Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S01 E01: Romesh Ranganathan (Kerry only)

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

"Thank god you are cut out of frame so I can't tell it's a gilet!" "I absolutely loved that gilet!" **KERRY ONLY** Rom takes Kerry on a walk through his childhood and life using the medium of photos. Photo 01 - Romesh's 6th birthday Photo 02 - Romesh dancing at his tenth birthday Photo 03 - Romesh off to work Photo 04 - Shanthi's family photo Photo 05 - Romesh and the family at "Lazoo" Photo 06 - Romesh in Mongolia PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Now streaming on Paramount Plus is the epic return of Mayor of Kingstown. Warden? You know who I am. Starring Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner. I swear in these walls. Emmy Award winner Eid Falco. You're an ex-con who ran this place for years. And now, now you can't do that. And BAFTA award winner Lenny James.

You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town. Let me tell you this. It's going to be consequences. Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. Each episode, I take a trip down Memory Lane with a very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos that we're talking about,

they're all on the episode image and you can also see them a bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Hello, Ramesh. Hi Kerry, how are you? I am all right given the circumstances. We can be transparent about lockdown. How's that going for you?

I'm not handling it very well, I don't think. No. Well, I keep veering between doing a lot of stuff and not doing anything and not feeling right about either of those options. Do you know what I mean? No, same. That's kind of where I'm on.

When I think back to week one and Joe Wicks and my sort of leaping about like an idiot and now some days catatonic just sit in a sofa and don't move. The thing is, is that my kids are all, they're all Fortnite obsessed. And so they cannot, there are not enough negatives that could happen with this global pandemic, including Lisa and I losing our lives, that was counterbalance the benefits of them being able to play Fortnite more. Fair enough, as long as they're happy, Ramesh, as long as they're happy. Yeah, but we're trading killers, Kerry.

That's the problem. Well, they might need to live like that in the sort of apocalypse. They might need those skills. In terms of survivalist training, that nobody's going to be able to take down our kids. I mean, they could literally, if we had the appropriate weaponry, within, I think, half an hour of shit going down,

all of our neighbours would be dead. With these little absolute assassins that we've got building their skills. They're never going to do without bog roll and pasta after. You're always going to have everything they need. They're going to be absolutely fine. These pictures, scream of like a time before digital photography. Yes.

Because actually what I noticed in a lot of your pictures is you're not even aware that the camera is on you. Do you know what I mean? Like you're not posing. Yes, absolutely, yeah. They're not contrived at all. Yeah, and I think there's something better about photos like that because somebody's seen a moment

and that, God, I sound like such an old prick now. I apologize for that. But somebody's seen a moment and gone, that's worth capturing and they've gone to get their camera to take the photo rather than you go I want to take

the photo leads the way now do you know what I mean it's photo first and then what is the moment going to be do you know and I think that means old man Romette thinks

that what that means is I just think that the photos have probably got a lower I don't know they're not quite as they're not quite as nice a snapshot of what was happening at that time

absolutely because the two first ones which we'll talk about in a minute but both of them if the person who took those pictures had got you to turn around and look into the camera yeah they'd be completely different pictures yes absolutely they'd be they'd be really posed and contrived but actually you're completely absorbed in what you're doing in both those pictures yeah which makes them so lovely yeah i mean it's like the picture of me at my birthday with my dad yeah so how old you let's start with the first one so this is a lovely picture that screams 70s 1970s yeah

How old do you? I reckon I am about six in that photo. And that's your birthday? Yeah, I hope it's my birthday. Otherwise, I really have done my brother a disservice. It's a big sign of favourites when you get to blow out the candles and your brother's birthday, I'm hoping it's my birthday.

I'm pretty sure it's my birthday, yeah. Do you remember that picture being taken at all? No, I remember those times, though, very vividly. I don't remember that picture. I mean, that picture means a lot to me because, like, my dad's no longer with us. And also, my dad wasn't a guy for being in photos particularly. And so it reminds me of that time of my life. But my dad originally, you know, Sri Lanka.

And there's a big Sri Lankan community in London, in Crawley. And the whole time of our lives around then was I just remember our house being filled with Sri Lankans, most of them, I would say, they're legally. And just really good times. Do you know what I mean? My mum and dad, I think part of their thing of settling into the country is surrounding themselves with people from back home.

And they would have loads of parties. I just remember that time being, they were just celebrating something all the time. Do you know what I mean? So at that time is my birthday. but there'd be, every weekend, loads of Sri Lankans would descend on our house and we'd have a massive knees up or we'd go to someone else's house. And that was an amazing, like, you know, I remember that just being a real party time for my parents.

Yeah. And how those parties would go is we'd all get together, they'd all get smashed, and then they would start singing songs from back home. And it was really, I remember finding it hugely embarrassing at the time, because they were looking for like percussive instruments, but they didn't have any. Oh, wow. So they would...

Sounds great. Yeah, so they would just get saucepins and all bins or whatever. Oh my God. It sounds like a festival. Well, a lot of my earliest memories of my dad with an upturned bin, just banging it like a drum going, my godadine,

and everyone else would join in. I didn't have a clue what the song was. But that was like, that was... To give you an idea of the musical quality of that, I remember being a kid and we had a couple of budgies. And they were having a party and they put a blanket over the budgies so they could sleep. And then they had a Sri Lankan sing-along. And then the next morning when we took the blanket off, both budgies were dead.

So that... Oh no. You killed the budges with the music, with the sing-along. I don't know if it's like... They just sort of thought, I can't live in a country where the culture's being overtaken like this. I don't know if they just, they could have just been super ignorant budgies, I don't know.

And with the attendees of these parties, everyone only exclusively from the Sri Lankan community. Not always. You know, we sort of, I guess, diversity quotas meant that they had to sort of invite take and white people eventually as time went on. But it would be like... They always joined in.

