Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S04 E18: The Best of Kerry & Jen - Volume Two

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

These two are just the best! These stories are just the best. Listen and (re)enjoy the two of them making each other laugh over and over and over. 1. Swimming costume disaster 2. (Not) Holidaying in Greece 3. Lost shoe 4. Earning our status 5. Evil women 6. Kerry's funny hand 7. Jen's promo for Kerry 8. Kerry's farty room JEN & KERRY STAND-UP TOURS Kerry's 2025 tour is on sale now - ⁠⁠https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/kerry-godliman-tickets/artist/1866728⁠⁠ Jen's 2025 tour is on sale now - ⁠⁠https://www.jenbrister.co.uk/tour/⁠⁠ PICS & MORE - ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/⁠⁠ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Distributed by Keep It Light Media Sales and advertising enquiries: ⁠⁠[e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Okay, so I've got something I have to tell you because I'm still suffering from it. So I went for a swim this morning. Oh, lovely. Yes, very lovely. Oh, so beautiful. Although there is algae in the water at the moment,

it stinks. But anyway, aside from that, absolutely glorious, sun was out. I felt like I was on holiday, apart from the stench of algae. I came out, and I was in a bit of a rush because I had to get back in time

to get myself ready to then go and get train to London. Okay, so that's just the backstory. Lovely backstory. A lovely backstory. It's important to have the backstory. The scene has been set. Otherwise, it doesn't really make sense. Otherwise, why would you do that? Okay. I, uh, a part of a swim club went to the, to use the showers. Nobody there. I'm solo. I was like, I'm going to have a full shower. It's communal, but there's nobody there, right? So I thought great. When you say full shower, you mean, oh, I'm going to take my swim costume off is what I meant.

And you're going to laver up. I'm lathering. I'm going to lathering. I'm going to lathering. I'm not going to just be like all the areas. I'm going to literally all areas. There's no no go areas. All of the areas are going to be loved. Yeah, got it.

Okay. Got it. The scene is continuing to be said. We're not there yet. We haven't lathed. Okay. We're just in the shower thinking I've got a rush because I've, but I've got all the lathering coming up.

I took off my swimming costume and I did the same to my son once when he was two. and it was a disaster. I took my swimming costume off so quickly. Oh. Do you know what happened, don't you? You've done something to yourself. I've done something to myself. My nipples got caught in the swimsuit.

As I took it down, I went, and then my nipples went, and then they were like they were on fire. Like I had put them on a cheese grater, like someone had lit a match and pressed it against my nipple. I was in the shape. hour going, holy shit, I can't even allow water to touch a nipple. That is how sensitive and sore my nipples are. And even now, sort it's, yeah. And that's why, that's, as I'm talking

to you, how aggressively did you? Really aggressive. I've got to get out of here. And then, I did that, Jen. I did ever tell you the story about when I did that with my son's swim costume when he was really licking? No. So we're at, oh no. Yeah, well, wait. We're at the bit, Joel, please, plug your ears because this is should we have any mail listeners now's the time to just fast forward this bit oh god so i um he he he he i was like in a rush we've got to go actually just foster cue is with me with her son as well and i pulled my son's uh trunks down so fast oh that i made his dick bleed oh my god yeah yeah yeah and uh you know when you do jen i know look i'm not Oh my God

His poor little penis That's what I did But do you know what Carmically It's come back It's come back You know karma can take a wild Come around can't it

Yeah now your tits Copts it It's arrived Your tits copped the karma My tits You're lucky that didn't come back In another form Because my friend told me a story

That her friend A bloke He was pulling up his kids' trousers And caught his penis Or something happened And it hurt him And he said Oh God I'm so sorry

And that was the end of that Later, they were in a long queue at the supermarket and it was, there was a quiet moment and the little boy said, but why did you hurt my penis, daddy, in front of everyone? Oh no. Oh, no. And the whole queue in the supermarket turned round and looked at him and the little boy. Why do you hurt my penis, daddy? Okay.

booked your holiday. Yeah. I live for when you've booked your holiday. Right, where are you going? Right. So, I booked a holiday and I want to book holiday in Greece. Right. Because I thought, I've been to Greece for years.

