Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 122: Operation Get Doug Laid

Episode Date: July 30, 2015

Doug, the MindPump producer, is also known as "the spinner" and "chimpy." He is typically behind the scenes making sure the show sounds good and that all that supports the show is kept up to date. Sal, Adam & Justin work him hard and have decided it is time to let Doug out of his box to have a little fun.

If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, with your hosts. Salda Stefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. Shit. I got it. Let's go. Alright, alright. Let's do it. Are you recording?

Oh yeah. Doug's busy texting. Doug's over there, 60. Oh, wait, hold on a second. Doug, who are you texting? Yeah, what's going on? Hey, Doug, have you been on an date in a while? We're gonna set him up bro. Oh shit. He's got the face Guilty guilty. Hey guys listen, you work me so hard. There's no time

It's all of us. You know what since we're are we recording we are right we're recording now so Doug is a very attractive 40-something-year-old looks 20 in Vera. Lean is hell. Strong like a chimp. Strong like a chimp. Can spin on requests. He produces an extremely successful podcast, has very good-looking friends. Exactly. And he's around hot guys. And he's single because he's so busy being ambitious. Yeah. So ladies at Mind Plum on Instagram, just leave a little note

for us and we'll start looking through them and picking them out. No dress code or anything, but bikinis are well. What kind of girl should we hook up Doug with? What do you guys think? I think she needs to be classy, but she needs to have that prostitute side to her. Oh, yeah. She needs to be, yeah, she can't look like one.

Yeah, exactly. I think she's that kind of woman. Yeah, I think she's super uncomfortable right now, by the way. Yeah, you know, that's why I'm behind the scenes here. I turned off your mic. That's not all he's talking about. Yeah,. I turned off your mic though. It's not all of my stuff. It's not all of these lines. Yeah, we're gonna talk about you now.

So, what? So, so, so this, this pick, let's pick a girl for Doug. Let's make the, let's pick the, an imaginary perfect chick. Oh, Dougie. Are we gonna, well, let's build, let's build her. Or are we gonna build her from the inside out? First, are we gonna build her from the outside?

I don't know. Start. What is it? Is this an ex machina type of thing? Oh, we haven't seen the movie. Have you seen it yet? Yeah, you know, no'll go. We're gonna build. Is this an ex machina type of thing? Oh, we haven't seen the movie. Have you seen it yet? Yeah, no machi.

No, we can't reference that. Yeah, no machia references until. Machia value. Maybe next week. All right, so I think. Let's start, let's start with her hair. We're gonna start from the top down. We're gonna go like that hair.

So we're gonna. I'm thinking more weird science, right? We can maybe like we're crafting it. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna build her right now. So probably dark straight hair is what I'm thinking. Okay. Okay. I get the thumbs up from Doug. I can see that. Dark straight crystal blue eyes. Whoa. Oh, that's all I know. Her eyes need to be green. She needs to be exotic low. So she needs to look like she has some kind of exotic look. So like maybe a little bit of age. Yeah, I see your going.

Yeah, because I know some of the pasts, like a mix though. Yeah, like a little bit of Japanese, because like a mix that would help. Age, hmm, he looks really young for his age. So he's probably gonna go out with a chick that's younger, a lot younger than him. Yeah, like probably 23, 25 is something like.

No, I'm thinking like, I'm thinking like mid 30s, mid to late 30s. That's kind of old for him even. I think he could pull 30. Yeah, I could do 30. A really fit 35 year old. Because he's got a lot energy. He's got to keep up with him.

Well, that's what I'm saying. If she's in her, here's a thing. If she's 35 plus, which I'm sure that's probably more his match as far as maturity level, he needs someone who's a little bit more, but his physique is like a, I mean, dude, he looks like he's on steroids. Yeah, he does. So he's not though. Yeah, no, he's not because his balls are massive. Yeah, they haven't shrank. He has plenty of natural testosterone. So he can't be-

They love those big, namely balls. Yeah. He can't. It's a fact. Yeah. He's pretty, he's, he's pretty much all balls actually. We think a lot of balls. Yeah. And you know, whatever else, brains and balls. He's pretty much brains and balls. Yeah.

