Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S02 E08: Maisie Adam

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

"Turd skirt was a woman that once wore a brown skirt to a PTA meeting" Maisie takes Kerry and Jen through her brilliant photos! Photo 01 - Growing up playing football with her brother Photo 02 - Maisie and mates before a Lady Gaga concert (In a Permier Inn lift) Photo 03 - Maisie and her mum on facetime Photo 04 - Maisie and Stephen Bailey wearing a bra (Helen's bra) as a hat Photo 05 - The day Leeds Utd stayed in the premier league PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. I love it. Hang on. Yeah, shut the fuck up, Jen. You are the queen of the soft exit. Just shut up, but it's like, you'd stop talking. I go right. The voiceover person in my head goes lovely, neat, punchy, out.

You're like, talking, still talking. Still talking. Hello, and welcome. to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Brister and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together.

Oh, I suppose we've got to talk about the holiday. How's your holiday? You couldn't even style that out You couldn't give less this shit, how wild I do, I do, I want to know, I want to know Look, I'm assuming, because I looked at your stories every day Which by the way were really random And I could see that you were having a good time Did you see that I posted this today?

Oh wait, she's gone, hang on a minute Where's she going? Joel, she's gone This is what happens when I gardener. Oh my, what that's bloody hell? I posted this, which is an oversized corset, otherwise known as the marrow. Because you know I like a bit of gardening. Yes, this is upsetting me.

I've been awake for two weeks. What have you been feeding it? Steroids. And I posted a picture of it and then I realised I didn't put anything next to it for scale. So really it does look like a corsette. But you've got to hold it. I need to be holding it like one of those sort of fishermen holding a huge cat. Wow, that is quite there. How does it get that big?

Why is it that big? I've been away for two weeks. Oh, so they just keep growing then? They just keep growing. So a corgette stops being a corgette and becomes a kind of marrow. So is that how you grow, I thought marrows were, I didn't think marrows were just cauchettes that just stayed on the... Maybe they are a different thing, but my understanding of a marrow is it is just a...

A big corset. Kind of a very underloved corsette that's grown. that big. Look at that. It's good, isn't it? I wish this was an audio medium. It is an audio medium. No, what do I mean? I wish it was a visual medium. Well, we've got it. I've been on holiday and I came back to that. Well, I'm really happy to see that. And I, well, wore your face, actually, the joy. That's quite something there. It is good, isn't it? Apart from, I did come back to a few dead things, but, you know. But yeah, it was a very nice holiday. Thanks for asking. Thanks for your enthusiasm. That's all right. Anytime. I wanted to, I wanted to

in and make sure that you had a good time and I could see it. I did have a good time. Some people were worried about me because I don't know if you heard, but Mount Etna erupted whilst I was in Sicily and I was hiking up Mount Etna only a couple of days prior to the eruption. But just to yes, alleviate any of your concerns, I'm fine. Okay, my anxiety was high for that minuscule second that you mentioned it and then I realised that you were fine. I genuinely did get a couple of messages from people saying, are you all right? Because they'd seen it on the news. But erupts regularly. Does it? Oh so it's not like, it's not,

no one's worries. It's a safe volcano. It's a safe volcano. Tell that to the people of Pompeii. I mean, ff, is that right? Well, the Suvius is not a safe volcano. That's a completely different that's embarrassing. Okay. But Aetna goes off all the time. In fact, I was a bit gutted

I didn't see it. We could hear it. We could hear the eruption but we couldn't see it. I'd think be glad you didn't see it. I'd be glad. No, no. It'd be really dramatic. It'd be like really good fireword display. Oh yeah but like but you don't want to be near it. I mean it's like nice to see it like yeah but you can if I'd been in eye shot of it I would have literally seen I would have seen it erupt well obviously if you're in eye shot but you don't want to be in eye shot you know what I mean you know what I mean you're you're I don't think you're

behind this I am behind it I'm so sorry also I mean I got Mount Vesuvius and Mount Etna completely confused that's not as in Naples that's not even Kay knows. I know. But you had a lovely time. I didn't disconnect from the real word completely because I did hear the voice note on our WhatsApp about Rosie Jones. Hello, Jennifer.

I really don't know why you didn't get T-shirts. I'm actually going to blame. anyone but me so it wasn't my fault I'm sorry but in order to make it up to you I am willing to go to fruit of the room get a white t-shirt get some felt it peckes and write your name on that t-shirt for you because that's how much I love you. Sorry, bye-bye. I thought it was very sweet.

