okay but now that i've cut back on the booze that's why oh you're getting rem rebound yeah you're getting rem rebound right now yeah that's where the pink elephants come from you literally stop sleeping so much that your rem sleep kicks in while you're awake and start hallucinating that's why alcoholics start to hallucinate. Yeah. Well, I don't have that. Obviously not, but I'm saying that's why. I never knew why alcoholics hallucinate.

That's why. Yeah. They stop getting REM sleep, and their body's like, look, man, we need to do some sort of... Yeah, we're going to toss something at you. Isn't that weird, though? Your body needs to enter into a total fucking fantasy realm, otherwise you die.

Sick. There was a family that had that. There was a disease that you couldn't sleep. A whole family got it, and they died. And they died. How'd they all get it? I don't know. What was it called?

Like a meth problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. True. What is this horrible disease? Yeah, it was in like Italy. They're doing fucking hot rails. I couldn't sleep. I have no sleep.

I did only three hot rails, and now I can't sleep. I was thinking about Italy a lot this week because of Trump dog. You know, everyone's talking about World War III, which is not going to happen. But... Us versus who? Iran? Yeah. That's not World War III.

That's Iraq III. Yeah. What the fuck? So everyone's saying it's going to kick off? But I was like, this must have been kind of how the Italians felt going into World War II. Just like like oh fuck this is our leader oh yeah it's like i voted for him because he was like funny and gave funny speeches fuck this is our fearless leader that we gotta follow that would be that would be a uh

from for laughing so much about it if he leads our nation to like a really horrific war that would be like i was just it was funny he got fucking on he was on the apprentice and we were laughing because you guys are crying and stuff i didn't think he was yeah that would be a tough what did iran do what's the problem what happened well solomony was like uh he was a bad guy okay he was a very bad guy yeah i was just reading an article about it because it was like the question is is like in this article it said you know this isn't but it was like did do you treat iran as a country or as a cause is it a terrorism like is it a cause or is it a country that you need to respect and the last couple presidents have treated it like a country but solomony was like

he really he's also destabilizing i mean it's funny for us to be like he's destabilizing the region because you know we are sure like wild we're getting in there but um in there he like you know he killed thousands of u.s troops through like he would set up militias in iraq and see i mean he saved asad he like helped prop up asad yeah who just you know he's gassing civilians like i mean this guy's a bad dude yeah yeah so he's a player on the world stage yeah yeah it's a it's i mean it's wild that we did that but he like yeah so it's like do you treat iran like a country or do you treat them like a terrorist organization if they're going to be doing what they're doing like setting up roadside bombs to kill us in another country yeah well that's always a funny thing too when they do the terror rebel distinction terrorist rebel distinction they're like oh look at these rebels they're going in

there and it's like i mean the guys a few years the guys blowing up shit too it's like yeah they always spin that around but again it's like fuck man what the hell you gonna do yeah so that we you know trump drone strike to that guy got rid of him damn he drone striked like a fucking general yeah he was up there i thought you're supposed to just drone strike like civilian weddings and shit yeah yeah i thought there was a point of drones yeah just like schools and shit and be like, that's not where they're from. My bad. Drones actually have a sensor on them

that when they hear the song Shout. Now wait a minute. Some drone in the sky like locked on. Sir, we have several reports of Shout and the electric slide coming from a dance hall.

Get rid of it, private. Fuck. Yes. So Soul Manny was definitely, he was a bad hombre. Yeah, he was a bad hombre? He was a bad hombre. So it's not like the worst thing in the world. But Iran, you know, Iran's a none-too-please.

They're fired up. Yeah. But it's like, dude, what the fuck are you guys going to do about it? Also, I'll tell you. Let's be honest. This is like high-level fucking just like mafia kind of wars. Also, Soleimani, I think, was talking shit on social media on Trump, which makes me laugh. He was crushing him?

He was like, I think he was trying to, he was, yeah. That's kind of horrific, dude. He was dogging Trump on social media, and Trump was like, okay. So Twitter figures turn into drone thumbs, dude? Yeah, real quick. Damn. Yeah. Anytime we kill a social media guy, I'm delighted.