Right. You know how much I love Greece. I know you love Greece. I know how much you love Greece. I love Greece. So that's something we have in common. That's the Venn diagram of Jen and Kerry come together. You will find Greece in the middle of that Venn diagram.

Okay. Separating the Venn diagram for the story. So I'm looking at Rhodes, actually. Okay. Roads. Because that keeps coming up. Oh, roads, roads, roads. I'm looking at roads.

And then I see a villa. And I think this looks great. And I'm really excited about it. And where are we looking? We're looking at a website that has houses and flats and villas and stuff. Okay. All over Europe. Right.

But I'm looking in Greece. Because I told you how much I like this. You love Greece. I love Greece. So there I am looking at Greece. I said to Chloe, come and have a look at this. What do you think of this place? And she said, that is one of the nicest places we have found.

And it's well within our other. budget. And it was available in school holidays. Available in school holidays. What's the catch? Exactly. So I said, what is... No roof. They had a roof. There was walls. It has a little...

It's got to be a catch. Nothing good is available. It's got a little garden. Nothing good is available in the school holidays. So wait, wait, wait. Wait. So then I'm like, I said, I can't believe it. This is in our budget. I said, this must have just come up because this wasn't here before. She said, well, well, book it. She goes, ask the bloke, and she said, look, you might have to tell him. Because we always have to do this thing when we go, yeah, I don't want to turn up and then they're all like, oh, we don't like quiz. You can't come in. Oh, shit.

So. That is not something. Yeah. That's not something you want to have to do. I'm used to it. I don't care. So I write to him and go, hi, I do it in a really breezy way. Two lesbos coming to stay.

Really love this. That's a lovely breezy way. Really breezy. Really breezy. bring up the lesbian thing. Throw it away. I threw it away. threw it away.

We're a same-sex couple. Las Bans are from Las Vars. We're not from Lesbos. But I'm trying to bond with this Greek chap. And I said, I'm really excited about Greece. By the way, we love Greece. Greece is one of our favorite countries. We've been to Greece many times.

But we've never been to Rhodes. And we're so excited to come to Roads. Don't tell me he was a homophore. Wow. He wrote back. I don't want a same-sex couple in my house. Do not bring the devil. Worse.

He wrote back. and said, yes, the apartment is available, but just to let you know, it's in Turkey. I don't know why you keep talking about Greece. Oh. My villa. He's quite indifferent to lesbians. My villa's like, couldn't give a shit about the lesbian thing.

Just wanted me to know that his villa is actually not in Rhodes. It's actually in Greece. So what's gone on there then? Well, what's happened was... Roads is very close to Turkey. It is very close. It's very close. You can see it from the shoreline.

Yeah. Well, what happened was, when I was taking it the map of... roads, a little sneaky bit of turkey on the map came up. Oh, I've done this. And then on that list, it included a bit of turkey. And now you're going to Turkey? Now we're going to Turkey. Because it was significant.

One, it was really nice and significantly cheaper. And then the flights were $800 quid less. I said, Chloe, I can't believe this. It's serendipity. Yeah. And it's available, which is still a fucking miracle. I wasn't even going to message him about the whole. we're lesbians thing. I was just going to go, hi, we'd like to book it. And then I was going to

put flights to roads. So, wow, thank God. Just as well. Always mention your bender, otherwise. What have we learned? What did we learn today? I learned something really important. And that's a lot on the jocon.com with it. So, um, what happened with your shoe? Right. I thought I'd lost a shoe, right? I looked everywhere for the shoe. I went on my family, WhatsApp group. Where's the fucking shoe? Who's lost my shoe. I can deal with a lost sock, right? But not a shoe. Not a shoe. No, because no one's hopping out. No one's going out into the world with one shoe. Anyway, I found it. And what was depressing was I had genuine adrenaline. I had adrenaline.

That's how bored I am, guys. I had the rush when I found it. But to be fair, when you think that that shoe's gone. Oh yeah. And it's a bird. I mean it's lovely Birkenstock. Well, I actually, when you said shoot, it's a lifestyle choice. I was imagining it was a Birkenstock. That's exactly what it was. I, I, what was it? You know, those slippers that you've got?

