Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 2152: How to Convince Friends & Family to Work Out

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

In this episode Sal, Adam & Justin discuss five ways to encourage friends and family to start working out. Why this is the most challenging thing to do. (1:52) How can I be effective? (6:37) The two challenges that could come up if you don’t do this right. (9:22) Five Strategies to Convince Friends & Family to Work Out. #1 - Be the example. (10:19) #2 - Invite them to hang out/work out. (17:16) #3 - Validate them. (24:46) #4 - Invite them over for a cooked meal. (33:06) #5 - Talk about your challenges around fitness. (38:01) Related Links/Products Mentioned Visit PRx Performance for an exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! August Promotion: MAPS Anabolic Advanced 50% off! **Code AUGUST50 at checkout** Mind Pump #1712: How To Get A Friend Or Family Member Started With Resistance Training Mind Pump #1385: How To Start Your Fitness & Fat Loss Journey Mind Pump Podcast – YouTube Mind Pump Free Resources People Mentioned Jordan Peterson (@jordan.b.peterson) Instagram

If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND with your hosts. Salda Stefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. You just found the world's number one fitness health and entertainment podcast. This is Mind Pump, right? In today's episode, we talk about how you can help convince a friend, a family member, a spouse, a parent, a child, somebody in your life that you care about to start exercising and start eating healthier.

That's such a hard thing to do. You care about this person. We give you the playbook on what we found to be the most effective strategy to moving people from worse health to better health. Now, this episode has brought to you by some sponsors. PRX Performance makes home gym equipment that's better than the stuff you see in the gym and designed to maximize space.

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Maps, Annabolic Advanced, what seems to be one of our most popular strength and muscle building programs is half off and these are the final hours of this sale. So if you're interested, go to Annabolicadvance.com and then use this code for the half off discount August 50. So August 5.0 will get you 50% off. All right, here comes a show. One of the hardest things for a fitness professional or somebody who's just into exercise and health is to watch a friend or family member slowly decline into poor health. What do you do? How do you help them? They won't take your advice.

They feel like you're condescending. And yet here you are watching them descend into terrible health. Well, in today's episode we talk about strategies that we found that actually works. So if you have a loved one, a friend, a family member, a spouse, a kid, a parent, somebody you care about who you want to get fit and healthy, watch this episode. We're going to give you the playbook.

So great that you wanted to go this way today because last night I had the NCI call with all the coaches and trainers. One of the trainers gets on there and asks a question and she's a former orange theory trainer and is now privately training and listen has listened to the show for for quite some time now and is like learn that that was the reason why she was plateauing and having all these issues and she now traditionally weight trains has changed her life she's all happy. Well, she has a sister who is I think five years younger than she is and she's's still hardcore addicted to Ornisterian.

So her question to me was like, now this isn't obviously convincing someone to get into fitness, but it's still hard. Yeah, because now she's like, how do I convince her that this isn't the best way to train? So what you wanna talk about today is probably right in line with what I had to communicate to her, because I think people are looking for like this.

You know, how do you close them or this powerful statement that you say that's just gonna convince them to do it? I have all the answers for them. How can I convey this and have it stick and have the change that basically? Yeah, this has to be, this is one of the most common questions that we get.

And it's also of all the questions we get, I think I can confidently say, this is also the hardest. This is one of the most of all the things you ever attempt to do as somebody who's created a good lifestyle around health and fitness. This has to be the most challenging for two reasons. One, you're watching someone you care about

and you have the answers, or at least you feel like you have the answers and you probably do have the answers. A good health does solve a lot of things. And you're watching them and they're getting worse and they're getting sicker. Sometimes it's crazy obvious. Sometimes it's like my dad had a heart attack or oh my gosh, they just added another medication to my friend or I have a child and they're depressed and I know

why they're depressed. They're not moving. They're not exercising. It's their diet. It's how they're eating or a friend and you may be losing a connection with the friend because you're moving in the direction of better health and they refuse. And so now it's hard for you to connect with them because they want to do things that maybe aren't so healthy anymore. So it's really hard. And then convincing them to move over, first off, it immediately can come across as, or feel like a trigger. I mean, go up to a family member who's obese and then tell them, hey, you know,

you probably should start working out. Immediately they're like, oh, it's because I'm fat. Oh man, that is, like you're hitting me right. It's defenses are up like right away. Yeah, it's like, oh, you think you're so great. And you're just talking about me because I don't look good and that's making me feel super terrible and negative. So that alone, just that right there makes it so hard.

I made this connection pretty early in my career and I think it's because of the background that I had as a kid. If you've listened to the show long enough, you've heard me talk about, I grew up in the church, lots of different churches. And as a young kid, one of the things they prophesized to you is just the importance of evangelizing and going out there and converting other people, right? And I remember hearing so much of that as a kid and then like getting a little bit older and then watching my parents and then watching how people and within the community did that.