Uh, I think we're ruining, we're ruining his jazz. No, I know. Clean it up. Oh, back it back. That a little bit back. No, she had, but you mean, let's be honest here. I mean, he's heavily into health and fitness too. And that's the two.

He's not just a fit guy. He's a healthy guy. So you have to be okay with that, healthy lifestyle. If you're the girl who's like, all she wants to do is travel and drink wine and eat bad food and room service. And she like that as fun as it sounds. I don't know how well that would match up.

No, Doug needs personality-wise as smart girl. With who will be able to sit down and have good or we're not working. Are we not working? Now we're jumping to the end of that. Okay, oh, he just reminded me. Well, can we, I know we did this on another episode. We were talking about, can we create the combo spirit animal?

For what? He's an eagle. He's an eagle, dude. Thank him. The eagle's in the way. I don't even think we, did we air that one yet? What goes, what goes, dude. He's an eagle, dude. The eagle's in the way. I don't even think we, do we air that one yet? What goes?

What goes? There goes Jett, there goes. There goes. We just talked about this in the last episode. Damn, I did it again. We referenced the future podcast. I don't care. So, let's stay on track, fellas.

In the future. He's keysteeble guessing. So, stay on track. So, intelligent, be able to sit down and have really deep conversation. Oh, dude. He's a smart dude. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on Yeah, but here's the thing though the guy is in the comedy does stand up comedy so

We don't want to attract we don't want to're he's not so deep that he's a square You know I'm saying like no it's not boring. Yeah. Yeah, no He probably does cocaine at least two three times a week He's down to go out party like Okay Adam One of those is true one of them might just got mysteriously turned off That's right. Let's scratch the co-crepper No no no drugs. Well, of course that he's a healthy guy. He's crash the co-crepper. No, no drugs.

Well, of course, he's a healthy guy. He's a healthy guy. He's a healthy guy. But he definitely is not so square that you all yes to wants to do is sit around and have deep conversation. So I think it's important. She has to be intelligent with fun. Well, what's the attire that, you know, we see this girl in.

Or dressing, but you guys move fast. Yeah. She's black hair, blue eyes. Blue or green? Yeah, sky blue or green or green. I kind of like crystal blue. Yeah. We just got. She's black hair blue blue eyes. Blue or green. Yeah, sky blue or green. Kind of like Chris. Yeah. Can she wear it? No, can't do they have to be real? Or can she? Yeah. He's a white. He's a kind of tan in the little bit of Asian. Um, skin tone can be either tan. He's open. Yeah, he's open. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Actually, he's open. Yeah. Yeah. This is a

pretty. Damn, you guys know so much about me. Yeah, we're built we're building there for you We're almost there. We're almost there. She needs to be horny because he likes to have a lot of sex I'm pretty sure yeah, I'm just guess that's why 30 35s I'm guessing she hasn't had any kids Just a guess What sex yeah, I forgot about that so Oh, just like life. What sex? Yeah, what is that? I forgot about that.

Oh, yeah. So she can have kids. She can have kids. Yeah, of course. Well, he's got a daughter. And by the way, he's a phenomenal dad. He's an amazing father. So if you have kids and you're single

and you're looking for someone, I don't know, I just fucking put through a lot of shit on their head back. Yeah, let's say for someone. I don't know. I just fucking put through a lot of shit on their Hot bag. Yeah, let's say no. I'm gonna say no kids for you just because we want that like Yeah, but I don't want to keep some young. No, no, no, no, we're trying to keep them. I agree. I agree. I agree. But I don't want to. I don't want to deter a really great woman who had a kid like 15 years ago. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I think there's a lot of great women. Yeah, there's a lot of great women out there. Most great women are already spoken for.

So we're gonna, I mean, we've asserted, I mean, he's single for a reason. They're not all over the place, you know? So, because he's a great guy and he hasn't found one yet. Now mind you, he's busy working a lot too, so you gotta understand that too. So if you're one of those chicks that, if you're like a lazy guy, then he's not gonna...

