Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E30: Laura Smyth

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

"Just because my mate had a pool in Romford doesn't mean she's rich... These girls are REALLY rich..." This week we have the uber talented and hilarious @thatlaurasmyth on the show talking about growing up with all her sisters, having a daughter in her early twenties, teaching and her little love Betty.    Plus we have @kerryagodliman and @jenbristercomedy talking about parties, the weather and Strictly... oh dear... Still somehow manage to make it funny as always.  PHOTO 1: Playing up for the camera PHOTO 2: Me and my daughter PHOTO 3: Teachers PHOTO 4: Stepping into comedy PHOTO 5: My dog Betty (and son Alfred) PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image

and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page, so have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Where are you? Buckinghamshire. That sounds very nice. Is it like a weekend away?

Is it a weekend away? No. I went to Chloe's cousin's 40th last night. Oh, nice. Yeah, so I got back from Wrexham and then came to here. Oh, that's quite far. Rexham to Buckinghamshire. Via London.

What? Fucking out. This is like talking to my Nana. Via London. Is this working? If you mean, am I incredulous, which nannas tend to be? The answer is yes. because what you just said sounds batshit.

Why does it sound bad shit? You went from Wrexham via London down to Buckinghamshire for a 40th. What time did you get to the party? Oh, I got to, I was in, I was in Buckinghamshire for about 2pm. Okay, you're going to have to colour in this anecdote. You're going to have to do some shading, babe.

What gig were you doing that you got to Buckinghamshire in time for 2pm for? A morning gig? Are we doing morning gigs now? No, I was in Wrexham, so I did the gig the night before. You don't gig away anymore. I can't believe I'm having to explain this basic thing. I've got a gig now. We've got to crack on and be funny.

I've got a gig in about half an hour in Greenwich. Right, okay, okay. I am in the world of daytime gigs. Well, I didn't do a daytime to gig. I did an evening gig, and then I stayed in a premiere in in Wrexham, and then I got up in the morning, and then I went to, I mean, I don't think we can use any of this.

Oh, can we? I mean, this can't go into a podcast, this conversation. This is a common conversation. No, but I'm just asking open questions. I'm asking open questions. I went to a 50th last night. So we were on different decades. You went to a 40th.

Well, I should be a... Chat it to a friend, they're going to six years, so this is life. He just sort of bounce around, and then you occasionally go to a significant decade birthday. What I want to hear about is someone going to a 21st. That's what I want. No, no one's doing that anymore. No, but... Well, organising one for your child.

Elsie wants me to organise her 18th and I was like, sure, can I come? No. No. No. So I'll be like hovering around in the background just, I don't know, with a checkbook but no one's got a checkbook anymore, have they. You can tap in, but you'll have to tap out. Oh, 100% tap out. I'll be like, I've got to go, mate. I'm due at a 70th. I can't hang around with you lot. Yeah, we've got all of that to look forward to. What, 70s? Bingo. Yeah, bingo. Do you know what, Jen? I can't. I can't. I can't wait. Bridge Club. Bring it. Bring it on. Look, the 50th was lovely, but the music was too loud and everybody just wanted to talk and you had to shout. No, that's not okay. And I stood outside chatting and I was freezing. I was outside. This party was outside. We were all outside. It was the 40th in the outside. Did you have a dance? A dance? No, I didn't. No. I should have because I was outside. So I would have worn me up. I very much did the hovering thing. I hovered here. I hovered. there. I went over there and did a bit of hovering. You weren't the room, babe. And then I was working the garden. I just did a lot of hovering. And then just as I saw people's eyes glaze over, I went, I'm going to hover. And then I went, thank. And off I went, you sound like a social networker. I was a butterfly last night. You'd have been proud of me, Kerry. I didn't stop. What I've learned is don't sit in a conversation for too long. You've run out

of things to say. They've run out of things to say. Everybody looks awkward. And then you're strabbling around going, fuck it. Did you what? Strictly starts tonight. Oh, once you start on that, it's over. How do you extricate yourself? Do you say, oh, I'm just going to dot, dot, dot, like, you know, don't finish the sentence. Oh, would you excuse me? Because I've just got to dot dot dot dot and then I've just got to, and then that's when I hover. Right. That's what, you'll see me. My feet barely touch the ground. Howvering away. Do it for me? And so we're talking. And so we're talking. And then I say, oh, anyway, it's bake off and strictly start this week. So you know it's summer's over when.

Oh, wow. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Okay. Oh, well, then that's very different. If you said that to me, I would just make this sound. Beep, beep. What, you wouldn't even bother with the niceties of you'll have to excuse me.

I've got to. I'd handbrake turn out of that. Wow. Okay, well, I know where I stand. Just, just, but that would just be, that's the, what I'm delivering is something, quite personal. That's what I'd offer you in that conversation. I'd offer other people different things but for you that's definitely

what I would do. I think I'm flattered. I think that's a sign of a genuine friendship where you're like, I'm not even going to fucking bother with niceties, this is boring. That's where we've got to, that's where we are. Yeah, I appreciate it. For quite a long time, Terry. And I think if I feigned interest you would be like something's hot.

I'd be let down. Something's wrong with our friendship. Yeah. Also, if I did sort of end up resorting to Bake Off and Strictly start this week, I think that deserves an intervention. Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. And who's watching the first episode of Strictly? It's too long. Oh, I haven't watched really for ages, babe. I haven't watched it for years. Haven't you? Well, I didn't watch it last night. You were at 50th. I was at 40th.

I was living in a Loka with a jacket on, some gloves, snoo, balakaba, some thermal tights. I was camping last week. I was still in the camp. I was still in summer mode. Look, this is something I really, and don't judge me for bringing this up, okay.