Yeah. I've got those. Did you get them? I've had them for years. Oh, okay. I thought you copied me. I'm not, I'm not. No, there's a bandwagon.

You've jumped on it, babe. No, I thought you jumped on it. How could I jump on it when I had them before you? I don't know. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. How do you know when I got mine? Well, when did you get yours?

1990s. Yes, I got the... 1996, get out of it. Well, when did you get yours and I'll tell you when I got mine? Five years ago. Yeah, I got mine six years ago. Fuck you. This is bullshit. You just walked into that, you idiot.

This is bullshit. Anyway, I found my shoe. Do you want to know where it was? You don't seem interested. I am interested. I'm invested. Okay. It was right at the back of the sofa.

Why are you pointing? Because the sofa's over there. It's an audio medium. It's an audio medium. It was right over there. Right over there. I can't put it any clearer than this. It was right over there at the very back of the sofa under the radiator.

Where there. There by the stair. A little burkey with clocks are. Anyway. How did it get there? How did it get there? How did it get there? Is it Molly?

How did it get there? No, Molly barely moves. What I've done, which is I suppose what happens with a Birkenstock lifestyle, is you kick them off because you don't have to engage with them, do you? You kick them off and then they just sort of get kicked about, and then they get kicked under the sofa. I never know where mine are, ever. I think, did I take them off upstairs?

Did I take them off downstairs? This is what we've become. This is what our lives are. now, did I take them off upstairs? Did I take them off downstairs? I used to be occupied by high thoughts. I, come on. What? When? Not since that's my own, philosophical thoughts. Oh, that's what everyone's saying about Kerry Godwomen. Where's my shoe? Where's my shoe? What have I done with my shoe? Did I take it off upstairs? Or did I take it off downstairs? Look, I think these are still questions that are pertinent. We don't have to go into some sort of

cerebral plane of existence. We can we can stay lowbrow. We can stay where we are. Thank you for that. Because that's all I've got. Looking for shoes. And I woke up. That's the beginning of this story.

I woke up, right? Pain in my shoulder. Pain. Actual pain. Not just a little bit like a frozen shoulder. No, I like a bruise. Like an actual bruise. I looked at it must be a bruised.

It has to be bruised because I feel it. There's a bruise. there, no bruise. I injured myself asleep. I don't understand what has happened that I can sleep wrong and wake up with an injury. I went to Pilates today. I said, I've got an injury. She was like, is it an injury? I said, well, I've hurt myself there. She went, that's what happens, you know, as you get older. You will sleep badly and. Yeah, no, I relate. And injure yourself. I was like, well, this is news to me that you can injure yourself prone. Yeah, I relate.

Shoulders especially. I don't know what goes on in the night, but I think maybe we're sleepwalking and getting up and doing weights. Oh, do you know what? That would be really good because I would love to do weights, but not while I'm conscious. Well, there you go. You are doing it asleep.

Why do I need to be conscious when I'm doing weights? I do weights. I do weights. I do to a middle-aged. I do them. It's like a middle-aged ladies workout thing on a Saturday morning in the, well, they call it. the cage but it's not, I mean, it's not a cage.

It's the ball court down at the local park. Sports cage. Just when you said the cage, I thought tops off, wrestling, weight. Yeah, it's racy business down there. Cage ladies doing weights. Chatting about losing shoes. Chat about the menopause. Oh, you never guess.

You won't believe what happened Friday. I lost a shoe and then I found it. And the adrenaline. You'll relate. What a rush. Tim's new Cravable Raps are made for the times your boss said the what now or your teacher mentions that thing I'm a bob. Need to pick me up. Snack back to reality with Tim's new craveable wraps available in Chipotle or Ranch.

Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. You went raving with Susie Ruffle. Oh, I did for Chloe's birthday. We went out to see Gok One. Wow. That was fun, yeah. That looked like a lot of fun. Yes.

