Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Tybalt's Hole

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

In this episode we see the horrible butthole of Shane's Cat. Subjects also include: Shane on the peloton, The inter-generational trap of Walmart brain/body, The first Troop, and both of our current domestic conflicts. Also, this should hopefully be the last of our Zoom Chronicles, as the studio should be finished by next week Lord willing. Support the DAWGZ: https://www.patreon.com/MSsecretpod

we on we live yes we doing our motherfucking thing yes it's time it is time dude it's time to fucking rip it's time dude you got you got beef going on yeah dude i got mad beef you got beef in the house me and phil are beefing the last two days what are you guys beefing on uh he's working on the yard like he's like planting flowers and shit yeah and if he does something he is such a dickhead what do you mean like because he's doing that he'll walk around and be like what are you doing today like just like just constant dickhead like so earlier today i did this interview with this uh this irish kid was pretty funny. And the one time he comes down the steps to work in his computers down here. Yeah.

The only time in the day he came down was, it's like a 20-minute interview. He comes down, I'm like, fucking dad walked down. He needs to be here every time I record something. He's like, what the fuck, Shane? Like, he like spazzed on me. He's pissed. Dude, he got pissed. Did I tell you this. He was pissed. Dude, he got pissed. Did I tell you this?

He was – yeah, I told you this. I beeped the horn while he was cutting the lawn. Yeah, you did. You did tell me that. He lost his fucking mind. He was wearing my hat, and he took it off and threw it in the yard and walked inside. Why'd you beep at him?

I forget. Why'd you beep? Because I was going to tell him to just take my fucking hat off. It was covered in sweat. There was, like, a ring of sweat in my fucking hat. I was like, why are you wearing that? Damn, dude. How does he feel?

I beeped at him and scared him. And then he got, he was like, I was making fun of him. I was like, you're like my niece. I was like, you and my niece are the only ones I know that spaz when they get scared. Oh. Yeah, things haven't been good. Why didn't you do some yard work with the old man I offered like 10 different times

I was like do you need help with that he was like no I'm fine and no he's not mad that I'm not helping he's mad that he's he just did something so he's like he's a dickhead yeah he's trying to make it seem like what you're doing is bullshit because you're not out there

not even that necessary yeah that for sure there's definitely tones of that but he's just angry like he'll come in the house like what what like if you try to talk to him it's fucking crazy dude put some blue jeans on and get out just grab a shovel dude i told him to fuck off don't even ask just go out there and be like paul and just start just start digging next we need to plant these you know these flowers together hey get those azaleas going, dude. No, there were real men here working.

I kept making fun of him for that because he didn't mulch. Oh, okay. Other dudes mulched. So he's more of like the landscape architect. Yeah, that's what he's doing right now, which it actually looks really good, and he's doing a good job, but it's funny. I mean, the cost is not worth it. Like his attitude is the actual cost of having

a nice front yard is not worth phil's i mean dude we're talking pure fucking dickhead he's not worth you know what you're talking like the suburban pressure of the perfect lawn this is well he's never given into that he's always had a shitty yard. Like, and in my neighborhood, people go nuts for like Christmas and Halloween and shit. Never, never want, he leaves, he leaves the Christmas lights in the tree year round.

That's very good. And just plugs them in. I don't see why more people don't do that. Honestly, it's very funny. I mean, dude, that's,

that's a miserable time of year of like taking down Christmas lights. Oh, I mean, our tree in the front is pretty big. That's a miserable time of year of taking down Christmas lights. Especially our tree in the front is pretty big. There's got to be so many cases on December 28th of dudes just hanging from Christmas lights. Just getting to the top of the house and being like, fuck it, dude. Just some wife being like, when are you going to do that? Just suffocating yourself on the inflatable sand and just wrapping the fucking thing around. Yeah, putting your head in that snow globe. Yeah. But I know,

I know how to win. I know how to win. I, anytime my mom's around, I bring up the fact that they should have a pool. That's a guaranteed fight. Also the fact that Phil has been gambling on Madden, he's been gambling on, on video games what yeah twitch will just air simulated games like nobody's playing just computer versus computer and him and his friends are fucking betting on it so you felt you got i ratted him out i ratted him out anytime he starts talking shit i'm like don't you have fucking video games to bet on and he he's like, well, Shane, okay. And my mom's like, you better not be. I mean, also, who's running these simulations?

That seems like a highly fixable enterprise. Very fixable. I'll throw it. Yo, I'll put this out there right now. I'll throw a Madden game if anyone wants to bet on it. Just change the ratings. Give Tom Brady like 99 speed. I won't even have to throw it. I'll just lose. Bet against me and Madden. No, no one's playing. It's just the ratings. Give Tom Brady like 99 speed. I won't even have to throw it.

I'll just lose. Bet against me and Matt and I. No, no one's playing. It's just the computer. So this is just a sim? It's just a simulation that dudes are sitting down and watching on their cell phones and betting on it. Dude, taking like the over on like the Bears versus the Titans.

What the fuck? Yeah, like 48 points. We got to hit it. Dude, I don't know if I should be airing out the old man but I saw one guy betting on it that was betting like $600 a game what dude he was putting $600 on Madden where no one was playing holy fuck yeah he was a bored boys dude oh yeah I forgot it's go that's this makes sense yeah you can't put on sports although there is NASCAR now and German soccer.

So the bets have gone up. I watched Phil. Phil was watching a Bayern Munich game the other day. I was like, please take the over. He's like, it's three, three and a half. I was like, take it. Did he win? Yeah, I got him a win.

Your picks are good, dude. Well, I know soccer just from fucking FIFA. And German League, it's just Bayern Munich. They're the only team. Everybody else sucks, but it's fun. Damn, dude. That's fucking nuts. I didn't even think about what sports betters.

Just sports fans. The only thing is NASCAR. UFC went on, right? UFC's been good. They've had some fucking sick fights. Yeah. Yeah, that's been really good. So football, what is it right now

This is baseball season right This is supposed to be The NBA playoffs Which would have been Fucking That would have been fun And I think Stanley Cup would have been

Ending soon Who was If it hadn't What the fuck are they gonna do Are they gonna just like Pick up next season Season's over yeah No champion

No champion What Yeah And then Baseball Dude baseball's plan is like 10 000 tests a day or a game baseball's like plan to come back that they like put out is fucking retarded they're doing 10 000 what like 10 000 tests of covid like per day or per game in the in the league it It's fucking nuts. What the fuck?

So what would it be? Like you would walk into a stadium, get tested, go watch the game? I think the stadium's empty. I think the stadium's empty, but they're testing like all personnel in the league every game. I mean, baseball's not that good. No, it's not. I never understood how baseball was worth that much money. I have no idea. I i mean it's geezer that

that's gonna die i think it's gonna die hard once the gee i mean there are there's a lot of youngsters that go to philly's game there's a lot of like philly's games here at least you like tailgate you're like well i'm at the game i know but think of being like a fucking marlins fan it's just stadiums empty every anyway let's let's podcast we're just we're just chatting right now come on fire it up, dude. We got to get some bits. We got to get some bits rolling, dude. I'm just –

Phil's been gambling on Madden. Is it on pro mode? Like, is it pro? I don't know. I don't know the difficulty. And at the same time, he's talking shit on me for playing video games. Yeah, dude. At least you're playing them.

That's a weird – I know. It's crazy. I'd be sick if you made a creative player and just like went through their simulated league and started crushing people. I know. It would be so funny to just make Phil Gillis, make him a running back.

I want to start betting on – What the hell is this? Betting on COD, Call of Duty would be tight. Man, that would be frustrating. That would be pretty fun. That would be frustrating. that'd be frustrating that would be pretty fun that would be frustrating that's frustrating to play yeah well right now i'll just get randomly killed yeah right now i'm uh i'm in the midst of absolute call of duty warfare right now you're in it i get to dude god as soon as we started this i was like you all right i could

just see my mans dude usually i i was you know i'm bragging i'm like i'm on the periphery i'm not really getting you know i'm not getting sucked into it you're sucked in i was in the eye of the storm was watching like oh boy it's peaceful here but i see some clouds on the horizon finally got sucked into it it's just like jesus fucking christ it's it's i i don't i don't understand like what they get you on what were the charges nothing it's just like it's just bullshit man it's just like getting it's like i'm sitting there being like yeah that's bullshit yeah it's bullshit yeah at one time you and you guys both said this thing to me i'm like fuck forgot about that that was a while ago now i just you know i'm

in the doghouse i just got literally sucked into a t4 just right into the doghouse dude i was chilling i was out you made an f4 that's an f5 it sounds like you got hit with an f5 that sounds like i was chilling dude just being like there looks like there's a tornado up there and this guy sucked it you saw some greenage the clouds went green you had had a Fajita, a five on the Fajita scale. There's a tornado up there way in Kentucky way.

I got pulled right off my front porch, sucked a piece of wheat right out of my mouth, dude. I'm like, oh, shit. Got thrown. Did you ever see that fucking, there was a tornado where Trump went.

I think it might have been tennessee trump went to like talk about the tornado that happened and uh he was like an amazing story this this boy he got thrown there was like a nine-year-old that got thrown like a football field he just got thrown down the street yeah he got hell yeah doug flutie fucking launched him tornado flutie fucking toss of pigskin dude and uh while he was like talking about how incredible the story was and he's like now he's back with his family the guy was like no his family his family died and he was like still an incredible story he just that was great was this recently yeah yeah it was this year it was this like since january yeah that's funny apparently uh i i was something was brought to my attention that now they're

trying to say believe all women is a like that's an alt-right trap now yeah saying like i mean it is it's like you know it's yeah they made it they made the rules exactly now it's like well it's against them it's yeah like this is an all right trap dude this is a dude in the fucking uh the atlantic this week the atlantic there's no time what they did i was just reading like comments because somebody was talking about you know somebody was talking about like canceled people on twitter and then they were like they were just like talking about, you know, somebody was talking about like canceled people on Twitter. And then they were like, they were just like talking about how, what's his name?

The guy that was on Saturday night live, Al Franken. Yeah. I like, he got canceled unjustly. Like all they did was name like three liberal people that got canceled. So everybody else is exactly right. Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny. It is. Yeah, man, dude, I was telling billy today i'm like i just again i i can't understand if the president's such an important job how is it that if you're like you're trying to take down trump how is it that joe biden if this is a job that

actually matters where in the world where you're like all right we need a stuttering guy with a long history of sexual impropriety it's like if it's that important of a job you can't find like that dude couldn't be the ceo of apple these people are no of course so it's like you're telling me i mean in their defense either could trump like no exactly but it's like the same thing it's like if it's such an important job we're supposed to say like you know you better get in there and pick the right person and push the button and change the world. If that's true, why the fuck is it between those two people?

