Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 2547: Stop Trying to Get Your Kids in Shape! Do This Instead!

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Stop Trying to Get Your Kids in Shape! Do This Instead! Stop trying to get your kids in shape! Try these 6 methods instead. (1:38) #1 - Be the example. (2:15) #2 - Foster a good relationship with exercise and eating healthy. (9:43) #3 - Give them options consisting of protein, something new, something they love. (17:22) #4 - Use bodyweight and suspension trainers. (25:17) #5 - Play with them. (27:03) #6 - Reduce screen time with time limits. (31:57) Questions: I have dual custody, and my ex doesn’t agree with my approach to health and fitness. How do you suggest navigating this? (39:47) How do I turn the ship with my teenage kids? (43:44) My kids are picky eaters. Do you have any strategies? (50:46) What are some healthy snack ideas for on-the-go? (52:27) Related Links/Products Mentioned Visit Our Place for an exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! **Promo code MINDPUMP at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Our Place offers a 100-day trial with free shipping and returns. ** MAPS Transform Special Launch! ** Code TRANSFORM70 at checkout. $70 Off Gym + At Home workouts. Includes: Adam’s 90-Day Body Recomp Journal, and the MAPS Transformation Diet Guide. ** The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind How Mothers Influence Their Daughters' Body Image Mind Pump # 1877: Obesity, It’s Not Your Genetics Mind Pump # 2277: The Five Best Sports for Kids Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked – Book by Adam Alter Mind Pump Podcast – YouTube Mind Pump Free Resources  

If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. Mind Pump with your hosts, Sal DeStefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. You just found the most downloaded fitness, health, and entertainment podcast in history. This is Mind Pump. Today's episode, we talk about getting your kids fit and healthy, but these are real strategies that work. Real strategies that the data and our experience shows can make effective changes for your children's health. Now this episode is brought to you by one of our sponsors

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Adam's 90 Day Recomp Journal and our Maps Transformation Diet Guide. One more time, mapstransform.com. The code is TRANSFORM70. All right, here comes the show. Parents, stop trying to get your kids in shape. You're doing it wrong. Almost everybody does this wrong and it backfires.

Instead, let's do this. Let's talk a little bit about how to get, yes, let's start with the first one. And by the way, we're gonna list really effective strategies to helping your children become more healthy and fit based on actual data, but also based on our experience training lots of people, lots of families for over two decades and messing up a lot and then figuring out

how to do it the right way. But number one is to be the example. So when a child grows up in a home that has any kind of particular behavior. Even if the parents chastise the behavior or communicate to the kids, don't do this, don't do this, even though they do it themselves, the odds and the data on this is very clear. The odds that the child will follow in the footsteps of their parents is incredibly high. Children listen to actions far more than they listen to words. So if you want your

child to lead a healthy lifestyle, 90% of all of your success is going to be leading it yourself and being the example. Neurons that fire together wire together. Yeah. That was in the book that I'm reading right now with raising children and that's one of the things they talk about is that if the kid sees together, wire together. Yeah. That was in the book that I'm reading right now with raising children. And that's one of the things they talk about is that if the kid sees a pattern in a behavior and then makes that connection, it is now wired. If, especially if it's a first experience example

they gave in the book is like, you know, your, uh, your kid gets done with their first sporting event or they did something and you take them to ice cream. And it's like the first now, every time they do that, they will be crazy. They will expect it because Dave, that's what they, that's the first connection they've made is, Oh, after volleyball practice, I get ice cream. And I'm not saying I'm not using that as an example to make it, to say that's bad

per se, but just keeping that in mind that when we introduce things to our kids or we show things to our kids When it's the first connection or the first thing they make or hey Let's we're go out to dinner this Friday in the first place you take them as McDonald's You now have wired that of like Oh Friday's a fun night. We go out there. It's that experience and it's now Solidified that this is a behavior they expect going.. That's right. But to get even more, to make it even more important, or should I say to really hammer this home, that, what you're communicating, Adam,

I think a lot of people on the surface would get that. Like, okay, don't take my kids to eat certain foods, or don't reward them with certain things or activities that are not necessarily healthy, which makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people healthy, which makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people would say that makes a lot of sense. But what a lot of people don't realize is that, let's say you don't even do that,

but you yourself eat particular ways or are inactive in particular ways, and they observe your behaviors. In fact, when you look at the data on body image issues, for example, they have some data on data on body image issues, for example, they have some data on girls and body image issues and eating disorders. One of the strongest connections, there's a lot of things that can contribute to it, but one of them is how mom talks about herself.

So it's not about how mom talks to her daughter. That's an obvious one. I think everybody knows if you tell your kid or you that you can very much Impose a body image issue on your child or cause them to have Poor self-image by the way you talk to them. That's obvious But a lot of kids will internalize what you say about yourself. So mom Looking in the mirror and saying, you know, even under her breath. Oh my god, I'm so fat or looking at a picture with their family Oh my god, look how fit I was there. I'm so gross now or whatever I'm so fat. Or looking at a picture with their family.

Oh my God, look how fit I was there. I'm so gross now, or whatever. The child hears that and starts to adopt it, and the same is true for your behaviors with activity, with nutrition. I remember having this conversation with a client myself. This woman had hired me and I had been training her for maybe three or four months,

and she had come in with her kid, and oftentimes I would have clients bring their kids to the workouts. I used to own a private studio, and I never wanted that to prevent people from exercising. It was my studio, I didn't mind it. I love kids anyway. It was small, so it never really get in the way.

So I tell my clients, hey, if you need to bring your kid, you can go and bring your kid, and we'll set them over here, and I'll make sure that they have fun while we work out type of deal. So she brought her son who was, I think he was like 10, and he comes in with chicken nuggets from McDonald's, which I didn't even think twice about.

