Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E38: Paul Gorton

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

"I used to live in my mum and dad's attic... kind of like a triangle coffin..." This week we have the most devious of Traitor's @paulgorton on the show talking about what got him there.  Such a fun chat about how he met his stunning wife @forgoodnesskate, The story behind getting on Traitors thanks to @gillinghamjoe and David Earl, plus Paul's venture into stand-up comedy. Have a listen to Paul's brilliant podcast he hosts with his co-traitor Harry Clark - 'Harry and Paul's Guide to Life. We also have Kerry and Jen talking about Kerry's appearance on an unnamed TV quiz show, Jen's TV quiz quote of a lifetime - "Sweet dreams you absolute spoon" - and BATCH COOKING PHOTO 1: My gorgeous wife Kate PHOTO 2: David and Joe and Chatabix PHOTO 3: Traitors PHOTO 4: Stand-up PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Is it the macha or am I this energized from scoring three Sephora holiday gift sets?

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair. And I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together.

Got another series of Traces coming out right in the new year, haven't we? Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. That's all I live for now. Baker is so. This is so funny. Because I get breakoff. But for you.

Oh, but I don't like for you, Kerry, I understand Baker. That makes perfect distance to music. Why don't you understand traitors? No, I do. Why don't I understand that I love traitors? Because of your personality and who you are as a human being. What about my personality doesn't get on with traitors? Because you're very judgmental and very sort of like.

What are you talking about? I'm not judgmental. You're incredibly judgment. I'm very accommodating and tolerant. Really, the least accommodating person I know. And you think you're not? Do you think we're different? No, I'm enjoying this.

I'm saying, and just hear me how, okay? Yeah, sure. That you. Because I'm accommodating. So I can do that. Wait seconds. I feel like I'm now defending myself. I don't know what I'm defending myself about.

I'm saying you've got a very strong moral compass. That's what I'm saying. Oh, right. Yeah? No, listen to me. That's a good thing. You have a strong moral compass, which is one of the things I love about you.

You're very much like, this is right, this is wrong, this is black, this is white, and there's no grey. Right, here we go. That's Kerry Goddlyman. And now we're watching a show, which is entirely about grey,

and you absolutely love it. That's all I'm saying. What does that mean? What does that mean? I think it's something that you're enjoying vicariously because it's not something you indulge in in real life. For you, it's like, I think I'm available for that kind of nuance and gameplay.

I like that sort of strategy. It's just so naughty. They're all so naughty. Yeah, and it's, and I think harmless. Yeah, harmless. It's not like you're playing a game. No one's actually getting murdered. No one's actually dying.

No. You know you can Airbnb that castle. I mean, all right, thank you for telling me. If you fancy, that's the next, that's the next weekend away with this kids. Apparently, you can Airbnb that castle? Can you? Where did you get that information from? I don't know.

Just word on the street. In southeast London. Is that right? Someone said it in SC 27. I just heard it out and about. Did you just pop your head out? Yeah. As people walking past, you never guess.

You can. Airbnb. B and B. Might have picked it up on a dog walk, babe. A couple of dogs having a little chinwag Anyway, that's traitors But because we were such loons For the traitors last year

Earlier this year, what is time But when it was last on We really enjoyed it To the point that we It got weird Yeah, it got weird So given that we were such Fan girls of the show

Yeah How thrilling was it to have Paul Gorton On our podcast We had the pantomime villain himself, the second series of traitors, the brilliant Paul Gorton, he was so fun to talk to. Here he is, Paul Gorton, Kerry Godderman and myself having a lovely chat. I love Liverpool. I want my daughter to go to Lipper.

My mum and dad were the original traitors because they are scousers and then they left the city and went to St. Helens. Is that where... It's rough in it. Johnny Vegas is from? Me and Johnny Vegas, yeah, yeah. We're like, we've got out of the... And he's Catholic?

He wanted to be a friege. Oh, he did want to be a priest. Oh, he did want to be aphorish Catholic. Is it? Ireland. Yeah, yeah. And they love talking about the Irish connection as well. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? In Liverpool, like, it's full Catholic. It is full Catholic. Yeah. You can totally do loads of Catholic jokes, so they love it. Right. But my dad also loves ghosts. Like, he's obsessed with ghosts.

That's what I mean. Really? Catholics love ghosts. They believe in ghosts. They believe in the other world. They believe in the other world. Sounds lovely. Sounds great.

Sounds great. Oh, they're mental. I mean, it sounds better than the half of the people I follow on Instagram. They believe that they're going to go to heaven. They think it's real. Well, that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

I mean, there's comfort in it, isn't there? We all believe in a bit of bollocks. You need it to survive? I don't believe in a bit of bollocks. You don't believe in any bollas. You just said you're all really positive and get very excited about things. I'm optimistic about it. You're in the now, you're very now.

I'm in the now, yeah. But if I die tomorrow, I wouldn't care. Well, you'd be dead. I wouldn't, I wouldn't know. Unless I did go to heaven and I'll be like, Oh, what? Maybe I should have got. Yeah.

And all your family would be like, told you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I told you, lad. Should have been better. Stop wanking. Stop liking. Yeah, yeah. You can't come in seven.