Yeah, and if you're clingy to where you're not okay with the dude working some long hours and bust and ask. I'm going to Vegas with his team. Yeah, his mind pumped. Yeah, and doing cocaine at least two or three times. Yes, get your hair blown out of a Lambo. I'm gonna reference that at least four times of pissed off before.

He's gonna get like this list of go-kids that are kind of... God, they're so skinny guys. What's going on here? What about the body? What do you think? Petite probably? No, I don't know. I think petite, but like a big butt, like a nice...

Loots, so much. So much. Power glutes, super much squat. It's broad, super much perfect. Perfect. So pretty much perfect. Squatter. So like a buck 15, but like 15 pounds of that is at least ass. Yeah. Okay.

Beautiful. Is you know, he doesn't picture, I don't, I don't picture him like a major boob guy. Inplans are a plus, but you don't need him. No, I don't think boobs are that important. I think it's the butt. Yeah, yeah. Legs, butt brain. Yeah, butt brain't think boobs are that important. I think it's the butt, legs, butt brain.

Yeah, butt brain. We're about like tattoos and stuff. Oh yeah. Lots of tattoos. That's kind of sexy. Lots of tattoos. Really? Well, we're gonna be looking at our two.

Yeah, that's true. Are we building the girl that we are? Are we building our super? I think you need to consider how many tattoos I have. Yeah, he's a lot. Lots of I mean it. She could be like, you're young, you know, you're the game.

He's got the one on his butt. He just got that says MP, but when he bends over, says mind pump. Yeah. Yeah. And it's better than the, the spinner one on his team. Or he just doesn't say butt pump. Yeah. Or the rainbow colored butterfly.

He has on his low back. Other than that, he's pretty much tattooed. The way with the dolphins jumping over. Yeah, the dolphins jumping over a butterfly. I mean, who doesn't have one of those? So, so what kind of job would she have this chick? What kind of work do you think she'd be in to? School teacher.

No, she that's not that would be, you know, why that it wouldn't work? Why? Because she'd come home at like four o'clock and then, you know, he'd still be working. It'd be a problem. Hair dresser. She know. That's going back to the cocaine, bro.

Yeah. She's just cocaine in there. Yeah, it's just this is 100%. Yeah, those pretty much go ahead and it has like peanut butter and jelly right there. So, it's a reason. Sorry, I'm afraid of something there. Yeah, they're not all of you.

Not all of you. Just nine out of 10. So, nine out of 10. So, I think she needs, she has to come under about that one. I think if you are a, if you're a workaholic, you kind of have to have one yourself, you know, somebody else that appreciates hard work like that. So she either one needs to be extremely financially successful because she's already put some serious time into working hard and understands and respects it or she's in the middle of building her own empire or her own career.

So she needs to be pretty busy. Well, I think a woman, a perfect woman for Doug would be one that would be super supportive of him working a lot of hours and doing a lot of stuff for my impump. Yes, but she'd have to motivate him and push him to do more stuff because I don't want to just date another chick that doesn't even opposite. Organize the lady. I don't want to be, I don't want to be calling, I don't want to just date another chick that doesn't even opposite. Organize the lady. I don't want to be, I don't want to be texting Doug. That frees him up to do more work.

I don't want Doug to be like, hey guys, the next guy is going to be out in a month because I'm going on vacation with my new girlfriend. Oh yeah. His then will break you up real fast. Yeah, we'll get in here. We'll break you up real fast. We'll talk about this show. Cause we're his boyfriends and then the girlfriend comes back.

So you got to keep that in mind. Absolutely. We'll have final say in this for sure. There's no doubt about that. There's no doubt about that. She, does she, does she need to be like a world traveler or she can be homebody or? Speaking of the language as a plus,

cause Doug speaks Japanese fluently. Yeah, that's why I brought that up. Okay. Okay. Say hi to your future girlfriend in Japanese, Doug. Or say something in Japanese. Hey, no Konnichiwa No, no, no, he's gone. Oh, I mean, this is awkward. It's

Language he's not even talking to her and he's nervous already Baby, I don't know yet, but I love you and I'll clarify my Japanese skills. I'm conversational I would not classify myself is fluent. Okay. Yeah, but he taught He taught English in a Japanese school in Japan. You taught English. I did I did you lived in Japan for how long does six years? Six years. Yep. Oh, so he speaks he speaks Japanese. He's pretty good. She definitely has to be kind of a hot little Japanese. Oh, that'd be maybe that would be a good I think yeah, thing, I think. Yeah, well, I mean, does she need to have,

and in this era, we need to ask this or put this on here, does she need to have always have been a girl, or could she be a girl now? Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm gonna tell you, that's non-negotiable. Yeah. But that's actually a defining thing.

