Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E07: Stephen Bailey

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

"In the safety of my sanctuary and my family I was using the hoover to perform Ricky Martin Shake Your Bom Bom" What a joyous day it was to have @stephencomedy come on our podcast and share some good, some bad and some down right hilarious photos with us! Photo 01 - Me and my parents (/Netflix true crime cover) Photo 02 - Me and Sara Photo 03 - Me and Gail Porter Photo 04 - Me and Laura Witmore Photo 05 - Me and Jenny Eclair and Ross Kemp Photo 06 - Me and Callum Scott getting married Go see Stephen on tour - Tickets on sale here - https://linktr.ee/stephenbailey PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast.

Come on, we can all be nosy together. I am now a cover girl. What? Yes. I am a cover girl. For what? On the radio times, Queen of Crime.

Look at that. What? What is happening? No, that's Mira Sayal. I'm behind her with Sally Linda. Oh, sorry. It's really hard to tell. Look at you with your myopic face.

Is that you? Yeah, it's Vogue. I'm on the cover of Vogue. It was hard to see. I'm going to send it. I'm so excited. To be on the cover of Radio Times? I'm on the cover of the Radio Times, mate.

Right, I'm sending it to you now. Do, send it. Right now. It's coming in. Look at my smug little face. All right, here we go. Let me have a look. Oh, yes, that is Beir Ossile.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why I thought that was you. It's quite clearly not you. Oh, there you. you are. What is wrong with your face? Sally Lindsay looks like, oh, I'm just happy to be here.

This is great. I look. I'm like normal, normal face. And then Mirosayal, sort of mysterious kind of, you don't know what I'm thinking, face. Mine's smug, isn't it? And then yours is the smuggest face. What are you? Well, again, we go back to this recurring theme of the spite,

the spite of people that make these choices. There would have been hundreds of pictures of me taking that day, babe. Hundreds. Yeah. And they chose that one. You've got to know what you're doing with your face because you can't have pictures like that on the cover of the radio times.

Well, I, to be honest, compared to what we've gone through in the past. That is the best one I've seen, actually. You're right. That is the best one. You're right. And you look, dare I say it, 10 years younger. There, that's a compliment. You can have that.

Well, thanks. But I mean, it's clearly been touched. up. I would hope so. I would hope so. Yeah, I mean, if you, if we took a still of me now in the real world with no makeup on and zero filters and no lighting, I very much look my age. Anyway, I'm a cover girl. I don't care. Why are you pissing on my parade? I'm not, why are you pissing on my chips? I'm not, I'm a cover girl. I don't want to get near your chips. I certainly would never urinate on them. And as I said, this is a fact, this is what an achievement. Kerry, let's let's think back. Let's think back to like, when I first met you and someone had said to you,

you'll be on the cover of the radio times, albeit behind a couple of other people. You would have said, no, that would never happen. And here you are. Yeah, yeah, cover girl, cover girl. That's my new. Whittstable Pearl, Wistible Pearl, cover girl. Yeah. I'm over the moon.

With your own TV show. I don't think we talk about that enough, that you've got your own TV show. Do you know what? We need to talk about it. We need to talk it right now because the reason it's on. cover of the radio time. Let's do this. Let's do some proper PR. Oh my God. We don't, we never do PR. We don't think of our ourselves. We've got our own podcasts and we never ever PR. What is, what is the point? People come on our show to do their

PR, but we never go, oh, guess what? I mean, I've not once mentioned that my special's out. Right, let's do this right now. So I don't know what that, what's going on with thick. Go. Right. So Whittable Pearl, where I play a lady detective, hence it being on the cover of the Times is about to go from Acorn TV, which is a channel that not many people have in this country. It's about to go on UK TV, which is another channel. Hence this push. So you now don't have to pay to watch it. You can just watch it on UK TV drama.

And it's going live, whatever the words are. It's dropping. That's a footwork, isn't it? Yes. They're dropping it. They're dropping it. Drop it like it's hard. Drop it like it's hard.

Yeah. They're dropping it. Yeah. And I will remember the date. You don't know the date? No. They're dropping it soon. This, you've already failure.

That's failure number one. Yeah. You don't even know when it's... Look, mate. I'm on the cover of the radio times. Yes. People can find out when it's on. They can.

If they buy the radio times, they absolutely can. They can find all of those stats out. In fact, you can... In cursory, Google. Yeah. Yeah. Soon. It's on soon.

It's on soon. March. Let's say March. Oh my God. I cannot believe the year you're going to have. The year you're going to have. This is good PR, isn't it? It's really good PR.

Yeah. Well done. Where can people listen to your, what's your special? Oh, I mean, it went out last year, but I should mention it.

You should mention it. You've missed the window. Paying for it. But you can watch it for free now. On YouTube, actually. But if you go to the link in my bio, Joel's really laughing at her. Wait, Joel.

Slightly crap efforts to self-provote. Here we go. So there's a link in my buyer. I tell you what you can do. You can watch it, but it has got adverts if you watch it on YouTube. Some people don't like it. Can I give you some notes on your selling technique? Right, you've got to push it more.

Think voice over. Do an intonation that goes up at the end. Think voice over. Okay, go. Okay. All right. I've got my brand new special. It's out now.

You can find it. on a link in my bio. Go and was it for free. Yeah, I haven't finished. For free on YouTube with adverts, but if you want to watch it without, you can watch it on £800 gorilla. Pay what you want.

