Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S04 E01: Zoe Lyons (Live)

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

"The Egyptian navy had taken our dive boat we were using... so we came up and the boat was gone..." As a special treat we are starting our NEW SERIES by releasing our LIVE show with our brilliant guest Zoe Lyons. - Live at the London Podcast Festival last year. Zoe is on (possibly her last ever) tour this year so don't miss out - buy tickets now! - Link in her bio! Kerry and Jen talking about turning 50, Jen's secret GIF game, her failing whatsapp groups and so much more! We are also asking for you all to DM us a photo from your life and we might choose it for our special 'Listener Episode'. - Send us a photo and description and we'll do the rest! Plus... Kerry's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/kerry-godliman-tickets/artist/1866728 PHOTO 1: Me and my dog Rory Lyons PHOTO 2: Working at Dumser's Dairyland in Mayland PHOTO 3: Diving with sharks PHOTO 4: Appearing on SAS Who Dares Wins PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Is it the matcha, or am I this energized from scoring three Sephora holiday gift sets?

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Here's something I wanted to talk to you about. So I, Chloe likes watching The Masked Singer and so do the children. Oh, do you think I'm the bush? That's what the question is, isn't it? Well, I don't, no, I don't think you're the bush, but are you the bush? You're the bush! No, I'm not.

Oh, no. Fuck you. Oh, I could have dragged that out a bit longer. I should have dragged that out a bit longer. You're really good at acting. Can I just say that? I didn't act. I just didn't speak.

Can you put loads of pictures? No, I'm sorry, even Joel. Joel can say, your face was like that. Like, could be. Hello, and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Brister. And I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane

with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image, and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on.

We can all be nosy together. I know a lot of people that are nearly 50 and they're doing this thing, which I'm glad you're not doing, which is, this is my 49th year. I've got to do these. And I'm like, mate, I'm on the other side. I don't remember us having a carnival when I was 49. A carnival?

Oh, do you mean like a bucket, like they're doing a bucket list sort of thing? I don't know what they're doing, but they're getting in early doors before the Big 50. They're having like, you know, I'm doing this now for the end of my foot. Like the death rattle of your 40s. My fucking hell. Pipe down. It's enough of an effort to have a 50th.

Oh God. I don't want a rolling festival right through the end of your 40s. No, I don't even want this fucking party. Oh, yes, you do. I don't. And by the way, I very, this is another reason I don't mind them because I have a complete, I have a complete sort of paranoia

that no one's going to show up and I set up a WhatsApp group over the weekend to go just to let you know this is what's happening this is the time and blah blah blah and there's about I don't know 50 60 people

I don't think they're all coming by the way but I couldn't remember who said yes and who didn't because I didn't originally set up a WhatsApp group I sort of messaged people individually thinking no one likes WhatsApp group and then Kobe went well now you don't know who's coming and who isn't that's a really good point so I set up this WhatsApp group

I thought, I'll just give people the information. Not a single person messaged back. Like nothing. It was like the quietest, it's been the quietest 50th party group. I've been in other people's 50th parties. Groups go, wooey, can't wait. Saturday. Saturday's going to be an absolute killer.

See you at your 40s, come on, Brista. Or something, nothing. Absolutely zero. I think this is maybe a calmic backlash because you're so silent on WhatsApp groups. I feel like it is. I feel like people with like you literally have never piped up in my WhatsApp group. I don't like I, what a WhatsApp groups unless they're to impart information.

So the silence I would interpret is they're coming. I thought I would get, I thought I was going to get something. I didn't know what I was expecting. I've been in so many WhatsApp groups from you and you are like a stalking mute that doesn't literally engage and might occasionally send a thumbs up emoji. That's your only contribution to a WhatsApp group. And now you're standing here piping up that you're like, oh my God, guys. why is there no joy here? Why is there no comeback?

I do. This is a fable. It's a fable. It's a metaphor fable. Of what you give out, you get back. I feel like on your 50th I did pipe up. There's a rare, rare one. I had to set out, you were in two,

because I had to set up one for normal people and one for comedians. I didn't do anything in the normal person one. I only piped up in the comedian one. Yeah, because you felt obligated to because comedians have to have. to be sarcastic. And I,

yeah. So I made a comedian one and surprise, surprise, all the sarky comments came rolling in, which I think you did join in with. And I said, this is why you're not allowed to be in the main groups. This is why you have to be roped off into your own little area of fucking sarcasm.

But I think that's why I don't pipe up in WhatsApp groups because I totally get it wrong all the time. Like, I think I'm being funny. Yes, you do. It's too harsh. You're the dead, you're the one that thinks you're doing playful dead arms and then someone's in A&E. Yeah, there's tears.

And, um, oh, like the WhatsApp group goes quiet for three days and someone goes, anyway, um, yeah, so I've decided that, that, um. Your party's off. I've got literally no idea. You and Chloe are going to dandos. I feel like that. I said to Chloe, it was actually, Chloe said, me, wow, literally nobody replied to your message apart from me. That's not true.

That's not true. There were loads of like thumbs-ups. Nobody replied. Nobody replied. There was a series of thumbs up. Someone did a dancing emoji, which I really appreciated whoever did that because I thought, oh yeah, that's quite a commitment. Like, I'm going to be there and I will dance.

All right. But anyway, after this, I'll go on it and do all the emojis. I'll do some gifts. I love a bit of gift work. Oh, do? Yeah. Drop a gif in there. Yeah, I'll drop a gift.

