Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S04 E19: Ivo Graham

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

"So I suppose it's a classic case of hoping that no one listens to your podcast..." We have the one and only Ivo Graham on the show this week! Ivo brought a collection of beautiful photos all with beautiful stories - there are good times, funny times and sad times and all of them are wonderful to hear from such a beautiful man. Ivo is mainly 'flogging' his brilliant book YARDSTICKS FOR FAILURE which is out now and he's also doing a run up at Edinburgh in August. - Buy the book - https://linktr.ee/YardsticksHB - Buy tickets - https://www.edfringe.com/tickets/whats-on/ivo-graham-orange-crush PLUS... @kerryagodliman and @jenbristercomedy chat about exercise, bikinis, flesh coloured clothing and obviously loads more. JEN & KERRY STAND-UP TOURSKerry's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/kerry-godliman-tickets/artist/1866728Jen's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.jenbrister.co.uk/tour/ PHOTOSPHOTO 1: ORANGEPHOTO 2: GLASTONBURYPHOTO 3: OKONOMIYAKIPHOTO 4: PALESTINEPHOTO 5: MY FRIEND TOM PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel PorterHosted by Jen Brister & Kerry GodlimanDistributed by Keep It Light MediaSales and advertising enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get full-sized favorites and must-have minis bundled for more value. Shop before they're gone. In-store online at Sephora.com. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly

on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Kerry, what have you been doing today? Oh, I know. Wait, wait, wait, I know what you've been doing today. You've, you've been really busy. You've been to the gym.

I went to the gym. What are you doing in the gym? Wait. Always. You're, you're worried about your bone density. Are people talking to you about your bone density? No, not much. I mean, well, the internet is, but no one in real life.

No, I'm talking to you about your bone density. I don't really understand it. I just want nice shaped arms. I don't know about bone density, but I just want nice shaped arms for the summer. What are you doing about your legs? I sometimes get involved in my legs, but mostly they're inside trousers, but it's the arms that are coming out. Yes, but it's your legs.

I know. Legs are really important, but I just really want shapely arms. Can I see your biceps? That's pretty good. I'm going for it. I'm going for it. What?

Oh, Jesus. Okay. Yeah. I don't go for long. I just, you know, I don't. Smash it in and out. I just get in and out. If I see people I know, I'm like,

don't look at me. Don't look at me. I'm not available for chatting. I'm up to an actor I vaguely know down there early. I was like, Nick, don't look at me, mate. No, no, you're there for a reason, and that's lifting weights. You've got stuff to do. You've got, you know.

Arms to shape. You've got arms to shape. You've got shoulders to shape, bench. Yeah. You've got, I don't know what I'm saying. No, I don't. But I, that's what I did this morning. I got up and did loads of errands and little nicknacky jobs.

You know when you have a day where you've got like, just, it's Kerry's list. Like, send that bikini back to Bowdoin because you were living in a dream world. bought a bikini online. Oh, I think. thought it's time for the bikinis to come back. Yes, bring the bikinis back. Because now that you're shaping your arms, now that's shaking my arms, I'm like, I don't want a pale stomach. I don't care if I've got a bit of a pot belly. I'm getting it out. Get it out. Yeah, but there's a limit to how much you want out. I went a bit too far. It wasn't a thong.

It wasn't a thong. Jesus Christ, I hope not. No, it wasn't a thong, but it was way too small. The maintenance involved in probably what I'd have to do. You mean at the front. Okay. Yeah. I mean, there would be a lot of admin to have to take care of if I was going to keep bikini. You can't. You haven't got it. You can't do that. I just haven't got time. And I'm of a generation where that department was never really priority for me. No, no, you've embraced the growler and that's okay. That's it. I've gone for the old unsponsored roundabout. That's what I've got, that's the look I've gone for. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think we've got other shit to be doing. I can't be like tugging pubs out of my flipping flaps. I haven't got

time for this. I've got, I'm busy, busy woman. But if it had had had, a little bit more fabric, a bit more fabric. A bit more fabric. I was going to say girth, but I didn't mean that. A little bit more fabric. Yeah, just a bit more space for the undercarriage. We've talked about this. I want, I want, you know, what I want for my pants and my bikini is like an real apple catcher experience. I want them. Not too big though, because I've gone down that road as well. I've gone for that apple catcher. No, no, because then that makes your bum look massive. Exactly. I want it to be the predominance of my, to be held in place. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I mean, I mean,

And I'm not just saying that for me. No, I don't want to look at it. No, I don't want to look at it. No, I don't. Also, for other people doing it, I don't want to look at it. Everybody needs to be on the same page. They're not, though, Kerry. Brighton has not embraced this.

And let me tell you, it's summer. What, they're going too small or too big? I've got to tell you what about what happened last summer. I've got to tell you this. Go on. The whole of last summer was flesh-colored bikinis. What's going on with flesh-colored gams? We've got to shut this down.

Shut it down. Because I'm nearly queriering to Lampo. because I'm like, that woman's naked. Yeah, they're naked. I don't know the whole time. My kids are going,

why is that woman naked? And I'm like, overt your gaze. Yeah. They're not naked, but also everything's right up the WhatsApp. Yeah. And then you turn around and you think,

Jesus, don't, somebody's winking. That is too much. It's a lot. And then you end up sounding like you're 155. Oh. It's like someone put a cardigan on this woman.

What is going on? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you see a lot of it because you're down in Brighton. So I bet you see a lot. Oh, it's too much. Too much.

Too much. And also, they're young women. I get it. And they've got great bums. You've got great bum and get it out. But then I'm such an old, such an old biddy. I spend the whole time going, oh, you're going to catch your death. And all what have you thought about?

I bet it's lovely down there at the moment, isn't it? Oh, I went for a swim today. Did you? Did you? It got up very early this morning because of the, that's a residual jet lag. I'm still getting up early. And, oh, Chloe and I have. and absolutely, I'm going to say it, glorious swim.

