Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi - 99. Where Are They Now? Netflix Reunion with Drew

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

In this special limited series, we’re following up with couples from my Netflix show, How To Get Rich. Tune in to hear what’s new, what isn’t, and where their money conversations have gone since... our taping. Today, we check in with Drew to see if he’s been more honest with his partner, Mikey. This episode is brought to you by: BetterHelp | Visit https://betterhelp.com/ramit today to get 10% off your first month. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors. Get yours at https://DrinkLMNT.com/ramit Rocket Money | Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to https://rocketmoney.com/ramit Ness Well | IWT listeners can get an extra 5K welcome bonus when they apply for the Ness Card at https://nesswell.com/ramit Connect with Ramit • Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show • Get Money Coaching with Ramit  • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube • Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit  If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If you or your partner has fallen for a scam, I want to help, especially if you've recently fallen for an email or text scam, or you've gotten bad financial advice from someone who did not keep their promises, or maybe you just have not even told your partner because you are embarrassed. If this is you, I want to talk. Apply for free coaching with me by being on my podcast. Apply today at IWT.com slash apply. That's IWT.com slash apply. Let me share some of the coolest ways that my community has recently used money to live a rich life. One member did a month-long honeymoon in Europe after deciding she didn't want a big wedding. Another member bought a VW SUV that was their dream car that they've wanted for years.
Starting point is 00:00:48 And another member made a rule that any time she buys a ticket for an event, she always buys a second so that she can bring a friend. These are just a few examples of how my money coaching members have built systems to use their money. Notice that there's no more anxiety, that they have a smooth running system. They know when their debt's going to be paid off. They can feel comfortable spending on the things they love. They can actually spend less time on their finances while living an amazing life. In my money coaching program, members also get access to live events every month, including topics like money with aging parents and how to create
Starting point is 00:01:26 amazing vacations. That was one of my favorites where I shared how I spend my money on travel, plus Q&A directly from me. If you want to start building your rich life today, join us and get instant access to our back catalog of years of live calls. Check out IWT.com slash money coaching to join now. That's IWT.com slash money coaching to join the program right now. I was tired of living the way I was living with like the secrets, I guess, and the gill. I went to bed stressed. I woke up stressed.
Starting point is 00:02:02 During the day, I was stressed thinking about money. That has all definitely changed. Tell me. For the better. By Thursday, I'll have zero credit card debt. What is that going to mean for you? The world is the first time I've said it, like, out loud period to anyone. Like, not even, like, my therapist, I've talked about that with that much.
Starting point is 00:02:22 This isn't that scary. We can do this. Like, the language is still the same. But I'm doing it. You're doing it. Finally. You know, we're here, we're queer, ain't got nothing to fear. Welcome to my special update with Drew from my Netflix show, How to Get Rich.
Starting point is 00:02:39 You're going to find out what has changed since he appeared on the show. So if you haven't already finished it, please go do that right now. Now, all I knew about Drew when I met him was his name and I had seen his financials. I didn't know anything else. And the producers had me show up in front of a bar and I was waiting outside. I heard the music playing. I said, okay, cool. I walk inside, there's a bunch of people sitting around having drinks.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Cool, I said, this is a party bar. Great, let's do it. But I didn't know who Drew was. I didn't know anything. Then I heard the music get really loud. Then I saw the dancers come out. I realized, okay, cool, this is a drag bar. But then I realized Drew was one of the dancers.
Starting point is 00:03:21 So today you get to find out what has changed since Drew and I talked on the show. Let's watch. Hey, Drew. Hello. How you doing? Wonderful. How are you? I cannot complain. I'm very excited to see you. It's been a minute. Oh my God, almost here.
