Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Wahlberg

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

The winds of salt life have blown Shane over to South Carolina where he is shacking up with his close dogs. Matt is as bunkered down as ever...actually it would be crazy we died later this week. Just thought of how unflattering this would be as a final project before being taken out by our viral enemy. Stay strong! Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBzFJOrTPys

We're live, dude. What's up? We're rolling. We should just pretend this is a live stream. Be like, oh my God, it's fucking live. Because people get to live watch it. Hold on my mic. God fucking... Start it up now. How you doing there, big guy? I'm doing all right. I'm going to start dadding everybody now. Hey, what's up?

What's up, champ? My dad listened to the podcast. He was like, I heard some of it. It's just, dude this, dude fuck, dude sick, dude fuck. What? He's like, how do people listen to that junk? Obviously jealous. He is a jealous old bitch.

You should tell him. You're fucking jealous, dude. I do. I tell him he's jealous all the time. What did you say? Shane, you don't think i could have been doing that if i wanted that's a tough that's a funnier than you bud damn what do you think you think you could you think you'd enter the market he knows he knows he can't fuck with me now true look even though i didn't get it that snl credit it's a strong credit yeah that's true i

mean that's that's a big time geezer respect like all right maybe you are actually funny oh for sure like and then to get kicked off for the reason you got kicked off for being too wild yeah you do wild boy yeah that's a good i mean you got geezers across america or we're full support of you i was yeah the geezers are in look at that chug that yeah there was nobody who anyone i told what happened they were just like man it's hilarious that's funny the geezers full support dude but we were just talking about it did we delete that whole episode yeah all right good let it die we put one out we put we just recorded one with very low energy low energy for us and then my green drink now you had your green drink now i have my yellow drink now we're

fucking i need to get amps too bro true damn dude you're sipping are you allowed to show the label oh damn dude salt life we're gonna oh that's fucking sick these are miller salt lives yeah so how's the salt life continuing dude this is this is starting to turn into actual salt life you are once the salt life be once salt life becomes mundane it kind of loses its charm you're like a native hawaiian yeah it's weird is but it's uh i was just recently reinvigorated by the arrival of Chris O'Connor, Brian Six, and Kyla. Right, but you're a local now. So let me piss you off.

I'm a local, so I'm kind of disappointed in the way they've conducted themselves on my beaches. Yeah, dude. They think it's fucking spring break party time. People live down here, dude. The beach. Yeah, people live down here. Yeah.

Yeah, I've been on O'connor's ass like no matter what he does i'm like dude slow down it's a long we got a long way to get shit faced every night and then i literally he was like dude you fell on the beach i was running wind sprints i told you this i was running sprints on the beach uh two nights ago that's too thinking about you drunk yeah i still don't know the thought process so you're i don't know it either man you're drunk when you're down there it's it's insane it's the craziest thing in the world like being on the beach being on the beach at night like that hammered literally no one's around you can't even see anybody else it's a private beach it's just you

what and the star and just the stars it's fucking insane i didn't know it was a private beach and it's like the the sand is like totally flat like it's crazy it's like powdery nice sand not like shitty well this was i was down by the water so it was like just yeah pure it felt like you know walking on like a street it's just flat it was great yeah you start moving a little you start i started dancing a little i had some headphones and i was dancing i used to be a dancer dude were you really why'd you stop because it's gay and i can't do it publicly no you get me alone i dance like nobody's watching you gotta start dancing again dude that's from a from – I watched this YouTube guy.

He was like talking about from a shamanic healing perspective. That's the number one question you have to ask. Some people have to ask, when did I stop dancing? When did I stop singing? And when you figure out when you stop doing those things, that's typically when bad stuff started happening to you. Yeah, bad stuff will stop you from dancing for sure. Yeah, man.

I mean, my dance – It kind of ends dancing. Yeah, bad stuff will stop you from dancing for sure. Yeah, man. I mean, my dancing life is very – mine's very fraught with anxieties, racial barriers. Because when I – I'm going to weddings where I'm the minority, dude, and I feel like a specimen. Like I have to like now, of course, I have to – everyone's expecting me to fucking crush it. It is weird though because, dude, it's like if you – Oh, man, imagine the other way, though. Imagine if you were a black guy who couldn't dance and you went to like an all-white wedding.

You'd still be better than everybody else. Everyone was like, come on, get out there. No, there's black dorks. There's black dorks. That's true. No, there are – there's actually a good amount of black people that suck at dancing. That's actually – good amount of black people that suck at dancing. That's actually, that is

confirmable, but standard, standard issue, fucking kills it, dude. Standard issue black guy. Kills is so much better than the average white dancer at a white wedding. I was down there, headphones in, just, I mean, unbelievable moves.

You're like a black dancer on the beach. The moves, it was unbelievable. What kind of moves? Say me unbelievable moves. You're like a black dancer on the beach. The moves, it was unbelievable. What kind of moves? Hit me with the moves. You think I was born yesterday, Matt? No, I want to know. What were you doing? You think I was born yesterday?

There's that one big one everyone's doing right now. They go... Did you see that? That's currently a viral dance craze. There's a song where everyone walks like this and goes and then the next person comes in and goes oh yeah yeah yeah i have seen that um that's a whole realm of being dude just a line of people well no the do you see the cardi b thing where it's like coronavirus yeah exactly yeah yeah that was not i saw that

thing where it's like coronavirus yeah exactly yeah damn that was not i saw that you don't think i've been practicing damn dude there's a car life dude i go down it's dance life also i go down i dance i run i do up downs post post no this is what happened i literally woke up that day and i was like damn i used to like play basketball every single day like hard yeah dude if i ran right now i think i would fall apart i was like what am i doing what am i and then i was sitting down the beach i was like i haven't been like hit in forever i was like when's the last time something hurt that's a that got me doing some up downs started diving straight on my belly and i was like all right this hurts so you inflicted some pain on yourself.

I wanted to see what it felt like. I haven't had contact in a while, bro. So what are you going to do about the fact that you did that workout on the beach at nighttime? Were you happy with it? I was delighted. I mean, despite – so I started running some sprints, and then I fell hard on one of them, which was inevitable.

Because I was like, damn, dude, I'm killing it. I can move. It's like, holy shit, I forgot I can actually run, and then I fell. Pretty hard. Scrape my knee, dude. I got a bomb knee now. You have a boo-boo. I have a bit of a boo-boo. You got a boo-boo on your knee? I have a boo-boo.

Let me see that thing. And a decent bruise. That's a stinger. You see that bruise? Let me see that bru and a decent bruise that's a stinger you see that bruise let me see that bruise ooh that'll come out in the next couple days

it's not yellow yet it's a rough boy if it's yellow it's healing that's just however it goes you get scratched up man it's no big deal

I thought that was boogie rash I thought you had a boogie board rash nah it's a sand burn have you boogied at all no boogied at all? No boogies. The water's too chilly. I mean, I'll go out there strictly to wet suit.

Strictly to wet suit. I did see they were selling wet suits and I was thinking about buying one. You have to get one. Anytime somebody with my body shape is in a wet suit, it's very funny. That's not bad. When you get somebody with love handles.

I've never seen a bigger dude in a wetsuit, actually. Haunches. I've never seen a bigger dude in a wetsuit. Well, there's no point for me to... I don't come out... I've never seen a BBM. I've never seen a BBM hop in a wetsuit. You're one, too, dude. I don't know what you're talking about you got some bitch ass hips

no i'm just uh what would i be known as i'm thick no you're not you i'm thick you're bad you have fat hips dude shut up you're bbm i'm thick dude i'm i'm fucking chunky chunky at most yeah i'm chunky at most. Yeah. I'm chunky at most, dude. No, you're rarely chunky, but you do have a very unathletic frame. You're built like – Not true. I have a big ass dude.

You're very broad, but very non-explosive. I can tell there's no explosive movements. Please, that's all I have. That's all I am is explosive. I know you don't have explosive movements. Are you serious? That's all I have. Yeah, you shit't have explosive movies are you serious that's all i have on your own ass today dude you're not an athlete that's explosive you shit all over

yourself that's why we had to wait yeah my bad about that the podcast was delayed because i i took a i took a dump that it was a healthy one too the dump itself wasn't bad it was just it just wasn't my complete and And you wasn't totally complete. I think I might've been doing like a too hard of a workout or something the day before and must've shocked my digestive system. You sent it through. You sent the turd to the guillotine too early. Yeah.

You guillotined the turd. I broke spear deterred too early. And then the, yeah, the turd's head smeared up your crack. Well, yeah, I literally,

I was telling you earlier, I white, white my ass and gave ass and gave myself a racing stripe right on the tailbone, dude. And just full-on war paint. And I was like, fuck, man. Yeah, you had that old Herbie. Hit the lockers, dude. You had the Herbie, dude. You had the love bug. Yeah, I got off the toilet, left a stamp down on the top my upper butt crack somehow dude i run into

those on the like on because you know i travel a lot i'll run into those those rorschach dumps on the back the stamps on the back of the toilet seat where someone clearly just it's just like all the time dude rest stop i do also i live salt life and rest stop life you do live that might be the trucker kiss mark dude i wonder if they do have like street artists like you said like banksy like if someone takes a dump like that like damn dude will was here else was here can't do it oh my god i can't stress it enough, dude. Three days. How many days do you think this country would last

without truckers? It wouldn't. It was literally 72 hours. This country would fall apart. Let's let that be known. That actually is true. Yeah, dude. Without the truckers, we could replace them with robots tomorrow. Dude, I'm saying. We can't replace them

with robots yet. We need them until we replace them with robots. What the fuck are we going to do with them? The truckers? Yeah. Fucking kill them, dude. I think we should slaughter them. Or just let them sit in the robot. If they want to do it, they can sit in the robot.