Is that better? That was really good. I don't get enough voiceover work actually. I don't know why you don't get more. That was really good, Jen. It sounded a little bit like a robot. I feel like there was a note of insincerity there, but I'm going to take it at face value

when you said that that was a really good push. Oh, I didn't even mention the name of it. It's called The Optimist. There we go. Can you do that with the same voice? What's it called? The Optimist! The Optimist!

Get it now on YouTube. And 800 pound gorilla. Now speed it up like T's and C's like at the end. Available on. Do you do one of those. Available on YouTube with Average, but if you don't want it with Average, you'll have a fortune, 800-pound gorilla. That genuinely was good.

You did sound like you'd been technically speeded up. Yeah. I've got all the skills, but... I just don't feel like people are taking advantage of them. No. It's an attitude issue. It's not a skills issue. I really, there's a lot.

There's a lot I could adjust with my attitude, isn't it? I love your attitude. So, Kerry, today our very special guest, is the wonderful, the charismatic, the marvellous, the incredibly funny, Stephen Bailey. He bought the good stuff. He was a lot of fun. He's a great storyteller.

He really is. And he's just like, I suppose what you would call a raconteur. Do you know what I mean? He can sit you down and take center stage and come out with some absolutely bang-a-stor. are always funny and always really entertaining. And that is who he is on stage as well. Yeah. I've only seen bits of his stand up,

but you feel like you're hanging out with a mate. Is that proper? Oh, is this stand up? Because this is a really funny person just talking. And you go, oh, that's stand up. Yeah. I mean, and like, there's very little between the person off stage and the person on stage. There's nothing.

So, I mean, what you see is what you get. And I think that's why people love him so much. Anyway, he's on tour at the moment. And I can't recommend him enough. Whatever, even if you go and see him five times, you will not see the same hour. You're not going to see the same show, okay? Because the amount of improv and audience interaction that he does in his show, I know very few comedians that can do that like he does.

Don't worry, he has written a show, but it's really unlikely he'll ever finish it. It's like a Wonka's Golden Ticket. You might get the show. But you might not get something equally funny but completely random. Anyway, this is us having a chat to the very wonderful, The Man Who I at all. It's Stephen Bailey. I think I told you that you'd come viral.

Really? Were you the person? I don't think she knew. I think I rang her after Christmas. Like, do you know you have 600,000 followers? I got a clue because my phone was blown up a bit. Do you remember the moment you went back? No, it's become Jen.

Jen, do you remember the moment? Is this show happening? Yes, we invited you here so we can talk about me. Okay. Carrie, continue. Do you remember the moment? When does the go happen? Where this is it, we're just doing it.

It's just talking. We don't say like, welcome to. No, no, we do that when you're not here. Okay, great. So, I don't know, because it happened over months. Oh, so it was incremental. Yeah, but I mean, like, I guess December, like December, it went back. The year before last year.

Oh, okay. It's been ages. Yeah, it's been over a year. I've been viral for every year, babe. Oh, man. What can I say? I've got a bit about it now. Have you?

About me being viral? Well, I don't name your name, but I go, a mate's gone viral and I'm like, oh, it's like a proper little, you know, sort of circling you like a fox around a grip bin. So the amount of texts,

vocals, I get going, how'd you do it? How'd you do it? I was one of them. I'm not even ashamed to say. Yeah, no, you're in your company, Stephen. We've all done it. an idiot not too.

Yeah, we're like, what's your secret? TV sells freaking nothing. I know, it's weird, isn't it? We're in a different time. It's a different time. But see you like an old lady. Look at me. It's a different time.

I could give you some of my top secret that I won't. What was that saying you had, but I said to you on your tour show, you kept saying that. Do you understand? Do you understand? Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? Do you understand? And you went, oh my God, that's your catchphrase. And I went, it's not.

And then after you said that to me, I went, fucking. I say, do you understand all the time? You know when someone catches... Do you not feel understood, you know? I clearly not, because I keep asking people. I understand. We understand. It's turned into a tick.

I think it's a tick now. So I just say, do you understand? Well, now you're a viral sensation. You should have mugs and caps and T-shirts. Do you understand? I don't think people are buying all that crap, are they? Anyway, we are here to talk about you. I have nothing to say.

Oh, we'll all, we'll get it out of you. You do. Send us all your. all your brilliant I feel like I've already said way too much Stephen Bailey one of my very dear

comedy pals also my go-to my go-to for all gossip info whatever's happening on the scene and I don't just mean

on the comedy scene I mean on TV radio on the blogger's fear we're not going to be able to put any of it on this

why? Because it's proper gossip yes proper gossip proper top draw gossip probably like liable we're not going to say any gossip on here

but if they come to our live shows who Who knows? Why do you get so much intel? Because I'm a gay man and women foolishly trust me. It's true. It's as simple as that.

I really think. I really do. You do listen. You've got this really good way of zoning in. And I think Stephen's really listening to me. And that's what you do and I get sucked in. I really do listen. I retain everything.

And also I let people speak and you know that gets you in trouble. That's why I was very unnerved and you did not. start the podcast appropriately because I was like, ma'am, ma'am, I can't remember what I said. Do you, when someone's telling you something that's like, you know, on the lowdown, do you think, this is good? Yes, but actually, I am a steel trap. You've said that to me before?

But has any of your gossip ever got out from me? Any of your stories? I only tell trivial stuff that's still juicy or stuff where someone's being evil and we should know about it. Yes. But apart from that, I'm actually a steel trap. Right. That is true.

You can't keep a secret out. Zoe Lions. Ask her. I'm a steel trap. You've got a podcast with Zoe Lions, haven't you? I do. We gossip about reality shows because... She doesn't watch reality shows.