Like I do, I just don't believe that it's a real thing. People are like, get in there and do your part. It's like, I don't think that if you could truly change the world by pushing them, it just, it's not the way anything works.

Yeah. To be like, no, I mean, I agree. Everything's hard, but there's this one thing and it's basically what controls everything if you push the right button you win it's like okay i don't know man

it was just funny thinking like that's their that's their hope a stuttering possible rapist but obviously definitely not because you know he didn't do it obviously you know totally fabricated but also believe all women hashtag yeah it's just to me it's just funny it's funny to watch me like that's the guy these people couldn't run a fucking car dealership trump would run a fucking mean car dealership oh sorry trump would run a mean please he could slang metal he could slang metal for sure trump would run a dealership and then just get destroyed by the IRS. Like if Trump wasn't born rich, he'd be slinging Hondas right now. Yeah, he'd be slinging metal for sure. And then just absolutely running a dealership just straight into the ground. Yeah.

Just stealing shit constantly. Dude, I didn't even tell you about this. Oh, I told you about this. We got our car and both dealerships lied and said they didn't have 2019s. They're like, nah, we don't have them. And then like, Bernie just went on their website or Honda.com. I was like, yeah, it says you have them. They're like, oh, oh, wow.

Weird. I didn't know that. And it's like, dude, seriously? Yeah. You didn't know you had to, I don't understand why they wouldn't want to sell a 2019. You didn't know you had to. I don't understand why they wouldn't want to sell a 2019. Yeah, or why car sales is still the last purchase you can make where it's just fucking mayhem, where it's just lying.

Why is this the one thing? I go buy a shirt, it costs this much money. A TV is this much money. Why, when I go buy a fucking car, there's 10 dudes with goatees trying to fucking lie to me goatees and bracelets and pinky rings it makes no sense they all have gel hair in any dealership it might look like a bunch of fat chris cornells are trying to take advantage it literally it looks like a bowling team they're all in polos and khakis, and they come out and just fib, dude.

They just fib. I worked with these guys. They're fucking – I like them. They're funny, but they literally will lie. They'll just go out and lie to people's faces all day. Start to finish. They wake up. They're like, oh, man, work sucks.

I got to wake up early. And then just go lie to a family about a van. It is too true. It's so fucking funny. I don't understand. Well, it's funny now with the internet. They're like, now, okay, 2019. And Brittany's just like, oh, hey, it says here on your website you're doing.

They're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, here. Oh, yeah. And then it's like, yeah, but I don't. You know, we're selling them for that's like 27 000 she's like well you know this place offered us like 23 and they're like what are you 22 it's like what the fuck what's you know it was dude the whole experience was so fucking funny

because again i'm i'm coaching i'm telling her i talked to you about it i'm like all right what do we do all you do i just got a number out of them i said all right you know what's the best it's all you gotta do listen anybody trying to buy a car go to two dealerships see who hates each other that's usually easy go to a dealership ask them who's a shitty dealership yeah they'll tell you that right away they'll name whoever they hate the most then go to that place and tell them what they were gonna offer and then come back that's all you have to do it's all you have to do it was so fucking funny because they uh so the first place we went to do it's all you have to do it was so fucking funny because they uh so the first place we went to is like we don't have 2019s we believed them then we went to

the other place we don't have 2019s britney looked it up busted them like okay yeah we'll sell you 2019 got them way down and then went back to the other place and they're like yo you guys have 2019s too they're like no we don't like all right later and they called us right back like yeah we have them we'll beat their price it was just like what the fuck yeah it's unbelievable dude it was funny because bae couldn't i had to pull her off dude she couldn't stop going back and back and back to the point where they were just shaving like five bucks off and i was like i i want to be able to look i want to be able to look this man in the eye when we go in there like we this dude was this was a defeated dog dude we rolled in there yeah it's like you want a warranty and i was like nah they're like ah man see that's their last hope yeah the last hope is to sell you on like paint protection and

warranty that's what it was and fucking all that shit no say no every time talk bay out of that she's like well paint protection i'm like we're not gonna no that's the ultimate pain protection is useless i'm like you mean triple that yeah and they're like well if the scratch is uh smaller than a dollar bill respectively it's like yeah they're gonna fuck me none of that that also means nothing they're also making that up about like what means what they don't know like i would say the same thing to people just because somebody else told me they're like if it's a foot long it counts it's like no if the dent doesn't crack the paint and it's strictly inverted and we'll pull it out of the vacuum cleaner we got you on that that'll be well these are these are dumb people and these are no offense to people that work in car sales but the majority

of the people are kind of like they all have trump blood they all like the way trump goes into a business meeting with like one fact and he'll just say it like no matter what the if he knows he knows one fact so that everybody thinks he knows what the fuck he's talking about. Yeah. That's what car dealers do. Like, they'll be like, inverted? That guy just learned that word. If the dent's inverted, he's like, what are you talking about?

What's that mean? Well, they talk fast. Like, yeah, if you want the powertrain on the RS, on the 08, like, they'll say little combined words into like cool little acronyms like this guy knows cars this guy's cool this guy they just talk fast as fuck and you're like i believe this guy yeah if he knew cars he wouldn't be selling hondas it's like being a chef and working at mcdonald's yeah you know what i mean no hondas are the best but i'm saying like if he was like a car expert he'd be fucking working with like muscle cars and shit.

He'd have his sleeves up, dude. He'd be dirty. He wouldn't be selling you like an eco-friendly Civic. That's when I got – yeah, that's when I got in a fight with a guy at Home Depot, the tool rental place. That's when I – he was just being a total dick. Neither of us knew anything about tools. I was running a power washer, but I like would call people who know in the parking lot. He would tell me shit.

I'm like, I don't think that's right. And I'd go back in. Hit him with facts. I'm like, dude, this is actually actually you're wrong about this and he started getting lippy and it was just like dude you stand behind the desk with the apron on bro that's why i'm out with the tools i was just like he it pissed him the fuck off yeah that's a mean thing that was a mean thing he said fuck him man but dude yeah he uh yeah man that was so funny i had a i had a call bay off dude she got a taste. She tasted blood.

It's like when they say you don't let a – what? A table? Yeah, I was trying to grab my cat. I was going to hold him up here. He got away? He got away. I was too slow for the cat. He knew it was a trap.

It was funny calling her off. And then even after we'd got them down, she was like, let's offer him $3,000 less. I'm like, dude, you're spazzing. You can't do this, man. Yeah. So funny. I get it. It's hard not to do that.

Jesus Christ, dude. My cat has a fucked up butt. Since he was a cat, he's always had shit hanging out of his ass. He has a really beaten up porn star butthole. He does. No offense to your cat. No, it's alright. Right now he has diarrhea, so there's literally just shit hanging all over

the back of him. He came out, so I had to wipe his ass the other day. Yeah, would you wipe? I've been wiping his ass with paper towels. Wiping a cat's ass is tough. It's tough. They get mad. That's like Rocky. That's your Rocky version of like picking up the chickens, dude. It's tough. I gotta wipe a cat's ass is tough. It's tough. They get mad. That's your Rocky version of picking up the chickens, dude.

It's tough. I got to wipe a cat's diarrhea. My dogs don't like it. When I got to wipe my dog, when Jackson gets diarrhea, which is pretty regularly, I got to trap him with my knees on his way in, and I'll have a warm – I warm it up at least. I got a warm, wet paper towel. I got to dab his butthole, which matilda makes sore by constantly licking so

it's like his butthole is always chapped he gets his ass eaten that often oh yeah she cleans them regularly yeah it's kind of a yeah something that gets shut i let it go when i'm down the basement i just you know let her have at it but britney shuts it down pretty hard yeah man things things have been good i'm happy being here has been good yeah for the most part other than me and phil's beef'm happy Being here has been good Yeah For the most part Other than me and Phil's beef The last two days Has been rough

Yeah a little subsides Slide on some It's like hard Well no We'll drink tonight And we'll be fine True George Bush

Go get a cow tail And be like There you go Cheer up With a cow tail Those were like My least favorite things What?

I fucking hated cow tails. There was a period of my life where I couldn't stop anywhere without any gas station and not grab a tail. Really? I'd go like a strawberry cream cow tail, dude, or just a regular old cow tail. That actually sounds pretty good. Tibble. Man, I really want to show you this cat's diarrhea butt. Can I see his ass?

Yeah. Just wait. Yeah, I'll go get him. Hold on. Go get that cat. I want to see this cat's ass. He runs from me he doesn't like me

no one really fucking likes me my nephew his fucking cat go get that cat's ass let me see here he's off you're not gonna believe this cat's ass dude

let me see let me see that cat's ass you can't bite me it's worth it dude yo ew ew dude oh he's calling me he's worth it dude oh dude that was like i'm sorry bud he clawed you dude you just exposed him

it's like a diarrhea butt dude it's just like a like a perfect like circle yeah his something's been wrong with him since he was a kitten like literally he'd walk around With like half a turd Hanging out You think the original parent Got to him? Oh yeah Definitely The original human

Might have like No cause his tail's Bitten off too He got fucked up When he was a youngster For sure What? Yeah

You think It could have been a cat Like when he was a kitten Bit it's tail off And it's Paul inadvertently Just Got up in his ass. Maybe. I don't know. He's got a bad butt.

Your cat's been penetrated. It has so been. Why are you trying to do that? I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying I'm looking at that kind of damage. It's the literal butthole. He's got a loose butt. Exactly. It's a butthole of a porn star, dude. My cat's not gay, dude. I'm not saying your cat's gay.

I think things could have happened i don't think your cat would have it of course i don't think i don't think if if he had been penetrating his butt his butt would still be loose i'm saying it's more of a chronic thing yeah he's got like a damn he's got his back end is fucked that looked like a portal of just shit. It was just like – It's disgusting. It's disgusting. And he also shits in – he shits in my sister's bathtub.

