Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E01: Rob Auton

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

"When I put the photo on Facebook it got a lot of comments like... Doth thou playeth the lute sire?" The brilliant and unbelievably funny Rob Auton joined us with some amaing photos including what has to be our worst haircut yet. Photo 01 - Me at 4 years old Photo 02 - Christmas lava lamp Photo 03 - First Edinburgh Photo 04 - My friend Gareth Richards Photo 05 - worst haircut ever Photo 06 - Wedding speech Photo 07 - Northern Lights Go see Rob at the Soho Theatre or on tour - https://www.robauton.co.uk/past-productions - He is AMAZING!!!! PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Brister and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. We were just talking about each other's Christmas And you said a really happy, joyful thing Your feelings about Christmas What? Oh yeah, it's over, let's stop talking about it

What was the phrase you used? We did it. We've done it. It's done. Stop talking about it. Every new person I see this new, how is your Christmas? Who cares? Who cares? It's just talking. I know, but what? Let's Talking is just exposition. I almost should just just go in, go Christmas was great. But then what would you rather talk about?

Well, absolutely anything. Well, off of something up? Well, does it have to be about Christmas? Can we talk about something like, how have you been generally in your life, Kerry? Tell me. That's too broad. That's what is the specificity of Christmas that is the appeal.

We don't need the specificity. We just need to have it. It's all the usual chat. When did you put your tree down? Are you drinking? What? Did you, did you, if you do enjoy January? It's all that shit, isn't it?

It's chat. Yeah, but it's, Do we have to have the annual conversation that is, like, does that's exactly... It's not existing. It's not existing. I am saying there are some conversations that now nearing the age of 50 that I don't need to ever have again. That's all your conversations. How was your Christmas and when did you take your tree down?

Fuck off. Who cares? Okay. Come with something else. What? This is what I'm coming with. I'm coming with general chat. Here I am sitting at your kitchen table, listening to your dog eat, dried food.

and filling the space with conversation. Just general conversation, that new year. Was that good for you? How was that? See? They're just little islands to put our brains. That's all chatting is. I know.

But sometimes just talking about it. I mean, even the dog's like, stop. Dog is like, well, I don't give a shit about your Christmas Eve, Christa. Oh, no, the cat's here. Cats here. What's the cat is now on my microphone? cats doing that. If you don't want him to do that, you can just push him away. Oh, no, am I going to get a little snuggle from the cat?

Can I just say the best thing I bought this Christmas was that cat bed? That cat radiator. It's great, isn't it? Oh, look at that. It's like a hammocky, cat-bed that hooks over the radiator. The cat loves it. But wouldn't you love a hammock? That hangs over a radiator. Yeah. Yes, but, oh my gosh, I've got a bottom in my face. Wow. The only way that you can end this is to just push him away. Right. Is that we now. with because he's um he went in bum first he's got boundary issues yeah he really has because

i but that's the sign of trust isn't it when a cat forces his bum into your face you're he's you're like wearing him like a sort of scarf he's a really odd he's a really odd cat he's very cuddly yeah he is super cuddly um i was looking at that cat's hammock i don't have a cat and i was thinking i might buy one just get that a cat hammock just think it looks good yeah really does. It's worth getting a cat just to get that cat. In fact, I'm going to start with the cat hammock and then think about the cat. And then maybe you'll attract a cat. Yeah, maybe. Maybe one will just turn up. Because I would like, I'm quite like a cat. Very easy. Yeah. You did have one. You've had cats, haven't you? Because you told that story

about that weird one that you've... He wasn't weird. Well, you said it was very ill and you didn't pick up on it. Yes, there is that. We, in our defense, had two newborn and babies. They did take up a lot of our time. Um, twins. And then your mom came around and went that cat's dying. And then my mum said, I think that cat's dying. Yeah. And she was right. And she was correct. But don't let that put you off having a cat.

And I don't want, God, I don't want to have that out there that I neglect cacks. People can get very funny. I had a bit in a show once where I'd playfully talked about not being that nice to Rupert. And I got some feedback. Oh, did you? I mean, I was very nice to this cat, fed it, cuddled it, just didn't know. Failed to notice it was dying. Notice to see how ill he was.

I just thought he's just likes lying down. And he can't be touched because he's in agony. because he's in so much pain. I mean, obviously, when you put it like that. I'm just echoing about what you said. I know. I'd still have guilt about that. Can you know, one of them, he wants a dog.

Right. He came into the bedroom a few days ago and Googled cute dogs. And then went, yeah, Mama, so I would like this one or this one. Are you going to? Oh, absolutely not. And I said, okay, well, why don't you show them to Mommy? well done and so chloe got to say no

you see we've only got a dog because elsie campaigned hard for a dog and what a dog what a charisma bomb wow when she walks into a room boom it's dog time when the dog barked

again I was shit what's that it's my dog it's your dog yeah but when we made the decision to finally get the dog because I was a bit like

no we live in London we're never going to get a dog you couldn't pester for a dog but you're not going to get a dog and then Ben just out of the blue one day went you know I've always wanted a dog and I was like oh right well you're a grown up so if you want a dog you can have a dog okay and it was like a real you know sometimes when you drink orange juice stood at the fridge and you're like it's my house I can do what I like yeah he had one of those moments where he was like I could get a dog oh right I've never had one those moments because I said he wasn't allowed one as a kid yeah but I mean even if I wanted one I I'm not in charge, so I couldn't get one. But you are in charge. Oh no. Babe, you are in charge. You're in charge of your life.

