Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S02 E25: Ricky Gervais

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

"I'm like that in an eye test, I want to win... I want them to say you can probably see through walls." To end the series we have the megastar Ricky Gervais. He brought in some great photos including one of him as a kid holding two monkeys. Photo 01 - Me at 6 years old Photo 02 - Then and now Photo 03 - The Golden Globes Photo 04 - My first and only gig at the Hollywood Bowl Photo 05 - Filming After Life PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it the matcha or am I this energized from scoring three Sephora holiday gift sets? Definitely the sets. Full size and minis bundled together? What a steal. And that packaging? So cute. It practically wraps itself. And I know I should be giving them away, but I'm keeping the Summer Fridays and Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez. I don't blame you. The best holiday beauty sets are only at Sephora. Gift sets from Summer Fridays, Rare Beauty, Way and more are going fast.

Get full-sized favorites and must-have minis bundled for more value. Shop before they're gone. In store online at Sephora.com. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go.

Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image

and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Oh look, I've got a bag full of Christmas cheese. here here so I've got some Christmas spells. Do you just have those there just ready for like this? Yes, I told you. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Did you have carol singers used to come to your door, knock on the door and go, Oh, calm all ye faithful. Joyful and triumph. Oh, come ye, oh come ye. That's right. You did it well there because actually I think we started too big. Yeah, you've got us go soot. Oh, come let us our door.

Yeah. Oh, come let us do. Oh, wait. Oh, come let us a door. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Okay, we've all had to take our headphones off just for that crescendo. Yeah.

You know how we're trying to increase the amount of people listening to this podcast? I think we in one bell swoop have lost. How's your talk? I've been staying in hotels. Yeah, how's that been? Well, we're staying in quite nice hotels. Oh, yeah? Like poshs?

Well, not like super posh, but maybe sort of slightly. Do you like a hotel? Do you find it a bit shining or lost in translation, that kind of soulless vibe? Well, I like a hotel in as much as I like if I'm on the road to be on my own. Yeah, lovely, lovely being on your own. Lovely shutting that door. Yeah, but do I like to get up the next day, pack all my stuff, go downstairs, go into a bus, drive to another town, jump into another hotel.

No, I don't like that. No glamour in that. No glamour in that. No romance. If you listen to good music, pretend you're in a film. Not after a year. Well, no, 15 months are doing it. No, not really.

I was talking to somebody and she was like, oh, you know, I don't like being in hotels. I said, oh, why? She went, oh, they're absolutely filthy. She said, have you seen those shows where they get one of those, you know, Tina does that on her. Torches. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. What, looking for?

I'm not looking for jizz in the... I'm not looking for jizz and blood in every hotel room I go to. No, I can imagine it's not like a primary objective. Like, ooh, let's shut that door and look for some jizz. Oh, look over there. There's about six ounces of jizz in this corner. No, I'm not doing it. I'm best to not know anyway.

I'd rather, I'm very much of the mind that I don't want to know. No. So please don't tell me. And do you know what? Even, unless it's a little bit of poo on the wall, then I'm probably okay. All right? Go for the, if I can't see it,

it can't do you. No, it can't do me in harm. But, okay, so I want to ask you about this, what about a pewb on a pillow. A pew on a pillow is unacceptable. This is what I'm talking about. Poo on a wall. Pube on a pillow.

Pube on a wall. Pube on a pillow is hard name. Invisible jizzle jizz that you can only see under a UV light. Invisible jizzable jizz. It's fine. I mean, all jizz is invisible to me, basically, as a lesbian. So, okay, so this is a question I wanted to ask you. So my friend then said to me,

you don't use the kettle then. do you? I said, I do use the kettle. Oh no. And she said, oh God. What goes on in there? She goes, rookie error, you're using the kettle. She goes, well, I'm assuming you boil it first and then boil it again before you use it. I said, no, I never do that. She was said, oh, my goodness.

What goes on in there? That is a receptacle in which men urinate. I said, but why? A men, you're doing. But there is a toilet in there. I'm not, it's, we're not in a hostel. I said, what have been pissing a kettle? Apparently they do. This is the thing. That's an urban.

Miss. Apparently it's not an urban myth. And when I brought it up in front of a room full of male comedians, they went, yeah, yeah, yeah, that does happen. I was like, what? Why? They said, you get really hammered in the night and you're pissing the kettle. I said, why? It's a smaller receptacle. And also, you know, I've heard how long men pee. They pee for ages. It's like listening to a horse. Why are you doing it in the, anyway. Oh, you've really upset me now. Well, next time you're in a hotel room Just give it a cheeky little extra boil I like a little cup of hotel tea That I've made myself with that weird milk And a biscuit That weird milk that makes a tea Whatever tea you've got it all tastes the same

It'll just taste of the weird milk Yeah Yeah And a little bit A little bit That's the taste you're referring to Is the residue of piss But my, I'm of the mind

I mean we've gone down a wormhole here And I'm sure people are like I don't know why you're talking about this Pubes, poo piss it is the season to be talking about this. To be real, mate. Tis the season to be real. Exactly.

But I'm of the mind, if you've boiled it, you've boiled or pissed out. You've sterilised it. That's the point of the boiling. Even if there is piss in there, it's been sterilised urine. Yeah. So I'm okay with it.

I've decided. Okay, cool. Good. That was a really long answer to do you like staying in hotels? But my question to you was, would you still use? a hotel kettle. I've already established that I will. Yeah, I will be. I will be.

Essentially, I'm lazy and I'm stuck in my ways. I have little rituals when I'm in a hotel and one of them is that I make a cup of tea in a kettle. Do you accidentally just take those key cards home with you all the time? Always. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll look for ages. Just before I check out, I'll go, where is it, where is it, where is it, where is it? I've lost it, I've lost it, go down and then I'll say, I'm so sorry, I've appeared and mislaid the key and they go, don't worry about it. I've got a zillion of those. And then...

I'm so sorry, I appear to have mislaid the key. Like, you become a different human and start using like your character from a Jane Austen. I become Miss May I'm sorry. I appear to have mislaid the key as opposed to, oh, fuck it. I've lost it. I can't find it.

