Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S01 E07: Tom Allen (Kerry only)

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

"Now slicking your hair back was very de rigueur... Even saying de rigueur would of got you a kicking..." Kerry catches up with fellow comedian Tom Allen, pre-lockdown in his home. Photo 01 - Tom in a School Cricket Photo Photo 02 - A Very Dapper Tom at School Photo 03 - Tom at a School Party with Friends Photo 04 - A Proper Studio Shot of Tom Photo 05 - Tom on Holiday in Crete PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. Each episode, I take a trip down Memory Lane with a very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos that we're talking about, they're all on the episode image and you can also see them a bit more. clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together.

So what is our first photograph we're going to look at today? This is taken in the school hall of my primary school. Oh, I thought it was like someone's front room. Well, did your primary school have this? There was a time. When I went to school, there was this like hangover from the 70s where there were these like really psychedelic, bold prints. Yes, those curtains are key 17.

20 curtains? Yeah. Bold orange, red and brown curtains. Yeah. Which in a way now would be styled in a way that would look quite, um, they'd come back. They'd look quite stylish. Yeah. It would look quite trendy. But then it was like, oh, these curtains are so embarrassing. So what year was this then? It might be a couple, it might be 92. How old are you? I think I'm about eight or nine. Do you remember it being taken? Vaguely. I think because we're wearing our white shirts, it might have been because I was on the cricket team almost as a laugh. And one of the teachers thought it would be a good, it would be good for me to do some sort of sport or to feel comfortable with some sort of sport.

And so they got me on the cricket team, but I was always messing around and I didn't really fit in with the other poor eyes. Did you like your school? No. Primary school I didn't like it at all. Oh really? Really insecure during primary school. Right through? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, never really settled, never felt comfortable. There were flashes of time when I did. Obviously, you're learning quite a lot, but I didn't. Yeah, I felt much more comfortable with the secondary school, actually. And it was immediate when you went to secondary school. Yes, because I think I was like, I've done this kind of period of, like, I always felt more grown up than I was. Yeah. I was like an old man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at primary school, I was bullied by the girls. Oh, God. Bullying is just awful. Yeah. School is just Lord of the Flies. I mean, it's horrible, isn't it? It's hard.

I was talking to a friend of mine, he's a dog trainer. He says, dogs are awful to each other. And I'm like, yeah, that's what humans are like. Or animals are like. But we all pretend that dogs are like, and children. Hey, kids don't see difference. Kids really see difference. Kids love to find anything they can to...

Yeah, find any evidence of difference, and they'll go in. And I was totally. different, not totally, but I was very different, I think, for a young age. And you were confident in that at home or just working it all out? To an extent and working it out. But yeah, I didn't understand why, like, why does no one want to be my friend? Just because I'm interested in Noel Coward. No, I wasn't interested in Nelson.

I'd have been your friend, Tom. You would have been my friend. I'd have been a great friend. We could have sang Noel Cowd's songs. That would have been much more fun. Yeah. At primary school. Yes.

I think I just, yeah, I was just sort of interested in kind of humor and quirky things. Yeah. Yeah. We were more cultured. More cultured. And kind of geeky, I suppose. Yeah. Which now I think is celebrated a bit more.

I think if you have a seven-year-old who likes watching sitcoms from... I think it's so great. Yeah. They're kind of a lot more like, oh, this is their thing. That's great. Some kids like this. Back then it was like, go outside and play. Yes.

Well, sport is so pushed upon children. It's so weird. My son isn't remotely sporty. And it's always like, don't want to play football. Don't want to play football. why don't you play football? You should be playing football. In a way, he probably would like cricket,

a slightly different sport. But he's just not remotely interesting. Really? You can't sort of force it. Yeah. I think that was for me as well, the fact of like, it's like, go on, you kids, you love playing football, don't you?

And I was like, no. No, I don't really. Stop tell me what I'd like, I don't like. Yeah, well, you have to wait a long time before you can say that. Yeah, you do have to wait a long time. And I think, childhood, you sort of going like,

all right, yeah. No, exactly. And I spent most of my time, I got, I decided I'm nominated myself as a tidy opera of various kind of cupboards around the school. Oh, great. Like a Marie condo of the school? I was like a Marie condo at the school.

It meant I didn't have to go outside at break time and I could just be tidying cupboards on my own. I just remember that. Just thinking does this spark joy? Does this spark joy? We'll keep it. And there's nothing more lovely than organising stationery. There is nothing more satisfying.