Go on, but I'm going to have to. Hasn't the weather turned quick? Beep, can we talk about that? Bebe. I'm sorry, excuse me. You'll just have to excuse me. I've got to, um. It's true, though.

I'm not talking about the weather on a podcast, Jen. Fucking hell, end it now. I know the world wants content, but not this content. I can't stop talking about the weather. I find myself saying to complete strangers, oh my God, isn't it got cold quickly? Just the other week I was in T-shirt now. Look at me.

I'm in a fleece, which I am. Jesus Christ. I've got my favourite fleece out. I've just got some news, some actual news, and we'll end on this. Go on. Sometimes you want to end on a song. Sometimes you want to end on news.

We're going to end on this. My US visa was approved today. Oh, that's amazing news. I mean, to be honest, there was never really going to be. Why would you have not got it? I don't know. I know. It's the panic, isn't it?

It's the panic of not even not getting it. I was like, I probably will get it. But what if it arrives a week late or something? Yeah. Yeah, that's fabulous. I've got it. I've got it. It makes you tense, doesn't it?

Because you've got to give your passport. and you're like, you're taking my passport away. Yeah, it's tense. That's very good, very well done. When are you going? I'm going on the twin in the night. I don't know what I'm singing. I'm going on the 29th of September

and my first show is on the 30th of September. There's nothing to worry about. There's nothing to worry about. There's loads to worry about there. The first show on the 30th. With jet lag. With jet lag. It's nothing to worry about.

No, it would be fine. Seattle, baby. Right. Okay. Well, it'll be interesting, won't it? Well, I think Seattle's going to get a very unique show. And I think that's something that they could say, well, you might have seen her when she was polished, but we saw her when she didn't really know what she was talking about. She was very dead lagged and she had a breakdown on stage. So actually, I think we really got a unique experience, which we're happy about,

and we're delighted that we invested that money. Wow, this is going to be great. I'm tempted to come to Seattle just for that gig. I'll go over a few days before and get a bit of resting. Well, I work best when I'm flying by the very, very seat of my pants, as you know. That energy that you bring, that slight kind of... Manic. Mania. Hysteria.

Like anything could, anything could happen. It's like watching Frank Zappa. Yeah, that's what people say about me. They're like, oh, that brista. It's like Frank Zappa in the 70s, except it's the not the 70s. She's old. It's very different. Similar in energy.

Wow. Well, I'm very pleased for you. Congratulations. This is very imminent. This is upon us. It is upon us. And as we get close to our eye and the tension and the fear starts to heighten, we'll talk about it more. You can bet you're bottom dollar.

I'll be your therapist. If not on the podcast, definitely a very long phone calls. Yeah, no, definitely we'll put that in. And you're gigging flat out till you go. That's your arrangements. Well, I have had one gig cancelled this week And the absolute joy I felt when it was cancelled I was like, oh, God, that's great.

Yeah, they're not bad news, the gig's been cancelled. I was like, well, that's good news. Yeah, so I have got one night off this week. Well, then enjoy that, Jen. I would advise you to rest. I'm going to. Good. I'll probably draw a bath.

Yes, bath salts. Get one of those normal Desmond turbines. Get an eye mask and just switch off the phone, babe, and have some you time. Okay, I'm going to do that. That's great advice. Thank you, Kerry. You're welcome. Who are we talking to in this episode?

In this episode, I'm very delighted to announce that we are speaking to the absolute dynamite, Laura Smith. I love Laura Smith so much. She's so bloody, funny and clever and warm. And I want to hang out with her all the time. Do you think she'd like that? I really don't think she'd like that. But I am going to say we're practically friends because we did all hang out in Glastonbury, so there's that.

Well, I didn't because of my back, so I was just elsewhere in a tent sort of crying and rolling around. But you all had a great time, and I'm happy for you. Yeah, we did. We had a lovely time. And this was a really lovely chat, actually. So do enjoy this conversation that we had with the brilliant Laura Smith. I love your pictures.

I can't wait to get into these. They're fun. Do you know how deep to go off? I'll end up crying. Oh, great. I love it. I love me and Lou Sanders doing her one. I'm about 30 seconds. I like it to have like a pinhole in it.

I know that is, I want to talk about that because I think, basically think all my children have got that pathological demand avoidance and that picture is proof that they get it from me because my mum was trying to, my mum baked me a whole cake, I'll tell you a sorry, but like to take a picture of me to enter into a Miss Pairs competition because I was cute as a button. So I, and Kate, like that, But refuse it to smile.

And you sabotaged it? I sabotaged the whole thing. You just didn't want to know? I couldn't play ball. Did you know that that's what your mum was doing? Yeah, she was like she knew, she made me a Kate to make me smile. So naughty. Oh my God.

That is such a good face. That's brilliant face. Did she get pissed off? Was she cross with you? No, I don't think so. She was just patient, but I was just like that. Why didn't you want to play along? Just because, exactly.

But what was it for again? Why? Miss Pears was like, Pear's soap. Oh yeah. I think back in there they had Miss Pears were the cute kids sort of stuff. So it's like a little odd thing. Yeah, it must be. Just because you know when you, your bit, your best, well, you've got loads of bits,

but that we don't get this for a mum, you know, like that. Yeah, it all comes from us. Yeah. Because I think probably similar age, so I've got a six-choice so that can't play, won't play, won't play ball. Won't cooperate. Where does that come from? Yeah. Dada.

That's me, do this. No. It is a cake smile. The effort I've gone to not smile. And how long can you maintain that for? I mean, come on. There's a series of those photos. Really?

Just not having it. What a bitch? What's that? What a little weirdo rebellious. But then that's because you weren't destined to be, because you're a comedian. That's why I know. Exactly.