Yeah, I know. You could get a dog. You really wanted a dog? Wow, you don't know. You've got a tattoo. Yeah. Right. Well, you made a decision.

You followed it through. No, you've got a star on your wrist. But that's on my body. Yeah, I know, but same with a dog. She can't stop my body. Yeah, but she can't. She's in too hot. She would be like, no, we're not having a dog.

Wow. I'm campaigning. hard for a cat. And she doesn't want one? No, we've got new sofas. Look, I don't want to make... Look, it's really, like, because if Chloe listens to this,

she's going to be livid with me, she's going to be like, why are you making me out to be some harridan? That's comedy, babe. It's comedy, that's what I'm going to say to her. We're just... But she makes a good point that we don't really have much of a garden,

you know what our gardens like. Cats don't give a shit about gardens. Yeah, but what about a dog? Okay, dog maybe not. Cat doesn't care. And also, we like... That cat barely moves out of that hammock. I think, all right, truthfully, if I really wanted a dog,

I could probably get a dog, but maybe I don't really want a dog. Yeah, there we are, there is, there's a rub. You don't want a dog. No, I don't want a dog. That's what I mean. Like, we were, no dog, no dog, no dog. And then Ben went, I want a dog. I was like, all right, well, let's get a dog then. Yeah, and how does Ben feel about?

He loves the dog. He walks the dog every day. It's kind of his dog. Oh, I know it's not your dog. Who's that? Let's see if it's the dog. What is this, by the way? Oh, is it a candle?

It smells. Oh. This is the thing about Christmas time. So we got a lot of candles, a lot of candles. Little to her and wine. This is the woman who just said she does like Christmas and now you're still singing Cliff and it's well into January. Do you know what?

I think I'm singing it because everybody hated that song so much that every time I sang it in the house, the kids would scream at me. Yeah, it's a good one to get reactions. It's near worm now. It is probably one of the worst Christmas songs known to human pride. I quite like it. Do you?

It's just Cliff that's the problem. it's not the song. Children singing Christian rhyme. Oh yeah, no, there's problems. Come on. I don't know if you notice, but Christmas is quite Christian. It is a very good,

but the whole thing is it. I can church up. And gifts on the tree. They're not on the tree. Yeah. You have the burning of the clocks down in Brighton. Have you ever tended that? No, because it's chaos.

Oh, is it? Yeah, it's just too many people. And then the last time they cettled everybody into one part of the beach and then you weren't allowed to, I think it used to be I mean I've never done it but I think it used to be

that people would go down and light these lanterns and then they fly up in the air Yeah And then I think for whatever reason it got a bit like too many people So they tried to control it And then it just ended up people queuing To let off a lantern And then it's like do you know what the magic's gone

Yeah yeah no I get that I'd rather watch it in a montage form on social media Yeah sure give it to me as you would say Bullet points Yeah I mean I'm finding with many things now, just give it to me in a montage form on social media. I don't want it. I mean, I used to like be really down on montages, particularly in like sitcoms or... And I'm just like, Apple phones are ruined montage thing. Here we go. What a cliche. But now I'm like,

yeah, let's do everything in a montage. Yeah. I mean, let's do parenting in a montage. I'm a better parent in a montage form than real time. Oh my God. So am I. I mean, when I look at my phone and it montage is my year, I'm like, God, I'm smashing this whole parenting. And I've got a lovely jumper on. Yeah. Look at me. My moment of that job. Why didn't I keep that haircut? Thank you very much for coming all the way to my house to do this. Thanks so much for having me. We've never met.

No. That's the thing. You've met, you've met. You've got together. Yeah, but we, Rob and I met in the summer because we both did Bridgett's show. The one at Regent's Park Open Air Theatre, which was gorgeous, wasn't it? Yeah, amazing. It was so beautiful.

And it was, we were really lucky with the weather. Anyway, it was really fun. And that's when we first met. And Bridgett was, because I said, I've never worked with Rob. And she was like, have you never worked with Rob? I went, I've literally just said that, Bridget. She was like, oh, my God, Rob's brilliant. He's so funny, he's hilarious, you're going to love him.

Well, I've been watching your clips online and you are brilliant. You are really? Yeah, loved it. It's funny, isn't it? Like, I think maybe I read an interview or something where you were talking about online clips and you're like, or maybe you were speaking to someone saying, I knew I wasn't insane thinking that I was good at, at what I'm doing.

And I feel like that I'm like, Jesus, come on. Like, I've been doing it since 2007 now. Have you? It's just like, I'm ready. But I was ready when I did my first show in like 2012. I was like, okay, I've written an hour. TV, radio, let's go. Yeah, yeah.

It's like taking it. It can be a long journey. But I think that's it. And I prefer it to be like that, I think. Yeah. That's what I tell myself. Well, that's what I. It's not a race.

That's the problem. We've got to remind ourselves. It's not a race. How did you come to start doing it? I was working in advertising. It's like a copywriter and art director. And then I was getting so frustrated with it. It was, I just like having funny ideas.