Starting point is 00:03:41 I have so many questions. I follow you on social, but I also want to know like the intricacies, financial. What was your experience like working together? I want to know it all. Well, I'm sitting in my condo right now in Chicago. Still at the same job. Whoa, because I think when we were working together, I had swiss. I was getting ready to switch. Yep. So I'm still at the same place that that happened.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Doing great, still loving you. I'm still busy, still making that money, honey. Love it. So there's that, you know, we're almost not a year being married. Love it. The 15th of April will be our one-year anniversary. Amazing. It kind of a bunch of the same old and same old, but also very much not like in the head,
Starting point is 00:04:28 you know, especially like, you know, it's talking to Mikey about money. or planning things and saving things, that has all definitely changed. Tell me. For the better. Yeah, so I'm just, we will want to making more money. So that always helps. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:45 So like the biggest thing I've been working on this last year, which, you know, I've been working on keeping you up doing, is getting rid of that credit card debt. Because I think that was kind of just the biggest, the biggest one, the easiest one to fix right away, especially with, you know, just discussing interest rates. So it's kind of like, let's get this shit gone. I thought we met next week.
Starting point is 00:05:04 So I was going to be like, oh, it's going to be gone. But are you ready for it? I'm ready. Thursday, by Thursday, I'll have zero credit card debt. Yes. My man. That is amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Wait, okay. It's really fucking cool. Let's talk about the importance of this because when we met, that credit card debt was a huge secret. It was like between. you and Mikey. And it was causing a lot. You guys were getting married. It was like a huge problem. And then you paid it off 200 bucks a week. So 800 bucks a month you put towards that credit card debt. Oh my God. That's insane. Congratulations. Thank you. It's insane. What does it feel like to see the end coming by Thursday? Really good. Like it's proud. I'm really, really proud of myself for like buckling down.
Starting point is 00:05:59 What is that going to mean for you? The world. It's like the credit card debt became part of your mission, part of your identity. Yeah. And when you make it that, it becomes a lot easier to put money towards it. I was like, okay, credit cards, we're not talking anymore. You know, we're on, we're on a break. And so I would just like make the payment. So it wasn't really paying attention to the balance so much because I knew it wasn't going up. I knew it was only going down. And then one day I saw, because I think the card was left at like 500. and, you know, I had a good ship that were a good week. And I was like, I'm knocking this out.
Starting point is 00:06:34 I'm like, you know, let's just let's just get her done and put her away. Yeah. That's awesome. What does Mikey say about it? Mikey is really, obviously, really excited, really proud. Of course, with him because he is, you know, type A always thinking. He's like, okay, great. So next we can work on this.
Starting point is 00:06:52 He wants to go to the next, which is like me. I'm like, okay, great, what's next? And then a lot of people I've learned need to, celebrate and take a second and say like, oh my God, look at what I accomplished. I feel like I'm more part of the team now, which, you know, was not how I felt when we first No. It's no surprise that you have absolutely crushed that debt. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:07:14 One thing you notice about people who make huge changes with their life is that they confront it head on. It's quite amazing. You can make dramatic changes in your life when it comes to money, fitness, relationships within six months. But you'll notice that the people who do this tend to go all in. And that's exactly what Drew did.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Now, of course, we're not all ready to do that. That's fine. There are parts of my life that I'm not going all in on. But I just want you to know that it is indeed possible. There's a pretty cool TikTok trend going around right now that I really love. It's called admin nights. Basically, you get your friends together,
Starting point is 00:07:54 you get some snacks, maybe some drinks, and you do all the infrastructure stuff in life that most of us skip over. If you're going to set up an admin night, here's my suggestion for you. Use ZocDoc to book your health appointments and you will be done fast. ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. They have over 150,000 doctors across all 50 states in 200 plus specialties, including mental health, dental, primary care, whatever you need. Just filter for doctors based on insurance,
Starting point is 00:08:30 location, ratings, even virtual care options. And Zoc Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. You can look through your options, book an appointment, and you are done. If I needed to find a new doctor today, Zoc Doc is what I would use. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoch.com slash Rameet to find and instantly book a doctor you love. today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash Rameet. Zok-D-C-com slash Rameh. And I want to thank Zok-Doc for sponsoring this message. Just guess the average wait time to see a doctor in the United States. I'm not talking about a specialist, just a regular standard family doctor. You think it's a week, two weeks? Nope. It's over 30 days. So a lot of times whatever symptoms you have are going
Starting point is 00:09:22 to be gone or maybe worse by the time you get to that appointment. I don't want you to have to wait weeks to see a doctor. I want you to get seen faster by an in-network doctor using Zoc-Doc. Zoc-Doc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love. They have over 150,000 doctors across all 50 states in 200-plus specialties, including mental health, dental, primary care, whatever you need. Just filter for doctors based on insurance, location, ratings, even virtual care options, and Zoc Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. You can look through your options, book an appointment, and you are done.