And I was just like, God, it's such a turn off. And I was friends with people. I'd hear people talk about them after they leave. It's like, oh, and like right away bash them and oh, they're hypocritical. And it's just like, man, that is such an unsuccessful way to convert these people over into your beliefs by coming over and basically shaming them or making them feel like they don't have something and you have it. And it's like, it's such a terrible way to do that. And I realized that like, man, the best way to do something like that is to be this example or live this life in a manner

that is so attractive that people want to ask you. And then you have the opportunity to say, oh, well, I do this and this and that. And that's why, and it's the same thing, it really is. 100%. And just to back up a little bit, you have to, if it's really important to you, okay, if it's really important to you that you get

your family member or friend or spouse or parent to start exercising and start making positive changes with their diet, let's say. If that's really important to you, then you have to ask yourself this question right here because this is all that matters, okay? How can I be effective? Not how can I be right? There's a difference.

That's like when you have an argument with someone, I can be right. So you can get an argument with your wife or your husband and you can be right and then be pissed and hate each other. Great. And still not get through. Nice. Now you got to live together. What are you going to do with that? Or you could be effective. How can I be effective? That's what you have to think to yourself. Now what is effective? Effective for somebody who's doing nothing really in the direction of good health or really isn't placing any effort, energy into it. Effective is a step, is a single step.

So ask yourself that and then also realize that it's often a long game. It's almost never. In fact, I'm trying to think right now. Have you guys ever had one conversation where you brought it up and immediately converted somebody? No, yeah, it's no no it's a long game So I've never did it was very short-lived. No, I like you can convince somebody with a shock and a tactic And I know that you know some marketing and you know, there's some effective ways to do but it's never last Yeah, or guilt them or shame them. Right. Yeah, you could do that, but it does.

It never lasts the best. I mean, I thought about this before too. Like, what would I do if all of a sudden, like, my wife fell way off and like, just all of a sudden Katrina is no longer working out. She puts on 50, 60 pounds and just all of a sudden, it's good. Now, obviously, I know as a trainer coach and like, that there's probably something else that's really going on that's causing that But how would I motivate her to get back into it so that it wouldn't be me telling her anything?

I would I would then put the responsibility and even though I consider myself healthy and fit right now I would double and triple down in that category like I would want her to see me making sacrifices and the effort to go in. And so she could see that through me and let that be the thing that she's attracted to to bring her that direction or at least get her to ask the right questions. Versus me, Stan, even being where I'm at now, I'm pretty healthy and fit. And oh, she's going way off the deep end. So I'll hear I'm going to sit here and preach to her, tell her, or braid her. Yeah, or braid her or shame her. It's like, no, that's not the move.

The move still is like, okay, there's lots of areas in my life in the health sphere that I can be better. So I'm gonna be even better than what I am now and let her see that drive in me to be that better version of myself and hope it bleeds over into her. Yeah, the two challenges that are gonna come up,

if you don't do this right, or even if you do it right, that might happen, are you're going to come across as a no at all. And for those of us in the health and fitness space, we know that this is common. Like, you'll get the eye roll. Like, okay, yeah, right. Like, exercise is going to help my anxiety. Yeah, right. Like, you'll say things in the last few questions and you'll tell them how improved health

basically improves everything. But to that person who's never experienced it, you just come across as a no-at-all. The other one, and this is a big one, is, and this is the halo effect or the perfect angel fallacy or whatever, is that oftentimes what they'll do is they'll point out your imperfections or how easy it is for you to do this. So, oh yeah, well yeah, you work out all the time. You don't have the three kids or you don't have a back injury

or you've never had to deal with what I deal with or have you seen my work schedule? So these are your challenges. Now what you're saying Adam about being the example, the reason why that's the first most important one is that's the most effective one. There's nothing most effective one. There's nothing more effective.

If you want to evangelize, you have to model it. You have to model it and then it has to be that person's idea. If they come to you, if you're the example, okay, if you're just living it and the person notices, you're in a good mood, you look good, energy, like holy cow, and then they notice your structure. Wow, we go out to eat and you don't make a big deal about it So here's here's the be the example part we're at dinner and I'm not talking about why I'm not eating these things Oh that

It's got a lot of sugar and you know gluten can be inflammatory and I don't like processed foods. No, no It's literally like no, thank you. I don't want that. No, thanks I'm not I'm not gonna do that. Well, why don't you want it? I just I just don't want like you don't make a big deal about it You be the example if that if it works what'll happen is the why don't you want it? I just don't want it. You don't make a big deal about it. You'd be the example. If that, if it works, what'll happen is the person will ask you, then it becomes their idea. Like, hey, you know, I noticed that you, that you turned all these foods down,

like, are you like obsessive? Like, actually, no, it's, I kinda don't want them. You know how it makes me feel. Yeah, what do you mean? Oh, well, it made me feel like this, and eventually I just don't want it anymore. Or, man, I noticed, I totally cal, like, you know, we were at the beach and we were pulling those, those coolers on the beach and like everybody was huffing and puffing and you were

just, that's crazy. Like, yeah, I know it's a, you know, I, I, thankfully I work out and it allows me to have that kind of stamina or whatever. So you can, if it comes, becomes from them, it's their idea and it's not you preaching down to them. And this is just historically the best way to evangelize is to be around these people and be the example of what it is. And remember the example is not pushy, preachy, or shameful, it's calm, it's relaxed, and it's confident.