Well, I mean, imagine that. Yeah, you have, imagine that. You have to disclose that. I got to do it with the whole Caitlyn Ginner thing going on. No, Dustin, no, Dustin. Let's say you meet the perfect girl, all these things that we're saying, she's freaking hot. She sits down with you.

She's like, hey, there's only one thing, Doug, is that I have balls. Yeah, no, she's like, I. Deal breaker, sorry. I like to have three sums. So pick one of your mind, Pup Hoes, who are you bringing? Yeah. So are you okay with being with a girl

who also likes to have sex with women with you? Doesn't sound all that bad. Okay. But you know, from a standpoint of relationship, I don't know how that would work, but. But you'll be willing to give it a try. Basically, I'm open-minded guy. That's what I'm trying to show here to everybody.

The guy's open-minded. He's very flexible, nice, then. Well, let's be honest, he hangs out with us and produces us. So he has to be pretty open-minded. Now, let's see how far this goes. Let's say she says, let's say she says, like three times. Sometimes, another woman, but sometimes there's a man too,

you know, with a video camera. Yeah, so like you and a man too. You know, with a video camera. Yeah, so like you and a man and me. Nah, that doesn't work. Okay, so you're a little selfish. I am selfish. Okay, I'm a little bit traditional. Okay, you like traditional. He likes his three sons traditional.

Exactly, that was a great way. I like that, I like that, you put that right there. I don't even know if you can call that a three semis. You guys and a girl, three semis, that a tag team. That's a tag team right? I would say it depends on the interaction. It's an all parties. It's a lopsided tag.

It's a power bump right there. That's a power bump, yeah. That's a power bump. That's what you just called that. Yeah. All right, so I think we kind of got it for a year and a little bit, kind of got the chick. He's more open minded than I thought.

I didn't know he was that open minded. I liked that. I wonder I don't know how come so much. You got to kind of be that way for He's more open minded than I thought. I didn't know he was that open minded. I liked that. I wonder how that came so much. Yeah. You got to kind of be that way for sure these days. Yeah. What about jail? What if she has a jail record?

Oh, wow. Depends on the offense. Okay. Or open my life. Okay. All right. If she murdered her ex, it's probably a deal breaker. She probably dated Adam and my wife.

Black widow. Is there any non-negotiations? Is there any non-negotiable? Is there any non-negotiable? Is there any non-negotiable? Is there any things that we need to know that we can just absolutely, she cannot this or she cannot that, Doug. Well. I mean, come on, everybody has a pass like, okay.

I thought this would be okay in a relationship. This is definitely not okay. I mean, we need to share certain values for sure. Okay. You know, obviously initially, you can let things slide long term, you have to have certain things. That's all into the banging. You're just trying to be open and honest about it.

I'm sorry, Doug, I'm sorry, we are not gonna get you in the ass for this. I'm afraid you've pretty much, I know this is pretty much exploding in your face right now. No, that was a joke. Speaking of exploding, he's a nice guy. Speaking of explosions in the face. Holy shit.

Facial, she needs to be okay with that. Right, I get blasted at the chop. My goodness. Well, I would say that's probably negotiable actually. It is. Yeah, you know, he's a very forgiving guy. I can't guarantee you Adam would not be sure who didn't, who didn't, who wasn't cool with that.

Getting blasted in the face. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you'd be like, she's like, oh, just tear, just doing the sheets. I'm not really, I mean, I'm not really okay with any girl that has these, like the girls that go in. We're in rules.