That will break the ice. In fact, what I'm going to do is say, hey, guys, I think we'll like her, and then I'll do a big, what kind of gift? What can we put in the gift search? Group dance, group dance. Yeah, some sort of minions dancing or something like that. Yes, yes. Oh, I feel like I offer some very good gift work to some WhatsApp groups.

Are you going to a separate library or are you just using the WhatsApp library? WhatsApp library. What are you talking about a separate library? Hello? I've gone on a whole separate app and I've got a different library. What? Yeah, I've got a really obscure library

so I'm bringing gifts that no one's seen before. They're like, where did you get this gift from? I can't tell you. What? Where are you getting them? I can't tell you, it's a secret. I go to a different gift library and I'm bringing the gifts, man.

And people are like, that is so funny. Where did you get the gift from? Talk to me about this gif. I'm sure there's a separate, where did Jen get her gifts WhatsApp group but I'm not obviously in. Gifts. I've got an issue of gifts.

What's my GIF action later on in the year? What annoys me about this is I, as I said, have been so many WhatsApp groups with you and you are holding the gold. And now you're telling me you've got like top GIF offerings and you're not bringing them to any of the WhatsApp groups I'm in with you. I barely get a fucking emoji out of you and you've got GIF gold. I'm in my, okay. What I do is like, you can't.

be dropping gifts every which way, Kay. You're not dropping them at all in my world. Well, okay, I will. But what I do is I drop and go, drop and go. And I might be gone for months before I drop another one. But that's what, that's the power of the gift. That's the power of a good gift. That's the power of a good gift. Yeah. You can't just be dropping them every which way. I can't be having that flipping dog blowing a flipping balloon every five minutes for a birthday. I'm going to be bringing you some really, in fact, I bet I could find a gift with you in it. Oh, I've seen one of me running on a beach as Wittstable Pearl in a hat. And there must be some taskmasters.

I bet you there's, oh, there's loads. In fact, I've seen, there's, there's actually loads of you boshing it. Right. There's bosh gifts all over the place. You don't even know how popular you are on the GIF machine. Yeah, but that must be a niche little world if I haven't been exposed to it. Because I'm, I'm hanging out in Gifland quite a lot. And if I haven't seen these gifts.

No, but you're not hanging out. You're hanging out in Gifland with a bunch of old of middle ages. You've got hang out in the Gifelland. with the young people. They're dealing with different gifts. Who are you? You have an absence of self-awareness. It is quite astounding.

Is this because you're still in your 40s and I'm in my 50s now? I'm sorry, but I am not 50 yet. And I'm seeing my 40s with a bang in Gifeland. Sorry, Kerry. I'm sorry if this is alienating you and you have to remind yourself that you are in your 50s and I'm not. But gifts are going to be the metaphor for this. Oh my God, you're so cool and so like, you're just on a different page.

I think so, yeah. I'm on a different gift page anyway. Please, can I just say please? And I am going to be a beg. This is what Elsie says now, don't be a beg. But I am going to be a beg. Oh, is that what it is. That's the new phrase, don't be a beg.

If you say please or you want anything, if you have any need, if you have any vulnerability as a human, she's, don't be a beg. Oh, wow, that's quite harsh. Yeah. From your child. Yeah. Teenage child. It's going to get roasted every day. I was emptying the dishwasher this morning from her having cooked last night

and it being a bomb site. She came down and went, oh, a bit loud. It's like you are so close to me hitting you around the head with the frying. Yeah. I feel like teenagers, they seem to see, like, we've, up until they're like, I don't know, 12, 13, we've got this sort of armour on us. or we don't need the armour because we're like we love each other. This is a mutual loving.

And then they get to like a certain age and they're like, oh, if I get you under the armpit, that's going to really kill you. And they go for it, don't they? They're like, oh, there's a soft bit. Yeah, yeah. Straight in. Oh, yeah. They're cruel.

I mean, it's okay for them to experiment with cruelty in, I suppose, the safety of their own home. That's the, oh, wow, something to look forward to. Great. Yeah. And there's a kind of slight jokiness to it. It's got a bit of tongue-in-cheek, which sometimes I'm available for.

But in the morning, when the kitchen's a shit hole and you're running late and you need me to give you a lift in my pyjamas and crocs and socks, don't give me feedback on the volume of me putting your way plates. I said, let me just give you some advice. Piped down. Pipe down. Piped down. Well, I think mornings are hard anyway, but a teenager in the morning is going to make mornings.

I mean, look at my eyes. They haven't opened. No. What was I going to say? What were we saying? Oh, who are we talking to? Well, Kerry, we are speaking to our very dear friend Zoe Lyons. Oh, this was fun.

We did this live, didn't we? We did it live in the world, with an audience. For the London podcast festival and, yes, in front of a live audience. And Zoe Flippineck was she on fire? By the way, if you don't know who Zoe Lyons is, she's by far one of the best comedians in the country. Yes. And she's on tour and it's an absolute, she has assured us.

She said it's her last one. This is her final ever tour. She has said this before. She has said this before, but I really feel that she's saying it with feeling. Look, I don't think it's her final tour, but just in case it is, you better go and see her because you're missing out. She's absolutely brilliant. This was such a fun episode for us to record, and I think you're going to love it. Here she is.