It was very sweet, yeah. She knew she'd fucked up. Well, we'll see. You don't look forgiving. You don't look like you're going to forgive. Well, still the T-shirt still haven't turned up, so, I mean, I suppose. She literally said she was just going to get a Sharpie and make one for you. That didn't try and placate you.

That didn't feel. special actually. Also, what I've learned is you have a copy of Lou Sanders book. I don't have a... I came home. Yeah. I came home today to that. Great, great, good for you. I don't have a copy. Haven't you got that yet? No, I'm beginning to see, I think, are you more

popular than me on this PIN circuit? Well, if it's any consolation, I didn't get the merch. I didn't get the parma violets and the prophylactics. But that's, but then Lou did say no parma violets of prophylactics for, for you? Because you said no to the prophylactics, so that's why they didn't come your way. Maybe if I wrote a book, I could give Marrows as much.

Jesus Christ. Okay. All right. Well, fine. Yeah, I'd love that. Just a massive, that would be great, wouldn't it?

Turning up at a lesbian's house, just a massive phallic vegetable. I'd have to get busy if I was going to give out a lot of... To all your Lesbo friends. I'd need at least 20 plus. Good luck, Kerry Godly,

man. Well, anyway, message really cheered me up. Did it? Yeah. Yeah, it made me laugh. Oh, I didn't get any merch with your book that's still available. I didn't know. I didn't even know that merch was a thing. This is a new thing for me. And you can't say that you know about merch because you know fuck all about merch. No, I know, but I mean out of all the people now that we know that are writing books or written books, which you are one. What merch could I do now

for my book, do you think? The other mother available now on hard back hands. The door was swinging open there, mate. you bloody long time to walk through. I absolutely crap at PR. It's not like, it's not my forte at all. That's why I didn't get on the merch train, but I absolutely should. I could have had one with,

I could have had, what could I have had? What would I have had? That's really tricky, isn't it? Let's have a thing. Let's brainstorm it. Who are we talking to in today's episode, by the way? Oh, I'm still on the merch. We're talking to Maisie Adam.

Right. Now, Maisie Adam has been all over the World Cup, hasn't she, with Susie? Macy Edom's got a brilliant podcast with Susie Ruffle that's covered the Women's World Cup and she has... And you just told me they're in the final.

I just can't believe that you don't know they're in the final. And by the time this podcast goes out, the final will have happened and they may well have won. They might have brought it home. They may well have brought it home. And who are we in the final with? Australia. No, Spain.

Oh, very quickly. Okay, so conflict of interest. That's conflict of interest. Yeah, half Spanish, half English. I'm going to do? Well, I can't lose. Can I? Can I? That's true. Who do the boys support? They're very torn. They're like, we're not sure, Mama, should we support England or Spain? I was like, I think England love, given that you're not genetically related to me, I think, just lean on England. Funny time to bring that up with the boys while they're celebrating England getting

into the world. I think it's time. I think at that moment is the perfect time to go, sorry, kids, we're not even related, so I'd lean on England. Look, I don't want to tell you how to parent. but I think that's to be a heavy-handed. Some might say, tactless and cold. Not me. I'd say, facts are facts, mate. Deal with them. Look, I know you're up a tree with limited plumbing,

but now's the time. Obviously, I didn't say that in case someone starts writing a strongly worded message to me about how to parent my children. Of course I didn't say that. I said, you can literally support whoever you want, my darling. And they have taken that information and they are undecided is the answer, Kerry. Right.

And I feel sad about that. But I'll tell you who will be watching it. Maisie Adam. Oh yes, Maisie Adam. He'll be watching it. Wow. Right. We have asked you to share your photographs with us today.

If we wanted one of you as a baby or a little kid, would you be able to just like access that? Do you have to call your mum? As your mum got them easy access? I got one as a little kid. Oh, I want to see that. Yeah. Can we see that?

Yeah, sure. So this is me and my brother. Football! You're in a goal. Yep. I used to make him stand in goal. Oh, Masey, you have literally look exactly the same as you do now.

Do you think? Face-wise, face-wise, I mean, like, your face doesn't change. That's hilarious. Really? Oh, no, I think I'm, oh, I'd like to think I'm good. Oh, look, you're so cute. Yeah, facially, you're exactly the same.

Really? Yeah. So where is his photograph taken? That's me and my brother Danny at our, a home in, like our first proper home in Leeds when we were growing up. And that's on the, we had a driveway. And we, well, I just make my brother be in goal pretty much every day. Have you always loved football?

Yeah. Yeah. This is around the phase of when I would only wear Leeds United merch. That's a Leeds United football that I got for Christmas. Those are Leeds United goalie gloves. Those are Leeds United trainers. That is a full point. Can I get a proper look at that?

