Memory Lane with Kerry Godliman and Jen Brister - S04 E25: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

"Maybe I mansplained slapping to a women (wrestler)... And when it came to it she just leathered me... Glasses came off... Blood coming out my mouth... I was concussed..." What an absolute joy to have Christopher Macarthur-Boyd on the podcast. I don't think we stopped laughing.  His stories about Disneyland, doing mascot work, trying out wrestling (see above)... and so many more... They just kept on coming. Christopher is doing Edinburgh and will also be on tour soon after - buy a ticket, enjoy the ride. He also hosts the brilliant podcast - HERE COMES THE GUILLOTINE - with Frankie and Susie McCabe - which is also brilliant. PLUS... Kerry and Jen chat about baking... which is mostly reassuring. JEN & KERRY STAND-UP TOURS Kerry's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/kerry-godliman-tickets/artist/1866728 Jen's 2025 tour is on sale now - https://www.jenbrister.co.uk/tour/ PHOTOS PHOTO 1: Waistcoats PHOTO 2: Wrestling PHOTO 3: Disneyland PHOTO 4: Zip work PHOTO 5: Bassist PICS & MORE - https://www.instagram.com/memory_lane_podcast/ A Dot Dot Dot Production produced by Joel Porter Hosted by Jen Brister & Kerry Godliman Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. pretty tales. Hello and welcome to Memory Lane. I'm Jen Bristair and I'm Kerry Godleman. Each week we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guest as they bring in four photos from their lives to talk about. To check out the photos we'd be having a natter with them about, they're on

the episode image and you can also see them a little bit more clearly on our Instagram page. So have a little look at Memory Lane podcast. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Elsie's gone off to Malaga today. She's gone on a little joint to Spain. Oh my God, it's all starchy. She's gone to Malaga for a girl's week away. Yeah. Oh, she goes. She's a proper grown-up now. She's a grown-up now.

She's a grown-up. I mean, she's not. She's a child, but she's still a grown-up. Yeah. But she's a... What do they call grown-up children? Gildren. Gildren. She's a griiled. She's a griiled. That's what... You should write that book. What? Gryles. Grildren.

I mean, I'm pretty close to a growled myself. When do your kids break up? Oh my God. Very soon next week. Ready? Like that's something stupid. Like this is what I don't. This is, okay, just a little bit of a thing with schools.

Break up on a Friday. Don't break up on a fucking Monday. It's even weirder when they go back on a Thursday. You're like, what's the point? They go back on a Thursday. So on a Monday. On the head. I don't understand why, but my children appear to be breaking.

up on Monday. What? I'm like, we could have finished this all on Friday. We're going to have the whole weekend for them to go back to school. Stupid. Stupid. Wow. Surely no one will be there on that Monday.

They'll just be a post-it note on a door. Oh, my kids will be there because I've got shit to do. It's not childcare, Jen. It's school. Whatever. Childcare school, the Venn diagram when you stick it together, that bit in the middle. It just happens to work very well. Okay, so they break up Monday.

I believe so. And then that's it. School holiday. School's out for summer. School is out for summer. Yeah. Do you want me to sing that? No.

Schools out for summer. Have we had any complaints about this? I feel like we must have. Schools are for summer. It's out forever. That's the next one. Oh yeah. Schools are forever.

Is that ACDC? No, I think it's Alice Cooper. Oh, Alice Cooper, yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, just trying to cast my mind back to the 90s. But you've really nailed how much I dislike that song. Yeah, I know, but you've got to sing it every summer. I've sang it every summer.

I've sang it every summer. Have you? Yeah. It explains a lot. And are you ready for summer to school to be out? Yes, I am. I'm ready for summer to be schooled out. And I have pretty much more.

or less almost completely but not entirely. Taking them off. Got August off, yeah. Yes. Well done. Well done. That's a big deal for you. It is a big deal for me because you know I don't like taking time off but I do but I just don't ever do it.

Are you excited about summer? Am I excited about summer? Kerry? Of course I am. It's my favourite, favourite season of the year. I know that yours is autumn or spring. No, I love summer. Summer's my time.

No, no. I've already said, no. Summer can't be your time. Summer's my time. We have had autumn is your time because of, you like, autumn. No, I like summer. I've always love summer. Summer is now my time.

You have autumn and spring. And I've just said summer's my time. You can't have summer. No one's easy to what winter. I haven't piggybacked onto autumn and fucking spring. This isn't how season, Jen. This isn't how seasons work. That is on this podcast, okay?

So, anyway, let's rewind. So you're asking me about summer. I get some really excited about summer from summer. What are you looking for? summer's your season, not mine. Yeah, it is. Not yours. And what do you look forward to to summer? I look forward to sunshine. Yeah. I don't always get it, but I look forward to it. I think, oh, that would be nice to see. You like the heat, don't you? You're like one of those geckos that sit on a rock. I like a bit of heat. I don't actually like sunbathing. Just FYI.

No, but you like lolling about in the heat. I like lolling. I love a lull. In the shade. Yeah. Reading a book. Maybe a little cold beer on the side. A little swim in the sea. I'll swim in the bloody sea I could spend all day in the sea And I just love the idea Of like look Staying up late Staying up late

Reading a book reading And today I really enjoyed cook I spent all day just with the With the garden doors open Yeah Put a podcast on And I baked a cake

And then I cooked to dinner And I had a lovely time I just had such a lovely time Yeah that's a lovely thing to do I was whisking, folding the flour. I thought, who am I? I'm a woman that bakes. Yeah, I see you that way.

I know that's in you. I forgot to put the baking powder in. It was a disaster. But. Oh, that is key. I am a woman who bakes now. Not well. And not with anything that anyone would want to eat afterwards.

But boy, a boy. It's the action of the thing, isn't it? I actually didn't even, I haven't even eat. I didn't try it. The kids were like, it's very solid, mom, but it tastes good. I said, great. I haven't tried it. It could be absolutely inedible.

But the children ate it. I covered it in custard. They didn't notice that it was a block. There's a solid place for moms that can't bake. My mum used to make cakes that looked like shit and she used to call them cow pack cakes. I don't think kids care. They're like, is it sweet?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was sweet. This obsession with aesthetic perfection. Ah, I've given up on all that. Yeah. I don't think I ever, I don't, to be honest, I never tried. Have you put a bit of icing sugar on? You can make it look like it was meant to look like that.

No, but your care. cakes are really good. What was that cake you made? You made like an orange drizzle. Well, I've got a repertoire of two and both of them work and I've done both of them for years and I very rarely deviate. Well, if you want to bring that one back. All right. I'll bring it back. That was a good one actually. I haven't made that for a while. It was absolutely insane. I was, I actually thought. It's got Palentia in it. It's a Palentta orange cake. God. I don't even know what Palentera is, but what an absolute joy it was in my taste buds. And I don't eat cake as you know. You boil an orange. You boil an orange. You

boil an orange and then you pulp it and mix it into the cake. Oh, that sounds like too much work. No, I'm out. What are you talking about? Boiling an orange makes the whole house smell of an orange. And you can just be doing other things while the orange is boiling. I'm going to watch it. It's just an added thing now. I can't be boiling oranges. I haven't got time. But you just described yourself as a baker. I know. I just said I baked something. But if I had to hang around from... And then you evolved to conversation about baking. Then I say boiling an orange and you shut me down. Yeah, I just, I can't do that. And also you brought polenta into it.

