Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 2592: Six Things Every Dad Should Do

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

6 Things Every Dad Should Do The fatherless effect. (1:10) Dad’s impact on the health of the family. (3:39) 6 Things Every New Dad Should Do #1 - Be strong and fit. (5:44) #2 - Be hard-working. (13:41) #3 - Learn how to defend your family. (17:24) #4 - Understand your wife. (21:48) #5 - Pursue faith. (29:20) #6 - Invest well. (37:14) Questions: What’s the best workout? (44:15) Best supplements? (45:36) Any good books? (46:36) What about TRT? (47:44) Related Links/Products Mentioned Visit Our Place for an exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! **Promo code MINDPUMP at checkout to receive 10% off sitewide. Our Place offers a 100-day trial with free shipping and returns. ** May Special: MAPS 15 Performance or RGB Bundle 50% off! ** Code MAY50 at checkout ** The Consequences of Fatherlessness Mind Pump #872: Dr. Warren Farrell- The Boy Crisis Mind Pump #2535: Seven Steps to Go from Dad Bod to Fit at 40 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Mind Pump #2325: Why Marriages Fail & What to Do About It With Dr. John Delony Mind Pump #2185: Reclaiming Self-Love & Respect With Adam Lane Smith Religiosity and spirituality in the prevention and management of depression and anxiety in young people: a systematic review and meta-analysis The Impact on Kids of Dad's Faith and Church Attendance Create a Living Trust for free – in minutes! Dynasty Trusts | GetDynasty ** A basic living trust is 100% free with GetDynasty and takes less than 10 minutes to make. ** Mind Pump #2572: Only 15 Minutes a Day to Build Muscle & Burn Fat Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind Marriage That Works: God’s Way of Becoming Spiritual Soul Mates, Best Friends, and Passionate Lovers Visit Transcend for this month’s exclusive Mind Pump offer! ** 25% off all GLP-1s – This includes the GLP-1 probiotic which people can order through their specialist. ** Mind Pump Podcast – YouTube Mind Pump Free Resources People Mentioned Warren Farrell, PhD (@drwarrenfarrell) X/Twitter Dr. John Delony (@johndelony) Instagram Adam | Relationship Psychology (@attachmentadam) Instagram Arthur Brooks (@arthurcbrooks) Instagram  

If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. Mind Pump with your hosts, Sal DeStefano, Adam Schafer, and Justin Andrews. You just found the most downloaded fitness, health, and entertainment podcast in the entire world. This is Mind Pump. Today's episode, we're talking to new dads, six things you should be doing. Now, this episode was brought to you by a sponsor from Our Place. This is cookware that has no

forever chemicals. It lasts a long time. This is super high quality stuff that will not be toxic to your family. A lot of this stuff that we use that's nonstick and all this cutlery or whatever, it's got chemicals on it that absorb into your body and act like hormones. No joke. Look them up. Xenoestrogens. Anyway, From Our Place is free of all that stuff. Go check them out. Go to FromOurPlace.com. Use the code MINDPUMP to get 10% off site-wide. We also have a sale this month. MAPS 15 Performance and the RGB Bundle. Brand new sale. 50% off. If you're interested, go to MAPSFIT mapsfitnessproducts.com

and then use the code May50 for the discount. All right, back to the show. All right, let's talk about what dads should do today's episode, six things every dad should focus on to improve his odds of being a great dad. Let's go. Yeah, that's dad commitments. Now the things that we picked here

that we're talking about are things that the data shows contributes to positive outlook, right? More positive with your family, with your children. We're obviously talking about dads here. Things that have a big impact. Dads are very important and the data on that is very clear. Children who don't have fathers, much higher rate of things like suicide, drug abuse, depression, anxiety, dads are very important.

So we have a big role to play in our kids' lives, and there are things that we can focus on that will improve the odds that we'll do a pretty good job. What's the prevailing theory on why that's correlated to dads more so than moms? What is it about fathers that tends to cause that or not cause that? That's hard because, so what you're referring to is the data that shows like kids growing up with mom and dad versus kids growing up with just dad versus kids growing up with just mom. And so what you're referring to I think is the data that shows that kids growing up with mom and versus kids growing up with just mom. And so what you're referring to, I think, is the data that shows that kids

growing up with mom and dad is best. Second best would be just dad. Third would be just mom. Right. The problem with that data is that you probably have a special group of dads if they're a single dad, because usually if anybody leaves the family, it's the guy. Yeah. So when you find a single dad,

you probably have a self-selection bias of like. A unique scenario. Yeah. So I don't know if it's. More so that tells more of the story than it does like oh dads are better at this. It's more like that's a very small percentage which means you have a pretty special dad

who actually stuck around by himself. That's right, yeah, because if we, I don't know about you guys, but if I think all the single parents I know are moms. Yeah. Like, I don't know very, I don't know any of them. And I do think moms are generally better at it. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying, they're just, they're better multitaskers. They operate from a place of empathy and caring, and I think the kids without a, missing any parent is probably better off with mom. Yeah. That, but the data seems skewed because it's... It's hard to say because again, we don't know. It's hard to say because, but we do know that if a child is gonna be raised by one parent, the high odds are

it's the mom that sticks around, not the dad. Nonetheless, the data that we have on dads in relationships with, so mom, dad, and raising kids, they have a profound impact on their children. They also have a profound impact. So here's what the data also shows. Dad's impact is profound on the children and on the mom.

So what they find is that when dads are healthy and do some of the stuff that we talk about, there are certain responsibilities that tend to fall on the father, which we'll get into, but a good father tends to improve the health of the entire family more so than almost anybody else in the family. It's just interesting.