It's like, I'm not watching it and judging. A lot of people think trainers judge everybody. That's not the case. She just brought him in, he was sitting there, but she came to me and she said, Sal, can you now please tell my son why he shouldn't be eating this? And she put me on the spot. And so I looked at the kid and I said,

you know, there's other good options. And then I kind of changed it. I said, you like those? They taste good, right? He's like, yeah. I said, okay, cool. And so I changed the subject, moved away, and then I looked at the mom and I said, who bought those for him? And she said, I did. And I said, this is not an issue with your child making the wrong decisions.

He's being provided these options. And so, and you know, she saw, she looked at me and kind of understood it, but really it's about being the example yourself. When you have two healthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be healthy are, are astronomically high. When you have two unhealthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be unhealthy are also astronomically high. When you have two unhealthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be unhealthy are also astronomically high.

And this is why they try to say it's genetics. Well, obesity is genetics, which is actually false. There are genetics that can contribute to whether you gain more or less weight, but obesity as we know it is not genetic. It's a relatively modern phenomenon and it follows families because of the behaviors of the people that lead the families, the parents.

Yeah, if you're really trying to get buy-in and you're really trying to get them to be excited and embark on eating healthier options and moving around and, and, um, asking about working out, uh, we can't have these negative self talk moments where cause they're, they're always listening. It's, it's like, what you do is really what they're watching, observing. And so if, if,

if I'm constantly there, you know, judging myself and, and, uh, man, I'm fat, man, I need to lose weight, man. I need, I really and, man, I'm fat. Man, I need to lose weight. Man, I really could lift some more weights to build muscle. And everything I'm talking about myself is negative. That's just gonna rub them off the wrong way. And it should be a fun experience. It should be something that's inviting.

It should be something that's positive. It should be something that's positive and we should be trying to really model and show them that this could be a fun embarking adventure. Unfortunately, I think this is even more complicated than just that. I think that also seems kind of obvious to people that like, oh yeah, I probably shouldn't call myself fat in front of my child or beat myself up. I've had a lot of conversations, I'm sure you guys have too, with actually parents that are making healthy and good choices, still communicating it wrong.

For example, how many times you've had to talk to a parent who is weighing and measuring their food to track their macros, and the kid is curious to what they're doing. And then simply how the parent responds could also set them up. Oh, mommy needs to lose weight. Oh, why do you need to lose weight?

And you position it like you need to get in shape or I need to lose weight and that's why you're doing these things. You gotta be even careful in a situation like that. And that's a family making healthy good choices because this is a new behavior I see mom doing, dad doing. And then their answer is, oh yeah, because I'm fat, or they say something like that.

You gotta be very careful. I'm so glad you said that because dysfunctional eating and poor health, mental health, actually is relatively high in fitness maniac households, just like it is in households that don't regard health at all because of the obsession component. In fact, that's the next point. The next point is the most important thing you can do with your child when it comes to health and fitness.

More important than the food that they eat, the exercise they do, and we'll get to all that, right? But more important than the actual X's and O's or 1's and 0's is the relationship they have with exercise and eating healthy. What you're trying to do is you're trying to raise a child that has a good relationship with exercise where they view it in a healthy way, they view it in an enjoyable way, and they view eating healthy in a good way with a good relationship because that's what's going to last for the rest of their life when they're out of your house. So how do I do that? Well, number one, when we're exercising, the most important thing is my kid enjoys the experience. That's more important than the workout

itself. In fact, if we only do five minutes of exercise and they don't want to do anything else, that's okay. Because my goal is to create a relationship or help them create a relationship with exercise where as adults, they look back and they're like, man, I used to have great times in the garage with my dad or when we were out in the field throwing the ball or whatever.

My dad wasn't, or my mom wasn't on me saying, you gotta do five more and you gotta work out and you gotta do this thing. Now you can force your kid to work out, and I've seen parents do this, where you force your kid to do the exercises. You force your kid in a tyrannical way to do these things, but the relationship that you will create or help them foster around exercise is one

that will probably turn into rebellion later on when they're out from under your thumb. When they grow up and say, I'm not doing that anymore. You see this with a lot of behaviors, right? You see this with church, for example. You see adults who don't ever want to go to church again. Well, why? My parents forced me. I hated it. So I never want to go back, you know, type of deal. Or why don't you play sports anymore? God, as a kid, he used to play all these sports. My parents forced me to do it and I hated it. And so I never want to do it again. So the most important thing you can do in regards to fitness and health is create an environment that fosters a good relationship.

And it's more important than what you're actually doing in your garage gym or out in the field. It's literally, the most important thing is, is my kid enjoying this experience, even if they're just sitting there because they don't want to do it, but I'm talking with them in between sets and we're having a good time.

That's more important. It's a tough line because you know the importance of it. And I came from a household where it was like everything was forced. Like just like you said with church and with this and you know certain behaviors like either you do this or you're kicked out of the house and that was like the gold standard for that. And so for me to kind of you know now model what are important for me and to my kids like Like for me, it's, I have to literally take it upon myself to show them the example of that. And then it's uncompromising. So, also too, to be very clear and communicate the importance of movement, the importance of fitness,

the importance of making those right decisions with eating habits and education of it, right decisions with eating habits and education of it, you know, without that infusion of force but show them this is why I do this all the time. This is why, you know, this is helping my body and like the reason and the rationale with it have that open communication instead of it being so closed off black and white like you do this or you don't do this and you're gonna get fat. So I think it's important that we share what that sounds like. I mean, you guys, what you guys are both saying obviously is right. With the healthy relationship with exercise and with also a healthy relationship with food,

what I think is important is what does that sound like when you talk about when, because I think people that listen to this podcast for the most part, I think are either already on a health and fitness journey or embarking on one, and probably a lot of them have kids, and they're probably going in their gym and working on their house. They're probably making good food choices, weighing and maybe even measuring and tracking their macros. And so what does it look like when my son goes, daddy, why are you weighing your food? Or why are you tracking that?