I'm not just a hat wreck. My mum used to put me in for a bit of modelling bits and pieces. Maybe it was a thing like, like. I didn't. Really? No, I was not in for any money. I remember once she, I did one catwalk and, like in a crushed velvet. bit dress and a big collar like those other pictures.

I don't really know. I was little. I was about four or five. My mum loved it and she thought we'd get loads of free clothes. Did you? Not really. And I mean that kind of feeling of like you're the peasant allowed in for a day. And they kind of gave you a bit of smoke up your ass and some free sweets. And then it's like, there's the tradesman's entrance exit. You want to fuck off now.

And my mum was like back out in the street going, what was that? I know. Yeah. And do I want to play that game? No. I don't want to play the game. No, I don't want to play that game. I don't want to get the photos done.

I don't want to go up to the castings. I don't want to join in. And you had an instinct for it. I think I did. I can't get my kids to do anything. If I said to them, do you want to do something and they go, yeah. And then I say it's on Saturday. They're like, it's my day off.

They actually think, I've got a day off. You can't control kids. Yeah, barely get their punts on. You could get your boys doing a bit of modelling, though. They're lovely, lovely bit of modelling work for us. Yeah, do you know what clubby would do it? I'm just like, I can't. I can't be bothered.

And also all of that, the way you're, that face that you're pulling, that's who I am now. Yeah, that's who I am now. That's how I live my life. I'm like, nah. Fuck that. Because I think if you're going to do anything, particularly when they're with the kids, and I want them to feel at least that they're doing it on their own terms. Yeah, it calls that.

It's really important for me. That's not how modelling works. No, exactly. That's not how any of it works. Can we talk about this? I just want to talk very briefly about this blanket because I had my name. My nan, my grandmother knitted a blanket. It's very similar to that.

Is it a home-knitted one? Yeah, it's worth it. My mum is a real crafty person. She's got a lot of daughters that are all useless and she loves a crochet. That's so hard crocheting is well. Crochet is so hard. I've got so many lovely things in my house that she's made. I've either knitted blankets or crochet.

I don't think there's been a baby born in East London for about 40 years that my mum I made a blanket for. Oh, wow. And I'm serious. The minute she finds out, We go, oh, you know, Fiona's... She's got that hooked stick out. Oh, go on. Yeah, she's...

Help me out. Help me out with the iPad to find a pattern that she hasn't done yet. Oh, that's so lovely. She'd be knitting and crochet in. So, yeah, that is a real... And you haven't inherited that. No, my daughter, my rose, my oldest, she loves it. She loves a bit of crochet.

But she'll do something like, I'm going to crochet some trousers. And then they last, they're just about that much. How can you crochet trousers? I must take like three years. But you know, there's no machine crochet. No, I know. Everything you see in shops, and now I'm talking in Asda, George and Primark, that has been handmade. So when you're getting some £6-pound crochet top, it's not right.

It's scary. That's mad, isn't it? How many hours that, so it's a crochet that? I tried crochet, just to let you know. How did that go? Well, I mean, not good. Is this little kid in this picture funny? Were you always funny?

Well, yeah, I think, I always say, like, we grew up, competitively funny. I'm the youngest of six of us. And then, so we were just funny. Like, it's just, you had to be funny. You had to be funny. And you had to, but I think that's probably more that kid fighting for space, like sensing her power. Talk about that.

Like, I go, oh, what, you bake me a cake, have you? That's never happened before. I'm usually fighting for the last fish finger here, actually. Right, right. Oh, what do you want? Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, you want something from me, do you? I think I was rinsing the power.

So not a people, please, that's quite happy to be the opposite, in fact. Yeah, I suppose so. Just be like, no, I don't play you. And I suppose... But seeing the humour in that. I don't know. I don't even... Because that is a funny face.

It's a funny face, in it. She's obviously gone too far, like... But your mum took a picture of it, so she must have seen the funny side. Yeah, yeah. And you're the youngest? I'm the youngest, yeah. Of six? Yeah, so, well, there's two for my dad's first marriage.

So my mum... Well, my mum raised them a lot as well, actually. And then there's four of us really close. We're all about 18 months apart. Wow. So there's a lot of fighting for space, which, you know... Yeah. And I can...

can see it in my boy is my youngest and he just don't play ball. He don't play ball and it's like, I've got the power of here. If he gets a minute, if he gets the remote control, it's like in his, he puts it in his waistband. He's like, probably like, he's got his, he's got, he's got, they fight for a bit of power in a big of household. It's funny. So the parent that is the white, like, so my husband is the youngest in three.

Yeah. I'm the eldest daughter. There's a bit of, someone was telling me something. There was recently an article about firstborn daughters. Oh yeah. And that shapes a nature quite a lot. like those what become women that carry a certain personality star. And we all sort of, you know, grow up with someone who's obsessed with star signs.

And you go, no, that's bollocks. What's probably more, what's probably a little bit more potentially like readable is where you are in the family, you know, sibling thing. And like only kids and firstborns and youngest. Because my daughter's a bit like me because she's a firstborn daughter. So do you find you back her a little bit? you sort of see where she's coming from. Well, yes, I know, because you back them, but you also go, I'm on to you, mate. Yeah.

So it's a bit of both. Yeah, yeah. Like you are with your son. You're like, I know you. I see you. But I watch my, um, my, even like, because there's a big, I've got age gouts because they're different dads, but the, um, the, they're so mean to him. They right.

So you protect him. I'm a little bit like, no, because you didn't mean it. No, no. No, I am a bit like that. But I don't know whether it's favouring a little boy, because I'm an absolute toxic weirdo but or it's a little bit knowing his position as the youngest there's probably a bit of both

I mean there is that I mean I wrote some material about it and even I do it with my boys is that we have to like we catch ourselves going he can they can do this we don't need to do this for them anymore they're nearly they're like 10 they can pick up their underwear they can make their bed

because otherwise you do fight well I don't know I just do it I so I check to my friend and said her son went off to sick form and she was slagging him off like doing the old and it's like off. And then I went, well, why are you fucking picking his shit up then? He's went, because he's my poopie box. Just that self-awareness.

