Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E37: Rhys James

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

"The phone rang at 3am... The guys said... Sir there is someone in your room... I was like oh my god..." This week we have the hilarious and all too young looking Rhys James on the show! The photos aren't anything to write home about but his stories are well worth it! The one about the hotel intruder in Dubai is both terrifying and brilliantly funny. Rhys's 'immaculately crafted' show Spilt Milk is on sale to stream on his website from tomorrow and worth EVERY PENNY.  - Go to rhysjames.co.uk from tomorrow. We also have Kerry and Jen talking about Kerry's holiday and the two of them side stepping the US election. PHOTO 1: Looking youthful PHOTO 2: The Gym / Professional rawdogger PHOTO 3: A Dubai nightmare PHOTO 4: My cat PHOTO 5: Montreal comedy festival PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page.

So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. I went to Ireland last week. Oh, you went to Sligo. I was near Sligo. We were in the countryside. We popped to Sligo for a day, and then we went back into the countryside. I can't imagine Sligo is like some, some like Buzzling metropolis, is it?

No. No, no. But we went to the Yates. They get a lot out of Yates. Yates is the... Yes. Yeah, there's a lot of Yates activity. Went to the Yates Museum.

It was really lovely, actually. It's really beautiful. We did a lot of walking and beach walks. I absolutely categorically could move to Ireland. I love it. Whereabouts do you, where have you been? Well, I haven't been to that many places and I haven't been to the West Coast. I was just, I've been to, obviously, Dublin.

I've been to Northern Ireland, just in case of all I just want to include everybody. Yeah. To Northern Ireland, also known as the North of Ireland. I have been to Cork. Yeah. And that area around there. So you did quite a lot of. I did quite an extensive lot of bobbing about in Cork.

And that's it. I've never been to like Galway or I've never been to like that West Coast bit. I'd love to go. But I told you, we went this time last year. That's when we went to Cork. And it was absolutely, it tipped it down for a week. We were really lucky with the weather. Yeah, it's really beautiful.

We were lucky. We didn't have any bad weather. It's quite mild. We did a lot of walking. I went in the sea, Jen. I went in the Atlantic Ocean. they had a... But that's cold.

That is cold. But they had a sauna, this beautiful sauna at Ross's point. And the view was just stunning. And then you just dipped in and out of the sauna and in the sea. There were loads of people doing it. It was amazing. Oh my God. There was a sauna on the beach.

Well, it was on this little inland sort of swimming. Like, it was the sea. What do you call those swimming pools that are not swimming pools? Sea pool, sea pool. Sea pool. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wow.

That's my idea of absolute heaven. It really was heavenly. It really was. How cold was the sea? Really fucking cold. I don't know the numbers, but fucking freezing was, I'd say. So that's it. The scientific.

Yes. Yes, I think that is the scientific. But when you get out of a sauna and then get in it, it's tolerable for a bit. Oh, there's nothing I like more. I'm happy to go into a sauna and Chloe doesn't enjoy this at all. I do the bucket. Do you like the bucket? Oh, yeah, I love all that shit.

Well, the plunge pool where it's like, oh my God, I've lost a nipple. I love those. Sat in the plunge pool, sat looking out at the Atlantic Ocean. That sounds dreaming. It really was. I drank a lot of Guinness. drank a lot of Guinness. Did you?

Had a chowder. That's very good, full of iron. Delicious chowder. Chowder? Yeah. Do they do chowder? That's the... Well, they did where I went.

Wow. I always think of chowder as being like, I don't know, American. They're obsessed with chowder over there. I think they've probably got it from Ireland originally. I think they pretty much anything that's from the states, they've got it from somewhere else. That's the whole point. That's the whole point of America. That's the whole point.

It's immigration. That's the greatest story ever told, quote. Bidding from the election. And immigration. That's what America is built up. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.

Do you enjoy the election buildup? Sorry. I'm talking of America. I'm staying well out of it. I'm staying well out of it. I don't think anyone needs my input from that. Just hiding in a cupboard from that, shoot storm. I feel like when I went out there,

because I haven't been back that long, really. So there was, I thought there would be a lot more sort of chat about it. I feel like, but maybe I went to, I went to. You went everywhere? Yes, but I did go to cities that were considered more liberal. Yeah, and progressive. They're not going to stick a middle-aged lesbian just anywhere. No, absolutely.

Oh, we got you at heart if they let you go. Enten of C. Not wild at heart. What do I mean? What's the road movie with Jack Nicholson in? Easy Rider. Was that Jack Nicholson? Yeah, I thought that.

And Henry Fonda. Peter Fonda. Peter Fonder. Peter Fonda. Jesus. I don't think that was Jack Nicholson. Yeah, Jack Nicholson's an easy rider, babe. Right, okay, let's just quickly Google that.

I'm prepared to bet quite a lot of money on it. I did a quiz yesterday. Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda are in that. Peter Fonda and Jack Nicholson. Oh, yes, and Jack Nicholson. Yeah, it's quite key in it. Is it key in it? Yeah.