She does now. This is the thing about her. She's sneaky. I'm allowed to say this. She pretends to be highbrow. Thank you. Oh, she's... Thank you.

She is in the mud with us. Yes! Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. That's annoying. What?

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Doesn't it look like I've been kidnapped? Baby. Don't you think? So they're not your parents. Like that baby does not, they're like just to get me over the border, you know. Don't you feel? Maybe you're dad, but I think you look like your mum. Yeah, I do look like my mum.

Oh, that is a cute picture. I just don't feel like I was born in a time where people ever look like that. Yeah, it does look like a Netflix documentary. Do you know what I mean? You'll see that like when I'm deceased and they finally give me that Netflix. commission, that will be the thumbnail. Yeah. A couple that stole a kid. Yeah. Look at my dad's mustache.

Yeah, there's a lot going on there. What's that? He didn't get rid of that until three years ago, can you believe? Did it was that? He had that in the noughties. Wait a second. Your dad had a mustache for that long and then he got rid of it. That must have been bananas when you saw him went, Dad, that's got a guard. You don't even look at my dad anymore. You're like, what's that top lip about? Because it's a rare thing, Tash.

Yeah, very rare. Yeah. What was his argument? What was his thinking? I think he was just. He just thought he suited him. Well, we're from this place called Gorton in Manchester. Yeah. And it's rough and it's still in the 60s. And I just think it had so much to do with that. It gave him an edge.

Yeah. He does look, yeah, I mean, it does give him a certain kind of... He looks like Tosh off the bill. He does like Tosh off the bill. I'm sad I get that reference. I don't want to be that old. Kerry, that is the most incredible. Because I was like, he looks a bit.

I was trying to think of like a Des Lynum or something. And then you said Tosh, I went, No, it's Tosh. It's definitely Tosh. My cousin calls him Eric Pollard because of Emmerdale. They say it looks like Eric Pollard. And he used to wear this white suit and refer to himself as John Travolta. Do we understand why I am the way I am? Yeah.

So tell us about your childhood and you growing up. Yeah, who were you? Who were you? This is too broad. I feel like I was just always like this, but with a bit more energy. Are you an only child? You got brothers and sisters? No, I've got a sister, but we treat me like an only child.

I want to know what kind of a kid you were. Obviously, you're a baby in this picture, but when you were growing up as a child, did you want the limelight, Stephen? No, I was painfully shy, but I was camp. It was such like an oxymoron. Yeah. Like, so I was really, really shy. I was.

Even in my high school leaveers book, it said if anyone said hello to you, you'd go red, so I didn't get to know you that well. Oh, wow. In public, but then in the safety of my sanctuary, my family, I was using the Hoover to perform Ricky Martin, shake your bum bum. Why did you see the difference between doing that out in the world and doing it? You just, it was not the same. I think I was just shy and then, I didn't know,

because everyone was always fine with the gay thing because I never came out. No. I mean, no, I really didn't. I know, but you didn't need to, my love. Well, that's sort of the thing. Everyone just assumed I was, so I went with it. Like, I don't even know if I am. Oh, you are.

No one let me find out. Right. You are. I feel pretty confident. It's pretty safe to assume. So you, but do you think also that was because, you know, even though you were like, you weren't able to hide, you know, I felt like I was trying to hide who I was. I mean, unsuccessfully. But you didn't have to, you didn't feel like you wanted to hide who you were.

But do you feel like part of your shyness might have been about not wanting to draw attention to yourself and not wanting to go, look, don't, don't, I don't want the bullies looking this way? Yeah, I do think it was about like, let's not put a spotlight on it. Like, I had bright red hair as well, you guys. It was a, I had a brace, bright red hair. I was camp as anything. You're going to be, there's a target on your back. When one of the bullies, oh my God, at school, when we had the school talent show, they wanted to do the talent show and they wanted to do Barbie girl by Aqua.

And they made me do it as Ken with them. And they were Barbie girl. They were Barbie girl. What? Get this. Then I bump into them in Manchester's Gay Village about 15 years later. Now one of the family, do you know? Oh, who knew after choosing Barbie?

I sort of knew then. There was like, yeah, I sort of knew. I know, but he was very aggressive. So what part of Manchester are you from? I'm from Denton, Tameside, which I proud like to say is one of the most deprived areas in the UK, as per the government's website. Oh, Stephen. It's always worth clanging that in case people see is listening. They're like, we need a voiceover for an estate show, do you know what I mean?

You always lived Manchester. Oh, well, yes. I always lived in Manchester up until, like for up until the end of uni. Then I moved to London for about eight years. Guys, I don't know what's going on here, but it's... You don't like it. It's just exhausting. And people are so annoying on the tube.

They're annoyed on the tube, actually. Yeah, because there's too many people. There's too many people. So I just thought, right, well, I'll take myself out of the equation. And I lived in France for a year because I have a degree in French. Yeah. You're fluent, aren't you? I am, yeah.

We're in France for you. Pepignon. Don le Soud. Don't Lusud de Perry. Look how easy you impressed I am. Wow. Thank you, Gary. Finally the respect I deserve.

Give us a little bit of Francai. Norman Barrett. I don't. Just imagine you're speaking into a hoover. I'm appell Stephen. Well, I know that. Yeah, I know that. Come on.

Give us a bit more. Cellophone. What does that mean? I don't know. Cellophane. I thought he said Céophane. I was like, I don't know. Cellophon.