I find that a counter. I would think that mom makes the bigger influence. I would guess that most moms tend to prepare dinner. I mean, I know there are some dads, I know there's some households where the dad cooks more, but that's rare, right? It's more often that the mom does, and her being in control of the grocery list

and what's being cooked, I would think would make the greatest impact. But you're saying that if, so are more relationships fit if the husband is fit versus the wife? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Interesting. I don't know and that's again that's hard to parse out that kind of data but what we do know for sure is that you know men played a very important role in the health of their children and there are certain things that dads do very well generally. Again, I'm gonna say this before we continue. This is general, so we're gonna talk about general data

because I know there's someone listening right now that's like, well actually I'm different. There's a lot of unique cases. Yeah, I know. You don't understand data. You come up with a bunch. There's always an exception to the rule. Yeah, like if I say the average height of a man in America is five foot ten, there's going to be some idiot that's going to be like, well I'm six foot so it's wrong. No, that's not how averages work, right? So yes, there's differences, but generally speaking, there are certain things that dads tend to do very well and things that they have an important or big impact on.

And so let's talk about one of the first things that I have an important or big impact on. And so let's talk about one of the first things that I think is important. And I think this is true for both moms and dads, but we're gonna talk about dads here. I think it's very important for a new dad to be strong and fit. I think it's very important. Now this doesn't mean to be shredded.

This doesn't mean that you need to be a bodybuilder or a crazy athlete, but the data on good health is clear. If you have good health and you're strong, which means you don't have a lot of pain, you're gonna have more energy. You're going to be less depressed, less anxious. You're going to also play more with your kids.

Here's one of the things that dads do very well, what the data shows. Play. That's one of the things that dads do very well, what the data shows. Play, that's one of the things that we contribute quite heavily to a child's development. We had Dr. Warren Farrell on the show a long time ago explaining this data. Like rough housing in particular, physical play,

is very important for children developmentally. It teaches kids boundaries, It teaches daughters safe touch. They develop kinesthetic awareness. They get their energy out. It's crazy. That kind of interaction. Yeah. And it's, it is one of those things you notice if you're an out of shape dad, it really, really just inhibits a lot of like opportunities to bond and to do things with your kids. If you're sitting there, oh, well, we'll get to that later,

or you kind of put it off because you're so tired. And to be active and to be energetic and show up at your house with that kind of energy is huge. Well, I can only imagine, I mean, I consider myself a fit, active dad, and I still have those moments. So I can only imagine if you're somebody who's carrying an extra 40 pounds overweight, high stress job, you have no cardiovascular endurance,

you have no real strength, your diet's terrible. I can only imagine, because there's been many moments in the six years that I've had Max where I know the right thing for me to do in that moment coming home from work after a long day. And I know the right thing for me to do in that moment, coming home from work after a long day, and I have to talk myself into that, like at a lack of I don't want to play with my son

or I don't love him, just I'm tired, and a single Adam before he had a kid would plop down on the couch and put his feet up and be like, I've earned this. To care me. Yeah, and just relax and do nothing. And you know that that's not ideal for my son who hasn't seen me all day long and I just get home.

And so I've gotta like, okay, I gotta muster it up. And I can only imagine carrying all that extra weight, carrying all that extra stress, poor diet, that would just exacerbate that to the next level. Totally, I just, in fact, I looked this up. One of the number one motivators for dads, new dads, to wanna lose weight and get in shape is so that they can play with their kids.

Is that true? That's cool. Really? I'm glad they're thinking like that. And I've heard it so many times, guys. I've heard it, you know, I know you guys have too, right? You get the guys like, hey, I wanna get in shape, why, what's going on, I got little kids and I want to go play with them

I want to go play, you know throw the baseball around or we were at the park and I was getting gassed out like Yeah, you know when you have kids, especially when they're young, you know between the ages of like four and and you know 13 They like to play I like to run they like to play on the you know at the playground they like to throw the ball or and You want to be able to keep up with them. You wanna have the energy to do that and being out of shape and unhealthy, that's a crappy feeling to be a dad

where your kid wants to play and you know the reason why you can't is because you're not in shape just to play. That's it. I think it's important to point out too kinda what the definition of strong and fit means to you in this context because I think Instagram has kind of changed what we started because I know there's also a dad who's listening right now is like, well, you guys might

just sit on a podcast for four hours a day and that's all you do and you got all this time to work out. But I, you know, I grind for 10, 12 hours. I do this and I don't have the time to try and compete and look like that and who cares? There's a different level or a different look, I think, of almost like the more like the dad bod where it's just like you don't need to be single digit body fat. You don't need to be deadlifting 500 pounds off the floor. It's like being strong. You need to, you know what you do? You need to be able to open the fucking pickle jar. Like that's what you need to be to do. That's your, you'll run after your kid. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You've been, you need to be able to get up and off the floor with your

kid. You need to be able to be able to play with whatever sport that they're doing and have enough energy and stamina to do that. The huge thing at Costco box. Yeah. Like it's the, I think there's a, like I said, a misconception of like what the fit, like the fit dad has been marketed as like this, like, you know, impossible jacked looking cover of a magazine guy. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. When we talk about this, it's like, you need to strength train enough to where you're capable and you need to do enough cardiovascular stuff that you can actually or you're capable, not, uh, you have to look a certain way. No, I'm so glad you

