Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S04 E16: Nick Helm

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

"So there was a guy wearing black and holding a crowbar halfway through the french windows..." We have the one and only uncle of comedy Nick Helm on the podcast this week! - Nick is a true trailblazer of comedy and a wonderful human to boot. We chat about growing up, his best friend Gareth Richards, playing in a band and so much more. Nick is on tour this autumn - https://www.nick-helm.co.uk/#live - With a big shout out to ST ALBANS to come along for his big home town gig at the end of November! - https://everyonetheatres.com/whats-on/nick-helm-no-one-gets-out-alive/ PLUS... @kerryagodliman and @jenbristercomedy chat about getting drunk, hangovers (obviously) and Jen's trip to a local curry house.  JEN & KERRY STAND-UP TOURSKerry's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/kerry-godliman-tickets/artist/1866728Jen's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.jenbrister.co.uk/tour/ PHOTOSPHOTO 1: AFTERBIRTHPHOTO 2: PANTSPHOTO 3: UNCLEPHOTO 4: UNCLE IRLPHOTO 5: THE PROPOSAL PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel PorterHosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light MediaSales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast.

Come on, we can all be nosy together. Okay, Joe, what did you do this weekend? Sunshine. Swimming. Yeah. Hanging out. Hanging out. Yeah.

Had a nice time? I had a nice time. Yeah. I did sunshine and swimming and lots of mediating with my children as they were fighting. Oh, no. Sunshine swimming, mediation. Sounds like a family day at the beach. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, although I did go to the beach. I forgot my book. Oh. Then I'm at the beach. I'm like, the kids are playing. And I'm like, Chloe's like, well, I'm going to do this. What are you doing? I'm like, I haven't got.

Oh. I was left with my own thoughts. Oh, you don't want that. Didn't you have your phone? Oh, God, nobody wants that. Huh? Didn't you have your phone? I did have my phone, but I was trying not to look at it.

Okay. So I looked at it. Yeah, I mean, because there was nothing else to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's absolutely nothing else to do. And went through down a wormhole. But, you know, it was, listen, let's focus on the fact that I went for a swim. Yeah, lovely. And I had sunshine.

There's a lot of pressure in this conversation. What were you doing? Ask that again. Just ask it in a different way. So experiment with you asking in a less aggressive way. Kerry, I'd love to know what you're up to at the weekend. Could you let me know? That feel less than...

Okay, sound sincere. That was me sounding sincere. All right, hang on. Kerry, what did you get up to at the weekend? Okay, this weekend. Friday night I had a gig. I did a tour show. Oh, how was that?

That was fun. Where was it? In Watford. Last week I had a lot of tour shows back to back. Oh, yeah. Because I'm not used to doing it loads. Yeah, because you're on tour. Yes, I'm on tour.

Yeah. But I did three back to back. And that's not a lot. That's not a lot. Yeah, I know, but for me it is. It's relative, isn't it? Yeah, well. So I did Wednesday, Thursday, Friday night.

You see, I would have done Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, had a Monday off Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not doing it. Yeah, you're not doing it. So I did Wednesday, Thursday Friday. So Friday night I had a gig. That was lovely. Saturday morning I did Ramesh Ranganathanathan's Radio 2 show.

Oh, fun. Yeah, that was fun. I had a really lovely time. Right. And then I went to, I went to my friends in the afternoon for a book group. I know. We do this about once a year. What the fuck?

And we'd all read the book. I mean, it was a really rare thing. So you do an annual book group? Well, we didn't set out for it to be annual. Sometimes... When is the book? When you told us to start... It's very relaxed.

Yeah. It's really relaxed. March, we'll meet up following mail. Just sometimes it worked out. Mostly it doesn't work out. On this instance, it worked out. Okay. So we'd all read the book.

We all met up and drank a lot of wine. You don't drink wine. I know. What's the book? I'm not going to talk about the book. So... We don't talk about the book in book group. I just didn't particularly need that book.

I'm sorry to say. So you don't want to bring it out. No. I think that's good and right. Because other people might be like, that was my favourite book. And also we don't want the author to be. I don't want to say anything negative about someone else's a creative project.

Absolutely not. No way. It just wasn't my thing. Anyway, I did drink a lot. And as you said, that's not like me. No. So I felt like shit the whole next day. Right.

How much did you drink? It's just drinking wine just knocks me out. Yeah. But I did, I was just, I was kidding. It was funny. Yeah, it was sunny. I liked it. Yeah.

I wasn't there, but I enjoyed it for you. Yeah, but I curiously, you enjoyed it. I went for a curry on Saturday and I had wine. Wine with a curry is a lot. Everyone said that. They were like, what? Not red wine. I read wine.

Red wine with curry. That's in the salt. What do you mean? On the palate. I disagree. Okay. There was a lot of what the fuck are you doing. Normally beer is what we don't know for with a curry.

