Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E28: Paul Foot

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

"I had these 'friends' growing up - one was called Hodden and one was called Mackas..." This week we have the unique and super talented @paulfootcomedy on the show talking about his childhood toys/friends, his funny father, playing flight attendant and his brilliant nana, amongst other things. PHOTO 1: Me with either Hodden or Mackas PHOTO 2: Me and my father PHOTO 3: Playing Flight attendant PHOTO 4: Me and nanna PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Maybe It's Mabelene is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Kerry.

Yeah. On the 12th of September, yeah. 2024. What will we be doing? We're doing a live podcast, our first live podcast. For the London podcast festival at King's Place and we couldn't be more excited. I only started a podcast to do live ones. Okay. Well, that's the end of this advert.

Well, that was short. Hello, and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image, and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page.

So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Um, listen, this is what I want to ask you about. How was your camping weekend? Well, look at the weather. I know, was it amazing? Did you feel smug? I would have felt more smug.

had we been by the sea. Then I would have been like smugg as a smug person. Oh my God. Look are you looking for problems. You had a lovely time and you're like, but we're not by the sea. I had a lovely time. Yeah. You're swimming the sea every day?

I do swimming the sea every day. I had a lovely time, Kerry. It was glorious. The wet the children. Never were out and about running around. I mean, you're giving them an idyllic childhood both. They literally just ran and went and lived their lives. and then somehow always came back when they were hungry.

And so, yeah, it was really nice. And I, because it was really hot, we didn't do too much, but we sort of, we went for walks, we had a pub lunch. Sounds absolutely gorgeous. There was a water fight at one point. You could have Instagrammed the fuck out of that. Oh, I'd rather shoot myself in the face. I'm not Instagramming anything like that.

I know, but if you wanted to, if you were that person, oh, you could have been disgusting. You could have Instagram the shit out of it. You could have had like filters on it. You could have had like the twinkling lights. Oh, just hashtag blessed, hashtag camping, hashtag back to nature with the children. Everyone would have vommed up all over your social media. Yeah.

Zen Jen would have done that. No, Zen Chen doesn't need to do that because she's Zen. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Kerry, if I had done that, I'd have had to call you and go. You would have not been happy with me. I wouldn't have been unhappy with you.

You would have confused. Please. There would have been so much judgment. You wouldn't even know what to do with yourself. Loads of judgment. I'd have showed it to Ben and gone, what's going on here? Exactly. What's happened to Jen?

You can't do. You don't, you are very critical of me where if I'm not very good with a... Listen. If I don't do earnest, you don't do earnest either. I'm working on. on that. You can't bear it. I'm working on that.

I put a post up, I think, after my mum died, just go, you know, I wouldn't have judged that. No, but there was a bit of you that probably went, no, but there's a big of you. I'm not a monster. Jesus Christ. Oh, look at her grieving. I mean, I'm not that bad. You can't handle it.

You can't handle it. What, sentimentality? No, you love sentimentality, but you've got to. can't handle, what's the word? What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, public displays of, public displays of feelings. Things that should be, I don't mind, whoa, babe, I'm all for feelings. Get them out. They're like poos. Get them out. Get them flushed out. But they're like things that need to move through you. Feelings, lovely, love feelings. But I don't know why people have to post all of them all the time. No, I agree. I find.

Also, people don't post rage. Well, they do politically, but not privately. But they just post like people smashing life. That's the shit I don't like. Also, I tell you what I can't bear is people talking about how they're having such a terrible time whilst posting having a wonderful time. Influences, these are my pet hate, people that are off grid, but got enough 4G to post about it. Oh yeah, those people are annoyed. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we're off grid now. we're living in a wood, we're self-sustained. Are you? Because you're posting about it all fucking days. Do you want to pipe down and eat your homegrown shit? I think you're, wherever you are, you appear to have full Wi-Fi. Yeah, you've got full Wi-Fi out there. Are these people that Wittles spoons?

Oh no, they're a whole different tribe. I love a spoon whittler. They calm me right down. Okay, so I'm getting a mixed message here. I know, it's complex. So many tribes. I don't think we should be this negative about people. just post it about being happy and about living in life. No, no, you're right. I have had this conversation

many times where people are like, why do you resent people's happiness? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I just think what is at the core of the desire to post a picture of your holiday. Is it sharing happiness or is it showing off? Oh, if I have ever shared a holiday, I've done it in August to say I'm not at the Edinburgh Festival. I think I've done that twice. Right. It's just one picture of me. Specific intention.

Specific intention. I'm not in Edinburgh. I'm not in Edinburgh. Look at me. I'm here. Okay. I think that's legitimate. I mean, for a woman that stands on scale, you know, accusing other people of being

performative is fucking rich coming from a stand-up comedian. I mean, that is literally my job is to stand on stage and voice my opinion. But I don't know what it is. why I get so triggered up by people just posting fairly innocuous pictures of their holiday. I'm like, all right. I'm so hot in this room. I literally have got sweat in my eyes and in my mouth. Are you sleeping?