And I thought, oh, that may be advertising. Yeah. Every now and again, you sit. Like, when I graduated, I did a degree in graphic design. And then I was like, I thought, oh, I'm having these funny ideas. And I was just going like, what can I do with, with my, I don't know where to put myself in life in general. Yeah.

And then I got into advertising and then the creative director said, I'm doing a poetry night. And I've been writing some stuff like in notebooks like this. Just I've been writing stuff down like because I was getting so frustrated with advertising. Like it's almost a perfect job for someone who wants to be creative. Yeah. But then I was just taking my frustration out on these books where I felt so free in my notebooks. And I've been writing and down this mad stuff.

And then I said, oh, well, I've been writing. some stuff down in my notebook and the creative director said well I'm having a fireworks party and there's going to be some poetry do you want to come and do it what? Oh wow that's unusual so that was my first ever gig

and I started doing poetry gigs and that wasn't with a view to stand up that was poetry it was spoken word stuff yeah it's just poetry but stuff like but funny we're reverent stuff it's just basically I wrote it down and every word really really matters which it doesn't stand up

as well, don't it? And I was just like, I just want to say this. Where can I possibly go to do it? So I did that gig and some of it went all right. And the best, my favourite responses was when people were laughing because I'm like, oh, right, that means something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I started going to like open my poetry nights and saying stuff like Francis Bacon

and Kevin Bacon are the rashes from a very talented pig. And then they're like, is that it? I'm like, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, all right, sit down. But it is, I can see that attraction to, I can see advertising, because it's a kind of pleasure of brevity, isn't it? It's like that kind of haiku brain where you're like, it's a very careful equation and each piece matters.

And I suppose that's true in advertising. It's true in poetry. It's true in joke, true in joke telling. It's like a, I can see that attraction. Absolutely. Just having the idea for whether it's an idea for a joke or something like that. I remember one time we had this, we were pitching for the business.

of sun-made raisins, you know, like the little boxes of red raisins. We're parents, we know those. And I had this idea that was like, all right, we were pitching and it had to do a poster campaign that was going to go in like bush shelters or whatever. And I came up with a poster idea that was like a, just a graphic and it was like a finger going towards a, like a cartoon of like a, the back of a cat and it had its tail up and its anus out of it. And the finger going towards the bum.

and then in the corner there was a pack of raisins and then the tagline was like Sun-made raisins where little fingers ought to be Did they pick it up? No, did they? This was it. But it's the same with like the creative director would just be like, what?

And that happens to me now at stand-up when every now and again you get a gig and people are just like, what? Yeah. What are you on about? That happened. This guy kept on saying, what over and over and over.

over again. I was like, no, you're not meant to say that. Like, just let, please laugh or yeah, yeah. Just go with it. I know what you're saying is like, you're fucking going, go, and God, I hope these people don't hate me. But also, there's a purity to it that means that when you find your audience, you've got them forever because they love exclusively what you do, because no one else is doing what you do. But there's loads of people doing the same old shit that that we do. Listen, we should do your photos, which I love. by the way they're really lovely.

Oh that pitch that that the first picture can we talk about that please this is the cute. It's so cute it's almost like you're cherubic it doesn't you say you come from advertising that looks like an advert for like mother care in this all. It almost looks like it's been painted doesn't it doesn't I believe like the light and everything if you were an advertising you'd be like that kid can we get it's get that kid get that kid in for the pamper's how old are you there um two oh you are Adorable.

I think. And I love you a little short. But that's like that's one of the ones that, um, it's, my mom had, you know, as everyone filmed camera, you know, so it takes a,

yeah, it's got, it's like softer on the edges in it. But I don't know. I like that photograph because I can kind of relate to myself there. I really like looking at my mom having like the, the dirty trainers there because it made me, especially look at it and think like how old my,

My mum was there and she was probably about 31. Right. They bought like some land. They didn't have much money but they got like this plot of land that was only small and built a house on it. That's mad. But did they move out to the country and build that house for you, to build a life for you? Like we're having a family. Let's give this kid a rural life.

A house to his self. Well, no, but like a rural life or? No. They grew up just outside like in York and in a. Bridlington, just, near York. And I don't think so. Me and my sister, I think they just wanted to be like, yeah, let's have a, yeah, go to a village.

I mean, I loved where I grew up in Barbie Moore. Did it give you a lot of freedom? You could just do what you want. Yeah, I just loved it because... Did you have neighbours? Were you close to other families or other people? Yeah, there was a gang of us, like me and my friends would just meet at the corner shop

at half-past six every night and then go and play football up at the playing fields pretty much every night and then on the school holidays, meet at 10 o'clock at the corner shot every day. I wish life was still like that. I wish my kids did that. I don't know if it's because we're urban,

it's city, so people just don't do that so much. Did you stay in the village to, like what? You left home? Yeah, well, this was it. I had kind of a gradual exposure to, like, the wider world, I think. So my first big thing was I remember getting the bus from Barney Moore into York. Yeah.

And on my own, and then meeting some of my friends there or they would get on at the next village and I was like, whoa, this feels massive. And then going to York College and did an art foundation course there and then went to university in Newcastle, which is kind of quite an intimate city, but it's got a bit of cityness about it. it. Yeah. Especially, like, going to uni, though, there was an absolute riot, you know. And then, so that, it went,

your Newcastle, and then down to London. What took you down to London? Work. Yeah, just like, me and my mates, we did graphic design, and then was like,

okay, let's go down to London and try and get into graphic design. And then they, we were all living in a big house, and then they all started to get jobs. And I was like, what am I doing? I'm going to get one of those.