What are the words that you're communicating to them that shows them that you have a healthy relationship with it and not that it's the unhealthy version of that? What does that look like? Yeah, so, dad, why are you doing that exercise? Oh man, I love it, feels really good. And then you wait, and then the last thing, another question, what do you mean it feels really good?

I feel stronger when I do it, or it makes my shoulders feel good. Hey dad, why are you eating those foods? I love them, they taste so good, they make me feel good. What do you mean, how do they make you feel good? First of all, they probably won't ask that second question, but sometimes they do. Well, how does it make you feel good?

Well, this food has a lot of X, Y, and Z, and that's how it affects the body, and I really like the way it makes me feel. That's how it's, why are you weighing your food, dad? Well, I love eating this food, but sometimes I weigh it to make sure I'm getting the right amount. But don't worry, I know how to give you the right amount of your foods, and your body will tell you

when you're eating the right amount. You know, that's kinda how it's communicated. But it does come from honesty, and it comes from a positive communication and positive behaviors around it. Not, why do you work out? I don't want to be fat. Why are you eating that way? I don't want to be unhealthy. No, no. I think I love the idea of, you know, energy, sleep, strength, feeling better. These are the words that I'm using of why I'm doing the thing.

Why I'm exercising, why I'm weighing, measuring food is because when daddy does these things, I get the food that my body needs, I feel the best, I'm the strongest I am, I'm more productive at work, I'm a better daddy for you. I'm, and then the next layer or level to that is how can I relate that to his life where he's currently at? You know how sometimes you get frustrated when you're doing your logos and you feel like you can't, or Legos and you can't figure it out? layer or level to that is how can I relate that to his life where he's currently at? You know how sometimes you get frustrated when you're doing your logos and you feel

like you can't or legos and you can't figure it out? Like when daddy eats well and I pay attention to what I'm eating, I'm sharper. I'm better at work because I have the same thing too. When I'm at work, sometimes I'm communicating on the podcast and daddy forgets a word. I'm like, oh, what? I'm like, of course I didn't feed my body the right nutrients that day. And when I feed my body good and I pay attention to those things daddy's better at these things at work similar to how you're better when

you play that sport or you do that thing I think helping them connect the dots to how how it can also help in their life it's like a subtle way of you dripping that to them to allow them to go really well what would I eat or what should I do if I want to be better at basketball or I want to be sharper with my Legos? Now you're inviting them in a way without really inviting them. You're just communicating to them why daddy does it and then they can make that connection.

Now, what's important to understand, though, with what we're saying is very little of what they're gonna do comes from this conversation that we're having right now of us telling them. It's actually not as important as you think. It's more important to not say the wrong things, but it's less important, you don't need to say necessarily the right things, because they just watch.

They watch. That's 90%. 90% is just you being consistent with your behaviors. And they might ask you a question, and it's just an honest answer, but it's not about, because I made this mistake early on as a parent where I was like, oh, I'm gonna teach my kids, I'm gonna teach them, I'm gonna educate them.

That's not gonna make that big of a difference. It makes some kind of a difference, but not a big difference. The big difference is, it's just them watching you, what you're doing, and what's the relationship around food? Like when we eat, is my mom and dad stressed out? Are they counting everything? Are they worried, are they saying to themselves,

oh my god, I'm so hungry, I could eat more, but I can't, I'm gonna stop, I'm gonna push that away. Or is eating this great experience where we're connecting together, we're enjoying it. It's not the stress thing, it's not this rush thing, it's not this finish everything on my plate thing. It's just this good experience. That's the most important thing.

That's also the most important thing with exercise. Now the question that always comes from that, from people when you communicate This is well, how do I get my kids? What to eat? What do I put in front of them? And what if they don't want to eat it? Well, this is something I learned as an older parent later on with my younger kids That was so much more effective than my than my earlier approach with my older kids And I learned this from an expert who communicated how

the relationship with food was the most important thing that you could teach your kid. It's more important than actually what they're eating. What they're eating is important as well, but more important is the relationship because they're gonna grow up and at some point be adults in a modern society where they have access to everything.

And so what they need to learn is how to navigate this access to everything. So the relationship with the foods that are around them is the most important thing to foster. So this was the strategy that I learned and it's a really effective one that I came up with or that I've been utilizing. And what it is is you give them options,

make sure that you approve of all the options. You wanna give your child the feeling of autonomy? Like I can choose to eat these things and I can choose not to eat these things and I have choices in front of me So you're essentially choosing the choices, but you're giving them the choices to pick from now. What do you put on the plate? Well, you want to put a protein on there because that's essential You want to put something new on there because it's essential. You wanna put something new on there because it's important that you foster a little bit of exploration,

because especially when they're really little, you don't wanna get stuck in a pattern of eating the same things. You want them to kinda explore new things. And you know that they probably aren't gonna eat it. They'll taste it, but they probably aren't gonna eat it. And then you put something on there that you approve of that they love,

that you know for sure they're gonna eat. So they always have a choice that they're gonna eat that you approve of that they love that you know for sure they're gonna eat so they always have a choice that they're gonna eat that you approve of so you give them three or four or five options and the plate typically looks like a little bit of this little bit of that little bit of this little bit and you put it in front of them and then they choose to eat and you let them pick and you let them pick and what's gonna happen here's the frustrating challenging part for fitness parents is your kid is gonna pick although you will approve of all the your kid is gonna pick, although you will

approve of all the options, they're gonna pick the options that you approve of the least and they're not gonna approve the ones you want them to eat the most and you have to be okay with that because it's the long game. What you're playing here, the game that you're playing with your kids here is the long game, not the short game, not that let's eat as perfectly healthy as possible today but rather let rather, I want to encourage you and help you learn how to eat healthy for the rest of your life. So you give them the options, and they pick and they eat,

and what typically happens most of the time is they eat all of the thing that they love and they eat a little bit of the stuff that you really want them to eat. But then over time, what happens, and again, I've done this, and there's data on this, they'll slowly start to experiment and pick other things and they develop a nice wide breadth of things that they enjoy that are all within

that category of foods that you approve of. This was very challenging for me growing up by, I had two immigrant parents who, the way that I was taught to eat was, that's your food, that's what you're gonna eat, and if you don't finish it, you're gonna sit here until you finish it. That's how I was brought up.