Actually, last night wasn't too bad. But this room is, I'm facing glass. Oh, yeah, you need to sort that out. I am a fan, a little lady fan. Got one of those? You know, a little hand fan that ladies are. rage. A little fan, a little hand fan. Well, not old-scale Renaissance, but a little motorised battery.

Why is it a lady fan? Because of the menopause all flush. Oh, right. It's too what you're done there. Okay. Well, I don't have one of those, but right now talking to you, I can't, I can barely concentrate on what you're saying because I am, I've got a trickle of sweat dripping down my breasts. Very glamorous. Yeah. Very glamorous. Can you hear that sound?

I said my breasts. I've never referred. I usually say tits. I usually say tits. But I do. My breasts. Anyway. You've malfunctioned. Edit that out. Well, that's because you referred to me as AI. I can't even keep my glasses on. I keep sliding off my nose. Who are we talking to?

We're talking to the incredible poor foot. Who is, I would say, the most unique voice. stand-up comedy in this country and I think has been hugely influential to many comedians without even realising. I mean, I just saw Paul Foot impersonators for about 15 years. So please sit back and relax and enjoy our conversation with the fantastic Paul Foot. So for people who haven't seen Paul Foot on stage before, firstly, where have you been and why haven't you seen Paul Foot on stage? And secondly, if we were to describe your your act. I would struggle to describe your act because I don't think it is an act because it is entirely

Paul Foote. I think people think you're a character but they don't know that you are Paul Foote doing comedy. And I saw I read something, someone said something online a while ago and they said, we went to see Paul Foote, this was from quite a few years ago, but it was very disappointing because he was drunk. I wasn't drunk. I wouldn't ever have been drunk in stage, but they must have That's the only way they could explain. That's the only way they could. And they said, they said he was drunk and everyone else was laughing. They seemed to find it funny.

But we weren't. Thank you for sending us your photograph. Oh, yes. I'm loving this first photograph of you, Paul, which let me bring it up. It's a black and white picture of you. What are you holding it? Oh my God, that looks. Is it a chicken?

Let's guess what that is. Is it a chicken, a turkey? Oh, God. Oh, that, yes. That is, that is a kind of, it was a kind of pajama case. Right. And it was, well, there were two, I can't remember exactly, but I had these little friends when I was a little child.

One was called Hodden, and one was called Maccas. I named them myself. Hodden and Maccas. Where did you get those names from? I made them up from my head. Oh, great. When I was a little... They're lovely names.

Yeah, Hodden and Maccas. There's probably kids in Hackney with those names now. Hodden and Maccas. Yeah, Hodden and Maccas. And one of them was this sort of pyjama case thing that maybe was also like some sort of... Chicken, I'd say.

Chicken. Yeah. And I can't remember which one was which. And the other one was some sort of teddy thing or some... I can't know what it was. Yeah. But they were Hodden and Maccas and I loved them and I used to have them in bed with me all the time.

Oh. Where did you go? Tell us about your childhood. Well, I was born in a hospital. Where, though? In Amersham Hospital. I was going to say, it's Bucks. You grew up in Buckinghamshire.

I remember that. Yes, I just remember that's the... Isn't that something you have to say when you, someone's saying, ring you up for security and say, can we ask what's your place of birth? I think it's online anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's online along with my date of birth. Right, so all your securities, I tried saying that to someone. Once I rang out some security thing. I rang up some security thing. Check out Wikipedia. It's all on there. Some security, why didn't know what it was? Just put your pin number on social media.

It was the gas or whatever it was. I had to ring up whoever it was. And they said, can we ask what's your date of birth? And I said, I can tell you, but I can also tell you that it is available online. So it's not very good security question. Then they said, are you saying that you want to end the call? And I don't want to end the call. but they said, well, they just couldn't handle those two truths.

They said, how do you know that this is? I said, I know because I am myself. But I'm telling you. That's the most existential conversation ever. I'm telling you, I might not be me, but I can't. Prove it. I can't prove it. And also, I had an instant like that with the police once.

That's the most existential. I am in. Existential. Pretending to be me. I had once, I was driving the car and I was near my grandmother's house who, at the time lived in near Bogner Regis. And then there'd been a prisoner who'd escaped from the Ford Open Prison earlier. So they obviously saw my registration number, wasn't a local one.

And they just thought, well, should look into that. Yeah. So they put the flashing lights on and I stopped. And the police officer said, can I just ask you, what is your address where this car's registered? I gave him an address where I lived in London at the time. And he said, that's fine. It's all I need, just a routine thing. then I said of course if I had stolen this car

I said I might have done research and looked within the glove compartment to see available for that though were they? To see what? That kind of like offering that you know hypothesis he did listen and I said well I would have looked up the address and then he said well yes I suppose that's possible

and I said well I said I could obviously I could give I said you know what name is registered to the car and I could therefore prove that I'm that person by giving you ID and he said yes if you do that that will satisfy me you know I'm already satisfied but if you just give the ID then I realised I didn't have my driving licence with me so I haven't got the driving licence so then he said look I think it's fine because you're obviously that but then I said look I've got like a um an article in the newspaper

a local paper something where they printed my picture yeah and then and then I said so I could show you that and he said yes if you show me that then that definitely I know and so I found this and it said Paul Furt is coming to South 6 or whatever I said that shows I'm then I said because if I was a very clever criminal and I'd stung this car I could have mocked

up like a newspaper thing and at this stage he said go away I can ask you to get back in a car and move on now I'm satisfied you are the person I'm like I'm off way through my next show mate but this is definitely usable yes

So, you know. So you grew up in Amisham, and you live there now or you grew up there but you don't now? Well, you don't want to say. I don't know. Are you rural? Are you living in the countryside or are you in the city? Don't overthink it. Do you traverse between both?