Zoe Lines. Let's high five. That's high five. Okay. So I'm also playing a very strong. sock going. Oh, you rock a sock. You've gone full sport sock. Full sport sock. You're rocking

two brands there, conflicting brands. I know. It's a lot for one leg, but I feel I'm pulling it off. The issue I have with a longer sock these days is because I am now of a certain age. When this sock comes off, the imprint will be there for four

days. So I'm now sewn in for the winter. This doesn't come off now till May. And if the sock moves, yeah, look like a ham that's had elastic bands wrapped around it. So let's hope

it doesn't get warmer. We are going to start with the first photograph. Here we go. Are you saying? Ah! Yes. Oh!

Look at that. That is exactly her face now. Except she was like three. It's bizarre. It's really odd, didn't it? Look at the size of your I know, thank you.

Yeah. Who is that dog? That's my dog Rory. My dog Rory. So that's me about two or three years old. Before the corduroy years, I'm actually, I'm tops off at this point in my life.

Quite a bold move with what is probably a tin of beans in my hand there. I think it's a tin of beans. Rations. Oh, you can tell it's the 70s. Because my mum hasn't even bothered to take the whole lid off, leaving what is essentially. You could lose a finger. You could cut through wood with that.

And she's just gone, fuck it, give it to her. She'll learn. That's, I don't know how any of us survived the 70s. No, it's miraculous. And that's my dog, Rory. Apparently if I was going to be, if I was born a boy, my mom wanted to call me Rory. But then they worked out afterwards that would have made me Rory Lions.

Which is a pretty good name. Waste. What a great name. I know. I mean, only Rip Torn can beat that, can't he? It's just... I used to go out with a bloke called Nick McGuinness. Did you?

Yeah. And I had an accountant called Michael Hunt. No. Oh, that's unfortunate. Every time he ran my car was on the phone. Those names are fun. So, yeah, this was Ireland of the 70s. That's my dog, Rory.

He was at the time, he's an Irish world found, and he was at the time the second biggest dog in Ireland. What? What? actual fact yeah because my mom used to show him and of course they measure them you know they make because you know the part of the whatever and um he was the second biggest dog in Ireland I used to ride him like a pony I mean how did Rory feel about that I don't think he was that happy about it I did sort of he sort of nibbled at my ankles but you know we didn't

have in we didn't have game boys or anything that was your entertainment wow Irish wolfhounds I mean they are enormous but they they always look very unwell you know Yes. Don't they? They were like arthritic and like, oh, I'm sad. Well, they are if a kid's riding them. Yeah. Fair.

Also, if you saw the size of the shits he did, you'd feel unwell too. I mean, my dad. Oh, that scale, that's proportion. He was small. I just remember my dad just following around everywhere with a shuffle. It was just, yeah. And whereabouts in, because I always forget, because I know you spent a lot of time in, you know,

as an adolescent in Glasgow, in Scotland, but I completely, always forget that you grew up. In Ireland. Yeah, in Ireland. Whereabouts? Dunmore East and County Waterford. So very beautiful, very rural, very idyllic, really boring. I mean, there was nothing to do.

Well, there was for you. Well, I'd just write, except for ride your dog around. Yeah, it was right by the sea. Again, very, very beautiful. And then we moved from there to Clomel in Tipperary, where I went to school. And I was taught by nuns, and this is what you get. Double corduroy. And so was your brother born out there?

Because so you've got a younger brother. Yes, he was born when I was four. Yeah. So that was a real boy. Boy was born. Yeah. Got all the attention. Old gold. But a distraction from the boredom though.

A bit of distraction from the boredom. And then I got a friend called Robert and he lived next door. And we played, we played, let's, we play, our favorite game at that point was waiting for the cowpats to try out. Holy crowd. And then. And then we would throw them at each other like a frisbee. It was idealic times. You miss it?

Well, I mean, I've been back since and you know what? It is really, I remember it in my head. And this is a lovely thing, actually, because I do remember it in my head as being really beautiful and really, the countryside being stunning. And I thought, am I seeing that through rose-tinted glasses? And I went back about eight years ago,

my dad, to all the old holes. And it is such a beautiful part of the world. and I thought actually how lucky was I to grow up in that environment? It was just stunning, really stunning. Do you think it has sort of shaped your personally that kind of childhood? Yeah, definitely. You can't. I think just being around a lot of Irish folk music as a child really gets into your DNA.

It does. I mean, I've lived in England much, much longer, but I never feel quite as patriotic. As soon as I hear an Illinois, you know, a fiddle or a bower on, I'm like, ah, ha, ha, daddy, what? It's ridiculous. It's in there. It's innately in there. Yeah. Yeah. Like a childhood like that, you did have to use your imagination and now having a sort of creative side to your personality. That must have contributed to that a bit. I guess so, yeah. I guess, yeah. Did you used to perform when you were little? No, very reluctantly. I, not in class. I think people always have this misconception that people who are comedians were the class clown. And I don't think many of us were. Most of us are sort of slightly introverted. But when I, I think, you know, I think. got slightly older and we moved to England. How old were you when you came to England? Nine. Right.

So, and then I went to primary school in Epsom. Oh my God. So you went from, I completely don't understand what's happening. So you went from Ireland to Epsom and then to Scotland. To Glasgow, yeah. Right. Yeah. And what, why were you moving so much? Well, Ireland, because I was born in Wales, but my dad.

Fucking hell. My dad's Irish. My mom's English. but my dad was working in Wales but then got a job back over in Ireland so we went over there. Right. Then he got another job back in England

in London so we came to Epsom. Then my mum and dad separated and my stepfather worked for the Bank of Scotland. So we ended up in Glasgow. Right. Yes, but my dad then got transferred to Aberdeen so we were all up in Scotland, yeah. Okay.

