Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E25: Colin Hoult

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

"I remember looking around in the garden and saying 'I don't think I'm meant to be here..." This week we have the brilliant Colin Hoult on the show talking about growing up with his much older siblings, formative years and his brilliant alter ego Anna Mann. PHOTO 1: Go Karting with my brother PHOTO 2: Holidaying in Tunisia with my parents PHOTO 3: My Dad PHOTO 4: The wonderful Ben PHOTO 5: My alter ego Anna Mann PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kerry. Yeah. On the 12th of September, yeah. 2024, what will we be doing? We're doing a live podcast, our first live podcast. For the London podcast festival at King's Place and we couldn't be more excited. I only started a podcast to do live once.

Okay. Well, that's the end of this advert. Well, that was short. Hello, and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Brister and I'm Kerry Goddlyman. Each week will be to. taking a trip down memory lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about.

To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Do you want me to sing you a song, Jen? Do you want me to sing you a song? I cannot think of anything I would love more.

Schools out for. Summer. Thoughts? I like it. Yeah. I keep singing it to my children, but they asked me to stop. I mean,

schools are for summer. It is out, isn't it? Yep. They broke up. Have yours broken up? Yep, they broke up at the beginning. Weirdly on a Monday. Oh yeah, that is really weird.

It's the classic day to break up for school. That's like the upside down of a bank holiday. I mean, what is that about? We got to Friday. They had like this big hoo-ha, where what you're like, turn up to school, yad-a-ya-ya-ya. See you Monday. What?

Same. Frank had the same. They had like a crazy Monday. We did a Wednesday. So they had an amazing Monday. Then they went to Southampton and had a great trip on the Tuesday. Wednesday, full school uniform lessons. What? I think, I mean, guys, read the.

the room about everyone's care factor about I want to learn anything on Monday go out on a high and then break up go out on a high don't go out on a flat we just had the weekend yeah we just had the we had the leavers party or the you know year six leaving and then it's like see you Monday what yeah that is mad

are you two now your two haven't left primary school yet though have they oh I hope not I hope no no that very much that would be that would be that means I've skipped I've missed two years of my own life No, that can happen. Well, brace yourself because those leavers parties are intense. Oh, I bet. I mean, I just saw mum's crying at the school game.

Yeah, they're crying. And you don't think you will, but you do. I said to Chloe, why is everyone crying? She went, oh, because everyone's leaving school and they're going to secondary school. I went, oh, right. I said, but no one's going until the autumn. Do we cry again then? She went, no, it's the end of an era.

You don't get it, do you? You don't get it, you fucking automaton. You're like an AI. I do get it. You're like AI. You're like, why? I can feel feelings in my neck, but what are they? I was just trying to, I had a brief disconnect.

Kerry, and then I've reconnected. I plugged in to the emotion, to the grief, to the, to the, I was a complete empath. Yeah, you will feel those feels when they come, right? That last day of year six, you'll be like, I feel nothing, I feel nothing. And then you'll go. And you'll be like, And you will be keening. I will be keening.

I think primary school is emotional. Yes, it's a definite time in your kid's life and then they go. Where they are yours. You're my children, you're mine. Yep, you do the gate. You're involved. I know what you're doing. You're telling me things.

Not everything. But they're telling me stuff that's happening. We are connected. Connected. Then, now you're going to. Secondary. Secondary school. Good night, Vienna.

That port cutlass comes down and it's over. Yeah. And they're strangers. Absolutely nothing. Yeah, they're strangers. So I can totally see the tears, the grief. You will do it and I will want to see it. In fact, just let me know what date they leave and I'll come down. I'll film it. Yeah, film it. Live stream it, babe.

Live stream it. I'll do a GoPro on your head. Put one of those Jeremy Vine gopros on your head. I've got a GoPro. Stream it live. And I'll just need the gear to do the thing on my head. Yeah, yeah. And I'll put it up.

then we'll do a whole episode on memory lane about about nostalgia emotions and nostalgia and how I'm missing them already even though I'm doing. I mean, I don't want to be judgmental but I am going to be. But you're going to be. Yeah, you absolutely are. That's what I might call my next tour show. I don't mean to be judgmental, but.

But I enjoy it. I don't know how else to operate. Now there are people that put montages. No. Yeah. On social media. Like, so I know a few people that's good. was leaving year six.

So they put a montage up. I mean, I suppose not... Who doesn't like a montage? I know you don't, but lots of people like montages. A montage is a thing that people are doing. But the time to sit down and create a montage. I don't like the ones that the Apple phone sends me without my consent, by the way.