I live in... Do you commute between two? I live in the middle of... I live all over. I travel. But this little child in this photograph... Was in Amisham. Was in Amisham.

Did you... Because when I was a kid, I sort of remember not thinking I wanted to be a comedian, but being aware that I wanted to do some sort of performance, but I didn't know what. I don't know. Or do you see funny stuff? Or wanting to make people laugh was quite important.

I sort of did. And I sort of in the school at... What's it called? Big school, what if that's called? Secondary school. Secondary school, yes, that one. At the big school, then I would audition for the school play. Yeah. But I'd never be, get into it.

And then when I was in the sixth form, and I looked ever so small, because I was ever so tiny, and looked really young from my age. So I was in the sixth form, so I was sort of 16 or 17, but I looked about 12 or 13. And so I was in the crowd scene. Right. And then I was just humiliated. He's in the sixth form, and he's in the crowd scene with all the... Oh, Paul.

Or the 12-year-olds, it was all rather embarrassing, you know. But that was my sort of feel that maybe I was going to move into some sort of show business thing. But it wasn't only nothing more than that, really. And it was then when I got to university that I did my first gig. Did you? Even then I just said... That's early. That's starting early.

Yes, I was 19. But I just said at the time, it was going to be a one-off and I could say, oh, I've done it once. Right. I never considered in a million years I'd never ever do a second gig, let alone do it professional. But it went well? As soon as I did it, yeah, I just knew that was going to be. my career. It all seems so intangible, the idea of making a living from it.

Oh, I remember years. Just thinking, I don't know how anyone makes a living from this. It just seems ridiculous. It's such a bonkers way of... Well, and also, people outside of our world don't understand it. So when you go to explain to people that your stand-up comedian, they're like, oh, what does that mean? And you go, it means driving around pubs, sort of performing to people that don't want me to.

Have you noticed the latest thing with people say, they always say, oh, how do you cope with all this wokenness? I bet you can't say anything. I say, well, considering the fact that I don't currently, nor have I ever been interested in saying racist, homophobic, sexist humour, it hasn't affected me, actually. It's been all right. But it's this right wing.

You can't say anything anymore, Paul. What do you want to say? Oh, you can't say anything? Oh, you can't say anything? Oh, I expect this whole... I bet you feel very censored. Yeah, I feel... Don't we all, though, Kerry?

I bet this whole podcast will be cut out, wasn't it? You haven't said anything woke enough. As soon as a woke, so fortunately, the whole thing's going to shut down. And I've tried to explain to people because the right-wing press have very successfully managed to peddle this narrative. Yeah.

Comedians just can't say anything anymore. It's not funny anymore. No one's laughing. It's all just, what they really want is someone to come on and... It's a TED talk. Tell it how it is. And come on and say a few sexist, racist, racist jokes

and get people rolling the aisles. Not like, nowadays, it's all just people coming on and just... It's whimsy now. It's just people vaguely. I just think of all the comedians, all the comedians who are all our peers, the whole professional world of comedy in which we know all the people there, I don't think a single person, including myself,

ever really makes an audience laugh. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just box ticking, isn't it? They tend to sit there and say, oh, very good, and just tick things on the little box and say, oh, they've got to the right box. They never laugh. No, they don't know. I think of my audiences, my shows,

it's just two hours of silent. I expect it's the same with yours. Absolutely. Because, you know. Just company. It's just because we can't. If only we could get out. Ernest left wing company.

If only we could get out there and say, say some racially offensive words. Yeah. Why don't you just try it? You know. Why can't we just get like some women in cages? in the corner of the room. I don't understand.

Just say something really sexist. Can you say something sexist? You can. I can say sexist things. You absolutely can. I'm going to get on that band working and start bringing the cash in. I'm going to experiment with it.

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Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus. Paul, I want to go back to this photograph because there seems to be a picture of you with Richard Branson here. What? That's not Richard Branson. Well, it could be. Is that your father? Oh, that's my father. Yes.

How old are you there? Oh. You look a very serious chap there in your chinos and your shirt, well iron shirt. Yes. You've always been a very snappy dresser, Paul. There's shades there of Prince William in his younger days. Still stunningly dull. You've never been, you've never really been casual.

Well, I think probably... What was happening in this picture? That would have some family party, so maybe I... It doesn't have party vibes, I'll say that. Well, no, it would have been a, you know... But it doesn't have... It's not a party, is it? If you're...