It's calm, relaxing, confident. Now think to yourself, the times you might have been evangelized into doing something new, and it probably was your idea. You probably went up to the person said, Hey, how do you, how do you do that thing? Or I notice something, you know, and it's because they, they were living or being in a particular way that made you feel like there was something to it. So by the way, nothing we're going to say is a guarantee. All of everything we're going to say still might not work, but it's your best chances.

That's basically the reason. Well, you're trying to close your family member on your ideas and your philosophy, right? So there is a close that's happening here. And I always talk about how there's a difference between a good closer and a great closer. And a good closer can overcome the objections, push somebody, shame somebody, guilt somebody into making the purchase or making that choice. But they always end up regretting it or give up on it or don't do it when you do that. Versus somebody who knows how to pull somebody into a sale or pull somebody into your ideas.

Or lead them into it. Yeah, and that's what it pull or lead. That's the same thing. That's what you're doing by leading by example and looking for them. And then I just think that all of us, everybody, even these fitness fanatics, have an area in the health and fitness fear that you can be better. And so, and you focus on Jordan Peterson,

Tussle of this, like cleaning your own room, right? And before you go out there and tell everybody else about what they could be doing better, it's like, well, one of the best things that you can do to get them to do that is actually to do more of that in your life. Otherwise, what they all do is that what happens and you don't see it, because they don't do it to your face,

they wait until you walk away and they go, yeah, I saw what he did yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw what, you know, he had a drink. Yeah, I said, he still drinks and does that. I see the way he treats his wife. You know what I'm saying? I don't, I don't, if that's what a fit guy looks like

or acts like I'd rather be fat and take care of my wife. You know what I'm saying? So they will pick you apart. And so you better, if you're gonna come at somebody and be appreciative, you better fucking have all your ducks in a row because they'll ride away. That's what they're gonna see.

Yeah, I mean, the sooner you come to the realization that you can't control anything other than yourself and your own behavior, your own actions, the better off you're gonna be. And really, it's just our natural tendencies you wanna help and you wanna, you look at somebody as potentially, like I have all this knowledge, I have all this wisdom to pass on to them

and I really wanna, you get excited about it, especially when it's a new thing too. That's what I want to say. And so like it's that whole kind of like conundrum because you're experiencing it. It's real time. It's your body's changing. You have all this new energy and life.

And you just want to just give it away and like pass it on to everybody. But that's really where you need to just keep living it, keep focusing on what you're doing specifically into Adam's point, keep doing it at a higher level because at that point, it's contagious. Yeah, you hit why I think it's one of the most challenging things and this is why I was even challenged when I first started

is because you're excited. Yeah, like a lot. You want to preach off the rooftop, you want to tell everybody. Yeah, because it radically changed your life, which by the way, is very similar to somebody who finds God, you know, they say they were, they were, they were completely parallel. Right, right. They were at, they were at the bottom of the barrel. Life was terrible for them. They find religion, religion completely turns their life around and is done so much

for them. And then they just, they feel so compelled to share and tell everybody, it's just a terrible strategy. If they're desired outcome is to convert more people. The same thing goes for somebody who has been radically changed by health and fitness. You become a trainer or you change your way you eat and the way you exercise and it's radically changed you and you think going out and sharing that with everybody else is going to convert them over to doing it and it just is not gonna happen. The two most important parts about this are one, realize that you're not gonna be a hundred percent

in the sense that you're not gonna convince everybody. So it's still gonna be hard no matter what. So realize that because what can happen is you could be like, well, I am being the example, it's not working. So now I'm gonna resort to pushing them, shaming them or whatever. No, no, you just lower your odds. So number one, it doesn't work on everybody.

No matter what, they have to be ready for it. But it's the most effective, it's the most effective. And number two, here's the most important thing about being an example. Be calm, confident, and relaxed in it. Don't talk about it, don't preach it. Don't talk about your choices. Don't make a big deal about it when it's pointed out to you.

I remember when I finally figured this, because I was the guy that would try to sell everybody. I mean, I went into my parents' house, went through their cupboards, threw stuff away, tried to shame my own parents, they didn't work. I did this for a long time. And I remember when I first figured this out, I went somewhere with a bunch of friends and family members,

and it was, we were at a park, and then we all had our tank tops on and then, you know, shirts off or playing. And I started getting comments. And I remember I was very calm about it, real relaxed, I kind of brushed things off. And people were saying things like, man, you look good. Wow, it's going, I was energetic. How, you know, what's going on?