And we got some sort of VRUPS. area because it was too hectic. It was too hectic. What was going on behind us? How did you get a VIP area? Because you're VIPs, I know. Well, obviously because we're VIPs. Because we know Gok and Ruffle,

messaged Gok and said, look, there's a gang of us coming. And he went, oh, go in the front pit. We'll rope off a corner. They roped off an area at the front, and we had that whole area. It was wonderful. It was wonderful. So we had space to dance. I feel like I didn't know what was the point of,

having any kind of success was until that moment. And all of my friends were like, you might be zealist, but this is it. And I said, I know. This is it. Some people are going to the BAFTAs and going to like private parties. You've got a roped off corner at the Concord. Yeah, at the front. Right at the front there.

It's interesting, isn't it? These little moments of status, you're like, fucking hell man, it's worth it. It's worth 20 years a slog for this roped off corner. It really is, especially now. I don't know if I'd have appreciated a roped off corner in my 20s. but heading to 50 I'm like, all I want is a roped off cord. Just a seat and some ear plugs. Yeah.

And a woman's own copy of woman's own and a, you know. You want a radio time with cozy queens of drama on the front. That's what you want. Do you know what? I do. I absolutely do. And I love a bit of cozy crime now. That's right up my alley.

Oh, I don't know what I was, let's be honest. What was I doing there? That's the question that everyone was asking. Sorry, why is she, although I will say, Kerry. You looked like you were having an absolute bull. That's what you were doing there. We did. And everybody there, I would say, I would say I'm going to like 80% of the people there were over 40.

Great. Great. So in fact, in pockets, in pockets, I was probably one of the youngest. I mean, not in the pocket. You had to seek those pockets out though, didn't you? Yeah, I really did. How do you? How do you?

What are you fun? Right, I'm in. You're my people. He's old. They're old. I'm going to stand next to this 80-year-old. She makes me feel great. Chloe came out of the toilets and she went,

they're singing, looking out for Linda. What, what, human cry? She went, yeah, it's hilarious. I was like, oh, I'm in the right place. If you're singing, looking out for Linda. By human cry. These are my people. Well, it sounds like a good night.

It was, and it was all the old kind of like bangers. There was, you know, from the old days. It's fun. You know like 90s, like 90s bangers. Right, 90s bangers, right. Not Glenn Miller then. Not what?

Glenn Miller. Not Glenn Miller, no. How old do you think I am? Can I remind you I'm younger than you? Just, just. Just actually. For a moment, I thought you said, Envia.

I don't know why I thought you said that. Oh, that would be. Bringing out all the bangers. If you went out. Sail away, sail away, sail away, sail away. Just you doing interpretive dance at the Concord. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Me and Elsie watched Kees the other day.

We've watched two Ken Loach films in two days. Fucking hell. Kelleckes. Why did you watch that? Because she's studying social realism in film. So I said, let's watch I, Daniel, Blake's I'd never seen it. I, Daniel Blake,

Kears, a taste of honey. I know. Well, it's all available, isn't it? Yeah, get involved. These are all the kind of movies that... But I tell you what, you watch those films, especially Kears, and you think, well, at least you don't have that life, mate.

Yeah. At least you don't have to look forward to working in a pit and have a dead bird as a mate. Did you not make you watch it at school? I think I watched it at school. It is. And I just remember. like all of us were like people were crying kids were crying everyone was like like the scream

face oh man the things they made us watch at school i had a teacher who made us watch threads that is a totally not okay to show kids that film not a very upsetting disturbing in fact even now i think that would be as an adult deeply traumatizing i would find that deeply traumatizing deeply traumatizing deeply traumatizing deeply traumatizing deeply traumatizing Yeah, we were about 14, 13, 14 and he was like, right, we're going to watch a really interesting, challenging film today. Threads. I mean, it is challenging. Yeah, it's traumatizing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually remember watching as a child, Bambi. Oh, yeah, that's got a lot of upset. I didn't get past the first. I think, I don't know. You didn't even get to the mum dying? No, I didn't get past the mum dying. I think I was absolutely, as a child.

completely inconsolable. Had to be dragged out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, those moments. I can remember one of the first films I saw at the pictures as a kid was apparently 101 Dalmatians. And I went apoplectic with upset about Corella DeVille. I just couldn't deal with her.

