Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E14: Jen Brister

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

"My mum hated this cardigan I wore so much that when I got beaten up she said 'I told you not to wear that cardigan!'" This week we had a last minute cancellation so @jenbristercomedy cobbled together 3 (very funny) photos to talk about. Thanks to @jarredchristmas for the empty Scottish gig photo. Photo 01 - My young (tanned) self Photo 02 - A very poorly attended gig Photo 03 - Talking to the hand PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. This champ is picking up speed, but they found a lane. Monumental launch into the air. Absolutely incredible Air Transat. Fly the seven-time world's best leisure airline champions, Air Transat. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest

as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. We've had another dropout, Jen. No one's, we had a guest booked and they didn't come. So we're going to do you.

Oh my God. And you, you have sent me. I've sent you three photographs. You can pick. Without much time to plan. Without any time to plan, but you can pick which photograph you want to look. Okay. Well, I'm going.

straight for the third one. Okay. Which is, I assume, a transport for London card, young person's rail card. Yeah, it must be... Yes, it is because I've got one. Something like that. Yeah, it's a rail card. You've got the rail sign going across your shoulder.

Yes, it's a rail card of some kind. How old are you? Do you know what? Joel can't stop... You can't bear it, can you? So at this point, I'm going to say 16, 17, maybe. You look amazing. You look like Moana.

You look like Moana. You've got Moana's hair. I, what you can't see is that that hair is in places very thickly dreaded. Whoa. And also, you cannot. Oh no, you can see. I don't think it was particularly pissed off, but my God, that's just my face.

What you can't see is how much my face is pockmarked with acne scars. So what age you reckon you are? 16, 17? I think I've got one eyebrow. Well, no, you've worked on the monobrow because we covered the monobrow in your episode from season one. Oh no, I plucked the middle bit. I have plucked a little bit.

Yeah, you've started plucking. So I think I'm probably, must be 17. Yeah, because you're older than that picture in the prom dress. But not much, maybe a year, possibly two maximum. And what's going on in your life when this was taken? I'm still in the closet. Can you tell?

I probably, I've started wearing really big jumpers. Right. Well, this is my point. adolescence. Oh God. I can totally remember this time where I just was like, I wasn't quite sure

I knew I didn't want to wear like dresses and stuff. But I didn't really have, but I didn't know what you wanted to. I didn't know what I was just, I was wearing kind of like big baggy jumpers, DM boots, leggings. But there was a lot of that.

That was grungy times. There was a lot of that going on. I know, but I remember seeing girls in big baggy jumpers with leggings and DMs and they looked kind of sort of, Sheak still. They still look kind of cool and they would have like a cigarette and loads of silver jewellery and, you know, I don't know, maybe a better race. I don't know. They were wearing it better than me. I literally, as my mum said, looked like I'd just stepped out of the YMCA that I was homeless. Well, do you know what? My mum used, it was the fashion of the time. My mum did use to say that to me and then Elsie a couple of years ago went through a phase of Grunge came back and I said you look like you've got all of those clothes that have been.

well that's what my mum's she was like I mean it's the classic I think I told this story on on a different episode where my mum told me that she hated this cardigan I wore so much that when I got beaten up she was like I told you not to wear the she hated all of my clothes so much and she was like why can you know with a dress

some pretty dress or a little scarf something like and I don't want to wear that so I was at that point and I was probably about to go to university in, you know, that either in September or around that time, I think I might have been just about to go to uni and I was probably a bit anxious about that. Yeah, it's about that time. It was a lot going on.

It was a lot going on. I do remember I'd got my A-level results and they'd gone okay. So you were... And I'd probably... I'm so tanned in this photograph. It's ridiculous. Yeah, so you must have been somewhere hot maybe? Yeah, I think maybe I'd think maybe I'd gone anyway.

interrailing or something like that. Oh, maybe that's the rail card thing. No, it wasn't, I can't remember, but it was about that time. And, uh, yeah. Is it a sort of junction moment, a juncture? Like just about to start a new life. Yeah, maybe, but I think I don't, like if I'm honest with you, I don't think I was, that was a particularly happy time in my life.

But I am looking at. When you say you were in the closet, were you, you, I was in Narnia. I was playing the pan pipes. There were, as in you thought you were still. Being straight. Well, I, I, I, I, or you knew you weren't straight and you just hadn't come out. I think that probably that.

The latter, yeah. Right, right. But it's, you know, I don't think I was even thinking about coming out. It wasn't on the cards. No, I think I was just, just a little asexual teenager bobbing about with, you know, jumpers. Jumpers. And why, when we said impromptu,

Why is this in your recent... Have you used it for something? Do you know why? Because I found it and I sent it to a mate of mine, Julia, Julia Westwood. Not with Julia Westwood anymore because she's married. But I sent it to her, Julia Marshall now. And because I found... Thanks for that admin.