Like, when we killed ISIS's social media guy, I was like, this is the best. They got him? Just some dude posting pictures on Twitter. We were like, hmm. Who do you think they would strike from our like entertainment complex pewdiepie and they'll get pewdiepie i think they'll get because they heard him say the n-word that one time they'd be like no you think solomain would care about that no i think they're racist yeah i would say the muslim community is pretty

racist against black people to be honest yeah what's going on with that fucking uh the battle's going on right now did you say there was like uh didn't someone just get attacked or something isn't the israelites wilding out i mean the bi's uh yeah the middle east is getting fired up right now i mean iran yeah there's like um he also like shut down anti-Irani protesters in Iraq. Like he was like fucking with Iraq and Syria a lot. Iran is. Oh, I thought I was talking about black Israelites. I thought you said they attacked someone.

Oh, well, yeah, that's no good. The BIs have been fighting too. The black Israelites got fired up against, that was a while ago. That was in Jersey City. They like shot up something and nobody, you know, no one cares. Really? Dude, Jews are getting beat up by black people in New York a lot. It's kind of like the new knockout game.

The Proud Boys? Are they the Proud Boys? Now you do. Yes. Except they're kind of falling through with it. They're going ham. Yeah. So is it black Israelites getting banned right now? Well, it's they're going ham yeah well so they're not are they is

it black israelites getting like uh banned right now are they getting well it's not just but it's not black israel it's like just black dudes beating up jewish dudes yeah over what um i don't know like i said it's like the knockout game like if you see an hasidic jew you like push them oh it's not a good game so they see the dudes rocking the gear and it's like it's oh just they said they shove them yeah but i think i mean i think there's some stuff in there where it's like little kids sound like little kids doing this shit yeah except one dude attacked a guy with like a machete oh that was a guy who said i'm gonna get you yeah there's a lot of these so they're popping up that quote was weird though screaming i'm going to get you scream just that's

so scary something with the machete it's terrifying just that's so scary some dude with a machete terrifying just walking down the street a guy with a machete he's like you oh fuck i knew it was gonna happen i knew this was gonna happen someday or someone's saying i'm gonna get it's very michael myers yeah yeah yeah that's jason that's yeah yeah type shit i'm gonna get you machete it's terrifying here we're down the scene where he slow walked instead of running for some reason. He slow walked and still caught him. Yeah. The person almost got away and tripped over a root at the last second.

I bet that could. That could happen. What? Hasidic Jews are not very fast. You get a blackout at the machete. Oh, bro. Speedwalk, he'd catch you. Speedwalk will catch you.

Dude, I worked for Hasidic Jews one time. They owned the building that we were wiring. And the one guy, like the head dude came. There was like a hard rank to that shit. So the head, there was like a project manager would come around and he'd be like, you know, bitching about shit. And we're like, all right, dude, shut up. And then the head dude was like, hey, come here. Here's Ezekiel or whatever.

Get over here. The dude ran because it was all studded out. So if you ever go through a construction site, it's all two by fours. He ran. And I was literally like, we all stopped and we're like, it was just a movement that I was like you ever go through a construction site, it's all two by fours. He ran and I was literally like, we all stopped and we're like, it was just a movement that I was like, what the fuck was that?

Yeah. It was, it was, dude, it was, it was just like as if someone's never ran before and he ran and like, it was like when the Bambi, when the Bambi first gets up and starts doing,

we all stopped and we're like, it was like, he put like his head down, his arms went out. He like, it looked like he was flat, dude. It was the funniest, we all just stopped and it was like, cause I like he put like his head down, his arms went out. He looked like he was flat. Dude, it was the funniest. We all just stopped.

It was like, because I never put that together. All right. Well, if that's the case, yeah, I can see how the black teenagers want to push them and make them run. You can knock them into running. I get it. It's like cow tipping. It is.

No one ever said. It's exactly like cow tipping. White trash only just doesn't have Jews true Jesus well that was like as I said this I'm like oh fuck

yeah cause this is actually a real problem yeah it's a bad problem don't do it it's a bad problem but it's also we're trying to laugh in these dark times

don't you dare but it's crazy because first off it's not really national news if this was dude imagine if this was honkies doing this. I know.

It'd be nuts. I mean, it's horrible to attack someone based on their creed. But their outfits are so silly, dude. Stop it. Sorry. It's like, did anyone ever give them a double sideburn pull? I'm like, zoinks. Stop it.