There's nothing about that picture that says party. No, but... Kerry, if you're nine and you have to go to, like, your grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, it's not a party. It's not a fun, is it? You're nine. You're nine. have to go around with people saying,

oh, it's not a smart shirt. You're doing where at school. There's a theme shaping up. You talking to grown-ups. I can't remember what they used to say. Because some nine-year-olds can work those rooms. I couldn't. No, you're skulking around the climbing plants with your dad.

Did you get on with your dad? Did you get on with him? Yeah, well, he was kind of a funny man. Funny aha. Yeah. Yeah, he was funny. He's still alive. But it's not funny anymore.

Did he literally? Literally, I'm not exaggerating. He used to be really funny. What, now he's not? No. What happened? Well, I think I'm, you know, he, because he's still alive.

I don't know quite what to say, but he drifted rightward on the political spectrum. Oh, interesting. So you don't agree now about stuff? No. So, you know, that is a way to really crush the humour, isn't it? Yeah. Getting really worked up about,

who are these people in our country? It's not funny, is it? It's not many gags there. They're not having a good laugh about it, are they? But when you were young, did he make you laugh or did you make him laugh or you made each other? He made me laugh. Really? He was always doing really funny things, like making a pie and then he'd like drop the pie on the floor.

He'd say, I've dropped the pie on the floor. He'd say, I've dropped the pie on the floor. That is funny. That was funny. And then just things would happen like he'd say, oh, let's open this window. We haven't aired this room for years. And he'd open the window and he opened it and it fell out.

And he's like grabbing onto this window trying to get back in. So he liked a bit of slapstick. It was really funny. Right. Physical comedy. At one time we had a meal. Well, first we had garden furniture. Yeah.

And he won it on the horses because we never had any meals. because we never had any money unless he'd just gambled and won, which didn't happen very often. But he'd just won it. So we had a set of two chairs and a table garden furniture. He didn't buy that own an umbrella, a parasol. Yeah. But he didn't buy that a weight that you put the parasol in.

Yeah, yeah. So it's a waste of money. Not worth it. So anyway, so we're out there. It's quite a sexual bit of it turns out. And then we're out there and we're having a roast dinner. and then the wind caught the parasol and then the whole table, including the meals,

just lift it up. It lifted up and went through the garden, rotating, and then when it got to the back of the garden, it got some big fir trees. When it hit the fir trees, it then lost its airborne momentum and then fell down. And then but the meals were still on the... Were they?

That sounds magical almost. cartoon. It was all like things like that were happening all the time. Really? Did he ever buy the weight for the parasol? Just want to know. Did that ever happen? I was like, no.

He never bought the weight. Never bought it. So we'd have the same problem. I mean, hearing about your dad, it doesn't really surprise me. I mean, you know, your sense of humour is very unique, eclectic and very truthful to you. I mean, I don't, I can't think. There's no one else. I can think of very few comedians arrived.

on the comedy circuit fully formed as their personality. What did he think of you doing it? Oh, he was absolutely appalled. What he? Because he's very interested in status. So the first thing is he wanted me, he spent his whole life in that way that some parents do, telling me what to do.

So first thing is he was very sporty and athletic, with very good hand-eye coordination. So when I was born, he naturally assumed I was going to be some sort of sports person. And then, so he would just all the time trying to get me to work. And I just didn't have good hand-eye coordination. I couldn't catch the ball, though, drop it.

But he wanted me to be all sporty, and I wasn't interested, and I was no good at it. And he went on and on, and he just kept trying to make me do it. And then when that didn't work, he said I could be a cricket umpire. So I had to learn all the rules of cricket, including really obscure things to do with leg by in this particular circumstance. Despite you having no interest. Why on earth would you want to be a cricket umpire?

I hated it. It's such a bizarre. And I had to learn all this stuff. And he would say, OK, so in this particular situation where it was actually a leg before wicket, but such as such as much. He just wanted to mould you in what he,

his idea. According to Rule 68.49, what would you do? And then when that didn't work, he then wanted me to go to cricket matches with him and watch it. And I had to score it all. I don't know whether you ever done cricket scoring or nobody, it's like you have to put little dots in little...

Bloody hell. And I used to find it so boring. And he used to take me to football matches and I used to hate it. It was so boring. And he never once asked me what I wanted to do. Wow. Really? And he just obviously just imposed what he thought.

And you never, because you were a good boy, you never would have said, Dad, I'm not into this. No, I think some of, I think perhaps this is in common with lots of comedians, But some of, with comedians, some of it is the fact we've got like, not pent up anger exactly or resentment, but I think I've met other comedians like me before who were very shy as a child and never used to push back. Never used to push back. And now they're a comedian. They've got that attitude on stage. Just like, right, stuff this.

I'm going to get out there and I'm going to have an attitude. So yeah, it was like, and he had an affair with this woman. and then he was like, oh, we're going to go there for Christmas. I didn't want to go there for Christmas. And it was my birthday, because my birthday was just before Christmas. And so, but instead of just saying, I don't want to go, I want to stay with Nana and Grandin and having Christmas with them, I just meekly went along with it.

Right. I spent my whole childhood never, ever just saying, I don't want to do this. Right. I'm not interested in going and sitting there with that alcoholic woman that having an affair with. I'm not interested in going to see Craven, Cotty, full and football freaking club ever again. I'm not interested in how it works when you have to put a dot in because it's been a leg by and mark it in a sheet having sat here for six hours.