And I would just say, you know, oh, yeah, well, you know, I train and, you know, oh, thanks, I appreciate that. And I would take it as a compliment. I was very calm about it. By the end of the day, I had a few people come up to me and be like, hey, if, well, you know, I train and you know, oh thanks, I appreciate that and I would take it as a compliment I was very calm about it by the end of the day I had a few people come up to me and be like hey, if what kind of workout should I do? They came and asked me had I gone preach to other people? Yeah, 100% would have turned everybody off now the next point This is a another very effective strategy. I've used this before with family members in particular This one takes a little more time,

but if you really care about somebody, this one could be super, super valuable. It's to invite them to come work out with you. Now, I want to be very clear. The goal is not to train them, and the goal is not to show them a great workout or whatever. The goal is to give them a good experience. That's it. End of story.

These are your friends, these are your family members. You love them. They probably like hanging out with you. Obviously you got a good relationship with them. So when they come to work out with you and you don't have to present it as a workout, you can literally say, hey, do you want to take this class with me? Hey, do you want to go on a hike with me? Hey, I want to do this.

I like to do this thing at the park that I do. You want to come around and hang out whatever. And then the goal is not to give on a hike with me. Hey, I want to do this, I like to do this thing at the park that I do, you want to come around and hang out, whatever. And then the goal is not to give them a crazy workout. They're gonna, that's gonna happen. Or they're gonna exercise, they're gonna move. The goal is to make it a fun, great experience. Cause what you're doing, what you're doing in a kind of sideways kind of way

is you're building a positive relationship with exercise. And it starts with the experience. It does not start with the soreness, the sweat, and the challenge. Everybody thinks it's the soreness, and they're like, oh, my dad finally came to a workout. I'm gonna show him what it's like to have a hard workout. What you're gonna do by doing that

is guarantee he'll never wanna come back, especially after he feels the way he feels the next couple days. But if he shows up and you're hanging out, you have a great conversation, you do a couple movements, he makes some comments on it, you're chill about it, super calm, you do your little thing, and he gets this really good experience, they'll probably come to the next one, the next one. And then they'll start to say, huh, I like the way I feel. This is kind

of cool. Maybe I could do some of this on my own. Well, thinking about the steps that I would take, again, using the analogy of Katrina had put on all this crazy weight and I'm trying to figure out, you know, how do I get her back to pursuing her health and fitness, right? The first step obviously is to, to be the example, right? To double, triple down on bettering myself and letting her see that. And then the next thing is I, as I'm making those choices is inviting her, you know, and making no big deal about it. Like, hey, today I'm gonna go to the gym at two, did you wanna go with me and just ask, that's it.

And if you do, you do, if you don't, you don't. That's like that's also it, don't make it feel stupid. Yeah, that's a big deal. And if I'm consistently thinking about cleaning my own room and getting my stuff better and better and better, and just subtly inviting her to make those choices with me and not making a big deal about it if she does or she doesn't, that I guarantee that's enough right there. That will start to, most people,

right? There's always going to be things like you said, there's going to be people who just don't give a fuck. You can't do anything about that. it's not for you to try and convince that person. That's on them. But I mean, if I'm strategically doing this with somebody I love, this is what it looks like. It's me first, keep dialing in, and then every opportunity when I can invite her to join me in these choices, I invite,

and I don't make a big deal about it if she says no, it's no big deal. Yeah, let them ask the questions when you're there too. I love it. Just invite them along with you. What should we do? That's a great place to start is waiting for them to ask you those specific questions.

So it's going to be hard to not keep going and keep adding detail and then get hyped up as well to the earlier point. It's like once you kind of open that door too, like you don't want to turn it into a monovie presentation and you have a captive audience and you're like hammering them with all these facts and your knowledge. So that, again, I just remember that as a new trainer as well too. I get excited once somebody starts to kind of get a little bit of a gleam of like I'm

buying into it to all of this. It's like okay, just stay calm and just allow things to progress at the pace that they're gonna have. This is the only thing that worked for me when my parents was this part too. Because I was always the example in the sense that I've been working out and doing that stuff forever. But you know when it's your kid and oh that's this thing, right? That's kind of what it became. Oh this is Sal's thing and he's a little weird because you want to eat the pasta that I made because it's got this or whatever. But this set, the one that we're talking about now

is the only one that worked because my parents want to hang out with their kid. I know this, I'm a parent with my kid grew up. You know, as they become teenagers especially and they're 20, it's like getting your kid to hang out with you, it's kind of hard. So if my kid invited me, hey dad, you want to come hang become teenagers, especially in their 20s, like getting your kid to hang out with you is kind of hard. So if my kid invited me, hey, dad, you want to come hang out with me and play video? I don't know, something I don't normally do.