He doesn't even use his kitty litter – like his box. His litter box. He just shits in the bathroom. It looked like a Rick and Morty portal. Just like – No, he's a horrible cat like every if you come here and say a word about the cat my mom will be like take him yeah they're trying to kill this cat throws up right i've seen his throw i've seen some fucking throws up he brought fleas in the house he's fucking he's he gets in fights with

other cats he comes back all fucking torn up He brings animals to the house all the time. And animals? Yeah. He's totally a wild cat. That's fucking wild. He's an outdoor cat. He's destroyed every door in this house. He rips them apart, dude.

He's an apex predator. There's nothing we can do about it. He runs the house. True. You just got to let him do his thing. I mean, how old is he? Yeah, that's the other thing he's young he's like six they haven't the cat's gonna outlive my parents it's big too though man yeah maybe maybe thankfully he's fat enough he'll die at like 12 true the cats live dude some cats live he could live to like 17. He could be here until they die.

There's a good chance he outlives Phil. Damn, that would be crazy. Phil's going to have a fucking heart attack, dude. Yeah. Yeah. This level of like the level of anger and stress he's under just from doing this is I've never seen anything like it. I mean, dude, he's got to be chapping his ass, dude. He can't go out like imagine how much of his shit was like going out hitting the lodge chilling with his boys watching

sports you take that away from a bunch of dudes that's fucking people up man yeah and he's just trapped with his wife yeah i mean it's just like we need a pool they have a pool i'm the only one of my friends without a pool it It's just like, Jesus Christ. Dude, how do you feel about my lighting? Lighting looks good. I got the whole fucking lighting, dude. Oh, fuck. I'm going to break it.

I just took my lamp. My lighting was so... People were saying I had lighting problems. I just took my lamp and just leaned it against my laptop. It's nice, dude. You look like Gandalf. Follow me. All right. what are we doing dude dude we got a lot to discuss oh i got one for you i got one for you i watched here's it's it's very funny that they put the movie have you seen the movie contagion no it's really good you should

watch it it's fucking cool but it's about i mean like holy shit all the old people died yeah they're like oh man 90 000 old people died what a disaster you're gonna lock it down huh sorry wait how old were the victims usually 80 years old with pre-existing conditions oh shut it down shut everything down locked you can't have we need college football this year With pre-existing conditions. Shut it down. Mr. President. Shut everything down. We need college football this year. Shut it down. Where is it?

It's in New York. It's on HBO now. I think it's recommended on HBO right now. It's just fear-inducing. It's like a movie that's like this is what not to not to be fucking conspiratorial or fucking anti-left or whatever but it's literally the left's like wet dream of what covid could have been where it's just like they're digging fucking mass graves outside of cities to fill with like yeah just a worst case scenario across the board uh

it's very it's a good movie though it's fucking cool and uh at the very end they show you how the disease started and it's a fucking bat in asia he's munching some food and then he flies into a fucking market or a slaughterhouse drops his food a pig eats it and then the pig gets slaughtered and that's how the disease started yeah i mean they nailed they're like it was covid that's how the covid started holy shit man yeah it was pretty wild it is funny hbo's like check it out yeah hbo's like hey everybody we know you're paranoid and uh locked inside and probably scared of what's going on here's you know the scariest thing that could have happened. Here's your worst nightmare. Here's two hours of your worst nightmare.

That'd be like, I mean, honestly, that's like being on a plane and then being like, all right, we're watching final destination. Oh yeah. It's like, why? You're like, no, turn us off. Yeah. Or watching like what was the movie with Denzel when he does Coke and drives the plane? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, what was the movie with Denzel when he does Coke and drives a plane? Yeah. Yeah. It's like,

why are we, why would we watch this? Training? He does training day too. So I'm a pilot now. Yeah. He just needs Coke to be a good pilot. It's actually fucking great.

What? The movie? Movie's good. Yeah. Rolled a fucking giant plane. Yeah. Fucking he ruled. He flew it upside down.

Cause it's like a rocky takeoff because he was like a hammer doing coke and they're like no no one else could have done this it's like well he fucking probably didn't need to everyone was like no he had to as i don't know i don't know anything about planes but doing a barrel roll for no reason do a barrel roll dude he was on coke and saw that fucking rabbit from starfox dude did you uh have you so it was funny because you're saying that and i was watching i was reading uh news whatever it was the atlantic's whole month is about conspiracy theories right now or they're saying like q, like Q's the big one. They're like Q's coming out.

And it's their, their whole thesis is more or less that like Q now it's like, don't even worry about conspiracy theories. This is a religion now and it's a religion hell bent on like, it'll just end up in like domestic terrorism and people killing each other and blah, blah, blah, blah. I do agree that it probably will result in a lot like domestic terrorism and people killing each other and blah blah blah i do agree that it probably will result in a lot of domestic terrorism i think it will now that doesn't mean it won't result yeah i think there will be a couple incidents but there have there have been

there have been guys at one the guy you know and again this is when you get in the conspiracy realm everything it's a kind of quicksand so it's like yeah the guy who attacked comet ping pong apparently he yeah they according to this they came out and were like he was a good christian man who just really thought there was a bunch of kids in there and he went in there to free him and as soon as they were he opened the door and saw there's no kids he was like or i think they said there's not even a basement there he was just like i'm so sorry i i thought there was kids in here and i thought I had to save them. You know, God told me to save these kids. And yeah, well, I guess I'll stay off the internet now.

And they kind of, they kind of like petitioned their, his community came out. I was like, he's a good guy, dude. He just thought there was fucking sex slaves in a piece of place. And then there's people saying like, he like, you know, he was sent there. But yeah, man, it is. The Atlantic thing is funny because they're just like, this is an ideology. This is a religion. This is a, there's two big things.

There's that. And then there's like, don't like, we're going to die if globalization fails. We're going to die. They're like, oh, you think we're going to become self-sustained democracies? We'll die if globalization fails. And it's like, all right, I hope not. Hope this isn't, it's funny too, because if globalization fails and it's like all right i hope not hope this isn't it's funny too because i have i'm like all right as long as there's dude i was talking it was funny as i was talking to a guy yesterday who's like from the military travels

like he was going like zimbabwe all these places he's like dude the fact that they try to get us fired up like our shit's fucked up he was like go to a supermarket in zimbabwe the price of bread will double before you go check out like literally there's he said there's tickets he was like go to a supermarket in zimbabwe the price of bread will double before you go check out like literally there's he said there's tickets he's like there's tickets in there where you go and you grab a ticket and if you get that ticket you get the price of that time that you entered so it's like little kids go early and pull all the tickets and sell you tickets for like a dollar so you can get the early prices but you can nice by the time you leave the price of bread is art it's like a real-time ticker on all the goods

because everything is inflating so high real quick. Dude, it was – Yeah, other countries are trash, dude. I was – even in Spain, I was like, Spain fucking stinks. Spain stunk, and Spain is like elite. It's up there. Yeah, it's up there. Spain is a Western country, and it still sucked. Yeah. stunk and spain's like elite it's up there yeah it's out there spain's like western country and

it still sucked yeah i mean i'm sure it look it had a lot of fucking cool things going on sure but if you wanted to do something like business wise you were fucked like i you couldn't go to a bank banks would just be closed at random times they'd just be like yeah we're fucking we're closed at three today like why go nine to five just be nine to five they couldn't pick it they literally couldn't this dude was saying this was the guy we're booking uh there was a candy shop there was nice things all right in my town there was like it was like living in a different time like they're like go down get go to the soda fountain oh it's get some there's a soda store you can get a coke like all that shit that's pretty tight yeah i mean that stuff is cool it is it is funny though for people to stoke people into like dude we're fucked we're gonna die it's like dude even if we when even when we crash out yeah it sucks

big time but it's like again you know we'll be fine everyone will be okay it's just you know it's fucking it blows but he was saying that so again he was in zimbabwe i'm sorry to keep cutting you off please i'm literally looking at like there's i'm on a mac computer there's a flat screen just on the floor over here there's we're fine our country's fine and my family's not like killing it but we're fine yeah we have too much shit we could use a little zimbabwe use a little bit bread could bread can touch a zimbabwe well it's funny too because gas just dropped it's like all right sweet gas was dude i was driving i'd fill up my tank i would fill up the tank for like 10 bucks

yeah dude that drive was nuts yeah i yeah we'll say sorry zimbabwe sorry oh this guy was saying he's talking about that and And he was like, yeah, dude, there's just shit. Like you don't even think like, so he said he was supposed to take, I think like a train or something. And the train got canceled and they were like,

or the flight, something got canceled. And the guy was like, well, we'll drive how far he's like, how far can be? The guy's like, dude,

you don't want to drive. And he was like, well, fucking drive. It's this, it's X amount of miles. How long is it going to take to get there? And the guy was like 16 hours.

He was like, what the fuck? Why? Cause it should have only been like a three four hour drive and he was like the roads are very bad and he was basically saying like you know they have like this old school land cruiser the roads are there's parts of the roads that are so muddy that you'll just pull up and there's just like nine other cars stuck in the mud you have no other option and then drive through it so he's like what people have to do is pop you have to get out pop your pants off because you don't want to mess up all your slacks that you're like very much in mud it's like pushing and he's like there's parts of it where it's like up to your knees so he's like take your slacks off he's like dude now

imagine this he's like you know i'm a white guy i'm in zimbabwe slacks are off i'm pushing my cars next to a bunch of other dudes from africa he's like bro i felt emasculated dude you just have like just floppage basically he's basically describing like bird floppage bird profile oh yeah yeah a lot of dudes with no boxers just dong everywhere yeah yeah yeah dude seeing the dong move through like the curtains backstage yeah dude he was like a big guy. It looks like somebody – when dudes with huge dicks are just in their underwear and they're like walking, it looks like somebody that can't figure out

where the opening to a curtain is and it's just like – It's like you trap your dog under a blanket. He said he was like, bro, it was a way – it was funny too because this was like me, him, my wife, and my mother-in-law. He's just telling the story about how he was in Africa and everyone's dong was huge and he was like bro it was a way it was funny too because this is this is like me him my wife and my mother-in-law he's just telling the story about how he was in africa and everyone's dong was huge and he was embarrassed that's funny it was hilarious dude who was this guy the uh the dude who was like we're going to get we're we're going to rent the the one the place we're going to use the armory so we're like oh nice it's i mean it's the first truth don't get me started on the first truth bro that shit oh nice he was showing us all the first troop. Don't get me started on the first troop, bro. Oh, nice.