A tricky bit of messaging to a young person, isn't it? Stop wanging. Yeah, yeah. Before you go blind. Yes. No, it's more that God's watching you. It'll fall off and God's watching you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's more that like, imagine. But why do parents want their kids to not masturbate? I don't know. I don't know. Why? Because they're probably not doing it anymore. But what? I mean, we're unpacking a lot of shit.

I don't want to know about wanking. I don't know why I started talking about it. You know, like with snakes, you have to get the venom out and then they're fine. Yes. That's kind of like how I treat. I heard about that. You kind of treat it that way, don't you? I mean, that's probably the best euphemism I've ever heard.

This is a sexual advice pod, in it. Right, anyway, how do we get into this? Joel, can you just confirm you wasn't recording it any of it? Of course he was. That's not going to be in it. So much. Of course, this is what podcasts are. They're just chats with microphones.

Think about the amount of shit that got cropped out of the traitors. That was like that. I haven't done it for a long time, but I can remember early on being on sets and forgetting that I was miced and gossiping. Oh my God. Yeah, mic'd and gossiping, that's bad. And then someone's like, you're mic'd up. Yeah, yeah.

One of the worst things I ever did, mic'd up was during lockdown, I did one of those talking heads shows, and they came to my house to film it. Because we couldn't go to a studio, so we had to do your own makeup but they came, they filmed it in your house. It was appalling. Just the whole thing was like, I honestly felt like,

I do not know what I am doing. Anyway, I stepped outside. Just what I said, they went, look, we've got to reset this thing. You can step outside. I said, great, I stepped outside. Bumped into a neighbour. What are you doing?

I just want those fucking shit. This shit show. You know, one of those talking heads? No one watches on Channel 5. Oh my God. Anyway, took a moment. Remembered I had my mic on. I thought, maybe they've...

Oh. Anyway, got back into the room. The atmosphere had very much changed. Oh, God. Okay, Jim, I'm going to start now. Thank you. Oh, my God. So, yeah, always...

But it's incredible how you forget... Yeah, you do. That your mics are. Well, it mustn't be a normal... Even, like, you two that I've been in it forever. Like, you mustn't remember that you're mic'd up. Like, it mustn't get easier. I mean, most of the time,

I'm not liked up. You don't gossip as much. That might be an ageing thing because you can't be asked. You suddenly realise you don't care. If someone's like, oh, you won't believe what Flynn said to wah-wah. You're like, don't care. I like gossip. Don't care.

And also, at this stage, we're not really objectifying anyone. We haven't got the energy. Yeah. They look like they're a lovely young man. Yeah. Do you think Dudaa might get with Wing Wang? Couldn't give a shit. Oh, I hate you when you don't give back on the gossip.

You know, and you're like, yeah, have you heard. about this and they're like, oh, no, I'm not interested. And you're like, oh, why are you here then? Say something. It's generational. You're still young enough to give a shit. Once you're our age, you're over it. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising.

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Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats, no. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Is that the first photo that we're going to look at? That's a tough start, isn't it? You can't just go straight in with trodress. All of these, apart from you with a baby, which I assume is your baby. They're all sort of worky, I guess. Or your partner when you met your... Oh, so that's a while ago. So that's a really nice one. We could start with Kate. This one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. My life started with Kate Waldron.

Tell us about Kate. Well, massively punching, you can see the picture. Now, on the picture as well, that's the best I've ever looked. Do you know what I mean? You look great. But she looks really good. Yeah, yeah. She looks incredible.

Okay. And where did you meet Kate? So we're in Manchester. I got a random text one night. So I used to live in my mum and dad's attic. I mean, had it been done up? Like, was it weatherproofed? He put boards on the beams.

So it was kind of like a triangle coffin. Right. So it was an loft conversion. You're very tall. Very tall. Can you stand in it? No, couldn't stand it. It was like four foot high.

It sounds like a Dickings novel. Yeah, it was and it was like six feet wide. A crawl space? It was a crawl space. You know, when you watch Harry Potter and it's like, oh, he's under the stairs, I didn't get that bit. I was like, that's just where his room is. That's just normal.

Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, so I lived there. But only because I got kicked out of my old house, I got evicted and I was homeless or I had to go back to my mum and dad. I was 24, something like that. We are unpacking, aren't we? Oh, yeah. Feels so good to get this off my chance.

People don't want therapy. They come on podcast. Yeah, that's true, actually. So I went back to my mum and dads. I'm sat in my little wooden tent. And then I got this text on my phone from a friend. Turns out a mutual friend of me and Kate. And this girl said, I want you to come and meet my friend.

And I was like, okay, well, I'm a single pringle. Let's do this. Send me a picture. You know, because I've still got standards, even though I've got, you know. You're living in a loft. I'm living in a, I wouldn't even say it was a loft. No. It was a pooled established.

It was a pull down ladder. I couldn't really get through the hole to get into the lost because it was that small. It's fine. I'll show you a picture of it. Do you want to know the best bit about it? I had a single mattress and a single futon. And I put them together with a double duvet. Doing all right.

And I would choose each evening what to sleep on. Right. Oh, wow. So choice is important. Yeah. And sometimes I would go to futon and it would be kind of flat and it would be firm and it would feel nice. Sometimes like how women sleep. You know you do your leg over.