I'm going to be like, yeah, sure, because I just want to hang out with you. This is the only thing that worked with my parents is I would invite them to do something like, I'd tell my dad, hey, you want to go do the sauna and then maybe we'll do some stretches together or, hey, mom, let's go on a walk together. And they're like like more than happy. And I'm not even talking about the workout. I don't even say into them, oh, this step here, we're having fun conversation.

And as I've done this a few times, they start to get that, oh, I like doing this type of thing, and now my mom walks all the time. Now my dad has been going to the gym a little bit and quiet about a trainer. I was able to hire a trainer for him. This step is the only thing that worked for me with my parents.

I want to add to a point that you made that I think is really important and something that maybe I would have made a mistake or did make mistakes when I was a younger trainer and the older wiser trainer would do it different, which is. If Katrina says does come right I invited her to the ninth time and, yeah, you know what, I do want to come with you. And then she comes. I actually am going to dramatically scale my workout. Yeah. Like, I actually want to make it, instead of the young ego driven trainer of like trying to impress her, you know what I'm saying?

Or show her how much I know, or show her how strong I am, and like probably defeat her, I'm actually going to go the whole opposite direction and kind of to your point of, I'm more focused on the experience and enjoying it together. I don't care if we did one exercise. You know what I'm saying? That we just went to gym,

maybe we walked on the treadmill, and maybe we spent the whole time foam rolling and getting ready to squat and doing a few sets of squat and talking to all the folks. Yeah, and that's it. And really, and let her go, that's it. That's how we're doing it. Honey, that's all we need to do.

We haven't been here in a while. That's already we're moving in the right direction. And that way, she's not fucked up the next day. The next day, she will feel anything that she does because it's new. She hasn't done it in months or potentially years whoever we're talking about. So I know any sort of of movement this direction is going to make her feel it and so I don't want what I don't want It's her to wake up and feel crippled and not want to work out the next way

This this one we're talking about inviting them is the most effective one for spouses because it's a date And that's how you would present it by the way. Hey honey Friday afternoon. What are you doing? Hey? I found this really cool hike that I like to go on. Or hey, I'd like to go to the gym and do this like new meditative class or let's hang out together and then let's go get lunch. And it is, it's all about the experience and about the relationship and then they enjoy it.

And by the way, here's the other thing that can happen if you go to the gym and then you try to show off and show them how fit and tough you are. Even if they don't do it and they don't get sore all it does is make them feel even more out of shape Yeah, it makes them feel far so far away. Yes. It makes them feel so separate It makes them feel like oh my god. There's my husband yeah, and look at me and look what he can do And he's totally into this and we're here, but we're not really here together Yeah, in fact we gave me here together

Yeah, and I feel more separate than ever and I'm never gonna come back here. I don't know if I'll ever get to that level. Exactly. 100%. All right, the next one, this one is extremely important, because if you don't do this, 100%, the person is gonna look at you and come up with every reason why you can do this, and they can't. And that is to validate them.

Validate them. So if they tell you, and you're having this conversation and you're the example and they ask you questions and they say, well, how many days a week do you work out? You're like, well, I don't know, five or six. Oh God, I don't have the time for that. Yeah, I know most people don't have the time for it. I'm lucky that I'm able to do that.

Yeah, most people don't have nearly that much time. I mean, I look at you, you have kids in a job, but we're really hard for someone like you to work out that much, or even do anything, probably for yourself. Do you ever get time for yourself? Like, you're validating them, and you're making them feel understood and heard, and they're open. They're remaining open. Remember, you're trying to be effective, and you're not effective once they shut those doors. Once they shut those doors, everything you say is going to bounce off. But if they remain open, because here's the reality, you're not effective once they shut those doors, once they shut those doors, everything you say is gonna bounce off,

but if they remain open, because here's the reality, you're trying to talk somebody and taking that first step, the first step is any step forward, okay? So yeah, five days a week would be a step, it's probably too big of a step. Usually it's one or two, or something, or anything, so validate their challenges, or they ask you like, well, you know, how do you eat?