Immediately. I'm like, wow. Yeah, we've really made her own. But it's, I mean, it's so funny as well. I'm like, two women raised and two boys is really funny because it's actually a compliment. It's like, well, because we know from a lifetime experience, men are fucking useless. It's the mother's fault. Yeah, but I mean, for fuck sake, we've got a big responsibility because if we produce

Two useless men. I mean, we've... We're going to get kicked out. We are going to get kicked out of the lesbian community. Yeah, they will. Get a letter from Sandy Toxwig, straight from headquarters. So how much... So you've got four siblings that are close to age you.

Sisters, brothers, both? So one boy. So it's all girls. So it goes... Five girls, one boy? Yeah. So Karen would... Karen passed away a few years ago.

So Karen would be sort of 60. And then Jane's sort of 56. Then it jumps down. to Sarah's nearly 50, like 48, then it's James, the only boy, my son, the only one, and then Amy, then me, so yeah. So I think Amy would play the middle, not play it,

but Amy's sort of middle child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's very, you know, just such a striver, always academically put so much pressure on herself, really ambitious. And I think that that's, there's this sort of like, hello, can someone notice me, do you know? Yeah, yeah.

Whereas James obviously didn't have to have that, but James would sort of say he was maybe sideline because of all the girls, Do you know what I mean? And Sarah then is classic big... So we've got two classic big sisters which is like, it's all right, I'm here guys, what do you all need?

Because you lot can't do it. Yeah, maternal vibe. Are you all close? Really close. It's great having siblings that you're close with. Especially as you get older and then they have kids and they have their family and you can all bundle in together.

Yeah, it's lovely. I just love that dynamic. Gang of women as well. I haven't got a sister. So not having one, let alone a gang. Three brothers. Are you got three brothers? I've got one brother.

I can't imagine that kind of, it's like you've got an automatic gang. Yeah, it's nice. Without having to do the recruitment. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love. Your dad, your brother, your partner, your friends. It isn't just a men's issue. It's a human one.

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Book on emirates.com. Is this the next one? What's going on in this photo? This is me, that's probably about 25 there. Is that all right to jump to that? So I had my oldest when I was 20, and that's my oldest, Rosie. It's a great picture. You look like you're in the middle of a very intense grown-up conversation.

And that's what it's always felt like. And I thought, I love this picture so much. I just feel like this sums up our relationship because I was listening learning on the job at 20. And something obviously really quite serious has happened at her fourth birthday, which was Doctor Who themed, because she loves Doctor Who then. And she's trying to tell me something that might be something about, I don't know, pin the tail on a canine or someone went in her bedroom and they didn't want her to. Something's happened there as in a temporary flat and barking.

I'll know the flat that we were there from. a little while and I'm so desperately trying to understand her. But you're right down on her level, your eye contact, like it's really, it has captured something really lovely, isn't it? It's almost like a scene from a play. Don't you think? I'm like looking at that going, oh, this is a scene

from a play. But it's proof before, that's probably just before when everyone had smartphones and that was just captured on some sort of camera that then got printed, do you know what I mean? And they captured a great picture. Yeah, that you probably wouldn't have, you probably been waiting for someone's turn around and it would have been 20 photos that wouldn't have been picked.

Yeah. And that's what's nice about those analogue photos. But I just feel like that's still our relationship. My friend who had her daughter young, she was saying recently, she was really fussing over her because she went travelling this summer. And she turned around and went, Mum, you'd had me by the time you were my age.

And that is a real leveller. Yeah. It is quite a thing to have, you know, there must be a sisterly vibe between you. Yeah, there is. Because sometimes I'll go, sometimes I refer to my mum. When I'm talking to her, I go, oh, my mum said, and I go, oh, no, she's your grandma.

You know, like I have to remind myself, oh no, mum, like, or I've always referred to the babies. I always, yeah, refer to the babies like she's not. And then, do you know what, she's just really wise and she's moral. You want them better than you. And I think I've costed her a little bit much because I just was nowhere at that age. And I was. But you must be somewhere because you had her and you raised her. Well, I had two-year-old.

I know, I had her. But what I mean is at sort of 18, I thought I knew everything. when you come out you met her dad who was a turd and then you know like and you wanted to have a baby not of course I didn't want to have a baby I was just a div and um

it was just a bit of stupid sort of recklessness and I didn't and I think that I thought I'm gonna and I don't know you know I don't know what then made me there was something inside me that was just like I don't I can't and not I'm keeping it yeah and just like

um yeah and then I don't and it was real last minute sort of no I've got to keep this baby and I don't know and it was all just so messy with her dad and then it just all got a little bit and then when he he's just a bit of a mess and I sort of thought well you've got to get yourself together if you want to keep this relationship with her and I never thought he wouldn't pick getting you know what I mean it was like he never really got it together but his parents are all involved and they're really lovely and and there was a part you thought

I can do this on my own I can well I just sort of weren't I just sort of had to I just sort of got my head down and kept going and yeah it was just all a bit mad really I didn't I never thought that for myself you know I did well at school and I wasn't I'm not going to be one of them girls and then you know before I knew it when I was on the housing list and I was in temporary

accommodation and then went to another sort of it was a mother and baby unit and it was like loads of girls from school you know like the bitches and you're like oh fuck I'm in it with the girls from school those them girls and it was all a bit but that was quite cathartic actually because you come away from school with all these sort of little wounds where it was all a bit intense and,

you know, bullying and sort of bitchiness and all that. Because I was very pretty in school. Like I was like one of those, you know, and like got a lot. I basically went from a boy with buck teeth. Then my boobs came and I was like of interest to people. And it was like, oh. And all that came with that and bitchiness and meanness and it was all a bit intense. Right.