Starting point is 00:10:08 If I needed to find a new doctor today, Zock Doc is what I would use. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash remit to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-C-com. slash rameet. Zocdoc.com slash remit. And I want to thank Zokdoch for sponsoring this message. I think the biggest thing that I'm stuck on, but I've also done the most work on, I think, and taken the most from our work together is the job search and the job and just really like getting out of the industry. Like, yeah, it's great that I'm making more money in the industry,
Starting point is 00:10:47 but I don't want to be a server for the rest of my life. Yeah. That's smart. That's smart to know when you've reached a limit in a certain industry and you're like, look, I can spend the next 10 years trying to eke out an extra 10% or I can just switch industries. So what's the progress on that? Have you been applying? I've been applying. You should see, I was just something to you. My resume is like night and day. That's exactly what you should do. Awesome job sticking with it. So are you actively applying? to jobs now? Actively applying. I've started, and the other thing I've used and twisted, I'm not, I keep adapted. Adapted. Adapted. Adapted. The other thing I've adapted is the informational interviews.
Starting point is 00:11:38 I've worked with the Chicago Board of Elections doing training. And so really figuring out, could I see myself doing this nine to five Monday through Friday? It's almost like an internship with those in a way that I can like get that information. But I'm also making. making money doing it. Do you have a deadline for yourself or is it open-ended right now? It's open-ended, but it is very much the sooner the better. I'm making decent money now. So it's kind of sometimes easier to be like, ah, you know, no, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Summer's great in Chicago for waiting tables. So I'm ready. I can't let myself fall back on that. Well, you're going to make great money this summer. You can wait until the fall and start looking. Like, no, let's just get this done now. In the fall, I have that hopefully that, you know, nine to five. One thing that I'm hearing from you this pattern is you are going from being reactive
Starting point is 00:12:33 to proactive. You were reactive with your money when we first met. Then you got super proactive with paying the debt off. And you saw the results. And my dream for you is to connect that feeling and that behavior with the job search. All right. So you'll keep me updated when you land the next job. Oh, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:12:53 You'll probably be one of the first. You'll probably be like second after Mikey. Okay, love it. What are you going to do once you start making more money, what are you going to do with the additional income? I get some more dogs. Is this a joke? So before, when we first started talking, how much were you making?
Starting point is 00:13:13 I was probably making, I think, 35 a year then. 35,000 a year. 35,000, yeah. Okay, what are you making now? And now this year, oh, shit, I just looked, I think it was 50. I was right about 50 this year, $50,000. Was that feeling? That felt it was really good, too.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And then again, it was kind of like, whoa, where's it been going? And I almost like went back to that old headspace of, well, you know, you're wasting money. You're not doing something. I was like, wait, bitch, you have knocked down $5,000 in credit card debt. Yeah. That money hasn't gone nowhere. Yeah. It went exactly where it needed to go.
Starting point is 00:13:53 Like a fire hydrant, it went or a fire hose. Boom, straight to where it needed to go. Yeah. Now, I feel like since I had, I'm being able to contribute more financially to our trips, I feel like I can help make the calls more and be like, hey, I want to go do this. I want to see that. No, we're going to stay in this hotel because, you know, I want to. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:14 That's what happened. We just spent, you know, a week out in Palm Springs and Joshua Tree. And for the first time in the seven years we've been together, I planned the vacation. Like, I found our Joshua Tree RV. We stayed with friends in Palm Springs. But then, you know, I was like, I found like what to do, what sites to see. Like, we, well, that was a combo. Like, obviously he found some cool stuff too.