Célefan. When you went to live in France, was that, like, you sort of flirting with it as a whole... I thought it was going to be like a French teacher. Right. Or there was a stage when I'd watched Legally Blonde where I thought I might be a translator for a court. And then I could be like Elwood. I know she was like a full-on lawyer, but I don't think I'd have the patience for that. Right, yeah.

So I thought I would translate for law. And then when I moved to France, it's so romantic over there. I genuinely thought I was just going to fall in love and never come back. which, by the way, did happen to my friend Kate. I won't say her surname, but that bitch robbed my dream. Did she rob your dream? Or did she just have her own dream? Well, she might have had her own dream, but it was very similar to mine.

And she achieved it. And now she lives in Nice, in a... No! And she's like the head of Piaire for, like, you know, at Monaco hotels. Oh, nice. And she's got a gorgeous husband. What a great.

I shouldn't say all the names because they're very traceable. It's a win-wing situation, because you can just go and hang out with her whenever you want to. In Monaco. Yeah. I live in the dream. Do you know Lisa Rinner from the Real House Eyes of Beverly Hills? Yeah, we're really familiar. Oh my God.

I don't know what you guys are doing with your lives. Did you grow up watching it? You just always watched it from where you were kids. I just always watched trash. Do you guys remember MTV's hit show The Hills? Yeah. Are you joking? No, I remember.

I didn't watch it. Do you watch it on your own? Did you watch it with your mom and dad? No, I watched it on my parents were not watching this. I used to, did you ever get nervous when you were watching sex in the city and they'd walk in and you felt like you were watching porn and porn. No, but I did have that when I was watching queer as folk. My mum walked in as someone's being rimmed.

I was watching Bad Boys with Frank the other day. I was like, whoa, okay. Well, I got to have to turn this off. What's Bad Boys? Oh, my God. Big Boys. Big boys. Bad boys.

Bad boys is with... With Jack Rook. You mean Jack Rout. You don't mean Will Smith. Yeah, she means Big Boys. This is a very difficult podcast. I love Big Boys. I've only just caught up with it and I just love it.

It's fantastic. I was watching it with Frank and there was a lot of sex in it. And I was like, okay, let's, this is too much. I'm your mum, let's call it. You watch it on your own. You watch it on your own. There is some odd weird about watching sexy things with someone else. Oh, God, absolutely.

I mean, it's fine if it's your partner, but if it's your mom, it's like, no, I don't even like watching my partner because I feel like, oh, you're going to get some ideas and I don't want to do that. Always watching Trash TV. Always watched Trash TV. I watched MTV's hit show The Hills. It was a spin-off from MTV's hit show Laguna Beach starring Lauren Conrad, a small town girl who moved to Los Angeles to follow her dreams.

And I thought, I'm going to follow my dreams. So even when I got to, we had to pick our destination for our year abroad in France, I picked a little beach town in the south of France because I thought this. Pepinion. So reality TV is shaped your life. Yeah. I don't know if it's an impressive thing. But yeah, that's the reason I'm here.

But sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I think Lauren Conrad, you bitch. And when you're watching these shows as a kid, Did you think I want to be no one? This is going to happen. And I would honestly be like, I swear I once applied for Big Brother and didn't get them through. So you have had a crack at trying to get on these shows? Yeah.

Before you were a comic? Yes. Right. Yeah. That was like a last resort because then I was like, oh, I'll just try and get a job in TV. That's like, because I'd read somewhere that Dermott O'Leary and Holly Willoughby started. Well, Dermott started as a runner, allegedly. And Holly Willoughby started as a receptionist.

Oh, really? That's how you get in. They have nice lives. So I tried to do that. And I just, I didn't know you didn't do this. I literally at Kansas State, Manchester, had no idea. Yeah. Just love Razzle-Dazzle.

So I wrote to the head of every channel. I mean, imagine doing that now. I know. I know. Like you would not like you'd like you know, day to drink. Yeah. Well, you are from America over here.

They're like, stay in the box. But the head of chat, I got lucky because the head of Channel 5 wrote back and was like, okay, well, come to London. Wow. And let's have a chat. And he helped me get a runner's job on. on Channel 5's hit show the right stuff

and then that started and then I just got a job that well at first they were like we'll give you a six week contract because that's what they're doing TV and I said I'm not moving to London for six weeks so then I got a six month one and then I got on with everyone there

and then people were like you're funny if you thought about doing stand-up and I was like you should think about doing stand-up I am not doing that like I was adamant I didn't even like watching it I still don't really So look Stephen

I want to go to your next photograph because I'm trying to give some sort of direction and some structure to the other fuck this has been so far Has it been good though? Is it more interesting than like? Oh, this is it's chatting. It's chatting with occasional references to photograph.

Grendel of colour. I want to look at you here. What's going on? You're not boring. You're not boring. Bloody hell. Is that the next one? I think so.

You look like a babe in the woods here. Look, so I sent you this one really because how skinny you are. Yes, I really did. You sent me that because. of your jaw lining. I really did. And I was like...

How old are you in that picture? I, well, I was in... It was in the printworks, Manchester. I can't remember the name of the bar. So I think I would have been like 19 or 20. So this is pre-moving to London. Pre-moving to London. Pre-being...