Like a mech suit? They can be inside of it like Starship Troopers? Yeah. Well, they got to defend it from pirates. Oh man so they get that's basically that's that's like old west like riding shotgun you know you just have them with a gun on the robot that's what truckers get to do you can still get head at rest stops once we automate trucking truckers are gonna never stop like sucking dick and blow each other oh man they're already acclimated to the life of just sucking dick dude when they have to do it for money they'll be able

to pick like a young like meth out like twink up and 69 with them from like los angeles to like missouri oh my god yeah if they're in the automated truck they'll get like bathtub fingers on their dick dude they'll stay wet now we're grooving see we're moving we're grooving dude first episode stunk that's a secret sauce dude get it out we're just like dude fire it up let's talk about truckers this is that other part of the turd that was still in us dude it is it absolutely is we beheaded the first one hell yeah dude i'm fucking stoked to see you in the luxury. I got new neighbors, dude. Who are they? I don't know.

I might have to fucking... As soon as shit pops off here, I'm going to fucking cut everyone's heads off. Have you thought any kind of survival strategy? Yeah. That's why I brought Beezer and O'Connor. Not that they're the best, but it's good to have some bros.

True. It's good to have a pack. How would you utilize them? If you're like... Obviously, you're going to... No matter what what they're both they're cannon fodder both of them are fodder you would send them out so something's coming at us i'm gonna team up with one of them and turn on the other one and throw him at the feet of whatever's coming at us you also have a woman in your house you could i mean she's first to go she's gonna be tossed into the

fight she might not survive before the rapture. She might be sent out to see just off bad performance. You might, you might, you could, you could flag down like a Cisco truck. You'd get some supplies. You can just have to,

you'd have to trade her in a sex slavery. Yeah. Well, that's fine. I have no problem killing any of the people I'm with right now. That's also important. Yeah. For your post apocalypse squad. No, they can never know that with right now. That's also important. Yeah. For your post-apocalypse squad.

No, they can never know that. True. That's true. No, yeah. It's all brotherhood. I love them as brotherhood, but the best part, you need to put together a pack of dogs that you are willing to sacrifice any of them.

True. For the minimalist of games. Yeah. I would kill O'Connor for a bag of rice. Would you? I mean, if it came down. Dude, I have been thinking about it. Because I was in, I think, Target, and I saw people.

Like, somebody had something. Someone had toilet paper. I don't know if it was the last one. I'm sorry. Dude, the toilet paper thing, it bothers me so fucking much. It makes no sense. To stock up so hard. It really doesn't. It't it's it's uh why is

that the why is that the it's a it's like a o'connor was talking about it's like a run on a bank where they're like hey i heard everyone's taking their money out well then i'm gonna fucking take my money out yeah same thing with toilet everybody was like you gotta stock up on toilet paper yeah well they're operating i'm gonna go buy it it's primitive behavior dude they're not even thinking it's like almost not it's almost not even fully conscious it's like oh fuck me like i saw a lady with like five gallons of milk it's like how are you even going to consume that what are you what are you doing we got one and it was a mistake what am i gonna drink a gallon of milk right now it's panic buying dude it's these people this is

like the this people are using the parts of their brain that like tells them to slam the brakes but they're out in public like well i gotta get this panic buying bro i like that yeah man i watched that david ike documentary he talked about it the part of the slamming the brakes that part of the brain i like that that's what that's how people are operating but yeah yeah walking walking down the grocery aisle with zero the whole row empty yeah pisses me off dude it's like what fucking dumb pussies went out and bought all of them how is just grab one and fucking chill exactly grab two grab two if you're gonna be a dickhead well i have a house full of baby wipes so i'm chilling that's all i bought the only things left were flushable wipes but they come in like five packs.

I bought two of those. I was like, bro. You have 10 wipes? Yes. Dude. That's not going to last. They're small. It's like that.

What do you mean that's not going to last? You have 10 individual wipes. 10 packs. 10 five packs. You got 50 wipes. I have a ton of wipes, dude. That's good. That's all you need, dude.

No, it's not 10 five packs. How many wipes i have a ton of wipes dude that's good that's all you need dude no it's not 10 five pack how many wipes do you how many wipes do you think they're in a pack oh i thought you said there was like 160 i thought you said they sell some of them that are like the little testers because i got the little tester ones that's i thought you said you got like the testers with like 10 sheets in there i was like yeah that's not it was like a it was a whole thing of five different or four different packs that are usually individual it's gonna be good we're set i got actually criticized by the group when i brought that back they're like what are you buying so much of this shit for i was like boys how dare you people get judgy about ass wipes i i leave them front and center in my guest bathroom because i do all of my bathroom and people get me like who's ass white people have asked britney like whose wipes are those it's like that's like why don't you try it

medicine cabinet dude it's like yeah how about you try it before you knock it yeah i mean dude i don't understand why people don't use wipes i can kill these neighbors so easily you think you can murder them yeah she's the wife i could take oh for sure she may join my harem you would probably seduce i mean in an apocalypse situation is she really yeah this is all this is like the richest this is a very rich fucking name it's like rich southerners too rich rich let me hit a light real year olds yeah dude that's uh sorry edit the light on it's all right um there it is yeah you're around a bunch of rich southerners how do you feel about that who else would i rather be with bro i'd have had a money bro you might get you might start

going door to door and be like do you have do you you know do you have you're doing pretty well down here there's only one way how'd you get down here how'd you get money down here what are you doing how'd you say how'd you survive after the economy they saw me peeking out of the window some guy with headphones what the fuck honey get inside that guy's like i could fucking kill him i could fucking kill him right now. He's like, oh, fuck, the neighbors have a retarded guy. We're fucked. The neighbors are going to send that retarded oaf over and kill us.

Definitely the underrated Navy SEALs of the apocalypse, dude. Just a pack of retarded dudes? That's the fucking squad. Imagine them ripping you up. They're like chimps, dude. They're like chimps. They'll maul you. They go straight for the dick.

They're exactly like chimps, dude. They're like chimps. They'll maul you. They go straight for the dick. They're exactly like chimps. They go for fingers, dicks, and eyes immediately. I was just talking to Buddley. You ever startle a retarded guy? I can't say that. You startle them. They instantly try to grab your penis. Like the rooting reflex with a nipple.

That's what they go for in a fight. Do they really? Yeah, you didn't know that? No, I didn't know that. No, I didn't know that. No, it's like a fucking very primordial thing. Yes. Well, dude, I was telling Butterly recently, I don't know why.

There's all this jujitsu and shit. All you have to do is go for somebody's dick, dude. That's the fight ending. Yeah, or just get a gun. True. But I mean, dude, imagine just like all the fucking like and like and just grab it yeah like while someone's got you in a choke that's what when lewis tried to get me to choke i was blocked by the chair yeah dude all you have to do is squeeze

someone's dick the joke comes undone i want to start keeping a taser on specifically for tasing people's birds just be like i'm gonna start girls. Girls stay strapped. Girls always have a ton of self-defense shit. They always have mace and tasers. I'm going to get some girl gear. They've been watching SVU or whatever for the last decade.

They've been listening to rape podcasts for 20 years. That's fucked up, man. They got a nice cone retriever, too. Oh, that'll be good eating. I can... They saw you scoping their dog?

The geezer's... The dad, he would have fucked me up probably like five years ago, but he's... You can tell his legs are skinny. I will fucking... I'll roll on him.

That's a sad ending, dude. You're the new silverback in town. You're the baby silverback. There better not be anything else around. I've been scoping the houses. There's some mansions. God damn it. What's going on here?

Are you going to attack the elites? What's going on? Nothing. Sorry. My screen fucked up Are you going to attack the elites? What's going on? Nothing. Sorry. My screen fucked up. You're with the southern elites. You're with the southern aristocracy. What are you going to update?

I don't know what the fuck's going on. Email needs to show up for some reason. Fuck this. What is happening? You got it. What? On your side? You got to confirm your email?

No, I don't know. No, no nothing everything's gay um everything's fine okay yeah dude there's a mansion like on the walk to the beach here that is just it's fucking it's perfect if this thing if shit pops off i'm just getting in there i'm thinking of it like it's like a scary movie they're in there like it all of a sudden. They turn and look out the window. You're just standing in an Assault Life shirt. It's like... Dude, I got Beezer. Beezer and O'Connor. Did you ever see Us?

No. The Jordan Peele movie? Yeah. Not Get Out. The one with the ice? Oh, dude. It's called Us. There's a scene where they...

Us is actually good. See, that's the thing that sucks. Jordan Peele got all that love for Get Out because everybody was like, white people are actually really bad. Aren't you guys shocked by this? That's a fucked up stereotype that all white people are hypnotists.

Get Out perpetuated? Perpetuated big time, dude. That's fucked up. I've been fighting that stereotype my whole life. The best stereotype is every white dude every white person wants to be black yeah it's like yo bro chill that's kind of a tough question because it's like you can't say like no i don't because i'm like why not you're like oh yeah true so i mean i i have to ask myself if you asked me in seventh grade that's an automatic yes

uh yeah when and one when and one basketball and one mixtape was popping off oh my god dude I have to ask myself, if you asked me in seventh grade, that's an automatic yes. When Anne won basketball and when mixtape was popping off, yes. Black, please. I would just be like, yes. When somebody knows the answer on Jeopardy. When I was younger, I was like, maybe I should move to the projects when I'm older. Have you thought about that?