No, I don't know what's going on now. You don't even know what polenta is. I bet there's some in your larder. I've never seen a larder like it. I don't know what polenta. If you walked into that pantry, a larder larder pantry, whatever that is, your walk-in wardrobe of food, you would see. I bet if you had a rifle through, it's probably alphabet eyes.

Look under Pee for polenta. I bet you'd find polenta. Well, if we did, it would probably be from 2006, because I have never used it. Probably, probably would have bought some. If someone wants to let me know what polenta is, answers on a postcard too. I think it's a flower alternative. It's a grain. What?

It's a grain. It's a grain. It's a grain. It's a grain. Well, it's a grain that's definitely added. And ground almonds. Palenta ground almonds and a boiled orange. Oh, you're boiling an orange and I'm grinding almonds.

I don't grind them. Someone else ground them. I'm not grinding almonds. Fucking hell. I'm not, you know. I'm not like. All right, Mary Berry. Jesus Christ.

Medi evil woman with a man. Massive pestil and mortar grinding almonds. Do you know, that's the kind of thing I imagine in your fucking wicker rocking chair, grinding almonds, pulping orange. I'm going to send you a picture of my rocking chair. Like a Sicilian grandmother. I can't wait to be a grandmother. Oh, God.

You always can't wait until the next bit, which is closer to death. Well, I'm living like a grandmother anyway, so I might as well. Let's just enjoy this. Actually, I think this decade, the 50s, enjoy it because the 60s things the wheels are going to start falling off. Let's just enjoy this 10 years. Yes. With the wheels still on.

Yes, yes, fully wheeled. What was that wee Japanese thing? You were saying it was a Japanese, like Japanese, like, I want to call them, you know, those Japanese. Crispy things. Yeah, but they're called, they're not called crispy things. Have we started? Oh, fuck, we've started.

Jesus Christ, Chris. I'm so sorry, mate. So, thank you for coming. Listen, I can't believe how jam packed your schedule is. It's a miracle we got you today. I mean, like, you're just talking about what you're doing today. It's horrendous. That's unusual for me.

Yeah, but it's, oh, good. It's a bottleneck. I'm a very lazy person. It's a pre-Edinburgh bottleneck situation. Wow, yeah, right there. Yeah, you're literally like, and we got you. We got you in that scheduling jenga nightmare.

You're here. Thank you so much for having me in your lovely studios. Oh, God. This has been great. Haven't we enjoyed the studio a lot? Aye. It's only because it's free food and we just. yammed it all

yeah we're total peasants we just turned up and you went this is cool and we played with a tap and ate all the snacks

they got hot taps I can't go over hot taps really I just I never saw it coming no I never looked at a tap

and went this could get better so right we didn't need it nobody needs it but you could say that about so many things I like it I'm into it

lots of people who got them we've got to invest that's the next I don't know anyone who's got one in real life. Oh, so many people. We've talked about this out. We already talked about this.

People have got them. You're in denial. Name a person. I bet you they've got a hot tap. I am in denial, you're all right. Name a person. There's loads of people we know they've got hot taps. But Frankie's got one.

But he's got three hot taps. I don't know. I bet he has. I like to think of him with one of those Kelly Kettles. That's how I imagine he's making hot water. Yeah. I think the only time I've seen one of Glasgow is. in the studio that I record my podcast

that. So maybe it's just a... Real people haven't got them. Your people are still happy with a kettle. It's going to be people listening. We didn't need to upgrade that system. Yeah, there's people listening to this and they've got a hot tap.

They're actually making a cup of tea while they listen to this right now using their hot tap going, I've got a hot tap, Kerry Gaddleman. All I think of is hot tap is health and safety nightmare because you're going to hurt yourself. Why?

Why would you hurt yourself? Golding. Well, why you put your hand under a hot tap? Touching it. It's touching it. Well, it's not hot. It's boiling. I mean, there's a difference there.

Yeah, well so's the kettle. You don't put your hand under the kettle. You go, what, this is dangerous? I know, but there's so much room for, like, just brushing against it. Skulled face! It's not how taps work. If you have spoons for hands. Spoons for hands.

Anyway, we've drifted. We've, like, completely done a flipping 90 degree. I'm going to open these photos, which you've already told us and not in any sort of order. No, these were just a Facebook deep dive. God bless Facebook. Is that where you got them? Just went, let's go back to the earliest pictures I could find on Facebook.

Like stuff I would have shown as at 16-year-old going, look at me when I was 11 or something like that. Right, right. Because when you were a kid, Facebook was the thing. Right. When we were kids, yeah, this doesn't matter. I love this picture of you as a baby with Danny Dyer. Is that what we've settled on?

I've decided your dad looks a little bit like Danny Dyer. So what year is this? What year? Oh, let me take a look at that. I think if I'm wearing a wee waistcoat. 1848. Well, it does look pure. It does.

You're both wearing a waistcoat. My dad's wearing a kind of fetching Gothic cowboy waistcoat. And I'm wearing a more kind of Rupert the Bear style. Baby appropriate. Yeah. But your dad, you can't time this

because your dad's got a goatee. And they come in and out. They come in and out. But you can tell they were in. that he was about that time where it was goatee one earring. Yeah. Yeah. That was a particular time in the 90s, wasn't it?

Is this the 90s? It got to be 1990s. This is a very 90s. He couldn't get more 90s. This is like, everyone's listening to the water boys. This is what. I was born with the whole of the moon plane just in the background, I think. Listen, the way your dad, that waistcoat is telling me the whole of the moon,

fisherman's blues. Tell us about your dad Is there a story to this picture The actual picture We must have been I think I remember sitting for it Even as a baby

You remember being that little I Definitely And being like What's going on And I think my mum and dad Were about like Why are we sitting for this

Why do we all just go through With these studio Sessions And everyone's feeling Awkward and wrong And yet we press on with it Culturally is a thing I've ever done one of those.

There's some of me as a kid, my brother, that little. Yeah. But not as a family. I did them for like, you know, school. No, no, but these are families. They're a very specific thing. And we just sat together. My sister and my mum was there as well.

But we had like a whole sweet. And I like the expression on my face on this one. It's kind of. I have to say, you are an extraordinarily cute baby. Thank you so much. I mean, like some babies, you're like, okay, I don't know what's happening there. Some babies grow into their face.

You're in your face. You're in your face. Yeah, I've grew out my face. My face was perfect for a baby's head and now disconcerting on an adult man. But why have you picked this one out of what was clearly a whole album of shots? I just think it's like we're both wearing waistcoats. You're both wearing waistcoats.