I mean, that is brilliant. So who's your team? Leave you knife. Who took that photograph? That would be my mum. Your mum and dad, are they also? My dad could not be less interested. Oh really?

So how did you get into it then? My mum's side. My mum's got two much older brothers. They're not like ancient, but they're like 10 years older than her. And she grew up basically, I think it's probably quite bullied into it in that she grew up with her two older brothers

massively into it. My grandpa, her dad, was like, a massive Leeds fan. So she kind of grew up in a very football-orientated house. And she was like, she was like, because she had been dragged along and not that into it,

she was quite happy for you to be dragged along. Yeah, she'll still root for like Leeds Tonight and she's into it, but she wouldn't actively go. She used to like, she used to like taking me to football and watching me play football, but she wasn't bothered about actual professional games. And when did you start playing? Oh, like as soon as I could.

it as long as I can remember. I just love it. It makes me so happy. You're really good. I mean, I don't know anything about football. We used to play for a bit. Yeah, we played it. We played for a lot. Jen used to play in my football team and then she left the WhatsApp group and she's never been seen again. Because I was...

I stopped... Why did I stop? Why did you start? It's the big question. I actually... Good, Jen. Do me a... Nice and quick. Do you go to Crystal Palace on a show show where all the comedians play. Yeah, sometimes. Because that's down the road from me. Yeah, it's lovely. And I used to swim.

there and I used to sometimes see them playing and think oh I'd love to join in. It's really nice because it's full of blokes and it's comedians so I was like a few comics had said go for it and I'd put it off for ages and then to be fair to them I went and it's lovely it's not all like toxic I mean it's mainly bloke there's occasionally like Annie McGrath sometimes goes

Lou Sander sometimes goes I knew Lou went sometimes but it's a really nice environment what's Lou like at it as you'd expect? Yeah No, she's Lou playing football. Great. No, no, no, but that's what I want to hear because... That's what you want, yeah. That's what you want.

You want to have someone that goes, I'm not brilliant at it, but it's fun. It's lovely, and it's the best. That's, well, like that team that we used to play on, so I'm still in this. It's a team of mainly Mum's in Brighton. Oh, right. But we don't, we don't, we're not competitive about it. We just sort of have a kick around and have a laugh. Yeah.

We actually do play in a league now, Jam. I know, but that's when they were talking about playing the league. I was like, I'm out. I can't. Yeah, but we're still laughably bad. So timing wise, this is great because now women's football, especially this last year, it's just gone mega. It's massive.

Did you ever sort of think about being a professional player? Are you that level? Frustratingly, no, because, and I know it's like such an easy thing to say of like, well, you could have, could have, should have would have, but like, it was such an odd thing to try and pursue. Yeah. Nobody else from my school played it. So when I played as a kid, I played for a team called Killing,

nomads and in fact the I've played for I think at the under nine's in the under 11s was Rachel Daly who now plays for England. Oh wow! Yeah so we're from the same place but I never played with her because she's two years older than me but she moved I think at age 16

to America because that was the only place you could pursue it. That's what happens at the end of Bend it like they can't America. Exactly because women's soccer is big in the States isn't it? It's properly funded you've got all the facilities you've got all of the like infrastructure and support. Do you feel if you'd had those sort of opportunities.

But like you had to be as brave as someone like Rachel Daly to go, I'm going to leave all of my school friends. I'm going to go. Whereas like if you pursue football as a lad in this country, you can still stay at your school with your friends and play with these exceptional facilities down there. And also like you're playing as part of a team where, you know,

a lot of your mates are also pursuing football. Whereas none of my friends at school played in Killing All Noamads or in Harrogate Town I can remember feeling frustrated and then almost sort of like neglecting football because it was pulling me away from my friends because nobody else enjoyed it. So I remember almost having to make like a choice

of like I'm either going to be that person that's, you know, not hanging out with my friends and instead going to football whereas all of the lads their friends were at football. So it was to get the two things were hand in hand. Whereas I remember feeling like I either just see these people from football

that I don't ever hang out with you just didn't want to consciously separate yourself from your friends and your life I don't think I could have gone pro I think but I would have You wouldn't have dared to even dream but I would have liked to have continued playing it I remember just stopping playing at 15, 16

because there was no football team at school and there was I had to like travel over to Pudsey every which was like a sort of hour in the car like to go and play every Saturday morning because there was no kind of local team anymore because killing all only went up to 14 years old. So I remember like all of that and then I went to uni and all of the boys joined a football team there and there wasn't a women's team there.