I found just a little bit of admin there. I found that photo and then I found her photo. Of the same kind of equivalent. Same equivalent. I don't know why I had her photo and I sent them both to her and went, look at us here. There is something really fun about just pinging a photo to an old mate and going, look at this.

Look at this one. My skin, because I forget, I forget how, like, I used to have terrible acne. I used to have terrible acne on my face. Did you ever have this? Did you have acne on your back? It was terrible. It was absolutely terrible. Yeah, my best friend did.

So, yeah, I was at that point where I was like utterly repulsed by my own reflection, I think. But I look back and I think, wow, look at my skin. I mean obviously it's potmard full of spots but I think you know you forget how nice your skin is when you're young don't you even with all the acne this is the awful thing about young

I mean the old wasted on the young thing but you're so like miserable when you're at that age and then you look back and go oh my god I was delightful look at the elasticity on that bad boy covered in zits but sure young yeah

also and I think this is something that happens with age I used to get a lot lot darker when I was that age. Right. Like when I, I'd literally have to glance at the sun and I would be like really brown. Whereas now I just don't get that turned anymore. So when I look at that photo, I'm like, bloody hell. Who is that?

Yeah, it doesn't look as much like you as some. Yeah. You know, sometimes you see, yeah, you do look very different. Yeah, I think Moana's a good reference there. Yeah, you do look like Moana. But anyway, yeah, I found that photo and it's like transported me back to that age. and I'm like, God, it is shit being young sometimes. Oh, God, completely.

And also those passport photos that we all got in the sort of station, foyer, or whatever, they are not flattering in the main. Like, they are totally in prison cell block H territory. They always make you want to sing. Oh, no, I know. It's to give me roses. I wish he would again. It makes me feel a little bit sorry for this girl.

Yeah, she looks wanted. I feel sorry for her. Hunted. I want to say to her, don't worry, love it gets better. Yeah, well, of course. That's what we'd all say to our younger selves. Oh, never mind.

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Yeah. Were you touring? Is it a tour? No, no. It's not at all. It was, well, I was doing a run of gigs up in Scotland with a couple of other comedians of which Jared Christmas was one of them. And I was, I think I was the MC or maybe I was the opening act. I don't know, but Jared was the closing act.

And we did this one. Anyway, this is, the thing is, people, when people think about what our job is as a stand-up comedian, it's really hard to encapsulate what it is that we do and how it can be. Now, you know, if you've seen me in my last tour, you might have seen me play like a really big room that's sold out and you're like wow yeah what a glamorous life yeah but what I want people to see is this photograph now this photograph Jared Jared put up originally on Facebook I don't know quite a few years back it's a big room it's definitely a big room I would say this is like 2014 probably 2015 and we are doing a tour in Scotland like I said and this is one of the dates that we

do and we turn up and this room is humongous. Yeah. So you are playing a big room. We're playing a massive room. How many people are in that audience? I've just counted eight. Six. Yeah, eight people.

Eight people. And we do that gig to eight people. And Jared walked to the back of the room to take that photograph to really capture how bleak. It was impossible to tell you how bleak that experience was. They don't look even like they're having much of a good time. No, no one. no one enjoyed that.

It wasn't even one of those nights where you go, do you know what? There was only four of us. But those people laughed harder than they've ever laughed. Everyone, we just really connected and it was so much fun. It was eight very just sort of like nonplussed Scottish people who were like, well, is this it? Right.

Okay. Well, it's not really good, is it? And they stayed for the whole thing? Yeah, they stayed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because they paid their money. And you're on stage? That's me on stage. And I, at this point, I'm probably.

probably saying something like, hello Wembley. And look, it's fair to say, I wouldn't call it a death because... Well, there's only eight people in the room. There's only eight people in the room. But it was a very quiet 20 minute set. These are the moments where you go, what is that line between stand-up comedy and a breakdown? And a breakdown. Yeah.

So this was very much me having a breakdown in front of eight people. And, yeah, I think, I just... I think there's something about this photograph that I love so much. And it's a great picture. I love the colour. It's a very pinky hue. Well, it's a really pinky hue. So it gives the idea that we've set this up for some show beers,

but nobody's turned up. And just the depth of it, you can see how much space. Yeah. And also, Jared's not even right at the back of the room. He is, there's a door there. There's a door there. He's standing at that door. There's still further.

Well, what happens? The room goes further back. What happens sometimes in rooms that are, bigger than the audience are is you will curtain off sections so you can disguise ill-attended rooms like there are lots of gigs that we've all played

where you go what's behind that curtain and like don't look behind that curtain that's the rest of the room that's where that's another 450 seats okay but no one's bothered to disguise this room this is a fucking gym with eight people in it

it was the room I'm trying to remember where we were it looks like a school I think we were just outside it's municipal-ish like a town hallie vibe. Hour out of Glasgow or something like that or Edinburgh. I can't remember. Anyway, wherever we are, it is...