All of those evil witches or evil kind of... Women. Queens. Well, all women, of course. All of them. So you're either, obviously, in Disney. a beautiful princess you're innocent you're naive probably not that bright

or you're a Machiavellian fairy so like yes I thought it all out I'm incredibly clever but look how evil I am and here is my face and demonstrate representation of women in film disgust off your go mate yeah well we were talking about that yesterday weren't we oh

how old are you I'm 49 I've got a great role for you it's a 78 year old grandmother she's got six grandkids here's your shawl get into character here's your husband is your husband

is Sean Connery he died three he's been dead a while but he's your husband Ryan Gosling he's right he's playing he's playing his age

he's allowed Ryan Gosley's your grandson yeah it's very very it's very emotional it's emotional but very tinctured into a very very

It's like a kind of homeopathy. Put it underneath the tongue. Yeah. It's a homeopathy tincture of what it is to be a human in extreme form. It sort of really hits the back of your throat that tincture. Like rescue remedy. It doesn't do anything. Yeah, it doesn't do anything.

You're like, I'm having a panic attack. Here, have a tincture of something. Would you like to sniff some lemon balm? I think I might be having a stroke. This one really. Help. Would you like some lavender for your wrist? I've just created a little butchulee for you.

Do you know what? I think I might go to the... I might go to A&E. Well, anyway, I hope Elsie's all right. She was all right. She was so far yesterday. She took all these really cruel pictures of them. That's the new thing now.

Her and her mates take pictures of their mum's sort of looking like shit and shared them. Oh, my God. Oh my God Gabriel does that He's constantly taking pictures of me And then he'll go Mom I've got a great face off of you And then it'll be me with six chins

And they're all taken Because obviously he doesn't have a phone So they're all on my phone And then my camera I would like to go Six months ago Oh they come up in a montage Yeah

Here's a montage of you looking like a heifer You're like Why do I need to to be reminded of that. What I have to remind myself is to delete the bloody things as soon as he takes them. But sometimes I see him with my phone and I can tell he's taking photograph of me because he can't stop laughing.

He's laughing, he's laughing. I said, why don't you do this to Mummy? He said oh, it's better with you. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. If I was him, I would do it with you. Not quite. I actually might send you a montage of the pictures that you took of me. Maybe you could send

me a montage. I'll send you the Tony Hart Gallery. of horror. Like me, just, you know, just a cameltoe, a few cameltoe shots. What did your ancestors really do all day? Beyond names, what were their lives like? With Ancestry's global historical records, you can discover incredible stories about how your ancestors lived and worked. And for a limited time, you can explore select occupation records for free. Imagine finding your great-grandfather's RCMP records or discovering your ancestors' name in the UK and Ireland nursing register. Don't miss out. Free access ends August 24th. Visit Ancestry.ca for more

details. Terms apply. There we go. I like her. I like Kelsey's Tuesday morning. She doesn't at school on a Tuesday morning. Oh, so you get to hang out and bond. We get to hang out. And she's being very, she's gone now. So I can talk about it. She's being very present because I'm about to go away. So it's really good. There's a lot of like guilt and. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, Cattle mummy. even if it is slightly anxiety sort of fueled. Get a good cuddle. Honestly, I would totally maximise that, girl, and like get all the cuddles.

I just imagine that when they get to like 16, 17, it's a zero cuddle zone. Oh, it's a zero cuddle zone. The other day I said, will you watch tell you with me? She went, no, we don't like the same things, and I don't like the front room. What? Room?

Yeah, and I just, I was so hurt. that I just had to be quiet. I just sat and I thought, I'm not going to, I'm not going to answer that. I'm just not going to respond. We don't like the same things and I don't like the front room.

I was slightly worried with her room to watch fuck knows what on her laptop. Yeah. Some sort of crap on. Either human centipede or the Kardashian, something that is not my vibe. I don't like seeing things where particularly, I can't watch anything where anything bad happens to a,

kid. I'm like, I'm out. No, no, no, no. And now, I think of kids have now got older. So now in my head a kid is like anyone under 20 or over 20. Do you know what I mean? Like, violence generally is pretty awful. And also almost all, I was talking about this the other day, almost all dramas, crime dramas are violence against women. I mean, almost invariably. Absolutely. Which is why women love a bit of cosy crime. Yes. Exactly. Because we don't see the blood. You don't see a woman on a slab or... And there's none of that.

