Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E17: Marcus Brigstocke

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

"Not only will we not sponsor you but you are trivialising an atrocity." This week we have the brilliant and always surprising Marcus Brigstocke on to talk about his dancing days, weight loss, addiction, Prince and so much more. Marcus really has lived many many lives. Photo 01 - Me aged three Photo 02 - Growing up and going to uni Photo 03 - My love of Prince Photo 04 - Roy the great shower of shite PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get full-sized favorites and must-have minis bundled for more value. Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. My Glassonbury tickets have gone missing. It's a mystery. It's a mystery. It's a mystery for Wistible Pearl.

We need Wistible Pearl. So, like, nobody knows where they are. Nobody knows where they are. There was a signature that was made. I wouldn't call it a signature. I'd call it a breakdown in a pen form. Because it is a squiggle. It's a squiggle.

It's not a signature, but fine. Okay, but somebody signed for my post. It wasn't me. It was no one in this house. At your address. Wow, there we are. That's beat two. That's act two of the mystery.

At one is, it looks like, like, Kerry, that's me. Kerry signed. Kerry, on the 4th of June at 3 o'clock, signed. Here are some facts. Kerry, that's me. I wasn't here. And neither was Ben, neither was Frank,

neither was Elsie. No one was in on the 4th of June. So no one signed. Who was standing at your door? Well, route one, you go, I'll check with the neighbours, okay, so I checked with the neighbours. No, we haven't got it. We haven't signed for it. We haven't got it. Sorry. So then, I go to the

sorting office, you get a slither of opportunity to communicate with Royal Mail and you've got to be ready to pounce because once that window is shut, good night Vienna. So between 8 and 10, that's when you get to talk to the post office. So I went down there, he said, well, it's been signed for it. I went, I know that, but I'm telling you that that wasn't me or anyone in my family or anyone on my street. So where is it? Then he went, okay, the postman that was on that shift that day, he's not here now. I'm like, okay. That's, that's, I couldn't have predicted that. Go on anyway so he said can you come back tomorrow when every day is precious mate every day's precious so I said okay and he went I'll call you later I did have a miss call I did a I did

ah he did I had a miss call from a no ID number can't call back can't call back he said oh you come back after 10 you can come back after 10 and no it says we're open between 8 and 10 but he said just knock on the door I did that no one came so I couldn't call you back and you didn't open the door so I did have to wait till the next day so I went down there the next day. He went, oh, I called you. I know you did, but you didn't leave a number, so I couldn't call you back, because I went into a telephonic k-hole. Then I said, okay, so what's the answer? He went, ah, spoke to the postman. He thinks he gave it to the wrong street, the next street, the other street. I said, what? This guy's got one job to do is to read street names and

put numbers with street names, and then they're the addresses. They're called addresses. Why did that person sign for it? Well, that's another part of the mystery, isn't it? So he said, go to 1-1... I shouldn't give my address away, but go to... Eh, eh, eh, ba, bah, bah. So I went, okay, I'll do that. So I went to that door number on the next street.

No one's there. So I knocked at the door next door. I said, hello. I'm very stressed. I'm from that other road. Apparently some post has been delivered accidentally to this address, wrong street. And she went, oh, well, it's not here.

And these guys have been away for over 10 days. So they weren't there on the 4th of June at 3 o'clock to squiggle. either. So who squiggled? And I went to all the different numbers of all the different, basically I've gone door to door looking for my Glastonbury to give. I, it's not, I don't go to Glastonbury. I don't go. I, do you know what? I could live, I could live with that, but Elsie will be devastated. She's extremely excited. She's very invested. You are completely passive in this whole faultless, wasn't in on, wasn't in on the fourth of June. Your biggest mistake was that you weren't But it sounds like even if you were in, it wouldn't have made any difference because they went to the wrong house.

So even had you been in, what difference would that have made? That's a really good point. Because you could not have signed for it. No. Because they didn't come too normal. What is the point of a system that is a signing system that therefore implies it's a bit one up from normal, just stick it through the letterbox? You need a human's consent to hand it over. That system is designed to be a little bit more secure than the basic system.

If you've signed for tickets and then you look at it and you go, or you sign it, you go, oh, I'm not Kerry Godleman. Oh, I don't know. Oh, but I've got the address here. I'll go around. I'll pop it through her letterbox. Correct. But then I thought, well, maybe they're elderly or disabled. So I'll go and knock just in case they say, oh God, I'm so glad you called round because, yes, I have got your post. I just haven't had time or opportunity to get round.

But that isn't the case. So we can shut that down. We can shut that avenue of thinking down. Shut it down. So someone squiggled. Right. And said they were me when they weren't me. No, we're putting a flare out.

We're putting a flare out. Who are you? Who squiggled? Are you listening to this podcast? Where are my tickets? Do you have Kerry God? They can't use them because when you go, you've got to go with your ID and your ticket.

Yeah. So unless they have gone to get fake ID because, yeah, they just say that right now, They're getting a passport photo. They are getting ID created to say, yes, I am actually. Good luck with that. Good luck with that. To get through, all they need to do is get through the door.

Don't say that. No, they're going to need a band. I think what we've got to hope is that whoever has your tickets, yeah, has got a solid 30 minutes of stand-up comedy. That's all we can hope. And he's happy to take my daughter because, you know what? There's a bit of me that's like, it's not about me, you know. I could maybe.

not go. I could live with it, but she would be gutted. Well, look, I mean, ultimately, this is the, this is, the, the crux of it is, if Glastonbury Festival want the great Kerry Godleman to perform over two days, 30 minutes of fine stand-up comedy, they need to, look, just go with this for, this is, to get the tickets, okay, so just, just back off. If they want the great Kerry, I'm going, I'm having to, I'm really, I'm comfortable with that great bit. Oh, right. Well, just like I said, this is pure, for the tickets. I'm really uncomfortable with this PR.