said that. You know, you know what's funny, even for athletic performance the ideal body fat tends to be around 15%. You don't have a six pack of 15%. You don't, you just, you know, you kind of, you know, you have a tighter midsection but you don't have a big belly but you also have a shredded six pack. Reserve energy. No, it's like 15, 16 15 16 17 percent body maybe as low as 14 percent that's like and by the way to maintain that is not hard you got a relatively healthy I say relatively

because it means you have pizza on the weekend you enjoy yourself a little bit you're not working out all the time you're just doing enough work out to maintain your strength by the way you know for just so people understand how little is required. If you're a man listening to this and you don't strength train, you don't do any

strength training and you start strength training one or two days a week, by the end of the year, you'll be twice as strong, twice as strong as you are now. So if you go to the gym right now and you don't ever work out and you go test yourself on a bench press or a deadlift or a squat and then you start strength training properly one or two days a week consistently that's it literally by the end of the year you can bet that you will double your strength whatever you did at the beginning you will do at least double probably even more so what a great investment one or two days a week in the gym and you've doubled your strength and that's more than enough

strength to play with your kids. a crazy commitment not a not a crazy commitment No, no, it's one to two days a week at most and then for cardiovascular fitness I mean, this is this literally walking every day will give you enough of that if you want more to be able to sprint and Run after your kids you just play with them Just play with them on a regular basis to do it. Or get on a piece of cardio and do some 12 minutes of on-off high intensity cardio, couple days a week, you're done. When it comes to diet, this is how easy it is, dads. It's as easy as just not eating a lot of processed foods. Just start there. You want level two, eat your body weight, your

ideal body weight in grams of protein. Guess what? You're done. What we just said with the be strong and fit, you've got it covered if you just do those things right there. The problem is what's happened today, because this wasn't an issue decades ago. Most dads were strong and fit and could play with their kids, and that's just because they exercised every day because of their jobs, their jobs are physical.

These days, the average job is so sedentary that when you look at the average strength or grip strength test of a man in his 20s or 30s, right around the age of the people that we're talking about, they have the grip strength of a 70-year-old 40 years ago. It's because they don't strengthen their bodies. Everything they do is on a computer. And so they just don't have that. So it's literally, listen, one, two days a week strength training, about 45 minutes each time,

and a couple days a week of 12 minutes of that hit kind of cardio or playing often with your kids. Don't eat heavily processed foods, and then if you wanna take it to the next level, eat a high protein diet, you're good. You're gonna feel amazing. All right, next up, and again, this is all based on data. The data shows that even today, even today,

modern times, close to 70% when you look at a family, close to 70% of families, the father is the main breadwinner or the breadwinner. How much has that shifted? Quite a bit, it used to be as close to 90%. So it's gone down quite a bit, but still a majority. Still a majority of families, it's the father that is the main earner of the home.

So what does that mean? Well, if you're dad, you gotta be responsible and you gotta work hard. So that means you're consistent and you take it seriously. I think of all the points we're gonna go through, this is probably the one I need to convince dads the least of. I was just gonna say, this is something that I've watched men, family, friends in my life

that were childless, who I remember questioning, like man, is he gonna be the guy who lives with his parents all the way till then, or is he gonna be the guy who just never really gets a serious job? And then they have a kid kid and it's like, and you know this if you're listening and you've had a kid because I remember when this switch hit for me. And I remember you guys telling me it too,

because I remember telling you guys like, ah man, we're in the middle of building this thing. And I kept telling you guys like, I'm so busy in the amount of time I spent on the this and that and you're like, you will feel, you'll go to another level that you don't even think is possible. And it was so true. You find the time, you find the energy,'ll go to another level that you don't even think is possible. And it was so true.

You find the time, you find the energy, you level up another level, and it's organically. It's not like I had to have a talk with myself like, oh, I got a kid now, I gotta step it up. It was just like, it's interesting how it's almost innate. It's innate in us, I think. I really do, I really do think that. I think of all the things that society can.

Name driver. You know, because you also have like the society of the world communicating to us what is important. And there's a lot of things that society can, you know, cause you also have like the society of the world communicating to us what is important and there's a lot of things that I think have gotten messed up but society still tells men you probably should work hard to make money if you're a father and a husband. So I think that message is still secure. I think so too. I mean it's still the same, it's just it looks different right? Almost like how some of the messaging and business and everything is just, it's just changed mediums.

The different medium today is a very successful, you know, father, you know, thousands of years ago was he was a good hunter, right? He was able to go and to me, like money has just replaced that. Of course. It's the same concept of like the year ability to provide for your family

is the same that it was for them a thousand years ago, only the different medium or the different way of doing that was I was good at. Whether I had to hunt for long hours because I wasn't very talented at it, or I was talented because I practiced it and I got good at it, at the end of the day, the same concept is still there and applies, right?

You know what's interesting on this data too, when they talk about like, who earns the most, what category of people earn the most, and they'll say what's interesting on this data too, when they talk about like who earns the most, what category of people earn the most, and they'll say well men earn this much more or whatever, single men actually earn less than single women do. It's not until they get married and have kids where men start to earn far more, and I think it's that sense of responsibility.