So he's great. Got to get in there. There's no shit in there, is there? It's probably full of shit, but I don't care I'm swimming in it. I just keep my mouth shut. Don't want to get anything stuck in my teeth. Yeah, good plan. It's a nightmare getting a tampon out of the back of your teeth.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be deep-throating that. Look, I have to say, I was in the water, and because I was doing my bone density weights yesterday. Mm-hmm. Why do you have to put the prefix of bone density? Can't you just say weights? No, it's always about bone density.

Okay. So I'm doing my bone density weights. And I'm focusing on the legs. So I feel like that's more important than the arms. You do you, mate. Anyway. I'll do arms, you do legs. We'll have a perfect physique between us, won't we?

When I get on your shoulders for the bat, for Rod Stewart. Yes, exactly. Wake up, Maggie. I think I can answer. God, Briss's thighs do. Yes, they can. And Kerry's arms, what a team. What a team.

We make the perfect woman together. I spent a lot of time on the old, with my weights, doing my lunges, doing my squats, doing all of that. Because I'm doing that because it's very important. Your legs are important. But, wow, the but buttics today. Absolutely. Oh, unbelievable. I didn't know I had a muscle in my bum.

Apparently I've got one. Yeah. woofed. Well, then you're, I bet it won't be much more before you're wearing those flesh-coloured, like, cycling shorts. That's what I'm working for. Yeah. That's one of those cycling shorts. So it looks like you're just walking about with your bum out.

Oh my God. Do you know what? I would love one day just to rock up in full flesh-coloured cat suit. Full-flesh-colored cat suit. And me and Joel will be like, what? Jen's naked. Oh God. Right.

Kerry, who are we talking to today? We are talking to the wonderful Ivo Graham. I love Ivo. He knows that. And we tried to get him for so long. I was so pleased we finally got him. Yeah, obviously late. Yeah, that was a given.

I was actually delighted he was late. I was like, this is so on Brad. Yeah, be so weird if he was on time. We're getting 100% Ivo. Yeah. Which was very thoughtful of him in some ways. The homeopathic tincture of undiluted Ivo Graham. Bhabba Bhabba Bhabba Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bap Bha.

There we go, Phelan Dean theme tune for you. Ivo, you're here. We can't believe it. Is it real? I can't quite believe it either, actually. And I'm certainly not counting my chickens before we've even got to a single photo. Let's just get to a photo. Let's get one.

But before we do get, and we are, we're going to get to a photo quickly. so quickly split. I want to say, Ivo, how much I enjoyed your show at Mahanluth? Oh, thank you very much,

Jen. It meant a great deal that you popped by my work in progress because I didn't really promoted it at all because I thought it was probably

going to be absolutely chaotic. I wasn't even sure I was going to arrive in Mahuntlet in time for the show. And I arrived either eight minutes before. Yes, you very much looked like a man

who'd stepped off the boat. Do you know what I mean? You're like, you look, look like, and here I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I arrive at a lot of work in progress just with my rucksacks still on and just walk straight on stage. I think it gives a great honesty and clarity to the performance. But I hadn't stepped off the boat, but I had driven from Yorkshire and it was a four-hour drive. And, you know, I was ready to get out of my car and get on stage, but I was not ready for Jen Bristie to be there. Thank you for being such a supportive friend. Did she sit down the front? No, I sat at the back, but I want to give full disclosure, Ivo. I would have definitely

I definitely love to have come to see your show, irrespective of anything. But I had actually planned to go and see Jessica Fosterkew's show that I was supposed for giving her notes on, also on at the school. And I stepped through the door, and then you walked on and I went, oh, this is Ivo's show, not Jess Fosterkechew's show. And then I thought, well, I'm just going to stay and watch Ivo's show, which was, by the way, wonderful. I loved it.

Well, thank you, Jen. Well, perhaps I can just pinch you off Foster Q full time, and maybe not on this particular Zoom, but perhaps I'll get your notes and we can build from there. get a retainer going by Enra. I just sat back and enjoyed it. The bit I love the most, which I don't think was connected to the show, and I can't imagine we'll be in your show because it would cost you too much money, was right at the end.

Oh no, this is happening in every show. It's going to be brilliant. Fucking hell. Okay, do you want to explain? I'm not going to explain. Do you explain to Kerry? What happened? Kerry, I don't know if you've noticed,

but there's quite a lot of undiagnosed ADHD flying around in our industry these days. Yes. And I'm certainly not the first to bring it up, but I think I am committing to the bit harder than most. I'm insane. And I think my phone, again, probably not a hugely original observation here, but I don't think my phone is terrifically good for me. I don't think our phones are good for us.

And I find that every halfway house of phone management, whether it's just the old school put it in your pocket, put it in a different room, the delete the addictive apps, I find them all to be unsatisfying. My hand will wander to my phone wherever it is without me even thinking about it. Yes.

You go to, I was quite interested to tell a lady about this the other day because the lady in question hadn't even considered this. We were talking about phone addiction. And I was like, well, obviously, I don't wish to presume what the lady's doing. And I don't wish to be too sort of binary about this, obviously, in the current climate. But anyway, if you're using a cubicle, you can scroll away and no one even needs to know. But if you go to a urinal, I would say in your average, you know, public urinal, half the, uses that urinal and it's almost usually i'm in this half are using their phone with their free hands what are you having a week yep it's penis in one hand phone and the other that's of course

it is that is some serious urinal into yeah unless you're going into i did not know about this unless you're popping into a cubicle to you know to satisfy a sort of more old school addiction uh then no you we're just we're just scrolling every single second and it's it's it's so depressing as a parent and as a person yeah and it's uh i'm absolutely terrified of it So I've got a phone jail that I lock my phone in for periods of time. Three hours if I want to do a bit of writing or just 20 minutes if I just want to be like present, even in my own home on my own. Just everything is better immediately.

And so at the end of the show, and I guess, oh, I suppose it is a tiny bit of a spoiler, I suppose. So I suppose it's a classic case of just I hope no one listens to your podcast. But. I did wonder, is you about to tell us this big climatic end to your show if you want to do that on a pod? Do you know what? Maybe don't, Ivo. Maybe don't. Okay.