It is horrible. It's not funny. I would say don't do that that's fucked up of course god damn it the fucking gear is funny dude i mean weird al pwned them pretty hard have you seen new york black people's gear though have you seen like a bobby schmurder music video that's who's beating up the dude it's a clash of goofy outfits it's a clash of wild outfits just a chopper harry and just will is pure schopenhauer dude there's people fucking bumping into each other no but i did the it also comes from like uh landlords i mean a lot of the landlords in the black communities are like there is like a yeah there's like definitely a clash society like i mean they're land they're landlords if you if you play the full-on hard left game leaving the hijinks aside dude well well it goes anti-semitism pretty quickly the hard left type view of this is why it's not national news yeah now if these were honkies getting wild bro

bro it would be you're talking about a honky double zo Now, if these were honkies getting wild, bro, bro, it would be, you're talking about a honky double zoinked. They, the honkies were zoinking. There'd be a major problem, but they double doorbell. Stop.

Dude, this is terrible. I mean, it's fucked up. It's so bad. The, the thing is, is like,

what do we, like, obviously this is, I don't know, it's frustrating to see how transparent the media is when it comes to presenting shit like this. Because I don't want to be one of those guys who's like, well, gun crimes are actually mostly black people and everybody only talks about white people. But it's like, if it was white people, they still try to be like this is a rise of nazis again yeah in trump's america it's like dude this is black people from new york they'll tie it into that narrative stop it yeah yeah they'll tie it into that narrative and be like more hate crimes yeah it's like technically yeah yeah so they you're telling me they leave the identity of the assailant how you get in your hands they mention it they everyone well they'll show footage like on the news and it's like six black teens like chasing an acidic jew

it's fucked up it's crazy yeah that's wild yeah and like you know jews have been having a rough go lately they've had a tough time yeah all the you know the alt-right did get after them they get wild all rights got on them they were yeah remember like charlotte's well the dude shot up like a synagogue a synagogue. Yeah. Yeah, it's like... Yeah, man. I don't understand why people just don't chill the fuck out. Have a good laugh, dude.

Turn on the cast. Listen to the cast, bro. Take it easy, man. Chill. That's the thing, too. People would attack us as if we're, like, out there delivering all the zoinks in the fucking world. It's like, dude, we're fucking around. That's why I don't understand.

I don't know, man. That shit is just weird to me. What's that? What? When people come after like comedians comedians it's like i mean dude let it let trace the line to the dude who's listening to the cast and then fucking just going off and doing shit like that and dude i'll be like all right my bad dude yeah it's like what it's just it's a weird thing to go after because if they were to be like again just present the narrative as it is, but you have these crazy white dudes going on.

You have these crazy black dudes doing wild shit and be like, we got to stop people doing wild shit. But instead they codify it with race. And it's like white nationalists do this. And they're like crazy black teens. Like these are, we've said it before. These are just fucking dickheads.

Yeah. You have a dickhead. You have a dickhead and an idiot. Very intense dickhead problem. You have a universal idiot and dickhead problem. And instead it just gets fucking sheened into like Nazi. Oh, you know, obviously Nazis are dickheads and assholes, an idiot problem. We have a very intense dickhead problem. We have a universal idiot and dickhead problem. Yeah. And instead it just gets fucking sheened into like, obviously Nazis are dickheads and assholes, but it's like, everyone tries to codify everything with race, like, this is a problem, man, you do this, and it's like, dude, anyone from any of those groups would be like, Jesus fucking

Christ. But instead everyone gets pitted against each other. It's like, we're not with that, bro. Yeah, we're not with that. This is peace and unity, dude. This is pure unity. It's pure unity. Love it. No zoinking, bro. Yeah, we're not with that. This is peace and unity, dude. This is pure unity. It's pure unity. Love it.

No zoinking, dude. Quit zoinking. Knock it off. Knock it off. Don't even dare, dude. Don't you dare zoink it up. Put the machete down, dude. Bro.

What are you doing? Who was the machete-iest? That was a white guy. No. What? The black dudes. For real? Yeah, they're wilding right now.

It's on their landlords. They don't know. You'd probably see a dude in that outfit. You'd be like, that's that motherfucker right there. That's that son of a bitch right there. He's like, nah, dude. He's like, dude, it's got to be him. Yeah.

That's a distinct look. I'm talking about the gear. I was about to say something fucking horrific. Never mind. Talk about the gear. Let's take you to the page we're at 57 anyway I wish that was the page that was a crash landing to this

yeah again here's one here's one that I was thinking of because it's like let's say you traced back violence to a comedy podcast.

Sure. It's like, do you think you could trace gang violence to rap? And would you pursue that? Yeah, that's a... Probably not. Nobody wants to talk about that. It's like, dude, if there was... Let's say there's a drive-by shooting while they were blasting rap in the car.