I genuinely remember thinking about that. Just get some cred. Yeah. I mean, dude, I thinking about that. Like, just, you know, just get some cred. Yeah. I mean, dude, I can see that. There's a lot of people. Now I kind of do. There's a lot of people at Temple that, like, you would talk to them. Like, oh, yeah, you know, I used to live in North Philly for a while.

It's like, you rented student housing. Yeah, I met Young, like, fifth grade. Oh, dude, I was thinking about this. I wasn't talking about, as in like college being like but no people do hit that hard i did this in college i moved to a house that was just me and literally two other people on the street there was you know and i was yeah but you didn't do it for cred no i was just cheap yeah that's what i mean i had a fun yeah i know that's like yeah man fucking you know how you know how it is around here yeah i was like maybe i should just live eight mile you should have i wish i had instead

i went i went instead of uh b rabbit i went jimmy buffett dude i ended up going jimmy buff you know jimmy buffett was forced someone's told me uh oh first of all i didn't even shout this kid out the night i got hammered uh at West, this young boy, last name O'Connor. Really? Young boy named O'Connor. Fucking supple boy, dude. 27. Hot.

Me and him could have had it. He almost took me in the sand. Really? I was giving him the fucking like, wouldn't it be crazy if we like kissed or something wait so you guys took a beach walk by yourselves yeah well he kept trying to he went to the show

he's a dog dude he's a fan so you guys walked onto the boardwalk if you interrupt my story with junk like that so check out the boardwalk we didn't go onto the boardwalk we didn't go on a boardwalk Matt but I'm saying we could have he wouldn't let us I would have gone on the boardwalk

dude he came down with like an unbuttoned Hawaiian on I was like are you trying to get me hard are you fucking with me are you gonna make me cum in the sand are you gonna with me you're gonna make me come in the sand you make me moonlight dude you're gonna make me sunlight dude when it's two white dudes oh fuck i fucking forget what i was gonna say oh yeah i just wanted to shout him out two hot dudes

chilling in the sand that's fucked up he kept wanting to go to a bar he kept wanting to go to the bars and i was like dude i'm not going to the fucking bars not with not with covid true he didn't cronies is out i'm not going to packed bars he was a young boy on on spring break uh you can't he was 27 and yoked dude he didn't care i mean that must that's a tough i'm getting pussy switch to turn off of all those kids on spring break. The fact that the state stepped in and was like, no, no, guys, actually, you're not getting pussy. Go back to your parents' house. Like, oh, fuck, man.

Fucking unreal. Yeah, and everybody was shitting on all those college kids. They would go down and interview college kids, and they'd be like, well, we don because like our immune systems are fine but it's like and everyone's like fucking assholes it's like dude imagine if you were in college and you were drunk on saint patrick's day and someone stuck a fucking microphone in your face i you know i would have said the n word something i would have been in a local news interview i would have said something retarded. Yeah, I'd be in hot water if somebody hit me with that. Yeah, I will absolutely murder this family.

Also, too, it's like – Dude, this fucking rich family is two people and a gold retriever, and they're moving things in one at a time. They're still moving shit in. They're moving like one item at a time. I might go out and be like, it's quite a wife you got there. Be a shame if something happened. Bye, neighbor.

You should just make a southern accent the whole time you're down there. Yeah. You should go out and kiss his wife's hand. Pleased to meet you. Sorry. Me and the boys are cooking burgers tonight if you want to join us why don't the missus just stop by i'm just playing how you doing sir i would eat your wife's pussy sir i'm just messing with you that's just southern hospitality that's how we joke that's how we joke around here

well dude the spring break thing that's funny about that is uh i thought all kids were like climate change activists and like we're like no no they're not at all all had purple hearts of school shootings no that's how they that's how they put them in the the news and in reality they're like you're getting fucking wasted fuck no they've always been there and what's funny is i've i know i knew that because I would fucking talk to them. They come to shows and shit. And they're like, yo, dude, fucking gooks. And I'm like, chill, bro.

Like every single time. Yeah. Young people out there that are like, you ask young white college dudes who they like, out of the presidential candidates, like, dude, Trump, trump is like cool to them i mean it's funny it's ironically funny to like him i mean dude i that shit i pulled back when i just said that hard no no no i'm pulling back because i i'd want to cough outside of mike all right i was like no hell no dude the uh i was watching the press conferences about all of the covid shit and it was like i couldn't believe the quite like people were people were like yeah well you know you sound a little too optimistic well you know you're selling people false hope if he were to be like

yeah we're fucked that you're you're just all doom and gloom what's your problem yeah no yeah of course of course so the fact that he was i mean when they were uh when they were he was talking to one reporter and he was was like – the reporter was like, so what do you say to the Americans who are scared right now? He was like, that you're a terrible reporter. Dude. Also – That was genuinely –

Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. That was like – I was watching that like, you know, Trump actually fucking destroyed that reporter. Oh, dude, that was – Like, he totally ruined that guy. Yeah. Well, it was bullshit. and they still tried to switch it like they still tried to like post videos and with like dramatic sad music and be like instead of focusing i'm burping up cool ranch doritos by the way instead of like focusing on the issues trump is just attacking journalists that's not that's

literally that's not what's happening. It's like, you know, you should just be like, all right, what are we doing? He's right about that, though. He's right that a lot of them, not that they shouldn't be, they should be fucking reporting. In fact, a lot of them seem to be like, so New York Times will tweet and be like, cases are up 370% this week. And it's like, yeah, because tests went up 5,000% this week.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Obviously, cases are blowing up because that's how viruses work, but it's also like, you know, can we also report like, yeah, testing is also going up. That's why the numbers are skyrocketing, because testing is skyrocketing. Yeah, well, then where are the tests? Then they don't have the tests.

They're like, well, where are the tests? And they're like, we're making them. He's like, definitely making them. He's like, yeah, we're fucking, we're making them. Oh, fuck, we deleted this. I still need to find out Charles Barkley's test results. Oh, fuck, man. I was genuinely like, you gave us those mushrooms.

I was high on mushrooms last night. That was me taking it easy, by the way. I was telling o'connor in six like you guys better slow down i was on mushrooms watching men in black i was watching men in black three men in black three on mushrooms mibs three mibs rules dude it's dude it's so good. First of all, I've never not... Mushrooms are the best. They might be. I don't understand what the holdup is at all. They just got lumped into drugs, which they're not.

They got lumped into the wrong category. I don't think so. They're good drugs. If you go for the harm index, they're like might be the lowest. Really? Yeah. In terms of like i think like the ld what is like the ld 50 is like when fit like something that says like how toxic things are you would have to eat like fuck man like 10 pounds of mushrooms before you like you put

yourself which isn't physically impossible yeah yeah yeah you'd be oh my god i mean you imagine no i know you would be in a different universe dude i had like one cap and like yeah i got greedy on the stems i probably had like five stems last night about a half an eighth that's what's up i was having fun dude i was just watching i was just nice and easy i was like let's take it easy that's a chill that's a chill sesh for sure that was a chill sesh that was definitely not too intense there were waves yeah we're kind of kicking waves of intensity where i was like oh i don't want to be around anybody like they would come in and be like get the fuck out of here connor would come in like yelling because he was drunk i'd be like get out of this room yeah that's weird being watching mibs when you're on mushrooms you don't really want to be around

people who aren't on mushrooms because they're just he was on mushrooms but he was also hammered i wasn't drunk yeah he had a he had a fun energy and i was more of just a you just want to watch mibs this is nice i had a blanket on the couch watching mibs oh i was kicking my feet in the blanket the whole time just that's it was so fucking nice dude that's funny i feel like whenever you do mushrooms you you seek like you you uh swaddle yourself true i really do every single time that's pretty cool actually i've been bringing it up every time i see you holding your baby oh you want to be like oh i wish i wish you were holding me i wish you were swaddling me dude you could pay somebody to swaddle you for sure i could swallow you i know how to swaddle now uh oh you're gonna need a tarp no regular blanket

let me pull i have to blow my nose hold on one second i have don't pause it just blow your nose i don't have any tissues run upstairs all right you're gonna you're gonna keep your nose uh yeah i'll talk to the people talk to the peeps i'll be i gotta blow my nose oh wait why don't you throw up that uh youtube video all right yeah i'll do that good idea actually let me uh fuck it or i pause it dude i have my text with them so much yo we're back on buddy we're back on what's up fucking with your dogs very much when you ran upstairs what were they doing it's very fun no i was just yelling do you want to go for a walk do you want to go to the dog park i couldn't hear all the audio they could no't hear all the audio no they could

no they hear through the headphones yes they could hear damn they're going to be keyed up they couldn't hear through the headphones I think the it was coming through it was only coming through my headphones but yeah

they were 100% listening oh I guarantee they can hear their hearing is yeah fantastic damn dude Tilda like walks to the computer

she's very smart she is very smart Jackson's a dipshit he didn't even look. He doesn't give a fuck. Matilda, though, was like walking around,

looking around. Yeah, she was trying to find the leash. I was saying, let's go to the dog park. Oh, dude, they could definitely hear. They're probably

freaking out right now. They're not handling lockdown very well at all. I can't imagine. I mean, yeah, dogs. I bet dogs are kind of happy everybody's chilling at the house, though. No, that's true.

They're probably cool with that. Well, they're getting a double dose of lockdown plus newborn. Newborn's got to be tough for the dogs. I mean, they had the best life ever before we had a baby, man. I would kiss them goodnight and everything. I'd just walk over, and I'm like, get the fuck out of my way you fucking idiots they are funny though today i actually went uh jackson was crying at the top of the steps today while we were watching tv and he i just went upstairs and started wrestling him and that's all he wanted dude he's one oh that's so sweet we wrestled for a little bit and i was like all right get the fuck out of here damn dude what do you

think about this uh apocalypse that's impending do you wrestled for a little bit, and I was like, all right, man, get the fuck out of here. Damn, dude, what do you think about this apocalypse that's impending? What do you think is going to happen here? I'm gearing up. I think we're going back to work in about two weeks. That's your prediction? With or without a vaccine, I think we're going back because we're not going to risk the economy. Yeah, I think they're going to stay. Yeah, I think you're right.