They did always join in. Right. It was, I just remember that time being great. minutes like that that was that was when i was when my mum and dad was sort of happy they did they ended up having like a few relationship issues like well a lot of like relationship issues later on but that time to my mind that was that reminds me of a time when my parents are completely infallible to me they were they were completely in love they were having a great time my dad was my dad was doing well at work all of those things so everything was like teed up you know that that photo to me takes

me back to life is great. Do you know what I mean? My mum and dad are in love. We're having parties all the time. My dad's doing well. We're spoilt of shit. Do you know what I mean? I remember like all of my best, all of my best birthday and Christmas presents were during that time of my life. Do you know what I mean? Because they were doing so well. So yeah. It's great. Like when people say CP a photograph, that is a CPA, I mean, the colour of it is literally a CPA photograph. Yeah. That would be, that would be a filter now. You'd stick that on that. I'd, I'd, I'd I opt for that filter quite a lot on my phone. I'm trying to constantly bring my 70s childhood back.

And also the textures, I mean, there's so much velvet going on in that picture. Like the curtains seem velvet, the chairs are velvet, everything, your dad's top is for law. Yeah. I mean, he's fully committed to the 70s in that picture. Yeah. And my dad was just, I don't know, I think I sort of, I had this in common with my dad. I think my dad was a bit insecure about his appearance, especially as, It was like my mum was like, my mum has aged very well, but my mum was absolutely smoking hot when she was younger.

And so, I think my, and everyone used to comment on it, I think my dad used to get a bit a bit pissed off of it to be honest of it. How old your dad there? My dad there must have been what, 30, 33. Right. Did they have kids younger than you had kids? Yeah. Yeah, they did. It's funny, isn't it, when you think my mum and dad had their kids?

Well, me, not their kids separate from me. It was, in fact, me and my brother. Young, they were like in their early 20s, and I had kids in my sort of early mid-30s. Yeah. And it's just unimaginable that their 20s were dominated by child-wearing. I know. I know.

When my 20s were dominated by hedonism. I just can't imagine. I know, but then my dad became, my dad was basically a sort of party animal for his entire life. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I mean, way beyond, it's, being appropriate age-wise his behaviour. Right.

And I wonder if that's partly because of that. Do you know, like he sort of settled down, he settled down early. You know, you think about it, settle down early. My dad, my mum and dad, I mean, my dad was from Colombo in Sri Lanka. My mum was from a small village. And then my dad came over to England. It must have been... How old were they when they came over?

They must have been like... My dad was early 20s. My mum was like 19. And so you think like they... It's such a new experience. sort of getting used to a new country, do you know what I mean? Yeah. And also my mum being from a tiny village and then suddenly you're thrown into this completely

different world. You know, who could blame them for like going for it a bit? Do you what I mean? I think it must have been, it must have been quite a mad one. But my dad, my dad, that sort of party lifestyle, I don't think he ever really wanted to leave that behind, do you know what I mean? I mean, he did. Do you have any of that in you?

No, no, to be honest with you, I sort of, without getting too, I don't know, without getting too heavy. I sort of saw how my dad was and how that affected my mum and then maybe kind of thought, I don't want to be that, do you know what I mean? And not to say that I sort of was, I didn't have fun. I didn't have fun. Well, we know you had fun by the next photo, Romish, because you're clearly having... So this is at your house again?

This is at my house. And what this is, is I'll tell you what this was. this was a crazy, mate, I was a goddamn pioneer. Because, mate, what happened was, that was at like my, probably my 10th birthday party, right? You are lost in music, mate. You are so in the zone in that picture. So what happened was, is that I'd said to my mum and dad,

I don't know where this had come from. Maybe it's from, like, watching, like, teen high school movies or something in the 80s. I'd said to my mom and dad that I want to have a disco, right? Now, this was unheard of. amongst you know like in birth with birthday parties you go through phases don't you birthday parties everybody had the macdonald's birthday party jett mean like and all of that right so and then i remember there was a phase of my friends where everyone had a pizza hut birthday party you don't i mean and so yeah all the chain restaurants did very well at a kids party yes yeah

but this was the first time that i'd been a pioneer nobody had nobody in my peer group was having disco parties right and i said to well no because people kids are like they can't you know They don't want loads of people in their house. No, no. But your dad's a role model for party time. Oh, no. So you were like... Yeah.

So I'd said to my mum and dad, I want to have a disco. So they're like, all right. So they phoned around and hired this disco, this DJ to come. This guy, after that party, he must have done every single kid in my ear group's birthday. It was like, it took off. But I remember it being... He was just the king of cross. Yeah, I remember it being quite controversial because the party finished at nine in the evening.

It was like six because we didn't want to have... For 10 year olds, that's nearly an all-nighter, isn't it? Yeah, it was crazy. I mean, it was like we had to take uppers and stuff to sort of to keep, to keep on it all the way to the year. What was the soundtrack? What year are we talking? Jesus, so what, so 88 this was. Okay.

Was there any hip-hop? No. Had you discovered hip-hop by then? No. So there was no like early hip-hop. No. No, it would have been just all sort of cheese, just pure pop. And that girl in the background of that photo is a girl called Sarah Elliott.

And I was absolutely head over hills in love of that girl. Was it reciprocated? No. No. She looks like she's not looking at you, Monash. No, it was very much. She looks like she's looking at someone behind the camera, just out of shot. I don't know if you can tell, but it still hurts.

Yeah, I can sense it. She was the first, I was so in love with that girl. Wow. I remember like, so I, we ended up going to different schools and we kept in touch. We used to write letters to each other and I remember once I wanted to try and escalate it. I wanted to turn this into. This is incredibly impressive for a 10, 11 year olds to start letter writing. Yeah, well, I think it's a sign of how desperate I was.

Do you know what? Yeah, but if she wrote back, she must have had strong feelings for you. Well, she did write back, but I think she very much saw it as, I don't know, like an English exercise. A learning opportunity. Yeah, I really do think that's what it was. Because one day, I decided I was going to try and push it on a level, and I phoned her. And her reaction to me phoning her was not positive. I mean, it was one of the most awkward.