It's such a pleasurable thing to do. I would have cleaned that whole school top to bottom. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Pencil's inappropriate colour-coded cups. Yes, please. So this is you now up in secondary school. Yes. And how are you

early on there now? It's over year 10 or year 11. Okay, so you're pretty much coming to the end of your GCSE for you. 16, I suppose I am there. And I've got to the drama colours on my top of it. I don't remember this photo being taken. This was something that somebody showed me recently. You look very dapper. Do I? Yeah, you do. And look at your shiny shoes.

Oh yeah, I think Dad would have shine that. I mean, they've been beautifully shined and your hand in your pocket like a soldier. I liked, I think I was probably trying to emulate a Victorian soldier. Yeah. Some sort of Victorian soldier. Some sort of brigadier.

And I'd learnt about slicking your hair back because I like Noel Coward. And no one slipped there. That was very unusual, I should point out. Like now, slicking your hair back, having unusual hair, being quite extrovert, is Derreger. Even saying Derriguer at that time,

I was supposed to have got you were kicking. Would have got you really quite badly beaten up. And so I felt quite bold to doing that. People are like, why you got your hair like that? Why I've got your hair like that? Oh. So I take brille cream, which is a horrible, greasy substance. Yes.

And slick my hair back. And people like, why do you do your hair like that? They look much nicer if you did. How did they want you to have your hair? Like all the other kids. Which was what? Always brush forward and geled. I see.

I think it was called a French crop, but I don't really know what that means. Yeah, you see it was mullets when I was at high school with a little perm at the back. Oh, Kerry. Thank God I did. Thank God. I mean, you've really. really feel like you've lived through something when you've lived through mollets. Yeah.

Well, people at the time, like, I'm getting it done this weekend. Well, I remember when Darren Lord got the back of his mullet permed, and me and Jackie and Lee Travers, we were going to knock for him. We knew when the neutraliser would come out and the rods would be out. And we were like, let's knock for him at 10 past six, because that's when we'll see Pete perm. Or maybe that's when the rods were in. Anyway, we worked it out at the timings, because we all had Saturday jobs in the hairdressers,

so we knew the timings. And we were like, right, if the rods go in at half a few. four and then you've got to neutralise and then if we knock from about quarter past six he left the rod in and we had to open the door in his rollers and we rip the piss we ripped the piss. Hair in high school is a big deal it is a big deal I worry that the environment is a tiny bit damaged by the 80s super soft uh generation the hair spray that's what melted the ice I think it might have had a Greta Thumburg needs to reach out to those perms that generation

specifically CFCs yeah that She did the DA, you know, the duck's-ass thing on the front of the hair. And sprayed it solid. What was the spray of choice? Not Elnette. Super soft. Super soft. It was cheap.

Elnet is the one. Oh, that's fancy. That's for mums. That's for mums, yeah. They changed the packaging on Elnette, but it used to have that woman with like... Oh, we still got that. I've still with that woman with the blow wave. Yeah.

Hasn't changed in the 60. Looks like Audrey Hepburn on the phone. Yeah. And that feeling of like gagging on it. Like my mom getting ready for work or my mom and dad were going out. And watching them get ready. And it'd be like, ah, ha. Ha, ha.

And the smell of it is so distinctive. Yeah, so distinctive. So you went the milk cream, which I think as a product is also very distinctive. What, real cream, yes. The smell and the texture. Yeah, it was horrible, really. But there was... Retro, though.

Very, very, very, very, very. And I spent all my spare time going around retro vintage shops, trying to buy Victorian clothing, yeah. Did you? Where? I'd go to, there's one in Victoria called Cornucopia. And there was one, and I'd go to Portobello Road, and I'd go to Islington, that? That's quite a way from here.

My mum'll be like, where are you going? Don't go by, no more shit. I bought a pair of trousers once. Like, don't bring it in the house. Bring the rats in. Oh, wow. You see, my mum had a stall at Portobella Road when I was growing up. Really?

So all that vintage clothing stuff was my world. Really? Yes. Selling vintage clothing? Selling vintage clothing? She had a stall on Goldbourne Road, which is the top of Portobella Road. And she sold 40s, 50s and 60s clothes. What I did get from that is my dad taught me to do this.

He says, well, if it's got five pounds on it, go, will you take three? Oh, he taught you to haggle? Yeah. And are you confident? Yeah, and I was 15 doing it and going, well, can I give you, already take three? And it worked?