I've never seen it. Oh, well, why were you sitting there in such certainty? Well, because that poster is of the picture. Dennis Hopper and Peter Funder, isn't it? Well, you take all film casts by the poster, who's in the poster? Yeah. You know, it really is a day in a care home today. You know, George? I was like, oh.

It's just got a fish in it. It's not just a shark. I was a bit disappointed, actually. Now that you've said it there, I appreciate that there might be other cast members. Yeah. Harry, on today's episode, we have a very exciting guest. Tell us who it is. We have today the one.

Wonderful. He always cracks me up. The brilliant, Rhys James. I was thoroughly entertained for this entire episode. Reese is so funny and he's so quick. You have to work really hard. He's too quick for a menopause or ladies. He's too quick for two menopause of women. Let me tell you. It was hard to keep up with his brain, with his sharp comedy brain. But it was so fun to talk to Reese. He has a comedy special, which is out now, which we urge you to stream,

which can get all the information from his web. website. But for now, sit back and listen to our chat with the fantastically funny Reese James. Rees, before we go any further, I do want to just keep focusing on the aesthetic. Your aesthetic. Thank you. If you wouldn't mind. I don't mind. I'm actually going to continue in the vein that I started, which was complimenting you in your shackets. And I had a conversation with Stephen Bailey on the last gig that we did together in Manchester. And we went for a drink. And then I was getting texts

from Stephen Bailey going, what about Reese? his skin. Oh yeah? It went on. So Stephen Bailey, we did a gig with Reese in the beginning of September. Yeah.

The old laughter armour. The laughterrama. I still wear those thoughts. Oh, right. Yeah. The Manchester's version of the Greenwich Comedy Festival. I see, right.

But yeah, the main topic of conversation that evening with Stephen Bailey was, no, even while you were there and I was like, this is inappropriate because Reese is literally there. You keep talking to me about... Give it 10 years, you won't be allowed to do that anymore.

No. Oh, give it for you. five minutes. Yeah, I think 10 years ago, sorry. Regimen. So what is your very, just in case Stephen's listening, I want to know what your skin resume. I actually just use keels, not sponsored.

You know the brand keels? Yes, I see them with a skeleton and they always have a skeleton with a white jacket on in the. That's why it appealed to me. That's what I look like. I just, I don't know, like everyone always asked me this. And also, another thing, I get told off my girlfriend for not using all the sorts of what's the thing you're supposed to have used that begins with R that you're supposed to use. Ritalin?

No, that's not it. Yeah. It's called something and it like, it stops you aging. Oh, no, it's nothing stops you aging. But this is the thing is like, this is what winds me up is that every girl will say, Reese, you need to be using this. It stops you aging. By the way, you look 12.

I go, yeah, I don't use that. And you all look like shit. So how fucking dare you? How did you get a girlfriend, Reese? Yeah, yeah, well. That was his opening line. You look like shit. Catfish are online for a long time.

Are these pictures in any particular? order. I think this must be the first picture. Yeah, that seems like a good first one. Is this Bugsie Malone? No, it actually was just a fancy dress party, but it might as well, yeah, it looks very Bugsy Malone, doesn't it? Although there is a man as braveheart there as well. Oh yeah, sure. He wasn't in Bugsim Malone. Yeah, Muck Bugsie Malone. It's not one of the fans, Grand Slam wise guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's three of you in a suit, you're in a suit. Are you that little one? You're the little one, right? Yeah. I wasn't going to be any others, well, I didn't.

Well, I had to go through that. But I mean, I do. So everyone in that photo. How does this work then? How do you get, communicate these photos? Well, they just go on our Instagram. Oh, right, okay. So we'll talk about them and then they look at them.

So right, if you're looking at this photo, which you two are. We are. Everyone in this photo is the same age. Yeah. Oh, okay. Everyone in this photo is the same age. So that explains why you look 22 now. Yeah.

And how old do you think? How old do you think? do you think people are in this photo? I think you're eight and they're 14. We're all 15, yeah. Reese. I think we're all 14, 15, yeah. But you're 10?

Yeah, right. You're 10. Well, this is like being a kid again, that sentence thinks it to me. No, but you can't play. You're 10. Oh, we. And so you got a lot of shit. No, actually, the thing is, I was like a little sidekick to these guys.

Baby face, baby face. You are like baby face. Your baby face. These guys were the kind of. of these are the cool guys. And I was their friend. I can tell there's a guy with the pencil moustache. He's the coolest.

You know that it's not real. He's dressed up. What? Yeah, I know. You know the dynamic Richard Hammond has with Jeremy Clarkson. That's sort of my childhood. Just like, well, if I stand next to that bigger boy who's really confident, I'll probably be confident as well.

And it worked. Yeah. I mean, externally, it worked. No, bullying went on. No. It completely worked externally, but, you know, internally, an absolute mess. It was hell. I was very self-conscious about it.

Right. I actually thought about nothing else. Oh, no. No, but it was quite funny. When did you catch up? I don't know that I have. No, you have. How did we start this podcast?

I basically, yeah, like I would find at school, in every school year, I think there's sort of like four or five small boys who are basically smaller than everyone. Kind of including the girls or like the similar height to the girls. Yes. And there's a few ways to combat that smallness. Okay. Can you tell me? My son is going to be one of those boys. Well, the main one, and the best one, is to just be excellent at football.