So to do this to my kids and put them, you know, five options in front of them, and watch them leave four of them untouched or barely touched and eat all of one, and then to let them go, okay, I'm done, it like ate inside of me. It was like this eat all of one, and then to let them go, okay, I'm done, it like ate inside of me. It was like this storm inside of me, but I stuck with it, stuck with it,

and it's really resulting in some really, really good behaviors. Yeah, this is an interesting one because I think there's so many unique situations for people, I think we can all tell it, I bet we all are different with how we do this. I don't do it like that at all. It's very simple. What Katrina and I eat, Max eats.

And the way I portion it on the plate is the priority. So it's very meat heavy. It has a good portion of vegetables. And then there's a starch or a carb or an apple slices or something that you like you're saying that maybe he loves. And it's the smallest portion. And it's like you eat your plate, we eat together and we all sit here he's asked

questions in the past about about why he has to eat his meat and talked I've already taught him that this is what makes you strong and healthy and build muscle like daddy does and like when you want to pick up your toys and run and play like so we've made that connection of why the protein is valuable and never had a problem with this and it's never been this hard. Are you for some? Never. I think that's the most important thing. Yeah, but it was, I think it goes back to your original point which that's been consistent since day one. Yeah. We didn't, we never strayed away from that. Now what's cool is that once you lay that foundation, we're coming up on six years, right? So by no means am I expert daddy through teenage years yet, I'm not there yet. But so far, I've now been able to allow him to introduce other things that I would not consider a great food choice. But because we've been so consistent with what is normal and what we eat every day, it's never been a battle. It's never, I want more, I only want that or refusing to eat some things like this is what we eat. I think a

lot of parents are afraid to not let the kid eat much. Like I, if you, if Max tells me he's done eating, he's done eating. And I'm like, and then if he gets hungry again, it'll be in the microwave and we can reheat it and you can have it again. You don't get to go have ice cream or a snack or something else like that. It's like, this is what we eat for dinner. And if you're full, you don't want any more daddy will put it in the microwave. And if you get hungry a little bit later, we'll finish it.

This is a new generational thing that because as we were brought up similar, it's like, you know, you have to finish your plate or otherwise you're going to eat in the morning. And like, I'm like, ew, no awful. Like it's so you're just sitting there staring at it forever. And then I'd find ways to get rid of the food through. I knew that already. I knew my behaviors around it. And initially, I was trying to kind of balance that

with my kids. We're all eating the same thing. This is just how it's done. And all of it was accounted for, same thing, portions, all that kind of stuff in terms of optimizing health. And it was all kind of understood and everybody has an understanding. Then there was fighting and pushing back as they got exposed to more foods out there.

But one kid's more particular than another and it kind of switches. And so the one kid that's the most particular, I started to kind of have this, which I didn't really like, and I didn't like this as an option, but now I understand it's probably the best option is we will all eat the same food. But then if you seriously protest this food, you're not going to eat it. You got to go make yourself your own dinner. And so this has already been happening and my youngest has had to do this many times. And he only is allowed like the, and it's a healthy option, it's like eggs,

or it's like some kind of meal that we already have that he knows how to make, he knows how to turn the oven on, he knows how to do all these things, but he has to be involved and active, because it's disrespectful to his mom that had put together this amazing meal for us all. He knows that, but he's very particular about his tastes and flavors and whatnot, but understands the importance of why this is all structured this way. You know what's cool about this is that we all have on the surface different strategies,

but there's one most important thread or piece that is consistent, which is autonomy and choices. Yeah. It's what you'll notice. They're all different options or different strategies, but none of them are force and eat and bad relationship. Right, the relationship they're developing is a good relationship with food

where they have some autonomy, they feel some control. That's what stays with you as you become an adult. What you don't want staying with your kid as you become an adult is I was forced this way, hated it, it was a bad experience, I'm gonna go rebel and do my own thing. All right, so exercise, let's talk about exercise.

Now, okay, they're interested, they wanna try some exercise. What are some of the best options? The best, some of the best options, besides what they like doing the most, are body weight and suspension trainer type exercises. They teach body awareness for kids better than free weights or especially machines.

Those are known as closed chain movements where I'm moving my body around rather than moving a weight around. Now both of them are good, both of them strengthen the body, both of them improve body awareness, but when you're a kid and you start to develop kinesthetic skills,

they stay with you for a long time. So this is a really important time. Like if you do gymnastics, for example, as a child, you'll have more athleticism as a sedentary adult than you ever did, than you would as an active adult who never did any of these things as a kid. Because these are learned behaviors that stay somewhat permanent in the body and the brain.

And body weight and suspension trainer exercises are excellent for this. Plus, children seem to enjoy them more. Generally, they just seem to be more fun, especially suspension training. It makes so much more sense. And it really the highest priority is getting them to learn to understand their body and control their body. Because of the fact that they're in this crazy growth spurt, and who knows what stage they're in development, but they're always going to be able to be in tune with their body. If we can have them do these knows what stage they're in development, but they're always gonna be able to be in tune

with their body if we can have them do these specific movements where they understand their limitations, they're understanding the challenges that they're applying to themselves through their own body weight movements where we start adding load and then it turns into a different type of experience for them. I really think that this point blends with your next point to me. It's like, at this point, at this stage of their life, the exercise, body weight, suspension trainer,

weight training is part of play. It's all play to me. I'm not trying to get my kid to have great squat mechanics right now or do them. He's like so young and little that that's so beyond him right now. I just want him to have a good relationship with, oh, the family comes in the garage and we lift weights and that could look like him coming over and just seeing if he could pick a dumbbell up or not, or put, hold something over his head, or can he hold on to the bar and how long can he hold his grip on? It's more play than in his exercise at that point for me, is just like, and just building that healthy relationship with him that this is a time we enjoy,

that we like doing, that we get together as a family sometimes and do, that daddy or mommy are consistent with it. So he's just sees us doing all of it. But I don't ever find myself, it's the same way that I have with the sports. I would love my kid to play sports, but I know better than to force him to do that. It's like, if he wants to play and kick the ball around, I'm there to do it. We do it for a little bit. And then he decides he doesn't want to do it anymore.