So when you first went to Epsom, that was a difficult transition from this isolated Irish upbringing. Yeah. Yeah, because I had a very strong Irish accent as well. And then you go to a school where they all talk like that. Yeah. And you get bullied.

So then you develop an English accent and then you go up to Scotland. Oh, my God. And I'm sorry. That's so hard. That is hard. You say, yeah, you rock up in Glasgow going, hello there. How is everybody? Fuck you!

All right, I'm going to have to have to camellia in my way out of this one as well, aren't I? What, Japs? Oh, that hurts, put me down. I've really, unashamedly, tried to sort of... With them over with them, yeah, ingratiate yourself. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that what comedy is, though? It's like you find yourself people-pleasing

everywhere you go in order to fit in so you don't get the shit kicked out of you. And then this is what you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I hate... I mean, I'm... It's taking me to 52 years old to realize I'm not really cut out for comedy.

Because I don't like late nights, and I don't like a combative audience. I shouldn't really, like, I think a sort of early afternoon book festival is where I should be. And not even on stage, just a Russia. Have you pre-bicked? Have you got tickets? Do enjoy this show. It's lovely. We know you love the thought of a vacation to Europe.

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It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Should we move on to your next photo? Yeah, let's move on to the next picture, which is... How old are you in this photo?

I am. Again, my face has traveled with me. I'm 18. I know I look 45, but I am 18. No, you do look really young. I do. Look, you look baby face. Where are you? Where's this ice cream parlor?

I'm in dumpsters dairyland in Ocean City, Maryland, the United States. Oh, wow. I got a three-month working visa when I was at university, and you could go over to the States and get a job, and I ended up working in this ice cream parlor for two months. it dumpsters dairyland how did you end up in how did you end up

you know this is a storyline in stranger things when the two kids work in an ice cream parlor in season three yeah and again this was the 80s so we didn't I mean ice cream in this because I was living in I was at York University at that time

we had vanilla and Raspberry Ripple and that was it really 80 wasn't there Ben and Jerry's or any of that stuff and maybe back Laskin Robbins was just coming across, Dumsters Dairyland had hundreds of flavors. You do not like you've eaten a lot of it with the holes. Too much sugar.

You know what? Because we had so little money, I ate so much ice cream. I got really round. Why were you putting the cones in your ears? I got really, really round. You might be able to see in the background. You see that mirror in the background.

Yeah. Right. Okay. It took me weeks. weeks, because what would happen? I'd be hungry, and you'd start, you'd eat the ice cream, and I'd eat loads of ice cream. Like, I'd eat tons of ice cream every day,

because it was really good. They had peanut butter ice cream. I was like, this is magic! And I'd stand at the back of the shop eating just tubs of ice cream. And about a week before I left that job, I worked, I figured out that that mirror was a two-way mirror. Oh, shit. And the boss had essentially,

sat and watched me eating his profits for seven weeks. He mentioned it when I left. Did he? Yeah, he mentioned. I didn't get paid very much, but I made up my wages in eating ice cream. Yeah. So he'd been sitting there going,

I'd be shoveling ice cream in. And I had an amazing summer. I had an incredible summer. I stayed in like a sort of, like a woman sort of rented rooms. I lodged in this room, and I shared a room with, I made friends with this girl called

Daniel Spivek was her name. They always have names like that in America. It's like Mitzie Battenberg. Johnny Wachowski. Mitsy Battenberg is a real person. I've met her. Mitsy Battenberg. If you're listening, Jen says hi.

Daniel Spievec, she was amazing. She was all of soft rock rolled into one person. She had a massive perm, like Bon Jovi perm. Like she was Bon Jovi scorpions and Europe all rolled into one. She was the complete opposite to me. She was like, and she really reminded me of Private Benjamin. Oh, Goldie Horn. She had a real Goldie Horn.

She was so full of life and she was joining the Marines after the summer. Oh, wow. So she lived in Pittsburgh and she went, you'll have to come back to Pittsburgh and meet my folks. And I went, yeah, well, let's do that. So her, another girl called Lou, who was a Native American Indian and myself, went to Danielle's home in Pittsburgh. And we met her enrolling sergeant because they do that.

They come around for dinner when they're joining the army in the States, or at least they did. And you have dinner with them. And this guy, he looked like, Remember Storm and Norman from the first Iraq War? He had the flat top head, like proper 80s flat top marine hairdo. Like a jaw you could just drive a car into it would bounce off. He was a massive mat, you know, he sat there at the table and he was like,

so you're from the United Kingdom? And I went, yes, sir. He went, I bet you never want to go home now that you've tasted freedom. And I went, I thought, well, I've tasted a lot of ice cream. Yeah, genuinely, that's what he thought. God. I was like, wow, you really don't do a lot of geographical history.

Which is alarming. Anyway, then we... What an amazing experience, you're so young. It must have been quite overwhelming for you. You're only 18. Yeah, it was... Yeah, I remember feeling really unsure and really nervous when I got there and crying for a few days.

Because I was scared because I was like, look, God, you know, and it was, because of course, no emails, no mobile phones. You had to sort of, I had to reverse charge call home to. What did your mom think of it? Was she quite? My mom's always been very, my mom's always been really encouraging of me to just go forth and have fun. Or I've always interpreted it as that.