If you do that, then no one cares about anything. Because professional footballers are quite small, some of them. Yeah, they are actually. What about being a jockey? Jockey? Can you be a jockey? I don't know how popular that is. I mean, I don't know what your budget is for the schools. Could you get him a horse?

There are certainly some schools where that's going to play. Yeah, no, but I don't think she's in that. No, we're not in that catchment. So, yeah, one of my boys... Could you move to Ireland? That's an option, actually. That is always an option. to Ireland.

Just be good at football. That's the main one. That's a good tip. That's a spa. Basketball, that's his thing. But he is, he's 10, but he's sort of wearing clothes at five to six. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big issue as a kid was I couldn't get proper branded trainers.

Because your feet were too small. They didn't make them that small when I was. They now would make them for babies. Sure start. I didn't do that range. So you couldn't, yeah, exactly, the cool brands. So I would wear Seeker trainers, which was Clark's own brand trainers. Oh, God.

And you don't want to be doing that at school as all, I'll say. You get some shit for that, yeah. You can get shit for anything, though, when you're a teenager. It's true. I mean, I remember when my daughter briefed my son, who's three years younger, about when he goes up to senior school, and she said to him, you see, your Velcro trainers. You can't do it on an audio medium.

She literally went like this. Oh, really? Well, the sum across the throat, Frank. The sun across the throat of the prison morning. So was that a threat to the trainers? It was a threat to Frank. It was like, you will be, you will be dead. You'll be a dead man walking if you wear them belt crochet.

That is sort of how I felt. And so I had to be constantly sort of like giving it a bit of chat and razzle-dazzle so the eyes wouldn't drift to my feet. Yeah. So every time someone would look down, I'd be like, look at that guy. That guy sucks. All right.

This is the comedy. A little bit. It's so cliche. I mean, I don't really believe anyone becomes a comedian for any reason other than they wanted to. Yeah. We all go like, well, like, well, I had to. It was the defence mechanism. No, I agree.

I mean, I'd said quips because I sort of felt like I had to. And I liked doing it. But I didn't mean I had to be a comedian. I just was like, oh, fuck it, I'll go do a gig. Yeah, yeah. But in terms of like, yeah, not being in that cool gang, it was like full little quipping, wisecracking sidekick. It was my vibe.

Yeah. So these are all your mates here in this picture, but your 24-year-old mates. And are you still friends with them now? Yeah, two of them. Are you? Which two? I'm sort of not really Oh okay

I guess I'm sort of still in touch of two of them One of them My friend Luke Who's on the far end Far left He left school Pretty soon after this

And then so we just sort of like Fell out of contact really Whereas the other two carried on To sixth form Right And you did sixth form I did sick form We didn't talk to in the past

School is quite a big part Like some people talk about school And some people don't I have very much haven't moved on yet You talk about school Like your podcast is about youth And young coming aboutes It's an area of your life

That you find fascinating, yes. Big time. I love that though. I sadly wish I had more affection for my school. That's why I'm wearing a school uniform right now. Yeah, I don't know that I actually don't know that it's about affection. I think it's more just like, I find it really funny. It's just, it's a universal experience. Yes.

That people experience microcosms in a different way. So there's like everyone's got a different experience of school. But ultimately the central thing is the same. Yeah. Exactly. And I bet if I saw a picture of you at school, it would, I would be like, I know exactly what your school experience was like from that just like you are from looking at this.

Yeah, yeah. You look at this picture and you just go, oh. Oh, because my sort of my brand now is little shit. Oh, no. It's not not little shit. And then that's just like, well, yeah, you had to be. Was that a good party? That was the man with the pencil moustache.

That was his older sister's 18th birthday. Oh, so you were allowed to an 18th birthday. Whoa, this 10-year-old came to an 18th. Hey, come on. My daughter's about to turn 18 and there's, no way she'd let Frank and his mates. Really? No.

This party was, yeah, but she's going to go to a nightclub or something, presumably. No, because some of her friends are still 17, so they won't get IDed. This was in a,

this was in a town hall. This was in the public halls. It was still in 18th. It was still an 18th, but they would have been like, this would be like the family 18th, I bet. Okay.

My daughter won't even allow one of those. I said, let's go party. We'll get a party. We'll have a party. Yeah. Well, you're not invited. Yeah, I mean, I would have been the same. I would have been the same.

same. I'm great at a party. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Is this the next photo?

Oh, yeah, okay. I'll tell you about this. Because I'm just trying to figure out what this is. That's a stranger I took a picture of in the gym. But I've cut his head off in the picture. Right. because obviously that's unfair. He's wearing a t-shirt that says professional raw doggard.

I don't know what that means. That means having sex without a condom. Oh my. So, God. What? Okay. Yeah, yeah. Don't look at me like I was like, where did you get your t-shirt from, mate?

I want one. I think it's terrible. This is just a picture to represent the gym, professional raw dogger. Also, this was the meekest man I've ever seen in my life, by the way. There's no way he understood what I'm. But I like that kind of comedy, t-shirt, audacity. My girlfriend bought me a t-shirt. What, like misogyny on a t-shirt?