I think after two weeks, they're going to be'll be like all right if you are somebody with a compromised immune system or you live with one you guys can continue to quarantine yourself but if you want to hit it open it back up and people are going to open back up and you know yeah they're going to have to i've read someone uh actually the uh the scientist the unnamed scientist who does the patreon stuff he sent me a study today saying they're starting to figure out there's like certain climates this disease thrives in. So they're going to be able

to start predicting it according to weather patterns where it'll hit harder. You know. So that's kind of... My guess is the climate is Asian cities. Dystopian.

Yeah, dystopian, technocratic empires. New York City yeah wuhan italy new york city i think the west coast has got to be getting trounced by this fucking thing i don't think not as hard as new york man you're just getting it bad yeah dude new york's getting murdered yeah yeah i mean new york's uh the biggest hub like yeah it's true it's in the world like yeah i guess new york's way on more it's more on top of everybody like everyone's more on top of each other la yeah spread out yeah you got some space yeah i was just being racist oh you think it says a ton of asians yeah it does actually my friend lives uh this coast is loaded with asians

yeah my friend lives out there and it's like he's pretty much he's a minority his community is literally is mostly asian dude no it's weird too and i told him this um he had corona like symptoms he thought he had pneumonia like four months ago i'm like dude you might have had coronavirus it was funny something you think you had covid he's like i don't know he doesn't entertain stuff like that he's like there's a friend of mine that was a waiter at the stand that had pneumonia for like a few weeks asian really and he had it i look i'm just saying i say it's not about where you're from. It's just about your ethnicity. This disease only came from Asian people. You know what I mean? Jackson, you motherfucker.

He's pushing it hard, dude. I must. Chew him upstairs, dude. Look at his fat ass, dude. He's calling me fat. Look at his thick butt when he runs up the steps, dude. It's like he's wearing a thong, too. So he's wearing a thong too. Back, baby.

What are you talking about? Non-explosiveness, dude? What are you talking about? Come on now. You see me jump that big picture? See you, Branson. I'm flying. I have a lot of scouts look for a man with a prominent rump.

I told you that. I told you that. I knew that. I told you that. I knew that scouts would just saw my ass. I'm like, do you play sports? I told you that. Scouts saw me. Offensive line, it's nice to have a thick rump, and I have a flat butt.

I got a nice Hank Hill butt. Just a flat. It's so gross, dude. Dude, scouts from all different sports would call me they saw my ass in high school and they were just like you play sports they tried recruiting me no i don't play sports no just off my ass i play rugby no no no we said sports not fucking clubs not after school clubs i mean you know what were the fourth team in the nation i forget i honestly forget every single rugby team believes that they the fourth team in the nation? I forget. I honestly forget.

Every single rugby team believes that they were like ranked in the top 10. I mean, we were, but yeah. Every single rugby, there's 900 different leagues. You guys are all top 10. It's for real. It's Special Olympics for kids who couldn't play football. No, what happened to me? What happened to me?

I was too good at all American sports. I had to go international. High school rugby is Special Olympics for kids who couldn't play football. No, it's not. Every high school rugby team is like, yeah, we were undefeated. Yeah, I mean, we were. Flew down to Florida for a tournament. It was fucking sick.

We went to D.C., Texas. Yeah, we traveled. We traveled. So, what were we talking about before we broke? We were talking about COVID. Dang. We were talking COVID, weren't we?'t we yeah so what would you do you're talking about what when I what am I gonna do survival wise or what am I thinking I don't know he I O'Conney put it put some good

thoughts into my head he was just like I mean once he said it was like yeah it's pretty pretty I guess common he was like it's gonna get to a point where we're just like how many lives are we willing to lose here in order to make sure the economy doesn't totally collapse? So I'm sure we can lose a million plus geezers. I mean, dude, ask yourself. Send everyone back to work. Fuck it. Ask yourself this question.

Since when did the government give a fuck about geezers, dude? You know, I'm quoting David Eichel on this, but it's like like that's a good point he's like so you're going to tell me the government's going to sacrifice the national maybe global economy for geezers the same people they've been cutting their benefits for years for come on now yeah ask yourself that what does that indicate maybe that's a little more serious no yeah it does it's basically this is a this is a new world order stunt Maybe that it's a little more serious? No, yeah, it does.

It's basically, this is a New World Order stunt, basically, where it's like, this is going to allow the technocrats, this is going to give the technocrats reason to start tracking your everything. The reason they said certain countries didn't get as sick was that they would trace your location and then see whoever was around you and then force all those other people into quarantine.

China will lock you in your room. They'll say, go to bed. They'll lock your apartment from outside. Yeah, they'll lock your apartment from outside. Those videos coming out of China, I don't know how many of those are real, but them ripping people out of cars and shit. I don't think they fake those those are real but it's always like them like ripping people out of cars and shit like i don't think they fake they're getting rowdy there was one i saw of like a like chain gang of sick people like they were like handcuffed in a line getting marched out of a town

what the fuck i mean also we're not real there's still a chain gang in china like they're still doing it also what's really funny is china was like China announced like this week they're like no we have no new uh cases this week it's like yeah sure China fucking liars dude you guys lied non-stop I mean apparently I think they said it honestly is like when Iran was like no we don't have one gay guy here oh yeah for sure okay yeah thanks thanks for that report thanks china thanks for your report no new cases this week okay i think now they're saying officially it came from pangolins and not bats so it came from like armadillos oh okay it's like a penguin said penguins no penguins yeah yeah i've seen that boy. Yeah, did you munch him? Did you ever munch him? No, but I guess it was some sort of bat-pangolin combo, though.

So you had the fucking sky in turf? I guess it was... Wait, you said you munched? Or you think that's what... No, I wouldn't munch. That's what caused the disease. That's for your joke. Oh, thank you. That's what caused the disease? Josh, your joke oh thank you that's what caused

josh anytime you drop a dime dude i'll hit you with the thumbs yeah no i i the bats bats are involved in this okay they're in the mix bats somehow we're in the mix so a bat is a pangolin and a pangolin and a bat were probably caged next to each other and a bat was probably sucking on a fucking pangolin foot or some shit. Well, I think the disease is straight animal. It's an animal to human transmission, which is apparently not

like a regular thing. No, it's very irregular. But we knew, everybody knew that it was always going to come from fucking Chinese markets. Did you see the research paper from 2017? Yeah, from like 08? Oh, it was 08 to come from fucking Chinese markets. Did you see the research paper from 2017? Yeah, from like 08? Oh, it was 08.

There was one from like 07 that was like, Being like, this is bad. They're going to be, we're going to get something bad from this. I mean, and that's the thing. People are fucking putting snakes and bats in blenders, dude. They're making witch's brew all the time. True, that is a witch's brew. They're like, Eye of Newt, good.

That's actually a good appetizer. Dude, that'd be a witch's brew they're like eye of newt good that's actually a good appetizer dude that'd be why is it so funny in front of what they're eating it's really what's funny really is the fact that this is funny is to think that like a witch's cocktail which is like yeah they're like they just champ which fucking potions i'm sorry o'connor is literally he just opened the door and was like we're cooking burgers do you want cheese damn you're a fucking idiot a chinese guy champing a witch's potion but no actually this is delicious and the witch is like

what he's like chinese guy just munching more and more of it. Is that salamander? She's like, Oh shit. You fucking put some newt in this salamander and newt. I haven't had this since Wuhan. You got any bats? It's not like a moral,

like I don't, I'm not pissed at like Chinese people. It's, but if I'm furious right now about O'connor doing what he just did i mean yeah that would that would chat my ass imagine uh imagine if like from people not picking up their dog shit all of a sudden the whole world is a global pandemic people are dying and shit you could be like motherfuckers dog motherfuckers with dogs cause this goddamn disease i don't know why they're trying to say that it didn't come from what's

the point of saying it didn't come from china what do you think these fucking identity politics fucking pussies who made their whole lives around this thing but being like we don't know for fact that it came from there it's like no i think we do i think i think that's pretty factual i remember the first the first video I saw about it. It was like, no, it didn't come from people eating bats. And then the fucking WHO was like, yeah, it probably came from people eating bats. Yeah. It was like, all these fucking YouTubers are like, please stop being ignorant.

I'm a doctor. It did not come from that. It's like, what the fuck would you know? I'm a sports medicine. I have a master's did not come from that what the fuck would you know I'm a sports medicine I have a masters in sports medicine I have a masters in plyometrics and the karaoke stretch

I watched a Trump, did you ever see the Trump fact checks that are like from Fox it's literal brainwashing what do they support them and they're just kind of like here's a rumor, he's like that's not true That are like from Fox. It's literal brainwashing. What, do they support him? They support him. And they're just kind of like, oh, here's a rumor.

He's like, that's not true. And they don't have any. There's no like real proof. They're just like, yeah, and that's not true either. And oh, yeah, by the way, yeah, that's not true. And also Trump's doing a fantastic job. And you're like, thanks, bro. Appreciate the breakdown.

Fox is wild. I don't ever watch it because it's. That's my go-to because it's actually embarrassing. That's my go-to. I turn Fox on right away. I guess, I mean, you could live in that world. You could decide to live in the Fox News. Like, that's your reality.