He was showing us all the shit there. So apparently there was a troop in Philadelphia that predates the country, if that makes sense. The colonies, the American colonies as like an independent American state. Yeah, there was a bunch of those. But these were the first one. This was the first one, the first troop. They literally, they were being employed by the king. And king and dude imagine the fucking balls it took to just be like

fuck those guys to take somebody the king back then's flag and to draw on it and be like nah dude this is our country now fuck you yeah that's fucking nuts i was like thinking about that like that's fucking animal shit you're gonna get me fired up dude i've been i've been working on my actual the new tar core Corp history, dude. What you got? What you working on? I don't know how much I want to. Yeah, I'll give it away.

Fuck it. There's a guy named Robert Rogers. Yeah. You want to talk about a dog, dude? What time period? This is birth of America. Oh, God. I mean, French and Indian War.

He was serving the crown during the french and indian war just fucking beast but it was the the first couple chapters are just about like america uh back then and it's dude when you think about i know this is like a this is like a stoner thought about like history but like how recent like you were talking about those roads in zimbabwe like dude our country people were not here and we have like the the amount of infrastructure and all the shit we've done to this huge continent is fucking insane in the amount of time we've done it like it's it's crazy yeah like if you think about like as long as you've been alive from like this is how like quickly history goes it's like from your birth until right now was basically the same distance as your birth to world war ii

you know what i mean um all right so like from right now to 1980 is the same amount of time as from 1980 to world war ii oh like it's very it's it's very it's a lot shorter than you fucking think so when you get back to like yes when you think back to like you know 1750 it's really not that long ago it's very weird it's very weird to think how far we've come dude they were uh that's history guys he was showing us pictures of when in philadelphia when this thing was started it was just like this big castle and then there was just land everywhere that went all the way to the delaware river and it was just like he was showing us pictures i was like what the fuck dude yeah it's crazy it's crazy. Yeah. In that Thomas Marr book, there was, like, maps of New York from back then.

It was just, like, north of 50th Street was just farm. Yeah. In 1860. God, that must have been sick. Imagine getting pussy back then. No, it would have been terrible. Getting pussy back then? It was probably awesome.

What are you talking about? I mean, it's still fucking great, but it was definitely, like, disgusting. I don't know, man. I mean, I guess, you know, I'm not going to compare myself to somebody living in like the 1700s in New York. But like, and it's funny, the reason I'm even comparing. No air conditioning. No air conditioning. Rarely showered.

No porn. No porn. No porn. No, don't get me wrong. It's going to feel good. And you're probably used to horrible smells. But the ladies parts are going to be toxic well back then you and your dong is gonna dude it must have stunk so fucking bad they weren't like 69 in back then dude you were

just like on a haystack with your eyes closed even if somebody was hitting from behind just the butthole opening up there's no toilet paper everybody's walking around like tibble my cat just shit now dude bonin back then was that's why people were so religious there was nobody out there like fucking to fuck you were fucking to procreate no it was a problem people would fucking be like oh it was horrible it was people would fucking think no religion makes sense that was horrible it was a horrifying yeah it was a terrible deed we just committed yo you're gonna love this no oh all right here let me this is funny to wrap up thomas marr maybe i should just wrap it up dude nothing happens that's it it's the end no some dude sent us a yeah i got it i got it yeah it was all stuff i

knew and left out for the most part it was like It was like he, yeah, after the Civil War, he just kind of went to fucking Montana. That's chill. So he was just Kanye. He just went to like. He Kanye'd out, yeah. He just got a big-ass plot of land and just drove around. Thomas Marr, yeah.

But the new one's going to be. I'm excited. The first hardcore history I'll do again, I'll finish Marr and go into this guy. That's what I'm liking there. It's good. I mean, just thinking about North America from back then, I mean, it's just crazy.

They had no idea what the fuck was out here. Thomas Jefferson warned Lewis and Clark about giant sloths when they moved west. He told me about that, like dinosaurs, basically moved west he was like be ready there's some shit out there we're not sure and dude how scary they were so scared of indians back then indians are the scariest people fucking ever terrifying there's no roads you're just in the woods and you hear you see like fires and people screaming and dancing they they like all likened it to actual hell they're like north america is the

devils that's why there's things like vich the vich like everybody was afraid of like they thought the devil lived in the woods in north america i mean dude also those dudes in the indian those indian dudes were like as good at being in the woods as you could possibly get so you're in the woods there's dudes who've just been training in the woods all all who just do crazy shit that you're just like what the fuck's going on yeah and it's and i mean these people have never seen the wilderness they're all from europe europe hasn't hasn't had true wilderness since like 1400 there's no animals in europe that can like eat you yeah and then all of a sudden they get here and it's like there was it was funny one guy was talking about rattlesnakes they never had rattlesnakes so that was new all of a sudden there's fucking rattlesnakes in new england and they're like these are different snakes like they

don't run from you these snakes actually like attack you rattlesnakes are coming at them and then they like basically everybody there died eventually you got scalped yeah like eventually you were like killing and skinning animals you're killing and fucking eating everything and then you got fucking killed or eaten that's how everybody died or just a horrible disease but yeah for the most part everybody got murdered in pre-colonial united states everyone got murdered that's so fucking funny man just hit with a musket oh yeah just shot and bruised and like fuck yeah that's that's how rogers you die of a cold you get shot by a musket yeah rogers dad got shot because his friend thought he was a bear rogers dad was coming back into a camp

and his friend fucking blasted him and his mom roger's mom got tracked by a hunter for like three days because he thought she was a wolf i mean the stories are fucking nuts i'm excited i'm excited for that i uh it's all i still swear by dude and it's like so i i've been you know for the i've been off porn i've been actually doing a thing where i've been trying to use my rooms i've been doing it successfully i've been using my rooms in my house intentionally for their stated purpose so like bedroom hit the knees pray sleep have sex that's it i don't do anything else in my bedroom besides those three things yeah i use my living room family time hang out with family i've been using like you know in the old school like roman times like there was a gymnasium and a bunch of dudes would be in there

like yeah i just use rooms now for their stated purpose rather than otherwise i'm just on my phone everywhere throughout my house yeah in bed like it's like i do very specific things and if i'm in a room if i'm in a kitchen, I'm eating. I'm using the kitchen for its intended purpose. Dude, it's pretty fucking sick. Pretty tight, dude. It's tight. And again, it's just tight to use.

My basement's my business zone. So I'm on my phone. I'm doing emails and stuff down here. I don't do any of that throughout my house. But I've been off the porn big time. Really? Dude, I've been on a once a week. Basically, I'm on like a once a week schedule.

I'm getting to crack one good one once a week basically i'm on like a once a week schedule i'm getting to crack one good one off a week you know that's nice irl dude it's it's like that's why i'm like dude send me back to the fucking back to like the 1500s when you just had one in you like you get caught and probably like kill you so you just had to wait and you got to get that thing out. And it must've been like a religious experience. I had, so I somehow last night, I had like saliva come into my nose of like, I was just like so hard and making such ridiculous noises that my nose got filled with saliva. And I was like, I got like, it was fantastic.

That fucking pig dude. I like trashed my side. I can't, I came so hard. I trashed my sinuses. This fluid grows up. That's crazy. Dude, I'm telling you, man, if you cut out the porn, it's like, it's unbelievable what happens.

I mean, if you, again, if you're not, you know, if you're not living with the bay, your sinuses, dude, keep the, keep the, it with the bae. Your sinuses, dude. Keep the fight. I think you have it, dude. You have the Camrona virus. You think I have Camrona? Yeah, you got Camronis, dude. I think if you're living with bae, that's the key.

Turn off the porn, dude. Turn off the porn. I've said this before, but it's like turn the porn off, and now you're at a one-to-one. It's like, look, I need to crack one off. How can we work together so we can get along well enough to where – Yeah, you just got to listen to it. You have to have so much coming to you that you're willing to listen to a story. Yes.

That's the thing because I lived with Bae once and didn't stop my porn intake for the most part. Yeah. I didn't have seed in me enough to listen to stories exactly i would hear a bad story and just tune out and be like sometimes i get angry but why would you ever say that to me i was just telling you about a new coffee shop like well why would i give a fuck about that dude i walked in i'll go back to the comment uh sure walked into the coffee shop the pedophile coffee shop by my house today you oh you went back there there was a prayer circle the staff

was doing their i guess morning prayer circle when i walked in i had to stand quietly while the staff in holding hands in a circle prayed god that's awesome Dude I had to stand in line and just sit there like Nice you idiots You fucking idiots So they were praying in there They had a prayer circle yeah Before work they were like let's have a good day I'm not come on dude I'm not gonna name the place

We'll have a pizza gate on our hands One of the boys will roll in with an AR And be like get the kids out of the basement I'm gonna roll in and join the circle prayer circle was nice yeah uh let us god dear god please bless these beans are about to roast these motherfucking beans lord would you please bless the beans i've come across like i've been in like target when they're having their like thing and they're like all right let's get it and you walk in you like see them like yeah and you're like grabbing like cough drops and i'm just like all right yeah there's it and you walk in you like see them like yeah and you're like grabbing like

cough drops and i'm just like all right yeah there's a video online of the the walmart employees before they go out singing we will rock you and the whole staff is in a circle around the manager and they're doing the stomp stomp clap pretty sick awesome pretty sick that's funny them doing it it's funny thinking of them going and doing that and then they just like go outside and like push a box of underwear over And like it's not my fucking job I'm not picking it up They just leave a box of underwear

In the middle of the food section I'm on break I've gone to the electronics section of Walmart in Philly And waited 30 minutes And while someone sat at the thing Was like yeah the other guy's on break He has the keys I was just like

Can you get them? He's like, no. That is, dude, that's Call of Duty Warzone. Dude, it's insane. Fucking Walmart, Columbus Ave? Yeah. There's just dudes. That's the same way like the Puritans looked at the woods in North America

is how I view Columbus Ave, Walmart. I'm just like, dude, that's actual hell. Dude, there's just guys. And I go in there. Whatever the things are called, the jacks, where you jack it up with the pallet jacks. There's just pallet jacks where they just get abandoned and the shit just falls off.

Yeah. There's like 10 of them. And you're like, what the fuck? They're in every aisle. Every single aisle in that store, there's always one just giant roadblock. It's like a flipped over shopping cart. It's like the, it's like I Am Legend.

