Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S02 E16: Andy Parsons

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

"It (the show) was called Healing the Nation and it was then interrupted by a worldwide pandemic" The brilliant Andy Parsons joins Kerry and Jen with some great stories and photos. Photo 01 - Visiting No 10 Photo 02 - Sky jumping in New Zealand Photo 03 - Andy's only time on a horse Photo 04 - DVD front cover Photo 05 - Being a dad PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Details and tickets at festivalofauthors.ca. Now streaming on Paramount Plus is the epic return of Mayor of Kingstown. Warden? You know who I am. Starring Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner. I swear in these walls. Emmy Award winner Eidie Falco. You're an ex-con who ran this place for years. And now, now you can't do that.

And BAFTA award winner Lenny James. You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town. Let me tell you this. It's going to be consequences. Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page.

So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. So I've got a potting shed that is sort of, I write in it sometimes. Like, it's a little cabin. It's a little creative writing cabin. Yeah, I know where you're posse chair. And I sometimes leave the door open overnight. Anyway, I went down this morning to just do a bit of writing.

And there was a perfect little, on the cushion of my chair, there was a perfect little shit. Either gifted to me by my cat, Rupert, or a fox or another cat. What about your dog? Oh, she's got tiny legs. She can't get up on that. It's definitely a cat shit. I think it's Rupert's.

I'm really cross about it. So wait a second. Your cat has left you... A little shit. On the chair that your cat knows you like to sit on. Yeah. And it perfectly in the centre. To let you know...

Don't sit on this chair anymore. It's mine. Well, yeah, it must be. Territorial. Are you sure it's not a fox? It's not. It's a cat shit. I don't think a fox has the wherewithal.

It's a real cat move. It's a cat move. Because it's in the right, it's right central. It's like right in the little pocket of the centre of the cushion. It's a, fuck you. Fuck you. And your writing and your creative process. That is quite a move.

Yeah. I mean, only a cat would, well, let's face it. But also, Rupert loves you and you love Rupert. Well, it's a complicated relationship. Oh, is it? It's a cat. Yeah, but cats, when they love you, they love you. My cat, she used to give me gifts.

Like animals? Yeah, she would be half dead. Always half dead. They were never dead. She was always like, I'll let you finish it off, babe. And I was like, I don't want to. I don't want to have to break this bread. Didn't I tell you my squirrel story?

I get worried now because I'm turning into one of those people. Oh, don't worry. They repeat to myself. Oh, I do all the time. Yes. And I was sitting one day writing. There's a pattern. It's always when I'm writing.

Okay. Nobody likes your... The Animal Kingdom are trying to sabotage my writing. Yeah. So I was sitting at the table writing. And there was a little tap on the back door. Right. And I turned round and a half-dead squirrel was practically knocking, like, with his little poor.

Excuse me, I'm half-dead. That's quite a knock. Oh, it was so macab. And I thought, I can't deal with this because I knew it was a finish-me-off job. And I just couldn't deal with it. So wait a second, the squirrel was asking you to finish it off? Well, it was sort of drawing my attention to the fact that it was not fully alive. And I think it probably might have been my case.

cat that wrestled with it. I wanted you to know. And it seemed to be saying, look, this is your problem. Sure. I need you to deal with the admin of this. Okay. And I couldn't deal with it.

So I turned the radio up and turned my back. Turned my back to the squirrel. Kerry! I know. Kerry! Don't judge me. Don't judge me. You had a dying squirrel begging for mercy.

I cannot go out there with a brick and finish it off. Well, to be fair, what could you have done? Maybe stroked it. What would I have done? I don't know, giving it a squirrel. cold towel and some loving words? They're vermin. Held its paw?

They're vermin. Well, who was it once called them rats with PR? Squirrels are basically. That's a quote. That's not mine. I think so. Rats with PR. That's good actually.

They are vermin. Are they? Yes. Everything's vermin called to us. Let's be clear about what is vermin. Well, seagulls are vermin, pigeons are vermin. Yes. Foxes are vermin.

Now squirrels are vermin. That's fair. They're the vermin game. But why are they all vermin? I don't know what classify something is vermin. It's animals that just stay alive. Oh, I see. Yeah, they don't die.

Like the weeds of the animal. Well, they're just like, we know how to manage ourselves around you, people. They're wild. They're diseased. Not always. Often they are. I've seen pigeons that have got eye patches and wooden legs. They're like, yeah.

Yeah, but that's usually because somebody's left out some acid and they've had their feet sort of all like squelched up and then they end up with one of those two little nubbins that they sort of hop around on. That is one of the most tragic things. But it's not their force because we've left acid out. Who leaves acid out? What are you talking about?

So they don't roost. They don't roost in buildings. They leave acid out. That is evil. Exactly. Who does that? Humans. I am not aware of that.

I'm aware of the spikes to stop homeless people sleeping in doorway. I mean, look, I'm beginning to think maybe they're not the vermin. Maybe we're not. Maybe we are. I feel sad for this squirrel. And what did you do with the dead body? Don't make me feel bad about the squirrel. I didn't get involved.