Right, okay. All right. It'll be all right, won't it? Because we've still got time on our side. Of course it will be okay because ultimately what they will do at the end of the day is that they can notify people on the, when you know when you go through that first barrier and you go, hi, I'm here for the, with the car and everything. And they go, oh, hello.

And then they go, right, just drive. That sounds tenuous. I mean, we've already established they don't really, what, they can have a big yogurt pot on a massive piece of strings. They have to. They've got radio. They've radiated me to cabaret. They go, hello cabaret.

Hello, Sarah, Oscar, tango, mong bean. That is what it's right. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? And then they go, sorry, this is, this is, you've come through to the canteen. I don't know who you are. I said, I said cabaret. I said cabaret. And you do that for like two to three hours.

Circus? Do you want someone in circus? Hang on, I'll call up to the trapeze. Terry! Yeah. Oh, it's Kerry. Not Terry. Oh, God.

Oh, God. That's what you will have to look forward to. But eventually you'd get in, but it will be the most painful experience that you've ever gone through since childbirth. But you will get there. Anyway, if you're going to Glastonbury, maybe you'll see me. I'm performing on the Saturday at 5 o'clock.

What time are you? I mean, on Friday I'm at 9.30pm, which, by the way, is when the headline acts are on. Wow. Who the fuck is going to go, you know what? I'll come and watch you. I won't go and watch.

I don't even know who's headlining. I'll come. I'll sit right down the front. Will you fuck? I won't see you for dust. I won't see you for dust. I will be with you. I will be with you.

You know what I'm like at Glastonbury. I just follow you around like someone, like a lost dog and watch Gardner's World on my phone and sit in my camper van. We miss out on so much stuff. just because we're sat next to your camper van having a mug of tea. The amount of good shit we've missed. People like, did you see? That's just the medical for life.

That's life, babe. We're missing great shit now, talking to each other. That's just, that's life. Yeah. There's so much good stuff. It's like, it's like the internet. There's loads of really good stuff on there, but there's a lot of shit. There's a lot of shit, but every single, people could say that when they come to see us.

Every single year, people go, oh, did you go to that speakeasy at 3am? And Paolo Nutini came out and did an acoustic. Were you there when Lizzo was twerking in a... In a tent around the back of... Under an umbrella. Wasteholtz. No, no. No.

I wasn't. I can imagine it with my imagination. Well, what better place to be than with Kerry Godleman? Yeah. We really need to off again. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, hang on.

Oh, hang on. There's someone at the door. There's someone at the door. Just wait, wait there, wait. If it is the tickets, and we're capturing this on the podcast, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, oh, it's not, it's Ben. It's just Ben, it's just Ben. Oh, it's Ben. Oh, that's disappointing.

Usually not disappointing, but on this occasion, sadly, that is. I was hoping it was my Gastonbury tickets, Ben. Oh, oh, they found them? No, they haven't found them, babe. I've been all the way down every house around here. They've put them to the wrong address. He got the wrong street. Oh.

The bloke said, can he come around and talk to you? I went, I don't advise it. I do not advise. You tell that guy to look after himself, protect himself and not come around and talk to me. Yeah, that's fair. But I want you to know if this, in case there's any ambiguity here because I haven't, through a Zoom,

it's quite hard to tell if I'm supporting you, but I am. Thank you for that transparency. I appreciate it. I think it's important to feel that, that you know that I am here, but also am very supportive. Thank you. But also, I am aware that you don't like too much information.

You don't like too much feedback. You don't want too much advice. I don't like overcomplicated advice. No, no, no. But anyway, I'll let you know when my tickets materialise. Oh, I don't think they will. But okay, do keep me updated. I don't think you'll ever see them again.

That'll be my prediction. That'll be my optimistic prediction for you, Kerry. is that those are gone until death. Okay, well, I'll ring the office then and get some reissued. Who are we talking to, Kerry, this week? This week we are talking to the wonderful comedian, Marcus Brickstock. It was great having Marcus on the podcast. We had a fantastic chat, and this is it for your delectation.

You're welcome. Were you doing a cheese a day? I was around Christmas time. Christmas time, you would crack it. And every time you cracks open to cheese, I was like, fucking out that looks good. It's fucking good cheese. It's really good cheese. Do you get sent a lot of cheese? Yes, although I've tried to dissuade them from sending me too much, because I will just eat it.

Yeah, that's what they want you to do. Yeah. I don't think, the thing is with cheese is that. Why is cheese funny? I don't know. It's just funny, isn't it? Why is it funny? Why is cheese funny? Because it's stiff milk.

It's just funny, isn't it? Even the word cheese. Funny, yeah, exactly. It's just cheese. Also stiff. Yeah. It's all funny. Stiff salty milk.

Okay, now you've taken it out funny and you've made it questions. Yeah. But the thing is, when I have cheeses, I don't, I feel like I don't, there's part of me that still believes it's quite healthy. Well, that's bollocks. It's not. It's clogging you up big times. No, it is not. Was it pure cholesterol?

what you're talking about. No, it's good. I am better now, but there was a point where I don't think, like, if someone had a cheese board, I didn't have an, I don't have an off switch. I'm not like, oh, well, I'll just leave that bit of cheese. I'm like, oh, anyone having that? Yeah, exactly. I'm going to have that cheese.

And bear in mind, I eat all the bits of the cheese that other people don't. The rind. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. All the bits that people cut off, like even on, even the really craggy shit that's been in a cave. the edge of a stiltern. I'm like, is no one having the biscuity bit? Mm, num, numb, numb, no, no, no. Yeah, fucking love it. Like the crackling.