That was a decision by, not me. It's called Neil. Neil. He's a hairdresser. Right. Oh, is he? He's a gothic. hairdresser. What do you mean a gothic hairdresser? She just felt loads of sleeve tattoos and

piercings. Right, right. You close to your dad? I would say so. Yeah, we went for dinner recently. Well, that's something. Yeah, but that's happening. You could say that about loads of people I suppose but we went for dinner, colleagues. What does he come to your gigs? He came to see me at the pavilion there when I had done my big show in Glasgow. Oh, that's great. And I got a royal box for him and my mom and Manny Ann Marie and my uncle Jerry and they were all in the Royal Box

and then so only everybody was like man everybody could see the Royal Box and everybody could tell that was your mum and dad really? Because they just look like me like he just he's kind of he doesn't have the quite the same look anymore he's kind of greyed out and his glasses he's got glasses and a bit bigger so he looks a lot more like me

and everybody was like oh that's his mum and dad because they're in the Royal Box Yeah that's cute though. Did they feel kind of sick like there was a lot of material about them. Okay. And I think they were a bit like... Why did you put us?

Yeah. Why did you put us in a place where everyone can stare at us? Yeah. I think it's tricky, isn't it? When your mum and dad are in. I should put them there. Yeah, but what do you do? So, because we've talked about this a lot about talking about family or friends or anyone

that you're very close to where you do a bit of material and you don't even hide that it's about them. How do you then approach that with your family? Like with your, you know, with your parents. I think they just have to, there's a wee bit in the Life Aquatic with Steve Zisou, where there's like a journalist who shows up

and is like interrogating him and he's being a bit of a deck as he is in that film. And then at the end he goes, do you know what? I said those things. I did those things. Put it in your article.

And I think your mum and dad can I have to go, well, I said those things. Yeah. And if somebody talks about it on stage, 20 years later, we should have a fucking... Did they have good sense of humour?

That's the trick though, isn't it? they have a good sense of humor? Yeah, they are really, yeah. I think it's really delicate humor with your parents and when you've become a comedian. Because we all use our loved ones. That's what, that's sick. That's the stuff.

I know, but it's like, I, I know. I agree. Like, and I, at the moment, I'm using my, my partner is definitely, like, Chloe's definitely featuring a lot in this show. And, yeah, it's kind of delicate. Delicate. And then it's made more delicate.

When you put them in a royal, box. They were a little bit in me for a lot of it. Everybody was like, wow, I hope his dad's okay with this. His mom's okay with it. But they must be proud also. I think they were pretty proud, yeah.

My Uncle Jerry was proud because the last time he's seen me. Well, the last time they four came to see me, it was at the fringe like nine years ago and it was in the attic above the counting house and a 30 seater. And there was like a hindoo in and everybody was sweaty and they were

hot in that room. My uncle Jerry is like quite a volatile personality. and he was ready for just leather in this hinder like six women from bath and he was ready for just getting up. I feel like I'm in that room. When you said six women from bath I was like oh fuck I know he's good laugh.

Is that what friends from? Is that for? No not Bathgate. I'm talking about Bath Spa. Oh. So he was really upset with these women and he was ready for leather in them and I think to go from a 30 seater

to like a 1,000, 400 siter and they were like, oh, he's doing us now. It's awful when they see you in those shithole rooms at the beginning. They just like, oh my God, do we need a family intervention? But at the time, yeah, or a fucking breakdown. Yeah, they're thinking that. But at the time, I remember inviting people to things, which now I'm like, oh my God, why did I invite them to that? It was absolutely horrendous.

Because that's all you're doing at that time in your career. Exactly. So you're like, this is normal. Yeah. I'm in a 50-seater room and there's four of us. I know. And there's them on my parents. Yeah.

And you go, there is a plan. There is a trajectory. this is the foothills. And they're like, Jesus Christ, what are you doing with your life? So I think whatever you're saying about them, there is on some level

just like sheer relief. Like, thank God. Like, this is embarrassing that he's saying the stuff about me, but I mean, at least he's not in the attic anymore. Uncle Jerry's not, you know, rolling his shirt sleeves up

and glaring menacingly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Middle-aged women from Bath. Celebrating women. Tim's new Cravable Raps are made for the times your boss said the what now or your teacher mentions that thingamabob need to pick me up snack back to reality

with Tim's new craveable wraps available in Chipotle or ranch plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for limited time this is this the next one oh I so my dad's a hairdresser that's quite an extreme haircut you got there was an extreme haircut which one are you holding up there are yet so to explain this that's a side of me profile that man no no oh shit oh no it's this a It's a W-W. That's a wrestling thing.

It's a wrestling thing. How'd you know that? Because as I looked at it, I went, oh, that's not Batman at all. That's a wrestling thing. I can't tell you which wrestling. Quite an obscure wrestler, so I'm very impressed at your knowledge. Is it, it's not The Undertaker? No. I don't know.

It's a guy called The Hurricane. Oh, the Hurricane. Who was like a kind of, he was like a deluded guy who thought that he was a superhero. Okay. Like, in character, he was like, I'm really strong. But he was like, I loved him when I was a wee boy. because he was like a wee guy but he thought he could take on the big guys.

Okay. I was like, this guy's great. My dad took me to Manchester to see the wrestling, WWRWA, and he dyed my hair green like the wrestler. And he painted my face like the wrestler.

Oh, yes, I can just see that at the top, yeah, your hair's green. But the thing you look out of that picture, if you kind of see it, do you know how some people have like a Nike tick or Adidas shaved at the back of the head? My dad would shave. He's like a kind of frustrated artist,

I think, and he would like spend hours like shaving really intricate logos into the back of my head like that mask so that exact his logo was on the back of my head Oh what this guy The wrestler's logo

Oh wow I mean people were impressed in the MN arena They were going wow This wee boys really put a shift in Yeah well Like the hurricane How old do you know

A 2000 I would have been 11 there That must have been thrilling I was thrilled 11's a great age To feel those feels Yeah Yeah

To have your dad do an intricate amazing thing on your head and take you to that I just remember being the hotel afterwards in Manchester purely scrubbing the green out like no it's too green but yeah I had like a yang yang shaved out in the back of my head and

other wrestling stuff in the back of my head that's quite interesting that you were like really into wrestling because I think now there's like this affinity isn't there between wrestlers and comedians which I wasn't aware of I'm not aware of that so wrestlers and comedians

Since she's getting bleaker and bleaker this. I'm thinking of Mickey Rourke in the wrestler now. That's where my brain's going. Well, I mean, there is a bit of that. There is, I think a lot of wrestlers, and a lot of wrestlers are kind of really into comedy, and a lot of comedians are really into wrestling. So there is this, like, mutual admiration, isn't there?

There's a guy called Jerry Bakewell. Jerry, he's a British wrestler. And he does comedy as well But he's both So he's shown up to like open mics Are like actual gigs in London And his pants with like no shirt on And a mask talking about being Jerry Bakewell

I've not worked with him yet But I'm excited to Yeah I'm excited to see him in his pants He's from London I think Right Jerry Bakewell's a name that stays in your head Yeah you're not going to forget Jerry Bakewell So and when you were like growing up As a kid that loved wrestling

What was it you know in Glasgow What was it that you wanted what were you like? I wanted to be a stand-up and I wanted to be a wrestling. Really? So you already knew you wanted to be a stand-up at 11? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really? I was in school. I seen Jack D on TV and I was like, this is amazing. And then I was in school and there was a thing that was like, would you want to be a stand-up? And I said, I'll just be a stand-up.