It just went off and died somewhere out of the shop. Tell you what, you need to get in contact with your neighbours. Did a little squirrel knock on your window and ask for mercy? Don't, don't make me feel bad. Anyway, that was in my old house and my neighbours would have taken it in. They took in all kinds of animals. They had about 20 dogs. It was horrific, actually.

What, the dogs? They had 20 dogs. Why, you can't have 20 dogs? to get them over rescue and then they try and house them and then foster them. Yeah, it was unbelievable. The smell even imagine the smell of dog piss in the summer coming over that fence. We had dog walkers across from us for a while and I, they have a smell. You just walk past that and you'd be like, this house was something else. Honestly, like they used to have hundreds of pigeons on their roof. Yes. And I remember the saints than once. Do you want to get smashed?

Can we have a chat about the pigeons and she went, oh, I feed them. And you know really early on in the conversation where it goes in a very unforeseen direction. You're like, okay, I'm just going to stop talking now because this isn't going to go where I wanted it. Right. You're feeding them. You're not supposed to feed them. You're not meant to feed them. I mean, that's it too much, but don't feed them. What about the rats?

They're definitely rats around. I mean, she had 20 dogs. It's stank of dog piss. You couldn't see out the windows because of all the plants and overgrowth. It was unbelievable. Outside of a house, tapin. It was like something from a Stephen King that house. Well, um, I kind of, on the one hand, I applaud her, empathy and kindness and compassion.

But on the other hand, it's fucking annoying. It's a nightmare. You've gone, you don't give a fuck about this squirrel. I'm just trying to see the flip side of that. And you're like, oh, fuck off, Mr. Look, I only shared that story because I do have guilt. I do have guilt. You still got guilt about the squirrel.

Yeah, I still got guilt about the squirrel. I mean, you've moved house quite a while ago, and I can't believe you're still carrying guilt about the squirrel. It just came up because we were talking about the cat. shit. Well, you know, it's just... Animal, animal stories.

Don't you? So you don't have a cat or anything now? We don't have anything, but I feel bad about our last cat because we had him. He was astray and we didn't realize he was in so much discomfort because he had...

Oh, actually makes me feel sad thinking about it. He had like tumours in his kidneys and we just thought he didn't like being stroked. We were just like, well, I guess he just doesn't... He's a stray, maybe he just doesn't like being stroked. And he was in agony. Oh, there's this poor.

little thing. This wasn't so much discomfort. How did you come to find out? My mum looked after the cat when the babies were born and she went this cat's not well. I took it to the vet and the vet went, we need to put this cat down. And how long did you put it through that? How long had you confused compassion with trauma? I think about two years.

Fucking hell, Jen. I know. Read the room. It didn't really. And it'll be purred a lot. He was doing a lot of purring. I don't think purring is always associated with pleasure. I think that's a misnomer on our part.

Well, now I'm beginning to think it was associated with acute pain. It's just a sound they make. It's a sound they make when they're in trauma. I didn't know that. In my defence, I didn't have a squirrel knocking at the window, begging for death, begging for mercy. Yeah, but I didn't invite the squirrel in and then go, oh, like, you know, come and live with us

and don't let's worry about that, like, eyeball hanging out. So in my defence, there wasn't an eyeball hanging out. The cat just doing like being stroked. But it was winching in agony every time you were. went near it. Well, it wasn't necessarily a wince. Sometimes he would just look at you with an eye that was like, don't do that. And I thought, fair enough, you guys like to be petted.

Well, no, that's not true, actually. Some don't do that. I used to give him a little tickle on the ear and he loved it. But don't touch his... No, don't touch his hind quarters, which I thought, do you know what? Maybe he just doesn't like having his... Fair enough. And when a stray comes to you, I mean, I... I love that stray, so much. You know they've got stories to tell, so you just leave them to it,

don't you? And we gave him so many treats. Oh. I like when Chloe to tell her about the shit. She'd be a sympathetic ear. I was a sympathetic ear. No, I know, but I kind of want more. What do you want? I want more.

I just want more. Very demanding, Kerry Goddlyman. All right, well, the next time we have a chat about cat shit on a chair, I'll bring more. Okay, great. But to be, in my defence, you did talk about the cat shit, and then you very quickly moved on to the squirrel. And so that's why this is... I'm a bit like, what's that Disney,

film went do little snow white where I just talk to the animals what little birds come along and you like

you close the window and they just they hit the glass unconscious well I'm sorry to hear about your cat shit but I think maybe your cat

has interpreted its poo as a present and maybe it's a little gift you reckon yeah let's say that who are we talking to today Kerry we are talking to

the wonderful Andy Parsons oh and what a lot of fun we had So Andy, what are you up to at the moment? What are you doing? So I'm on tour at the moment. But I remember seeing a tour poster of yours

and this was years ago, maybe, I don't know, 2016 or something. And I remember looking at your dates thinking, who the hell has put this together? Because you were in Newcastle, then you were in Wales, then you were in, like your tour dates, you were everywhere. Yeah, but it looks like if you go them together like that, but then if you actually look at the dates, you'll find that usually they do a pretty good.

