Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S03 E40: Cariad Lloyd

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

"My grandad talked himself out of being killed three times..." This week we have the brilliant comedian and bestselling author Cariad Lloyd on the pod! We talked about her grandad, meeting Sara Pascoe at university, her children and obviously AUSTENTATIOUS... amongst other things Cariad's new book 'The Christmas Wish-tastrophe' is brilliant and the perfect christmas present! LINK - https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-christmas-wish-tastrophe/cariad-lloyd/ma-pe/9781444971484 We also have Kerry and Jen taking about some accidental public mishaps - involving a naked man, a saucy audio book and public pornography PHOTO 1: My Grandad PHOTO 2: Christmas PHOTO 3: School Days PHOTO 4: Sarah Pascoe PHOTO 5: Austentatious PHOTO 6: Children PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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From mental health and suicide prevention to prostate and testicular cancer research and early detection, Movember is tackling the biggest health issues facing men today. Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about,

they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Do you know what I'm doing that I've never done before for the first time? I'm listening to an audio. book. Never listen to an audio book. Always read books. I listen to podcasts. I read books. And I'm in a book group and I haven't got time to sit and read the book. You're doing double time?

So I'm like doing the ironing, driving to places, walking about, listening to the books. I'm getting, I'm doing, I'm getting shit done while I'm listening to the book. This is a great thing about audio books. This is the great thing about audio books. But it happens to be Sally Rooney's latest book. Okay. Which has got lotus sex in it. Oh, great. And like all Sally Rooney books. Sexy time. Sexy times. And it's like microcosm sexy times. So what's happening in? The finger goes in there.

There's some moisture there. Their breath went there. Okay. Okay. So it's that kind of like micro detail of fornication. Yeah. Fornication. All right.

Well, it's a book. So we use long words. Oh, we use long words. We don't just say shagging. All right. And I was on the tube and I've got shit headphones. And it came out on a really packed tube. Right.

in the middle of something going inside something else. And someone calling out in pleasure. Oh, God. How loud was it? It was loud enough for a couple of people to give me direct eye contact. And I really wanted to say, hey, this is highbrow.

This is not porn. I'm not being caught on a train watching porn. No. I'm reading Sally Rooney's... She's a very respected writer. Yes, she is. And I didn't want the judgment that those eyes...

got, gave me, I really felt defensive. No. Because I'm really cultured. You are cultured. But in that moment, no one cared about how cultured you may or may not be. They just thought she's listening to porn. Or, erotic. 50 shades of...

Yeah, exactly. Erotica. Yeah. I mean, I haven't read that. Have you read that 50 shades of what's it? No, but I've read all of Sally Rooney's and there's always a little bit of filth in there. It's a little, little, little bit of dirty talk. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't know whether it's because I'm getting older or what it is. You don't want sex talk. I don't think I want it. I can't. Yeah, but Sally Rooney makes it arty. Pleasurable. Yeah. That's the wrong word.

That's the wrong word. She makes it intellectual. It's intellectual shagging. Oh, intellectual shagging is fine, actually. Yeah. I was just trying to think I was watching something on my phone. Pawn? It wasn't porn.

But it was. It was sexy time. And it was a show called Outlander. And in, I don't even know what episode it is, but there's a particular episode where there is a very long, protracted, sexy. And I just happened. To watch it a few times. No, it was on a train.

And I thought, oh, I'll watch that again. I'll run that back. I missed a slow-mo did. Something. A slow-mode it. Let's go back. And after I've watched it three or four times, I noticed that the woman sat next.

to me, uh-oh, had, was like watching it with me. Oh, yeah. And I thought, I'm uncomfortable

with the fact that you're watching it with me and I can't figure out, because I didn't want to get eye contact with her. I couldn't figure out, is she watching it with me because she's like,

oh, this is nice. Or is she watching it with me going, I cannot believe that you think this is a problem. Watching it in outrage. Yeah, I think she's watching it

in outrage. But sticking with it. But you know, but you know when people watch it but they almost want you to know, like, I'm watching this, but I want you to know

that I disapprove of you only watching this to let you know that I disapprove. And I, I didn't look. You coward. But also, I thought there was a little bit of me that went, she seems to be enjoying this, but I would have switched it off. But I thought, what if she's like? What she likes it? Oh my God, you got invested in the outcome for her. You got so invested in the, her outcome. You wanted a happy ending for it.

I wanted her to have her own happy ending. That's it. So weird, isn't it? Those sort of public kind of sex on a tube. Oh, it's too much. I was on the subway in New York when I was there. guy was watching porn. No, no, no. Well, yes, he was. Well, that's not allowed. It's unacceptable.

Unacceptable. You should have said something, Jennifer. I was on a subway in New York. Okay, so he could have killed you. I'm not going to say anything. Or just blatantly sat there watching porn. I feel a lot less bad about the Sally Rooney anecdote now. Oh, yeah, he was literally blatantly watching pornography on the subway.

And prior to that, I want to say, there was a man. who had come on to the tube, subway rather, who was off his absolute tree and was dancing with his bum and his knob out. Why did you go in that order? Because I saw his bum first. Oh, I see. And then I saw the fury on this man's face.

And I went, oh, come on, we've all seen a bum. And then I turned around, I went, okay. Oh, it's the full package. Okay, it's the full everything. It's hard to keep half your pants up. The trumps out. The bum's out. The front's out.

The front is out. The front of the bum's out. But I just saw Bums out, Bums out, Bums out. Bums out. Bums out. Gunt out. Not Bums out, nubs out. And then, so then my evening got weird. And then I met Louisa Omulan at her gig in wherever the hell we were in New York. And Janine Garofalo was there. Oh. Okay, Janine Garoflo, Google it for those of you don't know who she is. She's a very well-respected comedian, comedy actor. She's in the Larry Sanders show. She was in reality bites many years ago. She's Loads of things. Anyway, she's there. I turn up. I'm like, oh my God, it's Ginny Gorofalo.