All the girls were like, I would be a marine biologist that worked with dolphins. And I was like, I want to be Jack D. Really? Yeah, I thought he was, he was scrumpy and I was like, what's grumpy mean?

Grumpy? Grumpy? Oh, I think it's scrumpy. I thought, shit he's going into words now. He's a worst country legend. You're not grumpy. You don't just don't me as grumpy, so I love it that you... I thought I was when I was a child.

Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? The voices we dig when we're young in comedy, and you think, that's, I get that, I connect with that, but it might not be... No, I'm not going to see you as grumpy. I love Victoria would. We could not be further apart. Think about it.

Yeah. I mean, there's, yeah. Did you have a different voice when you started? I don't think I had a voice I think I was very much concentrating on I will be speaking and there is noise coming out I don't I don't

it's such a long time ago I don't think I remember what my persona if I had one was I had a pure deep voice the first like five gigs I did and I put on a really deep voice and spoke like that intentionally yeah yeah the crowd was just like what's going on with this weekend

because you were experimenting with a voice literally yeah I was like this is probably what comedians sound like they probably put real deep voices I mean I think I was aggressive no no okay actually maybe my persona hasn't changed

but I don't think I ever changed my voice but I definitely did stuff to like protect myself so I probably would have been I remember I tell you what it was I tell you what I never did I never smiled on stage and I remember Ian Stone actually

was the comedian. I was at the comedy cafe and I was doing a 20 there and it didn't go well and I came off and I went oh God that didn't go well and he went, have you thought about looking like you're

just something to think about. Have you thought about letting the audience know that you want to be there and smiling or looking like you're enjoying you now? And I went oh I hadn't thought about that. Genuinely. I love it that Ian said that to you.

Yeah, this was such a long time. time ago but I do I do remember thinking that the way to protect myself was not to reveal any emotion yeah and I think the way to protect yourself when you start is oh oh don't fart with me yeah yeah it's like a defense mechanism isn't it to just be like deadpin a lot a comedians are deadpan when they start and then they kind of yeah weirdly jack he was the opposite yeah that's true so he was like all smiling like then in the end he was like that's not working And he came out one day He was really fucked off

And I think his kids were young And he was tired And he just went Oh Jesus Christ Everything's crap And everyone went Yeah Yeah

Sort of stumbled on his voice Well it is That is his voice No I know But he stumbled on it In fact Yeah yeah Yeah

Yeah It is a I'm slightly fascinated When people like yourself Like know They want to do it From being a kid Because I think that

might be generational Because I don't know Like there were I suppose It's sort of Like a profession Well it was on TV's

We're in a suit Yeah, that's a job You must be able And then definitely when like Kevin Bridges and Frankie Boyle were both on TV at the same time You were like, oh, you can do this even if you know There was a load of really

Great comedians as And great comedians from Glasgow Who you could go Oh that's like if you It's like that thing If you see it you can do it on you You like can be it But yeah that I mean like literally

That wasn't there when we were growing up so much Not as much When did you say no to the wrestling When did you part ways with that as an ambition? Don't say no, Chris. I've done it once. I've done wrestling. I was recently contacted by a

I now ex-WW wrestler who said, listen, I've got a gem in Glasgow if you want to come down and I'll kind of throw you about a wee bit and I'll teach you how to fall and stuff and I had one wrestling experience in Clyde Bank outside of Glasgow and they got me to be like

do you know when wrestling they'll be like a big muscular guy and then he'll have like a wee annoying guy next to him of suit. They were like, come down and be the wee guy who winds everybody up. Oh, right. So it's all loads of character work and kind of performative love up. It was so scary.

It's like Panto. Yeah. It's a lot like, it's like Panto, ballet and stuntman acrobatic. It's like loads of different things. The costumes as well. I love the colours and yeah. I wore a kind of wearing a yellow shirt today, but I wore a mustard, Cuban collar and a grey suit.

And I was just... It's really hard because when you do stand up, like even in a rowdy club, like people are listening. See when you go out and you go, oh, these people are disgusting. People just scream at you. Like in the crowd, they're just like, be. Like I've never been, like I've been booed in stand up, but I've never been booed by like a hundred people at once. How did that feel? It felt horrible.

Oh, great. I was a character, but I was like, guys, I'm trying my best. And that's kind of the point you weren't at me boo, but it felt just. just because I was used to people laughing. But if you've done it more and then a bit more and a bit more, like all things, you go, oh, I know how to pull the levers on this so I could lean into this.

But one of the wrestlers slapped me, and this was like set up. They were like, Lanna's going to slap you tonight. And I think maybe it must be a kind of hard male-dominated industry and maybe I said the wrong thing to her or something. I think she was kind of upset that I came over and I was like, so how are you going to slap me? can you just talk me through it?

Someone told me that maybe if I put my neck out you can hit the neck and it won't be on the face. And I think maybe a mansplained slap into a woman and she was like, I'll fucking show you how. And she just leathered me like hard as she could in the face. My glasses flew off my face. Blood started coming out of my mouth. I had a row of ulcers up inside my mouth.

I was like bleeding. And I hit my head on the barrier on the way down. Oh my God. And then I was concussed and stuff. No, she's not supposed to hit you like, Chris. No, you weren't manspraning just a bit of health and safety. I think, I think. Listen, it's been a while since I've explained it to anybody.

Didn't tell you were explaining it. You were just like, can you just prep me? It sounded like your anxieties were very much at the surface and you needed some reassurance. Yeah, that's what I would say. I'll reassure you with this. It was crazy. Oh, that sounds horrible. I've never been hit like that in my entire life.

Okay. The wrestling dream. I've explained this to wrestlers and they were like, listen, if you do it again, we'll look after to you a wee bit better than that. But yeah, I'm just not very... You're going to do it again. Don't do it again. Don't do it again. I'm mad. A guy called Wolfgang said I can go to his gym and he'll show me how it works.

And you're in your... you fancy that? I'm just not a very like physically adept person, I would say. Like I'm quite frail and bruiserable. I'm like a peach. So I just don't think the wrestling life's for me. right also you don't want to get like a right hook from some Mardi woman again no I really don't want that for you I don't want that for you Chris I can't believe she completely levered you and your mouth bled

and you fucking cast I think I said to like how am I going to make it look real oh she was like I'm sorry I'm doing it's real and the sound the crowd made even though they were booed me earlier when she hit me in my face spun round like that the crowd was like oh what did you say sorry I just need to like go back to this there was no discussion afterwards It was kind of just wipe the blood off your lips and go back to your getting the train back to Glasgow. I'm not okay with that.

I wish my uncle Jerry was there. You know? Yeah, I suppose. Me too. I'm, I mean, it does make stand-up seem like appealing after that. I'm just going to say stand-ups got nothing on that. Yeah, exactly. I don't think we need to.