I have had, inevitably. You've had megal tours. Well, also, I've had, you know, the Penzance, the Durham, you know, double or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I should have read that email properly. Yeah, yeah. But they're few and far between, to be fair to them. The one that was really tricky was when it got rescheduled after COVID.

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. And then trying to put them back in after that. Yes, I did that. I did a tour that sort of straddled the whole thing. So I was four gigs into a tour when we all. shut down and then had to pick it back up. Yeah, well, I was literally halfway through.

And then it took me longer to finish than it had to do the first half of the tour. Did you find there were jokes in there that you had to kind of write some COVID jokes? I had to go and take them back out. I had to write an entire new show because the whole thing, it was called Healing the Nation and then interrupted by a worldwide pandemic. So they're virtually a whole new show. And obviously you've got very little chance to work it up because there's no gigs running or anything like that. Are you predominantly topical as well?

So you do have to stay on top. It's semi-topical. Like there was a time when obviously Mott the week was running or whatever, then it would be pretty much bang up to date. But this is just themes, really. Oh, okay. So yeah, the, you know,

and obviously there's some pretty themes that will cost of living is not going away tomorrow, is it? No, quite. Et cetera. Yeah, but that's the thing with topical is if you can do it thematically, then you know that like you say, like the cost of living, that's going to last.

But otherwise, let's just say, the news moves very quickly. these days. So like if you are going to be doing something really topical, you can have to drop that joke. The specifics of the news quickly, but the themes of the news tend not to look very quickly. No, no, that's it. I mean, I haven't been doing it, you know, ever since I did the original spitting image. So when you were writing for spitting image, how long did you do that for? So I did that for about four years until he got canned. So basically, I managed to see it into the trash. Four years is a decent role. We forget how huge that was. We forget, like, it was so big.

and it was so popular. And also, I kind of feel sad that it was trash because it was one of the best satirical, topical shows that we had in this country. Well, there was also only four channels at the time, if you think about how many you've got now. And it would be going out at ITV on Sunday at 10 o'clock, and they used to have nothing.

No, there's no competition at all. So, you know, we used to get massive viewing figures and you'd written it that week. And then it will all be in the papers in the Monday, you know, if they not this time. So it was a fabulous introduction to writing TV. comedy. And how soon in your career did that come? So mid-20s. So we basically we just tried to start everything. You know, so just doing little gigs, throwing our, you know, the old

selfie tapes or whatever they were back in the day, you know, recording yourself. This is double acts. Well, some double acts. Some, you know, so I started doing stand-up. We started doing double act together. Who'd literally. Henry Nader. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. I remember. I remember very well. Yeah. So Henry is obviously now writing plays mostly. Yeah. you know, doing little bits and pieces as well. He's in India at the moment, doing his show. The Afghanistan play, is that right? I think that's what he's taken out to India at the moment.

So I'm interested in see how that goes. Yeah, yeah. So you always work, like solo work, writing work, double act work. Well, you know what it's like. You throw shit at a wall, don't you? And see what's six. I think it's wise, because stand-up, from one of the downsides is the loneliness.

So if you can get to work with other people, I think that makes it a lot more of fun. You had a friend on stage, so when you were dying on your ass, there was two of you laughing. You know. Yeah, I was always jealous of double acts for that. And obviously it was half the money.

I mean, that was the trouble. And often we didn't have two microphones. So some of the, you know, the really tough gigs were when we had to share a microphone and you're obviously trying to play off each other and you've only got the one mic or whatever. So, yeah, no, I mean, trying to do circuit gigs with two of you was hard. I mean, circuit gigs also, just to put it in context, I think the circuits changed quite a lot over the years. But there was a time where it was really spit and sawdust. You'd walk into a club.

It wasn't like the sound wasn't great. The stage wasn't great. I think you've just got to play better clubs. There's some shit out there still. Every now and again, you know, you just come across it. People go, oh, do this club, you know, they give you a bit of wuff. Especially when it's a room of back of a pub. I can remember turning up for gigs and you go, look, you're going to have to move.

You're going to have to light. At the very least, you're going to have to put a light on that stage. And they're like, what? I can't see the stage. You still turn up to a few, don't you? And you go, if you've got no basic grasp, how this is going to work. What was that gig in Maidstone? Do you remember that gig in Maidstone?

when you had to do 40 minutes. And you just literally stood next to the bar. There was no stage and you had to do 40 minutes to a bunch of like blokes sitting at the pub at the bar with a pint. And what I remember is that actually the first three seats were bar stalls that were sidel onto you. And the three people there who were sat on them

didn't watch the entire time I was on. So I was basically talking to their ears on the side. There was some people behind who got into it, thankfully. And they quite enjoyed me abusing the three. But that was the gig, wasn't it? You got paid 100 quid. And right at the end, the bloke said to me, we've been paying 100 quid for the last 20 years.

I don't know if I was paying too much 20 years ago, if I'm not paying enough now. It's like, mate, you're not paying enough now. And you weren't then. 100 quid. But amazing, it went up for 20 years. Yeah. When did you start doing comedy?