Yeah, I told you my story. The story I did on Taskmaster about the t-shirt that says I'm not a gynaecologist, but I'll take a look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great stuff. Glarious. My girlfriend bought me one of those t-shirts. It says, well, she bought two, one for her, one for me. One of them says, my wife gives me sound advice.

99% sound, 1% advice. Classic. Another one says, that's great. The one she wears, the one she wears says, it's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine. These are good It's a whole area It's a whole area

It's a misogynistic t-shirts And you know You buy them ironically But pretty soon the irony Wairdolling off And you're just wearing a Raw-Ducker Tehrer

You're wearing professional rawdugger In the gym That's to represent the gym Because I It may surprise you Go to the gym Constantly To maintain the physique

Of a 12-year-old Female Gymnas But But Every now and then something happens in there, which is, because I, you know, like,

professional raw, a rock's up and you're like, oh, right, exactly. Like every fucking 30 year old in the arts, it's to, you know, you go to the gym for your mental health or whatever.

Yeah. Because it's just like, oh, fucking do something where you don't think about comedy or whatever. And you listen to a, to comedians on a podcast. Yeah. But every now and there's something in there happens

that makes you go insane. And the one I want to talk about is basically, I had like finished a workout for the day. Yeah. It was like legs. I was doing legs. Okay. My legs.

And I was just resting before I walked home because there were stairs to climb to get out to go home. And I thought, I'd just have a little rest. But I rested on the leg machine where you splay your legs in and out. Oh, yeah, yeah. The pussy machine, basically,

where you train yourself to have a muscular vagina. Okay. It's literally, I don't see any other purpose for that. You feel it in nowhere else other than the gooch. And I was just sat there. How did you know? Oh, I've done it. Oh, I've done it.

I see. And I was just sat there. And yeah, my legs were slightly like in position, but I was just resting. And I just had my headphones in, noise cancellation. And suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder. And I usually that's someone going, how long are you going to be when I use the machine? And I look up and there are 15 school children in front of me, looking at me. And they all look really bored.

And then behind me is a personal trainer. And it becomes quite clear he's been giving them a tour of all the machines to show them how to use them. And so I take out of my airport and he goes, this gentleman is going to give us a demonstration of how to use this. And then I have an audience of 15, I'd say 12 year olds, just staring in school uniform. It could have been like, it could have been 18. Well, yeah, maybe, yeah, I fucking hope they were. They were just staring at me. And then by a bear of mind.

Why did you do it? Because it was just, I should have just said, obviously. Because it's a gig from now on. Stage time is stage time, Kerry. Okay. This is the only way you improve. A sensible person would go, oh, no, sorry, oh, no. Yeah, but it was one of those things where this guy was so confident behind me.

He sort of Darren Brown me a bit. where he just looked into my eyes and went, he will... Also, this gentleman has never been said. It's never been said for anything other than something that's about to fuck someone over. You're right. And this gentleman here, you know what I mean? It's like, no one's ever gone.

This gentleman here is a lovely guy. Yeah. She goes, this gentleman here will now do this for me. And you did it? Yeah, and I did do it. And look, the worst part of this is how great I felt when the personal trainer complimented my perfect form while doing it.

Because he was like, yeah, slowly out. And then much quicker in, yeah. That's exactly how to do it. Right. And then I literally sort of smile. I felt a smile creep on my face. And then I looked at the approval. And I looked up at these children and not one of them was smiling.

They were just looking at me like so bored. Like, why are we watching this man do this in shorts? What is happening? I'm relieved. And then he said at the end, great, if you give him a round of applause. No, you were clapped. What? No, no, no.

He said giving the round of applause. And they didn't. Absolutely. Of course they didn't. I've never had a silence like it. Oh, Reese. We've all had some tough corporates. That's humiliating.

That's really dramatic For a death that you never wanted It's like you're like I was doing rejection therapy Yeah It's like you're just sitting there Just having a rest Minding my own business Necks a Kimbo

Yeah but what what would we change What would we change If we were gonna go back You should have told that manipulative Derren Brown bloke No no no You do this a lot Kerry You always go what we'd what could we change

Yeah it's my catchphrase Yeah it's your check So I should have gone No I'm not gonna do I'm resting I don't need Would you like to show you them. No, go ahead. Yeah, just stand up.

Stand up and go, oh, no, go ahead. I don't need the approval of this gaggle of 12 year old kids. Yes, but you've seen the previous picture of me, and I'm one not bigger than that, famously. And I do need the approval of 12 year old kids because that was my whole fucking... But it didn't work out, did it? Because they didn't clap. No, but I still feel, I still actually in hindsight feel quite good about it because the person trainer said it was good. I'm glad for a moment, I thought you had one bollock hanging out and so I'm really glad that didn't happen. That would have been far worse. Who had a bollock hanging out? Was that Finn? Remember?

He was talking about... Yeah, who told the bollock out story? I think it was Finn had a bollock out. He would. That's got a spin run all over. That's a classic fin tailor, isn't it? You've got two similar photos in your... Yeah, there are, yeah.