That is, that is, It's the classic response. They also had to get jobs and I was like, oh, okay. It's just mad. Where was this house? Well, this was a thing like,

it was in, I saw a documentary about gun crime in London. And I said, look, it was all set in Tottenham and I said, look, I want to live anywhere yet. But I don't know, I don't know, I don't know anywhere. And they said, no, no,

I don't worry, we're living in Wood Green. I was like, oh, that sounds nice. Yeah, because Wood Green is nowhere near Todham. No, no, no. And then it got off, and then I got off at Wood Green and then got a boss to, like, Road Water Road, yeah. It's the matchat or the three ensemble Cajara of the FACC that I just didn't niche, who energize o'clock? Mm, it's all the ensemble.

The form of standard and mini, regrouped, that old men. And the embellage, too beau, who is practically pre to donate. And I know that I'd love these offriars, but I guard the Summer Fridays and Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez. I'm just the most ensemble, the Caddle of the Feds, It's at this is at Shephora. Summer Fridays, Rare Beauty, Way, Cifara Collection, and other, part of the vits.

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eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Before we get into that chat, because we do this, we'd miss a photo. This is what happens. We get chatting and then we skip a photo. Because I like this lava lamp. I love the lava lamp. I love the lava lamp. And I love the message along with it. So talk us through. So that was a photograph on Christmas morning. that's me and my sister and it was basically it's a photograph of us

looking at a lava lamp on Christmas Day morning and we're both there Look at your face, you're mesmerised. We've both got a cup of tea and we're just there standing and watching a lava lamp like waiting for it to explode. Yeah.

And I think why I like that photograph is that the fact that it got taken like by my mum she must have gone gotta get a follow with this. Look at these kids looking at this lava lamp and then she's like, all right kids, yeah. Yeah, lava lamp's hit then, just a bit.

Do you want a cup of tea? Well, you wait for that to explode. Yes, please, cup of tea and a lava lamp. As a parent, you'd feel like you smashed it. Like, if your two kids were just staring at a lava lamp, having a cup of tea, you'd be like, I've smashed parenting. Can you still buy them? Yes, of course you can.

Oh, okay, okay, all right. I think Frank Nelson had a lava lamp. We've had a lava lamp Christmas. I think my boys would love a lava. Oh, God. Get it in. That's not an epiphany you want on the 9th of January, is it, babe? Oh, God.

It's a bit late. in it. Next year. That's the thing about Christmas. It'll be 10. It'll be the perfect age. Yes. But what else are like about that photo is like there's like little like hints to what period it is because there's like a super soaker on top of the cupboard. You can just see.

It's a water pistol that had like a fluorescent yellow canister on the top of it. You can only see a tiny bit of it. And then there's like a pendant from the Phoenix Suns, which was a, basketball team just because in York a basketball shop opened up. And I've never played basketball in my life. But I remember I always wanted a spalding basketball that were, you know, like the

classic American one. And I was like, oh, look at that. That looks amazing. But they were too expensive and I never had one. Never played basketball really. But... So your mom bought you at. Yeah, yeah. And then hanging down from it is like a tag from my kickers shoes. And I was like, get that on the wall. That comes round.

on it kickers. So what year is this? That's like probably 95 maybe? Yeah, because I did kickers in the 80s. That was like it comes back round. Kickers were like 80s late 80s. I painted mine. I had like leather paint and I had all paint. Did you?

Yeah. I thought they looked like. Well, you maybe just missed that window. No, I didn't miss it. They were there. There were kickers and there were wallabies. And I was like, I'm not having, I'm not wearing those. They look ridiculous. Good for you. Did you regret painting them on?

No, I loved them. I did them pink and green and I grew like a daisy flower on the... Everyone was... Yeah, everyone was... Don't say it like that. Everyone was pretty dazing

about my choices. Because they literally... You were so cool, you didn't aim not have kickers and painted them with a daisy. In my school, Rob, no one else had a daisy. Don't they? No.

Because people do that stuff to their shoes and regret it, don't they? They're not like popping the bubble in your Nike Max. Oh, is that thing? What happens when you pop it? I thought it was. I thought it was.

Maybe it was just a form of bullying at our school. Oh, so you're going on with a compass and popping the people's terms. Well, I was going to ask you, now that we're talking about slightly breaking things up to see how they work, did you ever smash up that lava lamp? I still got it. I mean, you could say, so is this pre-the-in-in-net in terms of something to do? It looks like it, doesn't it? Yeah, it looks like old and worldly times where kids stared at lava lamps.