Love it. Cheese crackling. What is it? What is wrong with you? Cheese crackling. Delish. That's the fun side of cheese. Is it thinking of funny words to describe cheese? Right, Marcus, we're going to look, I've got your photos in front of me and I'm going to go straight for this one, which is very cute.

What a lovely lad. What a lovely lad. Look at your little head. What a nice girl. You say little, you're being very kind. Even then. Even by the age of, I think, three there. What a huge bons. I mean, that is tapping on a Richard Osmond, isn't it?

Actually, I don't know. My proportions are out because I can't see anything to compare your head too. Maybe your neck. I see. I mean, look, what we've got is like a lot of your features are at the bottom of that head. Very much so. So there is, there's a very strong T-FAL element for the older listener. Do you remember the T-Fal guys?

Two-thirds forehead. I do remember Mr. T-Fal. So, and completely covered in a, and I hate to say it, but a Boris Johnson-esque, blonde's moth. Yes. So blonde. When you were young. Yeah.

And I love that you're sporting the obligatory 70s roll neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a dungary, that suggests, a dungary. Yeah, it was a dungary. You couldn't have got more 70s colors, brown and nests. Brown and navy. Exactly. And that brown against my very blonde hair, so brown.

And what were you like as a kid? Not great. That's too, Jane. No, I wasn't great. So I was ill with something and I still don't quite know what it was. So I had, they kept trying to diagnose celiac disease in me. And in those days. What were your symptoms that caused this?

Kept shitting myself. Right. I think it was that. But basically couldn't keep any. food down. So I was like dangerously underweight. That picture I've got there is one of a tiny number of pictures, partly because people didn't take pictures like we do now. But most people, including my sister, there are more pictures of her because I was really poorly and dangerously underweight. So I had that sort of like the distended belly from a baby who just, you know.

So I was in and out of hospital and trying to diagnose celia. disease in those days was monstrous. So they had to drive a pipe down your throat. Oh, God. Because they had, the only way you could diagnose celiac disease was by cutting out a piece of stomach lining and analyzing it. And there was no keyhole in those days. And they wouldn't go in through the belly.

So they would literally have to pin you down. Were you conscious? Yeah, I was. Oh my God. I mean, I've been back over this with like, with the therapist. I've no memory of it. But they're like, look. If you want to identify some trauma, that'll be that there.

And it was everybody acting in my best interests, right? They were trying to diagnose this thing. But my mum talks about it. And she says, like, as a mum, it was one of the most horrendous things you can watch. Oh, bet. A fat tube, driven right down your child's throat. And then they had to lower this device in that would cut a piece of my stomach lining out. And as far as I know, they didn't ever successfully diagnose one way or the other.

I was sort of variously, I think, off dairy and off this, that and the other. It was weird and definitely like stigmatized food for me in two directions. Like traumatic and also I was, anything I ate was celebrated by my family. Like if I ate and kept something down, there was five times the amount of your usual, good boy, aren't you good, well done that we all now sort of try and be careful of. but fail probably. Yeah. So I had a lot of that. And then later on, an amazing eating disorder.

What? Who could have seen this coming? Did you? Yeah. It's so interesting what you're saying, particularly about the whole idea of kind of like trauma, of repressed trauma. And there's lots of things that I mean,

any one of us if we tapped in, I'm sure there could be things that we could bring out from our childhood. Amongst three comedians. Maybe, maybe. But that even at our age, you know, as we get into our like 50s, that we're only really looking at now. It's kind of, and how that impacts on our relationships,

on our, you know, our sort of, our work, our attitudes to food. I mean, I know you've been really open about that over the years, which I think as you've talked a lot about on stage. Loads, yeah. I did, I sort of, I held off for ages talking about, because I went into rehab when I was very young, for alcoholism and drug addiction and predominantly compulsive overeating. And for years, I was like, oh God, comics who just talk about themselves are really not busy enough.

They're really not engaged enough in the world around. Well, that was it. And someone went, Marcus, get off your fucking high horse. And for Christ's sake, engage with the fact that you have had a pretty wild ride. So I did one sort of big show about it. But the thing that slightly tipped it was, I was on Rich and Judy years ago. I'd been to the Arctic on a research vessel sailing from Norway to Greenland, researching climate change.

I remember that. Yeah, it was amazing. And so we sailed across part of what used to be the ice sheet doing temperature readings, but predominantly doing salinity readings on the surface to see whether what's melting is sea ice or Greenlandic ice. And if it's Greenlandic ice, we're in so much trouble. and so I did that anyway when I came back I was on the Richard and Judy show who are both climate change global warming skeptics

to the extreme end at that time I couldn't speak to where they are on it now but that was why I was there and to talk about argumental and blah anyway we're two thirds of the way through a very jolly interview and I'd done lots of nice research for it with their researcher and then madely madely pulled a classic

We're chatting away, climate change, here we go. And he goes, and it used to be really fat, didn't you? Oh, my lot. No, no, Judy, he was. Actually, he was. We got a picture here. Let's have a little look at a picture. And Judy's going, Richard.

And he went, no, no, but he was. I mean, look, but he was huge. And actually, he's lost a lot of weight, which is good. That's good. And it was amazing. And how did you react to that? I was, I wasn't hurt, but I was sort of wryly amused. And I ended up saying, because Richard then went on and said,

And the funny thing is, you know, it's been such a big thing, but you've never really talked about it. And I went, yeah, I sort of made a decision about it, Richard, that I didn't really want to talk about it that much because I might end up being the sort of person who ends up on Richard and Judy talking about having an eating disorder. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to talk about literal global catastrophe and you want to do this. I mean, it was fine. He is what he is. So had you started to talk about it or were you?