Kind of groups of comedians having fun, which I quite like. I quite like that this is... You've got... Is that Tom... Tom Lucy? Lucy, wearing a... Jared Christmas. Even younger than me, if you could imagine it.

Jared. And who's that in the background? That's Will Briggs. Briggers. Oh my God. There he is. Briggs station. Where are you all going?

So this was on a flight to Dubai to go for, I think. Oh, hence the Emirates hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hence the cultural appropriation happening from Tom Lucy. Well done, Tom. It's right with it. It really suits him. So they came round on that flight and said, there was hardly anyone on the flight.

And they said, you've got this camera. Should we take a picture of you and put it in this little booklet? And everyone was like, yeah. And then Tom was like, can I wear your hat? And then we took that picture. But then we went to Dubai. We were just doing like 30 hours, literally got there. did a gig. I think it was the first gig we'll have done there. It's now like a monthly thing.

We did a gig. I fucking hated it. I hated to buy so much. I've never wanted to go. I've never been before and then we went. But the main, the weird thing that happened is that we were staying in this hotel and as I say, we're only there for one night and we've been out drinking, obviously, after this gig. And then when I was in the hotel, I just got to sleep. I think it was like maybe 3 a.m. We were getting up for a flight the next day. And then the phone rang in the room. And you know, that is the sound is so horrible. Yeah. It's like, there's something so piercing. about the hotel phone sounds. It just hits way harder.

Yeah. And it's next to your head. And it's just, oh my God. It's like, yeah. So I see why wake up calls exist. Yeah. Because it's like fucking hell. There's no way I'm staying, getting back to sleep after that.

But I answered it. And the guy said, this is reception. Sir, there is someone in your room. Oh my God. The fuck out. And I was like, what? And he was like, yes, you need to do something about this. What?

There is someone in your room. No, no, no. So I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. And then I started So I was like Okay You're like in here you

Yeah Yeah So I put the I like said Okay Bear with me So then I put the fact Oh no

You bothered with Bear with Yeah Yeah Just please hold Just about to be murdered Bear with I'm like

I'm like pulling the curtains back Well I'm trying not to Disturb me Oh my God Greece They're in your room And then I was like Okay

Went in the bathroom I'm so embarrassed That I did this But the shower curtain was pulled, I punched it. Just in case there was someone behind it, I punched. All this happened there is you've gone, that would have been the most pathetic thing in the world if you were behind there.

It's quite dulled by the curtain. And obviously, there wasn't anyone behind there. And then I yanked it back like it was a film and there's no one there. And then I went back to the phone and I was like, I don't think there's anyone. I don't think there's anyone in the room. And then he was like, there is. We've seen on the CCTV, someone into your room and then not come back out. And I said, well, can you stop phoning me and send some security up?

What are you talking about? And he was like, let me, let me check again. and then I hung up and I was like oh my God heart rate going crazy maybe takes half an hour I chill out

I get back to sleep because I realised that must have just been a mistake and you check the door everything's locked I've been out in the hall I've done everything and under the bed

behind the curtains there was nowhere else for this in the drawers balcony he's spider manning on the balcony well exactly or she

she let's not reserve that just for good thing shall we you never know and so Anyway, get back to sleep, phone rings again And I answer

And then he goes, right, we've checked everything There's definitely still someone in your room Oh my God, oh my God And not sending any security or anything And I said, why is there no one up at the door checking? Can you send someone up to check? This is ridiculous But his tone, he's like not understanding

why I would say that And why I want to send someone up And I'm like, because you're telling me I'm under threats This is awful, but he's not saying anything They just tell that it's a bit of confusion And I'm like, what the hell's going on? So I'm doing another. little scout and then I go properly out in the hall. I'm looking around to see like could they

have run away and be hiding around the corner. And I'm doing all this all in my pants by the way, because I've just woken up. And then I'm like still freaking out looking for stuff going absolutely nuts. It happens again that I sort of go, there's nothing. I don't we talk about it. Okay, well, sorry to bother you. We've got to just check the system. It's a wind up. Well, no. And then I'm thinking, yeah. And then I'm thinking, well, I'm on tour with some comics. It's Will and it's Tom Lucy and it's Jared Christmas. It's bound to be one of them, right? I'd put my money on Tom. Exactly. And so And then I'm like, right, I'll try and go back to sleep. And I thought, that'll be a sleep.

They can't, what, they've organised this in advance and said to do it at 3am, 3.30 and 4. And they're not getting any sleep. Exactly. And so I think I don't get back to sleep at this point, but the phone rings in 15 minutes. And the guy explains, he goes, right, sorry, there was a mix-up. So it wasn't a prank. He goes, there was a mix-up. Basically, you're in room 4-15.

Yeah. And in room 5-1-4, a man has entered his room with a woman who is not staying here, who we believe to be like an escort, like a sex worker. Yeah, right. And it's Dubai. Yeah, it's Dubai, of course. So obviously you can't do that. You can't even have like not your wife in your room.