Yeah. And then the internet came up. I mean, this is well-trod and path, but I am thankful that I grew up in a time. pre-internet. Me too. It's mad to, in it, to think that we lived in a time before, like,

such a massive technological advancement. It's mad. It's crazy. Yeah, I know. And also, like, I, do you remember, I remember having a conversation, and this was probably

when I was in my third year at university, and we got offered to get a, an email address, and I went, nah. That'll never catch on. I was like, if you want to contact me,

just phone me. I'm not like it. Who's going to, am I going to, and also in my head I was like, am I emailing? Yeah. And my brother got an email address and he was at university, Staffordshire Uni, and he went,

please get an email address because he was really excited about it. And then we can email. So for ages, I had an email address and the only person I emailed was my brother. But that's how everything starts. It was, but I just had this very clear memory of going, it'll never catch on. It's funny, isn't it? I can remember sitting in green rooms,

comedy green rooms early on with social media and a lot of, maybe the just slightly older comics being really anti it. Like it's, they were so dismissive of it. It repulsed them. There was a repulsion and it was like, that will never catch on. It's like,

it very much is going to catch on. And I would get on board because you're going to get left behind. Yeah. And they all got on board. Yeah, it's a funny thing. You do have to come around to it in the end. But before that, there were lava lamps. So when you were a kid,

what sort of kid were you, were you a kid that like making people laugh? Were you the classic introvert? Who were you? I think, I don't think I was introverted. I think I was quite well behaved. Right.

Conscientious. A good boy? I think a good boy. Yeah. I remember once I got the bus. You know, when you'd like, one of your mates had come back to your house from school. They were like, oh, you're coming around to my house to play tonight or something like that.

You get the bus back. And then my mate who was, coming around to my house one of the people who lived in the village was like, oh, what's Rob like in class? And my mate went, oh, he's funny.

And I was like, what? Well, you didn't do it intentionally. You didn't know that you were funny? Well, I don't know. I still don't know if I was very funny. I remember, I mean, my first... You weren't trying to be funny? I wasn't.

The first time I ever, I think I made people laugh was when I had the Harry Enfield and Chums, DVD, no, video that was in like the yellow cover with Kevin the teenager on the front.

And the good thing about video back then was like, I got it as soon as it came out. And I saw the episodes before my friends did. So they were coming. And they were like, oh yeah, did you see it last night? I'm like, yeah, you wait until Perry gets back from Manchester. That's hilarious. You were right.

And then I was doing like impressions of Perry coming back from Manchester in the classroom. And then they were like, I think they were laughing. But that's the beginning of performing. That was, yeah. And then I carried that. That, when I really started performing, it was like when I was doing my presentations at university.

Which was what? I was doing graphic design. And then like I realized that if I made the PowerPoint presentations slightly more funny, people would laugh. And engage. Yeah, engage, that's it, in it. We had to present our work

at the end of every six weeks and you had like a seminar room like roses, chairs, whatever, not many, like maybe 60, 70 people. Yeah. So I remember the first time I was doing that. It's quite a lot of people. It is, I was absolutely bricking it.

Yeah. And I think it was like my first one was really dry and it was just rubbish. And then towards us, the universe who went on, I was like, by the end of it, I was doing like, using animation to have like, I did an impression of like James or Jones's voice

and then do like animate the mouths and go, hey everybody, this is robbed of war from this. Not a very good impression, but like trying to make just add layers to go in like. And were other people doing that? Was it like, oh, hang on, these talks will be better if I think about them in a more performative way? Or were other people just doing them dry? I think that as time went on, when you do something more and you get used to being in

of people it's like well you can the freedom kind of reveals itself yeah going well there's there doesn't seem to be that many rules here let's just do this yeah and I think that's the same with stand up isn't it really where you're like first of all you're kind of like bricking it like what can I do what can't I do and then you realize that after your gig life goes on you're like why was I so scared of that yeah yeah yeah because you started in advertising and one of the things because my friend is a copywriter and one of the things I find interesting about people who are copyrighters is the amount of ideas that you're expected to come up with. Like, is that, do you find that?

I think it depends really. It's difficult, isn't it? That's why I found advertising quite difficult because you're trying to, it's like problem solving. Like, here's the problem. Yeah. You've got to try and come up with something. And I think that that was good because it made me realize that I wanted to be free and

like my own boss and be like just to answer to myself of going. just trying to keep myself excited. And I think that's the thing with jotting stuff down. It's like trying to capture that excitement that comes to you. That childlike thing. Yeah, I've going, oh, that peaked my interest. I really like, Rubin, you know, the record producer, and he's always like, you've got to look out for what piques your interest.

Even if it's just like seeing someone on a train acting in a way, like write it down because that's the stuff that kind of... It's the juicy stuff. It is. Oh my God. this is such a vision. Fucking Elmer. Fuck me.

That is a photo of me flyering for my first show at the Edinburgh of Finch. It was called The Yellow Show. It was a show that was just all about the colour yellow. So, you know, we're talking about ideas. Please tell me you didn't play Coldplay. No, I didn't. It was the yellow submarine on repeat. Excellent choice.

Most people were coming in. Had you gone prior to this? Yeah, I went in 2009 and did it. a show it was a forehander called the big comedy breakfast. Yeah. It was in the Apex Hotel on the grass market. So they're like his own or the big value.

Exactly, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. That must have been a tricky. What time was it again? Half 11. In the morning? Yeah. Oh, God. What was that like? It was really tough. But the best thing about it was

is that my biggest memory from that is I was flaring on the grass market every day. I'd go out at like half past nine. And... When you're hung up at, over. Yeah, and like pissing down or whatever. And on the last day of the festival, I went into the last drop pub that's on there.