Well, I just said to her, I said to her, oh hi Sarah. I know we've been writing letters, but I thought I'd just phone you up to have a chat. And she was sort of like, oh, why? It was nice we were doing the letters. And I go, yeah, it was. How are you anyway?

She went, yeah, yeah, no, good. Good. She wasn't, she wasn't quite. She wasn't ready to move it onto that platform. She wasn't quite as, yeah, she wasn't quite as verbose on the phone as she was in the letters, do you know what I mean? Yeah, but letter writing suits different personality.

Clearly she was in her element with the letter writing. Yeah. She was sort of channeling a sort of Bronte, like the written word. Yeah. And then you went and ruined it by calling her on the landline. To be fair to her, she had to see me wet myself in front of it. Well, that might have been the thing that sealed it rather than the phone call, Ramesh, because that's quite an important piece of information, isn't it?

You pissed yourself. You didn't offer that up early doors, did you, with the relationship? Well, we were on a school trip to France. Yeah. And we were on the way home. So we've got a minibus from wherever the place was to the airport. And during that trip, our teachers had warned us not to drink too much because it was a long drive. Right.

And I ignored that advice because I was a fucking rebel. And I was drinking, but also chatting to Sarah. and it really was going brilliantly. And then as we sort of arrived at the airport, I started to need to go quite badly. But I thought I could hold on. And then it happened in the most embarrassing way possible, really. We got into the airport.

I was absolutely desperate. I said I need the toilet. Oh, God. She said the toilet's over there. One of the teachers said the toilet's over there. And so they queued up to check in. And the toilet was sort of near check in. And as I put my hand on the toilet door, the outside of the toilet door at the airport, my body went, you've made it.

And I just stood there and pissed myself at the door of the toilet. And this was witnessed by Sarah and everyone? It was witnessed by the whole group and all the staff. Oh, Ramesh, this is defining, life defining, personality defining. Say how old? What, 10-11? Yeah, it's around that time. Oh, mate. This is part of who you are.

And then Sarah was witness to this, as with the rest of the group work. There's no way back. My suitcase being brought over to me so that I could take it into the toilet, clean myself up. Clean myself up. I came out in a different pair of trousers. It came out a different person.

There's no way Sarah could ever love you back after everyone witnessed you, piss yourself. There's just no way unless she was made of strong stuff. Well, I think the problem is there. I totally get it. It's peer pressure, isn't it? It's, um, it's, she could not. I'd been tainted then.

You know, like when her, Some kids, do you remember it's so horrible, isn't it, when some kids just had, you just call them, that you just say they had scabies, or they're the, they're the, they'd be vaguenites every time.

Yeah, and nobody would ever go to. I'd basically given myself that. I'd contracted. I mean, that's terrible. I mean, there's a kid, my daughter's school that shot himself in PE, and I still worry about that kid. He did it over two years ago,

and I'm still like, how's that kid that shot himself? There's no way back. I mean, that's like, leave the country territory. I mean, mate, we drop our kids off at school, now, there was a guy, a dad, that said hello to Lisa at the school gates, and then he walked off and she goes, you know he shit himself at school when I went to school with him. And I was like,

oh my God, that's still. You're still hanging on to that. He will always be that person. Apparently, to be fair, it was weird because he sort of left it under the table in the middle of the classroom and then tried to sort of. So he has taken a step above. But for him, well, there is some comfort that you didn't shit yourself. And it. It was just, you know, a justifiable. I don't think Sarah would have accepted that. If I had said to her, but I didn't shit myself. Yeah, no, it's, well, it's a difficult conversation.

Did you and Sarah ever kiss? Was there ever any? No, nothing happened. At that party, I was, that, that photo, I don't know if you can tell, but that is me really trying to impress her. Oh, I can tell me. I can really tell. I'm really, really trying to throw down in that photo.

I bet you were totally lost in music there. Was there slow dances? Yes, but what happened during the slow dances at a disco is that everyone would sit down on opposite side of the room like agenda in agenda split. So all the girls would sit down, all the boys would sit down and then occasionally one of the girls are much more mature than boys so occasionally one of them go, should we just dance?

And then the boys go, no, no, no, it was, you know, that never really happened. Okay. And what you, so you went to middle school. all together and then you both went to different secondary schools. Yeah, and she, um, yeah,

I don't, I'm not in touch with her anymore. If she did get a bit in touch, if she did get back in touch with me, and if she does hear this, I would leave Lisa in a heartbeat. I love just a total lack of shame, guilt or apology. Listen,

I can tell you now, she will not want you after that pissing incident. She, you will never, she will never love you. And if she does want you, I'd be very suspicious of her motives. Yeah, yeah.

I think if she did agree to be with me now, I would have to say, I don't think I want to be with you. I don't think I want to be with someone that wants to be with me after that. Yeah, and as I said, you can tell from the picture, she's looking at the bloke in the green lumberjack shirt.

Do you know what? I don't even know how that prick is. I'd zoned him out so much. I'd love to know what track you're dancing to there. It'd be Michael Jackson or something like that, will it? It would probably, I think it would be, Michael Jack, I mean, I'm just, I'm trying to see if I can ascertain from the move.

But again, it is another picture where you are not aware that the picture's being taken, which, as I said, it makes it doubly brilliant because you're not posing, you're just totally absorbed. Who'd you reckon took it? Do you think your mum took it? I think my mum almost certainly took it. Probably both to capture the moment

and maybe to show it to me later, to say to me that she doesn't want me to end up with a white woman. You know, I don't know. I don't know what emotives were for that photograph. I do love that photograph. And I just think now, with smartphones and everything like that, the equivalent, a modern equivalent of that moment, especially as a parent, is that that would have been videoed.