I mean, dude, I don't see a difference between CNN and Fox News. Yeah, I was going to say, is it that different? No, it's not. It's just them being like, no, no, Trump is gay. CNN the whole time is like, we're dying. It it's just them being like it's very gay cnn the whole time is like we're dying it's like is this virus trump's fault yes breaking news trump is a dipshit breaking news trump and munched bats what if he actually munched bats breaking news yeah i'm just i mean i i'm at the point where i'm like, God damn it, I'm pissed off people ate pangolins.

I'm like, what the fuck, guys? I'm genuinely like, what the fuck? But then again, imagine if eating crab legs gave everybody in Spain dysentery. I'd be like, fuck, man, I didn't know. Sorry about that, Spain. I would say I'd be first in line to be like, sorry about that, Spain.

Crab legs are great. Have you tried them? If pangolins are good good if pangolins hold up and they are delicious probably really delicious treats they're probably fucking real delicious dude how delicious do you think they are oh dude they're probably so good dude how good if you were to eat a pangolin i would probably what would you dip it what type of salt are you talking like is this like a hot sauce type animal or is it like turkey where you mix it with gravy oh i don't know because you could they don't really have bones so you couldn't really rest

it i mean because you could try to think of why do they not have bones pangolin i think aren't they like a shell creature i guess now they have bones they're a mammal okay so i'm trying to think of like what kind of sauce like maybe a little like a sous vide or something i'm trying to think what kind of sauce i'd make because i would i don't mammals they're just a bunch of mammals so i would cook i would cook the pangolin in its own shell like steam it up okay you know what i mean give it a little flavor so i it's not like you're thinking like armadillo it's kind of like scaled like a like a It's like a lizard mammal? It's kind of like a scaled animal. No, but it has more like a chain mail. It looks like a hedgehog. Yeah, it kind of looks like an armored hedgehog.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's a cool fucking animal. What's your favorite part of the pangolin? I would say its knee. I just much the scales, dude. I like those scales. Yeah, you fry those scales. There you go.

Now we're talking. Some scale chips. Some pangolin chips. Dude, I wish I had a fucking restaurant right now. If they're good, if they're good, if they are good, and if bats are good, 100% Chinese people are off the hook for this. Well, you know some Vice reporter is about to go eat a pangolin in an arm, go eat pangolin in a bat.

Like, they're probably doing it now to be like, we're eating it. There's no problem with this. like they're probably doing it now to be we're eating if they're good i swear to god they're innocent what the chinese if a vice reporter no i'm saying if pangolin tastes good and if bats taste good the chinese are innocent i mean dude imagine if fucking medium rare burgers caused caused worldwide sickness you'd be like fucking sorry dude i like them like that yeah but then again i mean someone had to have been like you can't do like how is there no like we have the health authority to be like hey well china didn't have that china doesn't really have regulations on people munching there's no munch regulations now they're setting up some munch regulations now people like you guys gotta have munch regular and also enough with the dogs the whole world is like all right

stop with the dogs it's not just us that's like it's so funny when people like well we eat cows and they're like like pigs are smarter than dogs like i i hear you it's a fucked up thing yeah but it dude watching somebody boil a dog. It's fucking horrible. If I watch someone boil a pig, I'd be like, that's a nightmare. Stop doing that. Yeah, I wouldn't want to see that at all. Boiling any mammal, I'm not down with at all. But boiling a dog is rough.

Yeah, man. Rough. Yeah, dude. I mean, look, all of our Chinese listeners, what I'm saying is I'm hanging with you guys. I'm not judging you. I literally just said 100% if pangolins taste good, this was kind of worth it.

Yeah, I'd say that, yeah. Like there's no judgment here. True. And somebody just told me, yeah, like you were saying, like if Cool Ranch Doritos was going to make everybody in Spain have diarrhea, I wouldn't – I would still munch some Doritos, dude. Oh, also, imagine how much more delicious they are to eat now that you know they could cause a global pandemic. When you're not allowed to eat them?

Oh, my God. It's just like jerking off right now for you. Oh, dude, I'm going to crack one. We talk about that on this episode? No, I haven't nutted. I can't. I don't have time to nut and i and like i don't know when it's like i there's no good time the 100 the move is to

pause the podcast so she thinks you're down here podcasting true speak she's got to talk the whole way through yeah that's true while you're jerry like watching porn you gotta be like oh man shane that's crazy whoa dude fuck and another thing about china it'd be funny if she heard you down it was just we should have people that like a like a firewall to protect us on that what as soon as we get into talking about china someone should be like all right stop enough i mean i don't know man i think people are being babies about i mean you can't be a baby about a pandemic if people are if you're seriously like people are dying and it's like well here's one of the main causes of that there's no there's no problem in giving a stern talking to to people who are much who are all you can eat and who are all you can eat and fucking mammals, dude.

We munch hard mammals. We do it right, Shane. We do. We only munch hooved mammals. True. Do we? Nah, chickens. Chickens are mammals.

No, they're not. Really? Oh, they lay eggs. Yeah, they're more like a reptile. No, those are birds. Yeah, but they're descendants of reptiles. Birds are descendants of reptiles. Sorry, Shane. Yeah, but their classification is birds. Yeah, they're more like a reptile. No, those are birds. Yeah, but they're descendants of... Birds are descendants of reptiles. Sorry, Shane.

Yeah, but their classification is birds. Well, now they are, but I'm talking before that. True. Technically, we're all microbes. Yeah, man. I mean, dude, there's no... Yeah, there's no time for pussyfooting during a... How many people died in Italy?

4,000 died. That's the blood on these people's hands who was going to be like well we should be careful before we just sign blame it's like yeah you're ready to go to every single one of those fucking doors and they go senior senior it's all it's also funny we all get our news from like memes now like people get news from memes where it's like oh shit that's that's true like apparently i saw a meme today and i don't think it's true but apparently the like mayor in this uh chinese or italian town maybe city i forget was like hey let's during when during the covid outbreak he was like let's make sure you like reach out to your, the Chinese people that live in our city. Like hug,

hug Asian people today. Oh, wait, people, this is a bad me. That was a bad me. We're staying away from them. Yeah.

There was like an Asian dude with like a sign that was like, Asian people are not the virus. I'm a person free hugs. People are like hugging him and everyone got sick that was a meme and it wasn't true there's no way that was real there's no way that that's what i mean everyone was responsible no of course how many deaths do you think he did cause i know he didn't cause 4500 but like how many deaths do you think the hugger did cause in a very 25 to 30 he killed 25 to 30 italian WAP fucking nanas.

Oh my god. Oh shit, we were talking about it. I was like, it's funny that the country's getting crushed the hardest. WAPs and Chinese people. Literally the two countries we make fun of the most. I was on DadMeet trying to figure it out and my theory is that they kiss each other all the time. Italians were kissing each other's cheeks.

Yeah, they were constantly transmitting that. That shit spreads so fucking fast. I'm like... This is a great bat you have prepared for us today. Thank you for the bat. Spreading COVID everywhere. That and China has a pretty strong presence up there. A little Silk Road action. Yeah, i heard about that yeah so really i don't know dude i think it might have been us that caused it

then well did you look into the thing about the chinese reporting that it was us that did it did you look into the harvard scientist who was on uh chinese payroll and then got busted and got he was getting paid like fifty thousand dollars a month from china this definitely happened i mean no no it wasn't he just was doing medical research for china and america and getting 50 000 a month and then like they found you're not allowed to do that his patreon was fat his patreon was looking i mean his his patreon was tight during the chinese government given Given your Patreon, yeah. It's going to be fucking tight. It's going to be fat.

But yeah, dude, $50,000 a month, and he got busted, apparently, doing research for the People's Republic of China. And he got arrested and shit. He got in trouble for it. So people are trying to say that he was inventing or engineering COVID. That's the theory. Really? that's a bad theory yeah i mean this guy was i would like to know what the fuck this guy was doing though doing secret research for china for 50 g's a month first of all they shouldn't have paid him that much you wouldn't got in trouble yeah true here's fucking a hundred thousand what yeah what what research was he giving them nobody knows right now i don't know

he's probably giving them like netflix passwords yeah man i don't know but i i do think dude we're coming out the there's going to be a mandated vaccine they're going to start man that's oh that's that's that's you fear that i've been on this tip dude and it's not it's not about people conspiring to events. It's all about the spin. So people, they're going to spin this into like, dude, the drug companies that we're going to have five gazillion. You know, there's a vaccine court.

They got rid of vaccine court. Used to be able to sue companies for damages from vaccines. It's gone. No pays for it. When people do get damaged from a vaccine and actually prove it came from the vaccine, no pays for that. American taxpayer.

So yeah, if you put out the vaccine, you can't get in trouble if it fucks people up. American taxpayer. I shouldn't even be on the air right now. Damn, I put down these highlights, by the way. I don't know if you noticed that. How many have you been sucking them down? I'm at a fucking house in these bad boys.

Anyone give you a talking to for fucking going through the rations? Nobody here can tell me shit, dog. You should go boss some people around. I'm paying them. Who do you think is paying the rent? True, dude. Who do you think is putting a roof over these fucking scoundrels' heads? You've got to mandate dinner time and to sit at the head of the table.

O'Connor just had to mandate dinner time on me. Didn't he? I mean, I guess you couldn't see him. I didn't see him, but I can detect him. He slid the door open and fucking yelled, we're making burgers. Do you want cheese on yours? Doing a live recording.

I was like, I'm still mad about it. While you were talking for the last five minutes, I've been in my head just thinking about how mad I am at him. Why are you so mad at him? What a fucking asshole. To interrupt it? Just come in here and scream, do you want cheese on your burger?