Oh yeah. And I went in and just said, oh, I can have a lemonade please, whatever. And the barman said, oh, I shake my hand. I was like, what? He went, you've been out there every day flying in all weather. He was like, well done. And I thought, oh, great. And I thought, that made me feel really proud of myself.

Yeah. And I thought, I must have. I must have done, I must have done it. I must have done, I don't know, it just made me feel like I put in some work. Yeah, you did. And we didn't, you know, nothing came of it, but it made me want to go back up there.

Yeah, go back going. And then in that photo, that's the show from my first one. And I was like, no one was coming to see the show. I was like fully, I knew that I was going to have to do some flyering. People won't come, will they? No, exactly. So I was like, It's a show about the colour yellow.

I'm going to get a paddling pool. I'm going to have a swimming noodle thing. I cut a slice in the end with a Stanley knife, put a flyer in, and I was like fishing it out to people. And people would take the flyer, and some people found the flowering technique funny instead of me just going, free show.

Yeah, yeah. And then one day a lady came up to me, and she was like, she put five pound in my rubber paddling pole, and she was like, you've made my day. and I was like, oh, so it was just stuff like that. That's the spirit of the festival. It encouraged me. Yeah.

I think it's important to feel encouraged. And it's like, like you go, oh, well, I must be doing something. But also as well, if you go up to Edinburgh thinking, right, I'm going to get a radio show, blah, blah, blah, and I'm going to get a top agent. That, da, da, da, da, da, da. That isn't what the festival was built on. It was meant to be a playful, creative environment for people to try ideas. For you to grow. For you to grow.

For you to grow. And that doesn't just mean in the gig in the room, like you say, can be in a paddling pool on the street and it's like people are performing everywhere and you harness the spirit of that and it it was what you wanted and what you got out of it absolutely and it just doing it every day you mean it just but my favorite thing about that photo is the person in the background is my dad you can't see him because I chopped his head off because it doesn't really like being in photos right on social media so he came up to the festival yeah him and my mom and dad and he's smiling and I think I love it because he's looking at me kind of going,

like, you're doing something. And I think he was proud of me because I was doing it and I was doing it with conviction. I can relate to that as a parent. I think that's lovely. And like you saying earlier about you reflecting on your mum and the age she is in her shoes and whatever, it's like you're seeing yourself through the eyes of your parents sometimes.

And you're right, your parents are all just happy that you're engaged with something. They don't care if you're what you're doing. They're just like, well, he might be sitting in a paddling, in Scotland sort of peddling his idea but he's engaged I want to go on to the next photo

because I feel like and I don't like having favourites but this might be one of my most favourite photographs we've had in the show so far this really does go we had Carl Donnelly in a suit and this is up there

so talk to us about this haircut talk is it a lockdown haircut? Rob, when this was being cut, did you not think to say, mate, stop. No, I thought that I would be able to wash that haircut away. Did you think it was going to grow? You know, sometimes when you're having your haircut, you're like, I can sort this out. I'll start it out.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I was looking at myself. It's like, yeah, it looks bad now, but it would be fine when it'd get home. And then I was like, and then it didn't change. It was like, yeah, this is bad. And the worst thing was that it was in later, it was in, um, Layton and I went to

just the guy at the end of the road and it was like a fiver and I had quite long hair before that That was your first red flag And I said Can I just have a trim? And then he did that Fuck

That was a trim Did you put a ball over your head? No no no no Did he have panicked while he was doing it? No he was fine He was he a barber And he was not used to longer hair And he went

Did you have that facial expression Through the whole experience? I think that I think. Because it's definitely conveying like this isn't going according to plan. I mean, it's kind of what, what's happening?

I've got no idea. It's no longer a haircut, Rob. It's a hat. But do you know what? When I put that on Facebook, it was back in the days of Facebook, that was one of the most memorable days on, because people were getting in touch with being like,

I'm crying on the bus at your haircut. And then I'd get like comments like, what was the comment was like? definitely the sort of photograph under which a caption might conclude before turning the gun on himself. And then another one, like, Dothal playeth the lute sire

and just like, Brother Cadfile and all this stuff. So you got a lot of joy back from posting that people. Even though, I showed it to someone and they were laughing on it and then they put it as their screen saver so really, it was more than worth

a fibre of that haircut. Yeah, but then... The joy it's given people. I went back to the same one. The next photo was going to be another bad haircut. It's pretty much, I went back to stupidly. I went back to the same person and they did the same one. Rob, why did you go back after they'd given you back?

Because he got so much out of it, he wanted it again. No, but that's a one-off. You can't have that again. And then to go back and get it again, Rob, that is... There's so much going on. It's got sort of... Corners. ...antagenet sort of vibe, isn't it?

Kind of medieval. I can imagine you with a loop, actually. but I'll send you the next one as well of the one because I took a photo of that one as well the sequel I mean I thought you were going to say I went back to that barber's and that guy was gone because he lost his job I can totally imagine that you could have like just cut

you know like shaved a bald patch in the middle of your head and you would have made a great friar tie-tuck there is nothing like a bad haircut I mean I don't know if it's the same for bloke but for women it's like it goes deep I remember when I've had some bad haircuts and I've dreamed about it and I've pulled on my hair

and I've googled how long does it take for hair to grow. You know when you're like pulling it and I remember once having a bad haircut and just talking and talking and talking about it until Ben was like, just shut the fuck up! Just shut the fuck up about that haircut. It's just not that big a deal.