You know, I was seeing one of my brother's friends. and you know that kind of like all and it was all just a little bit chaotic and I think that you have this sort of I think a lot of women have this where your sort of sexuality is thrust upon you yes exactly yeah and it's really still quite young and processing it but you've got to well you haven't caught up to it yeah so people see it and then you're and then you're notified about it by people staring at your tits yeah you're stared at your tits and you sometimes confuse it with being a grown-up you're like I hold this I'm a grown-up right yeah and you're like No, they're not the same thing.

So I think there was a lot of that to unpack when I finally did a therapy. So there was this sort of thing of standing out from the crowd before I wanted to anyway, when I wanted to sort of be doing handstands mostly. But the, I'm watching Fundercutterka, that's right? But like, and then, you know, and then I went to, when I went off to university, I didn't, that sort of made me short circuit. Because also you don't realize. And you went young, you went at 18.

18. And I went to University of Sheffield. and I didn't really understand how much, talking about having a big family, how much my confidence and my place in the world was so specific to my family and my area and who I was. And I think then you go into the big world and I didn't know whether, I certainly weren't a pretty girl anymore because there's these sort of five-foot, 11 girls that play netball, you know, and they go, ha, ha, ha.

Context is every, you're like, oh, right, in this context, I'm different. Yeah, yeah, and you kind of, and I'm, yeah, just because my mate had a, Paul in Rompford. This is real, that means she's rich, they're really rich. Do you know what I mean? Well,

it's the old Jess Phillips. I thought I knew rich people but they'd just eat in olives. Yeah. You get a real check in with class and all that stuff when you go to you. But I really short circuit and hated it and I had a real,

I had a really bad sort of breakdown of like who I was and just couldn't handle that. And then I sort of picked myself up and then I was working and met, um, Rose's dad's and that kinds of got like... Was that at uni or when... No, no.

I was in a casino. I was working as a crew pay. You've packed a lot of life. You've lived full life really young. That's why it's kind of, it's interesting about becoming a young mum because I can... It seems to me, probably didn't at the time because you were young.

But you could do it. You could do it. I've been raving since I was 14. I was tagging on. And you had a solid family so you knew you had that support network and... And then just Rosie can. came along and just changed everything. I just, my favourite song, there's a, my mum,

because I called her a rose just when she was born, I was going to call her something else. And then my mum said, oh, that is my mum. She goes, oh, that's a Hendrix lyric. And it's Axis, no, one rainy wish on Axis Boulders Love. She's like, golden rose, colour of the dream I had, misty blue and lilac too, never to grow old. And it says, there you were, under the tree of love,

sleeping so peacefully. And then it says, what is it? In Your Hand, a Flower Played. This is the lyrics, it's so good. And she goes, but it goes, it says, I looked at you and you smiled my name and you stole my heart away, little girl, little girl. Oh, that's so beautiful.

And I just fell in love with her. Yeah, of course you do. And it was, you know, oh, I'm so perfect. But then growing, you're growing up. Yeah. My best mate, Natalie, she had, Andre, when she was at 18 and she says, we grew up with them and she had two more. Yeah.

Afterwards. And she said, we grew up with our kids. Yeah. And that's how it felt. I feel like this friend of mine who's got a little had a kid. Yeah. There's a bond that she has with her relatives that is very specific to a young mom. And it's a really special thing.

Yeah, we just grew up together. And it was just like, wow, wow. So it upsets me that sometimes we're just so wow, wow, wow, because she's that female energy and that kind of, well, I'm cooking this and I'm doing that. And actually I want this and I'm doing that. And she's so confident. She's so this and she sort of kicks against me.

And I'm just like, just come in here. Just let me love you. She looks like she's such a great big sister to your. No, she's rotten. She's just so horrible to them. My nine-year-old. No, no, no. Social media.

No, I do. She's so funny because she's, my nine-year-old, we were in Scribler. And Scribler is just a nightmare to buy cards in. Someone lost their dad the other day, so I've tried to get a sympathy card. And you've got a walk in that scribbler, ain't you? Where it's all like, oh, fat bull, cunt. That's basically every card is all showshut. It's the opposite of Clinton.

Yeah, is there a sympathy card somewhere here. Whoops, your dad's dead. You know what I mean? But it's like, it's like, so weird. But there was a card, it's like a dog with flowers. It said, these are for you, bitch. And my bonnie, in the nine years, like, let me get this for Rosie. Let me get this for Rosie.

Because they're just like, man, and ra. But they are, she is, she is good. Yeah, yeah. It's just, I mean, it's, it comes over as sparring. Yeah. I know, I always say, because I never thought because it's like, it's 12, 30 year gap, wherever they'd bond like that. But when they argue in the back of the car, oh, yeah, the proper siblings.

It's a sibling. Siblings and siblings, no matter what the age gap between them. I mean, because my mate, she's got three. and one of them's like, he's, you know, he's at university and they're the same age as my boys, and which they're like 10. Yeah. And they, they, when I see them together, I'm like,

you know, you're like eight years older than them. I know, but it's like, it'll get them in headlocks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's what siblings before. Yeah, it's great. It's like, like, comforting about that, seeing that, it's like that they can connect on that level and it means that when they get older, they'll have that.

You can't do it in the path. You can't do it with other people. You can't put them in a headlock. And that's what's right. Yeah. Yeah. Like what she wanted to, when I wrote Bonnie,

wanted to put her hair in a bun the other day. And then I said, I'm sure Rosie's got, um, nice hair bands. And then she comes down and there's like, she said, I can't have them.