Student, study in French. And I need to tell you a story about this, which is I used to dye my hair because whatever colour, Lindsay Lohan, dyed her hair. because why are you laughing? Because well she was a ginger and everyone loved her and I was a ginger and no one loved me so I just thought I'll do what Lindsay

Whatever she does it must look good So I went so when she went like a really sharp red for me and girls So did I then she went through the black hair So did I then she went blonde and so did Now I just do what I want It is blonde right now but I do That's my choice not lenses Oh you have tied your hair

So what colour is your hair here Because it's hard to say if it's dark red or black Black? Black And who's the girl in the photo? That's my friend Sarah. She's a very talented actor. She's in a performance, a theatre company called Eggs Collective. But we met each other on the first day of our jobs at Sainsbury's when we were 16 and we're still friends.

Well, I was 16. She's a bit older. She's 40 now. I'm not. And so we met on the first day and we're still friends now. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah. Stephen.

And we used to go on all these nights out with like. Around Manchester. Well, yeah, and all my friends are girls, they still are to this day. Luckily now I've got a nice gaggle of gays as well. But we'd always go out round Manchester so they could all pull. And I'm just like, there was no pulling where they were going. Right. So you weren't able to go to the gay clubs.

Did they not go? No, they didn't want to go. So, I mean, I could have gone. Like just, you know, well, there was more of them. So they were like, you know. They're in charge. Oh, come on. I'd go to a gay bar.

I think they didn't trust me actually because the one time we did go to a gay bar. I gave a French man a goblin a bar. I mean, that might have done it. There's a picture of you in what looks like a tabloid newspaper with your arm around. Gail Porter, looking very concerned, but also quite chic. You've gone back to your red locks.

You look like... Her bodyguard's... It was the first time I experienced paparazzi. I mean, it wasn't for me, obviously, was to Gayle. You look like you were born for the job. Thank you. Look how much I sort of enjoy. It's like, mind out, mind out.

Me and Gail are coming through. And I'm wearing her jacket. So what happened was when I was working on Channel 5 to show the right stuff, I met Gail because she was a regular. You have to sell everything. Yeah, you've got to sell. You absolutely do. And so I met Gail on that and she was really nice.

Obviously, I grew up with Gail on like fully booked and stuff like that. So I was like, and she's quite camp and fun. And actually when I was like moving in between houses, one place had finished and the other one wasn't. And she was like, just come and stay with me. What? Did you go and stay with Gayle Porter? I went to stay with Gayle Porter.

Wow. And it was like the best time. And we went out and then that was Paprax. But the reason I've put it in there today is because in the paper it said like, oh, Gail Porter's out with her new man. Oh, lovely. Wow. Her new.

You do look like her very protective. gay boyfriend. That's right. I mean, you do look very protective of her. It's a very, it's a lovely picture actually. Thank you. And I was going to say it again, jawline. Yeah.

Lovely angle. The lighting is perfect. The angle is great. The jacket really suits you. It's before my metabolism stopped. Why does no one warn you about that? I know you're not really allowed to talk about this stuff anymore, but I wish I had the metabolism of the man in that picture with Gayle Porter.

Wow. How old were you then? But with my current successes. In your early 20s? Early 20s, yep. And where is that? Where were you packed? Outside grouchos.

Could you imagine? Could you imagine? So what year are we talking? I grew up on Lily Savage talking about grout shows. Peak groucho times. So I, sorry, I moved to London in 2000, end of 2009. So I bet that was like 2010 because I still had a social life and wasn't being a comedian then. So it would have been about 2010, early 2011, before I started.

Oh, wow. So is that when you started doing stand-up then? I started doing comedy in 2011 because, I think I'm allowed to tell this story. It's not a big deal. But T-4, the production company I was working for, remember that show T-4 that was on a weekend? They were looking for a new presenter. So they were like, why don't you, they said, why don't you try for it?

But I'd never been on camera in my life. Okay. Didn't know what to do. So it's just like, so if you're looking, if the camera, you're meant to look down the camera, I was talking to my producer friend, be like, oh my God. I had no idea. And then that's when they were all like,

you're really funny. You should maybe consider stand up to hone a craft. Right. Because they were like, you've got all the charm and everything. It's like where to put it. Yeah, you've got, I mean, I was sort of like, I wasn't like stage funny. It was kind of like, you'd make your friends laugh.

Yeah. But they were like, if you could hone it. And then you'll be good at it. And what did you think when people first started suggesting that? I thought, fuck off, I don't want to do it. I don't think stand-up's very enjoyable. I like Lily Savage. Well, here's the thing.

I like Lily Savage. I like Alan Carr. I mean, because I always felt guilty because everyone would be like, oh my God, I really love like. Always wanted it. Yeah. Like Billy Connolly or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think I've ever seen anything Billy Connolly's done. Whereas I was more like I did love Chelsea Handler on Chelsea lately. And I thought, well, if you can be a comedian that way. Yeah. A bit spicy. I'm doing that in life anyway. So you kind of, can you remember your first gig and where it was? My first gig was really good because it was a small, it was the round table in Leicester Square.

Oh yeah. Only holds about 20 people for a sell out. And I just went on, my housemate at the time, Marie, she won't mind me saying because I've sold so many times. She came with her boyfriend and a few people from work. And Marie was, she, she dated a lot. Okay. She dated a lot. And I saw.

spoke about that, but I didn't not know that the guy that she was with did not know about that. And they slowly let go of each other's hands during, because Marie also had no sense of smell. Do you know before it was popular, 2020? She's never had any sense of smell. And what you would do is you would go in her room and it's about a bit jizzy because she didn't open a window. Why didn't she have any sense of smell? I don't know the answer to that. Maybe she had, I don't know.

Bit jizzing. I don't know. I don't know. What does a bit jizzy smell like? Okay. Okay. I can't describe it. It's a smell like you described.