No, I don't think I had. Why the fact did he bring, where did he even get that photograph from? Oh, I don't know. Well, no, possibly I do know. So when I sort of got the help I needed with the compulsive overeating, I went from, I was 17 and I was about 5 foot 10, so a lot shorter, about 4 inches shorter than I am now, and I was 24 stone.

So like I was huge. And I went from 24 stone to 11 stone in about nine months. Oh, my God. So, yeah. How was that for your body? I lost 13 stone in like nine months. How was that possible? It was amazing.

I fell over loads because my centre of gravity had changed, but also my leg muscles were huge from carrying around all that weight. So they were really big. But now at that time when I was like down to 11 stone, I didn't have that much blood in my body. So I'd go up a flight of stairs and my leg muscles would be like, whey, here we go. And I get to the top of my body just go,

no head blood. Oh, God. I like pass out hand all the time. Wow. And yeah, so it was amazing. And it was very fast the weight loss, but. That is, that's not, that's, I've never heard of anyone who's weight. Yeah, it was a lot.

Also, you're 17. I mean, like, that's such, you're not an adult yet even. Yeah, and also like, so, so I didn't, I didn't know my body. No. At all. Like my body. And I was, then like passed through 18 and then 19 years old and my body was like this brand new thing.

And also in the first year of recovery, they will say to anybody doing it. And just, you know, no relationships, no sex. Just do that. So I'm like, I've got this new body. And for the first time in my life, I'm like, I'm going to get some sex. This is something. No, I stuck with it. But in part because I was so.

My body was so new to me and made me quite nervous. I was like, this is really weird. And that's when, and this, again, I've talked about this an awful lot. And I wish I had pictures of it. I was going to say, but it's back in the day, there's no pictures. That's when I became a dancer. I was a dancer in nightclubs for like two and a half years. What you mean?

You were dancing. I was a professional dancer. What? Did you know this? I came to see a show that you did at Soho Theater where you talked about being a podium dancer. That's the one. What? Yeah, I was a podium dancer.

Because I remember that. I think you actually did. What? Yeah. I did. I think you did a bit on stage. Yeah. Yeah.

I ended the show exactly how you might expect. I went, so I mean, you know, obviously I'd love to recreate what I used to do. But I'm 40 now. So I, yeah, fuck it. And then everybody danced now by C&C Music Factory played. And I danced. And then. Yes.

I really wish I'd seen that. It was really something. It was one of those shows. I think you wrote for the fun of it. Like you said, I'm right. This show is just, it's not Pololey. It's not about me, really. It's just fun.

Yeah, it was really fun. So I, but that was what happened. So I, age sort of 18, I was going out to nightclubs for the first time with this brand new body, no alcohol, no drugs, because, because I was in recovery, right? So, and here we are, 30-something years later, still, still sober, right? So I went out and dancing was, I was surrounded. by people on E, which I actually really enjoyed. It was great because E was quite joyful to be around.

There wasn't Coke or speed as far as I know. It was mostly E and people were just up for the music really. And I would go in and sort of come up with them, but on nothing other than just the pure exuberance of this brand new body that I had and the music being amazing. So yeah, it was a good time. Like, can I just go back? because I want to do because I know we've talked a lot

about that part of your life but I want to know what happened before because I know that did you go to boarding school? Yes. Yes. Of course. I really want to talk to it.

So if we go to your next... Why? It's nothing wrong with it, is it? Seven year old. It's time to go. I know when I think about, you know, when... Do you know what?

It's really weird because I was thinking about you when my kids were seven and I remember we had a conversation in the green room. I don't know where we were. And that maybe we're in France. I can't remember.

Anyway, You were talking about boarding school. And I remember asking you how old you were and you said you were seven. And I remember at the time thinking, Christ, that seems insanely. And then when my boys got to seven, I thought, what? I mean, they're babies.

I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine sending the two people I love the most in the world away from me to be parented by, I don't know who these fucking people are doing it to be put into an institution. And there was. So when I went, and I just want to say, like, in love and defence of my parents. So my mum went to boarding school when she was five because she was from a military family. Her older sisters were there and that's just everything she knew, you know.

And the reasons around that were, you know, my grandfather, like lots and lots of people of his generation, gave a lot during the Second World War and afterwards. And so it was deemed necessary. And there you are. My dad went at seven and had a good time. And it really did. And my dad is a kind, loving, funny, you know, like a good guy. Yeah, well, I think so. And my younger brother, too.

He went when he was very young. And he's a really lovely, very empathetic, very generous husband and father and all the things. for me it was a train wreck and when I got to that school so there was a pay phone that you couldn't really use there was one pay phone so if you got an incoming call you're seven I mean who knows how to use a pay phone when there's I barely could handle them when I was in my 20s yeah so it was bad you know and I and I had no contact really and then when you say no contact like when well there was no phone calls there was obviously no video calls or anything like that that people have now and we wrote a letter every weekend and we sort of got letters but the thing in a sense that was

worse was that it didn't it wasn't working for me already the eating disorder was was blowing up right so i'd gone from like aren't you good you've managed to eat something well done well done one done to looking after my managing my own food and eating at a school where you're not being parented and i just there everything everything yeah what's really strange is i had this vision of myself up to the dramatic moment when I was 17 and got the help I needed of I was a fat kid. I was this really, really fat kid. And the few pictures that there are of me like starting at school, I wasn't. I wasn't not to begin with.