Oh, yeah, like recovery position. Yeah. Apparently it's not healthy. Oh, I don't tell me that now. I think I've seen on it, it's not healthy for, like, your organs. What do you mean my organs? They're fine. It's not me.

It's very good for my bad. No one mentioned any of this before. Yeah, yeah, exactly right. They'll have been a post about it. My organs adjust themselves accordingly. Yeah. I think it's the other way you are. I think it's not, I just feel like this is male control.

We've been doing it for a year. We're fine. Can you stop doing it, please? Because we are losing. Like flat on your back. We're losing women's kidneys. And also stop working. But that's another topic for another pod.

So you managed to snare this beautiful woman and you were living in that arrangement. You were living in a tum. Do you get her in that shit double bed? A thin tunnel. And that bed was... Yeah. Oh my God.

This was all present. Why would you stick around? Exactly. Wait, so. Did she go to your bedroom? Oh my goodness me. Right. So I've got this text.

Zoe, this girl, send me this picture of Kate. It's a modelling picture. Kate was a model at the time. No shit. She's coming out of the pool. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

And I've gone, this is incredible. And I've got endless confidence. You believed as well. You didn't think, oh, this is a wind-up. Yeah, that looks like... A real person.

I would have gone to go out with me. All right, but who is, who am I actually missing? Yes, exactly. This is a cat fishing. Kate mustn't have done it to, Zoe must have done it to Kate as in like, this is Paul. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. She'd be like, nah. So, anyway. Not necessarily. You look pretty good in that picture. You don't need to. I've got eyes like, I'm a six. Do you know what I mean? No. Back then, when I'm a bit thinner. See what I mean. See what I mean.

Oh, no. Sorry. That was like four seconds. No, I felt like you were going to fill in the gap and then I didn't. And then I didn't. And then I didn't. And it felt definitely not a six. Both of you did. I don't really know what six is. A five. Out of ten. Oh, out of ten. Oh, goshy.

No. I'd say you were seven or eight. And in that picture, 19 and 9. I really, at this point, you don't even go into numbers. You just go, you are very handsome chat. Yeah. Yeah. Look, you got the girls. So, you've got personality.

Yes, lots of that. Yeah, yeah. So, apparently, Kate said to Zoe, I really fancy ginger. Zoe's gone, oh, I'll have to introduce it to Paul. She's like, I know one ginger. I know one of the guys. Yeah, yeah. I'm the token ginger guy that they get.

Right. So then I've gone out, I've seen it. We had this lovely night out. I had a mini. So I'm on it because I'm. I'm 6-5 and I drove a mini. Lovely car though. As a masculine power move,

do you know what I mean? That's like, yeah, that's my car. Unintimidated. She must have thought, and not, do you know what I mean? Yeah, but it worked. So we have to say to the listeners. Yes, he's very masculine.

Oh, okay. And that car would not sit at you. Oh, okay, right, right. I'm just, you, we've, neither of us have got this down pat. I think you should be better at it than me. Yeah. What? Managing men.

egos as a lesbian. I'm struggling. You don't have to bother. No, I've never had to do it. I have to do it with my sons actually now. I wouldn't say I've got an ego. No. And do you know what Paul? Neither would I. See, that's what I did there. There you go. There you're very good at managing. Oh my God. Listen, so tell me more about this date. So when did it go from that night to forever? So we had that night out and I dropped them off at home and I got Kate's number. Okay. So it went where. I'm exciting. I'm excited even though I know what happens in the end. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Huge moment. So then we would text and blah, blah, blah, and then I would start calling her.

But then when I called her, we'd have like a little laughing joke. And at the end, I would go, do I say love you by at this point? Or do I just say bye? And she loved it. She loved the patter. She liked the bans. And then it came to Christmas Day, which was about six weeks later. She was in this pub and I turned up and said, I'm outside and I've got you a little gift.

And it was a little builder bear and he was nude. And I said, maybe as a first date, we should go and buy him an outfit together. Cute. Is that creepy serial killer vibes now? It's cute. Maybe. I'm outside of the pub. I'm parked in the dark corner over there.

Yeah. So it's either we go on a date or you're out. That wasn't what I was thinking. I can see your retro-splaining the darkness and the weirdness. But at the time it was romantic and cute. It felt romantic and cute. Well, it obviously did for her as well. And she loved it.

So anyway, so I... She must have fancied you. I mean, this whole... I was talking about something the other day... It all comes down to the fancying. It's just the fanning. It's just the fan up with a turd covered in glitter and she'd gone, oh, isn't he cute? He went and found that poo for me.

Yeah, yeah. Here it is. Here it is. Exactly. And I wanted to tell him in a story recently where we went on a date and at the end of the date the guy sort of patted her bum and she was like, ick. Wow. Yeah, but if you'd fancied him, you'd have been like, yes.

Yeah, if David Gandhi's doing that to you. He touched my, you'd be like, he touched my, but she was like, yeah. That's that. I know. It's a bit like when my friend went out on a date. and the bloke picked up his pint with both hands. And she said it's over. Oh, no, no, no.