And I was like, what about if I groan it back? What about if I comb it to the side? What about it? I'm just so obsessed with it. Obsessed. Yeah. But if you get it full. fringe like that. There's nothing you can do to that. There's nowhere to go. But you could sweep it

back. You could have bril-creamed it. Yeah. I mean, there are things you could do. Also, he could have just done a number one, done a buzz cut. You could have buzz cut it. You were leaning into that for comedic, don't you? Yeah, I think I was. You were just enjoying it. I think, but the good thing was, is like, it made me, uh, want to go into comedy. Make people laugh. Yeah. Just like, I don't mind being the butt of the joke. And your face as well. that is peak deadpan I really wish you'd grown like a moustache with that hair because I would have loved to have seen that with a tash

that would have been so good yeah it's the stair it's the 10 yards stair it's the face of a man that is giving up I think it's just like disbelief and I think I've got that in that first photo as well of like with when I'm a toddler I'm just like what you do have a very sick of face

what am I doing here Just like getting over the shock of A, being born and B, a bad haircut. I love it. That is definitely a favourite. I think we know which was going to be the cover photo of this particular episode. Tim's new Cravable Raps are made for the times your boss said the what now? Or your teacher mentions that thing of my Bob. Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new Cravable Raps available in Chipotle or Ranch.

Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Talk to us about this next one. one. Well, I was going through my phone of photographs that I'd taken to see which ones I could talk about with this. And this was a recent photo that I took of when I was doing my tax return. And every now and again, I don't know if you get this, but when you're doing your tax return, it makes you retrace your steps. Yeah. Of like, oh yeah, I remember going and buying that sandwich in Bristol or whatever. It's quite zen. Yeah. Takes you to every beat, every moment.

It does. But with this one, I think when you locked it, like I can't have any emotion when I'm doing my tax return, apart from like, yeah, just try to be as clinical as you can. And then I saw these two transactions, which was going to Nando's, and then the next one was Ben and Jerry's. And then that was a night in,

at the start of last year when that was like the last night. That was out with my friend, Gareth. who died. And I was like, whoa. And it just made me think of that. And it was, it just took me off guard. Yeah, which it would. And I just thought it was important to have that in

because it just made me think like, I don't know, like a photo of that next to a photo of something else. It's just like this. How do we access the environment? Yeah, and just life in general, how stuff can be slapped. next to each other. It's like, right, you're doing your tax return

and then you've got this like, bang, and then you've got this emotion. Then you've got this, it's just like this chaos. And we're just meant to go, oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine, actually. Yeah. And it's, I don't know, there's something about admin that can bring like just, I don't know,

grief into focus. I remember when my granny was in hospital and me and my mum were going to see her and we were driving and, um, mom was on their hands free whatever and she phoned the hairdressers and she was like I'm going to have to cancel my mum's hair appointment

for next week to the hairdresser and Kay the hairdresser said oh I'll just book her in for next week shall I and my mum was like she's not going to be coming in again and that was just something that it was just like an arrow to the head of just like the admin of like having to sort out hair appointments

like that and it's just like boom and it's just yeah it's just mad but it's the it's those things isn't it that i think bring grief into such sharp focus it's like those everyday things that you do or have done and we'll continue to do because we're all still alive that remind us you know of people that we love and that it's the banality of admin it's the stop all the clocks thing isn't it it's like i don't want this fucking banality yeah to be juxtaping with this tsunami of emotion. Yeah. The contrast that we go through every day

of like seeing something like living in London, just being in the mixing pot of everything, seeing all these different things taking place at the same time of like everything is going on in this city now like people are being born, people are down.

Yeah. It's just like right. And you have to hold, you have to slow down hold moments. That, you know, that's what I do like about this podcast is it just forces people just hold literal moments, you know, and see images. And I suppose that's what everyone's trying.

Especially now, it's not just London. It's just life, you know, like the fact of social media and the speed. And we all haven't got the bandwidth to cope with how much we're exposed to. So you have to just slow down and hold memories. Hold them close and breathe with that grief and be with it. Absolutely. And also, this is a particularly bad photograph. as well, Rob, so there's that.

I love that you went to Holland and Barrett as well, though, because you did sort of like cancel up Ben and Jerry's with a little. What's your next photograph? That's it. Oh, no, we haven't done it. I'm so sorry. No, I want to know about this wedding picture. This is a photograph that was taken after my wife's speech at our wedding.

Oh, really? Wow. Wow. That's what I want after every time I do public speaking. Oh my God. It's like Mardi Gras. People have losing their minds. What did she say?

Oh no, this is it. It was just like such a force of love from those people for her. And just like I just thought I'd include it because it was just, I don't know, it was just like such a magic moment. And I think, you know, when you stand up on stage, that's kind of, I'm not saying I mean straight after that speech Vic was like

wow is that what it feels like when you do a show I was like no I wish but um you know standing ovation of people all in tears it's like

what did she say? What did she say? I think just I think the thing about Victoria is that she's so just has the ability

to have an instant impact on people and I think make them feel a bit better and like she she she's on talking terms with the guy in Liddle at the self-service checkout like that you know they have

they took yeah and it's just like I am so far away from that all the people on the street like she knows all the people I'm like and I know why because she she gives people I don't know like a lift yeah like and you know that thing of you get what you

give out. Yeah. So I walk around a little with a face like a slapped arse and I'm like, why is that cachet not being very nice to me? And the reason is, is because, well, because I hate them. Yeah. And I don't hate them, but sometimes I was like, I, like, they feel like, well, I've got it written down here.

