Motivation Daily by Motiversity - Rachel Hollis' Life Advice Will Leave You SPEECHLESS | One of the Most Eye Opening Speeches Ever

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Special thanks to Tom Bilyeu for providing the amazing interview! Check out his awesome channel here: https://www.youtube.com/TomBilyeu Rachel Hollis, best-selling author of the second-most popular book of 2018 on Amazon, "Girl, Wash Your Face", motivational speaker, and blogger, delivers one of the most eye opening inspirational interviews you will ever year.Speaker:Rachel HollisMusic:Epidemic Sound Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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New episodes are being released every week. The link is in the description. If you want something, if you have a passion in your heart, fire in your belly, it's going to be you. It's going to be you getting up early. It's going to be you staying up late. It's going to be you running the miles and going to the gym and eating the kale and doing all the crap. It's only going to be you because outside motivation can only last for so long. You can hire the greatest trainer in the world.

You can have the greatest cheerleader. I could have you run beside me and yell out inspirational sayings. But ultimately, it's on me. For me, it was A, understanding why. That's why I think therapy is so freaking powerful. It's not that time that you sit in the chair with someone and cry about all the things. It's that moment where you're like, oh my gosh, that's why. If you know why, you can learn how to navigate around something,

but I think if you don't know the core of the problem, you can't move past it. If you want business advice or life, I mean, I can tell you what worked for me, but none of it's fast. And I don't think that the things that are lasting are ever quickly accomplished. People don't, they're like, well, I can't because, or here's the reason why. And I'm like, yeah, me too. I had all those excuses. And it didn't mean that making the decision to move forward,

Suddenly it got easier. If anything, making the decision to move forward is harder. John Maxwell said this to me the day. He's like, movement causes friction, always. And so just because you make the decision to move forward doesn't mean it now we're doing it. No, now you've got all kinds of other problems. What are the things I'm not sorry for?

And as a recovering people pleaser, I struggled for years with wanting to make sure everyone was happy and the idea that someone, my husband, or my in-laws, or my parents might be disappointed. me was crippling. So I've done a lot of work and there are certainly areas of my life where I still struggle with that. But there are some areas where I just am, I'm savage about it. And one of those for me is I do not care what other people think of me for having goals and dreams for myself. You can't give anyone ownership of what is going to happen with you. What are your general thoughts

around intention? Should people be journaling? How specific do they need to be? Oh yeah. I mean, actually some of my favorite talks I've ever listened to of yours or podcasts that you've done where you've talked about mindset and how important that was and the impetus for you to change your life in such huge ways because it's everything. It's everything. And this sounds like very sweeping generalization. But the idea that we really can be in control, you cannot control the variables out here in the world, but you can control your reaction to them. And you can control how you show up in this space. So that looks like for me, Morning routine is hugely important, so starting, you know, making sure that meditation and prayer, making sure that workouts in.

I do Brendan's planner. I do my own journal. So I had this habit for years where just as part of my to-do list, every day I would write down the dreams that I had for my life, and I would write them down as if they had already happened. I had heard that years ago at a conference. Someone said, you know, if you say like, I'm going to make a million dollars this year, all your brain here is going to. and you already have a bunch of other to do, so why does this sentence stand out? But if you said, I have a million dollars and you're nowhere near that, it makes your brain sort of wake up and take notice.

And so every day, for years and years and years, I did this practice. And it is insane if you go read my notebooks from five years ago. It's the life I have today. It's absolutely crazy insane. And that's not like, oh, I wrote it down and so it happened. It's I wrote it down every single morning, and so every single morning I reset my intention. This is where we're going. This is where we're going.

This is where we're going. And it's not just things like I want to have a New York Times bestseller, which was a huge dream of mine. It's also writing down every day, I'm an exceptional mom. I'm an exceptional wife. Because that's the woman I want to be. And as silly as it sounds, if you don't remind yourself every single day that that's your mission, then you're not resetting where you're headed. And just that simple prompt, it might be something as simple as like,

oh, I'm going to send Dave a text and tell him he looks hot today. Or I'm going to write a note for my kids and leave it on their pillows so that when they get in bed tonight, they'll find a surprise. It's just the simple reminder of how I want to show up in the world. So that was hugely powerful for me. I also love the idea and forgive me because I for sure didn't make this up. I don't know who I heard this from, but I don't write to-do lists. I write results lists.