No. It happened and then it and then it, you could see the speed with which it increased and it just went like, oh, you're normal, you're normal, you're tiny, you know, puppy fattish. Holy shit, you take up twice the amount of space in the school. And no one, no staff member had a conversation with you about it. No, and doctors didn't either. Like a specialist at Great Ormond Street, who I will name, his name is Dr. Lask, and I hope he isn't still practicing.

I'm sure he meant well. But he did the quite old-fashioned thing of going, now you see, your problem is you're very, very fat. I was like, I mean, I know. I know. Was that his diagnosis? I know. I don't know if you've met any other kids, but they have been, they have been, they've

loop me in. They've been really kind about making sure I didn't lose sight of them. I got that memo. They really have, they really have made sure that that was something I did understand. So what was the decision to eliminate the alcohol and the drugs? So, yeah, when I was 12, I found a couple of places you could get alcohol. At school? Steal it.

Yeah. So there was, there was, he was later arrested for child. sex offences. It won't surprise you to learn. There was one member of staff whose flat was on the landing where the main dormitories were. And we were sometimes allowed in his flat to like watch telly or whatever as a treat if you'd been good. And so I would always sit myself at the back near his drinks cabinet. And then at the moment he left the room, I'd just like, I wouldn't even look. I'd just put my hand out, bottle open. boff and away it went. So I was already like, that's interesting. That is interesting. I

definitely feel different. Uh, and then... Lovely anesthetic. Yeah, that, that is changing how I feel. Because it's weird, because Puckles told me I'm fat, but I'm weirdly fine with it. And that's the martini promise. That's the Chinzano gift. So, uh, then when I was 13, I went to, um, uh, what's called a public school, although it isn't open to the public. And there I had much more autonomy. And as I said,

was a very prolific shoplifter. And so I just became really good at Knicking Booz. So one of the things, the happy shopper in Bruton in Somerset, now a big cheese producing arts town. Not so much in those days. Anyway, they did videos. VHS is you could rent and booze and food.

And so we as kids used to go in and go, has anyone, has anyone Bagseyed the Predator poster for the video thing? And they go, yeah, that got Bagsy today it came out. But we've got one here for, you know, remancing the stone. You go, can I have that one? Yeah.

So they give you the remancing the stone. Thanks very much. And I'd roll it up and just push a bottle of vodka up it and go, and I'd hold it up and go, thank you so much. Thanks. And walk out. Wow. And you're like 13.

Ingenious. 13. Yeah. Wow. Also, you lived a whole life. I was going to say you really packed it in. Jammed it in.

Before you'd even left. Well, I say you had left her, hadn't you? But I suppose before you hit 18, which is when I started. Exactly, exactly. I just sort of did it all. And then, yeah, so then weed and glue.

Fucking hell, Mark. From glue. I did not know. Swiffing glue for our younger listeners, should there be any, was quite big in the 80s. Yeah, I like to think I helped to popularise that. What glue? Copydecks? No, you'd get a bag of glue.

No, you need a proper, you need a proper solvent-based glue. A bag of glue. And you'd put it. Print stick, actually. Put a pretty you. Well, pit stick, if you wanted a picnic, sure. You needed a solvent-based glue and you'd put the glue in a bag, and then you'd basically huff it.

And you just had like a quick rush. It's so bad. It would be so awful. Your brain would absorb all the solvents. It would kill thousands of brain cells all at once and get you dangerously high. I mean, it can kill you in a single go. Oh my God. And I did it pretty regularly from the age of about 14.

I'm maybe younger, maybe 30. And you had companions to do this with? Yeah, although they were less into the actual glue thing. I don't know why. I guess they didn't like the smell. What squares? Let's get to a picture. Is there a picture that holds this neck like you becoming?

I don't know. Is this one of you in a bath? Well, not a bath. You want to even... Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's... That's... That's...

That's 1996. So that's six years into... Into recovery. So, and what happened between getting sober and that was great. That was a good time. So 17, I get sober. I lose all the weight. I go out.

I start dancing. and I realized I knew I wasn't thick I just sort of knew I wasn't thick I had no And you'd miss that A level you need Oh I had no That was never gonna happen

I had literally two GCSEs That was it So I'd ended up in a special school For kids with issues And so nothing at all And I got to like 18 And I went Oh god shit

Oh no I'm gonna need some things So I went to Hammersmith and West London College which if you're driving out of London, the big red brick. The big red brick. On the M4. And it was great.

It was great. And I did a B-Tech in performing arts. And I did an A-level at night school. So I was very focused. I was like... And the arts called you. That was the way you were going to go. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, 100%. And the A-level was just, I thought, well, a B-tech won't persuade anybody that you're not thick. Right. But it was good. And it was a really good. You've got you cast points in your brain somewhere. A little bit.

bit and I wanted to join the footlights already I was like I think that's a way you can go so and I started at Hampstworth West London College I did my first little bits of stand-up there aged sort of 20 like 20 I guess tiny little bits and then um yeah then I sort of I got that and then I got a place at Bristol so going to Bristol was I mean, I was so weird. I was so weird. Oh, my God. So I was really posh. I still am.

And I had this new body. And I liked wearing suits because all the comics I liked wore suits. So I just wore suits all day, every day. And then sometimes not. Sometimes I wear like dance clothes because I was still a dancer. And so I'd sometimes just go home at lunchtime and get changed. And then I'd reappear in something that made me look. I was part of a street crew.

Right, you were in a green suit About half an hour ago What the fuck is this man And I had I was in a bed sit Because I couldn't be in halls of residence I was like I can't share a fridge with people Who yeah

Also you'd been to boarding school I'm like It's like Jesus Christ I couldn't share a hall of residence thing With drinkers and drug takers and people who wouldn't understand, I have to eat these things. And if you touch them, I'll have to kill you. So I was in a bed sit, but I had cards printed, right, with my name and number on.