So was there a time when you did finally stick it to him and I don't want to do that or is that day never done? Yeah eventually yeah it did get to that point. When I was in school and in 12, in big school what's it called? Second school. When I was in that one there was at some stage I was thinking of being a doctor. Right. So he was, he liked that idea. Because it comes with status. Yeah.

Because it has the word, the doctor. So it was very disappointed when I then said, I wasn't going to do biology A level. I was going to do, well, maybe I did do bi- anyway, I didn't remember. Anyway, so I said, I wasn't going to do that. And then I said, I'm going to do a maths degree. And then his first question was, would you then afterwards beg to do it? So I said, yes, I could do a PhD in mathematics after finishing my degree.

Then he said, I'll be it still a doctor. a doctor of mathematics. He wanted me to have the status. So he could tell people and it was all about status. And he wanted to tell everyone my sons at Oxford University. It was quite embarrassing as well. He would like write to the former head teacher of the school when I was five, you know, like the first little baby school and say,

just to let you know that Paul Foote, who taught 13 years ago when he was only five, he's now at Oxford University. Wow. The way he wrote to it, it was as if, it was as if I had just, like, saved the world. You know, I had, um, discovered the cure for all disease or something. It's a very sort of vicarious thing to do, isn't it? Like, he's taking ownership of your successes and your achievements.

And, and, and by writing to your school and writing to, you know, people that you've interacted with or had, you know. He taught you in the past. It's like almost making it his success or his badge of honour. Yeah, it's like that. So he's sort of living through it all the time. And then when I became a comedian, he was devastated. I can't imagine. He was saying, oh, well, you could still possibly go into.

He still went to Oxford. And you've still got your degree. You could go into accountancy and do it like, you know. Yeah. And then sort of when I appeared on television or did high status, things like that. Yeah. Then he would sort of like, oh, that's good. but then more recently

even this was I don't know two or three years ago he was talking to my manager and my manager said to him you know he said look Alan Paul is a comedian he's a successful comedian

he travels around the world and does it and he's quite well thought of within the you know he's slightly innovative and he's come up with some of his own ideas and some people's respect here as a comedian, didn't lay it on,

but my father was like, oh, thank you so much. Oh, oh, I didn't know my son had achieved this. It was just like, it was absolutely ridiculous. You just didn't know the extent of your success. Well, he has that sort of, as a lot of parents have, this emotional inability, inability to just connect in a normal way. What about your mum?

So we haven't really talked about your mum. Did she feel the same? Was she a lot more? supportive of your choices she was more supportive although but it's all fine now but again I think um her protective protectivity is that a word protectiveness protectiveness yes that's it it's adjectives with jen brister you're welcome you want an adjective you've got it oh actually it's not a grammar of the day it's not an adjective is it it's a noun anyway a noun based on Is it an adverb?

It's a noun based on an adjective. Oh, right. Yeah, that's the ones I struggle with. An adjectives. Adjective based noun. Okay. So it was her protectiveness that I think meant that she sort of couldn't quite get into it at one stage. And so, for example, I remember her coming to one of my secret shows,

because I do these secret shows of people on my mailing list. Yeah. And everyone was laughing. It was going ever so well. mother never laughed and then at the end she said oh um well they were very kind to you weren't they but then later when i made money we sort of but it wasn't that she's financially um focused particularly but when i made money that allowed her to somehow relax and think okay yeah and then i saw her shortly after that come to a show and she sat there laughing away at

it interesting she i think she found it just too much um Paul, this next photograph of you dressed as a flight attendant for British airways, it looks like. Oh, yes. Tell us what's going on here. Well, I have fun. I do a lot of travelling around the world and I have all fun on the planes. And that was... What does that involve? Fun. What do you mean you have fun on the planes? I have fun, fun, fun, fun. What does that involve?

Well, I... Mile High Club? No, that's something else, isn't it? Well, I might, you know, have a glass of wine, chat to the cabin cruise. Right, you move around. You mingle. You network. Talk to other passengers. Not all the time.

Not all the single time. I wish you were on a flight with me. I find fun, fun, fun. I'm mind-blowingly boring. I can't speak to people. Yes, I quite like it. I like it. Talk to people at the airport.

Not all the time. But this cabin crew look ecstatic. Yeah, we were having a laugh. That was a flight from Gatwick to Bermuda. Bermuda. What were you doing in Bermuda? Visiting my aunt there. Oh, right.

You won't give you. No, no, never kicked there. And it was just like a laugh. So they, in the end, after a while, I can't remember. I was chatting to them in the galley and having a laugh. Yeah. But I'm always, I think, hopefully, always aware of not intruding if they don't, you know, sometimes they're not so friendly, the cabin crew.