And it's like, that's it. You know what I'm saying? It's not, and there's no, we got to do more or let's try this or, Hey, do you want to do this? It's like, I'm going to do it. Hopefully he joins in a little bit. When he does, we're going to make it more like play and in a time of enjoyment. And then hopefully that lays the foundation for The deeper bigger questions as he ages what's crazy about this and this is a tough one. I think for parents to Just reconcile because we get tired we get you know overworked or whatever But your kids especially when your kids are under the age of like 10, right when they're when they're little Your kids will play with you until you decide to stop, for the most part.

They just wanna hang out with mom and dad. Now when they become teenagers, different story. But when they're little, if you want your kids to be active, it's far less effective to go tell them to be active. It's far more effective if they can be like, let's go play, let's go ride our bikes, let's go throw the ball around, let's play hide and seek, let's play chase, let me throw the frisbee, you go get it.

And you can come up with strategies, look I'm a dad, I'm the expert at this. I can come up with strategies that require less activity for me and more activity for my kids when I get real tired, you know? Like wrestling, I lay on the ground, you try and hold me down, it requires very little for me with my really little ones.

But your kids will play with you as long as you want. So playing with them is a wonderful way to get them to be active. It's also a wonderful way for you to be active. You see so many parents counting the steps on their pedometers and oh, I gotta make sure I hit 8,000 steps or 10,000 steps and I gotta make sure I be more active.

You know what you could do with that? You could just go play with your kids. You don't have to worry about walking or treadmill because you just went to the park for an hour with your kids and and chase them around and you know look for sticks or whatever. So playing with your kids a wonderful way for everybody and it's not just the health aspect the fitness aspect like the the bonding time and just the spending time that you have with your kids. I think you're doing, I was pissing people off, but whatever, I mean I think you're doing a disservice

to your family if you get on a treadmill and you walk for an hour and you have kids under the age of 10. You got kids- I just ranted about that, yes. Bro, I'm serious, if you're a parent and you get on a fucking treadmill and walk for an hour or run or elliptical or whatever you do

and you have kids under the age of 10 like you're doing a disservice to your family that's an hour more you could have spent engaging with them that is gonna give you just as much it's gonna give you way more in return you're gonna get the exact same amount of calorie burn that you're gonna get for what you're selfishly doing that for but more importantly it's gonna continue to build that relationship with your kid and encourage this healthy relationship with movement and activity. Yeah, that's like a shame on you if you do that because your kid, like you said, if they're under the age of 10, I don't know a kid one that will turn down some sort of activity and it doesn't, you don't have to overcomplicate. Yes,

you might not have the kid who wants to go play soccer or basketball like I don't, but absolutely my son will not turn down running up and down the stairs or, you know, chasing and wrestling, jumping off the couch and the bean bag. Like he definitely loves to do physical things, even if he's not an athlete and loves that stuff. And so I absolutely have to be doing that with him first before I'm choosing to do that. Same exact ramp, but like two, even besides fitness and trying to kind of promote that as well like Showing them that you could have fun doing hard work. Yeah, so for me, it's like, you know we're gonna load up the wheelbarrow and we're gonna move some rocks and you know, and we're gonna go out and

You know saw some some logs are gonna dig some holes like it and this is all Hard work, but it's but I'm having a great time, you Like, and this is all rigorous hard work. But I'm having a great time, you know? And so it's just, it's a, midtown you're trying to sharpen this and you're trying to show and model that like you don't have to suffer and this is so horrible.

Totally. Lastly, this is, now this is new. This is relatively new. In the past, when we were kids, okay so which wasn't that long ago, when we were kids activity wasn't competing with something that was better competitor. These days screen time, iPhones, iPads, video games, they're so well engineered that given the option, many kids, most kids, would pick the screen time over activity.

Now when I was a kid, that was rare. It was rare that kids would pick screen time. There had to be something exceptionally good on TV, which was rare, for a kid to be like, no, no, I'd rather watch this cartoon than go outside and play. We used to get grounded by getting sent to our room. for a kid to be like, no, no, I'd rather watch this cartoon than go outside and play. We used to get grounded by getting sent to our room.

These days, it's the opposite. A kid gets kicked off electronics and gets kicked out of the room to get grounded. So we are dealing with a different monster, and the only way that I can think that is effective around this is to put structures and time limits around screens. You cannot, you're not going to out-compete them.

That's the bottom line. Now you might have that rare kid who doesn't like them and is like, I'd rather go outside and hang out with you. But if you give them the choice of going on the iPad and playing these addictive video games that have billions of dollars of engineering put in them to make them super, super addicting, and you give them the option of going outside or doing that you're gonna lose it just

like if you give your option your kid the option of candy and healthy food here what would you rather have kid a bowl of strawberries or bowl of skittles you're not being a good parent by giving them two choices one irresistible the other one not so hard to turn down in comparison so the only strategy I know around screens is to have a time limit. And there's a lot of different ways you could do this. The way I do this in my house,

my wife is really good at this, is our kids get 20 minutes and they have a timer. And you get 20 total minutes a day. And you can choose to use them however you want. And there are choices that we approve of. So you can't choose whatever you wanna do. And then when it's done, it's done. And after that, we do other things.

