Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S02 E21: Carl Donnelly

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

"This was the first day of my sixth form college... One of the worst decisions I've ever made..." Carl Donnelly is a hero for many things but sharing the pic and story of his three piece sixth form suit is just the greatest! Thank you Carl! Photo 01 - Family photo Photo 02 - Fist day of sixth form Photo 03 - Drunk at Glastonbury Photo 04 - Wedding cakes Photo 05 - Drag act Photo 06 - IVF PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. And welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page.

So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Like your yellow top. Thank you. I've just brought a bit of sunshine into the street. studio. Do you ever do that? Do you think consciously about colours when you're getting dressed? Do you think I need to bring this energy? Yes, I can't wear all black. You don't wear black? That's really true. I never wear all black. So many people do and you're right, you don't. I don't. That's just something about me. Now you've just said it. That's something you've just learned about me. Yeah. Yeah. And now that you've, now that I've said it, you see it. I totally see it. I have never seen you in all black. You've never seen it. For a while, I was even wearing black jeans with brown shoes and that caused a lot of controversy.

Really? Yes. The fashion police descended one Edinburgh and went, you're wearing black jeans. Yeah. You're wearing brown shoes. But you're wearing a black belt. That's unacceptable. Who are these people? It was actually Seymour Mace and he went...

Hang on. Whoa. Who recruited Seymour Mace? Seymour likes to wander around. To be in charge of other people's clothes. He's like, what are you doing? you're wearing black truce that's so audacious it's brilliant

yeah but also I would never dream of saying to say I'd never dream of giving anyone negative feedback I mean privately 100% all day long but to their face do you know what I accepted it

I accepted it and I thought it never occurred to me he's right that you need to wear brown belt if you're wearing brown shoes yeah absolutely right it was a faux part and it's one that I've kept in mind

to this day. You've learnt and... I've learned... Well, because when I... You know, I'm always growing as a person as you can probably tell, I'll get everything off here. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. I don't mind a little bit of constructive criticism. I'll bear that in mind going forward. I said constructive. Not just aggressive notifications. I wouldn't dream of giving you feedback on how to dress. You always look very stylish. You always very complimentary.

You do have nice clothes. I'm always like, I'm literally wearing jeans. You have nice stuff. And now I think about it, lots of lovely bright colours. Yeah. That, because I have what you would describe as sallow skin. Right. Yeah.

So if I wear sort of very dark colours in winter, I look dead. You don't want to go for that. And a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I hear you. What have I got then? I'm sort of olivey.

You're not white, white. No, no. There's a bit of olive going on for me. You're ruddy. Whoa. Ruddy, sounds a lot like dirty, muddy, grubby. No, what I mean is, is that you've always, like, I always have to rub a bit of colour into my cheeks.

I have got colour in my cheeks. But that's what I mean. No, it's artificial. I put it there. How do you? Do you know how makeup works, babe? Did you think I don't like Aunt Sally if it was more overtly, like self-blight, applied?

No, but even what we're doing. No, all right. In my defence, even when we're doing a Zoom. Have you got makeup then? Sometimes. No, no, no. No, I can be a red cheek. Yeah, but sometimes you have just come back for a swim

or you've just been for a cycle ride and you have colouring your cheeks and you have a healthy glow. Yes. Ruddy was the wrong word. Ruddy was the wrong word. But healthy. A words are important, aren't they? With hindsight, I can see that now.

You have a healthy... Visage. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah? And I often look ill. So because I get sort of very dark circles around my eyes and I look kind of like, you know, yellow. I never think that. Grey.

You said it. You said gray. You said gray. You said gray. I didn't say gray. I said gray. Yeah. I wouldn't say gray.

I wouldn't say gray. I wouldn't say to a friend, you're facially gray. I mean, there are days I am facially gray. Although I have to say, when we were talking the other day, and I haven't forgotten this, Kerry, and I said to you about my turkey neck. and I said to you and Joel was a witness I said to you

you can't see this turkey net and I almost said you can't see this as if to almost directs you on how you're what your response should be and you went

oh yeah baby I can see it and I was like oh you can see the turkey neck and you went yeah what would be the value in lying well we just talked about I'm just getting into a final microphone

I think I covered this it's angles we've all got a turkey neck if we do that. And then if we, that's why people do selfies up there. Yeah, but I wasn't. You had a funny angle, hence the neck sitch. Yeah, okay.

So you've got to always its angles. It's really hard to know the right angle. You need to get a stick. Get a nice, long, long, high stick. It needs to be about nine metres long that stick. I'd just be like two, just like a sort of like blurry dot. Yeah. But do you?

Maybe won't see your neck. Well, I don't see my face. I won't see me. No, I think is the clue there. I'm always doing the wrong angles. I look back on some of, you know, you look at yourself in a Zoom and you're like, fucking hell, get a pile of books cow. Get up there.

Get the camera higher. Do you know what? I had my photo taken with someone recently and they said, oh no, no, no, that's not my good side. This is my good side. And then they turned and they went, this is my good side. And I went, how do you know? I know. You know.

Yeah. Okay. What? So this is... Oh, which one is it? You don't know. You're asking me. One side, if I've got my hair up,

yeah. One side, I feel a bit like I look like the trunch ball. Do you mean? You know that vibe? Yeah. And then the other side, not so much. Oh, right. It's a, I don't know what it is.

What do you mean? like your hair? Yeah, when I wear my hair up, if I catch... You know, sometimes you catch an angle of yourself and you go, oh, no, that wasn't what I was after, visually. Yeah. I think profile-wise, it's really obvious how much my forehead protrudes. I don't agree. So what happens is my forehead protrudes and then my nose goes right in and then it comes right out again. What are you talking about? It's an actual fact and I've seen it.