Yeah, because you always know, like, if you don't want it, you just go, no, I'll leave it. Yeah. Walk away, there's no shame. Oh, that's a good life skill, isn't it? Yeah. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do it in shops. Well, you know, you can do it. Well, they say that, but I've never tried it.

Who's doing that in MNS? Can you imagine the telemark suspensers? All right, so that's 30 quid. Will you take $20? As if the person's going to authorise that. Did you like your school uniform? I didn't like the scratchy polyester of the blazer. I did like the fact that we had blue blazers.

I thought that was quite sharp. Because mine was Navy and I had lots of issues with Navy for years after. Really? Yeah, I just associated it with school. Oh, ours was a royal blue. Yeah, it's a lovely blue. With a charcoal black trouser. And you've got no issues with blue now.

No, I love it. And was that a nice school badge? I can't quite see the detail. And it was, but it was only when I was head boy in the sixth form that I bothered to find out what it actually made. We didn't do Latin at our school We barely did French Well weirdly we did do Latin for like a year

Did you? Do you go to a grammar school? No, I went to a really shitty comp But for some reason we did Latin I think it probably got dropped The year after I left It was on its way out I think they just felt that Mr Hoyt Who'd been there since like the 40s

But just seemed to retirement, let him do it And in a way I sort of, we had a teacher like that who insisted we have a Steinway Grand Piano in the main room. Wow. See, these teachers, they do keep the standard. I think people, like, could be quite, yeah, they keep the standard. I think people would be quite dismissive of them. But things like that.

Well, things like classics, that's the subject that you should apply to do at, if you want to go to Oxbridge. Right. Because not as many people apply to do classics. No. So you've got more of a chance of getting in. No, anthropology. You know, those kind of subjects that, like, posh kids know about.

Yeah. That's not. It's always with you, isn't it, your school days? That's why it feels like a huge pressure when you're, like, picking schools for your kid in as much as you can. And you think, oh God, if I've got to,

their school life has to be so this or that. Oh my goodness. But in a way, it's kind of, it will be what it will be like it has been for us. You know,

it's sort of probably fine. Yeah. You know, you think you can kind of engineer it, but when you look back, you go, oh, it was chaos.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you look happy in that picture. I think I was very posy in that picture. Yeah, but in a nice way, it doesn't look overly contrived.

You just look like a content young man at the beginning of his life. There, I think I probably was quite content. Do you do this? Or I go through waves of going, oh, I know who I am at the moment. Yeah.

And other problems, I'm like, what am I doing? Yeah, absolutely, yes. And other points I'm like, I know what my focus is. I know who I am. Nothing else is going to rail me. And then other times I'm like,

everybody else is so much better than me. Yeah, yeah. But on that day, that was a good day. I think my friend Joe took it, I think she was a good friend and I think I probably felt quite content about that. But there was, I mean, when you think about it, that was a young man.

16, you know, people are having experience. in their private lives and their social lives. Yeah. I was not. No, I think a lot of people were not. Oh, really, yeah. And I was resisting any suggestion that I might explore that or go near that. That was very much all of that era was very much.

Had you come out by this age? No. Oh, really? No, madam. But I mean, one might say one doesn't need to when I was slicking one's hair back with bril-picking their null-coward. Are you in this? This looks like something from Greek. me, you'll see me.

Yeah. Oh, look at the dicky bow. This is when it was going quite extreme. And this was when people were definitely... I mean, that looks like a proper... When that first opened, I thought you were going to show like it was a picture of your grandparents or something. Because it's black and white, for some reason.

Yeah, it's black and white. So it immediately makes you go, oh, it's an old shot. It does make it look really retro. It's like something out of the shining where they're blokes looking at himself in the past. Yeah. And those were, my friends. and they were like clearly much more confident in themselves. They were having...

I don't necessarily think I'd agree that she seems confident. She looks a little subdued. She does look a bit subdued there. She looks almost tearful, I'd say. We were best friends and we were both sort of outsiders. Right. I don't know if, yeah, I don't know if she was having a bad time on that day. She just looked a bit sad in that photo.

And what's the event? It's someone's birthday. And I can't remember whose birthday it was, but it was in... I remember the kitchen. It was in Bexley Heath way, sort of Sidcup way. Yeah. You went to drama school. Yes.