But if you leave it up to your young kids to choose, here's what's gonna happen to you. Hey buddy, you wanna get off the iPad and go play outside? They're gonna hurt your feelings. Nah, I wanna keep playing. You're gonna win. It's gonna turn into this like, you have to. So time limits, set them, and then based off of that,

rather than competing, oh, you wanna use your 20 minutes? That's fine, go ahead and do that. And then when they're done, hey, what do you wanna do? Let's go hang out. I mean, it was almost seven years ago that I was getting teased on this podcast for talking about a book called Irresistible. And so this has been like super passionate

in a major conversation in my house. And I think it is, I think of all the things we've talked about, I think it's the most important. I think it's the most dangerous thing that is out there for children today. And once the toothpaste is out, it's so hard to get it back in. Super hard.

You know, we had a weekend, just this last weekend, we were up at the Truckee house. We invited a new couple that I'd never hung out with before. And it's my son's like new best friend. And the kid's like about six months, six or seven months younger than Max. And so it's great because this keys definitely at max speed. Max is normally with older, bigger kids.

And so first seen a kid like that, he actually seen my kid tackle and wrestle kid is like weird. You know what I'm saying? Because he's not that kid, right? So it's been really, it was really cool. And we were on the, we were there up there four days with us and I think it was a third day when I was sitting with the dad and I finally said something to him and said, you know what I noticed this whole trip?

I've never seen your kid ask for an iPad or anything like that. Is that something that you guys have actively chosen to do? And he's like, Oh yeah, no, he's like, he doesn't have one and we were not giving it to him yet. And I'm like, I love that I said because so many parents default to that right away because they know what a powerful useful tool it can be and I said I'm such a fan of Delaying that for as long as you possibly can because I don't care how good you are time limits or not Once that toothpaste is out, it's out. Once those kids get a taste of that, what it does to their brain.

It's such an uphill battle. It is such an uphill battle. And so if you're a parent and you're listening and you haven't opened Pandora's box, don't and wait. And when you think it's time, wait longer. Like that is my advice when it comes to this because the longer you wait and the more restrictive you are early,

the easier this conversation is. If it is one of those things where they've gotten unfettered access. It's a lot of parents, right now it's a lot of kids. That's why it was so apparent to me. I was like, I have not met another kid that my son has hung out with that didn't get some sort of iPad break.

I'm like, you guys have been with us for three days and the iPad has yet to be out for any of the kids. I love that, because my son's cool, because even though we do allow him some of that time, he gets so little of it that if he's playing and having fun, he doesn't even think twice about it. But I've also seen him with other friends where that is such a regular thing in their life.

Even if the kids are playing, the kid ends up wanting a break for an iPad, which that blows my mind. It's like these kids are playing and engaging, having a wanting a break for an iPad, which that blows my mind is like these kids are playing and engaging, having a good time. And because that other kid is so addicted to the iPad, he ends up wanting to have an iPad break from playing, which is like crazy. So it was so unique to see another parent, by the way, the guy works for Netflix too.

So that's the reason why very in tune, very, very in tune. He knows what goes into that. And Exactly what he said to me. He says, oh man, I know how addictive those series, I know how addictive they are for me. And I'm a grown adult who's aware of it that works for the company. That's the self-awareness part is if you're a parent or you're going to become a parent and you struggle with your time on your phone and you waste a lot of time on it, you think your little kid is going to have the ability to stop when you can't? It would be, it's no different than allowing your child

and fetter to access to candy. What are your kids gonna do if you just give them candy, if you just put candy in front of the whole time? They're gonna eat that and they're not gonna eat anything else. And that's the thing. Let me tell you, I see that being paired all the time is candy or not candy, cheese, it's, and just process snacks with the iPad. It's like you have no idea. That's a dopamine storm. Yeah. And you see the, I see kids and this is what's tough because you get parents that want to get their kids into exercise because they can tell they're already overweight at

a young age, but that's not why they are. It's not because they need to go weight train or do something or run to lose weight. It's that some point in their life, they've probably got unfettered access to food like that. And more than likely, it's also been paired with inactivity because most kids at this age, if they play like crazy and they don't sit in front of the screen, even if they have cheese-its and some of these processed

snacks, they're gonna be fine. They burn so many calories and stuff like that if they're playing. But where you get in trouble as a parent is when not only do you allow unfettered access to the iPad, but you also allow unfettered access to these highly processed snacks. And now you have a perfect storm. What a good point because our generation

was actually, for food, it was common for our generation to have unfettered access to garbage. As kids in the 90s, it was very common for you to just have total access to snacks, processed foods. I mean, that was, like most kids' lunches was that. But the difference was, because the obesity rates with children in the 90s was significantly lower than it is today.

Chronic diseases were significantly lower in the 90s than they are today. Even though we had tons of processed food and garbage, the difference was we were active as hell. It was rare to see a kid sit down all day long unless they were sick. I mean, you drive through a neighborhood in the 90s after school and you had to be careful with how you drove

because kids were all over the place. You don't see that anymore, so what a great point. And you combine two of them together, perfect storm for terrible health. Got some questions here. The first one is, I have dual custody and my ex doesn't agree with my approach to health and fitness. How do you suggest navigating this?

This is really hard. Hard, hard. This is really hard. I have dual custody with my older kids. And although we mostly agree with nutrition and stuff like that, there are other topics we don't. So I know exactly what this is like. So here's what the data shows.

And here's, to the best of my understanding from what I've learned, the most important thing that you can do in this situation is have a good relationship with their parent. That's more important than you having a bad relationship with that parent and forcing them to do all these other things. It's more important for your child's health. Okay, so that, keep that in mind. Not only that Sal, but they're more likely to buy into your strategy if you approach it that way too. That's right.