I definitely know what I mean, though. Smells like the 90s to me. So you not only did your first ever gig, but you ruined a girl's life. Just that one day. Just that one day. And she had plenty more. Yeah. She, oh, I mean, please.

But that's kind of nice distraction from the sort of, terror of doing stand-up is something else to kind of... Well, I sort of ad-libed it and then I did that... Did you? Yeah, because I was like... Because you didn't quite know how it worked? I didn't know what I was doing. Were you nervous?

Yeah, I was shitting myself, to be honest. And then my next gig was up the creek, which is obviously a lot bigger venue compared. And it was before it was like a gong shot. It was just like a new material night. When I was new, it just still had this reputation. Well, Malcolm was still alive then. Yeah. It still had a reputation of being a bear pit.

Well, I don't think it was the bear pit thing. I was just bad. It was like my second ever gig. And I wasn't passionate about doing comedy. So I was like, well, if places booked me in, like when I've sent the one email. Did you think I need to sort of write down some bullet points? Have a sense. No.

Not yet. No. So, but you got to censor that. I'm honest about when I started. I started 2011. But I think if I was a lesser comedian, I'd say I started 2013. Because that's what I started thinking about it. Oh, really?

So you were just winging it for two years. I would do like a gig. not bothered doing another gig for like eight weeks. You know these people that do 100 in their first month? But you had a job. I had a job, yeah. And it was like proper job behind the scenes and tellies. It was like 12 to 14 hour days.

Right. It was really long. And so I went on up the creek which proper stage. I never had a spotlight in my life before. And how did that one go? Well, awful. It was because the spotlight made me think I was going into heaven. I just thought, this is it.

This is me dead. And I didn't really have. So then I was scared and I didn't really have any stories to time, didn't have any material. And then you go, and even then it didn't go, this is why people have material to get your stuff out of a hole. So what did you do then? Were you just chatting to the audience? I was doing it before Matt Rife made it a thing on TikTok. I was going around, did it chit chat.

Anyone I fancied? Getting any laughs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it really worked. Sometimes people thought I was like, oh, where's he come from? And sometimes people like, who's this? Hang on, if I dump all the bits of it. that are shit and put together all the bits

that make everyone laugh, that's a set. So I slowly, slowly started to realise that that and I'd pull out the same thing, but well, that got a laugh last time so I'll say that again and did it do like compared Marie's habits to a Sunday roast at one point. That worked for a while. I don't think it would work in the new world.

We've all got jokes that don't worry. We've all changed, Stephen. But then I started writing jokes what I thought you meant to write like everyone had a nectar card joke at the time and I was like, It's not funny. And then it just wasn't funny. And then someone said to me,

was this guy, he doesn't do comedy anymore, Sean, but he ran gigs for a time. And he was like, you're very funny as yourself. So keep telling your stories and take out the shit.

You're right, right, right. Take out of the gags. I just start telling him verbatim pretty much. And then remember what got laughed and write that down. Yeah. Take it back, take it back, take it back.

But you started honing it a bit. Yeah. How did you feel about stand up now? I love standard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fell in love with it. Well, I don't love necessarily watching it, but I really love doing it.

I think what I love is a live audience. Right. I just think there's nothing, but I mean, because sometimes when I do my tour shows, I really have written a show. Yeah. But if I go off on one, you might not get the show. Really? If I go off, Adlib, in and did it.

And we're really, if it's bombing, you can obviously come back around. Yeah. But that's why you write the show. Yeah, yeah. I've learnt my lesson. But now if I go off on one, like sometimes I'll come, I watch you go, oh, I've got five minutes to do an hour, like.

And what do you go off on? Just crowdwork. I might be talking to someone and then be peculiar or did it. But I don't do full crowdwork, or it might just leave me to think of a story that I've got in my head. Oh my God, I can't imagine anything. No, but I saw you basically do that. So I didn't mean to interrupt you early,

but I saw you do that at McCannlet Festival. last year. And I came to see your show. It was on in the... And you were like, I haven't got anything. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so stressed for you. I don't know. I have got some things, but it's not...

I haven't written a show. Yeah. Anyway, the entire hour was you talking to three or four different people in the audience, triangulating this whole show around these people, callbacks, going back to them, all improvised. Within an hour, it was incredible. It was so...

good. I was like, I don't even know if you need to write it and you went, yeah, but you can't have that and no backup. You've got to have, you know. I mean, if I get anyone's name and then I need it later in the show for a call, but I'm like, Gary, is it? Gary, no, Gary was in Taunton, Kerry.

Yeah. It's gone. This one with Ross Kemp and Jenny A Claire. That was called Zoe Ball on Saturday and it was an ITV breakfast show. They let me on at 8.30 later. is A.M. What a liability.

Oh no, this one, sorry, that was before it was that. So I got Zubal after that. But that was weekend with Allard. And let me tell you how that happened. Talk about. Are you joined? Yeah. I'm walking in the air, Alad, yeah.

And so what happened was, why are you laughing? This is a serious documentary podcast. I'm interested. Yeah, walking in the air, Alad is. So what happened with? this was... It's because you said it like you're going to say some really hot,

like some really filthy gossip. And the other thing about Allard. It doesn't say anything filthy about it. Oh, he's so nice. I've had some rosé with him at Groucho. So what happened there was my... One of my... So I saw that this show of Allie Jones had like comedians on being like...

Did it? Here's a viral clip. Like, did a... What comedians? I can't remember. Phil Wang did one. What? Okay.

Yeah. Why weren't we getting that, but? We never got anything. You two have got enough. Leave us something. She's viral. Leave us something. Yes, exactly.