No, Kerry, I've never gone down to a reception hotel. I'm gone, oh, fuck it. Scuttled out and not engaged with reception. No, I don't. I like to engage with a reception. Like, who are you? I just, I've just told you. When I'm in these situations,

I like to go in with the greatest of respect. I say hello to all of the people that, that clean the rooms. I ask them about their day. They're never happy. That's great. Good for you. But you don't have to use a vernacular

that isn't in your normal speech. What? Which bit, Mislaid. Misslaid. Misslaid is the word that's upset you. People say mislaid all the time. No, they don't.

I've lost it, I've lost it. They don't go, I've mislaid. I can't believe this is the thing that you're latching on to. It's me saying mislaid. But anyway, the truth is I had mislaid my key. I hadn't mislaid it. Do you know what? Fuck you, Kerry Gundam, I'd lost it.

What else have I been doing? Oh, nothing. Oh, my God. I can't believe you've interrupted my incredible. incredibly uninteresting anecdote. It came to a natural end. Well, it came to a natural end because you slammed the fucking door in my face. It came to an end.

It came to a natural conclusion. Yes, Kerry, I said conclusion. I've changed end to conclusion. I imagine you'll have some sort of problem with that change of a campery. Christ, what's this? That's what they do in GCSE English essays, don't they? They up. So when they use one word, they go, why don't you use this word?

I went all the way to A level, actually, Kerry, with my English. I did. I've got A level English. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why I'm mixing up the vocab. Yeah, no, you're really clever. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That felt like a knife to the throat that did.

Like, you actually just punched me in the throat. Oh, yeah, you're very clever. I think I'd make a really good Sarky English teacher. Yeah, we need more of. close. Can I go to the toilet, sir? I don't know. Can you go to the toilet?

I think you'll find it's may I? And why are you referring to me as sir, but I'm clearly a woman? Detention! Should we talk about, we've got a guest? Should we get on to our guest? Shall we? Okay, so this week, for the love of God. The last one of the year, last episode we're putting out this year, we are talking to

Ricky Javis. Are we? Yes, we are. It's a Christmas treat. who was a lot of fun and I was so chuffed that he was up for this and I saw him the other day and he said I enjoyed it he said I really enjoyed that. Oh good I'm so glad because I was worried that he'd be like

oh god I don't want to talk about this stuff again a million times but also because he was so easygoing and great company and very uh I'm pretty of good stories yeah and just fit in with whatever we wanted him to do so it was such a pleasure to talk to and I'm so glad that he agreed to do it Yeah, and I liked his photos. I love the cheeky little boy with the monkeys. Yeah, but the best story is coming,

and it involves trousers and curtains. You were the first to be a podcasting human, weren't you? Well, I was the first, I was the first high-profile person to do a podcast, I'd have thought. It was on the news. It made the 10 o'clock news. What? That's how big a thing it was. It wouldn't now.

There's no going on. Of course it wouldn't. How long ago was that now? It was just, I remember it. I remember it being on. Why didn't you make the news just for being so popular? It was, I don't know if it was because it was, oh, we did it with the Guardian. We did six episodes of The Guardian.

This is one with Stephen Carl. Yeah, and it broke the world record. But there was nothing to be. But it hadn't been established as a medium yet, had it? I mean, it was, you pretty much at the front of that. What was it? About 2005, I'd say. Definitely not. It's taken us 20 years to get a podcast.

It did go away and come back though. Right. Because it did take off like now everyone's got a podcast. And it's like it must be people listening to each other's podcast. We're saying to why friends see each other? Yeah, yeah. It's like you just say, can you be on my podcast? Yeah, yeah.

I want to put that in my Twitter bio. No, I don't want to do your fucking podcast. Thank you for sending your photos. You were a bit worried about it, weren't you? Well, I just, I, it's. It's like I take everything way too seriously. I think it's got to be the definitive five photographs. It's got to show every aspect of me.

It's got to be funny. It's got to be into it. I want to win. I'm like that of the doctors when they do an eye test. Like, I want to win. I wanted them to say, you could probably see through walls. Right? And you did Desert Islandists.

So how long did it take you to come up with your tunes for that? That must have been mind blowing you picking your favour. Again, it's like every list. People don't do the honest list of their 10 favourite songs. You can't do the... Honestly, it's got to be like, this represents this. Yeah. Otherwise, it would have sting in it, wouldn't it?

Fields of Barley, cracking tune. I'm not going to put that in my top ten. I'm going to do Dylan and Neil Young. Yeah, you have Neil Young. Yeah, I'm on your list. It was a good list. Well, you don't have to win with these photos. They're sort of chronological, aren't they?

You've given us a lovely selection. I mean, I love the one with you as a kid. How old do you reckon you are in that? Oh, five or six. I'm at school. a little tie on, haven't I, so early days of five or six? You're like, what are you holding? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I should say, okay, right, I should say this is right. You know, I was, I didn't know any better. I was five or six and you shouldn't have your picture taken with little monkeys who are dressed up. As adorable as they are, it is cruel. It is, but we live in a different time. But this is like 19, I don't know, what, 67, 68? Yeah.

They're very glamorous little monkeys. They're lovely little monkeys. And I look at my cheeky little face. I can't believe my luck. I cannot believe my luck. That was like my best day so far on earth holding two little monkeys dressed up. That was Bogner Regis.

Yeah, you're by the seaside. I used to go with my mum and my nan for about five or six years. I don't think I know. There was a neighbour had an old caravan, like a two-birth caravan that used to let my mum have. And it was called Riverside.

But the river was actually like a brook with eels in, right? Yeah, it was like just a... It was like a ditch with water in it. You're really selling it now. Well, it wasn't. I mean, I loved it at the time, I must admit. Yeah.

You know, just me, my mum, my nan. And some meals. You know when you're a kid, you wake up somewhere else and it's sort of like weird, isn't it? All the acoustics wrong. Well, I woke up once hearing my nan pissing in a bucket. That's the memory that will save you. But the thing is, we've talked about camping alone. But when you're on holiday with your family, especially if you're in a tent or a caravan,

You will be listening to a lot of pissing. But you've got to realise as well, because I'm so old, this is like 20 years after the end of the war. You know, I mean, it was a different, you know, age. My nan still had an outdoor toilet. Right. That's why I can wee so quickly. Because I'd run in.

Cold. Yeah, and looking up for spiders. So I'd run in, I'd wait. There's a spider. I'll finish we and I'm out. And you're a scary. I still like that now. Yeah, I am like that.

You've got a very old house. That's how you go through your business. In. I've got so many toilets now. If there's a spider in one, I'm just going to one of the others. No, fair enough. That's a good way to operate.