Anyway, it's really bleak. But when you take that photo and sent it to me, I think I laughed for about 20 minutes because I couldn't stop laughing. It gets hard to justify your career choices when you're playing those ways. Also, now people think that that was a tour date. So it has now gone down, like other comedians go.

I love that picture of you on one of your tours. And I'm like, I wasn't on tour. That's not one of my tour dates. But anyway, it. I'll just embrace it. But comedians love that picture so much. So when Jared put that up, I don't think I'd ever had a photograph that had got so much interaction or reaction.

Because I do vaguely remember, because I think you texted me and said, oh God, I did a terrible gig last night in a massive room to make people. And I didn't believe you. I just thought you were exaggerating. And then I showed you that. Yeah. I didn't believe it was real. Yeah.

I thought it was like Jared took this picture. And this was before things were going viral, so nothing really went viral. But this photograph... Oh, that is definitely a pre-viral shot, mate. This went out and like every comedian, every time I turned up to a gig, for a good 12, 18 months later, people went, honestly, I have never laughed so much at a photograph. And I think it's just especially for comedians, this picture. Yeah, because we've all done those rooms. Yeah, and we all know how awful it is.

But to see someone put a photograph and go, last night, you know, a... having the time of my life in whatever, because people don't put those photographs up. They don't show those shows. So it was like, yeah, but we can thank Jared Christmas for that. Travelling all the way to Scotland to perform to epic. I couldn't believe it. That's really far.

I mean, I've done Edinburgh's where you come out, I mean, it's festival so it's slightly different, but when you come out to like three or four people. It's hard. And you're, and you've got to do an hour. And you're like, I can't believe. I remember once being at the Edinburgh, festival, I was in the audience with three people and one left and it was just me and my friend

tour and then she was like, it was a really bad show. Yeah. And then she was like, yeah, we go. And I was like, but if we go, he is a man alone in the room. Yeah. He's a man alone in the room. You can't. When is this? When, I mean, I know this, this is the whole like, what is theater? But you definitely need. If we go, it's not theater. But if you stay, it is a hostage situation. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we left and we were like, okay, we're going to go, because we are in control of our lives. Okay. So we're going to go.

So we just left and I think I mailed to the guy, sorry. And we're going to go. And then we left him and she went, I've left my cardigan. Oh, no. Oh, no. Do you have to go back in? And we went back in and he'd stopped obviously acting because when the audience go, it's over, isn't it? Can you imagine if he's still going?

Sorry, I've left my car. He went, you're fucking kidding me. I said, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. And you come out with a bollock. We booked another show and they overlapped. So we've got to go for another.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. What, five minutes into my show. Yeah, but you came back for your cardigan, yeah? Also, do you know what? When I look back at that photo and I do look back at it quite more regularly than you, than I cared to let on. Oh, it's good to reflect on your journey. It's, it's, I really feel like it captures a point in my career, which was, in, in essence,

there was a lot of that. So, yeah. And also, it's a nice reminder. Because, and it is a quite a nice picture. It's quite a good picture. I mean, it's a very well, like, taken photo. What would you, composed? Yeah, beautifully composed.

Well done, Joad, well done. But now, in contrast, then, what we should do is a picture of some of those really big full rooms that you've just done. Which I never took a picture off. Did you not? Well, there we go. Because you know what? People now, this is becoming the new social media. You see, we're quite addicted on that kind of like, it's shit kind of narrative.

I know. And then there are all. other comics that just post these pictures of them playing huge packed rooms. But why don't you do that? Because I feel like, all right, I tell you why I don't do it because you feel like it's showing off. Yeah. And I also feel like, I don't know. Like this job is hard enough, I think, without having some twat going, look how good my year's been. I just think that's just. But is that what they're doing? Or is it, what is it? It's just It's just a different attitude to self-promotion that you and I are not of that generation.

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For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Does everybody else that didn't go need to know about it? Well, that is generational because different younger acts, it's part of the culture now where you post those shots. You post those pictures of them doing a selfie and the pack room behind them.

Sure. And you're not going to get on board with that. I totally get that. I totally get it. It's not on brand for you. But it's quite eggy for me to do it. And if I was to something good, hey guys. this is all for my social media

everybody say you know bleh this other picture you sent okay so I where was I I think I was away and I said to Chloe

can I speak to the boys please can you tell them um and you want to do some remote parental bonding I was like how are the boys I missed them and that's what I got

so I ended up having to speak to a hand Like kids went through a face of that Where they put a hand around the door Yeah Can I have a snack? Hello Mama How are you today? It's like they fully

Entered the spirit of ventriloquism It's like a chapter of development Well I just thought that that was so classic That I had asked to speak to my son And that's what I saw And your face really captures The trying to be upbeat about it But essentially crushed

Yeah I'm just like oh do you not miss me And also I want to tell you that at some point He lifted up his head And we actually had a conversation but that is literally all I saw was his hand. And so at one point it went on for so long, I screen grabbed it. I mean, when you're away, I mean, I can remember parenting from remotely being away, like doing a job elsewhere or whatever, and being on the laptop top and saying to the kids something like being a bit naggy, like doing all the, how are you?