And she said, get her. She's like, she's like, a 22. Yeah. It makes me laugh. But yeah,

so I think that picture sums up our whole relationship with me, like, desperately trying to like, I'll meet your needs here and I'll probably getting it wrong. But I'm trying. He's a lovely picture. He's such a lovely picture.

This. next picture is we're jumping up again. Well, actually not that much really. Yeah, what's that one? It's the one with here. You in a red dress holding a cup. Yes. So that is, I know, yeah, I didn't go too deep. Yeah, that is the Cavendish Arms where everyone starts comedy virgins. So that's probably really.

Is your first gig? No. Where's the Cavendish Arms? Oh, yeah. They do comedy virgins there and everyone went there. So I don't think it's my first gig, but it's within the first few weeks of gig in. Wow. And I got the cups.

so they have a clap off and they got the cup. And I've still got them cups. I've still got it with any other awards that I've won. Because I just think the joy of that, I'm just like, I just look so happy. So when you finally came to gig, it just clicked straight away. Straight away. I did Logan Murray's course. Right.

I did a comedy course with Logan Murray. And you were teaching full time. I was teaching full time, but I was just about to go back after my Alfred. So that was 2019. So he was a year old. And I thought, I'd only admit to Ali that I wanted to do. comedy and he'd bought me a days writing course with Logomare as a wedding gift like a few years before and I just loved it I couldn't believe other funny people were there and it was all just

so exciting and then I didn't do anything with it and then I sort of you know it's like on maternity if you got no money and you're all trying to make it work so I said I've booked a comedy course I've put another credit card and started doing every Sunday at the end of March 2019 and then in the April yeah and it just clicked I loved it Laura that's so recent I can't believe you're you're the speed that you've gone through is extraordinary because There's 29th. I won the funny women. But then there's the pandemic.

So two of you of those years don't even count. I don't know. It's been a mad journey. So that's where I was just the pure joy of it. And then the penultimate week, you'd always sit at homework, Logan Murray. He said, book a gig. So I did the Cavendish Arms on like Easter Monday, 22nd of April, 2019. And it took me a week to come down from it.

I just loved it. And when I watched it back, my brother was there. He filmed it. And he went, and when I watch it back, I'm watching it like this. I'm going, ha. Because I couldn't believe Because it was such an adrenaline-fueled madness Yeah

I did that woman standing there telling them jokes I could laugh at her because it wasn't Because it was just adrenaline came out my mouth I'd planned some jokes But it was so funny Wow And then the following what we did the showcase And we filmed it

That's the 28th, the Sunday 28th So we filmed that And some of the girls on the calls were like Oh there's the Funny Women Awards closes On the 30th of April We should submit our videos So I did then I won it Do you reckon...

Is it that period before where you were just thinking about doing stand-up, that you were percolating on it and you were... It was almost part of that process of becoming a comedian. Do you know when... Yeah. I think teaching gives you a lot of comments where I teach you. Yeah. If you saw me in my first year of teaching, I left classrooms crying.

And the big thing, what you were talking about, learn... You know when there's a quarter of the room that ain't listening or when they're not getting it or there's not that energy in the room. And you go, actually... Do you know even how to start a paragraph? Oh, actually, that's the lesson today then. Forget what I was talking about there. Let's just talk about this today.

And to have that 10 years of knowing when to read a room and go, actually, let's change this up. It's a great head start. But you know when you talk. Public speaking as well. Public speaking, assemblies, handling parents, difficult things. It is any teacher, the confidence it gives you is unreal and it changed me as a person. And also teenagers are the toughest crowd.

Oh, they're toughest and they'll let you know and you've got to be quick. And they smell fear. Similar things. to stand up. So many things. But when you talk about like, you know, Route 1 comedy or low hanging fruit, my family are so funny. And I mean, I've never seen anyone on circuit funny than any of my siblings.

I just mean they're the funniest people. It's in your DNA. And the bars high. And the bars high. So you've got to come out with funniest thing you can think of to top all of these cunts that you're sitting at dinner with. Do you know what I mean? So that was a game.

When I realized that's the game. And I like, it's like, I only want to go to restaurants that eat food. I couldn't cook at home. I don't want to eat something I could do better at home. I don't want to go to a club when I know I could see that coming. Yeah, yeah. So when I've do these big gags, you go to the worst, the most ridiculous thing. Yeah, yeah.

Is the game I think I've been playing all my life? I know that sounds silly. You know, it doesn't. An audience is refined as your siblings. You're like, they're my dream crowd. You just go as far as you throw it as far as you can and everyone goes, wow. Wow. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to

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Product availability varies by region. See app for details. So when did you stop teaching? Because I never forget when I stuck my foot in my mouth, went, do you remember when you did that gig for me at my kid's school? Oh, yeah. And you went, I'm giving up teaching. I went, oh, are you? What are you going to do then?

And you went, well, this. Gary! I was quite distracted. I was running a fundraiser. That's so funny. That's a great heckle. I forgot that. Also, don't forget you book, Laura.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't really know quite what I was thinking. But I just got thrown off. Because I kind of assumed you'd been going for a while. I don't know what I was thinking. But he did really pull me up. I was really funny. You're like, yeah, I'm kind of doing this.

But you had just stopped teaching around then. I think I did. Another picture will get to that. But yeah, I stopped teaching July 2021. So not even that long. And that's a brave jump. Did you think, right, I'm, I've got to do it. I've just got to do it.