And it's in the kitchen of someone's party. And I would go to parties and I'd say to my dad, will you wait around the corner? Come pick me up in half an hour. Oh, really? And you always did that. You just didn't stay. Then I was like, a lot of the time I was like happier to stay indoors.

It's like I needed to stay indoors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, if I don't stay indoors, what will mom and dad be okay? Right. Weird. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yes, anxiety. I was like, yeah.

Textbook anxiety. Is that textbook anxiety? I would have also, yeah, worrying about these sort of things. Like trying to control things. I remember going through a face with my childhood where I was like, I can't see your witness and experience if my mum hasn't. We have to have shared experiences. Oh, that's interesting.

Do you get very attached to your parents when you're sort of going through that kind of anxiety? Yes. You might say still going through it and I still live with them. So what year would that have been? That would have been around about 2000. I was going to sit form. Yeah. Because that's funny if that is Sidcup because I was at...

Probably around the corner. I might well have been around the corner. Although no, I was in the sick up a few years before. But the people in the picture do look like they're having a good time. They look like normal teenagers having a lovely time at a normal teenage party. And there's a prominent pint of beer in the picture. It's got a pint of beer there. Did you drink?

No, I didn't like to drink. I didn't like to drink. Really? No, I didn't. Was it quite a boozy teenage scene? Yeah, very boozy, yeah. I think I might have started to drink maybe a beer. I never had an allowance, really.

And I did start to work. What were you doing for work? I went to working at Sondridge Park Golf Club as a dessert waiter. I mean... What's that? It's a golf club which has a... What's a dessert waiter? I'd go around with a dessert trolley.

But why only the dessert? Because I wasn't trusted to take anything. Oh, Tom, that's so niche. That's so niche. Because waiter is a waiter. Why only one course? Yeah, that's all I was allowed to do. Load up the dessert trolley and then wheel it round when people were ready.

Does sound fun, wheeling around. And it couldn't have been camper. And like I say. Did you go for Mrs. Overall? I mean, I may as well or done. It couldn't have been more like the signs with it. I mean, people knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People knew they just didn't want to acknowledge it. I cannot believe that that was your first job at a school. I mean, that's a great job. That is camp, isn't it? It's really camp. There are times when I look back on things and I go, oh yeah. Have you talked about that in your stand-up? No.

I mean, what a missed opportunity? Maybe I should talk a bit about it. First jobs, yeah. Yeah, in charge of the dessert trolley at a golf club. All right, expect a section on that in my new show. And the Dickie Bow's bold, isn't it here? So then, so what you saw before with the slick back hair. Yes.

Obviously, I was somewhat curtailed by the school uniform. But by the time it came to sick form, I could wear bow taut. Sartorily you went for it. And people, like, my family were very much like, oh, I just wish you dressed like normally. I think they wanted me to look nice. Basically. But this is what, in the early noughties?

Yeah. So what was normal? I mean, what would have been the... Again, like, it's quite laddie. Right. Or spice girls. Right. But as a lad, you couldn't be interested in the spice girls.

I mean, that sounds very different to now. I mean, I'm sure there is still... It depends where you grow up. Yes, I think that's true. Because you grew up in sort of suburbia, I don't know. It's kind of a bit more straight and generally the, you know, all the choice it was. Whereas I grew up in London and people were wearing retro gear.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was a bit more... I mean, I am from suburbia, but it was a bit more in. You're a bit more in, yeah. And it just... You did have, like, the grunge ones and the retro ones and the... You know, there was little tribes. We had a bit of grunge one.

And another group which was the cool girls, which... My friend called the Hair Bands. Right. So they always had hair scrunchies. Yes. The hair bands. Because they mean girls, they like the plastics, aren't there? Yeah, it's very like that.

So that's kind of, you know, teen tribes. But Bree and I who are next to each other there, we felt very much like outsiders at times, and so we had a great connection. And we're still very good friends now, bestest friends. So you've really kept your friendships from your... Quite a few of them, yeah. That's brilliant. I mean, people I don't see that often, I still feel connection to, I suppose. If I saw them tomorrow, I wouldn't feel like, oh, this is weird.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you think that's because you live where you grew up? Yeah, I suppose so. Because I never see anyone from that. I've got one mate from school. Oh, really? Yeah, I never see any of them.