Are you missing me? Blah, blah, blah, chat. And then like, have you done your homework? Stop picking your nose. And then my daughter just slowly closed. slowly closed the laptop. Why does I start just being a mum from a long way away? She's like, we're done.

And I'm like, you're not in the room. I can close you. How old is... How old is... What about your boys are? He's about seven or eight. That is so... It was just so like...

Bye-bye, mommy. And I'm like, you know, on the other side of the Atlantic... Don't close, don't close. Don't close the laptop. Ben! She's closing it. Ben! And then having to ring Ben.

on the phone. She just closed the laptop. Oh, sorry, I'm upstairs. I don't think my kids have figured out how to do that. And also, they just walk off. Yeah, no, they don't care. I mean, they're not sentimental about these. They don't engage things. Like, I really want like, you're missing, you know, sometimes I'm almost like telling them, you're missing me, aren't you? Like, no. Well, it's a funny thing long distance, isn't it? It's kind of like, it's, it is odd. It does unravel you a bit. Like, I'm about to go away. and I'm properly dreading it, that being away from them. Because being with your kids all the time,

like you just saw Frank come in and he had a snack and he was monosyllabic or whatever, that's just living with your kid. But they don't want to have a like a special chat on Zoom. No, no. You know, they don't want to do that. They don't communicate like that. No, they just want you to be,

they just want that proximity to you. And then, you know, they'll grunt and whatever. Yeah. Or ask you a question where they wear my shoes. But their way of saying that is you can talk literally. to the hand. You can talk to the hand because baby, the face ain't this one.

Yeah. And they'll turn it into a bit of puppet puppetry. Well, that was the only way he was vaguely entertained by the conversation with me because also what am I going to say to him? What have you been doing?

Yeah, exactly. How are school? Are you played? What games are you going to be playing? He's like, oh God, are we doing this again? It's like you're asking me about how my Christmas was. Can we not do this?

I feel like, mum, up your game because your questions are boring. It's so, the guilt though, the guilt of long, distance parenting is, there's emotions there, it's churning. I know. And also, you kind of want to maintain this connection with them. And it's like, really.

You're away. Well, day to day, you can't. No. You know. And then when you get back, they're like, yeah, you're back. And also when people explain, like, I had a friend who, when I said I was feeling parental being away. And they're like, yeah, but it's your job.

If you explain to them that they don't get those holidays. If your mommy doesn't go and I'm like, they don't want to fucking hear that. I mean, who wants to hear that? What's that got to do with me feeling like shit? Yeah. Don't try and rationalise me feeling like shit. No. You're just going to, and irrespective of the fact that it's your job,

you're still going to feel like shit. Yeah. Because you're going to miss them. Yeah, I just miss them. Because you're not going away for a weekend. No. You're going away for weeks. Yeah, weeks.

A long time, Kerry. And long, far away. And very far away. Anyway, let's not zan on that. No, but it's funny because I was recently reflecting on when I went away before, which was nine years ago. To L.A. Yeah.

That was nine years ago. How was that nine years ago? I don't understand how that was nine years. years ago. It was 2015. I remember when you went because I was so jealous. Oh man. And I was, I knew it was amazing and a great thing. But the one Neg was missing the kids. I really missed the kids. It was like painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. And that and that was, I remember being in the cab on the way to the airport, getting on the airplane and it was like

all your body's going in the wrong direction. Yeah. Because you have a magnetic pull to your children. So it was like you're going against that pull. Your emotional will. And then you will get those moments where you're like just a desperate looking woman in the corner of Zoom going please please can I see your face yeah not just your hand yeah but it's different now your kids are older and so they're going to want to have a bit more they'll want to have a conversation with you in a way that my kids are like and also when I have conversations with them sometimes I've got to shut it down I don't want to talk about Minecraft for any longer than three and a half minutes I love it when you have to listen to your kids what they're into and you're not but you've got to go there oh my God

Turns out we've got nothing in common. It's really hard work. That's those three photos. What a memory. I like it. I like it when we get to do our own photos. Well, especially as I had to dig these out last minute. Yeah, exactly. It's not bad, is it?

But the problem said before, these pictures are always in our toys. I could have come up with something better maybe. Yeah, I know you didn't have much notice. Yeah. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday?

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