Like, how dare you montage my life? Oh, my God. And you put the soundtrack on it. You put the soundtrack on it. If I'm going to montage my life, I will choose the music. I'm not going to be using the pamphers. pipe singing George Michael, I'm going to be having something a little bit more banging.

Yeah. What's this weird fucking advert lift music you've chosen to go on my life? It's my life. But Kerry, can I just say that these montages that you are witnessing on iPhone. Instagram or Facebook?

Oh no, the social media ones yet. There are social media ones. You know Instagram can kind of do it for you. No, I know that these people are making them make. They're making and make. You just upload it onto your phone. No, these people are sitting down and they are making them. Editing it.

Okay. Yep. But they're not, but they're invested in their children and in memories and in their family. Sure. And this is a sign of love. Sure. In a way that you show your love. It's a love language.

It's a love language. We're always talking about different types of love language. Chloe's love language is doing something. She'll do something for me. She certainly wouldn't say anything. but she'll do it Oh look Would she make you a montage

As a love language She would make me a montage And I would say Love you There's a coffee You'll use the words I'll use the words I'll use the words

I mean she'll say She'll say you say it But what does it mean? I'm like it means a lot Because look There's a coffee next to the words What does it really mean She'll say

It means everything And that's what I love language It does mean quite a lot That's why we have language that's how we communicate with our hands and our lips and our mouths but shapes but I've learned that

her love language is doing and so that's the kind of language you'd like to receive so what I do Kerry because I listen because I've already described I'm an empath do you find that almost everyone that describes itself as an empath is actually a psychopath anyway

just something I've picked up over the years anyway so I know I want to make that woman happy. Yeah. Change the bed sheets on time. Okay. Vacuum. Clean the bathroom.

Clean the bathroom. So your love language is domestic cleaning. Yeah. Uh-oh. Open the fridge. Look who's cleaned the fridge? Me. That is going to send her into an absolutely...

Isn't it funny? Yeah, but we, I mean, this is basic housework that we're now describing as a love language. I mean, what a pair of wankers. I know. But you know when you're not expecting to see a clean fridge and then it just pops out. That is, and do you know what? You say that about the sheets, but both of us can't, we're like, oh, it feels like it's a physical effort. Oh, nothing like you.

Taking the duve cover off and they're putting a new duve. Then you get stuck inside the duve trying to put the fucking thing on. Because we've got a king-sized duvet because we're pricks. I've got a good hack for that. I'll show you next time I see you. Inside out, put your hands in, corners of the thing, swish it round. I'm still inside it, Kerry. I'm still inside it trying to get out.

Can you live stream that for me as well? If you could GoPro your whole life for me, I'm fully invested in watching you change the next thing. I feel like your investment in my life. It's a sitcom I long to see, Jen. Isn't the empathy that initially I thought it was? I'm beginning to think it might be something else, that you're deriving a different kind of enjoyment.

Maybe. I find you very entertaining. I would really love to see you clowning around with a bed sheet. Only when I lose it. You're absolutely entertained when I completely lose my rag. Then you do do some clowning things. You are so entertained. You, one of Elsie's favourite moments at Glastonbury this year.

Oh no. Don't bring that up. Was you treading on Chloe's glasses. Brand new glasses. Brand new sunglasses. So you were sat there and you were like, right, I'm going to go see a band. $50.000 sunglasses. Yeah.

You sat there chatting, moaning, tired. good comedy moaning, top draw comedy moaning. Then right, fuck this. I'm going to go and watch a band. Stood up and immediately trod on Chloe's glasses. But let's not forget, by that point, I'd already lost two pairs of my own sunglasses, my main sunglasses and my spare sunglasses.

Chloe said, oh God, okay, don't worry, I've brought a pair of sunglasses. Don't lose these because they're brand new. These are special. These are quite special. And I went, what are the chances of me losing the third? I didn't lose them. But within the hour of her giving them to me,

I trodden them and literally smashed them into bits. Yeah. Yeah. And she said, she thought, she took it well. She took it really well. She took it really well. Her love language is tolerant. She, she calmly said afterwards,

I saw you put them on the floor and I thought she's going to tread on them. And you did. And I did. And there was a bit of me that wanted to say, well, if you knew I was going to tread on them, perhaps you could have picked them up. But I think that would have been a step too far. I think you'd have pushed her over the edge there.