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eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Right, so this one is, um, uh, me and my friends went to go and see Lady Gaga. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. What are you, sorry, are you wearing a dress of Bacon? Yeah, because I wanted to look like, you know, when Lady Gaga went in the meat dress. Oh, you're wearing a middress? So we all went as different Lady Gaga's. Oh, lovely.

So that's my friend Phoebe. So the one in the middle, I'll let you take it. The one in the middle did, um, Lady Gaga did an album called Joanne where she was like in a sort of pink cowboy hat. And then Liv's gone as sort of the more gothic one. And then I just went as meat dress. Where did you get that? Where'd you get that dress from?

Bezos. Bezos. Bezos. So anything from Jeff. get anything from Bezos. Oh, you look fantastic. A Bezos bacon. At the Tottenham Hot Spurst Stadium.

Didn't know that Lady Gaga was a Spurs fan. And was it a good night? It was so good. And who are these old ones? Yeah, yeah. Phoebe live and then Phoebe's little sister's taking the photo. And we are in the lift of a Premier Inn.

I was going to say that's got such a Premier in vibe. Yeah, what would the burger offer? Oh, yeah. Come on. Yeah. Just having your beer there in the lift. And we'd booked two rooms and we were, Phoebe and her sister were in one

and then me and Liver in the other and we were so shit-faced by the time we were leaving to go to the gig. I mean, look at you. I'm just looking at your face. It was so great. Do you know what it was as well? This was like tickets.

We had these tickets, I think, in COVID, and it got postponed. So it's been in the diary since the 2020. So when it finally happened, she's released a whole album since we had the tickets. So, like, go, go. Yeah. I was like Taylor Swift released three albums in COVID.

You're like, It's mad. It's mad. So, yeah, we were very, very excited to go. And it was so good. It's brilliant that you sustained that excitement. Because as performers, a lot of people made jokes about the fact that tickets that were bought pre-punding it, they might not have been the enthusiasm for that event by the time you got to go. No, no, no. Well, what's funny is like, I think at the time when she released it, it was like, her tour is called the Chromatica Ball because she released this album called Chromatica. and it was meant to be like sort of, you know, pushing the album sales. Right. The album was like three years old by the time we went. But everyone knew the words.

It's basically like the greatest hit. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like normally when you turn up to a tour. You're like, I don't know this song. I don't know the old ones. It was so good. It was so good.

We've been to see her a few times. She's so good. Like, yeah. We went the first time to Birmingham and we made friends with this group of like people our age in front of us in the queue. And they were like proper diehard fans. And they said, we've just come back from Barcelona. We saw her there.

Wow. We'll tell you where to stand. Because we were just in the standing bit. She was like, we'll tell you where to stand. It's good. Oh, great. So we got in there and she was like, they were like, basically she does two songs from the front of the stage. And then she does the rest of it from the middle of the like standing bits.

That is good. Yeah. So all these fans like rushed in and went to the front. And then they won't see anything. They were like, stay here. Stay here. We were about the distance of like four or five metres. from it. It was amazing. Oh my god.

Was that intel for in the Barcelona lot? But how do you maintain that? And I'm still friends with all of those groups. This has got football overlaps. There's kind of like supporters of the football. Supporters of the Gaga. Well that's it. Again, it's like quite a tribal community. Like you're like that, it's fan culture, isn't it? You all bond over your love of this one thing. So they... So you're still in touch with these people? And you just check. They're all from Manchester. And whenever I gig in Manchester, they come to the show as we go for a

drink. And we talk about our favourite Lady Gaga song. Is it a long conversation or quite quick? They still give me banter for the fact. So Lady Gaga had a song called A-O and it's mine and Liv's favourite song but I thought the lyrics were something very different and I thought they were quite explicit and they weren't.

I don't know any Lady Gaga songs. Oh yeah you do. Yes, Token face. Yeah, there you go. And I have seen a star is called. Just dance. Oh my God. I do know.

I don't know that one. And then what's the other one? There's loads of them. What? There's so many. I'll tell you what I did. Listen, I do like a bit of Gaga. I watched a documentary.

It's very good, isn't it? This is our age now. We don't get into the thing. We watch a documentary about the thing. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So Lady Gaga has a song called A-O. Okay. And in the chorus, she said, basically,

she alludes earlier in the verse to, like, get a whole pack of Marlborough. But I don't smoke, so I hadn't really picked up on that reference. Yeah. And then she, says, ayo, ao, we're smoking them all. Ayo, a, we're smoking them all.