They feel that like I'm miserable and then that they give to me what I give to them. And I think sometimes, well, Victoria has definitely made me, like, less fearful of being nice to people. Like, giving, you know, giving yourself, I'm like, I want to try to be nice to people. But I'm scared of that sometimes. Do you know what I mean? You feel like you're being a bit, I don't know, like you're having to drop some barrier or something. So you're a bit more vulnerable maybe. I don't know.

Why is she like it? Is it something she's always had or she's worked on it? I think it just comes naturally. All right. But I think that I just have that feeling of like if we, if somehow you found yourself, found yourself on an alien planet and then you came, you were miles away for ages and ages and ages.

And then you brought one of the aliens back and you're like, you're on the Victoria line. And they're going, why are people not talking to each other then if this is the only place in the universe where you exist? I'm like, well, I don't know. There's too many of us. Exactly.

And it's impossible. Yes. And you've got to make the most of the people. people that you do get to meet, right? And this is something you've felt more since she's been in your life? This is like a... I think so, definitely. Is this your last picture?

Yeah. Is this a real Northern Knight? Yeah. Where are you? Iceland. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

I have been, yeah. I've never seen the Northern. Have you? Yeah. What was that like? Years ago, it was great. Years, I didn't see the Northern Lights, unfortunately. But years ago, I got a very last minute booking because someone pulled out of a Recovic comedy

festival. and I just stepped in. And I remember being really nervous because I was like language barrier, blah, blah, blah. And I haven't done loads of international gigs. And they all speak better English than most people in this country. And it was absolutely brilliant.

I had such a lovely time. I bet. It's a magical place, isn't it? Really magical, yeah. Was you on holiday or working? Holiday. Oh, wow. When is this?

That was last year. I've never seen such a clear picture. You were lucky to see them at the North Lowe. Really lucky. That's quite unusual to get a lot. Picture that. But we were coming back from this, the blue lagoon. Did you go there?

Yes. We were coming back from there. That was in the news recently. It was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the volcano was going to take it over. I don't know if it's, if it did or not. But we were lucky, like the bus driver, it was taking us back this coach trip.

So I'm going to pull over here because we'll get a good view of them. But the thing is with the Northern Lights is like they don't look like that in real life. Oh, so the picture picked something up? Absolutely. Right. So you look at it through, once you look at it through your camera, all the greens are massively enhanced. Yeah.

It's kind of a bit more. We're back to the lava lamp. It's still amazing. Yeah, exactly. It's a giant lava lamp. Yeah. But that was, God, it was just. Was it extraordinary?

It was amazing. The reason I like that photo is that I put that on Facebook as well. And someone said, you get what you give? And I was like, I don't know what he meant by that. But what I took from it was, I've been working really hard for a really long time. And I've been doing, I think I've written some shows that I'm really proud of and like,

given myself some magical moments in shows and stuff like that. And I think the thing with comedy is like, you've got to really think about, I've got memories for life from some of those gigs. And hopefully some of the people who've come as well. And like, I think that, like, I don't have much money, but went to Iceland and the Northern Lights came out for us and no matter how much money you've got

you can't go to Iceland and make the Northern Lights go. No, you're right. It doesn't matter. It's like, you know. People will spend thousands going there and they... In the Taoiseans or whatever. It's like, oh my God, I can't believe they didn't come free, you know. Turn them on! Make them work!

It's like that movie. Is it with... That was on the Triangle of Sadness. The Triangle of Sadness. Oh, yes. Can you clean the sails? They're all dirty. It's like this is a petrol pan.

That was great, Philip Mark. Yeah, it was really good. But yeah, it's such a beautiful photo, Rob. And you do look, blist out in it. Your face is. It was absolutely blist out. And there was something about Iceland. You'd like Jesus.

Yeah, thank you. It's got a Jesus who by. I'll say that. Well, thank you so much. Those are so great, those pictures. Rob, do you want to talk to us about the, So if people want to hear more from you, like your pod or where can they give us some social media hands. I'm doing the daily podcast is back now.

So I'm doing that every day. That's called the Rob Orton Daily Podcast. And then I'm on Instagram at Rob Orton, A-U-T-O-N and I've got a website, Rob Orton.com. And gigging, touring. I'm doing a tour. Well, let's promote the bloody tour, Rob. Come on. I'm doing a tour.

Starting at Soho Theatre. when it's 22nd of January is it right so it's this month so that's I don't know and you're going all over the country all over brilliant I'm going I'm going everywhere please I'm coming to go see Rob Orton's show for the love of God do yourself a favour you will not be disappointed because he's absolutely brilliant and you can go to your website as well I imagine yeah I've ticket links on there but thanks so much for having me I feel like I feel like

kind of... Because I spend so much time during the day on my own. Yeah. It's mad, in it. It's so lonely comedy, man. That's why we do podcast. It's just so we can see our friends. Yeah, that's pretty one of the only reasons we're doing.

Because it used to be greenery. But now it's podcasts. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is. Is it? Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? Like that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top.

What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.