Like I actually eat only whole natural foods. I feel much better with that. Like, I don't have the time to cook. And, you know, I buy this processed stuff because it's easy and it's fast. And the kids don't like eating it. Again, I know it's super hard. My God, I can't even imagine how challenging

must be for you to manage all that stuff. So, you know, there are some options with processed foods that are a little better. And I know some really good companies if you're interested or something like that right? So you're validating and you're helping what you're not doing is making them feel stupid Make them feel stupid for their feelings which if you do that again the doors close. Yeah, stupid or alone right I said teach my trainers to this is like a stick that I did forever which was almost anything So I trained them to do this That a client would say like oh man like a stick that I did forever, which was almost anything. So I trained them to do this,

that a client would say, like, oh man, I have such a hard time with this, or oh, I can't do this. I like, I would tell them to say, like, almost all my clients, like, yeah. Let them feel like they are normal for having that challenge,

or feeling like they can't do this, or not having enough time. All the excuses, all the challenges, all things like that, but one of the best ways to validate them is to let them know that, oh yeah, most of my clients have a hard time with that. That's actually what, and then you make them feel secure

that you know how to navigate through these waters too, because now it's just like, oh cool, I'm not alone. I feel hurt because you validated what I said, and oh, now I feel confident that you might have the answers to solve this because most of your clients have struggled with this also. It's such a powerful way to kind of hit all those. By the way, it's true.

Yeah, it's not a trick. It's not, I'm not lying. Yeah, you're the anomaly, you fitness person or the anomaly. Everything that they're saying, all the challenges they have is what most people feel and have. So you definitely make them realize like, yeah, you're not an outlier.

That is a man that's a tough one. I used to tell it like a doctor who gets somebody who gets diagnosed with something. Like you get bad news, got an STD, you get some crazy news from a doctor. And like, could you imagine like the doctor goes, oh my God. I never spot somebody.

First it goes like, it's actually really common. You know what I'm saying? Then you're like, okay, but it's not so bad. But I used to tell my trainers, it's the same thing. Never seen a rash like that. You're like, oh, I can pull her out. But if you're a doctor, literally, I mean, literally how they respond to whatever it is that you get diagnosed or told you have, everything from his basic little rash to something crazy like a terrible STD answer, right?

Like no matter what it would be, if the doctor makes you feel like it's very common and he sees it and deals with it all the time, you instantly have this feeling of relief and like, okay, like we'll tell me what do we do. First of all, if your doctor went, oh, you know, I don't know, that's tough. We're just trying to, you know, say your life.

I think sometimes it might feel like work in this situation where it's like, so you mentioned your parents in trying to convince like the same thing with me with my dad. And I already know all of his behaviors. I know what he does. And then, and then, you know, for him to come in and kind of explain the reasoning and, well, I do eat healthy. And I do this and I'm like in the back of my head, I'm like, no, you definitely don't.

I've seen what you eat. And you want to kind of interject. And you're just by your tongue. This is an opportunity for them to be vulnerable and to share with you. And if again, I think the people that are closest to you, that's the hardest because it's like, if you really want to, if you use change,

you have to allow them to be vulnerable to share, even if you probably know a little bit more than you should about that. If you know they're lying to themselves, you know, you're lying to themselves. It may even be something, they believe it, you know, in their head, but it's like you see the action. By the way, we're not telling you to lie. So loving people or caring about them is not lying.

At all. It's just compassion. It's compassion and it's, and it's just effective. So like, let's say you have a family member and that they just got put on another blood pressure medication and their poor health and they smoke a lot. They smoke cigarettes, right? So real obvious unhealthy thing. And then they come to you and they ask you some health and fitness stuff and you say, health, and they smoke a lot. They smoke cigarettes, right? So real obvious unhealthy thing. And then they come to you and they ask you some health and fitness stuff and you say, well, you know, we're probably in easy, what probably one of the big steps you could do is quit smoking, you know, because they came and asked you, right?

You're the example. And then they say something like, well yeah, I did cut the amount of cigarettes I smoked by a third. Now, the fitness fanatic in here, whatever it might be, we're like, stop smoking everything. Like, okay, fine. You went from smoking three packs to two packs. Good job. But instead, what you should do is say that in this is true. This is true. Yes, that

is a very good step in the right direction. That's awesome. Get inside of for him. Yeah, or man, you know, I got a progress. Yeah, or God, I really got to fix my eating. You know what I do now is now instead of drinking regular coke, I have diet Coke, or something like that. Instead of being like, whoa, you should just drink water. Actually, that is less calories, that is moving in the right direction. Or, hey, I used to skip breakfast, now I have a bagel in the morning, right?

Okay, not the best choice, but rather than saying that, you say, yeah, I could see that's definitely a good step in the right direction. Now you're trying to fuel yourself in the morning. And then what happens, not every time, but sometimes is it opens up for their conversation. Oh, okay, what is the bagel a good choice in the morning?

Well, I mean, what are you looking for because there might be some better choices versus right out the gates. Oh, you have a bagel in the morning. That's not good. That's gonna spike your blood sugar and your insulin's gonna crash. And they're not gonna listen to you anymore.

So. I know we're trying to convince family and friends to do this, but that's actually just great advice for all coaches and trainers. Like that's how you should communicate to your clients. Oh, it's all clients is to, anytime they make a point to tell you that they're making a decision

that they think is better for their health, even if it's technically not. Commend the decision. Exactly. Yeah. At least you want to come in the effort that they're putting forth to do that and celebrate that.

