Motivation Daily by Motiversity - This Is Why You Don't Succeed - Tom & Lisa Bilyeu’s Life Advice Will Change Your Future

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

Lisa and Tom Bilyeu, co-founders of billion-dollar brand Quest Nutrition and hosts of Impact Theory and Women of Impact, share their greatest advice on success.Speakers:Tom Bilyeu: https://twitter.com/tombilyeuLisa Bilyeu: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeuInterview Host:Tyler Waye: http://tylerwaye.com/Music:Epidemic Sound Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The link is in the description. The tenacity it takes to face your inadequacies and continue to try, try, try. That's where we've succeeded. The thing with excuses is sometimes they're very true. But it doesn't serve you. It doesn't serve your goal. So are you going to let it sit with you or are you going to find a way around it? To me, there's only one definition of success.

entirely neurochemical based. So the goal is fulfillment. That's it. Period. End of story. And the reason it's powerful is you understand that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your neurochemistry. Literally everything you do in life is about manipulating your neurochemistry. People are watching this show because they're hoping that we say something that manipulates their neurochemistry. You're going to put music under this. It's going to manipulate their neurochemistry. You're going to cut it in a way that manipulates your neurochemistry. They're going to do drugs, eat, fall in love, have sex. All of it is about manipulating their chemistry. I started to realize, oh, legacy wasn't having kids, like actually having kids. Legacy

to me was creating impact that when you're gone, you have touched their lives. You can become anything you want to become, but you're going to have to pay a heavy price to get there. So the question is, what is it that you want to do? Most of you aren't going to know the answer to that. So you're going to go explore. As Kevin Kelly says, don't prematurely optimize. Go experiment. Go try things. Just like Lisa was saying. Go play around. Go enjoy yourself. out what it is that you like. Nothing is ever going to be self-evident. You're never going to come across something like, this is what I meant to do with the rest of my life. You were going to find something that gives you more energy than it takes. When you find something that when you do it,

you're like, ooh, this is fun and you're actually energized by it. Then you're going to go down the path of actually gaining skills in that. The more you engage with that, if that continues to be more fun, now it will become a fascination. Once something becomes a fascination, now we're going to really figure out if we can serve other people with that set of skills. If you can, you've got a hope of turning that into a passion. There's a saying called brain plasticity. Your brain actually changes, no matter how old you are, your brain changes. And I was like, okay, well, if that's true, then if I put time and energy into something, my brain will change, I'll get better at it, and that will improve my skills. And then another obsession of mine is to get people to understand.

Skills have utility. You don't read a book to get an A on the test. You don't read a book to check something off a list, you read a book to learn something that lets you do something in the real world that other people can't do. Elon Musk has a great quote. You're paid in direct proportion to the difficulty of the problems you solve. So you're learning something so you can solve problems, hard problems, that other people can't solve. And so once you understand, oh, this is mechanical, my brain is designed a certain way. There's a certain path that I have to walk to gain skills. And then skills let me do something other people can't do. And by doing things other people can't do, I'm able to serve

myself and the group. That's fulfillment. Fulfilments the point. It is so mechanistic. It's all just deadly simple. And when I'm giving honest answers, I'm always looping around, this is how the human mind works. And every time, every time I say something controversial, it's always about biology. I'm just like, okay. Like, if you want to fight it, fight it. You're going to die tired, and I will propel myself forward because I'm not judging what is true. I don't deal with the world the way that I wish it were.

I deal with the world the way that it is. What I'm good at and what we're good at together is not being right all the time. It's basically learning from your mistakes. So the physics of progress is you come up with a hypothesis. It should be as informed as possible. You figure out a way to turn that into, to something you can actually do, so you're going to run a test, then you actually run that test.

And then this is where most people fall down. You have to lower your psychological defenses to stare nakedly at the results. And oftentimes that's going to be you didn't do something well, you didn't think through this right, you made a mistake somewhere. And then if you're willing to do that and you learn from that, then you can re-inform your hypothesis, make it a little bit better, run that whole system again. And once you get in that loop, then you can really make progress. The key to me being driven is identifying what my passion is and my mission is. So if I don't have a passion and mission, then I don't have a drive. When we started impact theory, it really was to make change.

So Quest was the answer to helping people in our lives who were struggling with weight. And Impact Theory was the answer to people in our lives who were struggling with a poor mindset. And someone like my mom, Quest was already a billion dollar company. And my mom was still morbidly obese. and I was trying because I care about her so much. I just want her to live for a long time. I don't care about what she looks like. She's like, Mum, I want you to eat healthy

as you can be around for a long time. And I try to give her free Quest bars. I offer to pay for trainers for her. And every time I would say, you know, Mom, like, what can I do? How can I help? She just said, I'm too old. I can't use the weight.

I'm too old. And over time we realized the power of the mind. The Quest was amazing for people that were going into the gym, picking up a quest bar or like thinking, oh, I want to eat something healthy today. But it was meant nothing to the people that felt depressed, had anxiety, or didn't believe themselves enough to even go after picking up a healthy protein bar like my mom. So for me, it really was the mindset, was the big key. And then over time, as we started to talk about mindset and building a studio, because that was our background, we really started to realize that to create actual impact, like actual impact.

we need to go after the younger kids because the age of imprint is between 11 and 15. That's the period where they're most susceptible to the messaging. And so if we really want to do no BS, what is it actually going to take to make global change on people's mindset? You've got to get them young. So we basically sat down and said,

what does that look like? What type of studio do we build? And then for me, my personal thing has just been leaning more and more into young girls is I could wake up every single freaking day and fight for that 14-year-old girl that was me that didn't believe in herself, that felt ugly, that was teased, that was made fun of from my looks. I will fight for that 14-year-old girl so that if I can touch her then

and let her know and help her help her to believe, she can become anything she wants if she sets her mind to it and works hard, then I feel like my job is done. But it has to be, to me, on a global scale at that age, that's how you really make real change. So every day I wake up for that 14-year-old Lisa. Passion is about acquiring enough skills at something that other people care about and you.