Starting point is 00:14:38 But like, for the most part, it was like, I took charge for most of the trip. I think I'm finally accepting, you know, again, seven years later that Mikey and I are a team. Yeah. You know, this money at this point. is yes, exactly, it's our money. That is cool. Didn't you do that on the honeymoon? I remember you sent me a message like you were going to surprise Mikey with something on your honeymoon?
Starting point is 00:15:01 Yeah, we did jet skiing. Awesome. So, yeah, I just was like, okay, I'm going to plan something for the day. Yeah. And we didn't. It was super cool. It's amazing, you know, after seven years that you are uncovering this new layer of your relationship. I think that to me is the coolest part of the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:15:19 You uncovered your own new layer. I can do this. I can make more. I can dedicate the money towards this and crush this debt in a year. And then also the coolest part is you're discovering this layer of your own relationship with your husband. That's exactly why I did this show. That's why I did it. I'm glad you did.
Starting point is 00:15:39 One of the most shocking things I've learned from this podcast is that almost all of the couples who come on my show with 10 out of 10 money problems have never read a sink. book about personal finance. Not just my book, they never read any book about money. You'll note that when people talk about money, it is very easy to dream about what they want. And actually, I like dreaming. It's good. We should dream. We should come up with our rich life vision. But we don't just need dreams. We need a plan. So you can create that plan yourself and figure out how compounding works and when you'll be able to withdraw this money and on and on. Or if you need help building a specific plan for you, our partners at Fassett can help.
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Starting point is 00:18:51 account for my dog. Yes, I remember that. For me. I've been waiting to ask you about that. Tell me, please. Well, you're going to love this part. Daddy is taking some money back. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:04 And we are starting a Roth IRA for me with $2,000 seen money. Yes. The Gigi account. Amazing. I mean, I love you, Gigi, but Drew, you need that retirement account. That's awesome. I'm going to live longer than her. So I need it more.
Starting point is 00:19:22 That's good. Listen, I'm not going to say anything more because I have a lot of people who watch this who love dogs. And I don't need to get, like, of all the people who can get mad at me, I really do not need dog owners coming after me. So love you. Love dogs. But I'm especially happy that you're getting your investment account going. Now that you know the game, you start to see these connections. Like the fact that you paid that credit card debt off so aggressively and you saw results.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Now, when you start to do the same thing with your investments and you start to see compounding, but just in the positive direction, you go, oh my God, I understand the game. That's how you win. Just a quick side note on this. I have a friend of mine who told me how she loves spending on her dog, but she struggles to spend on herself. I was like, what are you talking about? And then later I posted this thing that said, normalize spending as much on yourself as you do on your dog, which went totally viral.
Starting point is 00:20:20 So that is dedicated to my friend Monique. But you see this with tons of people. I've had moms on this show who will start crying about how they cannot spend on themselves because they feel so guilty, but they will spend anything on their children. I've had dads who are on this show and they describe themselves as providers.
Starting point is 00:20:43 But when I ask them, what is your rich life for yourself? They're completely stumped. it's totally fine to be generous. It's even great to have that as a money dial, but not to the exclusion of yourself. Your rich life can be spending generously on other people. That's totally fine, even laudable,
Starting point is 00:21:03 but not to the exclusion of spending on yourself. Do you use the conscious spending plan in your money conversations or at all? If not, that's also okay, but I'm just curious. We keep talking about talking about it. First, it was the new job and trying to settle in. Then the same thing, again, with the struggle has been with my job. The Ebbin flow, like, you know, July to December is fantastic. But then this last three months has been, you know, so like it's very conscious spending.