That would have been a six-minute video that would have been inflicted on a WhatsApp group, and then loads of people would have had to have watched it. And it's not necessary. We can have the joy of this moment without a video. Although I would say that, you know, those Sri Lankan people, went on for quite a while. And my brother and I went through this phase in kind of our early

teens of like thinking we were quite, you know, you obviously think you're quite cool, don't you? We used to go to those parties. And they moved from people's houses so that they started hiring like community centres. Right. And I remember going to one of those. And we'd like throw down. They'd start playing a bit of hip-hop. We'd throw down to a bit of hip-hop. Anyway, my mum found a video of us at one of those parties. And, The video of my brother dancing is something that I don't think will ever stop being rewarding. I mean, it's so... Is he breakdancing?

He's sort of just trying to break dance, but hasn't obviously watched or learned any break dancing. I think you've just reminded me of one of my favourite 80s or 90s memories is boys trying to break. I remember boys at school discos trying to do the caterpillar and spin on their back. And it looked like they were having a seizure. Oh, it's incredible. Just repeatedly smashing their young genitals into the floor where they couldn't safely perform the caterpillar. Just a health and safety nightmare.

It's supposed to be noiseless. But what you were just hearing is bang, bang, bang. As their pelfish just slams into the ground over and over. Was everyone standing around them in one of those like group egg-ons? It was so good. Because once you've established a group of people standing around you watching and clapping, you've just got to commit. You've just got to keep going.

It was so good. It was so good. That's annoying. What? You're a muffler. You don't hear it? Oh, I don't even notice it. I usually drown it out with the radio.

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Do you in this next picture? This next picture. I reckon 28 years old. Do I look 28? Oh, it's quite a jump. We've gone from 10. Yeah. So your teens are just shrouded in mystery.

Yeah. There weren't many photos. The truth is that when I got into my teens, like, life sort of went quite tits up, to be honest with you. So for my mum and dad, like the house got repossessed. My dad, I'm sort of laughing about it. It's not that funny. But my dad went to prison. And so, like, that whole section of our life isn't actually that well done.

documented, to be honest with you. Well, yeah. I mean, that's what I mean. People tend to take pictures for happy times. My mum didn't go, I really want to capture this bed and breakfast at the council have put us in. No, or let's go and take some pictures of your dad in prison. It's just not traditionally.

Let's go to Ford Open Prison and try and capture some of these golden memories. No, absolutely. I get that. So this picture now is a happy memory I take it. No, it's not particularly. Because, like, well, it is a happy memory. memory, but that is, that was when we're back on the, my mum and dad had sorting themselves out and it was, it was all good. But that was, I had moved back in with my mum and dad.

But I was, so this is after uni, you're already teaching? You teaching by now? I'm teaching. This is, I'm teaching in this photo, not in this photo. But this is me on my way to school as a teacher. My mum, I was living with my mum and dad, and my mum was so excited that she was dropping me at school that she wanted to commemorate with a photo. So I don't know if you can tell from that photo, but I'm utterly pissed off. No, I can tell Rolish. That she's taking the photo. I'm absolutely fucking furious. She'd have been better off sticking with her other formula of just taking the back of your head. So I just didn't want that commemorated. really. And there's a couple of things.

Are you glad she took it? Because you're now offering it. You're like, it's been, yeah. I don't, yeah, it's nice to it's nice to be able to have something to talk about to you, Kerry. So in that way, it was worth it. But part of the problem with that, that time of my life is I was really enjoying teaching, actually. I was really, I was really into it. Yeah. But I was conscious of the fact that

that anything could end you in the eyes of the students that you were teaching, right? And so at that point, I was a teacher who was living with his mum and dad, and my mum was dropping me off to school as a teacher. Now, if you... Yeah, that's not great. I remember that day, I think it might be the first day that my mum was dropping me off. Maybe my car, I think I'd like, for some reason I hadn't got a car at that point.

And so my mum was dropping me off to school. And I asked her to... drop me off down the road. And she said, why? And I said, I find it embarrassing to have my mum dropping off at school when I'm a student. Can you imagine what

would happen to me and my career if kids I was teaching saw me get out of my mum's car? Absolutely. Absolutely. She must have understood what you were. No. No. No, shit. Why? That's the situation.

That's what your life is. that the kids need to accept it. Wow. She was annoyed about that. I remember her being annoyed about it. But like if honestly, if a single kid, this is how, this is how tense I found it. If a single kid had seen me get out of my mum's car, I would have walked into school and tended my immediate resignation. There's absolutely no other option.

Absolutely. I'm surprised that she doesn't understand. Because she's very protective of you, isn't she, when you were a teenager and stuff? Like, didn't she sort of, like, attack some teenagers with a handbag to protect you? What were they doing to you, beating you up or bullying you or something? No, they weren't even bullying me. They were mates of mine. It was this thing at the school that we had where, like, I don't know if you had this at your school,

but if it was your birthday, you get egged. That was like a tradition. It's like your mates have thrown eggs at you. No, egging was usually end of turn. Right. So I think it was a tradition. I mean, they didn't do it with any of the other kids. But they told me it's a tradition.

No, it genuinely was. They just do it with the kids that pissed themselves on the way back from a French trip. Here you go, piss pants, have an egg. No, it was, it was genuinely like, if it was your birthday, you were on a high risk. I see. But she didn't understand. She didn't know that, so she thought they were attacking you with eggs. Well, I ran, basically, I'd made it through the whole day without getting eggs.

And so we got to the school gates and my mum used to pick me up from down the bottom of the school drive or whatever. So that's a running theme anyway. Yes. Yeah. And then, and so I sprinted down away from my mates and got to the car. And as I ran up to the car, my mum panicked when she saw me running, jumped out of the car. And as my mates came around, she just started beating the shit out of them, like, properly, you leave my son alone, your bastards!

And just started like, battering them with her hand. And you couldn't say, look, no, it's a laugh. Well, I did. But about that time, the Red Mr. Descended, you know what I... So she is very protective of you? Extremely protective, yeah. Is she still?

Yeah. So, for example, I posted up a thing from some show I'd just done on Instagram. And then my mum phoned me up and she said, Ramesh, can you tell me how to find the addresses of people who are posting on Instagram? And I said, why? And she said, a couple of people said that they didn't think your show was funny.