That's what I needed. We need nine toilets, Jane, just in case. Yeah. Good for your prostate, though, Ricky. Well, is it, though? I don't know, actually. Probably not. I don't know.

I say efficiency is a good thing. I don't even know what prostate is. It's like a wee. I've had a wee and Jane have gone up a walk and I've gone, did I have a wee? She'll go, all right then. I think I might need a wee. Yeah, but we're all at that age where we think we might need a wee.

I always have a wish before I leave the house. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't leave the house for that. I remember when I used to take the train from Reading to London, sometimes it didn't have a toilet. Oh, no, that's awful. So I had to work out, okay, it's like 30 minutes.

I'd go twice. I do it before I go on stage. I have a wee, and I go two minutes and I go, oh, a wee. I have another cheeky wee There is no wee So I just want to make sure I don't need a wee No no that panic pre-show That panic pre-show wee

I do that So I have a wee It's in the break And then they go right It's time to go Gotta go again Just for a little cheeky emergency one Welcome to piss dot com

You started it's about in ampitting in a bucket It was the audio Memory The owl It's like a You have a break You do two seats sets when you do live.

Well, you do, yeah, you do a bit and then you have a break and then you do another bit, but now I've got support tags. That's the way to do it. Which you do, you've got Sean. Yeah, lovely Sean. He does 20, they have 20 minute break. I do, I do 70. Anything over 70 is probably too long.

You know, they're, I agree. If it's 75, apparently they don't. It's too long. It's too long. I feel like that. Like films as well, I know films are different. I agree. Too long. I mean, I did go and see Napoleon the other night and it is long, but you can't.

squished with Napoleon into an hour and half. I think the last time I went to the cinema was to see King Kong. Bloody hell. You're not talking about the Ang Lee one, are you? No. You're talking about the other one. With Faye Ray. Yeah, I'm not that house.

With a blade of plastic scene. Yeah. They hadn't even invented bucket toilets. We've already jumped to talking about stand-up when we were doing, so let's go back to this little boy. Why are you wearing a suit and tie on the beach? Is it school? That's my school uniform.

But why are you in your school uniform on your summer holidays? But who said it was summer holiday? I thought he was with his nerd. I don't know. Maybe I went straight from school. Maybe I went straight from school one day. I don't know. That's a very good point.

Or maybe it was a day trip with the school. Maybe that was a day trip with a girl. I don't know why we'd go to Bognor though. Do you remember going on, like how much do you remember about school and stuff like that? I love school. Did you? Yeah. I remember my first day at school.

What primary or secondary? I'm in my first day at school. Really? Yeah, I was five. No, what? And I thought all the kids looked wrong. What do you know what I mean? Because you only grow up knowing your family and neighbours.

So, so as it, there's different faces. I remember I thought, I was next to a girl that she had big bulgy cheeks and bug eyes. And I thought, she looks weird. Because you don't see a lot of people, do you, when you're four? Well, you do nowadays because kids go to nursery and all that. Yeah, they're in nursery for years before they even get to school. I don't think I went to nursery. No, I don't think anyone was going to nursery then.

You stayed at home with your mum. Yeah. And did you always love school? I did. I liked, I liked mucking around. I like friends. I like funny people. I just like mucking around.

It was fun. I like learning as well. It's lovely to hear people say that they enjoy school. Because a lot of people talk about not liking school. So it's quite rare to hear something like I liked it. I enjoyed it. I think I remember I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to get up and go to school except in the winter.

Again, this sounds me sound like something from Oliver Twist, doesn't it? But I remember waking up in the winter. First of all, I dream I was up and dressed. Oh, I've had those dreams. I know. Yeah. There's got to be a name for it. Anxiety dream almost.

And then I'd wait out of, oh my God, I'm not dressed. And in the winter, there was ice on the inside of the window. There was no central heating. I can vaguely remember that. And my dad talks about that from my childhood. So, like, I was born in 73. And that was still the case. If you didn't have double glazing, that was normal.

And we didn't. Yeah, there wasn't essential meaning. So, yeah, ice on the inside, definitely. That level of cold. But then once you're dressed, you're up, I never missed any school. I just remember, everything was having a laugh everything was having a laugh and they got oh I better

study and you're good at that I was good and that was I knew that that was my I'll say my way out but it wasn't like I hate it wasn't like I was going I've got to get out of this Ashfelt jungle it was cool I just thought I'd always go to

university and I'd always live I'd always go to London you know and did mates of yours do that or it was a few there was like Sixth Form was like probably 12 people. So you had a plan? Did you have a sense of what you wanted? No, I wanted a, well, I think because

again, the olden days, I got a full grant so it was free for me because my dad was a labour. My mum was a, I say housewife, but she did everything. And so I think I felt that I should do something that was vocational. I felt that I should do something that would then, you know, that would be a good job and payback society. So it was

science, I thought it was a waste not to do. I love science. I did A-levels, biology, physics and chemistry. And I got to college. I got to university college London to study biology. Yeah. And after two weeks, I just thought, what, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Forty hours a week biology. Bloody hell. That is a lot. Philosophy, seven hours a week. That's the one I did. So after a few weeks, I went, I just got out, everyone was sitting around sort of smoking and drinking. And I I said to someone, name a letter, he went P, I went, philosophy. And I went along to the philosophy department and I said, I want to do philosophy. And they went, sorry, who are you?

I said, I do biology. They went, right, why do you want to do philosophy? I went, I think I'd be good at it. And he went, we've missed half a term. I went, I'm really clever. And he went, are you? And he sat down, he went, okay, I'll get you an interview. and I had an interview with the professor

and he was sort of looking at me like I was mad and I remember I had a I was wearing a black a black sweatshirt with bullshit on it Oh God Like you're literally If you can't hear it in the way I'm saying it

Please read this Philosophive that mate And I had my dad's old donkey jacket Right which either had wimpy or lang on the back because he worked, it was off the building site, right? So I thought, and I knew that it was only 6% working class. So I thought, I'm going to get a quote of filial.

And he asked me a few questions. I made him laugh. He went, he said, I'm torn. I said, I'm torn. He said, why do you want to do this? I said, I love it. I love arguing. I love, he went, what is art?