I thought the lyrics were, Ao, Ayo, we're sucking them off. Ayo, Ayo, yeah. Oh, so you doing it's more explicit. I thought it was... Well, sucking them off is explicit. No, that's what I mean. But yes, yeah. Yeah, you know, I see.

Yeah. But you were the other way round. And these fans had to go... No, she was that way around. No, look, you were making it filthier. Yes, and it's actually smoking them all. Right. So we were in the queue singing our favourite songs.

That's how we bonded with the... this group in front of us. Everybody's singing. And I was there going, we're sucking I'm off. Oh, oh. With the hand gesture? Yeah. Doing the wank thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they had to correct you. Yeah. They were like, do you know, it's a song about smoking cigarettes? That's true friendship to be corrected about, I mean, that's deeply embarrassing. It's really embarrassing.

It's especially when you're shaking off dicks on the side of your head. Yeah. People are like, oh, I'm not quite sure we're just acting out. See, that's what I mean, there's a sweetness to that because it's the other way around. Because when I, like, for example, was a kid and was into Greece, the film and there's lyrics in it like oh she's a real pussy wagon i don't i wasn't a lyric in place yeah your tix or cream i was like i was a kid you thought that was about creamy chicken i would have thought it was about cream you know whipped

cream or just some other form of cream i like that's what i mean i didn't know i get it i totally get it so lovely something about chicken moose i saw you start doing a pie chart no i get it i totally understand yeah yeah yeah but i think that's a real lovely moment of friendship and bonding yeah yeah to be corrected on song lyrics when you're getting it that wrong. Because normally you're correcting your mum, aren't you? Yeah.

My mum, you know, do you remember that song? My name is Prince and I'm funky? She thought it was my name is Vince. I was like, the song is by Prince. The song is by Prince. Why would he call himself Vince? I don't know. Maybe he's changed his name to Vince.

And I was like, but he says Prince. Anyway. I love wrong lyrics. Yeah. My brother thought, Madonna sang Popad on Beach. My brother thought, You remember black lace? Hit your ride in Superman.

He thought it was hit your eye. Hitch your eye. Hit your eye. Did did do do did do do do do do do do go for a walk. Just beating himself up on the dad's floor. Hit your eyes. Why do they keep missing their eyes? Idiot.

Idiot. Yes. Well that is a lovely picture about a big night out. It looks. I love a concert. Do you go to gigs? I do. I've got Lizzo coming up.

Have you? Where? Well, it's going to be at the, what's it called? Oh God, this is good. Jesus Christ. I mean, she's not going to make it, basically. Oh, balls. I missed that Lizzo concert.

This is one of my favourite screenshots I've ever taken. It's my mum on FaceTime. That is a lovely picture. She, when she starts laughing, she is off for a good 20. minutes. That is such a cool picture. And she can't bring herself around. What have you said to your mum to create that kind of?

She's telling me a joke, but she can't get through it. She keeps laughing at it. She can't stop. And then I start laughing. And you're, because you're in the corner, like the proper FaceTime screen. So I was just waiting for her to finish.

And she'd get maybe like one word more. And then she'd go, she's off again. And so you thought, I've got to grab this. Yeah. That's fantastic. She just, when she really, she's got one of those laughs as well that's like, it's like, she's like, you know, Muttly when it's like, yeah, it's that. So it's silent for ages and then it'll just be like, it's so funny.

Tell us about your mum? Very immature. Very, very immature. Like, not a highbrow sense of humour. Right. She loves people falling over. Farts? Farts.

Yes. Does she love innuendo? Loves innuendo. loves innuendo. She, like, I think she's one of those people where like if something said, you can't look at her. If somebody like an innuendo is said, they can't look at her because you'll go.

Do she do that like, don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look. She once was having her in COVID. She was having a Zoom conversation with somebody that she was really not looking forward to having this conversation with because she said that they were incredibly dull. Right. She said, I can't cope with how dull they are.

And I could hear it from the other room. And I texted her going, you're right, he is dull. And then she had to put her camera off because she'd started laughing. And then... Sorry, the internet's down. Yeah. And then about, like, a couple of years later, she had to meet this person in real life for a meeting.

She had to leave the room because she started laughing. She started laughing at how dull he was. She had to leave the room so I was left just with this He's basically like a sort of person that helps her with like money and stuff

but it's really boring Yeah Well what you can do is you can put it into one of these Well yeah but he's a financial advice You're not going to take into a Lady Gaga No but I could see her shoulders going See my mum's a bit like And she's terrible because sometimes my mum will be like

You're boring She'll tell people What are a northern thing Mom's northern She'll be like you're boring She used to like put dry and down. Once we were out on a day trip, an old mate and mine and my mum,

we couldn't find where we were going pre-sat-navs. She wound down the window and went to this bloke. Do you know where this church was or whatever? And he was starting to explain it. And she pulled away and went, oh God, he was boring. I just pulled up. Yeah, she's such a like, she's a big child as well. Like she's quite badly behaved.

Like, I think, I don't know, like I think, I do think, me and Mike were saying this the other day with both of our parents. like you get to an age where you realize I'm no longer responsible to like keep you alive. Like we're not living at home anymore. So she's like, I can do kind of what I want. And I'm at that age as well. She's free to.

I can. Yeah. And so. So she used to be sensible. She's like, no, she's never been sensible. She held a job down. But she's got worse. Oh, she could hold a job down.

Yeah. She was sick in a bag and she threw it out of the, out of the, of the, I was sick in a bag. Why was she sick in a bag? She'd been out for a curry with a friend Anita. And they were both like, I think I'm going to be sick, but she had a bag for life from when she'd been around Skipton Market. So she was sick in this M&S bag. And then Anita apparently was being like,

oh Jill, like the taxi driver, if he smells it, we'll have to pay for the tax. And she was like, it's fine, I've got it all in the bag, and she wound down the window, tied it and chucked it out. Anita's right. They would have, she would have better pay. Oh, yeah, no, they're really naughty. She's really naughty.

Anyway, this is her trying to get through the job. where do baby apes sleep in an apricot? I love... And it took 20 minutes. Wow, that's a short joke. That is a classic. It's really bad, isn't it, as well? And it's also like...

That's not like she tells you jokes. And you're a comedian. Yeah, I will FaceTime for a catcher and she'll go... She'll answer the phone already laughing like that. And she'll go, you'll like this one. You'll like this one. Like Anita told me it the other day, you'll like this one.

And I'm already going, it'll be something like off the back of a penguin. That is a good joke. Oh, she does send me the ones off the back of a penguin as well. She loves it. What does she think about what you do? I mean, she's like, no, it's great. Like, good for you.

I could do it. She's very much like, yeah, I could do that. She also has taken to watch. Not if she can't get a joke out. Can you imagine 20 minutes? You didn't even get three gags out in 20 minutes. Anyway, guys, that's my time. She's started watching, like, she's noticed that, you know,

Jack Whitehall will take his dad and make a show about her. Oh, she wants to be. And Ramesh will take his mom. Yes. And she's clocked onto it and she's going now, she's sort of tongue in cheap, but there's a little bit of her being serious, she's going, so me and you, we get a camper van, you know, we go around the country. Some someone will take it up, no.

They will. You could definitely post these little clips on social media and they could go viral. Ask Jen about that. She's the most immature person I know, but she just loves, she loves laughing. That's great. And she loves making people laugh. and she was very like, she went to school in a convent. So I think it all comes from that like,

when you're not allowed to do it. Oh, I went to a convent. You want to do it even more. Also, there's something really lovely about having, something about making yourself laugh, which is even better sometimes than someone making you laugh. Like when you have got the giggles and you, and you've got something you want to say,

but you can't get it out. And then you realize in your head it's not actually that funny. So even when I tell you, you're not going to find it funny. And that can set you off. Anything that sets you off, is, and it happens so rarely, I'm so jealous of your mum that she can make a sound like that.

You'd never live there else, would you? I'm hilarious. I was never leave the house. So much of our catch-ups, because like, you know, we live far apart now, like when I do get to go and see my mum and dad and we'll go for a drink in the pub, it'll take a 10 minutes before she's even got a few words out

at the start because she's just, she's making a self- laugh. Oh, man. It must be such an easy life for her. That's lovely that you caught it on a Zoom thing, It's just, it's every chat is that. I wanted to like make sure I had a photo of it. What would be terrible is if like that is your mom laughing at her own jokes.

But when she comes to see you, she's like completely. She's like, she's like dead fat. Oh God, yeah. She came and saw me at Brighton and she was like, yeah, really, really good. And then she will go, I've got another one for you. But I do think I get that sort of like, that love of laughing from her. Like she just, she'll almost like, growing up as well, she'd have nicknames for everybody that you'd like never know. So she'd come home, she'd be like, yeah, turd skirt was out in the garden.

Stair with foam tits. Anyway, turns out she's in her mood with Splodgenessa Bounds because you'd be like, who are these people? Splodgianess Bounds were somebody who had a different colour painted car. She had a car that had different like switches of paint on it. Foam Tits was someone who and my mum thought it had a boom job. Foam Tits. Yeah, Tird skirt. Turd skirt.