I think that would have been pushing her over the edge. So I retreated, because that's my love language. Yeah, your love language is to say sorry and acquiesce. Yeah, knowing when to shut the fuck up. That's my love language. What's Ben's love language? Ben's very kind. You know Ben.

He's cooks and cleans, all that stuff you would just say. He's very domestic. He just does it. He's coffee in the morning. He's very loving. And he uses language. Good old fashioned English language. I love you.

Kerry, why? How did you? I don't know how I managed to find Ben and keep him. It's a fucking miracle. I mean, we've talked about this before. We have talked about it because. Not on the podcast, but certainly as friends that you've said, I mean, got to cling on to this one. Oh, 100% I'm aware that I'm very lucky to have Ben.

He is good. He is great. He has. He really is. He's a good soul. He is. And what a calm presence. What a calm presence.

He just is a, he's just a tolerant, calm. He doesn't, I don't get any kind of code. There's no like, well, I said that, but I didn't mean it. I thought this, but I thought it's just, there's clarity. There's no games. There's no bullshit. No games. But actually we've both got that in our partners because there's no bullshit with Chloe.

She is zero zero bullshit. There's none of this. No. Well, when I gave you that, look, I meant this, but I know I implied that, but you should know there's a code and you should not. There's none of that. No, there's none of that. That's just I did tell you and I thought telling you was what you would understand to be the thing. But you didn't understand.

So now I am doing this thing where I'm telling you again. There is a sort of, they have got a care. I do sometimes feel like he's my carer and Chloe does have that kind of vibe with you. They are, they've got a key worker vibe, that's all I'm saying. It's a slight key worker vibe. But is that then or is that us? Well, I think if you're going out with a comedian,

you are going to have to lean into that key worker vibe now and then. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, you are. Well, because of the amount of emotional breakdowns we've both had with our partners on our own together. They do have to listen quite a lot. They see it and they'll go, oh, it's happening. they're having a breakdown.

I can see when I'm having a breakdown and I can see when Chloe can see that I'm having a breakdown and I can see she's thinking how am I going to deal with this? Because I've got shit loads on and I can't deal with whatever this is. I will have to. I know I have to. That's what I mean. There's a professionalism too which has got a key worker vibe.

Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. And also she's a trained life coach. There you go. Ben's a coach as well. Ben works in behaviour, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's all his area of expertise. And this is a wonderful thing. but a little bit of advice to partners.

Don't life coach your partner. Nobody wants it. Not if they're a comedian. They will tell you to go fuck yourself. Yes. I'm going to say something like, have you ever done sound of comedy? That'd be the first thing I say.

And they'll say no and I'll go, well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to shut this time. Help us all. Anyway, that's happening. Just bear with me one second. I have to parent. Frank. Oh.

Frank. You need to get dressed because we're going quite soon to play tennis. So shorts and a t-shirt. School's out for summer, mate. Uh-oh. She's saying it. Schools out for summer! Oh, that was a less good one.

That was... I like the... I like the grunts that we could hear from Frank. Frank just went, all right. Yeah, yeah, it was like... It was monosyllabic, but not even... It wasn't a word. Not even a word.

There's no language, let alone love language. Oh, wow, I can't wait to have two of those running around the house. Yeah. Well, that's when nostalgia gets in. Smelly monosyllabic boys. Great. Well, that's what nostalgia's for.

Because when they are difficult to connect with, you're like, let's look at a montage of when they were four. Let's look at a montage, Kerry. And that's when. Oh, what a link. Yeah. Exactly. Who is our guest today, Jen?

Whose life and memories are we talking to? today. Okay. We are talking to, I don't know, I've got no idea. We are talking to Colin Holt, the wonderful Colin Holt, who I've known for, in fact, it wasn't until we, you two went into a hazy mist of nostalgia. Yeah, because we've known each other for over 20 years, I realize. And he showed a photograph, one of his photographs, and I went, that is how I remember you. That's what you looked like when I met you and he went no no no that I was 24 in that picture I went yeah yeah you were 24 when I met you exactly um but yes it was really lovely chatting to Colin yeah he's had an interesting life and told some very moving stories he did he really did

and loads of stuff that given that I've known him for as long as I have I didn't know and I really enjoyed talking to him so um this is Kerry and I talking to the brilliant Colin Holt This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence. While Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress.

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See app for details. We're going to go straight in, Colin Holtz. Let's do it. This is all about you. This entire episode is not about us. It's about you. And we're going to go straight to your first photograph. Yeah.

Is that you sitting in the little go car? That's me in the go car. Oh my God. I look like I'm like one of those sickly children, don't I like? You've only got one. What happened to your other shoe? Oh, dear. Just one little red sock.