On the two? No, at this gig. Oh, the gig, sorry. I was still with the bum. And I'm like, so, now I'm like talking to Janine Garoflo after I've seen a penis, a bum and some sex on a... And a celebrity. And a sex on a phone. And sex on a phone. That's a big night. Big night. She was, I said, I'm sorry I'm late. I had quite the time on the subway. And then I said to her, I guess, because this is New York, right? This is the kind of shit that happens all the time. She went, I literally none of those things have ever happened to. me. I have lived in New York for like 30 years. Yeah, that is wild. She's like that that's, she goes, people talk about that stuff, but that's not, that's not normal. Do you think someone hired a theater company to come and? I feel like there, I was being pranked. Yeah. I was like, I had porn. I had a penis. Yes, that's a lot. I had a man shouting at a man with his penis out. That's too much, mate. It's too much for mid-legers. Sorry that happened to you. That's okay. I'm, I've got an anecdote now. You did, you did get an anecdote. Yeah. I like my

twee little you thought yours was bad into my little Sally Rooney in the microphone and they heard it and then

well this boy was watching porn and you got his knob out I see your little highbrow sexy anecdote and I raise it

I like the way you've made this highbrow why are you constantly having to signpost your experience as highbrow and my experience as lowbrow because mine was a piece

of literature yeah and yours was porn. Yes, but I wasn't looking at the porn. I was a victim of porn adjacent viewing. Porn adjacent, yeah. That's the thing.

And the sexy scene on the thing with the woman watching. Well, that was a different day, but yeah. And that was high brow. That was highbrow. Yeah, it was a very highbrow show called Outlander. Anyone who's seen it will know how high on the brow that is. Have you seen it? No, never heard of it.

You must. Is it Australian? You like an Australian probe. It's not Australian. It's not Australian. God, I don't know where that came from. No, it's... I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it's said in Scotland in the past and in the future. Let's say it's Scottish, then. The other day we were talking or doing something and you went, I've got to go now on a cycle. I was on a cycle, yeah. What was that? Tell us about that. Oh, I went on a cycle just around where I live. And then there's a new cafe that's opened up.

You're not going to leave this. What do they sell? Coffee. It's a cafe. Anyway, I went as... As well as. Cakes. What's so special about it?

I tell you, they had these donuts right. They had a lemon meringue donut. It had a meringue on the top of it and inside it had lemon. What whole real lemon? Like an absolute, not. No, like a lemon. Because I was going to say, you open it. And then that's the shit.

Can you imagine you bite into a donut and there's a whole lemon on it? Oh, that's not good. I lost a glove. That's all the information you need to know about that experience. That's a nice experience. So you can cycle all the way there, have a lovely coffee and suck on a lemon and then come all the way back. That's a nice day out. That's a nice day out.

Well, it wouldn't really be a day. It would be about 15 minutes. But nonetheless, lovely. Lovely view. Mm. You should go. Well, you know I'm moving down there. I know.

When is it, 2042? I've been looking at flats, mate. It's all going to happen. I'll give you some top tips. Thank you. I'd like you to. You're welcome. Emotionally invest in this fantasy.

I am not going to put any emotional investment in it because I know it's not going to happen. What? But I enjoy the journey. Yeah, exactly. That's all right move is, mate. It's a fantasy. Maybe I should start looking somewhere. Where should I be looking for?

Cornwall? I don't want to go to. Spain? Spain. You like Spain? Yeah, but I mean, I'm not going to buy a place in Spain. I can't live there. No.

I'm going to look. America. Oh, God. I thought you were going to go to America. That was a bigger. That's a bigger dream, isn't it? America. You need to go to America.

Right now, do you want to go to America? No, not really. Yeah, I didn't want to say that, but he's going there, isn't? But he's in love. That's different. You're going to need a. a lot of love to eclipse out Trump

I mean it's not even just him isn't it? I mean like the whole gang the whole gang the MAGA gang yeah the MAGA gang but I'm going to go

because as you know I'm a very what's the word I sort of just stubborn easy going you're like you will not win I had plans

and it involved America and I don't care what the point I'm going I don't care if it's about to collapse I don't care of American imperialism

is funding a genocide I'm going it's all about me yeah you've got some I've got Kings booked in. I'll be there. Who are we talking to today? Today is the day that we are talking to the wonderful Carriad Lloyd. Oh, this was so delightful.

I really enjoyed this conversation. It was so lovely to talk to Carriad. What a talent. I know, really talented. She's so quick as well and funny. Yes. But also an actor, a writer, a raconte-onter. Yeah. An improviser. Did I not say that?

A podcaster? Don't forget a podcaster. You always leave that one off when we do our CVs. I don't think of it is a real thing. We've got a podcast, Jay. I forget. I never mention it. I just forget that we're doing it. What? You've got to big it up. That's the world. Can I remind you? Podcaster.

You were on... Broadcaster. Can I? Writer. Mother. What else? Pilot. Are you done? Can I remind you of something? Go on.

You were... on a podcast. I believe it was Adam Buxton's. And I don't recall you mentioning our podcast on that. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. He cut a lot out. We recorded twice the amount of stuff and he cut that part out. And I was very relieved that he did mention it in the intro. So I do big up podcasts. But if people don't use it, they don't use it. God mentioned this morning. Did Zoe Ball's radio show this morning. That's what I did on the way here. And she said, Memory Lane podcast with Jen Brister. Well done. Well done. So I do mention it, mate. I'll plug it up there. You're up there. I butt plug it. You butt plugs it.

It's up there. You can't find it. You can't get it out. It's right. It's right up there. You're going to need some kind of stick. This is really not the kind of intro I wanted to do carry out. Okay.