I want to tell them what I think. And I was like, Mom, you've got to ignore that. That's just... Brilliant. But that's perfect. Because when you want to come back to those people, but you know you can't, but you've got your mum to do it for you.

That's fantastic. My mum gets really, she gets really, she cannot deal with the fact that with this job, you get criticism. She can't, she can't get a head around it. She doesn't understand why you'd accept it. Well, I can't. believe she wouldn't understand it because she didn't understand why you wouldn't want to be

dropped at school as a grown man who's a teacher. So we're seeing a pattern with her emotional understanding of your needs. Yeah, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. So do you ever miss teaching? I was, I really enjoyed the bit of teaching that was being in the classroom. But everything else about it, I hated and I was shitter. Right. So it was like a gig. It was basically, you enjoyed the gig site. So like when I used to have like, work, appraisals, they would always say you're good in the classroom and you're good with the kids, but you are as terrible with everything else to do with the job as you are good in the classroom. Like I would just, my marking was awful.

I wouldn't stay across paperwork. I didn't know. Sometimes I wouldn't even be following the curriculum properly. Like, you know, all sorts of basic shit. So you would have probably suited teaching in a different time. Oh, no. People I know who teach or have taught in the past said it all changed, what, in the 80s, 90s and it all became much more admin and paperwork and prep and regulated or whatever. Whereas for generations, people were just like charismatic in the classroom and that was enough.

That would have been, listen, if that had happened, if I was teaching then, that would have been my era. Do you know what I mean? Charismatic guy with no real kind of technical ability or educational qualities for the kids, yes please. that's what I'm about. Kids possibly getting dumber as a result of being in his classroom. Yes, please. That's me. When that picture was taken, have you already got aspirations to go into comedy?

No. No. So when did that happen? That happened, I reckon, maybe a year after that photo was taken. Oh, okay. But even when I started doing comedy, I still didn't have aspirations to go into comedy. My thing was I was going to be a teacher who did stand up as a hobby.

I wasn't like trying to run away from teaching. I wasn't thinking I want to give this up and chase my dreams as a comic. It wasn't that at all. Because you were happy as a teacher. I was delighted, you know, and I was like, I think I would have got found out at some point because I was quite an ambitious teacher. So I got to become, so very quickly I'd become assistant head of six form and then I became a head of six form very soon.

I kind of got, I kind of made my way for it. through the ranks fairly quickly. But that was, that was going to unravel at some point because I was so shit at the admin side of it and the kind of managerial side of it. Yeah. That I really was flying by the seat of my pants. I think if I had, if I had carried on much longer, I would have got found out and there would have been like a horrific unmasking.

It would have probably been a news story. It turns out this guy's got no record of anyone he's taught for the last five years, do you know, or something like that? So was you with Lisa by the time you started comedy? Yeah. In fact, it was Lisa that kind of gave me the, sort of said to me, why don't you just give it a go? And so... And do you remember handing in your notice to the school and saying, I'm going to become a clown, essentially?

Yeah, I do, I do remember because I was with, I was with a different agent at that time. And I was having, and they said to me, you can't, you're not going to be able to properly give comedy a go unless you leave your job. And so, um, so I remember like handing in my notice. and you obviously have to give it quite a bit in advance. You have to do it like a term in advance or whatever. So I gave in my notice, I think, in the September. No, sorry, in the half term. So that would have been October or something,

with a view to leaving at Christmas. And was you scared? Yeah, to be honest of you, it all got thrown up in the air because like three days before I was due to leave, my dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack. And so what happened was, is that I went into a period of not having any income from teaching

but also trying to figure out what to do about my mum and stuff. You know, it was a really, it was a really messed up way to start a comedy career really. Because you just sort of think, well, I've got to look after my mum here and I've got to figure out what's going on. My dad's finances were completely screwed. So it's like... So to go into a self-employment and a precarious industry when you had a solid job in teaching.

Yeah, it was awful. it was also awful for my relationships with my brother and my mum in a while. My mum was very good. Did they support your decision? Yes. They did. Yeah, they did. My mum very much so.

And my brother did as well. But the reason I sort of hesitated there is because when my dad passed away, we had a lot of stuff to do to try and help my mum. And because I was dealing with that as well as trying to figure out how I was going to pay the bills at home, I sort of, my brother felt like I wasn't being as supportive at hope with my mum as I could have been and I think looking back on it, he's probably right. But at the same time I was shitting myself because I didn't know, I didn't know what to do about. Yeah, you've made a massive jump.

Yeah, and it was like, it was just like the timing of it. I think the timing of my dad's death. But what I mean is it was sort of a bit of a perfect. Was it a shock your dad's death? Did it come out of nowhere? You could say it was a shock because it was a heart attack. But my dad's frequently deep-fried boiled eggs and smoke. So, you know, to be fair, to say it was a complete shock would be naive in the extreme.

I mean, his lifestyle was not conducive to not die and have a heart attack. Let's put it that way, do you know. But you don't preempt that when you're... No, absolutely not. No, absolutely not. Have you got the next picture? Because your mum sent in the next picture. Have you seen that yet?

No, I haven't. Sorry. Oh, here we go. Oh, my God. It's a great picture, isn't it? Oh, wow. Do you know where you are in this picture? Yeah, so we're at my mum and dad's house.

Yes. So that is me, my dad, my mum, my brother and my dad's older brother is in that photo. Which one's your dad? So my dad's the one in the blue shirt and my uncle is the one in the yellow shirt. Right. And that, they've both since passed away. But my uncle, that uncle, my dad's older brother, he was, we used to love him visiting because he was super rich. Like, I don't know if you can tell.

He looks like a gangster. Yeah. I mean, he looks like the Godfather's turned up. Yeah. Is that a medallion or glasses? I think that's glasses, which sort of undermines it a little bit. But he was like super rich. So whenever he'd turn up, whenever we used to go visit him in Sri Lanka

or whenever he used to come to England, he would like, honestly, he would take you to a shop and he would go, what would you like? And I remember being young and like him taking me to a toy shop and going, what would you like? And I would go, I would quite like that. And he would buy that, but then he would also buy anything I looked at. Do you mean?