Yeah. It's like, dude, imagine if there was a shooting while they were blasting secret podcast like hey group hey group no sure it's like meanwhile if you buy you know some some weird some little kids running around he just grabs two pieces of hair he's like and we're back he's like yeah it is strange that's one people don't want to touch at all the rap thing is like because people think well there, well, there's heavy metal. It's like, dude, I wouldn't abide by the codes of heavy metal either. That shit freaks me the fuck out. And when I think in like Scandinavia, they started like burning churches because of black metal.

They would like listen to like death metal. They like started banning that. They were like, all right, cut that shit out. Yeah, dude. Once. But like, for some some reason rap is just like no it's it no because there's so many forms of it but of course there are forms that are like pure satan demonic shit like dude it's like if you think about it from the time you're little

the time you're older you're hearing this like just kind of like basically like a war drum dude it's like and just like shoot kill shoot kill shoot kill percocets syrup percocets syrup kill yeah that has to have a fucking effect dude that has got to have an effect it's had an effect on me yeah i've i've listened to enough rap i'm like if somebody disrespects me today it's i'm gonna fuck them up i've literally like i used to always listen to rap while i worked out that That was my favorite thing. Yeah. Working out, and then if I drove by myself, I would listen to rap and be like, I'm the fucking man. Yeah.

Any more. Dude, I'm telling you, I think you made fun of me the one time. I don't know what's happening. You're like, you're just becoming an old fucking white dude. That's what's happening. True. But I like- I mean, this is a very old white guy argument where it's like, well, what about the hip

hop causing violence? But I mean- Again, sure. It could be silly. You always have to hedge your bets when you make fucking old white I mean. It's again. Sure. It could be silly. But you always have to hedge your bets when you make fucking old white guy comments. For sure. For sure. But it's also.

You have to be like, hey, we are aware. We sound like curmudgeons. 100%. Sound like I'm going to cry during a wonderful life. 100%. But then again, there's then there's the whole argument of like, well, you know, there's all I had growing up. It was like they gave me inspired me.

Sure. Totally get that. Yeah. But God damn it, dude. Some of the shit I like it gave me inspired me sure totally get that yeah but god damn it dude some of the shit i listened to i'm like well that's just negative that's very negative well and it's also it's like we're not talking about that we're talking about the media's approach to it where it's like if if a different genre of music was instilling violence they would destroy it immediately. Dude, if I picked up the acoustic and started just singing and was like, I will shoot a motherfucker. People make dude leave.

Eh, maybe they have that, though. Little Johnny Cash, like, I shot him down. True. That was when bums were really, there was like a big bum culture. If you read the book Jack Black, that's like the Grateful Dead. They were always glorifying hop on a train, just walk around. It was just dudes on trains pissing on hay and stabbing each other. It was shitty.

It sucked. But they glorified that life of being like a wandering. No, I read some Kerouac. Yeah, like a wandering petty thief. Man, I could do that. Yeah, it sucks. No, I tried. I used to read Bukowski and I was like, yeah, dude, I could do that.

Oh, dude. I got drunk like three times. I was like, this sucks. Anyone can fall prey to it, but there has to be a point where you're like, nah, dude, that kind of sucks. Yeah. It sucks. Being a drug lord in the project sucks, dudes.

Don't aspire to that. Being a fucking hobo on a train sucks, dude. That's not a good goal. People are getting hit with fake goals. That's what I'm saying, dude. Legalize all drugs. Cut out the drug market totally. You will cut out so much fucking bullshit.

Because if you're trapped in an environment where like literally, dude, if you're in a there's certain parts of Philly where you're in a neighborhood where like a lot of people you know, it's like everyone in your fit not everyone in your family but like there's so many people around you that like legitimately not like can't come up but like the idea of getting a job is like you know you gotta it's like you got a job it's like how the fuck did you do that yeah and then you just put fucking making three four hundred dollars a day selling drugs it's like i'm taking selling drugs all day if you eliminate the drug deal and part of it as even a possibility all that fucking life force it will go it'll it'll re-seek another level but dude it's like you put the drug market all the like nobody can get a job or you know it's just like people are just so totally blown out from generational

just shit that's happened and then there's no jobs all the criminal stuff and it's like it's fucking no one's no one's doing anything but i'm telling it's like obviously like blah blah but dude the rap stuff i've been i listen i can't listen to it anymore man i'm at the gym i'm working out i'm just kind of like it's just putting me in a bad mood so i fuck that bitch and i can't i'm like that's not nice yeah yeah you just gotta find i mean like you said it's a pretty vast sure. Sure, there's tons of other stuff. Listen, toss on some Kendrick Lamar, bro. Just enjoy it. No, like I said, I'm not, and again, I say this all the time, come two days, I'll be in my car listening to rap being like, oh, I like it again.