I gave him some bullshit answer. I don't know. And he went, and he went, okay, okay, go and go downstairs and say you're, and I changed a philosophy and I did the degree. And you really enjoyed the degree? I did, I did, well, no, I, what I did, I enjoyed never having to go to a lecture. And now I wish I had gone to a lecture. Right. I got my degree. Why didn't you go to the lectures? Because it was more fun, I wanted, I was there to. Dick about. Yeah. And, uh, I got, uh, I bought a book. of the last term, I think about six weeks before the exams, I bought a book called Philosophy

Made Simple. I read that. And you got a degree from it? Yeah, got a degree, yeah. Ricky, listen kids, it's not as easy. I've got a really more complex than that. But I'd already, by the time I did my degree, I'd already been signed in a pop duo. So you're working on music. I did. I did my degree thinking, look, I've come so far, I might as well do the degree. I thought I'd get it from my mum so she can say I've got a degree. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats.

But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no, but chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Tim's new cravable raps are made for the times your boss said the what now? Or your teacher mentions that thing I'm a bob. Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new craveable wraps available in Chipotle or ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. This photo is that the time we're talking about you as a younger?

Yeah, that's me. That's probably just on the end. I'd probably be 20, 21 there. You look like a 1920s film star. Thank you. Look at those eyebrows and those cheekbones. I look like one now. And so in tandem with your degree, you're building a music career. Which was over as fast as it came. So tell us about the band. So we're in a duo called Shawna dancing. It was me and another guy who played keyboards. We wrote the songs, I did the lyrics, I sang, I sang like David Bowie. And I mean, I emulated and not not, I sang like him. Yeah, but he was, I tried to sing like him, I mean. And we got a deal. We put a single out, I think one April, that didn't quite make it. We put another one out in

August, that didn't quite make it. And then they dropped us. They went now, he had a couple of goes you didn't make it. And it was all over. Really? But when you were signed, that must have been, like, because that was at the time when if you got signed and then you're going to be on top of the pops, this is huge. Yeah, we, you do think, this is easy to be around forever. And I did try again. I thought, I've got it once, I got it again. Not, not so easy. And, uh, how did you cope with that? Were you really disappointed? Was it like quite demoralizing or did you roll with it? Uh, yeah, it was gradual. So it wasn't like, I woke up one day and thought it's over. It was just like, you, you try

for a couple of things. You, you try for a couple of is and you suddenly realize, oh, you're doing something else now. Right. That's, that's, you know what I mean? Did you feel like you had to put a dream away? Uh, I can't remember if I thought like that. But that was certainly the case. Or I just grew up and thought, that was, don't be stupid.

You had that and I'll do some at house. Yeah. And that's when I got a normal job, you know, when I worked in an office for like 10 years. And, um, that, that became lucrative. Jotting down funny arms. observations about working in an office. I think I, I think I, uh, um, I followed my, uh, a much more apt vocation with comedy than, think, think of me now if I was a pop star.

I think what I could imagine that. Imagine it. Yes. Easily. Sliding doors. You could have gone down that road. No. No.

So it would be a different world. It would be a different world. Definitely. So how did you, because I mean, what was the show that you were on with like, Do you remember? Oh, the 11 o'clock show? The 11 o'clock show, yeah. God.

So again, that was sort of like... That's when I first saw you. It was on the 11 o'clock show. Yeah, that was a very sort of slow build. So I worked in an office at the Student Union, and I was the entertainment's manager. And then I was approached by people at XFM who were putting together their sort of bid for a London licence.

They tried and failed about six times. So this is a fledgling. radio station. Yeah, called it at XFM. And they asked me if I could help with the awareness, because on paper I had like 16,000 students, the federal body, University of London Union, had all the colleges that had come into it. So they knew I had access to all those students, which all I did was put them on the back of a flyer for things. Yeah, exactly. You weren't sending an email. No. I had a team of like people, going out like on three quid an hour doing millions of flyers for viscos.

I used to do that. I used to do that. Yeah. And they got and I got to know them a bit and they got their license and they said and it was definitely as a reward. They said, do you want to work there? And I thought, this is easy. And I said, how?

I said, uh, head of speech. I went, what's that? And they went, oh, we just, you know, you work out the news and you work out the, you know, what's on and stuff and give it to the DJs. And so I got that job and I didn't know what I was doing. And I was sort of panicked. And they'd also give me my own show like at 11 o'clock at night. This is keeping the day job going?

Yeah. Right. And I couldn't cope. I couldn't cope. I just thought, this is going to send me mad. I had like the worst month. I didn't sleep. I just thought, I'm going to lose this job.

So I went in one day and I said, the boss. I said, can I lose the show? I said, I love doing the show, but can I lose the show because it's killing me? He went, yeah, that was a gift. You went, you have to do the show. That was a gift. just do your day job. And I wasn't really good at my day job either.

So I had to sort of provide the DJs with, you know, things all the way through. Like this band's playing and that by all the news. There's, you know, all that sort of stuff. I thought, I don't know what I'm doing here, right? So I'd sometimes like just copy out the back of time out what's on. And then it, but that was out of date. Sometimes those things have been cancelled and I didn't know. That's mad to me that you gave up the show, the speaker show.

Yeah. Yeah. And this is the first like month. Okay. And I'm really sweating. And I think they threatened, you know, with losing my job and everything. And then I start, I thought I was thinking, it'd be easier if I go in and tell them and sort of do a bit. So I used to go in and pop up on the Gary Crowley, Claire Sturgis, Ian Canfield.

Gary Crowley, I used to listen to that show. So I'd go in and they'd go, what have you got for us, Rick? And I did some of it. And I'd be funny. I'd sort of be funny. Yeah, yeah, but because you could because there's no pressure. Yeah, and they got email saying, who's that bloke that works there? He's funny.

And so the boss came down and went, okay, drop all the other shit, just go on the shows all the time. And just talk. And that was it. What? So I did a year of popping up on shows. They said, do you want to show back? And then... What year was this, Ricky?

97. So it started September the 1st, the day after Princess Diana died. Yeah. was a head of a and that was that was stressful like the day of the they were taking things off the that was a mad time that labour got in that may and diana died at the end of august yeah it was a maddiss summer yeah and it was really hedonistic summer yeah it was it was it was crazy um so i suppose i worked there over christmas and then and you're doing are you doing any stand-up are you no no so stand up a little kind of no i hadn't i hadn't i hadn't yet so so this is the so the beginning of

98, I get a call and they say, oh, we've got this show on called 11 o'clock show. We've heard you on Ex-Svend, you, have you got anything? I went along and I had some characters. I did a, the one that they kept was I had a newsreader that would suddenly editorialise. Like he'd go, today nurses went on strike, do it, and he'd go, don't get me started on nurses. So that was the, and I'd write a minute, and they gave me three days a week.