There's like a flipped over shopping cart. It really is. There really is. There's a pallet jack abandoned in every single aisle. And then there'll be a guy, you'll just see a guy like pick a box up and throw it every now and again. That has to be the worst Walmart in America. It's up there. It's got to be up gotta be it's gotta be dude top it has to be top five columbus have walmart in philly has to be top five i would say actually because i've been to quite a few and it's weird too because you can go to walmart up on uh up in the northeast immaculate

there was one near my parents it's not bad the freak factor near my parents house is a heavy freak factor dude yeah there's a freak factor the one here is in a nice location but the freak factor is pretty intense it's all it's all fat white people in like 8x shirts for some reason fat ladies wear these i've never seen they all look like grimace they all wear these fucking shirts they're usually like landscaping colors you know what I mean they're always like neon yellow and just giant how you gotta be high vis if you're that big and crocs if you're that big you the last thing you need is high vis you need high vis so you don't get like bumped into suns dude the stars dude orbiting yeah I just don't know again i know i sound so snobbish when

i go into a walmart i'm just kind of like what the fuck what is this what are we doing here guys there's there i'm telling you there's people who are i think besieged by just like you know if you wake up every day and you're just like you watch tv you see you see a commercial or like cookie crisps, that sounds good. Let me have some of that. Well, now you mentioned it. For real, cookie crisp sounds good as fuck. I actually might go get some cookie crisp. I mean, dude, you can get yourself trapped into a level of like dumb and fat that like is intergenerational.

Like that'll just trap your family for generations. And it's like, it sounds mean, but it's you were to stop that it's it's it's the perfect intersection of dumb and fat where you go to a walmart and someone's very dumb and very fat and it's just a self-repeating cycle where it's like i don't i don't think i was eating carbs and it's like dude cheetos are carbs you're like fuck dude What the fuck? I thought sugar was carbs. It's like, no, dude. What? Fuck. Well, I don't think those, I swear to God, there's no chance those people are even remotely discussing sugar or carbs.

They're walking around with 32 ounce fucking Mountain Dews nonstop. And their shirts match the Mountain Dew. That's the color they're always dressed in. It's that with like disgusting fucking like tight yoga pants. Not yoga pants. What are those called? Just spandex kind of. Yeah, like joggers. Usually like SpongeBob spandex and Crocs.

And they're see-through. They're stretched so far. There's your underwear. Yeah. It's, you know, that's got to be a fucking, I can't figure out if that's actually a good life. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Yeah, I've wondered about it, man.

I think there is something kind of nice about it. It's almost like a religious experience just to, like, go to Walmart, load up on, like, just jumbo-sized boxes of Cheetos and tons of tubs of ice cream, just only drink soda, just watch American Idol and be like, oh, man, this kid's got a chance and sit at home. This guy sucks. tons of tubs of ice cream just only drink soda just watch american idol and be like oh man this guy's this kid's got a chance and sit at home this guy sucks i feel like if you were to fully give yourself over to like cable tv sugar and alcohol you'd have a nice run i mean it's a it's

definitely it's a rough it is a crash landing it's a like a like a foot comes off. Literally. Yeah, an oxygen tank is installed. Yeah, dude. It's this bad ending. But that run before it ends, that's got a rule. Being like totally obese, just sitting there watching shit, just munching anything you feel like. Just watching the biggest – Non-stop.

And just having zero awareness of being like this. Like this rules. I think think it's awareness thing i think there's people who that that's like like when i remember so i have you know i have a bunch of stupid food allergies my family made fun of me my family's like what are you eating why are you doing this there's got to be levels of it where if you don't drink like three mountain dews at dinner people are like you think you're better than me what are you drinking what is that true they probably they probably can't drink water i mean they do need bottles but wait what do you mean when they say bottles like they need like a drink any it has to be a 20 ounce bottle no they need bottled water most of these people are from fracking fucking trance true water's flammable but look i'm not the fittest

guy in the world but uh i have been hitting the peloton i'll tell you that much yeah that's that's what's up man i've been running 0.4 miles every three days too so what do you think about me hitting a peloton dude i like you to talk can you talk to people on there no thank god because i would definitely be talking shit that'd be so fun yeah why don't they can send messages i well that's why they don't because people would just immediately ruin peloton did you be riding you like 0.3 miles something like fag and you'd be like what the fuck fuck i'll show you a fag isis. They should have it like that, where it's just like a thing almost like Zoom on your screen

where you can hook up Zoom to a Peloton. I wonder if you can. I think if you do a live meeting, you might be able to. Yeah, you can just bring an iPad to a Peloton or bring an iPad to the gym and you can just compete with your friends. Yeah, or bring your friends to the gym. True, I guess you could just be a normal person

and hang out in real life. You could just fight your friends. True. Wrestle. We should wrestle and let it turn serious. Look, dude, things are turning around. Now that I'm home, things are turning around. I'm on the straight.

I haven't really drank. I think I had three beers here the other day when we did the thing. That's about it. And then, yeah, I haven't drank in like May. Dude, I just forgot all about that. That's great, actually, the whole month of May. Yeah I just forgot all about that That's great actually The whole month of May How do you feel? What's the difference? I mean, I wake up before

10 That's nice You've been an early bird actually Yeah, go to bed early Well, it's just because I'm not doing stand-up So I can go to bed at like midnight or 1 Yeah, how's that feel? Of waking up in the morning What's your How's that feel of waking up in the morning?

What do you, what's your first thoughts? I like waking up in the morning. I wake up, go get caught, go to the Christian coffee shop. It's, it's only open three days a week. So I,

I, I haven't remembered the schedule until recently. It took about two weeks for me to get the schedule down. I go every day, four days a week. It's closed. That'd be sick. If you're living a double life where you went there

and you're like god bless you everybody i love you jesus jesus name well the lady asked me today she was like what are you what are you doing today and i was like i have a podcast and she was like oh what is it and i was like it was right after a prayer circle i was like you can't listen to this podcast you hate this podcast What'd she say? She was like oh I don't know Comedy comes in all shapes and sizes And I was like you're gonna You would fucking hate And also the thing is

The girl was like my age Like these are fucking religious people dude She's a good girl dude These are good baes But also Lunatics Like they talk like they're sweet ladies From the fucking 70s like old ladies

so you're talking you can get into some like 1950s household role play a hundred percent 100 you could find these these girls would be like i'll make you dinner every single day i mean that's what my ex was my ex was so subservient that i had a life of like, I would play video games and she would make me dinner. I was full tendied. I was full tendied. She was make dinner. I'd be like, I'm not done yet. Pause the game.

Eat like a chicken and rice, like casserole. Go back to the game. I'm in a live battle. I can't pause. It's live. I'm playing Dylan. Oh, my God, dude. That's so fucking funny.

Did you... I'm not used to these city girls. Yeah, fast towels. Speaking of floozies, my angels surprised me again, dude. My two angels blessed me. You got a visit? I had a visit from the angels no it was nice it was great it was a great visit the angels blessed me again what a great blessing

i told you like you were telling me about that and i was like i felt the the urge in my body was to go like just run like gum i just want waters gump out and just run imagine this now look my sister if you're listening to this stop true all right my password 30 seconds your sisters stop i don't want you to hear me like this we are going to date someday true um do they listen your sisters no i don't think so all right good But my sister does, and she knew about my angels visiting me. What did she say? When I came into the house, she was like, you got anything to say? I was like, no.

I had no idea what she was talking about. And then she brought it up at some point, yeah. She checked you. How did you feel about that? Not great. Why? It's your body. It's your body.

It's your life. It is my body, my my choice and i don't need my older sister ragging on me for jerking off on zoom facetime jerks at my parents house but yeah dude and then it was a sneak attack it was a surprise visit i was just sitting there watching tv with phil got a fucking facetime notification i was like i think i'm gonna shower oh i'm on that seventh grade tip you gotta sneak off to jerk off i'm terrified i'm terrified to jerk off in my house anymore because it's like we've been live streaming so much and there's something like I, my basement's out of the question. Oh yeah,

true. The cameras are on dude. I'm terrified dude. I don't know what's recording when I don't, there's been times where people are like, yo, the live stream is still on. I'm like,

I don't know how to shut it off. So like, I just act as if I'm on cam. I'm living in a sick and twisted world. It is amazing that how, and I don't mean to shit on you here. Please. How like of the two of us you're the tech

guy yeah it's just out of laziness on my part like you suck at tech and i'm just like he's doing pretty good i really am not a tech guy just no either am i really but i i do like hearing you use tech words that makes me laugh well, did I tell you with the studio? I went to figure it out. I got to take it back. I got to take back what I said about Deeds' turd. Remember, I was like, we found Deeds left a turd on the floor. Deeds left a dirty turd, dude.

He didn't, dude. Deeds was right. Deeds was right. We can use that thing. There's no problem with the switcher he told us to use. We can use that. The problem was, the reason I was like, yeah, I got to figure out why the cameras aren't working,

I bumped into Deeds randomly. I was walking Deeds and LeMaire, walking my dogs. They pop out of nowhere. What a great squad, dude. Deeds and LeMaire is a good squad. It was the best, dude. I walk into them, and I'm like, oh, what are you guys up to? And it was funny, too, because there's a line of people waiting to use the post office.

So they just see us see each other, and then you could – Oh, what happened? Time out. Nothing, nothing. We're good. Okay. waiting to use the post office so they just see us see each other and then you could oh what what happened time out nothing nothing okay i thought you i thought i thought everything sucks sucker what happened uh are we good okay cool i almost if i hit alt r i can pause the recording but you know yeah you're so eager to be a good tech guy. So I see them, and I'm like, holy fuck, there's Deeds. And I'm telling them, I'm like, yeah, it turns out that thing you said we could use that I kind of shit on you about, my bad.

Turns out you were right, Deeds. Like, your turd's been – your turd's disappeared. So. Yeah. But me and O'Connor were there, and the cameras, when we were at the new – His turd was basically – it's like when a dog shits in a house and then eats it and you're like well I'm not even mad at you good job I didn't have to clean it well the cameras I was like you know the only problem now is the cameras just kind of recycle and turn on and off and on when I was trying to

run the program and he was like would you hit record I was like fuck you deeds what do you think you're a tech wizard we just didn't hit record so connor left the turd on the ground o'connor's the turd i thought it was no deeds is turd no connor's fine too but the me and o'connor were there and neither of us thought to hit record on the cameras to trigger the recording software on the switcher and it was just like god i'm such a fucking helpless i put my best foot forward dude i went it was funny too because i was like fucking dory and told me and in my head i'm like yeah you probably should have done a little research like shut up nah but it's yeah i was that phone call where you were talking about buying a new switcher i was look i'm i'm being honest i was wrong to feel this way but like i just woke up and i was

just mad so like you were just talking to me about buying a new Switcher, and I was just like, I was in bed like, he doesn't know shit. I was just so mad, dude. And I was like, I went for a walk, and I was like, what the fuck am I talking about? I was literally laying in bed like, this fucking guy. I have Phil. I have Phil in me big time.