And so. Oh my, so total Daddy Warbuck. Did he have kids? He did, not at that time he didn't. So he was just spoiling you because you were the, nephews. Yeah, it was amazing. It was really amazing. Oh, wow. That photo... You look so happy in that picture and now I understand. Why? Because you've just probably been treated to loads of lovely things and know that there's more coming. Yes, I think that's probably

what it was. My dad used to, but he also used to have quite a bad temper. And my dad used to, he used to worry that we were going to upset him. I remember once, he had quite a weird laugh. He sort of laughed a bit like Eddie Murphy. And I remember we were, out for dinner once and my uncle laughed and then just instinctively I impersonated it and my dad my dad looked at me like are you fucking insane? Wow and how did that go? It just was quiet for like about a minute and then did he do the laugh or did no he didn't it was just to be awkward for a while after that. Yeah don't risk the toy shop trips with a bit of satire. In that photo, two things notable about my appearance. One is that I'm wearing a machino.

gillet. Well, thank God you're cut out of frame so I can't tell it's a jule. Otherwise, I would have gone in hard with jillet banks. I absolutely loved that juley. So much so that I'd wear it with stuff that wasn't suitable. For example, there's no reason to be wearing that with that roll neck jumper. No. No, but um, sartorily, there's a lot of crime going on. Yeah. So I was at uni at that time. So I must have come back from uni to see my uncle. And that jule. And that jule my mates all loved it and they're constantly borrowing it off me. One of my friends borrowed it from me and got a fag burn right in the back of it.

And I was so devastated that I took it to like this dry cleaners place and they fixed it for me but it just sort of, they didn't really fix it properly. You won't. Yeah, it was... Especially if it's a puffer, is it a puffer? Yeah, it's a puffer, yeah.

Yeah, you can't come back from a ripping a puffer, it's over. Yeah, the other thing about my parents... Could you get your uncle to just buy you another? one? Well, I think that's probably why I was wearing it around him so that you would notice, but it didn't happen. The other thing about my parents, I don't know if you can tell from the quality of this photograph, but I actually, at that stage, I was waxing my hair into Darth Mall style spikes. I can tell. Now you say, I can, I can see that has happened. I genuinely, as I look at that, I just...

Honestly, what's happened there is I've not had my haircut for a while and I'm still doing it. So it doesn't really work, but I'm still clinging on to the hairstyle. You've fully committed to the Darth more because you've got the red and black thing going on as well. Yeah, it's bad. You really, honestly, that was the time of my life, but I thought that hairstyle was the absolute bullocks. I really did think it was incredible. But we've all got really, I mean, if I look back to the hairstyles I was sporting at various chapters of my life. It's really embarrassing.

Hair is such a giveaway. You know, I had perms and bleached the front of my hair and all kinds of things. And I look back and think, why wasn't there an intervention? I had friends. I had people that claim to love me. Why did no one say, you've got to pack this in? You've got to stop doing that to your hair. If those people in that picture really loved you, they would have said to you,

what are you doing with your hair? Well, if we really love my mum, I think we would have told her not to dress like a member of the Adams fam as well, though. I think your mum looks fantastic in his photograph. She's got this vampish kind of thing going on there, hasn't she? This top is brilliant. Yeah, she loved a bit of cleavage my mum in her younger years, not so much now.

Yeah, she's definitely sporting a bit of cleavage, but that's a fabulous neckline. Yes, yeah, she's absolutely smashed that, yeah. That is a great picture. So this was like a party? Was it one of your parties? No, this was just us about... My uncle was obsessed with Marks and Spencers. Right.

So this was us probably about to go to Marks and Spence. I love that. Because I feel like that about Marks and Spencers, so I wish I'd taken a picture every time there was a family trip. Marks and Spencers in Sri Lanka is revered so highly. Why? I don't know. It's just like seen as the peak, the absolute pinnacle of British retail.

Yeah, well, it sort of is, isn't it? It's the Citizens' Advice Bureau for Retail. It's a very, there's a sort of municipal, solid loveliness of that eminous. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love. Your dad, your brother, your partner, your friends. It isn't just a men's issue. It's a human one.

That's why Movember exists. To change the face of men's health. For mental health and suicide prevention to prostate and testicular cancer research and early detection, Movember is tackling the biggest health issues facing men today. Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. So the next picture, I assume, have you got the picture with you and your mum and Lisa and your kids? Yes, I've got that, yeah.

This is a great picture. Where is this? Lazu. Where's Lazu life? Lazu. Oh, L'AZoo. Yeah, some people pronounce it L'AZoo. I thought Lazzoo would might be somewhere in Crawley, like a shopping centre.

Oh, we went down to Lazzoo. Got our picture taken at the Christmas tree at the Lazzoo. L-A-Zoo. Yeah, a Lazoo. So it's way cooler than Lazoo in Crawley. So that photo was taken just before Christmas in 2017. You really committed to the Christmas jumpers? Well, that's Lisa's thing, that is.

That's nothing to do with me. Lisa has this thing where she always wants us to, she always wants us to wear matching Christmas jumpers at Christmas. So the reason I picked this photo is because this day was just before absolute carnage. because what happened was is that we had been, so the reason we were in LA is that we were filming a documentary, a comedy documentary for showtime out there

called Just Another Immigrant, which about six people watched in total, I think. But so that whole thing was about me relocating to America and trying to sell out the Greek theatre in LA. So to break America? To break America, yeah. And so I'd managed to convince Lisa and the kids to come out there, and it was a massive upheaval of their lives.

and they were very good and Lisa was incredibly supportive about the whole thing. But just before this photo had been taken, I had, it was as such, I really was conscious of the fact that I'd put Lisa through a lot. She'd moved to L.A.