Well, we'll talk after the podcast about. This is a really good advert. About. Isn't it? Isn't it? It's really good. I really enjoyed it. I also very much, and we will go to your photos now, but I also very much enjoyed the natural symbiosis and that was created in your show from Swindon Football Club to Palestine.

Yeah, classic. To phone addiction. I mean, the thread, the natural thread between. If the appetite wasn't wetted enough by this non-specified finale, the news that I'd get to be discussing Swindertetown and Palestine. Yeah, but your way. You'll be doing it your way. Oh, and it's a very good way.

Oh, yeah, no, no. I mean, yes, to sum it up in its most simple terms, I'm pro both. I um but and and I think I think everyone should be but um but I'm also aware that you know they they have their opponents you know Oxford United Israel etc so I am um and actually I would like to talk about that there's a there's a bit of that in one of the photos because um we have done all three of us have done gigs together uh in solidarity with these issues It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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Let's go to your photographs because which one is the first? Because you messaged me to say, do I need to be in the photographs? And I said, no, Ivo. You don't have to be in the photographs. but you have sent quite a few photographs where you're not in them. So, that's interesting. Oh, no, it's only two. So I see, don't be worried.

I've got them here as well. I'm on my phone, of course, which I've not locked. But it's hard because I've gone. I couldn't trust that that you'd have a phone with you. I've gone to the phone to get, well, it did run out of charge on the way home. So luckily I'd already texted you my lateness. I'm, if nothing else good at advance texting my lateness. So I've got the photos here in my memory lane folder,

and I'll switch my phone to do not disturb. at least there's nothing else coming through. And I'm big fans of the podcast and both of you. And we've talked about me doing the podcast before. And it's a podcast which one friend referred to as like quite a dangerous podcast for me to go on because I think I'm the most sort of medically sick, nostalgic person in the world. And I love looking at old photos and talking about them at great length. And someone said that this podcast,

could that I should be careful because am I sure it's a podcast and not just a hostage situation designed specifically to trap me? I mean, it's on Zoom. Well, now I see why you have to put your phone away because the phones are a little trap for these old photos, aren't they? They just drag you back. I'm quite good at sort of seeking out my own sort of mad rabbit hole of nostalgia, but of course, the phone is also just doing that for you with just random time hops and on this days. And it's, it's relentless. Anyway, I've picked five and it wasn't easy, but I'm delighted to talk about them. Which ones do you want to do first? I hope that you're looking at amongst the five.

There's a photo of five of two adults and three children and they're all wearing orange t-shirts. Your favourite colour? It's my favourite colour. So the show, and I guess I may as well promote the Edinburgh show as well, because it's going to be great and it's going to be orange. It's called Orange Crush. I'm part of a Swindonandandown protest movement, which wear orange in the hope of a better future for Swindon Town and I fundraise for the MS Society because my mum has MS and their official colour

is orange. And once I realised that I had two big orange things in my life that I cared about, I decided it was time to start buying as many orange clothes as possible. Tell me about this picture then. So what's happening here with these three little beauties? So one of them is my daughter. And then the other two are, so my daughter is Edie. She's the oldest and taller. She's six. And then the other two are Lara and Alba, who are, they could, they're 13 months apart, Julian and Rose turned things around pretty quickly in lockdown. Oh my God.

Slow twins. What do you call those? What do you call them again? Slow twins. Is it slow twins? Oh, I love that. Good phrase, isn't it? Yeah, that's really great.

Yeah, my friend, I remember a good friend of mine, we'd had sort of our kids around the same time, and I was still in recovery when she was six months pregnant with the next one. Oh, my God. You are not mucking about it. She's like, I want all the nappies, everything done, done. done. I want it. Yeah, I mean, that was what Julian Rose said. They said, we want this, we want to delight in this phase, but we want it

to be like, over. Yeah. I mean, obviously, Jen, you've got, you've got real twins. So I don't wish to make light of, you know, the old slow twins privilege. But I'm very, so Julian is, as you may know from his name, brackets Julian, he's been at boarding school with me since we were seven. And he and his wonderful wife, Rose, have become huge and important to me in the last few years. And so, Ely's six, Lara's five, and Albury's three, soon to be four. And Julian's a big runner.

He does lots of impressive ultras. I enjoy running. We went to watch the London Marathon a couple of weeks ago. And I loved the London Marathon and have done it, but I wasn't doing this one. But I was invited to the MS Society's cheer station at mile 25, which is right next to their post-race reception where I've, in the past, been massaged very professionally. Why did you make that sexy?

I felt I felt I was getting a bit boring, but I can, I must stress that there is, as far as as I'm aware, there has never been any funny business at the MS Society's post-marathon massage station. To clarify. Yes. But anyway, I was... Happy endings. No, no.

Well, listen, every completion of a marathon is a happy ending. Of course. So, and we were going to go and be part of the MS Society Cheer Station, and everyone's wearing orange there as well, of course, which is great. Orange is also the colour of the, I think, one of the MND, major MND charities and I think one of the major cancer charities. And St. Mungos. And St. Mungos.

So obviously, they're all valid, but at the marathon, they are my enemies. I hate So you're running You're like Oh there's an MSS ID cheer station It's just some bloody MND filth I'm absolutely not on But

So So I say And to Julian the girls Let's all go And because the cheer station is perfect It's right next to the post-race reception It's basically on the front steps The marathon goes past

So Because obviously these children As you know They get impatient very quickly So having a big old building where there's like a buffet and like tables where they can do drawings and sort of massages, which they're not allowed to take part in, but which they can sort of observe from afar. It was just great. It was one of the best days of my life watching the marathon because we did about

two hours there. I felt so part of the MS sort of community. You're watching people come past at mile 25, which is great because they're basically, they're dead, but they're so close. So it's, and then, so you're cheering them on with their families who are all there. And then like half an hour later, they arrive at the reception, you know, for their non-alcoholic beer and their massage. And there's this huge cheer and all the girls. So I brought the big tub of orange starburst. And I said to the girls, like, you've got to give these orange sweets to people when they come. Anyone who gets a medal gets an orange starburst. And there were some kids who didn't have medals who were asking for orange starburst. And I said to Ed. Lauren Albury, I said, judge each case on its

own merits. That's too much. So much to put on a three-year-old. That's so much pressure. Anyway, so it was just great. And I'm a complete marathon evangelist, obviously. But it's a wonderful thing to do. It's a wonderful thing to watch. And I'm really enjoying being part of that community and being colour-coded with it. And I'm so grateful to my friend Julian and his sweet daughters and my own girl.