I don't know. That's, there's one. No, I think one is the bottom of the boot and one is the boot, isn't it? It's possible. It's not impossible. I only have one shoe. No, that is one shoe. You have one shoe.

My brothers used to have it worse than me. They used to bang on about their trousers made out of curtains. Your brother really looks like you. I mean, that is shocking. He does, doesn't he? That's my brother who died, yeah, sadly. Oh, I'm so sorry. He died five years ago nearly.

Oh, so not even that long ago, Colin. And were you close? Before the pandemic. 2018. Well, it's quite a big gap, isn't it? 11 years older than me. Yeah, that is a big gap. Yeah, yeah.

And he seemed quite weird to me. Like a box of chocolates, he'd bite one and then put it back. Like, you'd just do that. And my other brother said he used to go around and like stab the sugar with knives. So it would start leaking. He'd go in his cupboards. Oh, you mean the bags of sugar? And then just like stab a bag of sugar and then walk off.

Yeah, he had a lot of weird little. That's a pretty idea. It was quite mad, isn't it? He was like a prankster, basically. But like it was only he was finding it funny. No one else was... So when you were little, you just were like, I don't get this guy. Very weird to me.

He was definitely an odd man. He was very capable. He was like a NHS manager and all the stuff before he died. But he was like, you know, just seems slightly aloof and odd. They always just got... He's like the Lord, isn't he? He thinks he's like the Lord in our family. Because we all grew up in Nottingham, Schumman.

He was like kind of had a slightly airs. and graces thing about him. Do you know? Right. He'd do that. It reminds me about Harry Hill. He'd have that kind of like odd, so, do you mean like odd eccentricity about it?

And you got closer when you were older? Yeah. So then when I got to be like, do you know what it was? It was after I had my kids, I guess. And then there's a period where I had struggling with depression and stuff and speaking to him about that. And suddenly we really connected.

And then he like, he nearly died then of a different thing. And was like literally. they called us in and said, you know, say your goodbyes. And then he just started getting better. No one knew why. And interesting enough, in an ICU, they say they just don't know why some people get better and some people don't. There's literally no science. It's literally as like they just did and they didn't.

So then he had like these five years and it was like almost like, you know his films where someone gets hit in the head and their personality changes or something. Yeah. Yeah. Like that he was awful before, but he just suddenly became like lived life to the full. but was like really caring and understanding and whereas before he'd been quite distant and it was very bizarre but there he is pulling pulling me along in the car

you know that is a real 70s, it's a nice 70s photograph so 70s isn't it it's a really 70s photo because also both of you are not really in focus very well yeah and I feel like that is almost every photograph that's ever taken of any child in the 70s

is like it's just enough that you're in frame yeah totally don't worry about focusing it technologically again she would often take photos and cut people's heads off and all that stuff you know it's always like she just couldn't she just took a photo of your feet or something also you don't see anymore children don't make go-karts anymore that is a very retro i've got pictures of both my parents with homemade death traps i don't remember that go-kart at all though i don't think it doesn't you look like the lord you're the lord i think i'm the bloody bloody prince of the hills. I mean, I was the youngest, so I was by quite some time. So he's, he's 11 years older than me.

Pete, who's my other brother, my oldest brother is 16 years older than me. And then Pete, he now lives with my mum. And then Pete's brother closest, he was nine years older than me. So I was a real horrific accident much later on clearly, you know what I mean? Horrific accident. I sort of, it's a terrible way to start life, isn't it? But generally, I say this in my This sounds very like, poor me, but I remember looking around at the guy on, the first thing I said, I went, I don't think I'm meant to be it. Oh, which sounds insane, doesn't it? My mum was like, yeah, that's because she was like, he must be a reincarnation of someone, like straight away. Did you feel that you were left too much alone to your own devices just to figure stuff out?

Yeah, maybe, maybe. I remember having this book called A Thousand Words in English. Did you ever have that? We had like a drawing of all the different hats. Yes, I, something like, yes. I think I didn't have something similar. I think I was teaching myself, do you know what I?

It was like, oh, call it. Like Tarzan of the apes. No, no, it wasn't that bad. But it was, yeah,

I did feel very much left alone to my own devices, really. But no, having my older brothers, though, it was quite cool. Like, they were into horror movies and,

like, Pete was really into the cure and Jim was really into the Smiths. It was almost like three ages of music. Yeah. And they're like, or Jim was more like Pet Shop Boy, Smiths, that kind of thing.