Right, right. And when we said there's someone in your room, we didn't get out. We meant you got to kick out this lady of the night from your room. Not there is an intruder who's going to murder you. Oh, I see. He was a lost in translation. And then I was like, are you fucking kidding me? You've been waking me up and scaring the shit out of me every 50 minutes.

And he said, okay, to make up for it tomorrow, you can have, one free thing from the shop. Which was what? And so I went to the shop was like a corner shop that was just in the hotel. That's not enough. It had this like Pepsi and... That's not enough.

Well then I went out to the desk the next morning and was like, this happened last night and they kept calling me and said, I could have something free from the shop and they were like, no chance, what you're talking about? And I was like, no, they did. They did. And he went, all right, just go and have what you want. And then I was like, everything's worth about two P.

I just got some cookies. I believe it. Did you have Will? Yeah, they thought, oh, Will thought it was the funniest thing in the world. No, Will would have thought it's hilarious. No one, there's no sympathy. Everyone was just like, you're a loser, this is pathetic. Oh my God, I would have been raging.

I know, but I didn't book the hotel or pay for it. So I couldn't be like, I will never come to this hotel again. Oh, I would have gone mad. I was going home now. I would have said, here's my credit card. Put the fee on there, please. It was quite hard to convince Will to get a refund on any of it for this sort of behavior when he was crying with laughter at the idea of what I'd been in front of the front desk.

That is such a niche. You clearly don't mind. But the, the, it's really. brilliant. Fun trip, but you know, pretty traumatic. Yeah,

that's a terrible thing. That is the best story. I love that story. It's kind of like that. What's that? That, oh, when you find out

that the baby, there's a babysitter and then they go, the phone call is coming from, she's getting these phone calls. She's babysitting some kids. Yes. And then there's somebody.

I don't know this is so funny. There's absolutely zero tension in the way you love this story. There is no twist that has happened here. Yeah, that's like the one with there's a baby sitter, and there's a phone call, and the phone call's in the house, but basically what happens? So two people, they want to go out,

but they need someone to look after their kids. And so what they do, they go in the phone book, and they look up, there's a thing called child-minded or babysitting. And so they look under B at first, and they find that that's basically what we just heard. I still don't know that story. I'm certainly turned into my mum. I'm so funny.

Have you told that story on stage? No. That is really funny, Ruth. It's a very good story. When you support Movember, You're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love. Your dad, your brother, your partner, your friends.

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Or your teacher mentions that thingamabob. Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new cravable wraps, available in Chipotle or ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Who's this guy? That's my cat, Tabitha. You've got one of my favorite cat jokes when you're holding the cat. Oh yeah, five years ago, yeah, holding the cat.

I love that joke. That was about bumping it. That was a different cat actually. Bumping into my cat on a different street to the one we live on. and being like both looking at each other like What are you doing? What hell are you doing it? And then it was, I was going home for a night out and I was a bit drunk and it was dark

So I was like, is it her? Because she was that, that was him, sorry, that cat was a tabby cat So you know, they all look the same. Yeah. Not being racist. They do all look pretty similar. And so I was like, is that him?

There could be another one. So I had to pick him up to a lamp post like a street light to see if it was. And then he was, sort of, but he was sort of backlit. So it's like, I know he just looks like Batman. That's what they all look like. And then I was like, I think it is. And I put him down and then I started walking how many he followed me.

So it was like, oh, I obviously here's him. But it was just so out of context, your cat. You're like, they both of us were like, I've known you from somewhere. It's not here. You're like that guy who feeds me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so. That was a very funny.

But also that's so true because that has happened to me. That when we had cats, when it's just freaks you out. And also you feel like, I thought you just hung about the three gardens. I didn't know you were going out over here. Oh, when my cat comes home, like smelling of perfume. or something. I'm like, you absolute tart. I thought we were friends.

You know the whole neighbourhood, do you? Have you always had cats? Yeah. Is that why you put it in? You're just a cat friend. Yeah, that's my cat, Tabitha, who I've had for two and a half years. Oh, he's very cute. That was the day we got her.

Oh, that's, she's quite rare. It's very unusual to have a female ginger. Yeah, she's just in there because I kind of don't care about anything else in the world. You've got a girlfriend, babe. Yeah, I think she would say the same thing. that I don't care about anything else. She would also just be like, are the only thing that, Tabitha's the only thing that matters.

Really? Both of the others. No irony. But she keeps, ironic. Irony. When I sent you that, with no irony.

I don't know what I'm. This podcast is by AI. God, you got lazy. Dubai and now ironic. Irony. Irony. Irony. Don't forget De Cathalon.

DeCathalon. DeCathalon. She's beautiful. She is a beautiful cat. She's a beautiful cat. She's a beautiful cat. She's a very pro her. and then yesterday for the second time in about a month she brought in a mouse and then immediately lost it and now it's just in the house.

I've got some humane traps. How did that go? Well, now I've just got two humane traps in the house as well that have nothing in them. It's got some peanuts because it says apparently they're like peanuts. Do they? Yeah, I think cheese is out. Peanut butter. Peanut butter.

That's what we did. We caught 11 mice. I say we, Chloe did. I didn't get involved. 11 might. Yeah. Our old house had it. When you've got them, you've got them.