Yeah, but I don't understand that. You just, but the chat. That's just some weird rules. Rules are for fools. Brits have just made up out of nowhere gone. You can only drink beer with curry. Sure. And I've said, you're wrong. Sure.

Otherwise, why would there be wine on the menu? Fair point. Because you live in the UK and there's always wine on the menu. All the boosies on all the menus. Yeah. To be fair, they did have like tequila on the menu. Yeah. That doesn't.

That's not. Go ahead. That doesn't pair that well necessarily with an alugabe. But look, that's where... Was it nice? It was fine. Okay. You know, sometimes you go to a curry.

There are loads of great places to go for a curry in Brighton. This isn't one of them. Okay. But I was with a group of friends and they were like, we want to do old school, old school curry house. Old school proper curry house. It's open until midnight. Yep. You can have.

Massive mountain of popadoms. The popadoms don't stop. The casino of dips. Dips. Yeah. Chuckneys. Chuckneys. And onions.

and all that and all that rights and stuff. Yeah. So we did that. Yeah. Oh, lovely. It was, it was a bit like your book group, actually. You're not going to rave about it. I'm not going to rave about it.

You're not going to give it a 10 because then you can't, when the tens come along. It wasn't a 10. No. No. But you need to hold the tens for the real tens. What do you mean hold the 10s for the real 10? You can't just say everything was a 10. Oh, but I've never said anything was a 10.

No, you've never said anything was ever a 10. I mean, the day. Come on, let's really dig in. What? Tell me about the best night of, like, what are the tens in your life? Nights that stand out. I mean, what are we talking about? What is the 10?

Just fucking loads of fun and good times. Those of fun. Oh, good times. Fun. Like, but you're talking 10, so there was nothing to detract from the evening. No, look at how your brain really wants to. Well, because, I mean, I can go, well, that was that shit and that's shit. So that comes, I'm already at a seven.

Maybe that's how your brain finds fun by looking for things to moan about. That's a 10 for you. The more there is to moan about, the more there is to celebrate. Do you think? Maybe. Maybe. Because you've made like a comedy career out of really funky moaning. I mean, that is all stand-up is.

Yeah, I don't know when people say, all you seem to do is moan. I'm like, what do you think stand-up comedy is? If I went in, if I was walking on stage and I went, well, you're never going to guess what. But I went for dinner tonight. It was absolutely brilliant. Met some friends. We had a lovely time. Yeah, no, no.

Good night. No, it's glorified, moaner. Kerry G. Yeah. That's me. Who are we talking to today? Oh, today was so much fun. We are talking to the wonderful Nick Helm.

Oh, this was so lovely. I knew it would be. He's such a lovable man. I love Nick. And he always brings it. He comes with the stories. He comes with the anecdotes. Yeah.

This was so much fun chatting to Nick. Great picture. of him in his pants, which I was hoping for. Two. I wish there was more. Yeah, could have done all of them in his pants. If I could have had five pictures of Nick Helm in his pants, that would have made me a very happy lesbian. Are these in an order?

Shall we start with the first one? This one looks like the young one. That is the young one. You looks, how old are you in this picture, Nick? 20. Which one? This one? Yeah. Let me find you.

Look at you, you're a baby. What the fuck is that in front of you? That. Can I ever look? Yeah. That. My God, it looks worse. I know, right.

What do you think it is? Guess what do you think it is? Is it? Mike, do it again? Yeah. I'm going to say... It's really disappointing when you find out. Is it tights filled with wallpaper paste covered in red gunk?

No. Oh, okay. Don't know that. That's really interesting that it said wallpaper paste. It's got horror vibes. It's a bit like the afterbirth. It's got the afterbirth. those sort of options. Jesus Christ, if your

afterbirth went like that, that is absolutely that's how I remember it. Sometimes I sneezed and I think it's that a bit of brain. Yeah. What's it from? A show presumably. Yeah, right.

Sweeney Todd? No, so when I was 20, that was the first Edinburgh show that I wrote and I took it up in 2001 and those were all my friends from school. So that's me on the end and I'm 20. And that's my mate, Ed Scotney, who was 20.

And I wrote it with him. And then the guy next room is Rob Stott, who played guitar for me in Keep Hold of the Gold when I did that in 2010. So we were friends for a long time. And then that's Rianne and Armstrong at the end. And we were all friends at school. And we got together. And we rehearsed my whole show in my garden. I did my first, my teacher took us up to school in 1996.

Where did you go to school? I went to school in St. Albans at a school called Sandronom, but not that Sanjonum. Okay, right, right. And you had good friends. I had, like you've taken your friends through your... Yeah, but we were all in kind of like different years except for me and air. Why did you all bond so well? Because I think we all got bullied.

And I think... You found each other? And we all went to, like, anyone that didn't really fit in went to art block. What's heart block? Art block. Where you do art. Where you do art? You know, you have a block.

You have a block. You have a block. We didn't have it in blocks, but I. Okay. You were all in one classroom for the whole thing. We were just, we didn't call it a block. Oh,

they were blocks. Oh, they were specific blocks. They'd go for the languages block. So all the kids that had a hard time found each other in the arts. Well, everyone did like arts and stuff.

You know, all the, all the, all the, like. Like in Heart Stopper when that kid goes and hangs out with the art teacher.

Sure, I've not seen that. But that's the vibe. But like, yeah, so if you did drama or art or music or one of them things. Yeah. All the PE people ruled the school.

I'd have been in the art. I'd have been in the art. been in the art last. You've been crafting or something. Totally crafting. Into the sixth form, it's like PE rules to school, right? Yeah. And then so it's difficult to fit in if you're not good at that.

Yes. If you're not interested in that. Yes. Well, this has come up before. If you're not a sporty person, and I find this is a parent as well of kids that aren't sporty, and I'm not sporty, and you've got to go,

so much of the world is like geared up for people that dig sport, like school is. Yeah. And if you don't, you've got to find your people, well, it dominates the world. And that's how you find it. to your tribe, you found the people that were into that stuff. Yeah, yes.

I don't want to actually, they weren't all bullied. Maybe it was just me. No, but you were all like out. You were outside. By them. Weirdly. Fair, fair. They followed you into the block.

But that red thing, that like horrible blob at the bottom, so we rehearsed the entire show. So we went up in 1996. That is real, that's a fucking ages ago. I think it was 97, actually. That's when I first went up. My teacher took us up and we did Romeo and Juliet. So I did three years. And that's how you discovered the festival.

And I saw Jason John Whitehead at the Tron And I saw Al Murray at the Pleasant's courtyard And you were a teenager And I was 16 And you were like, I'm having something like That's where the old Gilder Balloon would have been going there I was there with a plan Yeah yeah yeah and they used to give up there

At 1997 I was up there venue 81 In a play called Have You Seen my pussy And did you? Did you? It was such a bad play And the bloat that wrote it There was no way of knowing from that He thought if I call it that

Everyone will come and see it Because it's catchy Stans out in the No one came It was really bad. But that was a good year, I think, 97. I remember Diana died on the last day. Oh, really?

Yeah. Well, I was back at home then. Did you about Diana? She died. No, well, I was back on the, I was back by then. Oh, well, that last day of the festival was when she... Because I found out about Diana, I had two mates over and we watched the Evil Dead trilogy, right? We watched Army of Darkness, which is Evil Dead 3. Then we watched Evil Dead 2.

Right. Because we watched reverse order. You just thought you'd mix it up. And then we watched Evil Dead. And then we watched them all. Climax was the best one. And about like seven o'clock in the morning, we switched the TV off

when Princess Diana had died and we were like, did we do that? With that film viewing. And you just got back from Edinburgh? Yeah, must have, yeah. Wow, that's impressive. And what's that blob of blood thing? So that was genuine.

I had like a big plastic, like caveman bone, right? Right. And I saw it in half. And basically we did a sketch. We did a, it was like a rhyming. It was like, you know, it was about a butcher baker and a candlestick maker and it was called the three phils

because they're all called phil so it's like my name is phil butcher my name is phil baker and my name is philip j candlestick maker right and it was just like this thing and so we needed a big plate of meat in the middle of the thing so i saw this plastic bone in half and then i got genuine like real chicken bones and like real like carcasses and stuff and i put it all in this pile maybe we glued it onto some sort of like polystyrene block and then we just melted loads and loads of

candles over it. And it looks disgusting. It was worse in real life because it looked like, have you seen the thing? Have you seen the thing? You know when they find the thing? Yeah, the thing is just kind of. And it's just sort of like steaming and just like

this horrible, you know, it was like. Yeah, it was like that. Did it think of it? No, the wax did quite a good job of keeping all of those stenches within the structure of the piece of set. Because there are certain smells, like early theater fringy.

Oh, you put that in front of stuff. stage lights. Oh, I was going to say. And then B-O in the mix, and some dry eyes and some broken hearts and tears. I think we only did a week. Okay. And when we went up, we got reviewed by the Scotsman on the first. So we did one, we did one preview.

A good review? We did one preview. Yes. Which went all right. I think it went badly. And then we did our first ever show in Edinburgh and Scotsman came. But the review didn't come out until the last day we were there. And we got four stars.

but we sold three tickets a night for a week. And then on the last night, we sold out. And we got a huge audience and they loved it. And that gave us the sort of encouragement to go back the next year. And then I've done every year of Edinburgh since 1997, except for about four years. I mean, I wouldn't do it now. It's too expensive. But you love, I mean, as soon as you found it as a teenager and now saying that, really.

It changed my life. It changed my life. But, you know, it sounds a bit artsy, farts. but like, you know, like it changed my life. As soon as I, I mean, I do give Jason John White had a lot of credit. Because when I did, because when I had my first venue, I was like, I'd do the Tron, you know, and I did the Tron. And then whenever, when I got to the Pleasance, I was like, I'll do the cabaret bar because that's where I saw Al Murray. Yeah, yeah.

And I didn't realize it. Like I saw Al Murray three times, right? I saw him in, uh, in Edinburgh. And then he came and did St. Albans when he's on tour. So we saw him then. And then I came to see him the next year in Edinburgh. and he picked on me all three times. And I was just sort of, that's insane, right?

And now I do audience, participate. I don't see it as picking on. I ask people to participate. Yeah. But now, you know, I look back on it. And she's like, of course, there was this huge, like that year was just these huge influences and it just changed my life forever.

And I even didn't know that I wanted to write plays up until... Yeah, I was just about to say to you. So early on it was plays sketches. Because when I think of you, I don't think you are a stand-up, but not a stand-up. Like, you are an all. All round. I'm an all rounder.

Performer. I do everything a little bit well. Yeah. You're like a Renaissance man. Yeah. I, well, I mean, you know, I got diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar last year. Right. And that has made sense of, I work really efficiently and well when it's like absolutely

bat shit crazy. Uh-huh. And I'm just being bombarded with work. Yeah. And then when kind of like, you know, I'm on holiday or like there's a patch in between jobs, I go mad. I don't know what to do with myself. And so, yeah, I like to just be constantly busy.

So, you know, when I was doing it, you know, I did Phoenix in 2019. I did my stand-up show and then we went and did the musical. And, you know, and I liked that kind of energy of like constantly. I can totally get that. If your brain works like that, Edinburgh is just brilliant because it's just inspiring. Like you said, it inspires you. And then with the inspiration, you use that energy to make stuff to. And then you're just in the mix, aren't you?

That's just... Yeah, and I just, but I just loved, like, keeping going. Yeah. And then once you've got going, it's kind of like you don't want to stop because it takes that energy to get going again. But, yeah, yeah. And then my last show that I did, on my last tour, I did like, the first half was an hour of straight stand up.

And then the second half was like a razzle-dazzle. Jesus Christ. It was two and a half hours long. That's so much. I love it. I love it so much. That's so great. Because that's the other thing about Edinburgh.

I think if you go to Edinburgh thinking I'm going to get something out of it. Yeah. Whereas you're a good advert for, no, the thing is Edinburgh. The thing is the job. And I love that. What are my favourite joke? Me, my friend still quote you from years ago. Where do you still do it where you have a bit where you go, this is it.

This is it. This is it. This is happening. I mean, it's the most zen comedy moment ever of someone going, you think there's something else coming. This is it. Yeah. It's like.

Well, this is what you've come out for. This is what you've come out for. But people wait for it to come to come to. I'm going to kick it in the dick and we're doing it now. And it's like, I can't do it without you? And if you're just going to fucking sit there and watch, then you're a dick. Do you know what I mean? It's a waste of your money.

It's the most commanding way of getting a response out of an audience. And I love it. It's very zen. Let me see your next picture. Is it this one? This looks like, where are you here? What shows this? So this year is the 10th anniversary of my child.

show fuckfest and um uh and because i'd just done a show the year before i did a christmas show at the so his ear but we were filming uncle right up until the friday and then the show started on the monday and i didn't have any time to write this show so on the monday we did the first show and it was you know okay okay i'm quite good at like pulling a show out my ass when i need to and then the second day was okay and then the third day there was a show right okay and then we did like a two-week run. I remember like on the Thursday, so Monday was bad, Tuesday was bad, Wednesday was coming together,

Thursday was the first proper good one. And I remember I used, I did this thing, I do it every year actually where I stick 12 mince pies in my mouth and then I start singing and it all like spits out all over the, and then it's all over the floor like immediately on the opening number, the stage is fucked right? And then every actor has to come on wading through

mince pies and stuff like that that have been spat out of my mouth. And then at the end of the gig, I was on my hands and knees just sort of like scraping the food off the ground that had been like matted in. Like, like, you know, I was, you know, the audience had left. It was downstairs in the Soho Theater and I was just scraping this food off the, that had been like rammed into the fruit. And these two guys came up to me and one of them was absolutely hammered and he said, he said, oh, we've come to, we're big fans of yours, Nick, we're big fans of yours. We've come down from up north

and we'd love you on eight out of ten cats. And I'm on my hands and knees, like, with spout, mince pines and these my fingernails just sort of like, I'm cleaning up the stage, right? Because I don't want anyone else to do it because it's like, I made the mess, I'll do it. Yeah. And it goes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

came all the way down from up north of you this. And yeah, we're big fans of yours of the talent, okay, great, great, great. We thought you were absolutely shit tonight. And I was like, oh right and what

yeah and the other one was like leave it leave it and he was just like yeah you were rubbish

and I was thinking well this was the first good one do you know what I mean anyway the guy on that photo is a guy

called Lee yeah and he asked me before we did the thing can you set it up so I can

propose to my girlfriend right on the very first one right and I had a song called

I've got a song called let's get married right So I said, yeah, sure. And it's all about like, you know, it starts off, let's get married, and then let's get drunk, and then let's have kids,

and then let's go dogging and then I love it. And it's all about like how wonderful marriage is, right? And so it was this thing, right? And so what we did was, before I did, maybe after I did the song, before I did the song, I pretended to get annoyed with him in the audience. And I started absolutely, like, you know, tearing him to pieces. And then I caught him up on stage.

I said, have you got anything to say, Have you got anything to say for yourself? And then he turned around to his girlfriend, Ria. And then he proposed to her, and she said yes. And then maybe we did Let's Get Married after that. Oh, wow. And they come back every year. And they were there last year.

Oh, that's so sweet. And they're still together, and it's still married. They're so lovely. And I just think, you know, like the show is brilliant. I love doing fuck first every year. Well, I don't love it every year because it's so stressful. Yeah. But the last year, I had my ADHD, med.

and my bipolar meds and I just found it really great doing it this year. I enjoy being on stage again now. But that was such like a moment where you do a show and then these people and like...

And, you know, I'm not like saying I brought them together but I facilitated them doing a special thing. Yeah, absolutely. But they'll always remember. They'll always remember.

They always come back. And it's their anniversary. And yeah, and so I'm really like, I can't remember if last year was their 10th anniversary because of COVID. or whether it will be this year, because this will be the... You're the epitome of a happening, aren't you?

I think I've given up trying to get on telly. So I'm just all like... I was just about to say, though, but that's what I love. I love your stuff like that. Do you remember we are clang had that vibe? Yeah. It's not for telly. It's not for you.

It's not for you. It's a live thing. It's live. And it only works live. It only works live. And if you try to make it into a TV show, it loses everything that people love about it. When we did heavy entertainment, I had a song called One Man Mega Myth.

And at the end it goes, Nick, how me? is fucking amazing. And they repeat it like a million times, right? And I'm getting the whole audience to sing it. You've got to sing Nick. It's fucking amazing. We did that on my series,

heavy entertainment. But then the BBC said, you've got to cut out like 37 fucks, right? And it was just like, well, once you've heard fuck once, you can just say it 37 times in your head, right? Yeah, totally. So I don't see the point of that.

And they wouldn't have it. They wanted. I think we were allowed to say fuck three times. And that makes it worse, because once you've said, Once you've said fuck 50 times, yeah, you've diluted the fuck. It's diluted and then it becomes funny again, right?

Once you said it three times, you know, I think that's more offensive. Yeah, they're really pungent fuck. The BBC. Yeah. You've shot yourself in the fucking fuck there. I love that. I love trying to hold you on the telly, the rules of telly.

Is that Uncle, the other photo? Next photo, I think's Uncle, yeah. On the monitor, yeah, that's the last ever shot of me and the kid filming together. How do you find it when you're on a set and you've got to be, you know, and it's literally the opposite of what we're talking about. There's lots of rules and, you know. Oh, fine. Because it's an act.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I know what's wrong in order to say it, but I don't, I'm not offensive. If you find swearing and chatting offensive, then I'm offensive. But if you, you know, there's nothing in it. I'm not like. No, but your creative energy is like we've just said, you can go all over and blah, blah, blah. But there is an order to it. Well, when we were doing heavy.

entertainment and I was in charge of all of the scripts. I mean, I literally, I didn't realise this until last year. That's how I worked. And that's why I've kind of done well is because I've always booked Edinburgh in. Right. And I've written to a deadline, an external deadline. So you do like the order. But when I don't have an external deadline, that's when it's like, you know, you don't

get anything done. Right. How did Uncle come about? Uncle came about because, so with heavy intent. I'm in charge of delivering the scripts, and so it's like they'd get it all last minute. Uncle came about because I was doing... In 2011, I did my show Dead to Dream, which ended up getting nominated. That was the number.

Yeah, I was going to say that was a show that was nominated, wasn't it? Well, that was the first of my two shows that was nominated. Yes, Jen. I'm so sorry, Nick, I can't believe I've missed that second nomination. It was the year I won Dave's Best Joke. What was the joke? I needed a password I needed a password seven

what is it I needed a password eight characters long so I picked snow white and the seven drawers and which my dad helped me co-wrote it with me

and so 2011 Henry Normal came to see me and I knew Henry Normal off of all the baby cow DVDs extras and stuff like that and so he was on the front row It's like, fucking hell it's Henry normal because he's a hero.

And then at the end of that month, Chanifall gave me some blaps. And they said, who do you want to work with? And I was like, I've always loved Steve Coogan, so I want to work with Baby Cow. And they were like, we don't normally work with Baby Cow. And I was like, well, will you? And they were like, yes. And so Channel 4 got in contact with baby cow. We did the blaps with baby cow.

When I was writing the blaps, I was writing a blap about a grown man giving inappropriate advice to a child on a park bench. And then Henry came in and said, stop writing all this stuff and just pick your favourite three things that you've done and do that. Okay. So that's what I did.

So the blaps were two songs and a poem. And then this script came in that was about an out-of-work actor who had a nephew. And because I just worked with, it came into Baby Cow and they said, we've got this script, do you want to read it?

And so I read it and I liked it. And then I went in and I met Ollie who wrote it, Oliver Rethson. and he ended up directing it all. And we met and I was just like, there's two versions of this. There's kind of like a really broad sort of like almost Adam Sandler version, Big Daddy where it's like, you know, it's a bit crass.

Although I like Adam Sandler. But that's American and there's British versions. But also there was kind of like this sort of a, because Ali's American and there's also like there's a, where's Anderson, E. Royal Tenen and Balmsy thing. Okay, yeah. And I really loved Royal Tenen and Balms.

I've gone off him now, gone off him now. It's a bit too much, Wes, wind it in. But Royal Tenen Balms was, was like, I loved that film. It might be my favourite film. And so we had that chat and they said, great. And then Henry said, if you make him a musician, Nick can write a song every week.

And then they changed it. They fit it around me and I wrote a song every week. And I also think that an out-of-work music, is sort of a bit more sympathetic than an outward actor. Yeah. And when we did, we went, so we're at Channel 4, when we went to BBC, the first conversation they were had was like, we know it needs to be dark,

but does he have to have a suicide at the beginning? And we had to kind of like, that's the point. That's the point. What's he going to do? What's he going to do? We can't start it. Open a bill. Do you know what you mean?

It'd be like, oh, that's what, you need stakes. You need high stakes right at the beginning. Yeah. The whole show was really like heartwarming, right? Yeah. And families, because it's about a dysfunctional family, and loads of families come up and they always say that they, you know,

you know, they can identify with it. And you're very good at it. And I like doing acting and I like doing TV, but it's one of those things which like I don't want to wait around for permission to do the thing that I like doing. Yeah, that's been a big reason why I ended up in stand-up is because I can't stand the waiting around shit. And doing plays, you know, being in bands and doing plays.

It's like, I've got to convince four other people. people to follow my dreams and it's like, so now you can just get off and do it yourself. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It makes sense. But then you're, you know, you're one of the lucky ones that get to do both. Yeah, but I've made that from my life. Yeah, you've got it.

And I'm not, I'm not worried about not having any money. Do you know what I mean? Well, that's a key thing if you go, it's not all about the end destination. I'm not financially motivated. Yeah, yeah. It's the stuff. It's the making the stuff and connecting with it. Yeah, I've had, I've had no many where I couldn't afford.

I've had holes. my shoes and I couldn't afford shoes and I've had like you know you know telly money yeah and I haven't done telly in a while so I don't have tally money for so but I I loved like doing a tour every year and kind of making money off of that and and it's because you're an artist yeah I am an artist creative man yes what's your next picture is it this one yeah well yeah it can be I mean this is this is This is what I love. This is, if you were going to, like, go peak Nick Helm, this is it.

This photograph encapsulates everything you need to know about Nick Helm on stage. It really does. That's one man, Megameth, Nick Helm. One man, Megameth. So that was when I did. That got nominated in 2013. I mean, there's a lot going on. There's the socks.

There's the Plymsels. I mean, there's everything. But like, there was the set as well. The set is incredible. Bloody hell. A huge white vinyl mat. kind of don't, because it was about evil can evil. It must be quite expensive to make sets like that.

I guess so, you know. I mean... Do you design them? No, I didn't design that. We got someone else to sign that. That shot there, that's where we did it in Edinburgh. That shot there is at the Bloom Tree. So in that shot, we got Jamie Spencer Smith, who does, who's my guitarist.

Right. And then we got, at the back, we got Chris Boyd, who was one of my best friends in comedy when we started out. Mm-hmm. And he does like indie film distribution now up in Scotland. Then there's David Trent there. David Trent, what happened to David? Why isn't he doing stand-up anymore?

He was brilliant. Well, he's a teacher now. What? Why? Pando. Oh, geez. And then that's Gareth Richards. Oh, Gareth.

And I love this photo so much. Oh, Gareth. Because you have certain opportunities in your life to do stuff with people that you love. I love doing stand-up, but I love it. I love collaborating with people and I love being on stage with other people more. Yeah. And I love like sharing it, you know. And to be in a band is the ultimate, isn't it?

Just to make music. Well, that's it. And it's just kind of like that's always what. And David is such a good guitarist and Gareth was such a good musician. And we got Jamie here because he's a brilliant. Like he's a lovely guy. He's one of my friends, right? But he also ties like these four comedians that haven't got the discipline to give.

And then you got Chris who I think, he'd admit was kind of like you know. There for the ride. He's kind of like, yeah, an intermediate drummer, right? And so... He's giving it everything though.

Look at that. It was fucking great. I think that was a rhythm traveler that I bought him. It was a pearl rhythm traveler drum kit which I bought second line. It's got a helm on the... Well, we gaffer taped it.

I like that. And it costs like 200 quid, I think. It does look disproportionately big in comparison to it. We did two gigs with it and then he left it behind at the gig because someone made fun of him for having a pearl rhythm traveler.

And it just Like that cost me 200 quits, you fucking quit. But yeah, so you have these opportunities, you know, which are sort of like, we did the Bloomthree Theatre, and Gareth opened. Doing a set? He was my support act. Because the show was an Edinburgh show, so it was an hour.

Yeah. And normally I'd do like two halves. But like, so Gareth opened. And, you know, he's amazing. You know, I love, he was like my big brother. and I just loved him so much. And so he opened for me and then because he was musician,

we got the band in at the end and we did like a finale where all the band came in. And then Gareth came on board and he joined in and, you know, it was just fucking great. And it was such an amazing show. And it's like you could have just not done it.

But then, you know, as we get older and I've kind of learned to appreciate like my year group in comedy a lot more. And I'm a lot closer to a lot of, you know, a lot of comedians that I knew, and we were friends, but distant friends. And we got a lot closer since Gareth died. Really? And I just fucking loved him so much.

But that is a photo of basically me on stage with like four of my closest friends. Yeah. And using comedy to do that and memories. And Gareth's not with us anymore. So I'm so grateful that we did that. Yeah. Just so grateful. Yeah.

And that's one photo, but there's some really cool photo. It was a full, like me, Gareth and David on stage. That's so great that you did it. My husband's in a band and honestly the joy it gives him. He's a bass player in a band. It covers band, just a bunch of mates. The fun he has in that band. The bass guitar and a port pie hat.

He is having the time of his life. He's having the time of his life. Well, bass players do tend to enjoy being in a band. Yes. Yes, he's a simple. It's a digger bass players. But also it's the worst instrument to play by yourself, right? Yeah, you need mates.

What about that blow from level 42? He was brilliant. He was that Gary. Do you remember? Well, I'm sure. You did the slapping. That is the guitar style of a lonely man. That is someone trying to fill in all the other part.

I just think it's the most fun ever being in a band, it seems to me, never having been in a band. It is. And that picture makes you look. Well, it depends if you get on with everyone. Yeah, but otherwise, drop the band, get rid of them. Yeah, sure, sure. And that looks like a great band. I really love that picture and it's really nice to see Gareth.

Yeah, love him. It's much missed. Right, Nick, this is a lovely picture. Look at you. Yeah, right. Full uncle. That is me being an uncle for the very first time. In real life.

In real life. Who's that bambino? Who's this little bundle? That's Mabel Rose, my niece. And that was in January or February 2020. Oh right Oh just before the panda Yeah

And I went to My sister's house I can't remember where they lived Actually because they've moved But I went to see them And met my baby My baby niece And

Had a lovely day Took loads of photos And then on my way home My camera got next I was I was talking And I was gutted I was talking on the phone

No I wasn't I was walking down The street to my to my flat. Yeah. And I was maybe nine feet away from my flat. And on my way home, I was ordering a deliveroo, you know, to save time later. And I was...

You don't have to explain why you're getting a delivery. And I was ordering this deliveroo. And then this guy on a bike came by and he just took my phone, like, right outside my flat. And I was just like, I mean, the one thing... Once I, my mate's phone was going to get nicked when phones were used in 2003. And he came up with a map while we're out. and he picked up the phone with his middle fingers and why he's holding a map with his fingers and thumb so he's hiding the fact that he was stealing the phone and and i i said to him oh you can leave his phone um and i turned into sort of like this middle-class gentleman crime fighter right and then later like years later this guy with a crowbar broke into my parents house right and i heard some banging downstairs right i was like what's this what were you?

were in the house? I just got home from school and it was dark outside. I think it was Christmas because it was Christmas tree and I heard some banging downstairs. And I was just like, what's that? I thought maybe someone had got home in a bad mood and slammed something down. It's like, what's going on? So I came downstairs and there was a guy wearing black and a balaclava with a crowbar halfway through the French windows.

And I said, oh, get out. And he did. So, you know, and so this guy. So it's an effective command. So this guy Nick my phone and he cycled off down the road and at the top of my lungs

I just said You can't And it echoed down the street And I was just like I'm right at the building But anyway So got all the photos back And then it's the pandemic

And then the next time I saw my niece She had hair And she was sort of like A toddler Oh my God And so like That's this photo of her I love her

You know I love Like I did the whole series uncle and I and I you know I'm not an uncle I'm not a dad and um and it's kind of like you know you got to use your imagination to a certain extent luckily I really got on with the boy and it was about Elliot and it was about a relationship between like an uncle that hadn't been there for the child's life and only knew the kid as a 12 year old right so that was fine because he was 12 and I'd just met him but I didn't really have any experience and then it's sort of like it's this you know your niece arrived changes your life changed the whole family time

dynamic. We get on much better as a family now. Yeah. It gives you a focus. Christmas is a lot easier. Yeah. Christmas is fun because you want to make it fun for her. Yeah, brilliant. I love it. Do you see a lot of her? Not as much as I want, but like, you know, but I do. I see her like every couple of months. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just, you know, I love it.

And I love being an uncle. Yeah. And, and, you know, it changes your whole outlook on the world. You know, you go out and you go, oh, she'd like that. Or I'd like to take it to that. Every time you see a poster for sort of like a studio, Ghibli, you know, production at the barbican or whatever it is. Oh, you've got to take it. Oh, I'd like that. I can't wait for her to grow up a bit and then I'll take her to that.

Oh, that's lovely. I love it. So it's your sister's kid? Yeah. Well, she must be over the moon that you're prepared to be that kind of wonderful. Oh, my God. She's going to totally bring to you. Underappreciated.

Underappreciated. You'll come into your own when she's a little bit older and you can take her out for the day. Well, she's fucking checkmated me. So she had this baby and she never. and she named it after my mum's mom's mom. It's like you can't compete with that, can you? She gets all the points. Checkmate, brother.

It's a great name, Mabel. You might have done 25 Edinburgh's, but I've named her after my mum's mum. You can't trump a baby, Nick. You've won this time, Sarah! Yeah. Yeah, nothing brings a family together like a baby. It is.

And also, you're really, right, it totally dilutes all that tension because whenever you're thinking, oh, we're going to crack into each other, you're like, what I wonder about the little baby? What about the baby? Nick, tell me, you're on tour, aren't you? I'm on tour between September,

I think I'm September the 12th, till late November. Wait a second, you're cramming in how many dates between September and November? 40, so you're just away, you're just on the road the whole time. Yeah, but like three or four days a week.

Okay. I think the worst is like maybe five. And you're going everywhere? I'm trying to go as many places. If we sell out, I mean, Redding sold out, so we've added another wedding date. So if we sell out places, then we'll add more dates, yeah. Oh, fabulous. But I do, yeah.

I mean, it's what I love. Yeah. And what's the show called? It's called No One Gets Out Alive. Oh, well. What are you doing in London? It's a threat and a promise. Yeah, both.

Oh, well, it sounds wonderful. Oh, I'm doing St. Orban's. When am I doing St. Auburns? I'm doing St. Auburn. Your hometown. I've never done a tour in St. Albans before. It's the Auburn Arena. It's pretty much twice as big as any other venue. And I am stressed. Yeah, but it's your home crowd. St. Albans has got to come out for Nick Helm, for heaven's sake. I don't think I've got 850 people in St. Albans.

You have. Yes, because they've got someone and they've got someone, then they'll tell someone and they'll all tell everyone. Watford. I don't think I've ever gick in Watford. There's that lovely theatre in Watford. The Palace. Yes. It was beautiful. It's a beautiful theatre and they were beautiful people.

They've done panto there, right? They've done pantos. They do pantos. Yeah, I've been there. And they've also got a lovely cinema that I used to go to in an industrial estate. Okay. So we're picking up Watford? We're big in up Watford.

There's a Chiquitos next door. What's Chiquitos? Oh, come on. Chain Mexican. I don't know it. They got a Frankenberries, Chiquitos. Got everything. We're hackers.

One of them soft play bowling alleys. Oh, they put everything. Oh, you can spend the afternoon there. You have to waggon. Get yourself to Wofford. I will. I'll get down there. Listen, thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Thank you. What a delight. It's lovely. I'm such a big fan of both of you. Oh, Nick. And it's really, it really means a lot to be on your show.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Dahurdy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What did you do yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

That's it. That is it. it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do? Yes. I think that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday?

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