I think they're like okay, I need to make this happen. So I don't think I need to hammer this one like the other ones, but I will balance this by saying hard working doesn't just mean lots of hours it also means you got to work kind of smart because now you have the responsibility of your family. Well I also think that hard working is encapsulated in what we just said on the last point which is that you have a long day and then you still have this ability to like make time for your kids so I don't like that. That's a that's just leave it at work that's right it's like

I worked hard at work but then the work isn't done there so part of my work still as dad is to still to be there be present be active with my kid and physically and so I think that's part of that definition is not just the hours you put it inside the you know labor but also when you get home that work that it takes to do that yes next up and I again I looked at data here you probably want to learn how to defend yourself and your family. Now why am I saying this? Well the odds that you're gonna have to defend your family are low but the odds that if something happens you're the one that's gonna have to defend your family are very high. So

we look at the statistics last year for example. Nobody's coming to save you. Yeah it was like 1.2 million times last year were firearms used in self-defense and out of that 1.2 million times majority were men. Now there definitely were women that had to use them thank God that they were able to. But if when you're in your home with your family, if there's something that happens, everyone's looking to dad to be the person to defend them. So I think this is an important skill

and it's a responsibility. Just to be equipped. Obviously you're not out there looking for any trouble, but to give you peace of mind, the fact that you have some you have some you know utility there To be able to defend yourself in whatever fashion you can That's that's a priority. It's so interesting to me because I never cared to have a gun I shot guns Plenty of times young man and stuff like that, but I never cared to own one. I wasn't that into having guns

many times young man and stuff like that, but I never cared to own one. I wasn't that into having guns. And then I had a family, and then we traveled all the time. And I just kept thinking like, man, what would my wife do with my son by herself when I'm gone, if there was an intruder that came in? And never had I thought about it before. That was the main motivator for me,

was to get that, to train her so she knew how to use it, so I knew how to use it in case that situation. I'm like, I'm going through my head, like, what do I even have near me that like has a chance at anything? Like I, you know, I better be tough as nails and hope to God they don't have a weapon because I'm telling you, I don't even have anything that was before, right? Had anything to protect myself. And so, you know, I'm like, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm like, I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going

to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going tough as nails and hope to God they don't have a weapon because I'm telling you, I don't even have anything that was before, had anything to protect myself. And so again, I think it's one of those things that just when you have a kid, you tend to start to think about those scenarios and I better damn well be able to be great with my hands and defend myself or be able to defend myself with arms. I think that's another one too, like learn how to defend yourself and your family learn some self-defense, martial art, boxing. You're probably never gonna have to use it but if you do have to use it you're gonna be happy that you learned

how to use them. Like you know for me for the firearm thing I you know when I thought about getting a firearm was after seeing a natural disaster, I think it was Hurricane Katrina which was a long time ago, but I remember there was the entire neighborhoods that the authorities couldn't get in and you hear these reports of terrible crime and stuff and we live in you know California with earthquakes and like what if there was a major earthquake? We lost power. Was that the catalyst for you? That's interesting. Yeah because I didn't think okay intruder, what are the odds someone's gonna break in? Usually if they do, you're not home.

Me just trying to be logical. Like, but what if there was a huge, we lived through an 89, I was a kid with the 89 earthquake. But imagine if there was a big earthquake, you lose power for five days. You know, they can't help everybody. That's when I was like, hmm, this might be something wise. You know?

Yeah, for me it was like before the whole 2020 thing. And it was because there was this weird radical group, I don't even remember who they identified, but they came down from Berkeley area and had their whole van filled with pipe bombs. And they went through our small town. Oh, I remember that. And they got like, you know, held up and then they were like running through everybody's backyard.

I remember their houses and like trying to hide. And I don't remember that. Yeah. I remember he would tell it. He told us on the show. Yeah. And so I was like, dude, that's it. I'm going to shotgun blows face. I'll try to get my. Yeah. Recognize. Dark quick. Yeah. Butize. Like a dark quick. Yeah, like a dark quick. Yeah. But again, in scenarios, in the tiny,

again, this is the data, I'm gonna have the data here. When you look at the odds that you're gonna need to defend yourself are small. But if this ever happens. Yeah, why play those odds? It's you. If you're the dad, your wife and your kids are looking at you and you're the one

that's gonna be responsible for this, just the way it is. Next up, this is a very important one, learn how to understand your wife. This might be the most important one. This is the most, this is the hardest one. Let's be honest, this might be the most important one. The most important one.

So this one. Okay, cause odds, statistically speaking, everything else you're talking about. This is everyday. Everyday you're dealing with this shit. 99%. Everyday you're gonna be dealing with this shit if you don't know how to do it.

Yeah. No, and this is important because what's happened, especially recently, is I think we're, been kind of sold that we're the same. Men and women are the same. So we should communicate with each other the same. Not true. It's not true at all.

It is not true at all. Men and women are generally, of course, there's with each other the same. Not true. It's not true at all. It is not true at all. Men and women are generally, of course, there's gonna be someone like, I'm much more like it, fine, that's different, but generally speaking, we're not. Men and women desire and need different things. Women need to feel safe. Now, that doesn't just mean physically safe. Every time a man hears this, they're like, whoa,

I'll keep her safe. No, no, she needs to feel safe to fall apart. She needs to feel safe emotionally to tell you whatever. She needs to feel safe to be, especially had your baby, exhausted, to break down to whatever that you're going to remain solid. You ask any woman if they want emotional safety and they'll say, absolutely. Men don't typically think about this. This is important for a man too,

this isn't the top five for me. Top five for me is other things, or for men or other things. So they need to feel safe, they need to feel understood. This is very classic, right, where wife goes to the husband, talks about her problem, and what does the husband do, how does he screw that up, tries to solve it. She just takes it. Yeah, oh, why don't you, have you tried just doing this?