If you shoot it down and correct it, like, oh, that's not good. You shouldn't do that. Like a bagel, that's a terrible decision for that. Well, I was better than them fucking eating fruit loops that they were eating before you're saying. Like, it's better than that. And it's moving in the right direction.

And so you got to celebrate that. Otherwise's better than that, and it's moving in the right direction, and so you gotta celebrate that. Otherwise, what will happen, which most people, most people that are in that situation, all of us for that matter, that came with a gym for the first time, are insecure. And so you already kinda have this wall up, and you're already a little defensive, and you're already less likely to really be vulnerable

and open up and share really all the things that you struggle with. And so if the first thing that you say that you're doing good, you get shut down. Like, they're going to put that wall up and now you're never going to get it. Yeah, I remember being at a dinner with people that I had just met because they were the co-workers of the time of my wife. And I remember them passing the bread around. And I said, no thanks.

And the comments start right away. And I didn't make a big deal about it. I said, oh yeah, no thanks. I said, you don't want to eat bread? Yeah. And I remember, no, no, I mean, the alarm goes off. Yes, and why would I, you know,

kind of really affects my stomach. But don't you love bread? Yeah, are we kidding me? Bread's delicious. Like I'm validating all of it rather than be like, well, you know, I don't like it as much as my health. My health is more important. Okay.

Now there's the preachy guy that everybody was looking for. All right. The this, the, this next one is a, another very effective, very effective strategy for a few different reasons. Earlier we talked about inviting people to come work out with you and create a good experience. Here's a good one for nutrition. Invite them over to cook a meal with you.

And don't make it, you're gonna come over and we're gonna cook this super low calorie, healthy meal or this low calorie. Don't say that. You plan it and you make it healthy, but that's not what we're talking about. You're just coming over and we're gonna cook it together. And then let them make the comments.

Like, wow, that's a lot of vegetables that you're cutting up and where'd you get this meat from? And wow, I like the way you prepared that. You used coconut milk instead of, you know, whatever, I see using olive oil versus a seed oil. Like, why are you using that? And then you make it, you have fun together, you connect, it's a great experience.

And then you eat the meal together. The, by the way, one of the side effects of this that I absolutely loved was that a lot of people, and this is just today, it's modern times, a lot of us equate cooking to, it takes time, it's work and it's hard. And as a result, most of us never really cook meals with our family, our kids and our spouses.

And we forgot that it's actually a fun bonding experience. It really is. One of my favorite things to do, if I want to hang out my kids, is we cook a meal together, and we do all of it together, and we play music, and it's this wonderful experience. When you do this with somebody and you're making a healthy meal, they start to see it, and they start to be like, I actually enjoy doing this. Maybe I'll take some time aside to start cooking for myself. So I actually love this strategy, and I actually love this strategy for a similar reason,

but I like to go in the direction of like, I'm gonna cook a big old fatty rib-eye steak in a cream of mushroom spinach. You're gonna see me saute the onions and olive oil and have butter and I'm gonna let them see these things that they're like, wait a second. I thought that wasn't healthy. Yes, because then that opens the door for me to like educate

on like, no, you could absolutely enjoy a great steak like this and a meal like this. This is not what puts all that excess weight and make people unhealthy at all. And then you have an opportunity to educate that eating healthy is not as bad as what people make. It's, I know it's presented as Toulopia and Asparagus all day long, but that's not how most of us eat. And there's a way for you to actually have really good foods and yet stay in a real caloric

balance to where you can lose weight or be in shape. And so I like going that direction where they see like a meal that's like really good and just it doesn't register for them that like, this is something that you could eat. Yeah, we made a huge impact on my mother while this way. She came, she would come and stay with us because she's at a state and you know she just with us. So because she's with us she's eating with what we and we cook together and she would make comments like that. Oh you guys eat like fatty lamb and oh wow you put olive oil on everything. I thought that was high calorie and whatever. We're like, no, you know, not answer some questions. And then she's like, oh my God, it's really delicious.

And I feel really good. And then it turned into, I love coming here because when I eat with you guys, I feel so good. And then it turned into, for in- In-density. Yes. Yeah, like I've noticed that too.

My mom, the same thing, we've been able to kind of influence like subtly with that, and like, have them involved and bring them over and cook the meals with us. And then you start to see that now, and we go over there, there'll be like a dish that's, look what I made, you know, remember this? And they remember those times that they put it all together.

And, too, it just brings that connection back to the foods. And I love actually, like, taking, especially with the kids, we have a garden outside too, and we'll have them kind of cut off some carrots, some tomatoes, and some things that we're naturally kind of growing there too. So it's just like, it builds that association further.