I think maybe as a kind of one-off experience. It was a wonderful. It was wonderful. Yeah, you're like, stand-up's great. And I'm fearless in that arena because I've experienced that arena. And I got that point in it called like paying your dues in wrestling and that's kind of like

Was that her paying you paying? Yeah, it's called like breaking you into the industry and basically they kind of rough house here a wee bit and then if you stick around to go you're tough enough for this and I just didn't pass the test at all but it's just because I lost stand-up work that I was already doing stand-up

and I lost a bit of work that weekend because I couldn't speak because it was so many else's in my mouth Oh Chris! So I was like nah sorry guy they asked me for doing another show I was like, I'm sorry, I can't do it?

And they were like, come on, it's a bigger show. It's going to be really, you should slap twice this time. Yeah, I'm really glad you made that decision. It was a really, I feel like the decision to choose stand-up might have been, yeah, it was kind of like already there. But the 11-year-old, you, the wrestling fan, just had that itch that you wanted to scratch. Oh, and it scratched. Yeah, we've done that out. To the point where blood was coming out.

It's done now. Yeah, yeah, I'm not up for, I'm not really interested in doing wrestling again. Chris, let's go to your next picture I'm not sure which one it is There's a picture of you with some Oh well look Oh, I Which one is it

I would go for the make Oh, the horse The horse Aye Okay, talk to us What's going on in this picture? Well Chris, is that you?

That's me, you know Oh my God I did not know that was you I was like, who is that young lass It's like Is that your sister? No, that's me How, Chris, what, did you

Okay I had a a metal head phase Right You were well You were deep in it here I was deep Shoulder length hair

Mm-hmm Um You look Can't remember why I took my glasses off Thank you very much You do I did have a kind of Genderless

Wayfish quality Yeah How old are you in this picture Oh I think I would have been 14 15 You look very much

Like someone I went to university With in this picture What was her name Her name. But that's me in Disneyland, I think, or Bush Gardens or something. The eye contact with that horse is unsettling, isn't it? He's really...

Oh, what? I did not know that horse. It's just more than I want from a horse. Aye. That's very direct. It's like a human is trapped in the horse. To me, this is one of the strangest pictures I've ever been in. I think if we just had it like that, if you cropped it to that, that's just the perfect crop.

But the horse is peop. The horse's penis, your thumb is up, your genderless, the eye contact. And the composition. I'm really worried about the eye contact with the horse and the penis is just popping out. Always horse's penises of pressing out. There's a confederate flag on my t-shirt. I thought. What's going on here?

That's what I was going to say. Can we talk about the flag? It's the fucking weirdest picture we've had on the board. I mean, so fucking creepy. So I didn't know the confederate flag was like. like basically an American swastika. I didn't know that it meant such horrible things. Deeply racist.

Because it was Dukes of Hazard times. Well, yes. I mean, we literally watched a show with a bunch of guys driving around with the Confederate flag on the roof of their car. And we're all like, that's okay. I remember being in school and saying, oh, why is the Confederate flag like the Scottish flag? And they were like, oh, they're kind of related.

That's kind of like, you know, there was some Scottish people who went over there and did that. and you're like, oh, that's great. But they didn't explain when they got there, they started the KKK. There's so many footnotes they left out of school. Well, that's brilliant. They went over there and, yeah, they set up a nice community.

That's good. And then you're like, why are they called the clown? Oh, because of Scottish. Right, okay. I did not know that. Aye, they were, they, I. It was kind of, it's an interesting thing, but it's kind of like they made a,

film when they got there and they kind of made up an idea of Scotland and then they copied that. Right. So it's a kind of fake version of Scotland. We never had the hoods or anything like that. All kind of nationalism outside of the country is like a fake version of it. It's like it's just, you know, it's like have you ever been to Gibraltar?

No. It's the weirdest place you'll ever go to. Like, oh this is England. You're like, it's not. It really is it. I just don't understand Gibraltar. They've got the telephone boxes and like they've got the old post. So it's like Disney.

is a real place. It's Disney, yeah, it's like a little village Disneyland at the bottom and a rock in Spain and they're like, and there's loads of monkeys. And there's monkeys, yeah.

As with our in most places if you come to the UK. I don't know if you've been to Woking recently. Yeah, it's filled with Maccax. Maccax, yeah. So I think I had,

I was kind of going through a rock phase. I was really learning my Queens of Stone Age and I like the band Leonard Skinnerd. Leonard Skinner. really racist bands I've never heard of them they have free bird

you know that one oh wow yeah it's basically a clan anthem yeah it's a clan I had some to an extent yeah

and then they had sweet home Alabama oh sweet home Alabama that's a cover isn't it that's an old no that's Linnard Skinnered

I thought that was like really old like a 60s so yeah that's what I was into back then oh I see I thought you meant it was a

contemporary band no no no no it's a contemporary design for a classic band is what it said on the label. I, and I just, I didn't know the, and I remember being in Disneyland

and having that t-shirt on that day and like, just walking about with a Confederate flag of my t-shirt. And I remember a black girl saying to me, like, I like your shoes because I had these cool converse on, but then she looked up and seen the flag and she was like, oh, no mind.

And I was like, my God. So I just think it's a mad photo. And there's horse's penises out. Is that a real horse or a picture of a horse? A real horse that was making eye contact with the photographer. Who took you to Disneyland?

I can't believe Uncle Jerry showed up so much on this but it was a big old trip we got a villa somewhere and like kissing me and we went to Is this an Orlando? It's like outside Orlando

Okay Yeah, it's like they're walking So weird Orlando isn't it? Yeah What a fucking weird place Never been there. Have you not? Wow

you're not missing anything. No. So a big bunch of your family. It was a mega holiday. Me, my cousin Daniel, my uncle Jerry, my auntie, my mom, my dad, my granda. Wow. And my nana. Whoa.

Trip of a lifetime. That is a trip of a lifetime, isn't it? Yeah, it was for his, this must have been a 70th or something. Right. I don't think he was that into Disney. You know, as a 70-year-old, as a 70-year-old taxi driver, I don't think he was that interested in the Disney. theme park experience. And when you go to Florida

in for Disney, do other days in other parts of Florida or is it like we're just here for Disney? It was Disney and other things from there. Can you? Yeah, yeah, there was a wee kind of swamp next to the place we were staying

and there was hurricanes and lightning storms and crocodiles. And 100% humidity. Oh, yeah. I've never really understood the Disney thing really. Like it's a whole lot, wrapping a holiday around it.

Yeah. Like I have been, but it's because I've been near them and I've gone well we better do Disney because we're in the area do I mean like coming back from a camping holiday in France to the kids like we'll come back through Paris and do it

but I wouldn't Florida's a fucking long way to go to just go to Disney the weird thing was not at I named maybe nine people who went on that trip none of us were interested in Disney the slightest my big sister loves Disney

she was not one of the names I mentioned going so she didn't even go She didn't even get asked if she wanted to go. What? And like she was like, why am I not going? I love Disney so much. Like she had all the DVDs that have this thing in Disney culture and it's like the vault. And like you can only get Aladdin on DVD for so many months and she would like pre-order them.