Well, I'm glad you actually gave me some. I needed that resistance because I was like, all right, let me, let me at least try to figure out how this other thing works. And I called the guy and he just explained it immediately. And I was like, thank God Shane talked me out of buying the new switcher. That'd have been a very bad financial mistake. You can buy whatever. Just don't tell me.

Just don't tell me. don't tell me just take it out of the fucking page no way i'm glad i'm glad you know that was that would have been i mean i was like why would i need this bigger one he's like well if you want to run like eight cameras i'm like oh no no i don't need that no we had that that would have been very noticeable that we didn't need that but it's a shame to pick up on that very quickly Dude the But yeah so that's We're very close dude I think next week We'll be in Stude

I really do Really Tomorrow I'm gonna go over there Hook up the cameras Hook up to the switcher Set it up The new studio is gonna be Bro

It's gonna be so fucking litty It's gonna be unbelievable If this motherfucker is coming down here again Think Phil? There actually might be a fist fight. I'll turn the camera around so you can see us. Please do. Spear him.

Is he down? No, he's not. If I spear him, I'll kill him. It sucked. I grabbed his arm to push him the other day, and he did that old man thing where they try to plant their feet and not move, but then once I got him moving, his feet didn't catch up. He had his arm hooked, and I just grabbed it

and pulled him as hard as I could. He stumbled forward, and I was like, oh. It's kind of sad, actually. I wonder if he's pissed off, dude, doing the fucking... Look, the beep is what started this. Beeping at him when he was mowing the lawn and scaring him has started this whole thing. He's never backed down from being like,

all right, maybe i overreacted there yeah startling is embarrassing dude that'll piss him off he spat dude he like got in my face in the garage like me and him were face to face in the garage and he was like you wanna fucking you wanna be a punk you don't be punk like that i was like dad you're being a pussy right now oh my god dude that's so funny. There's another thing. I haven't been around people and normal people in a long time. I've just been around me and my friends. So this is how I talk.

Yeah. I haven't been in a relationship. So I'll talk to my dad. I'll be like, fuck you, dude. He's like, what did you fucking say? I can't not talk that way. After I scared him, I was like, you're he's like what'd you fucking say like i can't not talk that way like after i scared him i was like you were being a dude i called him a faggot i called him a faggot and he i was like all right i apologize i shouldn't have said that true that was like a fight though

that dude that's of course that's a fucking fight yeah i called him that i was like you're being a about this and uh yeah i actually like 10 seconds passed and i was like i'm sorry i called you that oh my god that was the wrong thing to say but you're being a pussy i should have called you a pussy i apologize yeah i was like i should have called you a pussy to your face not that what do you say he's like thank you Not that. What did he say? He's like, thank you. While he's looking at his fucking Madden game on.

It's not good. We'll be all right. In fact, I'm going to regret trashing the old man on the next cast. He's a good boy. He's a good geezer. He's a great boy, dude. He's just fired up. Yeah, I love him. I look up to him.

I think he's hilarious. Hell yeah. I'd like to have his personality when I was older, but he is being a fucking total dickhead right now. You got to get a shovel and put the gloves on. Start doing some landscaping, dude. I got to go ride Peloton after this, dude. True.

I got to drive over to my sister's and hit the fucking bike. My fucking grundle and butt is destroyed from this thing. Yeah, that'll fucking crush you. It's a hard seat, dude dude it'll desensitize it feels better today wait what it'll if you they say if you ride bikes all the time it can like desensitize your boner temporarily no big deal they're saying like because the um the blood like kind of cuts blood flow off in a way where they said that over time dudes who ride like 50 miles constantly you're not you know you're not gonna run no no i got different self exams yeah do routine self exams you'll be fine i got different

reasons to be worried about like blood flow and shit than the one workout i do yeah no you're fine this is like guys who ride bikes for like lounging i think it's more women too if women ride bikes hard i think it does something like you can decrease their sex drive but it's like you know miles and miles and miles it's just yeah i'm not close to that it's fun though it's just me i i go with i go with hip-hop every time yeah this is this black dude's fucking hyped the whole time that's tight it's fun he's like i believe in you he's yelling that at me i'm like i fucking believe in me can you see the the people that you're like competing yeah yeah yeah you can see what what what numbers they're putting out and i i try to beat it i beat katie's my sister's records hell yeah first two days i beat her 20 and 30 minute today i'm gonna

beat her 40 minute record how's meanie is he is he on the i haven't checked meanies meanies me has he works at a dealership so meanies is on that car dealer life which is 12 hours a day and then you come home and go to sleep yeah you don't hit the peloton that hard that's another thing you're dealing with when you're buying a car you're dealing with a dude whose life is entirely selling cars yeah why do they gotta work i guess that makes sense they gotta just be there their Their hours are ridiculous. Yeah. Well, here's why. It's usually because, and no offense to Meany,

and I worked, I sold cars, but it's typically guys that either didn't graduate college or they don't have the qualifications to be making the money that they make selling cars. Yeah. So then it's kind of like, well, tell you whatever i want like i can tell you to work 12 hours a day fucking six days a week yeah because they can make bank and they usually because they are making bank and the longer they stay working the more they bank that's pretty tight yeah where are we at time wise we're good we're pretty good i i did want to uh yeah yeah

there's there's one thing that i was actually I thought you'd be stoked on I thought about it while you're talking about Just different people fighting At the beginning of the century Have you fucked with the It's called the Sino-Indian border dispute No It's like the China-Indian border dispute

No Fuck dude it's the funniest fucking thing So apparently the Chinese government And the chinese government the indian government are beefing over certain stretches where their borders or the borders yeah like nepal and all that shit yeah and they've been advised now not to use weapons they had like a council like we don't use weapons at each other but like they'll just be a chinese troop on the border and an indian troop and they go full outsiders like rumble fish or they just they do fisticuffs they'll see each other and like throw rocks at each other and fist fight and then it just breaks up and they it's like a

constant thing that keeps happening wow there's if you there's just be like guys throwing rocks and like spitting on each other if you're on the indian chinese border there's just troops that fist fight and like throw shit at each other all day that's awesome not a war it's just them they're just dispute they'll be like no we're patrolling this This is our shit. They're like, fuck you, dude. This is China. They're like, no, this is India, you fucking dick. And then they'll just fist fight. Fist fight.

Fist fight, rocks. It's so fun. It's like a bunch of kids. You'd think the Chinese would be rocking them. I mean, they're fist fighting, though, dude. They made it. I know. And Indians deceptively have jacked bros.

Yeah, dude. I've seen it. Watch Extraction. Have you ever seen that's true you love extraction watch contagion tell me what you think watch contagion no there's no jack dudes it's just they're just fear-mongering on hbo for covid no it's fucking horrible it's wild but you ever see the indian uh pakistan border what they do well no they like have a dance-off every day stop they have a legit like troop dance-off like where they see who marches the hardest who screams loud they're like

like screaming at each other fucking awesome and they're like they really peacock out they're wearing like feathers in their hats and fucking strutting like they goose step it's fucking wild what yeah watch it they're like i'll watch that i want to see the chinese and indians dude just throw rocks and fistfights it's called it's s-i-n-o indian con it's a sino indian i don't know why they call chinese sino i don't know what that's about but it's always sino indian border conflict it's so fucking funny of the dudes just like throwing shit each other. It's just like a fourth grade. You see the other fourth graders

throw rocks at them. I bet the Indians probably are good there because they like cricket. True. Oh, no. The Chinese don't play baseball. Really? Yeah, but they can definitely probably hit you with a little smooth, small stroke. Yeah. It's got to be wicked, dude. A whistler?

Imagine just being a troop and walking up and just like, say you're an Indian dude and you see like 10 Chinese guys and you just fucking just go up and you're like, pow, fuck you guys. They just wallbark them. They're just a bunch of Indians. Indian wallbarks. They're just wallbark Chinese dudes.

And again, if you get a bunch of the partners up on you, boy, that would fucking suck, dude. Swarm of partners? Swarm of get a bunch of the partners Up on you That would fucking suck dude Swarm of partners Swarm of partner swarm Dude coming down on you Dude a partner swarm Has been very effective In history

Partner swarms in Vietnam They would just Partner swarm Straight over the fucking They'd just swarm of Climb over the wire They'd get you Oh dude

That must fucking suck World War II They got hit with A lot of partner swarms They'd blow a whistle A dude with a sword Would come running out of fucking bush. That fucking sucks, man. Partner swarm is one of the more –

it's actually probably one of the worst and dumbest fucking military tactics of all time. Of your sword? Like World War II, they would just – entire units would kill themselves by charging machine guns. But they would have – like a guy would blow a whistle, and one of them would have a saber. They love whistles.

They love blowing whistles in the middle of a battle. So it's like they use full World War Z tactics. Much like referees. They do World War Z tactics, where it's just like enough people hit the wall, and eventually they're just going to get over. Partners are going to swarm. Yeah.

Asia as a continent loves that, including Russia. They love just throwing as many people as they can at guns and seeing how many they can get. Yeah, dude, check that. That shit was killing me, man. Yeah, it gets me fired up. That's very fun to think about. That's all it is.

You just picture it, and you're just like, man, that's got to be fun to see. I mean, it's so silly. It's so funny to imagine dudes like fist fighting over like land and there's yeah there's no result territory there's no point literally it's like get the fuck out of here dude and then like it's like a fort in the woods you're like dude fuck off dude this is our yeah and you're just grown men throwing rocks it's like fuck these guys like what are we mad at i don't know fuck them don't know. Fuck them. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

I hope this will help. This episode will help you get out of the doghouse. What do you mean? You'll feel distant from the issue, you know? Oh, for sure. Dude, I'm about to, you know. I'm going to go upstairs and hug Phil. Yeah, I'm going to.