Then they offered me my own show, which I did. And I think I got away with murder because they'd seen the demo tape of the office because I shot that in sort of January 98. I went back to where I used to work in the office. So was David Brent, was that kind of growing on the radio? Yeah, that's all. all like, I didn't do it on the radio, but I had that, that was one of the characters I had.

I didn't do David Brent at 11 o'clock show. Where did I see David Brent before the office then? I did a comedy lab and it was about a David Bowie impersonator and you could see there was a little bit of fledgling, the middle age man who was out of touch and doing the wrong thing and wanted to be cool and we said no to that because I had a purer version of David Brent by then and I did the pilot um I think in 90 uh 98 and then uh but I had that on VHS and I showed people that so I showed people at Channel 4 and that's how I got meet Mickey Jivaze um and they allowed me to do what I want on an 11 o'clock show because they

they'd seen something of like quality and they thought this is going to go somewhere yeah yeah um and when you made that that that pilot for the office. Was it fully formed in your head? You're like, this is a sitcom. I know what it is. No. All we had was David Brent, really. And then the BBC saw that and they said, could this be a sitcom? And I said, yes, of course. And I remember John Plowman saying to me, sorry, if this man is so bad at his job, how does he keep it? And I said, that's a BBC. Exactly. And I said, let's have a walk around the BBC, shall we? And he laughed.

I love this one of you hosting the Golden Globes. And you're on a screen. And Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio are watching you, but they're kind of talking about you probably. Well, I love that one. So I don't know who took that. The official photographer, I assume, must have taken it backstage. I'm on stage introducing that, and they're about to go on.

and they're looking at each other, and I like to think they're saying, are you going to kill him or am I? It's also like the two most handsome men in the world with the biggest Hollywood stuff. The fat bloat from Reading in the middle. You're there skewering Hollywood. Yeah.

Roasting. Total Hollywood vows. It's also they're not even looking at me. They're not watching. This guy. That's what they're saying. Yeah, definitely. I know.

But where did stand up come into that, journey you were just talking about. So the office and all that. And then stand up. Where did that? I thought I should do it. I thought it was my job. Why? Comedy was my job. Because I thought it'd be, I thought it'd be good at it. Sometimes I'd compare a thing like a karaoke night or something. So you'd have a little taste to do it. Yeah, but it was only because I was trying to save money. I'd do it myself. It wasn't me, it wasn't me trying to be famous. So when was the click of you going, I want to do stand up? I want to do it. When I was already sort of. I was always, I think I'd done the 11 o'clock show.

And I thought, I'm doing stand-up here. I'm writing this in the morning. I'm writing five original minutes in the morning about summer. And I'm going on and I'm performing it in front of a live studio audience. I'm doing stand-up. I'm doing it, yeah. So I thought, well, let's see if you can. And I remember I went along.

So, again, it's like 98 now. And I got in a cab one Saturday night and I went down to, is it called? the John Snow in Poland Street used to have a comedy night and I went up to the bloke there and it was like I don't know I can't remember but it looked full and it might have been 80 people and there was a stage and like something and I said oh um he went hello so I was so in those circles he's the bloke from the 11 o'clock show yeah yeah he went um he was excited yeah I went out

and I'd never done before I'd had a couple of pints waiting to go on It was always a mistake. Right? I went on, please do, you might have seen on level on top with a raise. Oh yeah,

oh god, is on the telly. It's been on the celly. I went, I went, I went on. I went on. I'm up here.

Silence. Why did I say that? It's a lovely opener, Ricky. Yeah. Lovely opening in the first 30 seconds. I went,

oh no. And I had this thing it ended up in my first stand-up show, Animals. It was about internet facts, about animals. Yeah. So I did the daddy long legs as poison, but it's got no teeth. Polar bears are left-handed and they cover their nose in a hunt. I had that way. And halfway, it was going okay. But then someone shouted, do the pandas. Because I did a skit about pandas not shagging enough on 11 o'clock show and I'll go and meet us halfway, lads.

having to go us no one day all this right so that was there and I went oh the stuff I did it and I went

and I fucking did it I did it you're ashamed of that you're ashamed to this day take your shirt off all right dance monkey boy not fucking juke

when you first start doing standup you don't really know what you're doing you don't know that you don't know what you're doing you don't know that it's on your term

So you're just sort of like, you'll do anything. Do you like that? For a year, I've gone to comedy clubs twice a week. And so I thought, okay, I can't do that. I'm better than him. Oh, he's great. I'm better than him, though. I'm better than I've done that early on.

I remember going to Edinburgh and thinking, I reckon I could do that. But I did that with sitcoms. I did that with sitcoms growing up. I love that one. I love that. I'm better than that one though. Yeah, yeah, I could do that one. I'm better than that one.

And tune or later, you've got to put your money where your mouth is. So I went like that, I thought it was okay. So you didn't have to do it. you wanted to do it. No, I wanted to do it. None of us have to do it, Kerry, just to be clear. No, I know. Exactly. Yeah. But you have a plan. No, I know what you mean. But there are people that,

you've got a telecare now. You don't have to go out to do the clubs and start doing stand-up. Well, you say that. Well, I took little David Earl under my wing. It was a, it was a Lorry driver, then he was a gardener. And on the second series of... I didn't know you went that far back with David. Right. I saw a demo tape when I invited him out. No. And then it was going to...

doing Brian? I said, you're still gardening. I said, you're on telly for the second series of Derek. He said, I've got clients. He's still like that, though. Yeah, I know, yeah. So I thought, okay, I'm going to do this again. And then I did a couple of more.

And just loved it. Because you do love stand-up. Whenever I see you, you're like, I just want to do stand-up. I love stand-up. I do now, though. But then it was like still hard work, and they weren't laughing enough. They weren't fucking laughing enough. I go, this is good shit.

This is good shit. When they laugh and won't they laugh? That's the point when you turn around and go, you're wrong, you can't. Yeah, yeah. So I just kept going and then I... The more angrier comedian gets, the less it tends to go away.