They've got a lot on. They got on or they're not, you know, so I'm not just like one of them. They're like, can you mind? We've got to get the trolleys out. You know, so, but in this case, we had a bit of it. It was a real laugh. And then, after a while, they gave me that funny jillet, thing or whatever it's called that thing on and that funny tie thing yeah the uniform so the uniform

or bits of the uniform and so i wore that and then then they got me to to give afternoon tea some of the passengers but only it was quite nerve-wracking because it was only if they were like staff travel like people who you know they work or they know someone who works at british airways so they'd sort of say oh go to seat 17b make sure it's 17b because i was so nervous 17 A and C if they went, yes, I'll have tea. You had to say, no, no, it's just 17. I'm not allowed. So I had to be careful.

It makes you get them with the staff traveller. And then I went and I had like a scone with, and I remember saying to this man, oh, would you like, um, careful afternoon tea, sir? Um, a scone with jam and cream. And then I got like a scone, like stuffed it in his mouth and pushed like all. And I had like jam and cream and stuffed it in his mouth. He thought it's really funny, you know, but. Wow.

What? Because initially, I think he thought it was cabin crew because I did look from the top like cabin crew. You do not look like cabin crew. Oh don't I? No, maybe not. How funny. So that was a laugh. So you just had some I'm just trying to... I'm just trying to

I'm just trying to... I want to rewind you stuffing a scorn into a bloat scob. He didn't know you, you didn't know him. No, I didn't know. But he obviously realised it was a joke. He realised. He must have realised because I was dressed up as sort of cabin crew but wasn't and then said, would you care for an afternoon T-star?

Would you fancy that as an alternative? competitive career, cabin crew? God, no. Please. Come on. You know, it could be quite fun, I suppose, couldn't it? Well, for one flight.

But also, I often fantasise about being, like, a pilot, but I'd only want to be a pilot in an emergency if I could, like, save the day. Right, yeah. I wouldn't want to just in normal flights, wouldn't be interested. No.

I'd only do, like, they're down to... You just want to be a hero. Just one engine. It's in one of the great feats of flying. He managed to land the aircraft. He's a hero. So I'd only be on those ones. No.

That's exactly the kind of flight I want to avoid. You've just described the flight I never want to be on. We're down to one engine and Paul Foote is flying the plane. No, I'll save it. Do you fly a lot then? Is that a big part of your life? I do fly a lot. And you do like it?

Yeah, I like it, I love it, yeah. Because you often gig in Australia and New Zealand and things like that. I do a lot in New Zealand and I go to Australia, and I go to Australia quite often anywhere to see people and other travel, so Bermuda, and so I'm always travelling. I'm always, not as much as some people I know travel even more than I do, but quite a lot. Yeah, yeah.

And also, I'm very good at knowing all the different airport lounges all around the world. I'm very good at remembering all the people. Really? Who they are, because I have like a face blindness, so I'm very bad at faces. I often have to say my name's Paul. When we see each other, I go, it's Jen!

Which is terrible, because. because I often meet people. I'm supposed to know who they are and I just like, have no idea. It's been 25 years, Paul. I know, but this is what I'm saying about remembering things. I think life would be a lot better

if we all had to wear a name badge. It would be easier, wasn't it? Also, I think when you do this job and particularly with the amount of traveling that you do, Paul, you meet new people. Well, in fact, you meet more new people than I do because you choose to meet people like on airplanes. Yeah, you mingle on aeroplane.

But you meet so many people. I think 100% is that you have faced. blindness, but also I don't think even if you didn't, you can keep all these people's faces in your brain anyway. But I think sometimes people make things worse by not introducing themselves. And I don't assume people should know who I am. Like it's a taste. So I say, if they don't seem to know who I say, I'm Paul Foote and I'm a comedian. I remember Mickey Flanagan, he did, you know, that was about three years ago. He said, oh, Mickey Flanagan to me. Yeah, it helps. It helps. Because I'm just thinking, I know you, but I can't remember your name.

but it's not famous to me. Yeah. Because he's that bloke I used to do gigs with. And I know, I'm not stupid. I know that he has had a very successful career. Yeah, yeah. But I can't, you know, and so it's just, and I would probably have known who he was anyway.

But he's helping you out. It just helps. It just helps. It just helps. It wasn't some big thing. He wasn't like, oh, you should know who I am. Yeah, no, of course not. Last week, I was performing to 3,000 people.

Shouldn't you know? Well, none of that. No. No. It's just, hello, hello Paul, and Mickey Flanagan. It's just nice, isn't it? Simple. And also, I don't like that thing where people assume that you know who they are. Don't do that.

But when I'm travelling in the airports, because I have the time to prepare, so I'm really friendly and everyone, they all think, oh, that's Paul, he's so friendly. But I think in the comedy world, I think sometimes comedians think I'm not so friendly. And it's only because I'm just absolutely scared, rigid. Oh my God, who are these? Oh my God, who is this? These are people I'm supposed to know. And I'm sometimes I'm 90% sure, but that's not sure enough.

And I do get it wrong sometimes. Well, we all do. That's the worst thing. I think, oh, that is definitely so and so. I know who it is. It's definitely so and so. Slam dunk, here we go. But it's that not known for sure that creates the openness.

So sure. He knows what he's doing. Paul foot can do it. And I say hello. And I've got it wrong. No, I know. Oh, God. Fly the seven-time world's best leisure airline champions, Air Transat.