She's like, I don't need your solution. I just want you to hear me talk. That's like, you know, like take, number one mistake. That's the, I always think of the classic scene from Whiteman Can't Jump. Oh, the water? You know, I bet Dylan hasn't seen that, he's too young. So the editing team, when they edit this,

they have to go back and they have to find that scene where there she throws the water in his face. He's like, honey, I'm thirsty. And he gets up and gets her a glass of water. And he comes back and she had to throw it. I didn't want the water. I just want you to understand it, feel to talk to me about what it feels like to be thirsty and understand where I'm coming from. It's hilarious. It's such a good, that's such a good scene. The other one is I think love languages is such a good read.

I remember when I first read that book and it really, I'd read it before Katrina and I and I remember being in the relationship with her early on and realizing how, you know, if you, we tend to all do this. We tend to love others.

So this is both guys and girls. Love your partner the way you want to be loved. And so what makes why that's so difficult is from your perspective, you feel like you're putting a lot of work into the relationship. And what's unfortunate is because you're not loving them the way they want to be loved. They don't feel it. And so then it gets received as if you don't do it, which is a massive disconnect for so many relationships because that sucks when you're like, I do this and I do that and I do all these things. And yet you don't think I do anything. And it's like, well, that's because you continue to love them the way you

want to be loved and not trying to figure out how they want to be loved and loving them that way. And so that's such a book, such an unlock when you figure that out. And it's a hard thing to break because it's natural to do the things that you would like. I mean, even to this day, when a holiday or birthday or anything where I'm going to do something or get something for Katrina, there's always a natural gravitation to the things that I like. Even though I try and wrap it up as like, oh, she'll like this. She'll love this thing. And then when I really sit down and go like, yeah, but would she rather me probably do this? I always got to ask that because naturally I'll go to the thing that I, and I, and I do, I wrap it in, oh, she's going to love this love this she's gonna like these shoes

You know, but it's like oh no, my wife would rather me sit down and write a card Yeah, then go spend a thousand dollars on a pair of high heels and I think because I'm buying these really nice things for her She's gonna love it. That's so important reminds me to know you've brought this up a few times But like I've I've tried this out myself and my wife Quite a few times to like set the expectation for the day, like John DeLonnie was saying and kind of pointed that out. That totally resonated with me as well. It was like, wow, we just think of how we're going to approach something completely differently.

And to understand your partner and what their idea of how all that is going to occur and like peer into her world more so than just like going off of assumptions is such a huge hack. Well, a big one for me was learning, and this is again human nature, this is male and female nature is that women typically want to feel loved, men want to feel respected. And this is, they're very different from each other. So, you know, you could, like a woman listening right now, like you could tell your husband, I love you, I love you so much, and he likes it, and it's great.

But tell him something like, I really respect you, or I admire you, or you go out and you earn, whatever, you go kick ass, I really respect you. And watch what happens to his demeanor and his face. And then, on the flip, women need to feel, or they want to feel love. Two different things, and when you understand that, you can communicate much better.

There's interesting polls on this, by the way, where they did this one, this is a famous study, they've repeated many times. Well, they'll ask men and they'll ask women the same question, what is more of a deal breaker? If your partner sleeps with someone else or if they fall in love with someone else? For the girls, it's the falling in love.

For the guys, it's sleeping. And it's a big difference between the two. So I think it's very important for a father, for a husband, learn to understand your wife and pursue understanding her because here's a big mistake that I think new couples make or couples make in general. I know I made this mistake for years and years and years. You get an argument and it's like,

your goal is to win the argument. No it's not. Your goal is not to win the argument. Your goal is to, at the end of it, come together and repair. Because it doesn't matter if you win when you're sleeping on the couch. And you guys hate each other.

Yeah, I won the argument, now we hate each other. Good job, you gotta live with this one for the rest of your life, hopefully. Yeah, shout out to Adam Lane Smith, for sure. I know that you talked about the respect versus love conversation. We had such a good interview with him and we talked about if you've never listened to that,

you have to go back and listen to that that episode that was a big you Maybe Katrina and I been together for a long time and that was a major turning point by the way Along those lines and he pointed this out. I think it was on our podcast too was how a lot of therapy Modern therapy is geared towards Women and kind of what they need right so like So like women, generally speaking, if they're depressed or anxious, you want to understand what's going on, help them process that type of deal. Men need to go build or fix.

What they found with men who are depressed and anxious is they just need a purpose. Yeah. If you give them a sense of purpose and meaning. Give me a project to go overcome and figure out. Yeah, so it's like I'm really depressed and really sad. We're rather than be like trying to figure you out, like let's find a way to give you some sense

of purpose and meaning and it tends to get, solve it for us. Whereas for women it's not the same thing. So we're definitely not the same. So again, the message here for men is really pursue understanding your wife and understand that she's not you. She's different than you. Makes a big difference. All right, next up, this one's going to be controversial, but the data on this is. Ridiculous. And that is as a dad, uh, it's probably important based off the data to pursue faith, to pursue faith. Now, where am I getting the, what data am I talking about?

Well, they've done recent studies. So I think most people are familiar now with the data showing that kids. This is the one group, the one category of people that historically have not suffered from anxiety and depression. It was typically as you got into middle age that you start to see this. For the first time ever, kids are some of the most depressed, anxious as a group.

We've never seen this before. They're just, they're not doing well. Kids aren't doing well right now in comparison to previous generations. And in these studies they're trying to figure out why, what's the cause, how do we protect it. So some of them are pointing to more exercise and activity, less social media, like all this is kind of correlated. But there are several studies that have shown now that there's one thing that has a profoundly protective effect on children in today's day that protects them against this rising depression and anxiety, and that is children who have a regular faith that they practice. Kids growing up in homes that go to church regularly and practice a faith seem to be unscathed. They seem to be untouched.