We had them. That's what I'm worried about. They're not there now. They've gone. They've disappeared. They've gone. We literally, we moved them out to a park. To die, obviously.

I said, Chloe, you're just moving them out. It's the middle of winter. Yeah. They're absolutely not going to survive this. We played the recorder and we wandered down the street. What's your next picture here? Is this one? Is it Montreal?

Yes, so right. The story behind this is... Is that Montreal? You might notice that everyone in that picture looks a little bit miserable except me. And actually, Agent of the Stars, Hannah Chambers, who looks fine. She looks happy. My agent's in there as well, Lily.

Everyone looks a bit like, at least like they've sort of been through something slightly. That's Geraldine Hickey in the background. And I look so happy. You do, you look delighted. Now, what happened here is, we were doing the first, Montreal, just for last festival, is slash was a big deal. RIP, JFL. It is gone bankrupt.

But it was this like huge deal sort of forever, mostly. an American comedy. Yeah. And there's a thing, there's a showcase called New Faces that Americans, every famous American comedian

you can think of has done this. Yes. The hugest stars, they did it. It's like when you're kind of coming up, maybe you're like five

or six years in or whatever. You do all these auditions. Maybe you get selected for it. You go there. Supposedly it's where the whole American comedy industry are. It's a bit like Edinburgh,

but you do five minutes once instead of an hour for a month. Yeah, but in terms of the way it's like, it's this shop window and you can get discovered and you'll become a star. And it's got like, look at all these people

who did it. They became stars. Let's not tell you about all these people who did it who did a PGCE afterwards. It's sort of that vibe. And so, you know, and they've always sort of brought a few British comics over, not many. And there are some people doing our shows there as well, but really it's sort of about the showcases is why you want to do it. Yeah. And I'd audition for it for years and then they finally opened up, but you're like, it was impossible to get on. They have a show called British.

That's what I, that's what I did. You were there that year, I think. No, I was the year after. I did British the year after. Yeah. And that's the one you want to do. but I was asked to do they did new faces which is this American thing but they did an international new faces for the first time ever

and so the line up was like four British comics in that picture it's me Susie Ruffel Catherine Bohart and Sophie Juka and then it was like some Aussie comics like Geraldine Hickey and then there was like African

comics there was French comics there was like 12 of us from all over the place doing our like seven minutes in this big showcase and the way it works is you don't even really do any warm up gigs when you get there

you've got one showcase you're doing seven minutes and it's in a big theatre and they're filming it and this is what you're there for. Then afterwards it's all kind of on this gig and then afterwards you do like a little rerun of it like in the day the next day to just like the audiences but the industry won't be there or whatever so that's just like to just do an extra one and that is it. That's like you're there for four days and that sort of it. And there's like parties and stuff where you've mingle and all that bollocks which I can't stand. No, it's just in a hotel bar. Oh, you guys, they usually love

a party. And now I don't know about you. But every time I've ever done a gig in my life, up until the second I'm on stage, and sometimes a bit after I'm on stage, I pray that the venue will set on fire. Because, but like you say, you can't complain because you literally chose to do this. And yet every single gig, you're like,

every text in the day of a gig, you're thinking, oh, please be cancelled in the gig. Please have a promoter saying you still get paid, but you don't have to come. It's not nerves. It's more just like, I've got going to work. Yeah. There was no bit in the middle where it swapped from being nerves

to resentment about my own life. Right. There was no bit where it's like, oh, actually, is really fun for five years. It is fun. Once you're doing it is fun. It's just the idea of everything.

Yes, yes. But yeah, so anyway, I've always prayed that to happen. And then on this occasion, it did happen and we didn't do the gig. And it was on fire? The venue set on fire, we didn't do the gig. You manifested it, Rhys. So what, yeah, I know. Is that why you looking so happy?

Yeah. In terms of pure relief, literally, another agent who's there, Kath Gaghan, who's an Avalon agent, said to me, Reese, I have never seen you so chipper. when we were also like there was eight fire engines putting this theatre out of you know for being a blaze what happened is we were about to go the show was starting at seven

Reese Nicholson Ozzie comic was hosting it everyone's sort of milling around everyone's a bit nervous you know also like you know the problem with having done six hours of comedy like everyone on that bill and having to pick seven minutes

is you're like like it's even more stressful than if you've only got seven minutes yeah yeah because you're like fucking hell how do I know I'm not completely am I ruining my own life by picking this seven minutes

instead of you know whatever yeah so I just did like my newest seven that was good. Yeah. Like the best seven from my new show rather than like of all time. Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, I never got to know if that was a mistake or not, to be honest. But so that we're all a bit nervous. Everyone's kind of going through their set in the head thinking don't get it wrong. Oh, do my references work here, all of that. Yeah. Show's supposed to start at seven.

It's like 702. That's pretty standard. Yeah. We can see on a screen that all the audience are sat there. Suddenly this sort of like alarm sound starts going. And I start looking around the room like, okay, here we go. Here we go.

you have manifested it. And then all these other comics start going, oh, that's funny. They must have an alarm in Canada for when the show's about to start. And I was like, wow. How long you were doing comedy?