Joe doesn't need to use any of this. Yes, the wonderful. Who's got a book out for Christmas as well? A book out for children's book out just in time for Christmas, which is a must buy. But anyway, let's stop wittering on. Let's just sit back. relax and here she is, the wonder that is, Carriead Lloyd. What was that like writing a children's book?

Well, you know the one I did before is the nonfiction one about grief? Yes. So, like, this was a fucking, like, run in the park, whatever the phrase is. It's just like a joy because I wasn't sitting down and being like... Talking about death. So the problem with death is the reason we don't discuss it. I was like, oh, this is gone an adventure. Like, what does...

What's the magic sprite doing? Like, it was so much nicer. Did you just like, oh, I know what story I'm going to tell? I had a vague idea. I knew it was going to be, so it's set in Jane Austen times. Yeah, yeah. Jane Austen times, of course it is.

Of course it is. So I kind of knew that. I kind of knew I was doing ostentatious for kids. So I was like, it can't be about romance. Like it's got to be like adventure. Yeah. And there's a bit of romance in that.

Obviously, like for the grown-ups. Yeah, yeah. You know, we'll Lord and maybe once they get together. But mainly it's her and her sausage dog and a sprite trying to solve the mystery. Oh, how brilliant. Oh, great. Well, I know what I'm going to get my friend's daughter for a birthday.

Oh, that's a gift for my boys as well. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And they love a Christmas story. It's, yeah. And it's not too, because it's like wintery Christmas, not like Christian Christmas. It's like, oh wintering. It's the season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise. I like that. I like the emphasis there. Yeah. On what season? The season, rather than the day.

I hate the day. Is that right? Yeah, they didn't really celebrate the day. It was like the winter season was a thing. I'll start wintering mid-November. Did you read that wintering? Yeah, I'm friends with Catherine who wrote it. Oh, wow. Well, that's made me review winter completely. I try and reread it in winter.

Yeah, yeah. Have you read Enchantment? No. That's her next one. She wrote during the pandemic, which is amazing. So it's about, like, rituals and how we're missing this idea of connection with the community and, like, how we need to find each other again to survive. Well, because we're so secular, aren't we?

Yeah. And all of our families are sort of like, what is it? Like, we don't have, like, the extended family, like. Yeah. Yeah. Like in olden times, yeah, it takes a village to bring up a kid. Our times it takes one very phrase. It takes the internet to bring up a kid.

It takes Duolingo to bring up a kid. Duolingo, how's that helping? Well, Frank's semi-parented by Geolingo. Oh, right. I should introduce that. It's a very specific pronunciation, isn't it, Japanese as well? Have you tried to raise your voice to speak some Spanish? Well, we, I mean, I did it for a while and then it just got so painful. And also because my Spanish, I'm not fluent.

So for me, I require someone to give me a little bit back. But if you were in a family, sit to and everyone was sort of speaking I'd be fine you'd be fine but I wouldn't

and that's what you'd like your kids to be able to do yeah my cousins would be like wow can you speak another language

no I can I can fake speak French and Spanish and Italian let me see your fake Spanish oh okay my space

it's not as good my French is good do you my French is good oh my god and bush my mon yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah my man oh my god that is that is really

really good but my Spanish is like I'd have to hear you speak Spanish first I have to get like Oh God My Spanish is bad So

Oh let's say Oh let's say the only I'm sorry And the word That's not bad How I'll work A couple of thifes A thither

Yeah Thiae Thiae Theranos Dei Dei Zanes Encontada Oh Two tickets to Sitches

Two tickets to sites Two tickets to sites Please What's Encontal I don't know I was taught it in the mid 80s And I've never reviewed it since You're like

Does Paris in cheese? Incontada. What does incontada mean? I don't think incontava means anything. It might have suffered in translation over the decades. Did they say incontana? I'm pretty sure they didn't. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here.

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Let me open your pictures. Oh, yes. Here we go. These are good. These are good. Ebeney's a good. Can we go to, this must be, is this the first one? Yeah.

Oh, is that the first one? Oh, you've got sent different ones. That was actually for something else, but you can talk about that. Oh. Oh, that's the only kid one. Oh, no, there's another kid. There's another kid one. With my grandpa.

Not Alfred Hitchcock. It's like Alfred Hitchcock, doesn't he? That's my grandfather. That's Bertie. Tell us about that picture with your granddad. Yeah, well, my grandpa is like one of those. I mean, obviously he's not here, but he's not here. And he's dead.

He's one of those extraordinary people that I don't have time to tell you all of his stories. But I will, the one thing is he was a survivor of Japanese prisoner of war. Oh my God. And yeah, he was like the most incredible man. I've like, and he was like a rack on her. Like, so he's the Welsh side. Yeah. And he had this ginormous belly.

So he used to make you, put your arms round, see if you can reach around. See, you can't reach around, galli. And like everybody, you know, proper patriarch. Like, he was just like head of the family. But yeah, he was captured in Burma and where Japanese business wars. That's where like the soldiers from Wales went. And he was one of the people who built the bridge over the river choir. Oh my God.

That was brutal. And he talked himself out of death three times. Just talked himself out. As of diet. Yeah, three times someone was going to kill him. And he was like, right, listen, let me talk to you. Oh my God. Oh, you mean actually talked?

Actually talked his out. Do you know what he said? So one time he said that they were cutting down trees. I mean, also, he was an absolute bullshitter. So sometime, he told me his middle name was Merlin because we were related to Merlin. And I was about 26 before I had to write it down. And I said to my brother, it's funny that we related to Merlin. And he was like, what are you talking about?

I thought. The fictional character, Merlin, to suss that one out. That's like believing in Father Christmas well into your mid to late 20s. Oh, hang in a minute. He's not real. So we're not related to it. Because it's like, because Merlin's a bit Welsh. I was like, oh, maybe.