Right, if you, and you know this right, if you're pushing back with your ex, arguing and fighting or telling her how she's parenting is wrong, she's definitely not gonna buy into you versus if you have a good relationship with her and she sees what you're trying to implement, maybe you get some buy in. Or, Adam, I know people like this. These are horror stories where mom forces dad through the risk of losing custody

because she disagrees with certain things that he's doing and what she wants him to do is important. It is a big deal but it's less important than her having a good relationship with the dad. So that's number one. Number one is having a good relationship with the parent. Number two, if you can have some influence then do so. If you can't then you do your best at your home and then they go to the other home and then they do that over there. Then what you hope and what probably will happen is although 50% of the

time your kid is eating garbage, your kid is inactive, your kid is on technology and iPads all the time when they're over there and when they're little they're comparing. This is what little kids will do. I love it at dad's house more, I love it at mom's house more. She lets me do whatever I want. You're so strict, you're so whatever, but you show them love, I'm sorry, this is the way we live with it, whatever. As they get older and become old enough to start to

see things, they start to look back and go, oh man, mom's house was healthy. I like the way mom is. When you get older, they will interpret that as dad loved me more. You are 100% correct. It's actually in neglect. And you can look again at the data on this. When mom and dad don't put parameters around their children,

even though they say, though, this is what I like, I can do whatever I want, mom doesn't bother me. When they're adult, talk to any adult from a situation like this, and they'll tell me, I thought my dad didn't care. Wouldn't you agree that this is another conversation I was having with this new dad that I met. He also, they have a blended family, and so he has a daughter from a previous marriage

who's older, and we were talking about this, and he was saying this is one of the biggest challenges, but he's like, it took me years to realize that the biggest challenge was not so much the kid adhering, it was my own stuff. It's probably, you've talked about this before, like the hardest part is you feel like, I don't want to be the dad who's with all the rules and strict. I don't want my kid to like me. Yeah, I want my kid to like me. So really the hardest part is less about the adherence from

them and less about them following the rules. It's more about your own shit, about how you feel. And once I got over that and realized like she didn't really care that much, it's more about your own shit, about how you feel, and once I got over that, and realized she didn't really care that much, it wasn't a big deal. It sucks to be the parent where the kid's like, oh, you got all the rules, oh, and you're like, oh my God, they enjoy it too much. But it's funny, it's just like with my daughter,

my 15 year old daughter, I finally really got strict with parameters, and my relationship with her grew, because she feels cared for. So, even if they don't say it by the way they might not even express it to you but that's the case so you be good with your side have a good relationship with their side if you can. If you can have influence great but if you can't the relationship with them is most important but if you can't even do that then just do the best job you can on your side. How do I turn the ship with my teenage kids? This is where it gets tough.

So you're listening to this, your kid's 14, like okay, we need to change things. First and foremost. They need to know everything. Yeah, because teenagers have, they're rebellious, like a two year old, except they're smarter, and they, you can't, they'll call your bluff more effectively

than your two year old will, right? So dealing with a teenager is a completely different monster and so it starts with this. You do, you change your lifestyle first and then you do the shopping and you change the choices in the home and that's how it starts. Now when it comes to electronics, you have more power than you think.

The difference is this, with a two-year-old taking something away will turn into a 30-minute tantrum. With a teenager taking something away will turn into a 30-day tantrum, okay? So be prepared for your kid. You gotta weather the storm. To act like they hate you for weeks, usually a week, but sometimes longer. Be okay with it. for your kid to act like they hate you for weeks,

usually a week, but sometimes longer. Be okay with it, make sure you communicate it with love and empathy. I know this sucks, I know it's been one way for so long, and now it's different, it's difficult for change, I totally get it, I understand why you're upset, but stay consistent is the best advice I could give. But this is hard, once you were living one way so long

and then you gotta switch, just know that you're gonna deal with, this is gonna be like a process, probably a six month process. Yeah, and it's a constant battle for a variety of different things that get presented, but it's just the consistency. And if you're just starting with that same kind of energy, well, this is what

we do in this house and I think you know the rules. And we just remind and reiterate and then just consistent, consistent, consistently deliver. And then, you know, when it comes up and then the pushback happens, it quells quicker. Yes, each time. Yeah, you're right. So just think about that. Like it's initially really tough for that initial impact,

but if you just keep consistently delivering the same message with the same energy and love and they understand that, then the pushback definitely goes away. You're right, I did so with my, so just personal story with my daughter, I was, so with my, just personal story with my daughter, I was, man, it's probably now two or three months ago, I decided I gotta get even more, I gotta put more boundaries around her use of her phone.

She already had limits on what she could see, what she could do, it was, you know, she was, didn't like that already. But then I'm like, you know what, I'm not gonna let her use her phone anywhere in a closed room. It's gonna be always, it has to be in a public space. So she's no longer allowed to be on her phone in her room or anywhere where the doors are closed. Whereas before she had limits on things,

but I would allow her to go in her room and use her phone and stuff like that. So you can imagine a 15 year old girl who previously was allowed to do this now suddenly I drop the hammer I'm like you're not allowed to use your phone so you can imagine the the pushback that I got and she was mad at me for weeks she was mad at me but I was consistent and she pushed testing to see if there was any weaknesses testing see if and I say consistent consistent consistent and now a few months later it's not a question and it's not a problem and it doesn't get raised anymore and she's much more less likely to rebel as strongly now

when I bring up other things. Because she saw my, but you have to weather the storm. Because you'll get that storm. Yeah, I think this is by far the hardest. And I don't think I even have great advice for this. I do have an opinion on what I think is the most important thing of all the stuff that we're talking about. I still think this kind of goes

back to some of the other stuff that we're saying where this really you have to be consistent first because what comes to mind when you think about a parent who lived an unhealthy lifestyle eating whatever not exercising way overweight then also decides to make a lifestyle change and then you want to make your whole family buy-in.'ve got to remember that they saw the other version of you for much longer than this new version of you. Same thing goes for the person who was unsaved. They were atheists, or they did all these bad things, and also they become a Christian, and now I want to make my family all go to church and be a Christian. They're going to wait to see if it sticks.