Is the theory on that that they're able to offload the pressure and anxiety and, like, you know, if you think it's, if it's just you and you don't believe in something greater than you, then when shit goes wrong and stuff is rough, it's like if it's just you and you don't believe in something greater than you, then when shit goes wrong and stuff is rough, it's like it's all on you versus if I believe that everything happens for a reason and there's something beyond me, then I have this ability to go like, okay, there's obviously a reason for all this that I can't see that's beyond me.

I'm not going to beat myself. Is that why? Because it can offload me, I'm not gonna beat myself. Is that why? Because it can offload? They think so, because it's true for adults as well. I have a bunch of studies here that show that, of all the studies that are done, a majority of them show that being religious, and when they say religious,

people who attend some kind of a religious service once a week or more. It's associated with less suicidal ideation, fewer suicide attempts, fewer completed suicides, majority of them show lower depression, faster recovery from depression, majority of them show positive association with a sense of social support, a sense of purpose and meaning. So of the studies, the vast majority show that. So that's what you're talking about. Optimism, hope, well-being.

Purpose, meaning, community. Yes. Everything wrapped in there. Yeah. So now if you're religious yourself, you could be saying it's the spiritual component, that there's a supernatural component. But the data is clear. In today's world, there's a lot of things you could do to help your children

not be a part of this crazy statistic of depression and anxiety. But the one thing the data shows is the most effective is pursuing a faith. Now, why am I putting this on the dad? Well, here's where the data gets really crazy. Here's where it gets wild. If a father well, I'll back up, if a mother is the first person to become, this is data in America, so it's based on the Christian faith. If a mother is the first person to become Christian

in the home, there's a 17% chance the rest of the family will follow. Do you guys know what the data is for if it's the first person's the dad? I'd probably a lot more. 93%. 93. It's almost like a guarantee. 93%. Wow.

17% if the mom follows the faith, 93%. 93? It's almost like a guarantee. 93%. 17% if the mom follows the faith, 93% if it's the father. If the father follows, there's a 72% chance that their children will continue afterwards on their own. So in other words, based on the data, okay, so now I have a faith, so I'm gonna take myself out of this, I'm just looking at the data, this is secular data.

Based on the data, if you believe the data, which is overwhelmingly showing that this is good for your kids and your family, and the data shows clearly that the person that has the greatest impact is you, then this is you as a responsibility. So if this is something that you're like, okay, I'm open to this, the data shows this may be one of the most important things you do

for the well-being of your children, is to pursue a faith. So. That's a huge difference, that's interesting. Isn't that crazy? You know what's crazy about the data, Adam? The craziest thing about that? I can't think of anything that I have that much more

of an impact on my kids than my wife. Like my wife has a tremendous impact and influence over my kids, because she raises them, she's with them more. And the majority, when you look at who spends most time with the kids, it's typically mom. I can't think of anything where she would do 70% versus my 93%.

I could see others. I'm trying to rack my brain right now of the different things that we have, both parents, influence on the kids. Like I could see how dad might have like a little more than mom in some things and mom a little more, but that's like, she has almost no influence. That makes me want to look into things like sports, right?

If dad played a sport, how likely is that, if mom played the sport, how likely it'd be interesting to see what the influence is different than that? But I would bet money it would not be, I bet I would guess if I had to guess that dad has a little bit more influence if he's the one that plays more physically with them. But I don't think it'd be 17 to 90. I mean off air when we were talking about this, when you originally brought this stat to me, my theory on this was that most kids that have a father in their life, dad is like superhuman. He's the strongest. He's your, your scope is only this big. So like my stuff, still right now, my son's at that age where I'm

probably the strongest person he thinks alive. He still asks you if he could be bare. Yeah, I just, I, I have, I have these capabilities that he's like, I love that and of course one day that will go but because right you and you think that that's imprinted for years not for like a moment in time like years and years and years they have that perception. I remember that. I remember the first time I beat my dad physically that we were wrestling I beat him they like crushed me. Right. You know because if you see see your dad is this superhuman in penip, in particular I can't say that word. Impenetrable. And penetrable. Thank you. Uh, and this like can do anything overcome everything so strong Probably doesn't cry often doesn't break down does it like can handle all this stuff all of a sudden kind of submit to something, right? Yeah

Closes eyes bow his head kneel, you know, yeah Have reverence towards something that has to stop a kid in his tracks a bit and go, what has got my dad, what is my dad afraid of, or what does my dad think above him? And you go, oh, there's something that is greater than, I think that has something to do with it. That has to be a strong part of it.

That's what Arthur Brooks said in that talk that we took or we attended, and I think that's a great secular explanation, I agree with it. And then the religious or spiritual argument is, if you look at the, like if you look at, for example, in the Christian faith, the leadership, the spiritual leadership, it falls on the husband. It literally says it's your job to lead your family spiritually.