Really? Why did you want to get rid of them? I just moved out of where I grew up and then didn't really keep any connections with it. It just fizzled out over the years. I was curious about this thing you said about you. So you attended parties because you wanted to feel that you had attended. But then you'd shown your face and then you were like, so you could get a photo of me. So I was there. I was definitely there.

I did my toe in. Do you know what as well? Contrary to primary school, at secondary school, my... My friends were very inclusive. Very nice people. Yeah. Particularly by the sick form. So you did want to hang out and see them?

Yes. I just didn't want to be there all the time and I didn't really drink or I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of drinking. But they wanted you there. But they wanted me there, which is very nice. And I never felt, even though I was basically a weirdo, like a striding, striving to be as different as possible. To mark myself as different as possible. And were you doing comedy or thinking about comedy at this time? I loved comedy at this point.

I loved comedians and I loved watching things that were comical. but I had no... Wherewithal to do it? There was no reference to do it. Yes. Because it was only... The comedians you saw on television, I love Victoria Wood,

I love French and Saunders, but the people like Jim Davidson or... I was like, that's not what I want to do. Yeah. So you didn't join the dots until later? A lot of dots came to... And also, I was very much in denial

about being gay then. Right. Like, totally just wanted to get rid of that. Yeah. Amputate that. Because I... I don't know. I just wanted to be asexual.

Right. Really. That takes a lot of energy. You're kind of busying yourself with something. You're not going to go. And also, I'm thinking about taking up stand-up comedy. There's a lot going on. When I got to my early 20s, about 21, 22, that's when it all sort of came together.

Right, okay. And stand-up became a sort of response to, oh, I've been burying all these things about myself. I've been channeling all my energies. And you could put it all into that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I could suddenly, well, not all, but I felt like I could start to. Mm-hmm. When did you start comedy?

How old are you? 21, 22. Oh, that's young. And I started doing it in a way that was kind of quirky and people seemed to like that when I first started doing it. But then I started going, and then I did well in the competitions, and people were booking me for clubs. Yeah. But the clubs were not, like, they did not want to hear about my tidying fetches.

I cannot think why. Can you imagine, like those sort of brawly, drunk groups, largely men or male-dominated rooms, did not want to see a 22-year-old gay man from London who sounded posh, who couldn't explain why he's not from a posh background, talking about being sort of vaguely asexual, vaguely... It's a lot to take on. It's a lot to take on when you've got...

In Ashley de la Jouge, when you've got... Yeah, when you've got a seven-minute set. Yeah, seven minutes' set. Just make me laugh. Be a bit rude, if you like. Yeah, basically, I think... So that's when it took me about 10 years after that, and then I was like, just get on stage and do something straightforward.

Well, there are these different little, like, there's always been that sort of feeling that they're things that are celebrated, say, at the Edinburgh Festival, and not necessarily celebrated at genre. Yeah. There's always been that slight, different kind of voices in these different areas of it. Definitely. And if you're all doing...

the self-expression creative route. Well, I wasn't at that point. Yeah. I think the learning for me was about bringing the two together. Yeah, I think, yeah, I hear that. Me too. It's funny when you show a photograph

to somebody else. Exactly, especially because you are wearing a dicky bow in it and it does. Like, your friend's dress looks a bit retro too. I was basically making myself seem as un-sexualized as possible.

Yeah. I think that was a totally de-sexualized. I think you failed. I think you look great. It did look sexualized. Well, unfortunately, nobody agreed. Well, In the wrong room.

The wrong room, yeah. This is a brilliant photograph. I feel like I've seen it because it's a professional shot. Matt Crockett took this photograph. And he's such a great photographer. And he just came in, I can't remember why. He just wanted to take photographs of comedians. Right.

He does a lot of West End shows. He's a really lovely guy. And so I went in to do this one and I wore my new suit. And it's, so this was a point when I think I did feel a bit more contented with myself. I've done something as well that morning. So this is early in your career but you're established. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And it's going from there to the golf club. I used to work where my dad is a member. Uh-huh. And we were going to Sunday lunch there with his mates at the golf club. And do you look back at the dessert trolley wheeler and just think, I know you. I remember those days. I remember those days.

Yeah, if it was a movie. Dream big kid. It can all work out. You keep winning those desserts route. Maybe one day. I think it's a really lovely photo. You look fantastic. Isn't it great when a professional photographer can capture you genuinely not quite posing?