I really want our girl and to be viral. And so basically, I was like, oh my God, oh my God. So I said to my agent at the time, which there have been many, I said, you need to email these people. Yes. And again, why are you laughing at that? They all just came. Because I know how many there's been.

I know, there's been like eight. It all just came together because what happened was my agent sent the email under my direction the booker out loud just went Does anyone know Stephen Bailey

One of my gays Had seen my show the night before And was like, I went to see him last night You should give him a go Oh So they were like We'll give you a go I made Allard laugh

Because Allard's like a nice choir boy And I'm me But I stayed restrained I got to the line and but that was handy working in TV as well because I actually knew where the line was so it's all coming together now so doing the gigs

getting building up the craft the background in the running and the TV like production where now it's starting to all come good and then I would and then I was quite good with celebrities because I am a fan like I'm a massive fan so like as you can see on that picture

Ross Kemp is touching my leg and I really ran with that yeah The amount of times I got booked on that show to do a segment and then I would never do the segment because I'd just be talking to like, like there, I was just talking to Ross Kemm's Jenny A Claire and after the back of it, I got tour support with Jenny A Claire.

Did you? Yeah. I have never got a job just because the phone rang. I've always got a job because I've met and hustled. You've hustled. Like Lisa Miner's tagline from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Uh-huh, series. My advice to you, don't hustle the hustler.

That's me. Oh, that's true, but you are the hustler. Yeah. So, but you do it with such a charm. But you are very charming. I wouldn't like kill someone's granny to be successful like some people would. I just feel like treat everyone nice and they remember it. And if someone's a CUNT, I just won't deal with them.

And then, there's load of them. They're everywhere. And also be good at your job. That's the other thing. Like, because I remember, so off the back of Allard, that Allard Joe, he stopped, stopped doing that. And then it became Zoe Ball on Saturday, which same time, slot print with Sim show, but they wanted a regular comedian.

They didn't want it to be, so they're going to test people in the first few episodes. It just so happened because of how well that one and it went and it was the same team. They got me in again. They got me of episode one. Me and Zoe hit it off like that. And I got a year contract on that. Maybe it's Maybe it's Maybe It's a iconic piece of music. Hit the check.

Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories. or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Check out the big stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus.

Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva. We'd like to make up our own rules. Tulsa King. Who do you want to take out the competition? The Substance. This balance is not working. And the naked gun.

That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no.

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What's going on here? Oh my God, Stephen. I love that you've included this photograph because I know how much you value your image. Not that. How you look, and you have handed us a photograph where I think this must have been quite troublesome for you to include this. Right. So one of my Sorry

One of my best friends Love what you're doing with your hair In the whole wide world Is Laura Whitmore TV superstar You know who that is I don't know Are you joking

She hosted Love Violin She hosted Am a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here now She hosted TV news She's married to Ian Sterling Oh Oh my God That is not very feminist of you too

To know her that way by the way I didn't know her I don't Now I know she is yours Now I know So she's one of my best friends in the world I met her when she was MTV news presenter And I was like the

Work Experience boy Yeah And she's still one of my best friends Till this day And so we were at an event And obviously the paparats She was like Laura Laura she was doing

I'm a celebrity Get me out of here now The ITV two spin off Right So she's very popular still is But that was when she was becoming very popular and we'd been to this art gallery opening and I thought I got my nice new outfit from Camden Market if you notice there's a cape with the blazer so that's a cape and then

there's a blazer over the cape and it splits like a girl's allowed outfit would near the hips and well this photo isn't showing it off is it let's be honest no but what that photo is showing off is my numerous chins and my I don't even know what you would call that expression um it's It was the circle of shame. It's a dinner lady sort of vibe, isn't it? It's got that kind of... It just caught you at the wrong time. You're a handsome man.

Not there. Look, we can all have photographs that have just been picked at the wrong moment. It was just awful and that was supposed to be like my moment. Like, I'm coming out. I could have been Laura Whitmore's man on that one. Yeah, it's not even off the same vibe as a girl one. Does the paparatsy confuse you for Laura Whitman's... Obviously not.

No, it didn't even. And like, they didn't even try and confuse us. And then they put that picture and she's looking all glamorous. It's like, caught and startled and gorgeous. And I'm looking caught and constipated. And what's this one? So that is on the Zoe Ball breakfast show. Yeah.

And they said, Callum Scott, do we need to explain who that is? Yep. Yes. So he got to, I believe he, so he was on Britain's Got Talent. Right. And I believe he got to the final the year he did it with that Robin song. And I remember at the time, again, before I'd started to stand up, I loved him. I loved him.

Hence you dressing as a bride for him. So then when he was on the Zoe Bowl breakfast show, which I had a segment on, I went in a wedding dress. Why not that's right? And I actually have that framed in my living room. What does your boyfriend think about that? Well, he can't propose because it'll be bigger me. So what did you do, full vows? I literally, and I just walked out and I was like,

and they played the music. And his face was like, he looks very happy. I love it. I was a lovely wedding post. I was making him laugh. But he was a very good sport about it. He did marry me and my friend Sue Cleaver,

who plays Eileen in Coronation Street. We now have Brunchy and Wilmslow. She was on that day as well. And I was like, I'm so sorry you have to meet me this way, so. Oh, wow, that is a great picture. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having you all for lovely photos.

