Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 018: Bonus Episode: Squirrels & Sparkly Taints

Episode Date: February 3, 2015

Who can get enough of Adam's personal grooming habits? Apparently we can't! If French tips weren't enough, in this episode Justin shares his story of doing battle with a band of invading squirrels and the conversation soon degrades into a candid discussion about Adam's personal hygiene.

Hello, hello, yes, I can hear everybody good. That's all right. It's fucking good You want to toss it? Please don't add that into this episode If you want to pump your body and expand your mind There's only one place to go Mind up, mind up with your hosts Salda Stefano Adam Schaefer and Justin Andrews All right, welcome to mine pub. This is a bonus episode. This is the show that sexy what God, I don't know. I hate it when I say random shit that makes no sense. Why would I even say that?

No, no, I'm making up a lot. Listen listen when you talk with food in your mouth that's sexy Crazy sexy cool. I'm gonna finish that bite before you kicked it off. All right, you know what? First year already tell us you're gonna throw a ball. You see this salad and salad is already saying, oh yeah, I love my little... Try to get a couple bites in this guy's like, all right, that's real,

I got something I wanna tell you guys and I'm like, what is it? We all see. No, no, no, no, no, this is so, so just an earlier was trying so hard to tell me this fucking squirrel story. So why don't you tell it now? Yeah see. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know to the days where I was in college and totally skomin it and in a bachelor pad with two other guys two huge guys I might add actually played football then one guy was like God he's six eight almost pushing almost like four bills He's like three sixty five or something at the time. He's human. Yeah He looked like one of those and he's one of my best friends like he's awesome He's awesome. He's my wedding and maybe one of my best friends too, bro.

But yeah, it was so great. Yeah, but see, I didn't like it. I like him a lot. He's a lot of time. I'm tracking down each you, bro. Yeah, seriously, it's so funny though, because we used to go down to, this is back when I lived in Chicago,

and we used to go to clubs down there, and we would, seriously get VIP, because we'd just say, hey, you know, he placed for the Bears. You know, they just signed him. This is, you know, your offensive tackle and like people would buy it. Like, who's going to say no to that? He's huge.

You know? So we used him for that and then my other roommate, he was another big guy. He had dreadlocks and everything. And so he was awesome because he just like, he's, I don't know, it's really hard for me to describe him, but he's so dynamic, he's got, he's a big, big dude. He's got dreadlocks and he worked at Starbucks, and now my other roommate, he actually worked at the Cubby Bear, and he was a...

What the hell is the Cubby Bear? Cubby Bear is a... I'm wondering where the squirrels are. Dude, the squirrels are coming. So I'm trying to paint the picture here Okay, I'm dude I'm in to make a long story short anyway So when the squirrels come in I'm basically leaving the shitty apartment, okay? Let's get to it. Let's do these huge guys

Three big dudes in a way. I'm laying in bed one one morning I wake up and there's all this debris hit me in the face I'm like what the fuck is this and I'm just wiping it off my face and it's all this debris hit me in the face. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I'm just wiping it off my face. And it's all this like shards of sheet rock and stuff. And it's like hit me in the face. This squirrel had come through the roof and like had chewed its way through the ceiling

and poked its little head through and was like, you know, drilling its way in and all this shit. I run out and I grabbed this knife from the kitchen. I start trying to whack em all in. And I'm like, I'm gonna cue you, you both are good. Now Pete is gonna hate us. Yeah, great. Dude, these things,

and it was like an infestation though. Let's be honest, like, these things are like rats. And they would come in and they would sit there and they'd eat our stuff. We'd come in one time, there was one like sitting on the couch and just eating in front of us like just chill You know what let me tell you about fucking squirrels. I hate those sons of bitches Squirrels are the meth heads of the animal kingdom. You ever look look at a squirrel pay attention

They're so fucking sneaky and they're eating real fast and they're super quick and they're like and then they run away What are you so paranoid? Why are you so paranoid mr. Squirrel? What do you do? What are you hiding in your fucking cheeks right now? Nuts. They're on meth. They're on meth. And they get a pass because they have a fluffy tail. If you took that tail away, we'd be killing squirrels

left and right, but because they have a fluffy tail, those fuckers get to live. I don't like you. Okay. Your squirrel story is approved. Now I wanna hear what you, what did you have that you had coming? Did you have something coming?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. What you to do part two right now. Well, yeah Because I know I was a finish but you can go ahead. Oh, no, you go. Oh, there's still more to that's oh no Yeah, there's a lot more Yeah, no, no, it was like this infestation of squirrels So there was a squirrel is like all over the apartment complex and so we actually grabbed like baby over the apartment complex. And so we actually grabbed like BB guns and stuff and like shooting these things, you know, from the balcony and dude, they're everywhere.