Starting point is 00:21:36 It doesn't go out the window, but it kind of gets thrown off. Let me offer a little bit of feedback. If you don't use it, that's okay with me. Not everybody's successful with money has to use a conscious spending plan. But let me suggest a couple of things where I think it might be helpful for you right now. If you buy too much, it becomes something where you are now letting the tail wag the dog. In other words, every month you're sitting there writing a check for 300, 400, 500, whatever. You go, why can't we go on this vacation?
Starting point is 00:22:06 Why can't we eat out? So it really pays to get it right. So that's where I think a CSP can come in handy. He sounds exactly like my husband. Because that's pretty much everything he's already done. So you'd be very, you'd be giving him his gold sticker right now. Like, well, he's already kind of done all that. The key is, I want you to be on board.
Starting point is 00:22:25 I actually, my dream, which you've already started to do it, it's awesome, is for you to go to Mikey and be like, hey, you know what? I ran a few calculations. I don't know, maybe I made a couple of mistakes here or there, but here's how I'm seeing it. What do you think about that? And then you take Mikey's budget, you go, Mikey, fuck these numbers. you don't even calculate the TCO correctly.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Get this out of here. From now on, we're using my numbers. Just make sure you throw up a camera on that so I can get a copy of that. Oh, absolutely. Just guess the average wait time to see a doctor in the United States. I'm not talking about a specialist, just a regular standard family doctor. Do you think it's a week, two weeks? Nope, it's over 30 days.
Starting point is 00:23:04 So a lot of times whatever symptoms you have are going to be gone or maybe worse by the time you get to that appointment. I don't want you to have to wait weeks to see a doctor. I want you to get seen faster by an in-network doctor using ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love. They have over 150,000 doctors across all 50 states in 200-plus specialties, including mental health, dental, primary care, whatever you need. Just filter for doctors based on insurance, location,
Starting point is 00:23:41 ratings, even virtual care options, and Zoc Doc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. You can look through your options, book an appointment, and you are done. If I needed to find a new doctor today, ZockDoc is what I would use. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash Rameet to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-C dot com slash Rameh. Zocdoc.com slash remit, and I want to thank Zocdoch for sponsoring this message. I talk a lot about the $3 versus $30,000 questions that so many of us are obsessed with.
Starting point is 00:24:25 And that same principle applies to kids, too. It's really easy to get caught up in the small stuff. Did I remember to buy Cheez-It's? Do they need new socks? But the bigger things, like will they be protected if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? Those things often get pushed to the wayside. Not anymore. This year, start by asking the big questions and protect your family by getting term life insurance
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Starting point is 00:25:59 I think it was funny because it was for a lot of what was, you and I talked about it, even Mike and I talked about, it was the first time I've said it, like, out loud period to anyone. Like, not even like my therapist, I've talked about that with that much. So, you know, I think that was, because like, at the end of the first day, I was exhausted. I'm like, all I did was talk. But by the end of it, I was like, I need a drink. Like, I was tired of living the way I was living with like the secrets, I guess, and the gill and just, I went to bed stress.
Starting point is 00:26:30 I woke up stress. During the day, I was stressed thinking about money. Like, you know, can I afford this? But then I think also how once you kind of started me on that path, how easy it was to follow. and be like, okay, this isn't that, you know, this isn't that scary. We can do this. We started internally. You talked a lot about how you felt, and it was very emotional, very quickly. And what I love seeing was you went from that, the internal work, to the external work of like, I'm going to find out how much exactly I owe, I'm going to start putting money towards it,
Starting point is 00:27:05 that debt started to get paid off. And then now you came full circle back to the internal work. Like you're talking about being a partner. You're talking about feeling like you are contributing and being proud, like full circle. And that is exactly how it's supposed to work. Yeah. Well, I was very proud to watch your journey. Looking back on our time together, what was your most memorable moment? Creating cast Monet.