I mean, you are posing because it's lit properly and you look great and whatever. And yeah, it looks natural. I think I was genuinely putting the tie up at that point. Yeah, that's the best. Like the pet shop boys when the bloke's yawning. I like pictures like that. Oh, yeah. That's a great one, isn't it? Yeah.

It's properly a studio shot. Yeah. But it's not one of the studio shot. Just being relaxed in that moment. Exactly. I think that's a great picture. I suppose that's what I like in all things, really, is that those moments where it's kind of perfect,

but actually there's something going wrong. That's stand up. Yeah, right. Because you're sort of presenting to be talking. I'm just talking to. I'm just telling you some things. But I have to make effort to travel here and get on a stage. Yeah, exactly.

And that little throwaway thing, I've considered that. Yes, everything is quite considered. But it feels quite, but I think, yes, you still have to have that anxiety or whatever it is, that's motivating it. And did you use it as a poster shop? Do I've never used it for anything. Oh, is it not a workshop?

for a promotion or anything. No, it wasn't promotion. Oh, I could see that on a program. I should use it a bit more, shouldn't you? It's a really lovely photo. I'd very happily look at that, because you've got all that space above. You could have the name of your show. That could be your tour.

I wasn't going to Edinburgh at that point. Right. And you're wearing a smart suit, which I think is very you-on brand. Yes, I've always liked wearing suits. And that's always been your thing. And you always went on stage wearing a suit. That was never kind of like, oh, what shall I wear? I had a brief dalliance with an open-neck shirt and a neckache.

Right. and actually and a brightly coloured trouser again people would like oh I don't know if I like those trousers on you people are full of opinions oh yes and you don't realise it when you're younger

and you're like oh I'm just doing my thing I hope people respect or I'm just doing my thing and then people will be like I don't There's always feedback Tom There's always feedback There's always notes

Yeah from people who are quite Not necessarily that connected to you No no it's even worse Because of Twitter They just like you can go I don't think that's Yeah yeah

Yeah But the suits very you. It's a real... I like the sort of... Sensification. Sensification. And it's quite vintagey. Yeah. I've liked that vintageness. Well, it's ageless, in fact.

That's what I tell people. It's timeless. Yes, you might think I'm dressed as Prince Albert. But... But I got this last week. I actually got this last week. That's the thing about fashion. You do rock a suit. I'd love to get a suit made. I've never had one. Do you treat yourself?

I know. Because Zoe and Sues have had suits made for like work stuff. I should. And they've said, there's nothing like it. Get yourself a suit made. And you can really feel it when you do a corporate or you do a nice gig, a fancy gig. just dress up because I feel like those cocktail dresses never really have them tailored as well that's what we will forget oh yes get off the peg and then tailor it seamstresses are very clever

the whole world out there there's a world of people out there waiting to help you so where are you in this picture well this is when I'm in Crete and I'm with my friend Bree who you saw just a moment ago in there in the kitchen at the party at school and then the year before last her dad is Greek

from Athens and Crete and she'd always promised to say She'd always promised to say, come one day and we'll go to Crete where my family have a house. And one time I just went, I've got to do this, I've got to go. And we had such a brilliant time. When was this? This was the summer before last, so 2018. And it was so lovely.

And we swam in the sea every day. And we just were really relaxed and we just talked. And she hired a car. And so we were driving around Greece, going to lovely restaurants. and because her family owned prima donnas, which I think you've been to in West Wickham. Did I recommend that to you? What's that?

It's a restaurant opposite West Wickham swimming baths. No, I haven't been there. After I worked at the golf club, it's the best restaurant in southeast London. Oh, well, I must go. I don't know of it. You'll love it. And, well, we had such a nice time. And we were driving through these mountains to see Bree's family

who have our house in the mountains. And we've been swimming in the sea. We've been staying up all night and night before, just talking, getting drunk and talking to strangers. and then we were driving in the afternoon after. We weren't. Anyway, we were driving and then the car suddenly wouldn't go. And I was like, oh, maybe it's not in gear probably.

Try putting it in gear. I was like, no, it still won't go, it won't accelerate. Anyway, we had a flat tire. So we pull over, we have to pull over, and I have a look and it's like, it's a flat tire. And it's completely, it really blown. Is that the expression? I don't know.

I'm not into motor things. Blown flat tire. Yeah, let's go with that. Blown tire. And then I had to stand. Well, Brea and I had to work out how to change a tie, which is really difficult. And they don't really teach you how to do it.