Exactly. Reals. I've got these rules, those rules. What's the etiquette? Because then all I want to do is break in rules. Exactly. Rills. I've got these rules. What's the etiquette? Oh, that's the rule. Because then all I want to do is break the rules. You know what I don't even want to do that. Like I'm not even someone to blast in your face,

but you tell me I can't. That's all I'm going to do is try and blast in your face. Well, do you say, hey, I'm going to blast you in the face, or do you give like a little body cue? No, you just do it. Do you think you, and then you are a little tap on the head, like, and then boom. No, if a girl meets me and she goes like this,

like the cannon goes off. I mean, this was in my in my early 20s, there's nothing more that I love more than the meeting a girl that kind of had that like bitch attitude. But everybody was intimidated by because she was just, she thought her shit didn't stink. She ran the she ran the show. She had all these rules.

That's the one that gets blasted in the rules. That's the one that gets blasted in the face. That's the one that gets blasted in the face. And she doesn't know what's coming. Just whoops. You know why? Because you made all these rules. No, what do you mean by? I wouldn't even do that if you wouldn't say that. You blast the confidence. What do you mean by? What do you mean by? When you say she doesn't know it's going to happen. Like she's sleeping in the face or like you know blowjob. Depends on how big of a dick I'm trying to be. It's my goodness.

Well she's a poor girl. No really though. I don't know. Well she's driving. Hey honey, what? I know Sal has been married since he was 13 and Justin you've been in one for quite a while now but I mean I'm the old school. I think I traded my wife's hand in marriage for like four goats or whatever. I have written down.

Who's the range? That's all. You sacrifice four goats, a vat of honey and some milk. And I think that's just an on a real note though. I think that's a little message to any of our female listeners right now that think their shit don't stink and they're like that because you know there's a good chance you'll meet like a 25 year old version of me who's gonna get blasted. Yeah, you know, so they're and and you know what? They they they don't think it's gonna happen because you know the guy guy knows what he's doing. You know, it's it's times like this where it's a complete mystery to me as is to how the hell most of our audience is women. I don't get it. Yeah. We were looking

at some of our demographics. More women than men listen to us. I'll tell you why. This is exactly this is what I've been told by both of these awesome ladies. By both of these women, okay. And the most of these awesome ladies have actually expressed is what it is is one, we keep shit real. Yeah, we do. We keep shit real. And because we keep shit so real

and we give an inside perspective of how our brain works as fucked up and as twisted as yours is. As mine is. As by this. It's yours is. It's bad. It's just as the nice guy. It's bad. Yeah, you're fucked up and twisted and, you know,

I'm kind of like in the middle, you know, I'm just pretty easy going on. That's just it. Why is it so fucking funny, Doug? Watch out. Spinner's gonna get blasted. You know, we should do this what we're doing. We'll take Doug, we'll go out with Doug to like a night

club or a bar and, and we'll do this more than once, but we're not will go out with Doug to like a nightclub or a bar and We'll do this more than once, but we're not gonna let him know we'll pick one of these nights to where the goal The entire goal is to get him laid. Well, can we do that night? Can we do the same thing that we were gonna do with Nicole because Nicole put them on the dating site? Yes, oh shit She would do that. Yes, and then we could do weekly up there is Nicole She's she's was becoming on this On Nicole and then we'll do weekly updates Doug. She's in her defense. She's in prep and she's been dying to get back on mind pump, but the girl does live 45 minutes away from

the business. You know, she will do weekly updates with Doug on like a dating website. I know that's why I think it'd be awesome. Oh, look at that. We just came up with it right now. And that way too. This is great. That way too, we can actually, you know, because right now, put all the listeners, some of the listeners were like, oh, he sounds weird, and they're like, oh, god, you know, like, cause we were just totally blown him up there. No, no, no, no, no, no questioned as he leaves the you know the studio is like what the fuck am I doing with those guys?