Yes. But I'm telling you, more and more, I just fucking, I'm like. I think you'd like J. Cole. He's all right. That's the thing, too. That was funny. I only like the most, like most fucked up, horrible rap. The shit I'm talking about is the only rap I like.

Which is totally fine. I like fucked up movies. As soon as people rap about not killing people, I'm like, pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. So again, I'm not saying I'm perfect. Yeah. I've killed a man back in 86.

In 86? No, I was just born. But yeah, I don't know, man. The rap thing is something I... Because again, there's no way to talk about it. Because it's like, I was just born. But yeah, I don't know, man. The rap thing is something I, because again, there's no way to talk about it. Because it's like, I'm listening to it. I'm like, dude, this has to be bad for people. Yeah.

This has to be fucking warping people's perceptions. Being like, there's this thing where it's like, if you get to get to the top, here's the behavior. Here's the behaviors to engage in. And you will get to the top and be the boss. And it's like no no no no don't don't do any of that it's just horrible yeah it's like it's like the movie Scarface yeah that's what you got to be like if you want that cool house you gotta be like him yeah it's

like no don't do that well that's what nobody went again I did if I grew up in a just a bombed down vibe like I totally I get that but what nobody wants to talk about the only way out of that is like one or two generations of just mind-numbing boring low-paid labor it's horrible it's a horrible thing to think about that's the only way to get it from the very very of course people there's be you know exceptions to the rule but also too there also could just be like you've ever think about it there might just be not enough jobs. So you're like, get it. And then there's, imagine if all the jobs are taken. And you're just like, no, I'm telling you guys, I'm trying to get one.

Like, oh, come on, man. I didn't get a job. Like, no, I'm telling you, there's just. There's no jobs. Well, stop listening to rap. I know. So it's fickle. Like, I never try to come across as a total authority. But it's like, that's an annoying thing, too.

You can't just explore something anymore. People are like, did you hear that? Therefore, and it's like, bro. I know. If you think you even got to the fucking even. I know. This is one wrinkle of the infinity of my mind, dude. Don't ever try to reduce me to some fucking bullshit, dude.

Hear what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, that's entirely. Are you going to have anxiety after this podcast? No, I think I'll be all right after this one. Yeah. It's just, I think the point of it is it's like a weird,

it's just when it's so transparent when the media is doing this, when it comes to like, again, like with the Jewish people getting beat up by black people right now. Yeah. To be fair, the news went pretty ham on black people

in the early 90s for about 15 years. Being like a Southwest philly another black guy did something fucked up don't get me wrong the news went hey i think they're giving him a break when the pendulum keeps swinging sure it's like let's try to try your best to keep it in the middle just say what happened here's what happened yeah you know but again you know why would you do that you're not in charge of the news yeah people own the news, so it's like, what are you going to do? Yeah. When it's so clearly click-driven, when it's more the rise of neo-Nazis in New York,

it's like, these are not neo-Nazis. These are black dudes. Why are we doing this? Do they present it as neo-Nazis? Yeah, there's been articles of that, yes. They could be neo-nazis yeah there's been articles of that yes they could be they could be neo-nazis dude sexy love neo-nazis are just neo fuck that's good i enjoy that it could be dude could be i think that would be a good look for the Nazis if they switched to a more Neo approach.

Just like better dancing, more sex appeal. You know Neo wrote a lot of hits. Yeah. He wrote You Should Let Me Love You by Mario. Wow. You know what's funny too? I was thinking about Beyonce the other day. Dude, I'm sick of hearing about her sex life.

It's just like, dude, you're married. Stop. You're done. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm going. It's just like, dude, you're married. Stop. You're done. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm going to fuck my husband. Stanning her. Huh?

Motherfucker's stanning. I stan Beyonce. What's stan? How do I get it? Stan, you know Eminem, that song, Stan? Oh, okay. It's like I'm obsessed. I'm a fan.