Pete was like goffs. So Pete was like goffs. So Pete, was really cool, really good looking when I was a kid and he had like a leather jacket and he was always like a bit of a sort of like you know, what's the word like a poet like a wistful type. Yeah.

Used to go like, I'll say this in my show you every day. He used to go like, don't end up like me, Cole. Don't end up like me and he was like 15 at the time. What would be your next photograph? God, because I've sent you quite a lot haven't I? I'm just worried they're all about death because they're all gone.

So there's my dad. I can show you the one where I'm with dad. Right. So that's, I think that's when we went to Tunisia. That was the first holiday. What a photo? It's quite good, isn't it?

He's quite handsome, isn't he, my dad? My mum was very pretty. When would this have been then when you went to Tunisia? So that was, I was 10, so that would be 1989.

I've got a He-Man jumper on there. Oh, I look very happy, don't I? You do, actually. I look exactly like my boy as well, my little boy. Did you go, just the three of your, or did your older brothers come too? No, it's just the three of us, yeah. So what?

It was like a sort of renaissance. I think my dad had got like a good job. He was an accountant and he got like this one for a lingerie company. I think he got for a lingerie company. No, he got redundant from the lingerie company and then he got a new one that was a bit better. So we went to Tunisia. Do you remember that holiday? Yes, vaguely.

What do you remember? I remember. buying a camel called Ciddy. My mum was always very obsessed with money, understandably, because she'd grown up with none. So it's like, I mean, my dad bought me this camel city and just for about the first day, her just talking about,

I can't believe you spend that much on that camel. I can't believe you spend that much? Hang on, can we just have clarity? A real camel? No, no, no, no, like a toy camel, sorry, a toy camel. Okay, we do need to make that clear. I'm garbling. Sorry, I'm going a bit slightly.

Because I thought, oh my God, he bought a camel. No, no. I'm with your mum. To be fair, that would have been too much. Yeah, I'd have been with your mum. Like, come on, guys, it's excess. We don't need to buy a camel. Even if it's cheap, what you're going to do with it?

What are you going to do with it? How are you going to get it home? Exactly. We have to just kill it. Kill it and eat it. I remember eating horse. We ate horse. I remember my mum not liking the Germans.

That was of a strong. Get that in early, yeah. That was a very 80s thing. I really feel like in the 80s, there was this sort of obsession with hating the Germans. You're right. There used to be a lot of boys shouting, two World Wars and one World Cup.

That got shouted a lot. You don't hear that so much now. I think it was about them stealing the decks chairs. Do you remember that? Or the loungers. The towels. Putting the towels down. That still goes on.

Look at him. Look at him. that smug they're all smug that's what you say about the Germans but I don't think it was a racist

against Germans particularly I think it was it does sound it doesn't it I don't think it was because they were Germans I think it was because they got the bed

sun low they had an air of arrogance that my mum did not approve of I just remember my dad being really like come on we're here to have a good time

did you did you have a good time yeah we definitely had moments I think again, like being a little boy, I was like, what's going on? Do you know what? I have my heartbroken in Tunisia. It's all coming back now.

As I'm talking to it, I genuinely haven't thought about that holiday for years. But in a friendship way, you know, when you have a friend. What happened? He was a bit older. He was maybe 12, 13. And he was a bit cool, bit footbally. I was not footbally, as you, as I've said, and you could probably tell. And I was more like go-carts and the Smiths.

One shoe. One shoe kind of guy. One shoe. Yeah, you know, like that kind of thing. That's what we did a lot in the early eighties. But he, we were like best mates for like two days. You know when in a holiday? Oh, we'll be best friends then.

And we're going to hang out. And then this, then another lad came along. Oh, he ditched you. He went off with him. Ditch me. Oh, Colin. For the rest of the holiday. And then I got really bad sunburn.

And it was like agony. I remember lying there going, you know. And Stuart, his name was, it's all coming out, girls. Oh, Colin. It's all coming out. It's called Memory Lane. This is what we're here for. Oh.

This is like to me, do you know what? I haven't had my therapist for about three months. Oh, well, this is really good. This is really helping. What? Stuart never came up before. In my life. In the therapy?

But remember, I feel like, no, Stuart's never come up. Oh, man, we need to dig around. Without making this all about my mum. I hate to be too harsh at my mum. But I remember we're going, yeah, you see, that's what happens. She always says, I think, with something like that happens, she'll be like, yeah, that's what happens. They ditch you. Oh.