But it all happened way too fast because by the time when I put my first tour on sale, Animals, 2002, I was on the front cover of the Radio Times as Britain's most influential comedian. Oh my God.

That is a lot of pressure. I remember in the dressing room at Bloomsby Theatre, someone brought down the copy and I was on the front cover. And I'm going out to play like my 10th gig. Oh my God. So it's ridiculous. Yeah, that has a lot of stress. And I look back on animals.

I did 20 shows before I committed it to DVD animals. What? That's not enough shows. It's not enough shows. And there's a sweet naivity about it. Yeah. I'm not even projecting. Sometimes I think you've got to have a voice here.

You're still learning. Stand up. I'm going, yeah, what is it about Hitler? Oh, yeah. Talk, louder. Project. Yeah, but you know what? And then you do the Hollywood Bowl.

Now you've known it. Now you're. But you said you were proper nervous at that one. First time I've ever been nervous about stand up. Why? When was that one? When did you first do the Hollywood Bowl? This May.

Oh, right. Sean opened. I know. I saw the pictures. I thought it was a mistake. I thought. it was a look what I can do as opposed to look what I should do

I was, when the mother promoters just said, my promoter said to me, you could you could, you could, you could, I said, what if it rains? He went, it hasn't rained for three fucking years in LA. Why would it rain? I'll get, it might rain. That's just me, though. It might rain. I said, what about, what about the echo?

And there's someone, I said, there's no echo because it's outside, there's no walls. I went, oh yeah, right. I said, what about the wind change? Well, yeah, it might, but we've got great Speakers are like, what times it get dark? They looked, I said in May,

so it gets dark at 20 to 8, you're going out, 10 past 8, I went, okay, are you sure it set out there? So they put it on sale, and they put New York on sale at the same time. New York,

I couldn't, I couldn't do big enough, it was selling out in a minute, second a, put on three, fucking, anything, Madison Square Garden,

sold out, sold out, LA, they said, we've done half the tickets already. I went, fucking a laugh. Fucking half the ticket.

Why? They went, that's not how they work in LA. I'm going, this is a fucking mistake. This is a mistake. They went, it's been on sale for two hours, Ricky. You've sold 6,000 tickets. Why is New York sold out? Because it's fucking New York.

It's different than LA. I'm like this. Oh, my God. Right. Anyway. I love the neuroses. It doesn't matter how. It doesn't know how big you are.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it sold out. I went on. It was lovely. You didn't have to do a tweet saying few tickets still available. No, no. Well, it's funny you should say that.

You say tweet. Last few. I went out, right? And there's like, I don't know, 19,000 people there. The sun had gone down. Amazing, amazing reaction, right? And I went, hello. And I could hear all the birds roosting.

Oh, wow. So I could just hear all these tweets and tweets and twas. It is a magical place. Yeah, yeah. And I thought, don't think of that, Rick. No, that's a distraction. Hot up here, isn't it? You've made that mistake before.

You've learned not to do that. Yeah, and I thought, oh God, I wish I could do it again now. Really? You enjoyed it? Yeah, yeah. They miced me up, and I went out on the sound check, and all the security there, and I went fucking out. And it came out over the P. Hey.

That must have happened before. Everyone who's ever played it, they'd be like, yeah. Yeah, it's been. Like that. And when security guys, I was laugh. How do you feel about, is it because it's L.A.? What do you think about L.A.?

Well, again, it's fine. I'm over it. I'm over all of it. Right. I'm over everything. Because I mean, the Golden Globes, the way you approach that, is a proper risk. Can we talk about the Golden Globes?

Again, it was a risk, but again, it was a gradual risk. So I started doing it so they'd listen because they're a rude bunch. If you go out there, that's their party. They don't want to see you. They want to win an award. It's exactly like every corporate ever. It is. So this is the best one to be at

and the worst one to host. Absolutely. They're all around. They're all privileged. They're all getting, they're getting free things worth $100,000. They're getting free shit.

They're getting the best fucking champagne. They're sitting around, they're talking, they're dressed up, they've got, their outfits are worth 50 grand. Everything is disgusting. It is.

And so they don't want this idiot So I have to give them, I have to have the threat that I'm going to fucking mention them. So they listen. Now they listen. Now they listen. And if it's about them, that was all right.

That wasn't so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have come up to me before and say, what are you going to say? Jailo said, what are you going to say?

She said, I will fucking kill you, man. I said it's fine. And he's genuine fear. Yeah, it's fine. But that's a... And I did, the joke did about her was, um, uh,

uh, he's called the rock. She's, Jenny from the block, if the block in question is that bit on a day of drive between Prada and Cartier. That's not quite mild. It was a sweet one. Yeah, that's a sweet one.

It was a sweet one. Yeah, but some other people have been skewered. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But again, nothing that bad. Nothing that bad. I mean, I know it's not the same, but in the world of corporates that we do quite a lot of, and we talk about them like a support group, they almost want to be ribbed.

Sometimes they'll go, oh, just have a go at Gary in accounts, because he's a bit of a knob. Exactly. So that's funny to that room, because they know it. So when you're teasing celebrities, the whole world gets the joke. Yeah, because it's like a universal office event, isn't it? Exactly, yeah. And that's why those things get televised and teacher of the year doesn't. And that's in floor awards.

Yeah. Let's end with the afterlife one of you directing Afterlife. So what made, because you said you've been, you've smashed Hollywood, you achieved all this incredible stuff. But, and then we made, Derek and afterlife and stuff like that. What made you go, I want to make another sitcom? I thought it was my job. It's my job, it's what I do.

You don't work up in the morning and go, what am I going to do today? I'm going to be a fisherman. Yeah. You go, well, you're a comedian, so you're going to try and make people laugh. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I've never, you know, well, and, you know, recently I thought, I don't have to do this anymore.

what's better. I want to play tennis every day. That's what I want to do. Yeah. So I thought I was on tour with humanity, I think, 2017,

and I thought, oh, I felt guilty that I'm only working one hour a night. Right. So I thought I should write something. And I started writing

afterlife. And again, there's still got to be a bit of adrenaline. There's still got to be what could I do that could ruin my career? Well, probably do a comedy about suicide and cancer. Really? There's still that bit of you that's like...

I still, yeah. The Golden Globes got me back for the fifth time. I said no. I kept saying no. Because always when you say it ruins Christmas. Ruins Christmas. It ruins Christmas. Because you've got to do it in January.