So about 1990, something like that. Oh, blimey, yeah, yeah. And what made you start? What was it something you'd always wanted to do? Oh, I did law at university. Didn't want to do law at university. Didn't want to do law at university. Did you?

With a view to going into law? No, God, I had no interest in it. I wanted to do English at university, but I hadn't done English A level because I was advised not to do it because the English results at the school weren't particularly good. So they said if you want to go to university, you're probably better if you do science. And then, so when I didn't want to do science, because I hated science. So I said, can I do English at university? Because I like reading books.

And they said, well, you can't do that. You haven't done it at A level. But you can do law. They said it's somewhere in between the science and, you know, you know, you can't do English. and the arts. So you do law. And it wasn't. It was very much in between tedious and interminton.

Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the check. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were. doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe It's Maybe It's better than the one big thing?

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For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Let's talk about your photos. Do we have to? Yes. Is that the idea?

Yes. I love this first picture that you've got here. I wasn't sure how you're going to do them. Should we do them in the order you've sent them? Are they in chronological? Are they not in chronological? They vaguely sent them in chronological order. That doesn't mean they've landed on your phone.

You're the youngest in this one outside number 10. Yes, that is definitely the first one. So tell us why you're stood outside number 10 down. So I thought you'd like one with hair. I thought you'd like one with hair. They're very much you. As soon as I saw your face, I was like, there is. Because there's six people on there, and I'm obviously not the copper, standing up at number 10.

But it was sort of, it was my first trip out of the West Country. So I grew up in Cornwall. And so that's from the Lizard Peninsula. So not the sort of London accessible Cornwall. No proper remote. Oh, wow. That's beautiful down there. It is.

Yeah, it's desolate in places, but beautiful, really beautiful. Yeah. And that was the first time you'd left? Yeah. Yeah, first time I got out, it's very much the first time in London. So, um... How old are you? So I'm probably about 10 there.

And it's a school trip? School trip, so yeah. And I love... I used to have a shirt, which I wore to school, which had those collars. What was it about the, like, 70s, early 80s? Well, I love the fact that... I'm there posing for a photograph, absolutely unaware, and not caring, my guess would be, that I've got one collar in, one collar out.

Yeah, I love one collar in, one collar out. But at the time the collars were so big, it's feasible one, might be. Just stay in. Well, I think you saw the bottom of those brown trousers. There'd be lovely flares on the bottom of those. So what used this then? Who lives at number 10? So I reckon that that's probably, it's before Thatcher, just before Thatcher, I think.

Oh my God, really? Yeah, so I reckon that's like, say, 78, something like that. It'll be Callahan, so he's just had his winter of discontent or something like that. It's all going pear-shaped just behind that door. You wouldn't know it from that picture. It all looks lovely. It does, but the cop is not happy. The cop is old pissed off.

But what is amazing, obviously, now you see. or the security, you know, you can't even get close to it. Oh, so you just walked up and had the picture? Do you know what I interpreted it? I thought you'd gone with a petition or something. That is the security. So this was pre, like, you remember when there was all that thing about the IRA bombings and stuff? And then post the IRA bomb in Brighton, which was Thatcher.

Yeah, 84. That's, I think, when the security's putting up. But you think of all the IRA bombings in the early 70s, and that's all they've got, is a bit of wood between you and the Prime Minister. That's incredible. And one policeman. I mean, it's just insane, isn't it? Yeah.

Just let these reprobates walk. Yeah, these 10-year-olds, one colour in, one colour out. I don't know what they're doing. And were you excited to be there? Oh, loved it. Love London. Loved the trip, loved seeing. You know, it's just, I mean...

Do you think it gave you a taste for that sort of? Oh, the lights. The neon lights. Yeah, a bit of Piccadilly Circus. I'm coming back. Piccadilly Circus was like, I think we... Like, when I remember, because I grew up in the suburbs of London, so it wasn't like completely...

I've been to London a few times. Yeah. You know, it wasn't completely... We didn't have neon down there. You're all pretty cool looking for like country bumpkins. You've all got some pretty great gougals on. Yeah, we've got some nice anorax there. Lovely anorax.

Yeah, almost a parker there on somebody, isn't it? We all had parkers then, didn't we? I had a parker. My brother had a parker. Absolutely crap, those co-s are you in touch with any of these people? None of those people. And I thought you might ask me what their names are, and I would struggle to name them.

Okay. So, you know, and I never got the coppers name. No besties. No best is there. No, best is there. No, no. In fact, there's only one person I'm in contact with, from my time down in Cornwall. So I leave to Devon sort of for another bit of my second education. You edged your way. Yeah, gradually. But do you think that trip sowed the seed of like, I'm going to come here? I'm sure it's innate, isn't it? You know, you suddenly go, look, this is, this is exciting. But it isn't innate. Some people do not want that. No, no, but what I mean is like, you know, I would have discovered it at some point if that hadn't.