When she was handing you the cans. Now you come to think of it. Right, the dog. Bye Zoe. Yeah. I think that's brave to do that. And they weren't to do with your uni. You didn't go with anyone from your course or anything.

No, not from my uni. Right. And then everybody went off at the end of the summer. Like I except at that up from Labor Day. Everybody went for a month traveling. And loads of people went off in groups. And I decided I was going to go off on my own. And I still remember that feeling of,

Oh God, I wish I hadn't decided to do this. Why did you decide to do that? Because I wanted to do, I think I wanted to do my own thing, and I didn't want to go to like a beach area for two weeks. I wanted to see as much of America as I possibly could. So I booked on a trip called The Green Turtle, which was a 1950s converted school bus. It was so hippy.

I had to go up to Boston. I stayed in the YMCA for two nights in Boston. Oh, the glamour. And then I picked up this bus. which had been converted, and there was about 20 of us on it, and we drove from Boston all the way down and across the bottom of the state,

and then ended up in San Francisco. Wow. That's a real trip. That whole bit at the bottom made sound not very long. Yeah, but that's an entire continent, load of it. Yeah, it was great. That's extraordinary. Yeah.

And I had my first, I fell in love with the woman who was driving the bus. She was incredible. Was she wearing cordon? Yeah, yeah. She was amazing. I rocked up. You know those images you have in your head that just never leave you? I rocked up and I was in Boston on my own and I was pretty nervous. And there was this woman on top of this bus just packing away everybody's backpacks and she turned around. It was the 80s again. Everything was brilliant. And wearing massive aviator sunglasses and went, oh my God, I think I've fallen in love. And we just had the best time together. We had an amazing trip. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was really beautiful. Did you hook up then? We didn't.

She was a bit older than me, and I was incredibly nervous, and she really wasn't, I think it, to code word it, I don't think she was heavily into corduroy. Oh, sometimes a woman with a carabina, it's confusing, isn't it?

Yeah. But we did. Surely you must be one of us. We had, it was my first sort of, there was a definite, like when we got to San Francisco, and I remember driving over San Francisco, Golden Gate Bridge.

Yeah. And, we were playing talking heads were on a road to nowhere and I remember crying because I thought I'm going to have to say

goodbye to this woman and I really love her and she just went would you like to go out for a sushi with me this evening and I went yes unless that's code for something I

yeah so she picked me up at my hostel in this massive truck I mean wow And then we drove up to Twin Peaks and watched the mist roll in and had sushi and I went home. And I remember calling her from a San Francisco airport going, I'll be back. I'll come back for you.

And of course I never did because I had two pounds in the bank. And that was that. And you've never looked her up. She's out. Come on. No, I don't. I can't find. I have, I did try and find her.

I did, but I could never find her. Yeah. Oh my God, we need to find her. Yeah. Why? Because I need this. story, this story. This story is really investing.

Cindy, if you're listening. I'm really invested. But you've got to be careful, Kerry. She mightn't have aged well. It would have just been really awkward. She turns up in a complete three-piece corduroy suit with a corduroy hat on. I'd be like, I had an inkling. Yeah.

Right, let's go on to your next photo. What we got here. Oh, that is Baja Mexico. That's me and my now wife. who we love traveling that's the thing we do now we go traveling a lot and that was Baja Mexico we just got off a boat where we'd been diving with sharks which was incredible we went out to a place called Socorro which is about 300 miles off the coast of Baha you got to go out there on a boat and the water is incredible

and it's just full of sharks and it was the moment amazing. A couple of moments. Well, no, wait a second, because I know the story. So don't say there's a couple of, okay. So firstly, check out Zoe Lyons' Instagram, okay? And you might have to go back a bit, but there are videos.

Sharks. Okay, sharks, okay? I'm not like tiny little big motherfucking sharks. Now, I would like you to talk about a particular shark incident that happened whilst you were diving. Was it in Mexico that this happened or was it in... Oh, that might have been in Egypt, where we were left in the water with a...

A tiger shark? Oh, no, the tiger shark was Mexico. Okay. Yes, we were all... Oh, sounds fun, doesn't it, kids? It is like the scene in jaws now, isn't it? So it was quite funny because we were like, we were down our little group. We were down and we were hanging on a, like, a cleaning station where they got a cleaning station

where the sharks coming to be cleaned by the little cleaning wrass. And there were lots of beauties. like Galapagos sharks and black tip sharks swimming around us and we were all watching them and they were absolutely they're stunning and they're beautiful animals and then my friend I heard her scream essentially right 20 meters under water which is quite a feat it was more sort of get our attention but as all seven us was had been lining up looking over this wall looking at these beautiful black tip sharks a tiger shark which are they're a little bit They have form, let's put it that way, had been just slowly sailing behind our bums, just looking at what, not that one, not that one, maybe that one, that one's got a good meal on it, just, I mean, completely oblivious to it,

and she'd turned around this massive fucking tiger shark was right behind us. I feel tense listening to this. Of course, when we turned around, it just scarped it, went, but it was, the thing with sharks that I've learned is, It all sounds ridiculous, why you have to... Keep eye contact. No.

Yeah, you do. You keep eye contact. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. You keep eye contact and... What's the reasoning behind keeping eye contact? Intimidation. They know that you, they can't sneak up on you. And never flap away from it, never ever flap away from it.