She'd brought the kids with her. She'd been homeschooled. So you took the kids out of school? Took the kids out of school. We're all in America. Totally not worth it in hindsight because nobody watched that show, right? And Lisa doesn't want to be on TV.

anyway, so she was in that show as well. We'd been doing loads of filming. My mum was living with us for the entire duration. My uncle was living in the garage. I mean, it was almost like I was trying to split up with Lisa, but didn't have the guts to tell her. And so I wanted to put her through such a horrendous experience that she would just pull the trigger on it.

And then that day, just before that day, I'd been away for a few days with my uncle and mum, because we were trying to think of, as part of the show, we were trying to think of publicity stunts to get people to come and see me, right? So one of the publicity stunts that we'd come up with was that we went to the Mexican border and we started building Trump's wall, right,

with a view to knocking it down as a symbol of our opposition to the policy, right? So we thought this would be a funny thing. So we've gone to Calexico, which is on the Mexican border, and we've gone to start building this wall. And we've got this building company to create this wall, and the whole thing was I was going to do a big PR stunt in front of the wall we're going to knock it down and it's going to be amazing right so what happened

was we went to collection we started building the wall and then we got basically told to shut down the filming because people on the other side of the border mexicans had seen us building the wall and thought that trump had actually genuinely started and it kicked off a big thing right so then so we were upsetting people yeah so we were we were out we were out doing this wall and then the executive producer just comes driving out. It was fucking amazing. Like a movie, just comes like a, you got to shut down now! You got to shut down now!

Border Patrol! You got to shut this down. Everyone starts losing their shit. They said if you do not shut down, the police will be here within three hours and they're going to shut this down permanently. So we're like, oh my God, oh my God. So then we decided that we were going to

get whatever we could in the time remaining before the police might show up, right? So we organised the wall being knocked down and all this stuff. And he got picked up by TMZ. I ended up doing an interview with TMZ about this whole thing. And it was like, it was a mad experience. And then I came back and came back to Ella. And Lisa had been with the kids on her own in LA.

She's got no friends there. Do I mean? She's been on her own sort of while we've been doing this. So she was probably, I would say, stressed, right? That's very astute of you, obviously. Yes. I think. She was stressed.

Stressed. And where we'd been, and my uncle, my uncle had been a little bit kind of, I think it'd be getting. Where was your uncle in the garage? So it was part of the show. Basically, my uncle's kind of helping me break America and he was living in the garage. That was kind of, it was all part of the thing, right? So my, so we've gone off to L.A. zoo and Lisa was like,

it was looking like I wasn't going to make it in time to go to L.A. Zoo. And Lisa had been looking to this trip as like the family time that we were going to have at the end of this quite challenging. The last hope for you as a family. Exactly. Exactly. So we turned up, I turned up just in time. We headed off to L.A. Zoo and we had this time.

And this photo is in the middle of us having this family time at the end of quite, near the end of quite a stressful period of our lives, right? Yeah. After that trip to L.A. Zoo, we went home and my uncle came in and he said, he said, Romish, we've got to go to the doctor. I've been, I've been coughing, because we've been in the desert, like it sort of affected our breathing a bit. And he got, I've been coughing.

We need to go to the hospital now. We need to go to the doctor. Come on, mate. We've got to go. And Lisa absolutely lost her shit. I mean, absolutely. It was honesty, mate. She'd been so chilled out and calm.

And my uncle, coming into the house to demand immediate medical attention was what she needed to absolutely fucking go. She was like, fuck this. She went insane. Why haven't you got medical attention up to this point? Why are you waiting for us to arrive? We're just trying to have a nice day at L.A. Zoo. And now we've got to go to the hospital

because you apparently can't do it yourself. Oh my God. It was absolutely insane. And all I do... So you know where her breaking point is specifically. Yeah, I know now that my wife's breaking point is when you've been at the Mexican border to Bill Trump's wall and you return a bit late

and your uncle requires medical attention. That is the tipping. point for my wife. Would you say she does put up with quite a lot? I would say she puts up with a lot, yeah, in terms of, in terms of me sort of being busy and then also being useless when I'm not busy, do you know, so it's that combination of things that I think, you know, she's a hero. She's a modern day hero.

And that is her, that's a that looks like an idyllic photo. Yes, that's what I mean. Like, that is why I'm going back to what we talked about at the. beginning about photographs and everyone's obsession with recording their lives and all the fomo that photos can evoke and whatever yeah that picture if that was on social media everyone would be like romish is living the dream look at how happy him and his family is having the time of his life in lazoo and everyone would project and be like oh he's so happy and they're all so perfect and happy and now we know it's bullshit that there's so much anger and tension under this

the whole rest of us the whole rest of that eve was us trying to pull a good time out of the asshole of complete disaster. And also you do that for kids, don't you? Like, it seems like your kids look happy to me. I mean, did they enjoy LA Zoo? They loved it. They loved it because they're completely unaware of the politics going on behind it, which is that mummy and dad, you're about to get divorced.

Yeah, exactly. Like, you always do these things to keep it together for the kids. I mean, look, you do not want to have a family breakdown in matching jumpers. That is not. Absolutely not. That is something that your kids are going to be definitely talking about to a counsellor. And I remember, I remember seeing the lights twinkling on Santa's nose on her jumper as she said, I'm leaving you. Did you like LA?

To be honest, I prefer Crawley. Well, I mean, that says it all, didn't it? That you will never, you will never leave Crawley. No. So you even floated the possibility of a life in LA and you just rejected it for Crawley. Moving on to your next picture, it's fair to say, there's a lot of, that does involve too much sacrifice. You have a pretty good career here, Ramesh. I love this picture.

So that photo I'm in Mongolia, and this is part of the travel show Misadventures of Romish Ranganathan. And that is like, that is the second series of that show. And we, so part of that show, Mongolia, I don't know if you know anything about Mongolia. I didn't know anything about it, apart from, apart from Geng, Angus Khan really. But Mongolia is one of the, it's the most sparsely populated country in the world, right? So you're properly in the middle of nowhere. And that eagle hunting was, that was us spending some time with some nomads in Mongolia and getting involved in seeing what eagle hunting was all about. Now the day before, we met the eagle hunters.