You're like, oh, fuck Christmas. I've got right jokes. And I know, I go in... You know, I think about this. You know, like in the Second World War, where those soldiers sort of landed on the beach. Yeah. And they're already, they're fodder.

The first ones out get shot. Yeah. And I was thought, don't open the door yet. Don't open the door on that landing craft. That to me is like, you know, you're going to know you. Yeah. Don't open the door. And I go, no, you've got to open the door.

You've got to open the door. Someone's got to open the door. Yeah. Yeah. It might as well be me. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll open the door.

So, you know, I still, I get that knot in my, I go, why have I done this? And I know, and I think that's, oh, you've got to do that. You've got to have that. Yeah, yeah. You've got to do that. So, yeah, with afterlife, I just thought, well, that, so it was twofold, really. It was, it was the beginning of the fear of cancer culture with like you can't say anything anymore. And I thought, why can't you say anything anymore?

Just say what you want. They go, yeah, but some people will lose their job. Yeah, what have you think? care about losing the job. What if you didn't care? What if you were going to die? What if you were going to die and then you didn't? And then you could say what you want because everything was a bonus. You didn't care about dying. Why would you, why would you want to die? Or if you lost everything, what's losing everything? Your life partner. And it all came in like one minute. Right. It's a guy who says what he wants because he's got nothing to lose. Yeah, because he's lost

everything already. Yeah. It was like a verbal vigilante. He was a superhero for people who thought they couldn't say anything anymore. So I was going to be that guy. Yeah, yeah. So that was the idea. And the reason that you could get away with saying the most horrendous things was that he was in pain. So that was the seed of the idea. And I thought this could be good. And then it's the hard work. Yeah, yeah.

Then it's writing it, putting it out. And creating other characters to put around him. You were the first person I called and said, do you want to play my dead wife? Yeah, I remember. So do you want to be my one? I was like, what do you mean?

Yeah, I remember you telling me that you were going to be the dead wife. And I was like, what? Like, I thought literally on, on a slab. That's going to be a short part I'm not very good at not blinking, Ricky. That is my ideal job. If I could play a cadaver. I remember seeing phone booth, the film,

and I was shot in three weeks and he's sitting in one place and that is my ideal job. And then I realised my ideal job would be playing an astronaut because I'd have one suit, right, and I could we in it. So my ideal job. And your weightless.

Yeah. And if also with that mask on, they could have someone else in there. And I could just overdub it on that. You make problems for yourself because you think that's what you want and then you go and write a massive sitcom and then you've got to deliver it. We've got to deliver 90% of the lines.

Yeah. Well, we can't talk about it yet because we're developing it, but you know about it. My next project, I had the idea in lockdown that I should do an animation, right? Because then I can just, it's just voice work. It's down the, I can just do that. It's the hard, it's ridiculous.

That's because you are a perfection. We're still on the pilot. Because you think, Oh, it's all right. You know, I'll phone it. And then you're like, no, I really know how I want it to be. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, I did. You won't stop working. You say you don't want to, but you won't stop. No, I would like to do, if I had to give everything, everything up except one thing, I'd choose stand up. Really? Yeah. You just love it. I love it.

I can't wait. You don't want to be writing the next big, I don't know, movie, comedy. No, it does an industry. No, I just, I'm, I, no. I don't watch films myself. They're not the Holy Grail anymore. No one goes to cinemas. What about TV comedy?

Do you still watch stuff? I don't watch TV comedy. I watch TV drama, yeah. And I don't watch English or American anymore. I watch European serial killer. Or angsty, or angsty sort of, you know, things found wrong. There's a lot of good Scandine noir, isn't it? It's amazing.

I find things from all over the world. Well, I say me, Jane does. She had to leave a note for me. She had to draw a picture of all. the remotes when she went to Brighton for two days, right? And then, right, the boiler went. I didn't know how to the boiler, right? Oh my God.

And I couldn't turn the telly on. It failed. She came home to me and the cat under a blanket with the telly off. You're like a 70s sitcom. Yeah. You're like Terry and June. This is out of the dishwasher words. Laters, you have been watching.

Dinner's in the microwave. Yeah. I haven't embraced technology. About Jay, I mean, there were so many, we've got to finish, but there were so many stories. You living with Jane when you made the suit out of the curtains. Oh, yeah. This is one of my friends. So I'm on the doll.

Jane had a sort of low-paid job where she was starting out just in the business. She was, eventually she got to be, she's a novelist now, but for most of her career, she was working away up. She became a producer. She produced this life, EastEnders, all that sort of stuff. But, you know, starting off, she started as a script reader. while she was sort of spending, you know, our, I think we had 16 quid a week to live on, we moved into this, like, one.

It was a studio flat in Kings Cross. It was horrible. We had no money at all. But if I had a pound, I'd get a can of beer, right? But I thought, okay, I can save money. I went to jumble sales and, you know, it was fine. It was fine. But then the landlord came around and said,

oh, we're changing the curtains. I went, right, and so we put new curtains up. and he took the old ones away, which were like sort of gold sort of lame, sort of 70s, sort of flowers and sort of like, I mean, oh, I love those. He went, all right, yeah. I thought, I know, I'll make an outfit.

I'll make a suit out of us. Right. So I got one big curtain. Yeah. No. I was alone all day, wasn't I, with nothing to do. He did a project, a sewing project. I just thought,

he can't switch on the fucking washing machine, but he can make a suit out. He didn't make a suit. So, I didn't make it that far, right? I remember I spent sort of like all down on it. So first thing I did, I laid the curtains out on the floor, right? And I sat on them like a toddler, and I drew round my legs. Okay, I can see how this is going to go wrong.

They got to get you on. Then I sat on the other curtain. I drew around my legs. I cut them out. I sewed them together. Not big enough, were they? Because of science. You need to leave some to sew it together.

Couldn't get them on. I was like fucking trying to get tights up. fucking hamlet, right? I thought, fucking out. Fucking out. And I looked at the other coat and I thought,

there's no one can make a jacket. So I thought, I could wear the, I was a cape. Where are you going to wear this? I thought, I don't know. It was just a day project.

It was that day's project. I went to, I just wrote up and put him under the chair. And Jane Cohen said, what's that? I said, don't ask.

I tried to make a suit. She pulled him out and she was like crying with laugh. after at these trousers. They're just taping in. He's like, you've got to get a job. You've got to go out to work.