God, you guys are going to be fighting tonight, dude. We're going to end up kissing on this trip. You think so? You guys do need to get that out. That would be awesome, dude, if you guys just came out as an official couple. You know, comment You guys do need to get that out. That'd be awesome, dude. If you guys just came out as an official couple. You know, comment.

Which one would be Rich Voss? Which one would be Bonnie? O'Connor is definitely Voss, dude. You're Bonnie. I'm more of a Bonnie. Heard that. No, I could see that for sure. O'Connor is Voss. Dude, V is dude boss i i don't i'm gonna miss him

what when he dies he's gonna die in the in the virus but i fucking love that guy creeps with kids tour is fucked is it really oh you went and did that the creeps with kids tour is dude they're all gonna die from caronis and bobby kelly's doing uh episode every day i've been talking to bobby i was speaking with him and he seems overly confident he's not gonna die he's like i'm not that old dude i'll be fine i'm like bro i'm i'm young and i'm worried because i'm fat you should be yeah worried you should check in on every day they almost worried about you bro i'll text him

right now and say are you dead you just said letter r letter u dead are you dead d-e-d i'm gonna text boss and ask him if he's dead you should dude but i fucking love that guy so much i mean dude he is legendary he really really is man he he was he was spitting some shit to me the other night that made me like it was just me and him talking i doubt he would ever want this to be repeated but it was a pretty fucking like cool fucking thing for him to say he was because you know we were talking we were talking business we're talking about our jays our different jews yeah and uh j squad both of us were talking j squSquads. Yeah. And he was like, Shane, Shane, Shane, Shane.

I've seen, he's like, I've had different agents, managers, everybody in this show business, they come and go. You know who hasn't? You know who hasn't left? Me. Damn. I'm still here. And I was like, damn, boss, you're the fucking man, dude.

He is, dude. It just made me so happy. He's definitely still here. I mean, dude, I've said it a hundred times. Watching him champ digital graffiti was just like, that's immortal shit, dude. Unreal. I see somebody stand their ground on digital graffiti

and just look at a screen of someone saying the most horrible things you can think of and be like, what the hell is this, you fucking losers? Anyway, blah, blah, blah. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, he's the only one that's ever done that he's the only one capable of that i was about to say i think he's the only person who can do that yeah we gotta bring back digital we should probably do it we should probably figure out

a way to stream it yeah man that that should happen when we i spent again your prediction is two weeks so if we have two weeks off we go no no that's just gonna be people working there we're not gonna be able to have a public gathering for like six months we could stream oh yeah you would need a crowd there too you need a slight crowd it'll it'll just people just be like i don't know have you seen the fucking uh the different projections of like the the the curves on the death tolls and the hospital beds and all that shit no so if it goes unchecked if we just went about our lives this thing would like tear through the population and be done by like august okay if we do this if we quarantine it's just gonna like slowly bump up for a year.

This is going to take a year and a half. I don't know if I like that. If we close everything, it's going to take like two years for this thing to – So if we just purge – If we literally were like, yo, party's on, dude. Just keep rolling. Now, the thing that sucks about that is we don't have any hospital beds for that. If you're scared, stay at home, dude. That's the mantra.

If you're scared, they could wait. Instead of sending everybody a $1,200 check, they could let people who aren't in a position where they're at risk to go and work. And if you are, they'll be like, all right, we'll give you a couple bucks to stay and chill and sit on your keister. I think that's how it should be done.

I mean, it's either we wait for a vaccine or we let it fucking burn through the entire population. Yeah, man. Are you willing to risk the entire economy global on the geezers? That's what I'm saying, dude. On 1% of our geezers? You're telling me the powers that be are worried about the geezers bro come on man they're gonna crash the economy they're mostly geezers a lot of them are catching it oh yeah ran paul caught it harvey weinstein all the elite geezers caught it true well if you're if you're a traveling geez you got it most only

self-quarantined anyway true the only fucking clip of stand-up i have online it's like ran paul is an ugly bitch he just got it well dude the i would see like a nursing home stats bother me like two more people died in a nursing it's like dude that's every day that's all day every day dude those dudes are all day dying constantly like two more deaths when covid gets into a fucking nursing home, it goes through it, dude. You think it's going to wrap it up? Oh, it happened already.

Nursing homes in Washington got hit by it and literally the whole... Everyone in there died in like a week. Did they really? Yeah, the geezers in a nursing home, dude, you're fucked. Yeah, but I mean, dude... I think they were saying... Everything is hearsay at this point even like news is hearsay but like i think covid can like live

on surfaces it can just live on a surface and so you just live on a fucking doorknob yeah i think it's like two days kill everyone who touches it two days it can just chill on a dina you could chill on a doorknob i have allergies you shouldn't have bailed on dino dude yeah dude i i have allergies right now so it's like i go outside in public and i'm like do you yeah people are like did i say it on this one i was sweating from those mushrooms oh yeah i was like holy fuck dude i have a fever i'm fucked no dude i you're fine i'm telling you that was your body at night i was like just sweating my dick off and i was

like what is this this is a problem i'd like chills i had a fever you might your body might have bucked it off in one day maybe american like you dude yeah i'm telling you this thing only affects us liberals and old and old people true this is only if you eat steak eggs hot dogs and fucking miller high life fine will butt fuck the coronis yeah i won't even about you'll sneeze once and be like that was weird that's true because what is communist china hate the most american freedom exactly that's if you're true for you if you're a true free, if you're a fucking gay pussy that's out there

that's like, we actually need communism, congratulations, you played yourself. Coronis is headed your way. Now you got it. Yeah, that's true. I'm telling you, dude,

I would love to see the party lines in terms of people who get it. I guarantee you, it's all liberals. Yeah, dude, I think they're going to're gonna roll out i mean in terms of like online privacy and shit that's gone like dude these companies it's not like they do this on purpose good but like us saying that shit like just they're just like straight face like yeah i think it's just if you hey if you're a communist get ready ready. It's coming. We're literally just making content to bother people.

I know. It's only funny imagining somebody being like, this is stupid. Nuh-uh. Yeah, you're getting the, you know when you tease a little girl and they go like, it's just people learn words, but that's what's at the root of it.

Be like – Yeah. Bro. You're going to get food. You're the one who has it. Man. These guys, I get it and all. As a comedian, I get it.

But like this is not humor. There's no jokes there. There's no jokes. I craft my jokes what i do is i go into a small black box theater and i talk about periods and what i do is i wear a vagina suit and dump blood all over myself and do an interpretive dance nothing's funnier than a comedian explaining how they're fun like i'm actually funny and here's why 10 reasons i'm a funny comedian it's like i know that's why dude the whole time they're like you got to go do this interview do that interview i

was like if i explain why this is funny yeah it's gay very david lynch of you dude i admire that you can't give closures for the week dude you're out you're just an artist bro my bro there's nothing yo you want to know something fucked up what uh all right so chrissy mayer made that dumbass kung fu fighting video okay did i show you that lewis oh i didn't know that that was that's what lewis is oh that's fucking lewis is in it which is hilarious because anybody who did any of those like musical parodies is kind of gay but yeah they asked me to do it and i was like this this is gonna be bad it's down you turn it down i said no way but fucking uh people are just crushing her for being like racist who for

doing kung fu oh that's why they did the kung fu it's kind of racist it comes well the reason it comes off as racist is because it's very hacky and And I know most of the people in it. And most of them are actually racist. It's kind of racist. Do they do Kung Flu fighting or they do Kung Fu fighting? They do Kung Flu, dude. They toss in the Kung Flu. They want everybody was Kung Flu fight. Damn, that's a tongue twister, dude.

Kung Flu fighting? Yeah. So, I mean. No, it's not. Everybody was Kung Flu fight. Yeah, I mean... No, it's not. Everybody was kung flu fighting. Yeah, I guess so. I mean... Anyway.

So, they're saying they're calling racism on that. Yeah. Well, here's what I was getting at. And this is Bowen Yang, the dude from SNL. Your close personal friend, yes. My good friend who spared me. Thank you so much for protecting me. Thank you.

With your graciousness. Thank you you guy who actually made the cast thank you for yeah he could have he could have really leaned into you dude actually he actually could have leaned into me and he instead acted like he was mother theresa talking to a leper he was like hey maybe that guy will be all right i'm just proud i talked to him there you go he reached out he reached out he did did. He did. He did. Actually, it was actually a good guy. Yeah, he's a nice guy. Did he say, like, fuck this shit?

Right away, he did. When I was still on the cast, he was like, yo, this whole thing is crazy. And then, like, three days later, when the writing was on the wall that I was getting fired, he was like, just do what you need to do to get through this. That's a nice blow. He actually, yeah, zero problems with him.

Could have been a real bitch about it. He could have, same thing with fucking Judd Apatow, could have easily fucked me. What did he say? Was he just like? Judd was just like, maybe he's funny. I don't know. I've never really seen him, so I'm not going to.

He was like, I'm going to hold out judgment. Good for him. Good for him. He's got a lot of skeletons in his closet, though, dude. I don't know. He's not afraid to outwardly. Anyway, so Bowen tweeted it. He was like, nobody in New York comedy respects Chrissy Mayer.

He fucking tweeted that out. I was just like, damn, dude, that's a little harsh. You're a boy. My dog. He just trashed her. Yeah, I don't... Chris is cool. She's whatever, but like...