It just, do you know what it was? You know, we got back in IRL in the classroom from, and the pandemic made everything quite hard in teaching. I was, we got back in the March 2021 and we sat there in the English department and we were looking at this software that meant that any kids that were isolating at home, you could teach in the lesson and broadcast it at home and how to use that software. And you know when you're like, and then, and then everyone, was asking really earnest questions and you know

when you just have to be honest you're looking around going I couldn't give a flying fuck how to do this and when you don't I could have carried on teaching there's loads of teachers that carry on don't give a flying fuck but teachers are I love teaching while I did it but I just at that moment I couldn't give a fuck but also you had comedy so I had it but you know we just had a pan-dict so knew it was a risk I knew it's I'd read

Rommish's book about him leaving teaching I was like oh I knew it was at risk but I was making myself literally quite sick but I was making myself quite ill with the anxiety of well if I get this and if I get that I can leave teaching and then I thought separate the two things you're done with teaching whatever happens to comedy you're done with teaching just make that decision yeah so I just made that leap and that was great so one of the other pictures is me with my colleagues in my last week ever of teaching because I was ahead of year

you lot is that you're lying on the floor and I don't know why we just collapsed on the floor us lot so that's um Tyra one of our best mates Katia and um I never called a catia, I'll call a peacock, but Keith Mason, who his partner is Spanish, it's so funny, this story. And he's in my phone as Kim Bacon, Keith Mason, because where he taught in Spain for a long time, he's fluent Spanish, he's Irish, fluent Spanish,

and he said, basically this principal of this Spanish school never got his name right. And when he was leaving, after years teaching Spanish school, and I like to, I can't do it, I like to welcome you all to Kim Bacon. He's Kim Bacon. And I say, that's Keith Mason. Gim bacon

What a joyful picture And it was we just I mean we've Something's happened Where we've ended up Collapsed on floor Because we're done Teaching will have you

We probably lay on the floor Because we couldn't actually cope anymore Yeah yeah yeah And then we got the giggles And then you know The camera came out And it's still

It's just our favourite picture Because it's just us broken And the gallows humour Joyful God we kept each other going We would have blazing rows Me and Katty especially And we'd end up just Put a Diet Coke on each other's desk

something about that. Because you're dealing with such heavy stuff. As a heads of year, you deal with a lot of the sort of... The pastoral stuff. Pastoral side and the social service. Anything could get involved and it's heavy, but God, did we laugh. Where was the school that you teach now? In East London, so near Upton Park sort of, near where I live.

How long are you at their school? Ten years. My whole teaching career. Oh, my God. Catholic girls school, just brilliant, just full of rude girls. I went to a girl's Catholic school. But I just remember being at school and we were. monsters. We were monsters. We were monsters.

I mean, just not. So then really, audiences are like a pushover. I mean, like if you had a supply teacher, forget it. Oh, Game mobile. They were literally, we would just literally walk out of the class. I know. People would just, just, the teacher would walk in, we'd be sat on our desks and we'd just carry on talking. Yeah. She'd be like, I mean, I remember one woman having a breakdown and started crying.

And we looked at him and went, okay. And we just carried on. Oh, they were all. Absolutely. We used to have a teacher with a prosthetic arm and people had hang Johnny's off his hand. Oh, God. It's so cruel. Yeah, I mean, you're vicious.

I mean, I once, when I went back to school, I think probably after my third or something, and I realized some year seven class tried to get there with me because I went back in April, so I didn't have a full teaching time, so I was just doing cover and sorting stuff out. So I went to a year seven class and they thought I was a supply teacher. So they were like, I went, and I thought, this is weird. Yeah, what's going on? And I went, oh, they don't know who I am.

I'll let them know who I am. You know what I was like, right that, you know, and it was like, right that. I bet you were a great teacher. Oh, I loved it. I loved it because I hate it's gone. Yeah, they loved me because I just saw, I think, again, see them. You want to be seen. Yeah.

And you loved your subject, like doing that between the covers with you, just your love of literature. Oh, yeah. That must have really been infectious for the kids. Oh, I loved it. I just think I was saved by books. Again, talking about coming from a big family. You are, it's all cliches, but you just, it's such escapism and it's so accessible and a book.

And I just, I think I live in my head a lot and I live in a sort of imaginative world a lot. And I love, but I just love reading. I just do, there's a joke. But they are a refuge. They are a refuge. I mean, you know, you know, we went to the Alps for 10 days and Ali went, I could tell you had a good time. You've barely got through that book.

I was like, we have such a wildly different account of what is a good time. I was like, a good holiday is three books. I don't want to talk to you people. I don't want to lie on a sunlander with a soggy fagging me mouth. He did look good that holiday. That was great. That was great. That was great.

I was great. Oh, I know. Let's go. Let's go there next year. Let's go to your last Oh yeah Oh This is lovely

This is your new I'm a love of me I've got a joke Where I say Oh no No no I know That's my Alfred

But it's Betty It's Betty You know When people are Oh God People that treat their dogs Like babies I'm like

Listen I know It's disgusting Because I've had Because I've had three kids And then a dog And trust me Dogs are better The babies

I love Betty More than anything She is very lovable Well she's a little cup there She's a pop-s. She's not like that now. What is she? What is she?

She's a Maltese Pomeranian and she's the most beautiful thing. So Pomeranians are these big puppies. Maltese are really cute. Right. And she's a mix and she's the best mix. And she's just, we love her so much. I forgot that that is the most, she's four now. And we dressed up to go and get her.

We dressed up. Oh, wow. We love her so much. She's so clever. She's so funny. She's got different barks of things. We know them. We know her water bark.

We know her food. but we know her get outside. And when we take her on a walk, if she's on the lead and she wants to get off, she just goes to your leg. She's so clever and her recall is unbelievable. Wow. I just don't know if my kids that matter.

I have not seen you talk with such love. Yeah, this is really deep. This is really something. This is the deepest of infection. She's so easy. It's because I've got a dog, but I don't feel like this about it. I mean, I feel awful about it.