Yeah, if you want to be a performer, then you're going to. to find your way to London at some point and we did we did school plays there there was a headmaster who loved doing it so we used to do all the you know whether it's alice in wonderland or one year we did do all the cornish saints and stuff like that and so there was you know he was very much into creative writing and stuff like that getting it all going so can you remember wanting to do it as a kid yeah loved it loved it we had a little school magazine you could throw in like poems and stuff like that did you write jokes no no real jokes i did um sort of i never really did anything to do with comedy until i got got up to university and then all the actors seemed like twats.

And they just took it really seriously and I was doing law. This thing comes up a lot. I didn't know anything really much about English literature. I didn't have a massive sort of array of knowledge when it came to me. And so I was just intimidated really. Whereas the comedy bunch you could just fuck around, fall over. You know, you know, and it was just good fun. Where did you go to uni?

I went to Cambridge. Oh, gosh, she did. So we had, we, we didn't get many. So it was footlights? I didn't do footlights until really at the end. So this is the thing. I tried to do footlights and they wouldn't have me. It seemed to be quite a public school enclave and coming from Devon and Cornwall.

Did you meet with the class thing as soon as you got there? You were like, oh, hang on. I was a bit naive and I never really understood it. And, you know, I used to get excluded from quite a lot looking back. But you're never bitter about it. Well, do you know, just having a great time. Do you know, it's just exciting. You know, obviously there were various dining societies and whatever you didn't get invited to, but you didn't care.

Right. Well, it's not caring that's important. Yes, probably. Yeah, because if you care, it's really fucking annoying to be experienced. Well, they seem like knobs and they could go off and be knobby on their own, you know. I was going to say, I don't see you as a guy that was like going to be like first in the line for the dining society anyway. But did you enjoy it there? I had a lovely time.

And my brother was two years ahead of me and he'd managed to get in. Oh, wow. We only had this one. God, your parents must be so proud of you both. Yeah, well, my mum's no longer around. But, yeah, no, they're obviously delighted. She must have to be delighted. Yeah, yeah.

You have two kids at Cambridge. Yeah, no, well, that's it. Well, that's it. My brother became an accountant, quite like the, sort of the more dull aspects of academia. And she was always quite keen that we had, she had an accountant and a lawyer, but it didn't quite work. Did she live to see your success?

Yeah, well, enough, enough. So, yeah, she's been gone now 20 years, but she did, I was just... She saw you on telly. She did, yeah, saw bits and pieces. So, yeah, she came to see me live and do stuff. And, yeah, so it was lovely. And who were your peers when you started?

So... I'm trying to think, the... Alan Davis was the generation above. He was the ones who'd... So, and then the Sean Locks and the Bill Baileys, they were sort of the generation above. Right.

But generations in comedy terms, only work in sort of... It's about three years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this year's at school. So in terms of the, I'm trying to think who you would, I sort of really hung out with the generation below me. I couldn't really tell you.

Is that who's in this other picture? Because Ed Burns in one, and Glenn Wall. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So those guys are probably the three years below me in terms of starting out. Right. I sort of hang out with them, mainly because I was on a bit of a delay because I've been doing a lot for the double act.

And so in terms of the stand-up, it wasn't, didn't quite, took a little while to work out what I was trying to do with it. Yeah, yeah, no, I get that. Stand up is something, if you're not only doing stand-up, it's going to take you like one and a half times as long or twice as long to get where you need to get to. You just need to be doing stand-up if that's what you want to do. Yeah, totally.

I've jumped to a picture now because I've mentioned one ahead. So should we talk about that one? Yeah, feel free. Yeah, yeah. So it's you, Ed Byrne, Glenn Wall and who's the other? That is Ed's then current girlfriend. Oh, okay. And where are you? We are, we've got sky jump on the lovely jumpsuits that we're wearing and that is New Zealand.

So it's part of the New Zealand Comedy Festival. Oh wow. So we're jumping off the sky tower which from memory was the tallest building in the southern hemisphere, I think at the time that we did it. And Ed and I had done the Sydney and Melbourne festivals a few years earlier and we'd done the Sydney Harbour Bridge. So we climbed all over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, which you can do. which is fantastic. Oh wow.

But neither Ed and I are good at heights. But you feel... Interesting choice of... It was, but we also both quite like a thrill. Your adrenaline seekers, aren't you? Yeah, so it's one of those where you sort of, you've got fear. And so for this Sky Tower jump, so Ed's then girlfriend, Gung-ho, you know, so they said, who do you want to go first?

She said, I'll go first. Jump straight away. So you're literally just throwing yourself off and you're down on a wire. It's like a bungee or... They call it, it's basically... They call it skydiving, but you've obviously got a line on you. So it feels like skydiving for the first, whatever, five seconds or whatever. And then what a jolt?