Stay still, keep eye contact. Blow bubbles. What about don't get in the fucking sea? How's that for it? tip. Best way to avoid getting attacked by a shark. But the only time I felt really, really scared, and I properly

was scared. It was in Egypt and we'd been diving and the Egyptian Navy had taken the bloody dinghy that our dive boat was using for their own purposes. They'd taken it to move stuff so they'd left us divers in the water. We came up, the boat was gone

and what is that movie where that happened? Yeah, yeah. I mean we could see the but they weren't picking us up. And there was oceanic white tips. So they are, they're not a particularly aggressive shot, but they're the ones that most eat you. Well, they will eat you.

Shipwrecks and plane crashes. You know when ships go down and stuff, it's usually the oceanic white tips that will come and get you. They're sort of scavengers of the sea. And they'd left us floating on the top. And there was an oceanic white tip just circling. us underneath and this is a holiday yeah yeah actually those were our words as we left and went this was supposed to be relaxing because it wasn't the only incident that happened on that holiday

we lost a couple of people at one point as well but um there was this oceanic white and i remember there was a massive german who up until that point i hadn't spoken to on the trip but i i sort of latched on to him because i thought i i hope the shark has a taste for waltzed and um his name was Juergen, I found out, as I clung to him like a scared koala bear. And I just said, Yergan, is there a, is there a shark circling us underneath? And he went, yeah.

And I was like, D-Legh! Eventually they came and got us out. How long was that? It was about 20 minutes of being circled by a shark. And our dive guide was fucking furious with the Navy. And he was like, that was just in time. And I was like,

but there were several incidents on that holiday I guess it was reflected in the price we paid but you didn't know but in my my travel started when I my first sort of a little adventure I had when I was I was 16 and I ran away to Marrakech what I mean this story this story's mental I remember you saying this because when my daughter something happened with my daughter

and you went oh well Kel when I was 16 I ran away to Marrakesh I was like, what is it supposed to be comforting as a Baron? And you could in those days, I think that's, we're so, we're so tethered now, aren't we? Well, there's some health and safety stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we are so tethered, if you like, call it tethered. I will be on it. My parents were livid.

Because what happened was I sort of failed my hires in Scotland, these sort of equivalent to A levels. And I didn't, I didn't enjoy school and I didn't want to go back to school. And I'd spent the summer working on an archaeological dig in the south of France. I wasn't very good. Honestly. I wasn't very missed to Ben. Who's she going to be this one?

Indiana Jones. I wasn't very good at it. Again, again, I think this way. I didn't leave the borough of Ealing until I was 15. It turns out a bit like puffing. counting, I'm guessing, you've got to be diligent with archaeological digging. I just got bored. And one day

because we were there with like, fucking toothbrushes, like, just going through these Roman ruins and the little trowl. And I was like, this isn't shifting anything. And I picked up a pickax. I gave it a good, I thought, I'll shift some of them. I'll just shift a bit, just because this is boring. And I gave it a good swing and just I locked the top of an urn.

that I to that point hadn't unearthed I was like I found an urn unfortunately the lid seems have come off

which is sad so then you had to run away to Marrakech well what happened was I got my not because of that if it was just a script meeting you'd go no we need a beat

between those two things I got my exam results and I just I couldn't face coming back to school. I just hated it so much. So I cancelled my flight home, and I got on a train with an American...

There's a theme here, an older American woman. Went to Marrakech. She was going to Marrakesh. They went, fuck it, I'll come with you, so I did. What did your mum say? She was livid. Livid. They were both livid. My mum and dad were livid.

Absolutely livid. How long were you gone for? Only about a week, but it was enough to sort of cause a lot of financial... Because what happened was we got to marry. Well, we travelled down through Spain on the train. And it was quite, I mean, yeah. Were you scared?

Yeah, I was actually, because we traveled on night trains through Spain. And it was not a pleasant, it was not a safe environment for women, I'm going to say. Right. We had to bolt ourselves into a cabin thing, like tie it with like belts and stuff because groups of men were kept trying to get into us. It was pretty horrific. Oh, my God. And then we ended up, we got a boat to Morocco. safer in Morocco.

And then we slept one night on Casablanca Station platform. I remember waking, the thing that woke me up. How old was the woman? How old was the other woman? 26. So she...

What is she doing with a 16-year-old? I don't know. Let's find her as well. She had a credit card so I remember we could get there. I woke up on Casablanca platform stage. We slept one night there before I... And the thing that woke me up

was the sound of the... cockroaches they were that big it was like they were wearing clogs like it was like wow this is a different country it was really we got to Marrakech and again because there was no internet or anything you know I just stood in the middle of Marrakech and went oh my it was the first time I think as a kid I went wow what a what an amazing world yeah yeah it was so I was like this is incredible so many places So many places to see, this is amazing. And then, unfortunately, I got catastrophic diarrhea. And I was very, very ill.

I got awful food poisoning. Oh, no. For the whole time you were there? Awful food poisoning. I was really, really ill. And my friend was like, we're going to have to try and fly home. And I got to the airport, and I'd been sickled almost sick. And we didn't have a flight booked,

so we had to try and book on a plane. And the only place we could get to was Paris. And the only tickets they had available was first class. So I signed first class on a Royal Air Morocc flight with sort of drying vomit down one side of myself. And then we got to Paris and we had to run across Paris get another flight and got home eventually. Yeah.