It's just like, oh, these two people used to play bridge together. And then one of them cheated and the other one, right, one, I've got to poison you. Yeah. Is that some sort of random? With a candlestick in the billiard room. Yeah. You don't see it. You solve the crime because you're very clever.

I'm really clever in my bobble-ballat. And there's no sex and there's no gratuitous murder and blood. You don't even... I don't... I've never even seen you shuck an oyster, which is weird, given that it's called whistleper. Oh, I shucked an oyster, babe. I've worn the weird night tan. An oyster shucking glove, which is a metallic netting.

Oh, I've had so much fun. I've had so much fun with that glove. Talking of funny hands, what about this? I've got some comedy out of this morning. No one laughed, but maybe I'll get one out of you. Okay. It's got five. So it's a kind of...

It's not a visual medium, but you have... have literally just stuck a pot plant up your sleep. But it's called a something cylindrica, a cylindrica something. Spaghetti plant. It's got five prongs. It's a sort of succulent which make five pleasing green weird fingers. Like Freddie Kruger. But if Freddy Krueger had green fingers, that's the kind of Andy.

Let's pitch this. Right. She's a woman in everything but her hand. And she has a succulent, a five-pronged, succulent. fingered hand. And she's on a mission to solve time. I don't think Kerry plant fingers has got the same thing to it as Edward Cisorhands. Come on.

Kerry plant fingers. Kerry succulent cylinders. Kerry Cactus hand. Kerry cactus. This has got legs, babe. Let's pitch it. We've spitballing. And look, how many times have we said we've got to come up with some ideas?

Yes, this is it. This is it. This is when I knew it. This podcast is shitting out projects. Shitting out. Literally coming out of your ass is absolute gold. Don't forget, you can probably, whatever's coming out of your ass, you could probably compost that plough with it.

That's how ideas work, babe. You compost old ideas. You grow new ideas. That's what we're doing. Yeah. Because ideas are the hardest thing to come up with. Because you and I can write jokes. We can write gold.

That's not the problem. We can create characters. But give her a part for her hand. Dialogue. Twist it. Yeah. Let's pitch that to Channel 4 now that it doesn't exist. I've got a Bones to pick with you.

So I saw your little video where you promoted your gig, your fundraiser. Oh, hang on, here we go. And I know that you know that there would be feedback. And here it is. So she's going through all the list of all the people performing at her fundraiser. Oh, come and see Flim Flam. They're hilarious. Stand up comedy.

Da da da da da da. Come and see Wawa. They're fabulous. funny, amazing stand-up comedian. Oh, and have you seen Afterlife? Well, you know the dead one? Come and see her. Oh, she's going to kill me when she watches this.

Well, here we are. Look, I'm going... You don't even mention that I'm a comedian. You just go, oh, she's the dead one in afterlife. I sort of said you're funny. And also, listen, it's a night of stand-up comedy. Of course you're a stand-up comedian. Listen, I went with that.

It sounds like an appearance. But isn't that a lovely thing? I went with my promoter hat on and I said, what will people, what will, if I say, stand up comedian, Kerry Godderman, people go, oh, I don't know who that is. If I go, that dead woman in afterlife, people are, oh, let I like her. So what I was doing was trying to sell tickets, Kerry. And it's all for a good cause and it's all for charity. And I think on that basis, you should, if anything, you should be thanking me.

Right. Shit. My mistake. Yeah. Yeah, I should be thanking you. It was hilarious. It was hilarious. to watch it and I could see right deep into your eyeballs that you knew that I'd be watching it

and you knew that they would take I knew you'd watch it because I tagged you yeah and you also did it well I don't watch everything you tag me in babe just FYI but but she but I knew you did a little little mumbly aside where you went dead one afterlife blah blah blah and then you just just for me I think you went she's gonna fucking kill me when she watches this It was for you because I thought I'm not going to repeat this. When you do those videos to promote stuff, if you've got to go with the first take, you can't go second, third, fourth take because by then you're dead behind the eyes. So I was like, even though I said it was like, oh no, she's not going to like that.