Anyway, one time they were chopping down trees and it fell on a Japanese officer's latrine and he'd been chopping down the tree. And they came outside screaming. And my grandpa, he then trained as a lawyer. So he said, why would I have done this on purpose? It would be so stupid. Makes total sense. Obviously try and do this to you why you want to.

Like, if I was going to kill you, I'd do it another way. Yeah. And the guy was like, oh, right. So he diffused that moment. Yeah, diffused it right. And the other moment, they had a radio in the camp and they just had to, he knew, he knew where the radio was. And they lined them all up and stared them for like hours. And he said, he just stared him out.

Just stared this guy down. Just was like, I don't know anything about his radio. Did he know anything? Yeah, he knew. He knew where it was. But he said, like, I can stare. Anyone tries to stir me out. Like, I'll never because once, I stared him on.

Like, he was just. Do you believe all his stories given the Merlin thing? Yeah, I think most of them, I mean... They're good stories anyway. They're good stories. That sounds... I mean, they sound a bit too accurate. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can't make that up. That's too good. We all bullshit our kids, don't we? And the best story about him, so when he came back to Bridge End, that's where my Welsh family are from. So, like, maybe five, ten years after the war, a lady who run the local hotel came up to him. So Mr. Lloyd, I'm really concerned because a Japanese man wants to come and stay.

And so obviously a lot of Welsh soldiers had died by Japanese hands and like, you know, they had to wait till, you know, VED didn't mean anything to them. Yeah, so it was very personal for the area. And he said, invite him to stay. He said he's going to stay in your hotel. And the moment he gets there, you send him around to my house. And so she's all right, Mr. Lloyd, okay, fine. So he came around, went and stayed at her, put his bag down, came round, was like, I'm here.

And my grandpa was like, right, these are my children. And I'm going to take you around Wales for the day. I'm going to show you everything. And he never mentioned what happened to him. So he showed this Japanese man around the whole thing. They came at dinner, took him back to the hotel. And the man said to him, have you ever been to Japan? And my grandpa said, no, never been to Japan because he hadn't.

He said, I've never met anyone who understands Japanese culture and, like, rituals in the way that you do. My grandpa was like, oh, well, like, didn't tell him. Never said anything. Let him go. But then he said to this, you know, the innkeeper and his children, it's not this man's for what happened to me. So he was like, I want my children to see a Japanese man welcomed into my family, welcome into my home, because we have to, if we're going to move forward from what happened to us,

we have to start here today. These families can't, we can't let this, he didn't do this. I didn't, you know, we were just both mixed up in a war. And he said, I wanted that man's first experience of Wales to be, wow, what a wonderful. That's incredible. Yeah, like, he was an incredible man. What a guy. He sounds great.

He was unusual. I was going to say that is unusual and also to have such a bit like a huge capacity for humanity, you know what I mean? Which is the first thing that you imagine goes when you go to war, that's the thing that they want to crush so you can go out and kill people.

My grandma wasn't, my grandma was that absolutely awful like she actually, like my brother married a Japanese woman, she honestly act like she couldn't see her in the room. It was so bad. But he was absolutely like, nope, there's no animosity. Yeah, that's why soul?

Yeah, he was cool. So that's his birthday. Someone had made him a cake. in the shape of a champagne. You look so happy. Yeah, and he was letting me cut it. I mean, look, I will say he made up for the POW experience and he ate and drank every single thing that passed him.

Good for him. Look at that big pint of double cream there. Oh, my God, yeah, yeah. And this is their house, that's their flat. We used to spend all my time out. So, yeah, he was just very amazing guy, amazing guy. And a seminal filmmaker as well, given that he is Alfred Hitchcock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think he's, I think he was a bit short when he stood up. Maybe he's not as tall as his advertisement. It's his birthday. My aunt had made that cake in the shape of a champagne bottle. It's quite ambitious for those. I mean, now. People are banging those out all the time on Bake Off. Yeah, that's true.

Is it a cake? Yes. She was early as it cake. She was an early, is it a cake contributor. This next photo of you here that we've got is you. I can't remember what I sent you. Are you sent me that you're holding a... Is this a Christmas?

A Christmasy one? When I've been asked for Christmasy pictures before, they're actually of a certain generation, they're actually quite, because we're not of the generation where you're like, oh, we've got that one where we're all dressed in the same pyjamas. No. That wasn't happening.

No. But like younger people do all that shit. And now we have to dig out ones where I love this because it's got a Casio in it. Oh, it's Cassio Key. But that was my Christmas present. I was so happy with that. Playing that demo over and over again. Feeling like you could play.

Playing the demo and then miming play. Yeah. I'm a big mime, I'm a big like, don't learn the thing, make it look like. Like you just demonstrated with your French. Yeah. Also, if you noticed that's a nightie that has a stocking in, but it has a teddy that you could put in the stocking. Oh my God. And you could take it out.

So it's like an actual stocking on a nightie. Now, that would prove to be complicated for whoever delivers the presents because if you're sleeping stomach down, we've got a problem. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah. I think I got it Christmas Day. So maybe I was just happy to. He's for popping little treats in through the day. You didn't wake up with like a little present in your pocket.

No. And that is jive cute. That is a very good idea. Cushion thing is jive bunny. I called him jive bunny. Because that was the year that jive bunny trap. Come on everybody. Clap your hands.

What I'm going to sing that song. Yeah. Classics. That was my jibon. Maybe that was played on the cassio as well. That would have been an absolute blanger. I wish someone had the talent to play that. No one in my.

family definitely did. It must have been early like too many DJs was drive funny wasn't it? It was just like what is happening all this music in one track?