We were out in this really remote part of Mongolia and we'd just taken the Trans-Siberian Express overnight. Oh man, that must have been amazing. No, it was one of the worst nights of my lungs, actually. Why? It was, because it was, I said to them, I said to the production crew, right? And I'm slightly, I'm slightly giving you a peek behind the curtain here. Because in the show, like every episode of the show,

we have a local co-host who sort of accompanies me. throughout the trip, right? So our co-host, he and I were filming in this carriage on the train. And when we finished filming for the night, the production crew said, the director said to me, we've only got two carriages here,

we've only got two rooms, so the director and the producer are going to have to bunk in with you. And I said, this has got to be the only production I've ever heard of where the off-camera conditions are worse than the on-camera ones.

Because... Because people assume when you watch a travel show that you get whisked off to a hotel afterwards. Yeah. What happened is they went, okay, we're wrapped for the night. And then two other pricks came into the room to share that tiny room. That is not acceptable. But the day, so the day before, on that day of like going to see those eagle hunters, the night before, we'd had to drive out to go and see them. And you're in the middle of these planes.

And there are no, there are no landmarks. There are no discerning features in the land. It's just flat with some mounds. or hills in the background, but it's pretty fucking nondescript. And we were driving in these weird, like, Jeep vehicles that all smelt of fuel inside. They definitely weren't okay. And about two hours into the drive from this tiny town, it was pitch black. And the driver said, this is where the tents are supposed to be.

And they weren't, right? And so they basically, we were basically lost in the, in middle of nowhere and GPS doesn't work, right? They were just counting. I mean, there are no landmarks. There's nothing. There's nothing. So the driver goes,

I'm not sure what to do now. And I said, well, I don't know what you're telling me, because I'm less sure than you are, mate. It was absolutely. So what?

Then they just emerged, like these hunters just emerged? We kept driving. We kept driving. And the director and the producer are obviously not wanting me to genuinely start panicking because they can't,

you know, they want the panic to be, TV manageable, right? Yeah, they want comedy panic. Yeah, but they're starting to shit themselves as well now at this stage, right? Because it's looking very likely that we're going to die out here, right? So we're sort of just driving around. We've got, we can't see anything else.

And I promise you, at the point where I think everybody in the vehicle was going to start crying, we just suddenly saw a tent. And it was not through design. Oh, my God. It was not through any kind of change of strategy. It was just, let's keep driving across Mongolia and hope for the best. Until we find a tent. Until we find something we can make a television program.

And at that point, we did even care if it was a tent we were supposed to be seeing. If it was a different encampment, we were going to slaughter the inhabitants and take the camp over. It was insane. So in terms of like all the trips and travels you've done, you couldn't have come with a more contrast. experience from LA to remote Mongolia. You haven't got any sort of

pre-romance about smashing Mongolia or booking a career or moving your family out there. No, although I would say that I did have quite a good experience, a good comedy experience there because stand-up comedy arrived in Mongolia about five years ago.

And so when I was there, I basically ended up doing a set at Ulam Battle Comedy Club. right because they've just they've just started having so they know what it is and they yeah yeah but it's it's in its infancy it's so new right so there's this like group of like of Mongolian comics and they do they do English speaking nights um and they do nights for for Mongolians to sort of listen to in their mother tongue but so they asked me if I'd go and perform at one of the at the English speaking night and how did that go well it was it was it was so

funny because there's actually English people in Mongolia like teachers and stuff like that so A lot of English people that were there, but a lot of Mongolians who were there as well. But the funny thing is, is that because stand-up is so new over there, everything is brand-new. Every single trick, every single technique, every single thing is like absolutely brand-new out there, right? So I didn't even really write a set. Because I basically, I didn't massively enjoy my time in Mongolia. So all I did was I went out and talked about how shit I thought, Mongolia was as a visitor, right?

As a sort of like saying, your food's awful, and they just found it so funny, right? But then, this is the thing, is that if you did a callback, which in Britain, a callback has to be of a certain standard to work, when I did a callback in Mongolia, people's heads fell off. I mean, they couldn't, they had never seen anything like it. They could not fucking believe it. Just they thought that was a height of sophistication.

Hold on a minute, he's doing a joke. about a joke you did earlier on. Jesus Christ, I'd never seen anything like they've just lost their mind. I mean, so if someone had heckled you and you said, look, I don't come into your place of work and show you how to flip burgers, they'd have absolutely lost their shit. Mate, I, somebody said to me something about beef. Somebody had shouted beef, right? Right.

And I said, not a great heckle. I'm of Hindu origin, right? Very simple, mate, the room went, the roof nearly came off. I mean, they could not fucking believe it. Don't you just live in Mongolia? You could never have a bad gig again, ever. Not that you have many anyway, but you never have. You just smash it night after night.

No, but you don't know what happened. But then people, they'd start to get savvy to it. I mean, you're not going to have an audience that aren't comedy savvy forever. And then eventually they go... There's a pure, yeah, you're right. You were present for a sort of pure moment. What I need to do is I need to just tour countries that have only just got stand-up. That's the only crowd that I can operate.

See how Lisa feels about that? See if you propose that to leave. Lisa, how do you feel about Papua New Guinea? I've got a little idea for you. We're going to start a comedy circuit. Break the kids. Well, that's a really uplifting way to end. End our chat.

Thank you for doing that. I really appreciate it. There's been some brilliant photos there. No worries. Thanks for having me on the podcast. Oh, it was a pleasure. That's it for this week. The rest of Series 1 is available with all the photos on our Instagram page,

and Jen and I will be doing new episodes every week. Thanks for listening. Bye. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, What Did You Do Yesterday? That's it.

That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it.

Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? Like that's too much, isn't it?

That is over the top. What did you do? yesterday, available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.