Because if you're not in a hall of residence, you don't know anybody. And at the end of the day, when you start at uni, everyone goes off to their thing that they have together. And if you live in a bed sit, you don't. So I had cards printed. And I still stand by it that it was a good decision. But one of the saddest, get ready to have your hearts broken. Oh, Jesus. I gave cards out to people.

Just saying, like, I don't, I'm not in halls. I'm in a flat, but, you know, up that way. And that's my phone number. Because no one had a phone. No, we didn't have a phone. No, one sliding into your DMs. No, and no one had even a philo fax in those days, right? See, this doesn't make sense to me.

And also it's very, what also strikes me about looking back on your story is that because you went into recovery. You were exposed to an emotional language. Yeah. Early in your adulthood that some people don't come across until much later. Exactly. Until they're 40s. Yeah.

Reading a self-help book going, fuck, I wish I'd known this when I was 20. And you did know it. It's like being given a secret code. Yeah, definitely. Which no one else has and they're like, that guy speaks a weird language. Yeah, but it's a really smart language. And also like, consequentially, I had known. friends who had died.

People who'd, I'd been in recovery with. Right. So you're going to have a car pay D and just right in you, aren't you? Yeah. Like same day we came in together. Right.

Three months later, they're dead. They've died from the thing. That's going to change your whole approach to life. That will give you a view about, about all of it. Yeah. You're like,

look, the consequences of not doing something or doing something both matter and don't matter. Yeah. You know? So, but I gave these cards out. and then I came into the like central bit in the drama department and found a stack of cards on the table.

It was so awful. Please say someone. Please tell me someone called you. But they still. Someone called you. So yeah, the guy who called me is in that picture. In fact, the two guys that called me. Really?

And then came your mate. So the picture is Danny Robbins of the Battersea Poultergeist haunted 22,000. to a ghost story fame. Yeah. So Danny was my original stand-up partner. We were a double act. Without Danny, I'm going to confidently say none of it. None of it.

Yeah, because Danny and I, like we were really funny as well. Probably the best gig I've ever had was a student night at Jester's Nightclub in Bristol. And we were introduced. So it was when Jester's first opened, Danny and I were introduced as, students and we went on and we had we had a good gig it was decent and we were invited back the following week and i think paid 20 quid mind-blowing amounts of money well it is and at this time the students had gone that that comedy club thing's good there's a student night place was rammed and danny and i were introduced and i've never been more famous than that in my entire life i should you

not people were like touching our clothes as we walked up. Wow. And we both wore amazing suits and it was so fun. And so we were great. I didn't know Danny Robbins did stand up. And then yeah, so we did we, that was the beginning. The reason I'm sitting naked in a cardboard box full of seals. Oh, I thought they're peels.

Their seals is that our sketch show was called Club Seals. We tried to get sponsorship from her. From who? I can't remember who it was. I think it might have been Newcastle Brown Ale and they wrote back and said, not only will we not sponsor you, you're trivialising an atrocity. So our t-shirts for the first Edinburgh festival we did in 96, which is that picture, said, club seals, trivialising an atrocity, because we had no other quotes to a trivia.

Your face in there is pure bliss, isn't it? I mean, you're just so happy. It was so fun. That's how we promoted the show. was a practice for I sat naked in a box of seals on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. Yeah. Of course you did. With club biscuits, right?

So we were club seals. We got sponsorship from club biscuits. They gave us, I think, like 10,000 biscuits. And we got passers by to play Lucky Dip in the bucket of seals. Right? So then plunge their hand in. And if you got a biscuit, lucky you. And then we'd give them a flight.

Do you know what? For promotion for your first Edinburgh sketch show, pretty good. Yeah. You need a gimmick, man. People were like, that's quite funny. Yeah. That is quite funny. How many people touch your wang?

Yeah, fair few. Fair few people. I mean, these days, these days you'd get, at the very least, canceled. And then the other guy in the picture is, so he at that time was known as Bob the Ferret. He was our magician in our sketch show. Yeah. Brilliant, very funny. magician. You've always been really industrious. Like you've always just created shows, had an

acting career, stand-up solo, solo. You had a sitcom that, I mean, you, oh, the savages. The savages, yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. So I was fairly green in my career, maybe, what was this like, end of the 90s, I guess. And I got, it was written by Simon Nye, who'd written men, Babin badly and, like, great writer, fantastic. Produced by Heartswood, so Beryl, um, um, Beryl Virtue and Sue Virtue, you know, like, amazing. And Victoria Hamilton playing my wife, Jeffrey Palmer was my dad. Oh, my, sitcom gold. And they were taking us out for lunches and all.

Oh, my God. We were at all the things. And we were filming out. We were all the things. We were. We were pre-invited to everything before it was even broadcast. And at the same time, filming in the same studios were some guys I knew a bit. and always had thought were quite good, you know.

I thought they were quite funny, but holy shit, you know, like eating their lunch out of a Tupperware in the canteen hoping no one saw them and seeming a bit bedraggled. And Robin Inns was on that and a few others. And I was chatting with Robin. And I said, what is it? You're filming? And he said, well, it's this sort of a, like a single camera comedy thing. Yeah.

It's set in an office and I went, okay, and what's it called? And he went, it's just called the office. and I thought, oh, you poor fuckers. You poor guys. It's a shame because a lot of these guys actually pretty good. They're nice guys. They're quite good. Mackenzie Crooks on you really well

because he'd been really active on the circuit. Yeah, I remember the case. He's good. He always had a thing about it. It was like, it's a shame that. It's a shame. And then the savages came out. Songed without trace.