In a way, she's giving me the heart. Lessons. I mean, it all leads back to mum's sugar the pill. It all goes back to your mum, give us a break, Mom. Give us a break. Learn pain, like your mum said. That's what, that's what Mum said. Learn pain.

When we, when you go in the house, that will be above the door. Learn pain. Yeah. Get used to it, sunshine. Replacing eat, pray, love. Learn pain, cry, die. Yes. So you went to to, you went to a, brutal story.

It is a brutal story And I feel really bad And I feel also as a parent Watching my children Because I have seen those dynamics happen Where one of my boys is in love with this kid And it's like this is my best friend And you're like

Oh, you're not his best friend I don't think he knows you're alive My little boy they've started making lists He's finally got into a little gang Which we're really happy about Because he's just had one friend for ages Not criminal gang, it's a kind of sweet gang Yeah I mean but only small level stuff

You gotta be careful with guys Yeah only just you know just pass in shit and stuff. Yeah. Sorry. No, no, he's not in a real criminal gang. He's seven. But they've stopped making lists of who's the best in the group.

And they all make these lists and pass them around to each other. And then he got like, he got sixth on someone else's list. And he was, I'm like, guys, can you stop doing that? Yeah, don't do that. Yeah. Why is he number six on this list? I want to, come on. I want to, come on.

Why don't you set up a WhatsApp group with the other parents and get to the bottom of it? Holy crap. That is something that nobody ever, ever wants to do. Who wants to be? be in another group with a bunch of parents who kids have put your son at number six. I do. Sorry, could I have a word please? I just like to know why my son's at number

six because he's actually a lot, he's a lot more fun than that kid. You know, that kid's an idiot. Let's go to your next photograph, which is again with your dad and you're holding a baby and you look like a handsome young man here. Oh man, how old am I there? Maybe 23 or something?

Who is that baby then? That's my niece. Right. Trinity. Great name. Trinity Ray, who's now just called Ray. Is it? Is it really? Or maybe it was like 25 then? I think I...

So when I met you I would have been... Yeah, it would have been 23 actually when I met you, Jan. That's so mad. We know only took that long. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I remember you. Yeah.

So... That's the real... That's how I still kind of think I look. You do look like that. You know, like... But you do look like that. We all look like we looked when we were 23. Yeah.

Yeah. And there's big... Nothing. There's big Cole, the captain. That's my dad, big Colin. Oh, you're Colin Jr. Yep, technically Colin Junior. Okay, let's unpack that because I've never understood that.

What is happening? And why did they get to the third child and then decide to call you Colin? Yeah, that's a good point. The fourth child, so they ran out a name. Oh, fourth? They did. They ran out. They were like, look.

Why did they call you after Colin? I don't know. You've never asked. Well, my mum wanted to call me Dylan. So my dad died 20 years ago. And I never really had a sort of adult relationship with him, I suppose. That sounds weird. But as an adult, I never really got to know him.

Do you know what I mean? We never really shared stuff as it properly by that point. Even though I was 25, but I guess I was off like doing stuff. That's young. But so I never really got to ask him why he decided to do that. because it's only now. Like my new show is called Colin and I'm trying to get to the bottom of this

to something like the show. And it's, my mum on has called me Dylan, which is much cooler. Yeah. And like if I was Dylan, I think I'd just be like, hi, I'm Dylan.

You know, those guys, hi, Dylan. I know, but I'm like, Colin, hello. You know,

and it's, but he wasn't like, arrogant or not like a sort of, imagine someone who called themselves after themselves would probably be a bit easier and a bit of life. It's bold. It's bold.

Yeah, sort of a, I don't know, I'm imagining maybe a self-made businessman type or something like that, you know, but a sort of Logan Roy character, you know, but he's not, he wasn't in any way like that. He's very humble. I do remember this one moment when he got, they got this house in France really cheap, right? And he, but it like needed loads of work. This wasn't long before he died, so when he died, they had to sell it anyway sort of thing.

But it was like, he'd go over and do this work and he took me over once and just sat in this van the whole way, just like hardly anything to say. I think I'd just split up with my girlfriend at the title. I was like, do you know, but there was no... Yeah, yeah. And we started talking about university. And I remember I was saying, he was from a family of seven. It was very, you know, ordered and stuff.

And his eldest sister could have gone to university, but they didn't send her because they didn't have the money or something. Right. And then when he came along, he was bright enough like her to go, but they didn't send him because they didn't send her even though they could have done. Right. So he told me this story, driving along, burst into tears. Oh.