And you know, she was obsessed with Disney. And then she asked my mom to bring back some Disney merch. Yeah. You know, as a kind of, hey, I'm not there. But use her there. a wee souvenir and my mum instead brought her back

merchandise from the M&M shop and my sister I don't think she's ever recovered I was going to say I mean that's going to really define the relationship Not only is your sister not invited To go to the very place

That she's always dreamed of going Yeah her mecca Yeah But not even Not even like a t-shirt No a mug She got an M&M's pencil case Has she been to Disney since

I don't think she can bring herself to Oh I'm not quite pretty well with this finding this tricky I need to get my sister on here to hear her this is going to be quite triggering for your sister tell her not to listen

to this podcast she's only seen me do stand up once and it was by accident what did you mean she went to see Russell Kane and I was opening for him and she was in the front row

I didn't see it I was in the King's Deer in Glasgow I went out and I was like hey that does my set didn't go that great and then I came off and I got a text and I would get a text for her

I think she's still kind of better about the the M&M stuff and the Disney stuff and she went Did you see me and I was like, what are you talking about? And I just piqued my head out while Russell was on.

I seen through his wee legs. I see my sister's face in the front row. I was like, what the fuck? That is so surreal. It was like a nightmare, yeah. I'm getting the vibes that you and your old sister aren't super close. No. How can you recover in a relationship when that's...

I remember saying my mum, don't get her M&M stuff. She doesn't like M&M's. How old is she when you all, whole family went to Florida without her? I think it was because why would have been 14, she would have been 20. So she'd left home, moved on and all that. No, she hadn't moved out yet. She was still at home. And you took every member of the family except her.

Wow, that's quite harsh. That's harsh. That is a real kick in the regime, isn't it? Yeah, it would be. Yeah. I mean, I think Disney's horrific, so she, you know, but she clearly didn't. And I know that culty vibe with the Disney's. I did a gig recently, and I usually have a bit of tap chat.

and people share their touch to me. And this one woman was like, I'm, I've got Disney. And she just had all the princesses. Oh, that's not okay. And I said, this is what's going on. Yeah. And she was like, I just, I just love it. So it's that kind of devotion.

Disney adults, they call them a Disney adult. A Disney adult. They're the people that go, they are the ones that go without any children. No, it's, no, but you see them. I mean, the thing about going to that one, the only one thing I will say about Orlando in the way that it differs, if you go to Disneyland or you go to Disney Paris is that they create like

it's genuinely like a world that's where they call it Disney World It was wonderful It's like carpet world It's like carpet world yeah Remnant Crapetland There's loads of carpet just little bits of carpet I mean carpet world's called carpet world

But it isn't a world it's a shop All I'm going to say is Kerry I hate to say this to you but I have been Okay And so I'm going to say to you unpacking what you're saying I'm saying to you that it is very different for Disneyland You're saying it's a world

It's enormous And not only you have Disney World, you've got the Universal Studios. Hence the villa. You've got Epcot. So you go every day for a week? Yeah, you've got like you can... Bush Gardens. Bush Gardens, which is another like roller coaster place. That's a roller coaster place but it's a zoo as well.

So it's like there's a sloth. There's a roller coaster. There's a lot going on, Kerry. There's a roller coaster. And you can say out of all of that, you took a picture of a weird horse. All that Disney shit was available. I don't know why that was an option. A world, in fact. A world. And I was like...

And you took a picture of a weird horse's cock that gives you direct eye contact. Yeah, while wearing a confederate flag. While wiring a confederate flag. I'm going to say there's going to be two of the weirdest photographs or... In fact, not even weirdest. We've had Carl Donnelly in that suit. Oh, I'll never go to that.

And you in a Confederate flag t-shirt in front of a horse whose dick is peeping out and getting direct eye contact with us. While looking like a wayfish woman. Yeah. It's cute. I love it. I loved having long hair. Would you have it again? Oh, see if I could go straight to long.

Oh, it's the in-between. It's in-between. I can't handle the Lord Farquod period. You know what? If you grow a go-tie, you could go full King Charles. Yeah, that's right. It must be nice having a dad that's an hairdresser, though, because often, like some styles, like the kind of blunt styles,

they are quite a lot of upkeep. So if you've got someone in the family that can do the upkeep, then that's handy, isn't it? That was a good part of still being at home in my 20s was kind of... Don't you go to him for haircuts? I do, but he's in the east end of Glasgow. I'm the west end of Glasgow. It's a schlep.

It's a shlep. It's an hour there. Free haircuts. But then the taxi's 30 quid there. Taxis 30 quid back. Is it a bus? It's a bus, but it's an hour and it's pretty terrifying. The number three, I mean, listen, it goes straight from my front door,

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Flash iPhone 17 Pro on select plans. Conditions and exclusions apply. Is this the next one or? So that one was like, I was... Is this the big shoes? The big shoes. Right, okay, let's go big shoes. And that was like, I used to work for when I was a teenage.

No, I'd came out my teens. I'd started doing stand up. I needed a day job. So I became like a mascot person. Wait a second. Okay. Okay. All right.

Okay. Now, I just want it. Fine. I'm just going to look at it. Okay, look. You, listen, I'm a working class creative? I've done,

do they still call it, do they still call it zip work? Huh? Do they call it zip work? Zip? Because I've done, I've done a bit of zip work. It's like when you have to get into an outfit

where you zip up. Wow. And I was in a film called mascots, which was all about mascots. That's right. So it is a world I know. Yeah, it's a Christopher guest film. Yeah, it's a world I know.

And I know it's called zip work. So it's a weird scene. I did not know that was. What's the thing, the film where a... Is it... Oh, is it in succession in the opening episode when the bloke's doing Zipwork? He throws up.

Inside them. Inside the... I really couldn't go with that. Cousin' Greg, he throws up through the mouth. I've been inside those things when people... I've been inside them and the eyes are huge, the gauze eyes. And people coming at you and you're like... It's horrible.

You feel like an astronaut. Yes. On a planet full of children who hate you. Yes. You know, it's like, people... I had people, we boys, reach up and slap me inside my head. There's a lot of slapping what's going on. People keep hitting me.

Chris, it's not really like, even when they can't see your face. Excellent, stage fighting. Oh, did you hear that? Absolutely. I can't believe me actually caught that on film. It's ideal. So what was the mascot?

Who, did you? So this. So this. and then it was for various different brands or something. I found two pictures of people I was. I was Ben Elf. That was quite nice. Ben Elf was like a kid.

It was like a children's TV character. And that was cool because it was just the top half. But like I've all, I mean I've, you know, I've had some dentistry recently. But like at the time I had pretty jagged yellow teeth. And like the children's top half of the head being like perfect pastel colors. and then just these menacing iron brow-stained teeth

just really freaked everybody out I think but this one they couldn't see my mouth so you put your head on in this picture oh that's right so this was kind of for a chain of gyms in Glasgow called Glasgow gyms and you could either be they had the same body but you could either be Jimmy or Jemima

who's you go for where I was a man so they made me I didn't have the long hair at the time so they made me go Jimmy. But I wore Jamima once or twice and it smelled so much better because the women who were doing the zip work were in that one whereas I was sharing it with the Alkees

and you know the fucking, you know, people who were like jungle DJs at night or like Acid House DJs and this was just kind of a bit of light zip work. So it was all the spoken word artists and the comedians and the punks and stuff. Sweating into the... You know it's pure Horrible.