But my dad was livid. Yeah, I bet. Oh, I was so angry. he was so angry I think the flights cost £500 £500 which when I was 16 was a lot of money Yeah I mean that you

Oh my God But the kudos when I went back to school People went What did you do this summer? I went Well Did it take the edge off the exam results Yeah

I did a bit Yeah Yeah Because then I knew all of that was waiting for me At the other side When you support Movember You're not just fundraising

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and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva. We'd like to make up our own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition. The substance.

This balance is not working. And the naked gun. That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Paramount. Whoa. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the check.

Everyone in the street. studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Speaking of adventurous. Oh, my. Well, there you go. That's what you have to do if you want to get away from it all. Sign up to Who Ders Wins S-A-S. We have to put it into context, I suppose, about what was happening at the time. So this was filmed two years ago. go.

Is it two? Yeah, two years ago, but it went out last year. I'd had a very bad episode of alopecia, so I'd lost most of my hair. I hadn't been on, so I'd been wearing a wig for two years, and I'd had,

I'd gone through what probably would be best described as sort of midlife crisis stroke breakdown. Yeah. Which I think a lot of people experienced post-COVID during COVID, yeah. And, you know, didn't look like myself, I had sort of three tufts of hair.

And I thought, I need something really extreme to get this out of my sister. I mean, I know a lot of people would have done a sound bath. You didn't want it to put three days in Dorset, you know, I know, I know. A spa weekend. A little bit of me time. But I needed to absolutely fucking beat it out of myself. And it's, and I, I went, well, I was available and very affordable, so that's how I ended up on the show. It's how I get a loss of my television work.

It's usually a Venn diagram of my availability and affordability. And it very much fell there. And I also wanted to go on and go, because I was 51. Right. Yeah. I thought, I don't want to be the, they always have a 50 year old woman that goes on and goes, oh, it's a lot harder than thought. and I thought I want to

fucking laugh I want to surprise these bastards yeah because I was on with you know I was on with a few people from only way is Essex and that so there was a lot of veneer there's a lot of veneer there's a you know I mean yes the conditions were harsh

but fuck me a veneer whistle will really drive you mad in the end not being funny babes fuck Christ if you get a down draft and nose teeth. You wanted a front row seat for some of that. Essex must sound like you're constantly in a storm,

wasn't it? Like there at sea. You're right, babe. And I thought, and I could see people who looked at me and went, oh, she'll be gone in a day. And I, and just something came up, like this, this thing. within me went oh fucking prove you what and at one point Billy you know the SAS guy

Billy the older guy he just went what the fuck are you doing how are you doing this he said I half expect to get home open me curtains and you're outside the fucking window I mean there's stuff that you did it I mean like it I wouldn't have lasted I know I wouldn't have lasted a day and to see you. It was unbelievable to watch. It was actually quite hard to watch. I watched it with my daughter and I was like, it wasn't easy to watch.

It looked really hard. Yeah, it was. It was really, really hard. And traumatic. It was really hard. But let's remember it. It was a TV show and there's a point where you go, we're not actually soldiers. We're not actually at war.

I think some people do forget your left legs. The tear gas bit seemed a bit above and beyond. Do you know what? That was my favourite bit being gas. because I found that really easy because everybody hated it and I was like I'm sorry but I used to go clubbing a lot in the 90s

and the atmosphere was a lot more toxic than this it was poppers and smokes it was like it was just it was extreme and everybody was like oh yeah I remember this trade trade circa 1992 it really broke some of the contestants, it did break people debt.

I mean, like, yeah, I can see you were like, right, I'm going to... But it was... I mean, I know you're not soldiers or whatever, but it did look fucking hard. You were still doing it. It wasn't like imaginary. There were a couple of times where I went, I'm really... I wonder what the insurance is like on the show. Yeah, I'm glad I did it.

I really, really... Are you? Yes, I am. No regrets. Do you know what? Because I've... It's little things like... I've had, like, even jobs, like work environments where I've been nervous beforehand.

Yeah. I've had like a little wobble and I've had to go to myself, fuck off so Eve, you've absailed into a fucking cave 300 foot above the ground. You screamed the whole way down. You can do this.

So it did. It did. It really, really did. And I, and I was set out for what I achieved. I didn't make it all the way to the end. But I definitely, definitely surpassed their expectations. Like, and I know they were like,

why wouldn't she just go? Yeah. It was like Terminator. It was Terminator at the end. And also it was quite, it was all mental as well. I think it was like, of course it was physical, but a lot of it was mentally being able to withstand, you know.

Not only the SAS side of it, but the reality telly side of it. Because that's always been, that is not. Even that like, even big, the jungle one. Even that, like going in a room and going, anyway, you know, having a breakdown. Trying to have a poo when there's a camera on you

is Rick, Because they had like barn style doors on the... Do you know the worst part of that whole thing was the chronic constipation? Honestly, because I was like, I can't go in this environment. No, who can't? I'm just not relaxed. You know.

You can't relax your sphinxo and there's a camera on your face. And it had rained. They'd had like a fucking monsoon had come through. It had rained so much that the water level had risen. So you'd literally be sat on the barrely toilet thing and a fish would go past, Tonya. You're like, oh, well. that's interactive,

it was not. Yeah, so there was no kind of glamorous four-star hotel just out of frame and so it genuinely was yeah, awful. Hard. Really awful. Yeah.

Well, well done for doing it. Well done. Yeah. Grand of applause. Thank you to you Zoe for coming on and get on up. Very first live episode of Memory Lane. What a lovely audience.