So that's a special photo. Now, you also run marathons with Rosie Jones. Yes. So what the hell's going on there? Well, I'm pushing her in an elite sports wheelchair, the Delicom Delta buggy, which is also orange. What? So you're just pushing, I mean, I know Rosie has a great time. Of course she's ever great time.

She's being pushed for 26 and a half miles and she just gets to wave out of the crowds. She's box office. She's, you know, it's amazing. It's like, you know, it's being like one of the people sort of carrying a sort of the queen in the olden times. Yeah. You know, like everyone at least, particularly in Yorkshire. I mean, everywhere.

Oh, she's beloved. We did London last year and we did Leeds this year. And just like, Rosie is incredible. It's just a way of spending time with. Rosie, which I'm so grateful for. And do you guys, because I mean, if I was running 26 and a half of miles, there'd be no speaking. Do you, are you chatting? Because you're also pushing her.

Yes. This time, Leeds was very hilly and the hills destroyed me in the second half of the race. The first half, we were having great chats and I'd made a superb playlist in MESA, full of songs that Rosie, I know Rosie likes and then some of my own, mostly sort of big pop numbers. So that was great. And so we were chatting about the music at first. And in the first half of the race, we were sort of singing along a bit as well,

and hopefully not being completely unbearable to those around us. But that petered out a little bit as I got a bit tired on the hills. And I also, Tim Vine had made a really lovely, generous donation. So I had, because I'd seen him quite recently. So I thought it would be fun. I made a list of 26 Tim Vine one-liners on my phone. And I said to Rosie, every mile, every time we pass at sort of one of the mile stations, I'm going to read you another Tim Vine one-liner,

which was such a fun thing to do for the first few miles. And we did have to abandon these panting. He said, Ronald Schwarzenegger, what's his favorite festival? He says you have to love Easter, baby. Rosie, like, what? It's obviously the barrensen is so loud.

So that was a disaster in a way. But it was lovely to have Tim in our heads and in our hearts. Oh, man. It's so admirable to do. that to do a marathon at all let alone bush. 26th and a half miles up hill, down a hill or whatever the bloody hills are. Forget about it.

Well, it's up and down. Yeah, well, it would be, wouldn't it? Otherwise, you just... Well, no, I'm just saying, Jen, because I'm proud to announce that the Delacon Delta buggy, because I've bought it now. We rented it from Martin at Delacon for the first race, and then I bought it so I could have my own one and I wanted to be orange and Martin made it very orange. Sometimes going down can be more punishing than going up on the old lease.

Well, we're getting back to the old post race massage now. And I... You winked when you said that. Something happened. Well, it's only because it really was that. Leeds was much hilly than London. And yeah, going down... I was actually quite scared a couple of times

that I would let go of Rosie. And that would be... I would say as close to a sort of total disaster. Yeah, that's bad. There was a point where we were going down a hill and I was sort of zinging and zagging because I was genuinely thinking if I let go,

then she'll just go into that bush rather than straight down the hill into the back of which is better. Yeah, of course it's better, but still bad. Ivo, let's go to your second photograph. Is it Glastonbury?

It is Glastonbury. So I am, I love Glastonbury. and I know you do as well. It's such a pleasure. I mean, I don't wish to be sincere because we actually have been at a lot of glass marries together but not hung out that much at Glaston. No, we haven't.

And you guys are in a fantastic crew which also includes the wonderful Ian Stone, who just a man who absolutely, I think, has got so much about life. Absolutely right. Ian embraces Glastonbury in just the right way, right down to the sartorial shirts that Chloe buys for him on day one when we get there,

straight to buy him a nice shirt and he obediently wears it I just think he's fantastic I've worked a lot with Ian in the last few years and he mainly on football stuff I actually think he is a wonderful comic a wonderful man a wonderful guna and a wonderful father

and a wonderful like festival dad which is the kind of that I'm in as well he absolutely is the best I mean he would absolutely be appalled to hear us refer to him but he's just the perfect companion at festival yeah he's such a great great and he takes his son and we all hang out.

And he's just as happy sitting down, you know, between the generators and the toilets with us having a cup of tea as he is going out absolutely big time at night. But he can do both. Get you a man who can do both and that man is in stone. He can do both. Have you been going since you were a kid or is it a more recent thing? No, I've not.

Can I just very quickly clarify that I was saying that I was a festival dad as well, not that I was sort of brilliant company as well. Obviously, we all aspire to make Bastonbury. Good clarification. You are always great company. I think, but I'm a dad at a festival, although I didn't go as a child and I've not taken my child. I might take ED to latitude this year. Oh, latitude, yes, but not Glastonbury.

Well, I've said this, I have said this in public forums before, and it's obviously, one doesn't want to be a callous because I think some people do such a wonderful job like Stu and Sarski Goldsmith, who take their kids every year. But I can't waste Glastonbury. Everybody is, it's very hedonistic and everybody is like charged up for this. weekend to be their weekend of fun, whatever, whatever fun means to them. Two coffees and an IPA. Exactly. And that is for some people. And I know that that isn't necessarily for you, I vote.

Well, I've got my old speckled hen at all times. That's one of my brother's favorite things to have a can of old speckled hen warming in his hand at Glastonbury. Well, do you know what? That is the beauty of old speckled hen is that you can have it warm. Jen, you are quite literally singing from my brother's him. He says it just gets nicer. is one of my favorite things about my brother. You're not supposed to have it cold. His obsession with a warm hen. So what is it that you love so much about it apart from, well, I suppose you've told us,

haven't you? Well, I think, I think, you know, I have. I mean, I, and I think, as I say, it's one of the things that's so sad about it because I'm quite a regret-orientated individual. And I'm still making new mistakes every year. And I wouldn't, I'm not a great geographical navigator. but I am making small learnings. And one of the things that went wrong in 2023 was that I tried to be in too many different places at once and my phone broke.