He just like started crying and crying. but like uncontrollably. It's like he'd never said this since he was, whatever it would be, 18. Wow. It was such a weird moment. And how were you with it? Just didn't know what to do because he'd never,

he'd never really been a hugger or said, I love you or anything like that. Even though he seemed kind of very much filled with love. Do you know what I mean? He was definitely a loving man. But he struggled to communicate that kind of stuff. So it's like this dammer just broke and it just, just driving along up the M-25 or whatever.

It's interesting that he did it, you know, because that's such a vulnerable place to be, isn't it, for a man like your father and that generation, to be that vulnerable and to, I mean, he might not have anticipated the dam opening. That's true. No, I think it took him by surprise. I don't think he,

I think we're just talking about me going to university. I see him as like someone I, yeah, I'd like to, yeah, it's sad, isn't it? It'd be great to chat to him, do you know, Of course, of course. That's sort of the arc of my show, really. Especially as your kids get older, you just... Well, that's the thing I really miss,

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plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Is this the next photo? That's my friend Ben. Colin and Ben, Christmas, 1999. Doesn't he look handsome there? He looks like Marvin Gay or something. Who is Ben?

Who's Ben? So Ben was, unfortunately, Ben's no longer live either. I'm so sad. I'm so sorry. I didn't clock this till I sent you the photos. No, Ben was my best buddy when I was, he sort of became, you know, having ADHD, I don't know if you find this, but one of the, you, I don't know if you guys have ADHD, sorry, just to assume everyone does that.

But everyone in Brighton. I'm diagnosed. But it's one of the things, it's like, it's quite hard to maintain friendships. So like, I feel I have groups of friends that I go to and then in a way it must look very rude. Like I'm just bored of them, do I mean? But I just find, I haven't seen those people for ages going to these people. But Ben, like, became my total best friend when I was like 17, I think. Right.

And he was a super cool dude. He was quite big and unhealthy. And then he kind of like got into kickboxing. And like two weeks later was just looked like that. It was quite incredible. Wow. But yeah, we had a really, really good sweet Fredshire. I remember I went to Scarborough once on a random.

He was just quite inspiring. Like, let's get Scarborough. And we just went to Scarborough. Yeah. For a weekend for no reason. Because we both a bit like, don't really know what to do with ourselves in life. Should I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. We kind of didn't really have drive in the same way. He's one of those people where like, because I'm really bad at organizing time and trips, but he'd be worse than me. So I remember just standing there. This is the days before mobile phones, just like looking at trying to work out what train went to Scarborough.

Yeah. And him just being like, just like looking at the sky. You don't mean, completely oblivious. And I just got, are you going to help me or not, Benjohn? Just like me completely. It's a gone time, isn't it? Pre-smart? All that kind of daydreaming and confusion is now just funneled into smartphones.

I took my rabbit to the vets this morning, and I was like, I knew I was coming back for this podcast, and they were so slow and so like she was on the phone and just chatting about this cat and going, well, I suppose it could be that, but it might be worth looking in to get an injection for this. So slow. Yeah.

And then it was like it's 20 minutes, you're 20 minutes behind now. Do you know what I mean? I felt getting so wound up and stuff. But there's also part of me it's like, this is how life should be. Yeah, and it always was. This vet, you know, the vets, everything's really slow. No one's attempting to make anything. Do you know what I mean?

We've got to be done by this point and fit all this shit in all the time. Totally. But yeah, Ben, yeah, sadly, yeah, he went to university and he had, literally it's called Southern Deaf Syndrome, just, uh, die. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, Colin, I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah.

I always do have him with me as well, Ben, in a weird way, even though it's been so long. We were only friends for this short period of time is when I was at like sixth form college. And I was doing an A-level in dance, which I'm recreating my final piece for my new show. That's a very unbelievable. Just to the rhyme of the ancient mariner.

Colin, this is the most Colin Holt story. The dance bit. I'm really enjoying this. I always try and get a dance at the end of my show. How come you did A-level dance? That must have been really unusual. this is unusual. So in my mind, I could just be a poet.

I was very heavily into Keats when I was like 16. I love that. Doing A level English. I got well into it. And I was like, oh, just be a poet, obviously. Do you that mean? So I thought I'd just get in and then didn't know what to do. So just went back to college and did an A-level in dance

because I couldn't think what to do. Wow. Why I dance? What was the story there? I'm not sure. I can't quite much. I looked it up. I looked up a course

because I'd always done like school plays and stuff. Yeah. Acting was on my radar, but I didn't really want to do that. But writing poems was what I thought I was going to do. Like that, I really thought that was going to be my job. There's a picture of Anna Mann that I want to go to.