Oh my god. Because everybody has a little bit of an asshole on them and they want to live I care see through like big assholes like yourself. You know, say they see someone like I like how Adam Adam's like you know, directing a lot of that at you. I was totally. So, so these should be blind dates though that we set him up on. So we pick them would have blind They're on the thing. No, no, no we go on the thing

I can't see you but I love you Well, then we don't tell him we pick them and then we he goes out with that We can throw it. That's a lot of blind faith then we can throw in the random like the random funny one just to see what happened You know a seaboe. I love dubs. Okay with that. You know, I think he's gonna want to see what happens. You know, I'm a cebo. I don't know if Doug's okay with that. You know, I think he's going to want to see. What do you think Doug? What do you want to try to figure out when you're going to find some time for me to go out on these dates? Yeah. Well, it might have to point that it might, you know, it might have to be a group date. He's got shit to do. We might have to, we might have to work mind-pump and date at the same time. It might be like a business slash date for Doug Doug. I may need to set one evening a week just for that.

Well, these better be some high profile, high profile girls, right? I mean, they should be movers and shaker CEOs. So that way, you know, we can benefit from it. Well, think of this. I think it's important. I mean, we are pretty much all connected 24 or 7. We probably should go on the dates with him. Yeah, we should probably be. Oh my God, I was just probably should.

I mean, we're gonna be the ones or be hiding somewhere. Yeah, I see. Parascope it. So I think it's like, you know, I wanna do play by play. We go, let's say like, I'll put my little earpiece in,

meet on Friday nights, and it's like a mind pump go over business, what's coming out, books releases, business stuff with supplement companies, blah, blah, blah, slash, Doug's date. And you know what, I got a new nickname for you, Doug. Your uncle Doug. On Uncle Doug.

You were going to introduce ourselves as your nephews. Uncle Doug. Uncle Doug. He was doing the... He was doing the... Uncle Doug. Uncle Doug, you're going to be going out with Uncle Doug right now. Damn it.

You're going to be good doing it. Doug, I want to know, I want to hear from Doug. If you had to go out on a double date with one of us three, who would you be the most nervous to go on a double date with? Obviously. You think so? Nervous? Yeah.

I know who he'd feel most comfortable on a date with. Let's double date. You guys go back for it. No, it's because I'm, you know, who's like the most reasonable. I don't know. You're throwing some things out there at him that you're gonna set him up on some goofy ass dates. Not even tell him like, I wouldn't do that to you does.

You know, I tease you on here about the cocaine and earthenite that, but for certainly I would not, I would never put you out there. I'd help you out. And if it was a grenade, I'd take it for you. Yeah. Yeah. He'll jump on the grenade. Yeah, he'll be out there. He'll jump on the girl if she's bad.

Yeah. He'll be the grenade girl if she's bad Can I get your mind I'll get her done. That's offensive done All right cool, let's do this. Let's set this up. I'm down all right Matt will pick a site match dot-clom or whatever or maybe we'll go gangster to Craigslist Yeah, do a little act or whatever, or maybe we'll go gangster to Craigslist. Yeah. Do a little act. Craigslist. We get some special ones on there.

Oh, yeah. We can be real upfront on that one. Oh, I love that one. That'll be great. We can find some of those Russian bride ones, you know? Yeah. So it's that gets expensive, and then it's a big commitment. Yeah, we don't want to commit him to that.

Although I'm going to, in 2016, there's a very good chance though, if Doug hasn't found the right, we might have some high finance. We might finance. And it's a write-off, I think. If we let her work here too, would that be a write-off? Nah, it could be. You're going to look into that. You need to look into that expense.

Yeah, it's going to be a visa. Yeah, you need to look into that to see if that could be a write-off. If we have her do some sort of like secretaryal work. But it would be like a lease, right? So that way he can send her back after like, what's the sponsor's on? Well, that's what's great is that he, I mean, they get like a,

like a 12 month visa when they do that. So, oh, there you go. And then if he decides to marry her, because she's top notch, or she does great secretary of work, then he marries her and she keeps her in here. If we don't, if we want to fire her, then he just sends her right back.

Dude, wow, that's not so long. It turns to send her. I love it. All right. Super inappropriate., it's not so much. It's a tender. I love it. All right. Super inappropriate. Operation Get Doug Lade. Yes. Boom.

Until next time, this is MindPump.