That's right. And so, and here this is what you're trying to do. Now all of a sudden you care about tech. Now all of a sudden you care about what we eat, but my whole life you'd never said anything about it. So to me, all the strategies you guys said sound great, but the number one has to be, you got to be so consistent. And my goal if I'm that parent is can I, and just like it would be for trying to win somebody

over to Christianity or win somebody over into fitness is like, can I be So good and so consistent that they ask questions that they go man That is just different like ever since you started exercising dad and eating like you were just so like can I? Exude that so much right same thing goes for like someone trying who's become a Christian like I don't want to try and tell them What they need to do. I'm just gonna live that life, and hopefully they see the light from that, and they ask the question,

like, God, Dad, you're so different. You know what's important about that is, so what goes hand in hand with that is choose to make choices you know you can stick to. Yeah, yeah. So don't make crazy choices that you're like, oh, am I gonna be able to do this in two months? Because your teenage kids. Will be watching. Yeah, and don't make crazy choices that you're like I'm gonna be able to do this in two months because your teenage kids will be watching They're yeah, and they're there. So you're trying to weather the storm. So are they? Oh dad's doing this new thing here

I'm sure in 30 days. You got to adhere to it. Yeah, so maybe don't change everything all at once Maybe it's like one we go on a family hike on Sunday or whatever Or I'm doing this one small change That I know it could stick to you because the worst possible thing you could do is waffle back and forth because then you're... I mean you're trying to close them right? You're trying to close them on your ideas and we teach this when we teach trainers sales. Like the best way to close somebody is to get them to ask you questions, to ask you what does it cost to be a personal trainer? Like I don't want to

have to try and sell them on why they need me. And so my goal is always, can I do a better job of showing them how valuable I am or how valuable this way of life is? That's the way to go. Because if I can, I can always improve on myself. I can be more consistent. I can do more of these things. I can be a happier, better dad, all this stuff.

And then eventually get them to go, what is different about you or what's going on? And then I have the opportunity to be like, well, you know, son, this is different about you? Or what's going on? And then I have the opportunity to be like, well, son, this is what I've done in my life lately, that I didn't realize how much all that time on Instagram and all the stuff and it was bringing my mood down. And I tell you what, if it comes from that way

and you present it like that, I bet you that you can't, I don't know a teenager one who has been on social media and has not allowed social media to affect them emotionally And so if they hear from their dad that he recognized that in his own life and is now making changes in his life If they see it more importantly, yeah, that is better Yeah exactly where they see and feel it they're far more likely to follow your lead than if all said You know, you're on week one of this new life and you're like, here's all the rules You know, we're none of this none of that. Yeah. Good luck with that.

My kids are picky eaters. Do you have any strategies? Yeah, you know, uh, pick, try to give them options that you think they might pick from and slowly move towards new options. Uh, so now this can be really hard if they've been quote unquote picky eaters for 10 years. So now this can be really hard if they've been quote unquote picky eaters for 10 years and they've always eaten chicken nuggets and you know, whatever, forever. But this is easier when they're younger. But give them two or three options, one of which you know they like,

the other two that you think they might like, and then let them eat what they want and then take it from there slowly introducing new things. But here's the challenge with the picky eater thing. Well if I don't give my kid all of what they want, they won't eat, that's not true. Your kid's not gonna starve. They're not gonna starve.

And you know what's crazy about this? They'll get hungry. Yeah, I mean, how many times have you guys experienced this? How many times have you been so hungry that the Brussels sprouts are so good? Yeah, like the dish that you thought wasn't that good all of a sudden is amazing, because you're hungry. You allowed yourself to get that way.

So I think a lot of that too is parents always fear that. Like, oh God, if they don't eat this meal, they're gonna starve. It's like, no, they're not gonna starve. This is a generational thing, because in a couple generations ago, this was a real thing. It was a real thing that my kids might starve.

So if you don't eat all this, then they're not gonna be food for a few days. So I think that's where we get that from. But I mean, look, here's the deal. Look around, you live in a modern society, look around. Are people dying from starvation? Are they dying from too much? So they're not gonna starve.

So you give them a little bit of what they want, maybe start to restrict it a little bit. Instead of five nuggets, you get two nuggets. I want more, oh, that's all we have, buddy, I'm sorry. But we got these other options. I don't want those, okay, well, if you're hungry, let me know and we'll eat more of them, whatever. And after a few days or a week or whatever,

they tend to change a little bit. What are some healthy snack ideas for on the go? Oh my God, nuts, cheese, fruit. Beef, turkey. That's like the- Any kind of protein. They're great, especially fruit. Most kids like fruit, but fruit, nuts, cheese. Cheese sticks.

Yeah, dude, that's like, hard boiled eggs, my kids love hard boiled eggs. Anything that stays in a package for a while. Creek yogurt, my son loves creek yogurt. Oh yeah, yogurt's a good one. Loves creek yogurt. Yeah, I mean, I think this is important. Again, I have friends that, I mean,

Katrina and I, we have meal times. And if he's hungry between a meal and wants a snack, he has certain snacks that he has access to. We've created those options. We do the same thing. We have a little fridge. Yeah, he has a low basket in the pantry that he can go reach and get.

And even then, we're even mindful of how much of that. We're like, OK, you can have one of those before we eat in an hour. Or Mommy can make you dinner now if you're that hungry. If you're that hungry, we can eat dinner now or you can have one of your snacks that you have over there. And so that's kind of how we manage this. But again, it's the options.

It's the option is choosing those good, all those options you guys said and having them, the ability to have access to that. The thing that gets dangerous is the Lay's Doritos and Chip's Cheez-Its and these snacks that are so palatable, these kids can just. Especially if you're eating them

and you're giving your kid the cheese stick. Can't have them in the house. And they're seeing you eat the candy or whatever. Yeah. That's tough. It's too powerful a thing to fight. Look, if you like the show, come find us on Instagram. Justin is at Mind Pump Justin,

I'm at Mind Pump to Stefano, and Adam's at Mind Pump Adam. Thank you for listening to Mind Pump. If your goal is to build and shape your body, dramatically improve your health and energy, and maximize your overall performance, check out our discounted RGB Super Bundle at mindpumpmedia.com.

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