So the one with the poster, I'm very proud of that. That was, I guess, me trying to be my dad in my own way in fighting the fascists, because that was in 27. after the whole Trump thing. Touch word. That won't.

I'll have to bring her out again next year, wouldn't I? But yeah, that is actually, that picture behind me is the cover of Captain America comics number one, which is quite famous because he's punching Hitler. And at the time, America wasn't in the war. So it was actually quite a controversial thing to do.

Because the creators were Jewish and they were like going, it was a very political statement at the time. So I wanted to turn that into Anna, man punching Hitler. So that's what it is. So Anna Mann is a, she was based on a few actresses without naming days

in green rooms and stuff. And there was literally a woman who did go to me, I'm not going to say she was, but she's like, I was reading a Dossori-esque book, crime and punishment. And she just, what are you reading, darling?

What are you reading? And I went, oh, I'm reading crime and punishment. And she went, fuck off. Fuck off. I love that. And she, how old are you, darling? And I went, oh, I'm 20.

I was like 25 or something. She goes, oh, fuck off, you can stay. She was so fun. So I'm just swearing all the time. And what was lovely was that particular experience. Everyone else in the room, they were all like nice, you know, but they were all quite doing that act of thing of trying like, you know, who's the biggest fish in the room?

Do you know what I mean? Try to kind of, do you know what I mean? Like tell each other. Oh, John, I worked with so-and-so the other day. Yeah. regards, you know, and all that kind of seen if they can get in things. And she just didn't give a fuck.

Just turned up with a latte like two, literally she was like two hours late. Sorry, I'm late, everyone. You know, with a latte. Wonderful. I was like, I'm in love. Do you know what I just felt completely in love with her as a person. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. You know, therapy wise, I have thought about it's quite long. I would know because my dad was so quiet and my mom was so big and loud and quite forceful. You know, I wonder whether there is something in just being attracted to that personality type. So when I get on stage, I used, and now I'm doing as myself,

you know, and it's starting to work, thank God. But like for a long time, I think the reason I had to be characters was because I just didn't feel that strength of opinion or, do you know what mean, forcefulness or sort of, and she was just this force of nature. And I was just like, I want to take what you've got. That's interesting. And you know, and also just found her hilarious. And also you can just get things really wrong. Like what I'm found in with finding. Finding, finding, in with stand-up is if you say something, they think you mean it a lot of the time. Right. So I'm not aware. So you're now doing stand-up, straight stand-up as yourself. Wow. Yes, that is a total departure because I've only known you do character. Yeah.

But you've been doing Anna, I mean, you've been doing it a while. I mean, your show, I can't remember which, what year was it that your show, that your show was nominated, wasn't it? That was the last, the last one. So the last one was called the death of Anaman. And it was the idea to kill her off and move on. Oh, such a shame. Bring it back. Why have you decided to start doing stuff with yourself? Well, it's very ADHD because I do these things and then I forget.

I'm like, why did I do that again? Right. I felt like a good idea at the time. I can't remember why. Also, Anna does appear in your stand-up, Colin. Yeah. Even as you. Colin Holt has Anna there.

I've absorbed her into myself now, into my bones, is the idea. And sometimes she pops out and I go, fuck, you know. If an audience, it says, but, um, It was partly just because I think I've just tried for age I really want to get something further a script off or a and I've come very close to pilots

and all that stuff and I just had this moment where I was like I don't want to be like 55 and still trying to get Anna man on telly. Right. I felt like Anna was almost like a shell for me to talk about all these things

but it's like actually I just want to go out and speak by truth in a way you know. They're brilliant. photos and story. And thank you for sharing such intimate stuff as well about losing your dad and your mate and stuff. It's appreciated.

Pleasure. Yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't find more fun photos. No, do you know what actually? It's really, because often with performers and stuff, they think it's about career, but I think the nature of the podcast is meant to be you know, memories and you've shared some really intimate memories and I

appreciate it. Oh, thanks guys. So you're doing your show at Edinburgh Festival this year. Where are you? I'm doing my new show called Colin at the Pleasance Theatre at the cabaret bar 820. Most days, there's a few days off in the middle. And then I'm taking it on tour afterwards. Oh, wow. So please book a ticket.

Exciting. Berksnest.com is probably the best way, burksnest.com. Fabulous. Take care, guys. Cheers. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Darney.

And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress?

Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger?

What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That's over the top. What did you do yesterday?

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