Starting point is 00:27:33 That was too good. You really caught me off guard with that one. Tell everyone what that is in case they have not seen it. Cassidy is your drag name. If someday you decided you drag, because, you know, that was, it's a part of my life. It's like, it's one of my little joys.
Starting point is 00:27:49 So I figured, oh, yeah, because that was it. We were talking joking. I was like, if you were making me do us all this work, I was going to make you do something too. Yeah, you threw it back on me. I was like, wait a second. I'm here to give the instructions. And then you're like, uh-uh.
Starting point is 00:28:00 I was like, okay, all right. So Cass is my wife, Cassandra. Yes. And so you quickly identified what my drag name would be. Usually it's like your first pet in the street lived on, but you didn't have a pet. Correct. And then I remember your wife's name was Cass. And then because of money, like Cass Money, it just sounds like too much like cash money.
Starting point is 00:28:23 But Cass Monet. It's a little on the nose. Yeah. Cass Monet is a rich life. That's a rich drag queen. I love it. Okay. Beautiful.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Anything that you want to share that you didn't get a chance to share on the show, any questions you have for me. I mean, we talk frequently, so it's not like you've been bottling something up, I don't think. But I want to make sure you have that chance. Significantly less scary and easier to navigate and be like, okay, yes, here's how I can make it work. You know, when I was making $30,000 and now I'm making $50, like, the language is still the same.
Starting point is 00:28:58 But I'm doing it. But I'm doing it. You're doing it. Finally, you know, we're here. We're queer. Ain't got nothing to fear. There you go. Well, I'm pumped.
Starting point is 00:29:06 I'm excited. I'm so excited to see your story go live. You really represent millions of people who want to do the right thing, maybe grew up not really talking about money, not really engaging with money. And you are an amazing example for people that when they take control of their money, they really can start living a rich life fast. That is pretty much all I hoped for when I first started thinking about doing this. Netflix show. I met Drew. He was very stressed out by money. He was keeping credit card debt,
Starting point is 00:29:44 thousands of dollars of credit card debt as a secret from his fiance, Mikey. They were soon to be married. And Mikey knew that Drew avoided money. He represents a lot of people who didn't really grow up being taught about money, who work in different jobs. Not everybody works at Google. Drew is a server, and he's acknowledged he likes it, but he needed to change to make more money. Now he's making 50K, and he wants to get out of the industry. And what is amazing in catching up with Drew is that he's made a plan to pay off his debt. He's continued doing it for a year. He's days away from being completely credit card debt-free.
Starting point is 00:30:27 And my favorite part of all is that he and Mikey are talking now more as partners. That part is incredible. They're creating their money rules together. All that's fantastic. That's where money can really change your life. It's not simply about dollars and cents in a spreadsheet, but it's about how you talk to your partner. If I had to give Drew some constructive feedback,
Starting point is 00:30:48 it would be take that same energy that you use to pay off your debt and redirect that to finding that new job. In the same way that your life changed when you went from making 30K to 50K, and it gave you so much breathing room and confidence, that same thing will happen when you switch industries and you're able to make more and be respected by the people that you work with and your boss. I think that will be fantastic.
Starting point is 00:31:14 The other constructive feedback I would give is to start using the conscious spending plan. I didn't push too hard because it's really up to them. Drew's a great example of everyone going at their own speed. To me, it doesn't matter if debt takes you six months to pay off, two years, et cetera. but the fact that he made steady progress is incredible. If you can do that, then you can truly live a rich life.
Starting point is 00:31:38 So congratulations, Drew. And for everybody who has seen Drew and the other cast on the show, How to Get Rich, is on Netflix now. And thank you for watching here. Now head on over to Netflix and watch the entire show. Thanks for listening to I Will Teach You to Be Rich. I'm Ramit Sati. Please follow the show on Apple, Spotify,
Starting point is 00:32:05 or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you haven't read, I Will Teach You to Be Rich, my book, pick up a copy. You can get it at any bookstore or any library, and it will show you the specific tactics for how to build the I Will Teach system into your personal finances.

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