Okay. It's like an identity now to be a Beyonce fan. Oh, yeah. The beehive, bro. It sucks. No, yeah, it's the beeh now to be a beyonce fan oh yeah the beehive bro it sucks no is it yeah it's the beehive i think well it's also like uh britney was listening to a beyonce song and a lot of her songs are like i'm gonna back it up on you i love you so much i'm gonna slap that thing back and it's like dude you're married you're married of course what do you get once a month like come on

you should you should you know what man i'm you. Why? You don't see the value in that. What? Just loving, just having a beautiful, healthy sexual relation with your spouse. I mean, I guess. That's what it's all about. It's a good thing. That's the message, dude. Monogamy.

No, I get it. That is a good message. I'm totally impossible to please. Exactly what you're saying. I'm totally impossible to please. Your taste in music is like, no, I want to hear a slut talking about this. I want to hear about gun violence and sl gone violence and sluts that's the one thing too i'm just i'm also just an aside i'm never pleased i'm never happy so i'll literally be like you know what

people should do people should get together cheer each other on i'll see a marathon i'm like pussies so like i'm never i'm never pleased true it's like well why can't we promote peace and then somebody like online will be like look at this beautiful thing i'm like you guys are fucking gay shut up but yeah i have been trying to quell my negativity but that was something i've been saying forever when it's just like and then i'm it's always like sliding she uses the weirdest adjectives i'm sliding on and it's just like all right dude like fucking yeah are you 40 year old? I had a theory that she's just like a secret virgin. She uses very 40 year old virgin terms. Yeah.

I was also laughing that like surfboard was just a blumpkin. Wait, what's surfboard? Do you ever hear that one song where she's like surfboard? That was like a sex move she described in a song. Surfboard was one of her other sex moves. I swear to God, I think she's a virgin, dude. So all of a sudden you hear her sex moves, you're like, how does that one work?

Unless she's on just a different level. But the day she starts singing about giving a plumpkin, dude, I'm going to be like, I'll be a stand for Beyonce. My man's on the toilet, and I'm sucking on him. I'm so appreciative. Yeah, he's taking it dumb, but I'm still sucking on him. My king. My king is shitting, so I'm making him cum.

I was washing the dishes while she was listening to Beyonce thinking about surfboards and Blumpkin, and I started laughing. What's so funny? I was just like, it's not for you. Yeah. You would not appreciate this. You know what also is weird? This is, I mean, we've covered this.

Now that we're getting out all our fucking old white guy gripes. You know what else has been bothering me for a while? I watched a comedy special last night of this white chick that just totally appropriated black culture. Like, that's her identity. Okay. What color is your hair? It's black.

Okay, a lot of times they do, like, red hair. a fro yeah okay the white chick with a fro come on now come on okay but it's like uh just going on and totally like twerking and like just doing all this shit and like just comedian yeah i'll show you i'll show you in between fat ass or no yeah she's attractive but it's all like it's all about like being as far left as possible but then the entire time that involves appropriating black culture oh for sure like to the to the nth degree like coming out and be like yes bitch like all that it's just like slow down slow down yeah that's about what you're doing that's pretty uncomfortable dude i've seen that before even with britney i'll see like they'll just be like random white chicks

are like yes girl oh my god and i'll i get uncomfortable for them i'm like what are you doing yeah yeah yeah because it's funny because i've noticed she'll just be like okay all right like what the fuck yeah it's gotta be weird and they'll be the first to be like a white person with dreadlocks is evil that's not your hair and it's like well you've adopted their entire personality yeah and you use it comedically it's not like they use it's like an ironic way of using black terminology yeah you know i mean yes bitch and so yeah you're you're you're not using that genuinely that's like all like 23 year old white chicks yeah it's just that's like the mode that's like yeah and it's

you know it's because the internet's like twitter and all that shit it's like but it's like that's how we talk now yeah but if someone is ironically just culturally appropriating people yeah ironically and then being the moral compass for everybody else dude it's odd it is odd but, but it's also you're dealing with people who aren't scratching the surface, really. Yeah. They're just reacting. They're seeing stuff and being like, yes, oh my god, this is everything. I love this. What do they say?

Cancel this. What else is going on? Oh, look at this. I'm sending a picture of NeNe Leakes fucking frowning to my friend. NeNe Leakes is from Atlanta, Housewives of Atlanta. Excuse me. Yeah, dude. It's fucking crazy.

I'm going to show you. Let's switch over the page. I got to drive back to Nueva York for the Eagles game. Let's do it, dude.