Yeah, yeah, then they just gradually reel you in as you come towards the floor. So, yeah, you know. Are you dead? Well, this is sort of the story, is that Glenn's then up, and Glenn's fairly cool about it all, so Glenn goes down. And I think we had a bit of a night out the night before as well. Of course you did. And Ed's up third, right?

and you had to edge along this there was a narrow sort of ledge where you had to edge along to get to them where you had to jump off as it were and Ed has just gone completely white and he's edging along the slowest and they're taking for

absolute ever and I was really really nervous until I saw Ed and then I just laughed so hard oh man I've been a bit cocky before Andrew You know, and then suddenly it hit him that this was it. And the other two had gone and he could suddenly show his fear. And he absolutely.

But all credit to him, he went. He went and he did it. But I was still laughing by the time. So it completely... I love to have seen you laughing. The sound of your laughing. It completely made it easy for me. And I'd been really nervous.

And then suddenly I thought, I can't be as nervous as that. Nobody could ever be as nervous. He's not going to be as that. Yeah. Oh, brilliant. I bet he ripped Ed. like ever. Oh yeah no he was he was so glad to be uh and I'm not sure he's done anything like that since and have you always gone back and worked in Australia and stuff yeah well I'd love to I mean that was

I did the Edinburgh festival for the first time and so I'd done 17 consecutive Edinburgh festivals I remember that you yes because it was every year you basically bang bang bang bang bang and then um not the week obviously started and they used to record over the summer so it was you know more of an ass eight to go up and and then kids kids got away so and my wife wasn't desperate for me to go up and uh no partners are ever no partners want to go up so yeah i got to go back this year and it's the same with um having done you know every festival that i could i could do um you know and that's you know you think you get to see the world you get put up in in wonderful hotels you get looked after incredibly

you get to do all the top tv shows wherever you're going and and it's not the navy so you'd have to do any fighting or anything like so you just go well what A great way of describing an incentivizing way. It's not, I've got to do any fighting. It's the matcha. It's the matcha or the three ensemble Cadoce, Cephora, of the fact that I've been to denishy

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From mental health and suicide prevention to prostate and testicular cancer research and early detection, Movember is tackling the biggest health issues facing men today. Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. Tell us why you're on this horse. Yeah, no, the one and only time

I've ever been on a horse. There were no other pictures. There is a picture to prove it. What's it for? So if you look on the jacket there, you can just see Radio 5 live. Yeah, yeah. So we got a free jacket.

It was the start of Radio 5 live. Did they pay you, Andy? They did. Or you just got a jacket. It was the most amazing gig. So spitting images just sort of maybe ongoing at the time, maybe just finished. And just starting to do, we'd maybe done a couple of Edinburgh so they'd gone okay or what have you.

Anyway, we got offered this gig, the start of Radio 5 Live. They were creating this thing and they wanted, they had this idea. It was 52 episodes, so one a week, so a salary effectively. Yeah, that's a job. Yeah, that's a proper job. And the idea was we had to go up the country in a straight line. So from Weymouth to pretty much John O'Groth. It was, you know, it was a new radio station.

Terrible ideas, let's do it, do you know? So we need two guys. And the idea was that we had to do two sports. We had to go up this line in a straight line. We had this supposedly this satellite navigation equipment that beeped if we're off this line. Complete horseshit. All it was with the producer with a little horn,

we better have a couple of these per episode, right? So they'd drawn this line up this line up this month. map and we had to work out various things to do and so the first one we had to do was horse riding so we started in Weymouth that's the very first one and so and you've never been on a horse never been on a horse never been on the idea was a horse riding

this was so we had to you know so we had 104 sports or activities that we had to do right to help us get up the line this was this was the how they'd sold it so we had to do it right so I'm all wired up I've got a headset on and they're

basically explaining what I've got to do And Henry's supposed to be on a horse next to me and the idea is that we commentate as we're going for this horse. Right. And they're waiting for the woman's horse who's going to sort of guide us up this hill. And we've got to play golf. We've got to do Wayne with Golf Club. So we're going up to

Waymouth Golf Club. So they thought, well, we'd just walk them up the hill. And they were just explaining the difference between canter, a trot, a walk and a gala. Right. Yeah. And my my horse got spooked and shot off, right? And I have no idea how to slow it down.

There's nobody else on a horse. It's in a really narrow lane. And you weren't going in a straight line. I was not going in a straight line. Stopped going in a straight line. So I'm just thinking, well, I better come and tell you on this. And so the start of the episode is basically me panicking my ass off, right? I think this is definitely a gallop now.

I'm watching maybe a cancer. Maybe a cancer. And so we go up And the only thing I'd been on a donkey once in Egypt It's not the same No

And well I had no control over the donkey Do you know Because we all have a donkey race He's trying to go up We're two with the pharaohs Or wherever we were And you go up over You know sort of

I don't know Whether it's sunrise Or whatever It's something going on And mine had been very stationary I knew that I was supposed to dig my heels in If you wanted him to go

