Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi - 108. “We achieved FIRE with $4.3M. Why can’t we enjoy it?”

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Mindy and Carl are in their early 50s with two teenage children and a successful track record flipping real estate that’s helped them build a $4.3M fortune. But as devoted members of the Financial Independence community, they struggle to talk, think, and spend it in healthy ways. This episode is brought to you by: Trade | Right now, Trade is offering our audience a free bag of coffee with any subscription at https://drinktrade.com/ramit. Facet | Get affordable, accessible financial planning with a flat fee membership. For a limited time, the $250 enrollment fee will be waived when you sign up at https://facet.com/ramit. Fabric by Gerber Life | Protect your family today with Fabric by Gerber Life. Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT. Links mentioned in this episode • Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show Connect with Ramit • Get Money Coaching with Ramit  • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube • Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit  If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Let me share some of the coolest ways that my community has recently used money to live a rich life. One member did a month-long honeymoon in Europe after deciding she didn't want a big wedding. Another member bought a VW SUV that was their dream car that they've wanted for years. And another member made a rule that any time she buys a ticket for an event, she always buys a second so that she can bring a friend. These are just a few examples of how my money coaching members have built systems to use their money. Notice that there's no more anxiety, that they have a smooth running system. They know when their debt's going to be paid off.

They can feel comfortable spending on the things they love. They can actually spend less time on their finances while living an amazing life. In my money coaching program, members also get access to live events every month, including topics like money with aging parents and how to create a lot. amazing vacations. That was one of my favorites where I shared how I spend my money on travel, plus Q&A directly from me. If you want to start building your rich life today, join us and get instant access to our back catalog of years of live calls. Check out IWT.com slash money coaching to join now. That's IWT.com slash money coaching

to join the program right now. He never spends any money. What does Lisa call you, Carl? I mean, that's a good thing to be not wasteful with your money and why spend actual dollars when you can spend points on a hotel instead. I feel security in the investments, but I don't want to touch them for the future. Not to be too blunt, but when's the future? The silence of mortality, maybe 10 more years. And the older you get, the more you think about that very thing. I've heard you say prime spending years are 40 to 60s, so aren't you two in that range?

Yeah, we're dead center in the middle. I think it's really hard for us to look at ourselves and how we're spending money and acknowledge that this isn't really what we want to be doing. We don't want to just keep throwing money on the pile and keep being too. cheap. I do look at everything based on how much it costs. And I don't need to. I shouldn't. I don't know how to change. Today's conversation is absolutely fascinating. Meet Mindy and Carl. They're both right around 50 years old. And Mindy is well known in the fire community. That's financial independence retire early. In fact, I've spoken to her on her podcast before. What's

fascinating is that they are worth over four million dollars. And when I say they struggle to spend that money, I mean it. You're going to hear some fascinating stories. If you're watching this on YouTube, you're going to actually see the facial expressions. And I want to tell you why I'm bringing you this story of Mindy and Carl today. Because I've gotten a few comments from people that we only feature multi-millionaires who have trouble spending. And I want to tell you, it's really important to me that we feature a very diverse set of guests on this show. Wealthy, not wealthy, U.S.-based, international, different races, different sexualities. We spend a lot of time seeking out couples, and I want to give a special shout-out to the IWT podcast team for making that

happen. Now, I think millionaire couples are so unusual that when we hear one, they stand out in our head. Think about it. When was the last time, besides this podcast, that you actually heard a couple with millions of dollars talking about how they have trouble spending money. It never happens except on this show. And I share these stories not because I only want to feature multi-millionaires. That's not true. We have a lot of different diverse guests. But because I want to emphasize to you,

there is no magical amount of money where you will suddenly feel safe. There's no magical amount of money where you will suddenly flip a switch and become just. generous with money. Your feelings about money are highly uncorrelated with the amount in your bank account. So I'm going to continue to keep an eye on our guest selection process. But for now, meet Mindy and Carl in this absolutely fascinating conversation. Would you say we're cheap, Carl? Yeah. I'm thinking about the restaurants in New York City with our friends a month ago. Yeah. So we had good friends who had agreed to come up to visit us when we were in New York City.

And I wanted to pay for the meal. They were going to travel two hours. And the first thing I did after he suggested the restaurant is I pulled up their menu and looked at how much everything cost. And the thought I had after I saw this is, holy crap, I have to tell Bob that we need to pick somewhere else. This is too expensive. And I thought better of it. I never did that. And I felt kind of a shame for doing this. This is a really good friend who was making a big journey to come see us. And it turns out it was family style. So they were large portions. It wasn't like one entree. Was that expensive? It was so expensive though. Take me back to that menu moment. So your friend suggested this restaurant and you hang up the phone. And was that the first thing you did? You pulled up the

menu? It was the very first thing I did. Yes. And why did you do that? I guess that's how I approach most things in life, I'm always looking at the cost. I've always been obsessed with money. I probably have money scarcity issues. I mean, probably. I've been talking to you for like 60 seconds. I think we can safely make a bet on that one. What if you had not looked at the menu?

What would you have felt? I probably would have looked at the price when I got to the restaurant. I would have done the same thing. And then I would have had some anxiety, maybe a little mini panic attack. And I would have tried to hide it and then moved on with dinner. Would you feel that physically in your body? Yeah, a little bit.

Where? I guess my head and my heart, I would have just felt a little bit uncomfortable with it. I would have looked at that number and be like, oh, wow, this is going to be one of the most expensive meals I've never had in my entire life. I would have done some math in my head. I would have added up how much I think. thought the meal would have cost. And I would have tried to hide my emotions because I don't want to look like an idiot or

a cheap person in front of my friends. They had, they're really good friends. We love them. And they made a big effort. And why was I thinking about money? Why did I even have this consideration? We should have been relishing the moment that we got to spend with these people who don't live near us.

We get to see two or three times a year. Money should have, money should have been an afterthought. It's a lot of thinking. Yeah. Like we went to the, went to a restaurant yesterday for breakfast. And I saw that my daughter ordered an item that I had noticed was like the most expensive thing on the menu. It was a breakfast. I don't know if you knew about that, Carl.

What was it? Wow. It was $20. What was it? Like what was the dish? It was pancakes and eggs and sausage and I don't know, French toast or something. She got just, it was like, it was like, $20. She got just, it was a mound of food that she didn't need, which is kind of wasteful.

And then when the bill arrived, I looked, I put my credit card in the thing. And then I hit, you know, 25% tip. And I'm like, $99 for breakfast. Oh my God. What did we order? It just seems like a lot of money for one meal. Is it going to? It is to us.

I mean, it's not. It, it is to us in the. regard that we don't spend $99 on a breakfast all the time. Yeah. Is it going to ding my net worth? No. Mm-hmm. But letting go is hard.

I don't want to be wasteful. Because wasteful means... What if we run out of money? Mathematically, you know that's impossible. Yeah. So wasteful means what? I don't want to get... I don't want to spend and not get any joy out of it.

I don't want to do something stupid with my money. I don't want to spend it and have a bad experience or spend it and have a bad time or spend it and say that wasn't worth it. At their core, you'll find a pattern with cheap people and even ultra frugal people. They're often terrified of tripping and falling and then having to eat in a Michelin-starred restaurant every night for the rest of their lives. I'm actually serious. This is how the thought process goes.

If I go to that restaurant and I spend money on it, I might actually like it, and then I have to eat out at those kind of places for the rest of my life. You've heard this before. You've heard people say, I'm not that kind of person who needs to stay at a four seasons every time I travel. Let me tell you how I think about it. I've eaten at very nice restaurants, and I've eaten at taco trucks and pizza places. I trust myself enough to know that I can eat at a nice place once in a while and not suddenly

become addicted to seven-course meals. I have control over my spending. And just because I try something nice occasionally doesn't mean I'll lose all control. That's one of the things going on with cheap people. They are deeply afraid of losing control. Now, when it comes to Midi and Carl, let's take a look at their numbers. I'll give you a quick rundown. Their assets, 925,000, their investments, $4,275,000. Their savings, $10,000. Real estate debt, 910,000. And if you add it all up, their total net worth at roughly the age of 50 is $4.3 million.

There's a pretty cool TikTok trend going around right now that I really love. It's called admin nights. Basically, you get your friends together, you get some snacks, maybe some drinks, and you do all the infrastructure stuff in life. that most of us skip over. If you're going to set up an admin night, here's my suggestion for you. Use Zoc Doc to book your health appointments

and you will be done fast. ZocDog is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. They have over 150,000 doctors across all 50 states in 200 plus specialties, including mental health, dental, primary care, whatever you need. Just filter for doctors,

based on insurance, location, ratings, even virtual care options, and Zoc Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. You can look through your options, book an appointment, and you are done. If I needed to find a new doctor today, Zoc Doc is what I would use. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash remit to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C-com. slash Rameet. Zocdoc.com slash Rameet. And I want to thank Zokdoch for sponsoring this message. Just guess the average wait time to see a doctor in the United States. I'm not talking about a specialist, just a regular standard family doctor. You think it's a week, two weeks? Nope. It's over 30 days.

So a lot of times whatever symptoms you have are going to be gone or maybe worse by the time you get to that appointment. I don't want you to have to wait weeks to see a doctor. I want you to get seen faster by an in-network doctor using Zoc Doc. Zoc-Doc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love. They have over 150,000 doctors across all 50 states in 200-plus specialties, including mental health, dental, primary care, whatever you need. Just filter for doctors based on insurance, location, ratings, even virtual care options.

and Zoc Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. You can look through your options, book an appointment, and you are done. If I needed to find a new doctor today, Zok-D-D-O-C is what I would use. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zoc-D-com slash Rameet to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-C-com slash Rameet. Zok-D-com slash Rameh. And I want to thank Zok-D-D-K-D-O-K-T-O-T-Eth.

And I want to thank Zok Dock for sponsoring this message. When do you think that it ceased to serve you, your obsession with money, as you call it? Probably when we reached our financial goals about six years ago. Yeah, almost exactly six years ago today. April 2017 was when we reached our financial goals and I knew I didn't have to work anymore. Did your feelings magically change the next morning when you woke up knowing that you would hit your goals? No, I felt exactly the same. What?

I'm shocked. You're telling me that after a lifetime of saving, you didn't magically turn into a spend. What have I been doing my whole life? How's that possible? I thought once you have the money in the spreadsheet and you show the 4% withdrawal rate, then everything changes. No, you're exactly right. And that's what I felt too. Like, why am I not happy?

Why do I feel pretty much the exact same? I started doing some research. and I learned that happiness is mostly something that comes from you. It comes from the inside, not an external factor. I don't want it to unplay the money. I'm still thankful for it, but it is an external circumstance. And it was at that point I learned, I probably have to work on myself a little bit that money isn't going to be this.

It's not going to flip a switch. I'm not going to be instantly happy. And I'm kind of foolish because I thought I would be. So six years later, after that very value, realization, which is, I agree, insightful. What kind of work have you done on yourself? Not probably. I'll start over. What work have I done on myself? I try to pay attention to my mood all the time. And when I'm truly happy, make a note of it and figure out why I'm truly happy at that particular point. What was your answer going to be? You said not probably, can you finish that sentence

for me. I was going to say not enough. I've cut myself so busy. Again, not a great life choice. I don't know if you can see behind me, but there are doors that I'm going to install my house. I've been just as busy as I ever was at work in the past six years since I left. So I haven't taken time for myself to do as much introspective work as I think I should have. We have conversations about this frequently and we don't know how to proceed. Okay. How hard was it for you to reach out to me to have this conversation? Well, I heard you on the Mad Fiantus podcast and I was like, I need to talk to him about this. But we've talked before. Do you remember our conversation last time? Yes, yes.

Years ago, I went on Mindy's podcast, Bigger Pockets. And towards the end, I just asked her what her rich life was. She mentioned taking a trip with her family, got me interested. I started asking her a couple of questions, and suddenly she started crying. It was an amazing moment. Listen in. What would you do if you had to quadruple or 10x you're spending on bikes? Tell me. Ooh, I would go on long-distance bicycle trips.

How would you plan this trip? Again, 10x spending on this. Look at this discomfort on your face. Mindy, why? That's because first of all, I didn't have any time. I would have to be in the summer because the kids are in school. And Mindy. And the vision, stick with the vision.

Stop thinking about the dollar amount. You have the dollars. I do have the dollars. How long would your rich life bike trip be? Probably two months. Whoa. Love it. That's amazing.

Mindy, you could do a lot of things. I can visually see you shrinking outside of the camera range. Can you tell me what's going on with you? This is uncomfortable because I don't think about things like this. Yeah. And what do you think about instead, Mindy? Saving. Mindy, you saved. You already won. You have enough. I know. It's time to shift into learning how to spend it. And this skill, you can see it.

By the way, I hope everybody can see this. Because I think you have a lot of courage to do this with me. This is really hard stuff. So, Mindy, thank you. You're being very courageous. This is, you're changing not just your own way of thinking, but what was passed down to you from your parents. possibly their parents. And here we are. Look at this. We're talking about maybe hiring a photographer.

It would cost $500. It would cost nothing. It would be a memory in your family for generations. Mindy, you're having the courage to discuss this. You think you'd have the courage to do it? You wanted me to spend money

on a bicycle trip. But it was quite a big, beautiful image that you painted for all of us, including yourself, about taking a trip. I was with you. I don't bike. And I was like, that sounds amazing. At the end of that episode, how did you feel once, you know, you went off on your own? I felt overwhelmed because I don't think I can do it. And you talk about money professionally. All the time. You talk about safe withdrawal rates, 4% Trinity. You talk about Rule of 72, compound interest, diversification, real estate, all of it.

And so what happened when we started talking about you and spending your money on the people you love? I felt panicky. I really felt in my chest. Not so much my head in my chest. Like I'm having heart type breathing. This is really difficult. to talk about spending a lot of money. Okay.

And so did you ever take the bike trip? We did a trip to Germany instead. Our daughter was going to Germany with her school. So we went to Germany instead of the bike trip. Cool. How was it? It was good. It was good.

We had a great time. But we spent a lot of money on the air. airline tickets because we couldn't optimize for those. It ended up, I think it was $6,000 to fly to Germany and back from our home airport. Okay. And that's probably the most we've ever spent on airline tickets. Why are we talking about money right now? I asked how the trip was.

Is you ever meet? Yeah, I want to know, how was the trip? The trip was it good? The trip was lovely. We saw Berlin. And Munich, and we ate lots of German food and drank lots of German beer and had a very relaxing time. All right. Now, when I asked you how the trip was, you said it was good like that.

I'm trying to understand what, was that referring to the price of the airline tickets? Yes, I feel bad that we spent that much money on airline tickets. I'd love to be able to drop $6,000 on airline tickets and not care. Well, you can't do that. But sometimes that feels wasteful. When you took this trip and you came back, did friends ask you how the trip was? Yes. Did you tell anyone about the price of the airline tickets?

I did. Who? What percentage of people who asked about Germany did you tell about the airline tickets? It wasn't the first thing I talked about, but I probably told 75 or 100% of people about these airline tickets. Because I'm supposed to be this money expert and I didn't do any sort of optimization on the price of the tickets and we had to pay last minute. You just said that you're the money person and you're supposed to be able to optimize but you couldn't optimize. So you feel bad. You think those two are related?

Yes. How so? I'm supposed to be good at this. And here was a time that I wasn't good at this. Oh. Okay. And can you clarify for me? Is spending $6,000 for two, is that bad at money? I could have been better.

I see where you're going with that. One question you asked was, what were other people's reactions? And I was around Mindy when we were having these conversations and no one cared about the money. Including me. In fact, I was confused why we weren't talking about time with your family and food and sites and instead talking instantly about an airline ticket. I think that she thinks she gets credibility. She wants to show people that she optimized it as well as she could have and she doesn't

feel like it. So she has to make an excuse or give an apology ahead of time, a preemptive apology that no one really asked for perhaps. And the biking trip, what happened with that? We just got really busy. We are really busy, so we put things to the side. When we talked, it really seemed to hit an emotional nerve for you to start spending money. And that was, I don't remember, a couple years ago, let's say, what has your journey been in terms of spending money since we last talked?

The same. We haven't really spent a lot. We did buy another house to turn into a rental. So is that really spending money? What else? I'm talking about stuff that you enjoy. I don't mind spending money when we have people over. Okay.

We have a backyard with this beautiful deck that we built and we've got a pool in the backyard and we have a lot of parties over the summer. I don't bat an eye at that. But I feel weird spending on other things. We did let go with our trip to New York City. And I think that's probably the first time we really, let money not dictate what we do. We bought two shows.

We stayed near Central Park. We went out to that Italian restaurant I mentioned earlier. What are you talking about? You didn't let prices dictate. You told me the first thing you did was look at the menu. Carl, what you're talking about? Hold on. I got to just like paint the full picture.

Okay, you stayed near Central Park. Which hotel did you stay at? It was. The funny thing was, I was just about to tell you that we got it on points that it was free. Okay, and just again, Carl, what would you have gotten out of telling me it's on points? I have no idea. The same thing, why Middy told you about the $6,000 airline tickets. Yeah, I don't know why we always say that.

I guess it's an issue with both of us. But I hear people do that in my life all the time. Oh, that's a cute skirt. Oh, I paid it. It was on sale. Wow, that's so surprising that the people around you mirror the same values that you yourselves a spouse, and that you are finding it increasingly hard to change your values while being surrounded by those very people.

I definitely live in a bye bubble. It's a thing in the five community is to be optimizing your money so you can stretch it farther. That alarmed look on your face, Mindy, the realization that maybe that is actually not the best goal to have. I think when you're in the accumulation phase, that's a good, I mean, that's a good thing to be not wasteful with your money. And why spend actual dollars when you can spend points on a hotel instead? This is one of the biggest critiques I have of the financial independence movement. if your value is defined by what you don't want to do, which for many people in that community

is spend money, then number one, that's not an effective, cohesive value system because values are about what you do want to do, not simply what you don't want to do. And second, what if you actually achieve financial independence? Now, the only way that you can spend money is what, Mindy, and what? as it relates to the FI community that you are so deeply embedded in? It has to be an intelligent way. It has to be frugally. Keep going.

It can't be wasteful. What if you decide that you and Carl just want to start spending wildly? What would that mean for your membership in the community that you are so deeply embedded in? That's an interesting question. I don't think we would get kicked out. what would your neighbors say? They would talk. Some nosy neighbors.

And what would they say? Because they already think you're, like they think you're homeless, right? I heard this. They think that you're, we had a neighbor who thought we were destitute. Yes, they told me that. They congratulated us. They congratulated us on buying our,

buying this house that was kind of a super dump. Wow. Congratulations. You're so. You were able to scrape together a few nickels to get this fixer up. Meanwhile, they're sitting over here with millions of dollars. There are two big clues here. The first is that Mindy and Carl are embedded in a community that highly values frugality and stigmatizes spending.

They've been in that kind of community and system for decades. That's why she immediately told 100% of the people she talked to about the price of their trip rather than the memories as so many of us would normally share. And if you consider that old Jim Rohn quote, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, you start to realize how difficult it would be for Mindy and Carl to actually change. The second clue is that their neighbors thought they were, quote, destitute. Cheap people often ignore blatant clues,

such as their friends calling them cheap or destitute. And they'll say things like, I'm not sure we're cheap. We're selective. They reframe their cheapness to be a virtue. But just as a quick guideline from me to you, if you ever hear more than one person joking about you being cheap, you're cheap. And there are always many, many more clues as well. Here's some of the most creative I will teach you to be rich businesses that my students have created.

Nate turned his love of chess into a chess coaching and training business, and started a legal strategy business for online entrepreneurs and creatives. Scott teaches yoga all over the world, including in the south of France. Now, what I love about all these, they're so different, but they started from the same question. What if I took the thing I love and turn it into a business? One of the things that entrepreneurs learn is how to keep it simple. That is why when I'm working with new IWT students who are just first-time entrepreneurs, I recommend that they get started with Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world

and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., including brands like Mattel and Jim Shark. They've got ready to go beautiful templates for important things like your website, landing pages. Plus, they have helpful AI tools to make everyday tasks easier, like generating discount codes and enhancing your product images. It's like having a full marketing team behind you. They've got easy to run, email and special media campaigns to help you connect with new customers. And everything is in one place.

Tackle your inventory, payments, analytics, and more without having to jump from platform to platform. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash remit. Go to Shopify.com slash remit. That's Shopify.com slash remit. One of the most shocking things I've learned from this podcast is that almost all of the couples who come on my show with 10 out of 10 money problems have never read a single book about

personal finance. Not just my book, they never read any book about money. You'll note that when people talk about money, it is very easy to dream about what they want. And actually, I like dreaming. It's good. We should dream. We should come up with our rich life vision. But we don't just need dreams. We need a plan. So you can create that plan yourself and figure out how compounding works and when you'll be able to withdraw this money and on and on. Or if you need help building a specific plan for you, our partners at Fassett can help. Fassett charges a flat membership fee for financial planning, never a percentage of your portfolio. You get access to a team of CFP professionals, always a CFP, always a fiduciary, who help you create

a personalized financial plan for your rich life goals. And they handle important things like investments, retirement planning, starting a family, becoming empty nesters, estate planning, all of it. Your financial plan needs to adapt as your life changes. Facet makes getting professional financial advice more accessible without charging hidden exorbitant fees. As of the date of this recording, Facet is waiving the enrollment fee for new annual members. And for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days.

You can head to facet.com slash remit to learn more about which membership option is best for you. Facet is an SEC registered investment advisor. I'm not a member of Facet and I have an incentive to endorse Facet as I have an ongoing fee-based contract for cash compensation based on this endorsement. All opinions are my own and not a guarantee of a similar outcome. The world gave you another clue when you took a trip. And I understand that you, Mindy, got to the airport with Carl and you discovered how many layovers did this trip have? Two.

And did you care? I mean, two layovers? You were probably going, what, to India? Where were you going? Morocco. Denver to Florida. Okay. And how come so many layers?

Was a weather bad? What was it? No, we were saving money. How much? $20. I think it was $20 each. What does Lisa call you, Carl? El Cheapo?

Mr. Cheap? Yeah. My sisters used to call me Mr. Cheapo when I was growing up. Yeah, another neighbor thought we were, multiple neighbors thought we were destitute because I would change the oil and mow my own lawn and all that kind of crap. I don't think that's why they think you're cheap. So you decided to reach out to me. Why?

We have heard you talk. and you are very good at teaching people how to go from, like how to lead their rich life and changing their mindset. And you are a spender. I am? Yes. What does a spender mean? You spend money.

But isn't that bad? Like you spent money on those Germany tickets and that was bad as you put it. So am I a bad person? No. How can I be a spender and not be a bad person? got very quiet in here. Because you're spending on things that are important to you and you can afford it. And I'm well aware of what that sounds like as soon as I say it.

Thank you very much. Go ahead. What does it sound like? Finish it for us. Well, it sounds like I could spend things, spend on things that are important to me because I can afford it and I don't. Well, I think we've identified that we probably live suboptimally. If something truly makes you happy, you should spend money on it.

And that's what you do. And there's stuff we've postponed or we think about money too much. And at this point, we probably shouldn't. So what's the gap between us? I think it's how we view money. Like for me, money has always been my security blanket. I, even though I don't relate to it well, I feel comfortable deep down inside, knowing that there's a big pile of money in our investment accounts.

No problem with that. I like my investment account too. It feels great. what words would you use to describe the way that your investment account makes you feel, Carl? Really good. Secure is probably the number one. Secure. What else?

Happy. Liberated. Mindy, how do you feel about your investments? I feel security in the investments. But I don't want to touch them. Because? They're for the future. I mean, not to be too blunt, but when's the future?

The silence of mortality. Maybe 10 more years. And the older you get, the more you think about that very thing. I've heard you say prime spending years are 40 to 60s. So, yeah. Aren't you two in that range? Yeah, we're dead center in the middle. I'm not convinced that there's actually any reason for you two to change.

I'm trying to figure that out right now. Yeah, I think there is. I think you only have a certain amount of mental bandwidth. You can only do so much in the day. And when you spend precious minutes of your life, especially if you get older when you're 50, you could be using that time to do other things. So maybe any purchase under a certain amount, you shouldn't even think about or consider you shouldn't waste any mind space considering it.

Carl, why is all your sentences in the second person? Why are you saying you? Why are you talking like you're telling someone else a lesson about money? Okay. Yeah, I'll switch to I. You're right. I don't know why I talk that way, but yeah. Hold on.

Think about it for a second. Why did you suddenly switch into this very academic language? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to pin my issues on someone else and not be accountable for it. Mindy, what do you think? I think it's really hard for us to look at ourselves and how we're spending money and acknowledge that, like, this isn't really what we want to be doing.

We don't want to just keep throwing money on the pile and keep being cheap. I mean, so far it sounds like a lot of shoulds. We should spend money. We're 50. you talk about 40 to 60, you know, shoulds are not very compelling. I think you're right. How do you go from should to do? We grew up.

There was some money scarcity issues. My dad was often laid off from work. My mom did not work. So we'd have sad conversations around the dinner table occasionally about how we'd have to clamp down. It was rough. I think it scarred me and put these money scarcity issues. So whenever I got money, I would love to go to the bank. I'm going to date myself, you're a meat, but the bank would have these little books they would give you,

and they would, like, write down your deposit with this little machine. And I used to love going there and depositing my money. And that was it. I didn't spend it not much. How old were you when you went to the bank and did this? Oh, geez. And the funny thing is I still have my, they would give you this little toy car when you signed up for an account. And it's like 50 feet away from me right over there.

Probably started like seven or eight. You mentioned that you used to have sad conversations about money around the dinner table. What does that mean? Yeah, it would happen. My dad was an electrician, and he would get laid off every, when winter and cub, the work would kind of die out, and he would get laid off. And it happened multiple years in a row where we would just sit down, hey, we have to have a family meeting.

Your father's been laid off again. We're going to have to clamp down, not spend money. And it put fear in me. Like, holy crap, are we going to lose our house? Like, shit, this is bad. Good. My grandmother would talk about it more than my parents. She was a child of a depression. So she would sneer at me and say, save your money every time I saw her. And if I came over with a toy that she thought was a stupid purchase, she would not hold back to tell me that it was a stupid purchase and I should

have put that money in the bank. My mom would even tell me not to show my grandmother. I remember one time I bought a yo-yo and it was like 10 bucks. My mom's like, do not take that in her house because She's going to be angry with you. So she's, I don't know how old she would be, but let's just say pretty old. Her values are still present with you today. Absolutely. Have you passed those values down to your daughters? We try to.

They're both very different children. They both know about money. They both can, could come down here and tell you what an index fund is. One is more of a saver than the other one. Sorry, just to clarify, the values that your grandmother passed down, which values do you think those are? Don't be silly with money. I think it's a good value. I'm struck that when I said your grandmother passed her values to you, the values that I see are not constructive values. They're actually quite negative. And you took that instead to mean those are positive values and you have passed those along to your daughter.

I don't think we're as caustic as she was. We're not mean about it, but we want them to be financially literate at the core. We want them to know how to save. We want them to know how to invest. And part of it is we want to set them up. We've talked about perhaps helping them out when they're young adults, maybe buying them, even a house or something like that when they're young and the money will do them a lot of good versus leaving them a big pile when we croak, when the money will be a diminishing return.

If your daughters are 50 years old and they have the same behavior and attitudes towards money as you two do, will you consider that as success or a failure? It's better to be conservative than to be struggling. I know plenty of folks who struggle, but I think they could be a little bit better adjusted than we are. So was that a success or a failure? I would say it's a success. but maybe not a perfect success, success with an asterisk.

Okay. Mindy, you had a peculiar look on your face when I asked that question. Can you tell me what's going through your head? I know a lot of people who are paycheck to paycheck, struggling with money, can't buy anything because they don't have any money or they don't care and they spend money that they don't have to buy stuff either that they need or they don't need or they don't need, just because of external factors. And I would consider it to be a success if they were like us

and had the money to spend and weren't spending it, as opposed to not having the money to spend and spending it anyway. I would rather they be more conservative. So, yeah, success with an asterisk. I don't think it's a failure to have a lot of money. and be conservative with your spending. And when you talk to your daughters, you ever tell them what to do

after they do all those smart, saving and investing things? We talk about having options so that they can, that they don't have to work their whole lives. It's different than telling them how to spend money meaningfully. Yeah.

This is where I took a huge left turn. Listening to Middy and Carl, I don't really believe that they want to change. They are leaders in a community that stigmatizes spending. They have decades of this habit under their belt, and it's worked well for them. And even when I've talked to Mindy years ago, and we got into great detail, remember she was crying at her realization that she wanted to take this trip, she changed nothing. Even when I ask, would you want your children to turn 50 and be like you, they both say yes, that would be success. They're on this podcast asking for help to change something deeply foundational to them.

And they don't actually believe it's a problem. So I just got really honest. If you watch their reactions, especially on video, you'll see that they were shocked. I have to tell you that I don't think the two of you actually want to change. And I'll tell you why. You occasionally acknowledge that what you're doing is not serving you, but you have redefined the way that you treat money to be a virtue. We are conservative with money. You're more than conservative.

When I asked about the rare trip that you take with your family, which is a beautiful thing, you jumped right into the cost of the airline tickets. I don't think that you genuinely want to change. How does that strike you? I would disagree, and I think it's a factor of age, and I value my time more than anything right now. Maybe you'll tell you another flight story for the longest time, but I wouldn't sign up for pre-check, and we just did. And it's glory.

Pre-check costs like $50. I know, right? I think it's $75, but yeah. But totally worth it because I get some of it. of my life back. It's worth 10x what I paid for it because you save so much time at the airport and frustration. I don't like waiting in lines. Carl, if you really cared about the time that you could get back, then you would not be spending the next four to 12 weeks doing doors. Mindy has to strike you what I said. I don't agree, but I don't. I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to go spend a lot of

money. I don't know how to change. I mean, you just spend money. That's how you change. But that's not no. It's not even about how, Mindy. Because we talked about how last time and you didn't do it. And again, I don't mind that you didn't take the bike trip. You took another trip. Great. But the how is not, you're not even at the how yet. You don't even know why you would want to spend more money. In your minds and the dynamic you've created between yourselves and with the relationships around you, spending less is a virtue. And spending more is wasteful.

So we're not even at the how. So we talked about the bike trip. And I'm not fixating on the bike trip. If you go on the bike trip or not, That's not important. But there was something that we both felt in that moment, something very powerful. Here it is years later, and I'm trying to get you to understand why you haven't followed through on that. And your answer to me was, we've been busy.

I don't believe that. Carl doesn't believe. Look at his face. Carl, that's ridiculous, right? He believes that we're busy. Yeah, I believe that we're busy. I think Mindy perhaps has had a hard time of letting go of certain aspects of making money and working. But I have stepped down an enormous amount of hours.

So I went from 32 hours to about six or eight hours. Cool. Okay. All right. So you actually, yeah, sure, you're still working a few hours here and there, but you've eliminated a considerable amount of time. Yes. Okay.

How do you feel about that? I feel good, but this was my first week. So that time suck is gone, but then there's still the house time suck. And as we are finishing the house up, then it'll feel great. What do you mean the house, though? I thought houses are all passive. There's no work involved in making money from real estate. Everybody just says it's passive.

That's true, right? Those people are wrong. All right. So, okay, first of all, I'm going to give you a round of applause. You took back some of your time. That's awesome. Fantastic. I wonder if, you know, you jumping from one busy thing to the next, remind you of anyone else we've heard on this podcast who jumped from one busy thing and has remained just as busy. Remind you of anybody? It's ringing a bell. Who would that be? Carl. So what's up with this dynamic here? The two of you both acknowledge you're cheap. The two of you talk about money constantly focusing on cost.

The two of you then tell each other, we should be better. We should spend something, but then you don't. I have to tell you I need to do something. I learned that this band, I really like one of my top three bands, had a Kickstarter where you could have a life performance. They would fly out to anywhere in the world and do a life performance for $10,000. And at first I thought this was completely ridiculous. Then I tweeted about it and a bunch of friends said, no, I think you absolutely should do this. So I did do it.

You did that. Yes. It seems like Carl and Mindy are now trying to prove that they actually want to spend money. I'm not really here for them to impress me. I actually really want to help them. I like them. They've been highly disciplined about their savings and investments. They've retired early.

They set a huge ambitious goal and they won. So I want them to enjoy the results. But to live a rich life, you've got to be honest with yourselves and the people around you. What's the area of life that you want to spend more on this year? A lot of people will say health or relationships. some people will say travel. Let's talk about food and health for just a second. For example, in my life, my wife and I both decided we're going to spend more on health. And that means having a personal trainer. It means having someone make meals tailored to our macros so that we don't have

to think about it. But you don't have to pay for a private chef to do that. One great option is to make healthy eating convenient by getting meals from Factor. They take the work out of healthy, macro-dense meals so you can start eating better now. Factor is a chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meal delivery service that fits into your goals and schedule. Their meals arrive fresh, not frozen, and they're ready to eat in two minutes. No prep, no cleanup, just heat it and go. There are over 100 meals to choose from every week, high-protein, calorie-smart,

Mediterranean, even GLP-1 support options. And unlike most meal prep, there's a lot of variety. so you're not locked into the same boring meals every single time. If you're looking to eat healthier starting right now, this is exactly what I would use. Head to factormeals.com slash remit 50 off and use code Ramit 50 off to get 50% off your first factor box plus free breakfast for one year.

Offers only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewal subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. I talk a lot about the $3 versus. versus $30,000 questions that so many of us are obsessed with. And that same principle applies to kids, too. It's really easy to get caught up in the small stuff. Did I remember to buy cheez-its?

Do they need new socks? But the bigger things, like will they be protected if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? Those things often get pushed to the wayside. Not anymore. This year, start by asking the big questions and protect your family by getting term life insurance from this episode sponsor,

Fabric by Gerber Life. Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance you can get done today. It's made for busy parents like you. It's all online on your schedule right from your couch. You could be covered in under 10 minutes with no health exam required. If you've got kids, especially if you're young and healthy, now is the best time to lock in rates. And even if you have life insurance through your employer, it may not be enough to protect your family, especially if you leave your job or get let go. Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to help protect their family. You can apply today in just minutes at meetfabric.com slash remit.

M-E-E-T Fabric.com slash Rameet. Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company, not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Well, the show is going to happen in August. It has not happened yet, but I don't know. It's been a lot of fun so far, planning this whole thing and inviting friends. It felt terror typing my credit card number added, my expiration date, the CBC, the little number.

But after I did it, it felt really good. It felt awesome. Look at the smile on your face right now. Do you see that you are viewing that purchase through a completely different lens than anything else in your life? What's the difference? How come you were able to feel that amount of emotion and excitement around that, but not so. much around other things. It's a big hurdle for him. He's had a lot of fun planning this event. We had to find a location for it and talk to several different people about alcohol and food.

And are we having a party beforehand? Like, there's a lot of things going on with this. And he's had a lot of fun. I hear that. What's interesting is it sounds like it took up a considerable amount of time. but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you didn't consider that being really busy. Fair? No, not busy to all because it's super fun. What if you could do more things like that? Yeah, I super look forward to it as soon as I'm done hanging those doors, which Minnie gets to help me with with her newfound time.

Which is fine if you like the house. If that's what you love, if it is your business or it provides you joy, great. Carl does it? Not so much anymore. We used to, and this will be our last remodel. It was our path to wealth. We would fix it full of houses, do the two out of five-year rule, not pay capital gains, reinvest the money in stocks or another house.

But it's run its course at this time. We're going to finish it up like many. He said, and no more. Once this house is finished, there are no more projects. And we've said this to several friends, and they're like, yeah, right, you're going to find something else. No, this is it. This is the last one. We don't enjoy it anymore.

I don't enjoy it anymore. He says he enjoys it. And like he really does enjoy tile. He's very good at it. It's like I think it's something that he really does enjoy doing the solitude and he's got headphones and he's listened to a podcast and having a great time. But I don't think that there's a lot of the other parts that he enjoys. Hanging drywall sucks and installing doors sucks. Living in chaos sucks.

and there's still five weeks left. When was the last time that I hung a door? Any idea? Probably never. Correct. So, I mean, you have the skill to hang a door and undo whatever those packages are and stuff. Okay, you have skills, I agree. Is there a future where maybe you don't hang doors?

Yeah, I hope that future starts in about four weeks from right now. So when the project completes. Yes. And then everything will magically change. I don't think it will magically change, but... Carl, you already did this. Like, do you see what I'm trying to show you? You already did this.

You hit your FI number and nothing changed the next day. You could be right. Maybe all this is going to be completely wrapped up in exactly four weeks, and everything will change magically after that. Another way to look at it is the way you live to do. day is the way you are going to live for the rest of your lives. No. No.

Oh, that's the first time I've actually heard the two of you say something in a resolute way. That is the way that we have lived for the last like 15 or 20 years. And it is not, we used to like it and we don't like it anymore. You know, I have a question. If this were all going to be resolved in two or three weeks, why didn't we just talk in two or three weeks? Well. Because, you know what I said? suspect is that things are actually not going to change that much in three weeks.

It's really hard to change. You know that. I know that. It's really hard. So are you doing yourselves a bit of a disservice by just like kicking everything off till this date three weeks in the future and not really looking inside? Yeah, I don't know. It feels weird because we took on all these projects.

Now we know we don't want to do them anymore. but we kind of we have to bring them to resolution we have to finish them up and I think we really will have a rebid I've got to tell you we've been doing this our whole entire lives we've lived in a house that's not a construction zone I'm holding up my I'm in my dining room and my nail gun is right next to me which is uh yeah but I don't think we want to do this anymore and like you said change is hard but I think we'll actually have the time and mental bad and and hopefully be able to, like, we just haven't ever slowed down in the past. As long as we've been married, we've never slowed down and this will be it.

You know, I once saw a video clip that I'll never forget. It was a self-development seminar, and a woman stood up and asked a question with way too many details. And the person on stage, she responded by saying this. She said, I think you talk a lot so you can escape yourself. I still remember the deafening silence in the room. And I remember my own heart speeding up as I wondered, do I do that too? This is what Mindy and Carl are doing and what so many of us do. We frantically respond to emails.

We make the kids lunches. We schedule weekend activities and optimize our savings and we read fireblocks. Also, we can escape the deeper meanings of a rich life. Am I spending my time and money on the things that matter? Do I have strong relationships? How would I know if those things are true? Let's look. If you claim you have strong relationships,

look at your phone, look at your text messages, and calendar from the last week. Show me proof that you have strong relationships. Do I work on my health? Where does that show up in your calendar and your spending? Am I generous? Where does that show up in your conscious spending plan? Do I even know what my rich life

is. You know, in America, we are experts at doing more work, more work, chasing a goal that we tell ourselves our boss created or our partner or even society. But when you meet a couple like Mindy and Carl who are independently wealthy as a result of their discipline, they even retired early, and even they can't stop doing things they dislike, you start to realize this may be a crystal ball into your future unless you make a change. What are you going to do all the time? Learn Spanish, play the piano, play the guitar, work on another website I've been thinking about for the past five years, exercise.

Exercise. Go on long bike rides. That actually sounds really good. Are you guys kidding or is this for real? No, this is for real. We've got a big list of things that we want to do. We have two kids there, 13. and 16 and so we're a little location dependent right now while they're in school.

But they're in school from like eight to four. So or eight to three. So we can spend that time doing other things. Got it. Okay, cool. You have a list. That's cool. What else is on that list?

One thing I'll say is it was difficult to do the trip to Germany just because it was expensive. And our younger daughter is a homebody. She did not want to go. She's like, I just want to stay here. Can you leave me with a relative or our friends? She's 13, right? Yeah, she's 13.

13 year old just, they don't want to do anything. Yeah. But the amazing thing was she got back and the first thing she said was, Dad, I can't wait to go back there. And I'm going to start doing German on Duolingo. Whoa. I know, right? Wait, that's amazing.

Okay, amazing. What's your takeaway from that? My takeaway was, holy shit. How can we give you more of these experiences that that you really enjoyed the memory dividend? And she's going to take that with her forever. And it might change your life. maybe she'll take up German and university or maybe she'll go to Germany to study. Who knows? And it was something she was dead resistant against doing it. And now she's in love

with the place. So you may have changed the trajectory of your daughter's life with this one trip. What are the implications of that as it relates to money? My implications are what else can we spend money on? What else can we show her that's going to change her world, maybe make her come out of her show, make her more enthusiastic. for these experiences, which might seem a little bit scary, but in the end, she loves. Okay. When was this trip to Germany? How many months ago? Ten months ago, almost a year ago. What money have you spent on for that daughter to create experiences for her? We have Hawaii planned. She was last in Hawaii when she was two or three, so she doesn't remember.

She's really excited about that. We're staying at very nice resorts. We are planning a helicopter trip. We're snorkeling, what are we snorkeling with manta rays, things that we would not have done in the past because they would be too expensive. And I don't even know how much the helicopter trip costs. We haven't discussed how much it costs. We just asked the girls if that was something that they would be interested in. doing because the little one may have some issues with like getting into a helicopter and they

were both very excited about it. The same with the mantarays. And they were so excited. We just booked the trip. We didn't look at the cost. I heard you on Chris Hutchins show talking about you went to Japan and you got a photographer while you were there and they took pictures. And I said, oh, we should do that while we're in Hawaii.

So we're going to fight a photographer to take some family photos on the beach. Love that. And it's going to be a cost because we, you know, it's somebody's time, but I'm not concerned about that cost. Can we try to reframe that? So I loved everything you just told me. Everything. It sounds beautiful.

It sounds like a memory of a lifetime. Take me to the end of that sentence where you said, we're going to get a photographer and then you lapsed into cost. Well, I don't know what it's going to cost. I haven't looked into it at all. I don't care what it costs. Well, and I don't either. I mean, I don't want to spend $10,000 on it,

but I want to find somebody to take nice pictures. I don't know how much it costs. When I talked about it on Chris's podcast, did you hear me talk about the cost of it? No. No. What did I talk about? You talked about how you would have these memories

for the rest of your life because you had somebody else. take these pictures. In fact, the more money I accumulate, the more meaning I get to create in more adventurous ways, in bigger results ways, in more convenient and safe ways than to have to only look at the world through cost. So when you tell me that I took a trip to Germany, I'm more interested in how your daughters thought the food was.

and what you saw there in terms of history, that gets me pumped. That is creating memories and your youngest wants to learn German. Oh my God, I love that. The price of an airline ticket for the two of you couldn't care less. Mindy, you look startled.

Carla's smiling too. Mindy, what's going through your head? I'm thinking of new ways to look at things. I do look at everything based on how much it costs. And I don't need to. I shouldn't. Now, this is good. No matter how much someone struggles to change their money, attitudes, and behaviors,

there is always a glimmer of hope. And I see that glimmer shining brightly when they talk about their daughter's reaction to visiting Germany. I saw it with their upcoming trip to Hawaii. I even saw it with Carl's birthday party concert. To me, these are really promising clues. And they tell me that there's a yearning here to change and even some proven behaviors that they've done. But it's going to take a lot of work. When I was young, as you know, I grew up frugal family, dad worked, mom was home with the kids.

We had a pretty big family. Not a lot of money. Middle class, hardly ever ate out, hardly ever took vacations. We did not waste money. Sometimes you have to do that. There's just no extra money to, you can't actually afford to waste money. Now, I'm CEO. I've run my business.

I have all these people around me. Sometimes money gets wasted. Now, I'm not saying I love it, but maybe I order something and it doesn't get returned in time. The more money you have, the more money you will naturally waste, and that is okay.

Because any system of any complexity has waste in it. Carl, you're building this house along with Mindy, Have you wasted any of your supplies? Yes. Of course. That's waste. That's normal. Any system has waste.

If it has no waste, it's probably not doing anything productive. But with money, Mindy, you have this view about waste as if it's the worst thing in the world. Why? I am a grandchild of the Depression and you did not waste anything back then because you didn't have anything. Okay. So anything that you had, you had to keep. You had to save. But Mindy, yet you still live and breathe that same value today.

Yeah. So I grew up the same way, not a descendant of grandparents or others who were in the Great Depression, but I grew up with a frugal family by nature and partially by culture. And we found lots of inexpensive ways to have fun and we had a great time. but what do you think changed for me to be able to spend extravagantly on the things I love? What changed? It wasn't just making more money because you've made more money and you haven't changed. I don't know what changed for you.

You want to ask some questions? Let's flip this podcast. This is your podcast now. Go ahead. Rameet, when did you first find yourself starting to spend more money and being okay? with spending that money. Right after I graduated from college, I remember asking a friend to help me dress better. And she took me to the Palo Alto Mall.

And we went into the store, I think it was a Macy's or something. And the way I had always shopped was, if you see something you like, you look at the price tag. And then, you know, if it's reasonable, you take it in the dressing room. So I started doing that. And she stopped me. She goes, don't do that. I said, what? She said, first, see if you love it, then we can talk about the price. That blew my mind. That was the first thing I remember.

What did it feel like for you when your friend told you not to look at the price tag and then you go into the dressing room? Did you look at it then? No. I trusted her. I had asked her because she had really good style. I had asked her to come help me. I wanted to learn how to dress better. And I trusted her. So I walked out and she had these extremely memorable reactions. When I would wear something, she would get excited. She was like, this looks amazing. So when it came time to pay, they told you the total.

Yeah. You bring your pile of clothes to the register. How did that feel? Well, I had the money. So the first thing is I was not worried about the money. I had the money. I knew my numbers. but the way that I felt was focused on how I was going to look and the numbers were a mere

triviality. They were, yeah, they were more than I would have ever paid before. But I was more focused on my friend getting me excited about how I was going to look and how to style these new clothes. Okay. All right. What are you taking away from this, Mindy? I don't know how you go from a frugal family to about looking at it.

price tags at clothes. I mean, Macy's can have some $40 sweaters or they can have some $5,000 sweaters. They don't have $5,000 sweaters. I know that. Mindy, if you're going to try to throw around prices of stuff, the one thing you do not want to throw around with this guy is the price of sweaters. Your point is Macy's can have expensive sweaters. Yes, but the principle is still the same. What was the principle you heard me say? You trusted your friend and you focused on the result, not the cost. I focused on a bigger picture than cost. What would be the equivalent for your Hawaii trip? I think we're doing most of it. Yeah, I do too. What is the big picture, the thing that you're actually getting excited about? Spending time with the girls and having a great

trip. Yes. Doing things that they want to do. Yes. How come you're not agonizing over the price of everything? Because we're trying something new. Yes. Do you see the direct analogy? Yeah. Why is it uncomfortable for you? Because this is new. The difference is I had a reason, a very compelling reason when I was in my early 20s. A young 20-something guy wants to look good.

I was single. I have asked many times and I'm still looking for a compelling reason from the two of you to change. I'm still looking. I will ask again. again, why now? And the answers are, we should spend more, we have enough in the bank, not compelling, not enough of a reason to actually change. You have both embedded yourself in systems and structures that makes it extremely difficult for you to actually build the skill of spending money. Well, I'll ask Mindy. I think our lives will change very short.

when all this stuff is done. I think, but it's probably a recent realization. I think the New York trip where we did allow ourselves to spend money on two shows and nice experiences there. I think there was an eye opener. I don't regret a thing about spending that money. And now more than anything in life, I just want my time. That seems strange, though, if they have that kind of money.

I mean, I've only seen, like, the cartoon rich people who are like, I got to do all this stuff so fast and I've got time is money and let's get going and time. We're always so busy. We don't have time to do anything. And people who have that kind of money aren't rushed. We are at a point where, you know, the older one is going to be going off to college soon. I want to make a lot of memories with the four of us while there's still the four of us. And we committed, Remi, we committed to these projects years ago where my mindset was a little bit different. And I think was shittier. But now I just want to get past them and move on.

Well, I had some notes up here. And my top thing was I don't want to be wasteful. So I'm crossing that off. I like it. Can I make a suggestion? Maybe going forward, you don't use the word optimize anymore at all. How do you feel about that? I feel good. I'll have to get the word optimized, remove the tattoo removed from my ass.

I like the reframing of it. Cool. Use that between the two of you. So, you know, you both have a lot of fun with each other. I can tell just the way you talk. If that optimized comes up, you can, ah, what did you say? You know, you can have fun with it. But it's also a half joke because you actually don't have to live a life of optimization for everything. people who have the wealth you do it's a tragedy to live a smaller life than you have to you can live a life of comfort, safety, or pure delight.

Carl's writing something down. Carl, what are you writing down? It's a tragedy to love a smaller life than you have to. Okay, I appreciate that. That's the first thing you wrote down today. What struck you about that phrase? Geez, I don't want to be 80 and regret not buying the photographer or doing other shit that we could have done on the vacation that we could have been doing. I mean, the thing that's, one of the things that really stuck out to me was our younger

daughter telling us how much she liked the trip and the experience. And I want to give her more experiences like that. I want to come back from Hawaii and for her to tell us that was the best two weeks of her life. Now, that is a powerful vision. Mindy, how much did you say you're going to have by the time you're like 70 or 80 or something? That big number that you said in. your pre-interview. Oh, it's going to be, well, if we, God, I wrote those down and then I don't have that off the top of my head. But the rule of 72 says that it's going to double every like eight

years. So I'm 50 now at 4.3 million. At age 58, I'll have 8.6 at age 58, 64. I will have like 16 million. And then at 74. 72, I'll have like 32 million or something like that. 32 million dollars at age 74. Yeah. What does it mean to you? That's unfathomable. I don't really identify with that.

So if you continue the way you are, what are you going to do with that much money by then? Pay a lot in required minimum distributions. And then what are you going to do with that money? Yeah. I want to buy my kids a house before I have to pay for all of that. Okay. A house costs a million bucks, maybe even two.

Great. What else? That's your interest for about nine months. I don't know how to handle that kind of money. If you can't learn to spend a little bit of money right now, this is just income, by the way. Then how can you learn to spend millions and millions and millions of dollars? Mindy's taking deep breaths right now.

Yeah, because I don't know how I would ever spend 16. million dollars. Yeah, I think it would be a failure if we ever got to that. I think there would be an indication that we didn't spend enough when we were younger because who knows what kind of shape will be in when we're that old as well. So I don't want to get to a point where we have that much. And even if that means giving it away and seeing our money doing good, I don't want to leave a bunch of money when I die.

I want to blow it all before I croak. And hopefully here's the word, the O word again, optimally blow it. So either give it away or spend it on stuff. I don't want to have that kind of wealth one where that'll... I still want to go on that bike, Greg. And now for their follow-ups, which I asked them to record on video. So make sure you come to YouTube and subscribe so you can see their reactions. It's actually quite telling, and you'll be able to see future video follow-ups from our guests.

Don't forget, you can sign up to get my podcast newsletter every single week where I share material you will never see publicly. It's at IWT.com slash podcast newsletter. This week, I'm talking about the dynamics of cheap people. First up, Mindy's video update. What really surprised me is that you didn't think that we really want to change. I do want to change, but change is hard. I'm old. I'm set in my ways.

And this is kind of a big part of my whole life. and it is tough to change. And I really thought that you were just going to wave some magical wand and everything was going to be easy. And apparently I have to do work. So I'm thankful for the conversation. You really made me think I did not sleep while the last night or two nights ago. So thanks for that.

But I have a lot to think about. Why would I sit through this if I didn't want to change? meet. What do we, what did I take away from this conversation? I don't think Carl and I are really on the same page about money sometimes. And I really thought we were. I thought we were both on the same page all the time. And I want to pay somebody to come in and finish this stupid house so we can be done. And he wants to DIY everything. And I get both sides. I like I get his point because it's finding good help is really, really hard. but we're both frustrated with the house and the way it's going.

So we did end up hiring our friend Eric. And he came in and hung all the doors today. And they look great. And that's a huge weight off of our shoulders. And the amount of mental bandwidth that that freed up is, you can't put a price up, even though it only costs. Well, I'm not even going to tell you how much it costs because I don't do that anymore. I do have a comment from my daughter.

She said, I said, we were, you know, how we were talking to the sky last night and, you know, we're always concerned about the cost of things. She said, since when are you concerned about the cost, you're rich? And I asked her if she thought, we weren't concerned about the cost of things. And she replied, I think you obsess about the price of everything and it's annoying. Anyway, the idea that this could all be done suit is delightful. And now, Carl's video update. Hi, Remeet. So this is my friend Eric. One of the suggestions you had was to hire some of her stuff up. So we get through this and move on to our next life. And when we were on the call the other night, I texted Eric and he had actually responded a couple minutes later.

So he could help out today. So that's Wednesday. And we are still indoors now. We're not only influenced and reinforced by our community, but we're reinforced by each other. I think Mindy and I are on the same page, and I think it's great to be on the same page with your partner, but maybe we're not exactly on the right page. So that's what surprised me. I think Mindy and I have lived in maybe a tunnel vision situation for a long time where we're pretty much exactly on the same page and haven't considered other views or what else we could be doing with our money to live a better life. One of the big takeaways was I was thinking about our recent trips to New York and Germany with our daughters.

And what a great time they had. I think that's probably some of the best times we've had as a family. And after we got off our call with you, I thought, why aren't we doing more of this? So I've done a couple things. I've taken three different actions since we talked. This one was inspired by you and the photographer's story. we have a good friend who lives on Maui, and we offer to fly him and his partner over to Kauai for a day to hang out with us and to also take pictures of ourselves and to take pictures of our family. Number two, yesterday Mindy and I asked each girl, each of our daughters, to make a list of the top ten places they would like to see in the world.

We are going to see what they come up with and see what overlap there is on their list and then pick a place and go to the top. there for at least a week on December break. And here's a really big one. I think you're going to like this one a lot. My mom is still around. I also have two sisters who both have partners, and all of them are doing all right, but not nearly as well off as Mindy and I.

So yesterday, I sent everyone a text offering to take the entire family on a cruise to Alaska. So this is my mom, my sisters, and their partners. I would pay for a cruise to go to Alaska. in 2024. My mom has always dropped to this but has never been able to pull the trigger on it for herself. So I look forward to being able to take all nine of us on this pretty cool trip. So thank you for the inspiration. Well, I want to thank Mindy and Carl for coming on this show. It took a lot of courage, particularly because of their place in the fire community,

to come here publicly and ask for help. So Mindy and Carl, thank you very much. I'd love for you to keep updating me with how you are developing your rich life. If you enjoyed this, let's do a couple of things. Number one, please leave a written review on Apple Podcasts. It helps a lot. Number two, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. And number three, go to IWT.com slash podcast newsletter. This week, I'm sending something you've never seen my seven-part scorecard on how to tell if you are cheap.

Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. I'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You to be rich. I'm Rameit Saiti. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven't read I Will Teach You to Be Rich, my book, pick up a copy. You can get it at any bookstore or any library, and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I Will Teach You to Be Rich system into your personal finances.