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what's your next photo oh I think you'll like this this is me and comedian Stephen Bailey oh great inside Helen Bowers bra what the fow that is quite the bra fucking hell

wearing it as a hat what did she say she was I think she said she's double G Jesus G Jesus do you get them from Marx's or do you have to go to a special shop I think you have to get them from NASA.

Oh my God. That's like Space Hopper big. It was amazing. Why are you and Stephen Bailey wearing her bra as a hat? So we, me and Stephen, managed to get booked for this. You know Tom Horton? Yeah. He slid into the DMs.

Oh, the skiing. Going, yeah, there's the ski festival in some really posh resort in France, but they want some English-speaking comedians. You'll get a week of free skiing and you can bring a friend. Yeah, he asked me to do it. It was amazing. And they sorted us with the most like... I can't ski, I haven't got a friend.

I don't have to be so many things wrong with this. I'm in Adelaide. I don't speak great. English is a mess. But, so Helen was there, Stephen was there. Who else was on that trip? Ivo Gray. All the natural athletes. Yeah, Stephen had never been skiing.

Helen had never been skiing. At least Stephen attempted it. But this is one night where we had like a big social where everybody could get together and we all, they put us up in these unreal apartments. Oh, really. So we were in this apartment. with Tom Horton and Stephen Bailey

and it was just unreal it was like a sort of Love Island villa it was insane and so we said to everybody else like come around to our apartment we'll all have drinks anyway drinks were had and at one point must have come up about the size of Helen's boobs I think she was saying that that's

I think she was making her excuses as to why she won't be skiing because it'll be tricky on her back right and then she said she's double G and we said no way that doesn't exist and with just sort of one quick motion she'd taken a bra off and went, look, and we clocked that we could each fit a head in each

as a sort of hat. I mean, to be fair, Masey. You know, those hats that rugby players wear? Oh, yeah. They look like that, don't they? It really does, but it looks like it's too big for your head. Yes. Wow.

There's excess room there. Yeah, yeah. You could put two people under each boob. I mean, I love that Stevens. He's really rocking that look, hasn't it? He's done a slightly, cock slightly cocked what's it cock

stop saying cock when you're looking at Stephen Bailey was revolting was there actual snow because there's loads of people skis down loads of people because I saw Stephen's videos on Insta and it looked like you'd had like such

and it was snowing while you were there yeah it was mad it was just wonderful we had the best time isn't it amazing sometimes that stand up being a comic can just create these experiences do you know what I mean like sometimes it's such a weird job because sometimes

you are in a horrible room above a pub. Yeah, we'd like... The green room is also the kitchen. And everything smells of grease. And they got, you know, and it's going to be horrible and there's going to be people who are just like... The mic doesn't work.

There's no lights. And then next week, you can be in this villa that you would never ever normally get to go to. It's amazing, isn't it? It's such a like weird... I remember I did the raw variety this year. Oh, wow. How did that go? Weird gig, but fine. Yeah. Weird gig though. And they had, they wanted this

bit where Nile Rogers was performing with Sheik and they wanted me to come out and play the Maracas with him. So I'm there playing the Maracas with Nile Rodgers and Sheik. Skinner and Bedeal have come on to do a bit of playing the guitar with him. Sam Ryder from Eurovision comes out and he's riffing. And I'm just on stage at the Royal Albert Hall performing to these thousands of people, I think it's 3,000 people, with Nile Rogers from Sheik singing We Are Family and I'm on the Maraccas.

The next night I did a gig in Horsham and I'd stand at the back of the room and at one point, one of the audience, I hadn't been on yet, they came. up to me and went, Heineken needs changing. That's the level of it. That is it. And I was like, in the space of 24 hours, I've gone from playing the Maracas with Noel Rogers.

I love that side of it though. It's amazing. Because it can never let you get into that kind of... No, you can never get cocky. You can never get too grandiose. Or it's like one minute you smoke up pipe and the next minute, the barrel needs changing. Yeah, exactly.

One minute you're doing live with the Apollo, the next minute you're dying your hole in bath. It's mad to me. I like... I did love The Apollo. I was like, this is the best gig in my life. I might actually be a genius. Yes.

Literally the next day, I'm in Bath, comedian. Like, guys, I don't know if you've been at the... Died in my whole, people booed. What? People booed. Booth. Booting isn't a thing. That Bath comedian, though.