That was the problem. I was sweetening bay over dude i was i just got i dude i was like let me pause there make sure she's cool and then i'm like so what's going on it was just apparently i had done something like what so i was like what the fuck i thought we're gonna fucking talk shit on your mommy i thought we're gonna trash your mom what the fuck are you attacking me so yeah so i that's that's the thing dude my my house right now my mom my sister and my dad it's just a constant it's constant war really it's constant like teams teams are formed at any and at any moment someone can backstab you in the middle of a fight like i'll be fighting with my dad and all of a sudden my mom will jump in and be like it's his

turn to watch the television it's like they're just a new just an outsider jump in and be like, it's his turn to watch the television. Just an outsider comes in and throws a punch. It's crazy. And my sister's a wild card, dude. She's, she's got that like post-surgery energy of just pure anger at all times. So she's walking around like, help me.

Fuck man. Yeah. It's, it's a good time. There's a lot of stress. there's a lot of people every day there's a bet like i'll sit down i can hear they're trying to make dinner right now so i'll sit down with them my mom will give me one of the like we'll sit down for dinner my mom will give me the worst pieces of information the least important things i've ever heard in my life

like like we'll sit down and we'll be, so-and-so just had a hip replacement. I'll be like, who the fuck are you talking to? Why are you telling me that? Well, that's all. That's what on her radar, dude.

That's like, I know, but I get, I hear about everybody's kids and everybody, what they're doing. And I just, I tell her every single time, like, you need to stop telling me these things. Yeah.

For some reason, it makes me mad. When you get told about hip replacement? Well, it just makes me mad to know that she's that far removed from reality. That she thinks this is pertinent information for me. That you, that someone got their hip replaced. Yeah. I'm talking like a dude that lives down my street. And I him he's a great guy and i love his family i'm friends with his kids but it's like all right i don't care she brought like soup over to their house

which is nice nice thing but it's like don't tell me about i don't care you don't want to hear the local like hip replacement news no i don't want to hear the local hip replacement news? No. I don't want to hear about so-and-so getting a – Pools are big. Pools are big on the docket. We're talking pools. True. Well, hip replacement is a big deal. If you're staring down possibly getting a hip replacement,

that's all you'll want to talk about. True, true, true. Because it's like any geezer is ready for priming for one. That's coming at some point. We'll get our hips replaced. We'll for one. That's coming at some point. We'll get our hips replaced. We'll probably both get our hips replaced at a certain point. Knee replacement. I don't know if, again, dude, I might be dead.

I don't think so, dude. You think that, but I think it's – True. If I keep hitting this Peloton, I'm not drinking. Exactly. I probably just in two weeks, I probably added five years to my life. Taking two weeks off. You're going to ride that Peloton into eternity, dude. You're going to ride that you're gonna ride that two weeks off you're gonna ride that peloton into eternity dude you're gonna ride it you're gonna ride that that thing might

come off the frames i might take it out of the house i'm the as hard as i'm pedaling it it might i might hit the open highway with it it's fun it's the first workout i've done in a long time that i've actually enjoyed now don't get me wrong i'm gonna stop why well yeah it's gonna stop for sure yeah you're gonna move away i'm gonna go back to new york i was thinking about buying one they're about as much as one of those fucking switchers to be honest you should buy one you can put it in my put in my house i wonder i wonder if i get a peloton that makes me like that has me positioned in a wheelie that i'm just riding a bicycle with a bunch of young black kids doing a wheelie oh in philly just popping away with the kids yeah like a peloton

dirt bike where i'm just with me and i'm just fucking you should they should they should have like a program maybe like a vr program for people to run with like like a swarm of black dirt bikers in philly like creed meek mills on the headphones you get to jog at all times there's just a hologram because you still need to be able to see so it's just a hologram of black bikers around it's like pokemon go of just exactly like pokemon go like the champ and then you get to stand there and fucking and dude circle you on fucking atvs that's a good program. Except it only comes with one Meek Mill album. It just only plays that. Also, heard some news.

Mac Miller, I think, was Jewish. Was he really? I gotta look that up. I gotta look that up. That adds to my account of white rappers all being Jewish. I think they all present as Irish. Mac Miller. Who was the other one? Little Dicky.

Little Dicky. I know another Jewish rapper. Eminem? Eminem's not. I thought Eminem and Mac Miller were both Irish. Or of Irish descent, I guess. It's a strong accusation.

I'm getting this information from my niece. How did your niece know about that? Because he went to her school. Yes, his mother's Jewish. Okay. Anyway, he went to my niece's school, and he, like, it's a Catholic school. Gotcha. She was like, he went there even though he's jewish

and i was like i'm just driving a car like i'm gonna relay this to a couple thousand people thank you that's what's anyway that's good to know i didn't know that yeah so his mom his mom was and he's paul i've been listening to a lot of mac miller about his paul christian okay mac miller rules i'll bless him have you listened to some mac lately i never i never got into him man i never gonna i never i there's something about i'm telling you i have as i get older i have a weird time listening to white rappers i have a weird time listening to rap in general. You should listen to it.

He's not as much of it. His later albums are not very rap-like. I can't listen. It's like, you know, it's like rap. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I've listened to it a couple times and been like, I don't. I go in waves. When he died, when people die, I, like, love listening to their music right after people died.

Because I'm always like, ooh. I did listen to so much of his stuff. I'm like, ooh, he died. Don't listen to it. Yeah. When he died, I was like, I want to to like this i laid in bed and i was just like i don't know it's it's not bad i don't hate it it was just i you know it wasn't 2009's nice he has an npr tiny desk appearance that's fucking sick yeah it's very powerful and moving excuse me part matt can i finish please how about i mean, dude, my favorite thing right now in rap is whatever that guy's name is, Tekashi69. He's making, he's kind of making ratting, like, you know, like no ratting, nobody rat.

And now he's like, yeah, I definitely ratted. Fuck those guys. Yeah, true. They said they're going to kill my family. It's like, it's also funny. Yeah, that's the fucking, that's the bit, dude. He's like, you in here for another's that's the fucking that's the bit dude he's like you in here for another motherfucker nah you ain't a punk you a new fool yeah dude for real takashi needs to sample that joke for the beginning of a song and he'd be a fucking

he'd be hilarious i mean it's kind of it's funny because it's like meek mill was putting stuff out like y'all letting this rat walk around out here basically saying like i'm gonna kill this guy and it is funny that like those dudes will do that shit of like this pieces of shit like bottle and it's like all right i mean or he could just sell drugs to his community and uh yeah yeah yeah or he could all right i mean look i'm not you know it's just funny for drug dealers you know high and mighty like yeah but i would never tell on anybody it's like okay but you're going to murder. You don't tattle people, but you sell. They all brag about like selling drugs to like pregnant women.

Yeah, like you'll murder people. You'll poison your own community with drugs, but you're not a tattletale. It's like. Yeah, but they needed cool stuff, Matt. True. Obviously, you would sell drugs too if you needed cool stuff. True. Maybe I would.

Oh, shit. needed cool stuff true maybe i would oh shit maybe i would but i would poison your community well even back i remember even back when i used to sell coke when i was a young kid i remember i would still i would get nervous like people would come to my house and be like fucked up and i would you know i'm not bragging but i would stage interventions for i would be like no i'm not selling you coke and you have a problem and they're like dude are you fucking serious i was like oh i used to be the worst coke dealer of all time i was a bad one dude i would it was pretty look if i went to buy cocaine from someone they were like you have a problem man i'd be like you're fucking selling coke dude shut the fuck up that's what

they would kind of do to me i'm like i don't care i'm not telling you, you're fucking selling coke, dude. Shut the fuck up. That's what they would kind of do to me. I'm like, I don't care. I'm not telling you this. You're like, dude, there was like, I don't know. There was just like a couple of them. There's like beautiful young, I'm 19. So all my cohorts are like 19, 20, 21, beautiful young women. I would just watch them over like the course of like a couple months. They would turn like gray almost. They were just like, and I'm like, dude, I can't do it.

I'm watching you like degrade. I didn't have like the best moral compass back then but i remember being like this is fucked up yeah yeah yeah this but then again for me at 19 to be doing that and being like would that guy tell that fucking piece of shit i'm like they're selling coke to some guy's daughter ruining her life it's like dude like bro the fuck up dude you're 35 years old like if you're yeah at 19 i get it you're 35 like yo who's who's out here? Man, it's not even right anymore. It's like, dude, give up, dude. Selling coke sucks.

I agree entirely that it's funny. It's weird for dudes to say all that, but it is just because Tekashi 69 was talking all that shit before he snitched. It is funny. That's the only thing. In fairness, this is what they said, and I will give this to them. They're like like he's not a civilian after he put out a hit on chief keith so he sent

chief keith up to get murdered and then we're like those people were going to kill me it's like dude you try to kill chief keith dude wait he tried to kill so that's what they got that's what they got him on he was he was trying to kill sosa he put a hit on he put money on chief keith's head on sosa dude he put a hit on chief keith and on Chief Keef's head on Sosa, dude. He put a hit on Chief Keef and that's what the FBI... What? I didn't know that. That's what they nailed him on. Dude, I love Chief Keef. Chief Keef's gonna murder that guy. Dude, he put... Chief Keef's gonna murder

that guy. Chief Keef's got... Although, Tekashi had some very scary music videos. Any New York dudes in rap videos in Chicago, they were two of the most retarded groups of people I've ever seen. Yeah, they are scary music videos. Chief Keef's are scarier.

Chief Keef's was all shirtless dudes that were clones. Yeah. They were all shirtless clones. They were all skinny dudes with dreads holding AK-47s for some reason. In a one-bedroom apartment. In one, like with wooden floors. But I will say this. Six Nine had a scary crew.