And the music video was animated you remember it was like funny's dancing? I can't remember that because the chart show goes the chart show. I know the chart show was great wasn't it

so forget the top of the pops the chart show because no one there were no videos yeah yeah no sex predators presenting

those sex presidents nice I liked it on a Saturday morning Saturday morning church. And it would have the facts come up at the bottom. This is the fifth video that Michael and Janet Jackson are recording.

You'd be like, wow. Oh my God. I know this. I loved it. I loved it. The state of my hair in this picture as well. I mean, this is proper Christmas day where you're not expected to be on camera. No, no, once.

Like now it's constant photographs of Christmas and posting. And it's like, this is pre all that way. I was a scragge as well. My mum would never brush my hair. Like, it's a home cut fringe. Yeah, drag through a hedge backwards. That's the vibe. She's usually to wait since 5am.

Yeah, I've put a shift in, I've got a cassio. I might have a siesta before that day. Me and Jive Bunny are going to get and hit the Nog in a minute. Karen, I've got to say, when I look at pictures of you, like you in this picture

and then you in the picture before. It could be two different children. You don't, you, like sometimes when people show their pictures of one of their children, you're like, oh, right, well, that's just you, but you're five. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have not changed. At all. But you changed so much, I know. You changed so much. I know. I would not, if someone said to me, who do you think that is? I'd be like, no idea. Yeah. I sometimes, when I'm looking for old photos, I can't find myself. I don't, I don't, I look so different. I'm like, which one am I? Like, it's really weird to have changed that much.

I don't know why. That's like, the first one is probably eight. And then that one must be like six, isn't like two? You're not that big a difference in age. It should be the same child. I should be the same child. I know. I should be the same child. Same color hair at the very least. Well, I think my hair's got fluffier in the second one. I've definitely, I'm brushing the curls. I haven't learned. I haven't learned not to hear about it. But it was like you've had highlights. No one was having highlights at six.

You know what? It was. I was blonde. I was white blonde and I went brown. So I was, nickname as a kid was Goldilog's white blonde ringlet. But you say blonde for quite long time. Yeah.

So like you're six in that picture and you're still really blonde. And then I just, but usually. Yeah. Yeah. That's not my boys. We look at pictures of them like even like two years ago and they were like, hey, blonde blonde and now all gone.

And do you know what's horrible? I remember vividly getting less attention. Like I remember, I remember being like when I was blonde. Oh, God, he logged out. And as I went more brunette, people being like, yeah, I'm just a kid. Mousy Brown.

You're Mousy Brown. And I remember feeling like, oh, oh, I see. That's what it was about. Mousy Brown is. That's the bugsy character that wasn't as sexy was too. Were you blonde? I was born when I was tiny, tiny. But I think I've seen pictures of you.

Yeah, when you're, I've, I, spoiler. Never been blonde. You didn't even go through a phase of the 90s with the grunge thing. You didn't even whack a bit of bleach on there. Never die my hair. You've never done blonde. No. I think we need to do that.

Should we do it? You need to bleach your hair just at least once in your life. Yeah. Imagine these big black caterpillar eyeband. You but that's the look. Joel's lost his mind. Charles lost his mind. Joel's lost his mind.

The thought of me with bleached blonde hair. Well, that's fine. I'm not going to have it. I think you could rock it. You've never died it though. It must be in great condition. Is this your kind of uni times? No, this is school.

School? This is my gosh. You look very grown up. Oh, do you know what? Let me see. Let me see. You look great. You know what?

Look at you vamp. I know. But listen. All of my pictures of teenage years, I look fucking awful. And this is the one I found the other day. And I was like, I actually look alright. That's a great picture. So this is Pasha in Spain. In Spain. So not at school.

In Spain is that? Oh my God, I can't even remember. My friend's mum had like a second holiday house and she used to let us all go there. How brilliant. So we were like, we must be 16 there. But I'm the only got off, as you can see. My friends were like into like clubbing. They were more cash.

That's what we. They were like, clubbers. When I've met in the 90s clubs, look at those, those platforms. I love those platforms. I know. Those are mis-selfridge. They got a touch of a spice girls block heel situation going on there. I'll tell you what I want.

They were like into, we were into like UK garage and stuff. that but I was a goth so I was the only goth in my friends but like they let you in yeah they loved you anyway we had like a real mix of like our group there wasn't like we weren't all goths it was a it was like a nice mix of everyone did all different things we just liked each other and then we'd just go on holiday and snog boys and oh how brilliant what were you what was your music that you were listening to oh so I looked like a goths I had like blacklist it my had hair down here dyed black and I put a big red streak in it and I'm listen to like Joni Mitchell and Bob Dylan. I was obsessed with the 60s. Right.

So. Not Sisters of Mercy or? No, I didn't like, there was tough. Or the damned. No, that was a bit of shalty. So in a way, not a card carrying. No, I looked gosh. You were more of a sort of beatnik, I'd say. Yeah, sure. I'll take beatnik. I went to Camden to get my clothes. Yep. Didn't we all. Didn't we all. Because, look, this is my thing. Now it's too easy to be alternative. In my day, you have to start for. You had to go to find the stripy tight. You had to get shouted up by people at Calamination abusing you because you looked weird. You might get a web face tat if you don't watch out. Yeah, yeah.

Anything could happen. And now, no, they're just Amazoning stripy tights and gothy things. You can get it online. Get it off Jeff Bezos. It'll have it on your door stepping under a day. It is easy to be. But in my way, it was so, if you wanted to look weird, you had to put the effort in. Totally.

And so it was hard and people would bully you for it. And it was like, yes, no, but that's how much I'm committing to this. Even though Year 7s are shouting at me. I'm going to wear these shoes. Okay. And in Pasha as well, it looks like that there weren't many beatniks. No. They weren't playing Joni Mitchell in the clubs.

But I didn't mind because I was dancing. Can't dance. You can't like get up on. You can't go to phone party on Joni Mitchell. Phone party. Yeah, phone parties. Did you ever do phone parties? I never did any of that.