Didn't matter. No harm done. But literally. What happened to the office? Literally. And then the office. And I watched episode one. And I just went,

It's over. Oh, God. The tide has changed. And I had a column in the Guardian at the time. It was fairly brief. I was bad at that. But I wrote a thing about when series two at the office filmed. And I said, like, it's quite painful for me to watch the office because it's so good.

And it has set aside where we are with Ricky Javais now and wherever, whatever, you know. But at the time, it felt like sitcom was over. that they had ended it all. And I wrote this thing fully in praise of it, you know. And Steve Merchant, bless him, phoned me up. And he said, oh, well, I just wanted to see. Thank you so much for what you wrote in The Guardian about the office. I thought that was so lovely.

And I went, oh, cheer Steve. And he went, yeah. And we're, funnily enough, we're filming series two right now. And I hope you like that as well. Bye. No. Like a part, please. Please. Please.

What is this picture of here of you doing this? Are you Prince? That's far more recent. Yeah, that is Prince Fest. And I put that in because it's another like, that's definitely a massive high point. You look great in this picture. I really like that picture.

Where did you get that comes from? Bought that online. So at the Latitude Festival, when, so Prince died in... 2016, when everyone died. 2016. Yeah. Everyone went that year.

I want to say in June. I think it's around about right now. Post-Bowie pre-Victoria Wood. I mean, Christ, that was a year where... And I was booked for the Latitude Festival and I was doing it anyway and I phoned them up and I said, look, I'm a lifelong Prince fan. I'll do a very brief sidebar.

So I worked at Tower Records, opposite kids. Kensington Market when I first came out of rehab. It was a guy in rehab helped get me the job there and da-da-da. And Rosie Gaines from the New Power Generation Princess Band came in. She bought more records than I've ever seen anyone buy in my entire life. And as I was checking all her stuff out, I said, I just want to say I'm a huge fan of you and she was amazing. And she was really nice.

And she said, oh, that's cute. Are you coming to see the show, honey? And I wasn't genuinely wasn't angling for it. But I went, oh, no, I couldn't get a ticket. And she went like this. She went, put your number down on the receipt. What? And I went, okay.

And I put my name and number down on the receipt. And the next day, I got a phone call from a very grumpy man at Earl's Court. Go, is that Martin Brinstone? Yes. Well, there's two tickets for you for tonight. Oh, wow. And I went and I was in the second row. Get out.

I was this near to Prince. To Prince. Oh. Thanks to Rosie Gaines, me and a friend. So massive Prince fan, I always have been, seen him live quite a few times. So when he died, I phoned latitude and I said, I feel like we've got to do something for Prince. And they said, what? And I said, I think it's a lip sync competition, which I will host and will get everyone from the audience up, because everyone knows Prince songs.

And they can lip sync. I'll give them costumes. and then whoever does it best can decide who gets my fee for the gig and we'll give it to charity. Oh, that's so great. And then we did it for years at latitude. Yeah, on the Thursday night. So kind of before the festival.

And the first one we did, it was in the, I think, I can't remember, the speakeasy tent, the literary tent or whatever. And I looked out at the end of it, obviously we ended on Purple Rain. and there were, I'm going to say, like a couple of thousand people with lighters and phones doing the end of purple rain. Yeah. And myself and Tanya, who used to book Latitude, both had a little cry because it was so, it made so many people so happy. Yeah. Well, how would you like to finish?

I think this one. This is a beautiful picture. Do you know what? I think, well, it is beautiful. That's Roy, my. chameleon who we sadly lost last week. I've had Roy for a long, long time. How long have you had Roy for?

Eight years. What happened to Roy? It got old. Yeah, they just died. Do they not live that long? They don't live for eight years. Eight years is, he's basically a record holder. He should have got a telegram from King Chuck.

And what was your relationship with Roy? So Roy, actually, Roy really came about again, because of the Latitude Festival. So I was camping with my kids and a guy set up his tent next to ours and I was sitting there and I went, kids, I'm pretty sure there's a snake.

That doesn't seem right. And there was, sure enough, there was a python on the grass. And the guy in the next door tent was the guy whose job it was to do the animal show for the kids. Oh, and he had a snake and he had chameleons and spiders and giant snakes. Lugs, yeah, he was just letting it bask in the sun.

He was doing his thing. So we spent a weekend with chameleons on our heads and all over us going, this is amazing. And my daughter said, can we get a chameleon? How much for you a chameleon wonka? I went, obviously not. And then she went, well, if we get one, I'd like to call it Heidi, which I thought was so funny. because of their ability to hide. I thought it was so funny.

I went, do you know what? That joke has earned it. So we originally got a chameleon called Heidi, who sadly didn't live long. She was a Yemen chameleon. They're really hard to look after, and we got bad advice, and I feel very bad about it.

But then soon afterwards, we got Roy, who's a panther chameleon, and Roy is named after. Do you remember Roy and Rini from the Fars show? Yeah. So... Is that Carolina?

Yeah, whenever we fly, whenever we go on holiday, I always say to right, we'll have to fly. What do I say, Roy? We'll have to fly. It's John Thompson, right? And then always at the end, because I get sometimes a dicky tongue, what do I get, Roy? She shits through the eye of a needle. I do not say that, Roy, you great shower of shit. So Roy's full name is Roy the great shower of shit.

Because he likes to go on a high branch to have a poo. And I told John Thompson, I said, oh, my commitment. I showed him a picture. So my pet chameleon is named after Roy from Roy and Reney thinking he'd go, oh, that's so lovely. God, they were fun. Caroline was brilliant. It was great. And he went, all right.