Like, what's the result you want, not the thing you have to do? The idea that you don't say like all the things you want to accomplish today, you write down what's the result that you're after. Because, okay, so for instance, years ago when I was an event planner, my to-do list could have been like send emails to these 10 people, redo their portfolio, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But the result that I'm after is I need a new client. or I need to make more money.

And if you focus on the result, you can come up with 50 different ways to get to the result that aren't bogged down with all of this other crap you think is in between where you are and where you want to go. And I just sat in meetings all week with really big companies and people and they would say, like, what does the future look like for you? Like what is? And years ago, I would be like, oh, I don't know.

You know, we'll see. We'll see what happens. And now I'm like, Oprah. Like if Oprah and Ellen had a baby Someone who can make you laugh and then also can challenge you to show up for your own life is But I couldn't have claimed that five years ago or ten years ago I would have worried what everyone in this room thought of me because who says that? What a douchebag But I might still struggle with you know what you think of my hair or my writing style

But I certainly don't care what what you think of me for having a dream and I think that it's one of the things that cripples women most is they have this desire on their heart, they want to pursue something for themselves, and they're too afraid of what other people will think. They're too afraid of what, like, Marissa from eighth grade is going to think of them for signing up for a half marathon. They're too afraid of what their mother-in-law thinks of them for wanting to start a business,

and they just drown in the shame associated with it, and nobody calls it BS. Nobody says, like, wait, this isn't, we're all dealing with this. And so none of us can step forward into who we're called to be because we're too worried about what you think of us. So excuses were really important for me to tackle just because I think love my girls, but women especially, like, we need to call BS. And you need to have someone get in your face and say, like, with all the love in my heart, this is not real. This is something that you've decided to cling to because it justifies why you're still in the same place. That's why I'm an achiever.

Like, I had to perform. In my family, nobody paid attention to you unless you were doing something good. So if you got an A on the test, if you scored a goal in the soccer game, then we all clap for you and we love you. And the second that that achievement is done, we're back over here doing our thing. And what that teaches a child is that in order to get love, you better keep achieving. Now, I don't regret that because, gosh, it's manifested into something really powerful as an adult. So we asked that question, who'd you have to be? And then he says, and who else did you have to be?

And I had never consciously had this thought, and it fell out of my mouth, small. So my dad was little girl. Little girl, you don't know what you're talking about. Little girl this, little girl. And he wanted you to be bigger than life when other people were watching. But he also believed that children should be seen and not heard.

Little girl, you better shut your mouth. So how do you carry that? How do you carry, be as big and achieving as you can possibly be, and then shut up, because nobody wants to hear what you have to say. And I found myself as a grown woman sitting there realizing that this had become my career. So I had, in the dark, like behind the scenes

in a way that it wouldn't bother anybody, I'm building and dreaming and an entrepreneur and super proud of what I'm doing. But if you had asked me, what do you do? I'd be like, oh, I have this little blog. And it was at the time, I'm like, by myself, it's over six figures. I was really proud of what I would.

But I never said that. Family parties, oh, oh, Rachel, She was a little blogger. She's a little DIY. But I wouldn't claim what I was doing because I just thought I've got to be big and I've also got to be small. So understanding why I felt that way and also making the decision as a people pleaser

that I would no longer seek love from others in negative ways. And the only way I know how to do that is I'm going to be so filled with love myself. I'm going to be so filled with love for my in-laws, for my parents, for everybody else, that it doesn't matter if you love me back. I'm going to love you so hard,

it doesn't matter if you love me back. Because if I've got enough love for both of us, then I don't need to try and shape myself into someone new in order for you to approve of me. So those are two huge awarenesses that I came to.