Do you know, Ali's, because Bonnie says, we treat her like a pop star. Daddy treats her like she's some sort of army dog, but he's so strict because he's, because he says, you know, you do the work with dogs and it pays off. Yeah. Did he grow up with dogs? Yeah, grew up with dogs and he will not feed him, feed

Betty from the table, he's really strict of her, he's really, and it does show what I've never done with my own kids. Discipline and boundaries work. It's like when my kids go up to my mother-in-law's house, my Northern Irish mother-in-law, they, I don't know who they are. No, you're not, no, it's absolute, no, you don't

know, no, you're not, have, not before you're dinner. But, so then they just, they know where they are with granny. Yeah, yeah. That's granny. That's more broken. What's going on you? Right?

But it shows, because they haven't got this been. My parenting approach is like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, no, you're taking the fucking piss. That's it. There's only two mocks. Yeah, it goes quick. Yeah. They don't know where they are.

They don't know where they are. I don't know. She might say yes to. Yeah, come on. That's fine. Keeps them on their toes. Yeah, they like it. They've got no safe.

Also, grandparents can be disciplinarians because they don't live with them. And they're just great. but and then my mum is just like team them but then but with betty it really has paid off like we've nailed it with betty he's disciplined so she knows where she is yeah she's just a joy she's just a joy she is like the minute i've put the kids to bedside come down on the sofa she's like that she's sat next to me just absolutely lovely and then she hits your hand if you stop stroking her to have a little bit of a stroke and then come bedtime bedtime betty she's off she's so good maybe she could teach my dog we've nailed it with that dog you nailed it

Do you take her to gigs? Oh God, no, no, no. She's at home all the time. But she's so attached to me that she could be in a house for, but I come in and she does backflips like, I'm just, like, oh my God, you're home. The main person's home. I mean, there we are. That's right.

Oh, no, the validation. She doesn't even give me eye contact. If I come in, she just like walks away. Yeah. Tail down. Tail down. It is. It's just like, and, yeah.

They do bring a lot of joy. And a puppy with little kids. I mean, you're giving them. Sorry, they bring a lot of joy. But they did, when she was a puppy and the kids were little. So mine was seven and, um, bit of a three or four,

uh, when we got Molly. And so when she was little and they were little, that is just a big love bubble. Yeah, it's fun. I mean, now I've got older teenagers, Molly's 10,

everyone's had enough. Yeah. But early doors. Stop farting Molly. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, walk Molly.

They're like, ah. But early on, it's pure joy. And we haven't had to espade because my happiest memory as a child was when my dog had puppies and I remember like a house of puppies

and I named them Do you want puppies? No I don't know but I just didn't I named them all after Only Fawls and Horses characters I was about eight or not I loved them all so much

and I remember walking to school and then my dad whizzing past and he was jagged like there's been another one and then we were like yeah and then carried a walk into school because we couldn't believe

we had to leave for school while the little was coming oh no puppy puppies I mean, I've never had a dog. I don't know. I don't think I want a dog, but. Oh, but puppies, Jen.

I love puppies. Puppies are so cute. I know. She's got a puppy. She's got a little Yorkshire. What's his name? Those little teary. Oh, Yorkie, a little yorky.

And it's so cute. And he's not yappy because he's not barking yet. No. And just jump in and giving you like all them yam yam yam yams. Even I have no. Yeah. I've not talked about anything. The way I've talked about that.

Get one of her puppies. When she has the puppies. Chloe won't. You know you've met Chloe. She's not going to do it. Why? No, she's just not. She's not.

She's a soft velvet sofa. She's a sassy girl about town. Yeah, she's a sassy girl about town who doesn't want to talk. Are you having your mind? Lovely stuff. Look at Little Betty. I know. I really love that I went straight into your son and you went, no.

Look at the dog because he's cute. He's cute. Look at that face. No one. He posts as well on your socials. He goes, he wants to be a influencer. So I've had to tone that down. I love his little post.

I'm the thumbs up kid. He goes, yeah, I don't like my grandma. He's, I love Alfred so purely. He's so straightforward, my boy. Because my daughters are so, but he says things like, I love you, mummy, and he's not taking a piss. He just means it.

I can't believe it. I can't believe how nice he is. He loves me. I know. My boys are like that all the time. They'll just walk past and go, love you, mama. And you're like, oh, okay, thank you. So sweet.

And you've got brothers, we're like, that's what you get. Yeah, exactly. It's like there's no edge. I wonder what they're thinking. No, yeah, yeah. You know what they're thinking, I need to poo, I'm tired, I'm hungry. That's it. They're so straightforward.

I love you. That's it. Oh, Laura. Such had a lovely, I've had a lovely time. I've so enjoyed your stories. Thank you for bringing all these lovely pictures. But before you go, because you're on tour. You're years for this.

And you've got loads of shows coming up. Where can people find out where you're going to be? We can, all we can say to you, to everyone listening, that if you live in the UK, go and see what's funny. You will not be disappointed because the woman is bloody funny. I've worked really hard at it. It's bare jokes. And yeah, all over the UK started on Leicester on Friday the 13th

and then go until 7th November at Indigo 2 in London. Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to it. That is so exciting. Well, I sold out Hackney Empire, which was the best comedy night ever. But then it was like, where do I go next? And Pladeon felt a little bit like, hey, we felt a bit as much, Jimmy. I'm not Julie Love. Next time.

But yeah, next time we're here. So, yeah. Exciting. Right, get tickets for Laura. Go see Laura. Laura Smith.com. Yeah, laurasmith.com. I'm Max Rushton.

I'm David O'Dahardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress?

Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger?

What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do? yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That's over the top.

What did you do yesterday? Available, wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.