What at comedy school? Yeah. Or in the lessons. Edinburgh. They don't teach you at Edinburgh Festival. They don't teach you at the Edinburgh. That would be something you can actually feel less sensitive to the achievement about. Yeah.

Like at least I've left it with something. I've never changed a tire. It's actually not so difficult. Flo, the manager of both of us, taught me the rhyme. It's not really a rhyme, but to remember, righty-tighty-titty, lefty-lusey. Oh righty-tit-lety-lefty-lusey, I know. I'd never heard that before. Yeah, that's a great bit of technical, useful, practical advice. Well, I got the manual out of the glove

box. So you couldn't get YouTube where you were in the mountains. Well, so I got the manual out of the glove box of the car, but it's all in Greek, literally. It's a Greek to me. Because you are in Greece. And all the shapes of Greek letters look like triangles and squares. I needed that nonverbal reasoning. Yeah. I needed that nonverbal reasoning. And so I couldn't know what to, so I had to try and find reception, which I did not have easily, that one bar reception to look up a YouTube video of a man in Milton Keynes talking about, because that was like the, it was like the Fiat One or something. What would you have done without YouTube?

I literally don't know. You'd still be there now. Yeah, we'd just live there on the side of a mountain. And also I've got a really big fear of snakes. Oh. And earlier we'd seen a snake crossing the road. And I didn't like that. And I was like, at the side of a road, that's exactly where a snake is going to live.

Yes. We're like crawling around in the bush. If I was a snake, that's where I would hide. Yeah. And I'm here like an idiot. On my hands and knees. That's probably going to one to jump out. and hit me on.

You look like you're having a really good time. You don't look like you're having a crisis. Well, then we started laughing. Yeah. And it's one of those things when you know we were the best friend, an old friend. Yeah. Who you can laugh at it. And we were just laughing about it.

And we're hands covered in Greece, trying to, like, think what we're supposed to do here, what do we do there? And we were so proud of ourselves. And you did it. And we did it. Wow. And then I insisted to re take a photograph. Of course. Of course.

Of course. I bet you felt like majorly alpha. I mean, like what? And charming that was like, Brie take a photo of me. Like didn't say let's both have a photo. No. I was like I will look like I'm holding tools. I'm holding tools to make it look like I did it.

Isn't that awful? What an awful friend I am. No. I don't know why she puts up with me. Look at me there in my esper drills. You look really happy. I mean, I mean, I love a photograph in Greece. Everyone always looks happy in a photograph in Greece.

Just happy and wearing, like not wearing a suit and not wearing. I'd had that outfit on for two days. Let yourself go? Yeah, I don't think I'd showered. I'd just sort of run in the sea and run back out again. Yeah. Just and just having the best time. Yeah.

Because I didn't care. Yeah. And I think even though I like, I like wearing suits and I liked it and all these things, I think actually to be free of care. Yeah. You dropped all of it on that holiday. I just dropped all of it on that holiday. And it was a lovely feeling.

I go, why aren't I like this all the time? Yeah. So you're going to chase that feeling. You know how to, you know how to get that feeling back now. You need to get out of suit, go to Greece, drink a lot of booze, swim in the sea and get a flat tire. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't that be great?

And I have a practical kind of resolution to a problem. Yes. To get that sense of achievement. Yeah. And go, this is me living the dream. This is what I am now. This is who I am. I fix cars.

Yeah. You could just move to Greece and become a mechanic. Do you know what? Do you know what? Come and see me in 10 years time. Thank you for doing this. It's been such a pleasure. I appreciate it.

Anytime. And I haven't cried. Oh, God. It's worse. I mean, we don't need therapy now because we have podcasts so we can get it all out in a podcast. And typically as a stand-up, you asked to see some photographs. I've shown you only really photos of myself. Did you actually want photos of people in my life? No, no, no, it was meant to be you. Oh, fine. Yeah, there's sort of... It suddenly occurred to me like, oh, absolutely

typical. You must see a various... No, I think my understanding is most people that they're actually, it's a good point. It never occurred to me, but I always expected people to offer up pictures of themselves. Oh, you knew. Comics would be like that, yeah. I mean, I suppose you're probably surprised I haven't got like a gallery of pictures of myself. Or a spotlight shot above the That's it for this week. The rest of Series 1 is available with all the photos on our Instagram page. And Jen and I will be doing new episodes every week. Thanks for listening. Bye.

I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Darady. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure.

Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question.

But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.