So whichever way you look at it, and again, the data shows it. So for anybody who's rolling their eyes, look, data doesn't lie, and I think it's fascinating. I think this data's very fascinating. And when I was looking up things that protect your children from the modern issues that we're seeing, and I was looking at

what's the biggest impact that a dad has over stuff. I couldn't find anything like this. I saw nothing where dad is 93% and everybody else is like 10%, you know? It's pretty wild, pretty crazy. All right, lastly, this is a big one. The odds that a family will fall into poverty

when dad dies or is gone or astronomical. This is not the same when mom leaves and again this is because 70% of the breadwinner tends to be dad. So if you're a new dad, very important you get life insurance and you get a trust. Very important to do this. This is a big deal because if something in the cool thing is if you're a young dad and I remember Doug sold life insurance when I first started training him and remember he talked to me about this when you're a young dad like term life insurance is like cheap right super cheap yes you could get like a half a million or a million dollar life insurance which is usually enough for most parent you know

moms to be okay for a certain period of time super inexpensive if you're in your you know especially if you're in your 20s or early 30s, it's not a big deal. What do they typically look like, Doug, for term, monthly? Boy, I don't know exactly, but it's gonna be probably under $50 a month, I'm not sure. If you're half a million.

In your 20s, yeah, maybe even less, I don't even know. That's not bad at all No, yeah I mean it's a small price to pay number one to protect your family because if something were to happen to you with small children Yeah, that's devastating But you know, it's a very small amount of money to actually create an estate for yourself when you're young and just getting started So that's true. This was such a big deal for me I mean shoot it kept me from not getting married,

not having a kid for a very long time. It's funny, you guys know that we had the big birthday party this weekend. This was one of the conversations I was having with some of these older guys that are friends of my mother-in-law and they, oh man, my mpumpa must be really blowing up this last year or whatever.

And because they see some of my buying habits and behaviors in the last year or two. I said, no, it's been doing pretty well for a long time. It's just, I had to check a lot of boxes for myself before I would go and do stuff like that for me. Like once I knew that I had put my family in a position that if something tragically happened that they would be okay financially Then I had permission I felt like to go and splurge or buy crazy ridiculous things that were you know Didn't matter like that. I had to get there first and I had and I didn't realize how much of this kind of Undercurrent of I hate to say anxiety, because I don't think I lost sleep over it,

but that pressure for me of like, as the dad, or even before I was a dad, the future dad or husband, like, man, I wanna not only be able to provide in real time for my family, but I also want to be able to set myself up or them up, that if something ever were to tragically happen to me or I were to get injured and I couldn't do my job anymore, that all of a sudden that pressure doesn't fall on my wife to have to try and figure it out that she could be like, okay,

this is tragic what happened to me, but at least we're going to be okay like that. So that was a really big deal. And I think not talked enough, especially today, I think that we over glorify a lot of the materialistic things and we tend to be in a hurry to get there. I also think it's like, especially when you're a new dad and you're young, right? So you're in your late 20s, early 30s. You're not thinking like, I'm gonna,

something will happen to me. No. You know, I'm gonna be totally fine. I'm in the hustle of trying to just stack chips. No, and you know what? The odds are you're'm gonna be totally fine. And the hustle of trying to just stack chips. And you know what, the odds are you're probably gonna be okay. But if you're not, it is not good

because you're a new dad, you got maybe two kids, one kid, your wife is, you're the breadwinner. Like, yeah, see, look at that, $35 to $40 a month for a 25-year-old male, half a million dollars. That's average, so, and you get a million dollars for a double. That's a 30-year term policy. That means that for 30 years, if you die within 30 years,

that's what your family gets. Like, if something happens to you, like I know somebody like this, they were a young guy, and tragically, you know, it was just crazy, randomly, it just passed away, and they had to do a GoFundMe, because Mom would stay at home, they had two kids, one on the way. Worst case scenario.

And it's like instant poverty. You just, your family went instant poverty over something that you could've spent, that says 35 to 40 bucks a month, which is not bad, I think most people can afford. So definitely life insurance. And then the next thing is a trust. So a lot of people don't know what a trust is.

So if you pass away and you have any assets or anything at all, or as you build assets. Shit gets tied up fast. It goes to probate. Even with the will, it goes to probate, meaning that. This is so stupid, by the way. Yes, it's crazy. It goes to the state, then you have to go to these hearings

to figure out where it goes what, what goes where, how much it costs, I gotta pay money to make sure. In other words, you can't just, your assets don't just go to the people you want, even if you have a will, by the way, a lot of people don't know that. Even if you have a written will, it goes through this whole pain in the butt process, a trust is rock solid, protected. You've already.

And instant, right? Instant. Yeah. You know who it goes to, who it You've already. And instant, right? Instant. Yeah. You know who it goes to, who it goes to, who gets what, and as you get older, is what's the cool thing about trust. You get a trust, what's called a living trust, and as you get older and you accrue assets,

you add it to your trust. Yeah, and so over time, you know, you're in your 20s, new dad, you don't have much. By the time you're 30, you start getting a few things and you buy a house, then you start investing. By the time you're in 50s, this trust has everything in it that's protected. And if something happens, it goes to this person, that person, what happens if I need power of attorney, meaning someone can call the shots if I can't call the

shots type of deal. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Now in the past, getting a trust meant you went to a lawyer and you paid thousands of dollars. Now you can do them online for like four or 500 bucks. We have a company that we work with called Dynasty where they do it for a dollar.