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Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new Cravable Raps, available in Chipotle or ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Paul, I want to go to your last picture, which is you with Nana Foote. Oh, Nana Foote, yes. So it says that you whizzed back from Edinburgh to be with her. Oh, yes, well, because I was very close to Nana.

Uh-huh. So that's mum, your mum's mum? My father's mum, yeah. And, yeah, so that was, yeah. When was that? That was 2018. She was nearly 100 when she died. Wow.

that's a life, isn't it? Yeah, she was in, Christ. But I think she, because when I used to, there's a few things I learned. Yeah. Because she was in this nursing home for about eight years. But one thing is if you're old, don't moan. Why? Like no one is interested.

Like, don't be just moat. Well, even if you're young, don't moan. But definitely if you're old, don't moan. Because they'd always say, oh, my grand. my grandchildren, and they'd say, oh, it's all right for you, Irene, your grandson visits you. Well, my grandchildren never visit. Right.

And then you'd think, there's a reason for that. Because my nana, she'd always said to me, oh, you're so good to me coming to visit. And I'd say, not really. I'd say, I come to visit you because I like you. Yes. I'm not doing it out of duty. Yes.

I mean, I might have done something out of duty if she was some old cow. But you liked her. But I liked her. She was just fun. Right. was a laugh. Did you give that feedback to the other old people? Like maybe if you cheered up a bit, you'd get some visitors. Yeah, I ought to have done really, because we used to go and have lunch, and it was just like every single, like it was, it was so sad. It was hilarious, really.

Like they'd have this cook, I'd cook all these meals. And whatever they did, it was like, I don't like that. You've done a beef Wellington, but the way I always do it, I always do it with a pastry like that, was you've done it, we're underneath, and I don't like it with weed and it's just like, please, they've made a freaking effort. And also they've made a beef Wellington. Do you want to know how long it takes to make a Beef Wellington? And then they were just moan and moan and moan until, and then there was a high turnover of cooks were just like resigned.

Residents. No, there was a very low turn of the residents. Really? How did you all in and cope with them? Live on and on. If she was quite a positive person. She was all positive. And so we would just have a lot.

And when they were moaning, we would just sit there laughing. about it. And she'd never moan, like, very occasionally, if it was not very good meal, it was all tough. And she'd say, perhaps not want their best ones today. But we'd always just say, but if I laugh, make a laugh of it. Everything, with my Nana, everything was just fun. We just made fun of everything. We just made everything fun. So when she was younger, we used to go for meals or like to a restaurant. And if it was all like went wrong and they'd drop the food all over the floor, whatever happened. We'd just have a laugh. Yeah, yeah. It's just like mucking about it at a time. And she just had a positive attitude.

There was only one time in her whole life when she kind of moaned. Well, there were two times actually, but there was one time when I took her, when she was 91, I took her to Brussels for a 91st birthday. Yeah. And it was all like a laugh.

That was quite an experience, actually, because I took her and her friend Betty, who she'd known since antinadal classes. Oh, wow. That's a long friendship. And they didn't know where we were going. It was all like a surprise. And they upgraded us to like first class on the Eurostar.

And we all had champagne. And we all got off. We were all absolutely. Slashed. And it's quite funny because then we, then I said, oh, we could get a taxi to the hotel. And she said,

no, let's go on the Metro. That would be a laugh. And then we got on the Metro. And she was just saying, I'm 91 and I'm on the Metro in Brussels. And then. And then we got to this bit where we had to go up an escalator. Yeah.

With me and my friend had come as well and Betty. And then Betty said, oh, I'll just hold your arm because I would just feel a bit unsteady on the escalator. And then Betty said, oh, I'm all right on escalators. And then suddenly we heard this massive sound. And it was Betty had fallen on the escalator. And she had this very elegant, like, dress and everything. And suddenly she was just like going up the escalator.

No. Like with her legs going up. No! And her head hanging down. And then they're like all her, like... Is she in the 90s? Nicters on show and everything. She's just like flailed around and there were various...

And you were worried? Well, Nana said, oh, what was that noise? I said, oh, it was just a suitcase falling. I didn't want to worry her. But it was just like a laugh. And then when we got to the top, they were in such a good mood. Betty just said, oh, just a slight knock. It was hardly anything.

And she was really badly bruised. Oh, God. But she didn't moan. She was just like, a bit of my laugh. And then we got to the hotel room and Nana was completely sloshed. And then she said, oh, I think I'll just sit on this chair,

but she's like misjudged the position of a chair. She was 91. It was her birthday. You could have killed her. We almost killed her, both of them. And she sat on this, well, she went to sit on the chair and then she just collapsed on the floor, like bang. It was this massive bang.

And it was such a big bang that she like bounced off the floor. But because she was quite, sort of drunk she was just like sort of loose she was relaxed so then she was relaxed and then and then um so my friend and i lifted her onto the bed and she said oh um i think i just have a little lie down she said that chair it was a bit unsteady and then later on when we were having a meal um betty said she said i have got quite bad bruising actually but it doesn't matter just a bit of a laugh we have a good holiday and then nana said i have said i have said i've said i was a bit pissed earlier it wasn't the chair that was unsteady. It was me.