That Bath comedian, like, I've died there. If you died there, it's horrible. It was Christmas gigs. Oh my God. They get all the lads coming from like the rugby coming in and... So bad. I died, I died. It was so bad.

Oh, that's not a nice. Yeah, it was horrific. Well, we need to get that ski gig to level this out. Yeah, you do. Let's have a look at your final photo. This is from last year, taken in a photo booth on, you know when we get the Spiegel tent in the fringe?

Yeah. So last May, it was the last day of the football season, and it was Leeds or Burnley, we're going to get relegated. Right. Didn't I do a scene with you that day? Yeah, probably. We did a Zoom,

and you were like, I've got to go, I've got to go, I can't stay. on this I've got to go and what lead to play yeah yeah sorry it was that day it was in because I was really like yeah thank you this has been fine but I'm going by yeah you were so distracted yeah so um the bottom two teams have been decided of who's going and then it was between us and burnley and depending it was down to one point and but we just had to win our game and we needed burnley to draw or lose and uh burnley had drawn and then we were at a draw so we just had to win.

And we did. And so this is, this is my brother. That's Danny. It was in the first picture. Oh, great. And then that's my fiance, Michael. So we were all around at mine and Mike's house and watching all in our kits. I love that Mike's in his kit as well.

Yeah, it's from Portsmouth. He's now. He's from Portsmouth. He's never been into football. He is now. He's been with me five years. And now he's like, he loves it. And we were just so bloody happy.

and we went out for drinks at the Spiegel tent and we were out in our football shirts and we got told off because we're not allowed to go into a lot of place in a football show. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Are you not? No, so then we had to go and buy

a primark jumper really quickly. Going by a meek dress. Yeah. Yeah. All right. A bit of Bezos bacon. And then we got into the Spiegel tent. We went into this photo booth and we all got,

we wanted to like remember the day that Leeds had stayed up. So we were just so happy. Oh, wow. There's nothing. I love photo booth photos. Yeah, they're great. We've just booked one for our wedding because they're such a good...

Amazing. That's so exciting. Holding the moment. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Especially because photography, I mean, we talk about it a bit on this podcast. It's the nature of photos and different generations approach to having photos, taking photos in different ways.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, people, when I got married, a lot of people had those little disposable cameras on their tables. Yeah, they're really good. I think also, like, I mean, everybody's different, but I think... Polaroids are back up. Yeah, massive. But I think at a wedding, for me personally,

I think like the best photos are like the candid ones where you're actually capturing the mood of the thing. What me and Mike both said when we were booking a wedding photographer, we said to the lady, we were like, what we don't want is those photos where we're like, you know, looking into each other's house. I can tell you from experience. Nuzzling his chest under a branch.

Do you know what I mean? We got a mate of a mate to do our wedding photos and it's my one massive regret is that we didn't get decent photos because we did it on the cheap. Yeah. And she did like, she did like close-ups of our hands. So when we were going through the pictures, we were like, why the fuck has she done a picture of our hands?

Yeah. And like none of our mums. Yeah. On my dress and the photographer, I saved money because we didn't have loads of money. By the end of the disco, my dress was literally falling apart. Like boning was coming out of the body spit while I was like doing black lace, hit your eye. And I was all falling in. A bit of Popadon Beach.

And then I was like, oh well, we've got the photos And then come the... It's like, what the fuck? Is I my fan? Oh, no, that's really disappointing. I mean, it is... You have to be really clear about what you want from a photographer.

Yeah, I've realised this. I think a couple of my mates have gone, we haven't got a photographer. We're just asking friends to take photographs. But they don't, because they get pissed and they're thinking, oh, someone else is doing it. And so no one's doing it. And also, like, the fact that you do take

a stupid selfie of just yourself. They'll take a picture of their mate's bum while they're mooning in the box. look at those butt craigs. You love this and you're suddenly like, I haven't got any of my day. Yeah, my special day. No, we've got a nice photographer who's really understood when we've said like we don't want. Yes, we got that and then we got a photo booth.

I just think they're such a great. That photo booth is the best. They're so fun. They're so fun. They're really good fun. Those pictures are brilliant. Thank you for sharing all your pictures. Not at all.

They're really good. And if we were to have a look at all those full photos and we were to create, A montage? A montage. What would the music be? I mean, I think it would have to be A-O by Lady Gaga, but my version, isn't it? How's it go again? We're sucking her mouth.

A-o. We're sucking her mouth. I love that version. Yeah, we could have that followed by Popadon Beach and Hit Your Eye. It's the greatest hits of misheard lyrics. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast,

What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you yesterday?

I think that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.