I've always been jealous of people that went on holiday with their mates, with their teens. I never did that. I've never been on anything that's the equivalent of an 18 to 30. I just didn't ever have that. But didn't you ever go to like a phone party in like some sort of provincial club? I'm a bit older. I think you're younger than. Yeah, phone parties were.

They were quite new. They were a thing when I'm the same age to you. I don't. I remember the phone parties. I remember seeing it on Gavin and Stacey and thinking what is happening. I went to one. I was like, I don't know what's happening. It was a work due and they went, we're having a phone party. Oh, no, not at work, do. Yeah. Basically meant you could do anything on the dance floor. No one could see what was happening. What you mean? Yeah. And also, anything that's like vaguely...

Even gropy, yeah. I'm not, I'm not having sex. It's like a sexual assault kind of heaven. Yeah. Oh my God. Because you're on a dance where no one can see you. So there's enough foam up to your, up to your belly button. And everything is like... I feel a bit disapproving. I'll say that. You can. You're allowed to feel disapproving. I feel like everyone's in denim. And so the denim kind of like all the dye from your jeans will go.

Yeah, it goes everywhere. So like if you get pressed up against someone, then you'll just end up with like, so my jeans would be like they were blue at one point, but now they're sort of black and red and green. There's all kinds of gunk all over you. Sounds disgusting. It was disgusting. I think like the hygiene.

It always were disgusting anyway. All dance floors, apart from the da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dun. I say bring that back. What's with this phone business? I agree. I... Yeah, I remember in Jo... I'm a big dancer.

Like, I loved... Raving? Like, no, just dancing. Just... I don't care what it is. I'll get up on the podium and I'll dance. So... I love that.

That's, for me, I didn't... The phone was, like, part of it, but I'd rather be up on a podium on that day. It's a bloody health hazard. That's what it is. I swear to God. Oh, people were going over all over the place. I mean, come...

I'm glad it's not a thing anymore. Yeah. It's silly. It's disgusting. I think they realise that absolutely nobody at a phone party and joins the phone party. And you're cold after you get wet. So you come out and you're freezing.

Yeah. Your clothes are wet. Your clothes are ruined. Someone's touched you up. You don't know who it is. Touching up goes on on any doctor, I guess. I know, but at least you can, oh, you can have like a vague guess. Oh, it was in.

Not like in a phone party. You're like, oh, it could be anyone. Oh, that doesn't sound good. Could be, yeah. Why were they so popular? They were so gross. Now we're breaking them down. Yeah.

But yeah, it was pretty grim, pretty grim times. But a good time to be young? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was like, I wasn't like, No, well, my dad died, so. No, then. I wasn't like super. And like, I remember going on holiday with all my gals.

And I'm, because I was like a goth, like they'd like hook up with a group of boys. And they'd be like, all right, all right, what are you into? And I'd be like, reading. Right. Okay. And then they'd be like, oh, like, so, you know, what's going on? Like, my dad just died. Right.

Okay. So, like, I would often be, I would often be in the corner. Oh, carry out. Left with like the poor boy that's been like on all his mate. And you know, your mates are just snogging. They're all just snogging all like the six boys, six girls. They've all chosen. And you're just sat there.

And that's why I'd be like, I'm going to get on a podium and dance. Please leave me alone. Yeah, yeah, good. Like a protection. Yeah, yeah. I was always happy to do dancing. So that was fine. You know what's better than the one big thing?

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Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new craveable wraps available in Chipotle or ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Which is our next photograph next chapter? Is it this one? Yes, that's probably the right one. Yeah. Are you on the tube? I'm on the tube there with my two best uni pals who are Vanessa Hammock and Sarah Pasco. And that's us very pissed.

I didn't know you went to uni with Sarah. That's how long I've known Sarah, yeah. We met at Sussex Uni. Oh, wow. Amazing. Yeah. And pre you both performing, I guess. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's sort of the reason that I am where I am. Like she was the one It was like, we should do this And I was like, don't be ridiculous How can you possibly do this? Like I was so like, what are you talking about? She was, she lived with me and my mum After uni, she moved into my brother's old room

And we were both trying to be actors And like, I was I don't come from performing family at all So my mum was like, get a job basically, get a fucking job, What are you doing? What was your degree in? English, we both did English And she was like, we'll have to get performing jobs.

I was like, what are you talking about? What do you mean? But just Sarah know that? She had worked at the Millennium Dome when she was 18. Right. It was like an entertainer. So she'd then... Entertaining?

Yeah, she was like one of the entertainers at Millennium Dome. What does that involve? Oh, she was like dressed up as a snowman and like walked around the crowd. Oh, I see. Zipwork, they call that. Zip work. Yeah. Yeah.

And she also, when she applied for uni, she was singing in a hotel and Notting him with Robbie Williams' dad. Oh, so she's from an entertaining background. Well, no, no, no, she's not. But she just was, I think she just was one of those people who was like, that's what I want to do. How did you get near it? It was a world. she kind of wasn't intimidated by her. Yeah, it wasn't intimidated by it.

Whereas I was like, well, I'm not possible. I'm just going to have to be a secretary that's, I can't see what else we're going to do here. And so she said, we'll get performing jobs. So we got jobs as tour guides on the buses, open top buses. And then I did, she was like, you can do theatre and education. I'm like, what are you talking about? So then we went to theatre and education. It was always like, let's try and get something that's adjacent.

Yes. And then she started, I can't stand up. And she came home. She said, I went to see him. I did 10 minutes. and they gave him 10 pounds. She was outraged. And she was like, and everyone on the bill was all right.