I thought, I've got to keep this take. Yeah. And so that's why I had to do that. Well, your instincts were right. Yeah. And also. I can't wait for Glastonbury this year where we'll walk halfway down, halfway down some sort of busy thoroughfare for 68 people to stop you again.

go, I love you in afterlife. And for you, your face to like, you having to adjust your face as you turn around. Oh, thank you. And then you go, I'm like, fuck off. I do not. That's not fair. No, I say it for you.

That's your projection. Yeah, yeah, that is my projection. You're very kind. Just like the characters I play. Yeah. I can't open my window. I'm stuck in a really farty, smelling room in an ibis in Leeds.

Well, stop farting. I know, but I mean, I can't. I can't. You can't. You can't stop farting in your own. Well, then don't complain about it. It's your farts. What's the matter with you?

Yeah, I know, but there is a lot, like, I am a bunch of cells and gas trapped in a room that I can't let the window out. I can't open the window. So I just feel like I'm in a spaceship. Open the door. Go on. Do it out. No, because then if I open the door, I just, that's the door.

open onto a hotel corridor. Anyone can walk in. Anyone, Jen. Yeah, but just a little bit of air. Just let it out. Just get the towel and start washing it out of the door. I don't want it to just seem about farts. It's about air.

I just feel like I'm in a tupperware box. And the lives... I feel like I'm in a massive ibis tupperware box. I've moved on. I've moved on in my life. I don't stay in ibises. I've gone back. Well, you say you don't.

And now here I am. And now I know why. I feel like this is a nice little opportunity to me reflect, to reflect on life and choices. Yeah. Yeah. And here I'm in an ibis. And I'm like, oh, you know, I remember ibis. I don't, I mean, I don't feel like I'm passed out ibis.

I still find myself in an ibis. I mean, I'm deluded. I think, I think at any time someone goes, we'll pay for the hotel, you're in an ibis. Yeah, 100%. If you're, if they say to you, we'll pay for a hotel, part of me goes, I should just go, can I ask, is it the travel lodge off the M62? Because if it is, I don't want to be there. Yeah.

You have to, you have to. Yeah. You need to express yourself. We're all a step away from an Ibis travel lodge. And by the way... I'm not a step away, babe. I'm in an Ibis while we're talking. I mean, I'm not step away.

I'm a step in. I actually all right. It's actually all right. Do you know what? It is not completely fine. I actually prefer it to a Premier in because it knows what it is and it isn't deluded. It isn't deluded. I would appreciate it.

Yeah, Premier Inn thinks it's something else. It isn't. Premier in. Someone's like, oh, maybe I'm a Redison, maybe I'm a Redison Blue. No, you're fucking not. All I'm saying is I just wish I could open the window. That's it. That's my only pushback.

Feedback as you leave. Just a bit of feedback before I go. We know that's not happening. Well, it's important. If you've got always feedback, they're going to ask you. It's going to be an email. I've got to a point in my life now where I think feedback, I might as well dig a hole and speak into the ground. I sign petitions every other week.

and it seems that the world is still collapsing. So did they not get my emails? Yeah, I feel like the petitions aren't working. I should stop doing this. I think the petitions are definitely not working. In fact, I think they might be fueling the collapse of democracy. I feel like they're like, oh, if enough people sign this petition, we will talk about it in the House of Commons, will you?

And then I'm like, oh, they're going to chat about it in the House of Commons, as if that is going to make the slightest fucking difference. or anything. But I don't want in saying this want to discourage people from democracy. Yes. Exactly. From being involved in your from taking part in democracy. It's not just

voting. It's not just voting once every four years. But just be realistic about the petitions. Yes, but also if you do feed back hotels, MPs, windows, things can change in the future. Maybe not for you. This is too late for you, Kerry.

It's too late. We are sealed in a Tupperware box. filled with your own farts. Yeah, but future generations don't need to put up with this. No, future generations don't because thanks to you and your feedback form. No, you're right. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell someone. I'll tell that woman downstairs in that tabard.

Yeah, maybe not. I mean, I don't know how much, how invested she is in your experience. She's got power. She's got power. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Darney. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What did you do yesterday?

It's a show that asks guests the big question. Quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it. Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm going to try

and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.