And I've been digging mine And then he'd just gone for a poo My donkey That's all he done It's all that And then once you'd had poo shot straight to the fun he was happy it's you it's you and

well yeah maybe there's no there's no new it's what's brilliant is you got comedy out of it you didn't freak out we got there and I couldn't control it how did it stop so he just basically got bored it ran itself out so we're going for much further than they were expecting us to go were you scared I was scared but then you know when you've got a microphone

attached to that's such a comedian that is the most comedian thing I have ever I was scared but I knew I had a mic and I wanted to be funny well do you know it was like he was throwing me off, he wasn't trying to lose me, he wasn't trying to buck up and down, you know, it wasn't like, you know, I could easily have fallen off. Yeah, but I didn't really know enough about it then. You didn't know enough about falling off a horse? Good job, Andy. I now have a bit

stand up about how it's the biggest killer of humans in this country, but I didn't know that at the time. Yeah, thank God, this is a theme, a recurring theme, like, not intimidated by just a kid, just, you're like, you sort of like, if I don't know, it won't hurt me. Yeah, pay more attention to your surroundings. No, but just, just, you're just, you're just, you're not intimidated it's brilliant yeah no and so we ended up we it was in the car park of the golf course and it's eating the flowers and that's when they caught up with me he just completely run himself out of steam the horse and so i'm just commentating i think it's like we loved it yeah i'm not sure with the golf club i can be happy about but he appears to be eating the petulums or whatever

that's fantastic but even better uh well as good because we then play golf we have to play golf after that straight afterwards. What's a joy? Well, we only had to do two holes because it was in the straight line so we had to play the two that were supposedly on the straight line. So giving us these three clubs,

Henry and I, neither of, you know, Henry completely hadn't played golf and I'd only played a couple of times. And so we're on the first team and we're commentating for each other and obviously doing it ourselves. And Hen thinks it's going to be very funny to have a run-up and it's sort of, you know,

like a cricket stroke or like you have a little run-up and try and whack it. Anyway, and he absolutely, he's got a wood in his hands or driver as it's now described and he absolutely creams it but completely hooks it right and i don't know what that means so it's a massive curve so it's gone miles but it's gone on a massive curve not in a straight line not in a straight line and um it goes into the road but the road is miles away nobody would have ever hit the road and there's a post office fan going up this and it's literally you know he's hit it you know he'd never hear it so well again but it's gone on this curve and it hits

the post office fan. And the best thing was that the bloke gets out of the fan in real sort of 70s comedy fashion and start shaking his fist back at the tea. And you're going, this never happened in real life. Yeah, you couldn't choreograph. And it was so funny. It genuinely did it. Genuinely. What is this picture of you stood in the sea? So yeah, well, it's like the Statue of Liberty. Well, for those people that haven't, you know, who only stayed in this country to do stand up, It was, that's Thailand. So,

so that's in Thailand. So this is, this is the picture that actually got, it done as my first DVD. It was, I was over in Thailand with Russell Kane. We're doing a load of gigs. Right.

And so wonderful five-star hotel. What a trick. What a touch. I really need to get on with this. Yeah, so you're too late. You've missed it. It's over.

These gigs aren't happening anymore. Really? No, they're still there. Okay. They're still going to go. Don't you worry. And you're going to do it on a wonderful world tour, having not done any of them, you're going to put it all together.

You're going to say to the kids, I'm off for a year. Yeah, yeah. It's been booked brilliantly. Well, they carry me through the towns in one of those like chairs. They'll do all of that. What's the dam? Is that what you want? You want to go throwback for 100 years.

Yeah. But why are you, so this picture was taken with you. So basically, so it's the first DVD, my first DVD and they call up. So, I mean, they said, we desperately need a shot. We need it. You know, like they go, they haven't told you anything. And then they go, we need it tomorrow sort of thing. So I've got a.

two weeks with Russell or whatever gigging around Thailand and that part of Asia. And so we're in this wonderful hotel and I had this idea that I was going to ate the Statue of Liberty. The DVD was called Britain's Got Idiot. I'm an idiot doing the Statue of Liberty. And so we've got an ice cream because obviously you're in Thailand, hot weather. And then I think it's... You're in your dressing gown? Dressing gown, which is a free dressing gown from that.

and the hotel newspaper that they delivered to you along with your five-star breakfast. And that's a shot that Russell took. Oh, great. I was going to say, did Russell do you? He never charged. Charge me anything for it? What a touch.

Yeah. He didn't want the credit? No copyrights. He's got it now. Yeah. Let's have a look at the next photo. So this picture is gorgeous. And this, tell us about this photograph that we're looking at.

So that is me and my daughter. So that's, she's just coming up to six now. and she's about a month old in that one. And everybody says, unfortunately for her, that she looks like me. But as you can see, that all babies look a little bit like. But yes, she was absolutely wonderful in that baby sling. And I think that's probably Christmas Day. And I had a brilliant Christmas day.

She just stayed there as good as gold, slept, then woke up, smiled at people, slept again. It's lovely when they do that. Yeah, and I had a lovely, there was no, it didn't. could tell my enjoyment at all i just didn't have to do anything because obviously i was looking after her so yeah yeah everybody else could go would you like a bit well that'd be very nice she seems fine at the yeah yeah i've got a picture of me and nelson in exactly say that sling thing and that your eye contact and it's just an intimacy and her like hello you it's a really lovely moment isn't it between a parent yeah we've never had as good at christmas again do you know it's like now

they hoodwink you yeah that was her first christmas yeah yeah i remember once when my My son was about that age and we went camping for a weekend and he just slept and it was just magical. It was like, oh my God, this is easy. What was it all the fuss about? And then every other camping trip after that, he just ruined it because I totally crying through the night. Honestly, never had a single, yeah, not with my two. Always. Oh my God, always absolutely hellish.