It was probably easy. She's like a new... She's a comic. She's a low-level, working-her-way-up comic. Yep. And Bowen's on Saturday Night Live. Yep. To tweet that out is and and here's the thing if you get called racist or like homophobic or anything like that you get green lit you got the green light on you oh yeah but if you're fucking just butt fuck you that's

publicly hardest cast member of saturday night live calling her like nobody in new york respects her everybody in the tweet was like who is that what are you talking about why are you bringing up this person oh he was probably i mean anybody if you get that green light like louis no matter what he does people will always talk shit piece of shit you have that little fucking green light above your head where it's publicly acceptable to talk shit on you everybody in our shitty society will talk shit on you yeah for sure if there's no if there's no repercussions and you're allowed to talk shit on someone you will talk shit on them it feel probably feels good to be like yeah that fucking piece of shit guy. Fucking nobody likes him. It's like, I don't know.

I guess, man. I don't know. It made me laugh. I mean, that's fucking hilarious. Being an SNL cast member talking about Chrissy Mayer. It'd be like, nobody in New York respects her. And literally every reply was like, who are you talking about? He showed the video and everyone was like, oh, okay.

Everyone saw it and was like, ooh, this is really bad and racist. No one liked it. No, the video sucked. I knew it was going to suck ooh, this is really bad and racist. No one liked it. No, the video sucked. I knew it was going to suck. They told me what they were doing, and I was like, that's terrible. They tried to get the king of fucking Asian comedy. They tried to get the king.

Actually, there was actually a really funny tweet. Someone was like, you know how bad it is? Because in the replies, someone was like, why isn't Shane in this? And she was like, I tried. He didn't answer. Someone in the replies was like, imagine how racist a video has to be where shangula says no oh my dude you ever get into mark walberg's checkered past so he he assaulted a fucking dude didn't he dude he's like multiple hate crimes. Okay, I'm not going to slander him.

His first charge was like throwing rocks at black kids and like doing some like Bronx Tale style being like, you motherfucking hard ends, throwing rocks at them. I think he did that twice. I think he has two hard end rock

throws at black kids, like chasing Black Kid's healthy. That's the beginning of it, dude. And then he beat the fuck out of, like, I think a Vietnamese guy. Yeah, that's the one I know. Beat the fuck out of him. Then he beat the fuck out of another Asian guy or something. Dude, he's like – Mark –

The fact that Mark – I was just watching his Netflix movie, dude. Oh, that Netflix movie is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. I always saw it. I always saw it. You loved it, dude. God damn it. You loved it.

Dude, you're speaking for me. First of all. I saw you pull back and be like, it wasn't that bad. I've only watched the very beginning. So I watched him. It's every single Mark Wahlberg movie where he's just. It's like Adam Sandler is the coolest. Every movie is about him being so fucking cool. At least Mark Wahlberg is where he's just, it's like, you know, Adam Sandler is like the coolest fuck. It's every movie about him being like so fucking cool.

At least Mark Wahlberg is jacked. True. The thing when Adam Sandler is the coolest, Adam Sandler, for some reason is the coolest guy in every movie. And it's like, why is this like five foot nine Jewish dude? The coolest guy.

Why are we letting him like knock people out? There's like movies where he knocks me in. Mr. Deeds, he punches there's a i'll never forget it this is when i like even a boy i started to notice that sandler was making himself the cool guy yeah in every movie sandler like wrote himself in his like then when he talks to girls he's like oh i don't know i'm just a gentleman

yeah dude i don't know he punched uh in mr. D punches a quarterback that he owns the Jets or something. Quarterback comes in and is complaining and says something to a woman wrong. And Mr. D – and Adam Sandler punches him in the face and was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You just don't talk to women like that. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah, Mark Wahlberg is –

You're very Wahlberg-esque. You're right about that. I am. I am Wahlberg-esque. The movie – oh, you said the movie. Wahlberg rules. He... Dude, I mean...

And the list of hate crimes you just said to me upped his stock a little bit in my book. It's funny. If I had known he was out rock throwing... He's rock throwing, bro. He was rock throwing in like the 80s? 86, yeah. When I was being born,

Mark Wahlberg was throwing rocks at black kids and calling them the N-word. I think the day I was born. Damn, you know how vicious it has to be in 86 to get a hate crime on you? That guy was doing like 1940 hate crimes, bro. Dude, if that guy was in Brooklyn in like 1930, I'd be like, all right, man, you got to let him live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fucking 86.

He was like holding it down like they were just segregating schools, dude. Like, what? I mean... And then he made rap videos. Of course, yeah. There's an expression. Marky Mark was probably just him being like, I don't hate black people. What are you talking about?

Your Honor, Exhibit A. Feel it. That was just because he threw stones, dude. Wait. Marky Mark. You're telling me Marky Mark has four hate crimes on his record? Dude, we can verify now. I don't want to.

I don't want to. Yeah. Bring up the screen and say, Google, did Marky Mark throw rocks at black people? All right. Let me find this thing let me see what's going on here sorry i was just watching trump serve that dude up sorry let me hilarious 14 000 who are sick millions as you witness who are scared right now what do you say to americans who are watching you right now who are scared? I say that you're a terrible reporter.

That's what I say. I think it's a very nasty question, and I think it's a very bad signal that you're putting out to the American people. The American people are looking for answers, and they're looking for hope. And you're doing sensationalism, and the same with NBC and Comcast. That fucking lady back right has been dressing like a Star Wars character every single press conference. She literally dresses from the future in every one of these.

Why does she do that? I don't know. I don't know. And most of the time her hair actually is the exact same color and texture as Trump's. So if they stand close enough to each other, it's so funny. It is blend. Yeah, you got to watch it.

When you watch all of them, they're really great, including her constant Star Wars outfits. Mark Wahlberg. Wahlberg's a tough spell. I wouldn't have thrown in the H. I think I spelled it right. It's going to be all about him beating up Asians Don't 88

He attacked Asian men in 88 dude Yeah dude He like broke people's jaws Let me see Whoa Pardon Yeah he tried to So he tried to get a

A pardon for like beating the fuck out of the Chinese guy And then when he got it He like was like I'm sorry I shouldn't have tried to get a a pardon for like beating the fuck out of the chinese guy and then when he got it he like was like i'm sorry i shouldn't try to get that uh let me say mark walberg throwing rocks no let's check out the wikipedia dude washington post had a damn that's a weird picture of him that That might have been right after a good fucking... He looks like a former skater, dude. That's 2017. Let me see. Early life.

Wahlberg was born. Okay. Did he just say he had four spouses? Probably, bro. Scroll up. Wahlberg might be the goat, dude. Oh, children for spouses. Hold on.

Scroll down. It's on the right. How many spouses? Oh, here we go. Just one. Ray on. Scroll down. It's on the right. How many spouses? Oh, here we go. Just one. Right. All right. I just saw the four while you were scrolling.

I was like, dude, if he has four different wives, he literally is – if he has a wife for every hate crime. I think you've got to re-up every hate crime you do. You've got to get a new wife. True. I don't think they make it through those. Yeah, so youngest nine children. His dad was a delivery driver.

So he is of Swedish and Irish descent, and his mom is English ancestry. I don't like that. No? I don't like that mom side. Okay, so Mark Wahlberg was addicted to cocaine at 13. So three years later, after becoming addicted to cocaine at 13 so three years later after becoming addicted to cocaine um whoa yeah mark walberg went hard in the paint dude walberg and three friends chased after three black children while yelling kill the n-word well you know i love how they hyperlink

that like you're gonna you can click this one. Click the N-word on Wikipedia. Is this a trap? What is that? Click the N-word? Click it. What the fuck? Who wrote the Wikipedia page for that? First of all, hold on.

Now I'm just intrigued. I mean, dude, there's like nine pages on etymology all right that's just aggressive well true it wouldn't be bad to see who came up with it to see who is the dutch dude i think the dutch and the portuguese were dropping it first you think they started it well apparently they started and mark walberg finished it yeah then at 88 after chasing black kids with rocks uh next day what the next day stop scrolling okay throwing rocks at them the next day walberg and others followed a group of school children taking a field trip on a beach yelling yelling racial epithets at them, and they threw rocks again. And he summoned other people.

He's like, come on, guys. Come on, gang. He summoned other white males who joined in the harassment. Come on, guys. He was just a lifeguard. He was a lifeguard at the time. Popped off the shades. He was like, oh, shit, we need to climb down the ladder as fast as we could.

He's like, ah! Popped off the shades. It was like, oh, shit, we can climb down the ladder as fast as we could. It's like... Popping off the shades and running down as fast as you can. Dude, Mark Wahlberg, Baywatch, where it's just him like this. And he's like, three Puerto Ricans, let's go get them. It's just Mark Wahlberg sprinting at the beach. Get the fuck out of here, my fucking...

Yeah, so then 88 then 88, dude. He cooled off for two years. 88, he assaulted a middle-aged Vietnamese man, calling him a Vietnam fucking shit. And he hit him with a large wooden stick. He hit him with a fucking Donatello, dude. Fucking Wahlberg Donatello'd a Vietnamese man. He called him a Vietnam fucking shit.

Hit him with a a stick A large And then he attacked a second Vietnamese man Later the same day Punching him in the eye What? He went on a fucking tear And then when he was arrested And returned to the scene of the first assault

He told police officers I'll tell you now that That's the motherfucker whose head I split open And they noted that Wahlberg Made numerous unsolicited racial statements about gooks and slant-eyed gooks end quote mark walberg he was charged with attempted murder yeah mark yeah mark i mean yeah mark walberg uh yeah i mean he only served 45 days for that. Yes. He pleaded guilty. He was sent into tears and jail.