Yes, that's a lovely moment where you go and watch someone go, I'm not intimidated. Yeah, she never is. Like some things you go, I'm intimidated. And with stand up, you're like, I reckon I can. Yeah. And she was like, I was on the tube with her going back to high bonnet. She said, if we do this enough, like if we get enough gigs, we'd have £50 a week.

And I remember thinking, good luck to you. All right. You dream a Pascal. You dream your cryptocurrency. over here and then she started doing stand-up. And how did that go for her? I think it went okay. That's interesting.

But it was, yeah, it was all, so, yeah, it was meeting her at you and she was just so like, yeah, sure, of course she can. Totally. She's a yes-we-can person. And I just didn't come from that background at all, so I just, I just didn't, I felt like there was a, I didn't know there was a door where she was like, there's a door, we have to kick it in, but I was like, how did you even see that door? I thought it was just a wall.

She was like, no, we just kicked this door in and we can get in. And then she did a show called News Review, which is still running at Canal. Cafe, which is like satirical sketches and singing. So then she did that, so she was like, you should audition for that. And then I met Pippa Evans there. And Pippa was like, I do character comedy. And I was like, what's character comedy? Because I couldn't do stand-up.

I was like, can't be myself. So growing up, you'd never seen any of that kind of live comedy stuff. I'd seen it. I was obsessed with it. I just didn't think it was a job. How did you do that? How did you think those people did it? I just had no idea. You hadn't connected the dots? I went to see Harry Hill, like, 14 years old with my dad. I was obsessed with Harry Hill.

I went to see Lee Evans. I, I like, watched every sitcom, like, my job was like, get the TV guide, what sitcoms are on. And you could watch from like 7 to like 8.30. Because BBC had like, you know, they'd have 2.4 children and you could go to Surgical Spirit and then you could go to the upper hat. Like I'd just watch everything. Red Dwarf, Black had a French and sort of like, Wood and Waters obsessed. Absolutely obsessed. But that transition from telly to the like we know to be the live circuit. Yeah, I just thought it was like, well, how'd you, how'd you do that? I don't know, like, I didn't know anyone. She knew the key. She knew the pincold. I think she was just not prepared.

to like not get in the door. Totally. But I just didn't, I just, I didn't know any actors or performers or I didn't know you had to go to drama school. Like, no one ever said, oh, well, if you want to do this, you can go. Yeah. Like Harry Hill, we saw, I think we saw him because he, he had already had his TV show, which I loved. And then we went to see him live. It's like, well, someone gave him a TV show.

So, I guess you have to be in a TV room. I'm like, so naive. But of course, if you're not told, how would you know? It's a clue. Like, you, for one point, you think, Well, I should have gone to footlights, I guess. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what people did.

Yeah. I was like, oh, I didn't go to footlights. So I guess not for me. Oh, well. But it's my temp job. Yes. Oh, well. And you didn't have a grand plan for something else.

No grand plan. Nothing. Absolutely. No, no grand plan. Thank God you found her. I know. Or that she found you. No.

No. Why are you floating in a white space? So this is, my daughter took this one particularly awful half term. And what I haven't sent you, there's a company one of my husband, kind of grab the phone off her like this. How do they know how to do this? I don't know.

We'd never seen it happen from. It looks like a movie poster of your life. Thank you. This is the poster. She handed it to us and we were like, what did you do it? And she wouldn't tell us for ages what she'd done. Now she's told us how to do it.

She probably doesn't know it's like George's Marble's medicine. No, she knew. She was like, you have to get this. He will do pictures of, but that is very impressive. I know it is impressive, but I've got loads of pictures like me where I'm disembodied or everything is, Yeah, like, it looks very a level art, doesn't it?

A-level art. You're like, oh, nice. That looks like an actual portrait. So originally when I saw the photograph, I thought, oh, well, that's the portrait. Maybe for a poster of Perry and E.C. This is me at half term trying to say, can you stop? Can you give me my phone back? And the next picture you took was my husband Ben being like, give the phone back.

And he's like this. And you know when you're having such a bad half term or Easter, I think it was Easter holidays, actually. We were absolutely, like, we were just at our ends with them both. Yeah. And we saw these pictures and we laughed so hard. The best pictures you've ever had. She'd caught what we looked like. And it was awful.

It's terrible. Oh, God. And I thought, oh, it was quite a good wake-up call. It's like, maybe I should check that. This is what they see. This is what they see. They see, just stop it. Put it down.

No. No, you can't. No. And they've got these artistic self, you know, that they can do that. I know. But they shut up. They love making us look awful, don't they? We've talked about this loads of times before our children,

taking pictures of us when they think we look at our worst. Yeah. And then, laughing hysterically behind the phone. So cruel. It's so cruel. There's nothing so cruel, is it? There's nothing so cruel.

My son was sick like two nights ago and I took me at midnight. I mean, down, top of the stairs, down the stairs. Whole stairs covered in sick. I took me an hour to clear up. It got into the bed and he went, oh, mum, you smell of sick. I was like, yeah, fucking do it? You're sick, mate. He said, can you move away, mommy?

Can you move away, smell? else she started doing this now could you just be a bit quieter oh my god what it's my house I'm as loud as I'm like it what I don't want to be told

to pipe down by my daughter oh nothing worse but that's what we've been telling them how many years shush just calm down bedtime energy guys bedtime energy

bedtime energy inside voices inside voices yeah yeah is that ostentatious yeah that's ostentatious because that is such a

massive hit. That's a really, that's like one of the first pictures of us. That was like our second gig, someone took a picture of us. That's where we all look about 12 years old. You look about 12. I mean, Rachel looks so young. She looks about 12. Yeah. And Joe, Joseph Moopo, Andrew Hunter Murray look about 12 years old. I was older than them. So I look. So you didn't know then, I mean, it was just a total like gamble. Complete fucking gamble. How did you even, I don't think we asked Rachel this because Rachel's come on and talks about ostentatious, but I don't, how did you guys? So I've been doing improv. So, yeah, I sort of fell into these things.