You have to care about it first and foremost. But if you care about it and other people care about it, now you get into that reciprocal relationship where, and it could be playing the guitar, it could be playing video games, right? Think about somebody that's just an absolute God-tier gamer. And other people will show up at a stadium to watch them play. They'll sit on Twitch for hours,

watching them play. So you're doing something that brings joy to other people. But they had to get freakishly good at that. They had to spend a lot of time improving their skill set. So they worked hard to gain a set of skills that allows them to serve not only themselves but other people. That is the name of the game. The problem is people are expecting something to be self-evident. They are told a lie that they're born with a purpose. You're not born with a purpose. You're going to decide that this passion, this thing that you've worked your ass off to get good at that allows you to serve not only yourself but other people. That's now your purpose. So when I was at Quest, my purpose was making sure that people had food that they could choose based on taste and it happened to be good for them.

At Impact Theory, the goal is to give people a growth mindset at scale through story. So I'm just doing entertaining things, but it's designed to help them get that right mindset. That is my purpose. That wasn't my purpose when I was 12 or 20 or even 30. So you're going to decide and then you're going to do things to reinforce that in your own mind. The most successful people in the world are the people that can self-soothe. So can you avoid being triggered? If you're being triggered and you look outward and you're angry at the person that triggered you, that's weakness.

You are manifesting weakness. And you have to go, ooh, someone has triggered me. That means I have an insecurity around this thing. I need to address my insecurity. And then that's going to put you in a far more powerful position to move forward. So the people that are successful, they can self-sude, they can stay emotionally calm in the midst of a storm. when everybody else is panicking, they're only looking at solutions. And that's the other thing about the no bullshit, what would it take game.

The whole point is to switch you out of problem mode into solution mode. Most people can only see these are the 152 ways that this could go wrong. And we started doing that to say, no matter how outrageous, there is a way to pull this off. So what would need to be true for this to work? Stop telling me all the things that aren't going to work. Tell me the thing that is going to work. And once you get to that, you know, okay, well, if we did X, Y, Z, it would work.

Okay. Now, are we willing to do that yes or no? And if we're not, is there another thing that we are willing to do? But at least now we're operating from a position of that would work. And successful people are about that. They are good decision makers. They are hyper resilient. They don't stop at failure. They don't get in their own way from an ego perspective.

They're looking nakedly at their own inadequacies. And they've got enough confidence to get people going behind them. It is this weird thing of, dude, I fear that I'm too dumb to do the things that I want to do in my life. I never know if I'm right. And I go all out every fucking time. And I'm just trying to make it happen. And so I have the courage of conviction to say, I know about myself. I will keep going until I figure this out.

Not that I already understand everything, that I have the courage to figure this out. And then I will go through and I will weather that storm. People are intoxicated by that certainty where I'm like, hey, Get behind me. I will get us through this. I'm not telling you I already understand everything, but I am telling you I will not stop fighting until we get to the other side. Dude, the way that people will pile in behind you when you do that, I have the chills now. Because I know how people respond to that. So if you can manage your emotions, if you've got the courage to fight through that storm, if you're not easy to knock off your pedestal and you're

humble enough to know that you're almost certainly making mistakes so that you know when to correct course, that's the recipe. Legacy to me was creating impact that when you're gone, someone you have touched their lives. And to be able to meet a woman that maybe has read my book Radical Confidence or has said that they've seen a piece of my content and I've taken them from believing that they were maybe worthless or had no value or they didn't believe in themselves. and something they heard me say shifted their mindset enough that they believed in themselves after that. And they still have to do the work and things like that. But being able to make that shift is such an incredible gift, I think, like a gift for me that I'm able to see other people

shift their lives. It's amazing. And so again, I can wake up every day thinking in that 14-year-old girl that maybe is teased or bullied and thinks that she's no good. And yet, something that I do makes her believe in herself, that just makes my heart sing. And then eventually, I think ideally it's for someone to say they have radical confidence, but they don't realize it even came from me, that I've impacted culture and the way we think about ourselves and the way we think about confidence so much that radical confidence has now become a blueprint for all, I want to say women, but of course for everybody, to the point where they don't even realize It stemmed from me because it's such ingrained in how they think.

When you know who you're fighting for, like you can picture them, they're real people to you. And you know that the gap between them continuing to suffer and having a tremendous life is a set of ideas. And you just have to get clever enough into how you get those ideas across. It's very, very easy to get obsessed. This is, I am obsessed. I'm not, it's literally, I'm not even thinking clearly. I have one vice and that vice is stress and I endure stress in the name of getting those ideas across. I'm already rich.

So what would be the point of doing all this? It obviously isn't for money. And the part of the business that has made us quote unquote micro famous, it's like we could scale back to just that, but we don't. So because I think that the stuff that's made us micro famous affects the 2%. So everybody listen to this, you're in the 2%. The 98% are never coming to this channel. So those people, like today I said to Lisa, the last few days, my blood pressure has been so high, keep getting headaches. And I'm like, you better have, when that happens and you go, why am I doing this?

You better be compelled to your core by the reason.