He pleaded guilty to attempted murder and murder and served 45 days. Yeah, dude, it's Mark Wahlberg. You had to get out there and do some other shit. I think that was when he was filming fear. They're like, all right,

come on. And then he fractured his neighbor's jaw in 92, but I don't, I think it was a white guy. So we're all good on that. Yeah, dude. Holy fuck became and then in 1990 he just became a rapper now oh six he he he got another asian i think oh no no he said he would meet him and make amends so then he uh he requested a pardon uh and Trin released a public statement forgiving he forgave Mark Wahlberg for

calling him Vietnam fucking shit and hitting him with a stick that's fucked up dude a bo staff attack on a Vietnamese guy yeah that's the wrong choice you think he at least flipped it around real cool definitely if I know Mark Wahlberg I know he definitely did something cool with that bow staff

i love how all of his movies are like stopping about like the boston marathon bomber that's always the bad guy in real life yeah he's just a fucking bad guy dude he's just out beating the fuck out of innocent people it was was the 80s, bro. It was a different time. True. I mean, yeah, I can't say that. I mean, I was born in 86. First off, he's become a millionaire ever since,

so I'm sure he's grown and matured. He did. No, I think he did. I don't know, though. You think there's part of him? You think if he sees a large wooden stick on the ground, he's in Chinatown, he might have to be like, Mock, don't do it. Mock. He's got toown. He might have to be like, Mark, don't do it.

Mark. Don't I get, he's got to call Donnie. He's like, Mark, don't do it. It was a mess last time. You just leave,

put the stick down. He's like, I'm just dude. I can spin. If I fucking spun, I could probably hit like three. I could do it. I could hit him now.

How the hell did he make it through the, how did he, I guess there was a grandfathered in. If you beat the fuck out of asians or threw rocks at black kids in the 80s early 90s it's like you're good don't worry about it well it's funny too because i feel like a lot of i would say a lot of black women love mark walberg and it was fun for me to sit there with my wife and she pulled i was like i think he like hate crying people and she was like nah and she was like pulling it up i was like, I think he like hate crime people. And she was like, nah. And she was like pulling it up. I was like, whoa.

Oh, she saw the Wikipedia. Yeah, dude. He was in fucking Transformers. Black people love Transformers. Well, dude, I think they all forget. I think they love Sprite and Transformers. I think they forget. High lives are taking hold, dude. High lives are taking hold.

You're saying that. I just remember Sprite. would you say black people are more likely to obey their thirst black people are definitely more likely to obey their thirst they do obey their thirst dude they they shake water off hard they're like i'm gonna obey my thirst right now and have something delicious on that tip too though we'll never drink water. Not a glass of water has been touched. I'm telling you, man. Beezer is the last. He is a relic.

He really is. In terms of dudes who don't drink water. There's nobody left who doesn't drink water, dude. It's him, my old doc, 60% of black people. Black people go either way, dude. They're either super fucking healthy or it's just like total party time in terms of food. I'm on the party time tip.

I can't judge anyone. I'm on a black health. I'm a black health nut. When black people get healthy, it's the best, dude. I'm a black conservative. I'm a black conservative. I'm a black conservative. I'm a white black conservative dude

how much time is this we're done I have to piss end the podcast I have to piss I think I called you at one point being like at the convention park what? at one point you could see that at one point the highlights might have got your tongue

the highlights have got me dude at one point you're like at the convention park At one point, the high-lifes might have got your tongue. The high-lifes have got me, dude. At one point, you're like, this is a mental fuck-up. I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. We're losing him. All right. Dude.

Dude, this is all life. You think I'm not going to have a couple drinks? Let's page with – we'll do a war mode page. I think they're trying to launch their own podcast, too. So we'll war mode page. When? Tonight? Oh, man. Well, no. Fuck. I can't be in a war mode page. I think they're trying to launch their own podcast too. So we'll war mode page. When? Tonight? Oh, man.

Well, no. I can't be in a war room tonight. Yeah, you got to – Oh, dude. I'll get those boys going. I'm fully quarantining you from war mode, dude. You need to quarantine me from Twitter too. I might say something.

I might – Remember that day Wahlberg hit a guy with a stick? And then ran and punched a different guy. He Grand Theft Auto deck asian community that day he had four stars dude he did 45 days um yeah oh who could you give your phone to is there a safe go give your phone to your neighbors big guys i don't want to say something racist on twitter they'll probably get your phone you'd probably do it anyway with my rich southern neighbors be like oh welcome to the neighborhood how about i eat your wife's pussy no

we just joke around here anyway please take my phone so i don't say anything bad on the twitter oh my god would you can't would you kindly come over to our quarters for a mint julep? Me and my friends are having some mint juleps. Come join me for a small handful of mushrooms, man. The mint juleps and mushrooms down in the parlor. O'Connie's freshening them up in the parlor. O'Connie's asking if she wants cheese on this burger. Don't be rude. I'm going to fucking kill him for that.

I forgot about that. Fuck, I'm so mad about that. Oh, fuck door open that's you had a pocket door this door right here he slid that thing open motherfucker this is just the office dude this isn't my bedroom this is the office i figured i figured i got a mansion boy i figured you're in the office you can get by the way to all listeners go to to Airbnb. Yeah, you can live true. Treat yourself right now. You can live rude right now. It's like $150 a night in beach mansions. Fuck, man.

It's a fucking move, dude. That is the move. Get out of Dodge, dude, and just go hit the fucking mansion. Get out of the city. Dude, I just found one in North Carolina for like two weeks. I think I'm going to do it. Yeah, for the night of a fucking, For the rate of a holiday in, basically. You're staying in a fucking...

It'll probably cost me like... It'll be like three grand for two weeks. But, you know, we split it. You've been on the tour, bro. You've been fucking doing your motherfucking thing. That's what you get. Spoils, dude. All right, we out.

This one was so much better than that last one Oh dude I'm telling you that's the move We did the right thing You stop right away and you jump back in man I just want to say I just appreciate you dude Before we get off air I appreciate you I appreciate you Unstoppable

Perhaps I am the salt king dude I think you've proved yourself I think you are the salt king dude I think you I think you've proved yourself I think you are the salt king no doubt dude you guys gotta keep those other boys promise me you're gonna keep them other boys in line down there the boys are getting out of line what the fuck they're probably they're probably messing stuff up you gotta get in there and regulate dude

that's dude you have Jackson Matilda I got Beezer and O'Conney's dude everyone's like I gotta chase them up the steps oh my god Jackson and Matilda. I got Beezer and O'Connie's, dude. Everyone's like, I gotta chase them up the steps. Oh, my God. Fuck, dude. I mean, after this is all said and done, we'll be back to business.

You know, people have to atone with the fact that they're being big pussies during this. All we were doing was getting fucking paid. You know, getting paid, jerking off. I'll tell you what. Some local comedy clubs might not survive this, you know getting paid jerking off i'll tell you what some some local comedy clubs might not survive this you know when the businesses get closed yeah i'm gonna start a go fund me i'm gonna start a go fund me for them we might have to say i don't know somebody mentioned that like starting a go fund me for them yeah i'm gonna start i'm gonna start a goundMe where I just get all my money back from them.

GoFundMe for $147. Go refund me. Are they starting to GoFundMe to keep them through the thing? Definitely. Fuck. They have to be. I'm going to flag it. I mean, their whole thing, literally their business model is GoFundMe. True.

That's true. We're talking about good, good comedy, by the way. Pity Bucks, yeah. It is Pity Bucks, dude. Since day one, it's been like, hey, can everybody help support us build this comedy club? All we need is $50,000. I still have the DOS. I still have the DOS.

Hard DOS. I might never need to drop it because I think they're not going to survive this economic downturn. I don't think so, dude. Hanging on. I mean, how can bad comedy be a business? Also, I mean mean that's a pretty woke crowd but it's like people are gonna be hesitant like oh let's go down there where is it i'm like i was right down on uh chinatown like it's literally yeah what's in chinatown

i'll check it out all right well i'm not racist i'll go down there it's gonna be like kids being afraid to go into a graveyard when you're young i'm not scared i'll go for i'll go down there. It's going to be like kids being afraid to go into a graveyard when you were young. I'm not scared. I'll go run down and touch something. I'll go touch a gravestone. Yeah, I hope our brothers, dude, in comedy, pass through this tough economic time, dude. Please, God, let Philly Improv Theater and Good Good survive. Please, dude.

That's the only thing I want. I'm telling you, there's checks in on their uncle's desk right now being like just i'll donate my entire patreon this month to them if they can survive through april true if they i'll give them may which you know i'll give them may if they can if they survive through april i know we will if they were to drop a full but they have to build a matt and shane's yep plaque or statue in the lobby yep then we'll keep them afloat economically they have to do a thing of you just like dispersing money to them and them like groveling on their knees dude if they put that or like a stalin-esque banner that like an 8x10 that falls from the ceiling then we will fund their theater yeah for

sure we could probably buy their theater right now we've talked about buying it before i think now would be the time to buy that theater when it goes down yeah so i'll start sniffing right now yeah see if you can go buy it start sniffing around i'll talk to the landlord buy it burn it down and piss on the ashes oh those guys are great and i respect all of them oh that no no those guys are really super And I respect all of them. Oh, no, those guys are really super funny. No, they're great, dude. All right. Let's roll.

I'm going to be on the air right now. I had a couple of highlights. God damn, dude. This is too hot. I love you. I miss you. I fucking miss you so much, bro. I'll see you soon, dude.

I might just drive up, just meet you in your basement. I might sneak down there one night. You should, dude. This is too hot. I love you. I miss you. I fucking miss you so much, bro. I'll see you soon, dude. I might just drive up, just meet you in your basement. I might sneak down there one night. You should, dude. Hop down. I have a little... My what? Your what? Nothing.

Nothing? Let's go. I'm going to say something bad. All right. We're out of here. I'm going to stop this. Bye.