Have you ever heard an alarm for the show being about to start? Are you mental? Yeah. And then the venue staff walked in, this girl and she said, this poor girl, she must have been like 20.

Yeah. And was looking after all of us and everyone was probably our agents were being a nightmare. You know what I mean? It was just, you know, it's like on those sorts of things. Everyone wants to be backstage.

no one's allowed to be backstage. Already dealing with that. So stressed with like headset on or whatever. It comes in and goes, there's not a fire, but the alarm's now been going on for so long. We actually do have to evacuate. But we'll be half an hour.

We'll get everyone back in. We'll be able to do the show. But obviously it's back to back like Edinburgh where there's like a showcase straight after us. So we'll still be able to do the show. We might have to just like, you know, the compor have to do a bit less. And then we walk through billowing smoke to get out of the venue.

So as we've just been told there's not a fire. Don't worry about it. And as we walk down these steps, black liquid is coming from under the door. of this room that's locked and billowing black smoke is coming out of it. Oh my God. I think there might be a fire. Oh my God.

Yeah. And then we were just stood outside waiting for it for ages and just like... And at what point did you all go, oh, we're not doing the show? I mean, like, it's not going to happen at all. It was suddenly just like it did, a version of it happened at 1am in a sort of studio. Like he looks like a sort of green screen studio. Was this the one that was filmed? Yeah.

They filmed this. So this was the one that went out on... Oh, fucking. There was about 100 people there. It was just 80. of the acts and like four members of the public and Sophie Dukas family. We're the only people. She's got some family who live there, I think.

Right. They were the only people there. It was like 1 a.m. Everyone was just so stressed. It's really stressful anyway. It's really stressful anyway. And it was just like there was more space behind us on stage than like the audience were taking up.

I mean, they did their best to make it happen. But yeah, we then did this gig. But it was like... Oh, that must have been hard work. The gig was hard work, but also seven minutes. So you saw like, oh, who cares, whatever. The main thing is just like, it was insane how happy I, like, how relieved and happy. I actually, how funny I was finding it.

Everyone else does look sad. I like them very much. These might be, in many ways, the least interesting pictures. Two are the same. They are two the same. But they're very different stories. They're great stories. No, I haven't finished.

Sorry. The least interesting pictures, but with the very best stories. Yeah. We don't want interesting. interesting pictures and boring stories. No, absolutely. I mean, I didn't have much say about the cat to be there. Yeah, the cat one.

The cat was just drag. Is he her only pet? Is it? No one else has bought a pet picture. Yeah. Those people have bought a pet pictures. Really? Sure.

You really? That's what I mean. They were so boring. You switched off. My memory's terrible. I only live in this moment, Rees. Remind me again the title of the podcast. It has memory in the title.

I'm very saying I just live for the moment. Well, just like me. Like you. So if a venue sets on fire, You're like, in this way, I'm aware. Okay, right now, I feel fantastic. A little bit hot, but I feel fantastic. What is it that you're going to promote?

Why, now you do it on this podcast. That's the only setting I've got there. You've come here. You've come all this way. Presumably you want something from us. Why would anyone do a podcast? What, are you just showing us some pictures, are you? You arrogant, fuck. What else do you want?

That's how I communicate, Reese. Wow, that's probably the best intro. I hate it as much as you. I hate it as much as you. I am working on this. I go, let me do it again. So, Reese, have you. It's just too unconvincing.

I'm sorry, but I'm not. You do it, you do it. No, no, we don't need to do that. We're not going to do that. We know what's going to happen. I'm going to now say a thing that I want the audience, the listeners to do. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Right. I've got a comedy special out. Stand-up comedy comedian. I'm not, sorry. I'm not just a raconteur who goes around the podcast circuit regaling people You're a brilliant stand-up for me

of Dubai You are You're one of my favourite stand-up for me Where's this special? Come on. You're only saying that because I'm your son It's on my website

Tell everybody what you're doing, Rhys I'm sure. Yeah, exactly, yeah How many gold stars? So it's actually for sale on my website How mad is that? That is a brilliant idea.

And it's my idea. I'm the first one to do it. No one's ever sold. No one's ever sold. We don't mention Lewis. It's not a damn. Download, though, actually, you just stream it on the website. You don't have to download a big file.

Wow. You just press play. You just buy it and then press play. It's £4 until November the 7th and then it's £5. It comes out on November the 7th. That seems pretty reasonable to me. It's £5.5. It's an hour.

It's $20. Yeah. And you don't have to go to, you know, Switzerland. And where did you film it? Filmed it at a Wilton's music hall. It looks so beautiful. It's in East London. It's like the oldest music hall in England or something.

It's called SpiltMilmilk. You don't need to know that. You don't need to know that. It's an experiment. But it's an experiment to see if selling it makes sense. You know, once Netflix pass on it, you really have no choice but to put it off on YouTube free or sell it on your website. Thank you, Rhys. Thank you.

Thanks, Flo. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Daraddy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, What Did You Do Yesterday? That's it. That is it.

Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? yesterday. What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question, but do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday?

Like that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do? yesterday, available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.