Sweeting out class A's into there. Drug beo. Drug beo is a different kind of bio. Like when someone's been up on eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And oh, I'll just jump into

Jamima's body and do a bit of a hip work. So you didn't have a head? That was the whole... No, that you would put the head on. So there was a woman's head and a man's head. And the man's head stank. The man's head.

Jimmy's head stank. But Jamimas was okay. Did you enjoy it? I wouldn't say that I enjoyed it because I was hit quite a bit. fucking hell Chris because people are just they think you're a cartoon

you know they think you're just they think you're Mickey Mouse or something and they're like oh you know you can hit a cartoon I guess but then you're in that body and you're a real person and you can really trip hazard those feet aren't they? Those feet are crazy you have to relearn how to walk

and you just I remember having a bit of a hard time the day I got slapped inside the head and I sat down around the corner and I just took my big head off and one of the wee boys who slapped me came around the corner and he's seen me with my real head and he was

sad at what he'd done I think the pathos of it man I mean there's so many actors and comedians having to do this shit to pay the rent it's just so tragic I mean I managed to swerve that like I did I mean I've done any number of really shit jobs but there's a special

I don't think I've done anything as there's a special level of pathos when you're having to be beaten up in a zip suit. Have you seen the film Joker? No. You seen that? Yeah. The first one. There's a bit in that where he's trying to make it as a stand-up and

he's like he's got a sign. He's being paid to like spin a sign in the street that says you know, it doesn't say Apple repairs this way because it's like setting a weird 70s world but he's like advertising something and these kids come down and beat him up and that's like supposed to be his proper low point before

he goes mental and starts killing people. Which you can relate to? And I was just watching it like Yeah, been there. Fair play, brother. We've all been there. Being pummeled by kids in a zip suit is just fucking... Some days were nice. There was a day where you had to dress up as a big piece of macaroni next to Loch Lomond

and give people questionnaires about pasta. And that was quite a nice day. The thing is about those kind of jobs, when you're young and you're kind of... You're doing something else, which is your stand-up and you're trying to build another career. So these are just, you know, it's not a career. You're hard isn't it?

I try to stand-up about it. People found it difficult. could relate to. Yes. Yeah. It's a unique experience. And then you get to a certain point where you're like, I really, you do think there are people that do things that matter

and I'm a piece of macaroni next to Locke Lomond. And it's really hard to square it off. Do you know what I mean? You just think, I don't feel like I'm being useful as a human. No. But you are doing it with a view to something else. Hopefully eventually, yeah. It's just weird.

It's just the weirdest work. How long did you do all of that kind of? Before you started to make. something half... Oh, is that? We're going, it's a lot longer. No, I think Ockett was maybe like

three years until I started getting like paid 20s. That's... That's pretty good. I always likened three years to the same as a degree. I'm like, I'll do it like an apprenticeship. It's a three year training.

Yeah, totally. Yeah. So, yeah, and Glasgow's... Scottish comedy scene is quite small, so they are looking for more people to do paid work. So it was okay. and then it was a nice feeling to be able to go I'm going to hang up Jimmy's big mass of shoes

Hang it up, burn it mate Yeah Please wash it around the ground Midnight and dance around the flames I'm like I'm curious because I Like with a lot of Scottish comedians Because you guys have got your There is a different circuit up here

And you guys don't need to come down south Why would you? Totally yeah So When my agent got in touch with me was like Are you doing any gigs in London soon And I was like No

and I've never been to London but I've never done stand-up there and he was like oh well if you're ever doing stand-up then let me know and I was like fuck now and I didn't know to pull in some favours come see me do my first ever 10 minutes here yeah exactly not get paid and not have any accommodation

see you never but you have now you've done it now aye aye aye so we're looking at the last photo here Chris and it's of you looking pretty fucking cool, mate. So my three dream jobs were a wrestler, stand-up comedian rock star, and then I was in a band very briefly.

You're not like you should be in a band. For this photograph I'm like Chris, you're meant to be in a band, mate. You play guitar? I was playing, I do play guitar but I was playing bass basically. I wanted to be a music journalist. Like I wanted to be a stand-up but I thought there was that thing of like, oh you could do it about how do I don't know and I just thought there's no point. I'm not very funny either anyway so I'll just go and

go study journalism but then I dropped out at uni and then I started try to do like amateur music journalism where I would just contact bands and say hey I'm a real journalist can I interview you and some of them would say yeah and then I met a bass player in a punk band and he was like oh I know a band who's looking for a bass player I can't do it but would you like to do it and then I

went and hung out with these guys and then that was like the first I was like two years I ended up I was in this band as well so I was like mascot and that was how I got the mascot job because there was a bass player in another band who booked the mascot jobs

so it was all kind of at the same time so you were gigging as a stand-up comedian you were gigging as in a band and you were a mascot yeah all at the same time why I create time about life it sounds fun I mean it was like I know what but like I know I know I know it was probably really hard but

Yeah, what a great time to be. That's the shit you do when you're young, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looking back, I was like... So how many rock gigs did you do? How many rock... I meant not the music gigs, not the stand-up gigs. Yeah, probably like 15 or something.

Right. That's not bad. We were going to go on tour, but I had got to the semifinals of... So You Think of Funny or something? And I was like, listen, I know I've got these dates in London and Leeds, but... I need to go to Edinburgh to do this comedy competition. Sliding doors. And they were like, what?

It felt so bad though because I'm a bass player and that band and bass is like such a shit instrument. They literally replaced me just by plugging the guitar into a splitter and then the lead split into... I'm not going to let Ben listen to the... My husband plays bass. I'm so sorry. He'd be crushed, mate. But you get it. I don't get involved.

Yeah. I mean, he would get it. He loves it with all his heart. I loved it, but... Is it because it's one of the easiest instruments to play? It's one of the easiest. I mean, I can't do it. I can't do it, Kerry.

I'm not suggesting that it's... It's harder than guitar, sure. I'm just saying it's as... Like, if you're going to be playing lead guitar or acoustic guitar, I'm not slag it off. I'm not slag it off. All I'm saying is, in my band, they replaced me with a wire.

And they just plugged the guitarists lead into both amps and then done the exact same stuff. People didn't know us. I wasn't there. They did. So you made the right decision. Look at this fucking picture. And the energy, man, that you're bringing to this. It's intense.

That's a great picture. You can't replace this shit. You can't replace this guy. That's not a wire. That's not a wire. That is... He's a rock god. That is...

Look at him. I bet they had like a quarter... They were missing. That was awesome. That was cool. That was a good day. It was the best moment of your life. That was one of the best. You don't get to feel like that as a stand-down.

You can't be like, ah! You know, you just look mad. Exactly. You know, every now and again, and it's really rare, you'll walk on stage and they'll just pick a particular bit of music that you're like, oh fuck, I'm... Love this. And you walk on stage, you're like, oh, I'm feeling like a...

Then the music stops. You pick up the microphone and go, hello. And it's a horrible transition. The whole whole transition. That's why you used to fucking hate it when you did the big chain clubs at the weekend. And they'd play the chemical brothers and do a laser show. Hey girls. Hey boys.