How would they even stay up? They're like, don't overthink the dress. Races. Yeah. Oh, I'm not that clown trousers. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was awful. Jane must have been like, what am I doing with this? What am I doing with this practical genius?

Oh, God. I tried to put up a shelf once. So I found like four bits of wood in a skip, right? And we got a lot of our stuff. We got our first sofa out of a skip. Right. Right. And then the wrong with that.

And so I didn't know how to. I'm not very practical. So I just, right. So I just, I propped up two bits of wood on its end. And I put the prop bit up like a sort of like made a, nailed it in. But it just like went like that. It lent, right? Again, science.

So what did I do? I put a nail in it and I tied a bit of string and pulled it and put a nail in the... So this was... it was like a suspension fucking bridge! See, you'd watch a YouTube video about how to put a shelf on, like there's no means of knowing. No YouTube then. YouTube hadn't been invented. This was like 1984. It really was no fucking 19804. Please make a sitcom about you making shit in the 80s. Oh my God. Some of the things I did.

Oh my God. Do you know what? I think somebody should because pre-internet, how did anyone do anything? Exactly. We had to like go to the library and... Once I did quite like what bloke's doing shit DIY. I've never seen Ben more angry than when he tried to put a blind up when we first got together. Oh, it's impossible.

It was hilarious. I don't know how they do it. I once in a while I got this, I've got a t-shirt from a jumble sow but the sleeves were sort of ripped. So I cut the sleeves off, right? Yeah, which was a look. And my mate said, what are you wearing? I said, oh, I made a t-shirt. What do you mean you made a t-shirt?

I said, I'll cut the t-suit. He said, give you the trousers. I'll make you some shorts. Thank you so much for coming. That was a lot of fun. Thank you for your photos as well. They're very good. Thank you.

They go on some sort of website. Yeah, they go on the internet. Do they go on some sort of website? Or so people can browse and have a look. We put it on the Instagram. Yes, good. We send them back carry a pigeon. I keep thinking, should I be doing something?

I don't. Well, if you've got all the kids' stuff and you've got stuff for each other and whoever else, then you're done. You're done. I did most of it with Jeff Bezos and I have got shame around that. Everyone's got an opinion about Bezos and then at Christmas comes and we're all fine with them again. I mean, I did, I suppose a friend the other day who said, I'm not doing anything with

Bezos this year and I thought, good for you. But I fucked it. me and Bezos got really close this year. I started with Bezos in October, so there's no excuse. I could have legitimately gone anywhere else. Yeah, but you've been so busy. I mean, on what planet would you have been able to shop? I've had time to shop, but every time I think,

shall I go out into the world and then Bezos calls me from the laptop? And I think, yeah, Jeff, you're absolutely right. Don't go out. Yeah, you don't even need to click and collect. It will be delivered to your door. It could be with you within 24 hours. Yeah. I've become such a narship.

A nasty, horrible... Capitalist. Capitalist. I get impatient now when the Amazon people take too long to take their photograph. You know when they knock on the door and then they've got to take a photograph of it? I'm like, come on! I haven't even got the patience for that. Do I?

I mean, I don't want to go there into the exploitation and horror of that sort of employment situation. That's why I have the shame around like getting gnarkey with them when they take too long to take a photograph. Because I'm like, I don't know what government. goes on with your, I bet you've got a deadline that you're never going to meet. It's not going to be good. Yeah, I imagine they've got like, oh, you've got to deliver this many parcels within an hour. Otherwise you don't get some arbitrary bonus or something because Bezos is a prick. Yeah. Yeah. All that, all that horror show. And I'm participating in it. We're part of the problem, Kerry. We have been from the beginning. We are feeding the machine.

Yeah. Yeah. Just right. Just on the day we were born. Yeah. Where he became part of the problem. Yeah, totally. Anyway, but I have done some in the real world. I did, and I baked a cake. So I feel like I've kind of offset my, you know, psyche. I don't know what the phrase is.

Oh, okay, well, that's good. Yeah. I've got to do two cooking days because... You're boxing day as well? No, it's Christmas Eve with my family because my mum was Spanish. Well, she wasn't was Spanish, she was always Spanish. Yeah. But she, so we used to do it Christmas Eve.

Right. And then like a sort of slightly more Mediterranean kind of celebration. Traditionally my mum would make a paella. I tried to make one the first year. The last Christmas was the first year without my mum. So I was like, don't worry guys. I've seen one make these poesies. She handed the recipe down.

She handed it down. She handed it down to the daughter. Yeah. She handed it down to me. Anyway, it was pretty grim. So everyone's. said, should we not two poire this year? And I was like, oh, okay.

Oh, okay. So, um, for the feedback. Yeah, quite, quite strong feedback. So I'm going to do like little tapazey things. So Steve, my brother Stephen's going to like bring some of those. So that's what we're going to do. Did I tell you about Frank? Like, nothing encapsulated the development of Frank now being for a fully fledged teenager.

So he said to me the other day, I'm going to go to Alonzo's after school, uh, on Wednesday. And I went, oh, lovely, because he hadn't seen much of Alonzo lately. And I went, oh, that's nice. see how come and he went he's got some kittens uh i want to go and see his kittens and i thought oh that's cute got the sweet boy in him anyway the next uh day i went how was it at alonzo so he went yeah right and i said how were the kittens and he went oh they weren't there so we watched saw oh my sore they watched saw that's not a film for 14 year olds i don't think that's a film for adults he went to see kittens

and they watch sore. There's two, that's too far away on the scale. Yeah, you can't jump from kittens to saw. No. That sums up adolescence. One minute they're kittens into kittens and then they're fucking watching horror. I'm assuming the parents weren't around because you can't have sore on on the main living room. And also, what's wrong with those people like teenagers?

Because they're dead behind the eyes. I went, you shouldn't be watching that. That's really disturbing. You cannot unsee now what you've seen And he went, he's fine, I don't care, didn't bother me Oh, of course it bothered him There's no way you can watch someone being sawn in half And be like, oh yeah

You're now going to have to find some kittens For you to have kitten therapy to count a balance What you've seen with your eyes Can you get me some? Because I need them, just knowing that Frank watched it One minute's kittens and then it's sore That's all I'm saying. Yeah

Yeah, no, that's dark. That is a dark. But anyway, I mean, other than that, Christmas feels like it's really on its way. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Darney. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it.

That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it, what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday?

Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is over the top.

What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.