And the reason New York dudes were scary like that is because none of them, there was no dress code. They were all dressed like, I don't know. There's something off. They were just like, like a Bobby Schmurder music video. Yeah, it was scary. Weird, like women's sweatpants for some reason. off dude they were just like like a bobby schmurder music video where he's weird like women's sweatpants for some reason like the whole crew is clearly retarded it's like a body glove jumpsuit you're like that guy's gonna kill me dude the whole team is retarded that's when it's

scary yeah that's well it was sorry like the saint lunatics great for sure they're not retarded they're wearing cool outfits yeah dude you just do the dude no the dude has the half mask welcome welcome to the brotherhood yeah you're talking about murphy lee murphy lee dude he's got the mask no they were fun but then you cut to those guys like bobby shmurda and takashi six it's just a dude just absolutely retarded people just gangland they're like retarded people. Just gangland. They're like, this is an episode of gangland with a soundtrack. Yeah, the fucking – yeah, but apparently Takashi 6ix9ine was, like,

backed by this group of whatever, you know, it's like the Bloods, but, like, the something-something Bloods. And, yeah, they, like, just started extorting him and using him. Yeah, I saw that. But apparently – so he got caught putting a hit on chief keith and then these people were going to kill him i guess because he was hot and then he just was like well fuck it i'm gonna rat on these guys but now he's like i'm back bitches and it is funny like all that snitching this and that and it's like yeah yes he's very funny i it's just weird it's like i it's weird to be uh i was thinking about this today it's weird to be

like you know it's funny we can just kind of watch rap and be like oh there's rap you know and you can listen to it get pumped up and work out but like yeah for some people that's like the the thing like you watch rap that's their code of life yeah it's like i gotta i have to abide by this and this is all this is very the bag i have to get it i have to be a duffel bag boy dude imagine if like that you're you're like your hobby was just continuously putting in your head you're a loser unless you murder someone and sell drugs just like look you're a fucking loser you're lame i'm having sex with your girl they're constantly having sex with everybody's gonna fuck your mom unless you kill somebody like i'm i'm having sex with your mom and your girlfriend and the way that i did this is i

murdered people and sold drugs and now i'm having an excellent life and that's just cycled into your head all day every day yeah then you just go home and watch scarface yeah and you're like okay that's all you watch that's how i want to do it it's like shot. He goes down doing a mountain of coke and shot in the back. And people are like, that's how I want to go. It's no good. You just end up in a Crown Victoria slumped on Zanny's and crash into a gas station. Just go to jail for nine years. And that's the truth.

That's the truth. You're just like, what is this lean stuff about? And you're like, drive into a fucking bush. Like a speedway. Life's over's over yeah that's pretty great that's pretty funny like 29 inch rims just slowly in a parking lot like a dairy queen like bumping into the wall not even breaking through it just yeah man i i knew a guy who was 30 something years old who i was trying to talk out of doing i think i've talked about this before but i was trying to talk to him i was trying to talk him out of taking uh percocets he was like popping percocets he was taking um suboxone the the

dissolvable like listerine strips of suboxone he just got into these and i'm like dude you're like way too old for this shit i'm like you missed this whole it was a black dude a lot of black dudes missed out the whole pill craze from like the white suburb type stuff and i was like nah dude like i've seen your story play out 10 years ago and like you're just getting did it yeah it's like don't do these and he was like that he was like man no no he's giving back and forth he's like why like what's bad about him i was like you're gonna do heroin that's how it ends he would he wasn't hearing that and i was telling him that and then he i was like well i was like dude you can literally like it gives people erectile dysfunction and he was like nah i was like yeah fucking does he's like now what about that meek mill song i

pop a burp i fuck your bitch i was like it's not that's he's lying that's a guy he also didn't murder anybody he didn't pop a parking have sex with your girlfriend yeah how's your is your girlfriend okay yeah i'm telling you i was thinking about that today i'm like look people can say like oh that's bullshit rock and roll is evil it's like yeah you know rock and roll is concerning at its time for shipping the devil nobody wanted that but like this is pretty clearly and explicitly telling people like look there's one path to success it involves murdering your peers and selling everybody drugs and robbing other drug dealers and becoming like that like that's it dude that's how i rule yeah it's like what are you a fucking accountant pussy nerd and it's like

yeah all right well i'm pretty sure the accountant lives a little bit better of a life than the average person trying to fucking rob drug dealers yeah yeah all my black conservatives you're out there dude don't fucking fall into the bullshit you know what it is dude you know the hell yeah it is dude you know the deal i'm talking to you my bc's my mom's a black conservative now really told you man she sent me oh yeah same with my family my mom my family's converted the black conservatives first first of all i've been getting so many chain mails for my right now my my family is interrupting in chain mail emails reminds me just got one i haven't opened it yet dude i'm gonna i might open it live live i'm getting my mom's been hitting me with stuff of like i'll get an email from my mom that's like, colleges are denying Islamic extremism.

I'm like, mom, come on. This is, this is, this is old hat. Like people are over this thing right now. I get Facebook. The Facebook message I got was actually kind of almost, I almost shared it, dude. They were like saying that senators, kids don't have to pay back their college loans. And I was like, fuck, I should probably actually share this. Is that true?

I don't know. It doesn't matter one from phil gillis forwarded from the squad the squad forwarded this title have we lost our minds hypocrisy at its best this fucking email dude oh don't want him to get phil's name yeah that'd be so funny if phil started getting emails i'm an older friend who lives in naples some are good some are strange hope everyone is staying safe and healthy the following the following points are where we are in america today if a dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him. Somehow it's un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America. Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegal Mexicans voting in our elections are good.

It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the president of Ukraine, but it's impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it. 20 is too young to drink a beer, but is old enough to vote i guess yeah they the republicans have been trying forever to stop having kids vote because kids always vote democrat well it's true yeah because kids get like if like yeah puff daddy's like yeah voter died i'm like all right cool i guess i'll be a dad here's how it got a little rough. The fourth one down. People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reprisations to people who have never been slaves.

What was that one? People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves. Oh, my God. We're getting close. Inferiority rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous. Fuck.

I mean, it came out pretty hot of being like, we have to pretend along with these fucking trans. Yeah. That was my favorite one. Oh dude. I was using, uh,

I looked at, uh, hinge in mechanics. Yeah. And one of them was like because hinge has these things it's like explain like facts about you or something and one of them was like if we're not on the same page about trump and transgenders don't fucking like my it's like you called them transgenders hell yeah

irish doctors and german engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central American gangbanger who jumps the southern fence is welcome. That's fucking hilarious. Oh, look, and this is just, it's just nonstop. It's just nonstop. So you're just getting like geezers or getting fired up.

It's just a geezer checklist of things you need to repeat at some point. Like somebody's going to be like, what's going on? You say, I'll tell you what's going on. We see other countries going through socialist, you know, governments and collapsing. And it seems like a great plan to us. That's so fucking fun, dude. Ask me how it's going, dude.

Dude, watch. This is the. Ask me how it's going, dude. Dude, watch. This is the... Ask me how it's going. How's it going? Criminals are catching release to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because that's a violation of their rights. I think that was in response to this fucking jogger.

This is terrible. Oh, my God. Pointing all this out, all this hypocrisy somehow makes us racist. Please. Please, dude. That's circulating a that's a dad forward oh it's so fucking funny it's so fucking funny every single dude i knew from high school his dad was in that forward chain oh dude this is i'll screen share the one that i just got um it's it's just funny because it's like I was telling my mom, I'm like, don't give them money because this is – it's easy.

I might actually start one of these things. It would be pretty easy to grab a couple bucks off this. Yeah. So here it is right here. I don't know. Maybe people are getting my email address. Maybe. I don't know.

But this is – I don't think so. You're good. So whatever. Email me. Yeah. i don't know but the uh so this is i don't think so you're good so whatever email me yeah i don't care the uh actually all the emails i give out are forwarded here anyway so here this is the uh as a member and dear mary as a member and actor the nation's premier grassroots national security organization is our responsibility to stand up and speak out on important issues here are three actions you can take under 10 minutes to make a difference in our country. Tell Scottsdale community college to not censor class on radical Islamic terrorism. I think this is Photoshopped.

I don't think that's an actual college. Tell the Senate to support the securing America's medicine cabinet act. Don't even go back up to Scottsdale. Like if that's real and Scottsdale put their sign right in front of the fucking HVAC system. I don't think that's real. Because it's like this Y is kind of going over this tree. And this is a known Microsoft Word font. I don't know what this is like Calibri or something.

It's like Joker MFT or whatever it is. Yeah, that doesn't seem very real i don't think that's real this is just a bunch of pills and this is just china it's like fucking china china must be investigated look at them and then it's like oh by the way we rely on patriots like you to help spread peace for there's a five and then donate it's like what the fuck did i'm like mom they just forwarded bullshit you better not be donating to that oops went all the way up to my thing but the uh yeah that picture that picture is creepy too it's like i don't know not three people three girls rap it's very funny yeah yeah it's very funny to be like this is gonna work on old people they love youth and this country rap children an american flag and they

go by the way donate for us sending you three shitty stories scottsdale community college better be teaching islamic terrorism they better not stop talking if they stop god damn it i'll be pissed please tell scottsdale community college not it's just one class of like 20 kids yeah just 20 losers that aren't going to learn about islamic terrorism well yeah it's just like it would be funny if it was like the national board it's like scottsdale community i know yeah it'd be yeah it'd be different if it was harvard or yale yeah or like a prestigious like national story yeah scottsdale Community College is can teach they could teach pro terrorism and I'd be like yeah right also imagine if you're going to school with Scottsdale

Community College and they're like someone's fired up whether you're learning about terrorism it's like dude I'm trying to become the manager yeah this isn't we're not going to be anything in like intelligence community none of us are going to the Middle East to, you know, infiltrate ISIS. Yeah. We're going to open a top call. I'd say maybe a couple actually. Actually, no, because you're on the GI Bill. You're probably going to go like – you can go pretty much anywhere almost.

Yeah, exactly. They're not going to like leave there and go – Scottsdale might have like the elite anti-Islamophobic uh they might have the elite islamophobic uh university you know what i mean scottsdale that school that school the scottsdale school of yeah how are you gonna stamp that out of scottsdale community college do you think uh is there an extremism yeah definitely no Yeah. We need that and gym class. Half those kids are taking, like, health. All right, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.

You have to go fight your lady. Let's resume our war zone. Let's resume our beefs. Oh, big news. I'm seeing a shrink on Wednesday. See how that goes. Telehealth? Are you going to do the zooms?

I'm going to see if I can fix my brain while also using Peloton, dude. You should zoom in on Peloton. Be like, listen, I don't really have much time. Go ahead, Doc. See what you can do. I'm a little busy. I'm excited for you. I think it'll be fun.

Yeah, we'll see. You're going to like it. It'll be fun. I think therapy's gay, but I'm going to give it a shot. Tell him that as soon as you go in there. I'll be honest, sir. Therapy's gay. Yep. That'll be so fun. I think therapy's gay, but I'm going to give it a shot. Tell him that as soon as you go in there. I'll be honest, sir. Therapy's gay. Yep.

That'll be so fun. I'm very excited to hear about this. All right. I'll talk to you soon. Later, man. Bye. Bye.