It was all just like I laugh. And then it was, but it was really fun and then I took them around and we just had fun, fun, fun for like two days. But on then the final, it was quite hard work like looking after them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they were quite reliable. And on the last day, we were going back to the Eurostar and there was like a travelator. Oh, God.

And then it sort of went up at upper slope. Yeah. And then Nana said, I don't think I want to go on the travelator. She said, I wouldn't feel comfortable on it. Yeah. And so I said, we'll go in the lift. And we got in the lift. And then Nana, this is the only time she ever moaned or even got close to moaning.

She said, because I wouldn't want to be on the travelator. Because if I've got on the travelator, I could slip. And if I had a fall, it would be awful. And I just like slightly snapped. And I said, but we're not on the travelator, are we? We're in the lift. It's not relevant this. You've got a low tolerance to any form of moan.

And then she just said, said, oh, it must have been ever such hard work looking after us, Paul. It's been a wonderful holiday. She just, like, snapped out of it. Oh, wow. Because she just realized, just for a moment, she was doing that old person thing of moaning. You know how old people, they don't just moan at bad things.

They moan at things that haven't even happened. Because these seats are quite slippery. And if I had slipped, I'm really, really bad. You really should have warned me about the slippery seats. Even though nothing's happened, it could have done. And she just like snapped out of that. She was just like a laugh. You must miss her a lot.

Yeah, I do. And then when she was really ill and dying, I was the only one who would talk to her about death because everyone was just saying, well, don't say anything. And even the doctor, just because someone's a doctor doesn't mean that they've got any kind of insight to death.

And they'd say, oh, don't tell her that she's dying. I don't understand by her. It'll make her depressed. And so she just said to me, am I going to live long, Paul? I want to know. so because no one would tell her it was all just...

It was all just like all um but she had this gangrene thing going on and she wanted to know what's going on but she was old she had had a long life I know that but what I mean is she wanted to know has she got a month to live she got three months to live what she wanted to know is exactly

am I going now? So she said have I got long am I going to live long and I said this is serious stuff what you've got you're going to die of it but I also said you've lived longer than people expecting to you. So you may well be really strong

and just exceed people's expectations. Right. So I wanted to be positive that she still had life in her. Yeah. But I also had to say, yes, you're going to die. Yeah, yeah.

This will kill you. You are dying. Because no one would tell her. That's crazy that no one would have that. And then she was like, oh, that's, you know, she was fine with it. And I said,

and no one else really asked and I said to her three times at several occasions, said, are you scared of dying? She said, no, I'm fine with it. It's all right. You know, I'm not going to die. soon and stuff.

Just wanted to have that exchange with someone. Yeah, to have that exchange. And it was just a laugh. So anyway, then I saw her just before going to the Edinburgh Festival. And I thought that might be the last time. Yeah. But then I got a text from my aunt. And it just said, oh, prepare yourself for bad news.

She could go very soon. And I thought, stuff that. I'm not preparing myself for bad news. So I flew straight from Edinburgh. And it was in the middle of the festival. It was like a military operation. I had to fly down. and my brother had to pick me up from Gatwick Airport

and he had to go straight there and we had an hour with her before I had to go back. And it was just really nice. And it wasn't all miserable. It wasn't all crying or anything. It was just like we just had a bit of a laugh and a chat and I said I loved her.

And you're really glad you got to do that. Yeah. And I remember saying, I love you, Nana. And then she said, like her brain was obviously shutting down a bit at that point. So I said, I love you, Nana. And then she said, I'm like really thinking.

And then she said, Yes. Oh, Paul, that's such a lovely story. That is great. And that was nice. And then she died the next day. I'm so glad you went out to see her. Because, I mean, it could have been so easy to,

because a lot of the time people want to avoid those goodbyes and say, oh, and I can't go because I'm at the festival. But to go and to properly have that time with her for you as much as for her. It's really important. Yeah. She sounds great. And that sort of, that ritual of. saying goodbye to someone you love when they're about to go. I'm seeing people.

And one of the worst things is when people don't go and visit people because they say, oh, I liked her when before, but she's so old now. What's the point? Or she's not what she once was. But she's still alive. Yeah. Go and see her. We have a funny culture about old age and death and stuff like that.

Paul, it's been so lovely to have you on. And if people want to get tickets to your tour, where should they go? Well, they can go to the internet. Use the internet. www. www. internet.com. Dot tickets.

Google. W. H-T-T-P. 4. slash, semicolon. Colon. Semi-slash.

Tickets. Paulfoot. It's paulfoot. It's paulfoot. Or they can go to a thing called Google and they can type in full foot. Oh my God. Google. It's a revolutionary.

Yeah, they go to Google and they can find things there. Just type my name. It's amazing. It's really clever, isn't it? You don't need to know what. my website is, you can just search for it. It just comes up. It's incredible. And then you'll be able to know your date of birth, your mother's maiden name, your full address. Basically, anything you need in order to crack your bank account.

Security codes. Or your security codes. Right. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dahardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it.

Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday?

Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do? yesterday. I think that's too much,

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