I danced on it by accident in the temple in Shangri-la. It was in a pile of bags on the floor and I think we were all just dancing around the bags and I must dance on the phone because it was. It was quite exciting. It was on, this was on the Friday night. So like beginning of the weekend, Saturday morning, I wake up feeling. sort of terrible and fantastic, if you can imagine such a thing. And the phone has got a third of the phone's screen is black, like a black line down the side. So that's not good.

And it's got little cracks. You can see it's been distressed. And then as the day goes on, the black is. It was so exciting. It was like, I've only got to look like, how long will this like, it's like, and I don't wish to trivialize a historical tragedy, but it was like the Titanic going down. It's like, how much fun can I still have with this slow moving disaster? of your phone.

So you're then turning your phone on the side so you can see little slivers of text and I was voice dictating text messages but basically it was dead

and it is hard without a phone and I'll be bringing a burner this year. I literally don't know how you do Glastonbury without a phone now

because you can't find anyone if you've lost them that's it I see you tonight that's what Gastonbury used to be like Yeah it was exactly

you'd be like or you would just say if you get lost you know that tree near the what's it by the pyramid I'll meet you there and that's what you

You do climb over people. You made a lot of new friends before phones. You made a lot more. Exactly. You are speaking once more. My language, which is the language that phones are very helpful, of course, and fun occasionally. But overall, bad news. Look, let's go to this next photo.

We're not going to the next photo, I'm afraid. Why not? Because about a minute ago, you said, do you remember when you just have to say, I'll meet you by that tree by the pyramid? And that's exactly what you're looking at in that photograph. It is. So I have been taught the ways. of the tree by Will Briggs, by Josh Whittaker, by Kate Edwards, by Tom Perry, by people who

were going to Glassmanry before I did and said it's a great meeting point, a great view. And sometimes our friend Chris Scull, he's got some pretty eccentric tastes, but ultimately he is a champion of the big collective moment. He is not afraid to watch the headlines at Glastonbury. And there's so much other stuff. But sometimes being there with the biggest possible crowd of people watching someone headlining the biggest party in the whole world and smashing it is an incredible experience. You shouldn't watch all three every year, but you should usually watch one.

And after the disaster of 2023, which was still an amazing weekend, but... What was the disaster? My phone slowly dying over the course of the weekend. I decided in 2024, I was on the Saturday, it was going to be all tree. The lineup was, and some of these, I was more in two than others, but it was a pretty great five, actually. into all of them in different ways. Cindy Lauper, Keene, Michael Kewanuka, Little Sims, Coldplay. Oh, that's not bad, is it?

That's not bad. Can't go wrong there at all. But you just pitched by that tree for the whole show. And I said to lots of people, lots of people in previous years who I'd meant to meet up with it hadn't. And it was like, of course, no pressure on anyone, but I'm going to keep things simple at my end on the Saturday this year. I'm going to be by this tree all day watching a pretty fun selection of acts. I fully salute that. That keeps things much more simple.

And hopefully it's not, you know, too self-involved, as I say. I wasn't trying to say, you've got to come here. But it was so, as an indecisive person, it's like the only buying orange things. It was like, I know what I'm doing all day. And I enjoyed every act. You know, Cindy Lauper's voice was going a little bit, but she was fantastic. Keene, obviously, are not the coolest band in the world, but there's some pretty precious sort of teenage memories for me there.

And I think it was one of the biggest crowds they'd ever played to. Kiwanuka is phenomenal. Little Sims, it was like her. coronation and cold play know how to headline glastonbury it was a fantastic day and the tree you're not getting that from the tree so the tree my brother left us to go a bit further in for kewanuka and i said i'm going to stay by the tree because mainly because i've told people i'm going to be by the tree you're still very much in the crowd and by sort of little sims and cold play the tree is prime real estate but earlier in the day it's a bit more it's navigable it's a lovely distance

so at the start of my tree day i was doing a um a quite chaotic panel show in front of about 20 people on the Greenpeace stage, brilliantly organized by Sophie Juker, and all sorts of people on, including Huge Davis. Oh, I love you. He's on this show. But yeah, he's brilliant. I love watching him.

I think, and he's done some absolutely wonderful things in his career, including some very recent funny content about being disrespected on the off-menu podcast. I love you. Oh, that was very funny. So I see him that morning and he says, what are your plans for the day? And I said, well, I can tell you what my plans for the day are, Hugh. I'm going to be watching Cindy Law for Keene, Michael Kewanooka, Little Sims and Coldplayed by this tree. And then I drew a map of where the tree was because he was a little uncertain.

It was a rudimentary map, but it made very clear where I was going to be. I don't see him. Glastonbury passes by in a delicious whirl of colour and adventure. And then I see him at the fringe two months later. And I say, oh, sorry you didn't meet up again at Glastonbury. and he goes, yeah, I came to find you at your tree, but you weren't there. And I'm afraid to say, my hackles were up at Hughes's sort of casual notion, which he'd been carrying around with him for two months that I just wasn't there,

because I'd become a bit of a monster about this tree. There'd be quite a lot of discussion between Michael Kiwanooka and Little Sims about how it was my turn to go get around. But you refused. And I'd said, I've got so many cans of old speckled hen in my bag, which I'm delighted to share. And I will also very gladly subsidise the round from far, but I don't want to leave the tree at all. I left the tree to get around in. I was shamed it to get around around.

So that was away for maybe 10 minutes. And that's when he went. Wait, wait, wait. There's no way you were gone for 10 minutes, Ivo. It was a quick one. Maybe that was when it was. But I'm still a bit, I'm a bit annoyed at this twist of fate from, he went to the wrong tree.

So I say, are you sure? And he says, yeah, I took a photo. I took a photo of the tree. You're not there. And he shows me the photo. And I'm in the photo. I am in the photo. You've got to look like hard, but like I'm in it.