Superstar DJ. Here we go. And then boom, bum, bum, boom. And then some... People are losing their fucking mind. And then someone will come out and go, anyway, I can't bear it with my wife says that. Fuck. The bathos is too much.

Self-service checkout. Yes. What is it? What is it with airlines? It's just fucking terrible. That transition is terrible. Because inside you think you're that. Come on, let me.

That's the other one. I'm going to entertain you. I'm going to entertain you. They call it a bag for life. It's just, but then we're, It is an amazing feeling being in like a punk band and like screaming your head off and stuff but when you're replaced with a wire

and also I found it we went on a wee short tour we done Gateshead outside Newcastle and we done Leeds and we done Glasgow and there was somewhere else as well and it was cool but it was like I think just the little attention-seeking part in me that makes me do stand up and makes me like

go do podcasts and stuff see when you're in the background you want to be up front listen you weren't look at you look how desperate you were to not be in the background with that picture like come out of my name yeah

I had to beg them to like me do backing vocals I was like please guys I'm like the bit's so easy like I can just scream at that bit I can do like call in response to you screaming because it was really like

screaming who took that picture stuff oh god I wish I knew so I could thank you so how did you get it it's just it's out there in the ether

it was on social media and I got tagged in it and then you were like oh my god i've never looked better yeah that was my profile picture on facebook oh that's all i was in a band for like keep it even now yeah i mean there was missed it was a moment i think i remember i met a girl whose auntie ran a comedy club in glasgow so i was doing stand up there and then i met her there and i was like hey my band's playing next week if you want come see us and then she came down to the 13th note which is like a kind of vegan punk bar and then And for some reason I took my shirt off while I was on stage to like 12 people.

And I don't think she was that impressed. I don't think anybody was that impressed with the music or my torso. I'm like, wow, I just wouldn't do that anymore. Not just because my torso's deteriorated, but also like I just don't think a good move. No. I'll take my shirt. Oh, was this like a, was it like a? It was like a day.

It was kind of like a date. Well, then that's the perfect time to take your top off, right? You're showing what the wares are, like, this is what's on offer. It's a red flag. Do you like... Yeah. But I remember the moment where I like stopped being a punk because like I said to the guys, listen, I'm not going to be doing bass, you know, get that lead to replace me.

Then I went down to the 13th note where we would do most of our shows in a vegan bar down at the basement. And I saw this band called Dawn of Humans, which is a very kind of cult, esoteric, punk. band and the lead singer has a big staff right and he wears a bin bag over his head as a kind of like poncho with a hood and he can't see his face and he's completely naked for the waist down okay but he has a mirror a triangular mirror over his penis okay um so is that if you look you actually see yourself i love it yeah quite a statement it's there's so much covered in black paint and i just remember I had a nice new Oxford shirt that got for doing stand-up in and I got too close to him and he got paint on me and I went I can't be doing this

no these two worlds are going to have to separate yeah I'm choosing my path I've got a little bit of paint on my Oxford shirt I'm out I'm afraid it's not for me guys guys shut it down the mirror penis triangular guy got pain on me and but where is that guy now I mean that's the thing I mean that They're pretty big. Oh, are they. It's an interesting world. I mean, I've known actors in the past that are in fairly successful bands.

But then their career sort of maybe picks up a little bit. They get a bill or maybe like a run in a play. And they're like, you do have these dilemmas. If you choose to, it's like in the end you do, you got into a, so you think you're funny. The wire. Repairs you free. The wire was available to cover you. It's like there are these moments.

where people are like, okay, the band path isn't going to be my part. Yeah, and the commercial ceiling for that genre of music was like really, really low. It's weird, isn't it? The commercial ceiling's low, but the fan base is intense.

Yeah. Like the fan base love it. So they're really loyal. Oh, yeah. There was seven we guys who thought that we were great, you know. But those seven guys are just not going to pay. You're not going to survive on those.

seven guys. No, I would have to get back in the mascot costume permanently. I think if I was going to continue the power violence, hardcore punk route. And now you're heading to the Berg, Edinburgh Festival. One of our favourite places. We can't talk about it. Okay.

We've really covered it. No, we've covered it. Tell us about your show. It's about like, do you know that way where you need to come up with your title. Oh yeah, okay, sure. I thought I was going to do a show about

like being a night time person like not being able to get to sleep and then I've just wrote this mad thing about my girlfriend's disabled and I'm smoking loads of weed and what's been growing about David Attenborough and I thought it was going to be about the Arctic monkeys

they don't come up anymore at all so you've done one of those It's the anniversary, isn't it? It's about this. Bullet, but it's like, oh, he knows what he's talking about. None of that's coming up anymore. No, that's so funny. When you read back on your blurb and go, okay, none of that stuff made the show.

There's, like, stuff about, like, my sexuality and stuff like that. It's like, I'm really looking forward to doing a proper fucking, I'm excited about doing it. I'm, like, cheesered for, like, to get to do it. Yeah. Because the whips have been pretty, like, intense and, like, you know, people have at drunken nights, people have misheard me and wanted to fight me, and then I've had to explain, repeat myself and explain and they've went, okay, and like,

yeah, it's pretty, I'm just like, looking forward. It's really personal. It's pretty personal, but it's also really fun and I'm going to wear a suit and like, have a big collar, like when I was in wrestling. And yeah, I'm just, I'm buzzing to do Edinburgh. Like, I took a year off last year to

like have a mental breakdown and now I'm back. You just made it sound so pre-scheduled. I had to make some time for a mental breakdown. Sometimes you can see them coming Yeah, no, it's better to clear your diary when they come for you Yeah

Yeah, I feel like I very much had one every two years So, yeah Well, when you know they're coming Clear your diary, yeah, okay Well, I'm due on very soon Chris, where are you on at and what time? Monkey Barrel! Oh, Monkey Barrel, great venue

Monkey Barrel one, 9pm What a slot? What a room? What a slot? Monkey Barrow 1 9pm, you're smashing it, me comfy seats, first time having a venue that has a green room which is exciting Oh, it's always lovely to not have to stand in a toilet

before your show. Aye. I've done the Tron two years ago and that's a great, great room but there is no nowhere to go. You're just standing with them. I was just standing with them and they go, that's that guy. And I go, alright. Then I go, welcome to the stage. We can see you saying,

we can see you talking about yourself. There are some things we need to have to make it seem like a show and one of them is the illusion. Just any kind of showbiz whatsoever. is the magic in your veins, isn't it? If there's no magic, they're just... It was good, but it was like, somebody reviewed me.

I thought it was the sound tech and that's why I could see him before the show started. I'm like, listen. Listen, keep that to yourself, dick. Keep that to your fucking self, brother. I hate it when a gig feels like flash mob. Hey! Anyway, Gary, I'll have a pint.

Anyway, I am your performer for the evening. I'm Max Rushden. I'm David O'Daraddy. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast. What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday? That's it. That is it.

Max, I'm still not sure. Where do we put the stress? Is it what did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? You know what I mean? What did you do yesterday? I'm really down playing it. Like, what did you do yesterday?

Like, I'm just a guy just asking a question. But do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time I'm going to try and make it like it is the killer word. What did you do yesterday? I think that's too much, isn't it? That is over the top. What did you do yesterday?

Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday.