Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 677: Christina Rice on Overcoming Eating Disorders, Exercise Addiction, Leaky Gut, Food Intolerances, Hormone Imbalances, Depression, Anxiety & More

Starting point is 00:00:00 If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go. Mite, op, mite, op with your hosts. Salda Stefano, Adam Schaefer, and Justin Andrews. In this episode, that one goes in the vault. Of Mind Pump, we had a good friend of ours, Christina Rice. Yeah, we always have a good time with Homegirl. We love her. She's a young lady. She's got two podcasts that she does. She's a smart lady.

Starting point is 00:00:26 She's got a blog. She's got a great social media presence. So me and Adam met her a while ago, right? We went down to LA, did some one of our podcasting hard trips. Yeah, it's good six months plus to go. Super impressed by her. It's very, very smart girl and super open. And you'll hear in this episode where we interview her,

Starting point is 00:00:43 she actually shares some very personal stuff about her journey through wellness and health. Her podcast, she connects to a younger crowd, so like girls is in particular in their maybe 20s or teens, so her message is similar to ours but a little bit different because of the crowd that she's attracting. But we really like her message, we really like her. So we'd like you to check out her podcast. So her name's Christina Rice, her blog is addicted to lovely.com, her podcast, she's got two of them.

Starting point is 00:01:16 One of them is straight up Paleo, and the other one is actually adultish, and you can find her on Instagram at addicted underscore two, that's T.O. underscore lovely So without any further ado here's Adam Justin and myself talking to Christina Rice So I'm gonna ask your quick question without saying Justin or Adam. Is it really gonna be quick? That's a good one without She listens to the show without without saying Justin or Adam. Who's your favorite mind pump post without sage

Starting point is 00:01:44 to the show without without saying Justin or Adam who's your favorite mine pump post without saying Yes, Doug all that you smart Taylor. He's out there. He's doing his little mysterious Yeah, he's doing mysterious. He like magicians around never Um, gave me feedback about your package. Oh, it was great. Yeah, you saw my I saw did you read that book? No, I haven? No, I'm reading something else right now. So it's on my list though now. You're so sweet that you sent us gifts.

Starting point is 00:02:09 And they were thoughtful gifts. I pride myself in being a really good gift gift. Are you? That's great. That's very enjoyable. That's very nice of you. Don't expect reciprocation. So I want to tell our audience, we talked about you on one of our episodes,

Starting point is 00:02:23 but I'm going to talk about it again. Thank you. Our experience first meeting you. So I want to tell our audience, we talked about you on one of our episodes, but I'm going to talk about it again. Our experience first meeting you. So me and Adam went down to LA to do one of our podcasting hard trips. This is where we just go nuts and get on as many podcasts as possible. We just own this. Yeah, hashtag is ours. Just as many as we can do at once.

Starting point is 00:02:41 And we were like, all right, we'll take everybody who comes on or whatever and you were in contact with, I don't know if it was Brianna or Katrina to book and she talked about you and we're like, yeah, we'll do it. We got time. We can meet this person. She listens to the show. She seems like a fan. Let's do this. So we show up to your apartment to do the show and you know, the door opens and it's this real young lady, ready to do the podcast. And within 15 minutes, we were so impressed with just how, like, you're a little hustler, like you bust your ass. And then you were not intimidated to interview these two grown men in your business. With a show that you follow, like, you were asking good questions, you weren't necessarily

Starting point is 00:03:24 intimidated. It was really cool. So nervous at all. No, we had such a good impression. I wasn't. I was really excited. I was nervous that I wasn't going to have enough time, which of course I didn't, because I told you I could talk to you guys for 500 hours.

Starting point is 00:03:38 But also, I mean, that's the power of a podcast is, I feel like I know you and I don't. I mean, I've met you twice. But I mean, I'm sure everybody who listens to you feels this way. Like they feel like I know you and I don't, I mean, I've met you twice. But I mean, and I'm sure everybody who listens to you feels the same way. Like, they feel like they know you. And people tell me that, you know, people come up to me and say, I love your podcast, listen to your podcast, and this might seem weird, but I feel like you're my best friend. I'm like, it's not weird.

Starting point is 00:03:58 If I listen to somebody every single week, you know, for two years, I'd probably feel like. You can go home. Yeah. Well, think about that. We talk about this all the time. I mean, if you're a listener, if you like. You could know them. Yeah. Well, think about that. We talk about this all the time. I mean, if you're a listener, if you actually listen to the show almost every day, like there's a lot of people that do that, I mean, I'm communicating with you more than I do almost anybody else in my life. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:14 I don't dedicate two to three hours of just communicating to somebody other than on this podcast. And so if you're consuming that at daily, I mean, every other day of our show, I mean, shit, I'm basically talking to you more than I'm talking to any friends or family or anybody else. So of course. Now, do you find, too, like when you like shows,

Starting point is 00:04:33 you identify with some of the host and stuff? So what do you identify with with Justin Salmyself, which parts of each of us do you connect with? We like to hear about ourselves. I think that you guys just fish for compliments. See? And I'm not gonna stretch all of that. Call them out on that.

Starting point is 00:04:51 Of course we are. Of course we are right now. You know what? She just sprained your degree right back at you. That was the right answer. I identify with you guys as a group because you know, I have the same ultimate goal. I like that you guys are no bullshit. I like that

Starting point is 00:05:06 I mean this is something that a lot of people hate about me is that I'm just so straightforward and blunt and I Speak my truth my mind. I stay I stay at my opinion and you guys do the same and You have the same ultimate goal of just like getting real health information out there and And you have the same ultimate goal of just getting real health information out there. And that's my goal too, and that you do it, and probably the best way I've ever heard anybody else give that information. That's why I love you guys.

Starting point is 00:05:33 Awesome. So you have two podcasts. You have actually Adulterish, which you've had now for almost two years. You have Strictly Paleo. Straight up Paleo. Straight up, excuse me, straight up Paleo. How long has that been on?

Starting point is 00:05:45 Like three months. Three months, you have, you blog. How often? And usually like three times a week. Three times a week. It varies. It used to be every day and I was dying. Okay, so you post.

Starting point is 00:05:56 No, it's less. You're posting pictures of foods that you're making that are paleo or healthy. Healthy or healthy. Your Instagram, you have, how many Instagram pages do you manage? Is it just one or do you have? Now I'm just doing one. Now you're just doing one with how many followers?

Starting point is 00:06:12 Like 18,000. 18,000, you post 50 insta stories a day, at least. Yeah. Sometimes a hundred. And you're going to school. I'm trying to get through all of them. Yeah, I've watched the first 10 and then I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like trying to like get through it.

Starting point is 00:06:27 So you do all this stuff and you go to school, like how do you find the time? I don't go to school, it's online. What, fine, you're learning something. Where do you find the time to do all of this stuff? Like how do you find all the time to do this? I have no idea. My day's a very structured,

Starting point is 00:06:44 my day's a very schedule down to like every minute. What does it look like? Wake up in the morning, what do you find all the time to do this? I have no idea. My days are very structured. My days are very scheduled down to like every minute. What does it look like? Wake up in the morning, what do you do? Okay, wake up in the morning, rebound for five minutes. Get that lymphatic drainage going. Okay. Oil pull to wipe my teeth. Clear out the toxic.

Starting point is 00:07:00 Do you do oil pull every morning? Oh shit, you're like my, you're such a biohacker, I like this. Yeah, no, seriously, they'll, well, I do those things, but I won't be as detailed. I usually work for like an hour or two if I'm working out that day,

Starting point is 00:07:15 I'll work out for a single morning. And then I eat breakfast and I will see. The rest of the day is just either clients or podcasts, like if I have something scheduled, I take a break, I take a break every like two hours or so to like go on a walk. And then I take like a lunch break and then after seven a.m. I'm doing that all day and then I'm storing

Starting point is 00:07:39 when I'm on my walks and checking social media and posting when I'm on like my walks. And then after the day's done, then I usually eat dinner and then I will just work on my blog or I'll do homework until I need to go to bed. Do you go out? Oh, like do you go out with friends and stuff? No. I mean, if I'm in a mission.

Starting point is 00:08:02 I don't really, I mean, no. How do you disconnect then? Like if you're so, if you're constantly tapped into this and connected. That's like the biggest issue right now, is like I need some space. Like if I get a free hour, I wanna just like post it on the couch.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Like I don't wanna go out. Are you a Netflix and chiller? Yeah. That's your favorite Netflix shows right now. Actually, no, I actually hate Netflix right now. Oh. It's so dry. There's nothing on there.

Starting point is 00:08:30 Wow, there's good stuff. You don't like to watch on there. You don't like stranger things? Dude, dark. Okay, stranger things, but it's done. Dark, dark. What's dark? Oh, there you go.

Starting point is 00:08:39 There you go. What is it? If you like stranger things, you'll be able to watch. I'm super hitty. Is it scary though? No, it's like stranger things. It's very, very thought provoking. Mm.

Starting point is 00:08:48 You'll like it. Okay. It's always hard to think. But I don't like to watch things that are thought provoking like on the reg. Because you're trying to, I'm trying to bet down. Because I don't want to think. You know, I want something that's like, good luck. Well, get you coming back though the next day.

Starting point is 00:09:03 So give me what you would normally listen. What watch, what, what are, so I haven't had any of your... I mean, I'm rewatching Desperate Housewives. Oh, so she's really watching Mindless stuff. Yeah, yeah, I like 16 and pregnant. Oh, I bet, I bet. So you're so hardcore with what you're doing, you have a passion obviously for it. It's one of the first things we identified with you.

Starting point is 00:09:24 But where did you get that work ethic? Cause you're 22 years old, you're a kid. And I haven't met, the only other. I used to hate when I was 22. I know, you can call it a fucking you stay. Well, you know why? What were you doing? That's so barnacle.

Starting point is 00:09:38 That's so barnacle calls me a kid. Tell me what you're doing when you're doing. Being an asshole somewhere. I was the same thing. We're all, I was 19, I was managing gym, 19 and 20. But that's what I'm saying, it was so rare that, none of my friends did that. I guarantee you none of your friends

Starting point is 00:09:52 are doing this kind of stuff. They're not, but I think just in general, people nowadays have to hustle harder. I mean, we're such a fast-moving generation with technology, but yeah, I mean, a lot of people might are just, you know, they graduated, they moved back home. There's something wrong with that, but they're also, I think there's a problem when you're sitting on your ass

Starting point is 00:10:13 and not trying to figure out what you want to do. And my thing is that I spent so much of my life waiting for like better days. I was so depressed for so long and just like waiting like I just got to get through this. I just got to get through high school. I just got to get through college. And then now I'm done with college and I'm like I'm ready to live my best life right now. I'm not wasting any more time. I mean there was a time when I didn't know like I I literally thought I was gonna die at one point,

Starting point is 00:10:45 and so after that, I was kinda like every moment now, like, I have to. We gotta go back, yeah, we gotta go back. You gotta go back, yeah, because you're obviously passionate about health and wellness for a reason. There's some personal reasons. Let's talk about that for a second. Okay, do you want long version or first?

Starting point is 00:11:02 Go for it, just tell us. This is a podcast, whatever version you want to have. Everything we do is long version or for whatever in the beginning? Just tell us. This is a podcast. Whatever version you want. Everything we do is long version. All right, so, okay. So what do I start? So my whole life, I had really bad digestive issues, but didn't realize, you know, I thought it was normal, so I didn't notice it.

Starting point is 00:11:19 Didn't really know it was abnormal until I got to college. And then how that happened during class and you're farting all the time, so it's like, hey, that's not normal. No, you know what it really was? What it really was was when I would spend weekends with my boyfriend, and I'd be like, he'd be like, why do you never poop? And I'd be like, other people poop a lot? This is a thing.

Starting point is 00:11:45 He'd be like, you like don't ever poop. And I'd be like, shit, is this a normal? Like, you had no idea. Everybody knows. I was like pooping like once a month if I was lucky. Oh my god. Like if I was lucky, like some like usually longer. So you did, you were not diagnosed with anything

Starting point is 00:12:03 irritable bowel or? No, I mean, I thought this was normal. Wow. And I was embarrassed of it growing up. And I played volleyball like my whole life. And there were so many things I would, or I didn't dance before that. And there were so many things I would skip.

Starting point is 00:12:18 And I would tell my parents, I have the flu. I would tell my friends I have the flu. And I was really like, I was just crulled up in a ball on the bathroom floor in pain Because I needed to shit and I couldn't Wow Like it was so bad and and this was when you were in high school I mean it was my whole life and it got worse and worse and he's yeah, I got worse in high school

Starting point is 00:12:38 Oh my goodness and your parents didn't see any of this as a kid or do this start happening when they stopped, you know Okay, my family Has digestive issues. They just don't care. Oh, I see. Like so I learned from young age like it's normal like to poop once a week And it hurts and you know, it's an all-day event and like I thought that was how it was for people I thought people just didn't talk about it. Wow. So you had kind of fascinating. So you had digestive issues and you had mentioned. And it was always bloated. So like it was just like the running joke growing up.

Starting point is 00:13:11 Like it always looked like I was nine months pregnant. Like and I was just used to it. You know, I just thought, I don't know. I just thought that was the way it was. And you had mentioned depression and stuff. So you at the same time you're depressed. So it's obviously contributing to the mental state. Yeah, it was all wrapped up. And I mean, the depression was more like that started really bad in middle school

Starting point is 00:13:31 with like the bullying and shit like that and self-confidence and you know, girls are mean, boys are mean. Nowadays, and that was also with the rise of texting and the internet and you know, people are making websites talking shit about people. It was intense. Like for like sixth graders, like the crap that was going on. So that kind of- Sixth graders? Sixth graders making websites.

Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah, so many made- I'm glad we missed all that. I literally can't even, I look back and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, so you're doing this and you're not realizing, now you're realizing, oh, I may have digestive issues. Yeah, I'm like, this is kind of like, not normal. How did you tackle it?

Starting point is 00:14:12 So, okay, at the same time, I was just generally depressed with my life because I hated a college and I hated everything and I didn't, I felt like, I've always had this problem where I just always felt like the odd person out like I mean It's hard for me to connect with people my age honestly like I don't give a shit about I mean I got to college and My party days were in high school like I got to college and I was like okay, I'm ready to be a grandma I'm over this and everybody in college everybody else in college was like this is the first time in my life my parents

Starting point is 00:14:42 Aren't paying attention to me like and they're all excited. I'm like, okay, I'm ready to like lay down. I'm over that. I was just really unhappy and I hated school and I didn't know what I wanted to do and all this is turned into binge eating disorder. And so I was just bingeing really, really bad. Were you purging also or just bingeing? No. okay. I was just binging really bad and I was just feeling like a piece of shit. I felt disgusting and like the binging made my stomach even worse. Right.

Starting point is 00:15:13 So it was just a big pile of crap. Like, well, not. Now this is you, this is you look non-moving. Yeah. This is you looking back at yourself and being able to objectively look at it. But when you're going through it, do you feel it and see it I was like, I feel so sick. And I was like, this has to stop. And I was crying like, tears streaming on my face. I was like, hiding in my door. I was like, I feel so sick.

Starting point is 00:15:28 I was like, I feel so sick. I was like, I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick.

Starting point is 00:15:38 I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I feel so sick. I felt so sick and I was like, this has to stop and I was crying,

Starting point is 00:15:47 like tears streaming out of my face. I was like hiding in my dorm room, like, no, rest my roommate's gonna come home and catch me. Like, and I'm just like, I can't fucking do this anymore. So, I mean, is that when the light bulb went off, did you change right then and there? So the next day, it was pretty like,

Starting point is 00:16:04 I was like, I'm gonna pull my shit together. Like, I'm gonna, I mean, also at this point, sorry, there's so many different facets. That's all right. I forget about my own life. So I had a chronic case of mono, you'll find this interesting, like a year and a half of mono. Wow.

Starting point is 00:16:21 Yeah, so I had kind of just come off up, you know, I've been really active my whole life I played volleyball I did dance and then so running into college when I got mono It was like a year and a half of laying on my bed Well, you had severe symptoms of mono. Yeah, because most people a lot of people don't know this most people at some point of life I've been infected with the mono I never got the typical throat thing, but it was the fatigue and like the fever like it was pretty intense And like there was a top like I thought it went away and then it came back

Starting point is 00:16:50 And so I was just feeling like crap because at this point in binge eating I'm depressed I was just sluggish and gross. I hadn't like moved my body like the most movement I was getting was just Going to class and then I would come home and just lay down and fall asleep was just going to class and then I would come home and just lay down and fall asleep. So I had also put on weight, but nothing, I mean, I'm not the kind of person that really shows when I put on weight. I've always been small. But so after that binge, I just woke up and I'm like, I need to pull shit together. I was like, I want to start exercising, eating healthy, I'm not going to binge anymore.

Starting point is 00:17:22 And I really did turn it around. But that sort of led me into, it started off good. I reached out to my cousin and he taught me more about fitness. Well at first I tried the whole cardio thing that didn't work. What are you doing tons of cardio? So I just, you know, I tried to run the track. I was like, I don't know how to like be in shape

Starting point is 00:17:42 without a sport, I realized. All I knew was like, there's a track. So I tried to run, didn't work. Then I tried to go to track. I was like, I don't know how to like be in shape without a sport, I realized. All I knew was like, there's a track, so I tried to run, didn't work. Then I tried to go to the elliptical because that's what every other girl was doing. I hated it. And then my cousin was like, you should try lifting weights. And I was like, okay.

Starting point is 00:17:57 So he got me into that. And I loved it. Meanwhile, I was just became obsessed with like learning about nutrition on the internet, not realizing at the time that the health information wasn't health information. You had to sift through a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, I mean, at the time I just thought that everybody was supposed to, I thought healthy was eating low calorie and no fat and just very typical. I mean, my homepage was bodybuilding.com.

Starting point is 00:18:26 I'm not joking. Like, I was eating like big tilapia steamed the, you know, like plain rice. Like I was just very, um. Now, you know the irony of it is, it was probably an improvement though over what you were doing. It was a huge improvement.

Starting point is 00:18:41 And I felt so much better. And I was actually, where you're starting to get regular bowel movements and depression. No, but I was I felt so much better. I was actually- Were you starting to get regular bowel movements and depression or anything? No, but I was just starting to feel better. And especially with my body, like weights changed my body. Like for the first time, I was getting toned.

Starting point is 00:18:55 Like I had muscle. Yeah, and I loved it. Like it was, you know, like I didn't realize before. You know, I never felt like I needed to lose, it wasn't about lose. I was gaining weight and my clothes were falling off of me because my shape was changing. And I loved having that control over my body.

Starting point is 00:19:14 Like it gave me this sense of control. I mean, going on the liptical, it's like, what the fuck are you doing? It's like, what is this giving me besides I'm tired and I hate it. I was not really giving you this. It's taking away. Taking away for the first time. Yeah, yeah. It was like three, three weeks of just like using dumbbells. Like, I mean, I, I had totally changed. Like, I looked different. You know, it was like, how can that actually happen? Um, digestive issues were still happening,

Starting point is 00:19:43 but I was feeling way better. I go on a trip to San Diego, I am like cheat day, gonna eat some froyo. Froyo. Fuck. That shit. So I don't know what happened. I'm gonna assume there was some bacteria in that shit, but for a week I was so sick.

Starting point is 00:20:03 So I, for like a week straight, I was just like shitting my pants, throwing up at the same time. Oh, terrible. Uncontroll, like literally for a week. Like I couldn't move. I was, I felt like an old lady. Like I was just like, what am I doing?

Starting point is 00:20:18 Like, and I was freaking out. After about five days, I was like an hour why I stopped. Like I wasn't throwing up. And I made it down to the health center. They laughed at me, told me I was pregnant. Oh, what? Told me the only test they would give me was pregnancy tests.

Starting point is 00:20:36 And I'm sitting over here like, should I be eating gluten? Like, like, like, and the guy was such a fucking asshole. Like, don't even get me started on the UCLA Ash Center. I could, they're horrible, just so everybody knows they're horrible. Not just me, like everybody who goes UCLA and goes there knows that they are, it's horrendous. That medical, whatever. It's horrible.

Starting point is 00:20:59 Yeah, so I was like, very, I had PTSD because I'm like, do you know how much work it took me to get down here without shitting my pants? And you're gonna laugh at me and tell me I had PTSD because I'm like, do you know how much work it took me to get down here without shitting my pants? And you're gonna laugh at me and tell me I'm pregnant. I'm like, I definitely am not pregnant. Like, and so I made it back up. Then I was still just throwing up, pooping my brains out. Nothing was stopping. Made it back down.

Starting point is 00:21:20 This time I got a different doctor if she told me to take metamusel. And I was like, I literally feel like I'm dying. I'm like, I couldn't keep food down. You know, like, so my parents, it was also my birthday that weekend my parents and my sister came down to see me. They thought they were gonna hang out with me.

Starting point is 00:21:38 They were really just gonna, my mom was just gonna do my laundry because I was gonna shit my pants. Like, it was horrible, and so finally she took me to urgent care, and that doctor was the first doctor who was like, took me seriously. He was like, you know, you should really try

Starting point is 00:21:52 going gluten free and dairy free, and I was like, all right, I'm down. Because at this point, I had research just enough where it was rolling around in my brain in terms of the digestive issues, but like, I wanted some authority figure to be like, you should do this, this is a good idea. I wasn't just going to do it. Yeah, I wasn't just going to do it because I mean, I didn't want to give it up if I didn't have to.

Starting point is 00:22:12 So after that, finally I could function, but my digestion was definitely never the same. Like, that was kind of like my trigger. I said everything off really badly, but I went gluten-free dairy free two weeks later. I felt like I woke up and I literally felt like, I didn't need to wear my glasses anymore to class. Like I literally could see clear. I had so much more energy. My joints weren't hurting. Like it was insane.

Starting point is 00:22:40 Like people don't realize that when you have an intolerance to food, it is an immune reaction, and your immune system is, covers your whole body, and it can display itself in a lot of different ways. Everything from, like you're saying, joint pain, it can affect vision, it can affect your sense of smell, your sense of hearing, how you think. So, what you're saying is,

Starting point is 00:23:00 because I know some people are thinking, how could it affect the, your immune system affects everything. And if your immune system is on this hyperalert kind of inflammatory state, yeah, it's gonna show up in a lot of different ways. Yeah, and the mental clarity. I mean, I've always been smart. Like, I've always been the smart one.

Starting point is 00:23:16 And I was like, oh my God, what was I doing before? Like, my cognitive performance in class is like, it was crazy. Like, I felt so much smarter. And I was shocked. I was like, it was crazy. I felt so much smarter and I was shocked. I was like, how was I doing this, my whole life while I was eating this crap? So my digestion didn't improve, but all of those,

Starting point is 00:23:36 I was like, I'm never even gluten or dairy again. Like I'm not doing it. But meanwhile, I'm like, what the fuck is going on with my stomach? Like now at this point, it's even worse than ever before. So I start researching more and I think just seeing the power of how gluten and dairy affected me,

Starting point is 00:23:51 I was like, food is gonna heal me. Like, and I became like, I'd be, How old are you at this point? 19. 19. 20. And so more in there. Great awareness, that age.

Starting point is 00:24:00 So I was, I mean, impressive. Like, I was, I became obsessed with this idea, like this, like this food can heal me, like, make me feel better and so I just started researching. At the same time, I start seeing different nutritionists because I was convinced that nutritionists would like know what I should take out or add into my diet to help me. Like, because I was convinced that was linked

Starting point is 00:24:21 to my digestive issues. So I saw so many fucking nutritionists in LA. So it's supposed to be the best celebrity nutritionists. Every time I get the same damn thing, they just give me a meal plan and it's the same meal plan every time. It's like a thousand calories and I'm like, I'm not in here to lose weight.

Starting point is 00:24:42 I'm in here to fix my digestion and every single person I saw was just telling me the same thing. And they didn't, I could tell they didn't know what they're saying to you. Like, low fat, high fiber. I will tell you, I'll tell you what was breakfast. A cup of oatmeal with water, lunch, a piece of fish with a side salad, dinner, a piece of chicken with some steamed vegetables. God, wow. Yeah. It's sweet. I was like, I can't do this. I like, one time I tried following the low calorie thing, and I didn't last longer like two days.

Starting point is 00:25:07 I was like, I can't function. This isn't gonna work, because I need straight A's. Where did you finally start getting answers? Yeah, I was gonna say, was there a functional medicine practice? So I, my acupuncturist, I started getting acupuncture and I was like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this.

Starting point is 00:25:24 I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. I need straight-ass. Where did you finally start getting answers? Yeah, I was gonna say, was there a functional medicine practice? So I, my acupuncturist, I started getting acupuncture. Yeah. Oh, I started getting acupuncture and I freaking loved her. Pamela, she's shit, I loved her. And she was the first person, she's like, I want to give you a stool test and check check out what's going on. Get a stool test done. And I have Candida, and I'm like, fuck yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:47 Like if I get rid of it, if I get rid of Candida, like all my answers will be so, like, you know, I was like, this is it, this is the Candida. So I go on this Candida protocol, which is what, like it's kind of like, it's no carbohydrates. Yeah, so no fruit, no surgy carbs. This is a keto diet. No surgy carbs.

Starting point is 00:26:05 No surgy carbs. Yeah. Similar. Like, you know, no sugar. But at this point, I was like, all right, I'm so down with this. So I do it. And I, we have to understand about me is like,

Starting point is 00:26:18 I'm very good at falling rolls. Like, I'm too good at falling rolls. And so I clung to that thing, you know, the things on the list that she was like, just have these in moderation. I was like, I'm not having those at all. You know, it's like, it's like the thing with exercises.

Starting point is 00:26:32 Like, you know, the most is the best. You know, like more I get better results. That means even more is better, right? Yes, we think. So I clink hard core to this and I was doing it all wrong. Like not meaning to, like, I just, I didn't have any fat in my diet and when you go that low in carbs, you got to increase the fat. I was literally living off of protein and non-serti veggies.

Starting point is 00:26:55 For the first time in my life, I wasn't bloated. I wasn't pooping, but I wasn't bloated and I felt great. And I clung to this. At the same time, I'm clinging more and more to my exercise because that was the one thing in my life I could control. That was the one thing in my life. I had control over like, I hated school. I felt like I couldn't control that.

Starting point is 00:27:14 I couldn't control the relationships in my life. There was just nothing I liked except working out. So that grew into an exercise addiction and at the same time I'm going on this This candy to diet. What was your exercise addiction? What did that look like? Just you're at the gym every day lifting weights. Yeah, like and it wasn't even It was too much for my body for me with the amount of food I was eating Like it was like I had to lift weights for an hour and 15 minutes every day Like, it was like, I had to lift weights for an hour and 15 minutes every day.

Starting point is 00:27:45 That was it. Like, I had to do it and I had my routine and I had to exactly do that routine, never change it. Like, very OCD. And I was just, and then I was like obsessed with reading, reading bodybuilding.com and reading what the chalkboard mat was saying in my body green, I just became obsessed with consuming this information. And meanwhile, I just became obsessed with consuming this information. And meanwhile, I'm dropping a shit ton of weight. So I'm a small person.

Starting point is 00:28:10 I dropped four D-ish, 50 pounds in the span of about two, three months. Oh shit. Yeah, where do you walk around right now? Tell people so they understand. I'm like 120 right now. Holy smokes. That's a lot of weight.

Starting point is 00:28:23 I'm usually like my whole life. Well, this is so much. That's a lot of weight there. I'm usually like my whole life. Well, this is so much. Most of the third of your body weight. I was around 110 most of my life. When I got, when I had mono, I was at like 130 and then I slowly like was dropping it and then I got down to like 70 pounds. Oh my goodness.

Starting point is 00:28:41 There's Mysterio. You're one of my reasons. Hey, hey, you look good. You still handsome. Um, yeah, so I was like 70, 73, I think was my lowest, but obviously everybody around me was pretty concerned. I had severe body dysmorphia and like, I knew I was dropping weight, but I didn't, what I looked at, what I saw when I looked in the mirror was not what I looked like.

Starting point is 00:29:07 I look at backup pictures now and it kills me. What did you see? I just saw the same girl that I looked in high school. You thought you looked the same? Yeah, I just thought I looked the same. I was easy for me to see it in photos because I take pictures, and I would look and be like, I look so horrible. Like I hated the way I looked in pictures.

Starting point is 00:29:29 I hated it. And, but I just like wasn't really seeing it, and then I kind of started to see it, but I wasn't seeing how bad it was. I had a similar experience where I was at a friend's house, and we had done a workout, whatever, and it was hot, we had our shirts off, and I looked at a

Starting point is 00:29:45 mirror that was reflecting off of another mirror that had my reflection in it. So I saw myself from an angle that I don't normally see myself in and in a split for a split second, I didn't recognize that it was myself, which was the greatest gift I could ever be given because for a split second, I was object, I could objectively see myself and I had recognized that, wow, I have muscle. Whereas when I looked at myself in the mirror knowing I was looking at myself, I always look skinny. I always looked like I don't have any muscle. So for split second, it was like a moment of clarity. And you know, being able to look at pictures of yourself and stuff kind of provides that a little bit, right? It gives you

Starting point is 00:30:22 a little bit of objectiveism. Yeah, no, and I took a lot of pictures actually during that time, and I would just bleed them, and I get frustrated. And at the time, I was like, why do I look like shit in all these pictures when I don't look like this? In real life, that's what I thought. When reality, the picture was showing what I look like. I wasn't seeing it in the mirror. But I mean, I also was so insecure because I hated it,

Starting point is 00:30:44 because no clothes fit me. Everything was baggy on me. I didn't like the way I looked. I looked like I hated the way my arms looked. I was so insecure about my arms because they were too muscular for me. You know what, like in Chex Mix, those pretzels that look like this? No, I'm talking about it. That's how I felt like my arms looked and I was like, it looks horrible and that look like this. No, I'm talking about it. That's how I felt like my arm's hooked and I was like,

Starting point is 00:31:05 just, like, it looks horrible and I was like embarrassed. Like, and I couldn't, I just like couldn't wear any clothes or find any clothes. I was just wearing like baggy dresses, no pants, and I didn't want to like buy new clothes because I was like, well, I'm gonna gain more weight, but I couldn't gain more weight and I was hungry and I was eating a lot of food and I was confused

Starting point is 00:31:24 because I'm still not pooping and I'm eating like a whole chicken at every dinner. Like, at this point. You're eating the same, but the same low fat. That's the most important. Yeah, at this point I was eating a huge volume of food but like not that much fat, I mean compared to what I eat. No, not anything.

Starting point is 00:31:41 But I mean, I was eating like, pounds of meat with every meal and like, it wasn't leaving my body and I was losing weight and I was scared. Like I was like, so you're identifying that at this point, like, okay, I need a game weight. Yeah, yeah, and I'm freaking out. Because and I just felt like a piece of shit. I mean, just all of the things that come along with being that low weight,

Starting point is 00:32:03 I was phrasing like, besides the fact that I was just getting looked at, like I was a freak of nature. I mean, I was freezing all the time, my hair is falling out. I can feel, I can't even sleep because I can feel my knees knocking against each other. Like, I didn't like when people touched me. I didn't want to hug anybody because I was literally scared they were going to squeeze me too hard. I didn't like when people touched me, I didn't want to hug anybody because I was literally scared they were going to like squeeze me too hard. I mean, I felt it, right? But I was so worried about my digestion and at this whole point, I'm still convinced. I'm like, this is rooted in my digestion. And like the candida left, but

Starting point is 00:32:36 by this point, I had become really orthorexic and was really afraid of carbohydrates. Because eliminating them was the only thing that made my stomach feel better. Yeah, so I'm like, I was like, I thought if I just start, if I start eating carbs again, I was gonna get Candida back. God, what a lesson in what works for your body now is not what's always gonna work for your body. I mean, you did what you had to do to get rid of Candida, but you had clung to it to where now it's no longer serving

Starting point is 00:33:03 or now it's going against you. Are you going, are you going to school for nutrition at this time? Or are you this before? I'm just going to steal it. Okay, so this is before. Yeah, so you didn't know where you're studying before that. Yeah, I studied psychology and film. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:16 Yeah. So you didn't know at this point you weren't thinking, I'm going to get into this field of health and nutrition. You're just focused on yourself with that. Yeah, I was very just trying to fucking stay alive at this point. Now, when did you start putting together that I need more fat in my diet

Starting point is 00:33:30 and I'm working out too much and all that? Well, I knew that the exercise was, like, I mean, it was controlling me. Like, it was just this mental thing. Like, every day, like, my, like, I wouldn't hear all my friends because I'm like, that's when I'm going to the gym. You know, it was just like controlling me. Like, let alone that I was, I wouldn't hear all my friends because I'm like, that's when I'm going to the gym. You know, it was just like controlling me.

Starting point is 00:33:46 Like let alone that I was, I shouldn't have been working out when I'm not eating enough, like when my body, when I'm so thin, like just mentally, I knew it was controlling me, but I couldn't, I couldn't let go of it. How did you break it? Before we're getting there. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:34:00 Give me a minute, give me a minute. Let me just just explain it. I don't know what happened. I'm seeing a shit ton of doctors because I'm just really scared. I'm seeing GIs, I'm seeing endocrinologists, rheumatologists, all these people. Everybody just telling me you're anorexic

Starting point is 00:34:15 and I'm like, I'm not anorexic though. And this was the issue. Is everybody in my, like nobody believed me. I love. Nobody believed me. Like my roommates believed me because they lived with me and they saw what I was eating. And that's what was also scary.

Starting point is 00:34:28 And like, you know, my sister and my cousin came down one weekend and I know it was just to like, they just wanted to make sure I was eating. But they were just saying, we're gonna help you. And like, you know, it was hard because everybody around me was just looking at me like. It's just that look. It's like in their Heather thinking, I know you're in Rxic, but nobody wants to say anything.

Starting point is 00:34:51 And I'm the kind of person, I'm very direct. Nothing pisses me off more than that. You don't want to elephant in the room. You don't want to bring it up there. Nothing makes me more upset than somebody who beats around the bush. Just fucking say what you're going to say. I just get to the point, right?

Starting point is 00:35:04 And so when you're trying to small talk with me, and I'm sitting here, and I'm like, I'm dying right now. Can we talk about it? Let's talk about the fact that you're looking at me and you think I'm anorexic. It just asks me. Just fucking ask.

Starting point is 00:35:18 Help me trouble to this. Yeah, and nobody would talk about it. When I would try and bring it up, they'd avoid it. That's funny. Nobody would talk about it when I would try and bring it up. They'd avoid it, you know, and like But I know like by the end of that weekend that they came down there like yeah, you know We came down just to make sure eating but at this point we're like scared because we're seeing how much food do we like Like that's scary like you're eating that's much food. You're still dropping away. I'm like, yeah, no shit like and so meanwhile I'm freaking out because everybody thinks I'm an arctic.

Starting point is 00:35:46 At this point, I mean, I was in therapy and they are telling me that I need to go to treatment center. I'm like, are you fucking kidding? I'm like, I go to a treatment center for something I don't have. I will then become an arctic. And my gut issues will not be addressed. I will not get the help I need. And then I will literally die because at this point, I'm realizing I have malabsorption.

Starting point is 00:36:09 Okay. Like I have severe malabsorption issues. Like, either that or there's a fucking hole in my intestines because I don't know where the health things are going. And I was so pissed because nobody's believing me, right? Like, you know, I get an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done. Nothing shows up. Like I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, run was like my job. Like literally I was doing all these weird ass tests And like getting blood work done pretty much every other day. You know, and I'm like I'm struggling here

Starting point is 00:36:50 I'm still full-time student and I I'm like I was always a straight-ass student. I'm never on A-minus in my life I work my ass off with everything I do right and like I don't have a car like I'm like I'm in the middle of no I have nobody who believes me, right? And every doctor I go to is just like, you're anorexic, you just need to eat some food. I'm like, oh my god, you guys are crazy. And so I walk in there and I'm doing all this research for myself by myself. And I bring all my lab work and all my tests. And I bring in all my piles of research and studies I've read. And do you think I have this can you test me for that I want you to run this test on me and

Starting point is 00:37:27 Doctors get intimidated like they don't like it or like I'm like I've you thought of this and I'll see their face and you can tell they're like I didn't think of that That's probably good idea. Yeah, yeah, you can tell it's like they're like oh, you know, and they're like no you don't have that I'm like No, but I might you just don't want to admit that I just came up with a better idea than you You know, like you go, and they're like, no, you don't have that. I'm like, no, but I might. You just don't want to admit that I just came up with a better idea than you. You know, like, yeah, pretty much. Like, so there was just a lot of that going on and it was hard for me at the time. I mean, looking back, I'm just bitter about it

Starting point is 00:37:58 because, you know, at the time, I want to believe that these doctors are the experts. Like, they're supposed to help me. But I went in there every time and I felt like, why do I know more than you? Why are you a GI and you don't know what SIBO is? Like, are you kidding? Like, you don't shit like that.

Starting point is 00:38:14 Like, I was just so frustrated. And so, and I'm freaking out now because it's getting, like, they made me interview to go to a treatment center. They were gonna send me to Arizona for anorexia. And I'm freaking out, cause I'm like, give me a good GI. Like I'm eating food.

Starting point is 00:38:32 You know, I had to bring people with me to appointments to vouch for me that I was eating. Like that wasn't an issue. I was afraid to eat food. And. Kinda frustrating that had to be. I've been so frustrated. Yeah, and what was hard is like even the people,

Starting point is 00:38:47 even the people who were vouching for me just still didn't understand it. I mean, I didn't understand it. And so I could tell it's kind of like, I mean, I know my parents are, my parents didn't know what to think of me. And it caused a lot of problems in my relationships with pretty much everybody.

Starting point is 00:39:03 Like, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. of problems in my relationships with pretty much everybody. Right, I bet a lot of people thought you were lying and probably throwing up behind closed doors and bullshitting them and stuff like that because no one had answers. Doctors were telling you it's anorexia. I'm sure they're all believing the professionals too, so what a toll it probably took on your family and your friends and everybody else too with you. Yeah, I lost almost every relationship in my life. Wow. Yeah, I lost almost every relationship in my life.

Starting point is 00:39:25 Wow. And so I felt very isolated. Like the only person, the main person that I felt like was there for me was my therapist. And like at this point, my nutritionist, because I found a nutritionist, it took me a long time to find a nutritionist who listened to me and believed me and clicked with me. And she was amazing. But she was the one who sat me down and she was like, you have to understand that there's

Starting point is 00:40:01 so much stress on your heart. She's like, if you don't stop working out, like you could have a heart attack. And like, you could die. And like when she just like looked at me and said that, I was like, holy shit. No one's like sat me down and told me like, you can die?

Starting point is 00:40:17 Like no one said that to me, you know? And like, that kicked me in the ass. And I went home and I cried. And it called the few friends I had left. And I tried to like argue my way out of that. I was like, she told me I can't work out anymore, but like working out is my only stress reliever. It's the only that makes me happy.

Starting point is 00:40:34 And I tried to like give, and my friends were all like, I think you should listen to her, you know? Like, and then after that I was like, okay. And I stopped and it was really hard. And at first it turned into like, let me see how many calf raises I can do while I'm brushing my teeth. Like, you know, like, yeah, like trying to cheat it. And it took some time, but like that's where my therapist helped me.

Starting point is 00:41:01 And I gave up. And I think that that was the most important thing for me to do and I realized, I mean, I stopped working out completely and guess what, I didn't get fat. Well, the issue was, I mean, I stopped working out and I ate even more food and, I mean, at this point, I'm eating probably like 7,000 calories a day. What? And I'm dropping weight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, That would have just been on my fucking me. Well, you know, kind of knowing your personality where you're like, I'm gonna determine to do something.

Starting point is 00:41:49 I could see that. What, like that I was eating that much? I could see that you're like, I'm gonna reverse this, so I'm gonna push. Well, it wasn't even, like, yeah, but I also was fucking hungry. I was so hungry. I mean, when you're 70 pounds and you've been like training. Yeah, your body's obviously, you're not absorbing everything.

Starting point is 00:42:08 You're not getting all the nutrients. So it's still starving. Yeah, and I'm like, so I was starving and it wasn't absorbing it. And so this was one, and this is one I'm like really freaking the fuck out. Like, something's going on. Big time. I'm laying in bed all day. Like I'm doing nothing.

Starting point is 00:42:21 Like, and I'm dropping weight. Like, because I dropped to like, and at this point, every pound is mattering. I also got sent to this psychiatrist who basically was like, your anorexic amuletion line, and it's unethical for any doctor to treat you. I got cut off from every other doctor. I got cut off from my therapist, from my GI, my endocrinologist. I got cut off from everybody and they weren't allowed to communicate with me or treat me until I passed these tests that would determine, like, if my test were at a certain

Starting point is 00:42:52 level, I had to be sent to this treatment center in Arizona. And I was like, oh my fucking God. And so that was horrible. So how did you, okay, we'll keep going, because I'm really perplexed on that I know I can't just drop the cliff hangers like five minutes you dropped the five to seven K calorie at the like fucking and a half hour and I want to know what happened I mean I can't I if you came to me when I was in my early 20s and you said I was the same thing too I'm like this this bitch is lying. Yeah she's fucking going behind she She's running around the corner, sticking her finger down

Starting point is 00:43:26 her throat and throwing it. There's no way she's consuming five to 7,000 calories a day and she's 75 pounds. I wouldn't believe it. Well, it's hard for me. I mean, the whole thing's hard for me because I still don't fully understand it. And I mean, we'll get into this,

Starting point is 00:43:38 but I'm dealing with now. It's like, I still have things now, but like, I mean, during, it's hard for me also to tell the story because you have to understand when you're that thin, like, I mean, I couldn't think. Like, my cognitive function was gone. Like, people don't talk about that enough. Like, I felt stupid.

Starting point is 00:43:58 Like, I would forget what I said the sentence before. People would ask me a question and I was like, what did you just say? And that was a huge blow to my self confidence because my identifier, my whole life, was I was a smart one, and I lost that too. So at this point, I'm like, I fucking have nothing. I have no friends.

Starting point is 00:44:16 I cannot, like my body is withering away. Like I didn't know, you know, like my family, I felt very abandoned by my family. I just, I didn't know what you know, like my family, I felt very abandoned by my family. I just, I didn't know what the fuck to do. And at this point, I'm like, I feel like I'm gonna die. Like I literally thought I was gonna die. So I took a quarter off school, which was a huge deal for me.

Starting point is 00:44:39 Like to me, that was like failure. Like that was failure. And I was so embarrassed and I didn't do that by choice. Like thankfully I passed the heart test. So my heart rate was high enough so I could see my therapist again. And the thing was that she, she told me she's like, you know,

Starting point is 00:45:00 I feel horrible because I was just kind of not saying anything but I should have stopped them because she knew that I wasn't Interac. But she was like, but she told me she was like, you know, for a long time, I couldn't tell you that she was like, I want to believe you, but like I was also like, I didn't get it. So I thought maybe you were still lying. Like, like nobody believed me. Or maybe lying to yourself so much. Yeah. Yeah. That's what would be going through my head. Yeah, I mean, she's so convinced, but she doesn't even know. Yeah. And I mean, thankfully, that I mean, that's a nice thing though about like having roommates, you know, like I mean,

Starting point is 00:45:34 like, I college, it's like, I mean, there's no way I was going to be hiding that for my roommate. So that was like my one saving grace, like my roommate, like, who's like my best friend, like, I mean, she knew, and I was okay, I'm not psychotic. And at this point, I's like my best friend, like, I mean, she knew. And I was okay, I'm not psychotic. And at this point, I realized, like, I had to hand over a lot of the decisions to other people because I knew I was like, I'm not in a state of mind to be making these decisions, which is why the school thing for me, I was like, I told my therapist I was like, you

Starting point is 00:45:57 just need to decide for me because like, I can't make smart decisions right now. Um, because I couldn't trust myself, but I also knew I wasn't like smart decisions right now. Cause I couldn't trust myself, but I also knew I wasn't like, lie. But I knew that, like I couldn't trust myself in terms of like, I mean, you know that I hustle. You know, and so I was like, doing school is not gonna stress me out more. I, you know, you can trust that.

Starting point is 00:46:19 Yeah, and also this whole issue of like not, still not understanding the effects of stress on health, which is, you know, nobody wants to admit that, but it's like, you can't heal when you're stressed out. No, it's part of health. Yeah, like, right, but I didn't want, I was like, what's the difference between me laying on my bed, doing homework, and me just laying on my bed, doing nothing? Like besides me getting a quarter behind in my life, because at this point I'm desperate

Starting point is 00:46:41 to get the fuck out of UCLA. He did, I hated school. Like, and it was just this huge fight and whatever. They told me, you can't go back to school. I tried to wiggle my way out of it, walk to the center, tried to, I literally was like gonna pay full tuition to take a two-unit class because I just would not give up the idea of going to school. I didn't, I didn't like, I was so worried about how people would judge me.

Starting point is 00:47:07 Like for taking a quarter off school, it's just so stupid. I look back on my shit. I should have taken a year off. I should have quit. Well, looking back, I should have dropped out, like honestly. Well, you already said it. You identified with that.

Starting point is 00:47:18 You're the smart girl. You got the grades to get into a school like UCLA, you're kicking ass while you're there. I mean, that's your greatest strength. Right, your greatest week. Right, you identify with that. So I could totally understand why that would be a struggle to let it go, you know?

Starting point is 00:47:31 Yeah, so I took the quarter off, ended up being like the best thing ever, right? But slowly started, I mean, I was like, okay, if I told myself, I'm taking this quarter off, I'm gonna figure this shit out by the end of this quarter because I'm going back to school and winter. So literally eight to five every day at doctors for 10 weeks.

Starting point is 00:47:55 This is what I'm doing. Getting all these random tests run. Finally, I mean, my GI, so much fighting with him, whatever. But he wouldn't listen to me. I was telling him for weeks that I had SIBO. It was a big fight. Then I finally convinced him to let me take a test and then it came back negative.

Starting point is 00:48:15 It was a huge ordeal and it came back negative and I was pissed because I'm like, I know I have it. And then I start arguing about the accuracy, the validity of these tests. He's like, no, blah, blah, blah. He's like, you know, see, blah, we don't even know if it's real. I don't like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm dealing with this. It was this huge thing, but he gave me the antibiotics.

Starting point is 00:48:34 I was like, just give me the fucking antibiotics. Gives me them, I take them, and something happened. Like, didn't fix me, but at least, like, I pooped. Like, and I was like, okay, that did something. Like, something's going on. I was like, I want another round because I know a lot of people need two rounds. And at this point, he had gotten so,

Starting point is 00:48:53 basically all of my doctors hated me because I'm that girl who's calling every day. Like, are my test results in? Like, I want to get tested for this. You wore them down. Everybody hated me. Yeah, like, let alone the fact that when I'm in the room, I'm questioning them and asking too many questions.

Starting point is 00:49:06 Well, God, it feels like life or death for you at this point. I mean, I can't imagine your size. So that's like relative to me eating 10 to 12,000 calories every day. And if I saw myself dwindle down, I would fucking freak out. I'd be like, I have cancer. And then I'm going to see doctors and they're all telling me I have anorexia.

Starting point is 00:49:24 And I'm like, no mother fucker, I'm eating 10. I would be I would be scared of death Yeah, I was like where is it going? I literally thought there's a hole in my intestine Like I was so pissed when the colonoscopy nothing came back. I was kind of like And the colonoscopy didn't even work because I like they made me drink that stuff and nothing happened Oh, oh you have to just post like, it's like liquid drain. Yeah, and you know, you should be pooping right away. Oh, my parents were like, my mom would literally, my parents would come down and cook enough food

Starting point is 00:49:53 for like three small villages, and they'd like freeze it for me so I'd have it for the week. And like, they would see what I was eating. And like, my dad, I would hear my parents talk about me. He's like, how is she eating so much food? I don't get where it's going. And they would argue about it. And I'm like, I don't know either.

Starting point is 00:50:09 And then nobody knew what to do with me. And I was still getting blamed. I get sad. My dad sat me down. And he just starts crying. And he's like, you need to gain weight. And I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? I'm like, are you kidding?

Starting point is 00:50:27 I'm like, you're the one who just cooked me five pounds to stay. And I just hate him for doing that. I'm just going down. Yeah. And he starts crying, he's like, I know. But you need to gain weight. And I'm like, oh my fucking god.

Starting point is 00:50:37 I'm like, I don't know what else to do. You think you're freaking out? How do you think it feels to be me right now? When I'm eating more calories and now I dropped down to 73 pounds and I was 74 last week, it doesn't make sense. Like, I was doing everything I could to fight for myself when no one else was.

Starting point is 00:50:55 Like, no one else was. And like, God, I'm so pissed. Like, anyways, so my GI basically just ghosted me when I was like, I want round two of antibiotics. Just ignored you. He just fucking ghosted me, so hard. Like, they wouldn't answer my calls. One time I, like they picked up and she fucking hang up,

Starting point is 00:51:19 she hung up on me. I recognize that voice. Like, they hated me. I'm so me as I'm sorry I was in wing, but I'm also like, if I'm not in wing right now, I will die soon. Right, right. Like God, it was disaster. Anyways, at this point, I was like back to my food,

Starting point is 00:51:40 back to my research. The only people that were still in my corner were my nutritionist and me, therapist. And so I finally convinced my nutritionist, I brought her all this stuff on AIP. And like, you know, Crohn's disease and colitis and the effects of grains and gluten. And she finally let me go paleo,

Starting point is 00:52:00 which is like what I wanted to do. Because at this point, okay, so after my carb fear, sorry, rewind, I forget. So after the orthorexia carb fear, I mean, I had to just start eating carbs, but the problem was I had really severe reactions, so I would faint to every time I ate a carbohydrate, I would literally, I remember eating a fucking cube

Starting point is 00:52:20 of butternut squash, and I passed out. And I was like, what the hell, so obviously this made me even more afraid of it, right? I'm like, I'm passing out my mini car. My body doesn't want it. But it was basically just like my body. I didn't know how to metabolize. It didn't know what to do with it, right?

Starting point is 00:52:38 So I had to slowly build it up. It took a long time. And then they were like, you need to eat quinoa and greens and rice and like, gooms and lentils and I fucking hated it. And I was like, oh god, and I felt like shit. But I was like, okay, I'll do this because I got to recover. Like at this point, I had realized like, I need to do what like food is a prescription. Like, I don't care if I like it or if I don't. This is what I'm eating. Yeah, I'm just gonna do it because I don't wanna die.

Starting point is 00:53:05 Like I don't wanna die. Like sorry, work too hard. No, at this point. Like, so I'm eating this stuff and I finally can convince my nutritionists and like just let me, I'm like, I'm still eating carbs. I'm just not gonna eat the grains.

Starting point is 00:53:18 I'm not gonna eat the legumes. Like just let me try it. And she finally was like, okay. And about a week or two of that, I put on some weight. And I was like, fuck yeah. Like, so that was kind of what triggered me to, like, that's what started healing my gut at the end of the day, getting rid of those foods that were obviously hurting me. And then very very slowly I was putting on more weight. Did you ever figure out why you had an inability to gain?

Starting point is 00:53:49 No, I mean at this point, it's like a severe malabsorption thing, although at this point, I mean, I'm convinced that this, I'm waiting on test results right now that I got a parasite when I had that frow yo and that kind of stuck with me the whole way. But I put on, I put on weight and that's basically what allowed me to put on weight and I got to a weight where I was like,

Starting point is 00:54:15 I was fine, like it was a normal person but like I still, I was like, I could still use another 10, 15, 20 pounds. And I reached kind of a plateau and then I found a functional medicine doctor in LA through my boss at the time. I mean, during this time, I had been doing so much moon research

Starting point is 00:54:34 and this is when I got really into blogs and. Were you sharing this story, this whole process, or was it after the fact? It was more after the fact because my blog started off as like a beauty blog. Like I like I didn't this was had nothing to do with it. Like and then I realized like I know all this information. I should I should start putting it out there and I kind of started to but I was also embarrassed

Starting point is 00:54:58 to at first. Right. Yeah. It was a slow thing but I started working. I was really passionate. I was more so passionate about the eating disorder side of things Um, so I talked more about like my orthorexia my exorcism addiction like um gaining weight um

Starting point is 00:55:14 And that's how I found my boss Jordan who uh wrote the book breaking vegan and she was like a big face in the ortho the like talking about orthorexia and eating disorder community. And so I went, um, met her, I became her intern and she was really great in hooked me up with her functional medicine doctor. And this was the first time I had an experience with a functional medicine doctor and somebody who practiced integrative medicine

Starting point is 00:55:39 and took a holistic approach and didn't look, I mean, like I was a psycho. Like he was, I told him my whole story and he was like, yeah, that makes total sense. He's like, I totally think you have Sebo. I totally think they should be eating paleo. Um, you're not crazy. Like you're doing everything right. And he was the first person who was receptive to my ideas and find he feel like valedict. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I, I was, you know, I wanted him to tell everybody in my life. Like, she's not crazy, you know, and he wasn't threatened by when I asked questions. He just answered them.

Starting point is 00:56:10 He's like, oh yeah, good idea. I'll look into that, you know, like something, you know, and I was like, thank God, like it was a collaboration, not just somebody sitting there trying to tell me what to do and tell me I was in our second line. Well, now you're gaining weight still at this point, because now you're looking at you, you look like a healthy young lady. Yeah, so I had, I mean, I was like, I was like, I was like at a fine weight,

Starting point is 00:56:30 but I had reached kind of like a plateau. Like I wanted another like 10, 15 pounds. Like I was like a hundred and five. And I looked fine, but like I just wanted more. Like, and at this point, I'm like, I know, I'm like, my hormones are fucked. Like, I need want more. And at this point, I'm like, I know, my hormones are fucked. Like, I need more weight. Like, you know, like, and at this point,

Starting point is 00:56:49 I was also on the pill. And I was so scared of what my period would actually be like, is it there? You know, I never lost my period that whole time because I was on the pill, right? Like when you're 70 pounds, you probably wouldn't have your period, but you know those nice, fake hormones, but whatever. So he tested, he gave me just so many tests. And I retested for Cibo as positive. I found out I

Starting point is 00:57:20 had a bunch of other bacterial overgrowth. So we treated those, you know, did, you know, different healing diets, herbals, antibiotics, blah, blah, blah, did the whole thing and after that I felt better than ever. I was finally pooping. I was like, fuck you. Like, like, it was crazy. My bloating went away.

Starting point is 00:57:36 Um, I felt really good for a while. And then a few months later, some of my symptoms started to come back and it's never been like how it used to be, but I was like not like my balls were off. I was getting bloated more. And I was like, I won't perfection at this point. Well, you're free.

Starting point is 00:57:55 You're free to go and back. Yeah, yeah. So then I started doing more tests and things and found that I had Candida again. And a few more bacterial overgrowth. And sort of since then, well, this is the issue now, I was like, I've had this mysterious case of Candida for almost a year now.

Starting point is 00:58:13 It's not going away, and so they're trying to figure out what's going on, and so I'm trying to get to the deeper root of things, and so right now I'm waiting on my parasite test results. I see what that's. Yeah, because I found out, I mean, I had been, I have asked, I've taken so many parasite tests before. Obviously, that's like one of the first things I've always asked, but I'm just

Starting point is 00:58:33 finding out now that the test, the test I've always been given aren't the most comprehensive. They're hard to catch. They're hard. They're hard. And I've only ever taken a, like, a one day stool test for that. Like, and you can't do one day, right? So I feel like this is the first legit test, but my, but honestly, if it comes back negative, I'm putting myself in a car.

Starting point is 00:58:52 It's not like protocol, I don't even give a shit. It's not like you were in a different part of the country, too, that you can identify. Well, oh, I forgot this. Oh, there's more. Oh, 7,000 calories I was eating by the way. I was in Thailand. So part of like, I went to Spain for two weeks,

Starting point is 00:59:10 that quarter I took off school. Damn, you know what, you just had like the fucking perfect storm. It's like you got everything. You got everything that you got struck by zoosh. I thought there was a parasite in that frowel for sure. Like honestly, that thing triggered, like that was bizarre.

Starting point is 00:59:29 Like I don't know anybody, that was weird. But I ended up going to Spain. That was my reward for hitting 95 pounds. Woohoo, it gets a good spin. Yeah, so I went to Spain and I visited my friend who was studying abroad. And that was, you're gonna love this. That was the one we can my life.

Starting point is 00:59:47 My digestion was fucking perfect. Wow. Or in Spain. Yeah. That's right. Things food industry. Right. Like, you know, it was crazy to me,

Starting point is 00:59:58 but there was one day, like everything was great. And it was like, second to last day I was there. And it was like the most American meal, we went to a smoothie shop, and I got like a such an LA smoothie, like it was the most inauthentic thing, right? The rest of the week I've been just eating, like, pork and vegetables and lamb, right?

Starting point is 01:00:17 And I get this smoothie and I come home and I was just, I mean, I got sick, like for like a solid day and a half I was not. It's probably a combination of like Sal, kind of quietly said was the, you're on vacation, it's a reward thing. So you're probably in a happy place, vacationing, your stress levels are probably lower

Starting point is 01:00:34 plus you're eating these whole natural foods. It was probably a combination. It is so hard to identify, and this is again, part of the problem, is we try to separate the psychosomatic from the physical, from the whatever, we try to separate everything out and say, what is causing the problem when it's all the same. It all does, look, I tell you, I had a client who had a physical injury that caused such trauma to them because it prevented them from doing the things that they loved, it prevented them from working, that after they got healed, after the surgery was done,

Starting point is 01:01:10 after they did the rehab and the function is good, they still felt pain. They had a painful error. And the pain caused them to move a particular way, which then caused the physical part to happen as well. Yeah. And it took real work on the, you know, am I attached to this pain? Am I afraid of it because of what it did to me? And when this person connected the dots, it just vanished. It's very difficult to separate all stuff. It's all the same.

Starting point is 01:01:38 I mean, I forgot the name of the disease. But I mean, there's a disease that's literally like, you know, people will feel like crazy pain in their legs all the time. They can't walk. It's like, like, people will be paralyzed when it's like in their heads. Mm-hmm. And you know, and doctors will... It's this whole debate.

Starting point is 01:01:56 And then people like, well, it's not real. And like, well, that's still real. I mean, I think, I don't care if it's like, if it's happening and you're feeling this, it's real. You know what? One of the number one off the label prescriptions for antidepressant drugs is for? Pain that cannot be found with MRIs or X-rays or whatever.

Starting point is 01:02:13 So people go to the doctor with back pain, nothing's wrong with you. They can't figure out what's going on. Sometimes they'll give them an antidepressant, the pain will go away. Yeah, because they know it'll just make you feel better. It'll make you feel better. And I'm not advocating for the use of SSRIs for pain,

Starting point is 01:02:27 but that just highlights that, there, number one, it doesn't matter. If you feel it, you feel it. That really doesn't matter. It's still, yeah, it's still real. It still exists. It just might be mentally... Well, and that goes back to what I was doing

Starting point is 01:02:38 with my GI. I'm like, there's something wrong with my gut. Like, and you're telling me, well, the colonoscopy is clear and the colonoscopy is clear. You don't have celiac disease because the blood test says no, which not even I get into that. But I'm like, I don't care what these tests say.

Starting point is 01:02:54 Like, there's something wrong. This is something's happening. Yeah, and even the SIBO thing, like, you know, he's like, you don't have SIBO tested negative. And I'm like, there's something there. Like frick it, like fix that. After you went through and you shared this story

Starting point is 01:03:09 on your podcast, right? Yeah. How many girls reached out to you that shared a similar story or was it? Oh, so many. And that's what scares me. It's like my story. You know, when I put out my story,

Starting point is 01:03:21 people are like, you have such an incredible story. I'm like, my story is not that unique. People just aren't talking about it. Even if you don't relate to every single thing that happens, there's something in there that every woman has dealt with. Well, that's what I believe everybody has dealt with something that you just went through all of it

Starting point is 01:03:42 and an extreme level of all of it. Well, yeah, I want to say something, it's like you have something mysterious, something's wrong with me. I can't figure out what's going on. And either I... It's just a domino. Accept it and like this is just the way it's going to be now. You know, that's chronic pain, chronic illness.

Starting point is 01:03:57 You know, in modern societies, we don't really have issues with acute illness anymore. I mean, we still do, but not nearly like the problems we have with chronic illness, where we have no solution. Now, looking back at all this, I mean, it's what you went through, it was incredibly challenging. As you're telling me, I'm feeling what you're feeling as you're telling the story.

Starting point is 01:04:19 And I can't imagine having gone through that at your age by myself living on my own. Right. But do you ever look back, I don't know if I said this on the podcast or when we had the technical difficulty, but I wanna say it again, like, do you ever look back and think to yourself, this was a total gift because without all of this shit

Starting point is 01:04:36 that I've gone through, without all of these challenges, I wouldn't have the knowledge that I have. I wouldn't have the passion that I have for helping people. I wouldn't have been shown or given the gift of knowing what my destiny is of the direction I need to go. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like blessed that it happened.

Starting point is 01:04:53 Because I mean, part of why I was so depressed and lost before was like, I didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do. And like, nothing sounded good to me. I felt like I was just trying to like, like there's this pressure on people in college and even in high school. Like, what are you gonna do with your life? You know,. I felt like I was just trying to like, there's this pressure on people in college and even in high school, like, what are you going to do with your life? You know, and I was like, nothing sounds good. And I came out of this experience and I'm like,

Starting point is 01:05:12 this is what I'm doing. Like, this is what I'm passionate about. And like, you know, you ask, you know, people don't, like, I don't get how you do everything you do. I'm like, I love everything I do. Like, I am doing what I wanna do forever right now, and I'm 22 in my college, and I'm doing it already. So yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do the hell out of it. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna waste time.

Starting point is 01:05:34 I'm not gonna waste time. There's no time for me. God, this is exactly what we identified when we met you. This is exactly what we felt because you can tell when you meet someone, I mean, I know I can, I've hired lots of people that are worth for me and very few people have I ever met or I feel like I can feel the purpose.

Starting point is 01:05:54 I've met a lot of good people, I've worked with a lot of good people, people who worked hard, people who were successful, but it's rare when you meet someone, you talk with them, you hand with them, and you leave and you go, that person has purpose. That's great.

Starting point is 01:06:06 That's greater than themselves, greater than money, greater than, I mean, when we sat down with you and we started talking business before the podcast came on, we're asking all these questions about, because you got your two podcasts, your blog, you've got all these people following you,

Starting point is 01:06:20 we're asking like, is this how you earn your money, is this how you, and you're like, well, no, and that's not shocking, because you're like, well, no. And that's not shocking, because you're doing it because of, yeah, it's your purpose. Yeah, and I think that's another sad thing as I think too many people now. Even people who know what their purpose is,

Starting point is 01:06:38 they won't go after it, they won't do it. And I get so pushed back, so much pushed back now, one more person asks me, when are you gonna get a real job? Well, you know what, my job is real. You know, just because you're too scared to leave your nine to five and do something that you actually like, doesn't mean I have to do that.

Starting point is 01:06:57 Like I would rather hustle hard and do what I love than sit there and hate my life and just follow the status quo and like nothing great ever happened from somebody who just did what everybody else is doing. Right, yep. You're not gonna get anywhere, just doing the same shit that everybody else is doing. I think it was a gift what you went through

Starting point is 01:07:16 because for you to know that at your age is rare. Oh yeah, forced to and forced you into a level of awareness that the average 20-year-old won't even experience. You basically did it probably 30. Yeah, you did 30 years of life school, right in life two years. Hyper educated. I think also it really helped me in terms of relationships in my life. Like I do not tolerate bullshit. Like I would rather have no friends than like friends who are fake friends And there are so many people I saw during that experience who was there for me and who who bounced. And the people who bounced, it's like, I don't have time for you. Like, you know, I don't. And at this point, all of my, my close friends

Starting point is 01:07:56 now, we connect on such a deeper level because we have similar experiences, like any aspect of that story that we connect on versus I realized pretty much every friendship I had before that was just based on circumstance. You know, people I lived near, I went to school with. You know. Just comfortable. Yeah. Especially in college people are,

Starting point is 01:08:19 so many people are just, you're just friends because you're going to parties together. Because you're in the same dorm. Proximity, yeah. Yeah, you know, and like people get so confused when they graduate and they're like, I don't know friends anymore. I'm like, that's because they weren't real friends. The only thing you guys talked about was who hooked up with Johnny last night?

Starting point is 01:08:35 Like you don't, you don't connect on anything real or anything deep. You know, like, so it's, you think that's more common now than before. Is that just, is that a norm for all college students? Do you think we're becoming more disconnected with our relationships? Do you think that's more common now than before is that just is that a norm for all college students Do you think we're becoming more disconnected with our relationships? Do you think so? Absolutely. Yeah, I think people are just I mean people don't sit there and talk to each other I get so irritated whenever I try and hang out with my friends and they're just on their phone I'm like I'm literally physically and I get pissed because I'm like you have no excuse I live so much of my life on the internet and like when I'm hanging, I'm literally physically, and I get pissed because I'm like, you have no excuse. I live so much of my life on the internet

Starting point is 01:09:07 and like when I'm hanging out with somebody, like if I'm having lunch with you and I haven't seen you in six months, my phone is not, I'm not on my phone. Like it's a way, like I'm trying to talk to you. So, and you, you don't even have, you don't have an Instagram with people following, you know what kids would you do?

Starting point is 01:09:22 Like, you better, you better, you better, you better, you better, you're doing. You better... I'm gonna try and get hold of you. You better put that shit away. Focus on me. Like I feel like disrespected and I people, when people hang out, they're just all their phones, all they're talking about is who's getting the alcohol and when we going out tomorrow and I'm just like, all right.

Starting point is 01:09:39 So are all your friends as old as we are then? No, they're younger. No, okay, I have like three or four close friends who are my age, but they've all gone through things like me, you know? And most of my friends are like late 20s, I would say, early 30s. My issue is all my friends are married. So whenever anyone hang out with, because it was when I hang out, they're husband. Yeah, lame.

Starting point is 01:10:03 Those lame husbands. Yeah. Very people. So who are you talking to on your podcast? Like, who are you trying to reach out to? What's your, who's your message for? Like me three years ago. I mean, really like this younger generation of women,

Starting point is 01:10:23 like you're 16 to 30 and you're getting these messages. And you're dealing with these things and you're told to go liar or you're almost pushed into an eating disorder. I think so many of us are just almost forced into it with what we see on media. And also just kind of growing up with my job, it's like, I think a lot of women would almost be ashamed to kind of do whatever they want and not give a shit

Starting point is 01:10:52 about people and I'm very polarizing. Like there are a lot of people who really hate me. Yeah, because I really speak my mind and I'm really blunt and I mean, You're doing something real. Appreciate you later though. Yeah, I mean, I'm like and I'm really blunt. And I mean, You're doing something real. I appreciate you later though. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, I'm trying to teach you a lesson. You know, but it's like,

Starting point is 01:11:10 People don't want to accept the right order. Yeah, you know, but it's like the same trait that people hate me for, other people love me for. And I'm like, yeah, don't be afraid to like say what you want. Like, I think that's a woman so many of us are taught, like, that's not okay. Like, so many times in my life, I've said the same thing that I know if a man said it, no one would think twice.

Starting point is 01:11:30 If I say it, I'm a bitch. If I say it, I've gone too far. If he says it, hell yeah. I just want to empower a woman. So I experienced that relatively recently. So my daughter is, she's eight, and she loves her friends and they play together, but she can also, she's also a little bit of a leader. And she can be quite assertive, right? Yeah, imagine that.

Starting point is 01:11:58 And I heard somebody refer to her as bossy. This is a tone. Oh yeah, that's a term. That's a term you'll never hear. You'll never hear a little boy be called bossy. This is a tone. Oh yeah, that's a term. That's a term, you'll never hear. You'll never hear a little boy be called bossy. You'll hear a little boy be called assertive, but not bossy. And I heard it for the first time, and I smiled,

Starting point is 01:12:14 and I thought to myself, I'm doing something. Yeah, she's gonna be fine. And that's it, and what you're saying is absolutely true. There's definitely thing, and there's things on the other side too for boys too. Like, you know, if you're a guy, you can't cry. Or you can't, right? You can't talk about your emotion.

Starting point is 01:12:30 I was at a party, I was at a party with my girlfriend the other day and I am, like, I love kids. Love kids, especially babies. I can't help it. I love baby. I see a baby, then I'm gonna figure out a way to hold. I'm gonna figure out a way to hold that baby. Here I come. I'm the guy at the party. You out a way to hold. I'm gonna figure out a way to hold that baby. Here I come.

Starting point is 01:12:45 I'm the guy at the party. You're a creep. Exactly. You're at the park. Let me just give it a baby. Exactly. So I'm at these parties and I'm like, I'm trying to figure out a way to make people feel comfortable

Starting point is 01:12:56 so I can hold your baby throughout the party. And it's funny because I have this conversation with people and I said, you know, because everybody's like, because I'm a guy, right? So everybody's like, oh my God, he loves kids. This is so wonderful. He's so, and I'm like, you only say that because I'm a guy. And I said, this is actually, you know, it's in public.

Starting point is 01:13:12 If I see a baby and I want to comment on how cute someone's baby is or say something, you're weirdo. I gotta be careful, because I'm a man. I'm gonna think I'm some guy, no. Fucking weirdo. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So I've another woman came over and did that. I remember apologizing for like swatting,

Starting point is 01:13:26 like a wasp off of this little girl's head because I saw it there and I like swatted it off and I looked at them and I'm like, sorry, there was a wasp right there. She's like, no's absolutely true. It's both ways. You have haters too. What do they hate on you for? Well, you do a lot of what we do. A lot of things. Yeah, you do a lot of what we do.

Starting point is 01:13:51 That's a wide variety. You expose, I mean, right before we got on air, I made way to go this direction, you were sharing with us some of these names, big name, Instagram, girls that are now selling workout programs online with no real credentials or experience, they've just basically got them self-in-shape following another program and now they're basically

Starting point is 01:14:10 multi-level marketing stuff. I don't have an issue with people who don't have credentials. Right, right, no, you're right. That's a big thing I'm passionate about is this whole idea that people need credentials to know shit because I'm sorry, when I was 19, I knew more than pretty much a doctor.

Starting point is 01:14:24 Well, you saw, yeah, you're on a street. street like sorry so this is and some of the people I admire most in the health community and I think of the smartest people yeah like they're not doctors so I'm so sick of this bullshit like well you're not a doctor what do you know right okay you can take your doctor's advice and we'll see how far you get but that's all right you know unless you have a broken leg, but whatever. I have an issue with people just like, putting bullshit out, like anybody, whether or not you're a doctor,

Starting point is 01:14:53 if you're putting bullshit out, or like, I don't, you know what I mean? Sure. I'm impressed. And feeding into the overtraining, like, yeah, it's personal because you want to help. Yeah. How did you, personal, I don't know know I think we asked you this but how did you

Starting point is 01:15:07 find our show where you just on on podcast oh really so you're I heard you I heard you guys on his and then I start listening to you on the the rest is where you already listening to him consistently or did you happen to come across that episode no I was listening to him consistently okay and then you guys were on, because I just dream of being a biohacker. He's great. So then I heard you guys, and I really liked you, and then I just started listening to him. Do you still listen to Ben? And yeah, I do. Not every episode, but over.

Starting point is 01:15:38 Every episode of Mind Pump? Yeah, no. You guys like, it's too much. What's up Ben? It's too much. I just need to say something. No, no, you guys like what's up in it's We love you, bed. Yeah So and then I was listening to I don't remember which episode, but you guys were talking about Me social media and messages being sent to young women on an episode and

Starting point is 01:16:01 I was listening to it and it actually was listening to it. I was in the shower and I was listening and then I literally was like, I gotta get these guys on my podcast. I got out of the shower, got dressed and I ran out of my computer and I emailed, I emailed your email and I was like, if this works, God bless America.

Starting point is 01:16:19 But yeah, and then I emailed and then I was so surprised to go on email back and I was freaking the fuck out. That's so cool. And I was so irritated because no one, no one else knew who you were. Like none of my friends, why no one would be like, you guys do know what just happened. Like, no one could, no one would, no one thought I was cool, right?

Starting point is 01:16:36 No one thought I was, I just got on my pants, I'm cool in my house. Yeah, I was like, cool, who's that? Yeah, exactly, everybody. And I was like, shit. So, but now that you've been on my podcast, now people know who cool you are, so now they get excited. Yeah, I just got And I was like, shit. So, but now that you've been on my podcast, now people know who Kool-Ears,

Starting point is 01:16:46 so now they get excited. Yeah, I just got a message from my cousin who I was spending a lot of time with probably about four or five years ago and he's off doing his own business. And I kind of shared with him before this all started, like the ultimate direction of this.

Starting point is 01:17:00 And so he's always kind of known about it and he sent me a message. This is just literally last night. And he's like, man, it's so crazy. How much mind pump is exploded? And he's all I've I've not said to him, what do you mean? And he's like, Oh, I know it's so big now that there was people that I used to tell about. He said, but now people come to me bragging about the show telling me I need to listen, not realizing that you're my cousin. And it's like, that's crazy that it's come full circle

Starting point is 01:17:25 like that where random people are organically finding it stuff too. At some point, the right message gets out. And then the right message is the long time. It resonates. It resonates. And so we're seeing people like yourself. Like here you are, you start a podcast,

Starting point is 01:17:40 had no experience podcasting, had no idea what you were doing like we did and we first started. And you have a relatively successful podcast. You're trying to be a vegan. You have a, you have a, you have a, you have a, you have a, you actually more successful. I'm surprised you didn't turn that into like a store. I almost did. Almost did.

Starting point is 01:17:56 It's like a new hope. It's like a lightsaber. Yeah. Your, your podcast is more successful than like 95% of the podcasts out there. There's a lot of podcasts that are out there and you know, you're doing decently well, you have a good message. It's resonating with people, people need to hear. I hope so.

Starting point is 01:18:10 Well, I mean, I just, I want people to stop dealing with it when it comes. Like, and that's why I'm so interested in this younger age group. Like, I wonder, like, what do you think about for your daughter? Like, what do you worried about? Oh, all the things you talk about. All the things you talk about. All the things you talk about.

Starting point is 01:18:25 And it's like how are we going to combat this? And I look at these younger girls and I remember how I felt when I was 9, 10, 11, 12 and like it's just all accelerated even more. You know, especially with technology and I'm worried because I'm like I'm feeling this way. You know when I'm 19, 20 and I felt, I remember I felt when I was 12, God, I mean, I'd be scared to shit out. Well, the exciting part and what's unique and different is that we have this medium now

Starting point is 01:18:56 that didn't really exist 10 years ago. That's right, you know. Now that you've done that, that's the story. Right, could you imagine mind pump being around when you were going through that process, but back up 17, you know, at 17 years old, you tripped on mind pump and you'd already been listening for, I'm sure of stuff that we've talked about already

Starting point is 01:19:12 in the show would have already led you in the direct, for sure you would have been talking to Dr. Ruscio or Chris Cresser or somebody else that we've had on the show. If you had, I mean, you would have already been all over that because we've talked about so. Also, we gotta think that this young generation that's coming up. Well, the the issue what's hard though is that now it's like we're just so oversaturated right how do you get my message is so for me saying

Starting point is 01:19:34 my message there's 20,000 other people with blogs putting bullshit out there that's true but you know what Christina peeding I tell you. And your story is not a tragic one. Your story is a success story. As what you went through and the challenges you went through, you had the resources, the ability to do your own research which if we just went back 30 years with those same symptoms, you were a bit dead. No, I know.

Starting point is 01:20:02 You would have died. Well, actually, no, but what I have even gotten into it in the first place. That's a good point. That were a bit dead. No, I know. You would have died. Well, actually, no, but would I have even gotten into it in the first place? That's a good point. That's a good point. But you had the ability to research and read. You yourself are obviously made of different stuff. You're very determined and focused, and you learned,

Starting point is 01:20:19 and you're intelligent. And it's a success story. You got to look at it that way. I think, again, your story comes out so passionate because you lived it. And it sucks a success story. You gotta look it at that way. I think, again, your story comes out so passion because you lived it. And it sucks to say that. I went through my own shit and I know. And I look back and I'm like, you know what,

Starting point is 01:20:32 had I not done that? I'd still be that meadhead trainer. You know, 100%. You pulled, yeah, being resilient to all that stuff too. It's helped. Now you can be very clear what your message is and you can cut through and not trying to have the niceties attached to that, you can actually like speak to people.

Starting point is 01:20:47 There's also empathy when you have a young girl come to you and say to you about how they feel and how no one's listening to me nobody understands me. Rather than you rather like the average person you're like well maybe you're great whatever you empathetic. Yeah no I mean I think that it helps me so much, like, with health coaching now, like as a nutritionist, like, I mean, people who work with me, they tell me, you know, I picked you because they always say, you know, even though you're young, I picked you because you get it. And no one else gets it. I'm like, yeah, I get it. And at the end of the day, I mean,

Starting point is 01:21:20 for me, in my own experience, I was what was most important to me. I'm like, I don't need somebody who has all the answers because no one's gonna have all the answers. But I need somebody who gets me, you know, and who is gonna help me and like, lead me. And like, I mean, I get it. You know, I lived through a lot of this similar things to what most of my clients are. Now, off air, we were talking about your relationship

Starting point is 01:21:45 with your parents and I was alluding to my relationship with my parents and I know and it took me till I was like 30 years old before I really started to piece this together that you know it was really, it was rough. It was off and on, good with my parents and I'm not so good with my parents. And what I found out was I held on to a lot of animosity because of what I went through. And so it would be very easy for them to trigger me.

Starting point is 01:22:13 They said something, right? Like, do you find that you have a similar relationship with your parents? Like, they can't talk about health, they can't talk about fitness, they can't talk about anything like that, probably around you. Does it trigger you? And what's your relationship like with them now? I think there's a lot of resentment both on both sides

Starting point is 01:22:30 um I Try not to talk about it's not really what the health or fitness stuff But I don't like to talk about my job really with my family because it just turns into well when you're gonna get a real job I don't understand what you're doing. It doesn't make sense. If I get, this is the question, I don't understand this question. When you're gonna get a job, oh no, why can't you get a job in the industry?

Starting point is 01:22:53 Like what industry? Yeah, what is that even mean? Yeah, like what is the industry? You know, you know, a job in the industry. Like, what fucking industry? Like a job in the industry, I understand. 30's. Like, I'm like, I don't even, you know,

Starting point is 01:23:06 it's like this whole thing that nobody really knows what I'm doing. You know, my extended family literally has no idea. I'm pretty sure they just think I'm sitting in Los Angeles, like laying on the beach, doing nothing. Don't trouble my shit, people still think shame shit about us. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, you know, I mean,

Starting point is 01:23:24 I, it's hard, they didn be better. Yeah, and I'm like, okay. You know, I mean, it's hard. They didn't know what to do with me then, and I resented, I resented them a lot. They resented me a lot, because they didn't understand. They thought I was lying. And they also, I mean, they cut me off from the rest of my family.

Starting point is 01:23:43 I mean, during that time, I had told my parents, I was so stressed out and I was like, this stress, I cannot deal with this stress for like my heart for my health and I told my parents, do not contact me, I will contact you when I'm ready. Like, and that made them fucking mad. So they told my whole extended family,

Starting point is 01:24:03 like me, Aunt's Mankles, my cousins, do not contact Christina. So I was just cut off So they told my whole extended family, like me, answering uncles, my cousins, do not contact Christina. So I was just cut off from everybody in my life who I was close to. And I didn't know that my parents told everybody not to talk to me. So I thought everybody just bounced. Like I thought everybody just,

Starting point is 01:24:19 and I was like, like I'm, and so I felt all this resentment because I thought everybody, you see me, you see me withering away and You're just ignoring it like because this is the thing though that pisses me off if I was Anorexic most people who are anorexic are not gonna be like I really want to get treated I really want to be in treatment like like they're undeniable you kind of have to have somebody take responsibility But you need to go get help you have to have somebody kick responsibility and make you need to go get help.

Starting point is 01:24:45 You have to have somebody kick you when they ask me, you're doing this, I'm making this decision. And I'm like, so if I was anorexic, I probably wouldn't have been fighting for myself and I would have just died, probably, because I wouldn't have stopped. Do you find, you find, because you've gone through this

Starting point is 01:24:58 like over addiction to exercise or thoraxia where everything had to be super clean with food, the fear with carbs. Do you have you found a deeper route to that? Does it feel like it's just trading one for the other? Are you still dealing with anything like that? Or do you have a tendency for that? I think it's like, I mean, I have like an addictive personality in general.

Starting point is 01:25:17 I think it just comes back to this issue of control. And like I've learned to use that control on a healthier way. And it also just stems so much from just being unhappy with myself and my life. And like now that I'm like so happy with everything I'm doing and I really love my life, like I don't feel like that anymore.

Starting point is 01:25:39 You know, it's like, I thought that by controlling those things, I could fix it. And if I fix that, like life would be great And if I fix that, life would be great. It would be better. And it wasn't. And life is good. I don't need to do that. Do you think that stems, that trait stems from one of your parents

Starting point is 01:25:57 or something that happened to you as you raised or the way you were raised? Yeah, absolutely. I think my whole life, I was just looking for validation and approval. I felt like no one was paying attention to me. I mean, that came with my, my OCD was school. It was like a huge thing. Like, like I was a 99% was not good enough. Like I needed 100%. Like I spent my whole life studying, like, stupid shit in school. got my whole life studying, like, stupid shit in school. And it was like life or death. And I just, I was just looking for validation.

Starting point is 01:26:31 And I wanted somebody to say I'm proud of you. You're doing enough. And I never, I never got that. I never felt that. I always felt like a failure. Like the only things that were pointing out to me were the things I was doing wrong. You know, I was a straight-A student.

Starting point is 01:26:45 I was not doing drugs. I was drinking a little, but like, responsibly. You know, like, I was a really good kid. And I remember getting so pissed because I'm like, you will not get, like, especially in the environment I'm in, I'm like, you should see what the kids around me are doing right now. Like, because I'm the only one in this room not doing coke. Like, you know, like, don't tell me I'm a bad kid.

Starting point is 01:27:11 You know, and so whenever I would get critiqued, I would just get really butt hurt about it. Sure. Like, I would just be so pissed because I'm like, how, you know, I just never felt like I was, I just felt like, what do I have to do for somebody to pay attention to me? That's how I felt, you know, and I just never got it. And it took me a long time to realize that I don't need that for anyone outside of me.

Starting point is 01:27:36 I just need it for myself. Were your parents like militant or did they have religious background or what made them so, you feel like made them so controlling or made them feel like you never had their approval. They just kind of, I mean, they weren't, I guess, concerned with me. Like, my mom.

Starting point is 01:27:55 Probably because you did everything so well. Yeah, and my parents also resented me. My parents a little scared of me. My mom was told me this, that, you know, I scared that, like, she would felt threatened by me because I was so smart when I was so young. I mean, when you talked about when you're younger

Starting point is 01:28:11 and you're that kid who was always call people out, and I was that kid. I was a smart kid and people didn't like that. And like, I know my parents, they got a little afraid. And like, my mom has told me she's mom has told me, she would talk to me on behalf of my dad, I'm like, why is he in dad talking to me? And she's like, he's a little scared of you. Because I'm very like, I mean, my family,

Starting point is 01:28:35 the reason I can talk to you guys is because I grew up, if I want to say something, I got a yell and I got to get in there. We're all opinionated and we all bust to this balls. And you just got to get in there. Like, we're all opinionated and we all bus to this balls and like, you know, you just gotta get in there and scream and yell and there's things are like flying and you know, it's a disaster. So my mom is a hustler and she's always been a hustler

Starting point is 01:28:56 and I learned from her, you know, she would work from six, you know, she works across that she'd drive an hour, work from six a.m. to 10 p.m. at night and pass out. Well, damn. And I learned like that, that's hustling and like that success, you know, and like, my dad was always really successful too,

Starting point is 01:29:16 but he's not as like intense as my mom. My mom's like really intense. So I think that's kind of, they were just, no wonder she's really paying attention to me. My sister needed a little bit more help, like, and I didn't, like, school came easily to me. Like I made friends easily. And you know.

Starting point is 01:29:36 She had more struggles. Yeah, she might, you know, she did had a harder time in school. She just like needed help with more things and I just always did everything on my own. Did you watch the movie, Younger? Did you? She's my older sister. Did you watch the movie Wunder? She's my older sister.

Starting point is 01:29:46 Did you watch the movie Wunder? No. So in that, you got the kid who has... Oh, spoil it. I'm not, but he's got the issues and they show the movie from the perspective of him, his sister and then his parents. And his sister is this wonderful girl, good student good student good but her parents have no time or energy to spend on her because they have to deal with her brother so she feels like she's

Starting point is 01:30:10 never paid it. Can you identify the strengths and detriment that you got from each of your parents? I don't know listen to this. No I mean I think my mom, my mom, like I just said she taught me to hustle and she taught me she is like a badass like Everybody is afraid of her in the best way. She speaks her mind and she does not apologize for who she is And that's where I get it from that's why we blood heads a lot like we're really similar with that So yeah, I think we count that as a strength. Yeah, I can serve that as strength, but it's also the weakness. It's also working too hard and driving yourself into the ground and I tell her now,

Starting point is 01:30:51 it's like, you need to leave the office earlier. I'll have to pet all a little bit. Yeah, and like, because I have the same issue, I can't turn off. Like, I can't turn off and she just works too hard and I think also is just works too hard. And I think also it's just so hyper focused on what she's doing that it ends up being selfish, not meaning to be, but she's just so hyper focused

Starting point is 01:31:15 on what's going on right now, what's dealing in my life, not considering what's happening with other people, and that's something I try to really be cognizant of, because I know I can easily fall on that trap because I'm just my brain's buzzing. I think my dad, well, I mean, I have his like sense of humor, like the dryness, the sarcasm, and also the same thing, like he he he will just say what he thinks and he says some pretty controversial things And he doesn't think twice about and I get that from him too um

Starting point is 01:31:54 And he he's a really hard worker as well. I think that's why they were drawn to each other, you know, but I think he's just He's so stubborn that he can never see the other perspective. And I think that this whole experience, I was always like that too. I was always right. Like I was always right. And this whole experience I went through taught me, like I don't wanna have that trait anymore.

Starting point is 01:32:19 And it's like I, I know what I know. And I'm very open about, I'm not the expert on this. I don't know this, like teach me more. Like I have so much to learn from so many smart people and like I wanna learn more and more and there's so many people who are so much more intelligent than me and like that's great.

Starting point is 01:32:35 I don't wanna be the smartest person in the room ever because how am I gonna grow versus like, you know, I think that sometimes you guys caught in this trap, like he is always the smartest one in the realm. And like, you're not gonna grow that way. You're not gonna learn from other people. That's the trait that I recognized in you when we first met, because I knew your background

Starting point is 01:32:55 with UCLA, I knew that what you've been doing with nutrition, I knew that you understand all the conversations that we've had on Mind Pump. But what I was most impressed with was someone of your age not trying to impress us or try and be at like your smarter or as smart by talking like that. A lot of times when I meet somebody who's younger, really, really intelligent, too, they feel this need to like, it's the answer. Overcompensate for it.

Starting point is 01:33:23 And it's super common. I mean, I remember being that guy for a very long time too, always trying to prove how smart I was, improved everybody like that, and took me a long time to let go of that and work through that insecurity. It's very common when I meet other really intelligent young minds.

Starting point is 01:33:39 I didn't get that with you at all. I was really impressed with, you know, the fact that you, there's a lot of things that we would be talking about that you were actually very well read on and you didn't feel the need to. You didn't have to overstep. You could listen and let us run through the thought, which is that's rare actually. No, no. Yeah, very rare.

Starting point is 01:33:59 I try to be like, I really tried to be very conscious of it because I know it's easy it is because I think I mean I experienced it a lot like the the age is something you know I'm told what you're only 1920 and I'm the doctor and I know and I just want to scream no you don't you know so it's hard to fight It is hard to fight that urge and I know a lot of people in my age feel that way but There you know there's always something to learn from anybody you're with. Yeah, well that's awesome. We are super pleased to have you here. Thank you so much for inviting me. Yeah, one of our favorite people. Yeah, I don't think it'll be the last time either, man. I'm really excited.

Starting point is 01:34:36 No, we got to do some more stuff with you. I hope not. Yeah, I know I love hanging out with you. So real quick, we're going to run down all the places. I mean, we're going to do a whole intro for you, but all the places these guys can find you. because I know you got the different Instagrams, you got the two podcasts, the blog going. So my blog is addictedtolovely.com, and my podcast, one is actually Adulterish, which is on iTunes, or actuallyadulterish.com.

Starting point is 01:35:01 My other podcast is straightuppaleo.com, or iTunes straightup straight up paleo.com or iTunes straight up paleo and on Stitcher, which you guys are on now too. Awesome. Good work. And Spotify. Yeah, so that's pretty much where you can find me and on Instagram, I did underscore to underscore lovely because some person took it without underscores. And I can't get them off.

Starting point is 01:35:21 Yeah, and she will be another thing. Oh, yeah, I hope so. I'm always popping up everywhere. I always tell people, I'm like, I'm not get them off. Yeah, and she'll be another thing. Oh, yeah, I love so. I'm always popping up everywhere. I always tell people, I'm like, I'm not hard to find. They just search me. Just searching. Yeah, I was saying the same thing.

Starting point is 01:35:33 I feel like an asshole though. Just Google me. Just Google me. It's easier. Don't Google me. You'll see some. Yeah, there's a lot of news. I want that.

Starting point is 01:35:40 Not the images anyway. Excellent. All right, check it out. Go to YouTube. Subscribe to Mind Pump TV. We post new videos all the time. Thank you for listening to Mind Pump. If your goal is to build and shape your body, dramatically improve your health and energy,

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Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth - 677: Christina Rice on Overcoming Eating Disorders, Exercise Addiction, Leaky Gut, Food Intolerances, Hormone Imbalances, Depression, Anxiety & More

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