Yeah. Yeah. There was always somebody was screaming the head off and or not. So they gave you fair warning early doors. Oh, yeah. It's when they dupe you into thinking they're going to be easy, baby. Well, we've had two very bad camping experiences with my daughter. And so now this summer we put it up in the garden just to see how that would go.

And how did it go? So if it went like shit, we figured we only had like 10 yards to go. Yeah, fair and it was actually okay. So she may have hoodwinked us again and then we actually booked the campsite and it all goes. Oh my God, fingers crossed. She's got previous on hoodwinking you. Yes. Have you enjoyed being an older parent?

Well, again, maybe a theme developing here. It didn't really strike me that it was... There is a theme, definitely. You'll be pretty easygoing. I'd always thought it would be fun to have kids, but I also thought it was fun doing lots of things and going around the world and, you know...

So it wasn't a driving thing. No, no, no. And then it seemed obviously, I guess, for the first time, you know, when the week's going on and you know, you got a few series under a belt and you suddenly think, well, you know, this is a job.

Yeah, we're doing okay now. You know, the tour's going okay, whatever. So, you know, then you think, well, actually not being able to go and do the Melbourne Comedy Festival or whatever it might be, that's not the world's the worst thing, you know, you know, travelling around Britain is actually quite good fun as well. Yeah. So we do that instead. And so, and then my wife, sort of we had one when I wasn't that old, let's hope. And then my wife did a PhD in between. So it's such.

We got quite a big gap between our two. I didn't know that. So how old's your other one? he's 12 now. Oh, okay. He's just getting to the stage where he's keen to watch the DVDs. And obviously, some of them were filmed when he was being born in his early years. What does he think about it?

Well, I haven't shown him yet. He tried to watch Mock the Week the other week because now it's obviously on eye player and stuff like that. And so, yeah, and he started commenting on that. And I thought, well, I'll put a stop to that for a while. I said, 40 plus. So you ain't until you're 14. And I may have to give up comedy when he gets to 14. I really struggle with the kids watching my comedy.

But they've seen you live and we did a gig together and both of your kids were in the audience and I felt stressed for you. I changed my view on that after the pandemic. Pre-pandemic I was always quite like they don't come. They never come. After that I think... Well, they're older now.

They're older and also I just think that was such a massive thing to happen. It made you just look at life in a very different way and you're like, you know what? You can come. Let's just be a bit more in the moment and enjoy things. Yeah, yeah.

You know. Yeah, no, definitely. But also they've done a lot of screen time at that point, haven't they? Yeah. They've watched a lot of things that maybe you wouldn't otherwise have let them watch. Yeah, I just think there's a realisation that it's not that big a deal. I love hearing about what your daughter in particular thinks of your stand-up. She doesn't think it's very funny.

Yeah, I just think that's it. But your mum, you know, you're an authority figure. Do you know, she'll just blink. Why are they laughing at that? Why is everyone laughing at this? Let me explain to you. how unfunny she is. This has been so lovely, and I know that you're on tour at the moment.

How, when does your tour end? I never really explained anything about the tours, did we? Yeah, let's talk about it now. We started talking about it. And I offered absolutely zero advice apart from don't, don't do them every day of the week. So what, tell us about your tour. Where are you going? So it's called bafflingly optimistic, which is part of the reason.

The theme. Yeah. Now I get it. This is what you're like. Yeah. Just baffled. And optimistic. Yeah.

I'm going to come and see. Where can I come and see? You're doing London? Yeah, no, I will be doing London. We sort of, because we were talking about the DVD thing and it no longer, so we're spreading this one over it, so we're doing even less than we would per week than we have done in the past. Yeah.

So I'm sure there'll be a, you know, there's no London dates in at the moment. Where are you hoping to do it in London? What's your... Well, the last time I did. I did the Leicester Square Theatre, I'm pretty certain. So, you know, which is grand. That's a great venue. I saw you there, really.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah, that's great. I love that group. So for the DVD we were talking about, the one that Russell took the shot of, I did the lyric on, oh, wow, that's beautiful theatre. Yeah, yeah.

So it's fabulous. And it's the one that Mickey, Mickey Flanagan. Oh, did he film his special? No, he's now, do it. I've just literally walked past it. Oh, yeah, because Zoe's been doing some gigs with him. Oh, right.

So he's, I was there for a night. Mickey, of course, there for three weeks. But, you know. Oh, thank you. No, it's all been actually pleasure. And thank you for sharing those brilliant stories. It's been so lovely. And if people want to get tickets to your show,

would they go to your website? Yeah, Andy Parsons.com.uk. It's always easy, in it, you know, it's a straight line. It's a straight line to Andy Parsons website. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday?

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