I'm under the tree. I'm not directly under the tree. If you look at the photograph, it is, if it's a sort of go to the very center of the photograph and then go slightly to the left. And there is, you can see I'm wearing a sort of blue and purple suit. I'm wearing sunglasses. My hair is very gray. I'm just to the left of someone stood up in a red bucket hat.

And I'm just sat on the floor in between acts, you know, enjoying my spot by the tree. Oh my God, yes. I can't see you. Well, listen, don't do. The woman in the red hat just go literally her elbow on the left and there. Oh my God. There you are. That's hilarious.

That is hilarious. This is like where's Wally? I know. I was just so, it was, I enjoyed the Edinburgh Festival a lot last year, but I can comfortably say my high point, the entire fridge was huge, saying you weren't there and then showing me a photo that I'm in. Oh my God. That's fabulous.

I think I wonder why you put that picture. I thought, is that the best picture from Glastonbury now I know why. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. By the seven-time world's best leisure airline champions, Air Transat. Photograph number three. What are we looking at? Who are these chaps?

So one man is called Luke and one man is called Barney. And I don't know any know Barney at all, but Luke is one of my very dearest men. So Luke's from Cornwall. Elsa's from, well, she's from Warrington and Greece, but they're getting married in Greece in June and I am the celebrant. I'm so proud to be their celebrant. They are brilliant people,

brilliant friends, and amazing hosts. They're the kind of people where if you've gone to one of their parties, you want to go to all of their parties. That's how I know them is I went to one of Elsa's parties and then basically just clung on. And they are, there's such an inspiration to me and all the sort of little touches again with which they host dinner parties, bigger parties,

the fun stuff they send for my daughter, Eadie. They're just wonderful. And I've got another very dear friend called Charlie, who lives in Bristol. And she came up to London a couple of years ago and she said, and this is such a great brief from Charlie. She said, I'm coming to London on Saturday. I'd love to see you.

I'd love to come to whatever you're doing on Saturday. And I said, well, my friends, Elsa and Luke are catering their friends sort of fashion, sort of, opening a sort of dress boutique. And they're doing some amazing canopies at it. And like, you've never seen the kind of stuff that these guys do with their canapes and with their like, or like, they made me a birthday card last year, which was a singing card. You know, you can buy a singing card, but they just made one. So I opened the card and it's them singing me happy birthday. Their creativity is insane. So I take Charlie to this thing at their catering.

We have a brilliant time. And Charlie is getting married the following year to the lovely, or indeed later that, the following year to the lovely Chris. And Charlie says to Elson Luke, would you do some catering at our wedding? We've only just met, but I like your food and your vibe hugely. And that's how I know Elsa and Luke. And that's how everyone knows Elsa and Luke. One great experience leads to another great experience.

Oh, really? So we go to Charlie and Luke, sorry, we go to Charlie and Chris's wedding in near Bristol in Somerset last summer, summer 2023. And they've had this festival every year, which I'm ashamed to say I was invited to many times and didn't go to until the festival was actually their wedding called the Smoking Lama. They do a burn. They build a big llama, a big effigy of a llama and they burn it. and it's the centrepiece of the whole thing. And it is, I mean, I've never been to any of those sort of burning mans or whatever. I'd like to, but maybe the closest I'll ever come is going to Charney and Chris is the Smoking Lama.

It's an insane thing. The experience of it is a spectacle, the heat you feel off it, the sort of tribal aspect of it. And then you go and listen to drum and bass for three hours. What? Wow. It was an incredible thing. It sounds like a festival. Yeah, yeah. Their wedding was a festival.

And again, they are. insanely creative and kind people. And so it being their wedding and then my friends Elsa and Luke catering it. And I didn't know very many other people there, but that was all I needed. Yeah. It was so wonderful. So at about 1 o'clock in the morning, Luke is rustling up some Okinawaki, a word that I've said and texted so many times in the last two years but had not really encountered before.

And I meant to do a bit of background reading on Okanamiaki. But what he's basically doing is he is frying. They're they full-time vegetarians or is the festival of the day? Most of their stuff is veggie and it's stunning. My brother is a vegetarian. Vegetarians become good cooks very quickly because you've got to know what you can do with an obocheon. And Luke is frying.

He's frying up this cabbage to make Okamiaki and he is sort of covering it with this delicious. Here we go. Bata with veg in it molded into mini pancake shapes and frying. ride, lots of salt, and then the barbecue sauce and the QPQPi-Pai mayo. Amazing stuff. So he makes these at about 2 o'clock in the morning. People don't, they don't need this, but as soon as it's there, they want it. It's an incredible addition, you know, when the savories come out at 2am at a wedding.

That's what I'm Kibabs are. I mean, I don't eat kibati. And I'm passing them round. I'm so, like, I cannot cook. I don't have the attention span or the dedication. Oh, it's a pancake? Yeah, it's a pair. They're like,

they're like little, they're like a deep fried cabbage pancakes covered in sort of quite specialist ketchup and mayo. And so I'm carrying them around. I'm just so proud to be holding the tray. I like, and sort of just to be the messenger for this thing that everyone is loving and wanting. And there is a man called Barney who has just been sick.

As well as he might. Everyone's had a fantastic time at this wedding. So he's not sure whether he's in the market for this. And he's definitely not in the market when I tell him that it's a sort of fried cabbage pancake. He says, oh, no, I don't want any of that. And I said, I said, Bonnie, I respect the fact that you're a carnivore and you've just been sick. But I really think your night will improve if you have one of these. Because everyone else's has, look at all the people enjoying the Okomiyaki around you.

And he takes a lot of persuasion. And he has a bite of it. And his eyes light up like Christmas morning. He cannot believe how good it is. And like, because as I've said, it's a 10 out of 10 creation by Luke. And everyone else already knows this. But this man, he had severe doubts. And he kept saying, he said, I'm going to have a Burger King on the way home tomorrow.