And just walked off. All right, John. Hard to impress. Yeah, fair enough. But yeah, Roy, it's really weird with Roy. So he was a perfect pet for me because he was really interesting. I don't mean like as a reflection of me. I mean, like he just fascinated me more than a dog or a cat.

cat and they changed colour according to their mood not to disguise themselves or whatever so i really liked that as well his emotional openness was something i thought was really really inspiring i was like yeah you you fucking go for it roy you tell you tell people when you feel horny that's okay that is okay show us i just feel like with people did more color changes you'd know where you stood oh i have angered you i have angered you i have angered you I can see because you've gone dark green. Yeah, you might be saying passive aggressive. Yeah, exactly.

Weird things. I know I've angaged it. Yeah, that would be so useful. Maybe my spirit animal is chameleon. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I really loved that about Roy and he moved with very, he was very deliberate in his movement.

And then, you know, he got old and he died. And I thought I would, I thought I'd be okay. I knew it was his time. He couldn't climb properly anymore as balancer. gone and he just i was holding him on my hand talking to the vet about what needed to happen which is pretty awful and roy just busted out his happy colors oh he just busted him out and i just was like the colors he puts on when he's content and he's warm enough and he's confident he's not afraid of anything you know he'd go quite dark if he was afraid and change his body shape and then if he

was sort of quite content he'd bust out his happy colors and he did it like right before. Oh, Marcus, that's really hard for. It's a lot in it. It's a lot. It's a lot. I mean, I don't. Bless him.

You know, it's really hard. Yeah. Well, let's tribute this episode to Roy. To dear little Roy. Who just left us. Thank you so much, Marcus. Oh, my pleasure. Thanks, guys.

This was really good. I'm not because you're sharing such incredible stories. No worries. And you've got you and your lovely, you're lovely, Rachel Peres, you've got your podcast? We have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've got, how was it for you? Which is, we've got, I'm glad it makes you giggle. It's such a 70-sex reference. Yeah. The idea of. You don't just share post-coyal chat. The gentleman rolling off, lighting a cigarette and going, well, how was it for you? But I think a lot of people have no idea that that's sort of what the reference is.

Yeah, we review stuff. We review anything that's, that's happened. So we don't review art. We never go and that film's good or that play was shit or whatever. But we did, for example, we went to see Oliver at the West Yorkshire Playhouse. We reviewed being in a theatre on a school's matinee. Right. Or we reviewed a train journey with friends where you're suddenly having to negotiate with people in a way that you don't want to.

I keep reviewing tinned fish, which Rachel thinks is a waste of time. It's really important that people know what's out there. So yeah, it's just the two of us just, basically. basically being influencers, but without any money coming to us or any meaningful influence. I'm like the worst, it's literally the worst kind of influencer. It's really good. Sounds like the best kind. I would definitely take your advice on all things cheese.

You are a connoisseur. I am. Marcus, it's been an absolute pleasure having you here. So fun. Thanks, guys. Thank you. I'll bone to pick with you. So I saw your little video where you promoted your gig. Oh, hang on.

That'd be good. Yeah. And I know that you know that there would be feedback. And here it is. So she's going through all the list of all the people performing at her fundraiser. Oh, come and see Flim Flam. They're hilarious. Stand up comedy.

Da da da da da da. Come and see Wawa. They're fabulous. Really funny. Amazing stand-up comedian. Yeah. Oh, and having seen Afterlife, well, you know the dead one. Come and see her.

Oh, she's going to kill me when she watches this. Well, here we are. Look. I'm going. You don't even mention that I'm a comedian. You just go, oh, she's the dead one in afterlife. I sort of said you're funny. And also, listen, it's a night of stand-up comedy.

Of course you're a stand-up comedian. Listen, I went with that. An appearance. But isn't that a lovely thing? I went with my promoter hat on and I said, what will people, what will be, if I say stand-up comedian, Kerry Godderman, people go, oh, I don't know who that is.

If I go, that dead woman in afterlife, people are, oh, I like her. So what I was doing was trying to sell tickets, Kerry. And it's all for a good cause and it's all for charity. And I think on that basis, you should, if anything, you should be thanking me. Right. Shit. My mistake. Yeah.

Yeah, I should be thanking you. It was hilarious. It was hilarious to watch it. And I could see right deep into your eyeballs that you knew that I'd be watching it and you knew that they would. I knew you'd watch it because I tagged you. Yeah. And you also did it. Well, I don't watch everything you tag me in.

maybe, just FYI. But, but you did a little, little mumbly aside where you went, dead one, afterlife, blah, blah, and then you just, just for me, I think, you went, she's gonna fucking kill me when she watches this. It was for you.

Because I thought, I'm not gonna repeat this. When you do those videos to promote stuff, you've got to go with the first take, you can't go second, third, fourth take because by then, you're dead behind the eyes. So I was like, even though I said it, it was like, oh no, she's not gonna like that. I thought, I've got to keep this take.

Yeah. And so that's why I had to do that. Well, your instincts were right. Yeah. I didn't like it. I can't wait for Glastonbury this year where we'll walk halfway down. Halfway down some sort of busy thoroughfare for 68 people to stop you and go, I love you in afterlife.

And for you, your face to like, just suit you having to adjust your face as you turn around. Oh, thank you. I can go, I'm like, oh, fuck off. I don't know. That's not fair. No, I say it for you. That's your projection. Yeah, that is my projection. You're very kind.

Just like the characters I play. Yeah. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not. sure where do we put the stress is it what did you do yesterday what did you do yesterday you know what what did you do yesterday i'm really down playing it like what did you do yesterday like i'm just i'm just a guy just asking a question but do you think i should go bigger what did you do yesterday what did you do yesterday every single word this time i'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word what did you do yesterday like that's too much

isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.