I said, well, maybe if you fancied him and she went, it's too much, I can't go out with a bloke who picks up a pinecass. It is weird. It is weird. Actually, now I'm saying it out loud, she was right. I'm just practicing with your water bottle. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. It's like eating in a quasson with a knife and fork. You're right. It's too much. She was right to ditch him. I can't believe that's happened, actually. It did happen. Two hands. Two hands. One on top of the other? I don't know. I can side to side.

Like on the either side, I don't know. But can you, now that I'm holding this mug with two hands, even holding a mug with two hands. It's odd. It's weird. Yeah. Carry on. Anyway.

So that evening, Kate said, why don't you come into the pub? You can come and have a drink, meet with friends and blah, blah, blah. And it came to midnight. And for some reason, and it still confuses me to this day. At Christmas, they did a countdown like New Year. Is that a thing? No. So was this Christmas Eve to Christmas Day?

Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve, I wouldn't see you. No, that's not a thing. It's not a thing. No. And it was midnight and the music went off and it was 10, 9. And then it was like everyone was counting down to Christmas. Yeah?

Maybe they don't do anything on New Year's Eve. Who knows? So they counted down. And then the next minute, everyone celebrated it's Christmas Day away. And someone said to me, oh, give her a kiss. And I went, no, no, no, thinking she won't kiss me back. I don't know where I stand at this point. And she looked really disappointed and went like this.

And then I've kind of spun her background, pulled her in, kisses. Like a kind of It was a kiss. It was a kiss. And then it was just not. It's like an officer and a gentleman. No,

I wasn't going to say that. This is like one of those. You know those British movies set at Christmas time? It's always snowing outside, even though it never snows in London. Rom-com. It's like, yeah.

And then at some point, Hugh, I was going to say Edwards, that's the wrong one. Hugh Fernley Whitigoo. Hugh Fernwood's on. Hugh Furnley, again,

wrong Hugh, wrong Hugh. Hugh Grant. He's there with Andy McDowell. Let's say Andy McDowell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the, is it raining I hadn't noticed a moment, isn't it?

It's that. That's exactly what happened. And we had our kisses and we had little snogs. And that was it. You've been together ever since. And then it's next level. Yeah, you went straight in. And then we went straight in and then six weeks later we moved in together.

What? You had to get out of that loft. I had to get out of the loft. Oh my God. That is a motivator. Yeah. So we're going to make this work because I live in a loft. Exactly right.

And we had dates. Did she have a proper house? She lived at home with their parents In a semi-detached house She had a room And it was a nice house as well She had windows She had a non-sweet

She's a millionaire Yeah yeah Do you know what I mean We're one toilet Shared between five people She was me and my brother's sister You had to get out of that Dickens place and get in with this girl

Exactly right So I'm kind of like doing the whole I struck kind of hit the lottery here She's good looking and she's rich She only needs to be one Yeah She's both She's both

Win win Yeah And that's it She's going to hear that back. You've been together ever since? Been together ever since, yeah. That's so romantic, Paul. But she did come back to mine when she first met my mum and dad.

And we were downstairs and I was like at some point we're going to have to go upstairs. Up that ladder. We've gone to the top floor. Through the cross space. Two floors. Okay. And my little brother's room's there. It's a nice room.

Double bed. It's blue. That must be Paul's room. She's gone in. I've gone unenal that to my little brother's room. And I've twisted the latch. Oh, God. I've got the ladder down.

She must have really loved you. Clink, clink. Get up there. Wow. There's always a dark corner when we first got together, a dark corner of a pub, and now we're in a dark corner of a... How many weeks in were you before you went? You go first upstairs.

And she was like, it's so annoying because if I need a way, I have to go, go, cr-c-c-cru-down a ladder. She must have really loved you, mate. Did you have a bucket? What was it? Didn't have a bucket, no. We didn't think about that. Could afford it.

Would have been right to invest in that, actually. You can't buy. Kate's pregnant now, and like, I did say to her, we haven't gotten on sweet. You know, we're trying to get to that level, but we're not there yet. And I was, I googled, like, you can buy toilets that go at the side of a, the side of a... Put a bucket in there and get him. Everyone was buying them in lockdown. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly right. Can get a one off Jeff Bezos. Yeah. So when I'm going... Oh, God, this is one of the most romantic stories I've ever heard on this sit. On this podcast, I don't think we've matched this romance. No, this is pure wrong comment. Have you pitched this as a film outline?

Not yet. I don't think anyone knows the story yet. I want to see it. It's out there. It's out there now, isn't it? Richard Curtis wants to... It's almost like a Ron Com stroke horror movie, isn't it? Because of the loft.

You need a bit of jeopardy. There is a lot of jeopardy there. She needs a wee. She needs to come down the stairs. What could happen? She could fall. And then I get the blame for murder. No, she did fall.

And it's like, she's never fall. Look at her. She's like a ballerina. I just think she's a really brave woman. She went for this relationship. She did. She made the right choices. My theory on Kate is all of her exes must have been really, really good looking successful men.

Yeah. And it didn't work out. And she's gone. I'm going to go the other way. And I'm like, what does she think of what you do? As in now. Comedy and stuff.

I want to go back and ask you what you did. Yeah, sorry, ask that question first. She loves it. Like, I've spent my entire life trying to make Kate laugh. So, like, now she kind of sees like, oh, well. She's having a break. Yeah, she's having a break. Like, you can go make people laugh and then a normal paw comes over.

Right. Instead of someone that's thinking, you know, I like doing an earthquake games. So, you know, like every now and again, you'll just kind of shake the table. Right. And pretend like there's an earthquake and you throw yourself. I can see that she might want you out of hell. She's like...

Is it this one next? Is that in order? Deal or no deal? So, Kate changed my life. Yes. Okay. And she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. But then this tweet is like the second best thing.

Or joint. Do you know what I mean? Did anyone out there appear on deal or no deal? And would you consider coming on to the pod? This is Chatsabix with Joe Wilkinson and David El. I see. That's how you met them. I did.

would love to share the story on the pod. What? Just a fan. Oh, this is great. I'm a fan of Derek. Right. Which he was also in. Yeah.

Very good. And then I started listening to Dave and Joe, and then I was just a fan. And then they kept talking about rubbish TV shows. Right. Next minute, they tweeted that and I was like, oh yeah, I was on that, thinking, you know. Now, is post-trators? No, this is pre-traders. This is like three years ago.

Right. And then they emailed. So they invited you on? They invited me on. Come and talk about it for half an hour on the pod. And you all just clicked. We clicked. I got an hour, we were about an hour and a half in,

and I'd only got to the point of, like, auditioning. Like, I was very kind of like. They were very thorough and interrogative. Yeah. And this is probably mostly David Earl. Yeah. He's got quite a granular. Yeah.

What's the lights like? And I think one of the early things that I said was, like, behind kind of where you stand, there's kind of like a little shelf where you put a bottle of water. And David went, love the bottle of water. And in my brain I was going, this is so going to take like hours to tell you this story. Yeah, I love it.

And then they invited me to come back on and then they invited me to just be a regular to keep coming on. How lovely. I know. And then it became a thing of like we were going to, we go too far into telling the story without telling the story. Yeah. So it's like the world's longest story. We've still not finished it.

We're three years on. And like, I don't think I ever will finish it. How lovely. And one of the episodes and there's, there's a video online and it's. so cool where I'm talking about deal or no deal and David goes or Joe they go we don't even know whether you've been on this. They said something like you were a good storyteller. We don't even realise if you've actually been on deal or no deal. And Joe went maybe he's a traitor and I hadn't seen the traitors. I never did know what it was and I was like oh yeah you know I've heard

people talking about this and Joe went you've got to apply you'll win and I was like okay I'll go and apply and I was Joe that prompted it was Joe yeah. No way that's great. So wait a second when you went on traitors because we were obsessed. We were obsessed. Wow. Right. But when you went on traitors, you must have already had like fans who listened to you on the podcast who knew

who you were, knew why you were on there. Yeah. Like a tiny group of people that were in on it. They were kind of like, oh my gosh, Paul's going to go on to this show. And then watched you on the show. And then watched me on the show. And Dave and Joe did like a... Paul, you were so good.

The next day they would do a pause. You were so good on traitors. It was good on it. It was really good. I actually think we were... I was good, on. I was. We were obsessed.

Yeah. So we come and do the podcast. We come to do the podcast and go, right, let's talk about this. Madden it. It's so obsessive. I was so naughty. You were? You were so naughty.

My audition. You were so brazen. Yeah. My partner, she was like, I can't believe this guy. Oh, we hate you. Yeah, yeah. I'm watching it about going, I'm. very dislikable here.

But it's so, like, I think prior to you, there was no one that really played the game within the game. No, you played the game like it should be played because you made it entertaining. Otherwise, you're just watching other people who are like, well, it could be nice. You played the strategy. You did it.

You were their ideal. Well, I said this. In my audition, I was like, I've never watched a show that I thought I can win more than this show. And I was like, and if you put me on, I will be a traitor and I'll be the best trait you've ever seen in your life. So tell me, tell me, so back. So when you have the little interview with Claudia, is that real?

You're pitching to be a traitor. Yeah, yeah. And you don't know if you're going to get to be a traitor. You don't know whether you're going to be one. So if you hadn't got to be one, your whole experience on that show would have been completely different. I think it would have been completely different, yeah. You would have seen all kind of like the nice parts of her personality. Yes.

But you want to see the bits that I was saying let me go and do this. Like, I want to win this. I want to be like, yeah, but I want to win it right. I want like what really. Yeah, what really annoyed me is when people would go. into that room and go, I hope they don't, I hope that they forgive me. I hope they know that I'm just trying to win the show and they get upset over how people felt. I was like, I don't care how people feel. It's a game. Yeah, I will, I'm not literally killing these people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because then I'd feel like, yeah, no, you really want for it. Going a funeral and all that type of stuff. When I actually got caught, Claudia ran into, you know, you're in your interview type of things. This obviously didn't go out, but she ran into the room and gave me a big cuddle and she was like, you were amazing. That's just blown our mind. She was like, you did a bow. You bowed at the end. And I didn't know I was going to do a bow. It was just like, it just kind of felt like I'm a villain. I got caught.

You went full, lucky of Elliot. You're like, It's called Panto. Panto. It was so good. It is Panto. It is Panto. This picture of you and Harry, what's that?

So that's at the finale party. And that is like, me and Harry was lots of fun. Lots of fun. We were best mates on the show. We were a proper twosome. When he caught me, I had no bad blood towards him. It just genuinely. felt like I've been caught.

Yeah. Not one part of me was going to throw him under the bus. I imagine it's like when two footballers that are on the same team but different international teams meet on the pitch. Exactly right. It's not person. We're just playing a game against each other today. Yeah, yeah.

But some days we play on the same team. But I loved it. But also, and the day that you, that I got banished, you kind of know that you're going. You know your time's up. People switch off from you. People stop talking to you and all this stuff. Harry didn't talk to me and I was like, this is probably my day. And then when I went, they said to me, who do you want to.

win and I was like well Harry has to win because if he didn't win that I'd be annoying because I genuinely thought and like however it came across on TV me and Harry we kind of knew at that point we were going to win right we just had the room you only need half the people in the room to be on your side and you're fine so like we thought oh my god we're going to go through we're going to win this wow I mean we didn't he did you did so well in it you were I mean like you three quarters you were literally oh yeah I didn't everyone remembers from traitors but everyone says I was the villain. You play two games because you played the game. Yeah. And you played the bigger game, which is coming out with a bit of profile. Yeah. My brain was, I can't wait to get out of

there and speak to Dave and Joe on Chatterfix. I bet they were excited. And they were like, Paul, oh my God. I bet they were, they must have loved watching you on that. Do you want to know something 's our secret? Go on. Yeah, go on. And it can go out as well. I don't think people care anymore. But during the audition process, me, Dave and Joe were having like little chats and blah, blah, And I told them one day, I was like, oh, we have to jump on a call tonight. I've got news for you and blah, blah, blah. And I jumped on and I said, I've not got on. Like the auditions, well, we're probably like five or six auditions in at this point.

Because they really run you through psychological tests and all these different things. Or just to make sure you're kind of like, you can cope with that environment. Which is good to hear, actually. It is great, actually. And I call them and I was like, yeah, you know, I've not got in. And it's on Zoom. And like, I did it for like 10 minutes. and they're so deflated and David's really down and he's like this.

And then when they were like really low and I went, and that's why I'm going to win the traitors. I mean, you know, the lads like, they jumped up out. I've never seen David Lill jump in my entire like. He jumped going, yes. And Joe's going, fucking out. And we have this, and we've got that lovely little moment that's kind of like well-stayed.

What about Harry's, I'm curious if you win the traitors. What's your life like? Is his life changed? So me and him, we started a podcast to. together. We stayed as soon as we finished filming, which was like September last year. It's over a year ago. Yeah. We got back in touch. We chatted every day. We spoke a lot and all that type of stuff. Did you give any money to Molly? Because I was really upset about that. One of the first messages I said to Harry is do not give a penny away to anyone because no one's going to give you any money. If you were a

traitor and lost, you were really upset about Molly. You were so upset about Molly. I was like he, because I felt like she loved him. Yeah, she did. It was like doing it to like your little sister. But he had to do it to win. He had to do it to win. Otherwise, Fox. You needed that to win and then you won. Give her some money. Share. Share. She does all right.

Give her a bit. He's not going to do that. He didn't do it. And I said to make sure you don't do that. Don't give a penny away. Because if Harry lost a Molly and Jazz one, they weren't going to give it. Oh, well, you played a great game, Harry.

Here's 500 quid or wherever it is. I just think it would have been a noble thing to do to bung her a couple of grand. Yeah, but it's me and Harry were not the most noble of people. He just won't know. It was disappointing. I know. I just felt that when she looked into his eyes, that was truly. love and I didn't want that to be

fucked over. You were worried about her. Well, she's done really well out of it. Good, I'm glad, twiglass. She's on dance, not stress about Molly. Oh, is she? Yeah, I didn't get a phone call. She's on what? Dancing on ice.

Dancing on ice. Yeah, she's doing that. Is this picture here? What's going on here? So, that is me at the comedy store. Do you know this best? I know. I know. It was being ironic. In London. Yes.

So, years ago, maybe three years ago, I've always wanted to do stand-up. Or like, something in that kind of like, realm. Arena, whatever it is. And Kate got me a comedy course. Yes. Run by Mike Gunn. Yes. I didn't know Mike Gunn was running a comedy course. He runs the course at the comedy store, yeah. Runs a course at Comedy Store. Very funny man. And I went and I did it and it it was every Sunday for seven weeks. And then at the end you get to perform at the comedy store. And I was like, oh my God, that's a dream come true. So I went, I did it and you got to kind of write

material and all this type of stuff. And then you perform in front of like all of your friends and family of everyone else that's on the course, right? So it's a couple of hundred people. And I went out and I went on stage and I was like, this is like, I got the bug. Oh, I loved it. It was amazing. And I kind of did like this little routine and like blah, blah, blah. It was five minutes. Yeah. Type five. Mine was a loose five. Okay. You did seven. I was a bit loose. I think I did less. Oh, really. I did four and a half and I was like, cheers guys. Yeah, yeah. We got nothing else to say. So I'm just going to go. And I loved it. I really, really loved it. And then that was like a dream come true moment for me to kind of like it's a lovely bucketless box tick are you going to go and do more gigs

are you going to get into stand-up i think so yeah i think that's what i i really want to do like the panellee shows and the taskmasters and all them i find them really fun um but i think you have to be like a comic right you have to kind of like have they seem to use mostly comics yeah they use comics not well for task master yes yeah so like but then that's kind of what i feel like coming out of the traces is amazing you get all these different opportunities But like I want to. What sort of thing? What sort of thing? So like you get like, what do you get? I love what you. You're mostly on like just like, how do I word it? You're meat. Personal appearances. You have loads of, well.

Paul will be opening this community centre on Friday. Well, they're the things we said no to. So all that type of stuff we say no to. And then most of the podcast is stuff we say no to. So I said anything to do. So we're quite lucky to get you. Well, the fee was astronomical. This is the most I've ever been paid to do a pod by the way. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Mass. Mass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Excite.

I'm going to get about four or five followers from this. Oh, we can guarantee that. Thank you, so you basically said is that Joe and David exploit you. You've done their podcast for years. They've not given you anything. Have I grown Chatterbicks off my own back? Seems so. It's not for me to say, but out the three of us, I know who the comic brains are.

I can feel it from here. Thank you so much. It's an energy that you're bringing. Is it really? No, seriously. We don't literally. We don't have any energy. but we don't carry.

We are very much on this level. We're here. Can you feel it. We're vibing on one level. Yeah. You've arrived. You need to get on the circuit. I think we're all, I think we're all bringing each other all.

Into a comedy space. Without you to hear. We've never brought each other up. I think you need to gig. You need to do loads of gigs. You're getting gigs. Definitely. People will want to give you work.

It's Paul from the Traitors, isn't it? Yeah. And then I'll go out and people go, oh, it is him. He's not. Exploiting now before the new traitors comes out because then you'll be old traitors, mate, and there'll be new traitors. I don't know with these new traitors. And we'll be like, who's this guy?

Because there's some new traitors. Will anyone be able to beat Paul in terms of... Boom! He's behind you. I did a comedy course. I know that feeling of a showcase. You go, oh, this is so lovely. Yeah.

And you do think this is how it would be. And you just got to get out there and do it to strangers. Well, because everyone was laughing before I was saying anything. And I was like, I bet you this isn't like, because Joe and David say like what rooms, especially David, with the comedy that he did. David's very interesting talking about stand-up movie. Yeah, he absolutely hates the idea. When I saw him in the summer, he was like, you're still gigging. Like as if I was on crack, you're still doing that.

You haven't kicked that yet. I was like, but it's worse my job. He's like, you can't believe you still do it. I love the dynamic. Yeah, they've got great dynamic. They're such good friends. They're the people you think, oh, I'm really glad you two found each other. Yeah.

But I'm really glad that they found me because like still today, like in my brain I go, oh, wonder what Dave and Joe would think about this. Oh, that's lovely. They're like my little North Star. Like, they're my worst case scenario. Yeah, yeah. I could just go and chat with Joe and David. But that's the best case scenario for some people, isn't it?

That's so lovely. I wonder whether I'll tell them that they're my worst case scenario. Do tell them and tell them that we seconded it. Yeah, exactly. And they find that hilariously amusing. Yeah, I think that might get them a card. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Worst case scenario. All the best. Thank you so much for coming on, Paul.

I loved it. Thank you so for having me on. Thanks, that was a lot of fun and brilliant stories. This was great, won't it? Yeah, it was lovely. It's always hearing people's stories and pictures. And we can tell Jim David to listen. They know they will.

They'd love it. Do you think they would? No, of course. I did the Christmas special. Oh, God. How exciting. I got some things right, Jen. I got some things wrong.

But Kerry, you always get things right in these. Didn't you do well in The Weakest Link? Oh, yeah. You did do well. I think you've got some sort of like PTSD from one pointless. It was from one pointless where me and Paul Chowdry left so quick. Our feet didn't touch the floor. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that was me. He said to be honest. It's like, welcome Jen Bresta. You are the weakest link. Goodbye. Oh. What a revolving door situation. I wish I could hold forever, Paul Chalder.

as he sort of comprehended what was happening. What are we going now? What is happening? So we're out, Paul. Bye-bye. So when does that come out? That comes out of Christmas. Who are you on with?

Are we allowed to ask? Is it top secret? Oh, that's a good question. I don't know. Are you even allowed to, are you allowed to even say that you're on it? I don't know. You haven't thought about that.

That is classic. You haven't thought that through. That's brilliant. Amazing. Okay, sorry. Well, what, no, no. Here's what Joel can do. Joel can beep out their name of the program that you just said.

So we'll never know what it is. It'll be like, so I'm going to be on. Oh, that's exciting, Perry. Yeah, that's what we'll do. Okay, when I was on with... Okay, that's weird. I know, really weird. What?

And, of course. And an actor. All right, Nana. Okay, good. Well, um... We're all nannas now, mate. We're all nannas now. That was in that program.

Oh, this is a great conversation. This is me and everything. I'm really sorry, Jarl. I don't know what you're going to be able to do with this. We're going to have to weave this into some fucking collage of content because essentially it's just two women having a really slow breakdown. Yeah. But at least it's a breakdown at my pace.

It's when the breakdown goes too fast. I'm like, oh, I can't control this. Well, it's when the breakdown goes really fast with a buzzer, which is basically what a game show is. So you've got, you're having a kind of like, existential sort of like screen saver-esque trip. And then, and then someone throws the audio medium of a buzzer into the mix. So you're like, fuck, fucking fuck.

What? Which is the planet that's got rings? Which is the one with rings? God. What is your name? Kerry Godleman. I know that. I know that.

I had to, you know how you do those that take, they do these cutaways at the end when you get voted out of the weakest link. And because I didn't get the answer to the arithmetic's sweet dreams are made of this. My children, apparently, I don't know, I've never seen it. At the end, I say something like, sweet dreams, you absolute spoon,

to myself. And my children still say it to me. Sweet dreams. your absolute spoon. I came home one day to them saying that to me and I said to Chloe, why do I keep saying sweet dreams your absolute spoon at me? And she said, that is what you said on the weakest link.

And I was like, oh my God. You've got to think about what you're saying. But if you think about what you're saying, we're totally stuffed. Because you know, you come off and they put you into a little room and then they put a camera in front of you and go, they give you some questions

and go, just answer whatever comes into your head. And they go, how did you feel that went? And I went, well, I've got the wrong answer. I feel terrible. When you didn't get the blah blah, you look really upset. And then I went, oh, yeah, I mean, it doesn't know the answer to sweet dreams, your absolute spoon. And that's the only bit that gets.

That's funny, though. That's what you're on there to do. Yeah, just to provide them, or not them, my children with a catchphrase that will never die. I know, but I mean, if they're not seeing much of you, which your children aren't, seeing you on telly is all they've got. So don't take that away from them, Jen. Kerry, now you're making me feel. This is what happened when I did Taskmaster.

My kids, when I was away working, the kids would just sit and watch Taskmaster Season 7 to see Mummy and hear Mummy. Oh, Kerry, that's so heartbreaking. I'd ring Ben and go, what are they doing? And he'd go, they're watching Taskmaster again. They know that season inside out. Barry!

That parented them for a while. Oh, my God. Isn't that the most heartbreaking? That's the most heartbreaking. Yeah, so just watching me be, like absolute aggressive lunatic on national television. But an absolute also national treasure. I think you could, I think Harry.

An absent mother, but a national treasure as all national treasures are. So what would you rather be? A good mum? You're going to be absent to someone who loves you. You can't be a national treasure and be at home cooking. And be available. And doing a batch cook. You just can't have both. And the sooner we clock on, the betterer for all,

for the children and the nationals. That's fair. But I feel good that we have you, Kerry, because I know that's something that's really important to you, that you are the nation's hero. Gosh. Yeah. Have you started?

batch cooking yet. I feel like that's a chapter of breakdown as well. I've become obsessed with it. The fridge is full of Tupperware. It's like I can buy time back with batch cooking. I cook, I mean, I'm cooking all the time. I should batching it, because I, no, I'm doing one meal. We eat the meal. I want to cook another meal. Like a complete moron. I mean, Hello Fresh can go fuck itself. I'm batch cooking, babe. I can't believe how far fallen. We just talk about like vaguely interesting things. This is interesting. This is interesting.

We're talking about slow breakdown. This is the cold face of parenting and mothering. This is what, this is, you know, being alive. We had a conversation where we don't have, looking at the demographic of who listens to Mary Lane, there's very few men listening. I wonder why, Kerry. I wonder why. I don't know what they want to listen to.

I don't want, I can't talk about Formula One. What do they want? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I can't comment on the football, although I am being forced to watch it now. The kids are obsessed with it now.

They're all about statistics and football. And they're talking to me about, they'll just, you need to get them into batch cooking. Just shut that down and get them into batch cooking. I don't want to talk about Ronaldo. That's the only football player. I know that's why I brought them up.

Well, if football comes up on a quiz when I do, eh, quizzes, I go, Pelle! And if it isn't Pelle, it's wrong. I mean, it's going to be rarely peléle. to be fair. Is it? I think we've had quite good footballers since. I don't know.

I don't know. Who am I to say? I have got nothing to comment on football. I've got to tell you, the more football I watch, the more I realise, not for me. Come over to batch cooking, babe.

I'm over. Come over to batch cooking. Watch me dive over. I'm batch, head first into the batch. Double cook whatever you're making. You're a lovely cook. Double ingredient it. Batch up the other half.

Freezer it. for when you're not around, gallivanting about being a successful comedian, being absent, and then the kids can eat it while they watch you fail spectacularly on quiz shows on national television. I'm looking forward to that, that next opportunity to look like a complete, and it's very difficult to explain to people, look, partly this is the menopause. Yeah, I'm going to get a T-shirt saying, I'm menopausal. I'm not thick, I'm menopausal.

Yeah. I've got everything under control. I'm just menopausal. Yeah. Don't stop fucking asking me questions on perimenopausal. I shouldn't go on quiz shows if I don't want people to ask me questions. Maybe we should just wear a t-shirts as fuck off. Yeah.

That's quicker, gets the message out. Yeah. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Darney. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it.

That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it.

Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do? yesterday?

I think that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.