Wow. This is a level of self-criticism that I'm not going to participate in. Do you know what? It's not even self-criticism. It's self-awareness. It's self-knowing. It's self-flageation. It's not self-flagellulation. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a protruding forehead. It's to other people. The way you just described your face, you made yourself sound like a gargoyle, which I don't think is self-love. That's not self-love.

Well, I accept my face as a lovely face. Do you find, when you look back at pictures, so this is my current dilemma, I leave the house, I look in the mirror, I think, yeah, you don't look bad, go out. Yeah. Go on stage, in fact. Yeah.

Then photographs of you on stage come back. to you and you're like, no, no, that doesn't match what was in that mirror. They do not correlate with each other. Yes, 100%. Mirrors and cameras are not the same. I mean, there are loads of haircuts I've had in the past where I've thought, this is a cracking haircut. And I look back and I think, you look like you've just escaped from prison.

You've just been let out. Why does that? Why? Photos of us on stage. Sometimes people send me pictures. They go, oh, I took a few shots of you at that gig. And they send them to me and I'm like, it can ruin my day. Well, that's because you're, well, and mine.

Just a little bit of water there. Yours, we move our faces a lot on stage. We're very expressive. And so if somebody catches us mid-expression, out of context, we do look like gargoyles. Yeah, bad. Really bad. And there's loads of stuff up on the internet.

And that's not coming down. No. And posture, like, I move my, I get myself into position. I know that one. I get in there and I'm, what's happening? I'm like a witch. And then someone goes, click. And they send it to.

to me and I think, why are you doing that, Kerry? Why are you doing that? Because it's funny. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny. We do it because it's funny. And at the time, we don't care if we look stupid. And if someone takes... She's chasing the laugh. Yeah, just chasing the laugh. I'm not trying to get that Dior contract. It's never going to come. No, I don't think you and I will ever be saying you're worth it to anyone, least of all ourselves. Talking of promotion, we're trying to get ITU to sponsor us because we just had a lovely lunch. Every time we meet, we have an ITU. Yeah. But it's delicious, isn't it? Isn't it?

It's really delicious. Wasn't it tasty? It was spicy Korean noodle bowl, followed by etamami beans and some miso, the perfect accompaniment for every meal. And if it's who want to give us free food, I'm up for it. I can be bought.

You can be bought. Oh, so could I. If it's food, anything, I don't care what it is. No. I'm sold. Have we started? Oh, you do that every time. It's like our catchphrase.

Have we started? No, because we haven't. because I said we're going to start with this photo. But this is what happens every time. And then you start and then we do it. Kerry! Joel actually shook his head there, suggesting it hadn't started. Joel, haven't we started now?

Yes, you see, now we've started. Okay, so now we can get into it. Oh, God, God, God, look. Focus on me, Carl. Okay. So, Carl, firstly, thanks for it. It's not usually this formal, is it, Kerry. What are you doing?

I'm looking at the pictures. Fuck's sake. This is the premise of the thing is we talk. about the pictures. Yeah, but normally we ever, but before we start, normally what we did, before we start to get into the phone.

It's not like a maths test where you show your workings out. I'm going to say to Carl how we normally begin the podcast. And this isn't how we're on. That's great content for Carl. But I'm not, I'm not a listener. Yeah, he's our guest.

He's our guest. This is like when couples round around guests. I'm thinking more of the pleasure of the listener. Do you remember? Do you remember? Do you? I don't know. Do they often just listen to you to have a ding-dong.

It's terrible. What happens is I will make a suggestion You will overreact, Kerry I'm really working on that I'm working on that I'm trying to bring it down Bring it down What we normally do is we just start with the conversation

Don't we? And then we go into the first vote I'm incredibly patronising way of talking someone down Bring it down I do listen back to myself sometimes I know it's not advised And I think oh I sound so angry So I'm really working on that part

It's but only with me Yeah Yeah But it's got kind of comedy vibe. Yeah. Yeah. It's only for you, but rage. So, Carl, when you're going to Australia? Yes.

I'm going on two days time. Do you think you're pretty late back? Might not come back, maybe. I was going to say, do you think you'd ever live there? At 100%. That's your plan. That's that you are going to go there? I think, my wife's from Melbourne.

My wife's from Melbourne. And I think we will ultimately end up living there, being based there. coming back here for a bit of a year rather than being based here and going to there for a bit of a year. Because, and I mean, I'm a Londoner and I love this city, but I don't like a lot of

people in this country anymore. Yeah, it's completely changed. And nothing to do with politics or any of that. Some people would think that's some sort of like, you know, oh, course you're, you know, liberal elites in London. I'm talking just general vibes of people. Do you think that's a misanthropy that just happens with age.

Well, I think it is. I've hit middle age. I can deal with our souls, but I want new ones to try. You want to deal with our souls in a sunny climate. I feel like London. I'm tan ourselves. But London wears you out, doesn't it? I feel like London walk me out.

It's a heavy city, isn't it? It is. And when you're young, you're like, it's exciting. Exactly. And it's got on a tube. Friday night tube journeys are exciting. It's piss. Yeah, I mean, I'm staying.

I'm not coming to Australia and I don't live in writing. And so this is where I live. So you do that thing, you might know it as a Londoner where people start slagging London off and then you get a little bit spiky. You're like, excuse me? I do it as well. I love London.

I love it. And I never thought I'd leave it. No. But now I do, I do my patience for some of it's. Fair enough. And you're an easygoing bloke. Yeah, I know. It's just, it's nothing to do

of any of the big social problems when people talk about housing. No. I don't know. Well, it's stupidly expensive. It's people being loud on the train. Yeah, no, fair enough. That's made me want to leave to the other side of the world.