And they're, literally you have a living trust for a dollar and it's getdynasty.com forward slash mind pump. It's actually somebody I know personally that- Well yeah, no, this was the reason, and we're investors. There's a reason why we did that. All of us understand the value and the importance of that as dads,

and then your cousin's company, and to see how they were disrupting that space, because it can be a bit arduous. Like you have to hire a lawyer and paperwork, and it's like, it's a process, costs a little money. So the fact they've been able to do this, you know, like with digital signing and so fast is like made it so amazing that even somebody who doesn't know much about it can easily get set up and do that and at least take care of like your main, even if you only have like one thing, it's like you start it. Yeah, you start it,

you get it going. You can always build it out. Cause I think that's the, the next question is there's going to be a lot of guys or dads that are like, well, I only have my house. It's the only thing I have. It's not that big of a deal I don't have a ton of money. I don't have a ton It's like no you put you start there and you put that and then you can always have you start earlier No, it's easier to yeah No, totally we have questions. I've got some questions here. The first one is what's the best workout? So we kind of said a little bit right if you're strength training one or two days a week

A little bit of hit cardio or training one or two days a week, a little bit of HIIT cardio or playing every day or walking a lot, but I'd say the program that we have that's probably the best for dad's MAPS-15. It's literally 15 to 20 minutes a day of strength training and that's a majority of all you need to do. The rest of it is walking regularly and playing with your kids.

And if the everyday thing didn't work and you have one or two days you just you could literally combine all those those work like you put you split at three of the workouts and one and then it could be that's right be two days. But it's it's really good you'll get significant strength gains you know with MAPS 15 you could progress that by adding weight to the bar for a couple years or more. So you'll get significantly stronger with it. And again, you know, I, I put these numbers out cause people don't really understand

this, but look, we've trained many, many people. If you're not strength training now and you start strength training today, you can expect to be twice as strong by the end of the year. That's pretty conservative for most people. Now it sounds crazy, but literally you go to the gym and oh I can only squat 100 pounds, 135 pounds in good form. You'll probably be able to squat close to twice as much by the end of the year if you stay consistent.

What are the best supplements that you recommend? Supplements, that's a good question. Multivitamin to fill your nutrient deficiencies, and then creatine. Creatine is good for cognitive function. It's good for health, longevity. So it's good for your brain. It's good for longevity.

Of course, it makes you stronger. Helps you with energy. Helps you with sleep deprivation. It's just an overall healthy supplement. About the only thing I would add to that is a protein powder, and that's just because I don't know if I've Ever met a busy dad who consistently hits their protein to take naturally through whole foods like obviously you gave the recommendation of

Just eat whole foods as far as the you know Let first level and level two was like to hit your target protein and then that that's why I would add that as a supplement It's like it's tough to consistently day in and day out at your protein and not have a shake or a bar, like mostly shake, because bars are pretty low, but shake to help supplement that. So I think having that on hand is probably a good investment for a dad that's really trying to get after this. Are there any books that you recommend?

Yeah, so Adam, you recommended- Love Languages. Love Languages. Love Languages, another one that's really good that we didn't mention is Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Is that it? You know, that's an old book. An old book. Yeah, but it talks about some of the stuff we're

talking about. Is it really? Okay, I've never read that one. So that's really good. So is the love languages. It's called The Five Love. Yeah, The Five Love Languages. Oh, Dr. John Gottman's book's really good. The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work. That one's a really, really good book.

Any of their content is good. And any of Adam Lane Smith's content. Yes. So Adam Lane Smith's other book too, Attachment, or I think it's called Attached or Attachment. Something like that. That would be good. Another one is the one that I just read

that I shared already one time on the podcast. I'll share it again. It's called Whole Brain Child. I think that's one of the best books I've read in a really long time. And it's geared towards parenting, but I mean, if I'm telling the dad who's leading here, I would say

that's a must-read as a dad also. Chip Ingram, now this one's for people who are more faith-based, but it's called Marriages That Work. I read that one recently, and that was really, really impactful for my wife and I. What about TRT? Yeah you know a lot of people are gonna add a lot of dads are gonna ask this question. So testosterone if you're if you get your hormone levels checked and you're exercising trying to eat right so you're

not like super you know you're not living an unhealthy lifestyle and your testosterone is low especially if you're an older dad, maybe 35 and older. Testosterone replacement therapy will improve the quality of your life. There's no doubt about it. This weekend, again, I was with a bunch of friends, old friends who go back to high school. I'm like, it's so funny to,

I feel like I'm pushing it on people because now that we're at that age, we're in our mid-40s now. So it's different. It's different than when I was talking about in my 20s when I probably shouldn't have been messing around with it. And the versus I talk about it now, it's like it's such a different conversation. Everybody's in their career and everything. Yeah, and I was explaining to my buddy, I'm like, you know, I know you think you're fine. I said, but you have adapted to the way you feel and you're getting by, you're okay. And so because you think that, oh, I have a decent libido and I'm fine,

I worked these long hours. So with that, I said, you don't know what optimal feels like. Get your blood work done, see where you're at. I said, if you're anywhere even under four or 500, I'm like, get yours levels at optimal and then tell me it's not life-changing for you. Tell me, just you get better at everything else.

You will operate better at everything else. I'm so glad you said that, because immediately what people will think with replacement therapy, so what testosterone replacement therapy does is you're taking testosterone to bring your levels up to what would be considered optimal. What's optimal?

Well, it's based off of symptoms and off of what your blood work says, okay? And you're saying it improves everything. I'm glad you're saying that because what people think is, oh, I'm gonna be stronger, I'm gonna have more body fat, and I'm gonna have a higher libido. True, all true. But you know what else would happen?

More energy, more drive, better cognitive function, better sleep. I would love to see, I don't know of any studies on this, but I would love to see studies on men who had low levels of testosterone, who went on hormone replacement therapy, and how it affected their careers. And I bet what you would find, because testosterone is correlated with earning potential

and cognitive function, I bet what you'll find is they did better in their production, in their productivity. For sure, for sure. So that's a good one. Look, if you like the show, come find us on Instagram. Justin is at Mind Pump. Justin, I'm at Mind Pump to Stefano.

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