It was, I mean, that's basically the end of the story there. What? How long was that, dude? What are we looking at? We were looking at five minutes. Five minutes, good, good, good, good. I'm gonna take a little round two here. Take it.

So what do you take it from the top, like that view episode? You wanna do that? Yeah, or you like that? No, I'm gonna go. Or little round two here. Take it. So what do you take it from the top like that view episode? You want to do that? Yeah, that's what you want to do. No, I'm gonna go. We're teasing everybody. We're teasing people. This is going because this is, this is, I went over Adam's house.

I've been there a few times now. I've been there like three, four times now. Got a question for you, bro. So I've visited, you have what, two bathrooms in your house? Three. So I visited two of your three bathrooms. I haven't seen the other one. But in your bathrooms right on top of the toilet

are flushable wipes. Oh yeah, bro. So I know you're going with this. And you don't have any kids. Now I'm a person with kids. So normally I see it with an effect. And I'm like, where's the kids? Why are there flushable wipes?

The fact that you've been married since when? 22 years old? 22, yeah. Well, okay. Well, you get a pass for not having that. I've been married for two years. I'm 24. So you've been pretty much married your most your life. 20 to yeah, well, okay, well you get a pass for not been married for two years. Yeah, I'm 24

So you've been you've been pretty much married your most your life So you probably you probably missed out on this stuff. So the the wipes missing out. Yeah, well, I mean here's here's the story of the wipes And it's really there's not it's it makes a complete sense and I'm sure at least 90% of the users after this are probably going to go get somewhere if you don't, you're dirty, you're dirty fucks. You're dirty pie hole. You know, if I'm an oral sex guy, so yeah, so, whoa. So from squirrels to oral sex. Wow. I had no idea we were going to get where you are.

Okay, so I mean, let's be honest here. If you have a lady friend that's going down in your area, and let's art art. Which area? Well, art. And my cock and my balls are only about an inch and a half for my ass. Ding dong.

So, and I'm pretty sure that all three of us here take shits on a regular basis throughout the day. And sometimes you don't know when a mid-afternoon blow job is coming. So, it's this is not- You gotta be ready, bro. Now I understand why you asked me how long I was married. Yes. Because my next question is, what's an afternoon blow?

Yes. So, you adjusted like, just like what's high five. And so I'm always smell fresh and clean. Doesn't matter what time of the day it is or mid afternoon. I thought you can always guarantee that I smell. I just call this one Adam Sparkly Tank. So if you're listening, Adam's always freshening. Well, and I don't think this is not just a male thing.

I think all you dirty ass ladies should be doing this to him. Oh snap. Because you're private areas, you know where near, I mean, any further away than ours is from the last time. It's even closer and quite frankly could be mistaken as for somebody when you're, so you should definitely make sure that you're, you know, I'm gonna say it together. I thought I'd never say this,

but we've officially gone too far. It's the one, I know you were gonna bring something like that up and we're, I mean, you hear me at the beginning of, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I mean, if you want the truth, and so listen, he has to describe all the finite details.

When I was in my early in my 20s throughout my 20s I've dated all different girls and stuff like that and at one point I went through a stripper face let's just be honest okay so when I did it you saved them well I mean any of you anybody that's listening that's ever been to a strip club male or female their private area is well taken care of. As far as the landscaping and they, I mean, for some girl who's dancing on stage for many hours, that's her product. I accept.

Well, it always, it looks pretty and always smells pretty. And I mean, how many normal people can say that? Cotton candy, right? And so one of the first things that, good guess. Who? One of the first things that, good guess. One of the first things that my girlfriend at that time, it got me on the up and up was, honey, you got to have baby wipes on top of the toilet. That's just a mandatory.

So, in other words, she was basically saying, Adam, you're coaching me. You need to use some wipes. Or, I'd say what, after I did, I thought, what was I doing before? I was like, this is crazy, which, you know, I understand you guys are married did I thought what was I doing before? I was like this is crazy, which you know I understand you guys are married. You're shaming us right now. But you're making us feel. No, it's you guys are married. You know maybe maybe I saved the money on the wives when I get married. I don't know. I mean I don't know now. I've trained myself that I actually get frustrated with the house. It doesn't have the correct correct now studies will show.

Here we go. Ready studies will show married people have more sex No, that's fucking fuck you, okay? With your clean ass, or I don't know where you volume. I don't know where you read that Cuz I still believe the old one where it's if you if you take a jar and you put a coin or a rock or whatever in the jar for every time you have sex before you're married and then when you get married For that you every time you have sex you take a rock out of the jar. You'll never empty the jar Yeah, that's what they say So I don't know a book you write but that's what it's that if you're listening honey. I'm gonna buy some wax

And I'll come I'll be home this afternoon Goldbond. Thank you for listening to Mind Pump. For more information about this show and to get valuable free resources from Sal, Adam and Justin, visit us at www.mindpumpradio.com. Until next time, this is Mind Pump. you