You know, you might get that in Melbourne. It's true, but people don't really use many trains over there. It's a different lifestyle. And, you know, as you said, your wife is from there anyway. So it's not like you're kind of doing something nutty. No, you're not moving to the Amazon. No. I love it.

I would happily go to Melbourne every year for the festival. It is a nice city. I just spend a month in that city. I just love it. I've got to go. You've got to go. It's such a great. Also, there's something about, I do love going to Australia.

I don't know if I could live there because I've got no ties there. All my family are here. But I just love being there. And whenever I'm there, I feel quite sort of liberated. Even like as a performer, because I'm like, no one knows who I am. I can be, you can almost reinvent yourself. You can be more playful on stage. I love it there, but it is much more.

It feels weirdly for what some of its reputation is. I feel like it's much more civilized. I think it is. I think Melbourne is anyway. Yeah. And even actually, Yeah, if you go to Darwin, it's going to be slightly different. I've been to Darwin, it's mad.

Oh, really? And I've been to like Alice Springs, those places. Both of those places, because they're so isolated. They're bad shit. Yeah. The people there, and also because particularly in Darwin, when it rains for months of the year. So after the, so there's like the wet season, when it gets to the dry season, they always talk about there's that interim period between the wet and the dry season

where people are coming out of the wet season and they've gone a bit dulae. Oh, okay. And they're going into the dry season to like almost become, mentally more stable. You should go. That's another place you should go. One day I'll get there. I'll come to see you.

I'll knock on your door. You're like, shit. It's a Londoner. I left for a reason, Kerry. You're like people like trick or treaters when you turn the lights out. You always, I'm always impressed by Hayley. Because when you did that gig for me, that school fundraiser. And then I was like, and then you had to get to the comedy store.

And I was like, how are you going to get there? You're going to get by there. You're like, I'm just going to jump on a line bike. Can't know how to do London. You're just good at it. Big fan of a zip car. Yeah, a zip car, a line bike. Yeah, I don't.

I don't. I like, that's always like that's never a car. But I don't own a car. I got rid of my car. I say got rid. When we and my ex-wife parted, we decided she should have it. Very diplomatically fun. I just thought she should have it.

Darling, you have the car. I'm always meant to get a new one and then I've never bothered. And I started using zip cars. And I love the, I love not owning anything. I love that being able to. That's a classic stand of comedian now, isn't it? Oh, yeah. But in my head, I think of it's like, I just come with my bag of jokes.

I just come with my bag of jokes. But I do, I love that thing of just being able to be like, a higher car that I pick up for an hour. I've got one, I drove hearing one. Did you? And after this, I'll drive it back. Are you working for them? Huh?

Oh, I just think they do amazing deals. And they've got amazing customer services. Because when he told me about it that night, I was like, Like, Carl's right. But I will say, so only company. You know how difficult it is to deal with any major company now? Utilities companies is a nightmare. Zipcar.

And again, this sounds like an out there. I've been using for 10 years. Only company I've never had an issue with. I said, wait a second. Zipcar. I've got it. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love.

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and it became really personal for us. But you grew up in London. You grew up in Tooting, didn't you? Yeah. You're a proper London lad, Carl. There's not many... South London... Yeah.

There's not that many Londoners who are proper Londoners. And both your parents, Irish? Well, yes and no. Basically, my dad was born in London, but his parents had just basically come over. Right. So he was, I would say, like, he sounded like brick, and looked like bricktop from Snatch, my dad.

But he, like, generally, that's quite the accent. That's what my mates always used to call him. Once that film came out, if I was like, oh, you're your dad. But was the most cult, he was more culturally Irish than my mom. He hated, he would, like, he would dream of supporting like an English, like, the England football team, England rugby team, mate. So I've always thought of him as English, but he would have been, he would have been livid if you knew his.

And all his friends were Irish, all this family was Irish. Everyone around. And where did they meet? Where did your mum and dad meet? They met in like an Irish bar. Right, right. And my mum was Irish. I grew up with loads of Irish people.

Now I'm married to an Aussie. I've really, first time I've stepped out of the old Irish gene pool. I feel like it was your family. I didn't know. That's not true. I mean, we just, I always just, again, I was just gravitated towards it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's, uh, as the Irish do, didn't they?

Yeah. And that's a big part of your. growing up and the Irish community. Yeah, yeah, like every, we went to a local church. Yeah, Catholic. Catholic. Irish social club next door was where we spent most of our time. You know, every year, I worked in an Irish social club illegally from the edge of 13. Where was that in Tooting? On Mitchum Road, it was called St. Boniface Social Club. And I used to work there so illegally when I was, like, you're not meant to work in a bar if you're under, I think you're allowed to work if you're under, maybe 16. But not serving.

You can collect glasses, I think. Yeah, from 16. So I started doing that when I was 13. But I was working by under bar when I was 16. And you're not meant to, well, I think, I don't know if it could change it. You couldn't work legally after 10pm as an under 18 year old. And I was doing that when I was 13. Oh, wow.

I was raking it in. More mates were getting pocket money. I was on 70 quibule a week. Well, I got a sales, sir. I got a shift on at the social club. 250 curly whirlies in the back of the van. Up yourself. That's a pretty solid.

background like a kind of cultural background. Yeah. And it was proper like, yeah, it's just a South London Irish sort of. Yeah. Lifestyle. Yeah, yeah. It was like, you know, it was nice enough and both my parents ducked and dived between jobs. So this first picture is your mum with her sisters. Yeah, so my mum comes from a family of, there were six siblings.

Oh, okay. One died young, but there was four sisters, two brothers. With, okay. And the sisters are all, it's like, all four of them are four foot 11. And they're the loudest. Maddest group of women you'd ever mean Your face in that picture is pure dead pal. Also, what I love is that how old are you in this picture?

I reckon I must be Cent a party. 12 maybe. Just before you started your career at the social club. Yeah, this was just before I hit the workforce. I was enjoying my final years as a child. Well, it is. With a glass of wine before I hit the street.

It's quite a big glass of wine, Carl. That's not a small glass of wine you've got that. Yeah, yeah. It was that thing of like my, you know, again, looking back now, I don't know how right or wrong it was. But very, from very young it was that thing. I thought I let him have a little taste. Yeah, no. You know, and by early teens, we were, I let him have a glass.

You know. Let him have a shift at the bar. I was let him manage tonight. But yeah, it was like, it was really laid back for like, like, upbringing of, you know. These are good euphemisms for alcoholism. Yeah, yeah. But also it means I've never had a, like, I really like drinking, but I've never had a problem with it in terms of, it's one of those things I could.

It was normalised or not, uh, it's not a taboo, is it? Yeah, you know, I suppose it's that slightly European thing of a glass of wine. Totally. Do you remember what this occasion is? I don't. I reckon it might have, it could have been my, um, commune, not communion, must have on, confirmation maybe. Oh, okay.

God, did you do that. I did all of them. I did first, had the communion. and confirmation. Did you do that? Oh yeah, yeah. Did you have to wear a wedding dress for my Holy Communion? Yeah.

Oh yeah, I've got a picture of me in my Holy Communion wedding dress. I had to wear a waistcoat and I looked like a little snooker player. Did you have to wear a waistcoat? That was a thing actually. Yeah, waistcoat with a little tie. Yeah. And in fact, it was very weird because the boys all looked like they were grooms and the girls all look like we all look. I think I had a vet.

That's the only time. There's not a wedding gown. I passed a shop the other day that was waiting. wedding dresses for girls and it bewildered me for a wand until I worked out their holy communion yeah yeah yeah it's so it's like hang on is this a child bride shop I had lace gloves what jane I know okay we need that picture and get that picture on my mom bought me um every I've got a gold crucifix and that was really so I remember wearing my gold crucifix with my lace gloves and my white wedding dress and the veil and a tiara oh my god it does sound wrong as I said you do confirmation

as well then? I did. What do you remember what name you took? 14, I think when I did it. Did you take a saint's name?

I did. Yeah. Can't remember it was. Well, this is like a Catholic workshop. Oh. I didn't have a middle name. My parents didn't give me

or my brother a middle name. Right. So what was your confirmation name? My confirmation. But I've never used. It's not a legal name. It's just an ether. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I think mine might have been Teresa. Jesus knows. Yeah. Jesus. Oh, yeah. Oh, Enos.

He knows. Everything is everything. We've got to get him on. He's everywhere He's in every episode Was it a pretty strict Catholic upbringing or not No I mean not really He's got a glass of wine in his hands

Fair enough They give you wine in church Don't they? They do actually It's sherry isn't it Yes But we were allowed it They never gave the kids Annie of the wine in church

But you went to mass every Sunday The priest notoriously Are very protected for children we know that now protective of booze and children did you go to mass every week on and off my mum was very religious

and she would go my mum happened into older age she started going like pretty much every morning my dad could not give less of a shit about he'd never like he always phoned it in he'd go once on Sunday

just because you want to go sort of pub afterwards and everyone and then I used to go because I went to Catholic schools as well I used to go in school right

but Sunday's like But I reckon by about 11 or 12, my mum sort of said, if you don't have to go if you don't want to. She was very chilled with that. Around this age in this picture, really. Yeah. And what was really funny was a lot of my mates from the area, they like, again, they had quite similar backgrounds.

But one of my mates, Garrett, his parents were proper, like, you have to go to church. And he said, you don't have to sit with us, but you've got to go. So what he used to do is he would walk with them to church. They'd go up the front, he'd sit at the back. But then I lived around the corner from the church. So he'd just duck out, come to mine for the hour,

come back and meet them. And we'd literally just go and smoke cigarettes out of my window. And my parents were never saying. My house was like the embassy. But there is a line. I remember I had friends. I had sort of two groups of mates, were two in friends and Croydon mates.

Right. And like they were a rough. The other side of the tracks. And like we were like, we were, not not parents, but like we would sit in their 22 year old sister's house smoking weed when we were like 12 and 30. I remember. And now looking back, I'm like, I don't think they should have been letting us do that at 22. Yeah.

Even older. Some of them, I remember like, there were some of their neighbours who were like, there was one guy as a 40-year-old raster and we used to sit smoking weed with him and we were like 12 and it was like what were you getting out of this?

Yeah yeah no I remember being around some of that you know but he just like but you just you know get your own age friends yeah I mean I mean yes it is creepy

it is creepy I'm sorry but 40 no he's really nice guy he would give us weed man it just seems so weed cool when you're on the younger end of that an end of that angle

what's going on here so this was my first day of Six-form politics. Why? Oh my God. It's one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Like this is genuinely like to this day I cringe every time I think about this. So I went to a school.

I went to. I went to. Did you pull? Oh my God. So I went to a Catholic secondary school. I moved around a bit. I went to actually went to a school near here, secondary school called Bishop Thomas Grant for a bit,

which was rough as guts. BTG. Everyone's trying to get their kids in there. They'll church up for a... Is it nice now? I don't know, actually. The local Catholic school. Yes, it's considered to be a good school.

It used to be rough as shit. Yeah, that's the story of many a school, isn't it? So basically, I went there, and I left after a year, luckily, and I went to St. Thomas's in Mitchum, which was a middle school. It's all middle school in... And then I went to Women in college, which was like it was a secondary school. Yeah, I went to the Eustline.

Did you? Yeah. Oh, what age are you? 48. Okay. You're a bit of performing. Carl, I'm a lot before me. But, um, but um, yes.

Delicantly. Oh, yes. I've heard of that a year. But I, uh, yes, I went to women of college, which was like, again, went to a great school, but it was a decent school, but it's all boys. Right. Did you go out with anyone from the Eschleine? I didn't know.

Ricard? No, not until like, but the sixth form was when it sort of all changed, wasn't it? Because it was all boys for three years. Erselaim is all girls. And then 16 to 18 mixed. But then you blew it with this outfit, right? Oh my God. Is that the outfit you wore?

Well, yeah, because we got told. We had to wear a school uniform up until 16. And in sixth form, they said, you have to wear a suit with the college tie, right? And they said that you can just buy a, just buy a, whatever suit you want and I thought everyone was going to go oh we can buy our own suit

let's go buy a nice suit so I am every single person at school like 99.99% I was the only one everyone else bought a navy blue a grey or a black suit and I went to

Ciro Seterio with my bloody pub money that I was making and I bought a three piece cream suit and I literally I remember walking into school and being

just instantly like, oh, I fucked up so hard. Didn't you have a mate to just brief you before the day? Well, no, because I was like, I thought this would look cool, isn't it? Did you style it out? Well, the problem was, again, this is quite sad. I know exactly the kind of environment you're wanting to. And I know exactly how badly it went. It's so bad.

It doesn't even fit you. No, no, it's not a problem. Obviously, I've got it off the shelf, off the hangar. I didn't get it tailored. Peg. I'm sorry. And like to get it to fit, I just had to buy the ones that were like, well, the trousers sort of fit. Even then like, I didn't, you know, now I wear a much more tailored suit.

But yeah, the shoulders are way too big. The legs are too big. But I didn't mind a baggy trouser then, did I? That's not a baggy trouser. It's a too long trouser. It was the 19s. Do you know what? You look like a young Alan Davis.

Yes, you do. My weirdly red lips. How did this go? How did it? Bad. for about basically but because again because like my parents obviously weren't very flush with money so you couldn't just get a new suit it wasn't a case of like some kids had two suits to alternate I had one suit you had to go in everywhere and I mean I had to literally use my own money and ask my

parents for money like about I think I lasted about two weeks before I was like I need to I need to buy a backup suit because this is not happening how quickly did you lose the waistcoat I mean yeah the waistcoat didn't stay with me for too long you can just imagine even teachers coming up to you and going, you can lose the waistcoat. It's something that will help. Get rid of the way. Yeah, look. Lose the way's going.

The whole ethos was, is to make you like in the transition from boy to man. For a period you wear a suit. Okay. You're like, I did that transition when I started working at the pub at 13. So this was my, this was what I transitioned like 40 years too far.

The suit was transitioning at a different place to the boy with, isn't it? Oh, wow. Even like the shirt colour, everything was so bad. There's so many problems. I can't remember what shoes I was wearing. They're out of shot, lucky for you. I did. I used to, weirdly, like, I mean, it wasn't that out of character.

I used to dress quite flamboyantly as a... Like a dandy? A little bit. I used to wear, I used to love a flowery shirt. But I used to, there was this period where you just could buy these big flowery coloured shirts. Paisley, but big, like, coysley. You used to wear like sort of 70s style shirts. Oh, God.

Sorry, that's what I'm remembering. pulled at yourself. Oh God. Even when I first met you, you were wearing very loud shirts. Was I? Yes. You always had a look. You always had a very strong loud shirt thing going on.

Like a 70s pimp ride. I did have a bit of a pimper. I think you even, I think I even. Yeah. So you would have it tucked into your jeans and I remember that. We've all had sartorial chapters that were. I've really settled down in my middle age. I mean, of all the pictures, because, you know, on this podcast a few hours.

outfits have come up. Yeah, yeah. But I think so far that is my favourite. We know what the cover of this episode is going to be, don't we? First day, but the first day of college. But that, you see, those early decisions can impact on your love life, your social life. Oh yeah. I mean, that ruined two years of my life.

You weren't, you weren't going to have a love life on the back of that outfit. And also, what I remember at the ersteline, I think the girls don't really have a dress code in the same way. No, they don't. wear a seat. That's crappy. That's not fair. Yeah, so I was overdressed. For courting.

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Bel Air Direct Insurance Simplified Conditions apply Talk us through this picture Oh that's a bad one That's um yeah So this is at Glastonbury. Excellent.

I reckon it was Glastonbury 2000. I'm going to say, could be 2003. No, it's not 2003. It's later. That might be like 2008, I think. I always, because I've got no pictures of Glastonbury pre-smart phones because no one was taking pictures. They only ever have ones with smartphone.

I'm trying to work out what year that would be because I've got short a hair. You're a mess in that picture, Carl. I mean, me, that was my mate Peter Quinn, who also Irish background, grew up around the corner from me. me, him and I think it could be like 2008 or 9 or 10 maybe when I cut my hair

because I had big hair this was even before or after that it's a bookend period when I had big hair and I remember your hair I remember your big curly hair Yeah I'm silly wasn't it Well what are you going to do with it

You had curly hair I know but I should have kept it It's wavy But it was so long that it looked really curly It had corners at one point It had corners at one point Corners Yeah it was sort of

Yeah. I said that really badly when you said that. Corners. Even though I didn't like how it looked when you said that again. I was like, all right, man. All right, fuck you. I like that Kerry thought that was a compliment. Okay.

I assume you styled it like that. No, it was very much as it. It just lived how it wanted to live. Yeah. But yeah, this is... As you did, looking like. Yeah, this was a Glastonbury where me and like three mates this was taken on top of a lighting rig.

We broke backstage. Backstage where? Like behind one of the music stages. We managed to get in there. We just snuck through a fence and then just we were so drunk. We were just on this rampage. And we ended up seeing this like, it honestly was about a 60, 70 foot lighting rig tower. Oh my God.

You could have killed yourself. I know, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've got so many stories of like when I look back thinking, that could have been the end. But we all climbed up to the top of the lighting rig And we got to the top And genuinely there was like a spotlight That was about two foot diameter

And now it was lighting up a stage A music stage that was about two 300 metres away Really far away It was one in big spots Oh my God And on the state it was late This was like two in the morning There was like a DJ on

And there was a field of people like And we just suddenly were like up there And we're like oh my God What are we going to do? Like we were so nervous of like Should we move the light? And we were so drunk And we thought it would be so fun to get up there

But when we realised the Danger What we could How much we could change By moving a light Yeah like you know We could really Fucking up

Some crazy shit I think we like got a bit overawed with the responsibility Shadow puppetry That's on the table as well Anything you know Can you imagine just to let the hand I could do a dog But we just like we couldn't know

We were taking it in terms almost like, oh, I'm going to do it. And no one would touch it. It's like we all got all scared all of a sudden. What happened then? When my mate Peter then just, just hit it like that. And it just dropped a bit like whoop. And what it did, like 300 metres away.

No, no, no, no. All he did was like it was on a little, you know, so you could move it. Okay. And he sort of just pushed it a little bit. And it just dropped about an inch. But 300 meters away on the stage, it just took all the light off the DJ.

So now the DJ who's on stage is just, You can't see him anymore. And then... So what was illuminated now? He's sweet. You know, the crowd just in front of him. Right. And then we just got to giggle so hard.

Like, you know, it was such a stupid thing to do. But then obviously we thought we've probably got limited time now before we get busted. Yeah. So my mate grabbed it and just started like, like, like shining it like a proper, like a prison, you know, spotlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just going across the field. We'd see somebody walking across the field and we'd whack it on them and follow them like that as they were. And it was so bright.

They just shit themselves. Oh my God. We just, we were like absolute. And then security surely caught on. Yeah. Did you get caught? Do you know what?

We got caught and we didn't get kicked out of the festival only for them. They honestly were so like, what are you doing? And then they'd give us a real talking to it and then just kicked us back through the fence. How are they going to kick you out of the first? I suppose they're taking 45 minutes to walk us out. Do you know what I mean? But it was,

but we were just so drunk. The state of you in that picture, you really look. I mean, I was, yeah, that is, but also very, I was still, I mean, that's probably, that photo, I was probably playing up to the camera.

Do you go to Glastonbury now? I haven't been for, I reckon, six, seven years, maybe eight years. Have you gig there? Yeah, a few times. Why haven't you been lately? I just haven't,

do you know what, actually, I sort of fell out of love with it a bit. I used to, I used to go loads and I loved it. Yeah. And then I just got to a phase about eight years ago, I've been like, I think I'm done with festivals. See, I thought that calm and I went back.

No, but this year was the first year of watching Lastabry. I was like, I want to get, I'm ready to get back in the shit. Yeah. Which one is next? That might be next chronologically. This was my 2018 Australian wedding in Melbourne. Ah. I made that cake.

It's a vegan cake, isn't it? It's a vegan cake. I've made my wedding cake. I made my wedding cakes, my first wedding. I've made my wedding cakes my second wedding. I made wedding cakes for comedian Chris Martin's wedding. I've heard about this. I've quite a good baker.

I've heard about your baking skills on the grapevine. Why haven't you done bake-off? Because I don't really want to. I like, A, I've not been asked, and B, so I do like baking for my own. Your solid bake-off material. I like baking as, I find it incredibly relaxing and meditative. Why aren't you like much? Look at that.

I know, it's incredible. And that's not, I mean, that's... And you love eating cake because, I mean, do you love eating cake? I do love eating cake? No, but why aren't you larger? That's my problem I like baking But I'm scared that I'm just going to eat it all

Yeah And it is I mean I mean that But that's quite an easy cake That's that man that one is more about Just throwing all the fruit And flowers and things are So it's a sponge

Yeah there's not much icing needed on that Like the ones I made I'd say the ones I made for Chris Martin's wedding They were good They were that colour scheme Everything was really nice I did like a massive tier of cupcakes Oh wow

Is that in America or was that here? No it was in Scotland that one Oh it's right yeah yeah But yeah, but also the reason this photo as well, I was absolutely hammered. Oh, God. And I had to carry that cake from the kitchen. And I've never seen my wife more terrified, like more convinced that that was going over. I was at a point of drunkenness.

I know when your eyes just sort of go. I was fine. I wasn't like, I wasn't roaring drunk, but I was just like. You shouldn't be carrying a cake. Yeah, I shouldn't be catering. I was that level of drunkenness. Yeah, and that's a really big cake. Oh, and it was wobbly as well.

Yeah, it does look a little. I mean, I can't. tell if that the board that you've got it is buckled or if you're not holding it straight. And also we've made a stand for it out of logs that looked really rustic and cool and, you know, everything about this should have gone wrong. It's got lovely flowers in it as well. Yeah. It's really beautiful.

It's really beautiful. Beacons get a bad rap because often there's this kind of like ha ha joke that they're this or that. And actually all the vegans are really lovely. And they do the self-deprecation jokes. Yeah, and it's more the online types, but then you could say that about every single group. Yeah. You know what I mean? People who eat meat online and talk about it.

But even in the comedy world, like any vegans in or vegetarians, oh, they can't even put their heads up there's a week. I saw, I'm not going to name him. Obviously, there was that old joke. I remember the first person I ever saw it was Adam Bloom about any vegans in two weeks to probably raise your hair. But I saw a newer comic who's quite, you know, doing all right, quite unknown. Do that like last year. Do the same joke.

Same joke. Yeah. I've seen that joke told many times. And I was walking, I was, what was I doing? I was doing something in the studio at the Glee and they were on stage in the main room and I popped in to say hello. And as I was walking back to the studio

across the back of the room, he said it. I didn't mean to. But as he said it, I went, ugh. Really loud. And I didn't do it on purpose. It was a proper like guttural response to like the tackiest old joke. Did it get a laugh?

First time around, if Adam wrote, that and did it first around funny but like if the fact that somebody else is now doing it it got a bit of a laugh but I was quite harser by the fact it didn't get a big laugh so your sound was more audible than also like now with everything that we know about the environment if you're going to be like eh about vegans then you're probably on the wrong side of this yeah I think you've got to have a decent argument you need a better joke yeah yeah yeah you're gonna need a bigger joke so which one is next in the because I really want to go over this

I reckon that's probably the next one, yeah. That one? Yes. So are you doing, what is it? It was a musical. You look so happy. You're doing a musical with Kiri and Jade. So a musical was, yeah,

Kiri, Pritchard McLean and Jade Adams had a show. I forgot about that show. I never did it. But I used to do it. I never had the bottle to do it. Oh, you should have done it. Did you do it? Did you do it?

Yeah, I did it. What did you sing? Oh, I sang her in a, a, I did a, I did a, I did a, two but I did one where we sang she got all the An ensemble, got all the gays together to sing from what's his name, Rent, wherever that song is from

50025,000, 625,000 minutes, that one, yeah yeah yeah, yeah. But it's really awful when you can't sing and you're in an ensemble where everyone can sing. This is why I never did it, I can't sing. But that was part of the, Is it you doing Rocky Horror?

I did sweet transvestite. If you're on your own and you can't sing, I think it's okay. Well, because the idea for it was, the whole gist was it's comedians who've never sung or aren't singers doing, you know, their favourite song from the musical. That's a lovely idea in theory. So the idea is, yeah, you're not meant to be able to sing. Yeah, I know. That's tolerable for seconds.

You know what I mean? So, yeah, I am. Can you sing? No, no, not really well. I can just about hold a note. Right. But also that song is a very easy song to sing. Okay.

Yeah. Not to get into the, you know, I don't know much about singing, but Tim Curry wasn't the best singer or not. Right. But he was famous for musicals. Yes, but like, you know, when he sings that song, it's very much quite a, he's not. It's sort of quite almost like talking. It's almost a spoken way, yeah, yes. Right.

I mean, it's more about the performance in it. I see. And you look like you went for it. Oh my God. I said I did it. Where did you get my outfit from? I ordered it all online and my wife did my makeup. You look great.

And like, honestly, I've never sung in front of an audience before. I've done drunk and karaoke with mates. But I was so nervous. But then once I got into the outfit, I was like, I think I want to be a transvestite. You do look very at home in that outfit. Yeah, I was going to say,

you don't look like you want to get out of there. No, no, I loved it. I'm singing, and I end up winning it as well. Right. And it was the best. Yeah, no, absolutely. So you've got lace gloves in this. Yeah, I do.

How good do they feel? I mean, Every part of it felt incredible. Kiri's face is great. Kiri's just checking you out. Yeah, proper just having to look at him. The batty, the batty crease. Okay, you don't look as good as you think, you did it.

Did you put it in the mix because of just the joy of the performing experience? Yeah, the only photo of me in drag. Yeah. And British men love pictures of themselves in drag. It's kind of like, I don't. I agree. I think we say British men, but actually. Is it international? Is it international?

Is it international? Because there's a tradition of it in like pantomime and performance. So Britishmen can be like, oh, well, it's just a bit of laugh. But all men, if you get me in a little, if you get me in a basket and some fishnets. Doll's nodding, furious. But that's the, yeah, you instantly think, I look good. Right? You're really like, oh my God.

I know, yeah, yeah. I disagree. I think you look great. You've got a great pair of pins there. Look at you. You've got your hand on your hit. And also, did you do any, I'm just going to zone in on here. No.

No waxing. No, no, no. It was disgusting. No, you really didn't. Absolutely disgusting. Have you still got that outfit? Do you know, I don't know, actually. It must be in a cupboard somewhere.

It must be. I don't remember, I didn't throw it out. Get it out. Yeah, I think I might. Halloween. I might wear it on the flight to Australia. And what's this picture? What's the last one?

This one looks like a hospital. That's the day we did IVF, the day we did the actual insemination. Oh wow. I even remember when we did it. You both look really happy. But yeah, I mean, to be honest, we were so naive. Like, we, we didn't realize until it all worked that there was only a 15% chance of success. Yeah, the stats are not in your favour.

It's kind of a long shot. I genuinely think if you, at that point, we were like, it's probably a, I don't know, 80% or 90% chance of success. We didn't do any reading about it. I've got, I'll do a story about it on stage. I did. I haven't done it for ages. It's obviously a couple of years old. But I used to do a story about how, like, we didn't plan to do IVF.

Like, we sort of just started trying, but there was a bit of a window where nothing seemed to happen. So we went for tests and they were fine. Yeah. Then the doctor was like, well, you know, because we were both like just under 40. She went, if you're under 40, you can get a free round of IVF if you want to try it. Just might as well, you know, your agent might help you about. That's a postcode lottery, so they said. Yeah.

And we basically just, she just said it on the spot like that. We hadn't even ever discussed it. Wow. And we went, yeah, go on, like that, thinking it was just like a bit of a lot. Yeah. And then we started it about... A bit of the laugh. I know.