I fell into improv and there was hardly any women doing it apart from like me, Pippa Evans, Ruth Brat. Ruth Brat. Because I remember talking to, because years ago when Ruth did Derek together, she was going off to Canada, I think. Oh, yes, 53 hour improvathon. And she was explaining it to me and I was sort of blinking slowly back at her like, she was mad. She was going off. You improvise for 53 hours straight. It's called an improtho.

And she was explaining to me that this was a good thing. And I was like, what? When do you sleep? You don't. You don't sleep. And she was like, this is. This is my, this is, my world. This is church, if you like.

Yeah, this is my church, if you like. It's like a very special thing. And I didn't fully under, because to me, that kind of theatre sport thing is panic attack time. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. But when you've got those skills. Well, it's just when, it's the thing like, because I knew I couldn't do stand up. I was like, I just, it's like putting on the wrong shoes. Yes. So it's like the upside down and stand up.

But when you put on my improv shoes, I was like, oh, I see. I can fly. I can run. This is great. I get this world. So cool. I'm not intimidated. I have no problem. I know I can do this.

But your cultural reference, I mean, the wonderful thing, obviously for those that don't know, Austin Tate is all in the style of Jane Austen. Yeah, improvised Jane Austen. So we do a play in the style. We get a title for the audience like Empire Line Strikes Back or everything Emma wears always at once or dirty come Darcy, something like that. These are coming from the top of people's heads because these are pretty good. They're pretty good, aren't they? They're really good. We don't always get great Jane Austen puns.

And then we make up a story and we're wearing full regency gear. We have a violinist improvising with us. and it's two halves of a comedy play. So you're just watching a comedy play, basically. But yeah, I was improvising. And Rachel, Paris, and Amy Cook Hodgson were also on the scene at that point. It's about 10 years after I started. And they said, you know, you bump into people at gigs and stuff.

They're like, oh, we might try and do improv in the style of Jane Austen. Do you want to come to, like, a rehearsal? It was one of those things, you know, it's like, I've been asked to do lots of improv things at my time. And sometimes you get there and it's like, shit, Churchill, people who don't know what they're doing. And you sort of had that feeling of like, oh, fuck, I thought this was, you travelled to like Putney or something. I'm like, oh, okay, we're going to spend two hours chatting. And so I went a bit reluctantly to this Austin Taylor. I was like, oh, okay, fine.

I've been asked to do this thing because I've been doing it for 10 years, fine. And we get in the room and they all knew each other from Oxford. Most of them had been at the Oxford imps. And they start improvising. And I remember being at the side, like, oh, shit. They're good. Oh, they're good. And you know, and you come in a bit arrogant.

Like, yeah, you prove yourself to me. And you're like, oh, no, I've got to prove myself. Oh, raise your game. I had to flip because I was like, shit. And they were just all amazing. And you knew straight away it was going to be. Straight away, I was like, well, straight away, I thought this is fun. Yes.

We didn't think it would be like. But you made each other laugh. Yeah. We never thought, oh, 14 years later was still doing this. But what was clear was like, oh, we find each other really funny. So then we booked a gig, lesser square pub. 12 people came. The next week, 14 people came.

Then we were like, oh, we need to move to a different rooms. It's a room that held 30 people, aren't they? Don't fit in a 30? moving round and round, then eventually we ended up like in the West End. But it was just... It was just so wonderful. It was nuts.

We didn't realize when we started, like we liked Jane Austen, but we didn't realize how much everybody fucking loves Jane Austen. People love her, hence we're still doing it 14 years days. Absolutely. And you know, she only wrote six books. So if someone can say to you, oh, it's a bit like reading Jane Austen,

but it's a new story with new characters. Well, we do Shakespeare Company kind of stuff, like, come to London and see a show that is quintessentially a British experience, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, it's perfect. Yeah. Have you ever done one that is so good, and I assume you record some of them, that you've just thought, we could write this down and we've written a play.

There's definitely... And pitch it for a TV film or whatever. I mean, like the ghost lot. Like you're a true, you know, and you could exist as a film or a TV show. The thing about good improv is that the jokes come because of the surprises. Right. So this is where improv and telly always suffers because it's like they try and shove it into things. And then they're like, but why is it not?

working. It's like because it's funny because you saw me discover it. It's not necessarily a funny joke if we write it down. What was funny is like the three scenes before that we had said something more and then we mentioned it again. But as a sideline you could pitch one. Well, that's why I did the book set in Austin Times. Oh, lovely Luke. Oh, you're welcome. The Christmas is your first round. Tell us about your book. So it's a kids book, middle grade book, which is just a, you know, they say 9 to 11, but anyone can read it. And it's set in

Jane Austen Times, Regency Times, and it's about a little girl called Lydia Marmalade and her best friend Colin, who's a sausage dog, who likes jumping into lakes. There's some references. And she gets sent to live at Pepomboli Manor. Her mum dies, and she gets sent to live at Peponbili

Manor with this mysterious lady partridge who's horrible and says that she has to behave like a proper lady, otherwise she's going to be kicked out. And she makes a wish one winter night and a fire sprite happens to hear that wish and has to try and grant it

for her but the wish is essentially impossible so it's about her fitting into this new life and how do you make a wish that cannot come true, come true Oh my God, it sounds great It's very wintery and cozy I'm so am I I want that to go in my little 90

stocking pocket I was wondering what you were doing with it there I was just like rubbing it up and down your boobs No it was a childlike stocking Stocking. Stoking pocket. That's right.

Stoking pocket. Oh, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. Thank you. For telling all these wonderful stories. Yeah, Carriot, it was lovely to see. I haven't seen you for ages and this book looks fantastic. Oh, thanks, Carrie.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's been so lovely. Oh, it's been great. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast.

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