It's like, oh, this is our food. This is our vegetables that we have and grown in the garden too. So, you know, there's cool ways to kind of bring that back in and realize that where the food actually comes from. Yeah, and I can't stress this enough. People are always looking for something to do with each other, or how do I connect with my teenage kids,

or how do I get my wife, we're gonna hang out, but I want to talk, we're gonna be something healthy or my husband or whatever. Cooking, preparing a meal, like prepping, cooking, eating, cleaning together, while playing music, having good conversation, hanging out, is actually one of the funnest things you could possibly do. It's so enjoyable that I look forward to doing it with my kids, I connect with them,

while we're doing it, we have a good time. It's not a chore, it's not crazy work. It's great. We're all connecting together. And then the meanwhile, what's happening in the background is I'm influencing them with some healthy choices. And they're eating things that have an eating before and they see what the prep looks like

and it becomes something that they start to value. All right, lastly, this one is also effective, but don't hammer this one too much, but inject it here and there, which is talk about your challenges around fitness. Now, if you do this one too obvious, it's like, what are you doing? Why are you telling me about all how hard

this is for you so much? But it could be literally something like, hey, would you do this morning? Oh, man, I did not want to work out today. Sometimes I just have those days where I do not want to go to the gym, but I got up and I went anyway, so I did that. And then I went to work and this happened. So what you're doing is you're showing your human

and that you also sometimes don't want to work out. Or you also sometimes want to make that whatever food choice or whatever. So it's good to show people that you're human just like they are. So I love this one. I think it's extremely important. I think the way this looks like for me is,

and whether you intentionally wrote them in this order or not, but it's in this order, where it's like I'm being the example first, I'm inviting them to do these things like that. I'm gonna do the cooking and things like. And then when finally, they are asking questions, this is how I start. So they're finally like, so what is it? And then I go, man, I tell you, it's a challenge for me too. I'm tempted to do this. There's mornings

where I don't want to get like, I'm gonna start with letting them know that I'm not invincible. I'm human too. And so that's my first start, like the beginning of me starting to educate, starting to help, starting to get them to move along, is actually admitting how hard this is for me. That's how I wanna start that conversation. I don't even need to say nothing to on my data until they ask. Once they ask, and I get to this point,

because I've done all the steps before, I lead with that vulnerability of sharing my challenges, my struggles, where I've had pitfalls, what I've learned from my mistakes and how I'm still learning today to humanize me and then let them know that like, I too know what it's like to struggle like, yeah, and hopefully together, go figure this out. By the way, this is the opposite of what our tendency tends to be. Our tendency tends to be, we wanna present this flawless, perfect image.

Like, wow, you work out five days a week, like, isn't that hard? No, man, I wake up. It's like what I do, man. Like, I love it. I feel fit. It feels amazing. I look forward to it every day.

All you're doing is making yourself less and less relatable to this person. I feel nothing like that. Yeah, well, the one where you work out all the time, you just love it so much, or they'll say something like, God, how do you eat healthy all the time? Well, I love the way it makes you feel. Just that feel.

In fact, I crave broccoli. I crave vegetables. Let's take it all I want to eat. When I look at a donut, like I just know how it makes me feel. And I get a lot of my- Versus the opposite with that is like, man, for a long time, I struggle with vegetables.

I hated vegetables. I did not want to eat them. I didn't like them. I couldn't figure out why. And then you educate them on why and how you found out why you didn't like that. And then how you changed that behavior versus saying, oh, I love vegetables.

I just like eating them all the time. Listen, there's nothing more unrelatable than somebody who does something that you think is hard, but then they make you believe it's easy for them. So now it's like, well, yeah, of course, you know, that's not a problem for you, right? Of course, that's not an issue for you. You know, you don't break the law, not because you're afraid of, you know, you just, that's just what you do, and you're just afraid to get your rest of it, not because you have all these temptations like I do or whatever, or, oh, you eat healthy. That's because you think unhealthy food is gross. So of course, you're gonna do that way,

but what about someone like me who loves unhealthy food? I have no idea what that's like, type of deal. So talk about your challenges, humanize yourself. By the way, for trainers, one of the most effective things you could do is this right here, what we're talking about. Right here, took me a little while to learn this, but when I was able to present my challenges to my client,

then my advice became 10 times more effective. It was not effective when they saw me as this 19 year old fitness fanatic who has all the time in the world who just loves working out and he's lucky because he got to do this for living and that's that. When they viewed me like that, my advice was kind of like, well, okay, we'll see how that applies to me. But when I talked about my insecurities and I thought I was so skinny and I developed this bad relationship and it made me not feel so good and you know, I'm really challenging these areas with nutrition like I could get obsessive. Then they were like,

okay, okay, he did it and I can hear that he had some challenges so maybe I can do it too. Look, if you like the show, first off, share this with friends and family. Let them know you care about them. Also, get our free fitness guides. We have a lot of free fitness guides that cost nothing. Go to MindPumpFree.com. You can also find all of us on social media. Justin is on Instagram, MindPump Justin.

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