I know. I talk about it on stage about how everyone who I know has done IVF, it's such a big thing. And it's a big deal. And often it comes with a lot of baggage, but you know, couples have tried for a long time. And the cost as well. But ours was genuinely, we'd never discussed it. We just went to get our fertility test results from the doctor. And she said, it's all fine.

It's probably just age. You know, it might take a bit longer. And she said, to help you out, we can give you a free round of IVF. And it works straight. And we went, oh, right. You're all right. like that and we started it about three weeks later and we genuinely at no point asked what our success chances were I mean with the NHS as well it's this even lower than because they don't do any

any of the extra test or anything because you have to they're so expensive so they're just like it is literally a lot of yeah yeah so but we did we because because we've just been thrown into it we never did any outside reading so we thought again this is so naive we thought oh it's probably yeah we'll just go and do it and we were like oh it's probably yeah we'll probably just get a baby, isn't it? And it just did. And it just did. And it was the weirdest that day.

So that day there was no nerves. We were like, yeah, we're doing IVF, yeah. You look so excited. And then, and then a few weeks. You look like you do in drag. It was the most bizarre, like, looking back, it was the oddest, like, I can't believe how dumb we were and how, like, I remember I went, I flew out to Montreal a few weeks later to get to John Hastings wedding.

I got, and Hannah called me, like, on the day I landed. I was like, oh, yeah, it worked. I was like, oh. And then I was told the other guys and we just went to get drunk and it was, it's horrible. I feel bad how easy it all was because it shouldn't be. But it was that thing.

It was pure ignorance is bliss sort of thing. Yeah. But also, you know, it's a one in or whatever, you know, whatever the stats are and you just happen to be, do you know what I mean? I know. I know. It's got to work quickly for some people and it does, you know.

And also, if there was no issue, I suppose with Fittinity, maybe that might have helped as well. I think it was purely just, yeah, the way, the reason it hadn't worked was just some timing issues. And we weren't, you know, we were trying, but not in that sense of trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a three round of IVF and you were like,

well, we might as well, why not? Yeah, yeah. So it was just, I mean, it's the, but it's mad. Yeah. It just was that sort of, well, woo, yeah. And life has changed. You're beyond all recognition now you're a parent.

Yeah, I've got a three and a half year old now. Three and a quarter old. I can't believe. Three and a half. It doesn't feel like that long ago. I know. Have you done Edinburgh with her? This year was the first time because obviously she was born in 2020.

Right. So I was doing Edinburgh. So you had a lockdown baby. And this again shows how naive I was about having a baby parenting and all that. I'd booked in to do Edinburgh. The plan was the baby was due like two weeks before Edinburgh. And the plan was to have the baby and then go out to Edinburgh for a month. All of us.

My wife and daughter were going to come and we were just going to like. Did your wife? think that she loved she loved the idea she was like yeah we'll just chill out in the flat for the whole month wow oh no there's no my wife is a bit of a carny like she's a bit of a festivaly type actor and you know yes she in we've created this plan we were like we'll have the baby go up have fun show her off to everyone and like I'll just do my show in the evening it sounds idyllic it does but it sounds like every person that doesn't have a baby exactly then the moment obviously we had the baby then it but we were in lockdown at the time it all kicked off

and then obviously like I remember like when it came to the end of July We were like, I'm so glad that COVID has happened because that would have been the worst plan. Oh, my God. Once she was born, you must have been like, can you imagine being in Edinburgh? Insane. Even like 2021 when she was won't.

People were going up for, weren't people going to try and go up for like their weird one, two day things? It's a weird festival, wasn't it? And I was like, I'm not even ready for that when she's won. Yeah. I remember, I've told, I can't remember if I've told it on this podcast, but I remember my child rolling around on the floor at Edinburgh, saying, please, I mean, no more puppy.

No more puppy! Just one more puppet show. Do you remember when I took the first year, my kids came up? I think they were three. And I remember we took them to about six shows. They didn't sit still for a single show. They didn't watch one show. Every single time they got up and went,

can we go now? We're like, we're only five minutes in. Do you know, look at the puppets? Look at the puppets. Look at the puppets. I love it. Kids don't care. They're just like, fuck this.

I don't want this. I used to be a children's entertainer, so just like performing for young kids. And they don't, if they're not having a good, I mean, it does set you up for a stand-up. Yeah, definitely. If they're not enjoying it, they do let you know. Oh yeah, it'll be a double finger up.

They turn their backs. They just walk off. Yeah, walk off. Yeah. What are saying to their mom, like, what's this shit? Yeah. Have you paid for this? Well, thank you, Carl.

Thank you. It's been lovely to have you. You're going to Australia. After all that, thank you very much. This very good bike equipment. Thank you, Carl. Oh, my God, that's interesting. Thank you for bringing such brilliant stories and photos.

You're either badly dressed or drunk in all the... Yeah, pretty much. Apart from the IVF day. Apart from the IVF one. No, they were a lot of fun. My favourite is definitely the suit. Yeah, I think it's a rural... I'm going to get enough feedback.

Have a lovely time in Australia. Will we ever see you again? Yes, six months. I'm back to start on May. You're not coming back. You're not coming back. You're not going to come back. I think I will.

You're just going to move there. You're going to be you're wanting the life there. I do. I mean, yeah. But then also by May it starts going into their sort of winter in Melbourne. So I'll come back up in summer. Oh, you're just going to do season. I'm just going to, yeah, maybe.

That's what I need. I just don't ever want to see a winter again. Yeah. I wonder if you can live like that. If you don't, if you host school. Yeah. If you do homeschooling. I know, but then she's already a vegan.

I don't want us to be even weird. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Darney. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it.

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