And this is better than that's going to be. And he said that like the gold. He was already looking forward to his burger. but he already knew somehow actually that it wasn't going to be quite as good as Luke's to him Okundiaki and he said do you make these and I said no I didn't my friend Luke did he said can I meet him yes I took him to the tent where Luke could feed fried yokey okundiaki so the photo you're looking at is of Barney shaking Luke's hand to say well done on the Okina and you can see there's a tray of Okanayaki as well

That is brilliant. So Luke has got a sort of, Luke is on the left as you look at the photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's more sort of relaxed. And more sober. Yeah, more sober because he'd be concentrating on his work, whereas Barney is wild with post-Occanayaki glee.

I can't believe that Barney threw up. Not, he threw up. And then was persuaded to have an Okomiaci, and it was all written, and then on top of that was thinking about his Burger King the next day. It's incredible. An incredible, man. I know, and I didn't get to know them any better,

but I feel I got to know everything I needed to know from that interaction alone. 100%. Yeah. What's this picture? We're going to go to picture number. What number are we on? Are we on number four? Well, yeah, we're, so.

This is a lovely picture. I wasn't sure which of these two. Oh, will you tell me? Well, you know, I think you're looking at this one. So why not? It's, um, so this is a photo of, uh, me, uh, my daughter, my brother. my brother, my sister, my brother's

absolutely wonderful long-term girlfriend, Julia, well, and then my old housemates and dearest friends, Matt and Holly, and my old university roommate, Sophie. Like, it's, as a concentration of people who mean a lot to me in a photograph,

you couldn't do much better. I mean, obviously, you know, my parents, etc. Some big hitters missing out. But one, two, three, four, five, it's a fantastic eight people in this photo. So left to right, it's me, Matt Holly, my sister with my daughter on her shoulders, my dear friend Sophie from university, and then my brother and Ludo and his girlfriend, Julia. And this was in, I can't see the date on it now.

We're at a march, we're to march in solidarity with the people of Palestine, which I reckon was probably about a year ago. So maybe May, May 24. So since autumn, 2023, I have not attended very many marches. I have tried to be vocal in other ways, as we've discussed. The march is obviously incredibly important things to attend if you can, and they're so special and you learn so much. But I usually have my daughter on a Saturday, and I've taken her to a couple.

But, and on this occasion, I did. And it was not a, it was a success, but it was not. not a successor, probably could do every, every fortnight. Because it's a, it's just, there's so much going on. But on this occasion, my brother and sister were going to be there. And I told her that we were going to go and see them and there were going to be a lot of people there. And that she asked, she asked if it was going to be a party. And I said, no.

And she said, is it a festival? And I said, no. And stop asking. You don't get it. I said, I said, there are people in the, in the world who are having a very difficult time. And we're going to show that we're thinking about them. And she was like, okay. And I was like, that was the end of that interaction.

But so like being there with him and Holly and with my own family and my friend Sophie, who's worked in the Middle East so much in her life as well, I felt very plugged into things that mostly I just experienced sort of horrifically on social media. And we should experience them horrifically on social media. But as with everything, getting offline and getting out into the street and having actually conversations is so much better. It was a bit stressful with Edie because there was just so much stuff going on and I talked

about this on stage at the key we did it together but she wanted to flag because lots of children on shoulders had flags and I'd said that we'd pick one up at a flag station but we must have missed the flag stations there are at the beginning of the march at the beginning at the beginning at the beginning you can get flags and badges but we met the group

sort of halfway down the march so you know you I mean, I'm afraid I'm literally just doing, telling something I said in the stand-up, but you know how as a parent, you'll often have conversations with other adults through the medium of a conversation with your child. You'll say like, oh, no, I'm sure that boy will get off the swing soon. There's lots of us waiting and he's been on for ages. And you're basically telling that boy's dad to fuck off. Yeah, yeah. So one of my pet hates that kind of voice. People don't do even when there aren't children involved. They do it at like the theatre.

Oh, I wish, isn't it annoying when people eat crisps? Really loudly. It's the most British thing in the world. In every other country, someone's going up to the parent going, can you tell your kids to fuck off? Because my kids are ready to go. That's what they're doing. Yeah, well, I think I aim to strike a good balance

between direct confrontation and elegant variation. But on this occasion, at a march in solidarity with the victims of the defining modern tragedy of our times I was loudly saying things like, maybe if someone else gets tired, they'll give you their flag. Did it work out? No, and nor should it have done. She was not entitled to that flag in any sense.

Did she learn that? Was it a learning day? No, she got an ice cream and then we went off. Then she forgot. It didn't matter. But yeah, that was a special day in, yes, a special day about an awful thing. and I hope you feel it is merited inclusion.

Yeah. So that's what that photo is about. Well, I love that photo and thank you for including it. Ivo, we're going to go to your last photo now, which is you presumably with one of your dear friends. Yeah, I'm afraid this isn't going to turn the cheer button up massively. Oh, no, I think I know who this friend is. Yeah, I must apologise, but I've, I did think a lot about my five.

And I thought two and three, you know, as sort of a festival tree in some Okanimaki world will keep things cheerful. But though there are lots of people and lots of photos in my life, and I've had this stress with the book a bit because the book is about most of the things that are most important to me and have been to me in the last couple of years. And you can't, you know, you can't get to everything and everyone. but there are some things that have really dominated my life and my head in the last couple of years and I've got a friend called Tom to whom my book is dedicated and large it's you know it's about lots of things but it is largely about how we as a group of friends have commemorated him because he and I were at uni together and he was a absolutely absolutely just a brilliant brilliant at work, brilliant at play.