Really lovely, thank you for coming. And do you have a very lovely audience? And do you have, you're going to be on, are you on tour at the moment? I'm going on tour in February. I start in February. I've got my own podcast. Did you just say that with Stephen Bailey? So we do that, that's out every week.

We've had an episode with Stephen Bailey. Yeah. Go back and listen to that as well. He's such a lovely, he's a lovely man, lovely man. It's like cross-pollination, isn't it? We've done that, we've done it too. Everyone's pod in, pod in with it. each other. And then yeah, back out on tour

in February, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. I watched the substance last night and I feel like I've just gone to another level now with regard to not giving a shit. What's the substance? What are you talking about? Quite a big high profile film that's out now with Demi Moore in it and it's been nominated for Oscars.

Oh yeah, that's the one. Yeah, it's like some weird horror. Yeah, it's like body horror. Body horror. I don't know. What's called it? Well, it's Demi Moore. as well. And she's sort of, I always feel like with her. She's kind of, feel like I've grown up with her. So I'm always curious about anything she's doing.

Yeah, but it's funny. But Elsie said, who is she? And I was like, uh, good question. She was in ghost. She cried a lot. And she was in St. Elmo's Fire when I was a teenager. She's beating out of things. Yeah, just there are two standards.

G. G.I. Jane. Let's not forget that. Banger. She was in that movie with Gary Oldman. You're going to have to be more specific. I can't remember what it was called. And anyway.

Well, It wasn't a ill by mouth, was it. Oh my God. He wasn't in that. He directed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in that. Get out!

Where did I say I'm in it? Kerry! I'm not in it. I'm not in it. But they were filming it. When I was in the third year of drama school around Deptford, they were filming it. So he came, because he used to go to my drama school. So he came down and said, look, if any of you students want to be essays, you're very

welcome to come down and hang out. And did you? Yeah. Loads of us hung out. But then we realized what being an essay involved, and it was hours and hours and hours of Missy. Oh yeah. So we were like oh this is great fun hanging out with Gary Oldman on a set but we've got to go back to college. Yeah, fair. So I like to think I'm sort of in it but I'm not in it. You're not in it. No. I don't remember you being in it but then actually when I saw it.

Well I would have been in it. When I watched it I don't think I knew you because I watched it in when it came out in the cinema. When was that? 1996. 97? Something like that. 98? Well I was at college. 98. It would have been 98 wouldn't it? I can tell you with facts. I saw it when I was in Melbourne and that was 1998. Okay. Well, that's undisputed. I know that for a fact, F-A-C-T. Good.

There you go, fact. It was a very difficult film to watch, huh? Would you like a badger at? Yes, I would actually. Some sort of sort of trophy. I don't know why you haven't sort of organized some kind of sticker for me. You need a buzzer. I got the date right and you just blinked at me like, okay.

No, I know, but you were very emphatic about things that I don't give that much of a shit But no, sure, go for it. The day's great. 1998. Oh, sorry, 1998. It's gone now. Find that you don't care. There might be people listening that like...

I'm more in the realm of I was in the room. You're like, I know the year I was in Melbourne when it came out. I'm like, okay, we'll go with that. I feel like yours has got more weight to it. I can't remember very many things and dates. Over Christmas, I played this pop quiz a lot because I got given it and it was good fun. And you meant to remember the songs. I love pop quizzes.

I like, I can remember the song and the artist, but the year, good God. Years. I can do the years. Do you think you've quite good with the years, but I can't do. I haven't got any skills, but I can remember years. And I don't know why. I feel like music, I'll go, oh, I was in the third year. I was, this was what was happening.

And that, that's how I remember things. You'd be really good at this quiz. Would be a good team then because I can remember the artist and the. Oh, I can't remember that. No. Well, we'd be a good team. Yeah. Yeah.

I've got niche skills in a quiz format. And people are often like, oh, we'd like to have Jen because there'll be one question. And I will get it and no one else can get it. And everyone's like, how do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know. But generally quiz. Do you do a lot quizzes? No.

Look, we talked about how could I am in a quiz before, haven't we? When we talked about House of Games and, you know. No, I know, but I mean real life. I don't mean telly. I mean like pubs and gatherings. pubs when am I going to pubs and gatherings so when are you doing either of those things well I mean occasionally around someone's house you're going once a week to a cheeky little pub quiz you've got a team you've got a name yeah that's one do yeah yeah I've got another

double life where you're hanging out in pubs yeah I'm not working in the evenings like I usually do as a stand-up community and or staying at home because I'm nearly 50 and I don't want to go out I am actually using that night off to go to a local pub. So Kerry, we are going to be doing a listener episode which I'm very excited about.

This is going to be great. I'm over the moon about this. Can't wait to see what gets sent in. Well, send in. We'll have to ask. Well, that's what we're doing. Okay. We're asking.

So listeners, if you've got a photo you'd like us to talk about, send it in. Send it in. And we will pick the top four. We'll pick four for this particular episode because we're going to do more. And then we're going to chat about them

in a future episode of Memory Lane. But we need you to send your photographs in. So please send them in. DM us directly at Memory Lane. So a direct message to our Instagram account. And we will go through the photographs, pick four and discuss them on a future episode. Oh, I can't wait to see what gets sent in.

My wonder if it'll be bad hair carts, appalling clothes, holidays, romance. I want all of it. Please include a brief description of your photograph as well so we can talk about it. So we have some context, basically. Yeah, man. I'm Max Rushden.

I'm David O'Dardy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure.

Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question.

But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is. That's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.