Yeah, but you can't go anywhere until you tell us about your tour. What's it called? Where is it? Where can we buy tickets? Stephen Baileyc Comedy.comedy.com. It's very funny. I called it crass because sometimes people have seen me on daytime shows and come and then do look a bit shocked when I do my anal.

bit that you saw Kerry. But it is a very funny anal bit. So I've called it crass. It's brilliant. We love you. You've got your tour. Check out your podcast with Zoe Lyons. Let's talk about the husband.

And I'm on Instagram, Henifer, at Stephen Comedy. He's made it 200K. You went raving with Susie Ruffle. Oh, I did for Chloe's birthday. We went out to see. Gok won. Wow.

That was fun. Yeah. That looked like a lot of fun. Yes. And we got some sort of VIP area because it was too hectic. It was too hectic. What was going on behind us? How did you get a VIP area?

Because you're VIPs, I know. Well, obviously because we're VIPs. Because we know Gok and Ruffle messaged Gok and said, look, there's a gang of us coming. And he went, oh, go in the front. We'll rope off a corner. They roped off an area at the front and we had that whole area. It was wonderful. It was wonderful.

So we had space to dance. I feel like I didn't know what the point of having any kind of success was until that moment. And all of my friends were like, you might be zealist, but this is it. And I said, I know. This is it. Some people are going to the BAFTAs and going to like private parties. You've got a rope, yeah, at Concord too. Yeah.

But at the front. Right at the front there. It's interesting, isn't it? These little moments of status, you're like, fucking hell. man, it's worth it. It's worth 20 years a slog for this roped off corner. It really is, especially now.

I don't know if I'd have appreciated a roped off corner in my 20s, but heading to 50, I'm like, all I want is a roped off quarter. Just a seat and some ear plugs. Yeah. And a woman's own. Copy of woman's own. You know.

You want a radio type with cozy queens of drama on the front. That's what you want. Do you know what? I do. I absolutely do. And I love a bit of cozy crime now. That's right up my alley.

Oh, I don't know what I was. Let's be honest, what was I doing there? That's the question that everyone was asking. Sorry, why is she, although I will say, Kerry. You looked like you were having an absolute ball. That's what you were doing there. We did. And everybody there, I would say, I would say, I'm going to, like 80% of the people there were over 40.

Great. Great. So in fact, in pockets, in pockets, I was probably one of the youngest. I mean, not in the pocket. You had to seek those pockets, aren't that? do you? Yeah, really good. How do you?

How do you? What are you from? Right, I'm in. You're my people. She's old. He's old. They're old. I'm going to stand next to this 80 year old. She makes me feel great.

Chloe came out of the toilets and she went, they're singing, looking out for Linda. What, what, Hugh and cry. She went, yeah, it's hilarious. I was like, oh, I'm in the right place. If you're singing, looking out for Linda. By Hugh and cry. These are my people.

Oh, well, it sounds like a good night. It was. And it was all the old kind of like bangers. There was, you know, from the old, old days. It's fun. What, Glenn Miller? Like 90s bangers. Right, 90s bangers, right.

Not Glenn Miller then. Not what? Glenn Miller. Not Glenn Miller, no. How old do you think I am? I don't mind you, I'm younger than you. Just, just. Just, actually.

For a moment, I thought you said, Enlia, I don't know why I thought you said that. Oh, that would be so great. Bringing out all the bangers, Orinoco flows. Sail away, sail away. Just you doing interpretive dance at the Concord. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Do you know what?

And being at the front, we could have started a whole kind of Mexican wave, couldn't we have? You could have rolled around on the floor in Leotards. Oh, that wouldn't have been such a bad thing if I've got a bit of Kate Bush back. That's next year. Do that for you, 50th. It's already thinking about my 50th already.

So much pressure, isn't there? Are you going to have a party? That's the $64 million. You've got a year now of everyone saying, are you going to have a party for the big one? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to have a party. I've decided I'm going to have a party.

Oh, brilliant. Shall I put it in my diary now? Right, let's look at the diary. I'll tell you the weekend it's going to. be. Yeah, that's going in. We're going to go. Are we going to have a roped off corner? We'll have a roped off corner. The whole party is going to be one big roped off corner. We'll do it. February 2025. Oh my God. And it will be Saturday the 8th.

Right. Jen. Birthday. That's rave. It's going to be a rave. It's going to be a rave. It's going to be a rave. It's going to be a rave. It's going to be a rave. how much I love a rave, Jen. You've watched me at a rave at the back with my hands over my ears. You don't like a sort of stressed out toddler. Yeah. You're not really into raves.

We'll give you those headphones, you know, that keep out the... Yeah, noise-canceling toddler headphones. Those noise-canceling headphones, you can stand at the back. Like a middle-cast toddler. We'll give you a cup of Earl Grey and the copy of the Radio Times. Or the Gardner's World magazine. I can be looking at all the Latin names of plants. I forget how much you like gardening. Well, last time we went to Glastonbury, I watched Garden As World on my phone in my camper van. That was the first time, wasn't it?

I think the second time you did actually leave the camper van, but the first time. I did. No, it was last time we went, last year, and on the Thursday, when the bands haven't started yet, I just thought. Oh, you stayed in and watched Gardeners World. No, no.

There was one day where I went out at night beyond 9pm. Okay. And when I saw you the next day, you said, I said, how was your evening? And you said it was great. I watched Gardner's World. And I said, oh, right. At Glastonbury.

At Glastonbury. I can't remember who I saw, but it wasn't, it was a little bit. It was a couple of steps up from that. You saw shapes, mate. That's what you saw. Yeah. I saw, oh, yeah.

All the shapes. Underworld. Yeah. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday?

I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it?

That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.