And I'm quite good at play. And actually, I wasn't very good at work at uni. I dropped off and was nearly kicked out at one point. Tom got a double first in history. He loved history. He was so entertaining about it and passionate about it. And then he became a journalist and a sub-editor. And it worked for all these papers, worked for the Times,

for most of the last of his late 20s. And he loved stories and memories and photos. And he took photos all the time. He wasn't, you know, obsessing about, like, getting the right filters and stuff. He was just making sure he got the record in because, you know, our brains are all falling apart at this increasingly accelerated speed because of our phones. So it is important to get the record in if you can. And he was a really, yeah, I would have said, I would have said, I would. would have said even at the time that he was a huge influence on people for just like his memory

was insane and he could just and his ability to draw links between sort of different memories that you all shared together. He wrote, I've talked a lot about thank you letters. I've tried to make it a bit of a calling card but my thank you letters were nowhere near as long as charming and crucially as punctual as Tom's were. So he came to Edinburgh in 2020. He came nearly every year to sort of support and we'd always have a great, you know, a couple of days. And in 2022, he came because amazing sort of side hustle, as well as being a journalist who was by that point, he started to teach, he was not a mega royalist, but he did, he kept souvenirs of all the big front pages. He was most proud to have worked on. And obviously, inevitably, a lot of those are

to do with, you know, weddings or the platinum jubilee earlier that year. And summer 2022, it was like, I think we might be getting our biggest front page of all quite soon. But never mind that, because first we've got to have a big weekend in Edinburgh. And as well as being a journalist, he was doing a post-grad degree. And he was researching the Knights of Charles I. A lovely bit of 16th century research. And like in that way where it's like he was in the National Archive of Scotland reading letters. that perhaps, you know, very few, if not any,

people had ever read for his postgrad at Cambridge, which he was doing on the side. Whilst being an incredible friend and having got married the year before to my old, dear old friend chess, he was spinning plates. And he also came to watch my show. And we went to, I took him to some good shows. You know that pressure when a friend comes to the fringe.

And it's like, okay, particularly towards the end. And actually, I was pretty pleased. I booked us in for Sam Campbell and Liz King's. on the same night and they'd both got nominated the night before, which they shouldn't have been because they were only doing short runs and a short run is cheating. But, you know, they were good shows. And I'd had a thing that fringe as well where Tim Kee and I had been caught in the rain after a sort of weirdly hot start to the fringe.

The heavens had opened on the second weekend and we'd had to buy emergency anorax from the Scotland shop on Southbridge, which is one of those really long souvenir. shops just right at the centre of things by the Tron Pub. I said, let's get three, let's get one each, and then let's give one to someone else. And we made this thing at the fringe where you had to, we gave some of the jacket, and then they had to wear the jacket and they had to go to the Scotland shop and get another like 10 pound blue anorak with a little Scottish thistle on it and give it to someone else.

We created a cult, a sort of jacket-based cult, which we were very proud of. A jacket-based wave. I don't think we're allowed to say Mexican wave, are we? I think, listen, I think Mexican wave is probably still just about okay for a few more weeks. Anyway, so we, even though I do hate Mexico and it's people, that's the real issue here. Yeah, that's actually the real issue. And the language. And the language.

But if it wasn't for the wave, I'd sack it off completely to guys. But no, I just, of course, Rafael Marquez, the cassidia. So I, so we created a sort of blue-jacketed cult. And it was a very fun fringe. And Tom came up on the last weekend. And I think it was on the way. It's on the grass market. We're on a way to watch Liz Kingsman at the Traverse.

Got a little selfie with Edinburgh Castle in the background. And it's not a perfect photo. But compositionally, it's perfect. We're in it. The castle's in it. I'm wearing my blue jacket. And we go watch Liz Kingsman. And then he does a bit more research in the archive.

and then he goes home. And a couple of weeks later, the queen dies. And I know what a big weekend this is going to be for Tom. And I text him saying, can't wait, you know, don't want to be morbid, obviously, you know, very sad, an icon. But can't wait to hear about all of this. Because it was so exciting hearing me talk about, like, what it was like to be in the newspaper,

like when things like this were happening. And this is like, you know, the biggest thing. You know, there's articles for years about like Operation London Bridge and how much stuff was in place. But I never got to find any of that out because in a completely freak accident, in a road traffic accident that weekend, we lost Tom. And the last two years have basically been dominated by this group of friends from uni and his, you know, French from home. And of course, you know, his family and his wife, and I can't possibly pretend to know what that's like for them. But we have become a pretty tight group doing all these things in celebration of him that he loved watching his favorite movies and going to watch Bruce Springsteen together and doing poetry nights because he loved poetry.

And trying to sort of remember to do things that he was always very good at doing, like taking photos of things. Get the record in. Don't spend ages looking at your phone then. That's the thing I try to be proudest of to get the photo and then not even look at it. Just put phone in the pocket again. Phone in the pocket as much as possible or in the lockbox. My dream scenario is to have club nights where no one has phones, but there's a couple of photographers and videographers. So everything does get captured, but everyone is in the moment.

Anyway, it's a long old spiel. And I have to very clumsily and awkwardly say that, of course, a lot of it is in the book with the blessings. and encouragement and sub-editing of his friends and family who've been a big part of it. That's the last photo of us together. So yeah, thank you for letting me talk about it. I'm sorry that I talked about it for some time. No, you mustn't be sorry.

I got upset with the Palestine bit. You're allowed to get upset about this bit. Before you go, can we properly plug your book? Can we properly plug your Edinburgh show and your tour? Can we properly plug everything? Yes, the book, I'm very much. proud of the book and I have lost my mind over it a little bit so it would mean the world if anyone was prepared to and it's got and yes it's lovely to hear a child's voice because it does have

my daughter's drawings in it so it really is for all ages and then yes I'll be at the Edinburgh festival wearing orange doing a comedy show and a theatre show and a club night and then in January next year I'll be putting on a fantastic David Bowie party and a fantastic Arctic Monkeys party it's going to be big amazing interview thank you so much for those stories and sharing all that with us. Thank you so much for having me. I also just, it's such, of course it's such a lovely podcast. And I was listening to the Alex Keeley episode. And he's like, I was quite ashamed actually. He is my best friend. I've known him since January 2004. We've hung out pretty solidly since then. And in the last two years, have done, you know,

if not dozens of hours of podcasts together. But we've almost exclusively been talking about music from the mid-noughties. And he told you guys so much stuff about his personal life and childhood that I literally did not know. Well, that's the great thing about all the different pods and all the different things that people, you know, yours. Well, actually, it's worth us mentioning yours as well. Yes, actually very irresponsible. Not to plug that we are very proud of gigpigs,

a podcast about lots of music, but it's particularly if you enjoyed indie rock in the mid-noughties, you will not be short-changed. Okay. Thank you, friends. Thank you so much. You've been fabulous. I'm Max Rushden.

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